r/AmiTheA**Hole For Calling Out A Cheating Home-Wrecker?

g'day there guys man in a floral shirt here to haunt your nightmares back again with another episode of our /mi the a-hole now if you think anyone is the a-hole in today's episode I want you to let me know down in the comments sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and have a bloody good one posted by user Spy dad throw away titled am i the a-hole for installing a keylogger in my son's computer I'm a single dad 43 years old computer programmer my son let's call him jack is 17 years old Jack's mum died when he was 10 but thankfully we both handled our grief together quite well when Jack got his first a laptop five years ago I took my time explaining how the internet worked the dangers etc I allowed him to create a social media account as long as he allowed me to check in on it whenever I wanted to which was a privilege I made use of a few times until he turned 15 and I realized I could trust him having never asked for it since then he allowed me to no way he stored his account passwords just in case but I never really looked for them so his social media and computer activity have been a complete mystery to me in the last couple of years however I was always fearful he would try to hide something or get into something dangerous so I installed a key logger just in case always thinking about his safety I never had to use it and the more I watched him grow up I eventually realized I would never really use it but I never bothered to remove it my sister and I were talking about this in a casual conversation regarding privacy and privacy apps and my niece overheard us they were born the same year she got offended I would do such a thing claiming it was a horrible invasion of Jack's privacy and that I should be ashamed and the only reason she hasn't told my son was because my sister told her she'd ground her for meddling in my parenting so reddits am I the a-hole for having installed a keylogger even though I've never had to use it you're the a-hole no different than a mum threatening to read her teenage girl's diary your child is almost an adult now so there is no need to threaten invasion of his privacy this is a violation of trust between you and your son even if you don't use the key logo it's all hanging over his head if you use it against him I don't understand your comments he installed it when his son was 12 the internet is full of creeps so of course as a parent you should monitor what's going on during the use the only fault I see and that's what you've said also is that he should have taken it out when he became more mature also he stated that he's never used it and the son isn't aware so it isn't like he's actually threatening to breach his privacy he should definitely take it out ASAP though at its no a-holes here but you would be the a-hole if you didn't talk to your son ASAP and uninstall it I'd be fudging mortified if I learned that my parents had been monitoring my activity like that if I'd learned they'd done it at all I would feel it's an enormous violation and really struggled to trust them again honestly I'd far rather be given a computer with a bunch of restrictions on it then one that was monitoring all my activity I don't know how old you are and at my age 24 I agree that I would be mortified too but he was 12 when it was installed he was lucky to even have a computer and be left alone - I feel like until 16 ish it's alright to have something like that on your child's computer seeing your comments I feel like oh he should have been clear that he installed it from the get-go you were right that the son will likely be mortified even if Opie never checked all in all I think it was a good parenting move that wasn't done right but he wasn't really alone the ever watchful eye of the keylogger was there the whole time and without his knowledge as opposed to Google Facebook tick tock here yeah no one would have been keeping track with him if it wasn't for that pesky key logo info did you install the key logger when he was 11 if you installed it back then not the a-hole tell your son and uninstall its you were doing it for his safety the number of abductions due to predators on the Internet is scary enough and most parents don't know anything or have a way to look for info if you did it much more recently you're the a-hole definitely tell your son and apologize and uninstall its I installed it when he was 12 yes I honestly never removed because recently I had kind of forgotten about it until this conversation with my sister and since he's getting a new laptop in a few weeks anyway I didn't want to bother with it then not the a-hole if you've never used it just don't install it on the new laptop that he gets reddit is going to crucify you for this one overwhelmingly but you are not the a-hole here it is entirely reasonable to monitor your kids online activities and necessary to keep them safe especially at 12 to 15 you should have removed it when you no longer intended to use it but that's about all good job teaching your son about Internet safety yes and he had the discipline to not snoop and trust his son but it was always there if something happened and he needed to use the information of course this kid is about to be a man and the keylogger should go now posted by user not trying to be PES titled am I the a-hole for saying what did she expect well my girlfriends told me her best friend's affair partner has vanished into thin air when she told him she was pregnant I've been with my girlfriend coming up to one year now her best friend has been having a three-month affair with a married man she knows he is married she found out she was pregnant a month back and he has completely disappeared into thin air he has blocked or deleted her from tinder and she never got his real name they both went by aliases and now she is desperately searching for him on Facebook but nothing even in the ballpark has come up the guy offered her abortion money and offered to go with her she refused because she has a three-year-old and she wants a sibling for her baby I can't say I didn't see him disappearing he's a piece of crap coward for having an affair in the first place and so of course he's gonna abscond from a pregnancy from his side-chick - from my perspective it's fairly obvious he was using my girlfriend's friends and she should have either known that or have been prepared to deal with the consequences my girlfriend is very worried about her friends and keeps talking to me about it and asking what I think even though I made it clear I don't approve of either of their trashy behaviors I told her well what does she expect she keeps asking me if I think as a man is it possible he will come back I said he'll know sometimes especially within the context of a couple talking let's be frank we won't always be politically correct she flipped her crap and said that my attitude towards her pregnant friend is misogynistic and I'm being heartless I don't think I am and I feel I'm allowed to have an obvious opinion such as that's not the a-hole it doesn't take a man to see that he's not coming back what did she expect him to do leave his partner for her when they didn't even tell each other their actual names I think him offering to pay for an abortion was a clear not very subtle hints that he wants nothing to do with the child and in extension her if she has the child's I feel sorry for the unborn child's her toddler does not have a dad in his life either just sad she's a very educated and successful lady not saying she's struggling but it's good for kids to have both parents where possible both have failed this kid before it's even out of the womb yet in my opinion when her children ask about the gaping hole of love in their hearts about how they wish they had a father the mum can talk about how she's a strong woman who don't need no man how did this woman not learn from being a single mother the first time she wants a sibling like it's a fudging pet or something I would personally consider it a major red flag if I was dating someone who thought it was misogynistic for you to speak harshly of the consequences of a marital affair shows that she doesn't take the boundaries of a relationship as seriously as you do and also her willingness to use feminist Budds words to protect her friends selfish behavior shows a lack of commitments to real ethical principles if opposing misogyny was actually important to her she wouldn't be slinging this accusation arounds like that you can tell a lot about someone by the company they keep don't let this argument fizzle out reach a point where you understand what's causing her to react to this way and then decide if she's still a good candidate for a possible marriage someday not the a-hole she knew what she was getting into and you're being honest I get it's her friend but that's no excuse for her behavior yeah I asked my girlfriend to consider how it would look if my best friend was knowingly engaging in cheating and helping a woman cheats I don't want her to stop hanging out with her friend just because I said so but it doesn't sit right with me hey RP I just want to point out that your girlfriend is avidly defending unknowing homewrecker and seeking revenge on an uninvolved and a misfortunate wife these aren't a really good models to go by if you're in a relationship I feel like you should really consider if you're serious about your girlfriends even if you think she'd never do that to you edits homewrecker is someone who deliberately involves themselves romantically or sexually with someone who's committed don't know why there's confusion on this it doesn't shift blame away from the cheater it's just a name for it sheet II and I tend to read Opie's comments if he or she has any extra info and it's in one of the comments he mentioned his girlfriend wants to seek revenge on the wife unless I got that wrong somehow not the a-hole cold but truthful sounds like she was a bit naive people don't use aliases to cover themselves but then magically come to the lights when there's a pregnancy she wants to find the wife also for revenge she asked my girlfriend to help she asked other friends of hers to help also I think it's getting messy as of course it would at this point you need to ask yourself a year okay with your girlfriend being friends with a homewrecker she knew the guy was married and still went for it there's a high probability she wants revenge more than her child's edits elaborating the reasons why twisting the narrative to fit her friend's story into making you the misogynist and heartless one is a major red flag your girlfriend knows the whole situation yet you somehow became the a hole in her eyes despite her asking for your opinion these are red flags o P good luck not the a-hole and for all your comment is I think this is a genuine red flag so that there have been a lot of leaner false red flags to me this looks like a real red flag and I would run for the hills passed it by you saw all to count three four five titled am I the a-hole for cussing at my mother-in-law after she banned my five-year-old daughter from her house I have a five-year-old daughter named Colette's ever since she was born my mother Indore called my daughter letters as a nickname because Colette ends in let's I'm guessing it's not the greatest nickname in the world but I let it go the other day my daughter randomly said why does grandma call me letters my name is Colette I told her it's her nickname for you that's weird do you not like being that cold letters not really it's okay to tell grandma that you want to be cold Colette instead of letters Colette went to my mother-in-law's house today my husband dropped her off and picked her up so I didn't see my mother-in-law at all that day that night I get a call from my mother-in-law she tells me that it was really rude for Colette to say she didn't like her nickname and that I shouldn't have told her to say that she said I was raising her to be bratty she also said that Colette couldn't come over until she apologized and says that she likes being called letters that last part ticked me off I told her what the hell you're banning a five-year-old from your house for not liking a stupid nickname then I hung up on her am I the a-hole for using that kind of language with my mother-in-law not the a-hole I'm honestly just sort of in disbelief your mother-in-law could be old enough to be a grandma and act like that I'm not my parents are in their 70s and act like bloody school children most of the time absolutely petty and spiteful and will try to get revenge for even minor perceived slights they manipulates use guilt fear and lies to get their way and to make people do what they want some people are just wired differently and think pulling stunts like that and what Opie's mother-in-law is doing is perfectly normal the part about the granddaughter having to say she likes the name is hugely telling so she wants the kid to lie and pretend she likes a nickname she doesn't so mother-in-law can have her ego soothed as she thinks it is a brilliant nickname did your parents become this way in their old age or were they always kind of like that I think they stopped mentally maturing as teenagers and have been like that sin they have almost no friends and put on a different act slash face when in public or in front of people they don't want to know the crazy so they know it's wrong but just do not care if they thought their behavior was okay they would not act so vastly different you would think there were different people $5 foot job says not the a-hole good for you for teaching your daughter to stand up for herself and for doubling down by standing up for her mother-in-law needs to apologize to the five-year-old for not respecting her name requests and no screw your mother-in-law he just dropped an f-bomb and that's all rights if you really feel bad about your language you could call her back to apologize for only that and say that you thought it over and do not want her to see her granddaughter until she apologizes and respects your daughter's wishes and boundaries and that you don't feel comfortable with someone who belittles our child's RP could be petty and give her an unpleasant nickname just a hammer the point home like a dresser is monster-in-law then be like what it's a nickname don't be a brat and apologize to me now and say you like it's probably a bad idea but I'm pretty sure after telling her to get well and truly screwed that would be what I would do I'm okay with assigning a nickname to monster-in-law she doesn't seem to understand the dislike of a nickname sure her time for your husband's to involve himself you and Colette have done nothing wrong assuming Colette wasn't actually rude in how she spoke to your mother-in-law your mother-in-law on the other hand has overreacted I'm guessing she was embarrassed when Colette told her to knock it off a lot and now your husband has to become involved to advocate for his wife and daughter it's his mum so his responsibility to intervene not the a-hole this is a really valid and important point about the husband needing to be involved I mean even if Colette sounded slightly rude when saying it she's freaking five years old the grandma sounded like the five-year-old here throwing a fit when people don't agree with her I mean if she'd rather have no granddaughter than so beards posted my user throw away two three four five six seven eight nine titles and the a-hole for expecting my front line dr. wife to split household chores with me 50/50 I am an IT professional currently working from home and my wife is an ER doctor working on the front line we try to work the same hours so I don't see why this should be different just because I'm at home and she isn't she on the other hand comes home gets annoyed when some chores on tone and then gets even more annoyed when I point out that if she doesn't feel like doing them after her work why would she assumed I would after mine is it fair that the household chores are 5050 or should I be doing more because I'm working from home you're the a-hole I was an ER doctor until covered where I have had to work from home let me tell you there is no comparison in the ER you are running around all day chasing patients blood tests scans colleagues as well as having to deal with real emergencies it's 1 million percent times more physical and mental efforts than any job I could imagine you doing from home seriously buck up and do more work at home yeah oh my gosh my partner is also in the medical field and her already demanding job went to a new level during covered 19 while we were in lockdown and had hours more free time working from home I handled I want to say 90% of the chores around the house I wouldn't want to do that forever but acknowledging when your girlfriend is getting smashed and trying to help that's just being in a relationship agreed you're the a-hole OB does your IT job put your life into those around you at risk is your job as life-threatening and mentally taxing try to have more compassion and don't let your work and your workload blind you about her perspective and her situation I understand that you want things to be fair but you also both should be trying to make things easier for each other in this relationship step up if you can and you'll find that making her happy