The qualities of a GOOD MAN!

hey Tony Gaskins here coming to you live and direct right from the heart I want you to remember when I'm doing these videos I'm always shooting these and one tape there's no possible way I can shoot these in multiple takes because I'm talking sometimes 20 30 50 60 minutes so please understand that now I keep getting the question I thought I already did a video on this but I guess when you come you may not get to see all of the videos because it may just serve up the latest but I have over 200 videos on YouTube so if you think you've been keeping up you actually behind because I know you watch all 250 or whatever on here but I keep getting this question about what is a good man what is a good man and that definition is subjective because it depends on you how you define a good man and so each person is different but I want to go through this and help you understand as a man what I see as a good man because I'm a man it's some ladies they keep getting mad with me when I say that it's impossible for a woman to know everything about a man that's common sense okay don't get mad scratch your booty and get glad like my daddy used to tell me it's common sense to know that a man cannot understand and know everything about a woman we have different mindsets so I need you to understand that now when you think about a good man I'm a Christian man so even my view will be a certain view that not everybody can relate to later told me Tony I like your video til you start talking about God so you start talking about the Holy Bible I'm like little sister you on the wrong child altogether because I can't there is no meat without the Holy Bible and to be honest with you that's how I became good man and that's what I see as a good man a man who has morals a man who has values a man who has standards now you have to look at this and this what you have to understand when a man becomes a man he stops making excuses for himself he stops making excuses for himself when a man becomes a man he stops blaming others so there was a time in my life that I wanted to blame the government I wanted to blame white America I wanted to blame my mother or my father or my college football coach for my failures and for the state of life that I was living in I wanted to blame others but guess what when you become a man you stop blaming others and regardless of how bad they hurt you and you accept full responsibility for your life in the present so if you're dealing with a man or you know a man and he's still crying and complaining and blaming everything and everybody outside of him he has not become a real man a good man those two words will be interchangeable in this real man good man so understand that now what you realize is you have to look at a man's actions so see a good man will make sure that his actions will set him up for a better future so what I mean by this is a good man is not gambling now when I say gambling I'm talking about spending rent money mortgage money spending bill money to go to the casino I'm not talking about somebody you know getting 5 $1 scratch also spending $20 on the slot machine now me being a Christian I don't believe in gambling personally but again I'd ever ideas of my belief system so but when a man is he's gambling like that that's not a good man a lot of times a woman may look at oh that's just a man thing that's just what men do playing poker all night you know spending thousands tens of thousands hundreds and thousands of millions gambling no that's irresponsible because you're just flushing that money down the toilet now understand this a good man is not going to be doing things that are deliberately cutting his life short so drinking like a fish getting drunk so if you have a man who drinks every day in a way to the point of inebriation I'm not just discussing one beer but when he's having three and four and five drinks to where his speech is slurred or his judgment is altered then that is not a good man although he may pay all the bills that's not a good man because he is cutting his life expectancy short and he's setting himself I'll be killing his brain cells he messing up his livers kidding it whichever one that's affected so think about that if you have a man who smokes he is killing himself so he this smoking is directly related to lung cancer throat cancer life is cut short so a good man thinks about his wife and his children and he wants to prolong life instead of shorten his life because he wants to be there for his family as long as possible now see how I'm going through those little things right there in what a man does with his life understand is a good man when we look at just you know habits anything else that I'm leaving out ask yourself and this is what this man has to ask himself if you're a woman watching this this is what a woman to ask about this man if this man does this every day will it help him or hurt him if the answer is that it will hurt him then he needs to cut it out so a good man is a responsible man who makes responsible choices now understand this a good man is not a perfect man so he may make a mistake or he may do something that's irresponsible every now and then but he does not make a habit of it that's that's the key do not equate a good man with a perfect man now that's just personal habits we're talking about personal habits now when you get on to the other side of this of in his sexual life a good man is if he's single a good man is sleeping with no women if he is single he's sleeping with no women just point-blank period or if he gets into a relationship he's with one woman now of course I don't want to put all my beliefs on everybody but I believe that you should not be in fornication which is sex outside of marriage but I understand because I failed at that so I can't be judging people instead I will advise you and recommend that you abstain I made it by through grace but my grace