r/Maliciouscompliance If you say so...

welcome to our slash malicious compliance where you have to be careful what you wish for I'm a mixed-race white in Middle Eastern and I have a Middle Eastern name that said I'm pretty much your run-of-the-mill Canadian I drank beer wear flannel and have been told I have a pretty thick Canadian accent some people can't see past the name and treat me like a person of color usually for the worst so I have to fill up the thick skin I was in a multiple-day board meeting and volunteered to make the mid morning coffee run for everyone one of the senior board members requested chai tea with milk and when I asked how they wanted it said your brown you know how to do it hmm I let the Commons slide and hid it down to the coffee shop problem was I legitimately didn't know what your brown you know how to do it meant my dad always liked his mint tea with a bit of honey in it rather than sugar so I had an idea I ordered the board member a large chai and then proceeded to pour out about 1/3 of it I then took this squeeze bottle of honey at the end of the coffee bar and filled up the 1/3 of the cup that I'd poured out it was less of a drink and more of us Laurie when I tried to stir in the honey and it goes without saying it was so sweet to the point of being inedible I brought everyone their drinks and handed the choice Lurie to the board member the weight of the cup threw her off and she hesitantly took a sip before recoiling in revulsion I had already taken my seat by this point and was watching intently she looked at me with a mix of anger disgust and confusion on her face and said Opie what the TUC is this how much honey is in here with barely concealed Glee I looked her dead in the eye and said oh that's how brown people like it she said nothing I was not asked to make a coffee run again Opie that was sweet sweet revenge our next reddit post is from sugar one I used to travel for work fairly often and the company I worked for ahead very strict reimbursement policies you had to have a receipt for everything or you wouldn't get refunded for it on one trip I was staying in the center of a mid-sized city but the training I was attending was in the suburbs there was a bus ride I could take and while it took a great deal more of my time it was way cheaper to take the bus than a taxi a buck-50 bus fare versus approximately forty bucks for a cab problem is there's no way to get a receipt for riding the bus so I email my company's business manager and explained the situation asked if I can please get reimbursed for the bus fare without receipts the response comes no any reimbursement requests without receipts will be denied and I will have to cover the expense out-of-pocket fine cab rides twice a day for a week totally allowable within company policy fares plus tips the total taxi expenses came to almost 500 bucks my boss questions a request I show her the email from the business manager and explained that I tried to take the bus which would have totaled 15 bucks for the week but was told it wasn't reimbursable over the following weeks heated discussion and sues between the business office and senior management two months later there's a new policy reimbursement requests for anything over ten bucks must have a receipt under ten bucks no receipt required yes bartender I need $500 of booze in $10 increments our next reddit post is from Danish protest big I graduated University a few years back and immediately started looking for a job in my chosen field marketing marketing entry-level roles were thin on the ground so when I found a role which was a hybrid of marketing with sales support I took it the company was a medium-sized business which specialized in recruitment contractor hiring and headhunting they also subcontracted work for a recruitment technology provider which matched up perfectly with one of my other passions technology I absolutely loved the role I got to do all parts of the marketing and sales lifecycle I got to work with suppliers event organisers clients staff all across the company meet new people and two really exciting things I had two managers the one who managed the sales team and the one who managed marketing the marketing manager was a kindred spirit the sales manager was old-school sales an arrogant and headstrong late forties man who lid for making deals and boasting about them shiny shooed silver-tongued I'll call him dapper dan we were not friends for about 18 months things went swimmingly I do marketing half the time then divide the rest of my time between sales support and billable work billable was building custom careers and job sites to host a recruitment system front end a steep learning curve but with the help of some web dev friends I got pretty familiar with simple site builds being tech aligned men I was always looking digital first bringing the company into the age of social media SEO and SEM website optimization and multi-channel marketing dapper dan sneered at such things he saw digital as a waste of money however we were always able to justify the spend on digital by offsetting the billable website work the marketing manager eventually moved on to bigger and better things rather than promote me or hire in a replacement the company moved the marketing responsibilities to dapper dan dapper Dan's changes were immediate and far-reaching he removed the digital budget he required that 50% of my time would be sale support to better enable the sales team he incorporated the billable work with his own team's revenue he rewrote my annual objectives to align purely with sales targets rather than marketing when I voiced my objections he took me aside for a friendly chat and told me if I didn't like it I could always leave naturally I wouldn't complained extensively to the departed marketing manager over drinks after listening sympathetically for 45 minutes she held up a hand said stop and shared some life advice each job pays you twice you get your money now that's your wage you also get