People Who Attempted Suicide, What Did You Do On Your "Last Day"? (r/askreddit)

people who attempted suicide what did you do on your last day I woke up watched Buffy ate pizza called my brother went to work came home and watched the end of the series of Buffy it may sound like a joke but I got up after finishing Buffy the Vampire Slayer and went walking I kept listening to gangster's paradise on my ipod until I reached the Aurora bridge I live in Seattle if you know the bridge you may know that in the last couple of years they have built very high fences around it but when I was there there was just a small handrail I walked to the middle of the bridge and looked down for a while this part of the bridge was over land and not water so I continued to walk until I wasn't above someone's yard I was probably 100 yards before the end of the bridge I stood looking over the railing for ten minutes maybe more a man got off the 16 bus at the stop right before the bridge and walked toward me he stopped beside me and asked if I was okay and I didn't reply for a while he just stood next to me for a while and just kept talking he never stopped talking he talked about the bridge in the bus and his family and about his work and chattered away for a solid ten minutes he asked where I lived and I told him he put his hand on my back and coerced me off the bridge and onto a bus he bust me home and walked me to my front door I never got his name and I haven't seen him since but he saved my life I don't know that I would ever have killed myself but that's the closest I ever came to it a stranger saved me and I really hope he knows that I spent my last day trying to come to peace with my decision it sounds simple it really wasn't I remember waking up at around 9:00 a.m. I had planned the entire day out in advance and I knew exactly what I would do I skipped school didn't go to any of my classes I remember just sitting on the floor of my bedroom just sitting in silence thinking trying to come to terms with the fact that I was planning to kill myself that evening I guess it was ritualistic in a sense the day took on a meditative surreal quality I made myself a light meal made a pot of tea and sat down on the floor with my laptop and began to write my notes I wrote a note to every person who I thought had been influential in my life I remember writing one to my mother my father my brother my teachers my friends all individual letters it took me the entire day some of them were warm and beautiful others were bitter and ket and angry I figured it would be my final chance to tell each and every person what exactly I thought of them I wrote things in those notes I would have never said out loud I told so many of my friends that I loved them despite the fact that I'm known in my social circle as being quite cold I had always loved them I'm just not a very demonstrative kind of person but I wanted them to know beyond a doubt that I did I told my mother I'm sorry I wasted 17 years of her money I told my brother that I thought he should open his eyes and his mind I told my abusive father to go [ __ ] himself that night when everyone was asleep I crept down to my father's gun cabinet at around 3 a.m. I remember it being quiet just really really quiet I was strangely at peace it was almost meditative I stole a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cupboard and downed half of it I knew where my father kept his gun cabinet keys so I had stolen it the night before I opened the cabinet and grabbed a pistol I remember holding that gun to my head for such a long long time I was scared and excited and angry and sad and happy and resigned and scared and scared and scared and terrified I remember holding it to my head then putting it down holding it up putting it down it went on for a very very long time I finally pulled the trigger it didn't fire it wasn't loaded the only thing I remember today six years later is that overwhelming immense sensation of relief similar to what people have been saying about jumping and then regretting it I was so relieved I was in tears and giggling madly it was absurd I went to bed I've never tried it again since I've never told anyone I still have those notes on my hard drive someday I think I'll have the courage to say what I wrote down to the people in real life someday my uncle died about a year ago from a bullet to the head but I know what he did with his last day that counts he said goodbye to his parents and said he was going to the bank in reality he went to all of his favorite local shops he went to have his favorite coffee and cookie at a local bakery then he went to Sears he loved power tools every kind ever he went to look at them one last time then he went to the park and did it I know this isn't attempted but it helps me to share my younger brother texted me early that morning in a really good mood saying what a great date was going to be then he apparently went around giving out his stuff buying people lunch and telling his close friends his bank info etc he wanted to make sure his friends were covered I was at work so I didn't get the I Love You Dragon flicks or texts until after he was in the hospital the sad thing was when I read the text I knew something was wrong edit my boyfriend just told me I made it sound like he didn't make it I just wanted to clarify that he did make it