My family is pressuring me to give my sister my wedding venue because she is pregnant

my family is pressuring me to give my sister my wedding venue because she needs it more and is pregnant part one my fiance and I have been together for eight years and engaged for three I was doing my ph.d program and was juggling planning the wedding my fiance top much of that work but it was perfect because our dream venue was booked till after my graduation so what we did is booked our dream venue three years in advance it is really a beautiful venue the only slot we got was September of this year my sister got engaged a few months ago to her fiance they were planning on having a spring wedding next year they had no venue lined up but had a few vendors lined up as well as a set date yesterday our parents invited us and asked her back quote s to a family bvq where my sister announced to our extended family that she is expecting everyone was so happy for her and my brother-in-law who is a great guy my nan asked my sister if the wedding was still on the set date or if they were going to wait because of the baby she said no that she hoped to move it to September NBD we don't have many out-of-town guests so they could attend to both weddings no problem point nine was happy and asked sister if she needed help planning such a short notice wedding my sister then turns around and said that's what I wanted to talk to you about I was really really hoping we could kind like take your venue I really cannot stress myself too much with planing a wedding while going to maternity classes and I think it is so beautiful it would really mean a lot to me asterisk it went silent but everyone was looking at me expecting me to say yes of course everything for my little sister my brother-in-law looked very uncomfortable and told her that they had talked about this and that it was not okay to put me on the spot but my sister just said don't be like that my sister wants to do what's best for me so it's no big deal right asterisk I just said well it kind of ease I don't know I have my heart really set on the venue q the crying she stormed off nan told me that I was being selfish because she needed the venue more I did I tried to defend myself and my mother said he waited three years would it have K you to wait a few more months when has your sister ever asked you for something a few comments later my fiance got really mad and we left my sister called me crying and said that it wasn't fair that I always get what I want and that I could have done this one thing for her dad said it is just a venue and what matters is the person who you are marrying he is kid of right but we have been planing for so long my fiancee is furious with my family and doesn't even want my sister to come now my family is threatening not to come because I'm being selfish and my sister needs it more than me because having a baby is too stressful part to my brother-in-law called me and apologized for the inconvenience he told me he had discussed it with my sister and she had told him she would not ask he is properly mad with her now and warned me that my sister is blaming me for potentially ruining her marriage my father has sent me about five texts along the lines of I hope you are happy your sister hasn't stopped crying since yesterday and so on and so on my fiance and I have decided to boot my sister from the bridal party and replace her with my arms who is the only family member that took my side we have not decided whether or not we will invite my family as a whole point furthermore my mom took it upon her to tell on us she called feein Kay's parents and told them that it would be best if my sister gets it because she is pregnant and preeclampsia runs in the family whatever that means my future father-in-law told them to duck off and basically rip my mom a new one for expecting something so ridiculous and that they were going to lose me if they keep playing favorites so my mom is now crying too and saying that my father-in-law is an appoint this is just getting so pathetic it seems straight out of a bad soap opera point my in-laws are driving to us currently with some supper and wine and basically told me to not worry and that no matter what happens that they will be my safety net I cried of happiness part three so it hasn't been that long but this post blew the hell are I was expecting only a few answers but the support was overwhelming point what boggled my mind is that this story flooded over to mainstream media point but let's get to the story point so since this went viral a lot happened my sister my sister saw this story while browsing on her adit account she lost her mind she accused me of painting her like a loony and misinterpreting facts info my sister got wind of the situation due to various media outlets and went on reddit she said that I was being unfair that she is family and that she asked it nicely because she loves me she also underlines the fact that the opinion of Internet strangers doesn't count because family is more important and I should focus on making my family happy point the only text I sent back was this I'm sorry that you perceived it that way I did not in any matter distort what happened as you might notice I didn't describe your tone or exaggerated anything perhaps you have at night different in your mind than I do but I digress I'm sick and tired too bending to your will my whole life I have been your servant and your doormat remember all the birthdays I had to share with you because you would throw a tantrum because you didn't get presents or when you cried so that I would fill out job applications for you but the thing that has hurt me most till now is when you ruined my graduation I'm done admit that I also spoiled you that I will not any longer if you want to marry so bad before your baby is born then you can look at Hotel ex that offers last-minute weddings I have spent too much time planing my wedding to gift it to you and if you want to ruin our relationship over this then go ahead I will sleep sound and safe knowing that it wasn't my fault she only sent me a Wow you must love me so very much and blocked me she unblocked me this morning to send me this wedding planner hallo dear I got the message from your mother and will proceed with our booking of the venue on the spot however this will have extra costs as we have to change the names on the contract please come by my office tomorrow so we can sign the new contract slash sister great I'll be there at 9:00 my parents my parents haven't actually written me since the thing with my father-in-law point milder brother yes I have an older brother but he lives in another city and wasn't at the BB Q that's why I didn't mention him plus he initially could not come to the wedding because of work and changed his plans after hearing about all the story contacted me