will feel and be rewarding you're the a-hole doing eight hours in the comfort of your own home is a lot easier than eight hours of working Plus Stanley commutes plus working on the front line as a doctor during a global pandemic you should be doing more than half the chores he gets to sit down all day that alone should be enough how many minutes does she get to sit down during her shift and then there's also the death and tragedy and probably gets to go to the bathroom when he once or eat lunch if he encounters a problem he can stop and think about it for a while Google around a bit talk to his co-workers and maybe even do a backup try a few things in rollback if it doesn't work er Doc's have to make decisions now drawing from a masked knowledge and experience no time to check the internet or talk through it's over coffee and if they make the wrong decision people die posted by user problem with my sister titled z-- am I the a-hole for firing my sister huh after seeing her blog and not rehiring her without an apology basically what happened is I read my sister's blog it was sent to me by a friend of mine who was asking if one of the characters was me spoiler alert it was me it's couple of years old and really popular she doesn't use your family's real names but they are very similar and used the same first letter so think real names like Katie Julia and faretta and Brad then the fake names being Kathy June marine and Bob it's descriptive enough of our lives and what we do for work - my friend identified me from it it's mostly about her into her life but there is still a lot about us a year ago I had an abortion it was during the lowest point in my life so far and only she and my husband's knew about it she swore to me that she would take the secret to her grave yeah she dedicated a whole entry to it a couple months ago she and her husband got laid off due to world events I run my own business that wasn't really affected and they offered her a job there to help her out she's not qualified at my field so I essentially made up a position for her so she could have a steady paycheck she basically does data entry and other random tasks online from her home her blog since then has basically centered on how much she hates it she called it demeaning work and says a bunch of bull crap about how I obviously don't respect her intelligence I say this is bullcrap because one she would need years of training to work any of the open positions - I told her what she would do when I offered it and she gushed about how grateful she was that I was really helping her I called her and told her what I had read and how hurt I was her defense is that the blog is her online diary where she vents and that I should know not to take any of it personally she actually had the gall to tell me that she is hurt that I read it apparently the right thing to do was ignore it I told her off for telling the Internet my secrets and dragging me online where I could be and was found by people who know me she just said she did all her due diligence by changing the names and it wasn't her fault my friend found it we argued for a bit it got increasingly heated and I fired her I told her that if she couldn't apologize or see how she was wrong here then she wasn't who I thought she is and she could find a job where she felt more respected it's been a week and I haven't spoken to her at all her husband has been contacting me on her behalf trying to get her job back as they need the money he claims she is sorry but I think if she was then she could tell me herself my own husband is telling me I am overreacting and that she's family and I should just forget it but I don't agree am I the a-hole here TLDR sister drags me and reveals my secrets on her blog and I fire her am i the a-hole edit / update after reading a lot of the responses I have become more and more sickened by this situation I sent my sister in email detailing how much damage this is doing to me emotionally and could do to me financially and professionally in the email I am asking her to delete all entries in the blog that include private details about me my business or our family I am giving her an ultimatum she can do as I asked delete the entries and I will consider it water under the bridge we can move on with our lives and try to repair our relationship or she can continue to ignore me keep her blog and can consider me out of her life we can see each other at family events and keep things civil but I will no longer share my life with her she won't be an aunt to my future children or a real sister to me I'll update if and when she responds edit such update to she replied to my email asking me to FaceTime her tomorrow she wants to talk to me after we both had the night to cool down I agree with her as I am pretty heated right now we'll update after our talk thank you to everyone for the support has really opened my eyes to the gravity of the situation final updates I talked to my sister early this morning we had a really productive conversation I won't go into too much detail since it was a long and emotional call the reason she had not reached out during the week we weren't talking was a bit surprising it turns out her husband knew about the blog but it never read it at her request after our blow-up he wanted to see what had made me so upset she allowed him to read some of the entries and he ended up siding with me there was also some information on him and his family that he was upset about so they were having a separate fight about that I guess my email to her put into a perspective to her how much damage her blog and the information she shared there could affect others just no mother-in-law hmm she showed me over the video chat that she actually deleted the whole thing she told me that the blogging started out as a place to vent but when it got more popular people started emailing her asking for updates on certain characters ie her family and she started seeing hundreds of comments she became obsessed with it basically she apologized for sharing my secrets and for being ungrateful about the job she claims that she was exaggerating in the blog to get some more views and likes and I can see that our relationship is damaged but not beyond repair she is not coming back to work for me instead I am just sending them a small amount of money to help cover their rent it's not as much as she was making but I really do love her and I still want to help her once one of them gets a job they will get back on their feet this way they at least have less stress once things start to reopen in our area she promised to set up a regular therapy appointment where she can vent all she wants and get actual advice as well as helpful what she described as a blogging addiction I want to thank everyone for the comments some of them were harsh and some of them were crazy but it helped me to figure out how I actually felt about the situation I am planning to delete the original and this post in a day or two so it will be fair for the both of us not the a-hole a blog isn't a diary it's on the Internet where it can be read by anyone with a URL she clearly didn't change details enough to make the people unidentifiable because someone did identify you and even if she had she doesn't get to post about your own personal events without your consent and then be surprised you're not happy about that at the end of the day to employ her you have to trust her and she has shown you that you can't do that she's also being incredibly ungrateful for the opportunity when people would kill to have a job that readily available right now so frankly she's lying in the bed she made she also can't really expect an apology to be taken seriously if she delivers it by proxy if she's truly sorry she needs to come to you herself and say that what this post is really making me realize is how screwed I am if any of my other employees or our competitors find her blog you're right it's on there forever now not only my abortion which a competitor could use to hurt my business but my whole life from her perspective I just can't believe she doesn't see how it affects me the friend who sent it to me isn't even a closed friends just an old high school friend she now knows about my darkest secret some embarrassing stories from my childhood that involved my sister my parents marriage issues how I met my husband and so much more I just feel so sick right now exactly your sister hasn't just vented some stuff online she's caused some very surreal and very alarming potential risks to you and your business and she can't even see it you were absolutely right to fire her for doing what she did Opie posted by user King ding dong titled am I the a-hole having a baby and not telling my wife I've been married for 18 years we've got five kids oldest is 17 youngest is 121 years ago I hooked up with this chick the condom broke she said she was on the pill paid for her plan B she told me she was pregnant about four months later I paid her to get an abortion and said I was with someone and wasn't leaving I found out two years later she kept it but said I wanted nothing to do with the kid or her my new girlfriend heard rumors and said she'd leave me if true I lied said it wasn't well now many years later one of my kids did a fudging DNA heritage test and found a half sibling who she wants to connect with needless to say wife isn't happy I never cheated on her and who never was anything but a good husband this was something that happened before we were together I would have loved to have something to do with this kid growing up but didn't want to risk losing my wife so was gutless I feel like what I did while was only an a-hole to the kid although dishonest to wife it was for a good reason now she's saying I've ruined her life if she knew I'd had kids with someone else she'd never have had kids with me TLDR some chick lied to me said she got rid of kid took money didn't do crap the kid turned up current wife no happy so am I the a-hole additional info prior to meeting my wife I was a pretty heavy drug user didn't give a freak about my life and made plenty of bad life choices daily as I had no intention as of being here I hated myself and didn't want kids as I didn't think I deserved them by the time I met my wife I had ID'd three tions after I met her I went full clean haven't used since and she gave my life meaning was 16 when the child was born in what world would you not be the a-hole you got someone pregnant just told them to get an abortion find out she still had the kid and still wouldn't help out he lied to someone else so they would stay with you knowing damn well the thing you did was a deal-breaker your entire marriage and family is based on a lie so yeah you're the a-hole you're the a-hole you abandoned your kid and lied to your wife how could you not be the a-hole you're the a-hole you're taking absolutely no responsibility for your role in procreating with this chick you also intentionally told you a new girlfriend of the time that the rumors were untrue ie you lied you say that you would have loved to have something to do with this kid growing up but didn't want to risk losing your wife so was gutless but you also knew about the child prior to being married to your wife you weren't gutless you were an a-hole and apparently still are edits I just want to point out that Opie states that he gave the chick money for Plan B and an abortion but he never said that he actually talked to her and asked her what she wanted perhaps she was telling him the whole time that she wanted to keep the child and he said he had no money and threw money in her face perhaps Opie can offer some more insights but if she clearly wanted to have the child from the beginning then that was her right she apparently never filed for support from him so she was okay with raising the child by herself you're the a-hole the lie wasn't for a good reason it was so you could get what she wanted which was the relationship that's called manipulation your wife probably is wondering what else you might have kept from her over the years because of this the amount of time you've been a good husband or father doesn't somehow cancel out this betrayal of trust it just makes all of these good years suspect would I be the a-hole if I told my brother that I know about his sexual preference I'm a 24 year old straight male and my brother is 17 years olds we grew up in a deeply Catholic household so how parents are very traditional it came to a point where when I was watching Game of Thrones and there was a gay sex scene my dad is so dude that we never watch that show again fast forward to yesterday my brother usually borrows my iPad to do some schoolwork he naturally used a messaging app to talk with his classmates but he often forgets to log out no biggie I just log it out when it's my turn to use it however last night I saw a notification I didn't mean to read it said good night babe followed by a kiss and heart emojis this was from a guy who we thought was just his best friends now I know he could be gay or bi or whatever and I don't have any problems with that I also respect his privacy and I totally understand that I should not out him if he's not ready however with all the news about the mental health of teenagers lately I'm afraid of what keeping this to himself would do to him also because of my parents disposition about these things I'm afraid that my brother won't ever have the courage to be comfortable enough to ever open up to us I just want him to know that he has an ally in me and that I'll love him no matter what we're a close family but we're not vocal about emotional things I've never said I love you to anyone at home we just know it that's why no matter how subtle or casual I try to talk to him about this it would surely be a big moment for us and he might just feel really unsafe and or uncomfortable sir would I be the a-hole if I told him I know about his sexual preference edits I apologize for using preference I admit that I'm not well versed in this matter and I've just started reading up on how to handle this carefully and sensitively definitely not the a-hole but don't out him just let him know that you love him no matter what's yes use the l word and that he can always talk to you about anything you can also express support for gay rights and or acceptance of LGBTQ people around him so he at least has some idea you'll see be supportive when he's ready to share yeah I have no plans of outing him to the entire family I just thought that talking to him about this would already be considered outing him if you want the perspective of gay people I would post this question on our slash gay bros as a gay men I can tell you that letting him know you know about him will bring a lot of fear and angst to him letting him know you support gay people and do very cool with gay people and would not care if someone in the family was gay would help him alot he needs to have support not fear that another person knows and could out him even if accidentally also coming to terms with being gay is not just about telling people and the fear of that it's about rethinking who you are and the role you have been cast in by society friends family etc remember every relationship he's built is on the notion that he is a straight guy the very thought of redefining that no matter other people's reaction is scary unless you need to protect him from someone or something else let him come out on his own and in his own way this is his journey and he needs to travel it at his own pace would it be truly that frightening if this brother let him know that he has accidentally read the message and tells him that he loves and supports him I've come from a family where people have been LGBTQ for three generations and have always lived in a country that is generally accepting of LGBT people so that has probably affected how I see this but I just can't really see the harm of telling him that he will always be there for him seeing as his brother is dating someone you'd think that he is fairly comfortable with his sexuality for himself but is more afraid of the outside worlds there now I'm thinking about this I have accidentally found out that my brother is bisexual a few weeks ago and haven't mentioned anything to him so undef the mindset that a person should be able to tell when they feel comfortable the one that makes me feel otherwise in this case is that they come from a conservative environments and it could do this kid some good to know that he has an ally in his family who he doesn't have to hide from you can let him know that he has an ally without having to out him like I said in my comments he can let him know his stance on gay people and even gay people in the family without taking away the kids control the sense of control over this is probably the only power the kid feels that he has right now you take that away and it will have a big impact and it might not be positive I don't think you should let him know that you know but you can't actually make sure that he knows that you was supportive of the lgbtq+ movement without outing him like getting involved in lgbtq+ causes while speaking about the issues in a way which demonstrates your support I couldn't do that thanks for this tip to add to this when your parents are homophobic call them out on it it will let your brother know that your