r/AmiTheA**Hole For Staying Quiet On 'Cheating' Accusations?

g'day there guys it's humane man Maki back at it again with another episode of our /mi the a-hole now if you loved this video like I love you I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and enjoy the bloody good contents posted by user rigvir titled am I the a-hole for not saying anything about the underwear my 20 year old daughter and her fiance are currently staying with us I love my daughter but she is very difficult and I can't stand her fiance I gave them a deadline to move out because I can't take this anymore they got into a massive fight the other day while my wife was out I guess a pair of my wife's underwear got in their laundry and she thought he was cheating I think the fact she immediately jumped a cheating shows how bad their relationship is she was waving the underwear around and I recognized them because they had a floral prints but I just let this ridiculous fight to go on my wife came home after about 30 minutes and said they were hers my wife asked if I didn't realize they were hers and I accidentally laughed my daughter burst into tears and weren't talk to me her fiance said we're screwed and left the house but my wife thought it was funny come on you know you're an a-hole for doing that but it's hilarious oh my god you're just taunting they're crumbling relationship IP stop poking the bear it's not funny you're the a-hole but it's funny Herbst JPEG says you might be the a-hole but I am living for it edits my personal verdict is you're the a-hole but I'd like to invoke crap man versus freak boy which states that in times of outlandish or otherwise infantile behavior a whole array may subject to scrutiny be permitted priceless you're the a-hole but not as bad as it sounds your daughter's relationship might be doomed but not over the underwear there were some underlying problems there that are manifesting by the day you're the a-hole but in that fatherly way like the guy who's looking out for his daughter and having a good laugh at the boyfriends expense everyone sucks here including me because I laughed too everyone sucks here everyone but the mum mum took ownership of the floral panties right away but she didn't confess to the cheating hmm hmm not the a-hole if your first thought is cheating not the other woman that lives in this house you've got issues my sister's undies ended up in my load once worse since I had the same pair I tried to put them on she's a size negative 14 and I'm a size 14 so we're lucky the universe did not tear in half well at least your load didn't end up in your sister's undies God reddit is sick he says edit Doh you're a female as well damn it my joke isn't funny now not the a-hole it's not your fight either also it's wild that your daughter would think that her fiance was bringing girls into your house he owned parents to cheat on and accidentally leave underwear there that's hilarious and I would have probably laughed too if I lived with another woman and the same thing happened to me I feel like I would assume they were hers before anything else my significant other and I keep our laundry separate and stuff of his still ends up in mine he forgot to add these cherry on top of the absurdity sunday that he added his trophy to their laundry yeah like his daughter either has major trust issues with her fiance or she's nuts although at 20 years old I wasn't exactly the most rational girl in the world either that's a young age to commit to a marriage posted by user not adopting her baby titled am I the a-hole for not adopting my wife's child I 27 male used to have a wonderful relationship with the woman I love 26 female however five years ago she got drunk and had a one-night stand and got pregnant from it can't be mine because I can't have kids due to horseback riding injury when I was a teen didn't get the guy's name and no way to find him so he's out of the picture my wife decided to keep its and we almost went through a divorce but couples therapy made us decide to try again we're still in therapy now since I still have a hard time trusting her so she had her son we talked about it a lot and I made it clear that I'm okay taking on a stepparent role but I wasn't willing to fully be his dad I wouldn't adopt him but I would help raise him and get him off to college my wife agreed to this became a stay-at-home mom so she could take care of him with help from her parents and I've pretty much been the fun uncle like guy I play with him by him games try my best not to resent him and I'm in therapy for this and mostly just stay out of the way of my wife's parenting he even calls me uncle instead of dad he knows I'm not his father and is just happy to play video games with me and chill well recently my wife has started talking about me adopting him something I'm not willing to do I made it clear that if anything happened he would go live with her parents and I'd send child supports if they couldn't take him I wouldn't put him in the foster care or anything but I also wasn't willing to take on the responsibility of being his father what I'm not I'm happy being an uncle to another man's kid since that's what life threw at me this has greatly upset her and she's trying to find a way to force me into adopting him she's even been manipulating the poor kid saying he should start calling me dead instead of uncle like he has his entire life which is upsetting and confusing the poor boy this situation has worked for the last five years and I don't know why she's trying to change something that isn't broken or forced me into a role that I told her years ago I wasn't willing to accept which she was fine with until just recently updates after hearing everything I told my wife I was leaving and pursuing that divorce I think I've been ready to do so for a while but just needed the push this has led to a complete meltdown good I stayed firm packed everything up and moved in with my brother across town I have already contacted the landlord to tell him I would pay for two more months rents after that everything needs to be switched to her talking to my lawyer it was verified that due to the process I went through after the birth to establish I wasn't the father I would not have to pay child support or alimony which is something very rare and uncommon anyway where I live he's already working on the paperwork no idea when it'll happen but once it does I'll cut fall contacts my wife has tried to call and text multiple times but I have refused to talk I'll post another update when I know more everyone sucks here everything about this is pretty terrible her cheating your purposefully distancing yourself from the child who is not yours through no fault of his own not to mention you being the only father figure he's ever known dad's don't need to be blood you all sound like a-holes except the little one obviously who I just feel sorry for sought your crap out for his sake exactly if RP couldn't grow past his resentment of the kid not being his then he never should have agreed to stay in the relationship it's not fair to the child's either he needs to be all in or all out it's not that easy to just not resents he's doing something better than being all outs he's still contributing to his life it is sad he hasn't come along more but he's still not a total a-hole everyone sucks here I wholeheartedly disagree yes on the surface his acts are noble and with good intentions and if anything are impressive and very admirable but it's not really he's a sort of dad figure with huge strings attached if things go pear-shaped he's out of there and he's made that much clearer he doesn't see this child as his own how confusing is it for a child to have a technical father figure in his life one who is literally married to his mother yet he refers to him as an uncle the reason being Hopi is keeping this poor little boy at an arm's length for a reason he made the active choice to stay with his wife after a huge betrayal but has not processed the realities of this clearly has he if he was all-in which he should be if he actively made the decision to stay then he'd happily let this little one call him dad he'd consider adopting him because he's all in sir why nots but he isn't he wanted to stay in the relationship due to whatever benefits or positives for himself but doesn't forgive his wife and doesn't fully accept this boy into his life that's not fair it is extremely selfish when you break it down in which case this little boy would have far more mental clarity if Opie just decided to cut his losses and to leave the relationship it would at least give the boy consistency in his life and who the parental roles are for him one parent who is a solid and consistent parents is better than two whereby one is wishy-washy herpy and his wife are both selfish a-holes poor little one he didn't ask for any of this pressured by user acceptable to nine to one titled am i the a-hole for telling a friend of mine not to give my wife his business after she insulted me earlier this year my wife started her own design business it has been a dream of hers for some time she automatically assumed I would help her with the legal documents drafting review but no big deal I was happy to do it even though I already have a full-time job that takes up a lot of my time and it requires some extra research on my parts because this was not my regular job sometimes I had to put work for her on the back burner any reasonable person should be able to understand this I think but not my wife she felt entitled to be first priority even though I explained to her that I had to prioritize the job that was actually paying our bills which only upset her more we had several arguments about this and during one of them she accused me of being lazy she said that my job is easy and anyone could do it I just didn't want to help her because I didn't believe in her never mind that I'd been spending my free nights and weekends doing work for her that upset me so I told her I was done if she wanted someone to review her legal documents then she should find a look firm and hire them that upset her too because her margins were already thin so the extra expense didn't help and she didn't mind letting me know how she felt about that decision a friend of mine was recently looking for someone to do some interior design work for him he had already talked to my wife but I told him that if I was in his position I would use someone more established and who wasn't a wreck 24/7 basically told him about our fights and that based on how she's treated me lately I questioned her mental fitness to do a project like this he was surprised by that but decided to take my advice and go with someone else when my wife asked me to help her talk to him I told her no because I'd already told him not to use her this became another big fight and we are still fighting about it she told me that this could have been a big step forward for her business and because of what I did it may mean she doesn't make it I don't know if that's true or not but I stand by my advice to him she is an emotional wreck and in no frame of mind to help anyone am I the a-hole this again is just another one of those messy marriage fights you know you guys aren't looking out for each other's best interests right now it's very clear by how you're portraying this if she's not in a like emotionally well-off place why wouldn't you just help her like go to counseling with her get her some help I think Opie realizes by doing this by cutting off work opportunities that he could find for her he's putting her any much worse off place and that's not helping the mental fortitude now is it the wife is definitely being an a-hole too by refusing to compromise and have her work be put on the back burner sometimes it's very unrealistic for your hobby to take precedence over someone's main job I'm sorry chief everyone sucks here Jesus Christ just get a divorce already unless your vows included making each other intentionally miserable till death do us part and Opie replies we may be headed down that path I don't know it seems like she's difficult to be around all the time to be clear it doesn't sound like you're a delightful daily companion either longshots you sound difficult to be around she brings that out in me if he bring out the worst of each other why are you married it wasn't always that way everyone sucks here you're trash-talking your wife behind her back to your friend classy I don't condone her lack of understanding with the legal documents and putting a giant burden on you but I'd say you escalated it's and you are the bigger a-hole I didn't trash her I told him how she'd been acting and said that I didn't think she was in the frame of mind to do it to his standards you said she was a wreck 24/7 in what world is that not trashing it's one thing to say she's a bit overworked right now can you give it a bit of time it's another thing to say she is incapable that is what I honestly believed she is a nervous wreck I don't see how she can take on a project this size the way things are right now you do know that you can be angry with someone but still respect them right ie I think she's got a lot on her plate and suggests seeking someone else your lack of respect for her at all and your apparent delight in that makes me think you're more than the a-hole you sound well hideously unkind it's hard to respect her when she clearly has no respect for me then leave your the a-hole posted by user cage sim titled am I the a-hole for being upset my wife didn't make me a quesadilla okay just to make sure we're clear my wife and I get along great it's a great marriage this happened about a month ago and it wasn't even a big deal but it's one of those we both think we're right situations this in no way affects our marriage now I just want to know who was right here is the scenario I work from home so every morning I wake up at around 6:45 and start work around 7:15 my wife will sleep in usually til around 8:00 and then she will wake up and make breakfast for the both of us she does this every day and she always cooks a great breakfast and I am super appreciative so one morning my wife comes to my office and says I just really don't feel like cooking this morning would you be okay to eat cereal I said something along the lines of of course baby that's totally fine haha my wife brings me a bowl of cereal and I happily start to eat maybe three minutes later I get the chance to take a short break from work and I think to myself oh I'll go eat my breakfast with my wife when I go to the kitchen my wife is eating a freshly cooked quesadilla now did I truly care not really but years of listening to my mom guilt trip my dad must have kicked in I said it's not that you didn't feel like cooking he just didn't feel like cooking for me now my wife felt bad and like she had been caught and got up and made me a quesadilla even though I said I was happy to eat cereal her point of view was this making a quesadilla isn't really cooking for her that was the same as cereal my point of view is this it is cooking and the fact that she felt bad kinda shows that I was a little bit right again it doesn't matter and I love my wife very much she makes a wonderful breakfast for me every day and I have no reason to complain we are both super over it what are your thoughts edit for everyone saying I'm a bad husband and that you feel bad for my wife I just want to reiterate that our marriage is great yes my wife enjoys cooking and does a majority of the cooking but I also do a lot around the house it is definitely a partnership with both of us working together as to why am i bringing this up a month later and I must be so Petty and immature ah we had quesadillas for breakfast today I had forgotten about it until this morning I thought it would be an interesting discussion lastly I love and appreciate my wife very much on my 15-minute break this morning we hugged and talked and even danced in the living room while our dog watched on the couch as much as you may want to turn this one incident into what must be a miserable experience for my poor abused wife that is just not an accurate depiction of our marriage now all that being said in this case I am the a-hole if my wife decided she didn't want cereal and instead cooked herself a full-course meal she can do that and I shouldn't feel butthurt about it my comment showed that my first instinct was to be Petty and make her feel guilty even if I didn't intend that that's what I did thank you for everyone's comments yeah I do feel like he was being Petty and trying to guilt trip her there and of course he justified it with he was thinking back to what his father did and you know it's understandable why he did that it doesn't make it okay and he should feel bad for doing that I know I'd feel like a terrible person if I was the wife in this situation he's making a huge deal out of something that really isn't a big deal but at the end of the day it is communication he was communicating albeit in the wrong way so while I'm torn it's I still agree that he is the a-hole but obviously it didn't ruin anything it was just one interaction you're the a-hole heaven help she just feel like making herself food I mean it sounds like she brought you your cereal anyways she cooks every day she wanted one day to just make herself a little bite to eat and know her feeling bad doesn't mean you're a tiny bit right it proves you guilt-tripped her for something minor would have not killed you to make your own breakfast also reading the edits shows that Opie understands how he's the a-hole and why nice to see someone who truly accepts their judgment and understands what they did wrong absolutely definitely and I feel like there is so many stupid and petty arguments going on right now because we're all cooped up there's a lot of stressful world events happening and I don't think most of us understand the psychological toll we're all universally experiencing to some degree I'm 26 and I've been living with my parents for the duration of quarantine and I probably will be here for a while more but when RP said he reverted to his mum's guilting behavior I felt that I have definitely reverted to my teenage antics multiple times and my parents reverted to treating me like a teenager just the other day my dad was annoying me for whatever reason and he was like because I am the adult that's why huh and I was like oh crap you're right without even thinking twice you're the a-hole but you're also rights let me explain she totally did say she didn't feel like cooking this morning what she meant to say was she didn't feel like making the usual two-person breakfast production I feel like you recognized this but still felt the need to guilt-trip her about it that's kind of a dick move she's not entirely blameless like she totally could have just said what she meant but that doesn't quite make her an a-hole all things considered the scale tips towards your a-hole ninja edits I love that this is like the biggest problem y'all seem to have in an otherwise great marriage and opieop liars we really do have an awesome marriage we both work from home so we're together all day every day we got married in March 2020 so our whole marriage has been during quarantine that being said we still have yet to have any kind of fight edits to add some clarification this is not out of character for either of us I've lived with multiple roommates and my family I never fought with any of them except for Taylor he knows what he did and my wife only lived with her family but she never really fought with her family either we just are not the super-sensitive type to get hurt feelings and we talk things out and if you want to know what happened to Taylor he says we had three guys living in a small one-bedroom apartment he started dating and basically his girlfriend was always at our apartments like she would be there when we went to sleep at 10:00 p.m. and then she would go home and come back at like 7:00 a.m. to hang out with him my other roommate and I gave him the bedroom but the only closet was in the room so we all shared the closets well he got to where he would yell at us for knocking on the door to go in and grab our clothes or whatever to get ready for bed basically our kindness of offering him the room turned into claiming the only closet space was also his this went on for several days after several peaceful attempts to work this out and be peacemakers but he just kept getting more and more entitled one day I yelled at him in front of his girlfriend and went into the closets to get my pajamas at like 11:30 p.m. so did he stop being an ass after that it got a little better but he moved out pretty soon after our new roommate was the absolute best he was the best man at my wedding and I was in his aswell posted by user Marcellus titled am I the a-hole for pushing my seventeen year old son for things that aren't his faults my son is 17 years old and over the past few months he's been acting very peculiar and we came to blows over this and he spoke back to me saying that there's not his faults and he doesn't know what to do