r/AmiTheA**Hole For RUINING Games Night With My Troubled Past?

g'day there guys i want to say that you look damn fine today and i hope your day is looking even damn finer back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love me like i love you i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie a like on the video and enjoy today's bloody good content posted by user son of a peach titled am i the a-hole for ruining game nights by telling the truth a few nights ago i hosted a game night for a small group of friends we had all been quarantining and following the proper guidelines in my country it was only going to be five of us including me but one of my friends texted me last minute that she was going to bring a co-worker from work matt which is a fake name which is fine with me we started by playing a card game where you answer questions about yourself based on the level levels one two three the question could be extremely surface level like what's your favorite color to something deeper for example what characteristic of yourself do you not like about yourself everyone was enjoying themselves and i was happy with the way things were going q a question that i drew what's the hardest thing you've ever had to go through now for some backstory my sister passed away a few years ago when i was still in high school i was pulled out of class and flew immediately to her college and watched her die in the icu needless to say this is probably the hardest thing i've ever been through three of my friends in the group knew about this the other two and matt did not i didn't want to bring the mood down so i answered that the hardest thing i'd been through was transitioning to a college in a different state where i knew no one we were all ready to move on but matt immediately piped up and said wow if that's the hardest thing you've ever been through you live an extremely privileged life everyone got quiet now if he had said it jokingly i probably would have let it go and moved on however the way he said it was in a very condescending and patronizing tone and i will admit it rubbed me the wrong way instead of letting it go i said well the hardest thing i've ever been through is seeing my sister die in the icu and having to watch her being lowered into her grave when i was 17. i just didn't want to bring the mood down if things were quiet before they were dead silent now matt mumbled an apology but game night ended shortly after after my friends all left my friend who had brought matt texted me and told me i was a jerk for making matt look bad and i could have just let his statement go i do feel bad about what i said and being the cause of game night ending so soon but i also feel like i was just making a justified statement am i the a-hole no matt piped up matt wasn't saying it in a joking way matt was making you look bad you gave him your actual answer and you knew that would bring the mood down and you knew that he didn't know but that's no excuse for him to have started that in the first place it's games nights it's aha we're having fun not oh my god you're so lucky and privileged that you didn't have anything to go through in your life shut up matt you only have yourself to blame for this not the a-hole matt made matt look bad this there seems to be a trend today of social circles and families wanting to protect the peace by having someone else acquiesce to the actual a-hole in the situation matt should have minded his tongue but chose to be a jerk instead he got what was coming that's not a today trend lol that's been a trend since civilization not to mention he was not initially part of this but opie was nice enough to welcome him into it probably knowing very little about him what matt did was unnecessary and unjustifiable yep invited a stranger and he turns around in dax condescending plus people like matt make these kinds of games so unfun because you feel like your answers are never good enough not the a-hole matt was being a jerk and deserved to be heartily embarrassed for it maybe he'll think before he opens his mouth a bit more in the future it doesn't take a genius to realize not everyone is going to feel comfortable answering that question honestly and i'm so sorry for your loss mostly think he was just not thinking before talking but being a matt myself you were not the a-hole and i'd be very surprised if matt thought so and wasn't embarrassed and sorry for his comments i too am a representative from the council of mats why weren't you at the last meeting brother also not the a-hole and matt is a dick posted by user whole butterscotch1 titled am i the a-hole for pushing a girl off my lap and making her cry i 19 male just started dating a girl i really really like a couple of months ago i was hanging out with my friend who i will call joe who was also 19 and has a crush on this girl sarah 18 female anyway we were all hanging out and there were no more seats in the car so i suggested she sit on joe's lap but she chose to sit on mine so i put a jacket on my lap so she wasn't directly on me i felt really uncomfortable because she just sat her bony ass on me and i have a girlfriend who she knows i have anyway when we stopped to get gas i made her sit on my friend's lap instead and she started to full-on cry because i didn't want her to sit on me and i had to put on a jacket i felt awkward and bad for my friend who likes her and she was just crying on his lap and said that i was a jerk she ended up texting me saying we have to talk about us and i said what are you talking about us and she said that i was giving her mixed signals because she thought there was something between us i said no i'm like this with all my friends and she said i thought you were like that with joe as a joke because he's just your friend but me it's because you like me and that it made her confused because she knows i have a girlfriend i said nope i'm like that with everyone and told her i'm happy with my girlfriend and i don't want to date her she called me an a-hole and i haven't seen her since her best friend texted me and said i was being an a-hole i told my girlfriend 19 female against my friend's wishes who are also her friends not sarah but joey's and she laughed and said that boys are so oblivious and that she could tell sarah had a crush on me but she trusted me to make the right choices basically she didn't really care just thought sarah was kind of crappy for trying to go after a guy with a girlfriend so am i the a-hole i legit didn't really know she had a crush on me it kind of dawned on me that night i never pursued her i slept over at her house once because i was too drunk to drive but i slept on the floor and didn't let her near me and i would mention my girlfriend a lot because i'm excited about dating her apparently she thought i liked her because she once asked me if i would join her art club and i said sure i don't understand girls i really don't i'm gonna say no obviously you weren't understanding the signals but you were giving obvious signals out that you were happy with your girlfriend you were excited to be with her that nothing was going to happen i don't see how saying that you would join the art club is any indication that you want to date her that's a very very odd signal to be getting she might want to check her antennas they might be uh faulty these ones you know these smoke signals the mating dance it's just not coming across the right way is it opie not the a-hole update wow this blew up sarah and joe ended up hanging out on their own apparently and she ended up trashing me saying i was an a-hole how she liked me etc joe told me privately that he knew she had a crush on me but wanted to see what i would do and enjoy the show because he thought the drama was funny she ended up texting me again and saying how i was a jerk and basically the friendship imploded the last thing she said was that she wasn't sorry and i said well i can be sorry for the both of us joe still has a crush on her and i'm sure he's still trying to date her but that's pretty much it for that my girlfriend loves all the comments calling her a keeper and has found the entire situation hilarious she really is a keeper thanks everyone not the a-hole i think this girl doesn't know how to handle rejection also a bit entitled she cried when she didn't get her way and she's a legal adult we are doomed i'm really impressed by opie's girlfriend she wasn't jealous she didn't throw her boyfriend under the bus she laughed about it and moved on i have a lot more hope for the girlfriend than i do sarah the rejected his girlfriend is definitely a keeper and opie sounds like he thinks the world of her there's a good chance that sarah might grow as a person i know a lot of people at 18 who were like anxious messes they've never been told no or didn't realize how to approach someone in a healthy manner five years later they are successful and happy members of society not the a-hole and i loved the last paragraph i really just don't get them lol i also don't get why she would just start crying when she knew i had a girlfriend all along jeez she never had a boyfriend so maybe that's why i'd like to tell you that it gets less confusing but coming from a dude who has been married for a long time it doesn't i'm a girl and i still don't understand it she is either really entitled or she's acting a lot younger than she actually is i work with women in their 50s who act like this posted by user jr56 titled am i the a-hole for recreating a secret cookie recipe the person does not give out my boyfriend's mum makes these amazing cookie bars she makes them for the holidays and family gatherings and people always request that she brings them i asked for the recipe once and she laughed and said no that it was hers and she doesn't give it out to anyone i dropped it and never asked again i started baking a lot during the pandemic it's been fun for me in my down time i decided with my free time to try to recreate the cookie bars my boyfriend's mum makes i pulled up recipes that sounded similar from online blogs and started baking and tweaking it took about five recipes and batches but i finally nailed it down her secret recipe ended up essentially being a cookie bar known as a caramelita i then decided to make it my own and improve it to my tastes i used higher quality chocolate made sauce with local homemade caramels used flaky sea salt on top vanilla bean paste instead of extract added a pinch of this fantastic organic cinnamon i had on hand the results were over the top delicious my boyfriend declared they are better than his mom's and he finished off half a pen in two days he was facetiming with his mum saturday and eating one she asked what it was and he said one of your caramel bars joe found a recipe online but made it even better she lost it she started yelling about how awful i was for making her cookies and how i had no rights he told her that she was overreacting and quickly ended the call she started blowing up my phone with nasty texts about what an a-hole i am i explained to her that i found the recipe i used online where it was very public i had actually tweaked that to make it more my own and that i wasn't even planning on bringing them to an event that she's at so i did not see what the big deal was she didn't care she called me names and told me i was wrong for baking a recipe that i knew was similar to hers she isn't speaking to me or her son while i don't think my boyfriend should have made the comment about how i made it even better to his mum taking that out of the equation she thinks i'm an a-hole for even making them to begin with i disagree but from the texts from her and a couple of family members of hers they think i crossed a line am i the a-hole for recreating this recipe personally i don't think you're an a-hole for recreating the recipe i think the sun caused the mum to blow up in this situation and it made the mom view you as an a-hole i think him saying one of your caramel bars as if she had stolen it off the mother i can see why the mother would think that it is a personal attack and then on top of that to be one-upped where her son then says you know it's better than yours i'm sorry opie you were not the a-hole in this situation but i do understand why she would view you as an a-hole and i don't know if it's easy to fix that in her eyes she doesn't sound like a very forgiving woman that's speculation but i would hope that she can forgive you and you guys can come to a mutual understanding not the a-hole she started yelling about how awful i was for making her cookies and how i had no rights you shouldn't have posted the recipe online if you didn't want people to know it oh you didn't post it then i stole someone else's recipe not yours i'm glad we don't have to be mad at each other anymore she didn't care oh in that case i'm going to post the recipe on facebook thank you they think i crossed a line i made cookies whatever stupid response it's cookies more bull crap comes they are cookies dear mother-in-law i have decided that you are absolutely right and i offer my fullest apologies from the bottom of my heart for attempting to cook something similar to your cookie bars please find attached a list of every dish i know how to make if you make any of these please cease and desist immediately as you rightfully pointed out it is wrong for us to ever try to cook similar dishes two people in the same family should not attempt to cook similar recipes please provide me with a list of all the recipes you know and unless they appear on my list you know first come first serve then i shall never attempt a recipe similar to those on your list the cookies are obviously yours please do not try to choke on them yours do have a tendency to be a little dry and as i know the recipe for water tea coffee and several other drinks and we're apparently doing this now you won't be able to wash them down with any of those for home consumption not the a-hole but if you started bringing her signature dish to family events etc yeah you would be i think all you can do in this situation is what you've done in theory what you do in your own house is your business and i don't get folks who get bent out of shape over this kind of thing she told other family members that's weird to me however it doesn't really matter what i think the fact is she's ticked she's hurt and rightly or wrongly you're going to need to figure out a way to repair it or let it blow over if you continue to have this strange irrational woman in your life good luck ah can you believe the audacity of my little boy's girlfriend she made him cookies that i usually make yeah ropi is definitely not the a-hole however it will still be up to her to fix things as this woman is definitely irrational and feels slighted i am legit not sure how op can fix someone else having an irrationally angry reaction to cookies she already tried logic is she supposed to self-flagellate on a video call placating this poor reaction will only show cookie rager that yelling name-calling and cold-shouldering are all valid means of communication because it gets her what she wants presumably opie crying for forgiveness for making cookies at home opie is not responsible for her boyfriend's mother's emotional state his mother is an adult who needs to regulate her own emotions and reactions if his mother can't be asked to apologize for her severe overreaction no one else has anything to do posted by user colby1112 titled would i be the a-hole if i cut my boyfriend off financially after he ignored my basic requests also posted on the advice subreddit i'm 26 female he is 27 male and we have been together for eight years so i was in a bad car wreck a few months ago after getting t-boned by a semi because of this i got a check for almost nineteen thousand dollars as well as a brand new vehicle i practically begged my boyfriend multiple times not to tell anyone we received the money because both of our families suck and like to mooch off of us even though we're the ones struggling financially and we are the only ones who lost our jobs due to covert we got laid off within a week of each other and were both denied for unemployment so it's been rough i received the check from the accident three days ago he instantly went off and paid a hundred dollars to his sister that we owed her and apparently she asked where he got the money and despite me telling him not to he told her i had gotten my check he instantly told me about it and said that he felt cornered his sister has that effect on people so i tried to push it out of my mind even though i was peeved since that point i've gotten phone calls from all three of his brothers his two sisters and even his uncle who i've never even met due to him living out of state all of them were asking for money i hold true to my restrictions and didn't allow anyone to borrow anything because i know they will not pay me back and i have more important crap to do with my money pay my bills rent pay off my car loan and student debt and put away a big chunk so i can save for a home the final straw was this morning i wake up to a call from an unknown number at around 5 30 am and it's his father he's like hey champ how you doing how are you recovering so i gave him the rundown well before he hangs up he says so julie my boyfriend's sister told me you got your money peter his stepson turns five today and i didn't get my paycheck and i'm fighting with payroll about it can you spot me 500 bucks i instantly hung up and confronted my boyfriend about it i told him my basic requests were ignored and that i felt disrespected and i didn't want people knowing for this exact reason he told me i was blowing it out of proportion and that