r/Murderedbywords - "At least I'm not famous for EATING MY OWN TAMPON"

doctor before you perform the autopsy did you check for pulse no did you check for blood pressure no did you check for breathing no so then is it possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy no how can you be so sure doctor because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar but could the patient have still been alive nevertheless yes it is possible that he could have been alive in practicing law yes this is our slash I'd like to report a murder it's a massacre murders everywhere I got into a fight with my auntie and she said at least I don't have to worry about my kid being a like your mom does I hope I didn't upset you earlier that was not my intention you need to stop being so sensitive I did not mean in a bad way I just mean you gay people have a lot of drama I tried to understand this by [ __ ] you claim to be but you teenagers make stuff up all the time you're young you will find a man you can change you used to be so clever if you think you can't accept my help don't come to Indies birthday I do not want you ruining the day hi Aunt Mary don't worry about it I know what you're like after a few bottles of wine I can't make a nice birthday I'm afraid I have a huge lesbian orgy that day and me and the other have been planning it for months by the way how's your divorce going I saw uncle Lee with his new girlfriend she's 20 years younger than you right speak soon from mom Charlotte Louise what the [ __ ] have you done now from dad why do I have three missed calls from your mom wrong with her cousin seriously what the [ __ ] is wrong with you how dare you speak to my mom like that amusing to watch dims get upset over Trump's 54 billion defense hike when they had no problem with Sanders 75 billion per year free college plan I'm using to watch my wife get upset over my $54 samurai sword when she has no problems seventy-five dollars on groceries I'm late to the New York Police Department press conference because I couldn't find a non-muslim cab or uber lyft driver for over 30 minutes this is insanity imagine telling your boss sorry I'm 30 minutes late for work because of how racist I am from YouTube imagine if you couldn't watch the videos you love hashtag save your internets imagine if you couldn't watch the videos you love because the platform they were on to monetize them all and the creators became unmotivated and stopped making the content you were previously paid for the sad reality of our world at all over 2018 you have 27,000 tweets you joined here on June 2016 which means you joined here about a hundred and thirty six weeks ago 136 weeks is nine hundred and fifty two days if you divide 27,000 to 952 the result is about 28 you tweet 28 times a day yet you still talk about how everyone is addicted to their phones thanks for contacting me I try to be as responsive as possible however I get many enquiries about various aspects of physics I respond as time permits please understand this is an automatic response suck on my dick and balls Donald I am an expert in subatomic physics and I specialize in finding the smallest things known to man but even I don't have the expertise of finding things that small regrets what people need to understand is that the hashtag men are trash hashtag is directed towards toxic masculinity if you're a nice good man who's kind women it's not towards you it's towards men who have abused / killed their partners countless of times I [ __ ] hate minorities when I say minorities I don't actually mean minorities I mean minorities who kill and Rob people why is ariana grande even famous or should I say well known not for eating my own use tampon that's per day I'm sure just to be clear I looked this woman up yes that is actually her claim to fame there's a video for eating her used tampon I'm not gonna play in this video because it's a video of a woman eating her own used tampon no one needs to see that what are your favorite videos by small creators we'll read all your suggestions and tweet of our creators we haven't promoted before hashtag small youtubers maybe if you stopped [ __ ] over small creators with the algorithm I'd know Millennials are so helpless they're taking adulting classes to learn how to do things like sew a button we figured taking a class was more polite than bombarding our kids and grandkids with mundane questions like how do I delete my emails my computer is so slow or what's a gift this was a popular article because it got another response you had a few typos I fixed it Millennials are so motivated they're taking classes to learn the skills older generations fail to teach them they break into our country steal resources then do [ __ ] like this and live still wonder why we are pushing for immigration controls those are Native Americans I'm at a Lego robotics tournament from my oldest and you've never seen this many depressed father's in one place we're all thinking other kids play football they have a play-by-play announcer on my life I'm not making that up hey this is just like that time when my daughter attended art and writing competitions and I made fun of her on Twitter because she didn't play sports except I didn't do that because I'm not a terrible parent I'm proud of my kids accomplishments I too hate the idea of my children one day having valuable career skills right who wants that when they can double major in CTE the world is full of people who succeed in life despite having a shitty father nobody is gonna hold your hand when you die they can hand him a football to hold I have an employee who always does everything faster than everyone else in the team and spends most of the day playing video games and not helping a coworkers do I fire him so you're considering to fire your one and only efficient and honest employee your other employees probably don't need any help what likely happens is that they're more experienced in your fast employee and they have already learned that letting a boss find now that the work can be done in less time only leads to punishment and under warded extra work or with dismissal so they pretend their tasks take the whole day you're fast employee does all his daily tests well and quickly and get some spare time because he works well and fast what is wrong with that his spare time is as natural reward for being efficient if you want to take his natural reward away from him you should replace it with financial reward it was arranged and he'd earn a certain amount for doing the tasks he's doing if you want him to do more like manage other people's work you should also pay him more if you punish him by firing him or giving him extra duties without raising a salary you'll be teaching him to be exactly like your other employees and pretend that the work takes all day a person infected with measles attended a Portland Trailblazers home game in Oregon last week amid an outbreak that has left at least 19 people ill this month in neighboring Washington State's [ __ ] if only we come up with a vaccine for measles and some dumb rich white ladies hadn't decided that Jenny McCarthy knew more about science than every [ __ ] epidemiologist and immunologist on the [ __ ] planet why straight men hate astrology so much vice at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope now this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom the infinitesimally minut building blocks of our universe if I were using that microscope right now I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem this is what Disney Princesses would look like if they had realistic proportions can we stop classifying realistic proportions as fat please like seriously do these people really think that a mermaid who swims constantly would be fat or a woman living in France before the French Revolution we'll be fat or a Native American girl who constantly runs around and maybe helps to carry heavy things and hunt would be fat every time I see articles like this one it makes me so mad they boast about oh think of all the little fat girls that look at these skinny princesses and hate themselves but fail to think about the little skinny girls who hear people talk about how being skinny isn't normal or realistic and feel bad about themselves there are two sides to every coin skinny and fat kids get picked on for being skinny and fat this type of [ __ ] isn't for two little girls it's for fat bein adult women who feel insecure because of a freakin cartoon I've got a dick and a knife and one of them's going inside you I'd prefer the night because that way I'd actually feel it I feel so bad for magic this man had one son and this is what God gave him he got a son with his own fashion line worth over two hundred million dollars what did your parents get a homophobic piece of trash all right everyone that is our slash murdered by words if you enjoyed this video please that like and subscribe button and let me know down in the comments what subreddit you want me to cover next thanks for watching I'll catch you guys in the next video

Channel: rSlash

Views: 3,714,107

Rating: 4.8943453 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, murderedbywords, funny murderedbywords, r/murderedbywords, murderedbywords posts, murderedbywordsfails, murdered by words, murderedbywords wtf

Id: EQrfTgCNjEw

Length: 10min 7sec (607 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 01 2019