Depressed People Share "Comforting" Words That Hurt Them More - (r/AskReddit)

like and subscribe right now or else this will be in your bed tonight our /oscar edit by planet reddit depressed redditors what do people say they think is comforting but is actually making it worse it's all in your head yes that is the problem it's all in your head you can say the same thing about a brain tumor or a well-aimed bullet people have it worse it's like saying you shouldn't be happy because someone has it better by this logic only one person and the world would be able to be sad everyone else could have it worse SMBC comics commlink i have bad days too oh god that's the worst sometimes people even try to one-up you when I was in a mental healthcare place once I didn't want to get up that particular day for group and this old-timer who worked there said hey if I can get up in the morning you certainly can I have fibromyalgia I wanted to eat his face Hannibal Lecter style isin't fibromyalgia quite painful every day for no reason and all doctors find nothing wrong with you almost all words of encouragement that isn't a direct compliment can and usually is countered and negatively construed in one's head you can do it equals no I can't you have people who care about you equals and Here I am bourbon Ingram you're a good person equals no I'm not direct compliments boost self-esteem and are much harder to turn negative I like your haircut good work on task thank you of course it's gonna be different for everyone edit fixed a word this is great advice I've been there and vague compliments like you're a good person are too easy to dismiss in my case it would have gone something like you can do it equals I don't give a duck you have people who care about you equals I don't give a duck and so on the little things can really mean a lot especially when they're related to something the person has recently accomplished I like your haircut is a good one I also try to connect specific compliments more general trays that'd be too vague to compliment on their own like dinner was excellent you're a wonderful cook I really enjoyed the book you gave me you always pick the best gifts for people thanks for loaning me the sweater you have such great taste in clothes that way you have a supporting argument in not just a conclusion familiar was more I'm not capable of giving a dark I find during my worst episodes I feel no emotions at all rather than sadness giving compliments with a supporting argument appeals to the logic in me rather than my emotions and kinda breaks through and has an effect unlike the general compliments that just bounce off me ducking snap out of IT oh I'm a snap something all right yes it's like you're drowning white blur and all they do is scream learn how to swim just grow gills I'm in college and older people say you should enjoy yourself now this is the best part of your life then they list off the stuff they cast don't do after college all I'm thinking is that's ducking great the best part of my life is at a [ __ ] duck my life I see this so often travel around the world when you are young 25 years you won't be able to later in life of course it's easy to make friends when you are in school or in college but later it's going to be more difficult if you have to work to get some I wasn't able to travel and I didn't manage to make friends either all I am hearing is that my future is [ __ ] my expectations for college were way too high everyone made it sound like I would have opportunities thrown at me for studying abroad research and jobs movies of media said right now will be the greatest years of my life partying friends late-night adventures fun and dorm rooms none of that came true I have no friends studying abroad is that a joke war eh too expensive I go to class and then go back to my room to study living it up literally anything this is basically it people want to help they want to say something to make their depressed friends and family feel better or give some type of helpful advice to them but with depression nothing is going to help people with depression have already heard it all tried it all and gone over every possible solution to cheer up and it hasn't worked it frustrates them to hear the same old lines from people and it frustrates the people around them to see someone they care about suffering and there's nothing they can say or do to help so if someone I knew had depression I'd probably avoid the topic and talk about something else thread either people understand that depression is not the same as sadness or they don't I had a ducking doctor who didn't get it oh you should exercise that'll help yes I don't doubt that it would accept it took me all day just to get dressed to come here edit yes I already got IT it's good advice read what I wrote it's a bootstrapping problem how to get enough energy to do the exercise that would give energy it's all in your head you just need to get over it you should stop being so lazy all of the time the fact that I'm genuine ill and disabled really flies over some people Zeb's it's all in your head and diabetes is all in your pancreas doesn't make either one less real or easier to live with and diabetes is all in your pancreas today I learned why don't you go out and meet new people and have fun well sorry but everywhere is just so noisy and I can't stand being around many people if I didn't have trouble meeting new people I wouldn't be nearly as depressed there I'll gladly rope people into my life whom I have to start all over again from telling them Who I am and try to relate to them in the chance that they'll disregard everything and become more worse are just the same as the people I had to get rid of no thanks I'll take they have fun part though it happens to everyone look at those poor people sick people you have a life at sway III better than them you have everything good parents good education good job why are you being so melodramatic double-quote my mum tried calling me melodramatic once because I didn't want to go on a trip with her my reaction to her saying I should go was a no thanks I didn't make a big deal out of it I wasn't in a place where I could do that at the time she kept pestering I kept saying no then somehow I'm the one causing drama I don't get people you finally