r/Relationships - MY SISTER IS ACTUALLY MY MOTHER?

g'day there guys wife took the kids and now i'm sad back at it again with another episode of r slash relationship advice now if you guys love today's content please chuck a like on the video sit back relax and chuck a prawn on the barbie for today's bloody amazing content posted by user throw ra lost one titled i 17 male just found out that my sister 35 is actually my mother my sister wasn't around much when i was growing up because she was in college then medical school she'd visit on holidays and to the weekends if she wasn't busy whenever she'd visit she would spend a lot of time with me and she'd take me places buy me things and give me advice when i needed it i always felt like i could tell her anything and she wouldn't judge me for it she never really got along with our parents and i never knew what it was about but they would argue often and there was always a lot of tension around them my parents were very loving and we get along so there's no issues there when she started dating her now husband she spent less time with me and she would come over less often five years ago she got married to the guy i don't like him at all he's like an overgrown frat guy and he's always teasing me or saying dumb crap he can never read the room i've spoken to my sister about it but she says that it's just his way of bonding with people and that he means well and is a nice guy he's been a pain in the ass for five years and just when i was going to give him a chance he screwed it up my sister and her husband came over for dinner two nights ago and were going to sleep over because they lived two hours away he took that as an opportunity to drink as much as he wanted he's already insufferable when sober so drunk him is even worse my sister and i were catching up because it's been a while and i was telling her how i would like to go into the medical field like her jerk husband then comes in saying that it's great that i want to follow in my mom's footsteps my mom has never worked in the medical field so i was confused and thought that he was just being dumb but my sister's face went so pale and my parents were very quiet i just looked at my sister and you could tell that it wasn't just a dumb comment i locked myself in my room and didn't come out until the next day there was a lot of yelling and i just learned something huge so i didn't want to deal with it when i finally decided to leave the room i saw that my sister was sitting right outside the door and that jerk was gone i asked her what the hell was going on and told her not to lie to me or i'll never speak to her again she told me that she got pregnant in her senior year of high school and the guy cuts all contact with her she wanted to keep me and our parents were fully supportive of her she found out that she got into her dream school but she would have to either give up the school or give me up she couldn't choose so she decided to keep both she spoke to our parents about it and the plan was to have them take care of me while she's in school and when she can she will take me back i was supposed to grow up knowing that she is my mom but because she was so busy and stressed out she didn't think that she could handle motherhood our parents noticed that she was pulling away so they adopted me and raised me as theirs she said that she was young and dumb at the time so she agreed with the adoption she said that she thought of dropping out and taking me back so many times but thought i was better off without her as a mom as the years went by she saw less reason to tell me since i was doing good and was being well taken care of she started crying and telling me that she regrets her decision and wants to be my mom even though i'm almost an adult she wants us to start over as mother and son i told her i'd think about it and then she left i went to speak to my parents they told me that they did everything for me because they love me and i'm not obligated to leave now that i know they said that things don't have to change if i don't want them to it seemed more like they didn't want things to change i feel like my whole life is a lie i know that i was well taken care of and i don't want to seem ungrateful but i was lied to my whole life i don't see myself calling my sister mum and living life as if everything is okay my parents are the ones who raised me so how could i just leave them like that on the other hand if i don't decide to go with my sister she might feel like i'm rejecting her or that i hate her and after 17 years she might really give up on me i'm so torn and feel betrayed i can't believe that i found out from that a-hole that makes me even more mad i feel like i have to pick a side and i don't know how to do that i kind of just want to run away and forget about all of this everyone is kind of leaving it up to me and i don't even know what i want for breakfast on a good day how do i approach this without everyone getting hurt anikol says i know you have a lot of advice here and i do not have the same story as yours but it does remind me of my own life my mum had me when she was 15. of course she was just a kid herself and still lived with my grandparents hence i lived with them as well long life story shorts my mom has always been a as much as it pains me to say this because i do love her dearly she just always seemed to make decisions i could never comprehend and still can't to this day ah so frustrating this woman is lol screw up when she was old enough to move on her own she was like 23 i think she did and me and my three-year-old sister stayed with my grandparents now i never called my grandma and grandpa mum and dad they've always been on nana and papa but as i'm older i realize how much they do deserve the titles of mum and dad and they know it mother's day and father's day are always particularly emotional as we have these amazing grandparents who really are the