r/AmiTheA**Hole For Refusing To Help Out WIth Housework? IT'S HER JOB!

g'day there guys not actually fighting in users deadpan humor is a crutch here back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love this content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the bat but chuck a brawn on the barbie and enjoy the video posted by user bubblegum fun79 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to help with housework because it's my wife's job before you give your knee-jerk a-hole hear me out for context my wife 25 female and i 27 male have been married for three years we have a two-year-old daughter and live in a two-bedroom apartment which isn't very big outside of this argument we have a solid relationship and i love her very much ever since our daughter was born my wife has decided to be a stay-at-home mom until she starts kindergarten while surviving without a paycheck is very difficult considering the area we live in she was adamant that this would be the best for our daughter as she had read development books saying the children should spend their fundamental developmental years with their mothers as a result of this i'm the sole breadwinner and i work two jobs to support us one of which is a manual labour job when i come home from work i'm exhausted and i just want there to be dinner on the table and for the house to be clean this has been our arrangement since our daughter has been born and while we share child care she is responsible for all other household duties lately my wife has admitted that she is resentful of the fact that i don't help out more at home while i'm constantly stressed and tired from work she expects me to share the household responsibilities as well such as cooking a few times a week washing the dishes when she cooks doing the grocery shopping with a list babysitting for full evenings while she goes out with friends and so on i myself don't have the pleasure of going out drinking with friends either and her requests seem unfair she has all day to do these things and they are her job i told her how i felt about it and now she's given me the cold shoulder complaining about it how it's because i have a toxic masculinity view of household duties this isn't true if the roles were reversed and she was the one constantly working i wouldn't dream of asking her to help with running the household on top of that am i the a-hole or is she being the unreasonable one i seriously don't see what i've done wrong here i get a feeling we see this situation come up a lot in this subreddits and usually the answer is dependent on your family dynamic because you know your partner better than we do but i'd say if it's been going well for two years and she's just now making a point of it out of everything i feel like it is kind of unfair and unreasonable to suddenly be piling this on you so if that is the truth i do think she's being the unreasonable one you're not being an a-hole per se but i think there is wiggle room for taking some responsibilities over and that's not to say she doesn't drop her responsibilities we just figure out a solution together but if the case is we keep them as they were going for the last two years until she does get to kindergarten that's perfectly reasonable and i think she should be accepting of that not the a-hole you have to work two jobs so she can be a stay-at-home mother part of being a stay-at-home mother is doing the household chores if she doesn't like the division of the housework she can go back to work and you can go down to working one job and then you can talk about sharing housework thank you the rest of the people commenting like to leave out that little bit of detail that opie's wife wanted to be at stay-at-home mum right it's insane he has to work two jobs so she can stay home if she goes back to work when the kids in kindergarten and he can hopefully quit one job then he can do his fair share of housework but until then it's only fair that it's on her it's crazy i mean let's use the facts to base our judgment on people on here are quick to call him the a-hole acting like he forced her to be a stay-at-home mom and like working two jobs is easy furthermore i haven't seen one comment calling opie's wife an a-hole for saying this toxic masculinity is the reason he doesn't want to help out i wish the comments weren't so gender motivated reverse the roles we would be seeing a ton of red flag comments for a male saying his wife's toxic femininity is the reason she doesn't want to help around the house after working 80 hours a week honestly the moment i read that she called his behavior toxic masculinity i kind of saw a big red flag there mostly because she'd chosen this path and knew he'd have to work double so that she could do it he's being hella supportive all things considered if he loses even one of those jobs she'll get the help she wants around the house but at the expense of a comfortable living she has toxic femininity no problem expecting her husband to work himself to death for her dream not the a-hole for the housework stuff since that's your arrangement but watching your child is not babysitting it is parenting and you should figure out a frequency for you both to get some kid-free friend time for your mental health as well as a date night every so often presuming it's safe to go out with friends where you live that point is he is working two jobs probably 10 to 16 hour days and isn't allowed to go out with his own friends but his wife wants him to take sole responsibility so she can go out with drinks with the girls honestly sounds like the wife is treating this like babysitting i'm not saying she does not deserve a break but if she isn't doing chores or cooking what is she really taking a break from unless the little one has something wrong and is screaming 20 hours out of