r/AmiTheA**Hole For Making My SAHM Wife Do Housework Because It's Her Job?

g'day there guys not actually fighting in users deadpan humor is a crutch here back at it again with another episode of rslash am i the a-hole now if you love this content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the bat but chuck a brawn on the barbie and enjoy the video posted by user bubblegum fun 79 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to help with housework because it's my wife's job before you give your knee-jerk a-hole hear me out for context my wife 25 female and i 27 male have been married for three years we have a two-year-old daughter and live in a two-bedroom apartment which isn't very big outside of this argument we have a solid relationship and i love her very much ever since our daughter was born my wife has decided to be a stay-at-home mom until she starts kindergarten while surviving without a paycheck is very difficult considering the area we live in she was adamant that this would be the best for our daughter as she had read development books saying the children should spend their fundamental developmental years with their mothers as a result of this i'm the sole breadwinner and i work two jobs to support us one of which is a manual labour job when i come home from work i'm exhausted and i just want there to be dinner on the table and for the house to be clean this has been our arrangement since our daughter has been born and while we share child care she is responsible for all other household duties lately my wife has admitted that she is resentful of the fact that i don't help out more at home while i'm constantly stressed and tired from work she expects me to share the household responsibilities as well such as cooking a few times a week washing the dishes when she cooks doing the grocery shopping with a list babysitting for full evenings while she goes out with friends and so on i myself don't have the pleasure of going out drinking with friends either and her requests seem unfair she has all day to do these things and they are her job i told her how i felt about it and now she's given me the cold shoulder complaining about it how it's because i have a toxic masculinity view of household duties this isn't true if the roles were reversed and she was the one constantly working i wouldn't dream of asking her to help with running the household on top of that am i the a-hole or is she being the unreasonable one i seriously don't see what i've done wrong here i get a feeling we see this situation come up a lot in this subreddits and usually the answer is dependent on your family dynamic because you know your partner better than we do but i'd say if it's been going well for two years and she's just now making a point of it out of everything i feel like it is kind of unfair and unreasonable to suddenly be piling this on you so if that is the truth i do think she's being the unreasonable one you're not being an a-hole per se but i think there is wiggle room for taking some responsibilities over and that's not to say she doesn't drop her responsibilities we just figure out a solution together but if the case is we keep them as they were going for the last two years until she does get to kindergarten that's perfectly reasonable and i think she should be accepting of that not the a-hole you have to work two jobs so she can be a stay-at-home mother part of being a stay-at-home mother is doing the household chores if she doesn't like the division of the housework she can go back to work and you can go down to working one job and then you can talk about sharing housework thank you the rest of the people commenting like to leave out that little bit of detail that opie's wife wanted to be at stay-at-home mum right it's insane he has to work two jobs so she can stay home if she goes back to work when the kids in kindergarten and he can hopefully quit one job then he can do his fair share of housework but until then it's only fair that it's on her it's crazy i mean let's use the facts to base our judgment on people on here are quick to call him the a-hole acting like he forced her to be a stay-at-home mom and like working two jobs is easy furthermore i haven't seen one comment calling opie's wife an a-hole for saying this toxic masculinity is the reason he doesn't want to help out i wish the comments weren't so gender motivated reverse the roles we would be seeing a ton of red flag comments for a male saying his wife's toxic femininity is the reason she doesn't want to help around the house after working 80 hours a week honestly the moment i read that she called his behavior toxic masculinity i kind of saw a big red flag there mostly because she'd chosen this path and knew he'd have to work double so that she could do it he's being hella supportive all things considered if he loses even one of those jobs she'll get the help she wants around the house but at the expense of a comfortable living she has toxic femininity no problem expecting her husband to work himself to death for her dream not the a-hole for the housework stuff since that's your arrangement but watching your child is not babysitting it is parenting and you should figure out a frequency for you both to get some kid-free friend time for your mental health as well as a date night every so often presuming it's safe to go out with friends where you live that point is he is working two jobs probably 10 to 16 hour days and isn't allowed to go out with his own friends but his wife wants him to take sole responsibility so she can go out with drinks with the girls honestly sounds like the wife is treating this like babysitting i'm not saying she does not deserve a break but if she isn't doing chores or cooking what is she really taking a break from unless the little one has something wrong and is screaming 20 hours out of the day some babies do that but i feel like opie would have mentioned that if that was the case and she's taking care of their child that whole time the question for our peers how much free time they both have over the course of a day and a week not how many hours he is at work she's working too i did the stay at home thing and there is down time if you know how to look for it like cleaning the kitchen i had my girl strapped to me or sitting in her walker talking with her showing what i was doing teaching them life lessons there is nap time for you to call a friend or work on a hobby you don't need to be attached with your child 24 7. more importantly kids need to learn how to play independently my five-year-old is really bad at that and there's nobody to blame except for myself posted by user lost recommendation for titled am i the a-hole for not forgiving my 27 fiance 28 for missing the birth of our daughter my husband's girl best friends will call her madison has never liked me for reasons i guess i will never know anyways my fiance will call him michael and i were having a hangout with a little bit of the friends that we shared it was nearing the end of the night and madison was the only friend left when madison came out crying with michael looking angry i was around nine months pregnant at the time the thing that really caught my attention is when michael called me a raging bee and a c myself being a hormonal pregnant woman started crying at the name calling i asked through my tears what was going on and then he proceeds to tell me about a text message i sent to madison in the message i told her to eff off and about how michael and i would not allow her near our child i will admit that i did send this but it was taken completely out of context i only sent this text after the many racist text messages that she sent me talking about my child and i i am biracial instead of hearing me out michael kicked me out of the house that we shared his name was on the lease without arguing i decided to leave not wanting to start anything else as i was walking out of the door i felt a cramp in my lower abdomen i thought nothing of this because i was not due for another three weeks when i flinched from the pain michael told me to stop faking on the way to my mum's house i felt a gush of water and immediately turned the car around so that i would make it to the hospital while driving i took my phone out to call michael but my call was quickly denied at this point i was in too much pain to call anyone else and arrived at the hospital i pushed for two hours without an epidural and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named grace noel giving birth without my fiance by my side was the final straw for me i decided to do something and post all the hurtful messages madison sent me on facebook maybe 45 minutes to one hour later michael calls me asking me if we could talk i inform him about my whereabouts and he shows up about 42 minutes later he has tried to apologize multiple times but i don't think i can forgive him i went through the pain of pushing out an eight-ounce baby by myself all because he chose to believe his best friend without listening to his fiancee am i the a-hole for not wanting to forgive him i'm just going to go ahead and say that there's a lot of backstory missing from this one but i think we can get a rough picture of what's going on here it really doesn't look like a good situation i'll just say that in the heat of the moment right now no i don't blame you you are not the a-hole for not wanting to forgive him this sounds like a very loaded situation you don't need to forgive him for this you're okay to be very angry with him he's a complete a-hole for doing what he did and i hope that you can make things work but it's not looking hopeful he not only missed the birth of your daughter he called you grossly misogynistic names believed his toxic friend and wouldn't even listen to you kicked you out of the house nine months pregnant and when you showed signs of pain from going into labor as you packed to go accused you of faking the fact that he didn't ask for an explanation of why you told medicine to frick off speaks volumes he wouldn't take your calls as you rushed to the hospital and you had to post his toxic friends nasty messages on social media for him to realize what a jerk he was and talk to you you should have refused the call there were lots of things he's done that would warrant your decision not to forgive him not just making you go through labor alone not the a-hole this is exactly it he jumped straight into toxic and abusive behavior without even talking to you first he has zero respect for you and that is not something that will change you can't have a relationship or partnership with someone like this frankly i think he's going to be a nightmare to deal with for co-parenting best of luck and congrats on beautiful grace noel opie acknowledges pretty readily in the comments that this isn't the first time he's mistreated her and uses the word abusive so thankfully no one really has to convince her to change her perspective which is ostensibly what this sub is for i think she came here for permission from someone anyone to leave him and i think that's usually what people actually end up using this kind of place for i'm not sure whether