experience now that's how you get paid in the future so are you still getting paid yes are you still learning no figure out how to keep learning or leave taking the advice to heart I busted my butt for the next I worked on digital outside of office hours I made friends with a tech provider support and dev teams I went to developer group meetups attended conferences studied for and acquired industry qualifications I joined the National marketers and digital marketers group I dug through blogs articles emailed people took every opportunity to cross skill up skill to learn and I sat with a smile on my face in the sales meetings as dapper dan delegated dum doo work to me so his team of sycophants could make the company's growth figures look spectacular spectacular they were to the point that the company was acquired and dapper dan betrayed me you see managers had the discretion to assign a pool of shares to high-performing staff the shares have no real value and can't be traded but in the event of a management buyout they would suddenly have value and quite a lot of value dapper dan felt it appropriate to reward every salesperson in his team with a generous parcel of shares as a support person I would not be the beneficiary of such kindness I'd had a verbal agreement with the previous marketing manager that the pool would be shared across the entire team so was pretty shocked to discover I'd been excluded from the pool I queried him on it per the previous agreement and he said verbatim well a verbal agreement is only worth the paper it's written on you don't make any sales you haven't built the business you don't get a cut if you don't like it he reiterated you're welcome to leave that is exactly what I decided to do except I didn't tell him the way the contract handover works in this instance is that all staff cease employment with company X on one day the following day they commenced employment with company y annual leave is paid out and begins to reoccur with the new employer other arrangements salaries long service leave and length of service may be transferred to the new employer about six weeks before the handover dapper dan passed me my new contract I waited a week came back with some enthusiastic queries on the new benefits which took him two weeks to follow up I quietly registered a domain name and parked it then spun up a wordpress instance and started building a personal blog three weeks away from the drop date everyone's frantically running around getting all the deals as close as possible to closing and employment contracts are the last thing on his mind I go back to him I tell him I have a couple more things I need to check out and I'll email them through to him before I sign it I spend a few more nights throwing together a bunch of blog articles relating to recruitment technology how-to articles that kind of stuff many of my own installation notes a week passes I fire off a couple of really complex questions around the transfer of benefits he obviously forgets about them then in the week of the handover catches heat from the HR team about the outstanding contract and pulls me into a meeting room to berate me about not having signed the new contract I explain I am waiting on his feedback on those specific points before I'll commit that I don't want to be disadvantaged moving to the new role call out the lack of share option as an example clearly frustrated he drops the words I've been waiting for if the signed contract is not on my desk by Friday don't bother coming into the office Monday he pause for dramatic effect and reiterated I mean it you won't have a job I replied that I completely understand and that I'll have everything he needs on his desk by close of business Friday on Friday afternoon dapper dan leaves the office early to attend his normal client networking visits which typically involve long lunches and alcohol at 4:45 p.m. I saved the final set of forecasting and reporting to the shared drive send an email to the IT team passing over access to the marketing LastPass account which contains the global database of usernames and passwords for all digital assets including client sites an Excel workbook containing my reporting macros and the location of all my documentation I redirect my phone to dapper Dan's desk number lock my laptop and leave it on his desk along with my ID card over the weekend I push my personal website live and add my contact details to my in profile switching it to actively searching mode I figure my holiday pay will cover me for a couple of weeks at downtime before I have to go diving back into the workforce on Monday I'm enjoying a long walk in the spring sunshine with my dog who's incredibly happy that his human has not disappeared down the driveway at 7:20 per normal we stopped for coffee at a local cafe and my phone begins to ring it's one of the sales drones at the old company I ignore it and thoroughly enjoy the freedom of being able to amble through a park without anywhere to be the phone buzzes another 8 or 10 times by the time I get home the poop has well and truly hit the windmill I checked my voicemails ignoring those I know from my previous employer and returning the phone calls of 2x clients to let them know that my contract has ended and to check in with dapper dan for work in progress or contact the technology provider for support requests shortly afterwards I got a call from a bemused contact who works in the technology provider who's been fielding support calls that I normally handle he listens with increasing interest as I explained the situation then tells me he'd call back shortly 10 minutes later he's back with the head of product on the line asking about my lunch preferences she arranges to meet at a nearby Thai place over a delicious red curry she cheerfully describes the wonders of a career as a contractor she also mentions the day rates for highly qualified industry certified staff mentioned that tech provider were really struggling to find such staff and gives me the