Teachers, How Do You Know If A Student Is Depressed? - (r/AskReddit)

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit teachers had read it one can you tell if a student is going through depression or self-loathing if so what do you try to do to help in a year of substituting the biggest thing I've learned is this if a student doesn't seem right they arrant if you ever think to yourself hard that's a strange thing to say hard that's not normal for that age group it's because it iced my first week a 5th grade boy said to me you look like my stepdad I'm a giant burly bearded man but you don't see mean like him are you going to stick around my heart ducking broke I excused myself and had the special ed aid look over my class while I went directly to the counselors good on you for telling the counselors I hope it all worked out for that kid they didn't let me in on too much but they apparently all had a hunch something was wrong from what I gathered I unfortunately only taught at that school for another month or two and helped more at the middle school and high school I do hope he's all right too I used to work in schools and I have to say that I always saw the kids I knew needed help as often as I could but they were the kids who didn't have supplies didn't turn in work had unreachable parents were quiet got bullied etc essentially not thriving thanks teach wish I had one like you when I was a kid new to the school didn't have supplies or turn in work quiet and bullied my teacher thought that the best recourse was to send me to the special ed classroom daily during the math session to finish my math homework that I didn't understand also he could flirt with the eighth-grade girls without interruption that was 15 years ago and I'm only just catching up to apply to stem programs eighth grade was a formative year for high school so I was doomed to fail from that point on turns out I like math I'm sorry you went through that but kudos on getting past it to the point where you're applying to stem program you've accomplished a very difficult thing here any change in behavior usually personal hygiene attendance level of interaction but honestly as a once extremely suicidal grad student it was surprising how little people noticed I showed up for work for barely four five hours I was quite a bit withdrawn but I also overcompensated sometimes I'd make an effort to dress nicely be more cheerful because I didn't want anyone to see what was really going on I'd hang around till almost midnight to make up for lost hours depressed behavior is often contradictory there's no one way to predict some people withdraw some people throw themselves into things further in an effort to distract you are seeing them for a few hours a day it is hard to tell what's going in their life that's why any change from baseline is important doesn't matter which direction it moves in for me it didn't end well I'm still alive and I suppose that's good you're describing what I was like last year after which I dropped out of gradual school I wasn't suicidal but I'm not suicidal was the best thing that I could say sometimes I think one person may have noticed it can be really hard to notice but that doesn't mean people won't care if they do find out that you're struggling some people are exceptionally good at putting up a facade to fool others and even themselves that nothing is going on it might not even really be a facade depression hits each person differently for one person it could be a heavy blanket that smothers everything in life regardless of time or occasion for someone else being around others might be what perks them up and keeps them saying you could appear almost normal around others while being comatose with depression when by yourself reaching out is difficult if you haven't admitted to yourself you have an issue it becomes almost impossible but when it comes down to it I truly believe that if you reach out and ask for help there will nearly always be someone willing to give it to you and it might even be the last person you expected keep fighting it's always hard to know so the best thing you can do is let them know you care if you start with a casual one-on-one connection and make it known that you'd like to listen you can sometimes save a life when I was 12 - 13 I went through this very sad phase of my life because I was having a lot of issues with my family I didn't know how to handle it so I would cut myself started drinking etc honestly nothing looked very wrong with me at school except obviously if you looked below my hoodie or my skirt I had a friends and all my English teacher was very sweet and made a big effort to get to know her students she took a liking to me because I was really good at her class as we got closer I developed a lot of trust with her and one day after class finally broke down and told her everything she was especially concerned about this one memoir assignment that I wrote about my mom she made me see the school counselor and hat was good but most importantly I had an adult in my everyday life that I could trust sometimes the very small things like just being friendly and developing relationships really can save people I struggled for years but she was the first one to pick me up edit everyone has been so supportive I hope everyone laps still struggling find their light and thank you to everyone who asked how I'm doing reddit can be so wholesome thank you for silver never had that law I'm glad this went well when I was in high school I sought help from the counselors and they told my parents everything which made it all worse I had never a lootable said I would harm myself was in danger which I know they legally need to tell your folks about they told me it was confidential and I felt betrayed I ended up brushing it off with my parents and stopped seeing the counselor waited until I got to college to stop talking to someone about it again it's good to hear some schools actually do help and don't just rat you out you can tell by changes in attitudes participation and grades these aren't the only indicators but they are the ones I key offer for my students all you can do is make yourself available the there are certain things we are required to report but all of my students know that if they are having an issue my door is open and confidential unless it is a mandatory reporting issue I am upfront with them that there are some things I have to pass along because I don't want to betray their trust when students do come to me with concerns I let them talk a lot of the time there isn't much I can actually do other than be a sounding board for them I'll make suggestions after they are done if I think they would benefit from speaking to a counselor I'll give advice if they wanted I always ask for non reporting issues if they would like me to inform their other teachers so they know what is going on and if they say no it stops with me if they say yes it is usually because they are not comfortable bringing up themselves even if students don't say anything as a group we