i could simply tell them no i explained that that was beside the points and that i wanted to avoid having to turn people away left and right he still thinks i'm overreacting so now i'm at a loss where a part of me wants to cut access to my check from him entirely since he can't even follow basic requests he's not spending the money on anything like that especially without asking first but the fact that he told people after i practically begged him not to sits really heavily on me a part of me knows that he's right and that i could just say no but i don't want to have to do that would i be the a-hole if i cut off his access to this money no no that's just bringing people into your life that don't actually need the money they just want the money and they're never going to pay it back he sucks for breaking he should have had a shinier spine he should have stood up to his sister he should have caused a fight with her he should have been stronger anything but to break the promise that he made to you and he was weak and he didn't do it and now you have vultures circling you like money hungry grubs congratulations boyfriend thank you that was really necessary and needed we love that opie you're not the a-hole cut him off it's your money not his and if he just ignores what you want he doesn't deserve a penny he also doesn't deserve a girlfriend if he just ignores her when she asks him not to do something my thoughts exactly clearly he either has no idea how to handle money or he has no idea how to care for another person or both gee i wonder where he inherited that trait from sounds like an inheritant dominant genetic mutation running rampant throughout his family exactly opie is recovering from a car accident she doesn't need the stress of random strangers asking her for money where were these people when she was struggling not the a-hole op and when his family calls pass him the phone he can be the one to tell them no since it's so simple this make him turn them down it's his family why the hell are they calling you anyways especially people you don't know posted by user throw away not apparent titled am i the a-hole for letting my nephew stay with me without his parents permission my 22 female sister is a single mom with a teenage son 16 male she's a very strict parent and so were my parents they don't accept anything less than perfection discipline and respect for elders is very important in our family my nephew is a very polite and introverted kid what caused this entire situation is something simple some of my sister's friends and children came over unexpectedly sis demanded nephew interact with him nephew didn't want to he didn't know them he felt awkward he went into his room and locked his door sis called him multiple times but he did not answer sister accused him of humiliating her by acting like a recluse two weeks ago my sister and mom kicked him out to teach him discipline they packed his clothes in a bag and threw him out their demands were these one they wanted him to apologize for his behavior two they wanted him to apologize to my sister's three friends three they wanted him to talk and interact with the family and four they wanted him to be more outgoing and happy nephew refused and they told him to find a better home at about 12 pm this kid knocks on my door and i listened to him and let him stay with me it's been two weeks now and i have no problem with him he's a good kid he doesn't talk back he's not messy he cleans up after himself he does his chores and he's very sweet my mum and sister found out he's been staying with me for these past two weeks and they are now angry with me they say that i insulted both of them and proved to my nephew that being disrespectful and then not apologizing was okay they told me that they weren't going to let him starve outside they would have let him come in once he apologized and it was a lesson about discipline and the importance of respect i completely ruined it i don't have kids i'm very immature myself i'm not sure if this is an effective parenting method for a 16 year old or if it's wrong i myself grew up in a strict household like i mentioned and i don't know how i feel about it i just want someone to clarify i'm sorry if this is stupid am i the a-hole edits thank you for the kind words i appreciate it and thank you for clarifying i understand it was wrong edit two guys i'm 22 my sister is 32. not the a-hole as someone who was kicked out at 18 taught nothing about respect or discipline it screwed my life up and made it 100 harder to do anything i'm lucky that i had friends to stay with i would have given anything to have an auntie like you not to mention how dangerous it is to be young and on the streets yeah this is child abuse not teaching discipline or respect not the a-hole op i hope it's not too arrogant to assume they're in the u.s as i think the age is 16 when in europe or perhaps that's just the age of consent but can't this is to be charged with neglect you can't just kick out a minor like that the age of consent is 16 but you're still a minor until you're 18. this definitely wouldn't fly over here completely agree with this this is abuse not discipline also they only found out he'd been with you when he'd already been there two weeks two fudging weeks with no clue where he was safe dead these people have no place around children if you haven't already you should contact whatever the equivalent of child services is in your area and get some legal advice about protecting him long term and also get any financial support that you should be getting i understand from some other posts that in the us states throwing out a minor is illegal you were not the a-hole you are an amazing auntie and person good luck not the a-hole your mother and sister are abusive of course your viewers warped having grown up in such a home parents need to realize that while they can work to teach their kids morals and being kind and the like using punishment to shape personality or interests only breeds resentment and toxicity i'm so glad your nephew had you to come to your family are rotten and he needs to be with someone nurturing good luck opie posted by user some artichoke 4250 titled am i the a-hole for telling my friend to keep her polyamory crap to herself or leave my home i know it sounds bad but context is everything my friend emily is staying with my husband and i for a week she was evicted from her apartment after an incident with her ex-boyfriend and she had just two weeks until a new lease started and nowhere to go so she's staying in our apartment one of the house rules i gave her was no visitors and partners emily is polly and she has five current partners and when i told her that none would be able to visit as i'm an asthmatic and i'm trying to stay safe there was a lot of complaining twice she compared her experience of me not allowing a visit from her partners to homophobia which ticked me off because i'm queer and she's straight and that's a hell of a thing to accuse a queer person of well i ignored her because i feel like it's my house my rules in two weeks only five days left she can resume life as normal next came the discussions as to why monogamy is morally wrong these happen almost every night at dinner but my husband and i have finished a long day of work we're at our dinner table and have to be lectured by a house guest as to why monogamous relationships define nature how they're all designed to fail in a pile of cheating and jealousy and how much more enlightened polly is i have no problem with polly but i just see it as a preference not an inherently better relationship model we ignored that behavior as well she broke us last night however for some reason i was feeling sweet probably all the wine i had and decided to pull out my wedding album i know dumb choice to make with emily there as i now see it in retrospect i was looking through the pictures with her and i pointed out that the ceremony is my favorites because it's just super cute and she says yeah it's cute but it's kind of a lie to promise a lifetime to someone it's just not realistic well i blew up i told her to keep your polyamory crap to yourself or find somewhere else to sleep for free i then went to my room slammed the door and cried i haven't spoken to her since my husband is on my side he's been sick of the lectures from her especially considering how often emily texts us sos bad breakup let's get drinks i just can't take the condescension and lectures in my own home am i crazy we are doing her a favor by letting her stay with us and she's even been eating the meals i cook am i being a rude and controlling host hmm is she being an ass by forcing her polyamory on you when she should know that it's not a common thing does she have no self-awareness why would you say oh you shouldn't promise a lifetime to someone it's just not realistic actually get over yourself you don't say that to a married couple you should know to be respecting people emily dear lord why would you say that lots of marriages do come and end with the death of a partner that's realistic and that is promising your life to someone i don't blame you op i don't think you were being rude or a controlling host i think you had enough of the condescension and you reacted as we all would not the a-hole she is a guest in your home if she cannot abide by your rules and respect you then she can find another place to crash at until she can go somewhere else you are indeed doing her a favor and she should be grateful for that instead of complaining at every turn this she's staying for free in someone else's home if you can't follow a simple rule and not trash your host and her husband's relationship you are a big a-hole she's not even just generally spewing her opinions against monogamy either she's very specifically applied it to op and called their marriage a lie to their face absolutely not acceptable behavior not the a-hole and you have every right to blow up op a lot of us in the poly world view monogamy and polyamory as relationship orientations for some it's a choice but for some it's as bad as being gay trying to pretend you're straight the whole polyamory is more evolved than monogamy is a load of horse crap she is the worst kind of morally superior polly people like her make the rest of us look bad yes polyamory and monogamy are different but equal sorry on behalf of saint paulie's opie you were definitely not the a-hole your house your roles your health should be number one on this person's list of priorities right now you are doing them a huge kindness and they are paying you back with total disrespect both for your health and your relationship you deserve better friends not the a-hole if you were saying how all polly relationships are bad and will fail and immorally wrong she would have been upset and rightfully so so why is it okay when she does it to you also not wanting to be exposed to five other people during a pandemic isn't homophobic it's responsible i mean they're all men so it's not really homophobic to begin with i guess she was just insinuating that i'm polyphobic is that a term she has decided you're polyphobic so she can be ticked off about it because you being merely germaphobic in a pandemic is totally reasonable posted by user deleted titled am i the a-hole for refusing to let my daughters see her children hello world of a reddit i'm very conflicted about what's happening with my family and am desperate for some judgment i am 70 male and i was with my wonderful wife susan from 1967 to 2020 when she sadly died also age 70 earlier this year i was absolutely devastated we were together for over 50 wonderful years and during our time together we had two children tim and laura susan and i tried our best as parents and gave them good childhoods i think they were well loved and never went without tim did well for himself went to university and got a job with a degree that he studied and is married and has three kids who are between 10 and 15 years old laura however went in the complete opposite direction of her brother she went to university hell-bent on studying medicine but dropped out at 20 after meeting a boyfriend john he had no ambition in life and dragged laura into a world filled with drugs alcohol and other unsavory things susan and i were not impressed with the lifestyle john and laura were living i was not a fan of john but tried my best for laura as she was my daughter and she proclaimed to love him the relationship was incredibly toxic involving cheating and abuse on both sides and constant drug binges the relationship was on and off for years and produced laura's two kids 16 female and 10 female she stayed with john until her youngest was about 3 and kicked him out she seemed to finally want to beat her addictions and i even paid for her to go to rehab and they looked after the kids with susan laura came out a changed woman and even turned into a decent mother this lasted only two years where she got back with jon got back to alcohol and drugs and became a danger to the girls social services took them away after a dangerous incident jon and laura weren't allowed contact and both of them eventually signed away their parental rights susan and i became the girl's guardians both my granddaughters were traumatized but susan and i tried our best they eventually settled and became happy and didn't seem to be bothered by not having their parents tim also helped out greatly and the girls have a great relationship with their uncle and cousins laura has recently surfaced after about four years and reached out to me on facebook i learned john had passed away she went back to rehab and even has a stable job and is living with a trusted friend she also wants to see the girls i told her i was happy she got back her life but that she really messed up as a mother i talked to the girls and the oldest downright refused to see her and the youngest cried at night when she learned her mother was back and doesn't want to see her mum i told laura that the girls didn't want to see her and i was sorry she has since called me an a-hole and says i'm refusing her her children tim says laura is the a-hole as she chose drugs and drink over being a mom i'm really conflicted by all of this i'm just an old man and i don't want to upset anyone edits the youngest cried and doesn't want to see her mum i never once lied to her and said her mom didn't want to see her you're not the a-hole in this situation she as the mum is the a-hole she did indeed choose drugs and drink over being a mom as hard as that decision was for her she did make that decision in the end you are not the a-hole for looking out for the best interests of those kids they said they don't want to see her you seem to be taking a stance to defend the kids that's admirable she needs to learn boundaries she needs to learn how to respect you as a parent as her parents and as now the guardian of her kids that's simply unacceptable behavior and that's all i have to say opie not the a-hole laura made her bed and now has to lie in it social services don't just take away your kids for no reason you are doing what you believe is right for your granddaughters and you even ask them what you wanted you sound like a loving grandpa agreed they are really lucky that you continue to care and advocate for them not the a-hole op plus social services don't just swoop in and take the kids they must have majorly screwed up to not be allowed any contacts whatever they did it's probable that they put the girls lives in danger not the a-hole these poor girls are probably traumatized and am glad they have op please consider therapy for them the youngest one crying like that shows how fragile those poor girls still are yep not the a-hole and once she had her rights terminated they were no longer her children the fact that opie asked his granddaughters if they wanted to see their mom was a courtesy he didn't need to provide her and there is no point asking if you're not going to respect their wishes social services tries to work with the families if they can keeping families together is usually the most beneficial outcome whatever transpired must have been terrible you cannot risk the children's mental health by exposing them 16 is well past old enough to make a decision and my heart breaks for the 10 year olds her strong reaction sounds like she's still traumatized she needs help they both do i wasn't inclined to call the daughter an a-hole as cleaning up and getting your life together is a big deal wanting to see your kids is natural lashing out and feeling entitled to them not respecting their wishes after the crap she put them through is a real lack of growth not the a-hole i'm sorry for your loss you and your wife have done a wonderful job with these girls take care of your family and yourself not the a-hole it's up to the girls and they've made their choice laura doesn't get to waltz back into their lives whenever she wants and make demands after what she put them through you were doing the right thing she also signed her parental rights away she has no leg to stand on the only way she gets to see her daughters is if they want to see her and they are adamant about not wanting that she can demand all she wants but she's a bit too late agreed totally not the a-hole while the girls weren't lucky in the parent department it seems they were very lucky with loving grandparents and extended family posted by user chaotic nature 32 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to let my sister and her kids move into the house that i bought i'm a 32 year old woman and i just bought my first house it has three bedrooms a yard and is just what i need right now i'm single and have two dogs my sister is 34 