may not be your grace you may be the lesson so if you want to sleep around and be the loose booty then guess what you might come up with a gift that keeps on giving and so a good man comes to the place in his life now this right here may shrink the pool of good men down greatly and you have to ask yourself how many of these men have you met who if they're single they are abstaining from sex or if they're in a relationship they are in a monogamous relationship if they're not married then they are in a monogamous relationship of sin if they are married then they are still in a monogamous relationship - adultery so think about this I mean there's no adultery so a good man is not giving his body away see a good man will not be trying to force you into the bed that means he does not have self-control if you continuously turn him down and he continuously is pressuring you that means he does not have respect for you when a man cannot respect your voice and your wishes then that is a reflection of him because if he can't respect you that's because he has no self-respect and therefore if you ignore that you will be putting your life into the hands of an irresponsible man so now let's go beyond this a good man is not still on the hunt in places that do not produce good women so what I mean by this this man is not a good man is not going to the club every weekend because a man in the club is like a butcher in a meat shop he's looking to cut something and what I mean by that and I told you all this before unless a man can dance like Chris Brown he should not be in the club unless he's working there and that is paying his bills he's the club promoter which he need to phase out of that at a certain age - or he's security or he's working the bartender a good man a real man eventually gonna phase out of that club because it's so much temptation and he putting himself in temptation in front of temptation for no good reason it's different if you in front of temptation and you doing the Lord's work you live in your purpose but you're just in front of temptation for some money you cannot build a healthy and productive lifestyle with your wife and for your children when your life revolves around you being up three four five o'clock in the morning Thursday through Sunday in a club in a meat market looking for brown all these booties that's just not productive now if you still have a man that still want to go out to the club and when I say club I'm talking about regular club and I'm talking about strip club that is not a good man I mean when I say not a good man I don't mean he is a bad man what I'm saying he's not a mature man that's also interchangeable in here good mature real cuz what y'all lotta argue semantics oh well my man go to the club and he is a good man just going to club does not mean he's not a man we're talking about a mature man okay let me tell you a man is not in the love regular or strip listen to me that is too much temptation for him to win that battle over and over and over and over eventually he's going to see a woman that he's going to lose the battle to trust me when I tell you I'm a man now outside of this in this here life sexual life a good man a real man a mature man will use all three they're interchangeable in this video is not into nasty movies okay you know the p-word a good man is not watching the nasty movies on on his laptop on his phone he's not watching that the reason why he's not watching that is because that is lust and that is inducing and creating more lust remember what I told you lust is not something that you can quench like thirst when you give in to lust you are feeding it and it gets stronger and stronger so if you have a man who is addicted to the nasty movies you need to pack your things and run listen to me because you have a deviated mentally challenged man and what I mean by this is he is feeding the part of his brain that will slowly but surely destroy him listen to what I'm telling you so me personally I understand this because I've been around these kind of men and they get very savagery they get very nasty and they got things in the closet I played on a football team with 94 other men I know this and these boys used to sit in a room together and watch nasty movies on a 13-inch TV now you know you nasty when you got a room full of musty men watching a nasty movie on a 13-inch TV you I needed I walked in the room because he I used to be with me a woman okay and I walk into the boys room and they literally sitting there five six seven eight men watching a nasty move on a 13-inch and I used to have to take my binoculars in there to try to see the screen but it just was so nasty to me I'm like what is y'all doing what are you doing but that's the deviation in in the man's brain if your man has that issue he needs to get some help because once you start feeding that it becomes an addiction because of the activation of the brain that is creating so I want you to understand this now that's in his personal life this is in his personal life another sign of a good man is this man is in submission to a higher power this in his personal life I have not even got into how he treats his woman he is in submission to a higher power now I'm not trying to argue like we just say growing argh all you do it wanna art I'm not trying to art with Muslims Muslims Islamic cuz that's who else is on my page and they want to argue about one God and all of this I'm not trying to get into all of that with you today especially any comments but a good man is in submission to a higher power to God for me it is Jesus Christ is Jesus Christ is the Lord on high the Almighty and the reason why this is so important now and yes yes yes I'm telling you that an atheist is not a mature man because he believes that he is the highest form of being on this earth and that is a dangerous man when he does not feel he has to answer to anyone he believes he created