put in words what I want to say to so many people I wish I could give you gold for them poorest duck edit em good comm link it's just a phase hit the gym exercise will make you feel better I already workout twice a day for two-three hours and trust me it doesn't ducking help I love all the people that think exercise is some magic cure yeah sure it can help but it's not just gonna make everything better after I jog a few miles and feel good then back to what's next recently broke up with a girl I was really in love with suffering from depression before this so when this happened it only made it worse I keep hearing you're young you'll find someone else or let's go meet some girls I don't want anybody else PS if anybody wants to talk or vent or anything feel free to PM me my heart cries for you my ex has BPD left me for another guy who could offer more social attention that she needs I feel like she and I could rekindle and I will learn to identify when she is making reckless decisions that will lead to breakup but on the other hand I should think rationally and move on let both of his grow up and be a more responsible adult although those kisses were truly unforgettable I know this might seem like it goes without saying but avoid using street drugs to cope with your depression and loss of love same exact thing happened to me currently seven months sober from heroin it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem regarding someone else who'd committed suicide but I'm on at least year 16 of temporary problems my main issue with this is yes sure it might be a temporary problem however the permanent solution literally ends all problems I have to experience forever which at the time seems like a sweet ducking deal every time I've tried to kill myself I 100% believed it was the only solution to a permanent problem trill chronic depression isn't temporary like people seem to think there is no cure some people just learn ways to control it or find meds to control it I got diagnosed at eight it's been almost 20 years I've been doing pretty good for the past couple few years but I can still feel it and it hits me hard when I least expect it you can do it I believe in you cheers mate I don't believe in me and that's what matters if you exercise more and eat better it will help sure but that requires the discipline and energy and luck of social anxiety that IT takes to go to the gym I have no friends either thanks I feel much better now I can see why what am I supposed to say then dude you probably don't want to talk about depression all the time so I want you to know that you can talk to me about it if you want but in the meantime we can just hang out quietly if you like maybe watch your film go for a walk chat about some inconsequential [ __ ] then if they do talk to you about what they're going through just listen supporting someone with depression can then will make you feel utterly helpless but this stuff does make a difference the important thing is just demonstrating that you care totally ducking perfect well done it gets better after two honest decades of trying to fix something both through self-improvement and professional intervention including multiple failed cost of both cognitive and chemical therapy this just makes me feel more alone and a special kind of broken the frequency with which I get this is one of the biggest reasons I don't let my loved ones know about my depression I want to be understood but the kind of fundamental misunderstanding that it shows is alienating enough that I'll just sit on the secret maybe I can hold on long enough for them to either die or wander out of my life or maybe I'll have to find a way to make it look like an accident I suffer from bouts of depression and at least for me it does get better but it took lots of effort in several years it's right now I going through another stretch of being depressed and thankfully I know it can get better having been through the cycle before now I do know other people who never recover it depends on the person I guess just like some people respond to meds and some don't there are lots of variables the hardest thing with depression is that you let your mind find the negative and everything so when you're depressed people actively trying to help you are seen as bad Pierrot they don't understand you they're being glib they're nasty they just don't care nearly every comment being referenced in this thread is from someone who cares and wants to help they're doing it the best way they can I've been suffering from terrible anxiety for the past 18 months that ebbs and flows with my cycle duck hormones I've been working with my therapist and have tools but it's hard I kick depression in my 20s I'm going to kick anxiety in my thirties but if it comes back I have the tools to deal with it the worst things said to a depressed person are things said by themselves but when you realize that you need to change your thinking it's the best thing you can do it's not easy it's ducking hard work but it's one of the kindest things you can do for yourself and give you the tools to work with it drugs help but I personally feel drugs mask the problem which sometimes is exactly what you need so you can fit but personally they just make it worse thank you for saying this whenever my friends aren't really hitting the nail on the head when it comes to trying to help I remind myself that they are trying and that alone is actually really wonderful this this needs to be seen I understand how hard it can be my mother and four of my siblings struggle with severe depression but you have to want to better yourself and actually strive for your own success and that's hard as dark but there are people and resources available to help you overcome I've skipped work because of depression and sometimes a relative says but you should at least try to get up and go to work I'm already trying Jesus any of these I have a list cheer up it's all in your head you have nothing to be depressed about mind over matter you need to stop acting like this look at your kids don't they make you happy maybe if you went out more god loves you why are you sad these are the best years of your life 17 it gets worse from here actually 17 was probably the worst time of my life period from 12 to roughly 20 then it