r/Maliciouscompliance "DO WHAT I SAY!" "lol ok"

welcome to our slash malicious compliance where your wish is my command I recently dined at a pizza chain in the UK that brags about being Express service after waiting 45 minutes to be served rings in a fairly empty store we asked for a small portion of garlic dough balls as we had kids with us who were starving 20 minutes later we get the dough balls and it's another 15 to 20 minutes before we leave because after a total of 1 hour and a half we had no service and they charged us for the largest platter of dough balls they had my partner filed a complaint to office so they sent us two vouchers for free pizza now I work in the city center so I thought I'd pick one up for lunch and eat it at my desk I returned to the store and the same rude waiter whom I'm assuming remembered me as his face turned to a scowl when he saw me greeted me I asked for my pizza he looked at the voucher and said I can't take it away it's only to dine in I argued asked him to show me where it said anything like that on the voucher pointing out the part where it said suitable for collection and he was having none of it I asked for a manager he said he was acting manager so I relented and said I'd take a seat and ordered my pizza five minutes later it comes out I take a bite and said I'm full I'd like to take my leftovers the guy was fuming but had to do so I did the exact same thing the next day as well not very exciting but it felt good edit to all the spit posts the ovens are in the front so you watch them make your pizza and you abets I was watching I'm glad you clarified that because I was literally just about to make that joke our next reddit post is from virus overload let's set the scene so this was a few years back I have quite a few tattoos basically all my chest my upper back top half sleeves and one on the inside of each forearm about 15 centimetres across these last two are what started at all I worked for a cinema chain for a long time always had tattoos I landed myself a management role more like a supervisor the standard uniform was a black shirt and black trousers I prefer a short sleeve shirt due to being a bigger guy and cinemas being bloody hot my site manager quite liked my tattoos and other quirks that I had my area manager however did not she would come into the site walk past eight other staff with full sleeve tattoos and make a beeline straight to me stating that my tattoos need covering up and I quote they are not offensive just a lot of people don't like them now my tattoos aren't offensive they're just patterns she informed me that I had to wear long sleeves to cover them up otherwise I would face disciplinary action I had read the employee handbook a few times because of other petty stuff so I know it was the managers decision my site manager but she decided to overrule it what she forgot was that just because the normal retail staff had to wear black management was allowed to wear white just nobody did because it was hard to keep clean so what should I do I know let's go and buy the thinnest cheapest most see-through white long-sleeve shirt I can find now if you could only see her face when she came in next when I am basically wearing a shirt more see-through then tracing paper I'm talking you can see the color shift from my individual chest hairs and all my tattoos are on show for everyone to see while I stood behind the tills talking to customers needless to say I got to wear my short-sleeved black shirt again after that our next reddit posts are some salty solicitor before I was a lawyer I had an internship and was supervised under a man named Bob who resented my continued existence in his department and saw me as deadweight this is largely true of legal interns who tend to create work rather than solve problems however Bob would give me half an an assignment used to clarify his instructions and then cyan exasperation when I wasn't able to literally read his mind or solve the issue if I suggested another or different way to do things he would dig in his heels just for the sake of doing so even on things we're taking a hard stance made no sense one day I was assigned to send a large volume of files to the companies outside lawyers after gathering documents from various company representatives I realized that they were too voluminous to email when I told Bob that I needed to put them on a flash drive he snapped that they must be submitted by a email today I knew that her company would accept emails up to 30 megabytes from internal sources but the server would reject anything external over 15 megabytes and I suspected the law firm servers were set up the same way Bob wouldn't hear it what are you talking about I sent huge files all the time just do it sure thing Bob I confirm the email size limit with a law firm then lovingly painstakingly parsed out the files for individual emails I waited until Bob was in a meeting and started shotgunning privilege / confidential email one of 47 messages to the firm and copying Bob they emailed me in a panic begging me to stop and telling me that a flash drive would be great I told them that / Bob the messages must be emailed Bob eventually sent a very terse reply instructing the firm to send a courier over so the flash drive could be picked up our next reddit post is from zero one a I used to work as an administrator in a secondary school in the US grades 9 to 12 around 10 years ago we were in a school that didn't have a specific zone or neighborhood so to speak some of our students live 30 to 45 minutes from the school which made it necessary for us to sometimes conduct business with parents or guardians over the phone as opposed to in-person one day I met with a senior grade 12 who was in a class that he and his father had Dean too hard for him and since they didn't want it impacting his ability to attend college ask for him to be changed out of the class it was early in the semester and there was plenty of space available in other courses so I had no problem doing it after a conversation over the phone with his father the student was a good guy and he was totally grateful to me for helping him out he would now get to enjoy his last year a little more with one less difficult class to worry about the next day I get a phone call in my office from the kids mom who is irate she spends approximately five minutes berating me about changing his schedule I indicated to her that dad was on the contact list for her son and he was allowed to make these decisions if he chose to do so she is the person who put dad on there several years before evidently mom had put dad on the list before their divorce she had raised the child over the last several years by herself according to her and she should make all the decisions I didn't know this and the records didn't reflect it since she knew this argument wasn't going to work the next objection was against our policy of making decisions over the phone the conversation went something like this how do you know for sure it was his dad on the phone there's no way you can be sure I can't believe you would ever make a decision like this without a parent presence by doing this over the phone you could be speaking to anyone she continued on and I tried to explain that it's necessary at times to use the phone since parents work in another town and may have to travel an hour or more to get to the school well she wasn't buying it so finally I relented ma'am your rights I will no longer make decisions like this over the phone I'm going to insist parents come in and meet with me in person good now I need my son to be put back into the class he was in originally ma'am I'm sorry you're going to have to come in to meet with me I'm no longer changing