r/Murderedbywords This Is the Funniest Burrito Rant of All Time

welcome to our slash murdered by where's where people get straight up killed on the internet for our entertainment for this next absolute masterpiece opie has included a picture to help us understand the problem dear guy who just made my burrito have you ever been to earth on earth we use the word burrito to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat pretty simple stuff and i'm surprised you at least got that part right my burrito was in fact filled with food in this you and i agree and are friends but this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and pop rocks as yours has because that should have killed you but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today let me explain you're an idiot let me further explain burritos are eaten from one end to the other so that means when you assemble a burrito with mother freaking zones of ingredients going that direction you create a disgusting experience for the burritos end user when you make a burrito you should put the ingredients in lengthwise that way every bite has at least a freaking chance of getting at least two types of ingredients and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a god dang cilantro cavern have you ever eaten one of these things you make all freaking day you should try one they are pretty good when you are not willing yourself through the freaking empire of sour cream only to end up in the lettuce country when you eat a burrito you don't stand it up and [Laughter] when you eat a burrito you don't stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a freaking rancor humans can't usually dislocate their jaws and i'm not a freaking pelican but you must think that's how it's done since that would be the only freaking way to take a bite of your monstrosity and have it taste like a burrito and guess what else player you probably can't guess anything because i'm pretty sure you're just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some stuff into a tortilla but just in case here's what humans also don't eat burritos like freaking corn on the cob like a freaking typewriter from one end to the other a little at the time and then ding next line but today i wish i had tried that because at least then i would be able to eat some rice then beans then be all like hey beans i'll be right back just going over here to the guacamole for a second nope my experience was more like hey beans [Laughter] hey beans it's just going to be me and you for a minute until i can freaking excavate the rice from beneath you but by then you will be a fading memory oh hey i was wrong i'm in the freaking cheesosphere now rice must be next i hope it's not enough i hope it's not another freaking salsa pocket you built this thing like a freaking pack of lifesavers and don't even freaking think i'm about to open this stuff up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees i already put a hole in it with my freaking mouth yeah that's how i discovered you freaking suck at looking at things i'm not going to do freaking tortilla origami to get this stuff back together only to end up with a burrito that's been shot in the gut and is bleeding your ineptitude what's that i should ask you to mix it up first next time is this jamba juice i don't want to drink my freaking burrito through a bendy straw and i don't want a pile of burrito soup in a flour can i just want a burrito in conclusion you're the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burrito abomination and i hope your babies look like monkeys update for everyone who said just eat it with a fork a freaking fork i didn't order the freaking cabarito salad if anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork they would be wearing a brand new burrito hat from my fall collection 10 seconds later that's like buying a car and having them hand you a freaking wrench with the keys like yeah we know this mother effort is going to explode and be spread across eight lanes as soon as you hit the gas but man we gave you a wrench so be cool jesus already gave me two burrito forks one at the end of each arm they're called freaking hands a fork my god i haven't cried since i was six but i'm effing sobbing now people eat burritos with forks god is sorry he made us the sad thing is i've had burritos like this and it's awful it's awful every time and every time i go into a restaurant that serves burritos i'm always tempted to get the burrito bowl i don't want the burrito bowl but i know that if i get the burrito bowl at least the ingredients will be mixed up together rather than the lifesaver burrito like this guy is describing i just want a burrito how come the burrito restaurants don't know how to make a burrito after growing up being bullied for my illness i hated how i looked after many years i finally am happy with how i look disabled does not mean ugly then opie posts a picture of her in her underwear and she has a colonoscopy bag but i blurt it out because it shows a lot of skin and if youtube sees this it will absolutely nuke my channel anyways so does that mean anal's out of the question just a joke i still have two inches of my rectum left so you'll fit also a joke sounds like she rectum with that comment florida abortion bill would require a judge to rule if teens mature enough to terminate pregnancy that woman is immature let's give her a kid florida if you were to ask me r guess which state has a law which basically makes it so that the younger a girl is the more likely the state is going to force her to have a baby i think that florida would probably be near the top of the list there should be a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid stuff it's called florida man drugged and robbed by cardi b says it was still better than listening to her music i like how this was posted on thedailysquat.com because that's sort of like a reference to what cardi b's job was before she became a singer in a thread where op is a janitor do you find people treat you differently when they learn of your profession yes i have had tinder dates up and leave after finding out what i do for a living in that instance the trash took itself out jennifer lopez says men are useless until they turn 33 by all means let's give a dang about relationship advice from a woman that collects engagement rings like she's thanos i looked it up and according to my research she's been engaged at least five times so yeah she's actually collected enough infinity stones to snap her fingers and create a successful relationship happy mother's day to all the single fathers out there who have had to raise their kids without a mother today's about mothers why do men always have to try and take away everything that's just for women you're one to talk op has raised two great children all by himself he does school bake sales cooks dinner cleans and does his daughter's hair before school your four kids all live with your parents because you can't stay out of jail for more than six months he's more of a mother than you'll ever be based on the fact that i've managed to successfully raise a puppy for one whole month i think this also makes