r/Relationships - Jealous Friend Mad I Stole His Girl?

today that guy's a to Manman machi back at it again with another episode of a slash relationship advice now if you love today's content I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and tell me what you think of all these stories and what advice would you give posted by user through our a hang-up titled x' i'm being shunned because i 23 male stole a potential date away from my friend who's also a 23 male throw away account and all names have been changed i and my friends were invited to join a bottomless brunch with a group of girls on saturday in the UK quarantine has been lifted so bars and pubs are opened again and to celebrates we wanted to go out my friends Mark's girlfriend Jess invited us along even though we didn't know the group of girls we had made our own plans throughout the day bars are open but only bookings not walk-ins but decided to pop in and see them the group of girls we ended up meeting at brunch were all very beautiful and honestly I felt a little bit insecure I could say I'm more average looking but definitely not model material like some of these girls were anyway on arrival the group of girls were scattered around but my group of five settled in the booth with the girls left and we started casual conversations some girls were already pretty drunk and it seemed quite a fun atmosphere wanting to be nice I decided to get the jug of mimosa and give everyone top-ups as I got to one girl though she politely declined as she was only drinking orange juice my friend's Tom starts asking why she's not drinking and the girl explains that she just doesn't drink Tom couldn't seem to understand why she'd come to a bottomless brunch and not drink and kept asking her why she wasn't drinking this girl handled his questions well and kept saying that she used to drink but doesn't anymore anyway things got awkward when Tom finished with well you sound incredibly boring but this girl just laughed and said haha yeah I guess I am embarrassed for him I made a feeble apology before following Tom back to our group it was then that we decided to head over to our own booking at a different bar I didn't bring up Tom being rude as we didn't want an argument so just went on with the day the day was a lot of fun and a lot of drinks were flowing it wasn't until about 10 p.m. we decided to head elsewhere but it turned out a lot of places was shutting early annoyed my friend mark oh hi mark called his girlfriend to see where she was and Jess told us she was heading back to her flats and for us to come back as well for an after party we weren't told that enthused as her flat was quite out of the way but decided that if we couldn't find anywhere to go we just go back to her flats Jess ended up coming to meet us and asked us again if we wanted to come over telling us the girls from the brunch would be there it was then she got Tom's attention and excitedly told him she just had to properly introduce him to her friend Lily reason being Tom is massively into motor biking watching races and he rides himself and turns out this Lili is also a motorcyclist this piqued Tom's attention and he was eager to meet her so he wanted to go I on the other hand was more reluctant I am quite socially anxious anyway so it didn't really feel all that comfortable going to a party with people that I didn't know but it was four against one in my group so off we went getting to the flat the group of girls were already there the majority of our group went off to mingle and the first thing Tom says is where's the biker chick Jess laughs and looks around the room before pointing at a girl standing on the terrace and as karma has it the girl that was pointed out to be Lilly the biker chick was none other than the girl Tom had insulted earlier that morning Tom's face dropped a bit and asked again if she was actually the motorbike girl and Jess sensing something was wrong asked why tom tells Jess what he said and Jess just rolls her eyes and tells him he's an idiot's Lilly is the most interesting person I've ever met that's why I thought you'd like her as she's into racing in motorbikes and from there jess proceeds to tell us that not only is she a motorcyclist but she's also a stunt driver and rider and also rally races tom was flawed and still in his haste asked to be introduced the introduction went as well as you'd expect he went over with Jess they were introduced asked if she minded standing out of the terrace with her chats and Jalili turns and says nah I think I'll be too boring for you and walks inside Tom obviously embarrassed but also gutted he's screwed an opportunity with this girl just slinks back inside and sits in the corner though throughout the night he did train offer Lily drinks to which she declined telling him she preferred to get her own drinks later during the nights I somehow ended up talking to Lily and honestly talking to her was nerve-wracking but also just really nice she turned out to be a really lovely down-to-earth girl with so many cool stories about what she does I mentioned I loved snow sports and she said she snowboarded it was basically just an ongoing non-stop conversation there was no awkward moments just two people enjoying one another's company and what really resonated with me was that usually at parties I needed to be drunk to have a good