has three children and lives in a two-bedroom apartment lately she's been talking about how such a tiny living space is not enough for the four of them when she got to know about the house that i'd bought she became very upset and told me i was being wasteful as i'm single and stirred to have kids and therefore don't need such a big space i reminded her that what i do with my hard-earned cash is none of her business she went on to complain to our mother about how selfish i was being yesterday evening i got a call from my mum telling me i shouldn't let my sister and her kids move into the house my house i told her that no one was going to live in the house that i paid for but me and that extra space would be great for my dogs to play in my mum also got very upset with me and told me that i was being unreasonable that my sister's kids are growing and need the space more than my dogs i offered to help my sister out financially so she could rent a bigger place my mum got my sister on the phone who shot down the idea telling me i needed to let her and her kids live in my house when i refused again she very generously suggested a compromise i could live in the house with her and her kids and would not have to find somewhere else to live she said this as if she was doing me a favor i told her that she had lost her mind and hung up am i the a-hole or is she i know my sister is struggling financially but this kind of entitlement is ridiculous i'm just perplexed at how she thinks she can make those demands of you your own mother she's just like you know what no no more mr nice mom you're no longer allowed to live in your own house that you paid for by royal decree of me as a parent because i'm pretty cool like that and will compromise on you can live with them in your own house how does that sound well hey i'll have what she's having because damn that's a world i want to live in opie you're not the a-hole your sister may be struggling financially but you know it it's not particularly your problem they have their own house to live in they don't need your bigger house many people grew up in much worse situations it would be kind of you to extend your house for them to use for a bit but you don't have to as they already have their own house oh thank you snossage festivus he's really cut out all these parts for us he says i'm a 32 year old woman and i just bought my first house my sister and then we scroll all the way down to the bottom is ridiculous hardiest not the a-hole possible not the a-hole your sister is though if you're worried about her trying to gain entry and moving in or your mother helping her make sure they never have access to a key and also if you haven't already consider installing video surveillance outside so you have proof if they ever try something this a hundred times over we've bought two cameras from wise with weatherproof casings and hung one at the front and back doors they've been up for just a year now and in that time we've caught someone casing the house for valuables a window cleaner destroying the doghouse and five postmen neglecting delivery giving us proof to fight it without the postal service less than a hundred dollars no subscription fee live video three day view back god i love them i have one of these and this is a fantastic brand i highly recommend as well i am also a single woman living alone so i get needing something reliable and cheap is a bonus info did i read that correctly she offered to let you stay in your house once she moved into it as a compromise a house that you paid for yes earlier her intention was only for her and her kids to live there and i would live somewhere else wow we are well past entitled and closing in on crazy she actually expected you to basically give her and her kids your house to live in as her own while you lived somewhere else don't let her move in don't help her financially don't even talk to her anymore not the a-hole why is she being this unreasonable is she tired and depressed from the struggle is she usually this untitled her getting mom on board points towards the ladder i'm guessing that there was an unfair preference for your sister while you two were growing up a further guess is that this resulted in your self-sufficiency and her lack of it your guess is absolutely right posted by user leak fluffy titled am i the a-hole for telling my best friend that i'm not happy for her i dated my ex-boyfriend for a few years and we broke it off a few months before covert we were both madly in love and i'm still not over him my best friend knows this a few months ago she started getting distant from me and it's super unusual for me because she needs me for everything like just a few things that i helped her do find colleges apply to colleges help donate money for her college fund help her build her resume find her therapy find her a job and countless other things i even paid for a lot of stuff for her like going on trips and such she didn't really do much for me and was somewhat of an emotional support because we'd always talk about her but then i really didn't mind and didn't care what i did for her she was my bff and you love your best friends they're sisters last month she broke and told me the reason that she's so distant is because she's quarantining with my ex and they're a thing whatever hopes i had of getting back to my ex is squashed because i don't think i can get over him hooking up with my best friend i'm super heartbroken and i know that you don't own people but that doesn't mean that you can't be upset about their betrayal yes dating your best friend's ex that she still loves is a betrayal she asked me if i was happy for her what the hell because she finally got a good job and a nice boyfriend that job she has is solely because of me because i asked an old acquaintance to return a favor by hiring my best friend he wanted to hire someone else but i begged him to hire her i know how people are sometimes hurt but then they say but i'm truly happy for you i honest to god don't think they mean it and when i say i'm happy for someone i want to mean it i'm not happy for my friend i just am not i can't make myself be i told her as such and told her to stop contacting me she's now blowing up my emails and dms because she's so hurt by what i said to her my dad said that i should have just kept this to myself since i know my best friend is a sensitive person and is hurts but what about me am i given a sensitivity pass because i've looked after my friend for so long do my feelings just stop mattering at some points edits my conversation with my best friend went as followed she called me with the news and said that she didn't know how to tell me didn't apologize fyi and then she followed it up with how she's finally doing well and doesn't have to rely on me for money since she has a nice job and also a nice boyfriend i told her i was not happy for her i reminded her that i got her the job she knew and was fine with it and that i've done so much for her over the years and she thanks me by backstabbing me and getting with my ex she knew that it would hurt me and if she'd done it when i was well over him or with my permission i'd feel differently then i told her not to contact me again because clearly i'm her friend but she was never my friend and i want to stick with people who were supportive toward me and reciprocate my friendship then i ended the call look you know some people might think that saying that you're not happy for her isn't a whole thing to do but i don't understand that line of thought in this situation it's not pretty getting with the ex of someone that you're best friends with when you know they still have feelings for them i mean i feel like you should have a bit of self-control in that situation and not get into a relationship with that ex that seems like a very respectable thing to do in my opinion so this best friend is being very very much not respectable to her friends and kind of screwing her at every avenue not being truthful about it straight up hiding things from her when she's been relying on opie for like everything i feel like for the time being it's for the best that she ended the call and ended the relationship with her friends that's not a healthy dynamic to have and i don't blame her for doing so sometimes you just need time to yourself so ropi is not the a-hole with literally billions of us here it's pretty easy to not date the one person your best friend has feelings for exactly this the reason she dated your ex is that she's an emotional vampire she didn't need you to do all the things for her logistically she just needed you to give give give to her now you've given her her last thing move on and take this as a painful lesson don't give to people who don't give back not the a-hole emotional vampire haven't heard this one before oh i have they drain your energy and your sanity and for you what we do in the shadows fanboys colin robinson he's stealing your emotions and your energy most definitely not the a-hole that's pretty messed up especially considering how little time has passed and how much you've done for your friend you don't have to feel any particular way about it just feel how you feel if you're upset which i'd say you have every right to be then just be upset you are your own person and you're allowed to feel however you want you don't tell anyone anything i genuinely hope you can heal from this situation that absolutely sucks and to be clear healing from it doesn't necessarily mean you have to be okay with it nor be happy for either of them i think that friend maybe has some issues this seems like something deliberately done to hurt opie she doesn't act like a real friend based on the info i would definitely agree her message about are you happy for me seems very pointed and like it's meant to almost rub it in opie's face yeah exactly the whole are you happy for me that i finally have a boyfriend is so obvious that she was hoping opie would feel bad about it i don't know why some people feel the need to do this to their friends aren't you proud of me in these situations so obviously shows how she's trying to play it off like it's totally fine and okay to do posted by user for say titled am i the a-hole for walking out of the hospital after hearing my wife's diagnosis i 33 get a call from the er on friday saying that my wife 32 drove herself there because of searing pelvic pain i'm on a business trip until saturday but i drive back in time to be there saturday morning before she woke up a while after she wakes up the doctor comes in my wife says to stay with her so i say okay he takes a deep breath and said that from the transvaginal ultrasound and ct scan results she has ovarian cancer my wife starts sobbing but at first i stay still because i don't even know what to make of it my wife asks what that means for her and he says that she'll at least need a full hysterectomy and they'd have to remove the fallopian tubes as well as the ovaries that news jolted me from my chair because the doctor was effectively telling me that she wouldn't be able to have kids after this and after years of work i thought we'd finally have a family i'm overwhelmed with emotions of anger not just anger at that disease but pent up anger from the fact that i'd begged her to have kids since we were 26 but she refused for her career and now instead of becoming a real family i didn't even know if she would remain the woman i married whether the last picture of us together would be the last time i'd remember her looking beautiful young and carefree because the wife i saw in front of me was already a different person my wife started to grab my hand and say we'll fight this and we'll adopt but i shook my head and turned to walk out the door i still had my suitcase in the car so i drove to a hotel because i didn't know if my wife is going to end up being discharged or what at the hotel i was at least able to get out of my reactive mode but i was still so disappointed that our dream of a family was over i finally was able to get a grasp on all of my emotions and feel more like my normal self in that i knew exactly what i felt about every aspect and how i would react to it from here on i get a call from my mother-in-law saying that if i was at a hotel or wherever else i should just stay there am i the a-hole for walking out i admit it was done on impulse but this diagnosis just sliced my life and my wife's life wide open i wasn't going to expel the cancer if i stayed that night but i did at least make myself aware of my situation and i feel i have a right to be angry that my hope of biological kids the only kind i ever wanted is rapidly fading away you know what op it seems like you've shown your true face in all of this and i'm sure it hurts that for six years she's not wanted to have kids with you and she's been focused on her career but it kind of seems in that department you guys want to match hindsight is of course 2020 we can't change the past we can't control it we can't control the future we can only control how we react to things and you reacted in possibly the worst way possible i don't think there is much recovering from this uh i wish you the best of luck in salvaging this situation it sounds like this relationship is over there i think you've checked out i think you've made it very obvious you've checked out and i feel really bad for your wife and i hope she gets through this oh my god your wife deserves far better than you you're the a-hole this is not about you or your feelings no one preempts cancer no woman should be forced to have children earlier than she's ready to just fit into someone else's grand master plan the fact that you don't see her as the person you married when she is more than just an incubator and a baby making machine is deeply troubling you should go back and grovel and support the hell out of her because the vows you made were in sickness and in health stop being a white ham sandwich of a man and be a decent human being he should not go back cancer patients have a better success rate and recovery if they are surrounded by positive influences around them my mother had that operation and it took years to heal internally this high stress situation revealed his true character and they honestly see no coming back from this what's there to excuse sorry that you ruined my hopes of a real child because you got cancer i feel less attracted to you because your oven is being ripped out and we can't get a bun in anymore not the positive influence op's wife needs and i doubt he has anything more to offer her than seeing her as a baby maker imagine wasting that much time on a man to find out what a terrible person he is when you need his love and support the most he 100 shouldn't go back and grovel just in case there's any chance she actually listens and takes him back you're the a-hole op she deserves more than you this no chance of a real family is his wife not his real family you're the a-hole all day you're the a-hole all your wife seems to be to you is an incubator you have no regards for her feelings and abandoned her at the worst moment i want to vomit more than i can possibly containing myself opie's wife gets a cancer diagnosis but yeah screw her because he had plans since they were 26 but that evil woman couldn't let go of her career boo hoo opie you disgust me so much i hope she makes it through her diagnosis and treatment and then dumps your ass in good as in bad times right unless she doesn't do what you want her to when she clearly wasn't ready yet to have kids then it's all her fault that you won't have a real family i hope you never have kids just imagine one turns out gay that it's not a real boy or a real girl what the hell did i just read i'm so angry here posted by user wedding not a baby titled am i the a-hole because me and my boyfriend will not give one knee special treatment at a wedding because it's close to her birthday i 26 female and my partner 26 male are getting married in 11 months on a saturday and three days after our day is one of our niece's birthday her sixth we have three nietas the eldest two belong to my future sister-in-law five and three years old and the youngest is my brother's daughter two when we booked the dates we were aware that it is close to her birthday but we'd figured because it was not on her day it would be fine we have been asked by his sister if we could make our wedding a little bit more special for her she asked for her to pick out the dresses her to wear a tiara is that spelled correctly trrr no it's not while the other two have simple headbands invite one school friend 30 minutes to an hour of her music playing people to sing happy birthday to her we said no to this we want the flower girl dresses to all look the same and to go with the color scheme plus we know that if the other girls see her wearing a tiara then they will also want one we do not want some kid at our wedding who is not with their own parents for safety reasons obviously 30 minutes to an hour of disney music and pop songs sounds annoying but all guests are welcome to request songs to the dj we are not that bothered about the happy birthday might have people do it for her after we cut our cake and maybe bring her out a little cupcake with a candle my sister-in-law is unhappy about this because our wedding means she will not get a birthday party that year and she thinks waiting until the weekend after is too long and will upset her daughter my partner is starting to cave but i don't want to budge but he feels bad am i the a-hole no what it's your wedding you don't have to cater to this little girl's birthday he booked it long enough in advance that she still gets her special day three days later she has enough