and wanted to know what happened because he got a weird story from mom and dad mom had told him that I had offered previous to the BB Q to give up the venue to my sister and that I humiliated her I told him what really happened and he had no problem believing me we talked a lot about our parents behavior and he confessed that him moving was partly due to our parents being and I quote heads to us he told me that mom had gotten wind from the post and was mad at me for betraying my family point I haven't written my parents what so many of you advised me to because I have to come to terms with the fact that they love my sister more than me if they love me at all the wedding we sat together and put passwords with majority of our vendors and also with the venue directly we didn't talk to our planner yet which is why the text of my sister worries me so much also we canceled the catering that my parents paid for so short-term we won't be able to get a full catering like we wanted to but all our friends in my fin case family will help us prepare a buffet and everyone is going to chip in that will be our bachelor party as we will have to spend more on our food now we cancelled our bachelor parties and will have a family and friends cooking session thank you again for helping me see how toxic my family is I will try to sort it out if they apologize from the bottom of their heart they will be allowed into my wedding but if not then well I still have my brother who will be walking me down to the aisle and my aunt part 4 we called my planner and she was actually really horrified she told me she never had as much as talked to my mother since the day we went to book the venue she assured me that even if they were to cool and say that I wanted it I had to be present to make any changes so we informed everyone we'll work for us on our wedding and they offered to hire security for that day at a reduced price some people asked me for the graduation story I talked about in my last post and as I'm sick and bored out of my mind I will tell you the story this wasn't too long ago so I remember it quite good it was the day I delivered my thesis and presented it a German tradition is that once you complete your PhD you get one of those black graduation caps that have pictures MEMS and little toys that describe be best glued on them so I also got that I absolutely loved one of the things glued on my cap were gummy worms because I would eat them constantly we had booked a little hole in the university to celebrate my Finn K and friends had decorated it provided coffee snacks drinks etcetera also my Finn K had crafted a beautiful cake one of those that have a self-made marshmallow fondant and a color gradient that went from yellow to pink really beautiful cake so eventually after snacking talking and even dancing a bit it was time for the speeches my friends and my boss said how proud they were et Cie and then came my fee on K he talked about all my accomplishments in my life up to this point my sister absolutely lost it I mean she screamed and cried like I had K her cat my mum was giving my boyfriend signs to stop his speech and went running fowards my sister my father was already kneeling beside so calming her down everybody was kind of lost at this point my mum came up to me and asked me to do a little speech mentioning the accomplishments of my sister and all that I asked why my mum told me about her being rejected from her master's program and that that was the reason for her breakdown I suppose I looked annoyed because my mom snapped and said you know what forget it she then told my dad who had managed to calm my sister down to take her home my dad took her by the arm and they started to walk out and Holly hell as my sister noticed the cake she lost it again crying like a maniac and the she smashed my cake everyone went silent my dad dragged my sister out without so much as apologizing my mum just muttered my poor baby then I started crying my friends and fiance went to cheer me up but my mum was texting dad to see if my sister was alright she followed me to the bathroom and reprimanded me for not acting when I saw my sister crying I told her that I was not viable the scene my mom just said that I had to understand my little sister because it was a hard time for her and that she didn't have a fancy graduation like me she then left we tried to keep the celebration but it was not really possible we went home early when I went to look for my cap I found that the gum in one package that was glue to it had been ripped out as I later found out that was my sister's doing because she was craving gummy worms days had passed and we luckily have sorted many things out passwords are set with the vendors security has been hired recipes for the family and friends cookout have been chosen and I will start therapy soon sadly some upsetting things have happened as well my sister of course is brigade against me on Facebook making constant passive-aggressive remarks saying that I made her depressed etc I have received many messages from her friends saying that I'm before treating her that way I won't mention what happened to brother-in-law he wants to tell his story once he is ready I blocked every attempt at online harassment and my sister as well but two days ago my sister's best friends egged my car I called the police and my neighbour whose hobby is to look outside the window and spy on people identified them too she is a grumpy lady but actually very lovely once you get to meet her now to the part that has me fuming after not talking to my parents in several days they called and asked if we could talk things out I was worried but agreed to meeting them with my fiance in our apartment when they arrived you could tell my mom had been crying and I honestly felt bad for 10 whole minutes many of you guys said that they probably played favorites to avoid my sister's meltdowns or that she might have been diagnosed with something in ATS why they baby her well no turns out my sister is like also many of you suspected just in a rage no medical history no diagnosis nothing we started she'd chatting awkwardly then we began talking about the matter my father first asked us why we canceled the caterers to which my fiancee responded that we didn't want to have anything they could hold over our heads insert surprised pick at you face from both of the master risk dad acted offended and said he would never so that to which I said better safe than sorry my mother continued with calling me disrespectful for talking in that manner to them I called the disrespectful for all what they had said a nun over the last few days we got in a heated argument about the venue again to which my father repeated the announced matter where you get married but the person you are marrying nonsense and finally finally I gave him the comeback so many of you