time or at least have a drink to holds don't know why but with my anxiety I need something to hold with Lily I didn't need that and because she wasn't drinking I felt comfortable not drinking also it was such a pleasant feeling in the early hours of the morning as the party came to an end I built up the courage to ask Lily on a date and to my surprise she said yes I was over the moon this beautiful cool girl that was way out of my league had agreed to give me her number I was practically giddy when we said our goodbyes and almost ran back to my group from excitement's though that was short-lived as Tom in his jealousy had been watching us talking most of the nights he started to berate me and did my pettiness asked him if she was too good for me why would she give me her number Tom just about flew off the handle and demanded I give him the number as it was meant to be his I told him how ridiculous he was being but he wouldn't drop it by the next morning he told all of our friends that I had stolen the girl away from him and what makes it worse is that everyone already knew Jess wanted to set up Tom and Lily so now it seems that I got in the way intentionally no one heard his insult at brunch and no one heard him tell the truth to Jess I keep telling him he screwed it up himself but have basically been turned against I have even asked Jess to tell people what Tom told her which she did but the guys are now saying regardless what Tom said I should have been talking Tom up if Lilly was happy to talk to me I should have used that as an opportunity to talk about Tom or at least invite him into the conversation if I go on this date I'll basically lose my friendship group it's ridiculous I think finding a girl like Lilly is one thing but to actually have a date with her is another thing altogether though I'm now wondering if I'm being selfish by taking away a date with Lilly which originally was meant to be Tom's I just don't know if I should throw away all my longtime friends for a girl that I may or may not even end up being in a relationship with raisi says go on the date and have a nice time everyone is overreacting and this will blow over in a few weeks mari ed find some new bro fans to hang out with this current group should be high-fiving you and razzing Tom for being the douche nozzle that he is I'm a lifelong non drinker I cannot tell you how many Tom's I've met over the years I've even had them try to spike my drink for a laugh oh my god that's terrible screw him and screw all of them not drinking is incredibly normal these days far more so than it was 20 years ago when I was a university student in the UK this is sweet karma and I'm very glad for ope he is the instrument of it's also tom has no claim to her Lilly decides who she wants to date she is not an object to call dibs on she's a person who decided she didn't want to talk to Tom what is this middle school thank you since when can you call dibs on another person they have feelings and they get to be a part of the decision-making process of who they want to date it's so creepy these people have no respect or consideration for Lilly's choice she made it clear she doesn't like Tom but treating her as if she belongs to him somehow after all he did was belittle her idiot friends there that's just gross and she's not property a man gets to call dibs on I would just tell them once Tom was rude and insulting to her and she wasn't interested in him she was not Tom's girl to steal anyone who believes some bro code bullcrap that a woman is something to be bartered or stake a claim to can go kick rocks if things work out with Lilly her companionship is going to be far more fulfilling than anything Tom could provide Opie that's for sure um to confirm this one with you you want in the wrong here why do I feel like tom is only heated because he is usually the one who gets the girls I guess his ego is hurt badly to be fair Lilly isn't an object so if she decides to go on a date with you that's her decision you're the one who didn't insult her and you're the one who actually was decent enough to get to know her properly if you both had a connection I would genuinely stay screw tom and take the chance Tom will need to put on his big-boy pants indeed humble pie you're not throwing around your friendship tom is his entitlement for a girl he never originally liked is ringing alarm bells he should understand your POV and your character if he was a decent friend he would support you and want you to be happy you're exactly right tom has always been the ladies man or as I've been the quiet one I guess he just can't stand the fact that his no game friend got the girl exactly he's thinking with two heads I'm a bit astounded that your friend's logic as well that's no fair at all and you're definitely feeding his ego they all need to get over the fact that Lilly isn't obligated to date Tom and you aren't obligated to give Tom the chance he screwed up this could really be your person Opie take the chance and be happy posted by user through our a fiance Wade's titled my 23 female fiance 24 male has gotten way too overweight and I'm now having second thoughts about marriage so we've been together since we were 18 he proposed last April to which I was so happy about back then he was overweight by maybe 50 pounds he'd gained this over the course of college while it's of course