the day some babies do that but i feel like opie would have mentioned that if that was the case and she's taking care of their child that whole time the question for our peers how much free time they both have over the course of a day and a week not how many hours he is at work she's working too i did the stay at home thing and there is down time if you know how to look for it like cleaning the kitchen i had my girl strapped to me or sitting in her walker talking with her showing what i was doing teaching them life lessons there is nap time for you to call a friend or work on a hobby you don't need to be attached with your child 24 7. more importantly kids need to learn how to play independently my five-year-old is really bad at that and there's nobody to blame except for myself posted by user lost recommendation for titled am i the a-hole for not forgiving my 27 fiance 28 for missing the birth of our daughter my husband's girl best friends will call her madison has never liked me for reasons i guess i will never know anyways my fiance will call him michael and i were having a hangout with a little bit of the friends that we shared it was nearing the end of the night and madison was the only friend left when madison came out crying with michael looking angry i was around nine months pregnant at the time the thing that really caught my attention is when michael called me a raging bee and a c myself being a hormonal pregnant woman started crying at the name calling i asked through my tears what was going on and then he proceeds to tell me about a text message i sent to madison in the message i told her to eff off and about how michael and i would not allow her near our childs i will admit that i did send this but it was taken completely out of context i only sent this text after the many racist text messages that she sent me talking about my child and i i am biracial instead of hearing me out michael kicked me out of the house that we shared his name was on the lease without arguing i decided to leave not wanting to start anything else as i was walking under the door i felt a cramp in my lower abdomen i thought nothing of this because i was not due for another three weeks when i flinched from the pain michael told me to stop faking on the way to my mum's house i felt a gush of water and immediately turned the car around so that i would make it to the hospital while driving i took my phone out to call michael but my call was quickly denied at this point i was in too much pain to call anyone else and arrived at the hospital i pushed for two hours without an epidural and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named grace noel giving birth without my fiance by my side was the final straw for me i decided to do something and post all the hurtful messages madison sent me on facebook maybe 45 minutes to one hour later michael calls me asking me if we could talk i inform him about my whereabouts and he shows up about 42 minutes later he has tried to apologize multiple times but i don't think i can forgive him i went through the pain of pushing out an eight-ounce baby by myself all because he chose to believe his best friend without listening to his fiancee am i the a-hole for not wanting to forgive him i'm just going to go ahead and say that there's a lot of backstory missing from this one but i think we can get a rough picture of what's going on here it really doesn't look like a good situation i'll just say that in the heat of the moment right now no i don't blame you you are not the a-hole for not wanting to forgive him this sounds like a very loaded situation you don't need to forgive him for this you're okay to be very angry with him he's a complete a-hole for doing what he did and i hope that you can make things work but it's not looking hopeful he not only missed the birth of your daughter he called you grossly misogynistic names believed his toxic friend and wouldn't even listen to you kicked you out of the house nine months pregnant and when you showed signs of pain from going into labor as you packed to go accused you of faking the fact that he didn't ask for an explanation of why you told medicine to frick off speaks volumes he wouldn't take your calls as you rushed to the hospital and you had to post his toxic friends nasty messages on social media for him to realize what a jerk he was and talk to you you should have refused the call there were lots of things he's done that would warrant your decision not to forgive him not just making you go through labor alone not the a-hole this is exactly it he jumped straight into toxic and abusive behavior without even talking to you first he has zero respect for you and that is not something that will change you can't have a relationship or partnership with someone like this frankly i think he's going to be a nightmare to deal with for co-parenting best of luck and congrats on beautiful grace noel opie acknowledges pretty readily in the comments that this isn't the first time he's mistreated her and uses the word abusive so thankfully no one really has to convince her to change her perspective which is ostensibly what this sub is for i think she came here for permission from someone anyone to leave him and i think that's usually what people actually end up using this kind of place for i'm not sure whether madison is really all that relevant to this story honestly but i get it leaving a relationship during and immediately after birthing that person's child sounds like an incredibly scary thing to do and if you're financially precarious or chronically doubt yourself as people in abusive relationships generally do it makes sense that you'd talk yourself out of it but you made it this far that means you know your reasons and they're probably very good ones and i'm guessing the one incident you describe here