opinions are not the same as theirs you are not a hive mind and also that you will stand up for him if he does decide later to come out please don't just call them out of nowhere if it will put you in danger homophobes don't tend to like allies either and we don't know exactly what Opie's parents are like or would do the thing is you don't actually know what his preferences so don't tell him you do you'd just be one more person imposing expectations on him what you can do is tell him that you saw the notification that you're not sure what it means but that you'll support him regardless and he can talk to you if he wants leave it at that it'll be awkward for the both of you so give yourselves time to shake it off and then act on it don't cringe at gay scenes on TV don't differentiate between heterosexual and homosexual couples stand up to your parents if the topic arises not necessarily into a full-blown fights but enough to show your brother that you can walk the walk and take the fight upon yourself if necessary oh I didn't realize this I apologize as this is all very new to me I've just started reading up on how to handle this sensitive metal and you do bring up very good points I'll keep those in mind thank you not a serious reply but it would be funny if you left a tab open on the iPad with search results for how to tell your gay brother you love him your attitude is great be as open and accepting of him as you are here and I don't see how it could be a problem updates my brother came out to me many people messaged me asking for an update so here it is sir merch tip you told me that I should just voice out my support for the LGBTQ community instead of directly talking to my brother about his sexuality this was very helpful as I did not want him to feel pressured to come out when I wrote my original post I was already watching shits Creek which had non-straight two main characters this was really convenience because I could simply say remarks like ah they made a really nice couple and Wow I wish my relationship with my girlfriend was like that I also asked my bro about Pride Month he has been going to marches as an ally for the past few years with his out friends I asked him hey what's their plan for five months during quarantine too bad they can't hold the March I was thinking of joining I didn't really know how to be subtle okay when our parents went grocery shopping last weekend that's when he told me you already know don't you I knew what he was asking but I tried to play dumb you know that I'm gay rights I just said yes I told him about the iPad incidents and hugged him he cried and asked me not to tell our parents which of course I agreed to he then asked if this changed anything between us which I replied of course now you have to give me better fashion sense I make jokes when I'm emotional okay I told him he has my support no matter what and that I can help him come out to our parents when he's ready I also told him that he and his boyfriend which he confirmed are a great couple then I reminded him that they should always be safe giving sex advice to my brother was very awkward that's it he's still annoying as hell because you know he's my brother but I've never seen him happier and I can really feel that a burden has been lifted off his shoulders thanks everyone edits I just realized that it's now June happy Pride Month everyone edit - wow this kind of blew up I was just doing what any caring brother would do and I'm glad it has a positive effect on other people I was raised with values to love and accept everyone regardless of gender and sexuality so that will never change especially for my bro again thank you for the overwhelming support thank you for a nice happy post right it really needs it and I'm so glad your brothers got you yes I'm so happy for you guys you handle the situation super well thank you or P you really shined a light on him in tough times much love your brother is lucky to have you when I came out in the 60s it was different I'm glad it's a more pleasant process without any kickin out of the house hell even when I was coming out in no.5 I had a plan really I got outed but between the time it happened at school and when my parents found out some older friends put in place a plan for me best update ever please tell your brother he needs to log out of social media on shared devices there yeah I gave him a hard time about that too told him that next time I'd be replying to his messages if he doesn't logout perfect older brother Merv supportive over the things that matter but able to mobilize top tier teasing over the things that don't posted by user former escort nine six four two Turtles MIT a whole for not telling my fiance I used to work as an escorts i35 female just got engaged I've been with him for two years and he's amazing and think he'd be a great father to my children there is however a secret I haven't revealed about three years ago before I met him I briefly worked as an escort it wasn't long there was about four months but I don't have some sob story about how I felt abused and exploited because frankly I didn't like any job it had it's good parts and it's bad parts I don't have some dramatic story about escaping I stopped simply because I didn't want to do it anymore I didn't require therapy or rehab I just moved on and got a normal job I have been regularly tested and have no ASD eyes nor sir have I any emotional scars from it so I told myself it's now no one else's business because it won't impact any other relationships however it feels wrong I can't share this he once asked how many sexual partners I had and I simply said a lot and told him technically the truth that I was prolific at one point in my life but no longer am and don't intend to do so I'm still scared to potentially ruin a great thing if I reveal it but I'm also not looking forward to keeping this a secret for life am I the a halt for keeping it a secret Jesus what do you guys think of this one I I think it depends on the partner but but if it was me I don't think she's the a-hole for keeping that a secret not everyone has to give up their past there was a guy on here a week or two ago who who found out his wife was an escort at some points and thought it made her damaged and a bunch of other nonsense and he was ready to leave her he'd be better off telling him now and not 15 years from now when he finds out and takes it really badly you're the a-hole technically I feel like that technically at the end is important I'd argue no one is the a-hole here but it's definitely true that Opie should tell him now if he also starts going off about damaged goods and other bullcrap she dodges a major bullets I mean I think this is something you'd tell someone before you get engaged personally yeah people are allowed to have their deal-breakers and this is something that definitely could be one of his he has a right to make a fully informed choice before any paperwork gets signed on the other hand at least Opie didn't totally misrepresent our past but in my experience that he even asked her partner counts something I haven't had a partner ask me in a very long time indicates he feels some kind of way about it maybe he was cool with overlooking a high counts but maybe he wouldn't be able to get past this not trying to shame but these kinds of things have a way of coming out eventually and do you have a way better shot of working through it now if you do so rather than some point after marriage yeah I'm not trying to shame her for her past I am kind of shaming her for the getting to the point where they are engaged and not bringing up something that is a fairly common deal-breaker I wonder why someone would want to marry another person and not even know what kind of jobs they had before meeting in general forget Opie being in escorts can you imagine marrying someone that you didn't know use to own a restaurant or not know your spouse used to be a welder what kind of jobs you've had is usually standard getting-to-know-you stuff unless you are a high-level CIA spy or something if it's no big deal why do you feel the need to hide it you're the a-hole edits everyone replying to me trying to explain why she wouldn't tell him his dance as hell this is it right here if it really was such an insignificant part of her life she should have no trouble telling him yep I dated someone for a bit who did porn came up second dates I'm fine with that had it come up presumably years in I would have been gone yesterday because of the deception that doesn't follow at all there were things in my life that is insignificant to me and I don't find personally shameful at all but I objectively know that this news getting out would harm me because other people don't understand sir I keep it quiets same thing here she's fine with it but her fiance wouldn't be so she doesn't want to tell him that is reasonable but if that's the case we arrived straight back at she's about to marry this man while keeping a secret that could instantly end the relationship which makes her an a-hole because people in general hates and discriminate against sex workers people have a lot of ignorance when it comes to sex work just reading through these comments is proof so many it's a deal breaker with no real reason other than it's gross people are allowed to be discriminatory when it comes to picking their life partner the fact is many men and women do not like sex work and thinking it as gross is a perfectly valid reason to not want to date a former sex worker hope he clearly understands there is an issue because she is deliberately hiding it you're the a-hole if he honestly believed that knowing this about you would have caused him to end the relationship then you were marrying him under false pretenses the element of fraud in that makes you the a-hole if you also want to consider whether him dropping you over it makes him an a-hole too I would have to say no having sex for money is rather more extreme than simply having an active sex life and being unable to get past it is while not saintly of him at least understandable it's also no way to live waiting for the other shoe to drop not the a-hole as someone who spent 18 years in the sex industry I can understand where you were coming from sex work is very stigmatized and people can be extremely judgmental it sounds like you were afraid to lose your fiance over this however think about how you would feel if 20 years down the track you accidentally found out that your husband had a possible deal breaking the secret he had been keeping something he could have told you before you got married would you feel betrayed lied to that you couldn't trust him anymore that your marriage was built on a lie would it be grounds for divorce also think about what keeping this secret would do to you afraid he will find out afraid he would leave you it may be the case that this is a deal for him and he would break off your relationship if you tell him now then sir beards there are plenty of men out there who are unafraid to be in a relationship with an ex sex worker but it may also be the case that he accepts that this is a part of your past not your future together with him you need to tell him now updates am I the a-hole for not telling my fiance I used to work as an escort sir I thought of what everyone said and considered both sides I decided that I didn't want this hanging over my head in our marriage so it was tough but shortly afterwards one night I had a few glasses of wine and I told him I had something I needed to talk about I had considered seducing him having sex and then telling him so I could at least do it one last time but decided that it would be manipulative and dishonest sir i sat down and told him what I said I had a lot of sexual partners it was over a stint of about four months as in escorts he was taken aback a bit and said that's not something I'd expect I figured no one would I dress modestly I'm pretty conservative with drinking and I volunteer with kids programs at my church I had tears in my eyes and asked him if his opinion of me had changed he said well what you did didn't stop you from being the woman I fell in love with so why should it I started crying more tears of joy I begged him to let me know if he had any apprehensions or questions or if it had come between us in any way he said he may have questions about any cool or sexy stories sometimes but for now no he even made a quip about no wonder you blow my mind and having amazing sex you were a professional not really the type of joke I'd normally appreciate that in that time it was perfect and we ended up going to the bedroom not too much later so now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I know just how much my fiancée loves me and what he's willing to tolerate in me it's wonderful we're both in lockdown basically now both working from home and I'm so thankful to be able to be with a wonderful and amazing man who I love so much and who loves me so much thanks to everyone I had considered seducing him having sex and then telling him so I could at least do it one last time never do this anybody sometimes our worst selves try to come out to play the important thing is she recognized it was crappy and didn't do it yes I agree with you here she considered it but ultimately did the right thing which is what matters and if we did do something crappy we wouldn't be likely to admit it never in an ally the a-hole post I think Opie is probably just a very blunt person though maybe not the most honest person I know I'm making assumptions based off two posts but it's safe to assume there were probably a lot of things that make up he different from most sex workers especially the fact that she got into it and out of even it's essentially unscathed I'm not doubting her story but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out this somewhere most sex workers want to have the same fairy tale ending she did actually I think her story is remarkably similar to the majority of sex workers although it was good luck her sweetie was cool about it a lot of partners struggle with the idea obviously but even those guys who let their girlfriends or wives do sex work often try to control them requiring them not to do certain acts with clients or to contact them before and after every clients regardless of the situation for example when she works in a brothel finding an understanding partner is like gold as a sex worker posted by user casual coordinator titled would I be the a-hole if I backed out on buying a switch purely because my siblings would get to play it's a little bit of backgrounds I 15 male work 20 hour work week along with school and make a fair wage while doing sir I've accumulated a good spending fund along with the savings funds this is where it starts since I've never made a big purchase I was doing research into something I was really into the Nintendo switch it just became only $300 at my Walmart recently and I was really excited I came to my mum and asked permission and she said it's your money sweet I thought I can get a Nintendo switch so I can play with my other friends and even my grandma who also heard I was going to buy one after my mum texted her this is where my plan fell before me I have four sisters who are all younger they have four broken weaves and multiple controllers which is crazy I wanted the switch as my own thing and thought is such because well it's three hundred dollars and to a fifteen-year-old that's insane after hearing it would not be allowed to leave the living room and not only that but my sister's could play it whenever I rethought everything I don't want to share my console because I know that not only will they not chip in but they will destroy it I don't want them to lose games controllers have rage Fitz and get everything dirty and expect me to pay for more my mum refuses to even think about me taking it to my room and said it would have to be shared would I be the a-hole if I backed out on buying a switch edits I just want to clarify a lot of people think my siblings are entitled and they aren't they a little and love playing Mario and my mom has always been against video games only recently my mum has even thought about us getting games and DLCs for games she also isn't trying to steal my money but thank you for your concern also I will be going soon to switch banks over but I can't make purchases over $100 on a card for a minor I live in a big family so it's always all share no selfishness which I understand but since I'm getting to that age where privacy is more valuable I put it up here as I was unsure thanks for helping me with this also I love my mum she isn't crazy or anything it's just she wants everyone to share everything and I'm no longer about that not the a-hole your mother cannot both claim that it's your money whilst insisting that what you spend it on becomes communal property that's unreasonable and hypocritical especially in light of legitimate concerns about whether your sisters will break it you should talk to your mother and have her agree that as it's your property and she is making you share it she is financially responsible for it if your sister breaks it I wouldn't even do it then she could say that she would but when it happens she just doesn't and he has no recourse he should not buy it unless he can keep it in his room and not be