notice this is another case of our slash entitled parents the mother is the only one bothered by this the mother is the one making it a big deal to this girl if she just told the girl okay we're going to a wedding and then your birthday party is three days later the kid genuinely wouldn't care it's the mom putting the idea into the kid's head here she's the only one that cares and now she's making her daughter care that's the malicious and disgusting behavior and opie is right for clapping it down come back to reality hun opie not the a-hole are you serious a school friend and half an hour of her own music picking her own dress and a tiara spelt correctly what the hell they're kidding right they have to be it's your bloody wedding not some party they can arrange to their liking it's your wedding if they're that bothered tell them they can have their own party in their own home because they're not welcome at your wedding jesus i've heard of people pulling some petty crap at weddings but this is unbelievable and your fiance is starting to cave tell them to pay off i wouldn't want them anywhere near my wedding they sound obnoxious i think my sister-in-law didn't think of it as that big of a request because at her wedding she had children's entertainers for the kids so by her logic if she can do that then we can do this it's a ridiculously big request it's a huge imposition she's six six you can't command someone's wedding because it's your daughter's birthday the next day at this rates they'll be expecting disney world to allow her exclusive access for her 10th birthday they'll probably try to combine op's anniversary and the daughter's birthday every year at this rate they'll say some crap like it's not fair you two are getting a fancy dinner for your anniversary when my daughter's birthday is in three days god damn their 10th anniversary is going to coincide with this child's sweet 16th how dare they plan a romantic getaway when the social event of the season will demand their presence i am the worst aunt ever people will boo me and leave dog poo on my doorstep for the record i don't for a moment consider you a bad aunt your sister-in-law on the other hand sucks and by sucks i mean she could suck the holes off a golf ball i'm still quite crossed by the sheer arrogance of the woman and her demands i'm amazed anyone can be so thoughtless about someone else's wedding not the a-hole holy entitlement do not cave do not give in none and i mean none of those demands are reasonable for your wedding this is your you and your fiance's day not that child's it's not even on her actual birthday she can do all those things at her own party also the cupcake thing would be cute but wholly unnecessary in my opinion she may be young but she's plenty old enough to learn the word no and to not always expect to get her way it sounds like the issue is equally or more so with her mother but if you give in nothing will ever change and she will surely grow up to be an entitled spoiled person posted by user may be mother-in-law titled am i the a-hole for refusing to support my son's pregnant girlfriend until she takes a paternity test my son 24 male and his girlfriend 24 female have only been together for six months and she is apparently four months pregnant with his baby they've actually been friends since high school and so my husband and i have known her for a few years as well she is a lovely girl but honestly she's not someone i had hoped would be the mother to my first grandchild first of all she's recovering drug addict and alcoholic and while she says she's been clean for three years a relapse is always possible she only finished high school with her ged and she now works as a waitress full-time her parents died years ago so she is largely on her own our family is considerably better off and my son is joining his father's business meaning his salary will be quite high and will only continue to grow since my son first told us she's pregnant it can't escape my mind that he may not really be the father and that she picked him out of potential others because he would be the best in terms of support my son is pushing us to help her with some of her pregnancy expenses and i told him we would under the condition that she did a paternity test first he completely blew up at that accusing us of disliking her which is untrue and not wanting to be grandparents also untrue he says that he loves her and trusts her and that he can't wait to meet his baby i get that but i think he's being idealistic if he wants our support we want a paternity test first if the baby is truly his then we would be happy to welcome her into our family and we would be happy to help her out am i the a-hole going on the thought process of you judge yourself by your intentions and you judge others by their actions it's pretty clear that's exactly what's going on here it seems to me that the son feels like he's being attacked that they don't support the partner because of the actions of paternity test before we help you out they can justify that afterwards if they'd like but right off the bat he's going to believe hey they don't trust me and my partner they don't actually support us why does our support have to be contingent on a paternity test why do they think my partner would be like that it seems unnecessary and very rude for the family to do that i'm sure there's relationships where that would be a thing that people would want to do but this really doesn't seem like it the woman has lost both of her parents she's recovering from drug and alcohol addiction now sure this could be a situation where you want to put it in that frame where you're saying you know what we don't want someone like that in our family but does this woman need to be judged and kicked out of a family first with a child on the way that could well be your child do you want to put your child in that circumstance there's a lot of factors at play here and i feel like they're going about it in the worst way possible so because of that it's you're the a-hole but i can see why people would think not the a-hole edits there are 7k replies to this post and over 200 private messages in my inbox that i can't reply to it's a pretty even mix if you're the a-hole and not the a-hole so clearly the only thing everyone can agree with is that it's complicated i've gotten messages to kill myself i've gotten messages calling my son and idiots and i've gotten messages from the mgtow men go their own way subreddit telling me that my girlfriend is clearly a lying sociopath i have also gotten a lot of messages from men who found out their child wasn't theirs after several years who wish they had found out sooner it's a lot to read and a lot to think about many people have called out my attitude towards this girl and i'll be honest it is making me think he completely blew up at that accusing us of disliking her untrue re-read the first part of your post even to internet strangers it's pretty obvious you don't like this woman right off the bat you aren't being truthful you're the a-hole agreed you're the a-hole your son loves her and wants to be with her and believes this is his child if you have the money available and would have helped if it was someone you approved then support your son and his soon-to-be family no one is saying throw millions at it go into debt or write them into the will eta something i just commented below would op want a paternity test if the situation was different if the girl hadn't been drug addicted exactly if the girl was poly purebred with a perfect pedigree would opi have asked for a paternity test before helping not to mention asking for a paternity test now is questioning the integrity of the people involved son and girlfriend and in no world does that not make the european a-hole to them there are too many other variables going on they've known each other since high school who knows what kind of relationship they've had or how much the sun tells op it's irrelevant if they've been friends with benefits and started a relationship or have been friends for years and started a relationship or had a one night stand that turned into something more they are already past the first trimester they're in a relationship they're having a baby sun asking mum to help out with a few expenses not the a-hole mum declining to help because she doesn't feel comfortable doing so not the a-hole mom slash op putting the stipulation of a paternity test before helping ahol why does a 24 year old who's going to be working for his daddy's company need his mom's money to pay for his child's this reply should be way higher it's all i could think reading the post i don't think opie is the a-hole for not wanting to support their adult son's child that wasn't the question though opie is definitely a spoiled classist a-hole they're accusing the girlfriend of cheating because she didn't grow up with rich parents and she had a drug problem three years ago likely when she was dealing with the death of her parents like seriously it sounds like she went through something unbearable and took drugs to cope then came out the other side got clean got her ged and is working hard to support herself all while not having her parents there for her having lost my dad at the beginning of this year that kind of loss can seriously destroy you and i can definitely see why that sort of pain would lead to drug abuse someone else says in regards to the you're the a-hole i don't think i've ever disagreed with a top-rated am i the a-hole judgment more it's clear opie has doubts about this girl's parenting ability which is absolutely fair because she has a difficult history and she got pregnant less than a year after dating op's son rather than saying well there is no way in hell we're going to get behind this one opie is giving their son a chance to bring them on board by showing some definitive proof that their relationship is in good faith a lot of young people tend to believe their partners to a fault wherein love declares the young man with a partner of six months ropie is old enough to have a son in his twenties they've probably seen some crap being willing to support a child only when they are with a partner you feel you can trust doesn't make you an a-hole good parents don't subsidize bad decisions for fully grown offspring i couldn't agree with this more the amount of blind faith and support this thread has for the girlfriend is so bizarre in a perfect scenario he's the father she continues to remain clean and they live happily ever after but i don't think it's completely outrageous for opie to demand a paternity test before financially and emotionally committing to this girl and her future child not the a-hole also want to call out that a ged is no less a feat than a high school diploma they are functionally the same and in some cases have more requirements than a high school diploma respect an ex-addict with a ged who works full-time to support herself with our parents to fall back on over a kid making a great salary because of nepotism opie and the sun sound lucky to have her in their lives edits did not expect this to be my most controversial reddit opinion but i just want to add to it i am a privileged white woman with a master's degree and i've met tons of people like me throughout my life but if you're ever around someone who has had to fight and claw their way out of hell and into a meagre existence shut your mouth for five minutes you might learn something this is a hundred percent what i was thinking as i read this i admired this poor girlfriend more and more even written from the perspective of op who clearly looks down on her she's totally on her own she's been clean for years she works full time she got her ged sounds like she's worked hard to get her life on track sounds like she's doing better than most of us would under the circumstances i doubt the op would do that well she sounds like a keeper update am i the egg a-hole for refusing to support my son's pregnant girlfriend unless she takes a paternity test i received a message asking for an update so here we go after my original reddit post i talked to my son and asked him what kind of financial help he had in mind according to him since she does not have insurance many of her medical costs were adding up and he wanted to help her with those a lot of people asked me why my adult son was so reliant on us but to us that's not unusual he's a recent graduate and while he will be making a decent salary soon he's just entered the workforce and does not have much in the way of savings plus our family has always believed in helping each other out if my daughter was pregnant we would no doubt help her i expressed my desire for the paternity test for his benefits but he would not budge on that i tried to warn him of the countless stories of father's duped into parenting children that weren't his but he was certain a couple weeks later his girlfriend actually reached out to me herself we met up and she told me she was embarrassed he had asked for financial help on her behalf as she did not want to take any assistance this surprised me as i assumed that she was the one pushing for the money she was uncomfortable with the paternity test idea but she said she would look into it if it bridged the peace between me and my son with covid the paternity test never ended up happening it just wasn't a priority over the past few months i've been talking with them more and more and my husband and i bought them a substantial gift for their new home as a gesture of apology and good will we did offer financial help but my son refused it by the time the baby was born i had gotten to know his girlfriend better and was warming up to her joining our family she truly is a delightful young woman more so than i gave her credit for the baby was born seven weeks ago it's a boy and my son is absolutely thrilled i've not gotten to meet him yet but i have gotten to see him over video chats and in photos he looks like my son it's not an exact resemblance but i can see my son in this little boy's face enough that paternity doubts are firmly in the back of my mind truthfully i've fallen in love with this little boy and watching my son grow into becoming a father has been the proudest thing in my life if i had missed this i would have never forgiven myself i'm so glad that you've been able to look past your misgivings and give your son's girlfriend the chance she deserves i hope your mind stays open and that love finds you and yours in all its forms same i feel like often a lot of am i the a-holes end up just having mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws getting off on the wrong foots and just going downhill this is proof that sometimes if one side just offers an olive branch and the other stays open-minded everything works out i'd love to know where all your assumptions came from why did you assume that she was sleeping around behind his back why did you then assume that she chose your son to be the father because of your wealth why did you assume that she was the one asking for money all your baseless assumptions really landed you in hot water i must also say that my daughter's grandmother did the same exact thing to me she based all her assumptions on trash that her son had talked about me we were no longer together told me i was promiscuous and demanded a paternity test before my daughter would be included in any family money my daughter was 18 months old at the time and strongly resembled her father it hurt me very deeply it caused a huge problem in our relationship and made it very difficult to communicate with her in the future she did come around eventually and our relationship improved she has passed now but she was a wonderful grandmother and i'm very thankful to her for that you owe both your son and his girlfriend a big apology please think before you jump to conclusions those are some incredibly hurtful things to say and i'm glad you're feeling more comfortable but i really hope that you apologize directly to your son's girlfriend i promise you she needs to hear it ndrp says yes i made assumptions and they were entirely baseless i saw my son in a difficult situation and i panicked and judged her when really my son was as irresponsible as she was i've gotten to know her better over the past few months and i was wrong about her i have apologized and when i get to see them in person i will apologize again i really want to believe all of this but your son going from needing and wanting you to help to pay for pre-birth medical costs to now having a new house in a short time which requires money just rings odd in my honest opinion if true kudos to her for her recovery after losing her parents still getting a ged at least working full full-time to support herself and being a better person to you than many would be under the circumstances and opie says they didn't buy the house they are renting rental prices dropped with covered to something in their range whereas medical costs were much higher the last one that i could see here about um op someone said why not just do a paternity test anyway and see what happens and they say i would not do that behind their back not after everything posted by user drewdog the druid titled am i the a-hole for not sharing medical history before being pranked man this is a throwback some of you guys might remember this one but a lot won't heyo i'm a schizophrenic started when i was 22 and will last till i die i'm active in schizophrenic communities go to groups the works but i'm fairly private about it to most people to include friends it's fairly common for people to think i'm eccentric as it comes with the turf due to some of my habits those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people