When does a man fall in love?

hey Tony Gaskins here popping in a tough topic today really tough topic I hope you can listen to it all the way to the end you're really gonna need it now this is hard to talk about because one thing that we always face is women just do not understand men men do not understand women if a woman who is I'll be honest with you as a man I found two types of men wrong boys and grown men but as a woman it's like a thousand different types so one woman may come and tell me something about women and she wants that to apply to my wife but my wife is a totally different type of woman than she is and will never do the things that that woman has done so I just see so many different types of women but as a man being in a man's body I can just break it down into grown boy grown man and sometimes there's an overlap as a woman you may be able to say okay it's two types of women grown women and grown girls and that may be true I'm not a woman but this right here is like the eighth wonder of the world maybe the ninth wonder of the world and I say that in the sense of what you wonder about not saying that it's a beautiful thing to behold but I'm using wonder in a different way this it it'll leave you up at night because it does not make sense and it's a look too hard to hear but I got a chair and this what I want you to understand I'm telling you before I say this it's not gonna make sense so it does not make any sense for you to be in the comments arguing about how much sense this just actually does not make okay just understand that now I speak for myself you if you follow me here and you have hit the subscribe button and you've seen multiple videos you know where my head is at if this is your first time ever hearing me before you speak I need you to watch a few more videos so you understand where my head is at now I'm going on 13 years of marriage I'm 100% faithful to my wife emotionally spiritually physically I'm 100% faithful to my life I am absolutely head over heels for my wife in this space in my life I will do life for my wife if you spell wife wrong if you breathe too hard in my wife direction I'll be ready to end you anybody who says anything about my wife that I they might have had a typo and I felt like it was kind of sliding my wife or disrespectful they got blocked immediately I only mask questions I just do not play about my queen because I'm in love with her it's not that she is perfect it's not that she's holier than thou it's not that you know everything is always roses is just I've made a decision to love her and so when a man buys in when a man falls in love he is in love when a man is in love with his child with his spouse he will do life for them in prison with a smile I want you to understand a man loves on that level I believe there's a lot of women that love on that level as well but this what I want you to know I got married when I was 23 years old I did not fall in love with my wife until maybe 25 26 probably was about 26 so we had been married about two to three years when I fell in love that is hard to understand for a lot of women because women assume that men marry just out of love that when a man gets married he is in love and here's the thing some men try to do that some men try to do that some men do do that and that is why you see relationships where it's been five six seven years and they're still not married and that is because the man is waiting to fall in love but what he does not realize is that you don't fall in love until you are all the way committed emotionally spiritually physically to where you surrender to vulnerability to being vulnerable to where you've surrendered to love to real love where you've dropped all of your guards and so when you see a situation and you wonder and you say well man how were these people together 10 years 15 years 20 years and the man is cheating on her he cheated on her 10 years in 15 years and 20 years in and then they get a divorce it's because he never fell in love this is a big myth right here there's gonna turn everything upside down but you got to remember I'm a relationship scientists while you on your job this is what I'm doing studying relationships when you fall in love it needs to be confirmed meaning that when when a man falls in love it's typically that woman is already in love then love is confirmed cuz it needs to be reciprocated there are women who have fallen in love with a man and you call it in love but this is where we can argue semantics because a woman is saying oh I was in love and I fell out of love no you fell in love with the idea of love you were loving the idea of love and you were loving the fact that you had a relationship and you made yourself love him but he wasn't even worthy of you being in love with him because he was not in love with you so you have to understand here that when you truly fall in love you go into a space that is so pure and so real and it's so reciprocal that you don't come out of that space so my wife and I unless I take a stupid pill and just really like start to lose brain cells or something I will never fall out of love with her you know as a woman women body change go through different phases in your life none of that makes me fall out of love and there's always something that I can lust after regardless of what stage that she's in and what I found is that my wife because I'm falling more and more in love with every passing day she's becoming more like wine instead of like soda so it's getting stronger but and and it has nothing to do with intercourse and intimacy and and favors and being treated like a king it has nothing to do with any of that it's all about being in love making a decision to love someone to be vulnerable in that space to be able to share your thoughts hopes feelings dreams worries insecurities your pain everything and have that person not judge you but speaking to your life and to have that two-way street now most men are afraid to go there because men fear being vulnerable because men fear being open for attack being wounded being taken advantage of because men also understand the makeup of a man does not heal wounds the same way a woman's mind heals wounds women go through sway more than men go through in life now there will be some men who go who have gone through just as much as any woman but on average women become a target to men at a young age