here is what I noticed from him he suddenly gone very lethargic very quickly he'll get up sit on his chair for about an hour and be that tired that he'll sleep for another 3 or 4 hours but will still be awake all night long I suggested for him to go on walks as simple but effective exercises that will tire him out so he'll sleep at least 6 to 8 hours at nights he declines because he's tired he stopped eating this concerned me he says that it's because he has zero appetite I tried to make sure he was eating right when I first noticed this back around last December time he is obviously thinned out beyond belief he can see an uncomfortable number of burns I also believe that this might be why he's tired all day he drinks literally all the liquid I buy from my food shop and then some like he'll say that he's thirsty and has a really dry throats and then he drinks a two-liter bottle of coke in literally two or three attempts a literal sip for him is essentially drinking a full pint he complains about having to go to the toilet more often I told him it was because of the amount that he drinks we had to stop twice when I was in the car with him the other day the distance wasn't even two miles is me telling him that he needs to help himself worthy of me being the a-hole made a new account for this post I mean he can help himself for sure but you can also help him by taking to a doctor and seeing that it's not anything else first because this is very quick very fast onset of some serious stuff going on I'm no doctor but if you're peeing that much in a two mile trip you might have something wrong with your kidneys your bladder or something you really might want to get that checked out because even if you're drinking that much water I could skull two or three liters of water right now and I wouldn't be peeing every two minutes that's just not normal so yeah purely saying that he needs to help himself and you not offering to help him makes you an a-hole hi class cool says you ever think the boy might be you know ill yeah you're the a-hole you've gotten multiple warning signs and all you can think to do is yell at and punish him this sounds like the son might be diabetic and if it is it's very serious please take your son to get some blood work done ASAP before he has organ failure that is my thought when I saw tired thirsty and peeing a lot same this reads like something out of a textbook that and the casual mention of chugging two-liter bottles of coke in one sitting God I'll never forget watching my childhood best friend down two liters of kool-aid in a bout of minutes just before she was diagnosed when we were 12 I hope Opie takes him to the hospital like today this so much my brother-in-law suddenly dropped to weight was tied all the time and was chugging apple juice and root beer like crazy turns out he has diabetes he spent several days in ICU yeah I would run out of breath just trying to put on clothes in the morning and chalked up all the water drinking to wit being July dropped 30 pounds in a month and when I got to the ER and described my symptoms they're like yep you definitely have type one spent five days in the hospital just to get back to know all seeing as this has been going on for literal months I hope the poor kids body doesn't shut down from DKA you're the a-hole for not taking him to a doctor that sons like diabetes and/or depression if it's diabetes not being checked or controlled especially after drinking entire liters of soda he's going to kill himself or damage his body beyond repair he's 17 do something about it or force him to go before he turns 18 and refuses to go to the doctor posted by user Noah khakis titled a my the a hole for not letting my dad use my car until my parents pay for my broken laptop I male 19 started letting my little brother borrow my laptop when his school switched to online he used it during the day and then I'd pick it up after work I live in the apartment right next door to my parents so it wasn't no trouble after he went on vacation they asked if he could keep using it so he's entertained at home and I let him three weeks ago he broke it going down the stairs that laptop cost me almost $600 and I was mad my parents said they were sorry and I told them as long as they paid me back for a new one it's alright my mom told me they're not gonna spend so much money on a laptop and I should have bought a cheaper one anyways we sort of got into an argument over it but my parents still refused to give me any money a week goes by and they still don't want to pay it's not like they can't afford it's they're both still working their regular hours they literally had enough to do a whole barbeque and buy a ton of fireworks for the fourth of July my online classes are supposed to be starting in August and I'm getting impatient because I really don't have enough to buy a new one myself I'm barely keeping up with my bills and I've had to cut back on how much I spend on groceries so I decided to stop letting my dad use my car to go to work in the mornings he's been using it since last year because my mom uses theirs and my job isn't that far it's a 15 minute bus ride away plus I don't like to drive a lot usually I stop by their house before I go to work and you leave the car keys for him by the door since he leaves after me the night before I texted him and said that he's not driving my car anymore until I get my money so he'll have to find another way to get to work in the morning next morning he was banging on my door he started yelling in my face about what an ungrateful spoiled child I was all because of a laptop he ended up taking an uber when he realized I wasn't going to change my mind every day since they both fight with me over the car because he doesn't want to waste his money on uber they've been calling me names and blowing up my phone and it's starting to overwhelm me I have no peace at home because they're always standing right outside my door when I get home and my dad yells at me every morning I've already told him if they give me the money for my laptop I'll let him use my car but they still don't want to they said they shouldn't have to pay because they took care of me my whole life and the least I could do is not make it hard on my dad to get to work it's gotten real hostile here and I don't know what to think anymore am I being an a-hole for going about it this way ah this makes me feel really bad actually because you know it's turning into you being an a-hole because they are self-destructing so much and it's one of those way you don't want to look at it you kind of just want to walk away while everything's exploding around you I don't get why the wife can't just drop him off to work in her car and then go to her work and just leave home an hour early these are sacrifices that are possible to make in a lifetime you know I think they are very lucky to still be working during all this time and still be having an income but it does sound like they can easily fork out $600 to pay back for damaged property that their sibling is not paying for there's too many people dodging paying him $600 when Opie deserves and is entitled to that new laptop that was broken when he was giving it up no one else is entitled to the car or the laptop until that is replaced so I don't think your appease the a hole here $600 is hardly anything for a computer definitely on the cheaper end since your bro is 12 they should pay you for a new one then maybe they could have him do chores or something you have classes coming up into a 100% needed you'll need to save up as much as you can now no reason to put excess wear and tear in your car for the time being Plus what happens if they break the car will they avoid paying for that - I hate when parents hold the fact they raised you over your head we raised you so we're entitled to not pay you back for your broken laptop that you need this is some seriously flawed thinking definitely not the a-hole this in most cases people choose to have children and thus commit to the cost of raising them at least until the age of 18 not the a-hole but I think in your place I'd tell them that since they won't pay for the laptop I'm selling the car then I'd move the car to a friend's house or park it somewhere else until this gets settled or if you think you can trust them to not mess with the car tell them it's not drivable because you've canceled the insurance and stopped buying gas fruits so you can save money up for a new laptop oh crap this is a great idea I need a laptop much more than a car since you won't pay for my laptop I'll have to get the money from selling my car then see what happens and actually do it if they don't budge if you don't need the car you actually do need the laptop am I the a-hole for telling a social worker the real reason why my sister wants a foster kid so this is a throw away accounts while my sister doesn't use reddit's we have mutual friends who do I'm a 28 female and I have a sister 36 female for the sake of the story I'll just call her Jane Jane is married to Bob and they have two kids a boy and a girl my niece and nephew are wonderful kids and no trouble at all they fight as siblings do but nothing big I love them now for about two years I did live with my sister it was a miserable time that really affected our relationship she saw me as free labor money and babysitting even when I managed to get a small part-time job she demanded I hand over nearly half of my payments or get out it was hell as she took complete advantage of me I moved out as soon as I could and we had little contact outside of family gatherings now after I moved out she started complaining how she was no help with the kids and never gets a break I babysit sometimes but I have made it clear just cuz I am off work doesn't mean I want an eight-hour day with my niece and nephew anyway she started talking about how she wanted to foster a kid not a kid but a teenager I pressed her for more info on this she wants to adopt a teenager so she has a live-in babysitter for her kids this is her logic I want a kid around 16 or 17 you know someone who may have been in the system for a while they can share a room with your nephew she only has a three-bedroom house or sleep in the garage they can help me with housework chores cook and help me with my business she bakes and sells cookies also babysit the kids so me and Bob can go out sometimes or have some alone time they'll be so grateful for a home and won't complain I won't have to pay them at all and then when they turn 18 I can just sign up for another foster kid a teenager will be so much easier than a little kid they will be grateful just to have a roof food siblings if they have been separated from their real ones and clothes I was horrified told her it was a horrible idea but she didn't listen to me she went on with it anyway about a month ago a social worker showed up at my apartment to ask me some questions about my sister she had put me down as a character witness or something like that I immediately told the foster worker why my sister really wanted to foster a kid and how she treated me when I lived with her the lady thanked me my sister called crying saying that she wouldn't be considered for any adoptions or Fosters the social worker told her that they felt her home and her weren't a good fit she asked if I said anything and I told the truth she went off on me hung up and we haven't spoken since she has sent some angry texts a couple family members are on her side they think foster kids are fudging dogs or something and would be so happy just to have a roof and would be glad to do all the housework so am I the a hole here edits so well I didn't know my post blow up like this until I got home from work thank you everyone for the kind words messages and awards remember no child is in control of the circumstances that may have landed them in the foster care system they are children and still human they deserve a loving home and care do right by a foster kid and thank you again feel free to message me or chat if you like I don't know if there's a universe where you could be considered an a-hole for preventing the abuse of a child slash teenager I feel like Opie kind of has to be rewarded for their efforts to prevent the child from being put into forced slavery by this woman the sister essentially wants a robots like slave worker than they do want a real human living in their house that's so wrong and disgusting so you know it's for the best that Opie shut that down real quick Opie not the a hole not the a hole you told the truth and saved a teenager from a terrible life of being used and dumped for another which is no way to treat anyone it is a foster child not a slave I said that's but her logic is it's not slavery I'm giving them a home food clothes and everything else yeah and making them watch your kid eight hours a day cook dinner and do everything you are feeling to fudging lazy to do because life is hard I was especially bothered by thee when they turn eighteen I'll sign up for another adoption people aren't disposable like that you adopt because you want to give someone a home a family and a life not to give them an unpaid position as a maid chef and caretaker you did the right thing does she think that slaves weren't housed and fed because they absolutely were and what your sister was trying to do was absolutely abhorrent thank you for protecting some poor kid from her slaves were housed in fed by their owners this woman would have let that government pay for that not the a-hole what the hell is wrong with your sister WTF she believes that teenagers in foster care will just be happy to have a home period they won't need the attention that a little kid does just to be clear her husband was against this too but she went ahead and started the process without him knowing hopefully if he leaves her when she figures out just how crazy she really is he would get full custody and you could tell the judge this story when not if posted by user and on nine one eight two eight two eight two eight titles would I be the a-hole for letting the child I gave up 18 years ago back in my life against the wishes of her father over 18 years ago when I was 15 I became pregnant with my high school boyfriend's baby I did not want to keep the baby and two my parents agreed to let me get an abortion if that was what I wanted I told my high school boyfriend who was 17 at the time that I was pregnant but I planned to have an abortion he did not take this well and ran to his parents to try and stop me him and his parents begged for me to keep the baby at the time I was young and easily manipulated after some time with begging I agreed to carry the baby to term if they paid for everything and then took the baby when the baby was born I signed my parental rights away with no regrets and all parties agreed I would have no contact with the child's I have had no regrets from giving the child up I went to college and have made a successful career met the love of my life and have had two children with him in my own time but two months ago I received a Facebook message from the child I gave up 18 years ago she asked if I was her biological mother and I told her the truth she asked to meet me and I said yes after meeting we discussed the situation I had been in and she told me she had no anger but only sadness for how things turned out she told me about a childhood and said her father was a great father to her and she had a great stepmother she ended up telling me her father had no clue she had contacted me I told her that she should tell her father the truth because he did raise her she agreed and asked me if we could stay in contact and I agreed to be honest even though I had no regrets from my decision and was happy to see this girl had an amazing life I saw no reason to exclude her from mine if we both agreed to have a healthy adult relationship I had no plans to be her mother and made this clear and she understood but only a week after our first meetup I got a very angry call from her biological father he told me I had no right to be in her life now I told him I didn't necessarily disagree but she was the one that sought me out and it would be cruel to deny her this of course only made him angry I tried to assure him I wasn't trying to take a parental stance in her life and he had nothing to worry about but he didn't care he told me I needed to stay true to our agreement and stay away from his kid ever since then I had only talked to the girl through text every time she asks to meet up I give her an excuse I feel awful giving her the runaround but I don't want to hurt her relationship with her father and stepmother would I be the a-hole for letting this girl into my life more edit / updates I very much agree that I should not be lying to her I honestly really would like a relationship with her as long as she wants one with me I have contacted her and asked to go to dinner this weekend I hope I can communicate what's been going on in my mind lately and be as honest as possible with her thank you for the judgement and kind words personally I don't think she's the a-hole at all in this situation reddit deemed this one in everyone's suck see a situation but I don't see how the mother is an a-hole in this situation she first starts by respecting the wishes of the father lets him live his life with the kids she didn't want the kid everyone respected that and now the kid when it's 18 you know there's no court order anymore that there's no more communication there you're allowed to do what she wanted 18 she wants to be part of her mother's life in a friendly capacity now the father blows up that's a dick move he's being controlling and I'm sorry he is being controlling and he can't control his own daughter like that nor can he bully Opie they're allowed to do what they want if that ends in the daughter getting an emotional attachment to the original Opie and it not going to well that's just the consequences of your actions you can't stop that so I don't think Opie sucks I think Opie's not the a-hole freak you gallon says everyone sucks here you for this and only this every time she asks to meet up I give her an excuse either cut her off or let her in don't play games with her she deserves better father for trying to control his adult child by not respecting her right to find her by her parents using the coerced agreement of a 15 year old as the reason my guess is that he is angry that you didn't parent this child like you was supposed to and he now wants to punish you despite the agreements being about him wanting to control your actions coerced agreement over the 15 year old this is such an important detail literally the only reason it is in everyone sucks yeah was that she is not being honest with the daughter other than that Opie is absolutely not the a-hole the father sounds like a manipulative controlling jerk from way back he has no right to decide who the daughter talks to the a hole although RP should either tell the girl RP can't see her and why or just meet up with her anyway there's no reason for her ex-boyfriends to still control her actions agreed RP your daughter is 18 legally in adults and able to choose who she talks with meaning she can talk to you and you don't need to sugarcoat anything or fib / lie posted by user may your life be good titled am I the a-hole for moving out of my bedroom because of my wife's gaming my wife got very mad at me for buying a kites and sleeping in the dining room because of her gaming late at night when she gets done with her work she likes to game and that is cool by me I even do a little bit of gaming myself the only issue is I have to go to bed because I have to be up early and she'll play survival games that scare the hell out of her and she will jump so hard and scream like a Hornets just stung her in the core tight artery when this happens I damn near get thrown off the bed and wake up in a full-blown panic attack she is now mad in saying that I am overreacting and either a halt oh yes let me just like intentionally wake you up with my screaming and not move to somewhere else but you can't hear me or control myself because it's late at night and you need to sleep you're overreacting because you don't need sleep guide what are you an idiot she is delusional poopy you're not the a-hole I think you just need to shut that down or keep doing what you're doing I don't know find a good compromise in this situation not the a-hole she seriously can't understand that it is neither normal nor healthy to wake you up like that haven't you talked to her about it yes she apologizes and just says blah blah snuck up on me then goes back to playing this morning it was a wolf that snuck up on her in the dark explained to her that you need your sleep and that alternatively she can play in the living room and come to bed when she's done playing if she doesn't accept this compromise then stay in the cards my parents had this issue as well as my mom would use the TV to fall asleep which is at Arab idea in its own rights but the noise and light would keep my dad up he eventually put his foot down and moved the TV out the