The World's Best Crowd Comedian. Jim McCue - Full Special

product support sales rep I know even less to you than I did a minute ago so what's your name Ryan what do you do a BYU us BYU student yeah see only college here right yeah you just have to say student it's not like there's a B Y B student school here you know and what are you studying marketing wow that's what you make out when you don't want to say your liberal arts major what do you want to sell this and that where do you want to work here and there are you have any ideas on how to market things you learn about the internet yeah that's where it's at I hear he's looking to be he's like this is a really old guy right well that's great are you also a student no not right now okay so you'll be you know paying for her are you planning on going to school or yeah and what do you want to study Tennessee that's where the money is at right there right you rinse them out a little bit good luck and then you pull the gold fillings while they're sleeping that's how you go why'd I have to be knocked out for a rent don't worry about it I'm a professional I know what I'm doing your teeth will be whiter without the gold it'll be good what's your name Justin what do you do a PSS are I wanted to be one of those but I didn't know what it was I was gonna be a PSS R Y which is harder than whatever that thing you said was what does it P SSR do project product support sales rep I know even less to you than I did a minute ago what kind of what kind of products do you represent and support what caterpillar equipment yeah so you could say I'm a caterpillar sales rep would have been a straighter road to an answer there captain acronym what's your name with the love sure what a great idea that is right yeah hi Danny how are you what do you do a QA question and answer [Laughter] I know why you two are in love right now by the way [Music] [Applause] that's our son JT we just use initials here in this family time for those full sentences and letters and vowels and all that kind of stuff you have things to do we got tractors to ride we got quality to assure that's a tough time be my wife saying Quality Assurance and I'm in accounts payable Michael I do and she's not happy with the quality lately I'm gonna tell you as he knots it's not up to snuff and very tough what's that she dressed me she did yes thank you I appreciate that still dressing yourself though I see [Applause] gotta love an independent man [Applause] Wow all right I like to add bells like a little ping-pong he came right back and I just softball they just drop right over the net Wow I'm in a very good mood I just lost 68 pounds thank you I've been stalking a jogger [Laughter] now what's a dermatologist and know if you're a doctor they don't talk to you anymore they give you a pamphlet he gave me a pamphlet I start reading it as certain types of people can get skin cancer even if they wear sunblock people are pale or light skinned people with freckles or warts peel with red hair so why are you to see Irish people while I teach my name is Jim McMullen OMA oh that big I'm six foot six you know what a bottle of sunblock goes for these days chemotherapy is cheaper for me right now yes so uh I'm not gonna get political because how many people woke up today and said I wish somebody else would give me their political opinion today anyone not me I work all over the country I work in New York City I work in Texas and what I've learned about our country is we don't know how to compromise anymore right I'll give an example I brought up immigration and I realized that half the people in this country while that every single person in the country the other half want to build a wall keep every single person out and I thought to myself there's got to be some rational place between these two points and I thought of myself instead of building a wall which is a very negative thing why don't we build a bridge which is a very positive thing right from Mexico to Canada [Laughter] [Applause] no off-ramps see we can fix this stuff America I read a lot of weird factoids I read that each of us sheds about 8 pounds of dead skin a year which is why it takes like 25 years to get rid of a congressman right I read the most aggressive drivers in the world our BMW drivers the least aggressive drivers in the world or Chevy Volt drivers it's very hard to be aggressive while pushing your car what's your name is guy right here he's just surrendered just put the white flag me we're just having fun I haven't say nobody's hurt here right no injuries have been sustained during the making of this program you don't even have to tell me what you're really doing you could just make one would you like to do if you had a fantasy if you could do anything of the world am i ckey mo USC right back at you pal alright I'll be do the rest of my show in Morris code how well it's weird that I do comedy you know because when I was a kid I used to stutter so my following I bought me a parody says Jimmy teaches parrot how to speak and you'll lose your stammer you know but the only that bird ever learned how to say was stop mocking me [Laughter] they say the blue whale when it's born weighs seven tons I must put a whole new spin on that whale song right I don't think so I think she's giving birth to a dump truck how many people here been to Vegas in fact I was working out of Vegas and uh and I was working near a Denny's and I met this guy I've never been to a rodeo he was over he was a bull rider and and so every morning we started having breakfast together he's telling me about his job and I'm telling about Maya he thinks my job scary I'm like you're you're crazy you're a crazy person right and then I slipped on to me like bull riding is for sure invented by men right because women would never think of something that crazy great happy two guys sitting on the fence hey I bet if I make that bull really angry you can't ride it for six seconds yeah I guess right like whoa what do I get if I do a belt buckle wait a minute what happens if something goes wrong don't worry I hired a