r/Relationships - Dad's New Partner Forces Me Out Of Their Life...

g'day there guys it's your aussie hubby marky back at it again with another episode of r slash relationship advice now if you love today's video i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie a like on the video and enjoy today's bloody good content posted by user throw ra evil stepmom titled my dad's 43 girlfriend is trying to get rid of me 15 female my mom passed away 5 years ago and i think of her every day my dad went through a really bad depression and i had to take care of myself basically during the christmas holidays my dad told me that he had been seeing someone for a while i noticed that he was happier and i guess i was happy for him i didn't want him to be lonely forever but i did feel like my mum was being erased completely he never wanted to talk about her and he got rid of all of the pictures with her in them he said that his girlfriend will be spending christmas with us and then moving in i wasn't happy at all i don't even know her but i didn't say anything i met her on christmas and usually my dad and i put the star on the tree that day we would put the star on the tree and watch the grinch it's our tradition and we kept it even when we were grieving my mom it's the only tradition from when she was with us that we actually kept when his girlfriend came over he put the star on with her while i was in the bathroom also we didn't watch the grinch because she hates it i know i sound spoiled and childish but i was so angry we have been doing this my whole life and she just came in and destroyed it the whole night she didn't even bother getting to know me at all she was all over my dad and pretty much ignored me i told my dad about how upset i was about our tradition and he said that i should grow up and that things change i didn't like her because she gave me a bad feeling so i never got close to her she complained to my dad about it and he got mad at me for not making her feel welcomed i felt bad because she makes my dad really happy so i tried being more friendly with her in front of my dad she was nice to me but when we were alone she ignored me or spoke to me with attitude she even told me that i was a brat and i make my dad's life harder i told him but he didn't believe me and yelled at me for trying to sabotage his relationship he said that i wanted him to die alone and be sad and that i was selfish i was so shocked because none of it is true my dad basically treated me like i wasn't there at all after that i felt like i did when my mum died all alone i stayed up really late one night because i just couldn't sleep and wanted to sneak in a midnight snack the girlfriend was in the kitchen on facetime so i decided to be nosy and listen she was talking about my dad and how much she loves him then she said that he had this dumb daughter and she wondered if it was too late for adoption oh my god that is that's a terrible thing to say my god her and her friend laughed at that she said that i was a little bee and that she hated me her friend then said something about boarding school or military school but i left so i didn't hear the rest i was so exhausted from all the crying i did so i actually slept i didn't tell my dad and i don't even know if i should since he probably won't believe me i really miss my mum i kind of want to go live with my grandparents my mom's parents now but i don't want my dad to think that i'm leaving him what can i do can i even do anything how do i get my dad to listen to me would i be wrong for leaving can you record her i would try and have evidence first before i go and tell your father do you have security cameras at your home this is a good time to have her on tape saying this like i said to have enough evidence that would incriminate her to your dad i don't know if having adult relatives during this talk would work but i think you should at least have your grandparents so if he chooses her then you can leave with them dad is thinking with his little brain not his big one i doubt a recording would change his attitude i've read so many stories about situations like this where the parent chooses the new partner over the child besides making secret recordings of conversations in private is illegal in many states and we should not be encouraging a child to break the law out of ignorance op write a letter to your dad with all this info and mail it to him he may not be getting past you reminding him of your real mother in person and a letter will allow you to lay it all out without there being a fight let him know you want him to be happy but you are suffering and remind him that he is not the only one who lost someone you lost your mother too go to your grandparents you can't leave someone who has already left and emotionally that is what he has done once you are safely away at your grandparents if he complains and wants an explanation or anything at all just send him a link to this post it's hard to argue with the written word if he tells you what's untrue or tries to argue your accounting tell him you won't talk to him if he's just going to undermine your feelings or insinuate that you're a liar and that you will not be accused of trying to ruin his happiness that that was an extremely cruel thing for him to say and you do not deserve his cruelty so go be happy dad no one's trying to stop you then focus on you kiddo get settled with the grandparents reminisce about your mom take the time you need to heal ask your grandparents if you can have counselling you might not feel you need it but sometimes it's just nice to talk to someone who understands but isn't emotionally biased one way or the other and it can help you to work through your own feelings and give you tools to deal with things like conflict and