men are not a target in the world to women at a young age on average there are exceptions to the rule on average so therefore men don't have as many opportunities to heal from traumatic experiences the way women are kind of born and bred to get to that place to where a woman struggles with it and it's hard overcoming and dealing with that trauma but she is happening more to her than it is to a man so there's many women who have learned how to cope and to overcome and yes you still see the struggles even into adulthood but men who have gone through traumatic experiences they it materializes totally different as an adult so I want you to understand please understand that and hear me now listen to me now so when you are in a relationship a woman becomes open on average becomes open and Vaughn so much earlier than the man and she relinquishes her power or she and she drops her guards and she opens up for love and then the man has his guards up and he is not open for love but yet he's going through the motions and he knows how to make it look real so the man knows that this woman has a time line and if he loves her and this what you have to understand there's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone so when I loved my wife I was capable of cheating on her and willing to cheat on her when I loved her this does not make any sense to you but you have to understand and even look up the word love and just see the different definitions of it one being a strong liking a strong liking you know and so when a strong affection for love does not mean perfection those are two different words love and perfection are two different words so you have to understand love is not synonymous with perfection you know love is not synonymous with painless that's not the case because there's a lot of parents who love their child and still hurt their child by their choices and their mistakes so you have to understand that love is not perfect and completely pure that's why Corinthians 13 talks about the endurance of love and it being unconditional because love in it by itself in itself can have some painful moments in it so you have to understand that let's see now in love I see this difference and I separate this because I feel like it's a be in love is that next level to be in love is you have completely surrendered to to love and you get to a place to where there's no ego in in love being in love and you can be vulnerable and you can be and I saw it too because if you think about it and if you're honest with yourself even women don't necessarily fall in love there are many women who get married and are not in love that's how women are some women are able to cheat on a man to lie to a man to deceive a man and I remember seeing that transition and my wife as well you know I don't think she was in love when we got married but a few years in as I began to fall in love guess what I talked to her differently I treated her differently the time we spent was different so now what that does is that washes that washed her in love it renewed her heart her mind her spirit and then her guards began to come down because if a man is not in love with you it would be wise to kind of have your guards up so that you are not completely exposed to spiritual attack physical attack emotional attack and so you have to understand this and in this I remember and it's how I differentiate between love and in love I remember when my wife if I would get upset about something and she was at fault she had a you know attitude to where she really wasn't the apologizing type and apologize and then serve well we come to a place in our marriage to where if it was something she dropped the ball on and it caused an issue and it caused a rift a disagreement she grew to the point that where she could come and sit down and look me in the face and say listen I'm sorry I'm sorry for what I did I'm sorry for doing this and that wasn't the case when she was 19 20 21 you know that came later on 22 23 now that had something to do with her upbringing the way you know just raised kind of tough around tough people you know being Jamaican tough Jamaican mom tough Jamaican dad you know it's just not this lovey-dovey apologetic mushy tight family you know everybody is about their business doing what they got to do me on the other hand my mom she would you know she accursed shot today not literally cursed but took her shot this minute next minute she bet she's best friends with you so so I got to see that a lot no excuse me mama longer voice I got to see that a lot and so here I am I'm as a man I was actually willing to be more apologetic than my wife but then I start to see the Shelf because I could apologize and not really meaning because I wasn't in love but when I fell in love then it was genuine and then I started to see a genuine change in my wife so I want you to understand this and think about this now and really take yourself through your relationship and see and ask yourself this if you've been in relationship for four years before like a two-year three-year relationship ask yourself what did you go through at that two-year mark what did you go through at the three-year mark with this man and what's he doing things at that two-year three-year mark that someone in love would not do the way he was talking to you or treating you or cheating on you and then if you had more than one relationship that was two years or more go back through those relationships if you're in a relationship right now look back through it and see okay was I dealing with things that I have to deal with something that year two or year three that should not have been like cheating or verbal abuse emotional abuse or still deliberate lies ask yourself this and then look around look at your friends relationships look at your family members relationships and what you're going to see is that most men do not fall in love inside of two years but here's the thing if this man loves that woman he understands and he respects her her body clock her time clock he understands that she wants to get the ball rolling especially if she wants to have kids because they increased the chances of her child having you know issues developmental issues are greater the older she gets and so he loves her he may not have told himself forgotten his mind to the place to be in love so he marries her he marries her out of respect for her