r/AmiTheA**Hole For Taking My Daughter's Friend To The Doctor?

g'day there guys i'm pretty good at lego just saying back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content i want you to sit back relax chuck a like on the video and tell me what you think about all these stories down in the comments posted by user makaku naber titled am i the a-hole for saying that my daughter's best friend has got to go to a doctor the title sounds confusing my daughter's best friend's parents are having some problems right now so he has stayed with me and will be for a few weeks we have a very good relationship i've known him since he was five and he's like a son to me ever since he moved in two weeks ago i noticed that he was looking kind of sick i thought that he was stressed in the last two weeks he is thrown up six times his nose suddenly started bleeding a lot four times and he's just always sleeping and doesn't have any energy at all he's really cold all the time i talked to him and asked if he wanted to go to the doctor but he was said he was just tired and probably ate something bad and it wasn't serious i called his parents just to let them know and they told me that this has been going on for two months but he says it's nothing and refuses to go to a doctor and they can't afford it anyway so they are not paying any attention to it i asked my daughter about it too and she told me that he doesn't talk to her about it today he threw up again and actually passed out he's good now but i told him that he had to go to the doctor and i'd book an appointment for him he got kind of upset and went to the room and isn't saying anything to me right now my daughter said that i was too harsh and i can't force him to go to the doctors if the situation were different than this i'd be inclined to agree with the daughter you know like it's your body you're free to do whatever if someone's telling you to go to the doctor and you don't want to you don't feel like you have to they're an a-hole for doing this but in this case it's clear this guy is in denial he genuinely does need the help his parents are not supporting him and only opie is the one that is willing to go out of their way to get him to go to a doctor i can't really fault op for doing that i feel like the pressure in this case is necessary maybe he has to be a bit of an a-hole to crack this boy out of his denial sometimes you just gotta do it but from everyone else's perspective he's not an a-hole for doing this because this boy genuinely needs the help so for that not the a-hole this kid kid sounds seriously ill it would be negligent of you not to seek medical attention for him it would be interesting if he posted an update because i truly believe he is going to get diagnosed with something serious which could get much worse without prompt medical attention i think so too not wanting to go to the doctor insisting he's fine but having constant nosebleeds that sounds like he's got a coke problem and knows the doctors will find out if the kid isn't on drugs and just doesn't like the doctor or whatever else then it's probably a tumor either way he needs to go see a doctor edits y'all this is the internet me saying it's coke or a tumor is not a serious diagnosis but the kid obviously has something going on and needs to see a doctor there are a million things that it could be and honestly i hope it's a drug problem rather than leukemia or something worse because a drug problem is easier to fix fatigue nausea vomiting cold weight loss nosebleed teenage passing out i'd rule out leukemia way before considering cocaine at the very least anemia gp pediatrician is obviously the first stop but i wouldn't be surprised that hematologist is next i also had a friend in high school that got wiped out for months by mononucleosis if he's puking so bad he passes out he needs to go to the emergency room ultimatum time either i drive you or i can call an ambulance he has cancer symptoms nose bleeding i don't know about cancer but holy crap that is scary stuff friend of mine who was diagnosed with leukemia had all these symptoms not saying the kid has cancer but he has something bad and is a juvenile and needs to get medical care asap updates am i the a-hole for saying that my daughter's best friend has to go to a doctor first of all i want to say thank you to everyone who gave me advice and i apologize i couldn't respond or post an update earlier we went to the doctor and he has been diagnosed with an eating disorder i won't go into much detail it was really hard for everyone but he's getting the help he needs now he goes to physical and mental therapy and he's slowly getting better i'm paying for everything and money is not the problem either he is still staying with me i talk to their parents regularly and they approve of everything they are pretty thankful my daughter apologized for thinking i was the a-hole for getting him help he knows we're there for him and hopefully he'll fully recover soon thank you again for judgment and good wishes glad that the kid is getting the help he needs good job opie opie is an angel i hope that every time you put on a pair of pants you find a 20 bill in the pockets and that every time any of your enemies use the toilet at a friend's house it clogs and there's no plunger by the toilet and they have to call for help caring for another human being is the opposite of being an a-hole i hope he recovers soon good on you and thanks for the update i can understand why op would ask though forcing someone you care about to do anything whether it's to help them or not feels wrong glad this was sorted out though posted by user vegan thunder titled am i the a-hole for turning my niece vegan hey reddits i've got some family drama going on and need to know if it's really all my faults my brother-in-law and sister-in-law recently asked if my husband and i could watch their seven-year-old daughter for a few weeks we said yes and my niece came to stay with us i'm out of work due to the pandemic and my husband is an essential worker who has been working extremely long hours so 95 of the child care fell on me i've been a vegan for over 10 years and was vegetarian for several years before that everyone in the family knows this i cook vegan at home my husband will sometimes add his own meat or dairy to the vegan meals i provide but with his new work hours he hasn't had time to cook for himself at all so all the meals prepared at our house have been vegan i did some meat based convenience foods for my niece stuff like chicken nuggets that could just be heated i can't handle raw meat and added to her plates it pained me to do it but i figured it would be best for everyone after a few days of living with us and helping me prepare meals my niece started asking questions about why i don't cook real meats i explained that i don't eat animals she kept asking questions about it lots of wise and i explained it to her like this do you think dexter our dog has feelings does he get happy and scared would he be scared if someone tried to kill him would you want to eat him then continued i believe that cows and pigs and chickens have feelings just like dexter does so i don't want to eat them either after that conversation my niece promptly declared she didn't want to eat meat again so i stopped serving her the meat items i bought for her and she just ate my food when we made pasta one day she asked where the cheese was and i explained to her that they have to take the baby cows away from the mothers to get the milk but if she really wanted cheese for her pasta we could go get some at the store she said no thanks and that was that when my sister-in-law came and picked niece up we chatted a bit and i mentioned that niece stopped eating meat while she was here sister-in-law looked a little taken aback but didn't say anything the next day my brother-in-law called my husband and was absolutely furious about it sister-in-law and brother-in-law have been screeching about me to everyone in the family telling them it was really screwed up for me to turn my niece vegan my husband is ticked at me because now he and his brother are fighting he and his brother had always been pretty close but now brother-in-law has been ignoring my husband for a few weeks i don't think i did anything wrong i was honest and age-appropriate i offered the kid animal products and she decided she didn't want them am i the a-hole yes i've covered this one before if you haven't seen it i do think that opie is the a-hole in this situation and they deserve to have the family ghost them like that if they are not going to see the logic in this situation like you don't just decide that you're going to be the parents to these kids and change their ideas about the food they intake you are not the parents you don't get to make those decisions i feel like what op did was manipulative and wrong the kid is very much easily influenced they can't make their own decisions at this age they'd lack the critical thinking skills necessary to make their own decisions currently the way you presented this was without the parents and very much emotionally manipulative and i feel like rp should be ashamed for what they've done you're the a-hole updates am i the a-hole for turning my niece vegan so i thought about the response i got here about my family situation i was a bit of an ass with how i handled the situation i should have reached out to sister-in-law and brother-in-law when niece started asking questions i started to feel bad about how inconvenient i'd made things for my in-laws and i was really worried about how my niece was doing especially as her birthday was coming up so i reached out to my sister-in-law i sent her a sincere apology email i offered to talk to niece help out with meal planning and cooking or anything that she might need or want that opened up doors and sister-in-law started talking again niece is still adamant about not wanting to eat meats while looking up stuff online about how to feed niece sister-in-law ended up watching forks over knives and went down that rabbit hole ultimately deciding that she wants to try a wfpb diet to help control her diabetes so a few things happened first sister-in-law niece and i did a huge meal prep day and we filled their deep freezer with almost 100 vegan freezer meals lots of kid-friendly stuff fenese and some whole grain no-oil meats for sister-in-law i taught them some of my favorite recipes and we tried some newbies we found online we actually had a lot of fun and plan on getting together to do this whenever the horde starts to get low i catered niece's 8th birthday party complete with homemade vegan cake ice cream and veggie burgers i am babysitting nice again things with brother-in-law are still a work in progress though he and my hobby are talking again but he is still pretty upset especially now that sister-in-law has also ditched meat and dairy she is the primary cook in their household and they are still working out how to handle their lifestyle changes i guess i am sure things will get better soon though so thank you am i the a-hole things have worked out even with me being a total donkey's butt edits geez you people just can't stand a happy update huh the family issue has been mostly resolved i've apologized i have been apologized too we are doing family things again hurt feelings are healing and we are all good also i did not push my sister-in-law to a vegan diet she is a grown-ass woman who came across information herself did more research herself and made a decision for herself i did not know she had made this decision until we went grocery shopping for our meal prep day and to guarantee that what she is eating now lots of fiber plant protein greens and more colorful food is worlds better for her than the white pasta with cheese sauce huge ass piece of dead animal and boiled to death green beans that she used to eat every day lol i'm not signing back into this account so go ahead and rage away i will just keep turning my family vegan smiley face clever vegan propaganda agreed adults don't change their entire diet overnight just because they watched a single video it's a nice thought but it doesn't just happen and this reads like a work of fiction they totally do my mum used to totally overhaul her diet regularly based on like dr oz or some article she read on the internet or whatever she never stuck with them for longer than a few weeks or months but then we don't know that op's sister will stick with her big overnight change either my mum was exactly like this for decades our conversations always started out with what new diet she was on for what new reason i actually have no memory of my mother not being on some sort of new diet why would you make grain-based oil-free meals for someone trying to control diabetes with diets anything grain based is carb heavy and taking out fats makes blood glucose spikes more likely she is an insane ideologue who indoctrinates children what do you expect it looks like a vegan fantasy i converted my little niece and her mother into veganism and then cooked them 100 vegan dishes into their conveniently unused giant freezer and everyone clapped as someone who has actually packaged up 100 meals in a day of cooking big family doing once a month cooking with other mums it is not enjoyable or fun it's a chore from the start to finish and even though the end result is great nobody is happy or smiling at the end of the day posted by user am i the ahole friend five o's titled am i the a-hole for not letting my friend live in my spare room so i have this friend bill and we've been friends since we were kids and we are now both 30. he's one of my closest friends and we normally have a great relationship when i was 19 i moved away from our hometown went to uni did some traveling and have now settled in a town several hours away i have a good job great friends i'm pretty settled two years ago my great uncle died and left me some money and since then i've been saving as much as possible and i now have enough for a house deposit which i'm pretty thrilled about i've started looking for places and i'm hoping to buy a two bed flat in the town that i live in bill has not done so great he still lives with his parents in our hometown and has worked in the same supermarket for years i have no issues with this but sadly bill is miserable because he hates his job hates living with his parents and is generally unhappy for several years i tried to encourage bill to move out and i offered him to move in with me rent free for a couple of months so he could get himself together bill always declined and i probably stopped mentioning it about three to four years ago so to the situation bill knew i had been left this money by my uncle but a week ago we were chatting on the phone and i was telling him about