required to share it unless he wishes to RP needs to secure his money in a safe space that mum cannot just help herself to a bank account with her name in it is not a good space just to get that out there - who is to say she won't just take his money and buy a switch after he changes his mind and the sister throws an entitlement fits that's true but at their age options for securing money are very limited best bet is an adult's they can trust well not to a hole at all if you buy it you should get to decide what happens with it maybe you could make a deal with your parents that if your sisters break anything your parents refund the money and replace the broken thing if nots I'd hold back on buying a console as a mum of a teenager and her younger siblings I would think this is a great mature response could be worth a try could also be more messy say for example a scratch across the screen kid would want it replaced parents could say it's not broken such not a big deal and does not warrant a replacements just playing devil's advocates or they might agree to it now and later on when it gets smashed the mum may act like she never agreed on it written contracts multiple copies still no good because the kid has nothing the parents want that he can use to enforce it no one's the a-hole here it's fair for your mum not to want you to have a gaming console in your room or to have rules regarding how much can be used and to win but it's unfair to ask you to share something you're spending your own money on updates would I be the a-hole if I backed out on buying a switch purely because my siblings would get to play it's sir I took a lot of your suggestions and I went to have a good conversation with my mum about the switch I explained how fragile it was how much the controllers were and how much repairing it would take I offered that they could play but that it could be in my room sometimes and my sisters would have to buy their own controllers to play she said she didn't realize how fragile it was and that it was literally ten inches of glass she doesn't seem to noticed I have it in my room sir that's good long she does prefer me to share it but she is happy to see that I enjoy my new purchase and since I was feeling happy I bought budget-friendly pro controllers for friends and family to play with we love playing ultimate chicken horse and my favorite is smash Ultimates thanks for helping me get through this and to get the best outcome I really needed it also if you recommend any switch games I'd love to hear I only have smash ultimate chicken horse and Mario Kart serve via some at me and it's I got Animal Crossing my island looks kind of ugly with these weeds but it's such a fun game not guaranteeing I'll friend everyone but if you want to hang out on Animal Crossing I'll leave my Island open friend code is on screen not saying I'll friend everyone but I could use some friends last did it I herb law damn the spiders a fast and animal crossing any tips when catching them and wasps nice to hear this update from you Congrats on the great outcome I had a feeling your mother was more reasonable than others in your first post believed and I'm glad she was yes she is I feel bad I made people think poorly of her as I loved her to death and I feel awful that I painted her poorly in MIT a hole because she is the best mother in the world I am happy it had a happy ending I was rooting for you I personally love sausage Sports Club force which it's a wacky family-friendly sports game it's fun for the whole family I'll give it a look no problems it's one of my favorite games to goof off with friends Mortal Kombat is my favorite game on switch and I think it's dropped down to 30 bucks ish now so worth it and it has story mode to play alone online mode two verse random people you can play it on multiplayer with a lot of other things I sound like an ad lul but I really recommend it it's a great game that was one of my favorite Xbox games when I went over to my friends house I didn't know they sold it on the switch I'll definitely take a look am I the a-hole for not caring if my brother has changed and feels badly about how he treated me growing up I'm 19 male my brother is 21 and is my only sibling I realized I was gay from a young age and came out at 14 my parents were supported from the get-go but my brother was absolutely not he tried telling me I wasn't or that I was just trying to get attention and trying to get me to change my mind when that failed he called me a freak diseased said I was going to hell even though we aren't that religious and made it clear that he didn't want a relationship with me he outed me at school my friends already knew and trying to get others to join in but no one really cared and nothing much changed needless to say I vowed to limit contact with him as much as possible but the comments continued until he moved out when he turned 18 for school I've since gotten into a great school and have completed a year and a half I'm in a relationship my grades are the best they've ever been and everything seems to has fallen nicely into place my brother sent me a message on Facebook back in August he started by apologizing for how he treated me saying he was depressed before and was stuck inside his own head so I fell into the wrong crowd online that reinforced his bitterness towards others he said he'd gotten treatment for his depression feels more confident than he has in years and was on the upswing and wanted to meet up to repair a relationship he said he was proud of me for being gay and supported me and apologized for taking so long to make it known I didn't respond nor did I respond to his happy birthday message into September then he started texting me saying he understands if I'm still hurts but that he'd love nothing more than to make up for the hurt he caused I haven't responded to these either he is where my boyfriend says I'm the a-hole over the holidays we were all back at my parents house I had a great time seeing my family accept him each time he'd ask about me or try to talk to me I'd give him one worded answers or climb up he offered to get a game for me as a gift but I declined he pulled me aside to apologize face to face reiterating the stuff he said before but I also cut that short and walked away meanwhile I talked with my parents like normal and was very open with him about the happenings of my life typically with an earshot of him the day we left I said my goodbyes and found him by my car crying he said he understands why I'm closed off to him and that he regrets how it turned out wished me well and went inside I told my boyfriend about this when I got back and he's ticked and called me an a-hole boyfriend says it's clear my brother feels badly about how he used to be and he's changed and that to throw that all back in his face is a dick move my parents agree and say he's a good person but ultimately feel it's up to us personally I've gotten so used to the idea of not having a brother that I don't know if there's anything left to salvage he made his choice to sabotage me then is it really my problem he regrets his actions now am i the a hall and it's sir my boyfriend just texted me and said that how I handled this thing has him questioning things and that he thinks we should take a step back for a while so that's cool no one's an a-hole here but I think you're cutting your nose off to spite your face your brother is putting in the effort to seek you out honestly apologize and admit that he was wrong and rebuild your relationship you're right in that he's not entitled to your forgiveness but later in life it's possible you could bitterly regret rejecting this olive branch I'm just so mad at him I just want to tell him he can take that branch and shove it why don't you say something like while I appreciate your apology and understand your desire to make amends I am still angry about the trauma I experienced at your hands and I am NOT interested in having a real relationship with you right now if you want to make amends consider donating money or time to an organization that fights homophobia each time I talk to him I clam up and can't do more than a few words you can write him a letter or send him a text if it's too difficult to express yourself in person these are good points RP it sounds like you would both benefit from a relationship therapist even though they usually work with couples they know how to help with family relationships as well it's okay to still feel angry even though your brother has changed and tried to make amends but I also agree with the commenter who says you were cutting off your nose to spite your face you are denying yourself a potentially rewarding relationship and healing experience with your brother and based on your edits your inflexible anger has given your significant other pause that said you shouldn't have to just bottle up your feelings you deserve to express your anger in a constructive way and have it validated there's not much chance for this to resolve itself otherwise if it's within your means and inclination coulson therapists that specialize in relationships and ask them hypothetical questions about how they would advise someone in a situation similar to yours then choose the one that seems like the best fit and ask your brother to go with you this is a trauma response and it's normal regardless of whether or not you decide to accept your brother's apology you need to work through this with a therapist who is queer friendly right now you can't move forward from your memories of the pain he caused and forcing a relationship with him isn't going to fix that either will your parents help pay for therapy if the cost is an issue or Abby didn't respond to that one unfortunately I'm gonna be your ghost of Christmas future similar situation forty-nine male gay with a straight brother two years older but the relationship breakdowns are completely different aren't they always there without going into details because it would be too long of a discussion I'll just reveal what your future might look like I've not talked to my brother in over 20 years now I've got college-age nephews that I've never even met we live in different parts of the country from each other and out parents my parents are always upset about the situation which just causes distance with them so I don't have to deal with their guilt and pain it also isn't something I discuss with my husband either so he just stays out of it is this the future that you really once I used to really hate it when I was a kid and was told that I'd feel different about things as an adults but the reality is it's true the person you're angry with that hurt you is gone and that probably just causes even more anger others have already said that holding on to that pain is a poison and I think that's also true I don't think you're being an a-hole just kind of mean probably because it now feels good and justified because of what happens I'm sorry for what you went through and is still going through you didn't do anything to deserve it I'd sound like a hypocrite for giving you any real advice this post has really stirred up a lot of emotions and reflection for me looking back I'm not proud of myself I'll just say that I think you've been given a gift though an opportunity to get your real brother back who you've not really met yet I wish you luck and I hope that you can heal God who thinks I could be a killer motivational speaker like come on I'm just I'm channeling those vibes we need a ynt option for you need therapy I agree even though that would be the ranking for a good third of these threads no a-holes here at this points he's outgrown being an a-hole be glad for that progress whether or not you want him in your life but you'll always have a brother it's a question of whether you interact with or acknowledge him you guys are young now but someday you'll be older your parents will be gone and the only person who will share the good and bad memories of growing up and your family will be your brother so maybe think some more on whether you really want him out of your life forever thank you I guess I have some thinking to do but I don't even know where it starts you're a student so there probably is a free or low-cost Counseling Center open to you maybe go talk it out with an impartial outside professional in the meantime I'd suggest sending your brother something brief and honest like I appreciate your apology not ready to talk now and I do not want to make promises about the future but I'm glad to know you're changed for the better updates am I the a-hole for ignoring my brother and not caring he's changed since bullying me while we were younger so it's been a few months since my first post and since a few people were asking I thought I owed you guys an update I would have provided one sooner but this is a throwaway and I'd logged out earlier the fact I remembered the password is itself a miracle the TLDR of the last post was I had ignored my brother's attempts to have a relationship with me after the homophobic crap he threw at me when we were younger I'm glad to say that's no longer the case a little while after my last post I texted him that I really appreciated his words but that his actions had really hurt me and that I needed time he texted back he understood and to take as much time as I needed he also thanked me for reaching back out to him I spent a lot of January in February in self-reflection and trying to figure out what I wanted lots of people in the last posts said I needed therapy and I agree I likely did I never ended up seeing a professional but I got really into some guided meditation and calming exercises I saw in YouTube making a habit of it helped me realize how much weight I was carrying and has helped me start to let that weight down I still have some ways to go but I can feel my empathy growing and I like that I went home for spring break and saw my brother for the first time since Christmas long story short we spent a lot of time hanging out and our relationship is recovering we've had some hard conversations cried shared a couple joints etc and I came away from the break feeling much better about everything and since each of our schools have closed down due to the pandemic we're both at home and doing our classes remotely and hanging out on the downtime I want to thank those of you who said I'd probably regret cutting him off because I can tell you you were right my brother isn't perfect and did many things to purposely hurt me but people can change if they want to and he did I wouldn't want to be judged by my lowest points and I'm working on not judging him by here I finally have my brother back and forgiving him has helped me feel better in many ways I didn't realize I needed Thank You TLDR forgiveness is a hell of a drug edits holy once I step away from this to do homework for a couple of hours and y'all gave me awards thank you so much to answer some common questions no my boyfriend from the ope and I are no longer together but for separate reasons unrelated to the original post we just wanted different things and were at different stages of our lives but it was a parting with a minimal hard feelings I don't consider his reaction to be manipulative it wasn't a hard do this or we're through why my brother did it there's no one reason he was in a dark place and dealing with a lot of issues in a bad way he was ignorant about a lot of LGBT stuff and relied on that ignorant when it came to me it took a while and going off to college slash meeting new people for him to begin questioning a lot he believed and since getting help for his unresolved issues it was a step-by-step process until he saw how wrong he was he said he didn't even realize what he was doing was hurtful a lot of the time because he was sir in his own head and had some really bad influences on the Internet's reinforcing his mindsets I can understand that and I love how far he's come why didn't our parents intervene even though they always had my back they did a lot of the time but most of what he said slash didn't wasn't in their presence and I was not one to go running to them each time I was the victim of something they had good people and I hold no animosity towards what they might have done instead I'm thinking about showing my brother this and this previous thread so he has a better of understanding of how I felt about this and may update later on how that goes also I just want to say to the others out there who feel they have been repeatedly wronged by someone to the point they want to cut them off that I know exactly how you feel but the fact is people can change if they want to and even if they do you're under no obligation to welcome them back in your life but if you can find it in your hearts I'd strongly encourage you to give them a fair shot at doing so people do screwed-up things sometimes many times or for many years before they realize it and feel remorse we are all only human forgiveness is never an easy thing to give away and especially when coupled with trauma I'm so glad to hear this Opie you're strong and amazing and we love that for you forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace which is great in some scenarios maybe I have a chip on my shoulder but I've got two people that will never have my forgiveness I've given them many things over the years and that's