guilt give your dad time to chew over what you told him i wish i could tell you everything will work out fine but there is no guarantees in life all the more reason you must must take care of yourself and do what's in your best interests and staying with dad is not likely in your best interests he's putting his relationship ahead of you so you need to put yourself ahead of his choices so sorry kiddo you've had a hard go of it be gentle with yourself none of what is happening is on you regardless of what your dad or his sneaky ass girlfriend want to imply updates my dad's girlfriend is trying to get rid of me hi since my last post i spoke to my grandparents and told them everything i asked if i could stay with them if i wanted to and they agreed i then spoke to my dad again and tried to tell him how i felt and what i had heard i didn't want to film or record because i knew that he would be mad at that and wouldn't listen he didn't believe me again and thought that i was jealous of having to share him with someone else i got upset and told him that i was leaving so he could live happily ever after without the burden of having me around he looked shocked but didn't say anything i had already packed my bags and had brought some things to my grandparents house already my dad didn't speak to me for the rest of the day my grandfather picked me up and i've been there since i haven't gone home and i haven't heard from my dad my grandparents told me that they would handle my dad and that i shouldn't have to be the one doing it i'm upset that my dad hasn't called or texted me once to see if i'm okay at the same time i'm feeling so much better being with my grandparents my grandmother is probably the sweetest person ever and my grandfather is a little rough around the edges but he's really a softie princess she-ra says give your grandparents a huge hug from me they are awesome and you're lucky to have them in your life and on your side your grandfather may be rough around the edges as you say but he put a roof over your head and came and brought you a home i'm going to suggest that you speak to a therapist about everything you need to be able to process what happened and learn to move forward in a productive way good luck to you yeah he seems like a grump but he's very caring and does a lot for people also grandma sends a hug right back i'm showing her the post and comments right now are you okay how are you holding up feeling hurt but my grandparents are awesome so they're helping me with that just a thought get your paperwork since you'll need that soon op says what paperwork birth certificate social security card passport if you have one etc oh yeah i'll talk to my grandparents about that try and get a box preferably a fireproof safe that you can keep these items all in one place that way anytime you need them you know right where they are assuming you're a us citizen you don't need your passports social security card and birth certificate at all times but you do need them in very critical moments like when you move when you get a new job when you go to school so it's important you know where they are at all times i learned this the hard way also if you can't get a hold of any of these i think you can start with your birth certificates if you know where you were born and when you need to know your parents names and dates of birth though posted by user throw ra one two four four five four seven titled i'm constantly being reminded that my brother is better than me everyone constantly says that my brother male 28 is better than me male 20 my parents cousins aunts uncles teachers and even my own friends it's been like that since i was five and it's not getting better my brother never said anything like that for which i love him so much but every time i see him the only thing i see is something i'll never be and he hasn't even done anything impressive he still lives with my parents but yeah because of that i have zero confidence in me and i feel like i'll never achieve anything and i'm not even trying because subconsciously i know i'll fail imagine every day being reminded that someone is better than you and that you will never be better than them every day for 15 years most of them see it jokingly so every time i try to tell them that i'm not comfortable with it by not laughing or just look at them the wrong way the only two people that i know who never said stuff like that are my cousin and my brother my father even said that sometimes he feels like he loves that cousin more than he loves me and my brother in front of me but after he realized how screwed up that is he corrected himself by saying not more but close to it but yeah i mentally suffer because of that every day and i have no one to share it with and i can't just move out and start a new life so yeah i don't know what to do by the way sorry for my english i recently started learning it how can he just say that he started learning english that was written better than a lot of the posts i see on here congratulations to you man you're good at something you are worthy you can read a post that i like to read good on you op keep keep kicking man i believe in you i captain i says my mother is especially horrible about this with me 32 female and my older brother it has always been my entire life she often comments to people that daughter is smart sure but she has to work hard sun is naturally brilliant doesn't have to make an effort this was last said at my son's birthday party to his friend's mother who will never even know my brother so you know just to take a stab at me we were at a family gathering once and a friend commented on how i had grown into a beautiful woman and my mother's response was if you think she's pretty wait till you see my son he's beautiful i relate