Family disowned me because I left my boyfriend

[Music] i come from a big family of eight kids of which i am the fifth my eldest sibling is 35 and my youngest sibling is 14. my parents had their first kid when they were 17 and basically didn't stop we were a very close-knit family and my parents were definitely the sort to adopt boyfriends and girlfriends and get very attached my parents were and probably still are very very religious hence the whole 8 kids deal way back in 2008 i was 17 and dating a guy who we can call ben who was the god son of my brother-in-law we had grown up together and started dating when we were around 13 so four or five years because my family had always sort of pushed us together ben was very close to my parents they saw him as a second son and all of that other taylor swift cliche stuff we were super different people and that sort of culminated in me cheating on him with a guy john i vaguely knew through a friend of a friend's older brother at a party this was a serious dick move but i continued to see jon throughout the year when he was back from university and eventually it moved past i'm having s with somebody my parents don't like approve of into i genuinely like this guy and i want to be with him i tried to break up with ben a few times and it didn't go very well but the whole cluster duck eventually culminated on my family walking in on me having s with john on the couch in our basement i don't want to excuse this behavior because it was super wrong and horrible of me and i regret being the girl who cheated on her long-term boyfriend we were the couple who were voted most likely to stay together because we were so close and had been together for so long this was all compounded by the fact that john had a reputation and wasn't the greatest guy in high school which is all my parents knew about him to make a long story short i was kicked out by my parents because of what i'd done to ben none of my siblings wanted anything to do with me which really hurt because we were so close and dependent on one another and my youngest siblings my sister closest to me in age weren't allowed to have anything to do with me my siblings also told most of my relatives exaggerated versions of the story in which i was a w who had slept with half the town and bend was in a very bad place because of what i had done the whole situation should have just been a storm in a tea cup but it ended up becoming a huge family drama and i was eventually kicked out and sent to live with my uncle and his wife in another part of the country since then august 2008 nobody in my immediate family has had anything to do with me or spoken to me my uncle passes on occasional bits of information such as my sisters getting married and my youngest brother sports achievements nothing major that actually lets me know what is going on in their lives i was basically frozen out and cut off from that day forth despite all of this john and i became involved in an ldr and eventually i went to university in the town where he lived we moved in together and we are now engaged and we have a son together who is nearly two all up we have been together in some form for about eight years i recently finished my master's degree and began work in a relatively big company doing pr work i get on really well with all of my co-workers it's just the job that i imagined having when i began studying way back in 2009 but it turns out that one of my co-workers is actually my middle sister's husband this was a big shock to me he knew who i was i had no clue who he was and he went back to my family and told them about me apparently he must like me because my father called my uncle and told him that my sister's husband worked with me i sounded like a lovely and well-matured adult with a beautiful family they would like to meet me as soon as possible and make up for miss time specifically focused on getting to know my son before he's too old for his relationship with his cousins to be normal my uncle told me that apparently they have changed their minds about john and they would also like to get to know him properly this might sound ridiculous but i'm torn between telling them to say no and leaving my job so i don't have to work with scott my sister's husband and have all of my information ferried back to my family and saying yes because i have spent the last eight years missing them all so much and partially regretting the choices that got me where i am today as far as i can tell they want to meet me again to apologize for freezing me out and cutting me out of their lives completely and rebuild the relationship that we had but i have always felt that they chose ben over me and that if any of my siblings wanted to get in touch with me they had eight years to do so and i also worry that there might still be some forms of resentment what do my younger brother and sister think about this whole thing what were they told left over on their behalves i also desperately want to see my family again to be part of my family again and to let my kid grow up with both sides of his family i was fully inducted into john's family from day one and am so grateful to have them but i have this terrible pain in my chest that i have a found family instead of my real one john supports me in whatever choice i make but i'm also really scared of them being horrible to him even though he has supported me since the second my parents told me i had to leave i have discussed this with my friends with my sister-in-law with my aunt and uncle and i still have no idea what to do i would love to be a part of my family again i would love for my son to grow up with more than just two cousins and no grandparents but i am so so scared of what might happen if i say yes edit what i did was abhorrent and very wrong i have always felt guilty about cheating on ben and i accept full responsibility for it however i was 17 years old at the time i was making a lot of poor choices john wasn't a nice kid in high school i think he was also mean to my older brother in some capacity when they were about 13 and my parents got the idea of him from that time period in addition to this he had a reputation for getting around and getting into and he raced cars stopped