probably doesn't even begin to cover them even though this one had serious consequences you don't need anyone's permission protect your family get the child support you were owed and enjoy your baby posted by user lg acer tv titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister i didn't care about her miscarriage my younger sister found out that she was pregnant around two weeks ago and recently miscarried on sunday i totally feel bad for her but if i can be totally honest i don't think i quite care maybe it's because i'm not a mutual party but i just don't feel any different and unaffected by all of it even when she told us i didn't have much of a response my sisters and mom are devastated though non-stop crying and the whole house has a damper mood which is understandable last night my sister and i were watching a movie and she asked about how i was feeling about the whole thing and i told her i feel for her and that she'll get through it but then she realized that i was avoiding the subject and mentioned how i'd been quiet about the whole thing so she was just making sure i was still coping i said i was fine but she just stared at me and waved her hand asking me to go deeper i repeated that i do feel sorry for her but i don't really care that much about it probably because i'm not involved she was a bit taken aback and said that was an a-hole thing to say but that she kind of understands but then my mother came and was mortified she started shouting at me about it which caught my attention of my other sisters and things just blew up maybe it is insensitive but she asked and i wasn't going to act as if i'm devastated am i the a-hole yes it's kind of a traumatic thing to go through a miscarriage i think not having any empathy for her kind of does suck on your ends at least pretend to care you know it hurts when you're just told by someone you do care about that they don't care it's what people do it's what we all do we all know deep down someone's hurting and we do have to care for them even if we don't feel it you know you're an a-hole for not at least trying slightly you're the a-hole but i don't really care that much about it i understand where you're coming from with this but this is just terrible phrasing my thoughts exactly opie isn't wrong for their feelings not everybody mourns such a thing besides feeling sympathy and sadness for their loved one's pain but this was a really insensitive thing to say opie understood that and didn't say anything until the sister wouldn't let opie get away with not saying anything though then was just honest then they should have said something like i'm really okay thank you for asking i'll come to you if i feel that i need help processing there are better ways to handle someone's miscarriage even if it was very early yes and we are also all humans who can't be expected to have the exact correct response in the moment to a situation that an internet stranger could come up with while reading about the situation from a third-hand perspective op is absolutely not the a-hole for being honest while being pressed in the moment nor do i believe the sister is the mother on the other hand yes she is her grieving sister assumed she was hurting too and tried to connect with her even if that weren't true and she'd been literally interrogating opie with a glaring ceiling light the words i don't really care very much should never have escaped her lips you should never say something like that to a stranger who lost a child this is her sister whom she's apparently supposed to care about what is wrong with you all you're the a-hole there is a spectrum of miscarriages but almost all of them can be incredibly traumatic for people she was looking for support of some kind and even though it wouldn't have been true sometimes you do need to lie in order to support people who are grieving a loss you could have said something like i'm okay because it wasn't my child but i still feel awful for you and what you've had to go through saying you don't care is incredibly insensitive even if it is true but also your mum sucks here for escalating when it sounds like your sister was keeping a level head they said they felt sorry for her but because they weren't really involved they weren't affected that's what you were saying they said no the phrasing matters a lot i don't care is an overly harsh way to talk about a miscarriage that happened the day before and a lot of people after these responses are also saying not the a-hole i accept those ones too everyone's different everyone can is allowed to feel the way they feel about these things posted by user oval doves titled am i the a-hole for rescinding an offer to pay for my nephew's college my brother and sister-in-law have always struggled financially and i never really have my brother and i had all the same opportunities he just had an injury that made it much harder for him to work and put him into a lot of medical debts i've always been able to work never had serious debt and don't have any kids or plan on any i did pretty well for myself and had more than enough save to put the kids through college so when their kid was very young and they were really stressing out over saving for college i told them not to worry i would put their son through undergrad or trade school or whatever he ended up doing that was 12 years ago give or take he's now a senior in high school and looking at colleges this year i also got wiped out by the pandemic i'm unemployed and i don't know when or even if i'll get a job in my industry again the same as it was i'm downsizing in all areas of my life i'm not broke or starving or anything but i'm being way more conservative so i can keep paying my bills until i get a new job part of this included having the difficult conversation with my brother and sister-in-law that i can