r/Maliciouscompliance Kid: "I WANT YOUR HOTTEST HOT SAUCE!" Me: "OK"

welcome to our slash malicious compliance we're an entitled family demand to try out the stores hottest hot sauce so I work as a specialist property value or a few years ago a real estate agent friend approached me on behalf of his client his client was a bookseller who operated a specialist book shop on the seventh floor of a city building a one-man-band small business nice bloke unfortunately nice bloke had decided to renew his lease for five years and signed the new lease without getting advice his new building owner enacted the market rent review clause and jacked up his rent by something like fifty percent he tells the nice bloke that his new rent for the next five years is X nice bloke is distraught he can't afford it so he asked nicely to rescind the lease and he'll move elsewhere the estate agent friend has found a cheaper space for him he's didn't hide by the building owner the building owner says he'll also sue if he breaks the lease so the agent asked me to review the case I looked through the case the nice bloke is stuffed the lease is locked tight and they're justified in jacking up the rent I think our only hope is to appeal to the mercy of the building owners lawyer so I call him and ask for release penalty free from my client mr. lawyer says stiff cheddar you need to comply with the law try reading the lease a real arrogant a-hole Q malicious compliance okay I will I read through the lease and note that all references to the retail lease Act have been crossed out fair enough the Act only applies to retail tenancies if they're below the third floor of the building the nice bloke is on level seven the Act should apply but hold up I'm gonna check that I call the small business commission who administers the act and they advise that if you retail a good like books it doesn't matter what floor you're on the Act applies you could be on the freaking roof if you once the level three provision only applies if you retail a service this means the building owner has breached the act and failed to comply with the law there are certain things they have to provide before signing a lease and timing they have to follow a breach is no small thing I get a ruling from the committee I call for mediation with mr. lawyer present our mr. lawyer building owner and their agent and nice bloke and me I again plead for a penalty free release no dice and they threatened to sue I gently slide the ruling across the table to mr. lawyer okay well as per your suggestion I read the lease we have a ruling that proves the Act applies to the lease your client failed to comply with the Act and committed a statutory offence the lawyer reads the ruling um okay we'll grant you a penalty free release oh we don't need that we enact our right under the Act to terminate the lease penalty free and to seek damages for the landlord's breach of their statutory obligations and I'll be reporting the breach of the commission no need for all that let's just tear up the lease sorry that wouldn't be complying with the law would it Opie if this story was a meal I'd order seconds and send my compliments to the chef our next reddit post is from second lesson I work as an administrative assistant at a major sporting goods retailer part of my job is to track attendance and regularly upload a report to corporate my store manager just recently in the last two years got hired by our district manager who she's been friends with for years they managed to push out the old store manager who had the store running like a ticking clock ever since then it's become abundantly clear that she has no idea how to run the store and we've all suffered for it she constantly screws up the store schedule bullies employees she doesn't like and has hired incompetent friends to management positions we all dislike her and think she should be fired but it seems like everything she does in the store makes us look bad while making her look good until recently like I said above part of my job is tracking attendance yet for years it's been common knowledge that those in my position are expected to fail to upload attendance records to corporate because the company's policies on attendance are extremely harsh and many employees fail to meet attendance due to factors out of their control for instance employees who come in before we open the process are frayed often clock in late because the managers on duty take their sweet time opening the front door for these employees it's not their fault that they come in late and on some occasions certain employees have been left outside for upwards of 30 minutes after ringing our doorbell because the only person who could open the doors was busy or it didn't hear the doorbell which is soft anyway if I should upload the attendance record of corporate many of these employees would be fired on the spot by our regional manager through email because these things are automated and mandatory as a side note the store manager is one of the managers who likes to take 10 to 15 minutes to open the door for freight employees we all hate her for this because when it's winter we have to wait those 10 to 15 minutes outside the door in the freezing cold and she acts like it's no big deal anyway her district manager friend recently moved to another district and we got a new district manager who's looking to move up in corporate to do this she has to make all our metrics look awesome including attendance she sent an email to our store manager demanding an attendance record I told the store manager that this could get many employees fired but instead of realizing the implications she told me to run the report anyway I tried