himself and he evolved from some kind of monkey or something or he believes a spontaneous combustion happened in the universe and then he showed up with all the intricacies and all the details of the human body the way it grows the way it heals itself the way it deals with sickness and infirmity in the body he believes that there is no creator now to me that is a mental issue I'm just I'm just I hate to tell you but as a man with a man's brain if I did not believe in a god I would believe that I have a mental issue because I look at the complexities of the human body and everything how we are formed how formed in a woman's womb how she carries us how we grow how we exit her body how we grow in our body and the way our body develops and forms and grows that is too complex for there not to be a Supreme Being and I cannot define that Supreme Being I cannot put that Supreme Being in a box and the problem with a lot of men who are [Music] conceited in their own wisdom which is basically ignorant is they are trying see an immature man is he does not believe in God because it does not make sense to him so what that means is that man has no faith and a man who has no faith is a dangerous man because if you have to see it in order to believe it you won't realize your full potential as a man as a husband or as a father faith is very necessary to the fulfillment of the human experience so understand what I'm telling you if you're dealing with a man who has no faith and he does not believe in God to the point that he has surrendered to the laws and the teachings of God that's a dangerous man because he answers to no one and if a man does not answer to God how do you expect him to answer to you and what I mean by answer to you I mean give you the things you need to be given and treat you the way you need to be treated not just in your person not this in front of you because a lot of women come said well I I my man is a husband my husband is a atheists and he's an amazing man yes that's what you think but if a man does not believe there's Almighty watching him 24 hours a day when he's not with you what you think he is doing where do you think he's getting the power to suppress his sexual desires and nowhere nowhere you hear me so if a man is not in submission to a higher power he is left to himself and that is a dangerous man I do not care what and one of these atheist have to say I will tell him to his face you are in denial you arrogant you ignorant and you dangerous you slap crazy get from around me I would I would hit him with a bottle of olive oil give me because I'm a man I understand as a man the bestiality of men I don't see any men do some very vile and foul things if a man don't know God I do not want to know that man get from around me get from around me I cannot trust you man whew I'm out of there you hear me as a man and I and I'm strong enough to defend myself in several different ways and so if me as a man don't want to be around a man that has no submission to a higher power I don't recommend a woman being around a man either you hear me listen to what I'm trying to tell you now so a real man will have a belief system that is rooted and grounded in faith and in submission to a higher power this is what has been how to hate the community up in arms oh my daddy you believe it in fairytales I cannot believe you believe it's fair that you so stupid but the good book tells you God said my ways are higher than your ways my thoughts are higher than your thoughts what essentially what God is saying right there is you're gonna die before you fully understand me because I'm the beginning and the end I'm the everlasting I'm not Almighty my creation cannot wrap his mind around its creator that's like this computer in front of me which is an Apple computer being able to wrap his mind around Steve Jobs and Wozniak its creators it can't do it the creator's created it so the creators can destroy it in in one stroke they can program it in D program it they can code it and decode it because they created it and the only power is that it has is what man codes it to have and so that's what you have to understand about being the creation that's what a man has to understand and women to about being the creation is that you won't be able to fully wrap your head around your Creator and that's why faith is required that is why faith is required now that's a whole nother sermon hold another message ain't gonna get all the way into that so this is a man on his own this is a good man on his own now when it comes into a relationship all the rest of this you would think would be common sense you would think it would be common sense but it is not it is not I hate to tell you it is not okay so listen to me if you have a man listen to me right here now listen to me here now I might have to go a little long on this one because I'm trying I'm trying to just the eighth wonder of the world if you have a man okay and this man is leading you on he is off and on he in your life he out of your life you heat with you for a period of time he leave you he comes back that is not a good man okay I don't care how good of a time y'all have in the bedroom I don't care how many laughs you share don't care how many trips you've gone on I don't care how many gifts he's made you about you if if you are off and on with this man and when I say off and on I mean y'all and broke up three times or more that is not a good man that is not your man understand that okay a good man is going to have a plan and he's going to be making forward progress in his own life but also in y'all's life together so a good man is not going to date you forever and when I say forever I mean two three four five years a good man is gonna come in your life and he's gonna date you meaning be with you first he's gonna date you right around the three-month mark between three months and six months a good man is going to ask you to