clown only men could develop a sport like that there's no question right what she name is thanks lady right here Laurie what do you do high school math teacher we'll give her a round of applause that's a good thing I owe my career to a teacher she said it won't be successful life you have to have goals I said I'm looking for a job I can work all about an hour I want to be a drink on the job and insult the customers she said Jim get a job working for Caterpillar [Laughter] how many people here have ever been on cruise ship alright now I make fun of your jobs but I've been fired from a lot of jobs I got fired from a cruise ship I can't legally tell you the name of it let's just say I rise of the Royal and phibian here's what happened they flew in our place called Casa de Maya Mexico when I get down there the ship has an 80 foot by six foot hole on the side of the ship or the captain hit the dock the cruiser just has a jam listen whatever you do don't mention the hole in the side of the ship okay here's where I get fired hi come on go hey welcome to customer it's a Spanish phrase it means look out for the dark let's see if we get captain captain Morgan that's why I'm working here for you nice people right now [Applause] as I am a and I love cruise ships great entertainment great singers and I don't know why now the most popular thing on cruise ships is karaoke not everyone can sing I think cruise ship karaoke is the reason that whales beached themselves [Laughter] if you're a bane on a cruise ship you know they fold the towels into little animal shapes and they sold a DVD that you could buy that explained how to do it so I bought one for my mom and I brought it home we watched it together and she started to cry you know because she had never seen men fold anything before the women are all laughing the guys like I don't like the direction this show is taking right now let's get back to the bull ridin real fast partner which name that got the arms crossed right there you should be loose by now okay what do you what do you do every time he neglected that he was like a racehorse he did decide to retire they retired secretary we're gonna put him out to stud for a while come on glue stick that's that's one of the greatest things about being a guys we have no idea what we look like at all so that's our power and what you're nicely married to the male model here yeah and what do you do your realtor well that you know we me and my wife bought our house and like the worst possible times like 10 9 10 years ago and our real-estate agent would say anything to sell that house you know there could be a dead body in the floor it she'd be like I hear that's good luck notice the beautiful hardwood floors around the victim's body it's so beautiful here I just drove around walked around what a day we had huh you got enjoy those boy and it made me think you know I live in an elephant New England and I love it we had a winter you guys had a winter I don't complain what I don't like is we all have friends and relatives that live in warm climates like to call us whenever we have a snowstorm just to rub salt in our wounds don't they oh yeah my friend Ken lives in LA every time a snowflake hits the ground I get a call from Ken right hey Jim how's it going oh my god another blizzard huh buddy it's 80 degrees I really got oranges growing in the backyard so I called Ken a few months ago I was like hey Ken how's it going yes watch the news can help noticing your house let down the hill on the mine what am i doing I'm buying a sweater you idiot hey guys let me just say don't wear the sweater vest anymore okay the sweater vest is something a woman buys for her man to prove to her friends she has broken your spirit completely no man ever woke up being on my torso is cold but my arms are hot that is not a thing just see you know I think the smarter the technology gets the Dumber the people get you agree with that yeah when I was a kid I yeah nice and work in a grocery store right and I worked a thing called a register and it sounded like this I bring everything up I count the money back no problem right now your weather you got that one idiot kid and there's like he gets one bar code wrinkled has a nervous breakdown doesn't he the price checking reasonably I'm I can't just type that number and I need a manager to do that sir I'm like you could be replaced by a raccoon you know that right I was working up at a comedy club up in Saratoga New York and I got a racetrack there and I asked a guy what he did in the audience he said he was a jockey you know I was like that's amazing you know like to race horses must be so exciting you know what I mean he says yeah it's it's pretty cool being a professional athlete is that I don't know if I'd go that far you're basically a hobbit with a fancy shirt I believe the horse is the athlete of this area if the horse pulls a muscle you have to sit down and wait for the golf cart to pick you up then you wanted to fight me they're really angry little man I'm not gonna lie who's the nice lady on the end hi Tiffany how are you what do you do office manager I don't really know what that is either I guess it takes place in an office Oh in a doctor's office oh that's where you're gonna stay in the front there and check and see if they have insurance and if they don't you let them die in the parking lot you go guy your insurance is your you're not gonna make it let's just cut to the chase your yeah I just don't don't do your dying here please we have an offer have an office to run here I don't like managing that type of thing and the Tabasco t-shirt whoo full Saturday night tonight buddy I like it bringing it call the independent men here I'd love to see that don't let them trust you buddy you go out there and just you just show them who's boss she's mad cuz she laid that the best coach shirt out for him she's like I love that shirt we met each other while having Tabasco and what do you do sir you're an engineer hard to make engineers laugh you know cuz you know an engineer you tell them a joke and they're very kind of