not great it also wasn't a deal-breaker for me I still enjoyed having sex with him and he was still active enough that we could live a normal life and have fun together since then he's gone on to gain nearly a hundred more pounds in a little over a year he weighs over 300 pounds it is ridiculous at this point I completely understand eating a crappy cafeteria vending machine microwave diet when you're in college plus the stress in late night studying or partying where snacking is standard but this far exceeds that his habits did not improve after college they just got worse I've lived with him since our junior year and can attest that he eats far more junk food now not less despite me shopping and making healthy appropriately sized meals for both of us not complaining about that I actually loved cooking and trying new recipes I'm just pointing out that he won't eat healthy even though he doesn't have to put in any effort to do sir also freak through delivery apps seriously no he hated all to the drivers trying to make some more money but on the customer ends I feel like this year 24/7 instant access to fast food has almost become a crutch to him he has to order something almost every day never mind the hole it's drilling in our budgets he can't seem to resist this constant availability knowing he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants it without even having to leave the house this far predates quarantine by the way I can feel my sexual interest to win dueling by the day it feels horrible because I still love him for the person he is but the physical part just isn't there anymore it's a like we both notice the problem is he's not particularly motivated to do anything about it because his sex drive has decreased in an inverse relationship to his weight gain he basically figures we're just equally not feeling like having much sex these days he doesn't connect that he's doing something to cause this it's not just a fluke and it's not only about his size either it's also his tendency to just sit on the couch on his laptop and snacking all day we used to do more things together I've tried many times to get him to do stuff I know he's interested in or he used to be but he usually turns it down in favor of the internet I find it hard to find attraction to him when that's all he does with his day I've tried talking to him about all of this he alternates between saying that he's not overweight and saying it's not a big deal because he doesn't have any medical problems but he can't know that for certain because he hasn't been to the doctor in a while in general he sidesteps my worries by making jokes and acting really casual about it our wedding plans are pending Judique ovid but we decided we'll probably go ahead with just a very small official ceremony in September being so close to making this commitment to him as he is right now is seriously starting to give me pause I don't want my husband to be like this for the rest of his life I don't want him to die young I mean a hundred pounds and he heeled so where is he by the time he's thirty at that rate I'm not sure why he doesn't see a problem he seems content with how things are he says he isn't depressed and I haven't pushed it but did ask a couple of times and he didn't seem to understand why I was asking I dunno depression or other mental illness can cause things like this and I know depression cannot always be seen by the people around you but we are quite emotionally open with each other he's never been a guy who struggles to talk about his feelings or problems so this is unusual to me he is caring towards me goofy and chipper is always in his daily attitude his hygiene is fine you wouldn't think anything was different if not for how he eats garbage and he usually doesn't want to do anything that had take him away from the computer or his phone for more than an hour could he still be depressed do you think what do I do about this if he's struggling with something I want to support him on the other hand if it's just laziness and not caring I honestly don't think I could deal with that if it never changed how do I tell the difference as harsh as it sounds you may need to sit down with him and tell him exactly what you told us stress to him that this is a huge deal for you and potentially is a deal-breaker for you if things don't change sometimes we don't realize how bad things have gotten until others give us a reality check I wish you the best there how do I get him to take me seriously he's joked his way out of the conversation at least half a dozen times maybe I'm not being firm enough this alone is a red flag you two are unable to talk about a serious problem you are unhappy enough to end the engagements and he is either unaware or in denial about that this is a major disconnect and yes be firmer and more direct I am NOT happy and I'm not willing to continue like this I want to cancel the wedding for now I went to life where we can engage in physical activities have a great sex life budget together and be on the same page we do not have that right now so you need to go to the doctor and address your physical and mental health we both need to go to a therapist to improve our communication and connection until those things happen the engagement is on holds this is a great way to stand it do not get married please don't get married do not consider