the one thing I'm keeping for myself you don't have to forgive them but it's healthy to let go of the anger I have some people I'll never forgive of letting go of the anger was a huge relief I still struggle not being angry at my ex but even as a work-in-progress I feel so much better like a mountain fell off my shoulders posted by user almighty Rockwood titled am I the a-hole for yelling at my late father's fiancee so this literally just happened and I'm still steaming I was doing my taxes last night and I open up the link that takes me to the page to describe to me how to do my late father's taxes it was last night and I don't have his most recent w-2 so I figured I'd text will call her P tomorrow to ask if she received it from his work sir i text her this morning and she tells me that my sister is already aware that and she's already done the taxes okay that's cool but I asked her to clarify if she means their normal taxes he died in July or if she did his end-of-life taxes she tells me not to worry and that it's all been taken care of my sister is already aware so I respond with I don't care what my sister is aware of she's not the representative of the estate it's my duty to get those taxes done and distribute whatever returns he received equally my sister and I she doesn't text back and getting frustrated I call her she regurgitates the same BS from the text messages and tells me it's all been taken my sister already knows blah blah blah I asked her to clarify what she means by taking care of she tells me she hired an accountant to get it all done and that I don't have to worry I asked her if there was a return and she won't directly answer me I asked her to send me the 104 oh and she tells me not to worry it's all been handled I lost my crap I start yelling at her and saying that you are his fiancee I'm the representative I could face legal consequences if things weren't done or done correctly and so the fact that you and my sister did this behind my back and didn't tell me is really concerning not only that but you're not telling me if there was a return and if you kept it I will seek legal action to ensure that money goes to his surviving children she hung up somewhere in between I don't know when and she isn't answering my texts am I in the right here reddits or did I go too far edits my sister isn't speaking to me it seems like there's a plot behind my back to keep the money that doesn't belong to them they're going to hear from me very freaking soon edit 1 P already father taxes and received the refunds holy hell edit 2 there is no power of attorney and I hold the documents that names me the sole representative of his estate I honestly have no idea how she was even able to file a return but she isn't speaking to me now once my sister calls me and I find out her ends I'm going to text P and let her know that if she doesn't work with me I'll be contacting a lawyer to contact her for me edit 3 sorry mods didn't mean to curse about the fiancee and or my sister I got a little passionate there edit for last update before I do an update post later nobody is currently talking to me and that's fine I'm pressing forward with an attorney in my area and to my going to hash it out I'm going to do my due diligence as my father's representative and filed his taxes once that happens my lawyer and I will contact the IRS and we'll watch them lay in the bed they made thanks to everybody for all the helpful advice and comments read it really is something else not the a-hole I would have lost my crap - she has no standing in his estate call your sister for the info not the a-hole maybe post on our / legal advice as a question about how to handle the fiance and what if anything it means that the sister already did the taxes I suspect that any tax filing your sister did would be considered worthless possibly even fraudulent you should be able to just file the return yourself if the IRS or state dor gives you a hard time just explain that the other return was not filed by a person with authority to do so and that yours is the real one also if your sister did file she may have gotten a refund that money belongs to the estate so if sister or fiance took that money they're guilty of embezzling from the estate you need to assert yourself on this make it absolutely clear that you and only you will be handling a state's business and that anyone who interferes with that will be answering to a judge this there is no doubt there's fraud going on the only real question is if fiancee is committing the fraud herself or if this sister is a part of the conspiracy get a lawyer involved and act quickly I agree they're idiots if they truly thought that this was going to happen without my knowledge they seemed not to understand just how much authority you have here and the world of hurt they're going to be in if they try to undermine you I was the executive for my parents estate and one of my brothers was a total a-hole through the whole process he was living in our parents house paying no rent and standing in the way of the sale but at the same time complaining that I wasn't moving fast enough and generally that I was doing everything wrong he eventually filed to have me removed as executor we went to courts each told our side not only did he not get me removed but he also got to move out date from the judge yep he got himself evicted by getting in my way your case is so terrible that not only am I just missing it with prejudice I'm also evicting you now get out of my courtroom this is the equivalent of them filing your dad's taxes while he was still alive not telling him and stealing his refunds the IRS will be very unhappy about this what I find ironically sad is the reason why they didn't get married sooner rather than later they weren't able to marry before he passed was that her ex-husband is on the hook with something for the IRS care to guess care to take a guess on what it is exactly tax fraud however we all thought my dad included that it was 100 percent the ex-husband as she didn't know how to do any of that seems kind of freaking fishy and she apparently knows how to do it now not the a-hole and it's illegal for them to have access to his finances at all if you were the one solely in control of his estate you need to call your attorney and the IRS he already filed the taxes and received the refunds holy Frick loya time how did she receive the refund when my mom died and I did her estates I needed her death certificates and court documents naming me the executor of the estate before I could move forward that's interesting I didn't know that yeah once you're in probate for the estate there are a lot of rules that you have to follow the bank accounts and assets that are in the name become frozen I even had a hard time paying the mortgage on her house because I had to have it approved by the court to use that money IRS normally won't deposit money in an account if the names don't match since my mom's accounts were frozen due to the probate they had to send a check and I had to use my paperwork to properly deposit it into the estate's that's strange because if that's true then it would have been impossible for her to file the taxes in the first place I am the sole executor of the will got the document to prove it and all she would have had is a death certificate if asked there's no way she could have proven to be an executor unless she lied or said that she was his wife what the f is happening she must have forged the documents in Canada we have to submit official documents with the will to prove that you are the representative the IRS will be very interested in this because forgery shows clear intent for the fraud yeah if she was able to file the at all and she would have had to lie about it not the a-hole so what I have learned going through your history your sister is a huge spender and the fiancee got a house from you that was your dad's so my thought is sis ran out of money fiancee wants more and more so why not work together and brother gets the short end not excited but excited for the update they spelt excited really weirdly I was originally going to keep the house and sell it but I didn't want to uproot her and her two kids since she made my dad extremely happy never seen him smile so much I figured it was a good bet to just give her the house about three weeks ago my sister flew down to Florida to get the remainder of his stuff it was on a Thursday she said she couldn't afford it even with a 250,000 dollar payout from my father's life insurance yeah it seems very fishy but the short end they think I'm going to get is going to look much longer than the stick the IRS is going to give them I will post updates probably won't be for a week or two though all right someone did a you're the a-hole it's great you're the a-hole if your sister knows ask her what the hell is up why did you go off on this woman who lost her fiance and then he goes through the edits honestly it just seems like you care more about a tax return and pocketing 600 bucks for yourself than anything else you sound so Petty and pathetic I really just feel sorry for you and your family for having to put up with you there I guess they're not anymore oh Jesus you do realize that if they fraudulently did his taxes that I could be held legally accountable by the IRS right and the moderator removed their comments updates am I the a-hole for yelling at my late father's Beyonce against the advice of others I continued to text Pia and my sister my sister was m.i.a and not responding at all while Pia was simply giving me one-word answers or not responding either I dropped the bomb on Pia where I said something along the following if you did his taxes then that will be fraud the IRS will know about it as soon as I refile his taxes and I won't be able to stop what will happen please just tell me what is going on something like that so she finally texts me back this two-page text message where she informs me that her attorney has advised her not to speak to me about the return again she said she felt threatened and is going to take the steps needed to protect herself I was mad and a little peeved but I stopped texting her as I began preparations for talking to my own attorney and getting things handled a small part of me thought that I needed to have my ducks in a row before going that far so I grabbed all the documentation I had from My Father I called a buddy who has a lawyer friend thankfully she was in the same room and he hashed it out turns out I'm actually not the legal representative you see I had a document that I thought made me the representative of the estates but what the document actually was is a summary of administration basically I had legal control over his bank accounts and other assets to distributes I thought that made me the representative but it didn't sir like a good adults I texted P the next day and apologized for my outburst as I'm not the legal representative and since there wasn't one everything she would have done with the CPA would have been completely legal and okay she laughed and said everything is fine I'm still mad because I feel like a jerk I was basically left on rent for a whole weekend when nobody was telling me what happened or didn't happen so all I could do was assume the worst oh and during the entire time my sister wasn't texting me it's because she blocked my number I asked my mom about her and she said that as soon as she saw my message asking about the taxes she blocked my number I received half of my father's return just last night it was more than my return it's probably why they didn't tell me about it and why she blocked me so yeah that's the updates a lot of miscommunication / no communication and people doing things for my late father without letting me know not the a-hole you didn't know you watch the admin you just presumed you were served high-five for being vigilant it sounds like your sister was determined to leave you out of it entirely got busted and blocked you to keep from being held accountable for her involvement at least you have some humility and apologize to pee for how you acted I hope you update when you finally talk to your sister I agree I repeat sister was probably trying to get away with keeping all the money that's literally the first thing I did when my buddy's friends the girl in my updates looked at the summary of administration I texted her and apologized for yelling and getting upset she never apologized for being quiet dismissive and for not talking to me about what was done but that's neither here nor there don't beat yourself up they were acting Shady thanks it isn't like I was looking for something like this to happen I thought I was the rep so it would have been my business to know then my sister just has to up and block me on the phone without any sort of communication I literally had nothing else to do but assume something shady was going on I feel like she thought she was doing something wrong and got caught if she knew she did nothing wrong why block you why not communicate my real source of confusion was say I was representative and say she and P fraudulently did my father's taxes did she think blocking me on the phone would make it go away the best example I've ever experienced of the head-in-the-sand analogy her blocking you was a way for her to avoid hearing anything about it I doubt she thought it was going to stop you from doing anything not to a whole situation would have been sorted out if either of those two idiots could have answered it's clear your sister tried to steal from you their rights if someone would have just talked to me it would have been figured out and done in five minutes I think they did it behind my back for a reason of course they did that were trying to claim all the money for themselves and hoping you wouldn't find out your family seems terrible it was a terrible experience all around sister lost the will and didn't want to deal with all that was happening or lose her job I lost mine June to being in Florida for so long so she left his mother left four days before he even died they all wanted to know what was going to happen to his staff other family didn't even bother to show up his mother even took me off of the will that she had with my grandfather so all the property and things he wanted me to have wear it go to me anymore nobody talks to me now except anybody on my mother's side they were divorced when all I did was exactly what my father would have wanted coming up on a year since he passed and I'm still catching flack and feeling miserable hugs I'm so sorry I feel it in the fields some people in the thread want to harp on my inherent mistake that I apologized for others do the hugs I like the hugs am I the a-hole for making a complaint against a nursery worker due to how she reacted to my wife picking our kid up so my wife is 36 and I am 37 and we have two kids a daughter who's eight years old and a son that's three my wife is an essential worker as she's a doctor she works extremely long hours with hardly any days off whilst I work the typical nine-to-five job so I've always taken care of arranging the kids for school and care etc well with lockdown I've been able to homeschool my daughter but since my wife is an essential worker my son's nursery has still been able to take him in so I have dropped him off there as normal as even though I'm home schooling my other kid I'm fitting that around me working from home it makes it easier for my son to still have his routine and so I can do my work and so on anyway I was going to pick him up like normal but my wife chose to do it as she was off at that time and could actually get him the people at this nursery know my wife as do the parents even though she's rarely there she was actually happy to be able to pick our son up from our nursery for once and I thought it went fine until she came home in tears she told me this nursery worker who was just started there didn't believe that my wife was our son's mother as this worker had only ever seen me the other workers and my son told her that my wife was in fact the mother and that she wasn't a danger to my son the new workers still didn't believe it and said she didn't feel comfortable with letting a three-year-old girl off with a random woman she'd never seen before my wife got really upset and it then upset my son as everybody was practically saying there was no danger as my wife was a mother a few other parents got dragged into this and backed up the other staff and it was only through relenting that the new who gave up but she made a really angry comment along the lines of maybe if you were here more often I wouldn't have to verify your identity my wife wants to forget it happens but I am very angry so the next day I picked up my son and asked to speak to the woman in charge about the new worker she wasn't there when it happened but I complained and said that how my wife was treated was ridiculous and that the co-worker was out of line for her snide comments at the end the woman wasn't happy and I have now learnt the new worker has been given a severe warning and that her behavior is being watched the parents who backed my wife up a torn sum think I did the right thing as the woman didn't act professional whilst others think I'm an a-hole for interfering my wife is annoyed as she thinks I shouldn't have said