Stepmother is furious because I'm celebrating my birthday after she lost her daughter

i'm a 21 female with divorced parents my dad cheated on my mom when i was 10 and left us to marry his coworker kay i'd like to add that it was me who walked in on my father and kay in my parents marital bed in the weeks that followed the incident my pregnant mother ended up miscarrying dad soon moved out and filed for divorce stating that he was in love with kay and that she was pregnant my mother was inconsolable kay soon gave birth to my half-sister s after which she married my dad i remember i always hated going to my dad's place i remember being miserable whenever i was around them i never had a bond with s and never considered her to be my sister anyway i visited dad every other weekend till i was 15 and then moved to another country with my mom where she met p p was an amazing guy who made my mother smile again they ended up getting married and my mom gave birth to my twin brothers when i moved to the new country i cut off contact with dad i was supposed to visit them every christmas but after my brothers were born i felt like i finally had a real family and i chose to spend my holidays with my mom p and little brothers well last year s was diagnosed with advanced leukemia i did feel sorry for her but i was not in any way affected by the news call me heartless but for me it was like some neighborhood kid getting sick i felt guilty about my feelings because i'm very protective towards my brothers and the mere thought of any harm coming to them makes me anxious she finally passed away on the morning of my 21st birthday now for my 21st i had a big party planned i went through with the party and had a great time i was careful about not posting pics on my social media but a friend ended up posting the pics on her facebook she tagged me in the pictures and my dad's family ended up coming across them i was clearly having a great time in the pics with no hint of sadness well kay saw red she made a facebook post bashing me for celebrating my sister's death and being inconsiderate to my devastated father's feelings she also wished death upon me i finally had enough and proceeded to make a lengthy facebook post detailing all the hurtful things they did to hurt me and my mother i stated that my father was dead to me and that i wanted nothing to do with that family anymore lastly i added that although it was sad that s was dead i never considered her my sister and wasn't really affected by her death and that they had no right to come at me for living my life and celebrating my birthday i ended up blocking all of them today my mom told me that i was insensitive and that i shouldn't have made the post disowning my dad and dead half half-sister i feel like i did the right thing i'm happy being 100 no contact and don't feel any guilt for celebrating my birthday or for the post i was tired of their crap am i the idiot i kind of think yes the idiot for making this all public through facebook this weird public shaming culture is awful in my opinion op sucks less than k but we could keep in mind k is grieving so definitely not rational edit for op's comments elsewhere also op very publicly and loudly told a grieving mom how unimportant her daughter's life and death was it's not a good look squaring up to a freshly aggrieved mom i know op feels provoked and i don't even think she is necessarily wrong for feeling as she does about the child but of all the people who deserve some leeway for bad emotional behavior parents of dead children are at the top of the list op you're getting some good validation from this post but you should know it will play very differently for people who have any emotional stake even your mom the person most wronged in the divorce thinks it's wrong i find your glib attitude to it really off-putting [Music] me and my daughter used to be best friends we did everything together she truly was the light of my life but things started to change in her teens moodiness lashing out lies etc i just thought it had to do with her age that she would grow out of it i really tried everything family therapy long talks about how much i loved her none of it worked she would either roll her eyes back or spit more of her venom my husband works really long hours and isn't of much help to be honest my husband is white i am black and my daughter is mixed but she looks white she really takes after her father this is relevant i really don't know what i did wrong but her dislike for me began to become pure hatred she would question all the time how someone like me could be her mother when she was white and i was black at some point she even demanded a dna test i said sure if she paid for it she was not pleased with the results she is 17 now and has begun dating this white boy and she has head over heels for him she refused to let me meet him and told me that having a jobless racial slur for a mother truly ashamed her i am a stay-at-home mom i don't think i have ever experienced such pain long story short i couldn't take her abuse anymore and decided to go back to my family in cuba my daughter couldn't be bothered to even say goodbye to me a few days ago i received a message from my daughter asking