timeline her situation but he may not be all the way surrender to love so that is why you see now more and more men saying I gotta wait I gotta wait I'm not ready I'm not ready I'm not ready and that is also why you see so many the divorce rate was that like 50% overall and then in some demographics it was like 60 70 % you know like between ages 18 to 25 and really there's a reason why is because so many men were getting married because of the subconscious pressure that men are under because a woman has a lot of influence and it's certain little things a woman will say and do and certain things she'll praise and pay attention to and it's all sending a message so she's like oh she's married she's younger than me oh this friend just got married oh this friend just got married oh my goodness everybody's getting married except me and that is subconsciously programming that man to say okay I gotta hurry up I gotta hurry up I gotta hurry up but yet he doesn't have any messaging that's telling him before you hurry up and get married you also need to surrender to love you also need to drop your guards and be willing to be completely open honest and vulnerable with this woman if this is who you're going to marry so that is also a large part of the divorce ring it's really men marrying before they have conditioned their mind for marriage and they're getting married but still have their guards up in our garden so when you get to know me and you get to know my lifestyle in the way that I live it kind of gives you you know I can be like a barometer or a measuring stick so that you can kind of see okay so if Tony mentality is here and he's a man that has grown into this type of mindset by the age of 35 and what he's doing he's been doing this professionally since the age of 22 then this man over here let me see where his mindset is let me see where his heart is and you're able to kind of gauge it and so it helps you understand so I'm telling you me as a man who grew into a man who is completely in love and sold out for love and working every single day to teach real love healthy love happy love if it took me two years into marriage to fall in love then that kind of helps you understand what other men are also going through now there will be some men that fall in love a lot faster than I did you know just because but that doesn't a very common man because that means this man has to have a very pure heart open heart very loving spirit and that's just not really a male trait just innately men have to learn and grow and mature to that point on average just because of the conditioning of the world where even if that is in a as a young boy the world takes and shifts that mindset and kind of rewires you to be this hard tough solemn faced you know person who can't cry who can't show emotions and it takes and puts you in this this detached box this unemotional box and really it's just because of what we're being groomed for as men to be able to be drafted and to be able to go out you know and support your country that is a part of that wiring and and if you were wired to be so loving and caring then you wouldn't be in the mindset to go out and do what you have to do in support and defense of your land and so think about it it all goes in together it all goes hand in hand it gets much deeper than we allow ourselves to to understand and we just expect it to be so simple and we think it's so simple and we want it to be so simple so hear me out and and understand that this is why this is why because it takes a man more time to fall in love then it does typically take a woman to fall in love that is why I tell women all the time to tread lightly move slowly you know don't tell a man your entire life story on the first date don't tell a man all of your weaknesses all of your vulnerabilities about all of the childhood stuff that you went through you know don't tell a man about all of the the pain that you had to experience because you don't know how he's going to use that against you because he does not love you and tell the truth now tell the truth it's a lot of women if not you you probably know a woman who she exposed some of her situations to this man and then six months in he's throwing it in her face that's why this happened to you that's why that happened to you and she's like whoa I told you that out of trust and it's like okay yeah that's you as a woman that's how you move but that's not how men move it's stuff that has happened to a man that you may not ever hear about he may take it to his grave or he may not tell you until he's been with you ten years because men approach life differently see the world differently men see the world as the world is out to get me the world is out to attack me I'm under attack I gotta be ready and willing to fight at any moment men view the world differently than a lot of women so a woman you get into this relationship and you're telling all your business you telling all your business you know definitely inside of the first year a man pretty much knows almost everything there is to know about this woman so if he's not in in love y'all are still opponents and what does an opponent do with your weaknesses he uses them against you and so that is why this is why now now hopefully this helps it make sense when I say close your legs close your legs stay off your back because if if men are getting married and still not in love and marriage is when you allow to be on your back when it's time for you to be on your back you could be on your back for someone who still is not in love it makes absolutely no sense but this is the being that I'm trying to help this is my calling trying to level the playing field trying to help women understand more about men so you can protect yourself you can guard your heart you can have the knowledge and you can move differently don't move like I said on one of the videos a lot of women you like a deer in the headlights and expecting the hook from the f-150 that's coming 60 miles out down the road you think this f150 going 60 miles an hour's finna get you a hug now picture that picture deer standing in the middle of the road staring at these headlights of a f-150 coming 60 miles an hour and the deer expecting it to slow down and give it a hook picture that that's what I'm trying to get y'all to understand is that you got to move slowly and and the reason why I'm telling this is because