main stable mature parental figures in our lives that we all know deserve these titles but we just will stick with nana and papa they have been there every step of the way not to say my mom hasn't as she has been there for the majority of the big events in my life but not the ones like parents do where they have to drag you to school every soccer practice dentist appointment etc i know my mom is my mum but my grandparents are really parents and i don't know what i would have done without them when my mom was stable enough to finally get us and to take care of us on her own i was 15. i stayed with her until i was about 19 until i realized i wanted to be home and moved back in at my grandparents house while my sister stayed with my mum so yeah now i'm 21 back at home and of course i will always love my mom and she knows that but she also knows it was best for me to be back at home with my grandparents honestly i just say do what your heart desires i can't imagine the pain you felt to know that you were lied to but i know there is so much love in your story and don't worry about who you may hurt in the end do what you think is best for you and i'm sure or at least i hope your family will support you in whatever decision you make just know that your parents love you and wanted to give you a life that they thought would have been better than what your mom could have and this is for y'all says you don't have to pick a side i'm fairly sure your sister will understand that you can't start over you're about to be an adult she watched you grow up beard from the sidelines so she didn't completely miss anything and of course your parents don't want things to change they raised you as their own so they see you as such if you're okay with the way things are your birth mother being your sister and your grandparents being your parents then tell them just that this is going to take time to adjust to and your relationship with your sister is going to be a little different simply because you now know that who she really is to you but that doesn't mean that time won't get you back to where you were or to where you want to be with her take some time as much as you need and think about what you want to change if you want anything to change at all nobody says you have to know right now and nobody in their right mind would expect you to they all love you but do what you think is best for you everyone made their decisions now it's time for you to take your time making yours this is a great comment i second every word of it plus you know who to go to now if you ever need a kidney update i 17 male just found out that my sister 35 is actually my mother first i want to say thank you guys so much i didn't think that i would get this much feedback i started a family group chat and suggested that we should look into family therapy everyone is on board and is willing to do whatever it takes to make this situation work i'm very lucky and i can see my privilege many kids don't get what i got a loving family so maybe i was making this a bigger deal than it was my sister said that she's going to make more of an effort to be in my life i think therapy might be good for us as for douche husband my sister really wants us to get along but i don't see that happening maybe he should come over to therapy a few times but only if he's serious about it she is very mad at him but she wants to work things out with him also it was really interesting reading stories from people who have experienced something similar or know someone who did it's crazy how often and common these things are i guess until you experience something for yourself it can seem unbelievable it was inspiring to read and some of them were heartbreaking and made me realize i shouldn't let my anger make the decisions because life is short my parents aren't getting any younger i wouldn't want my last moments with them being something so negative they still have to earn my trust but i don't see why we can't be on at least okay terms while they do they have been extremely apologetic since but actions speak louder than words so we'll see another issue that rose is the fact that i don't know where the other half of me came from my biological father basically disappeared from my sister's life i don't know if i should even bring it up because no one else has yet that will be another topic of discussion for therapy i guess thank you so much to those of you who were genuinely trying to be helpful and kind i got a lot of support again thank you if you want to know about your biological father ask at this point everything should be on the table best of luck to you knowing family medical history is super important it can't hurt to ask this may be a bit tangential and i'm not asking in bad faith but what do people mean when they talk about family medical history being important my parents grew up in villages in india and they and my grandparents barely have any medical records i am aware of my parents health conditions mum had breast cancer dad had high blood pressure but outside of the initial intake forms at the dentist or doctor's office no one has asked me about it even when i got really sick and was in the hospital they didn't ask me anything about my family medical history i tried to volunteer information and one doctor just basically said thanks but we're gonna run all these tests regardless are there specific medical conditions or issues where the family history becomes super important why is it seen as such a critical piece of info and what do people do if they have family who doesn't really have any of that info anyway like i only know about my parents current conditions because we're really close i have cousins and friends who aren't close with their parents and have no clue at all what their parents health is like i don't think any of them have had major issues because they don't know the family medical history a lot of medical conditions are genetic