madison is really all that relevant to this story honestly but i get it leaving a relationship during and immediately after birthing that person's child sounds like an incredibly scary thing to do and if you're financially precarious or chronically doubt yourself as people in abusive relationships generally do it makes sense that you'd talk yourself out of it but you made it this far that means you know your reasons and they're probably very good ones and i'm guessing the one incident you describe here probably doesn't even begin to cover them even though this one had serious consequences you don't need anyone's permission protect your family get the child support you were owed and enjoy your baby posted by user lg acer tv titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister i didn't care about her miscarriage my younger sister found out that she was pregnant around two weeks ago and recently miscarried on sunday i totally feel bad for her but if i can be totally honest i don't think i quite care maybe it's because i'm not a mutual party but i just don't feel any different and unaffected by all of it even when she told us i didn't have much of a response my sisters and mom are devastated though non-stop crying and the whole house has a damper mood which is understandable last night my sister and i were watching a movie and she asked about how i was feeling about the whole thing and i told her i feel for her and that she'll get through it but then she realized that i was avoiding the subject and mentioned how i'd been quiet about the whole thing so she was just making sure i was still coping i said i was fine but she just stared at me and waved her hand asking me to go deeper i repeated that i do feel sorry for her but i don't really care that much about it probably because i'm not involved she was a bit taken aback and said that was an a-hole thing to say but that she kind of understands but then my mother came and was mortified she started shouting at me about it which caught my attention of my other sisters and things just blew up maybe it is insensitive but she asked and i wasn't going to act as if i'm devastated am i the a-hole yes it's kind of a traumatic thing to go through a miscarriage i think not having any empathy for her kind of does suck on your ends at least pretend to care you know it hurts when you're just told by someone you do care about that they don't care it's what people do it's what we all do we all know deep down someone's hurting and we do have to care for them even if we don't feel it you know you're an a-hole for not at least trying slightly you're the a-hole but i don't really care that much about it i understand where you're coming from with this but this is just terrible phrasing my thoughts exactly opie isn't wrong for their feelings not everybody mourns such a thing besides feeling sympathy and sadness for their loved one's pain but this was a really insensitive thing to say opie understood that and didn't say anything until the sister wouldn't let opie get away with not saying anything though then was just honest then they should have said something like i'm really okay thank you for asking i'll come to you if i feel that i need help processing there are better ways to handle someone's miscarriage even if it was very early yes and we are also all humans who can't be expected to have the exact correct response in the moment to a situation that an internet stranger could come up with while reading about the situation from a third-hand perspective op is absolutely not the a-hole for being honest while being pressed in the moment nor do i believe the sister is the mother on the other hand yes she is her grieving sister assumed she was hurting too and tried to connect with her even if that weren't true and she'd been literally interrogating opie with a glaring ceiling light the words i don't really care very much should never have escaped her lips you should never say something like that to a stranger who lost a child this is her sister whom she's apparently supposed to care about what is wrong with you all you're the a-hole there is a spectrum of miscarriages but almost all of them can be incredibly traumatic for people she was looking for support of some kind and even though it wouldn't have been true sometimes you do need to lie in order to support people who are grieving a loss you could have said something like i'm okay because it wasn't my child but i still feel awful for you and what you've had to go through saying you don't care is incredibly insensitive even if it is true but also your mum sucks here for escalating when it sounds like your sister was keeping a level head they said they felt sorry for her but because they weren't really involved they weren't affected that's what you were saying they said no the phrasing matters a lot i don't care is an overly harsh way to talk about a miscarriage that happened the day before and a lot of people after these responses are also saying not the a-hole i accept those ones too everyone's different everyone can is allowed to feel the way they feel about these things posted by user oval doves titled am i the a-hole for rescinding an offer to pay for my nephew's college my brother and sister-in-law have always struggled financially and i never really have my brother and i had all the same opportunities he just had an injury that made it much harder for him to work and put him into a lot of medical debts i've always been able to work never had serious debt and don't have any kids or plan on any i did pretty well for myself and had more than enough save to put the kids through college so when their kid was very young and they were really stressing out over saving for college i told them not to worry i would put their son through undergrad or trade school or whatever he ended up doing that was 12 years ago give or take he's now a senior in high school and looking at colleges this year i also got wiped out by the pandemic i'm unemployed and i don't know when or even if i'll get a job in my industry again the same as it was i'm downsizing in all areas of my life i'm not broke or starving or anything but i'm being way more conservative so i can keep paying my bills until i get a new job part of this included having the difficult conversation with my brother and sister-in-law that i can no longer help with their son's college in the way i initially had hoped that if i'm employed by the time he needs the first check then i can help with a portion but if i'm still unemployed i can't help it all and in any case i can no longer pay for all of it so he should probably apply for some scholarships or other means of funding they were ticked that doesn't even really capture it enraged is more like it they think i should be in much more dire straits before i revoke my offer eg selling my house and moving somewhere smaller working outside of my industry in a temp job etc i do still live much more materially higher class of life than they do so i feel like a colossal a-hole that i'm not helping their son in the way that i had planned on the other hand i couldn't have foreseen these circumstances in a million years this isn't a regular recession the world as we know it changed but none of this is my nephew's fault he thought he had this security all this time and right when he needs it it's gone i'm devastated but am i an a-hole i'd say yes it's like the episode is scott's tots from the office you just promise and promise and promise all this time and then at the last second you rescind and say you know what don't have the money i'm really sorry i can't do this anymore but i can pay for your laptop batteries that's cool right yeah i can afford that nah you're an a-hole to do that for sure and although you're not obliged to do it you know it's fair that the family hates you right now for going back on it a gentle you're the a-hall i think that when you told them not to worry and that you would cover his schooling you should have been putting money into an account for that purpose not just banking on you being in the same financial position down the road your promise led to them trusting in you and they didn't try to save because they felt secure you were going back on your word and your nephew is the one who is suffering i understand that financial troubles are tough and i sympathize with you on this but the money should have already been set aside by now he says it was earmarked in my savings and now i'm dipping into it to get through i'm really ashamed of it and i looked at it a hundred different ways and had a financial advisor do the same but i couldn't guarantee i'd make it through the stretch i will likely remain unemployed without it without defaulting on other payments i completely see your point and agree i just wanted to make it clear that it wasn't as though it was future money i didn't ever at one time have or anything you should have had it in an actual college fund not in your own savings in hindsight definitely at the time i just thought alright that money is for his college now noted i won't spend that i definitely should have looked closer into the proper channels but if you had done that you couldn't have touched it and presumably you'd still be able to afford life just not the lifestyle you're used to they probably would have been able to save a couple thousand at least if they had cut back but you gave them permission not to it's too late to rescind that offer in my honest opinion everyone is struggling right now but you should have considered your word your bond and that money off limits i would still be able to afford life as in survival but my top expenses now are my house car taxes insurance so while i do have very nice versions of all those things i don't want to do something drastic like sell the house that i'm still paying off in a buyer's market driving a less safe car taxes are what they are no wiggle room there or cut back my insurance and risk really permanently financially fudging myself over if something were to occur for which i was suddenly uninsured it's a different lifestyle than my brother's family but not and especially luxurious lying back eating grapes off the vine one either sure i used to have a big line of items for travel and attending sport games and helping family but i cut all that out entirely the minute i lost my job so even with that money back i'm in a tight spot with the unemployment anyways all this rambling is just to say it's unfortunately not as simple as a few lifestyle tweaks made those earlier on and it still didn't cover it posted by user 101 below titled am i the a-hole for refusing to wash my girlfriend's period underwear for her 23 male just started dating this girl female 21 for maybe two months now and she came over to hang yesterday her cycles are irregular due to her birth control and her periods can range from a month to several months accidents happen and she bled right through her underwear through her jeans i gave her a spare of my boxes and some sweatpants that she could wear home she asked if i would just throw her underwear in the wash with all my other clothes and she would come get them tomorrow when i