to this post very much and i know therapy is thrown around on the sub a lot but i would be lying if i didn't say therapy helped me overcome so much pain from this type of parenting i highly recommend it and i'm sending you a hug i know how painful this can be eleven bimf says i got compared to my brother all throughout my childhood it used to pee me off growing up now my family wonders why i only talk to my brother it's not like it was his fault he saw it but as a kid if you were the one always being praised and getting stuff why would you want it to stop i honestly don't have a relationship with my family i didn't go to my stepdad's funeral i didn't go to my grandpa's funeral my grandpa used to be the worst of them he didn't really try to do anything with me or talk to me until i came back from my first deployment by that time i was 21 years old and it was just 21 years too late i went four years without contacting them whatsoever being in the army made me realize that you don't need to be blood-related to be family just remember though when you have kids make sure you don't compare the two i have two kids now and i would never dream of comparing them or tell one of them that i love them more than the other updates i'm constantly being reminded that my brother is better than me first off thank you everyone i really needed that motivation to take control and i'm sorry i didn't reply to everyone just a lot of things happened it happened this morning before my dad and brother went to work my dad said loosely translated your brother already got a job when you were going to get one and i'm basically occupied with college because i'm mostly studying and i got annoyed when he said that and with confidence that you guys gave me i told him that i'm not comfortable with how everyone is treating me he said that he was just joking and that i'm apparently still too young and he can't take me seriously i basically said screw you i'm leaving and went to pack my stuff he came after me and started pulling me away saying that i'm not going anywhere i pushed him and told him that he doesn't decide anymore and he told me if i leave this house i'm never welcomed again i continued packing my stuff and he started getting physical and pushing me so i pushed him back he made a fist like he's going to punch me but my brother stopped him and basically dragged him to the other room where i could hear them screaming at each other i packed my stuff and went to a friend's house because i didn't know where to go my friend skipped work so he can be with me in case something happened which still hasn't and that i can stay with him as much as i have to that all happened in the span of three hours and i'm still shaken and i'll probably get a restraining order because if he pushes me again i'll probably hit him my mom is blowing my phone up all day but i'm not picking up and i think i'm done with this family i just hope nothing serious happens update 2 i talked with my brother to meet up somewhere so he can give me some documents i needed and we met we talked for a bit but he basically told me that my parents don't want to see me again and i was ok with it he told me if i needed something from him to call him but i don't think i will i will be staying with my friends until the virus is over and i can find a place he said he will hook me up for a month or two until i get my first paycheck and after that i'll have to pay i already found a job it's not the best and it doesn't pay much but i can't be a chooser right now i guess my adult life begins edits holy dooley this blew up i'm trying my hardest to read every comment but there are just too many i saw that everyone is saying that i should keep in touch with my brother and first off i'm never leaving my brother he's my brother and i love him so much he's one of the people who always supported me no matter what i did and he is the most important person in my life as of now when i said that i wasn't going to call him i meant that i wasn't going to call him if i needed his help i decided to do things alone and in my own way but i'll always keep in touch with him no matter what i also saw that some people say i overreacted my father literally made a fist and was about to swing but my brother stopped him if he wasn't there things would have been way worse and i needed to leave that place and i didn't mind getting a job when he said that i've actually been looking for a good job that i can fit in my schedule but because of the virus i have not been able to and my father knew that he was just making fun of it but thank you everyone the supportive comments and the critical comments alike at least you got a supportive brother with you on this new journey work hard and be super successful to the point where your entire family regrets putting you down that is the best revenge we'd love a final update in the near future living well is the best revenge good luck out there and call your brother i cut and ran when i was 17 with nothing and a baby to escape the hell of my family you're going to be all right man no baby for me but i also left home when i was 17. it was really hard but now i look back and see that there was a lot of value in those years i learned a lot about the world and i had to learn quickly all the lessons i've learned has made me more independent and mature than most people my age it kind of sucks but at the end of the day i'm grateful to have the knowledge and wisdom that i do and honestly living with people who treat you like crap is more difficult and damaging than getting out is obi in your case i think that leaving is the best way to ensure that you become who you want to be not who others tell you you can be and more importantly what you cannot be already you are not a 28 year old living with