or have a genetic component so most doctors offices at least in the us will ask you about the conditions your parents grandparents and siblings have or had so that they know what conditions you may be at higher risk for for example i have a few immediate family members with ibd so when i went to a gastroenterologist with stomach issues it was one of the first things they tested for with another patient they may have waited for that test since my symptoms didn't really indicate it but because of my high genetic risk they took it more into account it just helps them narrow things down a bit diagnostically and let them know things to monitor for posted by user throw ra advice 12 titled i 29 female keep finding long hairs in my bathroom which is strange because my husband 32 female is bold and i have a short pixie crop hairstyle typo husband is bald 32 male using a throwaway account because reasons this started a few weeks ago while cleaning the bathroom i found a number of long hair strands over my bathroom wall by the shower this struck me is very odd because not only does my husband not have hair i also wear a very cropped short hairstyle so it's impossible for the strands i found to belong to either me or my husband confused i washed them away but couldn't stop thinking about it i decided not to mention it but kept looking out for them there seems to be a pattern that there's hairs appearing when i'm either at work or out for a longer time period i feel like i'm going crazy and feel like i shouldn't just immediately go to my husband cheating on me with a longer-haired woman i asked my husband about it and he just shrugged which makes me more paranoid as surely this is something that's strange so why is he so blase about it i'm starting to think he's playing it down to stop me from finding out the truth it happened again two days ago and i asked my husband again he dismissed it but this time admitted it's strange but told me the only explanation is that they must be my hairs they are not and after seeing so now he'll just ignore me if i bring it up i don't want to assume my husband is cheating on me and accuse him of such over something so ridiculous but i'm driving myself into the ground trying to work out how the hairs have got there without my husband dismissing it as nothing during lockdown we haven't had any visitors that i know of so can rule out his sister do you do your laundry at a public laundromat or share washes and dryers with anyone or is there anyone you would have been in contact during this time that has long hair while unlikely that may explain finding hairs once or twice but if it's reoccurring especially in the shower i don't think you are unreasonable to be suspicious we don't use a public laundromat on occasion use a dry cleaners but not since lockdown could it be a wig could your husband be into crossdressing i will do a meticulous search of the house for any wigs and possible drag paraphernalia i remember reading something similar on the internet years ago where i then discovered that some long-haired women mark their territory this way when they are having affairs which is weird af but apparently a thing yeah the hair placement is exactly that of during a hair wash so some hair that's pulled out during which is then stuck on the wall i used to do it before my hair cut but i used to wash it away after showering does your husband shave his butt or is it hairy have you thought about that my husband's butt hair is not eight plus inches long that would be kinda weird and slightly disturbing could someone be living in your attic or crawl space or come into your house while you're at work through a window unlocked door etc if in doubt buy a small camera and put it someplace to film the bathroom door during the day and that should give you your answer these are the type of comments that will give me nightmares and johnny 42 56 says start collecting all the hairs until one day you have enough of them to create a persuasive wig out of it once you have the wig wear it and sit in the living room with your back facing the front door when your husband walks through pretend to be the mistress and record his reaction with a hidden camera if he is confused as to who is in his living room he's not cheating if he says what are you doing here you've got a problem hope this helps update i 29 female keep finding long hairs in my bathroom which is strange because my husband is bold and i have a short pixie crop hairstyle i ultimately decided against getting a secret camera set up because ironically enough i didn't want to betray my partner's trust though part of me wanted to get one to squash any worries of someone living in my walls as per some commenters said i did though plan to leave work early which is something i've never done before my boss allowed me to leave after a half day upon returning home nothing seemed to miss i was expecting another car on the drive or parked outside on the street there was no other car i didn't recognize quietly letting myself in i was immediately confused in the hallway there was a pair of shoes i didn't recognize and not only that they looked like men's shoes standing in the hallway trying to work out what to do if i should sneak around or make my presence known and before i could decide my husband walks out of the kitchen with two cups of tea by my husband's face it was obvious he was surprised to see me playing along with naivety i asked my husband how he could have known i was coming home so early to make me tea my husband to lie he surprised me by sitting down and explaining everything at the beginning of lockdown his friend someone i'm not all that close with because i've only met once was evicted lost his job and had been couch surfing so for some days over the past couple of weeks this guy has been traveling to our house and with the acceptance of my husband using our bathroom to freshen up to attend interviews he was