be his girlfriend to be exclusive with him okay and then between six months and 18 months a good man is going to ask you to marry him okay and then between 12 months and 24 months meaning y'all been together 12 months total I'm not talking about from the point he asked you if he asked you at 18 months by 24 months y'all gonna be married if he asked you to marry him at 18 months by 24 months y'all gonna be married that is a good man that is a good man that is a real man that is a mature man now the reason why I believe a good man will wait at least 12 months a mature man understand this just cuz I'm saying a good man does not mean I'm saying he's a bad man he just might not be a mature man so the reason why man will wait at least 12 months meaning that he's been with you a total of 12 months y'all could have had a little falling-out break up in in between there and that was one time it's not 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 times but the reason why is because a good man does his due diligence a mature man good man real man ready man he wants to see that you are who you say you are because he knows a woman can play a role too so he needs to see he needs this 12 months to be with you to see you go through all of the ranges of emotions he needs to see how you handle how you are when you're happy how you are when you're sad how you are when you're mad how you are when you're grieving when you're depressed when you're angry he needs to see how you handle these things how you handle your finances how you treat your body he needs to see that you taking a shower every day was not just for him in the first three to six months and that you don't go 3-4 days without showering they have a rotten fish he needs to see that you gonna be washing your face and taking care of your nails and that you're gonna be treating yourself like a lady so he will take 12 months a mature man ready man real man will take at least 12 months of knowing you total on average now there are exceptions to the rule where a good man may know what he knows six month mark he he marries you okay cool get it okay there you go a cookie congratulations you know somebody that did that and they still married twenty thirty years later gratulations okay we're talking about the majority we're not talking about the exception to the rule comment warriors so now this good man he's gonna take this but I see a good man respects your time so he's not going to string you out still dating you 36 months 48 months 60 months he's going to marry you so that you can have a peace of mind have some security knowing that he is in this thing for the long haul and y'all can move forward now understand this when it comes to the way he treats you a good man a real man a mature man is not going to ask you to cut off your good friends he's not gonna ask you to cut off your good friends and your family members he's not going to isolate you from your friends and your family members see a man isolates you so that he can annihilate you so when you are dealing with a man who was taking you from your good friends your friends who are doing you no harm these aren't your these friends are not trying to get you drunk get you high get you in trouble give you bad advice these are good friends these are good people friends and family members it will put them in the same boat a good man will not isolate you from your friends and your family because he understands that you need more love than what he can give he understand that you need more connections than just a connection with him he understands you need different types of conversation different types of relationships outside of him so yes he wants to be there and be your best friend and be all of these things but he also understands that he cannot put you in a prison of love so to speak is it wouldn't be a prison of love at the prison of hate but he would be calling it love a good man will not do that I understand that because I used to do that as a grown boy the reason why a man isolates you from your friends and your family members is so that they cannot hear your screams if you are not answering their calls and you're not calling them you will then feel guilty when he is abusing you you will feel guilty running to them because you gave them your butt to kiss so that is why this man I forgive me if I said a good man that is why this immature no good man isolates you from your friends and family so that when he flips the script and he starts to abuse you you have no one to turn to now here's the other thing a good man will not try to control you he will not try to control your finances he will not try to control your social life telling you that you can't have girls nights out he will not try to control the way you dress he will give you honest feedback he will be real with you now do I look fat in this dress that is not a question even a good man can answer I will be honest with you my wife has hit me with that a few times and I almost choked on my tongue because no she didn't look fat in the dress of course not but it may not have been the most flattering things she's put on so I will admit even a good man cannot be 100% truthful because he loves you and he cares for you and he knows and he understands a woman's feelings and if he says to you and and y'all asked that question as if you really really want to hear uh yeah actually you do look kind of whale ish in that dress uh if I may be honest like you actually want to hear that or him saying uh just slightly like you really want to hear that and I know my wife has asked me questions like that and I'm like come on now this one and when I'm dating this woman if I make any kind of joke around you no body she just being her feelings for hours and she really gonna ask me this question like I can like I have a option to be honest so what I try to do is kind of hesitate on the answer good I mean it just I don't