suddenly deciding not to do something i have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if i think a delusion might be coming on saying the occasional odd quip you know normal schizophrenic stuff some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like i might be going crazy as a group they would individually wear something like a wizard hat or a dinosaur costume you know the t-rex blow-up costume to a group event or see something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal oh police like to track people like you curve it's just a way to microchip you etc these are very real scary thoughts to me i would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and i hadn't been involved i was really really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so i preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole which is common in the schizophrenic community i was so scared my medication stopped working no one heard from me for a few days while i was in the hospital and when i checked out i confided in one of them about what it happens i got a really long apology explaining what had happened and i blew up at them i have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again am i the a-hole for not previously stating that i am schizophrenic and like before i said no it seems like what they're doing to you is very serious and you did the right thing for putting yourself in hospital admitting yourself and getting the help that you needed it's a very brave thing to do on your parts because especially given your condition of schizophrenia it's not easy to differentiate reality from a delusion i would imagine that's me speculating that's not me saying that i know this this is me being empathetic and i do hope that op is getting better from this they sound like a toxic friend group and i would do my best to avoid them friends shouldn't keep something going on for so long if they're seeing it have such a negative impact on you i feel like someone needs to come and extend an olive branch in that situation edits people have been asking saying to post the length of the prank it was around three weeks resources that i find helpful are the r schizophrenia subreddits for groups just google schizophrenia support groups in my area something will pop up and when you actually get there someone will have a further list you get what you put into groups you don't have to talk your first couple of times but no one will look at you with that bat crap look if you say reality check is there a bird in the room or something in that regard that did happen once and the audible sigh of relief from eight other people and the laughter that followed was hysterical medication helps so much it's the difference between being able to go for a walk with my dog and staying in bed all day but it takes time so many people have asked what drug and dosage a loved one should go on i cannot answer that there are so many drugs out there in different dosages i can tell you that you probably will not have a noticeable difference in behavior in two weeks after trying a medication you start small and you work your way up to a therapeutic effect when it actually helps it might take some time to actually get to feeling human again not every medication is meant for every person but don't give up and now to some comments not the a-hole even if you didn't disclose your medical history they knew enough that saying those things would screw with you if a prank doesn't leave both parties laughing it isn't a prank it's bullying a prank is leaving plastic flamingos on a friend's lawn or something harmless like that that wasn't a prank when it comes to pranks confuse don't abuse one of my friends would prank the other by putting a bunch of sporks in her yard when they knew that she wasn't home it was hilarious she included candy canes for christmas flamingos during the summer and eggs during easter it went on for a year before my friend came clean and admitted that she was the spawker see now that's a good one confuse your targets one of my best friends in high school drove two towns over to my house and ding dong ditched me i opened the door and there's a paper lunch bag filled with tiny plastic flamingos to anyone reading this if you've got silly prank friends like these you hold tight to them and never let go i realize now that i've always hated pranks because i didn't know any good pranksters your friends sound awesome another comment to op says oh honey this breaks my heart my partner is schizophrenic and it's hard enough on its own without some support group of a-holes deciding it would be fun to collectively gaslight you please go with your guts and never talk to these a-holes again as far as whether or not telling them ahead of time makes you an a-hole maybe in some alternate reality where schizophrenia stigma didn't exist also i have never heard of a group of friends doing this particular prank on mass so i don't know how you could have anticipated this happening because for the most part this doesn't happen i'm proud of you for going to the hospital when you felt that you needed to that's a hard thing to do a lot of people look back at the friends they had at your age and can't believe they ever put up with such an immature pack of a-holes you'll meet better people and hopefully some of your ex-friends will learn a lesson and become better friends in their futures i don't know why but your comment just gives off mom vibes yeah i'm not a mum but i'm really protective of younger people going through the same things as people i love the most updates am i the a-hole for not sharing my medical history before being pranked hey yo i had a few folks message me over the last couple of months the latest tonight it touches me that so many of you still message me to see if things are going well so i wanted to update people on mass life is going phenomenally i asked the friend group and have since been kicking butts i realized that if my close friend group was consistently putting me down or taking advantage of me who else could be the biggest answer was myself i stopped doing things i enjoyed to invest in people that took joy in hurting me turns out it went so much deeper than gaslighting i got two new hobbies woodworking and brewing i absolutely love them both and have made friends in those communities i started cooking instead of takeouts and i met the woman who is now my girlfriend at the local supermarkets and we do most things together now i realized my job had been taking a huge advantage over me i worked significantly harder and longer hours for less pay than the employees under me after i transitioned to taking better care of myself i created a resume that outlined my successes recognizing those successes took quite a bit of efforts and got a new job in higher management for significantly more pay i'm also going to buy a house this december with a yard for my dog and i nothing big just a nice one bedroom with a large yard for my buddy and i to play fetch in so thanks reddit oh you won never would have made life improvements if it weren't for an external force wow i absolutely remember your original post as someone else who struggles with mental illnesses they were so completely out of line but never forget who got you out of that dangerous situation you you have been working on living a stable life long enough to know that something was off and your health was number one keep realizing your worth and living a kick-ass life absolutely this opie should take full credit for the steps he's taken and i fully respect him for taking those steps as they must have been difficult and it would definitely have taken a lot of courage on his parts leaving a friends group no matter how toxic they may be is always a hard thing to do and i respect him even more for having the courage to do this i'm really glad that he's found and pursued new interests and hobbies opie is fantastic my half-sister is paranoid schizophrenic when she was 16-ish she was convinced by my pentecostal grandmother to get off drugs prescription medications and move away and work teen challenge about 10 years later she came back into our lives almost like a mildly rabid animal she had been through a lot due to being unmedicated for that decade not the least of which was brain damage from a television being thrown successfully at her head while she was being robbed she now resides in a nursing home due to the above i have no idea what a functional schizophrenic is like opie or anyone else would you care to elaborate even mildly absolutely 100 percent going to have triggers for anyone that is sensitive okay if you are sensitive to this i i suggest that you don't listen to this part it is quite long so i'm going to be totally transparent at first it totally destroyed my life i was 22 when i was first diagnosed while i was in the army at the time i had just made sergeant and completed an army field trip i was doing great things my troops were killing it and then i started hearing voices at first i just tried to drown out the voices with alcohol then it got to harder stuff like cocaine molly other three-day drugs i wasn't really depressed per se i loved life but one day i just had enough i had a fantastic plan i was going to empty my bank accounts donation to the alaskan zoo near where i was stationed and a couple of other places eat lunch at my favorite ramen place walk around downtown eat at my favorite restaurant which is orsos and then blow my brains out down by the mud flats i had pre-scheduled text messages that were supposed to be sent at 9pm to my boss that explained what i had done and that my stuff was packed up in my barracks room with letters to friends and family one of them sent ali for some reason thank god and he called me i went to the hospital for a week and was immediately ostracized lost my position lost my troops and was not allowed to be near my friends my commander had no idea what to do with me so i stayed in limbo for a few months in those months i had six attempts at going to behavioural health clinic to get medicated i finally just asked for a chapter which is when life really started after getting diagnosed i went back to my parents for a few months got on medication and then moved to arizona to be somewhere warm it was rough really really rough i had troubles holding down jobs for six months couldn't pay bills due to being broke and ate ramen once a day for quite some time i got a dog during that period and that's when life really started to turn around i made friends the group previously mentioned in the last aita go to regular groups once a week two times if i need it and began working in hotels it was a natural fits finding a job that i could naturally fit in and do is paramount for recovery as it gives hope for the future this makes me so incredibly happy good for you also opie can we hear how you and your girlfriend started dating i'd be lying if i'd say i'd never imagined meeting a future partner at the grocery store and i want to live vicariously through you lol so it was at the local friars grocer and i was totally lost looking at the baking supplies that i needed to make pastry with evidently i was taking quite a bit of time because this woman asked if i was feeling okay i laughed and said that i was trying to make a filler dough for a pastry dish and wasn't totally sure between the types of flour and baking sodas powders and all the other things she laughed offered to give me a family recipe and gave me her number for her to send the recipe the rest is history she offered a family recipe to a complete stranger i'd like to think my shirt that day was rather dapper posted by user scatterparty titled am i the a-hole for not giving my brother and his wife any privacy my brother lost his job along with all his savings several months ago and soon after he asked me if it would be okay if he 28 male and his wife 30 female stayed with me until they could afford their own place again i hesitated at first considering i only have a one-bedroom apartment but according to them they had no other options so of course i invited them over and bought a blow-up mattress for the living room for the first month things were manageable although admittedly cramped then my brother told me that sleeping on the mattress was giving him back pains so he asked if he could buy a small double bed for the living room the living room is by far the biggest room i have so i told him that would be fine as long as there was still room for my couch tv and bookshelves the living room is also connected to my kitchen in an open plan style so i reminded my brother to leave walking space around to the bed it's now been two plus months and things have gotten a lot worse when they first moved in i would still use the living room every day to unwind on the couch after work now whenever i go in there there's a strange vibe like i'm intruding my brother and his wife are often sitting in bed together when i go in i always knock and stare at me pointedly until i leave sometimes when i sit down they'll directly ask me for some alone time and say they would like the room to themselves this came to a head yesterday when my sister-in-law messaged me with a timetable she'd made when it would be a good time for me to use a living room the timetable basically says they will allow me into the room for an hour each evening plus 20 minutes around meal times i basically shut her down instantly and told her there was no way i'd be following a timetable since in the end it's my apartment she then sent me a huge message with a dozen paragraphs about how my constant presence was ruining her marriage with my brother and they feel like they have no privacy i tried to talk this over with my brother that night but when i got home neither my brother or sister-in-law were talking to me so he's clearly just as ticked today an amazon parcel arrived for my brother with a lock for the living room door which i told him there's absolutely no way i will allow him to install my brother says i'm creepy for wanting constant access to where they sleep and he's insisting on installing the lock anyway am i the a-hole for not giving my brother and his wife their privacy no it's your house it's not an a-hole move to do that in any capacity you would be an a-hole if you walked in on them having sex or intruded on them and intentionally barged in on them but from the sounds of it you're doing your best to avoid them and they are the ones disclosing you from things i don't understand why they're being so difficult but some people are like that some people are just crazy your house your rules you keep doing you i don't know how much longer i'd have them in there to be honest not the a-hole i would totally give them two weeks to vacate if they were going to be like this it's too much opi look into your state's tenant and landlord laws if they've been with you x amount of days and months they may have legal rights depending on if you own or rent your place you may be required to give them notice for a certain period of time in my home state it's seven days disclaimer i'm not giving legal advice as i'm not a lawyer i would definitely hit up the legal advice subreddit though some of those folks may be able to give you more specific advice same not the a-hole i'm betting they gaslight you and say that you are selfish you are not selfish for wanting your space back you aren't asking them to continue to pay a dime when they aren't living there you can use the timetable as a reason to say things are clearly not working out months is enough time for them to find footing to get into their own space even if it is something small that's not what gaslight means oh sure gaslight me into thinking that's not what it means why don't you sweetie i'm not sure what you're even talking about i never even said anything about gaslighting never are you sure you're feeling okay maybe you need to take a little nap mom is that you not the a-hole at all are they forgetting that they're living at your place and you were doing them a huge favor do they even pay rent due to the disrespect alone i would tell them that it isn't working out if they want the privacy they should get their own place not the a-hole to have the goal to buy a lock to block op from being able to use his own space the entitlement of these people is astounding kick them the f out and tell them to get their own place and if they won't vacate call the police i think at that point they would be considered trespassers porn4302 says lol just kicked them out and op says i know asking them to leave is technically a choice although my brother is the only family member i have still speaking to me after i came out last year and i'm terrified of being entirely cut off but maybe i'm running out of options and it looks like he's taking advantage of that to abuse your kindness posted by user suspicious letter 76 titled am i the a-hole for mansplaining pregnancy i'm a male midwife and have also contributed to research in women's health and when i was a nurse i contributed to breast cancer research i'm pretty passionate about women's health and chose midwifery after i finished nursing for that reason i was eating with friends and one of my friend's friend is pregnant and she was talking about how she didn't want to have sex with her husband because she didn't want to hurt the baby which seemed convenient because she was also drinking alcohol oh no i informed her that sex actually isn't harmful to the baby at all and actually provides some health benefits to the mother and you drinking alcohol is far more harmful she got angry at me and said that men don't know anything about pregnancy and that she's