for forgiveness lots of how she can't fit is in a really dark place and lots of excuses it may sound cold but i don't want to see her face i don't care about her apologies i thought i had made the right decision but my husband thinks i should really hear her out and forgive her my family has been harassing me to go back to miami and make peace with her especially mother and friends have been reaching out and have even called me a crappy mom for not forgiving her and how i must have done something for her to behave like she did my anxiety has been over the roof i am back on my pills now is this really my fault am i the idiot not the idiot as a mixed person i would never say that to my black parent and would never say that to anyone period she is your daughter so i wouldn't kick her out of your life forever not that you were implying that but remember this and don't forgive her right away i would suggest therapy or time away for yourself also you are not a crappy mom my 33 male fiancees 27 female cousin 28 female is getting married early next year for context her cousin is generally very nice and we've spent time with her in larger and smaller gatherings she is also fairly fit not a health nut by any means but certainly exercises regularly biking hiking climbing etc she does also have a body build type that's just not skinny not that it really matters but important for context two weeks ago my fiance and i were over at fiance's parents house for dinner along with her cousin fiance brought up she was looking for a dress and cousin told her to avoid one store in particular cousin ordered her dress a year ago and when placing the order had ordered it two sizes smaller than her size at the time because she was going to lose the weight prior to the wedding as it turns out when she went back to the store with her mother the week before our dinner not only had she not lost the weight but she had gained some when she couldn't fit the dress she and her mother demanded refunds which the store refused as a result her mother had to pay for two thousand dollars in alterations to make the dress wearable and cousin and her mother left a couple negative online reviews for the store once they left as she's trashing the store and employees i said it's unfortunate but i didn't see how it was the store's responsibility to refund a custom order she then asked if i was calling her fat to which i obviously said you're not fat but i didn't think it was fair to leave negative reviews of the store for something that wasn't their fault cousin then left and my fiance is now mad at me because i made it awkward between her and her cousin am i the a-hole edit to answer some of the questions that came up in the comments in terms of my closeness my fiancee's cousin maybe once every four months and we've taken turns hosting each other for dinners beyond the holiday get-togethers she didn't ask for my opinion and when i spoke up it was during a 10-minute rant my exact words were sorry to hear it cousin that sucks but it was a custom order right i wasn't intending to reference directly or indirectly her weight but that's what she heard apparently my significant other didn't get mad because she agrees with cousins behavior it's that i shouldn't have said anything because it wasn't going to be taking will as a lot of you pointed out i appreciate the feedback consensus seems to be that i should have just kept my mouth shut if she hadn't said she and her mother left negative online reviews of the store i probably wouldn't have said anything but lesson learned for next time not the idiot this woman's inability to lose weight isn't the store's fault or issue to deal with leaving negative reviews for this reason is ridiculous and entitled behavior she then asked if i was calling her fat the fact she said this makes me think that she's really insecure about her weight her weight and fatness has nothing to do with the situation as the store would still deny her a refund whether she was skinny or fat it sounds like she's hurt that her fitness plans didn't work a possibility is that she wants the store to give her a refund to compensate for her own failures i say this as only a possibility because that would be making some massive assumptions so i know it sounds bad but here's my backstory i 33 female got pregnant 10 months ago with my daughter my wife and i were beyond excited after we announced it my sister-in-law started to kind of buddy up to me i thought she was just being supportive but it got weirder as time went on here's a bid on my sister-in-law she's 36 married to my wife's brother she's had lots of miscarriages due to her weight is almost infertile and has been trying to get pregnant since she was 30. husband wants to adopt try ivf but she refuses it started to get strange when she tried to come to all my doctor's appointments we live close to each other and she said i would need the support during my pregnancy i decided because obviously my wife will be coming with me and i didn't need sister-in-law there i shrugged these off as just her trying to get involved and i sympathize with her effort to get pregnant she kept trying to shove herself into my pregnancy though she would show up to my house with