schedules over the phone how do I know you're this student's mother I can't do that I lived 45 minutes from the school and I work everyday it was at this point she dropped all of her objections queue up surprise Pikachu phase our next reddit post is from basket-case i received an unsolicited call earlier this morning from a gentleman named dan dan worked for microsoft security and was calling to let me know that my computer had been downloading malicious software and because i was such a loyal customer he would be walking me through the steps to remove the software and fix my computer in case you didn't guess dan did not work for Microsoft my computer was not infected and he was not going to help me our conversation began or you knew your computer right now yes why I'd like to help you check it for issues ok give me a minute at this point I spend a couple minutes finding my laptop and getting it booted up really it only took about 20 seconds but Dan didn't need to know this once I was at my laptop dan continued what do you see on your screen right now well I see my desktop at this point Dan tried to continue with this script but I had not told Dan everything that was on my screen so I continued there's a clock in the bottom left corner the time says 10:30 a.m. the date is December 3rd 2017 there's a Wi-Fi signal with full bars there's a volume meter but I have a meter right now there's a battery indicator showing my laptop is 27% charged Dan tried in vain to interrupt me but there was still more things to tell him there's an icon called my computer an icon called recycle bin an icon called Google Chrome you can see where this is going I proceeded to read off to Dan each and every icon shortcut folder and file that was currently displayed on my screen dan never got a chance to get a word in edgewise finally after about four or five minutes of meticulously letting Dan know exactly what was on my screen he asked me a question can you right click on my computer sure no problem do you know where that would be located it should be on your desktop I know but I can't find it do you remember what it was next to when I described everything to you it should be next to recycle bin no Google Chrome is next to the recycle bin after a few more minutes Dan successfully navigated me into the Start menu to open up a run box okay there should be a field in the run box is it empty no it has something written already what does it say the first one says msinfo32 the second one says CMD the third one says regedit after going through all the eleven to twelve items in my run box history dan let me know that he would need to call me back in a few minutes despite my pleas for help dan hung up apparently I wasn't supposed to follow his directions so well and then we have a similar post from Holden Akari down in the comments my pops did something like this a while back he strung the guy along and played the role of a typical guy who doesn't understand computers it went on for over an hour when my dad finally dropped something like oh you want me in front of a computer I thought you meant the TV the guy hung up after that our next reddit post is from des rep and my old work place we had a truck driver we'll call him Jim for no particular reason our director had decided to cut down on the amount of manpower in the production unit to try and squeeze some more money out of it one of the people laid off was a storage worker and the director then wanted Jim to take over on storage and make the big truck more of a whoever needs it uses it kind of thing as opposed to having one man who mans it for the majority of the time though driving the truck only took about half of Jim's day and the rest of the time he did all kinds of other things around the company that needed doing maintenance cleaning the yard cutting the grass etc now my boss had made a fair fuss about this during the meetings where this was decided since Jim being on that truck was a very good thing for the company but alas director didn't want to listen they then had a meeting where Jim and the three people who were the likely candidates for using the truck were informed with this change the storage worker had been fired the same day now nobody was really happy about this one of the practical problems is when you have multiple people using a tool whether it be a hammer a power drill or a truck it becomes a mess to coordinate who needs it when who handles what in regards to maintenance and so on and so on but none were more unhappy than Jim and he quite openly said that storage worker wasn't his job to which the director made one of many a big mistakes in this whole streamlining process he was doing to the production unit he pulled out the contract that had a highlighted working their production parts so what kind of malicious compliance does a pissed-off a former truck driver get up to well glad you asked very simply he stopped doing anything that wasn't related to production examples of minor things Jim stopped doing buying basic groceries for the production office milk sugar etc he stopped bringing breakfast to the production workers Jim drove to a local sandwich maker and picked up breakfast and lunch for most of the production meaning that now everybody went there on their own creating massive amounts of delay in every department maintaining order in the yard so everything stored out there was easy to find and traffic ago through easily but the very best thing he stopped was clearing away snow you see one of the many things Jim did was if there was a forecast for snow he'd set an alarm for 4:00 a.m. only to look out the window and if he needed to clear snow he just go to work and make sure the snow was cleared and the road salted for when everyone else arrived and that he also stopped and this particular year winter hit us pretty suddenly so there was quite a bit of snow and ice all over the place including the main office buildings parking lot now Jim being the absolute champ that he was had made sure that the production unit had been cleared but left the main office building on the other side of the road to fend for itself and since we in the production line get in earlier than the office people did we could stand there and watch as they started arriving and half their parking spots had so much snow in them that they were unusable and how their cars just skipped around on the ice under the snow it was glorious three cars were lightly damaged and one took a pretty hefty head as he clipped the corner of the concrete building and no less than nine people fell on the ice including the director himself which resulted in about 45 production workers standing inside our machine Hall almost pissing themselves laughing edit I forgot to mention a little fun thing later that day an email was sent out across the whole company asking if anyone knew why the external contractor we had hired to clear the snow had stopped apparently the office nuts had no clue that it was Jim who cleared the snow for them every morning during the winter and then Opie further clarifies that Jim ended up quitting the job and management streamline things so much that now the company is on the verge of shutting down a good example is them writing an angry email demanding that production was to handle all snow removal henceforth which none of them did because it wasn't in anyone's contract whoops that was our sloshed motions compliance and if you and I maliciously comply be sure to like this video and subscribe for more daily reddit videos

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,387,318

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: gqs9iimNnPc

Length: 16min 48sec (1008 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 11 2019