detail specific and a little anal retentive you know what I mean so you tell Imagineer joke like three guys got a bar was a bar a family restaurant who cares where they're going and now you're married to the engineer aren't you I just guessed that mean you could have been single you could be a hostage I don't really know don't know each other that well he could be holding you up put Tabasco in your eyes if you run and it burns it burns I'll go to the comedy show just don't burn me with your Tabasco and what do you do you're a mom yay and then say you know that's telling my kid but I'm glad someone had the hot sauce to pull that deal together how many kids do you have five Wow so you would just I thought she was here to see the comedy she's like no I will leave the house to do anything I will skin buffalo at night on a Friday night whatever it takes if we're somewhere there's a babysitter having a nervous breakdown right now your children are trying to light the house on fire all right well thank you for coming who's the nice lady sitting next to the woman who's Kathleen is it Kathy doesn't really matter we're not gonna be friends let's just move on that was rude I'm sorry hey what do you do yeah the questions so far if you haven't caught up are what's your name what do you do for a living try to have that ready for me by now we got to keep this comedy wagon train moving homemaker a quilter wow that's that's something yeah yeah my my wife likes home she watches that did you get HGTV home and garden television she loves that channel because it gives her idea of things that I can be doing when I don't want to be doing anything right and she comes up with stuff it makes no sense to me she she says we need to make the front of the house more welcoming guys back me up on this we don't want people to feel welcome to come to our house we don't want our family to feel welcome we sure don't want your family to feel welcome hey guys show us an unwelcoming house we'll watch that all weekend long right how put in barbed wire landmines ammo I am tuned into that man and then she hit me with this we need to repaint the front room come on frown so that little statement isn't there we I think we know that's not happening and repaint back will sleep a that front room that room has been painted you know repaint that front room we moved to another house but some other idiot paint that front row but not my wife she got my head we need to repaint that from Rohmer we need to repeat that from Rohmer the three days of this there I am painting the front room you know cuz it takes seven days to get a gun permit I like to watch you know like the History Channel and I was watching this biography you guys watched biographies and stuff like that then this guy Pavlov and flows you don't know he's a behaviorist okay and all he did is he fed these dogs and they were drooling salivate and he rang a bell and he did that every day then one day took the food away it just sounded he's the ringing bell these dogs would drool and salivate okay behaviorism is born and I can tell you as a married man this stuff works because whenever I have a real romantic night the next day I clean out the gutters [Laughter] because I know subliminally that about a year is gone by and my birthday's in October I'm glad you guys laughed because you know I told that joke at a college and those kids looked at me like can you live like that for a whole year then I did it on how America for those old people and they said every single year what is wrong with you what's your name with the big why on your shirt Derek what do you do your comedy critic well Utah is the place to criticize that kinda artform another guy with a podcast ladies and gentlemen thanks for coming out of the basement we appreciate it does why don't you go home we'll email the rest of the show do and now you're with the comedy critic what do you do you should say I'm a romance critic now what do you do what's your name Wendy and what do you do English as a second language well you're in the right country for that Maya young lady who's a nicely with the glasses Kimba what do you do you're a mom good how many kids only four you're lazy motherhood doesn't even really begin until five kids I think we all know that [Applause] the real moms in the front no could tell ya for is easy five is like a war zone that's a and who's the nice lady next to the mom Kristin what do you do a product manager what product are you managing internet websites do you know this guy over here no he needs some means some management and who's a nice lady with the glasses in the head in the neck in the ears she's like I have all those things Norda no I've never heard that name before let's I love hearing a new name like that nor da you like your Paris just took the Scrabble letters a win we still call her nerd-off go out and play with your brother hit papa we are original people here good for you Nora and what do you do you're a smoke coach I might do it swimming coach that would make more sense I didn't really make the swim team because I was a smoke participant Ohio gyms I so ready I haven't been in the pool yet it's awful wet and cold and it's morning and that's not happening oh that's what I'm doing like alter how old are the kids oh you're six to 15 she's a spunky yeah so the six year olds you're just trying to keep them alive yeah they go like the width of the pool not the length and if you get a bad one you on the deep end she pulls them out but they get the message we'll get the water out of your kid but there's gonna be less littlest lollygagging around the pool here when I'm coach [Laughter] yeahit's I'm glad I'm not in jail that's good and who's the nice lady next to swim coach Haley I like that and what do you do call center Wow that's another job I didn't know existed here anymore I'm not being funny that's and who do you do the calling for Wayfarer that's uh what is that it's Fernet all these online furniture yeah that's weird to order your furniture because he could really like you know if they want like you could like order