I was that dog I was that person taking advantage I was that person and so God has commissioned me hey you got to love the playing field you got to make it harder for the other men who are living the way you used to live you got to make it harder for them you got to up end their mission their games and you got to let those who want to know the women who wise enough to listen who wise enough to hear give it to them don't don't waste your time arguing then what the spirit telling me don't waste your time arguing with the [ __ ] headed people who think they know it all and want to do it they wait and just want to call you stupid and dumb and ignorant and say you making excuses for me and not understanding that me explaining a man is not excusing a man I know it is stupid I know it does not make sense I'm not excusing a man's behavior and how me and move I'm explaining a man's behavior and how men move so listen to me understand this you could be in a relationship with a man who still is not in love with you and the way you would know is look at his behavior look at the way he treats you is he trying to every day put a smile on your face is he trying to make you happy is he trying to bring joy and peace and happiness and prosperity to your life is he vulnerable with you so and when I say vulnerable don't this is different now some women see a man be vulnerable but really he's being really he's manipulating her so he's fake crying and he's fake hurt and he's fake depressed so that she will open her wallet so that she will let him stay home on the couch and be a couch potato while she works like a slave and bust her butt he's faking it so you got to understand the difference I'm talking about a man who is busting his butt he's working as hard as he can he is ambitious he's trying to go and get the bacon bring it to the table he's trying to beat a breadwinner he's trying everything he can legally to provide and to protect that same man who who is a man's man who will slap the taste out of somebody's mouth in defense of you and who is breaking his back to provide for you and his family but also will let you see him cry that is a man who was in love with you that is a man who has become a real man who understands the balance of the lion and the lamb that is a man that you as a woman can be comfortable with and drop your guards with because his character is his currency and he is wealthy because of his character not literally money yet he might be getting there but his character is his currency and he is wealthy because of that the traits that he exhibits now that guy is the man that you can kind of lower your guards and be more open with understand me here now because when you have a man who is not doing those things he's trying to argue with you a nitpick and he's stressing you and he's worrying you and where he's trying to live off of you or he's making the money but he's trying to control you financially that man is not in love I'll carefully been married 10 years he's not in love and that's why he's cheating on you you might not even know it but that's why he's cheating on you because he's not in love when a man is not in love he can have love for you meaning he will cry if you die meaning you know he will sacrifice some for you he may have love for you but if he's not in love then he's cheating on you and if it's not what the person is with a thing or something or someone if he's not in love so you might gotta dig a little deeper to find out what it is but you should feel secure and protected in his presence and in his arms and in his love if he is in love and that's how you'll be able to tell he's not trying to fight you argue with you belittle you control you be a dictator be a tyrant jealous and insecure he's not trying to do that he's sacrificing he's breaking his back he's suffering the wrong he's swallowing his he's killing his ego he's doing all of those things to be there to serve you and to love you he's in love he's safe to surrender to love and to allow yourself to fall in love all the way and to be open to be loving to be vulnerable to be transparent that's when it's time but here's what I want you to understand yeah just a bit one I'm just a bit if you've got it here put be blessed in the comments now what I need you to understand here now if a man is willing to marry you before he has fallen in love he won't tell you he's not in love but you may feel and then you may sense that he still has his guards up not in an abusive way or a controlling way but he's not completely vulnerable he's not telling you his deepest darkest fears or his deepest darkest secrets so you know that he's not all the way in love but but he loves you enough to treat you right to treat you with respect to not try to be in an antagonist and to just be a thorn in your side he's not trying to do that but he's still growing he's still healing he's still learning but he treats you with respect and he shows you love and he is a man a man's man he's working he's doing what he has to do to provide to show up to be responsible you can still marry that man you can still marry that man because I'll be honest with you 99% of marriages that have happened in the history of mankind the man was not in love I just hate to break that to you I know a lot of women married for love it's a lot of one who don't marry for love but a lot of women marry for love for the fairy tale for the glass slipper Cinderella a lot of women marry for love so it is earth-shattering and shocking that 99 and the men do not marry for love it's not about him being in love and head over heels he's marrying because he understands the advancement of society has to happen through him and that he is a cog in the wheel you know he is a part I'm gonna use the wrong terminology but he he plays a vital part in that process of the world being moved forward and he understands that he may have to jump out step out on faith and trust everything else to catch up and so that's why he does that but if you're waiting for him to be completely 100 percent sure he may die first so a lot of times we have to take a leap of faith and when you take that leap of faith and then you land on solid ground and you like wow okay it's something over here like okay then everything else catches up and so that's what you have to realize about men and you got to be okay with it as long as you're being treated