through and now two years later is doing fine he will be turning 20 this year and is on his way to becoming a firefighter smiled I spent the entire day thinking about the worst parts of my life and convincing myself that it was only going to get worse and that I would be better off dead once I was sufficiently depressed I got two bottles of Tylenol PM and lined them up in rows with five pills each one bottle was partly used so in total there were 183 pills I took them five at a time with a little break between each over the course of an hour or two I was watching TV as I did it I think it was Walker Texas Ranger and kongfu the legend continues I was very numb the entire time once I finished the last pill and didn't have the mechanical act of taking them to keep me occupied it really started to sink in that I was actually going to die this time I'd attempted before with much smaller doses highest I'd done before was 15 I thought about trying to make myself throw up but I figured there was no way I could throw up enough to save myself I was already feeling really tired so it was probably too late I thought about calling someone but realized that if people found out what I'd done things would just get even worse for me then they had been before in the end I just decided to accept it I found my cat and gave her a hug and told her I loved her but that I had to go then I locked myself in my room and cried myself to sleep I woke up about a day and a half later weakened groggy as [ __ ] and absolutely covered in crunchy greenish blue vomit my bed my floor my desk my walls halfway up the ceiling I puked up enough of it to live as it turns out in years after that my life did actually get significantly worse than it already was several times over I never tried killing myself again though because I remember that at that final moment I didn't actually want to die life is pretty good now so I'm glad I stuck it out my friend put on his facebook the day before he did it if you had one day to live what would you do the day he did it he went around to all of his close friend and just spent a little time with them like a half hour just hang out and shoot [ __ ] as usual later that night he texted everyone goodbye he drove down to one of our favorite smoke spots and obviously no one knows after that except him but that's where two of my friend found him the next day edit sorry I wasn't blatant but yes he was dead gunshot wound to the head took the gun from his parents sorry but that's a really hard thing to say like I said in another post I think I subconsciously avoid the word it's just hard to say I think I've come to grips with it all but I still avoid saying it for some reason I found myself aimlessly wandering my apartment dot dot dot half washing one dish walking away to go on the computer for a few minutes TV for half a show etc etc dot dot dot I was in a daze the only reason I'm still here is because the cat hopped up on the bed laid down beside me as I had a large chef's knife in my hand and started purring away dot dot dot dot next thing I know the other cat is doing the same thing on the other side of me they hate each other but both were cuddled right up to me this feels really strange talking about it on the Internet to a bunch of people who I don't know dot dot dot dot dot dot but sigh here it goes the day my mom did it she was calling my brothers and I in the morning I usually say bye to her in the morning around 8:00 and get to work by 9:00 I was at work when she called my phone but I was in a meeting when I came back there was no message I looked at my phone and I had about four missed calls from her with no voicemail I've tried calling her back but didn't get an answer so I called my two brothers only one answered and I asked if mum had called he said she didn't she just sounded out of it and was asking how I was doing than if I'm ok I told him I felt kind of weird and I said he felt the same I tried calling her back on my work phone but it kept ringing I tried five more times no answer I tried using my cell phone no answer I tried calling more than 15 times in a row still no answer I became anxious and panicked I told my boss something was wrong I had to leave so I left work and sped 90 miles per hour to get home when I got home I found her unconscious in the living room foaming at the mouth with vomit everywhere I freaked out and called my brothers then called 9-1-1 when they came they asked for her ID so I went in her room trying to find it I found a note to me that said Tara I'm sorry I won't be here for your 21st birthday I love you mom this was over two years ago and she's okay now I believe she wanted to spend her last moments making sure her kids were going to be fine living without her edit thank you so much to everyone for their kind words and support I never expected to have such an amazing healing response to this post thank you especially for taking the time to read and inquire about something from a total stranger I have been trying to respond to every comment message as I feel everyone should be heard and able to get things off their chest thank you for the Gould's I love your hugs and warm wishes I treated it like a normal day I got up went to school came home and went for it I tried to enjoy the last moments I had with friends I wanted to tell somebody but decided not to I didn't want