5 Signs He Truly Wants You Back

hey hey tony gaskins here popping on in now this shirt should be under the video or it's on tonygaskinstore.com tonygaskinstore.com want to talk to you about five signs that he truly wants you back now this is very important because oh this this honestly this video this video it every woman needs to see this because i get this question so many times like how do i know he's serious how do i know he wants me back how do i know and i'm just like oh my goodness my goodness it's hard to tell but listen to me it's very important none of the five are negotiable these are all non-negotiable he has to do all five of these and he may do more but he has to do all five of these for you to know that he truly wants you back and if he doesn't then he don't want you he don't want you so this what you have to realize now number one is he doesn't blame he doesn't blame so often you will hear a man say well yeah i know i did that but you do this too see one of the things you do see yeah i know i need to change this but listen you need to change this he doesn't blame even though you are not perfect and even though there are things you need to change guess what he knows what you need to change you know what you need to change and he but he knows that he has more to change than you and that's why you left him and that's why he wants you back now listen if he left you listen to me right now listen right now if he left you if he broke up with you if he broke up with you this video does not apply to you did you hear what i just said if he broke up with you this video does not apply to you now watch it for your next relationship but if he left you he broke up with you this don't apply to you you know why because if a man left you he don't want you he does not want you because he does not want the relationship or he don't want marriage or whatever it is but a man will never leave a woman that is his wife and for those y'all who misunderstood my personal story with my wife because somebody asked me today tony you said if a man leaves you he'll he don't want you he won't want you back but you and your wife broke up and i had to remind her i said key word me and my wife broke up but it was my wife who broke up with me i never broke up with my wife i never left my wife a man is not going to leave a woman that he sees as his wife he may do something selfishly and stupidly that makes her leave him but a man is not going to leave you if he sees you as the one because if he sees you as the one he knows that other men will see you as the one and if he steps away from you he knows that the moment he steps away the next moment another man could step in see your value the same value that he sees and will never let you go so the man that sees you as his wife will never let you go not because he needs a break not because his family member died not because he's stressed not because he's going through not because he has ptsd not because he anything a man knows that he needs a woman and if he feels you are the woman for him he won't break up with you now yes there are acceptance to the rule where a man break up with a woman he come back they end up getting married but you can't live by the exception to the rule because just because it worked for them nine or ten times is not going to work for you that's why it's called an exception to the rule so you have to understand this all right that was a little tangent but i need to clarify that listen he will not blame you he is accepting responsibility for what he did he will not be pointing the finger at you get that in your spirit really understand that number two he will make changes so going to coaching reading books going to a retreat getting on the zoom interview i mean the zoom session we have on saturday sometimes he will make changes he's going to show you that i'm a different person i don't yell anymore i don't curse at you anymore i don't smoke anymore i don't drink anymore i don't club anymore whatever it is he need to change whatever it is he needs to change he will show you he has changed he has made up in his mind that that's not the right thing to do that he knows it doesn't please you that you don't like that that is destructive behavior and he will make those changes and you have to be mindful about this because if you aren't you will take him back because he's begging and because he's giving roses and champagne and all of this but he didn't make any changes so if he didn't make any changes you're gonna be right back in the same situation that you were in to begin with you right back with a no good man he didn't make changes so understand that now listen number three he will not argue so when y'all are talking what you say that's your that is how you feel that's your opinion he's going to respect your thoughts your feelings your opinion arguing is trying to control is trying to convince someone to think like you think to feel like you feel so when a man comes back to you and then he's arguing with you and he's starting an argument instigating his argument or if you want to argue he feeds into it and he argues with you he's he doesn't want you back because he's still trying to conquer but a man who wants you back he's gonna say hey listen you know you you are right i was wrong for that i was a hundred percent wrong for that and i'm not gonna argue with you on that i'm not gonna try to justify why i did that like that was stupid that was a mistake i shouldn't have done that and i'm not gonna go back and forth with you making excuses and arguing because that's gonna put us right back to where we were that's not what i'm trying to do what i'm trying to do is grow and change and be better because what's the point of us getting back together if we're just going to be arguing like cats and dogs like we did before so that's not what i want to do so if you recognize that's what that's what this man is saying and you still want to argue you too