no longer help with their son's college in the way i initially had hoped that if i'm employed by the time he needs the first check then i can help with a portion but if i'm still unemployed i can't help it all and in any case i can no longer pay for all of it so he should probably apply for some scholarships or other means of funding they were ticked that doesn't even really capture it enraged is more like it they think i should be in much more dire straits before i revoke my offer eg selling my house and moving somewhere smaller working outside of my industry in a temp job etc i do still live much more materially higher class of life than they do so i feel like a colossal a-hole that i'm not helping their son in the way that i had planned on the other hand i couldn't have foreseen these circumstances in a million years this isn't a regular recession the world as we know it changed but none of this is my nephew's fault he thought he had this security all this time and right when he needs it it's gone i'm devastated but am i an a-hole i'd say yes it's like the episode is scott's tots from the office you just promise and promise and promise all this time and then at the last second you rescind and say you know what don't have the money i'm really sorry i can't do this anymore but i can pay for your laptop batteries that's cool right yeah i can afford that nah you're an a-hole to do that for sure and although you're not obliged to do it you know it's fair that the family hates you right now for going back on it a gentle you're the a-hall i think that when you told them not to worry and that you would cover his schooling you should have been putting money into an account for that purpose not just banking on you being in the same financial position down the road your promise led to them trusting in you and they didn't try to save because they felt secure you were going back on your word and your nephew is the one who is suffering i understand that financial troubles are tough and i sympathize with you on this but the money should have already been set aside by now he says it was earmarked in my savings and now i'm dipping into it to get through i'm really ashamed of it and i looked at it a hundred different ways and had a financial advisor do the same but i couldn't guarantee i'd make it through the stretch i will likely remain unemployed without it without defaulting on other payments i completely see your point and agree i just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't as though it was future money i didn't ever at one time have or anything you should have had it in an actual college fund not in your own savings in hindsight definitely at the time i just thought alright that money is for his college now noted i won't spend that i definitely should have looked closer into the proper channels but if you had done that you couldn't have touched it and presumably you'd still be able to afford life just not the lifestyle you're used to they probably would have been able to save a couple thousand at least if they had cut back but you gave them permission not to it's too late to rescind that offer in my honest opinion everyone is struggling right now but you should have considered your word your bond and that money off limits i would still be able to afford life as in survival but my top expenses now are my house car taxes insurance so while i do have very nice versions of all those things i don't want to do something drastic like sell the house that i'm still paying off in a buyer's market driving a less safe car taxes are what they are no wiggle room there or cut back my insurance and risk really permanently financially fudging myself over if something were to occur for which i was suddenly uninsured it's a different lifestyle than my brother's family but not and especially luxurious lying back eating grapes off the vine one either sure i used to have a big line of items for travel and attending sport games and helping family but i cut all that out entirely the minute i lost my job so even with that money back i'm in a tight spot with the unemployment anyways all this rambling is just to say it's unfortunately not as simple as a few lifestyle tweaks made those earlier on and it still didn't cover it posted by user 101 below titled am i the a-hole for refusing to wash my girlfriend's period underwear for her 23 male just started dating this girl female 21 for maybe two months now and she came over to hang yesterday her cycles are irregular due to her birth control and her periods can range from a month to several months accidents happen and she bled right through her underwear through her jeans i gave her a spare of my boxes and some sweatpants that she could wear home she asked if i would just throw her underwear in the wash with all my other clothes and she would come get them tomorrow when i see her again i refused we got into a big argument on why i should wash them for her i wasn't going to have blood-soaked underwear mixed in with my clothes it was gross and disgusting and she could take it for herself eventually she just got mad and threw it in the trash opie you'd think after all this time that washing machines accounted for these kind of things right i can understand if you don't like blood and i can understand that you think it's gross that doesn't make you any less of a [ __ ] in this situation there's such a thing as running it under some water first get rid of most of the blood and then chuck it in the washing machine that's a compromise we can come up with like you're a straight up [ __ ] for just straight up attacking her saying you think it's disgusting periods are natural you know what if you had a period would you feel good if she started attacking you i really do think people just need more empathy in these situations and more you know