know like is that the right color that you want to wear like we are we going you know out the to the movies I mean you know is that the color you wanna wear them I mean it's up to you it's not you I mean really I'm I mean I'm cool with I mean you look good at me in a garbage bag girl so it's what else so just that little hesitation hurt knowing me she's like whatever you don't like it I do look I do look this I do look that you know you don't like I'm taking it off and she'll take it off but even write me and guess what you want me trying to answer it the right way she still get attitude about it so ladies for once stop asking that question they look in the mirror and and and trust what the mirror telling you and stop asking a man that question so understand is a good man would not try to control you how you dress where you go what you doing I'm shooting this video right now my wife went to the mall to get her eyebrows done they do the Anastasia brows or somebody brows in Nordstrom and then she called me she said you good I said yeah I'm good she said about to go to Apple get this look at the new iPhone 11 Pro we late we'd be late on stuff I still ain't got to get my 11 Pro yeah I know you're all been trying to help me get it you know y'all wanna help me get it I just st. made it to the store yet and so she are doing that now let me tell you a no good man and y'all didn't experience this but you have written it all fast oh that's just mean or no good man he like oh you still at the mall so so what is this I'm just supposed to be sitting here waiting on you all day so you're gonna be at the mall all day so manly you know man you you probably with another man you probably with your little boyfriend and you didn't stepping in the bathroom I went see your car - call me you probably with your little boyfriend what's your in you you ain't not talking to dudes ain't you so you're trying to tell me you ain't out with that outfit on ain't nobody trying to holla at you man come on man what I look like I look stupid I was allowed born yesterday and you sitting there and it's really getting to you no I'm not talking to anybody no what are you talking about oh my goodness I can't even call you without you starting a fight like what is this oh my goodness I'm so tired of this and then he oh you tired of me are you tired of me all right all right Ben all right Ben all right we'll see if I'm here when you get back and then next thing you know you crying you leaving where you at you rushing home cuz now you wanna see if he did he don't warn your day he don't throw your day off you come home hit musty but on the couch you walk in with a attitude what you got a attitude father ain't you just you've been going on and you're gonna come back with attitude and now you said man you confused like no this man ain't acting like he ain't the reason that I'm mad so that's what a no-good man does he plays mind games he pushes your buttons he manipulates you he throws your day off he throws your mood off so that all you have to rely on is him you can't have a good time without him you can't go nowhere you can't do nothing without him catching an attitude to ruin your experience I'm articulating this so well and you are identifying this with this oh well because I have been that man and you have been in that relationship understand that so no this a good man a real man is confident so I'm when I became a real man my energy shifted and this was all a result of me surrendering to God me finding confidence in myself because I started to believe in God trust God and walk with God and live by the teachings of the Holy Bible it boosted my self-confidence myself love and my self-worth because I began to understand how precious of a creation I am by the Lord that I am his greatest work so that gave me a confidence so that when I'm dealing with my wife I'm like yeah baby go ahead go out with your friend hey go out with your friend every week you need to have a girls night good time now when I was a no-good man I was trying to block stuff like that in a relationship why you always hanging with them they probably be telling you all kind of stuff all right now hang witches with your stupid friend King hang with your singing friend you're gonna be singing with them all right now King we'll hook Cheney am happy with her husband you gonna be you're gonna be divorced gentle might see them in divorce alright key hanging with a knot and so that's what a no-good man does try to ruin your relationships but when a good man go out with your friends go out with your friend once I told my wife to book a whole trip with her sisters Gold Cancun you know go to old Cancun stay over there three nights you know you sort of have a good time now didn't end up going schedules and stuff like that ended up getting in the way but I'm still trying to set that up for my wife to do a girls trip every year because that's rejuvenating she could talk to them about stuff that she cannot talk to me about she could talk to me about it but I really do not care about it but I have to act like I care about learning about the new makeup and the new lipstick and this new clothes this new outfit and how she put this outfit together that stuff does not and I'm just being honest with you as a man it does not really it's not really my thing but guess what when you become a good man you make it your thing you start to like what she likes you want to hear what she wants to talk about and I'm still growing in that area so that's why I tell y'all a good man is not a perfect man that's why I want you to understand it so this man he's gonna encourage you to have a life outside of him he's gonna encourage you to have friends he's gonna encourage you to spend with your family he's gonna encourage you to get out into things now but it was for y'all bitter women who's still bitter still dealing with bitterness and you so bitter that you let the