see her again i refused we got into a big argument on why i should wash them for her i wasn't going to have blood-soaked underwear mixed in with my clothes it was gross and disgusting and she could take it for herself eventually she just got mad and threw it in the trash opie you'd think after all this time that washing machines accounted for these kind of things right i can understand if you don't like blood and i can understand that you think it's gross that doesn't make you any less of a [ __ ] in this situation there's such a thing as running it under some water first get rid of most of the blood and then chuck it in the washing machine that's a compromise we can come up with like you're a straight up [ __ ] for just straight up attacking her saying you think it's disgusting periods are natural you know what if you had a period would you feel good if she started attacking you i really do think people just need more empathy in these situations and more you know understanding of what they can do to help especially when it's their girlfriend what's wrong with you you're the a-hole you're the a-hole they're being cleaned the blood is dry you don't think if eventually you live together your clothes would be washed together if you cut yourself would you separate those clothes from the rest of the laundry if you want to be with a woman you're going to have to deal with a woman if periods gross you out be with a man then there will be no periods and i guarantee you he has no issue with throwing his skid-marked underwear in the wash with the rest of his clothes grow up opie you're the a-hole dude as a man allow me to say woman up it's just blood it will come out in the wash i have an excellent old washing machine and use good laundry soap no blood stains on any color washed at any temperature i'll probably get downvoted for this but i dislike seeing my significant other stained period underwear for i usually find it in the most unsuspecting of places that being said i still pick it up and throw it in a special bucket with oxiclean to help get the stains out without making her feel like crap over something natural ropey just needs to grow up a little so he gets a small pass from me but you're the a-hole my man dude i don't even like seeing my own period stained underwear so i don't think there's anything wrong with that at least you're not refusing to wash your girlfriend's clothing like op lol no down vote from me because you're going above and beyond no one likes it it's about being an a-hole or not posted by user seven hills you titled am i the a-hole for choosing my ex sister-in-law over my brother so my brother is from my mother's first marriage and is 10 years older than me i am 25 right now and getting married pretty soon obviously it's a small thing my brother who is 36 had been married with his ex-wife for about 13 years they don't have kids because they were child free i am very close to his ex-wife let's call her rose how could i not she's been in my life since i was 10. but like three months ago everything came crashing down apparently my brother had gotten another woman pregnant and rose found out he left her for his mistress who was almost ready to give birth i am extremely disgusted with my brother for one cheating is disgusting and second i legitimately love rose as family and seeing her hurt is unbearable my brother has brought his new girlfriend around since restrictions have been lifted i don't know i don't seem to be able to get warm towards her especially because she knew of rose's existence this weekend i came to the decision that i don't want my brother at my wedding rose had told me it would hurt too much to come but that she would make it up for me i don't want to see my brother there i don't want to get to know his girlfriend my fiance is on board with that decision but my family however disagrees they say that this situation has nothing to do with me and while i can say no plus one for my brother i can't prohibit my brother to come to his only sister's wedding my brother is apparently very hurt and has called me crying but i don't know i don't want to am i the a-hole i'm sorry did this family make the rules for weddings they can't decide who does and doesn't go to your own wedding what's wrong with them they're going to stick far up their ass that's tickling their brain no you're not the a-hole don't invite him he cheated that's on him he made his bed he's gonna lie in it you invite whoever you want to your wedding you're not the a-hole for doing what you did here and i feel so bad for rose i wish her all the best she didn't deserve to be treated like that and you're not an a-hole for cutting him out like that more power to you opie not the a-hole cheating is absolutely disgusting it's your wedding your fiance supports you you can invite and uninvite anyone that you want their marriage may not have been perfect but that's no excuse for cheating i'm sorry you're torn but ultimately it's your decision well put even apart from opi's relationship with rose a guy who's fresh off treating his wedding vows that way is not bringing the kind of energy people want around them while making their own i didn't even think of that you're right he just trampled all over his wedding valves why would opie want him there opie should tell everyone she's superstitious and it's considered bad luck to have someone who turned their back on their wedding vows at her wedding i'm sure it's a legit superstition for someone out there i don't get why people think you should have to invite cheaters to a wedding if they can't respect their own marriage how can i expect them to treat other relationships with respect especially at events where lots of people get decently drunk and buzzed and sometimes questionable decisions happen cheetahs are the last people i'd want around on my special day by user am i the ahold bartender girlfriend 879 titled am i the a-hole for showing up at my girlfriend's bar my girlfriend works as a bartender at a relatively popular local bar she has frequently expressed to me that she gets lots of unwanted male attention from the customers and even some staff i keep explaining to her that she should quit and find another job but she keeps insisting that she needs the extra money to stay afloat and help pay for university bars have begun to open up and serve customers in my country so my girlfriend has returned to work and even picked up extra shifts i don't like her working in such a place and i frequently offered to loan her money to ease some of her stress but she declined so today when i was doing some errands in town i passed by the bar which she works at and just decided to pop in for a moment it was not as busy as usual but it wasn't completely deserted there were a few customers mostly male scattered around i sat down and ordered a drink she was working the bar she barely acknowledged me gave me a small smile and served me my drink without so much as a second thought i brushed it off and thought it was because she was slightly stressed however as i stayed longer i noticed that she was smiling more at certain customers borderline flirting with some i managed to stay for the entirety of her shift when her shift was finally over she asked me why i stayed for the most of her shift i was upset because she wasn't treating me with the same respect as other customers i told her i'd meet her at home and when i got home she was slightly annoyed because i waited for her shift to end i tried to explain to her that i wasn't stalking or anything i just popped in and then was met with a pleasing image of her flirting with customers she hasn't spoken to me and just made food and has ignored my presence so am i the a-hole edits i didn't expect the responses to be this overwhelmingly negative to clarify i do understand the difference between smiling and flirting and she was flirting also i wasn't stalking her stalking has to be a repeated activity and involve harassment my girlfriend found this post and we had a long conversation about her job she apologized and we're fine now you can shut up with your red flag comments now well i guess judging by his reaction we can see that he is the a-hole for doing what he did i personally wouldn't call it normal behavior to go and sit the entire shift out not talking to them and just watching what they do the whole time i mean if you think that's normal behavior that's fine but in my books that's a big no-no it was kind of obvious she didn't want him there and i feel like he read the room weirdly i don't know that's just my opinion everyone has different ones but going by that he's the a-hole for the actions he took in this story so many red flags from you you show up at her work uninvited which is way over the line if she wanted you to come and protect her she would have told you i would have been ticked if i was her then you sit there and monitor her also very creepy and a breach of her boundaries and then you have the goal to criticize her for how she deals with customers you do not own her she is her own person you crossed so many boundaries big big you're the a-hole i wonder if it was actually flirting or just her being nice to customers even if it was flirting who cares but considering this dude doesn't think he crossed a line my money is on her being nice to him and assuming that it was flirting congratulations opie you're a nice guy you're the a-hole i agree bartenders make money on tips as well and talking to the customers is a great way to insure a couple bucks here and there of course she would focus on the customers which is her job over her boyfriend who ordered one drink and sat there for hours wow yeah you're the a-hole you stayed to monitor her during her entire shift controlling behavior is not okay i'm sorry to be the one to break it to you but flirting equals bigger tips it's a standard for bartenders and servers your behavior was out of line also let's address this nugget wasn't treating you with the same respect as the other customers is laughable you are her partner not a customer i treat people in my professional life differently than i do my partner family and friends your second point is spot on straight up when i served if a family or friend came in they were put on the back burner and they understood it's ridiculous that this guy doesn't understand that posted by user am i the ahold depression titled am i the a-hole for kicking out my new flatmate after she hid my medication this happened a couple of weeks ago and i'm only posting this because i feel a bit guilty and then read a similar kind of post this morning that reminded me about it i'm 27 female i've been taking antidepressants for around two years after an event in uni that gave me ptsd if i don't take them then i turn into essentially a human gummy bear who can't do anything except mooch around like a miserable sack of potatoes yes i also see a therapist for this as well anyway my flatmate of 18 months left my country to go home before covid and has now declined to return so i had to find a new flatmate the girl that i found seemed nice a bit weird in the typical hippie vegan way but didn't have a problem with living