also borrowing shirts and suits from my husband as it turns out my husband's friend has long hair and a beard so it turns out my husband isn't cheating on me but was hiding the fact that his long-haired friend was coming over to use our shower after his shower i ended up meeting dave and he turned out to be a very nice bloke just down on his luck i wished him the best for his socially distanced interview and he went on his way i asked my husband why he didn't just tell me as i wouldn't have had a problem with it turns out he was worried about my reaction and me not liking his friend or approving of the situation he also told me dave was very embarrassed about the whole situation and didn't want people to know what he was having to do i told my husband i was starting to believe he was cheating and he was shocked having not even considered those implications while attempting covering for his friend i told him this whole thing was ridiculous and even suggested his friend live with us until he's back on his feet funnily enough my worst case scenario which was mentioned in the replies was either a homeless man or woman living in my walls and sneakily using the shower and though this seems to be half the case i'm glad it wasn't a stranger as such that was unwelcome and someone that wasn't living in my walls thank you everyone that commented and took an interest in this as the person who has been down like that before it is kind of embarrassing if you've lost everything and just want to get back on your feet as discreetly as possible dave might have been couch surfing but if he needed to use their shower and bathroom he was probably in actuality homeless and just wasn't telling opie's husband it's respectable to try and get back up on your feeds and not feel like you're bothering everyone there's probably more to dave's story than opie is stating or even knows about couchsurfing is homelessness when you have friends homelessness is when you have been homeless so long those friends have abandoned you and you are on the streets posted by user throw ra apartment baby titled one of my female 22 best friends female 21 is supposed to move in with me in october she has now gotten pregnant and wants us to raise the baby together so yeah i've rented a room in a great four bedroom apartment for the past year and since my two roommates both are moving out in august i've been offered to rent the whole apartment which is a great opportunity and i've already asked my two best friends if they wanted to sublet the other two rooms and move in with me which they were both very excited to do my two current roommates aren't moved out yet and no lease has been signed either on my part or my two friends parts so it is still in the hypothetical i've been transparent to my friends that it might fall through as my landlord might change his mind and just let me continue to rent the one room and not let anyone else move in as the building is going to be renovated once all renters have moved out my one friend indy has an apartment of her own that she's comfortable in so she isn't depending on this to go through even though my apartment is definitely better located and more spacious my other friend leila still lives at home where she isn't in a rush to move out either so none of my friends would end up with nowhere to stay should this doesn't work out leila is very excited and i've been excited with her talking about how we each have a bit of money saved they could go towards improving the apartment and it's been great to have someone to dream with the past month now things took a turn on wednesday leila found out she's pregnant she got tinder about two months ago and has been having some fun meeting new people and dating which is completely new territory for her and so there are more than one option for a father all of whom she isn't interested in involving she's over the moon for this news and wants to keep the baby and raise it as a single mother i personally think this is a terrible idea she's only 21 she's not in university yet only has a part-time job of 4 hours a week and has a long history of depression and anxiety disorders possibly borderline personality disorder or something like it she's in treatment to find the right diagnosis has never lived out of her parents home or taken care of herself at all it's her decision and not mine though and i will of course be there for her as i've known her for over 15 years and i love her she hasn't told her parents yet because they would flip out and she would like to be moved out before she does tell them she wants to move into the apartment still and raise the baby there with my friend and i we met up friday and she laid out this plan on how she could work until she knew what she wanted to do in terms of university and my friend and i could babysit together arranging it after our classes she said we could each put our savings towards the baby as we essentially would all be parents i am just not okay with this at all i feel like university is stressful and i don't have enough time as it is for my assignments without caring for a kid in my spare time i am 22 and i also like doing 22 things like having friends over for a drink on fridays and sleeping in on sundays having dates over and all that jazz and having an infant in the apartment is just not something i see working out with my lifestyle it's her choice to keep the baby but i don't think it's right to force my friend and i to be co-parents with her i think she has this romantic view of what it's like to care for a small child especially as a single young mother with very little means and even though i love her i am not willing to sacrifice that amount of time and money on her decision to become a parent unexpectedly she is only six weeks long so it's not an immediate problem but i feel like i can't let her move in now andy doesn't know yet but i'm thinking she will have the same feeling as me about