viewing a flat soon bill straight up asked me if he could live in my spare room whenever i purchased my place we haven't talked about it in so long so i basically said i would think about it and let him know bill seemed pretty unhappy by this i think he was expecting me to not hesitate but said he hoped that i made up my mind soon a few days ago i called bill back and said unfortunately i don't think it'd be a good idea and he was so angry but also sad it was horrible the conversation was pretty long but he basically accused me of lying to him when i offered that he could live with me and said i was a terribly unsupportive friend etc etc the thing is i was like 24 to 26 when i offered bill my sofa but my life is different now i have a girlfriend a god daughter who i want to sleep over lots and now i'm a bit older so i just don't want to share my living space also i hadn't said anything to bill about living together in years and he had never mentioned it i feel really bad about this situation and when i spoke to a mutual friend she just said it would be nicer for me to let bill stay with me for a bit but otherwise didn't want to get involved in the argument i feel like such an ass but am i the a-hole this is unfortunately a thing that's too little too late for mr bill here life isn't fair he's let time passing by without doing anything about his current financial situation it's not on you to save him and continue to enable his bad life choices and habits i would feel terrible for doing so and i'd feel even worse being dragged into an hour or hours long phone conversation with him just telling me how terrible i am and how terrible his life is that's not something i want to do it's not nice i don't think it's too productive if he's just trying to manipulate you to get to live with you life moves on bill that's just the way of the world and dopey you know i can't blame you for anything you've done here bill isn't your problem you don't have to help him and by not helping him that wouldn't make you an a-hole so not the a-hole of course you are not the a-hole people on reddit are going to tell you he's entitled and you should drop him etc etc but my view of the truth is it sounded like he just banked the idea that he'd always have the option of living with you if things got really bleak they likely are but life has also moved on so you're not in the position to make the same offer there is no problem in that friendships die and grow in these difficult situations he probably can't see beyond his pain and frustration at the world right now however i would recommend you let him know that you're always going to be his friend and hopefully once he's in a place to see beyond the hurt you can pick up your friendship hey thanks for this i think you've really hit the nail on the head here he probably has always banked on it so that's why he's mad and he's actually a wonderful guy and it makes me so sad that he feels so stuck in his situation but i just can't be the one to pull him out anymore maybe with a bit of time it might be okay because i just hate the idea that this could be friendship ending because i love this boy and i know it's mutual you made a generous offer what six years ago it wasn't an ironclad lifetime contract it was okay for him to ask you if the offer was still open but he shouldn't have assumed nothing had changed not the a-hole i'm sure he isn't a bad person but shouldn't have blown up when you said no no a-holes here but these are the times i hate this sub because the bar is so low no you aren't an a-hole but you have the opportunity to change a close friend's life none of those are good reasons why you can't they are reasons why you don't want to you should do better than not being an a-hole and be a really good human and let him come live with you thanks for your reply none of those are good reasons why you can't they are reasons why you don't want to that's really accurate i think and has definitely given me something to think about well kindness is crucified on this sub so i'm sure i will be downvoted i'm glad you saw it i don't want to live with you is a valid reason it doesn't matter if they can or can't make space for him if you don't want to live with him don't live with him it's not your job to push your own wants and desires aside to accommodate someone who has willfully chosen to not improve their lot in life offers like that are not indefinite people's life situations change the fact that bill has chosen to remain stagnant for years doesn't mean that the world stops turning definitely still offer him reasonable support and help maybe offer to help him look for new living arrangements or if he's hard up for money maybe c only if you are genuinely comfortable with it if you can float him a few dollars to help him land on his feet but absolutely do not feel like you ought to feel bad for not letting him stay with you when he declined your offer for years update am i the a-hole for not letting my friend live in my spare room i wasn't sure whether to post an update but actually this sub really helped me however judging by the responses i got i am not sure whether anyone will like what happens i first had a conversation with my girlfriends we've only been together a year and i'm buying the flats completely on my own but there was certainly a suggestion that she might move in with me depending on how things go in the next few months or so she was and generally is pretty wonderful and she's also met bill and knows what he means to me she said if i wanted to offer him my spare room for a few months then i should go for it then bill i won't go into too much detail but i laid it all out for him i basically said that i didn't want a roommate and that now i was in a relationship my privacy was even more important to me i said that it was important daisy my goddaughter also felt at home in my place so the spare room was basically going to be hers i then said that he was one of my closest friends and i'd do anything for him if i could i said that he could move in with me rent free for three months providing he got a job and saved up some money to rent a room somewhere after we ironed out a few more details but that was the general gist it was really emotional bill kept apologizing and we both cried but it was a good conversation i really appreciated all the responses to my post but they did initially make me righteously angry if that makes sense through my not the a-hole validation i was kind of getting annoyed at bill thinking what right did he have to my home and how dare he be mad about an offer that i made four years ago and then i read the above comments and suddenly thought yeah he's got no right to be mad at me but if he really is one of my best friends then surely i should help him if i can and the fact is i totally can so there you go bill will be moving into my new place and in the meantime i'm going to help him rewrite his cv so he can start looking for jobs in my town maybe this is a bad decision and this sub has certainly made me realize i don't owe him anything but it still feels like the right thing to do thanks reddit edits holy crap i did not expect so many replies and comments thank you to everyone who replied and especially thanks to the lovely person who messaged offering support for bill to write a cover letter just to clarify i'm a girl not a guy i do appreciate the people wanting me not to do this but my mind is made up and i really think it's the right decision i understand it may not work out but i believe in bill and our friendship and i know that he wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me if i'm allowed i'll write an update in three months not sure how the rules of updates work in this sub and hopefully i can give you all good news wow i'm so happy to hear this update i really hope this ends up changing both your and bill's lives for the better i'm blown away by the response to the original comment and the awards kind redditers love everyone raising the bar together this really made my night thanks the more i read your comment the more it stuck with me it also helped that when i spoke to my girlfriend she said a similar thing although a bit more subtle than you did thank you for your words rop states that it's important for their goddaughter to feel comfortable in the space as well will bill be mindful of the space in this regard how often does the god daughter visit that being said if bill is sincerely motivated to turn their life around they will be back on their feet again in no time all they need is a safe space to regroup be thankful you're in a position to give something meaningful to another person that you care about a little kindness goes a long way and op says hey there's been so many comments that i've struggled to read them but i just wanted to reply to this one so far as it's the first one i've read that mentions daisy my god daughter so she's only seven and has never stayed at my place because i currently live in a shared house but she's been asking for years for a sleepover and i promised her what i had my own place that she could stay over i'm gonna sit down with her when i next see her which will probably be tomorrow as i go over there every wednesday and try to explain it to her i'm also going to tell her that when the room is free again she can help decorate it so i'm pretty sure that'll be enough to make her happy this does mean i'll probably be painting the room purple because that's her favorite color but sacrifices have to be made posted by user throwawayadvice236 titled am i the a-hole for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy i 29 have always supported my girlfriend 23. we've been together for four years now and live together for one she has always had anxiety as well as depression where some months are worse than others i have supported her through all of this and understand it is very hard for her in january she lost her job due to the current world circumstances by march she hit a low point with not eating as much crying irritability you know the typical traits of depression i have comforted her as much as possible and taken care of everything however at the beginning of june i was allowed back to work and since the house has fallen to shambles i am too tired by the time i come home to do anything even cook most nights we order takeouts and on the rare occasion she makes food the floors aren't being washed hoovering isn't being done laundry is a mountain and dishes are everywhere i try to keep on top of it but with work it is almost impossible she is home all day she lies in bed till late afternoon watches netflix eats balls of cereal and naps that's about it i've tried to gently coax her to do more and she says she will get to it but never does i finally snapped told her i was sick of her doing nothing all day and leaving the housework to me that if she is here and i am working she needs to be pulling her weight she got upset and said that she wants to but she can never find the motivation that she is tired all the time i said i understand she was depressed but it isn't an excuse to do nothing and be lazy no one likes housework but i won't take any more excuses about it she needs to start doing it or leave next day i come home to a clean house and a note from her saying she was sorry and is going to stay with her mother her mom helped her clean before they left i tried calling but she wouldn't pick up when i rang the house her mother answered and had a lot to say she was furious telling me about how she is struggling and i am making her worse that i should be supporting her not ignoring that she is in a bad place and so on i was told my girlfriend had been crying all day in her bedroom and i feel awful i never wanted to hurt her i just snapped i tried to get her mother to give my girlfriend the phone but she wouldn't speak to me it feels like a lose-lose situation on one hand i know depression results in lack of motivation and cleanliness and on the other hand i can't stand to see our home in such chaos i've never had depression so i can't see for sure how bad it truly is that's why i find it more difficult to 100 empathize am i the a-hole for telling her depression isn't an excuse extra info she has a therapist and talks regularly with them her depression is worse since losing her job usually she is quite clean and tidy we don't usually have this issue she is looking for a job despite depression etc i have enough money to support us both in the meantime such as what happens a lot of the time in these circumstances communication is key and communication is the way to stop a lot of bad problems in relationships he communicated with her she didn't communicate with him back she doesn't sound like she was being honest to him about her struggles and why she wasn't doing it as he said he was getting a lot of excuses from her she is getting help she is getting a lot of support in her life you know unfortunately you do have to pick up the slack with these things and if him communicating and finally trying to get her to do her fair share of work is enough to get her to go back to mum and have to cool down for a bit then so be it sometimes these things just have to happen but rp cannot continue the way he's been going with her and she cannot continue the way she has been going in the house something has to change i can't blame rp for what he's done not the a-hole no a-holes here i feel for both you and her it's not easy dealing with someone who has depression just as it's not easy for that person to be dealing with the depression it's not fair on you to bear that emotionally and it's not fair to her to have someone pushing her i think you both need to re-evaluate and probably take a break or just break up she doesn't seem to be okay in a relationship right now with what she's dealing with to be honest i'm surprised opie didn't pitch doing housework as a means to combat depression just doing a couple tasks a day can stave off feeling down for example clean the kitchen on monday get groceries on tuesday etc that would have been an approach to a solution that would have met both sides needs so i can only speak for my own personal experience with having depression disorder since elementary school i fully recognize not everyone is the same with this disorder your idea is entirely valid and on the surface makes sense but i get an all or nothing mentality either i clean everything now or nothing gets done i know that it makes no sense there is no reason why i can't pick up my laundry today do dishes tomorrow etc but in my brain if i pick up my clothes from the bedroom floor well now i need to straighten my shelves and now i need to dust and now i need to clean the closet reorganize the drawers re-alphabetize my bookshelf wash the windows etc etc but i don't have the