immature you're too immature for him now now he's wrong he didn't change not you immature now you patty now you need to go about your business and let that man live his life because this man grew he didn't grow he didn't change so if you keep wanting to argue and he keeps suppressing the argument he don't want to argue he don't mind having a discussion he doesn't mind talking like adults but you want to raise your voice you calling them jerk you calling them idiot how stupid could you be you attacking the man verbally and he and he's not arguing with you and now you get angry because he won't argue why he cheated or why he you know whatever that made you leave him why he didn't introduce you to his mom inside of six months or to his daughter or a son or a best friend or whatever it is you left him for he's not want to argue about it he's saying listen i recognize and realize what i did wrong and i made that change within my heart and i'm a different person now i'm not going to argue with you so you have to understand that and really like take that to heart and sit and process process that number four now he is going to call you daily a man who really wants you back he's going to call you daily unless otherwise advised so listen if you want him to show you how bad he wants you back then don't say to him stop calling me because a man who has grown and who has changed when you say stop calling me he's gonna stop calling you because to continue calling you when you said stop calling me that is trespassing that is abusive so that would that would say that he doesn't care about your boundaries he doesn't care about your feelings and this is the thing that this is the mistake that a lot of women make is they they want to see how bad the man wants them back you want to see how bad he wants you back so you say you know just give me a break give me space give me distance stop calling me and then you on my phone well yeah i told him to stop calling me and give me a break and give me this he hasn't called me so does that mean he really doesn't love me he really doesn't want me no it means he's doing what you asked him to do so that's not what you wanted him to do that don't say that because that's manipulation so if you want him to be a better man you got to be a better woman and so if you want him to utilize calling you as a sign of his intensity and his intentionality on wanting you back then don't say something that you don't want don't say hey don't text me hey don't call me hey don't follow me on facebook don't follow me on instagram and then be upset and be mad when he doesn't do it and now oh well he should have showed me anyways he should have did it anyways he so you saying he should disrespect you he should ignore your boundaries and your request and just bogart his way into your life that's abuse that's not what you want so understand if you're going to entertain him coming back into your life you can't play mind games you got to be all the way open be honest be real and you can't play mind games because when we play mind games we both lose when we play mind games everyone loses so that's what you have to realize and understand now number five he is patient and understanding he's patient and understanding so what i mean by this is if you say don't call me i'll call you or don't call me every day instead of him flying off the hill what why can't i call you this is not right i'm trying to show you i love you i'm trying to he said okay he will say okay you know i understand that i respect that i know the breakup wasn't easy what i did was wrong and i want to give you your time give you your space can you let me know when i can call you if you say no i don't know you know i'll reach out to you then he's not okay i'm gonna respect that he's gonna give you what you asked for he's gonna give you what you say so he's going to be patient with you and understanding with you about what you are asking of him if you say hey i need time he's going to be patient if you say [Music] well if for us to get back together i want us to do four sessions at least of marriage counseling or couples counseling if y'all not married then he's gonna his patience and understanding he's gonna say okay i'm cool with that you know i will pay for it and especially if he has the money if he doesn't have the money then don't get mad if he doesn't offer to pay for it if he literally doesn't have the money can't afford it's not in his budget based on his bills or whoever he's taken care of in his family or what have you but he's gonna say okay i got you i get it i understand it i appreciate that i got you and then he is going to go through those steps with you if you say hey i want us to read a woman's influence and let's read one chapter a day it's 20 chapters we're gonna read a chapter and we're gonna discuss it on the phone he's gonna say okay i'm gonna read it on my lunch break and then when i get home if i'm not done i'll read it or or do they have audio do you know if um they have audio of that book yeah they have audio okay what i'll do while i'm working i'm gonna listen to the audio and i'll listen the whole chapter one and is it all right if i listen to chapter two or chapter three like you say no no just do one chapter a day because we i really want us to process this and talk about it address what we agree with what we disagree with and so just one chapter a day so we can completely digest it and he said okay all right cool i got you so he's doing that because he's patient and he's understanding he knows he dropped the ball he knows he messed up and listen i'm okay with a person forgiving a woman forgiving a man for anything other than physical abuse physical abuse and verbal physical and verbal of you which is also emotional you said well now cheating the reason why i say i'm okay with forgiving cheating is because you don't have to do it like if you don't forgive cheating you're not wrong but the reason why i say why