bedroom is for two things and they both start with s cries in tiny flat lockdown can't wait for days where rooms can go back to single use bedroom is currently a bedroom office gym and occasional dining room not the a-hole she is being inconsiderate to you and your sleeping schedule would it be possible for her to move her gaming somewhere else like the living room she can but she doesn't then she can't be mad about you wanting to sleep elsewhere maybe think about going to a couples therapy so she can understand why it bothers you and a way of both of you can compromise I don't understand this sub subsea mmediately to couples therapy this is not a communication issue between the two of them it isn't rocket science to figure out repeatedly jolting a sleeping person awake because you're gaming is not appropriate if she cannot understand this then it's a her problem not a relationship problem if you're suggesting she needs therapy for her lack of empathy fine but sitting the two of them on a couch to discuss why he doesn't like getting unnecessarily woken up is a waste of money and time posted by user wonder vast titles am I the a-hole for making a scene during my husband's friend's baby shower over a comment I'll try to make this as brief as possible my husband and I both 37 have been together seven years for about 10 years he's had a close female friend named Jane Jane is fine we have enough in common that I like doing things in group settings with her and we even chat on our own occasionally but she is definitely closer to my husband she's been with her own husband since I came around but I always got the sense from Jane herself from old photos and a few old anecdotes from some of my husband's other friends that Jane wanted to date my husband before she met hers and he just never showed any interest so throughout the years there has been a little weirdness but nothing serious he was her man of honor a few gushy tributes to him on his birthday over Facebook or the odd sitting on his lap in a big group photo but never overly flirtatious and she seemed super happy with her husband so it was never a big enough deal to mention anything but I noticed them all fast forward to a few months ago and Jane became pregnant she immediately asked my husband to be the Godfather and he was thrilled I wasn't surprised was happy for him internally a bit of of course she did but through the months she turned weird she wanted my husband to come with her and her husband baby shopping once or twice even asked how my husband felt about him and I being the first people to meet the baby when they're born it's nice that she included me but clearly it's about my husband's and then it escalated she announced she was going to name the baby after my husband's not just his name but her facebook announcement said after my dearest and best friend joined I mentioned that that was weird to my husband and he just said I think it's a nice tribute this past weekend was her a very small covert friendly baby shower during which Jane kept referring to my husband as Godfather to be which worked me every single time I guess the month of her being weird just piled on because towards the end she asked me to take a photo of her into her husband and then she said okay now let's get one with both the father's to be and I said very loudly I'll calm the freak on are you serious everybody heard me I stared at her for a moment and she looked absolutely aghast and I grabbed my purse and just left my husband followed me but in the car he wouldn't say a word to me I laid out everything I did in the post including a dozen other examples but he just stared straight ahead and wouldn't answer finally when we got home he acknowledged that yes a lot of that stuff now that he sees it all laid out is inappropriate and he's sorry that he didn't see it and understands how I feel but he is absolutely livid that I ruined her baby shower Jane is furious never wants to see me again and John feels like this is going to drive a big wedge through his friend group so was either a hole here I initially went into a long rants saying that you're the a-hole Opie but in these comments there is more information that's come to light people would be very angry at me for the rent that I went on attacking the wife and although I felt it was justified at the time with more information and getting clarity I believe that it's and everyone sucks here leaning on Opie is not the a-hole Wow I believe I have processed what happens I'm going to say everyone sucks here because I have to pinpoint it but you have so much sympathy from me there's a time and place for that and laying down the law but it's not at her baby shower edits this for K points is insane for everyone responding to me I did not know about the consumption issue I would change my rating to everyone sucks here or something still think to let something like this simmer in a marriage is a bad idea but to say Jane didn't deserve a little comeuppance would be erroneous headed twice didn't realize the comment carried so much weight so I changed it to everyone sucks yeah I hope people leave me alone now either this or it's the perfect time think about Jane's husband as the poor cuckold during all this two fathers bullcrap Jane needed a harsh wake-up call and she got it I think this was the perfect time to call her outs but everyone sucks here how emasculating for her husband Jane has issues and sometimes we all reach a boiling points I feel for the RP and her clueless husband he is right the Friends group will change I am editing my opinion RP is not the a-hole based upon further info she shed below European her husband tried for years to conceive and Jane near to me that means Jane is evil and digging her own knife she deserved to be called out on her bad behavior even at her own baby shower screw the dude's emasculation what about his wife's Eve war masculine she had to put up with his bull crap for fear of looking like a crazy person which Jane clearly seems to be projecting Jane's feelings on Opie's husband is disrespectful and her husband lets that crap happen not the a-hole yes your timing was extremely unfortunate and he should apologize to the shower hosts and any guests you were friendly with but damn Jane needs to understand she perked and poked in perks and perks and yeah eventually that craps gonna come back at her as an attack if she didn't want to be called out she shouldn't have acted as she did I would apologize with I didn't mean to imply there had been an affair so Jane and her husband catch how inappropriate Jane had been edited from everyone sucks er - not the a-hole based on Opie's response I totally 110 percent understand where you're coming from but to say that loud enough for the whole party to hear is I mean that was a reaction I probably would have said the same damn thing by the way and she is absurd saying things like both the father's to be that is egregious you didn't mention kids and I don't know if you want or plan to have any or have not conceived but this just sounds like a major overstep regardless I hope he says we actually tried for a long time to conceive couldn't and had to give up for health concerns all of which Jane is well aware of it hadn't occurred to me until just now that that might have played a part in my anger at hearing her referred to my husband as a father oh my god I hate her she is dwelling fingers by my temples psycho balls she has a husband she's having a baby why does she need to claim your husband - I am dying to know what her husband thought of that statements is he really okay with the God part of God Father being silence if I had been witness to that even without the background I would have been like the two fathers what now I'm willing to bet the other guests did too posted by user throw away Joe Rider titles am I the a-hole for not letting my daughter move in with me not native speaker I divorced my ex-wife three years ago I initiated divorce because we were not physically compatible any longer my daughter 13 chose my ex-wife over me I was devastated as I provided everything to her now I have my daughter's custody every weekends last year my ex-wife married her co-worker and moved in with him yesterday she called me crying and asked me if she could move in with me permanently she's having some issues with her stepdad I told her no she made her choice three years back when she chose her mother over me despite everything I did for her she is obviously welcome in the house for every weekend as per custody agreements but I want her out on Monday my partner thinks I'm too harsh on her but she left me I didn't am I the a-hole yes yeah I think you're an a-hole for this one I think if she's having trouble at home you should be an enabler in this situation and enable her to be somewhere she feels comfortable and safe as her parent she's 13 years old come on can't you give her some slack that's really not a good age to be dealing with such a traumatic environments as big or as small as it may be and it's your duty as a parent to be looking after her so you're definitely an a-hole for not giving her the opportunity to stay longer when she wants to yikes you're the a-hole you're holding resentment against a thirteen year old child who wanted to stay with her mother middle school age is a really formative time for young girls so it's no surprise she wanted to stay with her mom you still have every weekend what you're doing now is pushing your daughter away she's 16 if you want a relationship with her and a relationship going forward into her future this right here is what's going to make that incredibly difficult honestly it wouldn't surprise me if she stopped coming on the weekend - you're making it clear that you don't want her for her sake I hope she has some friends that she can stay with who actually care about her well-being not just ones that stop caring on Monday info is the daughter currently 16 I read it as she's currently 13 and chose to be with her mom when she was 10 oh jeez if that's the case he's even more than a halt he's not her best friend he's her father if she's having an issue with her stepdad it might not even be safe for her to be with her mum right now and at 13 she likely wouldn't have friends to stay with hope he needs to get over himself and Opie initiated divorce because his wife gained weight he's completely the a-hole yes you are an a-hole also what the hell is physical compatibility she gained too much weight around 30 kilos now you're the a-hole twice why is leaving someone you're no longer attracted to bad because he's blaming his own daughter for the breakdown of her relationship with him when he's the one who left the family because mommy didn't make his peepee hard anymore leaving Judah sexual incompatibility is fine holding a grudge against your kids because they're mad about it is not posted by user T 352 titled am I the a-hole for asking my dad to get me feminine products because my boyfriend refused because he felt too embarrassed I'm currently on my period and have some bad cramps today my whole body is aching and I'm feeling very low-energy I'm nearly running out of pads so I kindly asked my boyfriend if he could go down to the local store to get me some pads chamomile tea and painkillers he started huffing and puffing and he wanted to blow the house down and said he wouldn't get that stuff for me I asked him why and he said that it's too embarrassing I didn't have the energy to argue so I texted my dad and asked him if he could get that stuff for me he lives nearby Indus currently wfh working from home he was on his lunch break fortunately he arrived within fifteen minutes and got me everything I needed and then some my boyfriend got so ticked he said that just because he refused it doesn't mean that I should go running to my dad I asked him why that's an issue and he didn't fully explain himself he just said that it's his job to get me stuff like that which makes no sense because I asked him to and he refused he's nagging the whole time and I had no patience for that he continued being Moody and said that it was disrespectful of me I think he's just being Moody and feels emasculated by your dad because he didn't want to go get the products I don't even think that he's regretting his choice he is just warping the narrative of this to make you some evil woman with cramps who can't control herself and has to get her father to look after her because he doesn't want to um is he delusional like is he okay in the head he's an a-hole you're not so P you're okay not the a-hole lose the boyfriend but keep the dead and Oh P says keeping the dead boyfriend is upset because your dad showed everyone how fragile your boyfriend's masculinity is this is the answer pure and simple if it was boyfriend's job why did he fail to do that job when called upon it's because he wasn't worthy I think he didn't do the job when called upon because he was obviously worried that people would think all of those things were for him and for his vagina on a serious note he really needs to get over that he should be bringing Opie those things and her favorite treats either he was just being lazy or his masculinity is very fragile either way this is a basic thing that boyfriend's will likely have to deal with at some point it's a chance for him to take care of Opie and he failed to do it if that's his job and he refused to do his job the question is if this is a written warning situation or a situation that should lead to his immediate termination from the position honestly there honestly there I want to know if he's normally a good guy into having a bad day or is he just a little bit more often than not Amy termination if the boyfriend can't handle something as simple as buying tampons he is not ready for a serious relationship also the way he handled Opie getting help from her dad after he refused to help his sick girlfriend is a huge red flag for emotional abuse I don't get the it fragility aspects oh no I'm a man who has women in his life who rely on him and trust him to bring them something they need gosh how emasculating being able to publicly display that I'm a good son good husband good boyfriend or good father surely my personal sacrifice for those I love will be seen as a weakness for what women what person longs for someone to make sacrifices for them to improve their lives all right fudging everybody am I the a-hole for not accommodating my sister-in-law's food allergy I'm 38 male married with three kids recently my mom turned 65 and begged to see her kids and grandchildren on her birthday I have an older brother who's married with four kids ages 2 to 12 only youngest two were his and a much younger brother who's 23 who's single my wife and I offered to host a weekend get-together my older brother had to work late the first night but his wife Emily fake name offered to come earlier in the day with the kids and cook dinner for everyone emily is a great cook and her parents owned a local restaurant that's well known for a dish they serve once a month emily is the chef of that dish and my wife and I have had it's but my mom and brother haven't tried it I asked Emily when she arrived that day if she would make the dish and she agreed I had most of what she needed but I told her to text my younger brother for any extra items and I would pay for them dinner went great food was wonderful but at some points my mom took a picture of her plates and send it to my older brother with a caption that said something like you're missing out and then it all went to crap the reason Emily only makes this dish once a month of the restaurant is because she's highly allergic to one of the main ingredients her parents are weirdly protective of the recipe and won't let anyone else cook its I assumed this was common knowledge within my family but she and my brother have only been together for about five years so maybe it hasn't come up in any case my brother was furious that I asked her to make it my little brother said I was disgusting and my mom dramatically claimed that I put her in danger frankly I think the reaction was ridiculous she's a grown woman and clearly knows how to manage her allergy it's not like she ate it all so Emily didn't seem upset about anything and was off watching a movie with all the kids so didn't hear any of this I kind of thought it had blown over after a couple of hours until my older brother got there around midnight and found Emily in the kitchen eating some cereal he told me it was bullcrap that I made her cook a meal she can't eat and then let her eat again this woman is a grown-up she could have asked my little brother to get her something else to cook for herself but she didn't at that point I was tired my wife had cleaned the kitchen and Emily had gotten the kids in bed so when my older brother pulled out a chicken breast saying he was going to cook something for Emily I put my foot down and said no I feel like my family babies Emily as it is lots of reasons for this I understand it but it's frustrating and I wasn't willing to let my brother make another mess cooking a whole other meal at 12 a.m. the whole rest of the weekend was awkward in strains and basically ended with my mum and younger brother telling me that I ruined the whole get-together do I not get to set any boundaries in my own house all right so before we get to anything else I'm just gonna say by the way he's you know spaced these actions out I definitely believe that he's the a-hole it's a weird occasion when someone only cooks a meal once a month it's weird to have the mother and then ask them to cook something that they can't eat and then they have them just be happy with that I'm feeling a disconnect wait he didn't ask her if she was cool with that or not he kind of just assumed and then to deny the brother in his attempt to make her chicken what what is that about why can't you just let them cook in your own house I feel like a whole another mess cooking a whole other meal there's some more back story here we're not getting he's definitely trying to frame himself as not the bad guy but I definitely see through that and I think he is Rp you're the a-hole edits and updates I can see that I'm definitely the a-hole got it I showed my wife this post and the replies this morning she hasn't commented much on the situation and said today it was because she was so embarrassed by my behavior that she didn't know what to say but she agreed with almost everyone I called Emily this morning and my brother answered her phone I talked to him for about an hour and then was able to apologize to Emily she explained that she said yes to cooking because she knew how much I liked the dish and also she doesn't think I like her that much so she was worried that I would be upset if she said no my brother also explained that her allergy has topical effects as well and the cooking process gets the allergen everywhere which is why she hates cooking it so much and also why she can't make anything else for herself at the same time please notes that I know I was the a-hole even without this info it just makes it worse it also makes me look at the situation with her parents differently because they've been having her make this meal for years and downplaying the skin reactions like it's not a big deal I work in a really cutthroat callous environments it's not an excuse to be thoughtless with my family but I do think it had some clear effects in my general attitude towards other people I do like Emily she improved my brother's life profoundly when they got together which is part of why my family loves her like they do Emily was more gracious accepting my apology than I deserve but she did also tell me that she won't be accepting invites to my house again for a while which i think is fair I was mad at first reading a lot of the comments but I needed the reality check thanks midnight Malaga says you're the a-hole Emily offered to make dinner for everyone incredibly generously and you asked her to make the one thing she couldn't eat herself and then you refused to let her husband make her a meal after he got home because you didn't want the mess you're an unbelievable a-hole no it's even worse because you see her pee didn't do anything his wife cleaned the kitchen and Emily entertained the kids and put them to bed I'm guessing he didn't want his brother to cook because then I he might have actually had to do something right I almost spit out my coffee at Opie's I'm so tired and then detailing how his wife and Emily did all the work you know what else is also pretty funny his original mi the a-hole post was titled am I the a-hole for asking visiting family members not to cook in my kitchen after midnight so I guess his original line of thinking was that people would agree with him that it's crazy to cook after midnight also he was originally trying to spinach as a request de gas tube and we will never know because he ranted about it for over 3000 characters sounds like Emily is very aware of Opie's a holler e and just avoids him late edits and please correct me if I'm wrong it sounds like Opie asked Emily to cook this thing a thing he