to bring anyone down the day before I wrote letters to those closest to me on my last day I left them on the kitchen counter headed up to the roof and just stared down it was around 9 p.m. so when I glanced down I saw nothing it was pitch black my right foot hovered around the edge right when I was about to leap off I looked up across the street I saw a few people staring at me from their apartment window this little girl though her gaze caught my eye she shook her head then covered her face because of her I didn't go through with it perhaps like many people who commit suicide or try to I had no idea I was going to attempt it until maybe half an hour before the attempt I was in a nightclub drunk and had been rejected by every girl I approached I was desperate to get out of my situation alone single unemployed and living on benefits in a crappy bed suit in the worst part of town I was extremely depressed though I didn't know it at the time I left the nightclub hailed a taxi and asked the driver to take me to a famous local landmark a very very high bridge I intended to jump off but didn't allow for the wily cab driver who guessed my intentions the bridge back then was a popular spot for suicides and its name was almost synonymous with jumpers which probably tipped him off they've since put off barricade and so forth making it almost impossible the cab driver drove me to the bridge then stopped the cab turned off the engine turned around in his seat and asked me if I was going to kill myself I said yes I was and burst into tears he gave me a motivational talk right there and then life was worth living I should stick it out it was easy to think life was a long and unchanging road but in fact it is full of surprises and only H can give you the experience to realize this if you're willing to persevere you will find that life throws all kinds of amazing opportunities your way then he said he'd put a word in with his boss and tried to get me a job driving taxis he told me not to worry about girls rejecting me I was drunk and probably came across as depressed which is never attractive I was a good-looking guy and would meet somebody great someday soon but not if I jumped off the bridge then he drove me home and didn't charge me affair I gave him my number and he called me every day for about a month after that I didn't get a job as a taxi driver because his boss wasn't quite as nice a guy as he was but I did sort myself out and get out of that shitty situation met the girl of my dreams found my niche in the employment side of things and now live in a beautiful house in an amazing part of the world edit just to answer some of the more common questions yes I stayed in touch the cab driver is Indian and returned to his native home a few years back I am still in touch but don't see him anymore though we do speak regularly thanks to the anonymous Gold donating person I'm not sure what to do with reddit gold but I understand the gesture so thank you I'm really thrilled this story had a positive effect on lots of people really thrilled do credit goes completely to my good friend and I'll pass on all your comments World Cup went to my therapist told him for the first time I had ever told anyone that I was severely sexually abused for 14 years he asked me to stop telling him because he only prescribed pills gave me four prescriptions and sent away crying I filled my prescriptions went home drank a handle of vodka and at every pill he gave me Plus every pill in my house I could find pride put on soothing music wit it passed out I'm sorry this is short in detail it is hard to talk about I sincerely hope you aren't asking for ideas of your own attempting was the worst thing I have ever done and it only hurt the people around me who were already trying so hard to help me if you ever need anyone to talk to I've been there and I'll be here I met an artist once who told me his story he'd gone out into the woods with a gun he sacked the leaning against a tree for a long time crying and trying to work up the nerve to shoot himself I guess his emotional turmoil exhausted him because he fell asleep when he awoke a hummingbird was hovering about two inches in front of his nose he sat absolutely still marveling at how beautiful it was for those few moments before the hummingbird flew away he felt blissfully happy he was so glad he hadn't killed himself earlier or he would have missed that feeling he decided that those few moments of joy had made his life worth living for one more day he wondered whether something might happen the next day that might give him a few more happy moments he decided to find out when I met him he'd been living on this principle for over 15 years [Music]

Channel: undefined

Views: 59,754

Rating: 4.9218349 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, funny reddit stories, top posts, reddit stories funny, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit stories 2019, sub, reddit cringe, brainy memes, brainydude, comment awards, updoot, scary stories, creepy stories, scary, r/nosleep, posts, reddit creepy, reddit scary, meme, survived, serious, serious replies only, suicide attempt, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, people of reddit, askreddit stories, subreddit

Id: vRRGfLYUa2A

Length: 16min 58sec (1018 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 06 2019