energy to do all of that my body physically hurts i'm so tired and so sad so i can't do any of it this kind of paralysis was always my biggest depression symptom whatever the task was i just couldn't do it my brain would not and could not make the necessary connections to get started and at any opportunity to take a break it would shut it to a halt again it wasn't that there was something i would rather be doing it was this gray static in my head blocking all thoughts and movements therapeutic techniques like breaking things down then writing it down so i didn't have to hold everything in my head helped a bit but it wasn't until my medication kicked in that i felt the ability to actually commit to action start returning yeah it feels like my brain gets stuck in a loading sequence like i can see the tasks i'm supposed to be doing but the damn mouse won't work so i can just do them and i feel like people underestimate the physical toll on you as well i'll get partially through a task and then i'll need to take a break for like food or water or the bathroom but as soon as i stop moving every single part of my body hurts and getting it to start again is an insurmountable task my meds helped sometimes but it was a real toss-up depending on what i was on updates am i the a-hole for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy ultimately i realized that the majority of the blame was mine i never ever should have called her lazy because that isn't what she is i lashed out and i shouldn't have she stayed at her mother's for a few days and we eventually met up to talk i told her how it just got too much for me but it was no excuse for lashing out and i apologized she apologized also not that she needed to and we talked for a long while about how we can make our relationship work i expressed my concerns over her therapist who is very against anything other than talking therapy she agreed that he didn't really seem to have her best interests at heart and she's currently looking for someone new for now i suggested she stops looking for work she got a lot of rejections and i could see it was upsetting her more i just felt we should take a step back from that and i want her to focus a little more on herself she was unsure as she felt bad that i would be working for both of us but i assured her that it is fine i make enough to support us both quite comfortably i also suggested maybe she could volunteer at some point just to get her out and get some more stuff on her resume i'm no therapist so these were just suggestions but it has seemed to have taken some of the pressure off her which is all i wanted we agreed that being in the apartment all day alone and in bed is no good for her so we came up with a plan that she do an exercise video three times a week it's only a 10 minute one just so that she is doing something she has found she likes doing them they make her feel a bit better after and has started doing something called yin yoga now too to help me she has one chore a day to do i don't care what it is it could be dishes or it could just be putting the laundry in the hamper this rule has at least gotten her out of bed for part of the day and she's found that once she starts she sometimes ends up doing more than one thing i make sure to show my appreciation for whatever she has done no matter how small it was we have set out that every sunday we will have a deep cleaning day where we get everything done for that week this has been surprisingly successful we make it fun and just mess around while still getting things done it makes the week a lot more manageable when we only have light chores to keep on top of she's trying more and i am also working on being more supportive about her depression i'm researching it more and learning ways i can help her because it is a part of her we are both putting more effort in and communicating a lot better i hope we keep making progress because i do love her very much and want us to work it's so nice when these things have a happy ending good job on working on your issues and communicating properly this does seem like a great example of a couple coming together and talking about their issues not only that but they gave each other space and waited for cooler heads to prevail so they could talk honestly and without tempers flaring they get an a plus plus plus plus they're going to make it i can tell totally on a related note this is why i hate the cliche advice often given to couples to never go to bed angry nah man what good does it do to stay up and add exhaustion to the arguments speaking as someone in a marriage with that rule it's less about insisting on staying awake until things are resolved and more about recognizing that anything can happen and not wanting to risk having major regrets both my husband and i lost our mothers very young i was 18 when my mother died he was 23 and we have both suffered a tremendous amount of loss since including family and very close friends in the case of my husband's mother she fell into a coma very suddenly and spent a month unconscious in the icu before dying my own mother died of cancer but lost her ability to speak very suddenly as a result of a serious seizure we both learned the consequences of leaving things unsaid so neither of us want to risk going to sleep or leaving the house ticked off in the off chance something could happen to either of us that said we both readily acknowledge not every argument is easily solvable so there have been times when bedtime has gone like this i love you with everything i am i know that we are going to work this out i just need more time to cool off before i am able to rationally talk it out hugs and kisses we can both rest easy i'm not sure every couple with that rule is the same as we are and we get that it's not feasible or understandable for everyone but it's important to us posted by user i love pizza 32 titled am i the a-hole for siding with my brother and sister-in-law over my parents my brother and my sister-in-law have been married for six years i love them both dearly they adopted a little girl about a year ago my parents were happy about this too at first they got really angry when my brother and sister-in-law announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids my mum and dad lost their crap they told my brother he had to get my sister-in-law pregnant he was the family's male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name this makes no sense to me nor my bro and sister-in-law it's not as if we're a family of european royalty who gives an f about the family name in this day and age well my parents do apparently they've been berating my brother and guilt-tripping my sister-in-law making her feel like she's taking something away from our family on one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my sister-in-law if she didn't want to get pregnant and he have a son with another woman what's even worse is that they've stopped paying attention to my niece earlier they would call and talk to him almost every day but ever since they were told about my bro and sister-in-law's decision they've stopped calling her this pees me off and has deeply saddened my bro and sister-in-law the child is three years old and does not deserve this kind of treatment yesterday when i called my brother he seemed very upset he told me that mum and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated when he asked if he wanted to talk to their granddaughter they said that they'd talk to their real grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one i was angrier than i've been in a long time i called my parents and unloaded on them i told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece along with a lot of other things that i can't even remember my mum started crying as she's not used to being yelled at i understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much but i just can't believe how awful they're being towards a kid so am i the a-hole or are they edits some people have been wondering how my parents would act when i have kids no need to worry about that since i won't be having any i made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this i'm pretty sure i've already covered this one and op going off at them absolutely not the a-hole it's understandable why they'd be upset that they don't get grandparents but it's not their choice in the end and it's not their place to pressure their kids into having biological kids that they don't want that's just stupid archaic thinking they have no actual reason to be upset they should be happy with the grandchild they have yet they are not so for op to do this and go off at them and put them in their place you are not the a-hole updates am i the a-hole for siding with my brother and sister-in-law over my parents it's been four weeks since i posted the original story since then my parents have tried to rally our relatives uncles aunts cousins and our grandparents to gang up on my brother and sister-in-law to pressure them to have a biological child preferably male however their plan has failed miserably most of the relatives told them that they were being crazy cousins repeated some of the things that i had said to them uncles and dads told them if they did want a biological grandson there was no excuse for the way they were treating my niece even my grandparents who were quite old-fashioned admonished them for their behavior my brother has banned them from his home i've banned them from mine and this ban will stay in place until they start treating my niece like their granddaughter i.e the way she deserves to be treated i feel like my grandparents shunning my niece hurts even more because when she first became a part of the family they appeared to love her they would speak to her on the phone play with her when they visited but all of that stopped when they found out that my brother and sister-in-law won't be having any biological kids they just rejected a little girl for no fault of her own i showed my previous post to my sister-in-law and your kind words did put a smile on her face for that i want to say thank you as an adopted person i want to say thank you and all of your relatives for being horrified about this real relation bullcrap anyone can have a child that does not mean they can be a parent and your parents certainly don't deserve the name of grandparents with their fixation on genetics and names adopted families are in no way less legitimate than biological ones love and care is what binds tell your brother and sister-in-law that they are wonderful and you are a hero for backing them up and cutting off your parents bravo this as a person raised in a lovely foster family from birth till middle aged men i am now i can confirm this i was expected to die soon after birth but they warded me with so much love that i had to stay alive someone else comments preferably male what would happen if they did have a biological child and it was a girl would they berate them until they had a grandson well obviously they need to keep popping out kids until the wife provides a male heir and if the son needs to execute her and to remarry in order for the air to be provided then that's just what he'll have to do for the crown of england the ironic part about that whole thing of old monarchs killing or exiling their wives but not providing them a male heir like henry viii is that it's the male who determines the baby's gender so the failing is with them and not their wives just an added piece of stupidity to an already stupid notion these a-holes don't realize that they have damaged relationships with many people for no reason they already have an image of a crazy couple and it's only going to get worse well done sticking to your brother and your niece i hope they aren't stupid and delusional enough to not realize that now given that they've now alienated virtually every member of their actual family in the pursuit of a hypothetical legacy that might not even happen even if bro and sister-in-law wanted by her kids i'm not optimistic yeah i remember that post it was a doozy for me as an adoptee to read too honestly you should keep this ban in place no matter what until the kid decides otherwise when she reaches an age to decide with clear logical reasoning they have shown their true colors they have shown how they truly think of her and to adopt tease by extension i wouldn't want people who think that poorly of a child to be around them no matter what your last post infuriated me this post infuriates me i'll eventually get to the sadness parts stay strong love that niece to bits give my thanks to all your family members you all are one amazing family for throwing out that kind of blood first and genetics matters bs posted by user stay or go titled am i the a-hole and also my friends for not wanting to babysit our other friends childs i'm just gonna get straight into it this is about a group of friends five people and one friend expecting us to provide her with free child care we are all in our mid and end twenties some of us go to university and work part time others have finished their education and work a friend of said friend group i will call her lily here got pregnant about three years ago she was separated from the child's father when she found out she was pregnant and it was clear to all of us lilly included that he would be a deadbeat should lily decide to keep the pregnancy going and get the baby since we are all pretty close she discussed this with us we are all women by the way all four of us said that this decision was solely lily's and we understand her situation sucks but also all four of us were leaning towards an abortion with the following reasons lily had no stable income at the time her parents were supporting her financially and adding the burden of a child to that seemed unfair the father would be a deadbeat meaning she was going to be on her own with this kid lily loves her freedom she has a very big fear of missing out as a single mother in a group of five single young women there would be many things she would have to miss out on well she still decided to keep the pregnancy and gave birth to her baby a little over two years ago since then she's been miserable but not only her our friendship is suffering and we are getting tired of her the father is a deadbeat as expected he has no contact with lily she expects this baby to be all avow's responsibility she expects to drop the kid on one of us whenever she wants to or needs to she expects us to rotate with missing out on events so she can take part in some of them as if this kid was a common responsibility to all five of us and not just her we specifically don't have kids because we want to live our lives and not take care of a child lily gets frustrated with us over this she thinks his friends