to tell her that this could result in most of the employees who had availability before we open who are very valuable and rare getting fired and she completely blew me off she literally went as far as saying that I wasn't thinking straight I told her that she could adjust the attendance on her end as the district manager clearly wanted her to do this has been common procedure due to the reason for poor attendance and she told me that she was the store manager she would figure it out and I should just do my job as I was told so I ran the report and immediately got a furious email from my new district manager saying that I should have run the report by my store manager to adjust the records before uploading it to corporate the next day corporate sent an automated email with the names of all the employees that should be fired which is not an email that our manager can either respond to or contest she had to fire all the employees on the email and as it turned out every single employee with availability before we open got fired 15 people and every other employee in the store is a student with no ability to work before like 10:00 a.m. so there is nobody to process our Freight which is a massive job I got an email from a friend in corporate yesterday that said the regional manager was lining up a replacement for our store manager due to incompetence none of us are surprised so let me get this straight nepotism incompetent management upper management who's basically ordering employees to lie to corporate and an absolutely moronic automated attendance based email firing system how is this company still in business our next reddit post is from Pokemon lover this story happened on Monday and I heard this part from my mother a famous food truck in our city that is part of a chain restaurant set up shop next to a pharmacy store to sell food for the day there's a fast-food restaurant across from the pharmacy that was not happy with the arrangement so they called OSHA and then opie clarified that it probably wasn't OSHA but some organization that he forgets the name of OSHA couldn't allow them to sell the foods so the truck had to stop all sales however the truck couldn't take all the food back to the restaurant so they had a dilemma it just so happened that day some university students were at the pharmacy giving out shirts and checking people's blood pressure and blood glucose for free the food truck had the idea to give all its food away for free to anyone until all their stock was gone because giving away food is not selling it word spread around and most people came to the food truck and the restaurants parking lot was pretty empty then we've got a big brain guy down in the comments there at being stupid you sell napkins with each napkin you get a free item adjust the amount of napkins for each food item you're not selling food you're selling cleaning supplies our next reddit post is from a Raven I work in a hot sauce or in a busy outlet mall where a well-liked locally owned business and have many loyal return customers but at this particular location we also get a lot of tourists who are curious about our challenge items or a hot ones products we have a large variety of samples available every day literally like a hundred hot sauces over 50 barbecue and wing sauces just out on the table and we can pull another 50 plus bottles or so from the fridge if once open every so often we get people who come in to the store and ask to try the hottest sauce they love jalapenos in their burritos and I've eaten habaneros straight and they're ready to enter the ring swallow the sauce and gained the admiration of a couple friends and bystanders at the cost of a stomachache we usually try to guide them to the 10th hottest sauce in the store burn them with it and move on to something mild or medium suited to their taste today while I was selling items to people who were actually paying for things a 10 or so year old boy in his a store I always get weary when children enter the store alone because it's full of glass bottles they usually dart straight for the shelves and pick something up but this child came barreling towards me like a bullet while I make change for the couple buying some sauce he calls out to me excuse me in a horrendous whiny pitch I ignored the route interruption and continue my conversation with my customers he parrots it again 12 times or so back to back as I think these people and get them out of the store finally I turned to him how can I help you worthy after these kids parents hi can I try the hottest sauce in the store not this stuff again I'm not dealing with this not with a ten-year-old kid I explained to him that the hottest sauce on the table is Hellboy right hand of doom it's spiked with a six point six six million Scoville extract and honestly if you're not experienced with this kind of stuff more than just a tiny bit can really mess up a good part of your day take my word for it I explained to him he has to be 19 years old to try it and sign a waiver which is BS but I'm off in 30 minutes so f this kid and instead guide him to a tasty fermented habanero that he coughs his eyes out on before explaining to me that he could handle the right hand of doom because his dad eats spicy peppers with him all the time okay I say he leaves thank God eighteen minutes later I'm interrupted by another customer this time a gigantic woman in a blue blouse she's sitting next to my sample table like a giant blueberry blocking up 20% of my floor space excuse me the apple doesn't fall far the customers I'm with are polite and excuse me to speak with her you didn't let my son try the sauce I explained to her that it has extract in it several hundred