bitterness come out in the comment section oh he might be telling you to go out with your friends so he could be at home cheating on you in the DM with another woman no we talked about a good man here a mature man so this is what I want you to understand a immature man ain't no good man now hold Lourdes trying to get too deep I'm not gonna be able to put this together oh my god all right try to hit him on this okay I understand this sometimes faithfulness can look like cheating sometimes cheating can look like faithfulness that's why you have to understand the whole package so let me make this plain you got a man over here who gambles or who smokes weed or who gets drunk or who still goes to the club then you got a man over here who was responsible making good choices with his health his wealth his everything he's made he's making good choices all right this man over here who was doing all these adverse things these maladaptive behaviors he may tell you ago I'll have a good time with your girls and go somewhere have a good time 800 - can't call for three nights but guess what he gets high he gets drunk he clubs he does you know he has these maladaptive behaviors that he's still exhibiting now you got this other man over here who makes good choices solid choices and he says hey go out with your friends go out with you can't cool guess what them two men are telling you to have a life outside of them for two totally different reasons so some of y'all sitting here patting yourself on the back oh girl I got a good man so look at you girl right so the guys is a pop man gonna be sending me I go on nights and girls thrills girls let me take it that's exactly what he'd be doing he'd be telling me to go hey come on but guess what your man is not a mature man yo man still smoking weed your man still gets drunk your man still into the nasty movies so your man singing UI so he has some time to do the nasty to do his thing to do what he want to do so don't be patting yourself on the back with the other one who got a mature man who's not making bad choices and telling her to have a life outside of him that's two different things and this what I mean when I say the roots I mean when I say the fruit may look similar but the root can be totally different and when you're talking about literal trees but the fruit may look similar oh I'll have a life outside of me but the root may be totally different so that's why I say all of this got to go together all of this have to go together what I need you to understand is I'm a relationship scientist because I'm studying this stuff every day all day so all of this is not gonna make sense to you something you just gonna have to trust me on because this what I do so while you at work working for somebody or working for yourself in an industry that has nothing to do with love and relationships I'm working all day on love and relationships so something you just gonna have to listen to this 3-4 times for you to understand it and you just gonna have to trust me on it if what you've been doing on your own has not worked out to date so now understand is with the way a man treats you he's going to want to see you happy whole and flourishing so what that means is your dreams are his dreams I'm gonna talk longer than iodine your dreams are his dreams so my wife she works in our company she works in our companies never change that she works in our companies i I have I think eleven companies I may have 13 now but I just kind of stopped counting them but I start to eat companies okay she got companies to and that I don't start it cuz I'm entrepreneur I'm entrepreneur and so she works in our companies you know why because I have not met anyone smarter than my wife and more efficient and effective than my wife and who works harder than my wife so why am I gonna pay somebody else fifty thousand to two hundred thousand dollars a year when I could pay my wife when we could pay my wife fifty thousand to two hundred thousand dollars a year to work from home and so from the age of twenty my wife has not worked she hooked me at 30s now she has not worked outside of our businesses now guess what this what I want you to understand about a good man when you become a good man when I was a no-good man I didn't want her to work but it was for other reasons in the first two years of marriage I'm 23 years old you know I'm still immature so ain't want her to work for other reasons and that was so that she would have to be dependent upon me see again understand the fruit and the rule so you might have one man telling you know you gotta work don't work another man telling you know you ain't gotta work don't work you know dude you know you gotta go work for nobody else but one man telling you not to work so that you are dependent on him and he has complete control over you the other man telling you you don't have to work so that you can do what you want to do and live life and so every now and then my wife go through this love phase and it probably be five minutes it might be a day she'll go through this little phase you know she might not my wife also knows that I'm very transparent that I work for the Lord so some of y'all be like Oh your wife don't want you telling that don't tell that listen here we've been married 13 years she understand and I'm doing the work of the Lord and in order for me to do that I got to be transparent and real I can't try to make it look like we all perfect and ain't never did nothing wrong if I'm trying to help somebody else so understand that I'm not one of them guys they try to paint this perfect picture for you every night then my wife go through this babe I don't know if I should have went to med school and you know and become a doctor that's the path I was on she have a master's in medical sciences so then I immediately say baby oh man school cat that you got to take the arm in cattle cattle you know take that again take that