anything I really don't know if what I did was right or wrong sir am I the a-hole I'm gonna say no straight off the bat if you think I'm protecting this kid but everyone's telling me I'm wrong we're definitely not the a-hole for calling her out no behavior and getting her in trouble not the a-hole if Walker was actually worried she would have asked for ID that was being snide for no reason the thing is my wife would happily have shown her ID as she had nothing to hide of course no parent would be mad at that and if they had any doubt at all they should have put safety first and asked that was nothing but snide catty nonsense I had to pick up my niece's from school once had never done so before and I don't have kids so I don't know the protocol I walked in saw my nieces told them I was picking them up I was at the gate before a teacher ran up to me and asked who I was she could tell the kids near me but I'm glad she made sure I wasn't kidnapping them I did feel like an idiot but NBD not the a-hole was a daycare worker and I wanted to say she was doing her job to make sure your son was safe but the other workers we wouldn't take other parents opinions literally told her it's okay and they've seen her before the protocol also would have been to call you immediately not just deny her leaving for however long that went on her comment was unprofessional and she needs to learn the dads can stay home while we in work and what to do in that situation I've worked in childcare and schools often done for years one thing that's been universal in any established place I've been in is an ID on file for who can and who can't pick up the child's I'm questioning if they don't keep good records or if this new employee is just completely incompetent frankly my dear I just don't believe this posting for this exact reason it sounds like there was no protocol and just a bunch of parents and workers scrambling around without paperwork verification or the desire to call o P and verify same here it just doesn't make any sense at all really plus like why was it on one new person who doesn't even know the parents it was apparently the only one allowed to decide to let the child leave nothing really fits here I thought this as the new member of staff why would she be overriding people who've worked there longer wouldn't a new member of staff surely defer to the other members posted by user main boots titled mi da hole for not letting my son graduate high school early my 16 year old son always hated school he does well but is bored his counselor suggested taking short term elective summer classes those classes would count towards his high school credits when he starts his senior year his counselor also suggested taking Community College courses that would satisfy required classes that he would have to take as a junior or senior IE history poli-sci etc the Community College classes would be free online and would count towards his college degree the goal was that by the time he started his senior year he would only have to take a couple of bullcrap classes and stay at the school for a couple of hours a day literally he could come at school at 10 a.m. and leave by noon and that really excited him after two years of summer school and online community classes he has accrued so many credits that he could hypothetically graduate in 2021 instead of 2022 my son really wanted to do this and I said no my fear is that he will regret it he doesn't know anyone in the class of 2021 and will miss out socially plus if you were to graduate early then you would resume going to Community College full-time on campus and I don't think he's ready for that sudden change edits even his high school counselor thinks it's a bad idea to let him graduate a year early edits also by graduating in 2022 he can do even more online community college classes and the school district pays for it all including books this will literally save thousands of dollars edits for people who are saying the community college offers great clubs housing and has tons of students my son's age have no idea what they're talking about the CC that my son goes to is a commuter college the vast majority of them are working adults so there are no functional clubs and they are much older than my son they have never heard of any CC offering student housing and this is California edits I also stand corrected by the cost my son will actually have to take upper divisional courses which cost $84 per units excluding books materials and other fees and comes out to about fifteen hundred dollars a semester full-time and that is a lot of money edits my son hates his teachers not his friends and it's not like he loves community college either edits this has nothing to do with my son getting older even if you were to go straight to a university he would still live at home I am not paying thirteen thousand dollars a year for him to live in some small shared dorm nine months a year and yes that's how much it costs for student housing in our state and that's a State University screwed that crap you're the a-hole what do you mean he won't know anyone socially if he's leaving for college will he know anyone socially in his new college either stop being a helicopter parent and let your kid thrive the part that annoys me is that saying that him taking classes after graduation will be too sudden a change what do they think will happen when his son graduates normally the same thing I think it's too sudden for the parents are they holding the kid back my thoughts exactly when I decided to go to university early I had sit-down meetings with the Dean of my program so that they could assess that was mentally prepared to make the leap and they set up my on-campus housing to make sure that I had access to help if I needed it this kid is doing Community College and sounds like they'll still be living at home which really helps on both money and the mental aspects this kid sounds smart and driven and that they'd have no problem excelling as an early admission students that parent is yta you're the a-hole you first mentioned he hates school yet you knowingly refused to let him graduate early when he is within his right to do so most likely he does not enjoy high school in particular and there are many possible reasons for that his social experiences will not come to a halt if he graduates one year early in fact he might find it easier to make friends and pursue education in a college environment you're the a-hole your son has worked hard to accumulate credits you're robbing him of the benefits of his hard work if he graduates early he can go to college early get a career started early etc you should be encouraging his work ethic not throttling its son I know you worked really hard for literally years to achieve a goal that excites you but I'm not ready for you to take the same courses in person that you're already excelling at online way to encourage your kiddo be your the a-hole so what he doesn't know anyone in the 2021 class he'd be there for two hours a day and it doesn't sound like he cares to make friends with other teenagers anyway and who the hell is ready for a full-time college at 18 he'll be 17 close enough also he won't be there all day like a full-time job either that's not how college is unless to pay extra to take more than a full course load and graduating early with these credits is a huge step up you basically want to stop him from doing something great for his future because he doesn't know some kids a grade below him and you don't trust him to go to school which is done because he's done nothing but for at least a year posted by user no baby room titled am I the a-hole for not wanting to share my room with my future nephew sir I'm 21 male and my sister is 18 female the day my sister turned 18 she moved out with some friends and they all share a small apartment together just a mile away from us I however stayed because my college was close to home and I wouldn't waste much on living expenses I started giving my parents money for rent electricity and water and I buy my own stuff that I need like laundry detergent groceries etc four months ago my sister came out and told us she was two months pregnant my parents were obviously disappointed but they hid that from her and offered to help in any way with the baby and they've been doing pretty much everything they've gone out and bought baby clothes toys a bassinet bottles blankets everything now because my sister lives with other roommates she said she can't have the baby there with her and her boyfriend and convinced my parents to let the baby live here since she's less than a five-minute drive away from us my parents agreed with no arguments even though they clearly weren't expecting that and I didn't voice any opinion about it's because it's their house and they decide on what they wants however I didn't know they were planning on having me share my own room with my nephew until my sister came home the other day and started moving the stuff my parents bought into my room I told her there's no way the baby's going to be in my room she was confused and said it was obvious the baby would stay in here because where else was he gonna sleep I honestly thought since she'd been needing to feed him every couple of hours the first few months that he'd sleep in the living room with my sister and then when he started sleeping through the nights he'd stay in my parents room there's is a lot bigger than mine anyways to be honest it bothered me that nobody even asked me permission or how I'd feel about that and just assumed I'd be cool with sharing my room with a baby that's not even my responsibility I flat out told her no and took out all the baby's stuff of course she gets ticked and goes crying to my parents that I'm being mean and unsupportive of her pregnancy my parents say I should give up half my room for the baby because family take care of each other but yet she's happy to dump her baby here instead of finding a new place to live I told them that she's the one who got pregnant and it's not fair that I should give up my room because of her decisions my sister stormed off and hasn't contacted us since my parents keep telling me to apologize to her and even a few other relatives are telling me I'm being cruel for not wanting to make such a small sacrifice for my own nephew which isn't fair babies cry all the time at all hours of the nights I'm not about to deal with all that in my own room which I pay rent for but that somehow makes me the bad guy here am I the a-hole edits for people who keep asking my sister and I used to share this room I move into our garage when I was 15 so I can have my own space then moved back when she left and no I'm not moving back into the garage because barely any of my things will fit in there and also because there's no longer a place for me to sleep I'm gonna go right ahead and say he's not the a-hole that's perfectly reasonable the parents want to support the baby so the parents should put that responsibility on themselves and not force their son into it who doesn't want any mind he pays rent he gets a say end of story not the a-hole you pay rent why should you have to give up half the room and it's extremely inconsiderate especially because it'll mess up your sleep schedule tell your parents taking care of each other is so true and doll makes perfect sense then move all the baby stuff to their room tell your parents taking care of each other is so true and makes perfect sense and that's why sisters should be here to take care of her kid instead of pushing it off on her brother not the a-hole this but honestly our pee is already paying rent it might make more sense to just make an agreement with his parents to not pay rent but all his other expenses for the next few months so he can leave before the baby arrives I doubt that his parents will not stop their daughter from putting her baby in the room with him I also doubt that Opie will not be expected to help out if he stays now it's likely that she is going to get mad and expect him to watch her kid at a moment's notice just because it's his nephew and he's her older brother not the a-hole your parents and your sister are being ridiculous it is the worst possible time to do this but you need to start looking for your own place wouldn't be possible unfortunately I'd barely make enough to afford a one-bedroom if I two full-time which I can't do because of school it just won't be possible until I get a better job after graduation invar can you and your sister swap places keeping mummy and baby together a paramount of course so everyone keeps paying the same amount of rent but sis keeps her friends and now has built-in babysitters since family looks out for each other rights by the way not the a-hole everyone aside from you is cuckoo bananas for thinking it is acceptable to force you to be the parents I would move to off-campus housing two to three roommates is better than raising a baby your sister's plan is proof in the pudding since she's abandoning her kid to family seriously this seems like the better bet Opie even if you win the battle for your room having a newborn in the house and your sister staying elsewhere means you've lost the war get out however you can before this baby arrives unless you are okay with being the child minder not the a-hole obviously posted by user lock bottom titles am I the a-hole for finishing my sister's wedding cake so my sister had a small informal wedding recently and I stayed over at her place the night of basically it turned out that only small amounts of the wedding cake was actually eaten at the event and she put the other 80% into the fridge I stayed up late and got stones I ended up eating the entire cake the next morning my sister was furious with me and claimed that it was for them and that I should have only taken a piece but that really baffled me yes she didn't specify that I could eat her food but it seemed natural to me that a houseguest should be able to help themselves to whatever amenities are available I refused to apologise and she's still a little upset with me about it honestly feel pretty stubborn about this one but I'd like to hear anyone else's opinion you ate 80% of their wedding cake of course you're the a-hole control yourself and ask next time but Opie waited an hour and it was only 3 feet of wedding cake I got you boo Lowell you're the a-hole like it's SuperDuper clear that you're the a-hole guests or Knights learn some manners and it's eating 80% of a cake is a far cry from helping yourself to the house amenities amenities usually refers to things like soap and shampoo not wedding cake I agree maybe leftovers a sandwich or snacks possibly a little bit of cake but 80 percent of a wedding cake he'll know you've just reminded me when we got married we did a cupcake stands with a giant cupcake on top we brought the giant cupcake home intact and left it with my lovely mother-in-law the next day we found my husband's middle-aged cousins had taken it upon themselves to cut the cake and eat a quarter of it I was so ticked off at the greed and entitlements we had plans to recreate cutting the cake at a party that night we ended up turning it around so you can't tell it was mangled from the photos but up weekend laughed it off in the end but I feel the newlyweds pain here clearly you're the a-hole you were not entitled to just eat other people's food however much you want and this sucks even more because it's a wedding cake your definition of being a guest is very skewed even if it was a normal cake this would be the act of an a-hole that it was a wedding cake just increases how bad it was wedding cakes hold sentimental value and symbolic meaning not to mention the astronomical prices I knew a couple who saved a chunk of their wedding cake in the freezer for their 25th anniversary and saved up to buy a $1,000 bottle of wine to go with it it was their wedding cake not Opie's I'd eat a piece or two a birthday cake without asking or guilts but I don't know if I would ever even eat one piece of wedding cake without permission that kind of cake holds a very different meaning to many newlyweds eating damn near an entire wedding cake not even Opie's own wedding cake is a major a-hole move absolutely and you're obviously the a-hole it baffles me that Opie thought this was an okay maneuver posted by user didn't wake up GF titled mi da hole for not waking up my girlfriend for her exam after I overheard calling me a little [ __ ] my girlfriend has online summer courses and she had an exam for one of them this morning I usually wake her up for pretty much everything because she sleeps through her phone alarm no matter how long it buzzes or how many she says she has joked that I'm her Butler before and within the context of a relationship it's okay so I don't mind obviously I want to love my partner and try to make her life easy however last night she was chatting with her friends and she thought I couldn't hear she was bragging that I'm her little [ __ ] and I do everything for her when she tells me to etc it really hurt my feelings because they were making comments like good put him in his place and she was agreeing she specifically said yeah I'm not worried about tomorrow because the trampled make sure I'm up until probably have breakfast ready for me too I went to bed pretty hurt by it and come morning I