guys wanted me to give yes dad exactly but isn't it weird how that only applies to me and not my sister as long as she is marrying brother-in-law it don't matter where it-- it was dead quiet and my father was red like a tomato and gasping for air like a fish on land my mother was quietly crying again and my so I said well I'm waiting for your reasoning my father slapped his hands on the table and went on a rant about family and sacrifices and how loving family should do what's in their power to make each other happy I just responded like how you tried to make me happy on my graduation day you know when sister smashed my cake because she wasn't in the limelight quite again my mother quietly said why do you hate us so much I looked at her and said I could ask you guys the same thing again nothing my parents knew that they had ducked up but they were not ready to admit it my mother tried to guilt-trip me saying that my sister is miserable that she hasn't gone out in days because people judge her so much my father went on a tangent on how my little sister just needs more time and attention because she is the youngest et Cie etc so basically excusing her behavior I told them that I felt hurt because I now saw their blatant favoritism that they didn't even try to conceal the fact that they loved my sister more my mother tried to say that's not true we love you all the same I wasn't having it I opened a list I had written on my phone where I had written every point I could remember about them putting my sister before me it was a very long list some had dates to it some were more specific situations when I was finished my parents were horrified betray the near tears they wanted to start explaining again how I was wrong but I said that this conversation was leading nowhere they either set family counselling up for us and apologized to me or they won't be invited to the wedding they left and haven't called since after I last spoke to my parents they did not let go of their position I was the bad guy I was responsible for my sister's depression and her failing relationship it went so far that I had to block them and change my number as they were contacting me from relatives phones and so on it was a real bummer especially during a time that should be so special I was harassed by my sister and her entourage on Facebook and Instagram so I simply deleted it it was a mentally draining time but my husband's family and friends and my brother helped me get through it I had basically cut off every family member that had given me for keeping my wedding date my nan came to my door a few days before the wedding begging to let her come I had a long talk with nan and she ended up apologizing even though she still failed to see the logic in switching weddings but she did not want to pressure me and wanted to be there for me we hugged it out but our relationship is not back to normal yet the bachelor party was amazing we were cooking until dawn and everything turned out to be delicious my husband made a beautiful three layered cake wedding day the morning was really good and relaxing my bridesmaids and I got ready we drank some Prosecco made pictures my dress fit perfectly and I just looked gorgeous but then came time to leave for the ceremony we were at the venue making before pictures with my friends when I saw the little car of my sister approaching the venue admittedly I wish my pants or well my dress one of my friends run to the venue to get one of the security people that we hired I really didn't want another high smash moment at my wedding she had been angry crying and as soon as she saw me she started screaming obscenities apparently I'm a filthy bee that made her fiance break up with her she was like posed and at that moment I couldn't but feel pity for her a thing to explain is that in the mornings that plants are always watered at the venue by some of these sprinkler systems thus the earth was a bit muddy the next thing happened really fast my sister bent down to take mud and was getting ready to throw it at me and my dress when my maid of honor sprinted towards her and pushed her so that she fell with her butt into the flowers the security officer arrived seconds later and removed her and with that I had enough ammunition to file for a restraining order against her I didn't that quote t even want to file a police report at this point I just wanted her to stay away from me the rest of the day was just amazing I married my best friend the love of my life and just my rock my brother walked me down the altar we all cried at the vows it was just spectacular of course I missed my parents but it is what it is the celebration was very funny my husband had studied a choreography to a Taylor Swift song with his groomsmen and the speeches could have been from a stand-up Club we left for our honeymoon and when we came back I decided to start looking for jobs in a different City I didn't back quote t want to lose my friends but I just felt like I needed a clean break I got a new job at a university in a bigger city and we are currently in the process of moving but maybe the biggest change and also the most cliche change is that I'm pregnant it is a classic honeymoon baby we haven backquote t really told anybody now in fear of something happening so you nice people of Reddit are the first ones to know besides my husband and me I'm so excited that I'm tearing up just writing this this was not something we planned for a few years but we are ecstatic regardless I have only heard through people in town about the rest of my family my sister is still going around telling people that I was the reason brother-in-law broke up with her and that I was trying too dark sir she has moved in with my parents again and refuses to work nan told me that the last time she saw my parents they looked exhausted because my sister was behaving like a baby I guess their parenting is catching up with them I can only say that I'm really happy right now it hurts having lost family but at the end of the day cutting out toxic people is the best I could do I now have a husband and a honeymoon baby on the way my very own family oh and a shiny back bone thank you but did for reassuring me that I indeed was not being selfish that my family was not in the right thank you so much for just writing your comments supporting me I even took up therapy but I have to say I'm really enjoying life [Music]

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 705,478

Rating: 4.9524612 out of 5

Keywords: reddit wedding, askreddit wedding, reddit, reddit girl, reddit pregnant, reddit women, askreddit girl, askreddit pregnant, askreddit women, reddit sister, my parents love my sister more, reddit parents, reddit family, r/askreddit, r/, reddit woman

Id: 6cauSoLmrXs

Length: 20min 39sec (1239 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 16 2020