test against you like shut the take it I probably got to take new classes I said okay well apply back in school get back in school take the science classes you need to retake take your MCAT apply to med school whatever you get accepted it that's what we've gone so if you only could get in my Harry in Tennessee or if you got to go to Dominican Republic like some of the people you know this island that island I could work from anywhere now when I say that then she then she go well no it probably won't work because now I just take too long and then I finish and then I got to be working 60 hours a week I gotta be working overnight I can't take off I got to work a certain amount of time so then she realized she would then have to give up being at every recital every performance every game every soccer game my son my oldest son be playing soccer for eight nine years she's only missed one game or no games I think she missed the scrimmage that's it that's it she takes pride in that she does not miss anything but God blessed us so that she could have that type of life and she could be that active my son has straight A's no a minuses I can't really I understand that he has an unfair advantage because has a mother who can give him everything all of the time and attention and homework and study that she can because she's not drained by a horrible boss she might not do work in our business for a whole day two days in the midst of stuff going fast and that's because she focusing on the kids and other stuff and I'm cool with that I understand she catch up to the emails when she get tough and when she gets to it so understand this one man could hire you home so that you could be a slave a house slave a good man well he will want you to do what you want to do so when I became a good man my perspective change and I want my wife to be happy I want her to do what she want to do there's nothing I want you to understand about a good man a good man will not be count keep now this night this right here is tough night this is a tough night this tough even this is tough even for me is a good man will always want to cater to you will always want to cater to you will always want you to be happy will always want to speak your love language he will always be thinking and trying to speak your love language when I told y'all about the love counter to that idea for my wife they say run sorry bath water on Monday massage sorry feet on Tuesday right Sharia poem on Wednesday for nothing gift on Thursday date night on Friday when I did that that was to serve so even today you know I take the massage her temples massage her head last night I'm massaging the arm massaging her head because when you become a good man you want to serve now here's the thing it's human nature it is human nature when you getting served to kick your feet up when you go get you a manicure pedicure you're not in there folding laundry with one hand while you got the other hand up in pet manicure no you kicked your feet up and you get served so that's the thing about this that I want women to be mindful of if you've got a good man this man not cheating on you this man not beating on you this man not yelling at you this man not cursing you out this man is catering till you think about what you can do to reciprocate and when we was young I had done so much damage like I have been so rude and nasty that when I started serving my wife she kicked her feet up and I'm oh oh you got me doing all this work oh how slave got two feet up so I went to get in my head and I went to teeter-tottering between immature man good man immature man good man because in my head I'm like man can you cook a meal you do something for me brought that thing like it's hot in a bedroom I did all this so this and so me and my wife had some heated conversation her loan but then I had to realize that I had already been so rude and nasty just being condescending not not cheating and abusive but just not being a good guy for the first two years of just doing just enough to get by that when I became a good man at 25 years old and really started to serve I would have to serve for a period of time to allow her heart to heal and for her to get her feel for her to get filled up because for a while as a woman if you've been through a lot you may be like okay thank you who I need if I need this and it's watching you is renewing you but you can't get stuck there you got to start thinking about how you could reciprocate and so when I had to talk to my wife about this you know and I had to be real when I said you know I mean I could buy myself anything I want to buy you know if I want to Lamborghini I could go get a Lamborghini if I want a rolls-royce Wraith I get a rate any amount of clothes any amount of shoes God has blessed us put us in a position I could buy anything I want to buy on this earth and so I'm not worried about I don't need gifts so you love gifts as a woman that's what that's your love language you love gifts i'ma serve you in that way Beyonce every part came out yesterday I got on in trying to grab everything I could grab I only ended up with a track jacket everything just fell out the car but every day I'm on there by my wife something because gifts is her love language even if it's a t-shirt she just loves it I don't know why but she just loves it and so I'm always buying her something and she got everything in her closet everything if I sold her closet it'll be a lot that I have that I could put in the stock market but it means something to her purses her first Gucci purse I bought years ago is $800 she won't get that thing away it's sentimental value but what I tell her is baby listen I don't need any gifts okay roll up my head massage my bike cook me a meal my love language is acts of service cook me Sunday eat you me I do not need you to go buy me a new pair of shoes I could do that for me but I can't get the right angle to massage my