knew she got into arguments about cooking with her own parents after she was there then suggested if she needed her husband to pick her up more she could the husband that got home too late to use Opie's kitchen I mean either that or Emily chose to keep this upsetting but unavoidable fact from her husband which seems very unlikely did our peas seriously think it was appropriate to stock his kitchen in anticipation of her cooking something she can't even eat no her husband only came around midnight after working late which was the plan it's the younger brother who was asked to pick up the missing ingredients sir RP says cool cook the dish my younger bro will pick up what you need for its younger brother and Opie's mom didn't know about the allergy until after the meal was over this guy's comments are a friggin a-hole gold mine here's a quick summary I was not letting her eat she had some cereal I guess I just thought she would cook something for herself at the same time I think we just assumed she would eat later on she was helping with my kids and hers so she may have been too busy to make anything else I guess that he was just trying to make sure she ate something decent I just didn't think the timing was appropriate and she should be taking care of herself I did know about her allergy she cooked it for my wife and died before I do know that she's tried to stop making it at the restaurants but it caused fights with her parents Emily's family is tough on her and she has trouble saying no to things but she's an adult and she has learnt to do that otherwise things like this happen my brother overcompensates in general for other people treating his wife badly in the past also right before he posted this Emma the a-hole he tried to post one titled am I the a-hole for asking visiting family members not to cook in my kitchen after midnight and then posts this with a title about accommodating of food allergy that's not what this is all about at all he walked all over this poor woman and is blaming her because well if you let people walk all over you what do you think will happen you're the a-hole Opie big-time posted by user hitch master titled am either a hole for walling off my backyard because I dislike to kids and depriving everyone else as a results I shall feel like the a-hole but I don't think I am so help me out here I live in a non-english speaking European country and because of history that means that land borders between properties are sometimes very weird well that is the case with my house and the neighbors all our houses are about the same size yet out of all the land behind our houses my area is huge I earn like 90% of all land they're reaching all the way to the woods far behind our houses meanwhile all my neighbours essentially got tiny strips right behind their houses now the pot right behind my house is fenced off yet the rest is pretty much open and my wife and daughters like to use it for gardening the field is used by most of the neighborhood boys to play football on as it's the only flat piece of grassland around and they always ask for permission to use it beforehand and they always allow it on the condition I get no complaints if I tell them to leave and they don't litter I also recently had a pool installed to the far back of the property and fenced it off this is important later well this is where the issue starts recently a new family moved in and they seemed to think it as public lands I kept catching their kids running through the flowers and vegetable garden and even moved their grill on the field and held a picnic on my land I keep telling them off and informing them it is my land but they just ignore me and the kids sometimes won't leave when I tell them to a month ago the kids even climbed over the fence around the pool and when I got them out and went to their parents they just said oh we just figured it was a public pool I had hoped that that was the end of its yet these people built a fire pits in the three days I was away from my house and when I got back I found it with a bunch of empty beer cans around that was the last straw for me and I hired a company owned by a buddy of mine from what I used to do construction work bought all the supplies and seven days later and a lot of money later my entire property was walled off and whenever anyone asked I told them why I was doing that and who they could thank for it well now the new family is treated as if they were pests and all the neighborhood kids are gutted they lost their football field which has resulted in them picking on the new neighbors kids I honestly feel pretty terrible but I also feel like I gave them plenty of warnings before taking drastic actions honestly no I think you were completely justified in your decisions to completely fence off your property and it takes a village to change the attitudes of a child's it may take a village to raise them but it takes a village to shun them also not the a-hole it just takes a few a holes to ruin it for everyone you repeatedly told them it was private property and they repeatedly trespassed and disrespected it anyway pretty much I just feel really bad for the other kids especially since there's nowhere else to play football unless they cycle for an hour they could still ask and you could still let the men on your own and you said that they would always ask so what's the difference now you just have to let them in yeah I think if you only let people in after you give them permission you won't be the grumpy old man of the neighborhood and you will still have some privacy the issue is then you have people who may let in the people who were causing the problem or the neighbors will find a way to get in because they obviously feel entitled to this space not the a-hole kids and their parents ruined it for everyone just tell everyone else who mentions it that's what happens you can always install a gate and let some kids in to play football and such if you felt bad about it you don't have to at all he says there is a gate at the back so that's possible posted by user white wedding GG titled am I the a-hole for not letting my mother-in-law attend my sister-in-law's wedding unless she changed her dress first this happened a while ago no big weddings during a pandemic for me don't worry i-24 female was the maid of honor at the wedding of my brother and his wife my sister-in-law while we were planning the wedding my sister-in-law mentioned our overbearing her mum can be and how she always feels bad asking her to stop being an attention hog I told my sister-in-law on the wedding day that I'd take care of her no matter what sure enough mother-in-law pulls up to the wedding wearing a white dress something my sister-in-law guessed she'd do I saw her get out of her car and start walking towards the venue so I pulled her aside before anyone else could see her and brought her in through a side entrance I told her that it was inappropriate to wear white at someone else's wedding and that if she wanted to attend she'd have to change I had my sister-in-law give me one of my mother-in-law's nice dresses so I had a few for her to choose from mother-in-law flipped out on me she told me I had no right to ask her to change and that I was being a pain in the ass on an emotional day she started crying and went to look for her husband sir I updated sister-in-law and she told me if mother-in-law would rather miss her own daughter's wedding rather than just change her dress she could miss it mother-in-law ended up changing but made a huge deal out of it and went home early during the reception because she didn't feel welcome she still maintains that I was out of line I don't think I did anything wrong but I do feel really crappy for potentially being the reason my sister-in-law wasn't able to enjoy her wedding fully with her mother even though sister-in-law still had crazy amounts of fun am I the a-hole no it's disgusting the people still have the audacity to wear white to other peoples weddings they always try to play it off like they're not trying to take all the attention and make the day about them but they're pretty much Michael from the office in a dress they're definitely trying to get attention they definitely are seeking that there's no excuses to it Opie not the a-hole for stopping madness and getting her to change whoa not the a-hole mother-in-law is a grown woman who cried because she was asked to change out of a white dress at her daughter's funeral oh my god I had to go back and check it wasn't a funeral not a wedding what's wrong with this guy and then went home early just to be petty sister-in-law was right to have you take care of her good job at the wedding not funeral Lowell the funeral of their friendship my condolences it didn't end sooner you are the best sister-in-law ever you saved the bride from having a miserable wedding and reception with wedding photos of her mother competing with her in a white dress queen of not the a-hole this when we were still planning a big wedding curve it happens I told my bridesmaids they would have to be on mom of the bride Judy my mother ruined my college graduation screamed at me in public refused to attend despite being on campus and has a bad habit of making every event about her threw tantrums sister-in-law knew what she was asking for when she asked you to handle it if I was sister-in-law I'd be worshipping the ground you walk on lamelle you're obviously not the a-hole who the hell wears a white dress to a wedding you did exactly what the bride asked you to don't worry a bride wears a white dress to a wedding that was easy give me another should I propose and come out slash announce that I'm pregnant at someone else's wedding no I'm on a roll here should I smash that subscribe and like button for monkey who knows I'll let you guys decide posted by user old boysenberry 4160 titles am I the a-hole for getting upset with boyfriend for turning off Wi-Fi I am taking three college courses online I break each course up into two days a week per course so I do schoolwork six days a week for about four hours each day including studying this has never been an issue with my boyfriend as we are still able to spend plenty of time together today I had a test for one of my courses it was due by 11:00 p.m. there is only one opportunity for the test and this course I'm struggling a little bit with the material so I spoke with my boyfriend and asked him to please not disturb me for a few hours while I study and did my tests he agreed and told me he'd play his game while I studied and after we'd have a date night I studied for an hour then got a drink real quick and kissed boyfriend and said I was going to take the test now he said great I'm almost done with the game I'll shower and get ready for our date I said ok and went back to the room I was five minutes into my test when the page wouldn't load I checked my internet connection on my laptop and it wasn't connected I went and asked my boyfriend if he did something to the Wi-Fi he said yeah I had to restart the router and modem my game stopped loading I asked why he didn't say anything to me as he knew I was taking a test he said that it would have connect again in just two minutes and I could finish the test and it wasn't a big deal I said it was since he knew I was doing a test and he cut the Wi-Fi without telling me well the Wi-Fi didn't immediately reconnect it took 45 minutes to figure out the problem he managed to snap a piece off the cord and it wouldn't properly reconnect to the router he had an extra but it took a while to find it when I was finally able to get back on my test I had 10 minutes left to answer 55 questions I just barely passed with a low C I told him I felt he intentionally messed up my test since he knew which class it was for and he gave no prior warning to turning off the internet he said I told him not to disturb me and he was just following orders I said no I just think you're a jerk because you know how much I've been struggling with this course and you sabotaged my test for a stupid bloody game he said I was a beer and left the apartment I called a friend who agreed with him that since I said not to disturb me he was just doing his told am I the a-hole here did I overreact no you didn't overreact whether he wants to snap out of denial or nots he genuinely did sabotage your test so he could play a stupid game the boyfriend can put away the game for an hour and do something else with his time he has a phone he has books he can go for a run he can do anything yet he intentionally chose to disconnect the internet all for a stupid game education overalls games especially in this context no arguments there the boyfriend needs to apologize and really work to make it up to her Jesus he's really deflecting guilt and responsibility for this and that's disgusting herpy not the a-hole you deserve to be treated much better than that not the a-hole he was being selfish and focusing only on his needs don't forget the passive-aggressive you told me not to disturb you so I couldn't check with you before cutting off the Wi-Fi during your test as well as the manipulative you just don't want to go on a date with me this guy sucks him turning off the Wi-Fi very obviously disturbed her so I would say that even trying to use the Do Not Disturb excuse is steaming bs agreed it's a dig at her asking to have some time to herself for the test and it's a selfish pretext for doing what he wanted to do without caring about the effect on her schooling I think the phrase is don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rain when a post is on here find friends and family it's almost always friends and family members agree that I was wrong etc not the a whole big time cutting the internet for any reason while you were doing a test is wrong but for the sake of a game that goes beyond inconsiderate and fully into disrespectful and just being a complete jerk is this an isolated event with him or is he always so selfish and idiotic not the a-hole dropped the friend and the boyfriend's this is some BS it really is common sense to let someone know you're going to do something that will affect their test I'm sorry IP what a crappy thing to do IP replies I understand that things happen and sometimes the need to reset the Wi-Fi what I've had to do it I've always let him know and any friends that might be over that it was going to be cut out or I wait until a time that it's not being used I just felt so let down that my grade could have been better if I had the proper chance to do the test posted by user Selin II titled am I the a-hole for telling my therapist she's not worth $200 an hour I started seeing a therapist three years ago in time I felt she wasn't a great fit or a great therapist reasons one she was chronically late even though she had lunch before my session we regularly started 10 minutes late or more which is a big deal when I'm coming in the middle of my workday and can't stay late which I did call outs and request time added to the next session which she did not like - she kept pushing practices on me that I don't use I got tired of saying after X stressful thing happened I meditated for 10 minutes and felt much better and her saying did you try why next time try Y instead of meditation why would I do that I'm doing something that works and I'm comfortable with why keep pushing something else and three she felt like she was just phoning it in alights in the beginning she felt engaged and like she was paying attention and pushing me to improve my mental health but over time it didn't feel like she was helping me anymore I started to think I should look elsewhere for therapy then a bizarre situation with billing came up this year she wanted to know what my total deductible was and for me to pay her $200 per session until my entire deductible was filled then switched to the lesser payments once my coverage took over I was seeing other specialists during this time those visits were also taken out of my deductible her wanting me to pay her my entire deductible made no sense and was going to cost me more money we got that straightened out but that was the nail in the coffin and I was going to look for a new therapist and drop her then Corona Corona happened and I thought that it might be better to stay for now though the therapy continued to be lackluster last session she announced that she's opting out of taking insurance so in some months I'd need her to pay her whole fee $200 myself I said that I'd have to end our relationship I am seeing an in-network therapist because of money she then says well I think I'm worth $200 a month to which I said I don't I feel like a total a-hole for saying that the silence with thunderous while kicking myself repeatedly i weekly told her that I had felt for some time like maybe our connection wasn't the greatest and that while I wished her individual practice well I couldn't afford it and didn't feel like our connection had been that great for a while so it's probably best to end there we hung up on that nerds but she texted me after asking for reasons I mentioned the above points and she pushed back saying I should have said something but I did call out 1 & 2 in the moment she pushed back more so I said I apologize for hurting your feelings I wish you and your practice all the best but I don't have anything to say further and put her on mutes am I the a-hole I do wish I'd handled it better but at the same time I think I addressed most of our issues head-on and she didn't want to hear them I don't think so I don't think you're an a-hole for doing that's part of therapy is to help you gain your confidence is it nots or at least help deal with your issues and if one of your issues was dealing with you know confronting situations well then she puts you in a confronting situation and you dealt with it confidently it's okay to speak your mind and is your therapist she should be enabling such a positive attitude or approach to it I can understand being upset at the $200 a month but by the way you wanted it it seems like she keeps pushing boundaries and making you uncomfortable and telling me to do things that don't work and I applaud you for what you've done Opie I definitely don't think you're an a-hole edit thank you all so much especially the therapists for your supports and pointing out that her I'm worth $200 was completely unprofessional and uncalled for also for pointing out that the texting afterwards was wildly unprofessional and not something a therapist should do for the record this is the first time either of us ever texted each other and the message wasn't got your message that we won't be doing therapy this week see you next week I wanted to mention a few other things that came up repeatedly in the comments she was a really good therapist for longer than the first year and we had two conversations about the deductible that were completely normal so the start and a large part of our relationship was very good and I made great progress with her for quite a while she helped me out enormous ly at first and even when things originally went a bit downhill she was helping me and seemed like she was still a solid therapist the other thing was a few people pointing out that me shooting down her suggestions may make her disengage to be clear I only shoot down the suggestions she made about me changing behaviors that were working well for me if I came to her with a behavior or thought pattern that was not working for me and she had suggestions I was willing to try them until I found something that works but if she wanted me to change a behavior that had helped me for years why would I do that every other therapist I've ever gone to worked on top of a foundation of whatever already worked for me so long as it wasn't an unhealthy behavior I've never had a therapist push me away from doing something that helps me try something new anyways I feel much better about really knowing that her behavior really wasn't okay on multiple levels I've had therapists before that I didn't click with but I've never had one that did anything unethical or unprofessional before and this ending was a sad crappy end to what had been a really productive relationship Kellie Margaret says not the a-hole a therapist that doesn't listen when you mentioned issue about her being late what the constant need to get more of your money and not insurance is just weird with these problems how are you supposed to trust her to help you with your life you did the right thing Salani says when the money thing happened for whatever reason that's when I lost all trust I've had therapists that were really great but chronically tardy but they acknowledged it and they would be the ones to say let's extend your next session by 10 minutes next time or make it clear that they knew it was something they needed to work on before I brought it up and it would wax and wane with time and they were overall worth it but the money thing was like I was already more and more on the fence about continuing therapy with her as it was because it seemed like there were more and more off days than on days and I guess the money thing made it feel