with someone who eats bacon and i was having trouble finding potential flatmates and i can't afford the apartments by myself we agreed to a six-week trial before she would have signed on for a year initially everything seemed fine but in the third week i noticed that my antidepressants were occasionally not in the cabinet in the morning when i woke up i always took them at 8am before work often i would briefly look for them but have to rush out of the house before i could find them they would usually be back that evening or i'd find them in the other bathroom cabinets or in the vanity next to the toilet i asked her if she was moving them a couple of times and the first time she said no and the second time she said that she was trying to find her health vitamins and had emptied the cabinets looking for them and must have forgotten to put my antidepressants back i thought this was weird cause nothing else had moved but i shrugged it off in the fourth week i couldn't find them for three days confronted her and she offered to help search for them for her only to find them in the kitchen cabinets and blamed it on me taking them into the kitchen which i never do beginning of the fifth week i couldn't find them again and while i was searching the apartment i saw her open bag and looked inside yes i know i'm the a-hole here lo and behold there were my pills i confronted her that evening and she said she was trying to wean me off them and that i should stop putting that poison in my body i told her that it wasn't going to work out and find somewhere else to live she threw a hissy fit and packed all her stuff that night and left to be clear i did say she had until the end of the trial period to leave she didn't have to go immediately anyways four weeks later and i have a new flatmate who seems great but the girl has been messaging me begging me to come back because the friend she's staying with has kicked her out obviously i have another flatmate now so she can't move back in but am i the a-hole here oh yes let me an amateur doctor who has no credentials just wean you off the drugs i'm obviously very smart and i know better than other doctors who prescribe this to you so i don't understand why you'd be mad when you figure out that i'm hiding this from you this [ __ ] is as dense as a toblerone block and she deserves to be kicked out op who does that like that's genuinely disgusting behavior you're not the a-hole for anything that you did if anything that was like more rational than a lot of people would they wouldn't have kicked them out like straight away a lot of people can't do that i feel so you know bigger balls than me opie more power to you not the a-hole who the hell messes with someone else's meds ditto my exact reaction from simply reading the title i have nothing to add to this judgment like i've read a slew of mothers and dance and family members messing with posters medicines but a flatmate the goal i'm happy this post ended with the flatmate getting cut out of the picture that's serious and dangerous what that idiot was doing to op not to mention how dangerous that is my fiancee takes anti-anxiety medicine and if she suddenly stops it it greatly increases her chances of heart attack it's something like 80 percent had this issue with sudden stop you can't just mess with meds not the a-hole at all also the withdrawal can be emotionally taxing as well i had to stop taking a specific brand with time and lowering doses and it was utterly hell i was on a trial base and the antidepressants sadly did the opposite job so my psychiatrist tried to get me off as quickly as possible which was still a monthly process oh yeah i got such severe withdrawal while trying to get off cymbalta and i was titrating down super slowly at my doctor's directions that it made me hallucinate chopping off my limbs and like a thousand different ways to end myself it was so intense and that was slowly titrating down ah people are the worst i had some vengeful glee from finding out that she got kicked out of her next place too oh my god there's like 10 comments beneath that talking about everyone's experiences with cymbalta what the hell is that drug man posted by user airplane babies titled am i the a-hole for not switching seats with a mother on an airplane then ignoring her children i saw a post on another subreddit that reminded me of this situation and i'm curious to know what other people think this happened nearly two years ago but my family still brings it up sometimes and says that i was in the wrong i was flying to visit my family and had an aisle seat which i was very thankful for because i get kind of claustrophobic in middle or window seats i was getting buckled up and everything when a lady comes over with her two kids maybe four to five years old looked like twins she sees me sitting there and asks if i would be willing to switch seats with her i don't remember exactly where her seat was i think it was a few rows behind mine and it was a window seat i didn't want to switch and i told her as much she got very annoyed and asked me again and again the flight attendant told her we were going to take off soon so the lady asked me to move yet again when i said no she said that it was fine but i would have to watch her kids i told her i wouldn't do that and she should have bought seeds together if she was that concerned she got all huffy and just went back to her seat i put my headphones on and started watching a movie and didn't really pay much attention to the kids they started arguing at some point and it led to one of them crying after a few minutes of screaming the mom came over and asked why the hell i wasn't doing anything i said that i wasn't going to take care of someone else's kids and i had explicitly told her that at the beginning of the flight the flight attendant found someone in an aisle seat that was willing to switch with the lady so that person took the window seat the lady took my seat and i took the other aisle seat when i told my family about it they said i was an a-hole and should have just watched out for the kids i don't think it's my responsibility though they're not my kids and it's not my fault that the mom didn't buy seeds together also if something happened and the kids got hurt or something urgent i would have helped i just didn't want to spend my entire flights tending to them and breaking up arguments am i the a-hole for ignoring them not the a-hole you are under no obligation to switch seats especially if you paid for selection if she wants to sit with her kids she can pay for this and by no means are you her babysitter her kids her responsibility end of story should she have gotten seats together yeah sure maybe that was possible maybe not did he have an obligation to switch seats with her nope not at all he bought the ticket it's his seat did he have any obligation to watch the kids nope not his kids reddit conclusion not the a-hole no obligations broken real world anyone who won't allow themselves to be mildly inconvenienced so a mother can sit with her young children is being selfish compassion isn't required but lacking it is what makes people a-holes you're the a-hole op the reason the european is the a-hole is that he didn't offer other possible solutions if he wanted to keep his aisle seat maybe someone else in the aisle seat would have been willing to swap with the mum's window seats so a double move would have solved the dilemma instead he gave the mum no good options wasn't willing to move wasn't willing to help his family who knows him best made the right judgment he is the a-hole he has no obligation to find a solution for a problem that is not his the mother or the flight attendant are responsible for it and once they figure out what could be done he obliged and moved seats yeah this sub has actually shifted my beliefs on this i used to also think that the person would not be the a-hole but here i realized that parents often try to get seats together but aren't able to either because the airline switches them afterwards which is out of their control or because they're booking last minutes which is usually for a reason that is already making the family miserable i'm usually flying alone so as long as i'm trading for a seat in the same fare class and we're not talking middle seats which we usually aren't i'm okay to switch and now i think it makes people a tiny bit of an a-hole to not be willing to work with the parents or even get the flight attendant to help you're the a-hole this is one of those situations that reddit forgets that just because you don't have to do something doesn't mean you shouldn't you kept a mother from her very young children if there wasn't another good samaritan everyone would have had to listen to the kids scream the whole flight because you couldn't be slightly inconvenienced how is she supposed to parent her kids if she's not allowed to sit with them edits gonna get this a lot so just putting it in edits flights are notorious for separating families it happens all the damn time unless you're wealthy enough to buy the tickets very early or pay for these specific seats you want even if she was late to getting ticks come on people have some damn humanity again he doesn't have to move but it's an a-hole thing to just say so sad too bad posted by user 8937 apple titled am i the a-hole for tricking my copycat's sister to cut her hair i have a younger sister who looks exactly like me i am 19 and she is but people have been mistaking us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other we have the same height same skin tone similar voice even she also has a habit of being a copycat from way of dressing to hobbies even piercings i know it's cute if you look at it from the outside sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are the spitting images of each other honestly though it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes like yeah we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything i pick up i have been asking her to stop that but she always insists that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar if not identical things that i have one afternoon i was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig looks like a mushroom i put it on think it looks rather funny so i snapped a picture of it and posted it on my instagram i received a text from my sister asking if i really cut my hair i did not mention that it was a wig the a-hole part is while i somewhat have a feeling that she might copy that too i lied and replied yes i want a change of style i went home when the weekend came and lo and behold my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut except this one on her is permanent she was very surprised that i arrived with my hair still long then realized that i lied to her she was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought i had it but truth be told i never asked her to she should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle looked super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her i wonder why did they not stop her in the first place and while i feel sorry for her i am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so