didn't bother to wake her up when her alarm started to go she usually only gets up when someone physically shakes her but I let her turn off her alarm and she slipped back into sleep and I turned around and went back to sleep too when she woke up she was yelling at me he's saying that I'm an a-hole and Duff cost her an exam and I'm a piece of crap for what I did edits sorry for not responding sooner I wrote this on my break at work and now I have to get back to it I can't have my phone because I work with food I wasn't expecting this many reply as so fast I think we're breaking up I told her this morning after she called me a [ __ ] for being upset re being called a [ __ ] long but she says she's not done with me I'm just trying to get through today's shift then deal with stuff later I'll try and get back as I can we've been together a year and it was my first real relationship but I'm tired of her not acknowledging how crappy she made me feel and still calling me a [ __ ] that what really made me feel crap and small not the a-hole your girlfriend sounds incredibly abusive you shouldn't have to put up with that don't wait for any more red flags get out of this now you deserve better do this dude get out two red flags you didn't put up enough red flags here's more here's the whole communist nation if you got some golf flags too I found another one done of the couch nice I found one in the country cautions here you go man had this one in my pocket rusty garlic he's got a red flag for us one thing I never understood about this rated is the red flag comment chains every nice comment chains I understand better than that was a red flag in my bed here too it's insane oh look here I just pulled the red flag out of my honest do you want to see dude the way she talked about you is horrible forget about petty revenge and leave you deserve better she doesn't even sound like she respects him don't be a doormat Opie I hate the term doormat because it really puts the blame for abuse and controlling behavior on the victim rather than the abuser I get what you say but sometimes people do let it happen to them because love is blind hearing the truth can hurt but sometimes people need to hear it look at how some people just keep forgiving their cheating partner and keep expecting it to turn around for the best RP is not the a holder and should get out of this ASAP he deserves better than this horrible girlfriends by the way o be make sure you let your friends and family know the truth she sounds like the type who might try to turn your friends against you with the Lions yeah but it's sometimes happening because love is blind is the worst excuse to victim blame it's the same as well generalizing anything and in this case generalizing the reasons survivors stay in abusive relationships can cost lives so don't do it tough love just hurts the abused these people have been given tough love the entirety of their relationship it's not rights you're not going to get anywhere by blaming them for their abuse essentially acting exactly like the abuser when you give a survivor tough love you are valuing your own heroics over their actual safety and experiences be honest be loving and be there when they get out don't give them alternatives don't threaten them don't emotionally manipulate them by telling them they could die so they need to leave deep down they know it's all wrong and a thirsty as hell for a healthy relationship and to be treated as a person you give them what they need be the example with your partner of a loving and safe relationship don't ever mimic abuses the road to hell is paved with good intentions posted by user soliloquies six seven six two titled mi da Hall for making my seventeen-year-old stepdaughter do more work around the house there's no school and she doesn't have a job so my stepdaughter has no responsibilities at the moment the context her dad was a single dad until he met me when she was 10 and now we have two more children together her dad is a GP so he works pretty much constantly and I'm left looking after two children by myself for the majority of the day both five and two years old respectively apart from cooking for the daily family meal twice a week max looking after the children two times a week or me go grocery shopping and helping me put away said grocery shopping my stepdaughter does nothing to help when I'm clearly in over my head and she's old enough to be taught a little responsibility when I was her age I was working two jobs and looked after my little sister and helped out around the house without being asked she had to be asked to do every little thing apart from the things mentioned so far and always does them but grudgingly to teach her a better work ethic I put together a chart full of chores she has to do every day until she's done them she's banned from using her devices both her phone and iPad and they also take away whatever book she's reading at the mermans she can have them back when all the chores are done a typical day for the past week has involved her doing five chores of her choice from a list the choices are as examples vacuum all of upstairs or downstairs wash the floor cook dinner fold the laundry do the dishes dust any surfaces tidy your siblings rooms walk the dogs pick up dog poop from the garden etc this was all working out fine until my husband caught on to what was going on and he accused me of being lazy and punishing her for no reason and overstepping boundaries I don't agree at all the household is running much more smoothly with her help and I have more time to spend educating my five-year-old since school is out and I need to make sure that he doesn't fall behind am i the a-hole major update thanks to you guys uploading this so much my stepdaughter found this post and showed it to my husband last night I'm sure to you this is a perfectly happy ending but you do understand that it's tearing a goddamn family away from their father rights by the way things are looking this isn't something he's willing to work past I'm going to stay with my mother until the dust settles thanks for the awards major update to since the discovery of my last post my husband and I have had plenty of screaming matches and finally an honest sit down discussing trying to resolve the issues after much discussing we decided to stay together for the mean time but I'm on very strict probation the rules and understandings became two-hour as follows one if I need paid help in the house he will pay for it too my stepdaughter will not under any circumstances be punished by me in any way he is the sole disciplinarian and any and all punished mints must be enforced by him alone I am NOT allowed to forbid her from using any devices and if I have any issues with her behavior I am to voice them to him but he will decide what to do about them three my stepdaughter will do roughly an hour's worth of chores on all weekdays and any big chores such as cooking and cleaning Hall floors are to be a joint effort I am to teach her how to cook and help her in the kitchen at all times for she will not under any circumstances clean her siblings runes and I have to teach our five-year-old and two-year-old to clean up after themselves he mentioned he was shocked to learn that they couldn't already five if any of the above rules are broken even a little by me I'm out of both of their lives I guess everything worked out I am on very thin ice obviously and my stepdaughter hasn't even looked at me since the whole thing was unearthed but I do actually want to build a relationship with her I feel like after this she will never feel more than tolerance for me but I brought that on myself this will be the final update on the situation while a 16 year old should absolutely have responsibilities around the house and nothing on your list sounds excessive I must admit that I'm a little concerned about the way this post is worded and the turn it conveys it sounds like you're less concerned about your sixteen-year-old having a good work ethic and age-appropriate responsibilities and more like you want free labor for you and your kids if that attitude is leaking into your interactions with your stepdaughter and with your husband I'm not surprised you're getting pushback it sounds like it's time for you and your husband to sit down and address the actual issues here I'd be open to changing my opinion with more info but so far you're the a-hole for the fact that you blew right by co-parenting to get your way further the post suggests that you hid this all from your husband's update in response to your updates if your actions were civil fair and loving this would be the absolute best thing that could happen it would be a wonderful way to start a discussion with your family about chores and contributing the fact that you're upset about your husband and stepdaughter finding it is very telling about how awful you knew your attitude was from the beginning don't throw garbage out to see if you don't want it washing back up on your beach whether anyone on reddit understands a thing about your family is irrelevance I'm sure you've heard the phrase play stupid games win stupid prizes don't be mad at the people handing you the prize you should be ashamed of yourself for playing in the first place are you giving him a valid reason to want to work past it that's nice she could probably use the extra five chores a day done nice I'm glad your comment forced her to respond and show her true colors using discipline as a way to draw lines in the sand between her real kids and her a stepchild Cinderella's evil stepmother looking ass you're the a-hole am i the a-hole for accidentally making my brother lose a leg I'll make this very short because of character limitation also everything that happened in this story happened at December 2019 not while the world is crazy so at the time I 22 female was pregnant 19 weeks and my parents invited me and my fiance to live with them they have a big house nothing luxurious but a big house we accepted because as first-time parents we probably would want some help and some advice from someone who would have three children already and all sir my father used to be a doctor before retiring at one night my parents received an invitation to go to a social party at one of their friend's house this friend lived in Africa and he came to our country every once in a while at this Friday he decided to invite my parents to a social meeting and with an another friends so I was at my parents home with my fiance and my younger brother we all went to bed and I woke in the middle of the night with terrible cravings for one specific type of pizza that was on sale and this happened at almost 2:00 a.m. I woke up my brother and asked him to go get it for me this specific pizzeria works 24/7 but they don't deliver he didn't want to go because he didn't like driving but I ended up convincing him I didn't want to send my significant other because if I needed any other thing he would be there for me my brother went to this pizzeria but didn't come back I tried calling him but he left his phone at home after that I called my parents and told them my brother went to the pizzeria and didn't come back my parents come back home worried sick and asking what happens at about 6:30 a.m. we receive a call from my uncle saying that my brother was involved in a car accident and we needed to come to the hospital getting there we were told that my brother was stopped at the traffic lights returning from the pizzeria apparently some drunk driver was having a race with her friend and ended up crashing into my brother's car apparently because of the injuries the doctors had to amputate my brother's leg as my brother wasn't awake my friend passed most of the time trying to speak with doctors but my mother asked me what I was thinking when I decided to send an underage brother so late at night to get food instead of calling and asking them I felt attacked by what she said and I responded saying that it wasn't my fault that there was a drunk driver and I couldn't have thought that my brother would take the Main Avenue back home usually my brother uses another way back to our house but as it was night he used the Avenue my mother told me that my fiancee and I needed to get our things and go back to our house because we weren't being sensitive to my brother's situation since then my mother's giving me the cold shoulder and Thomas doesn't look me in the eyes am I the a hole in this situation you're the a-hole why couldn't you have gone to get the pizza by yourself or your fiancee it's not your fault that your brother was hit by a drunk driver but waking your seventeen-year-old brother at 2:00 a.m. to go get your pizza is weird to me where I live it would have been illegal for him to be driving that late anyways I agree as much as I hate to she was selfish pregnancy sucks but it's not a reason to make everyone do your bidding thing though is she's 19 weeks she has no need to have a person at her side just in case she needed something while she sent another one to go grab pizza for her she doesn't mention having an extremely difficult pregnancy to the extent of warranting such measures she is completely selfish waking up in convincing a boy that didn't want to go while letting her own fiance sleep I'm 20 weeks pregnant today and I was not informed that I could not do things for myself and could not be left unattended I'm upstairs alone I wonder if I should call my husband to escort me down the stairs you're the a-hole your mother is absolutely right that you shouldn't have sent your minor brother out in the middle of the night for something that you or your baby daddy could get on your own he told you he didn't want to go and that alone should have made you back off she shouldn't be laying in on the guilts but you want entirely blameless in this situation it's not your fault that he got hit but it's your fault that he even left the house to begin with let's also keep in mind that Opie is pregnant her legs aren't broken she could have gone to get the pizza herself also only 19 weeks pregnant not much further along like 30 weeks and heavily pregnant you're the a-hole for sending your brother a minor out for your 2:00 a.m. snack if it was that important you could have gone yourself or sent your fiance since you're adults you aren't responsible for the drunk driver being on the road at 2:00 a.m. but you are responsible for your brother being there and seeing your edits about how he's insecure about driving and doesn't like it really puts a nail in the coffin for me about who the a-hole is in this situation posted by user otherwise arm three titles am I the a-hole for publicly telling my half-sister to stay out of my life my half-sister has a weird obsession with me she stalks me on my social media profile and acts like a deranged ex I'm pretty popular on Instagram where I also post my arts so making it private is not an option she's 17 and they haven't seen her in years the last time I saw her she was 12 and it was at my grandfather's funeral my biological father had an affair with one of my mom's friends when she was dying it was sick and my poor mom found out about it five days before she passed away the other woman was already pregnant with my half-sister I was 15 and old enough to know what that meant I refused to live with my dad and the courts allowed it and started living with my maternal grandparents my two older siblings were in college and they haven't talked to him in years we chose to keep them out of my life and we like it that way whenever I my husband or my siblings make any sweet post she will literally spams the comments section with comments about us abandoning her and our biological father I keep blocking her but she comes back with new ids every time I definitely think she is not in a good mental place and needs help possibly professional help the last straw was on Mother's Day when I tried to post a beautiful tribute to my mum I posted many pictures some of those pictures were beautiful family pictures and I edited my biological father out of them she commented about me posting edited pictures and abandoning our father it was a long post and she actually posted several old family pictures in her accounts that post got a lot of attention and people started asking me about it's only this time I didn't delete her comment or blocker I replied under her post and asked her to stay away from my life all this time I avoided a confrontation because I believed she was young and misled by her parents but as a 17 year old she should know better this was my reply I don't know about others but for me and my siblings just because our biological father decided to have sex with some Rando and sheet on our dying mum doesn't mean we owe anything to him or the result of his indiscretions please respect our boundaries and leave my family alone you are old enough to understand this and if it bothers you consider therapy this level of obsession with our lives is really unhealthy I wish you and your family well am i the a-hole definitely not the a-hole if she wants to publicly shame you for a very reasonable choice then she can get a taste of her own medicine you aren't responsible for her or her father in any way and have every right to keep them away if she can't respect your boundaries and continues to spam your account I would