like she only saw me as a paycheck and not as a person she was being paid to help and I felt pretty done I got the feeling she would take you at 200 and still charge your insurance she was definitely acting suspiciously I couldn't fully explain that part in the post let's say my deductible is 2k insurance pays nothing until I paid 2k out of pocket so her way I pay her for ten visits totaling 2k for Jen visits for Feb to March then I pay her $20 and insurance pays her something like $100 because once they start paying she has to accept what they will offer and not get her full price however in reality I also see a pain management doctor twice a month let's say he also charges 200 just to keep it easy January I pay her 800 for four visits and Tim 400 for two visits February I pay her 600 for three visits and him 200 for one visits and then my deductible is filled so I pay her fully for a total of seven visits for $1,400 before she starts getting the lower payments when she brought up what she wanted to do I was confused because one we'd never did this before there she insisted we did and also insisted all her other patients did this too this would mean I'm paying her $600 more than I should be which if I was in the market to pay someone out of pockets I wouldn't be seeing an in-network therapist for so it was super shady and I'm not totally sure how she was going to manage it insurance wise but after already really feeling like she wasn't helping me I now felt like she wasn't helping me anymore and trying to take advantage of me not the a-hole you did the right thing and you let her know she got way more time than she deserved it's amazing how people act crappy you mentioned it a few times as a warning then quit them now that they won't be getting your money kindness etc it's a huge deal I just don't have time to waste on people like this anymore no matter what it could never be their fault to be honest I feel so much better having them out of my life as opposed to giving them chance after chance begging them to change because they rarely do am I the a-hole for wanting my stay-at-home wife to be thankful so my wife stays at home with our almost two year old son she dreamt of being a stay-at-home mom her whole life and we had discussed and agreed on that before we were married it took several years to get a place where we hoped we would be able to afford it every decision I've made since we got married has been focused on helping her make this dream a reality for her but lately I've been starting to feel burnt out I had to pick up a second job and I'm working over 80 hours a week for the past year and a half most weekdays I get to see our son for around an hour between the two jobs without dinner being around half of that I get four to five hours of sleep a night during the week and they only work eight hours on Saturday and Sunday so those aren't as bad I do not resent her forgetting to stay at home with him I think that it's great for the both of them we made that decision together and I have worked extremely hard to be able to give her that I am proud of everything I did to be able to do this for her but my issue is there is zero appreciation for all that I have done and it doesn't seem to be enough she is constantly upset with me complaining how he can't afford to go on a trip she wants or buy some expensive thing almost every day she is the victim and I can't ever communicate or vent what I'm going through she can't understand why I'm getting tired or burnt outs and keeps mentioning how much harder it is for her I understand being a state her mom is not a vacation but I'm currently super pumped if I get a half hour to myself a couple times a week while she's watching Netflix five to six hours a day without the Sun he sleeps 12 hours straight every night and takes two naps she'll finish a season of a show every couple days even so I'm not upset that she gets that kind of free time I am upset that she isn't even slightly thankful or appreciative of what I do for her and even worse makes herself the victim and complains about a situation it breaks my heart and it makes me feel like all this stuff I spent forever on was for nothing that it was wasted in my mind at the time it was worth doing all this because I was doing it for her giving her this amazing gift I was literally making her dreams come true but it seems like it still isn't enough and I'm not sure what more I could do and still stay sane I'm barely hanging on as it is am I too in my head about this and am either a [ __ ] for making myself a victim I don't think sir I think she really does need to appreciate all the hard work you're doing and maybe she should start the process of not being a stay-at-home mom anymore if she's such a victim to it all it seems to me from the outside looking in she's losing purpose in her life that you know she's not productive she's not contributing to society so she's not occupied with socializing or a job like other people with a job do I don't think you're too in your head and I don't think you're an a-hole but you're not making yourself a victim in this you are a victim and you're not the a hole not the a hole but if you have to have two full times for her not to work you cannot afford your current lifestyle either she needs to work or your lifestyle needs to change I second this super-hard i third it it's time to sit down and review the situation with her go through the finances and the number of hours you were working and review whether it's time that she needs to consider getting a part-time job to ease your burden you sound like you're at the point that allowing her to live her dream is causing you to live a nightmare that isn't healthy or sustainable for the whole family either that or you need to work out further places you can economize I don't think she articulated her dream correctly I think she probably wants a life of ease she's complaining about no trips and expensive things she didn't want to be a stay-at-home mom she wanted to be a camp - woman yep sounds like she just wants to not work and live in luxury don't we all but if you're demanding that at the expense of someone else's sanity then you're a major a-hole absolutely not the a-hole what kind of person dares to complain about finance to someone working their ass off but not do anything to earn some themselves stay at home is fine but this is very unbalanced you can't keep this up 80 hours is way too much someone who has a clear view of what role they once and that every other responsibilities falling on the other person simply isn't their problem this is why there is narrow empathy I have been Opie and heard the same responses as time goes on you get hostile entitlements from them as above where your concerns are turned to attacks back on you to firstly deflect from their entitlements and say you stop bringing it up you were shamed into capitulating RP needs to cut his hours and bond with those two kids and unless childcare makes it pointless she must work to relearn the value of efforts outside the home I waited too long to take action so divorce was the only option and let's just say her perception of what she wanted as a settlement brought laughter when my solicitor saw it one thing I do know is my ex genuinely had lost all concept of any effort made by anyone but her I don't fancy Opie's chances of change here as her thinking is as broken as my exes was posted by user morning drinks throw titles am I the a-hole for drinking in the morning and telling my girlfriend's to leave me alone about it classic I know this sounds bad but and throw away because she knows my main i-29 male have been dating my girlfriend 27 female for a year and a few months she moved him with me just about three weeks ago honestly since she's moved in I've been feeling a bit smothered she's currently unemployed Judy covered and doesn't seem to be very aggressively looking for work and I feel like she sort of expects my attention all the time and I feel like she's been scrutinizing me too much I'm an essential worker and recently was moved to overnights yesterday morning when I got home from work at a little after 7:00 a.m. she wasn't awake yet I was a little too wound up from work to go straight to bed so I decided to pour myself a bourbon and sat down to find something mindless to watch on YouTube my girlfriend's got up maybe 15 or 20 min it's later and came in to the living room where I was sitting as I greeted her I saw her eyes narrow and she looked at the glass in front of me and said wait a minutes you're actually drinking yeah so I answered it's morning who drinks first thing in the morning I tried to explain to her that it wasn't first thing in the morning to me that this was my evening time and that just because I worked overnights didn't mean that I shouldn't be able to unwind after work with a drink like anyone else but she couldn't seem to get past that it was morning finally I'd had enough and told her that she needs to stop smothering me that I'm a grown man and unless I'm doing something egregious that I shouldn't have to justify myself to her that I don't need her permission to have a drink I told her that I was trying to relax and that if she was just going to give me a hard time please just leave me alone she's been pretty quiet with me since I know I heard her feelings which I feel bad about but I also think she was being unreasonable and somewhat controlling and that I wasn't wrong to tell her to knock it off am I the a-hole edits wow this blew up thanks everyone I have to say I went all the way to the bottom just out of curiosity over the unpopular opinions and a couple in particular didn't deserve the downvotes one suggested that this may have been Mia growing pains for a couple nearly learning to live together although I absolutely still think my girlfriend was being way too close-minded and someone controlling I think that poster may have a point my profession isn't currently unpopular one and has a pretty abysmal divorce rates and while my girlfriend was being unfair I realized I also took my night out on her to an extent and probably should have been more patience hopefully she can see my side to to my aggressively seeking employment comments most of my state has reopened and while it's still a really tough job markets it's not a bismal by any extent also to the absolute most downvoted comments his / her username is a Skyrim reference so he or she is automatically awesome I think if your job is that demanding and bad as you say with an abysmal divorce rates it just brings a really negative connotation to my mind about what the job involves and if you need a drink after that I don't blame you for needing a drink if that's your evening I don't blame you for drinking everyone runs on their own time it's five o'clock somewhere so for you drinking in the morning and telling her to leave you alone about it I think you're not an a-hole in that situation just because the sun's out guns out it's not the afternoon doesn't mean you can't have a nightcap in the morning not the a-hole this is completely her inability to understand that third shift work is different so morning is also different her and so many other people who can't comprehend that sleeping during the day doesn't make you lazy not the a-hole used to work overnights and also my unemployed girlfriend hated that I was lazy because I slept until 3:00 p.m. some people just don't understand simple concepts when I worked overnights my mum would call me on her lunch breaks to chat because it's not like you're doing anything it took exactly one call at 3:00 a.m. on my lunch break to get her to stop trying to call me while I was sleeping how was she on that call she was initially panicked and thought something bad it happens but once I informed her I just called it a chat and catch up she said Oh screw you and hung up on me not the a-hole you're right it's not drinking in the morning if it's the end of your night shift when else would you be able to relax with a bourbon at breakfast are you judging my bourbon in oatmeal infer have you told her your feelings smothered and Opie replies I have yes a couple of times now she seemed a bit offended when I've said it even though I've tried to say it as nicely as possible I think smothered is a loaded word I feel smothered easily and have found that it's really not a useful starting point to say sir instead of telling my husband that he's smothering me I tell him that I'm not up for socializing and that I need to sit alone in a dark room for an hour or two instead of vilifying his desire to spend time with me I describe my mood and action I'm going to take to resolve and a rough timeline of when he can expect me back he will do the same thing with taking a walk or reorganizing his closets when he needs some alone time a big part of why I think our relationship has been successful is that we've learned to separate out our individual problems and our relationship problems such as they are posted by user personalized gilts titled am I the a-hole for refusing to go out in public with my wife when she won't wear a bra I've been married for almost 20 years lately my wife has started to go out in public braless she'll wear a t-shirt and it leaves almost nothing to the imagination she complains that it's not comfortable to wear a bra and it's too hot outside I don't care if she goes braless in the house but out in public is a different story most people don't want to see a middle-aged woman's breasts bouncing around in a store the ones who do are looking at her in a sexual manner I'm embarrassed to be seen with her bra free and I'm constantly worried that I'm going to run into people that I know she spent our whole life wearing a bra in public and never had a problem before last weekend we went into Walmart's and it was obvious the cashier was staring at her I don't like the idea of people getting their jollies from staring at my wife's boobs I told her I won't go out in public with her anymore if she doesn't wear a bra it would be more comfortable for me to wear my underwear in public too but there's social etiquette she believes it's her body and her right to not wear a bra I think it's selfish I don't see how wearing a bra can be that uncomfortable also all women wear bras in public TLDR lately wife refuses to wear bra in public I refuse to be seen in public with her if she doesn't law then there's your answer just don't be seen in public with her go do whatever you want without her she doesn't deserve your attention you're an a-hole and you obviously don't respect your wife's body if you're trying to put this amount of pressure on her let a woman live her life there's so many women out there that go braless in public no one actually cares Opie it's all in your head you're the one that cares no one else you're the a-hole you can express an opinion in what your partner wears but telling her what to wear and what not to wear crosses a line also your post is all about you not about her I'm embarrassed I'm constantly worried I don't like the idea be pleased with your middle-aged wife has chest worth steering ads why don't you insist she wears a burka to ensure a no male can be accidentally aroused from looking at her this 1000 times this post will literally screams my wife is doing something to her body and it's making me feel like this let her do what she wants to our body you have no ownership here I'd like to point out that she's not doing anything to her body and that actually wearing a bra can be considered doing something to one's body his wife is just letting her body exist comfortably as it is he did not once take her comfort or wishes into consideration I personally don't understand people like this how can you be married for years to a person and still fail to have empathy for them I love how he uses wearing underwear as an example but there are no studies showing that underwear increases your risk of cancer also victim-blaming is so gross in this post her breasts aren't sexual inherently they're just skin and they're meant for feeding children or whatever the women wants to do with them if people are sexualizing her it is their faults and he should be upset at them instead of her I was wondering if he thinks his wife's breasts are sexual just because they aren't covered does he also think that men with those big floppy man boobs are also sexual I do does he tell all those guys to go home in put on a bra yeah my mind works in mysterious ways I'm just having a laugh picturing him all red-faced and yelling at some random guy to cover his chest before all the men in the room lose control oh ho ho do have some decency love your the a hole for this comment I don't see how wearing a bra can be that uncomfortable yeah I repeat should wear a bra every time he leaves the house for a week I bet his tone would change especially when it's hot humid and his under boob sweat posted by user insane approach titled am I the a-hole for making my kids get out of bed by 8:00 a.m. during the summer I have three teenagers as soon as they hit 13 I quit telling them to go to bed instead I told them that on non school days they need to be up by 8 a.m. I also do not monitor when they go to bed during the school year as long as they get up for school at 6 a.m. and grades stay acceptable my reasoning for having a wake time rather than a bedtime is because as adults no one will tell them when to go to bed but they will have to get up for work school family etc it is to get them accustomed early to regulating their own sleep schedules before they enter college I am up an hour before them 5:00 a.m. on school days 7 a.m. on weekends and summer so I can get myself ready before they take up the bathrooms and get some breakfast ready for them if I have time recently during a family gathering my sister was saying how her teenagers very close in ages to mine had bedtimes at 9 p.m. on school nights and 10:00 p.m. on non school nights my other sister found these times unreasonable and for their ages I thought so too but not my kids so didn't say anything I got pulled in when asked what time I made my kids go to bed and told them what I wrote above all of a sudden they forgot about my sister making her 17 year old go to bed at 9 p.m. for more than half a year and instead wolf packed on me about how unwieldly unfair I am on my poor kids by having them get up in the morning family members who were listening in and did not comment on my sister's bedtime demands had plenty to say about my kids having a wake up time on days they didn't have school I was accused of being controlling and overbearing it became a bit heated and I went ahead and went home now I'm wondering if I'm wrong with my thought process my husband agrees with me that learning how to get up on your own when you leave your parents is hard as hell and thinks my reasoning is good but he always agrees with me on parenting I will point out kids were all excited when they turned 13 because go to bed wasn't something they would hear anymore and our youngest teenager is 13 I've been doing this for years and the kids haven't really complained an occasional I didn't sleep well has been said but always during the school year never on breaks so am I the a-hole for not enforcing a bedtime but instead awake time for my kids editing to add it is not about them getting up at 8:00 a.m. as much as getting them up at a said time I am completely aware that a lot of jobs don't start until later in the day the reason I use 8:00 a.m. is because none of them have any obligations past 9:00 and when my oldest was 13 8:00 a.m. was what the APA was battling to get school terms pushed back to for healthier teenagers I figured if school was supposed to start at 8:00 a.m. that would get them up no later than 7:00 a.m. so I figured 8:00 a.m. would be a good compromise for time the goal is for them to get up to an alarm and move not roll over and go back to sleep go to sleep knowing what time they have to be up and be responsible for their time in the late evening and overnight or drag-ass the next day I'm sorry if I didn't express that well in the original post added to so just got done talking to the kids told them about the new studies as well as some of the family-friendly pieces of advice on here at first all three were adamant about keeping wake-up time at 8:00 a.m. but after pointing out the studies third they would need to be in bed by bid nights my oldest folded to be pushing off to 9 a.m. youngest teenager was worried he wouldn't get to see me before I left so I said it could be a day-by-day thing if he felt like getting up at 8 a.m. to spend time with me he could but zero pressure to do sir only the middle one is adamant about keeping 8:00 a.m. she says she already has her entire schedule for the day built around it and once to keep it so Monday through Friday I will have one getting up at 8 a.m. and - getting up no later than 9:00 a.m. Saturdays and Sundays work schedule allowing they will be up by 10 a.m. thank you for all your feedback even though you're the a-hole feedback that also gave constructive advice thank you I really appreciate it all have agreed they're