names all picked out or talk about how maybe she could help deliver the baby or just try and touch my belly at every family gathering at this point both brother-in-law and my wife stepped in and asked her to stop she burst into tears hurt because she was just being supportive and kind she laid low for a while besides doing the odd small weird thing here and there in my last few weeks before the birth however she became an emotional wreck yelling at us at brother-in-law at my parents and parents-in-law begging us to let her adopt our baby we were fed up and just cut her off until after i gave birth which she luckily didn't try and show up for fast forward a month we're in the hospital after my daughter was having trouble breathing it was a super stressful thing so my in-laws came to be there with us it wasn't until sister-in-law basically told us that if i was her parent i wouldn't let my child get this sick and possibly die and i snapped i told her that it wasn't her gosh dang child no matter how hard she tried to get involved she is not her mother and she never will be so if she wants a child that bad she could find a way to get her own she proceeded to have a full mental breakdown right in the middle of the hospital causing her to pass out all my in-laws and wife are on my side saying she was out of line and i was just stressed but i feel they aren't being totally honest i also feel guilty but haven't apologized for what i said so am i the idiot for yelling at my sister-in-law and causing a mental breakdown not the idiot she sounds mentally unstable and everything she's done is really gut wrenching i'm sorry you have to deal with her at such a special time for you do what you need to do to cut her out of your life until she's gotten help or proves she can control herself my husband joe and i have been married for a few years he has a teenage son jack with his ex-wife kim joe and i have a great relationship with jack who lives with us half of the time and we are civil with kim for a couple of years now jack has been into a sport that i am also into and last year he decided to train in that sport seriously he has been doing very well so as a reward and to encourage him further i decided that for his birthday this month i would buy him an important equipment used in our sport he has always wanted one himself and if things go well it will be with him for the next 10 years so i know he will be very happy with it yesterday kim called me and told me what gift she will be getting jack we do this now to avoid getting him the same gift which has happened before i told her that i got jack the equipment for our sport she was quiet for a while and then asked me if i would get another gift for jack's birthday and just give him the equipment in october kim said that she knows jack will absolutely love my gift so if he gets my gift and her gift at the same time her gift will be upstaged by mine and all of jack's attention will be on my gift she said she has been saving for jack's gift for a while so she would like to see him be happy and thrilled about her gift and that is not likely to happen if jack receives our gifts at the same time i understand where kim is coming from but to me it doesn't seem right to treat giving gifts to jack as a competition for his attention or affections that we have to resort to taking turns why can't we both give him our gifts and make him as happy as he could be on his birthday a day that is supposed to be about him and not about us not the idiot i'll probably be down voted for this but i can actually understand her feeling a bit heartbroken that she scrimped and saved for a gift and now his stepmoms bought him something that sounds fairly expensive and so impressive that it will leave hers in the dust i don't think you need to wait until october and you certainly don't have to get him another gift but just to compromise could you tell your stepson that you'll give it to him the day after his birthday edits jack celebrated his birthday in september i told him that i'm sorry but my gift for him was shipped late and wouldn't be arriving in two weeks that way it didn't look like kim made me do it and the two of them had time to enjoy kim's gift kim thanked me for understanding her situation and said she is grateful that i was gracious about her request even though we don't have the best relationship it was humbling for kim to ask me what she did and it also took a lot for me to let her have it hopefully this is the beginning of a better relationship for the three of us i didn't put a lot of specific details in my post but yes i bought jack a horse my family has a horse farm so a place where you can hide a horse for two weeks is thankfully not a problem jack already met his new partner last week and he is very happy with him [Music] you

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit, reddit sister, reddit sil, reddit mother, reddit disown, reddit mil, r/askreddit, reddit parents, r/entitledparents, r/girl, r/sister, r/sil, r/mother, r/disowned, askreddit, askreddit girl, askreddit sister, askreddit sil, askreddit family, askreddit mother

Id: IiRNRoRRaZU

Length: 17min 24sec (1044 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 25 2021