right now if a man is not in love with you but he's also does not love you meaning you still are more stressed and you're happy he still feels like a thorn in your side then that's when you gotta worry and that's when you should not move forward but if he treats you with respect and everything is cool then the rest don't bog yourself down you know trying to figure it out and understand that leave that between him and God you know because God is working on his heart but if he's still protecting you and providing for you and loving you and caring for you and treating you with respect and all of those things then that is a man who loves you and is in the process of falling in love and if he says look it's gonna be another two years before I can really truly completely be vulnerable like tell you my fears he's saying this in his head it's gonna be another two years before I can tell you my deepest secrets like in my fears but I love you and I know you're my wife and I know I'm going anywhere and I know there's not another woman out there for me and you are the one so I want to marry you and be with you this all in his head he's not saying this verbatim to you I want to marry you and be with you so that you can have some security and you know where your life is going and where we're headed and in the process I'm still gonna be working on myself and I'm gonna be growing and I'm gonna get to the place to where I can be completely transparent and open and vulnerable in your presence that's gonna come but just dealing with you know 25 plus years of conditioning of this society it's gonna take them a little time and I don't want you to wait without a ring and not have the security and the love of marriage to be able to you know be intimate with a man because you're waiting until marriage I'm not gonna make you wait another two three years while my mind and my heart is trying to catch up like I know you're the one I know I love you I know you're my wife I know I'm gonna be faithful with you I can be faithful on my own strength even until I fall all the way in love and so that's what a lot of good men who have the potential of being great men that's the mind that's the the process that he's speaking to himself that he's going through and and that in that fashion he gets married under that mindset he gets married knowing that it is coming knowing that she is the one even though he's not all the way there mentally and emotionally and I've tried to say this before and that's why I had to go deeper into a long video on YouTube versus the 15 minute limit on Instagram TV because it makes no sense to women it was like I don't want a man to marry me I don't want a man to marry me if he's not in love with me who wants that no I do not want that but that is just the difference between men and women and you got to understand if you've been married that's what happened if you're getting married that's not on 10 times what's happening now if you engage don't go asking your fiance all it is and Shawn this video are you in love with me just look at how he treats you and I'll tell you what you need to know look at how he makes you feel and how consistent has he been it's been if it's been three months you get married too early if it's been six months you get married too early it needs to be twelve months or more of consistent behavior of consistent love and respect if you don't have twelve months or more of consistency than you marry the wrong man anyways you marry the wrong man the you is too early if it's on the twelve months and it's not right if it's been more than twelve months and you've cried more than you smile and you've been cheated on two three times that's the wrong man that's the wrong man he doesn't even love you let alone have what it takes to fall in love with you so hey that's Tony Gaston I hope that makes sense I kind of got an over explain so that you over stand instead of just understand and listen to it again understand that it's nothing against the woman it's nothing that really I was a woman you have to worry about you got to just pay attention to this man and the way he treats you and you'll know the difference between a man who does not love you and will not fall in love with you versus a man who loves you and is in the process of falling in love with you and it's willing to marry you and give you that security as he continues to fall deeper and deeper you know in love and and get to know himself so based on how he treats you you'll know the difference if he's abusive toxic controlling lying manipulating deceiving he's not that if he is doing everything right but he's not perfect but the things the imperfections are not deal-breakers then he's a man who has that potential to fall in love and to be the one for you and if this all scares you to death and you like listen I don't care if we got the date for five years I need to know that he is in love before I marry him then so be it but if you're gonna do that then also don't do the things of marriage like being on your back and serving hand and foot and you know giving a husband benefits to a boyfriend don't do all of that you said you gotta tread lightly you got to move slowly if you want to move at his pace but to be honest with you when you do that now you're trying to be a man and think like a man act like a man and is gonna mess you up so as a woman keep your natural femininity be yourself be natural and organic as a woman and let a man be a man and you just gauge things based on how he is treating loving and respecting you it is Tony guys can make sure you click the link in the description if you ready to get coach and go to the next level visit my mentor dot life and book a session today I'm on there as well but I'm in the tee so you may have to search Tony Gaskins or scroll till you get to the tees my rate is different than others just because of the level of you know X experience so you'll see some coaches at $25 an hour you'll see some n95 you'll see some at 100 150 so and it goes up its coaches on there that can go up to 500 depending on their experience and what they're bringing to the table so I its Tony Gaskins god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 177,760

Rating: 4.9326901 out of 5

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Id: 1QG9p4AK-fk

Length: 42min 43sec (2563 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 20 2020