before i was kicked out after a crash he's two and a half years older than me my sister's husband ben's godfather is 13 years older than her and was her advisor at university so my understanding of it has not been that they disliked the age gap or were concerned about statutory r they also didn't have a problem with premarital s when it was a boy they had approved of i dug out my old diaries to give you an approximate timeline of the events october 2007 i met john at a party we hit it off and i got his number because he was selling a car for about five hundred dollars and i was about to get my full license january 2008 i tried to break up with ben for the first time before we went back for year 12 junior year he laughed it off as a joke despite me explicitly saying i wanted to see other people halfway through january i saw john again at another party and we made out that was all we also began communicating through msn messenger and getting to know one another february 2008 ben and i had a fight that was resolved by one of my sisters we were split up for about two weeks and during this time i slept with john for the first time i saw it as a way of having control over my life outside of this i spent most of my time with my family at church they are catholic at school activities my father chose and with ben march 2008 i tried to break up with ben before he invited me to a family function he went home and got his dad to call my father who then told me i would be attending the function i think it was a wedding with him i ended up going as a supervising student on a school camp so i had to miss the wedding my mom and older sister started to put pressure on me to stay with ben because he makes you happy we know him he's catholic too and so forth april 2008 i tried one last time to break up with ben and he told me he would k himself if i broke up with him because i was the only person he wanted to be with who he could trust i felt a lot of pressure about the whole situation and in my mind i felt that if i kept cheating on him he would feel the need to break up with me and my parents and sisters would stop pressuring me to be in a relationship with him it also felt like a way to express myself s i knew very little about s and what it involved john came back for mid-semester break and we started sleeping together more i would sneak out at night and see him etcetera it also became apparent to my parents that i was rebelling against their rules they knew i was sneaking out and drinking so we had a lot of arguments about that i also began to have problems with my mental health june 2008 i began to realize more and more that i didn't want to be with ben being with him made me feel physically ill and that jon made me happy i liked him a lot and essentially i wanted to be with him instead of ben i told him that on msn he told me that the only world in which he told me that the only world in which that would happen would be one where ben was completely out of the picture july and august 2008 on the 28th of july john was back for his nephew's first birthday and he came to visit my parents walked in on us there was a furious argument and i was sent to stay with my grandmother and grandfather there was a meeting with the church to mediate the situation and i was eventually allowed to return initially i was told that i was forgiven for my transgressions but it became apparent very quickly that i would only be forgiven if i started my relationship with ben again and attended a three-month church thing for sinners i honestly can't remember i said no this led to an argument with my older brother he hit me across the face and i was asked to leave the house my parents didn't speak to me on the way to the airport but i assumed that i would be asked back after things had settled down and the dust had cleared but from then on i was completely cut off i'm sure that my uncle has passed on things about me but i doubt that he said anything major he and my father really don't get on well at all i will be calling my aunt tonight to ask what has happened on that front my wife and i are empty nesters living in a good sized 4 bedroom house our daughters are in their late 20s and moved out years ago we talked about downsizing but never seriously did anything about it early this summer my brother-in-law was fired from his fairly good paying job and was denied unemployment from his employer for some type of unethical actions i don't really know what he did just that he and a couple others did something shady their credit is terrible a bankruptcy in the past and they really never lived within their means they have two boys eight and 13 and two good sized dogs so their little house was very cramped they wanted a larger house but couldn't get a loan and had no money for a down payment somehow they convinced his parents to allow them to build a larger related living style house around the parents small ranch house and he's been building it for the past year or two as time and money allowed now they have a half finished huge house they can't move into and have to put their current small home for sale to finance finishing the construction on the new place to make matters worse their current house is actually owned by his wife's brother who bought the house from them so they would not lose it when they went bankrupt and they have been paying him the mortgage and promised to let him have any profit from the sale my wife asked me back in june if they could move in with us until the house was completed so they could fix up their current tiny house for sale i balked at first since we already have one large dog and didn't like the idea of having three dogs two kids and four adults living in my house for an undetermined amount of time my wife talked me into letting them move in since we have three extra bedrooms and i've we regretted it ever since it started off not too badly but now it's been four months and my brother-in-law is no closer to getting a new job and is only interested in finding another management job even though i'm sure his previous employer is bad-mouthing him he currently does side jobs for another of my wife's brothers who does construction demos siding jobs etc my sister-in-law works part-time