we should take on this responsibility together we think she was the one who decided to have this child it was her decision and is her responsibility so reddits are we the a-holes for not taking care of lily's child equally edit if there are questions please ask didn't want to make this too long edit 2 lily thinks that we should step in because the father is a deadbeat and she should not have to do it on her own newsflash lily you decided to keep the kid as a single mother knowing the father was a deadbeat it's a very hard decision to go either way but you cannot expect your friends to pick up the slack that you and your baby daddy dropped the child is not your friend's responsibility and it's unfair of you to expect them to be looking after them and going on rotations so that you don't miss out it's unfortunate but when you have kids you kind of have to make sacrifices opie i don't think you're the a-holes for not taking care of lily's child you gave her plenty of warning beforehand what would happen and she still went through with it i don't know why she expects you guys to change your mentality now just because the baby is born that's unhealthy and she really needs to get some help not the a-hole not the a-hole it's not your responsibility at all your entire life changes when you have a kid and it sounds like she is refusing to accept it so far not the a-hole and i don't want to be a dick but i see stupid people pull this crap all the time what the f was she expecting when she had her mistake and before you say it wasn't a mistake i also agree with the fact that she refuses to accept that this is her sole responsibility because she got herself into this mess all alone kids aren't some one-off thing with equal distribution they are years of misery pain and love by two if you're solo i don't disagree with the mistake part just the part where you say you don't want to be a dick everything you said was true but you're a dick referring to that child as her mistake lamell yeah honestly i regret nothing from what i've read she's very selfish why do people have kids when they don't actually want to you know raise a kid it will never stop blowing my mind how often a parents try to pawn off their spawn when they just don't feel like parenting yeah i get that it's hard that's why i don't have kids not the a-hole having her child was 100 her decision and is 100 her responsibility it's incredibly unfair and selfish of her to expect you all to jump in and co-parent for her when none of you agreed to that you are her adult currently child free friends living your adult child free lives this is the life she chose for herself and she needs to make peace with it side note that poor poor kid not the a-hole it's her kid her responsibility you guys can help out but it should not be expected but asked if you could look after x on date y for a set period of time lily is the a-hole asking friends to help out as normal but expecting your friends to miss out on things they want to do so she can go instead not cool she chose to have a kid the burden of not being able to go to everything is on her solely updates am i the a-hole and also my friends for not wanting to babysit our other friends childs first of all i'm sorry for taking so long to update but it kind of took longer than i expected and it was a process i took your messages to heart after posting here i first talked to the other three making sure we were all on the same page we then arranged to meet up with lily and had a very long very tough conversation we were really honest with her we told her we love her dearly but her child was solely her responsibility we are not and also do not want to be any sort of parents to her child here is what we discussed we discussed what you guys suggested one maybe she could try to make mom friends so she has people who actually can relate to her and also they can build some kind of babysitting schedule 2. maybe she needs therapy she still has not adjusted to being a mum and it's about time we also wanted to set some rules in place 3. we won't miss any events to babysit her child unless there is an emergency meaning somebody is injured or dead 4. we are open to do child-friendly activities sometimes but not all of our meetings will be child friendly either she has a babysitter for that who is none of us or she has to miss some of our activities five our studies and jobs are our main priorities we won't sacrifice that because she has to be a mother and six we offered her one saturday evening and night of babysitting a month the four of us would rotate meaning every four months it would be my turn where she could do whatever she wants and go wherever she wants for that time in addition to that we are willing to rotate babysitting her child while she is in therapy sessions if she decided to go it was a really long talk and i'm probably missing some things we all said all of us cried a lot we talked for a long time lily was very disappointed and explained to all the things we already knew how she expected us to take on a child as if it was ours all the things i already mentioned in my last post but she said she needed to just let this sink in i saw her pain that day and all four of us felt really badly and sorry for her but it was a weight off my chest that i can't even explain lily has found a therapist and is looking forward to starting therapy in october i truly hope this helps her let go of some of the sadness and also learn to accept her situation as a single mother and that we can continue to be friends with her thank you guys for helping me out i am so happy to hear that you had that talk with her you all handled it very well i would have had a hard time with it as well because i hate confrontation i love that you even offered together a sort of babysitting schedule that you would all rotate that's not too much for you all to deal with and to help when she's in therapy sounds like she had some hard thinking to do i'm glad that she's going into therapy now did she reach out again afterwards to let you know how she took it all after thinking yes she reached out to us to tell us that she has therapy scheduled and we are still talking i think she's kind of grieving the loss of her life as a child-free person and it really sunk in that she really has all this responsibility on her shoulders we think that this is where a lot of her pain is coming from and that before giving birth she just really did not grasp what a big thing this would be there are still parts of her that feel abandoned which we really pointed out a couple of times that this is not what we are doing we want to be friends with her but i do have the feeling that also a part of her understands where we are coming from this is great i have one friend who ended up divorcing shortly after her son was born different reasons in different situations i love stepping up and babysitting and for free but if i can't for some reason i can't she gets paid help when she needs it and is rarely called with an emergency she had a divorce lawyer emergency oh my god lawyer wants to meet now can you watch sleeping five-month-old for an hour and a half so i don't wake him and called for some help when her mom was sick i think this is the sort of thing that you should expect from a friend in relation to watching your kids not anything else i'm glad you guys aren't saying that you're not interested at all you just want it to be a fair thing yes we want her in our lives and we just love her like we always did but we felt that resentment was starting to build up and we did not want this friendship to end i really hope this schedule will help us and her to not lose our bonds posted by user am i the a-hole missed birth titled am i the a-hole for not defending my brother-in-law for missing the birth of his daughter even though i missed the birth of mine so my wife 31 female and i 29 male have two kids our oldest son and younger daughter my brother-in-law josh 26 male has just had a baby girl with his partner brad on the day my daughter was born two years ago i was with my other brother-in-law dan also 29 male when he was hit by a car understandably he was in bad shape and i called an ambulance and his parents told me my wife was in labor my wife told me over the phone to go with dan to the hospital and that she would be fine she was more worried for dan than anyone we were both at different hospitals my wife at the local hospital and dan and i at a bigger city hospital and it culminated in me missing my daughter being born while i stayed with dan so he wasn't alone and i could keep everyone updated dan ended up making a full recovery with some physio and my daughter was born with no complications and i met her when she was a few hours old now josh and brad had a baby due in late august but josh had a vacation with his friends booked for july note it was a vacation within the country and within the pandemic restrictions brad asked him not to go so close to the baby being born and i also advised him not to go but he chose to anyway as he thought he has enough time evidently he did not brad went into labor while he was gone and his daughter was born without him there like my case it was a few hours before he could get back to meet her the entire family is fuming at him because we all told him not to go on the vacation he asked for my support because he thought that i would understand and i told him it's a completely different scenario and that i had no choice and more importantly i had my wife's permission apparently he and his friends all believe that we but more specifically me because i should get it are a-holes because it wasn't his choice to miss the birth because she was born premie i think he's the a-hole because there's a huge difference between the reasons i couldn't be there versus his reasons i seriously don't get his logic so i'm asking you guys for some more perspective am i the a-hole edits i didn't put this in the post to avoid any off-topic questions or transverbs but josh's partner is a trans man not a wife girlfriend or lady edit two i keep getting asked this so the baby was five to six weeks early yeah i believe that they're two separate things also this guy obviously didn't have permission to go on this vacation from everyone else i feel like if everyone is telling you hey this is a really bad idea you're going on a vacation and you're going to put this baby at risk during a pandemic if it does come out man you should probably stay home and not going on this vacation because you could miss the birth if you willfully go against that advice from your entire family you might have a few screws loose in your head and the friends are no better enabling this behavior i can't understand it i don't know how your friends understand it not the aholop good on you for shutting this guy down not the a-hole and you better believe no partner of mine would be going on vacation if i were eight months pregnant i'm gonna go as far as to say anytime your pregnant partner asks you to not go away on vacation and you go anyway you're the a-hole they don't get a break from gestating your baby you're not entitled to a break from supporting them through it exactly i was 34 weeks when my husband had a scheduled business trip three hours away he asked me how i felt about it i told him to go but to take his own car so that he could leave in the middle of the night if necessary he thought about it and eventually told his supervisor that there's no way he's going because he would not forgive himself missing the birth of his daughter he missed it nonetheless she was born full term during the peak of the pandemic when all support people including the fathers were banned from the delivery rooms it just wasn't meant to be and i'm still very sad about the fact that he missed it and there was literally nothing he could have done about it can't imagine how i would feel if he missed it because he was on vacation without me not the a-hole he clearly didn't have his priorities straight if he chooses to go on vacation when his pregnant partner is asking him not to he is already an a-hole he is just trying to use you as a shield updates am i the a-hole for not defending my brother-in-law for missing the birth of his daughter even though i missed the birth of mine well i wasn't expecting the response on my last post i thought some of you might like an update and a couple of people on twitter requested it it's a happy ending you'll be glad to hear i did send josh this post and he admitted that he screwed up brad has reported to me that josh has well and truly repented their baby girl is now four weeks old and josh has been on night duty since she was a week olds he apologized to brad for not being there for him and to me for dragging me into it both of us forgave him and it seems everything will be okay their daughter is a happy healthy little girl and a very vocal one at that she's apparently a big fan of yelling at her dads and not sleeping so josh is certainly receiving his karma unfortunately she's yet to meet her cousins and most of the family thanks to the pandemic but we receive plenty of video calls and photos brad also saw the post and thanked everyone for their congratulations and support he's recovering well at home and he's almost ready to start binding again as well as slowly returning to taking hrt i'm sure some of you will be disappointed to hear that josh has been forgiven but that's just the way it goes my niece will grow up in a happy family with two dads who love her and hopefully josh will never be so dumb again i'm not upset agile that josh was forgiven because it sounds like he understood that he was wrong took responsibility and made it right with bread if brad is happy i'm happy for them congrats on the new family member i'll pass on your congratulations to our dads we are all overjoyed to have a new baby in the family i love am i the a-hole stories i'm a huge fan of drama but at the end of the day these are people's lives and i'm always glad to read when things work out in the updates also congrats to all of you i'm in fact delighted josh has been forgiven because he made genuine efforts to make amends it's nice to be reminded that most people are decent enough folks who are capable of correcting course after slipping into the a-hole territory rather than just irredeemable permanent a-holes so happy for the story i'm a trans man too and the outcome so happy these folks have level-headed families like you around this is the best situation and for what it's worth you are handling questions and pronouns super well it makes me so happy to see much love to y'all i've known brad for many years so i'd like to consider myself well educated but it's all thanks to him thanks for the compliments and the love posted by user gxtch titled am i the a-hole for