i'm keeping my hair long well uh how the turntables while it's not morally the right thing to do in my opinion i don't really think you can be an a-hole for duping her like that copycatting for that long would actually get on my nerves after a while and i don't blame you for taking the actions that you did it's a malicious intense malicious action but in the end she willingly did that to herself and she only has herself to blame maybe she'll learn to be more of an individual now who knows but i don't think you're the a-hole for doing that your parents expected you to cut your hair to be fair that's weird sure your lie was a bit of an a-hole move but at some point your sister needs to develop her own sense of style not the a-hole not the a-hole after all she only copies your ideas because she honestly feels they suit her you gave her an idea that is all she claimed to like it and your parents are encouraging very bad behavior by pressuring you at least the sister knows she doesn't like that style that's a good thing on op's part not the a-hole you caught her red-handed she literally became angry because she couldn't have your identity anymore might be worth discussing therapy for her with your parents though yeah i think there's a disorder for this behavior excuse me that i don't remember the name maybe she has that mental illness might be worth discussing it with a therapist in my opinion i think you're talking about copycat syndrome it's more of an umbrella term of symptoms of other disorders like borderline personality disorder it usually comes from the copycat not having much of a sense of self-identity opi's sister might be struggling with feeling like her own person and being so similar to her older sister she might see copying her as who she is or at least part of herself thus why she always copies op therapy does seem like a good idea though probably something like a red flag syndrome i've seen it a lot around here posted by user throw ra quivix titled am i the a-hole for always beating my niece my sister's youngest daughter is six but she's incredibly fast faster than her eight-year-old sister and she brags a lot every time i visit my sister the eight-year-old is always complaining about how the six-year-old keeps bragging about how much faster is this eventually causes the eight-year-old to get mad challenge her sister to another race lose and deal with another round of taunting i didn't know how bad it was until i raced the six-year-old and let her win for fun bruh the six-year-old would randomly call me just to say hey uncle remember that time i beat you then giggle and hang up the phone i tried to talk to my sister like sis your daughter is bullying me but she didn't take me serious oh she's six she'll grow out of it i tried to talk to the six-year-old and said it's not nice to brag when you win if you keep doing that no one will want to play with you and there will always be someone out there faster than you would you like it if they beat you in a race and bragged about it she just looked at me like i was crazy and said that won't happen nobody in this world is faster than me so i went to the tough love route next time she challenged me to a race i beat her it wasn't even close she challenged me again and i beat her again and again i didn't brag but i would say see now i won how would you feel if i started bragging and she would just say again and we would race again and i beat her my sister called me and asked if i could stop beating her and to let her win every once in a while because she's in her room crying but i refused she has to learn sis this is the way the world works i feel bad but i also feel good because the eight-year-old called me later and thanked me because her sister isn't bothering her anymore so far so i don't know all i know is thank goodness i don't have kids am i the a-hole i mean how else is she gonna learn that there are people out there that are faster than her by being faster than her and showing her that she's wrong about that that's a pretty pg way to go about it and she's getting a healthy dose of reality i mean he didn't bully her like she's been bullying everyone else so at least he wasn't you know going that route i think opie isn't the a-hole for the actions they took in this story and i give them a pass on that one not the a-hole she needs to know what it's like to lose and how to be a good sport about it when i first read the title i thought you meant beat as in hits glad i read it first oh wow i reread the title how do i edit that that definitely came off wrong no leave it alone it sounds so much better this way this title scares the crap out of me not the a-hole lessons like these are incredibly important for humility later on in life my dad did the same with chess and i became a better chess player and a better loser and winner overall because of it posted by user october bear boat rye titled am i the a-hole for turning a neighbor's ablest argument against them and cussing in front of our kids fairly short one i have autism as does my son a friend neighbor has made casual comments for years about how autism isn't real it's over diagnosed only children have it and teen adults with autism are just using it as an excuse to not grow up that autism is the result of bad parenting the list goes on the closest i've seen to him backing down is when one of his teenage sons called him out in front of me and told his dad what autism actually is listing symptoms at which point his dad declared that in that case we're all a little bit autistic and spent a few months telling anyone who'd listen that he's autistic too anyone who's dealt with someone like this before sorry i know your blood pressure already hit the roof but earlier today i was straight up done with it anyway my son and a few other neighbours are outside all appropriately distanced and having a chat my son is stimming with one hand a sort of one-handed clap that he does when he's excited which helps him manage his symptoms one of our neighbors who doesn't know he's autistic asks about the stimming and other more obvious symptoms and the autism neighbor answers before my son ken telling nice neighbor that apparently my son is autistic before launching into a monologue about how autism isn't a real thing nothing personal to my kid he's a nice boy but if i'd done a better job raising him he wouldn't have had his symptoms and that autism didn't exist when he was growing up my son looks like he's about to cry and after nine years of this crap i'm just done with it so without really thinking i lean into the conversation and tell him autism's existed forever neighbor we just didn't know about it until recently it's the same reason we used to shoot soldiers with ptsd for cowardice and kill people with epilepsy for being possessed by demons note his teenage son has epilepsy which i know about your personal ignorance in the face of modern knowledge doesn't prove or disprove crap and i don't know why you're so proud of the fact that your brain is still running 50 years behind the rest of the world not gonna lie i was damned proud of that and i thought that was a decent burn and i actually managed to get all of the words out in their intended order i'm not an eloquent speaker lol well everyone's mad neighbors are mad cause i swore note the youngest person there was my son who's 12 and cusses like a sailor everyone else presents with teens and adults others thought i overreacted others think autism neighbor has a valid point and even the ones who agree with my point think i was an a-hole in my delivery sun's mad that i embarrassed him autism neighbor is mad at being called out and blames me for the fact that he's now fighting with his epileptic son who apparently is the only one who thinks i'm right and his dad needed the takedown the kid literally knocked on my door to tell me as much and now autism neighbor is mad about that too am i the a-hole no personally i don't think you are for that i don't know why he is bringing up all this pseudoscience like uh it didn't exist before huh i'm autistic too how tone deaf are you i come on men you're a grown ass 50 year old adult how have you not learned throughout those 50 years that walking around parading yourself as such is you know disgusting it's genuinely disgusting opie you're not the a-hole and god bless you for standing up for everyone edits and wholesome updates holy crap this got big while i was sleeping xd i'm in the uk by the way since some people mentioned countries thank you so much for the awards and upvotes i've only posted to reddit a couple of times so i'm new to it all but for real thank you and sorry to the people i apparently upset with my karma grab i don't know what that is but i assume i did it sorry didn't mean to to answer some questions i said crap that was the extent of the cussing but again british a nice white elderly neighborhood as well so crap is definitely swearing here also for those who asked if this was rehearsed or commented that happened yes it's something i've said before quite a few times over the last two years almost verbatim it's my go-to response to waters and deniers online which is why it's so polished still proud of myself for actually getting the words out i tripped over carpark and said parkhark instead last week and my kids are still laughing about it that's how bad i usually am with talking if you still think it sounds fake well that's okay i respect your healthy skepticism now for the wholesome update autism neighbor knocked on my door a couple of hours ago it's 12 35 pm here lunch time and apologized wholeheartedly apparently two things happened after we went our separate ways yesterday one his teenage son found him some images of brain scans of people with different disorders like depression autism adhd etc he has spent years looking at brain scans and readouts from his epileptic son so seeing that for people with autism how it's a physical difference in the brain just like epilepsy was the moment the penny dropped for him he told me he's always just assumed that autism symptoms were personality traits and behavioral issues so he never researched further assuming he already knew it all once he actually googled it he realized how wrong he was ate some humble pie and came over two he was standing side on to my son when he spoke and was looking away from him towards our other neighbors so he didn't see my son getting upset his son however most definitely did and when he told his dad that my 12 year old was practically in tears over what his dad was saying he was mortified he genuinely hadn't realized that his difference of opinion could hurt someone and he asked to speak to my son to apologize to him as well i've mentioned it in a few other comments but the neighbor is a genuinely nice guy in general his comments were born of ignorance not malice he's outside chatting with the other neighbors now it's a daily thing and has already told them that he was in the wrong admitted he's been making comments like that for years and defended me to them for telling him off it seems to have all died down now though i do still want to speak to my son