sick of know-it-all men who know nothing about women's bodies i informed her of the information i told you in the previous paragraph then she got angrier and left my friend said i didn't need to shame her like that but i doubled down and said that maybe she should listen to people who know more about this subject than her my friends said i was a dick so i just left since no one's going to listen to me and i couldn't believe this stupidity am i the a-hole i don't think you're the a-hole op you clearly do know more and it was obvious to me that you were looking out for her best interests but we judge ourselves by our intentions others judge us by our actions maybe your friend and her interpreted your actions as malicious in the moment obviously we weren't there so we couldn't judge the situation purely off of what was going on expressions how he said these words i'm not sure i can see how she would have taken it as a personal attack but if she had more humility and capacity to accept this new information and change her stance that fight wouldn't have happened and both parties wouldn't have had to leave it could have been a normal exchange and yet that wasn't the reality because you know she wanted to be a sourpuss and your friend stayed on that friend's side i don't understand it but you're not the a-hole not the a-hole she only got angry because she knew that you were right and she didn't want to be proven wrong agreed she was projecting agreed i'm a female ob and have had people react like this to me as in patients who have actually come to see me and more commonly mothers of patients who have been through it people don't want to hear what they don't want to hear but you gave us solid and safe advice and you're an expert and you weren't mansplaining mansplaining i mean sure it exists but it doesn't give a free ticket to be wrong i hate the overuse of the term to belittle of valid points just because a man told you it absolutely exists but it's when men who have no clue try to explain something to women who do assuming they have no idea this man works in the field he's explaining he is qualified to say what he is therefore it is not mansplaining mansplainers believe they have the most educated view simply because they're a man this isn't the case here she's just ticked that she got shown up in front of her friends not the a-hole i usually hate unsolicited advice but since you definitely actually know what you're talking about here i'll allow it in that spirit some unsolicited advice from me to you is next time say i'm a midwife if you want to hear some advice about that that way she knows you're not just some dude who read a wikipedia article about pregnancy and watched knocked up and she can say no thank you if she doesn't want to hear it she definitely got too defensive and also da don't drink while you're pregnant everyone knows that not the a-hole mansplain fetal alcohol syndrome too well you know if she's drinking in public what is she doing at home some people only drink when they're out with friends and don't want to miss out then she could be drinking at home or she could be saving her one glass a week as is the advised maximum in my country for when she's out with friends my wife was pregnant over christmas years back and was smashing in non-alcoholic mulled wine but when people asked what she was drinking she would just say mulled wine and not think swear everyone thought she was a raging alcoholic posted by user exciting lemon 93 titled am i the a-hole for getting a teeny tiny tattoo my husband didn't know about so to preface this i love tattoos i have several of them but they're all in a position that i can still conceal them if it comes to needing to look professional my husband however hates tattoos they aren't his thing he doesn't have any and that's fine your body your choice i've always wanted just one stupid no meaning tattoo don't ask why i'm not sure you know the thrill of it i guess all of my other tattoos have some sort of deep meaning and i love them all i want to get a teeny tiny avocado on the side of my big toe and avocado if you will i had discussed this with a couple close friends some find it hilarious because it is but others are disgusted and disappointed and brought up that my husband wouldn't like that at all and would probably be pretty upset so reddit would i be the a-hole if i got a tattoo my husband will probably dislike i don't understand how this is a big issue but apparently it is now that i think about it i mean if it was me in the position i wouldn't care if someone got an avocado on their big toe no one's really ever going to see it it's going to be concealed it's more like an inside joke but i guess if you're one of those controlling people that you know you like to control your wife's body sure and if they're doing it knowing that you're not gonna like it sure that's an a-whole thing to do i guess the sentiment comes from them knowing that you're not gonna like it they're doing something they know you're not going to like that's an a-hole move in and of itself but i personally don't deem it a huge thing it's a tiny tattoo so i'm gonna go with not the a-hole but uh edits i don't intend to tell him and just see how long it takes for him to notice i'm not going to hide it but just wait and savor the moment when i get to hit him with the pun edit 2 i've told my husband i'm getting another tiny one on my foot in september and he says that crap's gonna hurt i'm taking that as he's cool with it guys i'm getting a motherflip in avocado hell yeah so the some of these comments said pre those edits i'm gonna read them anyway everyone says not the a-hole but for me that smells like a fight is coming up he probably won't find it funny tell him beforehand and derek says i feel like it's an okay compromise he wants to have super long hair down to his butt i want a punny avocado he's never verbally dissed on my pieces at least not to me i'm just worried he will try and talk me out of it because he usually is the voice of reason but i literally can't find a single reason to turn this one down he comes home in a week so i may run the idea past him i know he's dead set on keeping his virgin skin and that's perfectly fine but i don't see the point in trying to regulate somebody else's body if it were on my face or somewhere super hard to cover yeah i understand entirely i don't think you have any reason to ask for permission or anything it's tiny and can easily be hidden but there's no point in potentially starting a fight that doesn't need to be started so you may as well talk to him about it before it happens so it isn't a surprise i've mentioned the want of another one but haven't told him for sure that i'm getting one of what and where just say sweetie i've just booked an appointment at the tattoo place next weekend and i'm really excited for it and then if he asks what the tattoo is just say a really small one you can try and find it when it's done your body your choice is fine and dandy and in that respect you aren't an a-hole but your husband dislikes tattoos you know that decided to get one anyways and then just didn't tell him about it people call that lying through a mission he's going to notice it eventually he'll probably get ticked you hit it because not saying anything is hiding it and then you'll try to play the victim seems like a great healthy relationship you're the a-hole because this seems like pointless troublemaking for no reason at all i already had most of my tattoos when i met my husband so this isn't the first one and i'm just hiding them i figured if he could accept my other ones with no issue then i don't see the harm in placing a tiny vegetable on a place that he hates he thinks feet are disgusting good for you if you're so sure then this post is completely unneeded it's a classic am i the a-hole move come here with your mind already made up argue with anyone that disagrees and then act surprised when people agree with you and just soak up the validation clap clap posted by user friend's wedding titled am i the a-hole for refusing to lend my friend a dress and a pair of earrings for her budget wedding and maybe body shaming her in the process i'm using a throw away because i don't want people finding my main accounts i 18 female have a friend also 18 female who was recently married we can call her jane she went to my sixth form and although she dropped out when she got pregnant we've stayed in touch because they're going to be having a baby they don't want to spend any money on a big wedding but they still want a small celebration her parents have a nice back garden that it's possible to social distance in jane contacted me and asked if she could borrow some things for her wedding outfits i didn't double check i probably should have but i assumed that she wanted a something borrowed like a necklace hairpin etc she asked me for a dress now it's not a very expensive dress but it would work nicely for a simple wedding i can see why she wants to wear it but the problem is that jane is bigger than i am i pointed out that we were different sizes and asked if she wanted to try it on first jane said that her mother who is apparently good at sewing can modify the dress to fit jane i admit i freaked out a little like i said the dress wasn't expensive and it doesn't have sentimental value or anything but i still like it i've never seen her mother so and i don't really trust her to cut up my clothes i told jane that i wasn't really comfortable with that but i was happy for her to look at accessories and jewelry jane got a bit upset and said that i could always have the dress back but i stood my ground because it's not like i could wear it after it had been modified so she looked at accessories instead she chose a flower crown and a pair of gloves next she asked me if she could look at jewelry i said that she could have anything except one pair of earrings and she got upset again and asked why not the earrings are real jewels and my parents gave them to me when i turned 18. it's not just the value i know that my mum and my dad spent a long time looking for a piece of jewelry that they thought i would like they smile every time they see me in them especially my dad i would hate for them to somehow get damaged or lost and honestly i feel kind of weird lending them to anyone jane got really ticked and basically said that of course i didn't want to dirty my lady's jewelry she also accused me of looking down on her for being a young mom and not finishing school and left my house in a huff she's been gossiping about me to all of our friends and making passive aggressive comments on social media everyone is divided jane's mum and a couple of friends that are more hers than mine think i'm being completely unreasonable some of my friends are on my side but others think that i didn't need to be so firm about the dress or call her fat i didn't mean to body shame her at all they also said that i could have been more sensitive as jane is being so careful about money now i'm wondering if i should send over the dress am i the a-hole edits i've since received a message from one of my friends one of jane's friends suggested disinviting me from the wedding altogether i'm not sure how serious this was meant to be taken because it was apparently mid-tramping session and someone else asked if in that case jane would be giving back the things she had already taken now it's basically been split down the middle and jane is apparently in hysterics because one of the girls who was meant to be her bridesmaid is being mean to her i'm going to send her a message asking to talk before it gets any worse updates i sent jane a message asking to talk and she called me i didn't really get a word in she'd obviously been crying and was still extremely upset she yelled at me down the phone for a good five minutes and then she hung up her mum just texted to apologize and asked for a link to the dress as she and jane's husband are splitting the cost of it and a pair of nice shoes to go with it she also said that she'd ask jane to talk to me tomorrow once she had calmed down not the a-hole what the hell she really expects to be given your dress just because she asked once it's modified it won't fit you properly anymore she's basically being an art slash choosing beggar it's unreasonable of her to expect to walk into your closets and pick out anything she wants some accessories and clothes have sentimental value i have a few things i wouldn't lend out either not even to my best friends they're just special to me and i couldn't imagine anything happening to them love how people think op is calling her fats um no you have a child inside of you and they tend to be noticeable at a certain point she's 18 obviously irresponsible and is going to be in for a rude awakening when people don't treat her special anymore it sucks that she's not getting the wedding of her dreams but don't take it out on your friends for real like this is a pretty huge stretch to call this fat shaming her friends probably knew it wasn't but agreed with jane anyway to avoid the headache of her flipping out on them yeah opie doesn't even sound very close to jane and she just straight up asked opie to give her things then got mad when opie had the nerve to limit what jane can take the entitlement is very strong here who would even want somebody like this as a friend they're 18. they're still learning that no is a complete sentence and that it is okay to just not be friends with certain people i think op did pretty well setting some healthy boundaries for herself at her age especially while still in a setting where friends are determined by circumstance and not always things you have direct control of posted by user wedding excites titled am i the a-hole for having a dress code for our wedding hello everyone we 29 male and 24 female are getting married this september up until recently everything had been going to plan and our months of hard work planning had been paying off the issue lies in the dress code we've been clear from the beginning that this is going to be a white tie event so of course there are strict rules attached to that one thing we're really looking forward to is our wedding shoots we have spent a large amount of our own money on a photographer who we hired after weeks of research and shopping recommendations the photographer is highly highly sought after in our area and we were lucky to book him last year in advance so naturally we're taking this seriously we have been clear from the very start that the dress code will be fully enforced the invitations we sent explicitly told our guests what we'd be expecting from them white tie no unnaturally dyed hair no visible tattoos or piercings and that they were free to decline the invitation if they had a problem with this we also sent everybody who rsvp'd a reminder over email several weeks ago repeating this instruction this was going fine until one of our mothers had recently posted on facebook a picture of a cocktail style dress she wants to wear on the day of course this isn't included in our dress code so we informed her right away that the dress would be unacceptable another woman a family friend asked if she could bring flat shoes to change into after the ceremony and again we directed her to the white tie instructions unfortunately this has caused a lot of unnecessary drama throughout both of our families and even some of our friends both sets of parents cousins some siblings and many more people have messaged us privately to ask to relax our dress code and to allow them to be flexible this isn't happening so we have just pointed to our white tie only policy and told them they accepted the rules when they rsvp'd in our opinion while wearing knee-length dresses and suits rather than a tux might be appropriate for a day-to-day life they will doubtlessly look out of place at a wedding that is supposed to be fully formal we are hosting a private event where we are able to set the rules having been to other weddings over the years we have fully complied with the wishes of the marian couple and we do not see why we should not be given the same treatment since we've made this clear we've been called a-holes by people around us however in our opinion this is our wedding and we've been clear about our preferences all along we've even told our guests that if anyone has a problem with this they are free to drop out even though we will still be paying for their seats now and not attend am i the a-hole for having a dress code at our wedding edits just so you know everyone shouting bridezilla is being very sexist i am the man in this relationship and while my fiancee and i agree on this issue entirely i am the one who posted this submission it's hard for me to put this into words it's fine to have a dress code at your wedding but the way you're going about it i doubt that a lot of these people will want to be wearing these things and i know it's expected of them they agreed to the terms and conditions of the wedding but these people that do attend because i imagine there will be some not attending still have rights to think of you guys as an a-hole for not letting them be a little bit more comfortable if not at the wedding post-wedding at the reception after the ceremony that one you know i think you're allowed to enforce your rules if you want but i think you're an a-hole for the way you've gone about it but i understand why you've done it sometimes you have to be that way doesn't make you not an a-hole in my view you're the a-hole it is your wedding and you can do what you want but it's a wedding not a photo shoot or a play the stuff about piercings tattoos and hair color is especially ridiculous if all