telling my brother's fiancee that i don't want their wedding to be on the day that my twin passed away alrighty this is going to be rather long my brother 22 male and his fiancee 21 female were looking at wedding venues yesterday and his fiancee had decided on the first one that they saw she wants their wedding to occur in september 2021 of course because that's the month of their anniversary the only problem was that the only day that the venue was available in september would be the day that my twin brother passed away for a little context we were born prematurely and had a lot of medical complications after fighting for his life for a few months my twin brother sadly lost his life yesterday after they'd paid a down payment on the venue my brother realized the significance of that day and him and his fiancee talked to my mom fast forward a little deeper into the day his fiancee texts me out of nowhere and asks me if i'd be on board with the idea of them holding the wedding on the day of my twins passing i responded stating that i could not support it nor approve of them doing so she replied claiming that she would bring my brother zen to the wedding and make him an honorary groomsman as well as the fact that she claimed my mother was okay with it two hours after our conversation and after taking my response into consideration she posts on facebook that the venue not the day of the wedding will change i.e confirming that they hadn't changed their minds i don't mean to use such vulgar language but i think her actions were completely screwed up i feel as though she could pick a million other venues that are available on any other day in september i feel like crap because i think that the least i can do to honor my twin is to let him have his day am i selfish for feeling this way my mom has been kind of giving me crap about how i feel though my dad and other siblings feel as though i'm justified i don't honestly think that opie is in the right here i feel like that was such a long time ago you didn't even get to know your twin brother it's okay to be hurt but are we never allowed to have any significant events on the day that your twin passed that kind of seems unfair i don't feel like you get to grieve for this long a time for someone that you never actually met this is a huge stretch op and i feel like you're way over emphasizing the importance of this death yes it's still significant but i'm surprised it's still engulfing you this much that you would stop someone's wedding on that day that's just silly this is too much to ask for op you're the a-hole sorry for mixing metaphors but you're really milking the victim card hard you never even knew your twin you were not mourning him you're mourning for an idea what a morbid excuse to make everything about you you're the a-hole but my answer would change if you were your mother who actually has memories of your twin and watched her baby die i didn't know a nice way to put this but i agree with you the baby between my oldest brother and my older sister passed away after four months my oldest brother kind of remembers her but he's not sure if it's an actual memory or stories my mother told for so long he was really little my mother was really destroyed by it for a long time i understand why she is but she still sometimes gets upset that none of us kids consider annabelle a sibling we usually say oh there's x number of girls and x number of guys and annabelle just never gets put into that my mom used to correct us and as much as i feel for her loss it's not my loss i was born almost 15 years after annabelle passed and it's hard for my mother because she still feels like she has x number of children not x minus one child and my dad is pretty used to death at this point due to his job and while he is supportive he has told my mother before that he's made peace with annabelle's passing he believes there's a heaven and he doesn't feel the need to constantly mention someone who has passed and live his life in pain it's like saying you can't have a wedding because abraham lincoln died on that day two people who have never met this person if you say someone passed away as a baby you don't get to claim you were such close siblings if you were the exact same age and that you would not have any memories of that baby isn't it interesting how we in developed countries nowadays see death is something rare which happens mostly to old people not long ago parents had five or more kids and hoped that at least two of them would survive to adulthood do you think they put everything on hold each year on the day that their kids died my then 18 year old brother died from an accident when i was 12 years old i don't even remember the date on which he died because that doesn't matter i do visit his grave on his birthday however keep the good memories and don't ruin your and everyone else's life every year that's definitely not what the person that died wanted you to feel and do you're the a-hole as much as it hurts to lose someone holding that date sacred beyond a certain time frame shifts from respectful to maudlin it has been 16 years since your twin died and the compromise offered by the bride was more than fair if anyone has the right to object it would be the mom or dad who lost a child especially mum who'd carried and birthed the child that's a far more real death than a twin you never knew the fact that the parents are okay and even giving opie grief is a bit telling posted by user throwaway 7654390 titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister-in-law to stop trying to see my son as hers my sister-in-law 25 female lost her baby boy when she was seven months pregnant with him four months ago she made plans bought him clothes and prepared his nursery even bought a few packs of diapers and bottles because due to some health issues she's been having she decided to go with formula it was absolutely devastating especially for my brother because he was looking forward to becoming a dad i gave birth to my baby boy a month ago and while i was pregnant my sister-in-law came to see me and she said she didn't know what to do with all the baby stuff she bought so she decided to donate them to me since my husband is currently on deployments and is away from home i was so happy and thanked them for their generosity then while i was staying at my parents house my sister-in-law started bringing in stuff she bought after my baby was born and said that it'd match the shoes or something like that she also brought in the formula even though i was breastfeeding and didn't even need that she said the formula was for when she feeds my baby and asked if it was okay she and my brother would change the diapers and dress my baby in the clothes that they bought and do mix and match and how they would have dressed their deceased baby the same way i started noticing i got upset i'm not gonna lie especially when my husband video chats and sees his son dressed in clothes that they picked she's always holding him and would take him out of his nursery without telling me she sometimes sleeps in our nursery saying that the baby might need something it went as far as refusing him to call him by his name and give him a nickname that she was planning on giving her son like chico i finally snapped when she and my brother wanted to take him for a sleepover at their house i yelled at my sister-in-law after she kept insisting and told her to stop trying to take my baby from me and treat him like her son my brother lashed out at me and called me ungrateful while she was crying telling him they needed to leave my mum watched it all and sided with my brother who said that i should pay for everything that they gave me and that they didn't want to take the stuff back for my baby's sake we haven't talked after the arguments my mom keeps talking to my sister-in-law and i could hear her cry on speaker i felt guilty but all i wanted was to bond with my baby and she was there all the time i genuinely don't think from the way that you've put it across that you can be blamed for any of this behavior from the mopee you facilitated them which was perhaps a mistake because they kept trying to cross the line ever so slightly with their behavior to compensate for the loss of their own baby it's genuinely heart-wrenching it's a very sad situation but you cannot just put someone else's child in place of your own lost child's it's not fair in the baby it's not fair on the parents and it's not fair on yourself op i can't blame you for laying down the law who the hell would let your own baby have a sleepover with your brother and sister-in-law that's just ridiculous i don't know what planet they're living on to think that that's a normal thing to do that's bordering on cold child protective services she's abandoned her baby not the a-hole but your sister-in-law is grieving and needs to see a therapist pretending your son is her baby is not helping her heal or get help because in her mind she already has a baby not the a-hole but keep an eye give them everything back and get out as fast as you can honestly reading through the way opie describes her sister-in-law interacting with the baby i just keep thinking what if she decides it's her baby and tries to take him she doesn't sound well mentally and could get worse exactly what i was thinking as most people during grief don't really think like they usually do and the fact that she can just pop by the nursery take the kid and dip to an unavailable location aka kidnapped a kid maybe a small chance but a chance nonetheless i mean it sounds like it's absolutely not a small chance and statistically most kidnappings happen by close friends and family not strangers i would absolutely be worried she would kidnap that baby the sister-in-law isn't grieving which is the problem she's found a way to put her grief on pause like parents who keep their kids room as a shrine she definitely needs help and dopey needs to keep very clear boundaries in place no more gifts no more clothes no more nicknames if they won't take the stuff back then donate it do not let it be associated with your son because sister-in-law is using it as a touchstone for her illusions or delusions i'd say shut that down and quick do not leave her alone with your son in any capacity she needs help and until she gets it it's up to opie to protect her kid however she can posted by user throw away am i the ahole1212 titled am i the a-hole for asking my sister to be wary of her attractive babysitter due to pandemic related issues i 25 female had to stay at my sister's house for three weeks my sister 35 female works in an essential field and hence had to go to work every day while her husband mostly worked from home but had to go to his office two to three times a week because their hours were so difficult to manage and work around my sister hired a babysitter to look after their six-year-old daughter this babysitter 24 female stayed at their house in a guest room and also did other things for the family take care of their dog including taking her on walks helping my niece with her schoolwork occasionally taking care of their garden etc it's only when i went to their house to stay last month that i realized the true extent of their situation the babysitter was extremely attractive and she wore skimpy clothing she seemed to be in competition with tesla's short shorts she literally wore cammies or thin tank tops half the time and cited los angeles weather as the reason why when i asked her about it she also said this is how people in los angeles dress and basically called me ignorant i tried to warn my sister about this situation about how she was leaving her husband at home with such a woman for extended periods of time anyone would be tempted her husband has been unfaithful to her in the past all the more reason to be extra cautious right i also asked her what kind of example her babysitter was setting for her younger daughter i think i might be the a-hole because my sister got so upset with me and literally blew up in my face she said that she trusted her husband completely and that they had gone to therapy together and worked out their issues lol she also said that i was so wrong for questioning their girl's character and for asking what kind of example her babysitter was setting she basically called me sexist she also accused me of flashing out because i was never considered popular or attractive in high school or college with boys so i had become resentful she has to be the a-hole for that right when i told my boyfriend about this he joked i didn't know i was dating a misogynist i think the only reason i wasn't kicked out of the house was because of last minute intervention from my dad he also seems to take my sister's side however my relationship with my entire family now seems acrimonious am i the a-hole here op if everyone in your family knows the ins and outs of your relationship with this person and they're all not on your side i think that's a pretty clear indication that you're the one in the wrong here is it not you have a problem with this babysitter for being attractive you're trying to find a scapegoat for your actions saying that the husband was adulterous and whatnot at one point in time maybe he is again maybe he's not you don't have any evidence for that so you're saying that you're allowed to say whatever you want just because the husband has been unfaithful to her so you know what screw this uh babysitter i can say whatever i want because i don't agree with what she's wearing or her life choices that kind of makes you a terrible person opie you are a misogynist for doing that and you're the a-hole first of all can we please all stop reducing men to useless sex-crazed lumps with no control over their penises because i think that trend is getting old that said the way a woman dresses is her choice period you don't get to question her about it furthermore your sister's marriage and trust issues with her husband are not any of your business either period preach opie is being super disrespectful not only to the babysitter who did nothing wrong even after opie actually asked her a stranger about her clothes but to the husband as well nobody in a decent relationship would just automatically assume their husband is being unfaithful due to an attractive babysitter opie apologize to all parties i'd also take what she said about your jealousy and projections seriously you're the a-hole the 1950s cult and they want their attitudes towards women's clothing back nah they had shorts and camis in the 1950s obie seems to have arrived in the 1910s at least are you saying the kids have seen her ankles scandalous you're the a-hole you really do seem sexist she's a questionable character because of how she dresses and men can't be trusted around attractive women come on