your parents and it sounds like you're doing better to me with time the voices in your head telling you that you can't do x and y will start to fade but i would recommend getting a therapist sometime in the future because for many people the negative ideas of oneself given to them by their parents exist subconsciously and often affect many seemingly unrelated aspects of their lives also check out the subreddits r cptsd it may help you feel less alone in your experiences and can help you better understand how to work through your emotions about your family moving forward posted by user throw ra ringing phone titled female heard a ringing phone in my husband's 37 mail safe while i was in his home office he denied there being a phone in his safe and said that i was hearing things i'm trying to make sense of this situation and figure out the next steps if there are any but i'm struggling to do that and what my husband has told me makes no sense let's start with a brief overview of our relationship we have been together for 12 years and married 10 of those we have three children one male 3 female and 5 female no major relationship issues we have a very happy marriage and home life my husband is really attentive to me and our kids honestly he is the best husband and father and i am so happy with our life together this happened last week my husband has a home office which has a large safe in it the safe is used to store his firearms only he uses it so i never got into it i don't even know the combination to it i was in my husband's office looking for something in his desk when i heard a phone ringing it sounded like it was coming from the safe but before i could confirm that it stopped i was still in the office when a few minutes later it rang again it rang long enough for me to confirm that it was definitely a phone and the phone was located in his safe it rang a third and final time about 10 to 15 minutes later so by this point i was 100 certain that there was a phone in his safe it struck me as so weird why would he have a phone in his safe my husband has two phones he always carries with him one is a work phone the second is his personal phone he never goes anywhere without the work phone never it is always within reach so i knew it was not his work phone but it made no sense that he would lock up his personal phone he almost always had that with him too and as far as i knew he had it when he left that morning sure enough i got a text from him later in the afternoon from his personal phone so i knew it wasn't his personal phone either it was a third phone unless by some miracle i was wrong and he did leave his work phone in the safe for whatever reason which seemed really unlikely i was starting to get upset but i told myself to calm down and wait for him to get home and explain there had to be a reasonable explanation for this and i would feel really silly later if i let this bother me that night after we put our kids to bed i casually mentioned him that while i was in the office ellia i heard a phone ringing in the safe did he leave one of his phones in there he told me he didn't and i must have heard something else because he never puts his phones in the safe he downplayed it and it didn't feel like pushing the issue further because really what could i say part of me wanted to ask him to show me the safe to confirm but i thought that would make me seem too paranoid when he has never given me a reason to be suspicious i know what i heard but i don't know if this is worth pushing further i am pregnant and think maybe my energy would be better spent focusing on the baby and our other kids it just bothers me because why would he have a third phone hidden in his safe and then deny it i can't think of any good reason for that beyond the obvious but i have no reason to think he is cheating and no proof then again i know my husband is exactly the type of person who would be hard to catch if he cheated he's extremely smart and a great planner down to the smallest details if there was a phone in the safe no doubt by now it has been moved and i will never find it i hate having these suspicions i feel like it's so unfair to him i also hate feeling like i'm going crazy and imagining things what should i do is there anything i can do morrigan 16 18 says so if i had a safe and my husband told me he heard a phone ringing from inside it my first instinct would be to get up and check because how weird right but your husband didn't do that he just dismissed it said you were hearing things and did not appear to be very surprised something isn't right if my wife were literally hearing things i'd be making sure that it wasn't an emerging issue that he doesn't give a holler in hoot sure does seem like someone who doesn't believe she's hearing things at all especially while pregnant all those hormones can probably bring up mental health issues what's he hiding black and white paint says this is not good in a trusting loving relationship you shouldn't feel like you can't ask him to show what his safe contains or what his safe combination is in case something happens to him and you need to access it you shouldn't feel like you aren't allowed to ask to see it just to convince yourself that you weren't hearing things if you feel that you can't be more open about your insecurities and ask him to be more open about his property there are bigger issues in your marriage than you might think maybe think about that in terms of other aspects of your marriage too either he's having an affair or running an illegal business proceed with caution i don't get the feeling it's an affair he's already juggling two phones which he could use to pull off an affair a phone hidden in a safe is not easily accessible and takes planning to retrieve it just seems a bit