times hotter than anything he's ever eaten and that it can cause severe discomfort and that I won't let him try it in my store I explained that she's free to purchase the sauce and have him tried at home if she so wishes she explains to me that she married a Mexican man and that I wouldn't believe the things we ate in New Mexico City where he grew up when I asked what they'd eaten there she told me things hotter than anything we have in this store at this point her daughter interrupts our conversation I kid you not excuse me what I'm getting annoyed I was annoyed from the second I saw the kid and now he's back 20 minutes later with three of them why do you sell Valentina it's not even a hot sauce Jesus Christ aren't you from Mexico it says effing salsa picante on the freakin bottle it's 550 I'm off at six I've had enough how about this you can try the sauce and if it's as mild as you think I'll let him try it she agreed and grabbed her sample stick I reached for the right hand of doom and unscrewed the cap its nuclear aroma sending memories of aches to my stomach as she goes to dip the stick into the sauce I warned her to only take a small amount she grins at me and dips the stick all the way into the sauce you've activated my trap card she slaps it into her mouth immediately she looks uneasy before she throws herself into pure agony she's coughing swinging her head back and forth trying desperately to speak but she can't muster any words she dropped her samples ticking all the chaos after a solid few minutes of coughing and dry heaving she manages a single word I I explained to her that water won't help her now my relief walks through the door just in time to witness the finish she tells me that the only reason she is coughing is because it went down the wrong pipe she then immediately vomits into our garbage can she apologizes for spitting up like she didn't just rocket-launch half a liter of chum into my trash can and then leaves without saying anything else I tossed out the trash with a smile on my face and clocked out our next reddit post is from kingler kingpin bit of backstory I work as a machine operator in a factory typesetting I'm responsible for two lines of moving product with the fairly simple job of keeping the machines running and basic quality control I've held my current position for three years and frankly in most weeks I spend more time with these machines than my wife I know when something isn't right our engineering department doesn't always agree two days ago one of my two machines begins making a clanking sound I give it a quick once-over seems like two metal parts are slapping together probably just a loose bolt I grab a radio and call for an engineer oh great it's one of the newer ones fresh out of school he listens to a run for a few minutes it's running fine why did you call me out here don't you hear that noise it's fine it always sounds like that he makes a note in his log and leaves the machine is still operational and my shift ends in 20 minutes so I let it go the next day I come in for my shift and it's still making the same noise I asked the previous shifts operator about it they repeat a similar story with the same engineer three hours into my shift the noise has gone from occasional to near constant I call for an engineer to come check it out again our newest engineer comes down what's wrong this time you seriously don't hear that can you just give it a quick check you guys need to stop calling us down here for this look at it it's running fine he makes another note in his log and walks off four hours later the clingy has gotten louder and the machine is beginning to jostle with each impact concerned I again call for an engineer this time he doesn't even bother inspecting the machine dang it Opie I told you it's fine don't call us back down here unless it breaks Q compliance I run it as it is for the rest of my shift the noise and movement of the machine growing worse the entire time I check it every other hour hasn't broken yet I informed the release shift of what's going on and go home I come in today and the noise is nearly deafening and the entire product line is shaking with the strength of the impacts the previous shift informs me that the engineering department still hasn't looked at it I stop the Machine and give it a quick look still not broken I run it as is ten hours into my shift and were suddenly bombarded by a symphony of metallic noises and screeches half of the machine is now on the floor while the other half gyrates wildly as it attempts to continue I press the emergency stop and make the call he begins to complain before he even makes it to my lines listen dang it I told you what the heck did you do to the machine Opie it broke for the last two hours of my shift I enjoyed the luxury of only having to focus on one of my product lines and the blissful noises of our good friend being royally chewed by his boss as an entire Engineer crew is now attempting to salvage the machine when I clocked out it was still lying in ruins and then because Opie's name is kingler kingpin we had this comment down below I love the idea of a factory where an actual kingler Pokemon in a hardhat is talking exasperatedly to some far-fetched with an iPad I didn't picture this as I was reading it but now I can't see it any other way that was our sloshed malicious compliance and if you want a malicious Lee comply hit that subscribe button because I put out new reddit content every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,344,685

Rating: 4.9360352 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: BrGMe2i9SUE

Length: 17min 24sec (1044 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 10 2019