going to try it for a week but if they feel stressed by less time during the day to get schoolwork done we will revisit and reevaluate I think everything that needs to be said has been sent here I think they were the a-hole going into this and I now think that they have resolved its then not the a-hole anymore so I'm happy to leave that where it is but there is this one comment I would have read because it does give good advice outside of this you're the a-hole kids have almost zero control over their lives my mom always said to let them sleep and choose their hair because the rest of the decisions are out of their hands I agree with your mom on the hair thing one of my kids has white hair right now another blue lots of us seem to forget what I was like growing up having no control over things can be a big issue for lots of kids even if we didn't experience the same thing this is the most looked forward to part of the year for them they finally have an inkling of freedom and choice in my opinion letting that grow into some free will is beneficial to the kids not to mention it saves them from situations like this post posted by user agitated cards 1535 titled am I the a-hole for telling my mother-in-law that I'm divorcing her son reddit's I'm in a conundrum my soon-to-be ex Jack and I are in the middle of a divorce jack is very resistant to the idea and wants to try counseling I'm not willing to try again it didn't work the first two times I pushed for counseling and when I asked several times if we could find a new therapist he said no but now that I've got proof he cheated with multiple women he wants to try counseling again q I roll at this point I just want out we didn't have kids and there weren't a lot of shared purchases to be honest I'm willing to walk away with what I brought into the marriage ie my dog and kitchen supplies I managed to move out right before covered started upon my moving day I sent him a text quoting I finished moving out if he find anything of mine that I left behind I don't want it anymore feel free to toss it or donate it during mine and Jack's marriage his mother gave me a box of knickknacks they were Jack's maternal grandmother's and I never met the woman since she died before Jack and I met when we lived together I put the knickknacks in the living room on top of the mantel what I moved out I left them behind that not my style and frankly I didn't feel like they were mine to keep since they were Jack's grandmother's things last week I found a box on my front step it was the knickknacks there was an art in Jack's handwriting saying I had forgotten them I checked to make sure that I'd sent the text saying if you find anything of mine that I left behind I don't want it anymore feel free to toss or donate it send him a screenshot of the text and then drove over to his mother's house if he doesn't want them then they belong to his mother since it is her family heirlooms I intended to only drop the Box on her porch and leave but she met me on the porch and I tell her what's in the box she's confused that I'm bringing them back and starts asking questions I only say that since Jack and I are in the middle of a divorce I don't feel comfortable keeping his family heirlooms especially since I'll be changing my name back after finalization I left right after that and Jack later texted me mad that I told his mother about the divorce I told him that we're getting a divorce and I didn't want to stay married to him and if he didn't want to get divorced he shouldn't have cheated multiple times we haven't spoken since then although his mother keeps asking questions so am I the a-hole for telling his mother about the divorce and would I be the a-hole if I told his mother he cheated no that's a perfectly normal thing to do in this situation I don't think you're an a-hole for doing either of those things I feel like the mother has a right to know and he has a right to deal with the consequences of his actions in this one you are not obliged to keep that to yourself morally or legally but especially morally I feel like he was incredibly amoral in this situation so I would tell her and I wouldn't feel like an a-hole for doing so not the a-hole obviously he's embarrassed for having to explain to mummy how he is a cheating a-hole who doesn't respect his wife Congrats on your new life to be honest I don't think he's explained that he cheated part of me is tempted to tell her but the more mature part of me is winning I just want this divorce over with if I announce he cheated he'll probably retaliate by dragging the divorce outs well thoughts do the divorce first and then tell his mother for me it would be a good feeling knowing that his mother will annoy him until eternity especially if she liked you there is nothing more satisfying than getting out of a bad relationship and having your ex's parents still like you except getting the hell away from your ex's parents who hated you God don't we all feel that way [ __ ] daddy Karen thank you for sharing not the a-hole at all if his mother is asking I'd tell her it stops her having to invent her own reasons and him being able to make something up that paints him in a better lights you don't need to give her the gory details especially as you seem to be handling this in a much more mature way and deliberately a less hurtful way than I would seeing is how I would have made an announcement on facebook with my evidence and tagged his mother in there if it was me part of me is tempted to show her the proof I have of him cheating but I also want to get the divorce over with - don't show the proof she could share it with her son to recount it to him then that proof might be way less useful in court should it come to that also not the a-hole for sure if if I tell her I'm probably going to wait until after the divorce is finalized posted by user am i the a-hole of fans titles am I the a-hole for subscribing to a friend's wife's only fans accounts keeping it short let me know if you need more detail were all mid to late-20s friends wife has an only and accounts he knows about it and is fine with it they need the extra cash as she lost her job and his hours were cuts he found out that I know about her only fans and M subscribes his feelings are it's different when quote-unquote strangers are looking versus people they know he wants me to unsubscribe and delete anything I may have I'm kind of resistant because I mean it's an only fans accounts not something private that was leaked or anything as far as I know she doesn't know unsubscribed only him if that matters I'd love to know how he found out that you're subscribed to her only fans but I guess you'd really don't have an obligation to not onion I'd be subscribed to it anymore but I probably would if this is someone you want to keep friends with it kind of seems like a dick move to stay subscribed when he knows that you're subscribed and he doesn't want you to be like it does make you an a-hole in that instance you're not a good guy for going against the wishes of your friends regardless of how you want to do it just because you can doesn't mean you should so you're the a hole in this situation you're the a-hole I get it she's making herself publicly available and you have every right to subscribe to our content doesn't mean you should I think it's pretty tactless to pay money to see nude photos of your friend's wife he asked you to stop and I think that's a reasonable request you don't have to listen but don't expect the friendship to continue it would be just as weird if you knew she was a stripper and went to the club specifically to see her in my opinion exactly this my ex was a stripper and I would be weirded out to find out a friend was going to the club just to see her you're the a-hole dude you could get off to anyone in the world and you chose to pay for your friend's wife pictures gross this feels like you taking advantage of the fact they need money if you wanted to be a good friend you would have just given them the money hope you responded to this in other comments in one comment he said that he hasn't got off to her but has seen her naked and in another one he said that the couple refuses to take money from their friends he would have to pretend to accidentally make too much food so he could give them leftovers and I'm not 100% sure what his motive is I don't know if he just wants to see her naked or if he did it to help them out financially he hasn't made that clear if this is true then it just got way more interesting I love a toughy I know rights so he also said that he subscribed not knowing that was her because he saw her post on a kink subreddit he only realized it was her after he subscribed to our only fans and saw her face so now the question is why is he staying subscribed does he really want to just keep seeing her naked despite his friends discomfort or is he staying subscribed because he wants to help them out financially and they weren't take his money otherwise a lovely can of worms compassion for thy neighbor through porn subscription I love it and if he staying subscribed solely to help them financially why would he not want to unsubscribe when his friend expressed it made him uncomfortable and he didn't like it that's the fishy part about its in my opinion am I the a-hole for yelling at my neighbor's kids even if they thought it was harmless fun I was working in my office yesterday when I heard loud bangs and splashes in my backyard followed by laughing I looked outside and saw my neighbor's kids were on their trampoline throwing fruit from their trees into my backyard and trying to make shots in my pool basketball nets my pool had at least 20 pieces of fruit in it and it was all on the cement luckily my dog wasn't out there because she would have eaten it I ran outside and yelled stop that right now get down from there I don't think I've yelled that loud in my life I startled them because they didn't know I was home and one of them started crying while the other said I'm telling my mom you yelled at us and then they took off for inside my neighbor came out when I was cleaning the fruit out of the pool and asked why I yelled at her children and I explained to her what had happened she told me that they're just looking for things to do the whole summer was taken from them and they were just having fun and it's my job to discipline them not yours I hadn't really had a whole lot of interactions with this neighbor and this was probably the most I've talked to her I yelled at them because they were destroying my pool which now I'll have to drain and they could have broken a window or hurt someone if any of my family were out there so am I the a-hole I feel like this is one of the few exceptional circumstances where you can yell at someone else's kids just because there is so many factors going into play here how much damage they potentially could be doing replace fruit with rocks if they were throwing rocks at your pool they're throwing rocks at your windows you'd probably yell at them for that fruits gonna do just as much damage if it gets into the pool filtration system it's gonna get into the mouths of the dog and potentially harm it who knows I really don't blame you for yelling at them it's one of the only ways to get them to stop what are you just gonna go ask them kindly please stop throwing the fruit please that's not gonna get anything done Opie you're not the a-hole I can't think of anything that you can do but I know that if I were you have a big pile of smashed fruit on their front porch the next morning however I am an a-hole we should be friends you sound like my kind of people ha I guess if you're also Petty and vengeful not the a-hole hire a pool service to evaluate the pool and what needs to be done then present her with the bill pretty sure this qualifies as vandalism I thought about handing her the bill but it's just easier to pay for it myself also it is extremely frowned upon by someone here that I am draining my pool the reason I'm doing that is because they were throwing fruits some of it rotten and it was exploding and the juice was in the water with rotten fruit comes possible mold and other things I'm not having my family swim in that pay for it yourself if you want but still send the bill is there another parent in the picture maybe try and explain to them how much damage the kids did when trespassing and how they could have injured themselves or caused even more expensive damage to your home or they won't trespassing though I repeat clearly states they were on their trampoline in their yard tossing fruit it doesn't justify what the kids did but it's not trespassing you're right it's just vandalism destruction of property you do not need to physically enter the land to trespass specifically for reasons like this no no he has a point look up the landmark case of totally not touching new verses but mom not the a-hole I'm getting old I remember when you didn't tell your parents that the neighbor yelled at you 95% of the time you deserved it it's my job to discipline them not yours then get to it woman exactly if that's her job she's terrible at it worse yet is her inability to acknowledge the mistake of her children which is an extension of her own inability to supervise the moment she defended her kids actions when they did something no one should be doing one failure of a parent right there if you're a good little parent to as Ray drew so you send them over to clean up their mess under the authority of the offended party shame and work the consequences of their actions felt on mind and body it's an effective way to reduce the chance of that kind of misbehavior happening again seriously if my kid came in and told me the neighbor yelled at him about this same scenario we'd have a long talk about how much it would suck for someone to trash their bed slash room space and then marching them right over to apologize and try to make amends that a parent would actually be upset at the neighbor is bananas posted by user Mira's scary titled am I the a-hole for not offering a family heirloom ring to the daughter who got married first I have two daughters Claire and Emma who have never gotten along well Claire was the rebellious one growing up hated any type of societal expectations and Emma was much more conventional Claire began dating her now-husband when she went away to college and the first time she brought him home my husband was not happy he had black nail polish and a streak in his hair I actually had a conversation with my husband about how he can't be such a pompous ass and he is going to drive Claire away neither of us like her husband but we try to bite our tongues he did not ask my husband for her hand in marriage and when they told us they were engaged she already had a ring Emma also met her husband in college and he was much more clean-cut and someone my husband would approve of Emma's fiance came to us before he proposed and asked permission this did endear him more to my husband and my husband told him that he had a family heirloom ring that he had received in his mother's will and if he wanted to use it for Emma he could it is a very expensive ring and it was left to my husband on the condition I never wear it's long story short mother-in-law hated me he did offer it to me but it didn't feel right Emma's fiance accepted the ring and Claire found out and thinks that we punished her for making different choices being with a man we don't like and not going along with a sexist tradition I feel like it was my husband's ring to do what he wanted and since Claire's husband didn't tell us before he proposed she already had a ring and we are not playing favorites sounds like a playing favorites sounds like you lied by omission so that you could play favorites and that's an a whole thing to do he had black nail polish and a streak in his hair guide I don't know how both of you got through that what a trying time you're the a-hole for favoring one daughter over another not everyone is clean-cut and follows the same path why don't you like Claire's husband he didn't really explain that what is the father going to do split the ring in half if Claire got the ring I'd say Emma would be ticked and you'd still call the father an a-hole Opie said herself that her husband is a pompous ass and that even way prior to the ring issue she's talked to him about not driving Claire away with his attitude I get the feeling that Claire has been dealing with his disapproval of who she is for a number of years sounds like favoritism to me RP said her mother-in-law didn't like her because Opie was having an affair with her now-husband while married insane to be judging other people's marriages especially your kids based on how they look people are absolutely crazy when it comes to this stuff I met a Catholic priest at a hotel once while traveling for work we got to talking and he said the thing that worried him the most about youth today was body modification I expected him to say mental health issues abuse education joblessness no bloody tattoos the myopia is something else I think he thought I'd be receptive because I have no tattoos or piercings but I no doubt of their fast that's because body modification is visible how else would he judge others you're the a-hole for expecting your sons-in-law to ask permission to marry your daughters the only permission they need is from the woman they are marrying you do not earn your daughters also you're the a-hole for not even offering the ring to the first order to Wed it smacks of favoritism huh she already had one why would he offer her another but if she wasn't going to offer it to her first order to get engaged she should have thought of another solution she knew she had the ring and had to know this is going to be a thing they are no longer five years old you do not need to make sure you give each child a doll on the others birthday so that they don't throw a tantrum she had a ring she doesn't get another and frankly if she saw against their family traditions why should she assume she'll get the ring my best friend's family have expensive crystal and silver ornaments they use every Christmas absolutely gorgeous heirlooms her sister converted to Judaism when she got married friend is still attending the same church as her parents guess who's getting the ornaments herpies sister didn't want it for the sentimental value or symbolism just the monetary value or because it's prettier and shinier than the one she has it's not favoritism it's a result of her choice to be independent and separate from her parents and their rules I'm sure there are some other benefits to that what family traditions is she so against either way neither knew about the ring so no one had sentimental value for it the reason the daughter is upset is because it's another example of their parents disrespecting her marriage and favoring her sister which the opie acknowledges and even told her husband to turn it down Irby even says if the first engaged daughter had known about and asked for the ring she wasn't sure she would have given it to her so she's clearly using it to show her favoritism posted by user spits like a llama titled would I be the a-hole if I refused to be part of my in-laws family tradition my husband and I have been together for almost six years married for three we have a one-year-old I love his family but I struggle with the differences in how they treat their son my significant other versus their daughter my sister-in-law anything she wants she gets I don't start drama however I will stand up for what I think is right and it occasionally causes tension they have a wonderful tradition where they create a picture calendar for their grandma for Christmas every month highlights the people whose anniversaries or birthdays it is the rest is filled in with the loving men since we got married I am now in a couple of the photos I felt loved to have been included in such a tradition but last year caused issues our son's birthday and our anniversary fall in the same month no one else shares anything special with this month his parents told us we could design that page with the three of us however we like I choose four photos one of our son just born one of us as a family one of him with his great-grandma and one of just my husband and I we create the page and send it we stop by one night to continue helping them my husband is better at doing it online than them when I realized my sister-in-law has swapped out one of the photos for a picture of her with my son I made a comment about how that is not what we designed and she tells me she likes it that way and wants to use that photo at this point in time she's in roughly 75% of the photos / book twelve months each with four pictures per page equals 48 photos she is in almost 36 out of 48 has a whole page dedicated to just her and a good portion of her photos are of just her I suggest she take out of her photos from a previous month and used that one instead I then changed it back to the photo I wanted she uhshe is us out of the house Christmas comes around and the calendar is brought out she had changed it back to the