you care about is nice pictures then higher models that way they'll look exactly how you want them to look and they won't complain if you want an actual party with real people you need flexibility look rp is going to have the classiest wedding no one ever attended oh no it's not going to be classy at all trying too hard is desperately vulgar after all yeah this is super lower middle class painfully so agreed if opi was used to dress codes he'd know that their purpose is not that the host can play dress-up with life-sized dolls but to help the guests feel comfortable and help them pick out an appropriate outfit dress codes exist so that no one will embarrass themselves by showing up in a gown to a cocktail party and you just adjust the dress code to the guests you'd never see the queen of england host an entire event with mostly middle class people and then make it white tie because they would have to go out and buy expensive clothes they'd probably not wear again she would never inconvenience her guests like that because she has class this at least from the men's perspective owning evening dress is so far down on the list of priorities that no one other than people who routinely go to super formal functions has access to this i wonder if opie actually knows what white time means other than the color of the tie also the wedding guests shouldn't be on the same level as the wedding party if op wants to dress in tails and gowns then at least move the guests down to black tie and formal would be appropriate too clearly not since they mentioned tuxedos which are not white tie and do not become white thai just by putting on a white tie posted by user turkenberg titled am i the a-hole for all moving out and leaving our roommate with a lease agreement he can't afford because he practically moved in his girlfriend so that was a mouthful lol that's what she said also it's more or less in are we the a-holes instead of am i specifically also i'm not english so sorry if my grammar sucks so my roommate jake rented this apartment with two other people one of them backed out immediately before signing anything and the other jeff didn't want to sign anything as he needed to be able to move out on a quick notice jake agreed with jeff the condition was that he'd send him his share every month and jeff would arrange two more roomies asap well that's where me and pete come in we know jeff from high school we needed a place to stay for college and jeff asked us to live on the same conditions as he did anyways everything was split four ways the usual stuff prior to the whole stuff that's going on right now jake suddenly had his girlfriend over all the time but no one brought it up as it wasn't uncommon to have your girlfriend over for a few days we all do it but when she was here a full week made a load of messes made our utility bill way higher and literally never left the apartments we talked to jake who informed us that she was staying for a few weeks because she lost her place and her job we were all pretty ticked pointed out he should discuss crap like that beforehand and how she could at the bare minimum pick up after herself he simply replied it was his name on the list so he could do whatever however he would talk to her about cleaning up after herself obviously we were ticked but then all hell broke loose in the world and we were stuck with her it just kept getting worse more messes water bill through the roof kitchen trashed other people's food disappearing etc despite multiple attempts to speak to them demanding she pay her share of the rent and utilities etc it always ended with it's my name on the lease long story short we found a new place for the three of us send our last month's rent with the notice that we were moving out since he is entitled to a 30-day notice lease or not and packed our crap which includes 90 of furniture kitchen utensils etc and moved out into our new place cue endless messages from jake stating that he can't afford it alone how he'll go broke and he doesn't know anyone who wants to move in and begging us to come back even crying on the phone so we all replied with it's your name on the lease bro right now we want to know whether we are the a-holes since we all kind of feel like we are regardless of his behavior um like maybe from his perspective you are but he screwed you guys around so much that i don't think you're the a-hole he never fixed his behavior he always just said you can't stop me you can't change me my name's on the lease i won't change screw you guys so what you guys said to that was like screw you guys i'm going home and the three of you packed up and went home like good gentlemen and i respect the hustle opie's not the a-hole you tried talking to him you tried making concessions if he's your friend you can help him find new roommates or a new place in parallel but he has to own the fact that he pushed your louds and i wouldn't move back in if i were you his girlfriend sounds like an entitled a-hole given she should be considerate of the position that she put him in and he should have had the foresight before talking down to y'all he's jeff's friend not mine i hardly liked the dude the first time i met him he's just a roommate to me he's no friend of yours if he lets his girlfriend take advantage of you all there isn't much wondering to do on why she lost her place and her job apparently she's allergic to adulting not the a-hole play stupid games win stupid prizes i'm sure his girlfriend can cover one quarter and then he just needs to find new roommates no she can't she's unemployed and not in college so no loans or government aid she could at best apply for welfare but that would take a while to process to be honest it's their problem they had no problem making you three to be part of paying her life i mean it would have been fine in my mind if she took on her share of the costs too and kept crap clean yeah that would have been the right thing for him to do right i mean why would we pay for her usages she's very entitled and did nothing to help she should pay some rent into utilities but leaving messes and eating your food is too much they were never going to change so you had no choice i guess you could have threatened him with leaving first but that would have been on jeff to give his buddy one last chance you had zero obligations to stay not the a-hole posted by user cupas-judkaka titled am i the a-hole for cutting my daughter off because she went over on her utility bill my 48 female daughter is 25 and a recently single mum of a seven-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl her late husband 24 at the time was trying to start a business and left her and her son with a lot of debt that he didn't tell her about i admit that he probably expected sunnier days financially speaking soon but at the same time i never liked the boy i felt like he was too soft at everything he did my daughter is left with a lot of debt they were sending their kid to a private special needs school and she begs that i cover the tuition for that along with the utilities and gas for her apartment at that moment i've become shaky on my confidence in my daughter's decisions so i make her a deal that she forwards me the utility bill for the next three months and that she cannot go over 200 a month first two months go by okay but this month i see that her bill comes out to about 215 dollars she explicitly broke her side of the deal so i told her that i will not be financially supporting her or her kids and that she either needs to secure more shifts at her hotel housekeeping job or attempting to get alone she starts calling me cold-hearted and says that it was because her son was on the computer doing learning games and now her son will have to be put in a public school where special education is weak however we had a deal and i remind her that she could have continued working instead of hitching her horse to somebody who was barely making ends meet for their family am i the a-hole my husband 57 male and my daughter's father cut contact with her after she got married for a lot of complicated reasons and says he supports my decision he says he raised her to be self-sufficient and strong and it's embarrassing to see her beg for money god it's so embarrassing when your 25 year old daughter loses her husband's you know he dies and he's trying to start a business and then he leaves her with debt because he wasn't able to fulfill that business because he died and the 25 year old has two kids one with special needs and she's really just gonna pull herself up by her bootstraps doesn't she it's just him it's just embarrassing how she's done this to herself isn't it opie god she just chose to do that she just chose for him to die yeah definitely cutting her off is the same thing to do op very smart very smart you're the a-hole how is your head this far up your ass i don't get it your daughter is a 25-year-old widow with two children and you cut her off over 15 dollars because you didn't like her dead husband you're the a-hole so very very much not just 15 but 15 spent on utilities not going to a bar or getting a tattoo but utilities sorry daughter maybe next time just live without air conditioning in the middle of the summer not just in the middle of the summer but in the middle of the pandemic where people are supposed to be staying home even if she's still going to work and sending kids to school and daycare i'm sure they are overall spending a lot of time at home since there's nowhere to really go at the moment i have certainly spent more on my utilities this summer that i normally do because i'm home way more don't forget the details that make this even worse and crueler one of the kids is a special needs kid it happened in the middle of the pandemic the daughter is a hotel housekeeper meaning that she probably had her hours severely reduced due to the lack of travel so completely out of her control opie is advising her daughter to get alone which in her situation would be the predatory type from lone sharks where she'll be in worse and worse debt every time with no ability to get out of it plus the fact her husband passed young and unexpectedly leaving her with debt was completely out of her control it doesn't sound like there were any predictors or factors that indicated he wasn't well etc they were expecting a long life together with the best care possible for a special needs child that just makes me so angry how cruel this person is it's embarrassing to see your recently widowed daughter mother of two young children struggling for money what the hell is wrong with you posted by user wintermiddle5774 titled am i the a-hole for wanting my wedding to be perfect so i 45 female i'm getting married to my boyfriend 47 male he has three kids two adopted daughters 25 and 17 both girls and a biological son who's 24. i love my step kids a lot but there's one problem his youngest is bisexual and has a girlfriend and i don't have a problem with that but most of my family is homophobic and my boyfriend wants to invite his kids his significant other since they are family i had a talk about it and he was mad at me for thinking that his youngest girlfriend shouldn't come because of my family i tried my best to explain but he was really stubborn refusing to not invite her i got mad at him too and now we won't talk to each other of course i love my stepdaughter and her girlfriend is really nice but i'm scared about my family causing a ruckus because of it um so you're just gonna enable the homophobia in your family that's nice you know being the older and bigger person and it being your wedding you do have the ability to tell them cut it out cut the nonsense out it's not for my wedding day it's not appropriate and i won't have you acting like that there you can do that op just just a heads up you're the a-hole if you exclude the girlfriend from the wedding purely on the basis that you don't want these homophobes causing a ruckus at your wedding you have the ability to shut that down so you're the a-hole by showing you prioritize your homophobic family over your partners you show where you stand your partner and his kid deserve better also please grow up perfect anything doesn't exist yeah your husband's family is polyphonic and you need to either roll with that groove or stick with your family's boring homophobic approach right get with the josh scan you're the a-hole if anyone shouldn't be going it's the homophobes rp wouldn't be able to attend her own wedding if that was the case a shame really you're the a-hole if anyone should not be getting invited it's the homophobes your step-daughter and her girlfriend are not the problem here and won't be the ones causing drama if your family cannot control themselves then they shouldn't get to come talk to them about this before the wedding then you'll have a gauge on if they'll be [ __ ] to these girls and make your decision about family invites from there good on your boyfriend for sticking up for his kid and her girlfriend i've never understood exactly that why is it always the people just living their life that must change for the wedding and the homophobes just get a pass if someone in my family was openly homophobic they just wouldn't be invited to my wedding i don't care who you are that crap isn't allowed sounds like it's the vast majority of her family and that despite not having a problem with bisexuals she's done absolutely nothing to try to educate them nor is she willing to because it'll cause a ruckus she wants her relatives to feel comfortable in their bigotry you're the a-hole for days posted by user throwaway6871 titled am i the a-hole for calling a lady at the beach a jealous old hag after she told me to cover up throw away because i don't want this linked to my main account yesterday a couple of friends and i 18 female took a day trip to the beach corona restrictions in my area allow for this and we made sure to follow all safety guidelines an older couple i'd say they were in their 60s were sat a little bit away from where we were while we were laying around and tanning it was pretty obvious that the husband kept staring at us we thought it was a little creepy but chose to just ignore it a little later i got up to throw away my soda can unfortunately the couple was sitting in a spot that was on my way to the recycling bin i threw my can away and on my way back i heard a snarky excuse me i turned around and the wife had called out to me i just looked at her like huh because i had no idea why she was even talking to me she continued on to ask and demand that my friends and i covered up because we were distracting her husband i was shocked that someone would actually just ask that of me so i was a little snotty in my tone i said to her ma'am we're at the beach bikini's a normal swimwear and it's hot out so we won't be covering up i don't think she liked my response and the fact that i wasn't going to do what she wanted so she proceeded to say how disrespectful i was for talking back to her and that it's not her fault if we were dressed trampy at this point i was completely flabbergasted that she had the nerve to speak to me that way and i'll admit that i let my emotions get the best of me i said to her it's not my fault that your husband's a pervert preying on young women you're just a jealous old hag she was obviously ticked but she didn't respond to me as i walked away though i heard her say to her husband that i was a trashy [ __ ] when i got back to my friends i told them what happened and they thought i handled it fine and that my response was funny i still can't help but feeling like i'm a bit of an a-hole for lashing out i know i should have just ignored her but i just felt so objectified and humiliated that i was seeing red am i the a-hole no she was intentionally objectifying and humiliating you i don't think there's an argument for defending this woman she's just jealous the jealousy was oozing out of her being you reacted you responded did it in a way that slaps her down but doesn't make you an a-hole for doing so opie not the a-hole why is she trashing you a random stranger in normal swimwear instead of having a talk with her husband the person who actually owes her respect and loyalty you were right to call her out to add to this lol at people who think swimwear is the issue in 2020 if we can sexualize ankles in the back of the neck clothes aren't the problem here not the a-hole shame on that woman for thinking even for one moment that our senior citizen husband needs to have a sexual fee fees considered by 18 year olds you were polite and even called her mam she pushed you into being more direct you handled it better than i would have and i tip my hat to you posted by user andre limbo titled am i the a-hole for putting mushrooms in my carbonara so i love putting mushrooms in my carbonara and it's also a greek tradition however my girlfriend is italian and she's making it as an insult to the italian culture we had a mini argument about it last week and yesterday we went out for dinner so i kind of forgot it and i ordered carbonara with mushrooms and she became really really mad about it so i reminded her the last time she put coca-cola in oozo which is a huge insult to my greek culture in the end she ordered greek gyro and she put cucumber inside it to insult me but i didn't care and in the end i saw how awesome it was when we arrived home she said to me that this was a dick move and now she isn't talking to me so am i the a-hole uh this is just a normal fight you're welcome to be a very big supporter of your greek culture and your italian culture although i i feel like food is food if people want to enjoy you know carbonara with mushrooms there's nothing wrong