opie also if she's staying in your sister's house do you just think she's blind and doesn't see this girl or is she too stupid to see the threat that you seem to it's got to be one or the other if you felt like you needed to warn her to be wary posted by user throwaway 00865107 titled am i the a-hole for yelling at my wife and step-daughter my eight-year-old son has muscular dystrophy he was diagnosed at five years of age my ex-wife and i noticed something was seriously wrong when he struggled with a delay in walking difficulty rising from his seats and bending and picking stuff up the news was absolutely devastating my ex-wife couldn't accept how everything we had planned for our son's future came crashing down she thought i had more courage to deal with his illness so she left probably wanting to forget about us and start over i got married to my wife a year ago my stepdaughter is a very loud and picky kid she's 12. she had laid her eyes on my son's room and wanted to take it we've talked about it since she seems to be hating me and holding a grudge for this very reason i told her no her room is upstairs it's smaller but i needed the bigger room to provide my son with space to move freely last week she brought it up again and said she wanted to switch rooms because her friends said it was not cool and girly and she wanted space to put her girly stuff i explained that my son doesn't have the ability to go up and down stairs with a wheelchair my wife said that i should get one of those electric climbing wheelchairs i told her yes i might be considering this in the future but i wasn't going to burden my son with the trouble of climbing up and down stairs before i get him a better wheelchair once i've saved up for it my stepdaughter started crying my wife sided with her and lashed out after i refused saying her daughter's mental health matters and that i was being unfair with treating kids differently i lost it i started yelling at them both and telling them they were selfish for asking me this my wife yelled back and said she wanted to take her daughter and go stay with her folks till i make this right and be fair to them there doesn't seem to be too many redeeming qualities about these two about any of the women in your life op and for that i'm gonna go on to this next segment and say you're better off without them you're better off without all three of those women in your life if they are going to make life even harder for someone that was born with muscular dystrophy that's not fair on him it's not fair on you just so that they can be a little more convenienced with a little more space in your house those two can go to hell for all i care i wouldn't invite them back i'd cut them off and i'd find someone that is actually worthy of your time and will actually be patient with you and your son none of this is your fault you are doing the best you can as a father and they throw all this on you simply unacceptable i there is a no no three strikes on your out policy one strike get out of my house not the a-hole your step-daughter is a child and will hopefully grow up to realize how much of an a-hole she's being your wife is a full-grown adult and should know better if she can't recognize why your son's needs far outweigh her daughter's needs for a bigger room then consider throwing away the whole wife my wife thinks i somehow see my stepdaughter as less and would consider everything i do for my son playing favorites she's very sensitive about this particularly and can't seem to get those silly thoughts out of her head if your wife thinks you taking care of your son's medical needs is playing favorites then i hate to break it to you but she's not worth the trouble your son has one of the most trying genetic conditions and instead of supporting you and your stepson through what is undoubtedly a hard journey for you both she is instead petty and jealous those thoughts aren't silly they are toxic their lack of empathy for a little kid that is gradually losing his abilities is heartbreaking adapting a house is terribly expensive those wheelchair elevators may not fit op's house besides being horribly expensive giving him the bedroom where he can be independent without asking for help or house modifications should be a non-issue it should be a given i never saw anyone complaining about it as the stepkid and her mom are doing and i worked with kids with disabilities for real the daughter and stepmom are upset that she doesn't have a bigger room to make more girly but lil dude is suffering from a lifelong disability for frick's sake like a greatly reduced life too if he is already in a wheelchair at age the lack of empathy from the stepmom and sister not willing to let him be independent while he can is unbelievable not the a-hole of course but why not offer to change your stepdaughter's room to something more girly if that's the problem regardless wanting to make your son go up and downstairs with a wheelchair just because her room is smaller is ridiculous but since your wife sided with her i guess we know where this is coming from i'm not sure if she'll be okay with this idea i think it's more about the location in space because my stepdaughter has tons of girly stuff in her room but wanted a place to organize it sounds like maybe she has more stuff than she needs reminds me of an old acquaintance who also had way too much stuff and never learned humility or basic decency her mother also coddled her like crazy honestly i think this is your wife's fault and if she can't see that there is no good solution to this good luck i hope you can work it out maybe try the relationship advice sub posted by user gateway titled am i the a-hole for laughing and putting my head in my hands when my wife tried to make me take a testosterone test i'm just so frustrated right now my wife continues to try to blame the fact that i'm not attracted to her on me factors maybe it's my work my family my height now it's my hormone levels so my wife gave birth to our twins a year ago and since then i haven't been attracted to her she's had huge stretch marks and is still about 70 pounds over her pre-baby weights her personal hygiene is also very low i've been trying to give subtle clues like let's get a healthy meal subscription or let's walk around the trails after dinner or i'd talk about what perfumes she would like to wear however today she asked if next time i went to the doctor i would get a testosterone test i looked at her in disbelief then she said that there could be a medical reason for my lack of attraction and kept pushing it i couldn't take it and started laughing and putting my head in my hands and shaking it my wife got extremely ticked and said that you didn't have to be 60 to have erectile dysfunction i finally snapped and said that i did get hard in the right circumstances and it's true every time i go back to the college campus where i do research i have felt intense attraction for a lot of the women there now she's saying that i've devastated her beyond belief and that her body will never be the same am i the a-hole i can't help how disgusted i am about stretch marks and i can't help that my previously dead sense of attraction goes all the way to 100 when i see women where i work and i hate my wife for denying that i'm not the problem at all i'm genuinely taken aback at this one i don't know what to say it's a truly terrible thing to say to a person but i'm not at all sure how common this is i feel like reading ah slash dead bedrooms has skewed my opinion here because you just see it all the time where the low libido partner just falls out of love with the high libido partner a lot of the time it's because of weight or something just happens in their life and opie holding it in for so long and completely blowing up at her like this and devastating her it just hurts to see it just really hurts it's not the way to go about it there should have been couples counselling there should have been something to help your wife and help this relationship ages ago yet you let it fester opie because you didn't want to deal with it you're the a-hole and i don't think there's much coming back from this unless you guys work on this and communicate you're the a-hole if you love her just for her body you don't love her she gave birth a human being of course her body won't be the same stretch marks are common like if not all of humans most of us have it i have stretch marks on my knees and my ass and i'm a 23 year old male just look at your body i'm 99 sure you have them somewhere if she gained weight as normal she was pregnant just work out with her not because she was fat just for her health i hope she dumps you edits oh my god i'm really shook right now for the response first years of attraction and love are different things but opie sounds too much of an a-hole to be in love with her for working out if she's looking after twins all day i think she's just too tired to walk after dinner what opie needs to do is giving her a me time and explain to her how unhealthy it is being overweight i'm not from the usa so i don't know her weight pounds don't make sense to me at all for hygiene opie is right but overall he sounds too ignorant that's why i went with your the a-hole you're the a-hole stop comparing your wife whose body went through pregnancy and to the birth of twins to young college students who make you horny it might not be a medical issue but yes you are the problem in this equation exactly this not attraction to his wife is his issue not hers it's his own issue that he doesn't find the body that gave him two kids attractive it's his shallowness that's the issue only half right it could be both their issues gaining significant weight and doing nothing to try and regain your body plus poor hygiene are legitimate reasons for your spouse to be less sexually attracted to you if a woman marries a stud athlete with an eight pack who smells of tom ford cologne and he suddenly morphs into a couch surfing 250 pound lump that showers once a week no one here is gonna tell her just suck it up and take one for the team especially not if he's trying to pin the blame on her like there's something wrong with her biologically for not wanting to search for his smelly unwashed wiener under all the layers of flabs so she can stick it in her mouth while pinching her nose shut with her other hands that's a bit that's really gross edits evidently this sub never thinks that a woman should never have to feel guilted or pressured into having sex if she doesn't want to regardless of the reason for it and i would agree with that view yet when a man has a genuine and legitimate reason not to want to have sex such as his partner has become obese and doesn't wash then how he feels and what he wants is irrelevant it's still all about what she wants and he's the a-hole or there's something wrong with him for even suggesting that he has a right to feel repulsed and to turn down sex and i say shame on them for even thinking it's remotely okay to hold such a blatant gender double standard around sexual consent tldr a woman is just as entitled to sex from her husband as a man is from his wife she isn't full stop and the fact that she just had a baby or two isn't a free pass to sexual coercion get it posted by user am i the ahole1231 titled am i the a-hole for evicting attendance because they got pregnant yes i know the title sounds awful but please do hear me out before making a judgment i will accept whatever judgment i'm given i thirty male purchased a three-bedroom condo in toronto canada five years ago when i was in my second year of medical residency soon after the purchase i rented one of the rooms to my roommates female 29 to offset the costs of the mortgage i live in one room she lives in the second and the third is my study slash office she has been a great roommate from the beginning we aren't necessarily friends as in we don't do things together for fun but we get along exceptionally well the entire roommate slash tenant relationship has gone swimmingly up until recently a couple weeks ago my roommate broke the news to me that she's pregnant the father was a fling of hers who does not want anything to do with the child my roommate has decided she wants to keep the child anyways and raise it on her own to me that seems like a huge challenge and i admire her for it the issue is while i don't necessarily dislike children i have no desire to live with a baby while the condo is a fair size i will most definitely be woken up by the baby's cries at night my condo is also where i like to come home and to relax like a haven after a long work day and the idea of coming home to a baby honestly seems absolutely chaotic especially since this isn't my own child i.e one that my girlfriend and i decided to have and was mentally prepared for as difficult as it was for me to do this i told her essentially what i've written here and that it would be best if she finds somewhere else to live i am not rushing her out or anything like that i have given her six months notice since any later than that will come too close to the birth she was honestly quite taken aback by this and thought that i was being cruel her primary concern is that rent has gone up substantially in the city since she signed on with me i haven't increased her rent since she's moved in so she's essentially paying 2015 rent she works as a waitress and will likely need to find a lesser apartment to keep within the same budget a couple of other considerations are that she was out of work while restaurants were closed but i did waive her rent for that period all of the furniture is also mine aside from her bedroom so she would need to figure something out on that front as well aside from all the child expenses i understand her position and i feel horrible about the situation but i honestly can't do it am i the a-hole for this it's a very hard situation there and getting pregnant is a very hard situation as we see many many times throughout this subreddit props to her for keeping the baby but that comes with its own challenges and one of those challenges is that you can't live with op anymore it's too much of a disruption i can't personally fault opie for not wanting to have such a disruption in his home environment it's his house his rules sometimes you just have to make hard decisions like this and it's unfortunate that it's having such an effect on the friends but that's life sometimes so basically yeah not the a-hole edits thank you to everyone who has commented there have been two great suggestions on how i can make this situation better which i have taken to heart i haven't been able to give life much thought lately as work has been quite busy firstly i have a friend in real estate and i'm gonna see if they can help her try to find some affordable listings