about how he's feeling he just doesn't want to talk to me at the moment about it so i'm giving him space i think he'll be fine though i do accept that i was the a-hole for not taking his wishes into consideration i know i was defending him but i still spoke over him without regard for how it would make him feel i let my temper get the better of me and whilst i do think i was justified i definitely wanted to own the home i did or could have done to him posted by user katie and her pop titled am i the a-hole for saying that my identical twin will always be number one in my life i grew up with my parents two older sisters and twin sister my twin kayla and i are very close and the twin bond has caused issues with people in our lives for years our two older sisters have said they feel left out with me and kayla even though we did spend time together or with just one twin kayla and i were definitely exclusive sometimes things with our sisters have gotten better with time and we're good now i also know my mom was hurt when kayla had her first baby and the only two people in the room were me and kayla's husband she was in the room when one of our older sisters had a baby and was hurt when she wasn't invited also my mum didn't get to be very involved in wedding planning like she was with our older sisters because kayla and i planned it all together we were very close to mum so it's not a relationship issue it's just yeah i've had three serious boyfriends and told them my twin and i are very close she's a huge part of my life she'll always be my number one because she's literally my clone you have to be okay with this for our relationship to continue for the first two serious boyfriends they said they were okay with it until they weren't and that's totally fine i get it my husband is the most sweet selfless giving person not a jealous bone in his body he's never had a problem with how much i turn to kayla because he knows that he isn't competing with kayla he is in his own role and no one could ever take that from him we dated for three years and he saw how often i turn to my sister how much we talk how we run things by each other choices and long-term planning is done together etc and was fine with it the problem my sisters came over to my house a few nights ago for dinner my older sister said things are scary right now i spend so much time worrying about my husband and kids and my other sister responded with something saying pretty much the same thing then kayla said i know right what would i do without katie my baby and my husband both our older sisters said why are you mentioning katie's name next to your family and it turned into our usual squabble my husband and i ignored it we're very used to it lol kayla said she's literally my twin of course we'll be closest older sister said even over your baby and husbands and kayla said i love them all but twins are different isn't that true katie and i said yes this is where my husband got upset he was hurt that i would place kayla over a future baby whereas i'm confused because that's something i told him years ago and he's always been okay with it also older sisters are continuing to be mad about it feeling left out but also being oversensitive i'm tired of them making me feel like i can't spend time with who i want to be with or being scared that i'm making them feel bad i don't really know what to say about this one honestly it's kind of like a weird in-group little thing they got going on between each other which is perfectly fine but how often do twins take it this far down the track in their lives it kind of it's getting like creepy i'm i'm feeling a bit creeped out by it it's almost cult-like behavior in a way they're just like you know i do love my husband and my baby but my twin you know my twin takes precedence over everyone i think just saying that blatantly and outright to them kind of makes you an a-hole even though you believe it's the honest truth as unfortunate as it is you're allowed to love your siblings you're allowed to place your twin sibling over your immediate family just don't be surprised if people start pointing the finger and calling you an a-hole because it's uncommon you're the a-hole i understand the twin bond is different but if i was your husband kids would be off the table when you get married your husband comes first after you have your kids they come first you basically just told your husband that if it came down to it that you would choose your twin over your hypothetical kids and your very real husband truthfully you probably need to get couples counseling and individual therapy if you want to salvage this situation and after you have kids they come first exactly opie your kids come before everyone if that isn't something you can accept don't have kids they shouldn't grow up knowing they aren't the priority in your life completely agree when i had my daughter she automatically became the most important person to me i have a close relationship with my siblings and parents but nothing is more important than her how crazy just curious since almost everyone in the comments is saying this should children necessarily be number one after the spouse my personal take is that in marriage your spouse is your priority even when there's kids because you and spouse existed before kids and will also be each other's support after kids move on with their families of course the kids needs and love tank must be definitely met this is also assuming there is no abuse happening if not then yes the parents must protect the child i have a friend who shared that her mom's whole life revolved around her and the brother and when they grew up and moved out with their own families the mum didn't do so well truth be told my own life now revolves around the needs of my two young children but whenever we can hobby and i will always try to make time for each other like when the kids sleep all we find is siddha etc i will never fully neglect my relationship with my husband for the sake of my children yes time and commitment might be focused on the children when they are young but hubby is still number one for op i agree with many of the comments saying her relationship dynamic with her sister is a little too extreme it is special no doubt about it but the new family unit should have a certain priority opie no one is really telling you to stop being close to your sister but you should understand that you now have your own family as do your sister your twin relationship will always be there i think everyone understands your bond but yeah don't keep saying it it hurts other people who also have close relationships with you and i can't imagine how your future kids might feel to know he or she is not as important as auntie kayla if any of the other stories on reddit have taught me anything it usually doesn't end too well my judgment for this scenario you're the a-hole mr dud chicken says no kids are number one before the spouse and i don't see anyone here saying otherwise it has nothing to do with the duration of the relationship and everything to do with the severity and importance of the relationship your kids rely on you to be the parent they are totally dependent on you and you have a ridiculous amount of trust from them you are the decision maker the teacher the provider etc you can divorce your spouse you can find another spouse but your kids are always your kids and you're irreplaceable to them the parent child bond trumps the spousal ones the only difference is that you have to break the parent child bond when your children reach adulthood which is why that's often very hard for parents until that point however the requirements of parenthood are putting your kids needs first often before even your own needs if necessary let alone your spouses posted by user frustrated adam 201 titled am i the a-hole for telling my brother his girlfriend can't be in the room when we are watching football anymore so i am a 24 year old guy and my twin brother is obviously the same age he got a new girlfriend 21 female around christmas time and i like her for the most part me and my brother live together by the way i have a full-time job and he has a part-time job while studying so i pay more of the rent than he does but recently since the football has started again here in england me and my brothers are huge arsenal fans his girlfriend has been in the room every match that's been on since they are apparently joined to the hip and she can't go and do her own thing for a few hours all she does is complain about how stupid the game is and how it's just a game and we're dumb for taking it so seriously she keeps trying to talk to us while the game is on telling me about all the gossip between her friends and such and i keep telling her i don't want to talk and want to concentrate on the game and she gets really offended saying oh i am so sorry from tearing you away from your precious game though my brother entertains her with those conversations and it's really annoying trying to watch with her loudly banging on about random crap at the same time i also tend to swear and have foul-mouthed rants when my team is losing or playing badly and she keeps saying that i'm childish for being this way and tells me to turn it down because i scare her yesterday arsenal won the fa cup semi-final and i loudly celebrated and screamed in happiness when we scored and she left the room and my brother went to talk to her and came back in saying i needed to apologize because i scared her so much that she almost cried i told him no way i'm allowed to celebrate my team scoring how i want in my own home we argued and they left my brother came back later and we argued again and i told him that i never want her to be there when i'm watching a match again because she ruins it for me our relationship is certainly rocky because of this am i the a-hole oy nah but how good's the 40a has this woman never been around like a football crowd in a pub in a private scenario before has she been living under a rock in england that's genuinely just the culture come on the brother has to know that as well he's just enabling her annoying childish ways and that's not cool if a man wants to enjoy the footy and be passionate about it and have a good time let him if she's going to be a sour puss about it she can leave i don't think opie is the a-hole there i think opie is very passionate about footy and i don't blame him keep doing you brother so she doesn't like football but insists on being there when it's on and ruining it for everyone else not the a-hole it's your house your rules i hate football but if my brother or step dad have it on while i'm at theirs i find something else to do or leave sounds like the girlfriend needs to grow up agreed i generally find sports boring but i've watched games with family members that enjoy it and i will watch it for a bit while on my phone or gone off my own right i'm not a fan of any sport especially on tv but the brother's girlfriend is a huge a-hole my husband has a studio it's right next to the living room not soundproofed when he's making music i just have subtitles on because it's his passion and when he feels it he plays