i have this dance is because i realize 9 out of 10 women are gonna forgive it and so if if i just say no absolutely don't forgive it what i have to then deal with is so many women coming to me and they're depressed their suicidal their stress they just they can't move on with their life because this man they caught this man talking to another woman or he slept with another woman before he fell in love with her before he gave his heart to her he was operating under the societal norms the societal standards so yes we call it cheating but if it's being done by everybody in society it's also a norm and so when you see presidents doing it you see pastors doing it you see police officers doing it you see principles of schools doing it you you see all of these different people doing it it [Music] unrighteously justifies the behavior and it normalizes the behavior to the men and then it normalizes the behavior to a lot of women so understand this don't don't hear me as saying take a cheating man back because every woman says i will never forgive cheating but then nine out of 10 women get cheated on and then forgive cheating so what i have learned is if you're going to forgive cheating because you want the relationship and you feel that it was a mistake it was his immaturity his ignorance it was his weakness or you feel that you pushed him to do that because you were verbally abusive or you were toxic or you you know weren't loving him right so if you feel you kind of pushed him away it's other reasons that people have that they say you know i played a part in this and so what i have to do is i'm not going to judge you i'm not going to judge you unless you're doing something that can take your life so him cheating on you that's not gonna take your life now it could if you catch a disease that can kill you but him putting hands on you in the wrong spot that could take your life the wrong way that could take your life him cheating on you it could break you down to where you feel like doing something to you but the act of him doing that physically to somebody else is not gonna do that to you so i say that to say i don't condone cheating and i would love for you to have the strength to walk away when you catch a man cheating but if you're if you know you're not going to do that and if you're blaming yourself for whatever reason and you're going to stay or you're going to take him back at least see these five things because guess what if he cheated for whatever reason and he's actually genuinely remorseful then you'll see these five signs that i just said to you if he's not remorseful then you won't see all five of these signs that i said to you so that's another thing if you're going to take him back you need to make sure regardless of what it was now there are a lot of women who take a man back after physical i'm completely against that because that can immediately end your life it can immediately end your life the other forms of abuse is a it's a slow burn it could it can end you too it can ruin you too but it'll do it over time slowly which is not good either but because it's going slowly a lot of times if the right coaching and the right influence are in there that can be stopped and it can be reversed whereas this right here to the temple that's a flash that's an instantaneous thing that once that goes that can't be reversed a person could say something that is rude out of their mouth and it can hurt your feelings and if they keep doing that over and over and over it'll destroy you but they could say that once or say that twice and then get coaching get understanding have a change of heart and change that and then for the rest of their life with you they're pouring on affirmation and love that'll heal that'll heal you from the two times that he said something about your body you may remember that he said it but the sting of it the pain of it like the pit in your stomach or the crying will eventually go away if he keeps doing that then yes you'll get to a point of just depression and you feel like just ending it all because he is it is taking everything from you so you have to kind of have a point scale like when they grade a hurricane they say oh this is a four out of five or earthquake or whatever it is how do you have that scale this is a four you know uh category one hurricane category four category three and in the higher it goes the more damage is done so you gotta be able to say this is a category one offense category two offense category four offense so that you can determine is what he did unforgivable and do i need to move on with my life completely because this is unforgivable what happened here and if that's the case then that's when he could show all five of these things but if what he did is unforgivable go about your business and every relationship is different and so it's not a one size fits all so so i hear people say if somebody cheat on me one time i'm done and that may not be the case because early on in my wife and i relationship when we went through that wandering eyes and talking to other people or what it whatever it was when we was early i remember i looked at it and i said to myself i said well if she talked to an ex-boyfriend from high school in this window i was a jerk i was distant i was rude i was condescending i wasn't nurturing so if i know that i was pushing her away and that led to a conversation and i'm using this as an example then i'm not going to just look at that as blatant cheating that emotional incident or even if they saw each other in person but nothing happened physically you know intercourse then i'm not going to look at that as blatant cheating because i know i played a role in that now if i have been amazing i mean i'm catering i'm loving i'm courting i'm kind i'm patient um all of this and then i catch my woman talking to another man like flirting and emotionally cheating then i'm out of there because i'm like i did everything right i'm out of