marriage until this is solved not a promise or plan an actual solution demonstrated it's not about the weights you were not on the same page about budgeting you weren't enjoying the same activities you aren't having sex you aren't communicating any of these issues would be enough to pump the brakes you guys need to solve all of these hit pause on the wedding get counseling ASAP if he doesn't understand this is a deal-breaker be blunt and honest and direct until he listens yeah seriously there is so much wrong with his relationship and she is just having a hard time seeing it from the inside out hon it's bad from the outside in leave him find someone who can keep up with you who will be a part of the team and not deadweight it doesn't even sound like he respects you because he keeps just laughing off serious conversations Jesus I actually ended an engagement over a problem like this of course we both gained a few pounds after graduating high school as most people do but he just got absolutely out of control granted the guy also let his hygiene go as well he became obsessed with World of Warcraft and after I moved out he literally would sit in the computer room in our house eat and chain-smoked we're cordial and friends on Facebook right now because this was 10 years ago we have a lot of mutual friends but he never did get serious about taking care of himself and is now morbidly obese his teeth are yellow and he constantly just wears huge cutoff tank tops camera cargo shorts and Crocs this could be your chance to dodge that bullets you don't want to be ten years down the road like far now I'm stuck with this his demur says it's possible that he has an eating disorder and is addicted to the natural mental reward we receive when we eats he doesn't have any medical problems now but he will our be City leads to knee problems back problems hormonal problems decreased sex drive and heart disease I am currently obese and struggle with my relationship with food there I'm too lazy to do anything about it - most days I at least know this is a problem that needs to be fixed I'm only saying this because I want to make sure you know I'm not some super healthy person being judgmental you need to be honest you don't need to be hurtful but you need to have an open honest conversation with him about how you feel if y'all are as close or in instinct as you claim then this should not be a huge feat you care about him and you are allowed to have standards you are allowed to want to do things and be upset when your partner no longer likes to do the things that you like to do you don't have the right to change him but you do have the right to talk to him about express your concern and move on if they don't match with you Arpi says I agree with this even if you won't obese you would still be right is there anything that has ever helped you push past the laziness or anything I should avoid that would make it worse I would honestly avoid calling it laziness eating fast food is addicting like actually scientifically proven addicting our brains literally get a rush of dopamine when we eat crappy foods on a regular basis it's why it's so hard to lose weight for some people updates my fiance has gotten way too overweight and I'm now having second thoughts about marriage well here goes not a great update I took a number of suggestions on what to bring up to him and how to have the conversation about my concerns he did the usual thing of trying to brush it off I persisted much more than I have before eventually I got my wish he finally told the truth not easily mind you this was a several hours long ordeal he did not want to come clean about anything he has a weight gain fetish not me or someone else gaming weights which I already knew was a thing but him gaining weights he's been doing all of this on purpose for years he said the beginning was unintentional just eating too much junk at college then he realized he liked it he also realized if he let himself balloon too much I might bail he didn't want to lose me so he had enough self-control to keep it at a moderate level until I accepted his proposal last year that was apparently the green light he needed to throw restraints to the winds and start pursuing this fetish full speed ahead I never had a single inkling of suspicion the entire time I guess I can't blame myself for that because dramatic weight gain is usually for the reasons I assumed depression or stress or bad habits or just getting comfortable and not caring you never hear of sexual motivations I still feel like a complete and utter fool like I got played hard this was not what I thought I was marrying into when if ever was he going to tell me he claims he would have when it was the right time but what does that mean next week I doubt it years in the future when we maybe have kids more likely oh and the reluctance to do anything requiring getting off the internet that I mentioned that's because he's posting in forums and discord fetish communities talking about it's all these people share wank game tips and compare progress pictures of their bellies and write pornographic role-plays stories I'm truly disgusted I've obviously been sat right next to him countless times while he's getting off in his own little worlds he has even discussed with random strangers how to keep me in the dark apparently the most common suggestion