up the whole living room room set for $29 and it comes with like Barbie doll house furniture you're like in the picture it looked bigger sorry didn't read the fine print on that one can I didn't think I was gonna be able make that funny until it was halfway into that bit right there you see the wheels turning how do I get out of this how do I get worse so drop me a rope ladder help me I like this for those folks that look around nobody wants to make eye contact with me anymore these people are laughing it up right now that you got like then I looked over here these people would ha ha this to me is like a bluefish he strikes in any of these shiny stay perfectly still watch the news of my wife and a story comes on a 96 year old guy shoots his wife because she put the ketchup cap on too tight so my wife looks me she goes why would he do that I said he's too weak to strangle her I think if you pay attention these are pretty straightforward I like the ax laughed and you didn't want to that's like extra points for me trying to keep the romance going in my marriage and I read an article that married men can reduce their chance of heart attack by 48 percent if they make love twice a week so I cut that article out and I put it on the kitchen table next morning my wife wakes up right I make us both coffee she puts her glasses on she looks at it she reads it and then she looks at me and she says you have had a full life [Laughter] ladies are like this I read that man who have heart attacks while making love 95% amar cheating when they do it that's right I read that on the kitchen table one warrant oh it was in my wife's handwriting but I believed it she's a very scary woman what's the name of this nice lady right here in the end AJ I like that you can guess it with the abbreviation people up here please will you do AJ oh that's so nice adoptions you're uh you just so me and my wife are looking for a kid and you go out and you get the kid like been a shopping center or somewhere bag and tag them then you bring them back here you get the coin you prompt your perfect popplet mosquito bite don't worry about it he'll love you that's gonna get complaints - they - that elaborate it's joking mostly I don't know the N or anything who's a nice lady next to the kidnapper Brooke okay I haven't a second cousin was kinda like a nice her name is Brooke and we got kind of off-base with that but what do you do Brooke you're a mom as well there's a lot of that going around here you talk good for you I like it alright not bringing my wife here I'll tell you that much let's go to Utah no no we're not going to Utah we're going to a dry arid place like Las Vegas where there's no palimony and none of this fertile ground stuff there Brooke how many kids do you have just one you know my wife I'm married to a crazy cat lady and you don't know you're married to a crazy cat lady it just kind of happens like we're up to three cats now and this is how I found out my wife is crazy Callie and I'm pulling my suitcase like a roller board towards the door to go to a show and I hear my wife scolding one of our cats and she says Oscar leave your sister alone Oscar Joseph do our cats have middle names of course they do they're people okay this happens in a week and we'll talk to somebody about this then I'm working on the cruise ship I call home and you know my wife wants to it's a dollar a minute and I want to talk to my wife you hi honey you want to talk to ask her I don't want to talk like I Oscar how are you this she's a flight attendant I get back on the phone where she was to complain about her work what are people gonna learn they got to put the seat back up they got to put the tray up they got to turn their cellphones off honey honey can you put Oscar back on the phone please aye-aye warmer Kat snores Felix I didn't know Kat snored hey dogs growing up but this was they sound like whenever he does that I jump up and look for my cell phone [Laughter] I read sour that 86% of women are not attracted to bodybuilders which i think is ironic because 86% of bodybuilders are not attracted to women [Applause] that's right you know I can't stand telemarketers right I always get call from telemarketers they always the same thing you know can I have a minute your time too and it's always now on cellphones have a million times date I can save money with our cell phone service I like well that depends then we say on what I always say it's a system that works except that one guy who keeps calling me Tom Cruise you guys have been awesome I gotta get out of here before I go up I've been working on my social media and I'm not really good at it but I have a much younger sister and she runs everything now and it started to work as I have a twitter account at Jim McHugh right and I've been getting his tweets this guy tweeted me and he said I just want to say that I think you're hilarious and sexy so I tweeted him back I said look you know I've been married for 11 years but I'll take a compliment you know I mean sunny tweets me back he says I don't know if you're another guy but you're totally my type so now I tell my wife what's going on she says I don't think it's appropriate that once you told this guy that you're married that he keeps hitting onto you and I said look we were married for 11 years you never tell me I'm funny or sexy [Laughter] I'm keeping this guy alright now Jimmy can you guys are awesome [Applause]

Channel: Dry Bar Comedy

Views: 1,053,297

Rating: 4.8021522 out of 5

Keywords: Clean Comedy, Dry Bar Comedy, Stand Up Comedy, Worlds Largest Library of Clean Comedy, Jim McCue, Jim Mccue Dry Bar Comedy, Jim Mccue Comedian, Jim Mccue Comedy, Dry Comedy Bar, Dry Comedy Stand Up, Clean Stand Up, Clean Stand Up Comedy, Clean Stand Up Comedy 2020, Clean Stand Up Comedy Clips, Clean Stand Up Comedy Routines, Clean Stand Up Comedy Full Show, Dry Bar Full Show, crowd work, audience comedian, messing with people, dbc, stand up, caterpillar, quality assurance

Id: 6xrHnazjGDw

Length: 34min 35sec (2075 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 07 2020