secondly as i don't plan to take on another tenant after her and can afford to do this anyway i have decided i'm going to waive her rent for the remainder of the tenancy this will hopefully give her a bit of a boost to get on her feet edit 2 i'm just checking this for the first time today my god i was not expecting anywhere near this many replies thank you to everyone who has commented i am about to head into surgery but i will do my best to get back to as many people as i can later today edit 3 update i am honestly overwhelmed by the amount of attention this has got thank you to everyone that commented regardless of your opinion i also have an update on the situation and i wish everyone that's commented so far could receive a notification to read it so firstly to anyone asking about the legality of the matter i consulted an attorney to be 1 000 sure and this is perfectly legal since i live in the units the eviction laws are much more lenient secondly to anyone that said i should allow her to live with me anyway i challenge you to consider what the alternative would be if this doesn't happen now then when her baby will become a toddler and a toddler eventually becomes a school-aged child will it really be any better to do this later on or do you suggest that i let her raise the child here until they are 18. and finally the update when i came home from work today i told her that i wanted to discuss the overall situation before i even began she actually apologized to me for how she spoke to me and for expecting that i would be okay for her to raise her child here i told her that her apology is totally unnecessary as her reaction was completely understandable considering the uncertainty of her future i then told her what i told all of you that i would wave her rent for the remainder of her stay to help her get on her feet she pushed back on this at first but after i urged her to think of her child she graciously accepted aside from this i also told her about my friend who could help her out with finding some affordable listings in the area i thought i might be overstepping there but she was actually extremely thankful and said that she would take me up on there and finally i want to thank user toddy peachy fruity for probably the best piece of advice that i've read i'm sure there are many more people that i should be thanking but i honestly don't think i'll be able to read everything here this was that i could help her obtain a more reliable work position at my hospital nothing fancy as she doesn't have any schooling but it will be more secure than waitressing and once you're in there's always ways to work your way up there would also be benefits and maternity leave that i don't think restaurants usually offer this was probably my biggest risk of overstepping but when i mentioned the idea to her she was actually over the moon tears were shed i do agree that i acted in self-interest here so i think it's the least i can do to make sure this soon to be mother and child have some sense of security in their lives thank you again to everyone posted by user remarkable hat 5646 titled am i the a-hole for condemning my cousin for having an only fan's account throw away i 26 male stumbled upon pictures of a girl who looked remarkably like my cousin 20 female there was information for an early fans accounts and to confirm it was her i bought temporary membership so i can see the pics screencap them for evidence and delete my account unfortunately it was her i confronted her and told her what i discovered she was horrified as expected and after the initial shock wore off she tried to defend herself saying that it helps pay some of her bills i told her that there are plenty of honest ways to make money instead of being a virtual escort she called me disgusting for confronting her like this but i told her that i was looking out for her my reasoning is that if future employers discover this there's a good chance she will lose employment i made an ultimatum to her delete her only fan's account or i will show her parents my uncle that i am close to the ultimatum is still going and we had a huge fight afterwards i might be the a-hole for condemning her like this but i think i'm looking out for her best interests since people can use this as blackmail against her i think you need to mind your own business op she's an adult she can make decisions for herself if she wants to make an early fans account that's her prerogative it's kind of messed up that you went in there paid for it screen capped it all as evidence to then blackmail her it's crazy how you're looking out for her best interests for people that could blackmail her by blackmailing her really weird logic there isn't it in fact i really do think you're the a-hole in this situation do you have no self-awareness of what you're doing leave her alone let her make her own decisions you are a man-child you're the a-hole you just randomly stumbled upon the photos huh while you were what looking at autumn garden plants finding this week's devotional tutoring underprivileged kids over zoom hmm you're the a-hole and a hypocrite exactly this and so is anyone else who consumes porn while degrading sex workers yes i just saw a guy joking that an acceptable first date screening question would be to ask the girl if she had an only fans so he'll ask an extremely offensive question to a woman sex worker or no but after she throws her drink in his face and walks out on him he'll go home open up a porn tube and jerk off to sex workers for free misogyny is totally dead though guys massive massive massive you're the a-hole op you're the a-hole you are the one using it as blackmail against her what is it with men always feeling like they're the co-owners of the vaginas of their family members she is an adult she can do what she wants and while i don't really like this either i have no concern over it and i would certainly not take the ultimatum from a hypocrite mitch who goes looking through only fans profiles to get some fun and spit on the women who are trying to get some money from it you should respect them if you appreciate their work posted by user wet socks titled am i the a-hole for making a box of things my partner can't touch please stop sending me death threats you goofy goobers i'm on mobile and don't use reddit often so apologies for formatting anywho my 20 female partner 24 male loses everything you hand him 100 bill walk away for 5 minutes and he's digging through everything trying to find it it's kind of cute sometimes but others it really gets on my nerves today two things got on my nerves bad thing number one i have one very specific lighter that was my parents last gift to me before they separated it's a refillable one with a custom case on it i always set it in the same place after smoking a cigarette this morning i get up to smoke and it's gone i flip our whole apartment upside down before calling him in a panic he tells me he used it this morning but can't find it in the car and he has to go to work if this thing is lost for good i'm gonna freak thing number two i have lupus and early stage rheumatoid arthritis and my meds are just gone i know he took an allergy pill this morning and took everything out of the medicine cabinet now my two most important medications and as needed sleeping meds are nowhere to be found i got fed up so i ran over to the dollar store and got a box and put a few other important things in there i sent him a picture and said once i find my lighter and my medications everything in this box isn't to be touched he texted back saying how it was humiliating that i even went and did that i'm overreacting and i'm being a bully to him for something he isn't doing intentionally his best friend whom he works with now has also texted me saying i'm making a big deal out of nothing so reddit am i the a-hole for setting aside a box of things that he isn't allowed to touch due to him losing incredibly important items of mine eta i oversimplified my text to him in the post because it was actually kinda long and i don't want my post to be too long what i actually said was as follows hey love your phone's probably off but on break we can talk at length about this i know you didn't mean to displace my stuff but unfortunately this time it's a sentimental item and medications that determine my functionality so i feel like we have to have some kind of solution here it's not ideal as i like that we share most things but this has become more serious i ran to the dollar store and picked up this box and i want you to know if it's in this box it is incredibly important and cannot be lost so please don't touch it unless i ask you to besides this i hope you have a lovely day obtaining that more freaking grain and i believe my dad is bringing you lunch today love you eta 2 since it's the most commonly asked question i'll address it directly in this post he's not officially diagnosed with an attention disorder but i have higher functioning adhd and i've noticed a considerable amount of my own symptoms in his mannerisms and behaviors i only haven't brought it up because one he doesn't have insurance at the moment and two i try not to bring up potential diagnoses as my mom was a bit of a pill pusher and borderline moon chosen by proxy with me and it feels almost like a violation of myself when i do it to other people however a local clinic does free mental health screenings and we will be going to get them evaluated on saturday thank god they're open on saturdays updates alright internet here's where things are sitting now after a 20-minute phone call as soon as i answer the phone he's apologizing he found the lighter in his jacket pockets and my meds are in fact behind the toilets he will be retrieving them when he gets home and has offered me a back rub i have accepted his offer i ask why he got defensive with me he apologizes again and said that he had just gotten to work and was already running late and the stress of being late combined with being called out just irritated him for a minute he wanted to text back and apologize as soon as he clocked in but cell phones aren't allowed on the floor which i knew his friend texted me because he received a brief explanation as to why my partner is flustered and irritable with little to no detail he actually thinks the box is a really good idea and suggests we have one for every room more apologizing and that i hear his boss call him over so he has to go i love yous and we hung up it was a misunderstanding early in the morning after a stressful start i'm fine with the result of the phone call the pieces of the story pie fit together and we're gonna be okay he's surprisingly not out to get me and take my stuff out of spite who to thunk it posted by user truesection9074 titled am i the a-hole for walking out of a job interview i 26 male got off at an interview for a job that i had my eye on for quite some time i was scheduled to meet with three people within the actual office itself and considering this was a job that could be done remotely that raised my suspicion but i still decided to learn more about the position when i got there the first interviewer who was with hr took almost 20 minutes to call me in the receptionist was nice and dull and kept trying to reach out to them to see what was taking so long but nonetheless that irked me the wrong way my interviewer eventually walked out into the lobby and told me to follow him no apology for the long wait to describe him he was a tiny guy about five foot six and spoke in that weird valley girl accents which is important later the actual interview went off the rails really quick my interviewer was rude to me and cut me off a lot for background i live with my parents because they have health issues and i help take care of them so moving out isn't an easy option for me or them when the interviewer asked where i live i told them that i lived with my parents in ex town he laughed at me and asked if i was too scared to move out i was still trying to be professional but he kept making snide remarks about some of my experience the state school that i went to etc i eventually got fed up and i felt like i wasn't going to get the job anyways so i decided to tell him you're being really unprofessional so we're done here he got mad and said so you don't want to meet the team you're interviewing with i told him no if hr is this unprofessional then i can't imagine what everyone else here is like as i was leaving through the lobby the hr guy followed me and tried to embarrass me by saying out loud to the receptionist he is no longer welcomed here if he tries to come back in call the police i told him to shove it and go make out with his boyfriend so that way no one has to hear his voice and then i left i had never walked out of an interview in my life no matter how well or bad they went i did kind of feel bad for skipping out on the other two interviews which would have been with some of the managers on the team that i would be working with but i absolutely hate most hr departments as it is since they produce some of the most toxic people and if this hr guy was really unprofessional i questioned the company as a whole rp based on the way you were being treated i can't blame you for walking out of the interview you were being judged like that it was going really well until you said go make out with your boyfriend so that no one else has to hear his voice i get that you were getting personal attacks from their hr manager and that they should know better but saying that was definitely not the right way to go about it and that puts you into the a-hole territory as well if you want others to treat you how you want to be treated i really hope it's not too small a world in this job market because that's only going to reflect badly on you as a person that you threw that insult back nonetheless walked out of an interview people talk and things come back this reflects on you really badly just as bad as it reflects on them everyone sucks here this whole thing is just two a-holes butting heads you were perfectly within your right to leave because he was being unprofessional but did you really need to stoop so low with the final comment you made yeah i would have said not the a-hole but for the homophobic comment everyone sucks here the hr guy is an a-hole for being insulting and rude and you are also an a-hole for being homophobic you were right to walk out but from what i see in the comments you keep defending your homophobia which reverses any sympathy i might have had you are clearly just as judgmental of the way this guy talks as he is of you living with your parents assuming someone's sexuality from their voice and looks and then using that assumption to attack them is an a-hole move i'm not even convinced that opie was right to walk out every