own head I cannot go in there and cook like you could cook I could try to cook burn down the house so understand is a good man his mission and his motive is to serve his one happy wife happy life so let's put all this together let me let me bring this here on home a good man is not just thinking about himself he's thinking about his woman and what he wants to do for his woman is he wants to give this warmest security and peace of mind security and peace of mind so if this man is in the club and cheating and lying and manipulating and spending all the money gambling and on drugs he is not inducing a mindset of peace and security he is causing stress and worry that is not a good man so if you with a man or have you've been with a man or you gonna be with a man and this man causing you more stress than anything then guess what that's not a good man but at the same time you gotta be willing to recognize when you have a good man and make sure that you are reciprocating as a 1 so this good man he wants to serve you he wants to cater to you he wants to give you peace and prosperity but understand this he also wants to receive reciprocation he also wants to know that you are trying to find out what he wants and needs as well and so and that you trying to also serve him so my wife's you'll see I'm working hard and I being here and I did be sitting here and she'll bring me my favorite you know Friday turkey bacon I'm some butter toast bread boy he's got every day she'll bring me that favorite Braman some bottles of water I got all these different bottles you shot at water I got the jewel I told I need a detox he went in Baltimore he bought all these things the Jews that I could do a detox and I drink yeah I drink you know eight and he bought us waters he'll just keep bringing me the water she serving me because she know how I'm serving her she know even me working is to serve her and to serve our family and I'm and a good man we'll get out of his comfort zone for you so he'll be uncomfortable I went skydiving for my wife I went skydiving you hear me you jumping out the plane 14,000 feet I will never do it again but she put it on our eighth anniversary of one of the eight adventures that we were gonna do and I did that solely to show her I love her it is a lot of men I know a lot of men stuck in their ways and they will no absolutely girl you crazy ain't jumping I know plain girl you don't get off my feet the world I look like what you think this it oh my goodness man if you can put this on reverse and get out of here I'm not jumping that no plane and that's what he'll do guess what I felt all of that you're me I felt all of that but my wife is adventurous she was smiling yeah and they got a thing on the plane inside the plane and say listen to me do not be passing gas in here it called it flatulence and I asked my wife I'm like what if flatulence and she said that passing gas I said Oh oops I looked up ready to go because you start to get a lot of air and stomach and I just went numb I just went on and I said okay I'm gonna do it and it man gonna get me in this man gonna flip out the plan I died I died I came back to life but I did it for my wife I have outgrown roller coasters when I was young and like roller code with my wife like roller coaster we vacationing in Europe for six weeks do you and me out the two weeks out ready to come home I was ready to come home because for one I could not speak the language over there people looking at me like I'm crazy I barely could speak English and now I'm somewhere they don't even speak English we stand in the heart of Italy the people looking at me like I'm crazy because I couldn't we could not communicate I was ready to come home we went to eight countries and 20 cities six weeks in Europe we had eight big bags that I got to be throwing up and off a train because you got to take train from some places the big old heavy bags I was so bothered some of these days because he bag was so heavy my wife had packed like we was moving to Europe and but guess what I suck it up I tried to be the best I could be and I was happy in that inner six week sounds like baby thank you thank you that changed my life that was the best experience I had now when I look at her bank account okay and what it costs for them since we I'm not even gonna talk about that and I did man I had to go back to hurt me but I did that for my wife so I want you to understand a good man is gonna sacrifice he's gonna get out of his comfort zone and he's gonna be focused on serving you when you tell him this is what I like or this is what I need he's gonna meet you there he's gonna do that even if he didn't know that before that's what he's gonna do and so that's what I want you to understand a good man is the man he's the head of the household so what I mean by this the head of the household is not a dictator you lead in love you lead with service head of the household do not mean you're a dictator and you're a tyrant and that's what a lot of women got confused too and so a lot of women land on a bike and serving this man like a slave and you've been treated more like a concubine or handmaid than like a queen and you got to understand that you don't have a good man if you feeling like a hand maid or a concubine you got an immature grown boy and it's only guys gonna beat my time limit I told you I'm not gonna try to go a whole hour god bless you make sure you click the link in the description to join the channel to join as a member of the Blessed tribe and also do me a favor go book your session for coaching on my mentor and let me know when you do it similar common or what coach that you hire there's only guys and we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 90,590

Rating: 4.9422383 out of 5

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Id: 4baPAU38Ei0

Length: 59min 57sec (3597 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 18 2020