strongly consider taking legal action as well this sounds like borderline stalking and defamation especially considering the circumstances I will look into legal options if she continues her behavior after she turns 18 although sometimes I feel like it might be my father using her to harass me it's just beyond my understanding that a 17 year old would be obsessed with a bunch of relatives I agree that's probably the best course of action given your dad's history it wouldn't be surprising if she was manipulated or strongly encouraged into the behavior it's sad if that is the case but it still doesn't excuse her actions either way she needs to be held responsible if the behavior continues into adulthood it doesn't fully excuse her actions no but a 17 year old can be easily pressured by a father I don't want to come too drastic conclusions but we can't rule out abuse systematic abuse everyone expects a 17 year old to know better but if you were born into this situation where your father had some weird obsession with some kid you've never even matched it would shape how you grew up not the a-hole 100 percents your reply was direct to the point and only slightly hurtful probably didn't need to recommend therapy there I will say this your half-sister didn't choose to be a product of your father's indiscretions to her she may still see you as family and it might just be an accumulation of being rejected by you and your father siblings for all this time perhaps down the road when she sees and adults try opening that bridge with restrictions with her alone because who knows what your a-hole of a dad has told her about what actually happens she might not know the real truth I disagree on this points I'd say that therapy is helpful even to mentally healthy people given the tools that can give you to better manage your mental states the obsession with our half-sisters life coupled with her persistence and anger seems pretty unhealthy there is potentially a lot that's going on and therapy could be helpful I'm not sure how recommending therapy would be considered an insult and hurtful in any way posted by user through our a to eighty eight to six titled a my the a hole for getting our daughter to interrupt my wife's nap without going into too much detail my job is very stressful right now I'm on constant meetings and I am constantly having work thrown at me last minutes I have two children two and four we are also expecting our third child in October my wife is an interior designer she usually works nights since our youngest is always waking up at odd hours and she says it inspires her which is fine I had a forty minute break yesterday I decided to take that as me time and watch some TV when my youngest woke up from her nap and started whining that she wanted to play I told her to go get mommy to play because I wanted to relax turns out her mother was having a nap because both children were also meant to be sleeping as they had been awake most of the night my eldest woke her up and they played princess or whatever for a few hours and had an early night my wife came into the bedroom that night and completely went off about how she isn't a single parent and she just wanted a nap next time the children are up she'll get our daughter to wake me up as a guilt trip like I did to her I tried to explain that I only had 40 minutes I'd had pressure from my boss and wanted a break she chooses to work nights now she's sleeping on the pullout sofa in the girls room am I the a-hole so if your wife didn't work at nights who would manage the children while you were both working during the day she's pregnant and caring for a toddler and a preschool all day and working at nights you needed a break understandable but when is hers you're the a-hole she gets to sleep for four hours Opie you do know that sleep deprivation is literally tortured and banned by the Geneva Convention right because that's what you're doing to your wife you're the eighth hole multiplied by a million stop attending to be a babysitter and actually be both a parent and a dad how much do you charge your wife to babysit Opie a lot of men on this sub feel entitled to me time to recharge which apparently excludes spending any time with your kid and they find it okay to interrupt the recharging of their spouse for its you're the a-hole oh boy are you the a-hole so you're working a lot during the day she's pregnant in looking after two small kids then she's doing her job at night whilst also look I know after one of the children that doesn't sleep that well infer when is her Mean Time when does she sleep based on the information you gave it's no surprise she went off on you she must be exhausted if you want more me time you need to set boundaries at work and to learn to say no readers are the replies she gets to sleep for four hours before her midnight shift starts Wow just saw those did not help his case posted by user work from car titled am I the a-hole for working from my car in a parking lots because my wife is having my mother-in-law stay with us my wife gave birth to our son eight weeks ago and since then my mother-in-law has moved in with us I figured it would be for a week or two while she got settled but it's been two months and that was fine when I could go to work but now I can't and I swear to God if I have to spend another minute in the house with her I'm going to have a psychotic break I can understand why my wife wants her here but she is driving me insane since I've been working at home she's interrupted my work at least twice a day to tell me what I should be doing I've explained many many times that I can do chores and take care of our son after I'm finished with work but she continues to interrupt I have been cooking most nights and she comments on my cooking every fudging nights too bland or too spicy or too this or not enough that but she doesn't cook she doesn't even do the dishes she just exists in the house following me around like a fudging demon telling me what to do she could fix 95% of what she nags me about herself rather than bothering me while I'm working or actively trying to take care of something she told me to do the dishes while I'm doing the dishes I've explained this to my wife and basically gotten a too bad answer every time I can't take it anymore I've been taking my laptop in my car and working in my office parking lots using that my hot spots I put a curtain behind the front seats for meetings so they can't tell where I am I've done this for three days and my wife has been telling me to stop I told her I'm not going to stop until mother-in-law leaves and my wife said it's not fair to pressure her into making her leave early I asked when she was planning on making her leave and take out the same answers I've gotten every other time which is when she feels like it's right she told me to stop going back to the parking lot again today but when she went back to bed I went again and I'm here now am I the a-hole if I don't stop coming and it's one two three removed and it for my edits were deemed in violation of rule three summary here wife will get upset if I confront mother-in-law directly I take care of my son from what I'm done working to when I go to bed and all day on Saturday I do nights on the weekend sunday is my day off where I don't have work and don't have to take care of our son all day but I'll help out if needed I start work at 8:00 finish around 6:00 from 6:00 until 12:00 I take care of him as well as cooking my wife's day off is Saturday - Sunday my boss is a mess and therefore I accomplished nothing today I do all the cooking and dishes and other chores to split evenly I've tried having conversations about why she wants mother-in-law to stay and what she does that I don't but she shuts me down not the a-hole tell your wife either mother and or leaves or you do eight weeks is way too long for any company plus your wife has allowed mother-in-law and her once to come before you in your own house you might as well have your mom move in too because too bad when you marry and have children your immediate family becomes you spouse and baby and everyone becomes extended family she needs to be taking your side I know if my own mother came to stay for eight weeks she'd actually help and would facilitate my partner in time bonding with our hypothetical child that's why I'm agreeing not the a-hole mother-in-law needs to either step up and help the whole family or leave RP is done well so far and should continue to go to work if his wife needs help with the baby that's what mother-in-law is for thanks for commenting but it's too bland maybe make it more spicy next time said bye Opie's mother-in-law off too spicy more bland less time please why are you commenting here you should be doing the dishes why commenting here you should be commenting here well done very cool everyone thanks for coming nope she said medium you call this medium have you ever seen a steak before not the a-hole you're not pressuring your wife to make her mother-in-law leave early you're making accommodations for yourself and literally putting your wife before yourself right now by leaving her and mother-in-law alone for whatever it is she wanted her mother to help with yeah this feels like a control thing from his wife why does she care exactly how he manages the situation he's not hurting the mother-in-law or her probably because mother-in-law is complaining to wife that OB isn't home to help with the house mother-in-law doesn't seem to understand the concept of working from home so she probably just assumes he's fudging off to avoid helping her pee is so not the a-hole and needs to shut this crap down I'm also going to assume mother-in-law probably doesn't work or hasn't in a very long time my mom hasn't worked in 35 years she has trouble of understanding the concept of working from home my mother-in-law is still employed and she very much understands the concept of working from home my mom is in her 50s and completely thinks remote working is code for being jobless and has zero comprehension of technology it took her two years to learn to use volume control in her laptop I wouldn't be surprised if the mother-in-law didn't understand that opie is actually working oh dude not the a-hole my mom is like this and that would never see ject my spouse to that for an extended period of time my mom has gotten better but it's because I set firm boundaries not suck it up and say too bad my mom once rearranged my entire kitchen because it wasn't right I called her out like what the hell you don't live here you don't get to make these decisions when she argued with me I told her she wasn't allowed to stay with me until she respected my space she also nags in nitpicks everything growing up she literally printed laminated and posted six pages of instructions on how to do laundry the right way as an adult I've told her I don't want to spend time with her if she's going to be like that past few years I've actually had no issues with her and she's stayed with us a few times more recently boundaries are wonderful you have every right to not want to be around it and I seen nothing wrong with working out of your car honestly it may be a good idea to tell your wife that she can't expect you to just tolerate this if it were me I'd say that I'm no longer going to cook if everything I cook is going to be critiqued I'm also Petty and an a-hole so keep that in mind my mother is like this she's rearranged my kitchen several times I'm still figuring out ways to handle it I have the advantage of working in mental health which taught me to how to deal with this it's challenging but I'm a big fan of assertiveness and setting boundaries it's not easy that's for sure teach us here's a link to a free resource that I often use with my patients it's a self-help workbook and it's very good I'm actually going to chuck that link down in the description if you guys want to look at it posted by user serious carpet three titled am I the a-hole for not backing up a girl when she said she dresses for herself not for guys people involved in this me 16 male a friend of a friend Olivia 16 female the rest of our friend group sixteen to seventeen male or female sir I'm considered one of the more stylish guys at my school I actually put effort in and don't wear shorts and sweatpants and t-shirts every day anyhow Bolivia is also pretty well dressed and today she was talking about how she dresses for herself and how her clothes aren't to attract guys but because she feels better when she looks good she then turned to me and asked isn't that right don't you dress for yourself clearly she was expecting me to confirm her opinions I shrugged and said truthfully that no I actually dress at least partially to look attractive for girls I do enjoy looking nice but more than that I like girls thinking I'm high so I try to dress in a way that makes them think this this upset her since I didn't back her up she asked don't you believe me though when I say I only dress for myself I shrugged again and told her I can't know for certain because nobody could see inside her brain but herself they also really don't know her that well so there's no way to know either way whether she's telling the truth this really upset her and she's angry at me for not supporting her I don't believe I had any obligation to and besides when she asks me questions she shouldn't be mad at me for answering am i the a-hole you didn't start out the a-hole when you answered honestly why you dress up but you became one when you danced around believing her reasoning if I said I like blue do you believe me you would respond with there's no way you've for me to know if you like blue or not because I can't read your mind what a strange thing to say you are the a-hole it's a very predictable thing to say for an above average intelligence teenager who was trying to not technically lie but isn't smart enough yet to realize that people can and will read between the lines yeah just because you think that the way you dress gets you women doesn't mean she might be lying about her personal reasoning you're the a-hole you're the a-hole for suggesting she was lying you're the a-hole for not the first answer but for the second you answered the first truthfully for yourself and that's fine not backing her up on the second question was unnecessary you essentially said she could be lying I doesn't know this girl and gave a non-committal answer to her don't you believe me to be honest this Olivia sure seems to care a whole lot about what other people's think of her judging by this conversation so I think she might be lying even to herself RP casted unneeded doubt on someone else I was being truthful about your feelings when somebody explicitly asks for your opinion unneeded contrary to the rest of the responses which I am surprised about not the a-hole you're right by saying she is the only one who knows her reasoning behind why she dresses the way she does her questions seems a little odd and I don't think you should have to automatically validate her feelings just to appease her I don't see it as you assuming she's lying just that you don't know her intentions there's nothing wrong with questioning someone's intentions this is one of those real life verses technically correct things therapy technically the correct that he doesn't know for certain sure is it still a dick move that you caused a problem for no reason absolutely you can do this whole technically I don't know for sure thing with anything but even if she hypothetically was lying it has no bearing on ope so the polite thing to do is say that you don't assume she's lying and move on if you have a casual acquaintance you see at work or school from time to time who you don't particularly like but don't have any problems with and they ask if you like them you could say yeah you're fine and be polite or you could say well honestly I think you're kind of annoying sometimes and I don't like talking to you so I don't like you but I don't have a problem with you the second one is more honest but it also causes unnecessary friction when it wouldn't hurt anybody to say the polite and socially acceptable thing and just be nice sometimes you can choose not to be a dick even if you're technically in the right g'day there guys outro Marquis here hope you enjoyed the episode as much as I enjoyed making it today if you did be sure to LIKE comment and subscribe tell me what you thought about it down below also if you like memes be sure to head on over to my second channel marquee too it should be one of the sexiest ralien faces on screen the one without the flag it's my latest and greatest creation and I hope you like it also I'd like to give a huge shout out to my channel members and patreon scribers you guys do so much good for me and the support goes without saying but I'm gonna say it anyway I love you guys and I appreciate all the help and support you provide me on this channel also if you want to join the family links it down in the description below or click that join button next to the subscribe button anyway guys I hope you enjoyed that once a day I'll see you in the next one bye you

Channel: Markee

Views: 109,235

Rating: 4.8310843 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: dVJ6XIFP4xY

Length: 142min 37sec (8557 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 04 2020