it the amount of women that complain about their significant others playing too loud or whatever shocks me always if you don't like it go do what you like it's not a hard or difficult thing that's what she said i will never understand people that can't justify themselves but [ __ ] at others for knowing or having something that does opie not the a-hole your brother should take this as a red flag lol can't even believe i typed that posted by user am i the ahole throwaway 71920 titled am i the a-hole for not telling my neighbor i had started a college fund for his kid full disclosure i 100 do not think i'm an a-hole for this but they are harping on it and i'm just looking for an independent opinion i 36 female bought a rural property in 2016. this property has a very large yard and a long driveway i also travel a fair bit for work i was looking for a service to handle shoveling my driveway in the winter and handle mowing my lawn in the spring summer and fall mostly because i'm gone a lot but also because i just don't want to deal with it i was talking to my neighbor ah who said his son a 14 male was a hard worker and wanted to make some extra cash as he was saving for college so a and i came to an agreement every weekend he would mow my front and back long and i would pay him forty dollars in the winter whenever it snowed he would come by and plow my driveway firm forty dollars a week whether or not it snowed he would just drive on over with his tractor and handled it it worked very well for four years this kid was a godsend i foster dogs and if i have to go out of town unexpectedly he would come over and feed them and play with them and love on them and just have a grand old time and he would be compensated accordingly for the extra work all in all i probably paid him three to four thousand dollars a year for the work i made good friends with his folks i get invited to all the family parties his older sister had a baby and i went to the shower so it is obvious i have a soft spot for this kid knowing that he was working so hard to try to afford to go to school every time i paid him i would also set aside the same amount of money and i put it into an envelope i was invited to a socially distant graduation party earlier this month he graduated from high school and he's going away to a state school about two hours from us next month i took that envelope full of cash to the bank and got a check which totaled out a little more than twelve thousand dollars i included this check in the card that i got for him for graduation and i thanked him very much for helping me all these years and wished him well as he moved on with his life he was extremely thankful because his mom has been laid off and they were worried about how they were going to pay for school and they were trying not to let him go into debt now the issue i was worried that his parents would think of this as charity because his mum had been laid off this plan had been years in the making and i hadn't mentioned it to them because i didn't want them to count on it for whatever reason i wasn't in the financial position to offer it to them when the time came the neighbor's mama called me extremely upset that i hadn't told them about the fund prior for two reasons one it overshadowed their gift to him and two they had spent so long worrying about how they were going to pay for this and if they had known about what i was going to do it would have saved them a lot of stress and problems am i the a-hole personally i think this is the smarter approach to helping someone to get through college that last post where the guy promised from a young age that he would put the money towards the kid and then when it came to the time coronavirus just now hits and he's like i genuinely can't afford it i've been unemployed i've been laid off i'm sorry i can't do this for you fella this is the better way to go about it so there isn't any expectation and there's no feelings hurt with a promise on the horizon i can understand why the parents are upset but i genuinely don't think they have the right to be upset about their son getting twelve thousand dollars for college that's just not right i think op is justified as not the a-hole in this situation the parents of the a-holes for blowing up not the a-hole how could you ever be considered an a-hole for something so generous they shouldn't be upset because you overshadowed their gift they should be happy for their son as for saving them the stress it would have been more cruel to promise what you could not guarantee see the office episode scott's tots and that one comment telling me that it's not scott's tots it was scott's tots okay shut up not listening to anyone that tells me that situation wasn't scott's tots not the a-hole perfect example of making a promise you can't keep and if you did tell them it sounds like they would blow that out of proportion as well i am sorry that you're out of a good work though he sounds like a good kid and you will be a good adult i think and he will be a good adult but okay i would be cautious if the neighbors try and foist another of their kids if they have any to take over they might have unvoiced expectations that you will present another large check in the future and i'm sure you didn't overshadow their gifts the sun expressed that his family was on hard times and it seems like he has a solid head on his shoulders while he appreciates your gift because it would make his life easier and is super generous from someone who doesn't have to be he surely appreciates whatever sacrifice his parents made to get him a gift as well i'm in this parents shoes my parents are both better off than i am their presence to my 18 month old daughter are worth more than the presents i give to her i thank them very nicely and be grateful that my daughter gets to have nice things that i otherwise may not be able to afford for her in addition i worry for years about finances for my house which is a long story and when it came time to need to fork out that money my mother generously said she would make up the balance i thanked her very much for making something that i hadn't been looking forward to very easy not the a-hole you made a generous contribution which a was very grateful for this is about a having the finances for his education don't let his parents make it about them personally when it comes to scott's tots i didn't think that was the most cringe episode phyllis's wedding actually hurt me more inside i hated phyllis's wedding more than scott's tots i'm sorry controversial opinion i know posted by user no formal 8875 titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister i don't want her and her new poly partners staying with us even though i was initially okay with just her boyfriend i'd know about you that sounds like a party to me throwaway account my sister had plans to stay with us for months she lives in a city that had a hard time during the pandemic and wants to stay with me my husband and my kids for around two months to unwind and escape we live in a very tranquil and picturesque part of our state i was totally okay with this we have a big house and my kids love their auntie the issue is she tells me she's been in a new polyamorous relationship since like late last year and she wants to bring her three new partners along i haven't seen her all this time and i haven't met any of these people i only know her long-term boyfriend of five years as they've visited us many times in the past we're now having a rough time because i basically said no i don't want your other romantic partners here but you and your boyfriend are still welcome like in my initial invite she has tried to explain the dynamics of their poly relationship and i tried to understand as best i can but i still don't want three additional strangers all sleeping together under my roof she said they would all be sleeping in one bedroom and we would probably see them cuddling and being affectionate in public living spaces but that it's no different than what her and her boyfriend would do anyways just with more people it's hard to verbalize why i'm so against this so my sister is using this as evidence i am secretly bigoted and need to re-evaluate my prejudices my sister did point out that i once let two of her college friends that i hadn't met before stay with us during spring break i felt that was different because they were one only friends and two not in a sexual relationship with one another i just feel really uncomfortable knowing that there will be a total of five people in my home likely engaging in group six while my family is nearby am i the a-hole if i maintain this boundary i feel like i'm probably carrying some prejudices against their former relationship but on the other hand it's also my home and my kids to protect my husband agrees with me but says it's my choice to make because it's my sister she has been ignoring me for the past few days since i said no and told me she thought i was better than this come on sis we just want to have kinky group sex just five of us every night in the bedroom in your home why won't you let us do it i don't understand why is she trying to shield this with ah you're just being prejudiced you're just a bigot no no that's not an acceptable thing to put on someone else i'm sorry if you believe that opie you are not the a-hole if you maintain this boundary if you're not comfortable with that being in your own home with your own children that's fine continue as you are because i probably wouldn't do it myself and i believe a large majority of people share this same view it doesn't feel right especially with the whole pandemic going on not the a-hole there is a pandemic she is lucky she and her primary partner are invited two why in the world should you be obligated to host additional people that you don't know and didn't plan for three you can have no issue with her being polly while taking issue with her inviting over some randos that she just started dating sounds like she's trying to use your tranquil home as a booty vacay three specifically is why opie is not the a-hole in this situation yes one and two are important but it literally sounds like she wants a sum of ak with her new poly pals and is peeved that she won't get that opie you are not obligated to put the health of your family at risk during this pandemic with three people you've never met your sister should understand this especially with kids involved and rehashing the two college friends part just because you were kind once doesn't mean you need to extend that same amount of generosity again not the a-hole not to mention spring break is like a week three strangers in op's house for two months i would nope out of that automatically mind you it does sound like opie is squicked out by the poly thing which would be something to think about and work on but you can be the most open-minded person in the world and not want to open your house for a sixth of a year to people you've never met not the a-hole some poly people especially those new to the lifestyle can be like some vegans i.e really annoying and aggressive about it proselytizing and haranguing anyone who