company i've ever worked for has had at least one a-hole working there it was premature to walk out only after meeting one person and being asked to wait for 20 minutes isn't exactly an unheard of ordeal you're with ahol op i'm questioning op's entire recounting of the interaction given how he clearly hated someone he perceived as gay from the start i believe the hr guy was later but that's about it and probably less than the amount rp stated though posted by user the food uncle titled am i the a-hole for proving that my nephew does not have food allergies everyone's mad at me and i'm gonna be honest and say i don't understand why i'm 17 female my older sister is 22 nephew is four around two weeks ago my sister and nephew moved back in with my parents and i because she lost her apartment i have no issue with that but my sister claims that my nephew has all of these different allergies she claimed he was allergic to onions garlic bell pepper and all spicy peppers and a lot of other stuff my sister has always been a notoriously picky eater and a lot of the things that she claimed he was allergic to were things that she didn't like to eat i didn't believe he had all these allergies and it ticked me off that my mum started cooking differently and the food hasn't been as good since she came back home like no garlic i wanted to prove that she was lying she went out sunday to run some errands and left me with my little dude to watch i thought it would be fun to make little pizzas for lunch we made little pizzas with roasted garlic spinach and bell pepper just like i thought he ate them with no problem and loved the food i took pictures while we made the food when all of my family got around for dinner i showed my mum what my nephew and i did for lunch and told everyone he enjoyed his garlicky pizza my sister got extremely mad and started yelling and screaming at me at the dinner table she accused me of trying to poison her child i told her that i was just proving what a liar she was and told her that she was a crappy mum for not feeding her kid food that she didn't like and telling people he's allergic so he can't try them my mum ended up sending me to my room i'm being punished because i did something dangerous but in reality i knew my sister was lying i need to know if i'm an a-hole for exposing her for this and they just can't see it am i the a-hole yeah you are unfortunately you were the a-hole in this situation because your means don't justify the ends of this situation just because you called her out on her lie you did it behind her back and you're not the kid's parent on the off chance that the kid was actually allergic to one of these things you literally did just poison the kid and put him in a situation that he could have died just because in this version of the multiverse that he didn't die doesn't mean in another one that he's not dead now just think about what you've done in another universe your actions have led to the death of someone else i'd feel pretty bad about that if i was you right now op so for that fact you're the a-hole info what was your plan if he had a life-threatening reaction no i'm just kidding you're the a-hole absolutely people like you have sent other people to the hospital on your quest to be right if you don't like the way your mom is cooking now you could try cooking your own food to your own taste you already proved that you can do it to be petty now you can just keep doing it right it's like some horrible combo of i'm pissed that mummy doesn't cook my dinner the way i like anymore and i can't wait to rub my sister's face in how right i am not one single solitary thought given to the child's well-being the only thing op proved with this stunt is that they can't be trusted with their nephew no kidding seriously the only reason nope thinks she has any ground to stand on is because she was right well whoopty do for you but you potentially risked a child's life to prove it yes it sucks when people possibly as others have said growing out of allergies can happen lie about food allergies but it's way worse when people don't believe them and try to test them because lying causes annoyance and inconvenience testing can cause death if you were wrong opie we wouldn't be seeing this post because there would be no question you were the a-hole instead we'd be seeing horrible headlines photographic evidence proves aunt killed nephew while trying to disprove allergies you're damn lucky it turned out the way it did we don't even know she was right this proves nothing just because nephew didn't have an immediate anaphylactic reaction doesn't mean he doesn't have an allergy yeah ob sounds like they think allergies are either you literally die the second you eat something or you're 100 fine and i'm not sure what they thought would happen if the kid reacted then and there i have a citrus fruit allergy it doesn't cause anaphylaxis unless there's a lot which generally doesn't happen since i'm 31 and i can control what's in my food but that doesn't mean i'm not allergic i just get less extreme urgent symptoms posted by user apto titled am i the a-hole for leaving my friend's house because she tried to force me to eat vegan basically i was at my friend's house knowing she was vegan she never had a problem about me eating non-vegan around her so i didn't think it was a problem but i knew she wouldn't make non-vegan food so i packed my own during dinner she gave me vegan food and i said i packed food so i'll eat that and brought it out she then said that i'm not allowed to eat non-vegan food in her house i didn't understand why because she's fine with me eating non-vegan normally so i decided to go to my car and eat there and then come back when i said that she said no throw the fruit out and eat what i made i said no and then we got into an argument and i ended up leaving early she's been ghosting me on all social media for two days am i the a-hole edits i get what some of the posts are saying but most of you wouldn't have the same opinion if she was in my house and refused to eat meat edit two some people are saying you've never ate vegan in your life i worded it wrong i eat many types of food with vegan food like lobsters fish steak etc i don't eat only meat but i wouldn't eat an all-vegan meal and she offered me a burger with artificial meat in it you're literally just digging yourself deeper with these edits opi i really don't know what you're thinking your friend has every right to be offended that you're not eating the food that you agreed to come over indeed it kind of seems like you sprung that packed food on her at the dinner table that's really not cool you could have told her ages before dinner time that you weren't going to eat so she knew she didn't have to cook for you but you chose this one opportune time to do it and you made a big fuss of it you even left the house to go eat what kind of friend are you you sound like a terrible person obviously she can't force you to eat the food that she made but it's really rude and inconsiderate and shows you don't really care about her if you'd go to this length just to fight with her you're the a-hole you didn't seek any compromise so it's your fault that she's ghosting you you're the a-hole it's her house at least give the food she prepared for you a chance eating one meal without meat or dairy won't kill you sheesh that logic doesn't hold up if the situations are reversed if a vegan goes over to a non-vegan's house are they obligated to eat a dinner with animal products and or meats eating one meal with meat or dairy won't kill you sheesh sounds pretty ridiculous doesn't it nope bad arguments vegans have to make an active choice to maintain their diet whereas we omnivores don't as in the west the majority of meals by default have some sort of meat or dairy aspect we don't cross any kind of moral boundary by eating only vegetables while they do for eating animal products unless you have a genuine dietary restriction from eating fruit or vegetables it's not the same thing people are so mad about this it's hilarious fellow omnivores if you don't think eating vegan is a more difficult lifestyle choice and that factory farming meats and its consumption isn't more harmful as a whole than the various other issues regarding farm labor and water usage then you're deluding yourselves you don't have to justify your position on eating it vegans can get crazy self-righteous but the meat-eaters in this thread prove they can be just as ridiculously hostile over freaking nothing nobody is making you eat something you don't want to if they are you can just leave take a chill pill but at the same time why should a vegan dictate what the other person eats at all morals be damned i mean it's incredibly rude to refuse to eat the food your host has prepared for you without even giving it a try i think the issue is that the standard was for opie to bring their own food then without any sort of discussion the friend demanded opie throw out their food and eat hers this would be completely different if the friend had actually communicated that she wanted opi to try the food and to once not bring their own food it isn't a standard for opie to bring their own food to her house opie said that the friend doesn't have a problem with opie eating non-vegan around them i assume that means restaurants or at a non-vegan home or like at a work cafeteria there is a huge difference between choosing to order a non-vegan meal while out to lunch with your vegan friend and packing your own food to go to her house and rejecting the meal your host graciously made for you posted by user carrie may titled am i the a-hole for removing an unofficial neighborhood playground so me and my fiance recently bought a house the house has a plot of land next to it where a two-car garage that burnt down a few years ago used to stand the previous owner rather than rebuilding the garage decided to build a small playground on the land for the neighborhood kids to use apparently it became pretty popular but seeing as we do not have kids and we have no plan to have them we have no use for the playground so when me and my fiance moved in we quickly took the playground down we are planning to rebuild a new garage as it is something we really need this caused a small uproar with parents in the neighborhood and we got some yelling at us telling us that we can't take it down as it's part of the neighborhood one neighbor even tried to call the police claiming destructivision of the public property some people's grammar just cracks me up from what i heard she was told it wasn't on public property it was on our property and we can do as we please we've been getting a lot of crap from some of the neighbors but honestly we have many reasons to not want this playground one i have long work nights as a nurse and usually only get a few hours of sleep during the day and this may make me sound like a monster but i do not want kids screaming and playing in my yard while i'm trying to sleep two there is a liability if the kid gets injured or worse we could get in a lot of trouble and three it is a complete eyesore this is not some professional storyboard playground it was made using old equipment that the previous owner and some of the neighbors found most of the equipment was very old and rusty which again can get me into trouble if one of the kids gets sick or injured so am i the a-hole for taking down a neighborhood playground i'm surprised these people are getting their knickers in such a knot with this neighborhood playground surely you've got more to do with your time than take your kids to some broken down rusty-ass playground in someone's backyard i'm genuinely surprised these parents trust their kids enough to go and do that alone if not with the parents but in this regard why can't they just take them to another playground that's not rusty and not disturbing people trying to sleep i'm really at ends trying to understand where the parents are coming from with their anger directing it at op like it's my property i can do whatever the hell i want here get off my land but no seriously i don't blame rupee for what they've done here i would do the same too i'm not about to get sued for personal injuries when a kid scrapes his arm on my rusty rusty-ass old playground and gets tetanus i didn't sign up for this that's not my prerogative go away opie not the a-hole not the a-hole tell them your insurance made you take it down this is the best answer to keep the peace i doubt it's even a lie i wouldn't want that liability on my property especially if this is in the usa yeah i bet those same parents whining that it was taken down would turn around and sue the crap out of opie if their kid was ever hurt on that playground also those people who care so much about those children having a place to play probably just want their kids out of their own hair if they really care they can all pitch in and build a new playground not the a-hole for your reasons listed it's your house and if a kid breaks his arm on your property you'll get into trouble i would imagine your insurance would go up a lot from it just existing no idea how to handle the neighbors but you can't leave it up to appease them is the playground still intact anywhere maybe one of them will be willing to put it up on their lawn instead they won't but hopefully it helps them understand your points this would be my suggestion too give them all the pieces of the playground and tell them they can assemble it on their own property opie says most of the equipment was damaged when taken apart as it was pretty old the only thing that was still usable was the swing set which we gave to one of our nicer neighbors when she asked nicely i love this because when one of the jerks asks about any of the good equipment you can tell them you gave it to the neighbor who wasn't an a-hole not the a-hole i work in claims and insurance if they saw this on your property the insurance company would go nuts it's not only a hazard in general but if it's old rusty and not put together by a professional then even worse some kid breaks an arm or gets a serious concussion you would be dead in the water insurance hates things like this and pools and trampolines because someone always gets hurt and then a suit happens and what could literally be zero fault of their insured they still have to pay like if a neighbour trespassed on your property to let their kids swim without permission and one of them drowned yeah you still could be on the hook because it's an attractive nuisance damn it i really wanted a pool if i ever buy a house what the hell

Channel: Markee

Views: 20,235

Rating: 4.8752689 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: QAvx3Bie19A

Length: 130min 11sec (7811 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020