there so that's what i mean by it's scenarios that we have to be mindful of of what was the antecedent behavior before this action happened and caused the breakup and then you look at that you grade it on a category scale and then see if you can forgive that and if you can allow this person back into your life and if the answer is the reason i broke up with him is forgivable in my heart it might not be forgivable in her heart or her heart your mama heart your sister heart but in your heart you can find it in yourself to forgive because you see something in him you believe in him or you know him and you understand his history and his biography and what makes him who he is then in that case you say i'm gonna forgive and if you say you're gonna forgive then this is when you need to see all five of these things so this is where you need to be able to say okay he doesn't blame he makes changes he doesn't argue he calls daily he's patient and understanding he doesn't blame he makes changes he calls daily he doesn't argue and he's patient and understanding you need to be able to go down through the list and he may even do more than this but these are five non-negotiable things and now inside of this like he makes changes he pays it comes with a apology what i talked about the number one thing hardest thing a pop that that should be understood that's already a given if you want to add that to bonus number six you know that he must apologize verbally then yes he must do that too and then of course you're gonna and making changes comes with he's cutting off that woman that he was that that he cheated with or that he emotionally cheated with or that he flirted with or you know he apologized for the lie he told you for continuously cancelling dates or whatever it was that made you break up with him he apologizes for those things he he does the things to make it right so if he was with this friend and they got arrested for fighting for stealing for drugs for dui for whatever they or you caught him he said he was going to the game and you checked the location or you was riding home or your friend or somebody you know saw him and he was in the strip club and you broke up with him because he blatantly lied to you and he went to the strip club and you totally 100 against that so what he does to make that right is he lets that friend know like hey man we can't kick it anymore because i'm in a relationship and i you know you you in a different life right now different space in life you cool with strip club you could do that i can't do that i got to do something different he makes that right he's like i ain't cutting on my own boy man no like that's my friend like he want to go to strip club i need to be there with him i lost my other homeboy from let him go to the club by himself fight broke out he got shot and killed out of the club i told myself i never do that again it's like okay well if he wants to put his friends over his relationship and these are grown men and they want to get in situations that can get them killed that could get them in trouble and he want to ride or die for his friend instead of having him a woman that he can build a life with and a family with okay let him have that okay i'ma let you have your boyfriend so y'all could go to the club and get shot at if that's what you want to do go right ahead you know if the only way you can see to make money is credit card fraud or selling drugs or robbing then go right ahead i'm not gonna have any parts of that like you gotta remove yourself from it when he doesn't want to make changes remember make he makes changes that's one of the requirements so listen get this in your spirit write these down put this in your notepad check them off as you see them doing them none of these are negotiable he need to show all five of these and he might even show a little more and if he doesn't naturally do it then you may ask questions around that area after a little while to see if it's just something he's omitting something hit just a blind spot something he just didn't know but this should come naturally this should come naturally he doesn't know it'll come naturally but you know i know because i study the behavior and i study the comeback and i was that man i've had to come back before when my life when my wife left me in dating and i had to get her back and then she left me once in marriage because i went back to the streets when i came back i had i cut off my homeboys can't kick it no more i left the street life say i'm never selling drugs again you know so i did every step you know patient understanding made change we were living together i had to call daily we were living together but i did everything i had to do you know to show her i'm done with the street life like i'm done with street life patient and understanding when we was dating she left me for just being controlled and asking too many questions trying to control her where she going where she had what she got on who she with and she was like whoa hold on not your slave you know i ain't your prisoner like calm down buddy and so i had to realize okay let me i got to be secure i got to be emotionally intelligent i got to be patient and understanding got to make changes you know got to show her that i'm serious call her daily spend time with her you know so when i did all that she knew you really changed and i looked at us today married 14 years the things that i did those five steps that i did it really made a difference even me going through the motions made me stronger made me wiser made me better and it helped me grow as a man and it protected and secured our relationship and that's why we've made it this far and still going so hey it's tony gaskins god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 21,888

Rating: 4.9614892 out of 5

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Id: q0Ei_Ozg3B0

Length: 30min 0sec (1800 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 07 2021