me more of a mother than this person okay black people ask white people one question you always wanted to know why did you raid the world for spices and then never use them dear kids i'm a baby boomer we are getting old but at least we had sex drugs and rock and roll seems like millennials have moral panics workshops and grievance circles time to rebel xx mom didn't your generation slap warning stickers on albums for saying bad words and have meltdowns about satanic cults being in nursery schools so who else is suddenly picturing in their head a bunch of three-year-olds standing around in a circle of candles trying to chant and summon a demon from the pits of heck i've been seeing an increase in ptsd like symptoms in my minority clients due to current administration and culture you obviously don't know what ptsd is otherwise you wouldn't be making such a flip in comparison shame on you i am a psychotherapist that owns a mental health clinic and program supervisor for a crisis house and a phd candidate you got on a tank top i'd love to see the tank top style of psychotherapy so after my entire family was brutally murdered in front of me i guess i've just been kind of depressed well is that all have you tried growing a pair of balls and stop being such a wussy remember the 90s when nothing was racist and we all coexisted peacefully that's because millennials couldn't talk yet one comment a youtube link to the rodney king beating i honestly can't even muster up the energy to laugh at this post is this person actually trying to argue that millennials caused racism that racism didn't exist before millennials did i cannot believe you millennials would capture african slaves and sell them in america to force them into slave labor you're disgusting this is my smug i'm definitely not going to get sunburned today look fast forward to three hours later and i had the chills from being so burned where spf kids spf causes cancer try a beach umbrella well that's just empirically not true do some research of your own before you accuse people of not speaking the truth please just trying to inform thanks first of all spf is a unit of measure this is like saying that millimeters cause drowning but you want research fine the claim that more people who use sunscreen develop melanoma is based on a study that tracks sun exposure and sunscreen use in nearly 1500 people over a span of two years the results did show that those who use sunscreen were more likely to develop melanoma but there was a massive caveat left out the median sun protection factor was six the cdc recommends spf 15 or higher and those who use the sunscreen the most spent considerably more time in the sun than those who rarely use sunscreen the american society for dermatological surgery recommends sunscreen the national cancer institute recommends sunscreen the world health association recommends sunscreen the national institute of health recommends sunscreen the skin cancer foundation in a meta-analysis of every study between 1966 and 2003 found no evidence that sunscreen increases melanoma risk the link is here now if you have research of your own that contradicts all that i'd love to see it and i am sure the hundreds of doctors and researchers involved in these organizations would too but don't accuse me of ignorance claim to be trying to inform and give advice that's at best painful and at worst life-threatening unless you're willing to back it up i think that this karen is gonna need spf 1 billion to withstand the heat of that burn if non-vaccinated dogs are not allowed at dog parks and daycare why are non-vaccinated kids allowed at parks daycare etc because it's sad when dogs die you know making this video i'm not sure which day i'm gonna publish it but if this goes live on friday i might be at the vet at this exact moment getting my little puppy hugo some vaccinations let's cross our fingers and hope it doesn't give him autism throw a fun japanese tea party for that special little gal teach children that this is not okay teach children that there is nothing wrong with this i'm really not understanding why you think cultural appropriation would be okay unless you are assuming that the girl in the picture is part japanese yellow face yet she's using white makeup in the traditional style but okay cultural appropriation isn't a thing hun culture should be shared by all means i disagree the makeup is clearly reflective of traditional geisha makeup which is yellow face and therefore racist furthermore the girl is wearing a kimono a garment that has for ages carry cultural significance assuming that she is white how can you think this is okay and cultural appropriation isn't a thing what rock do you live under i suggest you educate yourself on the differences between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation i am japanese in japan at this very moment the only people who think cultures shouldn't be shared are racists like you a vast majority of japanese people actually enjoy other people making an effort to spread and enjoy japanese culture and encourage it many make businesses in deliberately taking pictures of people in kimono a common omiyage gift for foreigners from japanese people is traditional japanese things such as kimonos tea sets shisa dog statues etc and to top it off basically 80 of japanese customs traditions and food came from other countries japanese is an integration of different cultures like america japan takes influences from places like korea china russia and europe if japan stuck to itself there would be no tempura japanese tea tea ceremonies kabuki japanese bread japanese curry j-pop anime cars or modern fishing techniques the picture is not yellow face they are not making fun of asians in fact it looks like they put extra care and research into their work the only reason that you have a problem with this is because that little girl is white and you know that it is acceptable on tumblr to dump all over white people the only racist here is you man normally you have to watch an episode of one punch man to see one japanese person cause this much destruction imagine thinking that your child is better off with polio than autism 2019 is whack imagine thinking that injecting your child with untested contaminated neurotoxins that can kill or brain damage them is healthy babies are dying from vaccines too i mean i've been vaccinated and i'm sure dog mom usa has too yet it appears you're the only one with brain damage oh please kid try and grow up that'd be great thankfully i've been able to since i got my vaccines that was our slash murdered by words and if you enjoyed this video hit the like and the subscribe button because it really helps my channel out

Channel: rSlash

Views: 863,944

Rating: 4.9181318 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, murderedbywords, funny murderedbywords, r/murderedbywords, murderedbywords posts, murderedbywordsfails, murdered by words, murderedbywords wtf

Id: 3N-QcbQVHEE

Length: 14min 42sec (882 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 08 2019

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r/Murderedbywords

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