photo she wanted I was furious but let it go because one it was for Grandma who I adore - we didn't pay for it his parents did and sister-in-law chipped in a little bits but we offered this year I offered to help with the calendar again and got told she has a special idea for this year she wants to do recreation photos take an older photo and using the same people to take the photo again I think it's a great idea and understand that it means my son and I weren't to be in it I'm sad but still offer to help she declines then I find out she wants to do half the book with special recreation she wants to take some of grandmas old photos and use the new gen to recreate them I think this is great and now my son and I can at least being one further no she wants her grandma in every Schatz wants to use my significant other as grandma's husband and my son as my father-in-law as a baby they have no use for me I mentioned this makes me upset and I want to be part of this tradition and upon her parents pushing she tells me I can take the group family photos would I be the a-hole if I tell them no that if I can't be in it I don't want anything to do with it update wow this has taken off thanks for all the love so a few hours after I posted my significant other came home for lunch and inquired as to why my phone was blowing up I told him he was ticked turns out sister-in-law told him a little about the ideas and that the whole family was involved he assumed that meant me he is now refusing to do anything unless I'm part of it and that our son will not be in anything unless we are part of it too unless it's a Jen pic ie grandpa with grandson he said I am his most important family now he wants nothing to do with the calendar I am trying to talk him into talking to his parents first as this is a lovely tradition I just want to be a part of it too no I don't think you're an a-hole for wanting to be you know all or nothing in this I don't blame you for feeling left out it really sucks when you're left out of something especially family especially friends you know it really hurts and to continually make compromises or ways that you can contribute and then be shut down that hurts even more so I like the updates I like where this is going and I wish you all the best but you're definitely not the a-hole for pushing in this situation I hope your sister-in-law reads how many strangers think she has behaved like a total a-hole here you're about to get a tidal wave of not the a-hole maybe you should print out all of the comments on one page and arrange them prettily for a new thirteenth month a-hole you re not the a-hole she really has taken this fun thing and made it her own little fiefdom hasn't she how petty of her do your own project and grandma a nicely framed photo of you and your lovely family to make up for the lack of view all in the calendar this year if anyone asks insists that she didn't invite the family to participate which is true as she specifically excluded you don't be loud about it don't get into arguments about it just do your own thing that's the best revenge we are creating a picture book based around our little guys first year for her my husband and I decided that we will just do our own thing I'm sorry but is it just me or is it really creepy she wants to do an elaborate photoshoot wherein her brother is her husband maybe I'm reading too deeply into it but she literally wants to recreate a family portrait with your son and husband and put herself in the place of the wife logically I understand they may have a resemblance to the grandparents in question but something about it feels after me yeah posted by user throw away 10 19 18 17 titled am I the a-hole for calling my dad's wife weak back story my 16 female dad and mum both 37 female and 40 male got a divorce two years ago because my father cheated on my mother her the mistress and my dad got married two months after my parents got a divorce my parents have joint custody of me and my siblings 17 male and 16 male my twin brother were all close and decided we wanted to visit our father his wife and her kids 16 and 15 female the father passed every two weeks since it was either that or we'd have to spend our holidays with them mother's orders which we all didn't want I don't like the two teenage girls and neither do my brothers they've called us the n-word multiple times and dad is Italian while our mom is black my stepsisters and stepmom are white usually stay out late smoke etc we were at my dad's house my brother twin and I were playing video games in the living room my stepsister 16 wanted to watch TV even though she has a TV in her room we told her to give us half an hour since we hadn't been playing for long my stepsister called us both get her n-word out of nowhere and my stepmother came downstairs to ask what happened I explained to her what happened and she told me Ana random name I've talked to you about this stop being weak I asked her if my stepsister would be getting a consequence and she told me no because I was being weak and then added for a black girl I responded by saying I'm weak yet you don't have enough respect for yourself to leave a man who forgot to tell you he had a wife and kids since she wasn't aware my father had a family while he was cheating with her she went ballistic and my brother 17 who had just woken up had to hold her back I feel kind of guilty but I also don't now I'm waiting for my dad to get home am I the a-hole no my parents don't know about the racism headed to my mother wants us to have a relationship with our father and I'm not sure if my dad is aware of the racism edit 3 to all the people asking I'll post an update later they didn't make an update first unfortunately I didn't think they're an a-hole for calling out the racism here I don't think they should be hanging out at that house if they're going to be you know attacked by these people and then the mums gonna defend it and attack them I would just remove myself and go live with the other parents it's not an environment you want to be in you're not the a-hole for calling it out your father is the worst a hole in this story cheating on his wife and then marrying a woman who was racist towards his own children I assume you've told him about the racial slurs obviously the mother and her kids are awful as well if you haven't told your dad or even if you have tell your mum this environments plus your dislike of it might be enough for your mum to get sole custody I haven't told my parents about it and I don't know if my brothers have said anything you really really should your mother is black and your father married a black woman and has black children regardless of the situation as a whole I'm sure they will want to know about the blatant racism happening under them edit to add abusers often rely on abuse staying hidden they rely on the fact that victims are too uncomfortable upset and afraid of someone's reaction / exhausted etc to bring the situation up with others they are purposefully making you feel terrible and making you feel unable to share your hardship so they continue the cycle of treating you poorly not the a-hole stop going over there if your dad wants to see you it can be a place where you aren't getting racially abused I haven't told my parents and I don't think my brothers have either my mother wants us to have a relationship with our Father so we have to go over to his house to be fair your mother doesn't know what kind of environment she's sending you into in addition to disclosing the racist bullcrap these a-holes have been saying you must also disclose to both your parents I'd call your mum while waiting on your dad right now that your stepmother would have hit you if your brother didn't hold her back eta I must emphasize the time is of the essence your stepmother is probably concocting her own story as we speak yes great points what woman can't control herself better than that to try an attack a child you know has already been through a horrible time with the breakup of their family that the stepmom participated in compassion is what this woman should have in her heart sounds like the stepmom has some nastiness inside that maybe dad hasn't even realized yet most racist children learned that from their is closest to them posted by user he was bear food titled would I be the a-hole for having my cousin arrested backstory a few months ago pre covered my cousin who I am close to had a big co-ed baby shower thrown for her I was in attendance along with my husband's another cousin was visiting her parents my aunt and uncle and decided to attend the baby shower as well I'm not close to this cousin at all we didn't grow up together into 10 years apart in age we are obligatory Facebook friends though mostly due to my aunt and mother asking us to birth at each other skip ahead to the present day a few days ago I got a call from a bank that I have a credit card through inquiring about my balance not being paid as I have always paid my outstanding bills on time I told the bank employee I had not used my card so that charge was fraud the card account was immediately closed and they began the process of looking further into its today they called me back with an update the charge was for a donation to a charity that I knew of but have never - contributed to myself still confused about why my card was used I posted a short rant on Facebook I got a few replies telling me this had never happened to them and hoping I got it all resolved soon then my younger non-pregnant cousins commented something to the effect of well maybe someone had a good reason for making the donation in your name maybe someone wanted to teach you a lesson the comment was weird so I p.m. turn to ask her what she meant at first she wouldn't tell me what she meant but eventually I got her to tell me everything she used my CC to make a donation her reason because about a year ago I began going to a church I didn't grow up in a religious family I'm not vocal about my newfound beliefs I don't throw it in people's faces or demand they believe the same it's just something that I liked my own life it makes me feel better and more relaxed apparently my cousin has a problem with me deciding to attend and join a church of any kind and because of that she decided it was a good idea to sneak around and take photos of my credit card and then use the info to make a $1000 donation to a local organization she knew I would never donate to because they are very outspoken about opposing what I believe morally my husband says I should press charges and have her arrested my mom says that's going too far even though my cousin was in the wrong because she's only 19 so would I be the a-hole for pressing charges on my cousin and possibly ruining her life edits the organization is not anti-gay or anything like that it's not pp either fYI I'm a gay male who is approached so stop assuming I'm some kind of intolerant to lunatic added to it seems I'm not allowed to person updates separately the bank is proceeding with illegal action she's being held accountable by them I'm still undecided as it's mostly out of my hands now no I don't think you're an a-hole for you know reporting someone for doing credit card fraud in your name that's just not right and they know it's not right and then they incriminate themselves by saying they did it maliciously against you by taking photos what more proof do you need that they were just being an a-hole in this situation and basically stealing money from you go right ahead sue them for damages do whatever you want in this situation call them out in front of the family they've already dug their grave might as well bury them while you're at it ope you're definitely not the a hole in this situation not the a hole she committed a crime to teach you a lesson sis I teach her a lesson Opie well Opie also you have to keep in mind if she's willing to do this what else will she do in the future card fraud is just a gateway to identity theft millions of families suffer every year Michael this isn't a joke Jim whoa whoa whoa not the a-hole pressed charges posthaste Opie I'd also add to that at this point it would be to cover their own ass can only imagine a credit company would bill you if you know who made the charge and don't press charges absolutely this if you don't report it you could get in trouble go armed with screenshots familial identity theft is the most common form of fraud there is her people 100% get her money back only if she presses charges same thing if your parents died and you found out they took out loans in your name you have to press charges against their estates I learned this in research because my dad took out credit cards in my name and it scared the crap out of me I'm 30 didn't press charges because he is paying them off but it's still an option if he stops and he knows it it's scary knowing that your parents know so much about you and it's pure luck if you are born into a household of good people I say we should shed our babies Social Security number at 18 and have to apply for a new one at 18 I've considered changing mine a few times but there is a slew of issues doing that at my age not the a-hole that's not a spiteful prank because she doesn't agree with your religion that is seriously illegal and she needs to know that I would definitely turn her in that could have messed up your credits and your life if there is any chance that she copied any other cards or information you should probably cancel them all and get new ones for yourself and derpy replies the bank who I also have a checking and savings accounts with automatically changed my debit card number and recommended I do the same with any other credit card companies which I did this afternoon my cousin also said she didn't think $1,000 was a big deal since my husband makes good money but that's a stupid argument posted by user life insurance policy to titled am I the a-hole for telling my daughter to stop bugging me after I never refurbished my life insurance policy so early in my husband and Di's marriage we got life-insurance policies on each other we also had secondary beneficiaries in the form of my husband's nephews in the unlikely event we both went together this was pre us having kids and we always said once we did we'd switch over the policies fast-forward 25 years later we have kids that are 21 and 23 my daughter 23 made a comment about getting life insurance through her job so I decided to check on our policy I hadn't in years well when I did I was surprised to see that we had never changed our secondary beneficiaries they were still my husband's nephews we totally forgot to change them I thought it was a little funny my husband did too obviously we are alive and fine we called the company started the process to have it changed my son thought it was funny my daughter didn't she said we were irresponsible and didn't think of them what if we had died what if the nephews didn't give it up I said they would be taken care of they asked if we had a will and I admitted no but we have so much family that has agreed verbally over the years to take them it never seemed necessary besides we're alive now kids are adults it's all fixed now and we plan to draw a will up no one was hurt no one except my daughter she kept harping on it and frankly it was annoying finally I told her yes it was a bad move on our end but she needs to let it go she got even more mad am I the RCL I'll admit I read the comments before going to make a decision about this one cuz I didn't fully understand it my brain couldn't comprehend what I was reading but yeah Jesus I'd be right royally pissed if my parents did this to me like he go all of our money and all of our inheritance is gonna go to your cousins ha ha have fun you're like you don't know if they're gonna give you that money because you know you're the direct descendants of your parents and it's true that money does change people sir I think that it was a very unwise decision not to immediately change it once they did have kids on the way think that was very stupid because you know life happens sometimes people dying and they could have been screwed out of you know financial stability that was owed to them by their parents and in this context they were owed and they were entitled to that money because the parents did swap it over and they did say that they would swap it over in the event they had kids see people aren't always entitled to money in this case they are Opie is the a-hole for leaving it so late you're the a-hole you dodged a major bullet but we didn't die isn't a good defense oh you probably wouldn't have been abandoned by your relatives isn't a good defense it was a major oversight on your part it was your job as a parent to protect your children in the event of your deaths and you didn't do it your daughter is right to be angry this is like finding out that you didn't use a car seat when she was a baby and saying we never crashed would not be a good defense absolutely and unless they bought additional insurance and set up an estate plan when the kids were born they made more mistakes there is probably still a lot of planning and work to be done here my husband and I were pretty poor when we had our first we literally had zero assets he was in school I wasn't able to work at the time for health reasons and she was a surprise we still had a will done up before my daughter was a month old because we wanted to make sure we knew what would happen to her if we died that is not something you just leave up to chance you're the a-hole say you went her entire life without a plan on paper that a court of law could enforce should something go terribly wrong that was incredibly irresponsible money changes people what if you did die and your nephews had gotten everything and refused to your own children the only documentation you have goes to them you can't change the past and harping on it won't change it either but your defense of we didn't die isn't exactly a good one learning that had something happened to her parents she probably wouldn't be abandoned by the family isn't a comforting thoughts yo I had a relative who died and none of my aunts began insisting that he promised her certain items while he was alive luckily he did tell multiple people on numerous occasions why he wanted one particular thing to go which is how I ended up with his prized possession nobody could claim he promised it to them because everyone knew he hadn't some people suck and trying times doesn't bring out the best in them am I the a haul for my public freak-outs I'm sick of people assuming I don't speak Polish because I'm Asian apologies for my crap English my dad is Mongolian my mom is polish I never met my father as he died before I was born I look entirely Mongolian though I'm basically polish as I grow up in Poland my entire life and I know nothing about Mongolia my whole life people assumed I don't know polish and would speak to me in English and it's fudging annoying as hell half the time I couldn't even understand the English I was at a restaurant yesterday and my waiter comes up to me and asks me in English hello sir can I take your order and I respond in Polish yes I'd like this and this and this and he asks me again in crappy English would you like diet or regular coke and fries or Soroka and again I said listen dude I speak Polish and he kept speaking English too which I said in Polish a whole I've lived here my whole life I speak Polish better than I speak English Polish is my native language and stop assuming otherwise and take my fudging order in Polish because we live in Poland he looked shocked went quiet and then took my order my girlfriend was fudging ticked and said I should have just done it in English but screw this crap I've had enough of this my whole life and especially since I told him to speak to me in Polish and he kept going in English edits stop assuming and asking if he didn't speak Polish he was polish and they heard him speak perfect polish before and after all so you can't get a job working in customer service here unless you speak Polish I think that's kind of obvious yes sometimes we have Ukrainians who don't speak Polish very well but it's good enough to get the job done I don't think you're an a-hole for standing a ground on this one if it's a requirement that you have to be able to speak Polish and he goes against your wishes when you ask twice for him to speak Polish I think you're justified in getting angry with him because he continues to speak in English when you don't understand that's perfectly reasonable and don't think you're the a hole in this situation I just think it's rude to flip out at service people but I understand why you did not the a-hole but I have to ask how did your meal taste with all that spit in it so I know that you're joking I think but it is so frustrating how people make the assumption that servers mess with food I have worked in the restaurant industry for over 10 years from casual to fine dining in that time I only met one server who would spit in food it just sucks because people will come in and be afraid to send their meal back when something