the situation leila has told a few of her friends i'm not very close with about her plan as if it's definitely going to happen and they are very excited for her and kinda hyping her up and further painting an idyllic picture of how she is going to raise this kid in my apartment i just have no idea what to do right now i don't know how i'm supposed to tell her that this is not going to work for me and she can't move in here with a baby i didn't directly tell her i think it's insane for her to have a baby right now as this must be a tough and scary time for her and i didn't want to upset her too much i did tell her how i have concerns with how it would work out but she wasn't fazed at all should i tell her parents her mum is a very sweet and kind person who always helped her but her dad is a different story and i don't know how he would react i have considered talking to india about it and maybe figuring out a way for us to tell her together or something but yeah any advice or comments are appreciated thank you live in the fifa dream aren't we all says i'm going to preface this by stating my heated opinion followed by my advice i'm sorry but she sounds obnoxiously selfish and incredibly toxic i understand that she is a very close friend and that you'd want to help her through thick and thin but for her to not only ask you and your other friend to add infant care to your full-time education but to also ask you guys to contribute financially no combination of words can describe that level of insanity when you factor in the details regarding her current school and work status that only further proves her unreliability and potential to seriously screw you financially you sound like you're doing well for yourself with going to school and living independently following through with what she is asking of you is only going to [ __ ] you and destroy your own potential i'm in my twenties and have close friends from childhood that unfortunately made a hell of a lot more mistakes than i did i haven't been in your exact position but i have been in similar ones i can 100 guarantee that your best option is to be completely honest with her and tell her what you need to do in order for her to get a grip on reality not only say how hurtful it is for her to put you in that position but tell her as a super close friend that wants to see her be successful and happy that she simply needs to grow up and face this as an adult offer to be there with her to tell her parents but tell her that they need to know they're obviously going to know sooner or later tell her that instead of moving in with you and your other friend she is much better off with her parents while simultaneously finding a job with more hours so she can save as much as possible if she can't take that reality and goes directly on the defensive then that's up to you to decide if you need that toxicity in your life i genuinely wish the both of you the absolute best unexpected pregnancies are life-changing and difficult to get through and you're going to need all the support you can get but there are right ways and wrong ways to do it what she is proposing so far is the wrong way to do it and she needs to know that update my best friend is moving in with me but has now gotten pregnant and wants us to raise the baby together so this was not a big post at all but one or two people asked for an update if there were any and so here i am again for a quick recap i am possibly going to rent the entire four bedroom apartment that i currently sublet a room in sometime around september october and two of my best friends are moving in my friend leila has gotten pregnant and was planning to move in with me and have the three of us taking care of the baby as physically and financially i took the advice someone gave to talk to my other future roommate indy about it and we both agreed that it was not something we wanted to do at all and we decided to confront her about it together so she could understand it wasn't going to happen we got together at my place on tuesday and had some tea we just sat down and said that basically we were very worried about her and the scenario that she had in her head about us raising the baby together as it's just completely irresponsible and we don't want that at all we decided to not lay out the whole thing about her mental health job situation and all that because we didn't want it to feel like an attack on her but more just us setting some boundaries she got really emotional and told us that she knew what was ridiculous but she was scared and in shock and really didn't know how to react or think straight apparently it wasn't even her idea to begin with but some of her other friends we don't know very well who came up with it and sort of pressured her to feel a certain way because they were extremely excited for her she just said that she has been crying every day since she found out and she's so scared for the future and really just wants everything to go back to normal at that point we just said that we totally understand and we of course will be there for her no matter what she decides to do but we really also felt that it would be a lot for her to be a mum under these circumstances so yeah she decided getting an abortion would be the best thing for her she said her initial reaction was to terminate the pregnancy but she had a lot of guilt associated with that as she had been brought up in a very conservative family i'd rather not hear anything about her morals of that decision as i don't think that would really be helpful to the conversation we told her that we would be with her every step of the way if she needed it and so we both went with her to the doctors on thursday to confirm she was pregnant and to find out the options since she is only six weeks pregnant she could get some pills to take over a 48-hour period and that would make the embryo detach she got the first one at the hospital on friday when