understanding of what they can do to help especially when it's their girlfriend what's wrong with you you're the a-hole you're the a-hole they're being cleaned the blood is dry you don't think if eventually you live together your clothes would be washed together if you cut yourself would you separate those clothes from the rest of the laundry if you want to be with a woman you're going to have to deal with a woman if periods gross you out be with a man then there will be no periods and i guarantee you he has no issue with throwing his skid-marked underwear in the wash with the rest of his clothes grow up opie you're the a-hole dude as a man allow me to say woman up it's just blood it will come out in the wash i have an excellent old washing machine and use good laundry soap no blood stains on any color washed at any temperature i'll probably get downvoted for this but i dislike seeing my significant other stained period underwear for i usually find it in the most unsuspecting of places that being said i still pick it up and throw it in a special bucket with oxiclean to help get the stains out without making her feel like crap over something natural ropey just needs to grow up a little so he gets a small pass from me but you're the a-hole my man dude i don't even like seeing my own period stained underwear so i don't think there's anything wrong with that at least you're not refusing to wash your girlfriend's clothing like opie lol no down vote from me because you're going above and beyond no one likes it it's about being an a-hole or not posted by user seven hills you titled am i the a-hole for choosing my ex sister-in-law over my brother so my brother is from my mother's first marriage and is 10 years older than me i am 25 right now and getting married pretty soon obviously it's a small thing my brother who is 36 had been married with his ex-wife for about 13 years they don't have kids because they were child free i am very close to his ex-wife let's call her rose how could i not she's been in my life since i was 10. but like three months ago everything came crashing down apparently my brother had gotten another woman pregnant and rose found out he left her for his mistress who was almost ready to give birth i am extremely disgusted with my brother for one cheating is disgusting and second i legitimately love rose as family and seeing her hurt is unbearable my brother has brought his new girlfriend around since restrictions have been lifted i don't know i don't seem to be able to get warm towards her especially because she knew of rose's existence this weekend i came to the decision that i don't want my brother at my wedding rose had told me it would hurt too much to come but that she would make it up for me i don't want to see my brother there i don't want to get to know his girlfriend my fiance is on board with that decision but my family however disagrees they say that this situation has nothing to do with me and while i can say no plus one for my brother i can't prohibit my brother to come to his only sister's wedding my brother is apparently very hurt and has called me crying but i don't know i don't want to am i the a-hole i'm sorry did this family make the rules for weddings they can't decide who does and doesn't go to your own wedding what's wrong with them they're going to stick far up their ass that's tickling their brain no you're not the a-hole don't invite him he cheated that's on him he made his bed he's gonna lie in it you invite whoever you want to your wedding you're not the a-hole for doing what you did here and i feel so bad for rose i wish her all the best she didn't deserve to be treated like that and you're not an a-hole for cutting him out like that more power to you opie not the a-hole cheating is absolutely disgusting it's your wedding your fiance supports you you can invite and uninvite anyone that you want their marriage may not have been perfect but that's no excuse for cheating i'm sorry you're torn but ultimately it's your decision well put even apart from opi's relationship with rose a guy who's fresh off treating his wedding vows that way is not bringing the kind of energy people want around them while making their own i didn't even think of that you're right he just trampled all over his wedding valves why would opie want him there opie should tell everyone she's superstitious and it's considered bad luck to have someone who turned their back on their wedding vows at her wedding i'm sure it's a legit superstition for someone out there i don't get why people think you should have to invite cheaters to a wedding if they can't respect their own marriage how can i expect them to treat other relationships with respect especially at events where lots of people get decently drunk and buzzed and sometimes questionable decisions happen cheaters are the last people i'd want around on my special day all right and i think that's where we're going to leave today's episode guys i really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as i loved making it i would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe like the video who knows i'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know i don't know what i'd do i'd probably be homeless on the streets of ireland crying irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but now for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down in the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content with that said guys i hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to i hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and i will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 22,990

Rating: 4.8865004 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: WrCBfL37WKQ

Length: 30min 55sec (1855 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 23 2020