as a doctor's office receptionist and makes probably just above minimum wage all her money goes toward food and gas for their cars we don't charge them any kind of rent hoping they can put the money towards finishing the new house construction the hit the fan so to speak when they could not pick up their dog from our backyard so i could mow the lawn i offered to pay my 13 year old nephew 20 a week to mow the lawn but he didn't want to do this because it would interrupt his video game playing when i saw my wife picking up the dog while her sister was getting ready to leave the house i exploded i told her that if she couldn't pick up after the dogs the dogs would have to be sent somewhere else she got upset and replied that she had no place else to send the dogs one of the dogs is black and the house now not only smells like a kennel but there is black dog hair all over the floors that she won't vacuum up unless my wife tells her to my sister-in-law and her husband then decided to take his mother's offer of a loan against her retirement money to help financing finishing the house so she wouldn't have to live with us mean people now four months later they are still here she no longer really talks to me in the house comes home from work and goes straight upstairs to her bedroom to watch television i guess i'm the bad guy her eight-year-old son is left with my wife and i when they come home while his mother is upstairs in her room our family room now has toys scattered all around and has two bins of legos action figures for his amusement his mother doesn't clean up after him doesn't tell him to clean up after himself and leaves the job of putting him to bed at night to her unemployed husband i'm a big fan of hbo original tv series which of course are not fit for kids to watch my nephew also doesn't really have a bedtime either and i have to tell him to leave the family room sometime between 9 and 10 p.m so i can finally get around to watching some adult content before going to bed i honestly don't think they realize what a shitstorm they leave in their path but just expect everybody to help them out she's the baby of the family and my wife said she has always been this way i guess what i'm looking for is some outside perspective how do i get rid of them am i being too hard on them this is affecting my relationship with my wife because she feels like she is the only person in the house taking care of the place while i'm at work any suggestions help well it all finally came to a head about a week after my previous post on a saturday when i wanted to mow our lawn my wife asked my sister-in-law to pick up the dog poop sister-in-law texted my wife back and stated that she picked up about a half a grocery size bag up and told my wife that she could get the rest this reply really upset my wife and i so we decided their dogs had to go my wife phoned my brother-in-law and explained that we had had enough it was getting too hard to have three dogs in the house and to make plans to move the dogs elsewhere we were on our way to meet our daughter and son-in-law at a restaurant about an hour from home they had just announced they were expecting their first child our first grandchild five minutes later my sister-in-law calls my wife back asking what's the problem etc and they get into an argument of what was going wrong it ends with my sister-in-law telling my wife that if that is the way we were going to be she was moving her family out of the house as well she then texted my wife that living in our house she became to believe that she didn't like the way i treated my wife and that she noticed it but that my wife was blind to my treatment of her now this upset me even more i was through with my sister-in-law when we got home from our dinner out the dogs were gone and so were they my wife was upset but we were both relieved they were gone finally some peace and quiet in the house they ended up taking their two dogs to my brother-in-law's parents house where they were constructing their new home now my brother-in-law lives at his parents house with the dogs and the oldest teenage son my sister-in-law at first moved into her parents two-bedroom townhouse with their youngest son and traveled between the two locations so now they have spread their inconvenience to both their elderly parents and their kids just because my sister-in-law was too proud and lazy to pick up after herself and her dogs while in my house my wife asked her why this was better than just keeping the dogs at one of the other houses while keeping her family together at our house and not spread their troubles to two other households but she didn't have an answer now in the meantime they have finally sold their old house and my brother-in-law has finally got a full-time regular job most of their junk is still in our house my wife moved most of it to one bedroom and they are in no hurry to move their things out yet construction on their new place is still going on no idea when it will be completed yet thanksgiving dinner at my mother-in-law's house was very uncomfortable with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law there with their kids and both sets of parents i have nothing to do with my sister-in-law now nor do i want to since she stuck her nose in my relationship with my wife and her comments to my wife about me my wife's parents are trying to stay above it and not pick sides but it's wearing on them my wife and her sister do still talk to each other now but the relationship is now very cool it was tough but at least we have our house back and we are now trying to get it back in shape after our visitors left i'm very happy but i know my wife is still hurt and things are uncomfortable with her family

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 19,954

Rating: 4.8885245 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit money, reddit inheritance, reddit family, reddit stepmother, reddit, r/askreddit, r/girl, r/money, r/family, r/inheritance, askreddit girl, askreddit, askreddit family, askreddit stempother, reddit sister, reddit sil, r/entitledparents, reddit entitled parents

Id: RL4oVxHIxic

Length: 17min 59sec (1079 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 17 2021