let each other know if we notice something is off because if they don't talk to me they might talk to another teacher some kids get really good grades and are really well-behaved so as not to draw attention to themselves I was like that I needed help but didn't want it I was so quiet that that made me stand out but all the adults ignored me because my grades were fine not a teacher but I was a student going through this I was in a small town with virtually no mental health resources I was lucky enough to have a few teachers see what I was going through and cut me a bit of slack after watching me go through DHR battles with heavy abuse at home I went from being a model student with straight A's to someone who showed up when I wanted with no work to turn in one teacher in particular started inviting me to dinner and she requested me as her student aide during my free period she would ask me how my home life was and if things were bad she'd planned sleepovers with her daughter who I'd become close friends with she made me feel like I was welcomed in at least one spot in my life she and her daughter made me feel loved when I wasn't at home she probably saved my life in high school thanks mrs. G Thank You mrs. G mrs. G is a will G I've been teaching high school for 13 years in that time we've lost about a student a year on average and about half of those have been suicides after one particularly impactful students passing I made it my personal mission to form a personal connection with every one of my students you can tell a student is going through depression or self-loathing the same way you're able to tell when a friend of yours is going through those same feelings students are people after all oftentimes attendance drops attention to self-care tapers off and they start to withdraw they'll stop raising their hand and doing their assignments and sleep through class more and more when that happens I try to pull kids aside and say play I've noticed that you seem like you're going through something you're not alone I'm here for you and I care about you some kids will deny anything is going on some will burst into tears and reach out for a hug some will set an appointment to come in and talk later I also let them know about the support groups we have on campus and ask if they're interested sometimes I call home sometimes I don't I feel out the situation and decide from there I'll also try to put that student in a group with my more mature students not the overly positive ones but the most level-headed just so that there's some consistency in their life this part of my job is by far the hardest I wish I could unburden my kiddos fellow teacher here this over and over again and then one more time for the chatty kids in the back who weren't listening for all the times it doesn't get said and because it doesn't get said enough thank you the Jewish cowgirl there aren't enough of you in the world teachers like you are my inspiration to keep going when it's hard it's true students are people too in fact they're smaller people who haven't quite figured out there specific coping mechanisms and who struggle to imagine their lives free of the wild no uncertainty that comes with adolescence and just like people they will engage him self-destructive behaviors to try and cope event keep your eyes and ears open for the little things that's where those changes will start small again the Jewish cowgirl thank you you sound like a teacher who deserves a thank you too when you get too sick you don't say to diseased when you break your finger you don't call yourself disabled when you go to your doctor for a checkup you are not always sick sometimes you're just getting checked in this is an amazing way of putting it I've really been trying to improve my self care routines actually going to the doctor buying nicer soaps eating better etc and it made me realize that I'm still minimizing my mental health alot one of my biggest regrets from college was not seeking out their counseling services and I ended up dropping out I hope you are able to take full advantage of that to make not only your academic experience but really your whole life better good luck couldn't have said it better myself good job with that kid that is a huge victory you're a saint please keep doing this my thesis supervisor used to ask me how you doing at the start of every meeting and once I was feeling so miserable that I couldn't even be polite and like that I was fine I opened my mouth to answer not great and just burst into tears that was the first time I started opening up to someone in a position of authority about my mental health and the start of me making the good decision to take a year off school even if 99% or your students say they are fine this makes such a difference to that minority of students you're doing great work pal it's often hard to tell and even when we suspect something it's hard to do anything that will actually help this semester I see 126 different students over the course of a typical day as much as I'd like to it's simply not possible for me to get to know all of my students on anything close to a personal level I can't be on the lookout for changes in students behavior if I don't know what their normal behavior is my school identifies certain students at being at risk based on home life grades etc and assigns each teacher two of those students to mentor I try to check in regularly with my mentees as well as any student who seems to be acting differently of course depression doesn't just strike the type of person my school labels at risk even if I notice that something seems off about a student quiet when they're usually loud well when they're usually quiet avoiding usual friends unusual amount of missing work et Cie there isn't always much I can do depressed people don't want others to know they are depressed my typical strategy is to quietly pull the student aside and just ask how they are doing I've gotten everything from great no problems here to my stepdad called me a worthless piece of [ __ ] this morning and my ex-girlfriend is pregnant but she isn't sure of its mine and I'm failing four classes so I'm afraid I won't graduate and I think you're about to send me to the principal because I have chewing tobacco in my mouth if nothing else I try to be a listening ear many of my students don't really have that the counselors at my school are actually pretty good at helping struggling kids so if someone needs to talk but doesn't want to talk to me I put them in touch with their counselor I'm not a teacher that I work with and in schools I know teachers that have cried in the car on the way home because they know their students are suffering with depression and that low self-esteem is eating them alive yes a lot of the time it is very easy to tell if a student is depressed kids even older teens aren't as good at being mysterious and closed off as they imagine most of them are absolutely desperate for adult attention and validation a big problem is that a lot of the answers under peeling or cool