we were there with her too and they both stayed over at my place the whole weekend for the rest of it since her parents still don't know and she didn't want to tell them my roommate is conveniently on holiday with some of her friends for the rest of the week so we had the whole place to ourselves and nothing to explain to anyone she took the other pill yesterday and everything seems to be going smoothly she just has a heavy period basically which coincidentally aligned up with both indies and mine tmi sorry so we've all been laying in my bed with heating pads and netflix being a little miserable together but things are going well and the pain has not been too much for just regular painkillers there has been some crying lots of hugs and long walks and talks in the forest and i feel like things are going to be okay they both stand here until my roommates get back so she can go through this in a comfy environment without having to pretend nothing is wrong so yeah it seems like the plan of moving in together is back on as originally planned and everything will be okay layla was offered some counselling at the hospital about getting through an abortion and the feelings about it which she is starting some time next week thank you so so much for the people who gave me advice when i needed it this outcome is better than i could have imagined and i wouldn't have thought of doing it this way if it wasn't for you guys so thank you edits this got a lot more attention than i thought it would given that my original post had seven upvotes and nine comments so a bit of an overwhelming read this morning but thank you to everyone for commenting i've read them all and i'm very moved by the overwhelming positivity it feels really nice to know that you guys think we made the right call and going about it this way and it means a lot to me that you think we are good friends i figured i'd just respond to some of the main comments questions that i've received a lot so it's all just here at the top so first off about getting an sti test she already had that as part of the initial examination and she was all clear thank god second about getting birth control then she was apparently using condoms which i didn't know when i made the original post so correction there birth control pills are not an option as they don't react well with a particular type of medication she is already on about her other friends the ones who came up with the idea of us raising the baby together a lot of people commented of how crappy friends they are and i agree which is why they aren't my friends layla still likes them but she wants some distance they have all grown up in the same church environment so i think she excuses their behavior because of that they don't see abortion as an option so i think they were just trying to comfort her and look for a solution though out of touch with reality a lot of people suggested to tell them she had a miscarriage but we decided that telling them it was just a false pregnancy would be better because knowing them i would be worried that they might throw a memorial party or something of the sort for her and i just don't think that would be helpful at all we've written a draft for the group text she has with them but i think she will wait a bit to send it out indy and i are just staying silent on the matter i don't feel like it's my story to tell or not tell and i wouldn't be comfortable lying about it so as far as we're concerned she just had a false positive pregnancy test and that's all we know someone brought up about health insurance and if it would be possible that our parents could find out that way but we live in a country with a free health care system so that was thankfully not a concern and lastly someone brought up that she shouldn't move in because she sounds unreliable and irresponsible i definitely agree that she was out of touch with reality for a while there but seeing how difficult of a time this has been for her i really don't blame her at all i would probably have done something equally crazy if i was in that position i have probably also made her sound a bit worse than she is because i was pretty annoyed with her when i wrote the first post she is normally very responsible and reliable and i trust her completely with moving in as i wouldn't have asked her in the first place if i didn't think she could find a job and pay rent just i did not think she would be able to do that with a child too on just a final note i didn't really want to have the morals of the decision to terminate the pregnancy discussed but i guess that's inevitable i'm surprised by the number of people being supportive and finding comfort in the way we went about it and talking about their own experiences that makes me happy to see to the people who disagree that i'm not going to have that discussion it's not my choice to make or to decide between right and wrong and if you want to judge me or my friends for making the choices we thought to be right then you can just go ahead and do that to everyone wishing us the best i wish you the best right back and i'll make sure to give her hugs from all of you and yeah personally i'm really glad that this had such a positive outcome it's not always that we do get positive updates and endings on these but i'm glad that it's all been really good today and you know we all have to make tough decisions in our lives and this wasn't a really easy decision at all it was looking really grim there in that initial post but i'm glad everyone's doing better now and i hope that they all lead good lives as a result of this

Channel: Markee

Views: 18,549

Rating: 4.9025426 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationshipadvice, relationship, advice, relationshipadvice, r/relationship, reddit, Markee, Markee relationship, r/justnoMIL, r/amitheasshole

Id: yvwv3R3DOUM

Length: 36min 23sec (2183 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 23 2020