was wrong with it's because they're afraid to offend their server we just want you to be happy even if you are a jerk to us the majority of us have more integrity than to stoop to that level so gross what about the cooks those people are animals most of them are grates if you make the effort to build a good friendship with them I will always blame a remake on myself and not the guests they tend to be more forgiving that way the comments proposing that the waiter didn't speak Polish are bizarre there is no way the waiter wasn't a native Polish speaker at the barest minimum it would have come out that he was a non-native when he took the order in Polish yeah I don't understand those comments either they're pretty stupid you're right there's a lot of Ukrainians who are waiters and other low-skilled labor but they often have thick accents but they easily pick up Polish as the languages are so similar I have seen some Africans and Middle Easterners doing jobs for ubereats and such - and they spoke at least some Polish if not fluently I've heard about Ukrainians and Belarusians my girlfriend is from Belarus and she's able to read polish though not speak it since they're so similar she should be able to understand it - all Slavs can to an extent understand all Slavic languages for poles the easiest a Czech Slovak kashubian and Silesia n-- 4 Belarussians the easiest should be Rick Rehn Ian and Russian I believe posted by user utilitarians spoon am I the a-hole for not letting my son buy a computer with the money he saved up on hi I'm new to Reddit and only saw it on a YouTube video so I thought I would give it a try my son 15 last year asked about getting a gaming computer my son has the tendency to really want something for about a week but then drop it after I say he can't have it he asked about building a computer and we talked about it we agreed on a budget of around a thousand dollars and I told him if he could save up he could get it fast forward a year later and he did save up a thousand dollars the only reason I even talked about budget was to humor him for a while he came in to me and my husband's room and basically did a presentation on what he was going to buy I asked him what the cost would be and he said $1100 he does have around 1,300 in his accounts I shut it down immediately he's 15 and needs to save for a car me and my husband both think that 1100 is outrageous he has an xbox if he wants to play games and he also has a Chromebook for his schoolwork he tells me it's not that simple but $1100 is crazy I told him that he could spend 500 and now he won't leave his room because I lied to him and got his hopes up I just know that 1100 is way too much he can get a nice computer for $500 so Redditt am I the a-hole yes you're the a-hole for being ignorant on how much a gaming computer costs these days and that everyone pays it and it's an acceptable amount to spend 1100 on something if not way more the fact that you promised him he could spy it if he got $1,000 for its but not go 10% over makes you a dick and you are in a hole for all of these reasons RP except the judgments you're the a-hole son if you work hard and save your money you're allowed to buy a nice $1,000 computer just kidding you're not allowed to at all huh of course you're the a-hole and he's right you did lie and get his hopes up jumping on this one to end that I have now read through all the reply and and not one person has said anything but you're the a-hole if you're going to post here then take the judgment you have a chance to do right by your son by apologizing to him admitting that you were absolutely wrong and acknowledging you did lie to him maintain your present course and he'll feel betrayed forever herpy definitely owes that kid an apology she should be proud that her son spent a year working towards his goal that's a big achievement for a fifteen-year-old he should be rewarded for his hard work not treated like this also it shows that if he really wants something he's willing to work for it so if he wants a car at some point he'll save up for that as well I'm just confused as to why his parents think he needs to be saving up for a car right now having your own car as a teenager is one of those luxury things barely anyone does they don't want him to save for a car they want another impossible goal for him to never reach if he saved enough for a cheap used car they'd have him saved for a more expensive one if he saved for a good used car they'd want him to save for a new one the point is that he's too immature to save for stuff and they know better you're the a-hole reneging on a promise to a teenager after he fulfills his end of the bargain is a betrayal one that he won't soon forget he's quite right you did lie to him and got his hopes up you're within your rights to question whether he should spend the 11-hundred on a computer or save for a car and discuss it with him but in the end it's his money he did everything you told him to do you're teaching him not to trust you and I promise you he won't if you don't reconsider my parents did this with a dog when I was a kid if you save X amount of money do all your chores prove your responsibility take care of the existing pets etc you can have a dog well guess which fudging sucker did it all and then some this guy guess who wasn't allowed to get a dog this guy clearly I'm still salty about it 20 plus years later posted by user carrot-cake 500 titled x' am I the a-hole for refusing to make my brother-in-law a birthday cake so I 28th female enjoy banking immensely I have accepted the role of baking a cake for any family members birthday and typically do a different flavor for each person I also bake a smaller vanilla cake for anyone who doesn't like the chosen flavor my new brother-in-law 47 male has been to five family parties and had 5 different flavored cakes each time he pulls them apart by hand picks out seemingly random pieces and eats about half yeah I don't understand either when people start with the good cake comments he never says anything and even made a disgusted face after eating one of them I was admittedly heated after that but my wife also 28 female told me to make it more clear that there was an alternative cake and to focus on the people who did enjoy its brother-in-law's birthday is coming up at the end of August and yesterday I had the following text exchange with my sister 35 female sister says brother-in-law told me to tell you to make him a carrot cake birthday is coming up if you for God's I didn't forget it all it's a little far out for me to be planning unless we're celebrating earlier nothing early carrot cake there we had that at dad's party and brother-in-law didn't seem to like it he's sure that's what he wants wouldn't have asked if he didn't want it I think he hates it less than your others I see thanks I know he likes strawberries maybe I could do a strawberry and cream cake for him he doesn't have to choose from the ones he's head just make the carrot cake wife probably won't be invited to the party I think she's too Daiki for him notes my wife proudly uses the word Dyke but in a much more positive light I say I'm only going to go if she does fine I'll pick up the cake that morning then no cake if it's not a family party ah don't be a [ __ ] I stopped responding after that but I have received several more texts calling me all manner of names saying I'm breaking up her family etc I've also received a few calls from other family members saying I was being unfair by making something I do for the whole family contingent on her doing things my way I called a few of my friends to ask if I was being unreasonable and they seemed split between baking the cake the piece or saying that I did the right thing I normally turned to my wife when I have issues like this but I don't want to alert her to this if I don't have to hence the burner accounts I feel like I'm in the Wrights by refusing but I'm not confident am I the a-hole I don't think if you're not feeling like you're invited to this party and your wife isn't invited that you're the a-hole for refusing to make a cake for them you know I would only really make a cake for my family if I was invited to go to the event with them I get the feeling you're very much left out and your feelings aren't being heard by these guys they're more just trying to strong-arm you into getting something they once they aren't looking for a solution that benefits you as well therefore they're just a bunch of a-holes like that's disgusting behavior by them you're not the a-hole for this not the a-hole I think he hates it less than your others um no screw all of that I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that was a joke but with the rest of it you're missing a trick here Opie baked him a cake with a rainbow flag in the center don't like dykes happy LGBT birthday mother-fricker bonus points outs himself as the bigot he is when he recoils in horror having gotten some of your gay in his mouth yeah this is definitely a homophobia issue got to be wary of the gay baking agenda after all huh sarcasm not the a-hole to Daiki yikes your brother-in-law is an awful person and does not deserve your efforts your sis is awful for being entitled enabler not the a-hole keeping peace with ungrateful homophobes is unreasonable and obviously entirely one-sided I would rock the boats until this tool of a brother-in-law fell off honestly I'm not sure it's entirely my brother-in-law's choice to not invite my wife my sister was very vocal about her desire to remove me from the family when I came out but most everyone else was supportive I feel like he might be giving her the confidence to try and exclude us but I don't know if that really makes sense but I think she was a decision maker to marry cakes for your sister either methinks sorry your sister is so callous and does not accept you I saw an approaching this sub I really liked neutral but cutting honesty someone griefs you for not baking just say it feels wrong for me to bake for a homophobe that hates me for my sexuality and purposefully excludes my spouse posted by user unknown sorry eighty-eight titles am I the a-hole for telling my friend he's childish for ordering kids books a few weeks ago my friend ordered the entire series of Magic Treehouse which he spent a hundred and eleven dollars on to preface he read these books growing up he earned a few books here and there but his family could never really afford them now that he's 18 and has his own job he's began to buy stuff he never could afford nice clothes new phone etc I walked into his room the other day to grab something for him and noticed that his shelf now had the whole series of MTH Magic Treehouse which wasn't there before I asked him how he got them and why he had them and he told me he bought the whole series off of ebay just because he wanted to read them in order and earn the series he loves collecting books he said they brought about a lot of nostalgia as him and his sister who don't live with them now read them growing up I then told him it was childish and honestly a little weird that an eighteen year old man would spend over $100 on children's books to read just because they brought about nostalgia he got embarrassed and then shrugged it off soon after he hasn't asked me back over and he hasn't texted me for a few days now after this comment sir am i the a hall for telling him spending over $100 on children's books was childish and immature ah especially for an 18 year old men huh bet you're gonna tell me that my collection of Swedish dildos is childish and immature to you and I spent much more than a hundred dollars on those opie but for real does she not realize that she's really hurt his feelings by saying this that's a massive a whole thing to do he gave you a genuinely good reason that he bought the books into why he wants to read them just because you think that kids books doesn't mean he can't have them it doesn't make him childish it makes that something that he wants and it holds geom meaning to him so yes what you did makes you the a hole for this Rp and i don't blame him for cutting you off you know he doesn't need that negativity in his life unless you know you apologize and make up for it but it doesn't seem like you will sir you're still the a-hole you're the a-hole 100% for two reasons one as a person who has been an avid reader since childhood I can tell you now that the books I read growing up had a huge impact on me and to this day I think of them fondly there are precious memories attached to what books he read as a child and it absolutely makes sense that he would want to reread them do you have any idea of how many people in their 30s still reread Harry Potter it is exactly the same thing - it is his money as long as he isn't doing anything harmful with it how he spends it is none of your business same goes for his free time it's even worse that you chose to judge him knowing he couldn't afford these books as a child absolutely clearly you're the a-hole for exactly those reasons if you want to repair your friendship and be a better human being going forward in life apologize to your friend and stop being so judgmental of other people you're the a-hole for what they said and also because what you did probably had a deeply hurtful effect on your friend who may be embarrassed in the future about cherishing things he loved and his restorative repairing childhood losses behavior you owe him a deep heartfelt apology you're the a-hole unless this 111 dollars is coming out of your wallets I don't even see why you care 18 is not even as old as you think it is and barely on the cusp of adulthood slash childhood just let people enjoy things also that's really cheap if you got the whole set which is about 25 books and if it includes the Maryland missions fifty books adults would benefit from reading quite a few old and new children's books that are out there not the a-hole posted by user reflected titles am I the a-hole for breaking the car suddenly to teach my sister-in-law a lesson that's my interpretation of the car crash I 23 female was driving with my boyfriend's 24 and his sister 21 when this incident happened to clarify I have taught my mother and brother and all my cousins how to drive and I'm a really good driver my boyfriend asked me to pick him in a sister up from their home and drop them somewhere else they dad had taken the car somewhere and they needed a ride places are opening up sir I was in the clear I have no bad relations with his sister things are quite okay between us but I suspect this will be an issue anyway the moment she got in the car she suddenly started getting extremely nitpicky I live in India and honestly the streets are filled with idiots so you have to be doubly careful while driving and this girl was not helping she kept trying to backseat Drive and was giving very incorrect advice stuff like speed up they'll move out of the way no they warrants and I'll have to pay a fine for speeding and putting people's lives in danger it's really hard to drive in a semi crowded street with someone literally trying to backseat Drive at one point this huge bus came up behind and she literally let out a scream and started hyperventilating the bus wasn't doing anything it was maintaining appropriate distance there was no reason to cause such a massive panic my boyfriend tried to get her to calm down but it wasn't working at all she just kept screaming it was incredibly tense I started filling panicky and at the nearest cut in the road exits as Americans call its I turned and parked the car smoothly the road ahead was nearly empty sister-in-law comes down immediately and to my boyfriend started yelling at her for inappropriately behaving in the car and potentially causing serious accidents with her own stupid behavior to be clear sister-in-law has no existing issues with being in the car that my boyfriend knows boyfriend and she can both drive so she knows to not do this crap anyway she started sulking and I guess I kind of lost it because she wasn't apologizing so I started the car but let go of the clutch too quickly causing the car to lurch forward without actually moving boyfriend and I were wearing seat belts so nothing happens but she lurched forward and hit her head on the back of my seats the seats are padded she immediately started yelling again and I said this is for being at odds if you don't shut up immediately I'll kick you out of my car behave yourself I was mad then but felt like an a-hole later boyfriend fully supports me but I leave it to your judgment and it's the verge seems to be fairly split with half of the people calling me not the a-hole and the other half calling me an ass in any case I didn't feel good about what I did and sent her an apology she accepted my apology and said she was sorry for causing such a panic she claims she was on substances in any case thank you for your input folks good night all right I didn't expect her to be on something when she was doing that but it definitely makes sense I thought that was just her anxiety but it definitely could have been you know cocaine or some weed or something with that anxiety coming in you're like I'll grab we're gonna die we're all gonna die the bus is gonna crash into us oh my god I'm definitely on the side of the one driving I think she's not the a-hole I think she was just trying to do a good thing for these to get them around town get him to where they need to be going for free and she's being backseat driven by an absolute lunatic I don't blame her for the actions she took I would do the same I would just put on the brakes get your bloody seatbelt on your freakin ah get it back on you're gonna break your neck if you don't so Opie in my view not the a-hole I don't blame you but it was good that you apologized not the a-hole her hysteria was faked if she was genuinely worried for her safety she'd have had a seatbelt on she can actually kill you sitting behind you with no belts don't drive her again I'm not going to I told my boyfriend if he ever asks me to drive her again I will seriously dump him my dad is in his 70s he has the policy of never starting the car until everyone has a seatbelt on he has kicked people out of the car wine my mum's elder brother and a relative that was a priest safely first not the a-hole the best approach people die without a seatbelt on your dad is brilliant don't put up with that crap ah I worked with this idiot back in the day who swore it was safer to not wear a seatbelt because his dad got in an accident one time and when his car flipped he just slid out and was totally unhurt stupidest crap I've ever heard as opposed to what being shot through the windshield and thrown across the road jeez what an absolute idiots seatbelts save lives so many people died just because they'd thrown from cars they don't slide out what the hell not the a-hole not wearing her seatbelt was a conscious choice she made cuz she seems quite honestly bratty and entitled this is something I didn't include we kept telling her to wear the seatbelts but she wasn't I was so mad like I'm doing you a favor and you're acting so stupidly and putting people in danger not the a-hole that's actually how we got our eldest son to wear his seat belts he was still a toddler and had just figured out how to unclasp his safety belt for his car seats my husband would strap him in start driving son would release his seat belts husband would stop the car refasten son's safety belts start driving again and it would start from the beginning until at a point my just slide the car down that when there are the cars around at the moments and hit the brakes hard little guy slipped out of his seats and into the back of the drivers seats he only got a scare out of its butt never undid his seatbelt in a driving car again all right now I think that's where we're gonna leave today's episode guys I really do hope you enjoyed the content today if you guys loved watching it as much as I loved making it I would love for you to subscribe to the channel already if you haven't tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below maybe you liked the video who knows I'd also like to take this time to thank my awesome patreon and channel members without you guys you know I don't know what I'd do I'd probably be homeless on the streets of Ireland crying Irish dancing all over town it would just be a mess but now for real you guys are up on the screen now thank each and every one of you guys and if you personally want to join the club yourself there are links down in the description below there's also the join button next to the subscribe button small monthly fee but hey it goes a long way to help me create more awesome content with that said guys I hope you do have a lovely day night sleep evening day at work day at school whatever you're up to I hope you keep awesome today you're looking amazing and I will see you in the next video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 51,778

Rating: 4.8758435 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: YVwf3qWm3QA

Length: 183min 2sec (10982 seconds)

Published: Sun Jul 19 2020