got better and better every year now by the end of my 30s it's getting pretty good or I just don't care anymore either way feels better look on the bright side at least X is ant happening to you whenever I feel sad I just get over it gee I'm so glad that at least I'm not a starving child in Africa it all puts it into perspective now thanks you for belittling my problems easily summed up by this comic literally everything as someone whose Depression has ranged from stay in bed for days to drink myself to death - my guest today is fine over the past few years nothing any friend has had to say has ever improved it talking about your depression to someone who hasn't experienced it is like talking to her an eight-year-old calculus it just frustrates both parties and leaves both of you wondering what you thought this conversation would accomplish what reason you have to be progressed you have everything you need exactly I don't have any reason to be depressed and yet I am that's why it's a mental illness I wish I could keep up voting this though the vocal majority of Reddit isn't very religious at all I'm sure many have heard the term God won't give you more than you can handle there is ZERO truth to that statement there is nothing in the Bible that says anything close to validating that statement in fact the Bible is full of stories of people who get handed far more than they can handle what you are experiencing sucks and the fact that you're surviving it day in and day out is a miracle anyone who has ever uttered that empty phrase without providing a sliver of empathy as an idiot cheer up row holy [ __ ] what an epiphany that was the solution I was looking for how could I not have thought of that come on buddy you'll be fine let's go get wasted and forget all about your problems this is a big one getting drunk makes me feel even [ __ ] here when I'm depressed I'm not sure if this is a common thing with people with depression but alcohol does not help me it's not what they actually say it's when they say nothing at all like I need help and I'm finally reaching out it hurts my pride and I'm sorry to be a burden but I trust you enough to confess that I'm suicidal and I met with silence or worse disbelief I have to take antidepressants hahaha no you don't colon coma give it time duck that part of the reason I feel like [ __ ] is because I'm still doing the same [ __ ] I was doing 3 years ago I don't want more time pretty much any and all advice Ali brush of hyperbole and a half captures it exceptionally well in part two of her writings on depression the hyperbole in da house blog spot.com link that being said I've been on medication and regular therapy which both helped but those were things I had to decide to do on my own honestly almost everything my depressed friend would block out most of what we said no matter its term because he just felt wrapped in a big bubble of muck and couldn't really get that happiness existed or that we were trying to help the best thing according to him is action invite them out even if they don't accept just make sure they're away you exist and you're thinking of them ensuring they know a tiny life line exists can do wonders apparently I got him out of one of his phases through randomly phoning him and shouting about some [ __ ] plan to go see the Milky Way in the middle of a national park the next week he ended up coming along it's not curable but it's just something they have to cope with and you should accommodate for that like any other mental illness you just need to find a hobby because that is so easy when I feel empty struggle to feel any kind of emotion and don't enjoy anything at all and hit only as a beach god has a plan for you okay cool but since I'm pretty duck top as it is let's not go around adding imaginary friends into the mix it gets better I know it gets better but I'm depressed now what can I do to help I don't know I really don't know I just want you to get better yeah same here pretty much anything that isn't I'm here for you if you want or need my help what about dankmemes come on come out with me no thanks come on no thanks it'll be fun not for me no thanks come on I'll pay no thanks respect my decision please if I don't want to come I also don't want to lie and have to make up an excuse I just don't want to go do thing yes I'm likely sitting at home in front of my PC which would be boring to you yes I realize that's not actually solving any of my issues but it's delaying them and giving me something else to think about four minutes I appreciate that you care and it's coming from a good place but it'll take me a week to get over your one night out and I can't handle that right now you'll find someone when when I'm too old for it to matter but you have nothing to be depressed about just push those thoughts out of your head thanks mom I'm cured others have it worse let us check the list shall we had 17 surgeries I'm just fourteen I haven't been to school or talked to my friends for seven months due to surgery I can't walk properly so I get made fun of most if not all my friends have forgotten about me by now stress with homework and being in advanced classes courses well dammit ain't that bad all of that outside I don't have depression anymore and just moved on but no I haven't met anyone who has it worse and I don't want to know anyone who does aren't you worried drugs will change you yeah that's the point I hate me just stop doing something instead of moping around all day I'll pray for you today I learned there is nothing you can say to a depressed person that'll offer comfort thanks for watching subscribe for three videos a day [Music]

Channel: Ask Planet

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Keywords: ask reddit, reddit top posts, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit cringe, reddit, updoot reddit, best reddit posts, funny reddit, reddit story, askreddit funny, reddit funny, askreddit, reddit and chill, tz reddit, reddit watchers, r/askreddit, reddit best, reddit compilation, askreddit top posts, askreddit stories, funny reddit stories, askreddit reading, askreddit scary, funny askreddit, askreddit stupid, askreddit question, reddit on tap

Id: 36bFVSPjm4M

Length: 20min 46sec (1246 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 01 2020