number of a recruiter who may or may not have been on tech suppliers preferred supplier list I call the recruiter on the way home meanwhile my collection of voice mails from dapper dan was growing by the hour as he came to grips with the breadth of the problem that he generated at some point in the afternoon HR must have clicked to what had happened and I received a polite text message from the personal number of the regional HR directory asking if I was still available for a quick chat I called through and discussed the options presented to me by dapper dan on Friday and that I felt I had no option but to follow his instructions they probe for more information and it became apparent they were unaware that dapper dan had pulled an ultimatum without first engaging HR they then informed me that to benefit from the sale of my shares I would need to transfer to the new company and remain in their employment for a full year when I explained that I had no such share options there was a full four seconds silence it transpires that this too was not adequately communicated to HR I mentioned that I'd appreciate it if dapper dan could discontinue his voicemails to me as I found them unprofessional and had no intent of recommencing employment under his management we ended the call politely I wish them all the best and regretted the conversation had to happen under such circumstances my contract for tech provider came through via the PSL agency at 11:00 p.m. that evening and was signed and returned the following day I was deployed to client site that Wednesday post departure I met up with one of the old IT team at a conference three months after it all went down he was ecstatic to fill me in on what had happened the first notice anyone got of it was the service as asking who they should route my LastPass account to and why I'd be passing it around one of the texts came up to my floor to find me then found an empty desk asked around for where I'd moved to and no one knew that was the first call from one of the sales drones trying to locate me the tech went to dapper Dan's desk and found my laptop with my ID and post-it note taped to it he put two and two together went back downstairs and checked the access logs and realized the last time I had logged in was Friday he then locked my account for security purposes and went to HR to check if there was a lever form HR checks no lever form and a great big red cross next to employment contract received HR calls dapper dan who's not in the office dapper dan says no contract should be on my desk it was on there on Friday I'm out on the road at the moment give me till lunchtime and I'll sort it out obviously thinking that I'm grandstanding starts to call me and leave messages then gets progressively agitated as he realized I'm coming back when he gets into the office he can't find the contract either so he goes to HR and explains what's happened says I've been stonewalling them and it's cool he'll get it sorted it's between me and him HR says ah no this is our thing now and the HR director sends me the text message shortly after my phone conversation the HR director walks into a sales meeting and very abruptly pulls Dapper Dan out they disappear into a meeting room where it may only be assumed that Deborah Dane was required to spell out exactly what had occurred and addressed the comment that I'd made I suspect he came completely clean at that stage that for Dan was subsequently reamed as only HR and senior management can rima manager who's ducked up he was demoted decoupled from marketing his budget reduced by half and a new separating marketing function created his team was collectively put under review and forced to carry out their own reporting tracking and metrics which lacked the coherence and consistency that I'd been able to deliver this reduced the capacity of the team a couple of them left and they missed out on some key deals in the fallout they completely dropped the ball on the client website builds they went to market to try and find a resource who could fulfill these builds and dapper dan was reportedly astounded to discover that experienced technical marketing staff are both hard to find and expensive to records they were unable to fill the role and the bills were taken back in-house by the tech provider who now had an experienced resource to deploy me I ended up working on three of these at full utilization rate which was paid by the new company I'm pretty sure dapper dan would have seen the funding arrangements for these and would know my day rate which is substantially higher than his much later as the Sales Lead dapper dan had to bear the displeasure of his superiors for the full 12 months before he could claim his share payouts it would have been a really really sucky 12 months for him he resigned within two weeks of the anniversary of the purchase and the company enforced a six-month notice period and another 12-month no compete clause any benefit he would have received from the share payout would have been consumed over that 12 months unless he switched industries or moved cities last time I saw he was on the job markets as for me happily living the life of the contractor I get paid for the hours I work and I worked the hours I want the old marketing manager is now VP of something at a large multinational I've used her speech several times when giving young frustrated staff career advice too long didn't read old school sales manager attempts to call my bluff hilarity ensues man every time I see a story about a boss trying to abuse their IT staff I want to pull out the popcorn because I know this is gonna be good that was our slash malicious compliance and before you go to the next video please hit that like button because it really helps my channel grow

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,308,549

Rating: 4.9396234 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: QWGk5t9aYU4

Length: 18min 41sec (1121 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 16 2019