getting them resources sometimes helps but that might mean pointing out the issue and/or talking to CPS or their parents about what's going on and most kids just want each us to back off and that's just not possible most of the time but they can be a little generous with grading they can offer extra time or just an acknowledgment that things suck right now they can urge teams to do something they hate staying off social media which tends to help thank you I've cried on many occasions this year because of my students and the struggles they go through I do so much to help them the best I can but I am also a human and I do need to give attention to the other thirty students in my classroom too I've spent hours after school calling therapists for my kids talking to administrations and researching ways to help but damn thank you for what you do even if it helps one child it is worth it you are making a difference I don't know if this belongs here but I'm going to put it here anyway because it's important and discussions like this depression does not mean quiet and reserved it can mean a variety of symptoms when I was dealing with depression I became more outgoing and loud cracking jokes and trying to get people to talk to me and whenever someone shut me down I took it harder than the average extrovert I'm extremely introverted bTW it's saying look for the quiet kid nice and always helpful I personally had a two-year period of depression that wasn't characterized by isolation while depression can certainly manifest his quietness keeping that narrow mindedness is hurting the people who are suffering but trying to keep a brave face exactly this I've dealt with depression nearly all my life and subconsciously end up standing out by actively participating making jokes and putting out a certain confident persona after I leave the room and say goodbye it's like all that energy just evaporates from me no one sees on me sitting in my room for days on end not saying a word besides the occasional water to meet cats I'm not shy about saying my issues but I usually downplay or joke about them because I don't want to be a burden yep can relate to this pretty well I wear a mask for every social professional or otherwise involved engagement with people but then I get home and don't speak until I have to wake up and do it again it can be exhausting putting up at the Sunnah all day I'm not a teacher but in my senior year of high school I went through a very rough patch towards the end I missed 80 plus days of school and barely graduated at the time I had a phenomenal creative writing teacher she noticed the work I turned in as well as my plummeting attendance to class and when the final project was assigned which I was not there for she confronted my group and said to them if space Reindeer doesn't do her part she's going to fail my class which she needs to graduate you all need to grow up and reach out a hand to your classmate in need each of my group members would individually text me to remind me to complete my project work on time I know their grades were dependent on ik too but the support they gave me really helped lift me up and actually try to finish strong I don't think I would have passed that class without them all without that teacher you all need to grow up and reach out hand to your classmate in need that is often such a wishy-washy statement but it's funny how kids interpreted the best way a lot of wrong can happen but it didn't it's crazy how that small difference meant the world to you and that it is all that is ever needed not a lot of adults even realize that we were talking about self-harm and suicide in class and this kid raises his arm and puts it down just as quickly I call on him and he just kind of shrugged it off and said nothing is wrong later in the semester I had a conference with this kid's parents and the dad is ripping the kid for getting mostly AZ to be I mean above the normal you can do better thing most parents do when they are disappointed it still haunts me that I didn't get the kid to open up to me and ask what's truly wrong in his life I think about it daily and feel like a horrible person from not doing to help this student yeah my dad gets extremely angry whenever I get anything below 85% he once started berating me in Hebrew in front my teacher when he said he was impressed by my 80% on the test the teacher just stood there doing nothing as he didn't understand what was going on when I was in fourth grade I got in trouble for not doing my math homework if I did it at home it was a huge ordeal with lots of screaming my teacher sent me home with a yellow slip which I hid from my parents and tried to turn in after signing my mother's name because I was so scared of course my teacher could tell it wasn't her signature and cooled and let her know I was punished for that still had math homework to do and my mother to this day will bring up forging her signature as a time I betrayed her but you know what mr. G was still my favorite teacher for a really long time he cared about his students and made learning fun at the time I knew it wasn't his fault I struggled with math and had a less than stellar home life I knew it wasn't his fault that he had to follow the rules that got me in huge trouble at home even when we're kids we can tell when a teacher cares or wants to help but can't mr. G couldn't do anything about my crazy parents and neither can you feel student s at the time I never would have opened up to a teacher about my home life the best thing was to be in class and treated like any other student because for a few hours a day I was just a normal person like all the other kids for some of us it's enough that how troubles are acknowledged because that's more than we get elsewhere so - mr. G and teachers like you thank you you are doing the best you can and some of us with troubles will remember a kind word a smile a quiet question or simply being treated just like everyone else is the nicest thing that a teacher ever did at the moment I can say what not to do I very recently had a student with very serious and noticeable self-harm marks this student had several suicide attempts last year none thankfully the student is getting treatment but that doesn't stop other students form isolating her even worse the school admins from telling her she is contagious and should stay away from other students lest she give them bad ideas she definitely needs more one-and-one help and encouragement which I'm still figuring out how to do not sure actually they're all constantly saying they're dead inside and joke about being depressed ah being casually suicidal that's where we get you the ones who actually want to die are using it as a coping mechanism while those who don't are making fun of how stupid the thought of suicide is to them thanks for watching subscribe for three videos a day [Music]

Channel: Ask Planet

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Id: zm9njhoSYnk

Length: 22min 21sec (1341 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 23 2020