with that both of you guys are just being petty both of you suck here gonna inch out away from the tree trunk to say this argument isn't actually about mushrooms coke or cucumbers everyone sucks here i don't know my sister's bff is italian and she goes nuts anytime you alter an italian dish my italian brother-in-law doesn't mind at all in fact he's happy to try new combinations but the bff is a nightmare to have at dinners my sister and i are irish there seems to be a significant minority of italians who believe altering their dishes is offending their culture not the a-hole just because the original recipe requires something doesn't mean you can't make your own variations p.s carbonara is made with guanchale so if they're just making it with bacon she's already changing the recipe i agree and to be fair both sides of the argument have merits i am obsessed with carbonara a friend of mine makes which is a traditional recipe with guanciale but when he went through his vegetarian phase and swapped out the guanciale for baked crepeake it was honestly just as good in my opinion arguments about cultural dishes can get heated in relationships but given pretty much every cultural dish is an adaptation or evolution of a previous dish it seems silly to get worked up over it unless the person is claiming it's the original version like pizza with ketchup i don't like it but i don't see why anyone should care if someone decides to have it or make it for themselves it's not like opie is forcing his girlfriend to eat the mushroom carbonara he ordered it for himself not the a-hole i would have been out the second she framed your cooking as an insult to a country that's how crazy people talk huh i see you haven't met many italians for real though opie is not the a-hole we can be a bit too attached to our food traditions but anyone who unironically throws a tantrum like that and gets offended by opi's hilarious response to cucumber in gyro is just childish posted by user xenofection titled am i the a-hole for telling a friend's boyfriend her intentions of getting pregnant a couple of years ago a close friend ashley started a long-distance relationship with a guy chris he has been really good to her and after meeting in person a few times they decided to move in together i was super happy for her as she had a few bad relationships over the years and it was nice to see her in a healthy one that joy faded the last couple of months before she moved a few states over to be with him the issue isn't her moving but that she repeatedly joked about having a baby from chris at first i accepted it as jokes but over time i realized ashley was serious for context ashley has two children from a previous previous relationship ages 10 and 12. chris absolutely doesn't want kids he told her this at the start and anytime she hinted possibly wanting more he shot it down saying that it was a deal breaker now chris is more than willing to accept her children as her own because he loves her and after meeting her kids them as well he's accepted that they are a package deal with her and since they aren't at an age where they're it's not an issue for him to me chris is a real bro for taking on her kids without issue hearing ashley say she wants a baby out of him one way or another bothered me to no end it's hard enough to find a partner that treats you well and accepts children that aren't their own to find one that does and then talk about plotting to force a baby seems gross and manipulative before her move i had sat down with ashley trying to talk sense into her at first she resisted but finally it seemed like she understood how crappy it would be after i felt like she had understood i put the issue behind me and helped support her through the hassle of moving a few days after she left i got a call from a mutual friend who delves in the wicked and metaphysical realm she was distraught and confessed to me that shortly before ashley's move ashley had come to her asking for a fertility spell this friends didn't feel comfortable about it and refused when she pushed she said she cast a spell for a healthy and honest relationship but told ashley it was for fertility as you can imagine i was livid i messaged ashley confronting her about what i learned and she laughed it off as she was desperate but magic is fake anyway so what's the harm you know she then let it slip that since chris was planning on getting a vasectomy in a few months she had poked holes in their condoms as a last-ditch effort at this point i couldn't stay silent i gathered up screenshots of all the conversations over the last few months and sent them to chris he understandably freaked out and kicked her out now ashley hates me because she was kicked out after a huge move and didn't have a job or money to make it back she said i'm a terrible person for putting her and her kids out on the street am i the a-hole here should i have kept quiet no this reads like a disney movie but nonetheless if i were chris i would be very happy that you told me that she was doing this especially putting holes in condoms hmm seems like a bit of an illegal and trashy thing to do you're not really giving him consent there to have a child in the event that it does happen and intentionally admitting to it is malicious and disgusting opie i don't think you're the a-hole in this situation she's out in the street because of her own actions it's not your fault chris would be in a much worse off situation as would that kid if she were to have one so you did the right thing by all accounts good on you op not the a-hole you are literally saving someone from being baby trapped we need more people like you this but without the emojis this but without the unnecessary negativity this but with so much negativity poking holes in condoms is taking advantage of them you've changed the consent levels and it's fudging being taken advantage of as a note i am a woman and if a man was poking holes in condoms to make a baby with me i would consider it that it is the same in a woman doing so with a man baby trapping is fudging our word and it's not okay she deserves to be kicked out if it's after an expensive move that's her own damn faults opie you saved a man from an abusive relationship after he gave so much already to accept her kids while being child free you saved him she is absolute dog crap it's a special kind called reproductive coercion revolting and horrifying in its own unique way screw everyone who pulls any kind of this no please don't screw them they're not the kind of people who should be having kids not the a-hole you didn't get her kicked out she did with her deceit and potentially very harmful behavior this is worse than cheating on someone in my opinion can you imagine if it were the other way around and here were the one poking holes in condoms people would drag him through the mud and i'm pretty sure it's illegal to do so in many places choosing to be a parent or not is incredibly personal and should never ever be a coerced decision considering how awful and disrespectful she is to someone she was supposed to be in love with i don't think you're losing out on much of a friend here you're a hero in my eyes posted by user dear throwaway diary titled am i the a-hole for making a fake diary entry to catch my stepmom i 17 female have been quarantined with my dad and stepmom my mom is a doctor so she was super paranoid about my family living with her during the pandemic but as things where i live are settling down she let us come stay with her again my stepmom has known me for two years and our relationship has always been weird she's a nice person but she can be pretty mean and childish if we do something she doesn't like she also has a tendency to run to our dad if she hears something bad about us long story short i have a diary and i keep a lot of private stuff in it dad called me a few days ago we were visiting with our mum saying that he has to talk to me when i come back apparently i was in trouble because of something i apparently said to my stepmom when he told me what she said i said i immediately recognized it because i wrote it in my diary i realized a lot of the stuff i wrote down was stuff she was telling him so i decided to come up with a plan to see if i was right i wrote a fake entry basically saying stuff i would never do in a million years and set the trap dad calls me while out visiting with friends and when i come back he grounds me for what i did stepmom later comes in apologized and said it sounded concerning and she had to tell i told her it was fake knew she read my diary and refused to speak to her my dad came in and tried to talk to me and i told him that stepmom was reading my diary and he didn't believe me now i'm with my mum and i don't know if what i did was fair i felt it was the only way to prove my points and didn't know what else to do am i the a-hole no you proved your point pretty damn well there opie no one should be reading your diary especially that young or even at any age it's never an acceptable thing to do but especially to be going through your diary at 17 years old huge misstep of boundaries she has no right to do it to continue getting you in trouble for things that aren't her concern and your dad is enabling it disgusting situation all around i don't blame you for moving in with your mom for these actions you are not the a-hole did your dad even address this massive invasion of privacy what does your mom think i kind of wanted proof before because otherwise it would be my word against hers and he always sides with her because he thinks she knows better mom was upset and thinks i went a little overboard but understands why i did it you didn't go overboard at all you needed your evidence before you started falsely accusing her and i'd have done the same thing he always sides with her because he thinks she knows better i actually thought of coming with a plane with your father to catch her but if he's taking her side i don't think he'd have even entertained the idea to do it with you not the a-hole op she owes you an apology and so does your father if he ever talks to you again you'll have to address this don't let them sweep this away like it didn't happen she has been reading your diary and snooping through your things for god knows how long just because she is your stepmother or an adult doesn't mean she had the right to do so no parents do time to write some entries to get your dad in deep crap i think how you saw him hugging another woman you see them again a few weeks later leaving a romantic restaurant that time you needed something expensive but you knew they didn't have the money your stepmom wouldn't approve but he said something about a special bank account of his so stepmom never needed to know dad told you he'd been texting with an old high school sweetheart and you wonder if it's the woman you've seen him with twice she looked nice nicer than stepmom dad said he was up for a pay raise three weeks later when you remembered to ask dad says he got a pay raise but tells you to keep it to yourself i mean yeah petty as hell but they deserve it stepmom for invading your privacy dad for not believing in you sounds like i need to get myself another diary but to be honest i really just did it because i needed to see for myself too that she was actually reading it not just me being paranoid all these responses are definitely making me feel better posted by user deleted titled am i the a-hole for telling my mother-in-law that her arrangement is disgusting we are currently staying with my in-laws but doing our best to save and move out mother-in-law does not hide that she can't stand me and that our presence is a massive inconvenience i've always suspected they had an open marriage because of some off-colour jokes but i didn't really care or want to know yesterday was father-in-law's birthday and they had some friends over i felt obligated to help in the kitchen because it's one of those houses where the women do all the cooking and the men sit around mother-in-law was talking to her best friend about their marriage and the friend asked if she can screw anyone she wants mother-in-law explained that they have some rules and they can't sleep with anyone who is an equal she said they only go outside their marriage with people in service type minimum wage jobs like they're made someone who works at their country club or a bartender examples she gave she said that they do that because people in those positions don't count as real people so there is no danger in developing feelings i couldn't bite my tongue anymore and told mother-in-law that she is disgusting me those fake people have more grit work ethic and character than she could ever have and i'm glad i wasn't born in a victorian novel like she apparently was she didn't say much but she asked my husband to have a talk about respect with me she is now trying to say that i'm close-minded but i don't care that they have an open marriage but i think her comment deserves to be called out even if i am a guest in her home yeah i don't think you're an a-hole for this atollopee i think she's living in some loopy fantasy of hers where you know all these people are lower than me i'm so good oh ho ho women do all the work in the house just very odd reality and i don't want what they're having no thank you i don't enjoy these types of ideologies that these weird people have it's concerning and disgusting in all levels they're free to have an open marriage but the way they go about it is so odd opie not the a-hole the fact that she made those comments and then expected your husband to talk to you about respect that's hysterical i didn't like when this happened to johnny castle on dirty dancing and i don't like it now not the a-hole johnny deserved better and that wasn't an apology not the a-hole you weren't judging their relationship you were calling her out for being super elitist and gross the fact that they intentionally only seek out people in certain wage jobs also insinuates that they want there to be a power imbalance in the encounter which is further supported by them saying people in low-wage jobs aren't real people i'm glad you called them out i hope other people they share their arrangement around call them out too there is nothing wrong with being in an open relationship but there is absolutely something wrong with thinking people aren't real people and specifically seeking out people who have less socioeconomic power implies many concerning things i'm gonna assume they don't tell these lesser people how they think about them before they screw them otherwise they'd probably have a lot less dirty peasant sex with the proletariats another problematic insinuation is that they can use the socioeconomic power imbalance between themselves and heir sexual partners to coerce them into sexual encounters that they usually wouldn't agree to so even if those people did know how op's in-laws felt about them they might screw them anyways because they feel like they can't say no overall their attitude is bordering on fudging criminal not the a-hole guess that means since i don't make six figures i could pork your mother-in-law plenty of bartenders made six figures pre-covered and they apparently still get to poor kopi's mother-in-law i'd rather polish my bollocks with a belt sander than have anything to do with therapy's mother-in-law yikes a little against the grain but everyone sucks here and honestly it could be you're the a-hole depending on the reality of how a conversation went down your account of what she said is pretty paraphrased the only thing in quotes are real people and equals so i have to assume she actually used those words that is rude of her but it's her own home and she wasn't talking to you people often use off-color hyperbole when in private get over it in the context of an open marriage i really don't think their rules are unreasonable it makes sense to seek out that power imbalance if it makes their open marriage work without jealousy on the other hand you butted into their conversation to call her disgusting based on one comment when you clearly haven't made an attempt to understand their relationship this is actually why opie is you're the a-hole i am sure mother-in-law is used to being judged and perhaps uses language in a way to justify her behavior we have no idea why mother-in-law doesn't like op so i feel like there's perhaps a reason that would underscore why you're the a-hole judgment is more appropriate having people live with you is a huge inconvenience no matter how much you love them the fact you aren't being charged rent and you're also poking the bear makes you the a-hole because you are also risking making your spouse homeless too you're the a-hole you spoke up with an unsolicited opinion in the house of the woman that you were living with she is doing you a favor and you cannot keep your mouth shut about your opinion you do need to learn some respect for how you speak to someone in their own home whose home is open to you through inconvenience during your financial hardship damn i guess they're ready to take it to the next step and uh keep it in the family right hey oh you're stuck in that washing machine mother-in-law well me is a lowly member of the proletariat let me help you get out of there real quick alright guys that's where i'm gonna end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys are able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you 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Channel: Markee

Views: 85,601

Rating: 4.8243241 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: KtoUA7NpZdU

Length: 157min 28sec (9448 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 06 2020