more ozark and opie says i could ask him and have no doubt that he would show me at least i think he would but i don't want to be that wife for that girl i'm not sure how to bring up this type of conversation when he's never done anything before now to make me suspicious if my wife ever suspected anything of me i would go full open book i think i heard a phone in your safe i'd say weird let's see what it could be and i'd go to open the safe but that's because i have nothing to hide and i'd want to reinforce she could trust me completely and i'd worry that i'd lost that trust because of this incident if i had a phone that i was hiding probably gaslighting her and telling her she's hearing things i'd wait until i had a moment and turn the ringer off stats maybe move the phone too so i could prove it and i wouldn't care about the trust part because i'd be too worried covering my ass i hate the unknown and you've got a mystery to solve on the surface i'm suspicious stay rational and don't give opportunities to wiggle out of things but also don't hover and pounce on every little thing pay attention to his affection towards you and the family perhaps do a budget together look for missing money if he makes x take home a month review the last three month spend and make sure you can reconcile it and you can do that as an exercise together to carve out savings for baby number three i wish you all the best and i hope it's something easily explainable but verify that's the case updates i heard a ringing phone in my husband's safe while i was in his home office he denied there being a phone in his safe and said i was hearing things i really appreciate all of the advice you guys gave me it was helpful and stopped my anxiety from getting too out of control the day after i posted i did as some of you suggested and checked to see if there was any devices on our network that i didn't recognize and there weren't when my husband got home that night i told him that it was silly and it was probably just my pregnancy hormones but could he show me the safe so we could confirm that there was nothing in it that would ring he said that was fine and went into his office and opened it the only things inside were firearms and some papers for them i don't remember the user who mentioned it to me but one of you told me to put my phone inside the safe and then try to call it i did and it didn't ring at all so it looks like all of you who said the safe probably couldn't get a signal were right i'm glad though because i feel like i can rule out it being a phone and that has made me feel so much better i mentioned the combination for the safe to my husband and he told me that was fine he never gave it to me because i never asked and he knew that i hated his guns and thought i wouldn't be interested in having access another thing people mentioned in my first post was carbon monoxide i checked and we only had smoke detectors so we now have carbon monoxide detectors as well i still think i heard a phone ring but it cannot be a phone i accept that now and i don't know what the explanation is but i don't think it has anything to do with my husband living a secret life or having a third phone i'm going to mention this to my doctor at my next appointment and see what she recommends and hopefully it will turn out to be nothing but at this point the most likely explanation seems to be mishearing a phone ringing again thank you for all of you who commented i feel like this whole situation went a lot better than it otherwise might have because of your advice blighttown survivor says i'm glad it wasn't anything bad maybe you have a problem with tinnitus tinnitus dunno it came to me very slowly and faint but became larger over a time of months until one day it would never stop again anyway thanks for the updates and take care of yourself op says i'm not sure what that is but i will look it up and see if that might be the answer it's a ringing sound in the er i have it occasionally being tired and the physical and mental stress of being pregnant could totally cause audio hallucination as a guy i used to stay up 24 hours probably once a week in my late teens and phantom phone ringing was the biggest side effect when i was tired they say i've been sleeping about four to five hours a night if that's because of insomnia and stress i know i am not getting enough sleep so it could be that that is part of it sounds legit even perfectly sane people will on occasion have a wacky hallucination i have my bet on stress and pregnancy hormones but a psychologist visit could definitely help you know for sure alright guys that's where i'm going to end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learn something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys are able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you guys have watched this far in the video and you haven't already subscribed on patreon or become a channel member that's cool you don't have to but there are links down below uh you can donate any amount of money pledge that any month cancel whenever i'm completely cool with it it's just there for you to support me if you'd like to go the extra mile and i'll go the extra mile for you guys by putting out new amazing content every single day with that said guys i really hope you have a good day night sleep bath time at work whatever you're up to today this has been marky i'll see you in the next amazing video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 23,583

Rating: 4.9223604 out of 5

Keywords: r/relationshipadvice, relationship, advice, relationshipadvice, r/relationship, reddit, Markee, Markee relationship, r/justnoMIL, r/amitheasshole

Id: icOCAC_EzKQ

Length: 31min 34sec (1894 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 12 2020