was play dumb and make it into a running joke so there's my explanation for why he's constantly dismissed anything I said unbelievable this has been going on right under my nose for years I really cannot fathom how I could be so clueless and that the person I thought I knew had the goal to not only intentionally make himself obese but to hide his motivations from me seek out advice on how to do that and lie to me over and over when I attempted to talk about my worry I expressed how I felt seriously betrayed like our relationship had been built on a false pretense without my knowledge he did apologize sincerely he said he would quote unquote try to lose weight and they asked him why he is only saying that now why did he refuse to discuss let alone change anything all the other times I asked - what was up leaving me to be confused and worried instead he didn't have an answer he just begged me to give him one chance and promised he would stop and get healthier my problem is I just don't know if I can believe that and even if he follows through I don't know if I can get over being lied to for years I was so dumbfounded that I asked him to leave today the conversation was last night so that I could collect my thoughts he'll be back tomorrow night 100% sure I want to call off the engagement 80% sure I just want to bite the bullets and end the relationship screw this I absolutely love this man why did he have to do this damn not only did he actively deceive you about this he tried to trap you in a marriage so you would have a harder time leaving when he decided to pursue it that's pretty unforgivable there are better people out there who won't play with you like this completely agree he also gasps let her on the advice of strangers I think this could be viewed as a paraphilia and if he wants to change he'll need therapy to be honest I wouldn't stick around he's dedicated years to keeping up this facade lying to you until he feels you're sufficiently trapped and won't leave him that's abusive as hell it's so manipulative and devious I guess the question is could you ever trust him again can you trust that he doesn't have or will never have some covert desire to overfeed you secretly personally I would be unable to I'd also seek counseling for myself as you're feeling so conflicted and a safe space to explore and process your feelings may help I think the other question is even if he would never do it again would the marriage still be successful the lying aside and that alone would break a marriage he apparently desires this enough to lie and deceive her for years would he really be able to just give that up and still be happy I know some people can go without a fetish happily but this seems more like a compulsion that he struggles to control so even if he muscled all self-control and never gained weight again my guess is that he would feel unable to be his true self and grow increasingly more resentful of her pee for putting him in that position in the first place cue arguments and constant pent-up frustrations after five to ten years of marriage no it's a recipe for success at all not just this but he's based his whole life around this fetish lowered his life expectancy massively reduced activity this isn't just getting whipped by a dominatrix once a week this changed his whole life even if he hadn't treated her like crap he needs to either find someone who this fetish or get long-term help she should not be with him 69 quota Ben 420 reckons and it's he had plenty of chances to come forth and be honest instead he purposefully kept you in the dark and was planning and not even telling you until you had already committed in the form of marriage and probably kids based off of the way that he handled this I cannot realistically see you being in a trusting healthy relationship with this guy where both of you are open honest and happy thank you this is exactly what the rational part of me tells me also what my mom said I ended a serious relationship last year after I found out my ex kept a big secret from me if it was so easy for him to lie for years what else was he lying about I also asked when he'd tell me the truth and he said I never planned on telling you I was just done and they also say PM me if you need an ear or a shoulder to cry on I've been there all right now I think that's where we're gonna leave today's episode guys I really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as I loved making it I would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe you liked the video who knows I'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know I don't know what I'd do I'd probably be homeless on the streets of Ireland crying Irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but now for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down in the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content with that said guys I hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to I hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and I will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 26,001

Rating: 4.9243922 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationshipadvice, relationship, advice, relationshipadvice, r/relationship, reddit, Markee, Markee relationship

Id: nQsQRLHJDDI

Length: 28min 46sec (1726 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 10 2020