doesn't convert lycope's sister claiming bigotry because her sibling doesn't immediately roll out the red carpet for her new lovers one of those people who makes the poly community cringe hold up did i read that there will be five people as in sister boyfriend partner abc forget the polyamory parts as long as they're happy and have a healthy relationship it doesn't matter what they do but why would they think it's okay to bring that many people into a house with children during a pandemic also who wants to live in a house of nine people all cooped up in quarantine i've seen reality tv shows you are not in for a good time not the a-hole that would be a hard no for me too yes sister boyfriend partner a male partner b female and partner c male my sister said that two of the people are in a relationship with her and her boyfriend but the remaining men partner c is only together with the other woman partner b maybe i was just intimidated by the complexity of it all but i feel really uncomfortable with a living situation that i would have zero idea how to navigate i just wouldn't want that many people in my house if i was them not gonna lie there is such thing as hotels airbnb even though that thing's dying there's other options you don't have to well force yourself into one person's house i'm sure there's five of you surely five of you have enough money to pull together to find somewhere nice to stay for two months posted by user eternal flower girl titled am i the a-hole for telling my friends she can't be a virgin i'm unsure if this is rude and or ridiculous so reddit can be the judge my friend elle is very adamant about saving herself until marriage we are both 21 female it wasn't even just for her she would shame inside-eye people who weren't married and sleeping together even one of our mutual friends she wholeheartedly believed that was a sin as she was very religious however she got a boyfriend and they ended up sleeping together and she told me that herself edits she told me he took her virginity one thing led to another and they broke up amicably after that we were hanging out and she went off on a tangent sing girls need to respect themselves and not sleep around that's what husbands are for and i say does that make you one of those girls what are you talking about i mean you had sex i explained that it doesn't have to be shameful and she can just not do it again until she's married if she pleases she seemed to be in disbelief that she's not a virgin anymore she also seemed upset that i mentioned that to her i mean we're 21 i hope she knows what sex is am i the a-hole for pointing this out edits oh wow i didn't expect this to blow up i do have one thing to say when my friend says sleeps around she also believes that any girl in a relationship is sleeping around because she is also being unfaithful to her future husband that was poor wording on my part i was reusing her words though i think a friend is just a bit of an oddball there i don't think she's coming to grips with what sex is think she's been very sheltered i get that's just my interpretation of the situation and i don't know if it makes you an a-hole for pointing that out maybe in her perception you're being an a-hole by not agreeing with her views but i don't think anyone else would agree with that and i think everyone would agree that you're not the a-hole here at least i would not the a-hole and she's a hypocrite how does she think she can have sex and still be a virgin she either doesn't know the definition of sex or virgin this is one of those posts that makes me sigh and make disappointed comments about the state of sex ed in this country assuming usa i can only hope that she's not banking on the pupil loophole or any other loophole edits i want to point out that this chick probably felt a virgin was a big part of her identity now that's gone and she doesn't know how to navigate that which is hard doesn't make it okay for her to be judgey about people's premarital shenanigans but having your identity up and change on you is tough here's hoping she figures it out and gets nicer yeah it's in the u.s we actually had very inclusive sex ed she learned all the details from it and then decided to be self-righteous about saving herself after that well that's unfortunate in a different way then it sounds like saving myself for the man i will marry is a part of her identity she's probably having a lot of trouble reconciling that with the reality of you know reality having your identity change on you can be hard as hell i'm trying to stop myself from saying something snarky so instead i'll just hope that this experience teaches her to be less judgmental of others though there's a chance it'll go the other way people have sex because sex is fun that's all there needs to be that's what i thought i've seen several interviews of girls that saved themselves for marriage and how their families and churches would put them on a pedestal for staying a virgin then when they got married and lost their virginity they felt like they lost their identity and what made them worthy as a person many say it was hard to reconcile with and how they felt they no longer had a place or worth some even said that it really messed up their marriage because of how they felt afterwards placing such an emphasis on virginity is really bad for mental health and self-worth not the a-hole she is the a-hole for shaming people who aren't virgins she is also stupid especially for doing it herself there's just something that really bothers me about [ __ ] shaming while doing it themselves like i knew a gay man bragged to me about sleeping with two different dudes within an hour of each other then go on facebook to shame some guy for having multiple partners over the prior three years i've also had guys freak out at me because i've slept with other people before i met them despite being sexually active as well not the a-hole and calling out a shamer is acceptable if that person is being an abusive jerk in my opinion i've never encountered it before why do people care if you've had sex with someone before being in a relationship with them i mean if they knew you were sexually active what why are they mad it doesn't make any sense to me so many mental gymnastics going into their reasoning there posted by user am i the a-hole win period titled am i the a-hole for defending my sister's period against my stepmom even though i don't have a period i 16 male have a twin sister 16 female we live with our dad and stepmom our dad is an essential worker so he's out working most days leaving our step mum my sister's periods are bad she's on medication to help with the flow of blood but she doesn't have any prescribed painkillers and her cramps are bad she can barely move and sometimes she throws up we have some off the counter painkillers that my dad got for her which helps her a little when my sister has her period in cramps she usually doesn't leave her room i'm normally the one she will let into the room since we were very close so my stepmom doesn't fully understand how bad her cramps gets but i see them first hand only my dad and stepmom know where her painkillers are as she's too unorganized and would probably lose them every time she has a cramp she tells me and i go ask my dad my dad was at work this time so i asked my stepmom where the pills were and she started saying how my sister was such a drama queen i didn't really have time to argue with her since my sister was in her room in pain so i ignored it and just kept asking but she wouldn't tell me at this point i just called my dad and he told me where they were and i got them for my sister i could have just left it there but my stepmom's comments really annoyed me i went back downstairs and called her a fudging dick because she didn't just show me where the pills were i told her she was out of place to deny my sister her pills and have to make me call my dad when he was at work and that she should have just shut her entitled mouth up and told me not word for what you know i curse a lot she told me that a girl her age is just being dramatic and everyone has cramps so she didn't need to have the painkillers in case she became dependent she told me she had cramps too and they went away by the time she hit 25 and she didn't use any painkillers for them i told her she had no idea what she's talking about because she's never actually seen the pain my sister goes through because she never bothers to check in on her she told me to shut my mouth because she had more of an idea about what a period was like than i did because i'm just a boy she told me if her period was really that painful she would have come downstairs and asked for the pills herself i told her she could barely move from the pain so of course i'm the one who has to get them at this point i was getting really mad and i didn't want our neighbors to hear my yelling so i just went upstairs i told my sister about the fight but she really didn't give me an opinion on the fight since she was half asleep i've been thinking a lot about it and i'm very sure i'm in the rights but i don't want to act like i know everything about periods since i've never had one and she's had many am i the a-hole for arguing with my stepmom about periods i don't think you're the a-hole for arguing with her about it personally you're young and you haven't got much experience with it and obviously you've not gone through it yourself but you'd think throughout the stepmom's lifetime she would have had friends that had some sort of period pains that were that bad or maybe she just has empathy for her younger kids i know it does suck when people fake pain into drama queens but to have it on such a regular basis and continually being that bad come on i feel like you really need to have some empathy in that situation a lot of people have period pains that bad the stepmom's just being a complete [ __ ] and i think opie is great for educating himself and standing up for his twin sister it's really nice to see and i think he's not the a-hole as a result of that as a woman who had her pain denied by a step parent for many many years you were in the right eta opie your sister should definitely see a doctor about her period her periods should not be this traumatic the problem i think is that some women like me have almost no physical symptoms when on the rag i barely have cramps and other than that i'm fine besides being extra emotional right before my sister and other women have horrible cramps and women like me think they're faking eventually had a rough one and started to understand and then just got older and realized i'm in the minority when it comes to menstrual pain ops system may have pcos if they're this bad though and probably should see a doctor endometriosis here i was told for 20 years that i was being overly dramatic and it can't be that bad finally found a doctor after struggling to get pregnant who did an hsg exam and found massive problems with one of my fallopian tubes exploratory surgery discovered endometriosis and all my organs on one side were fused together from it the more you know periods should not be extremely painful i would definitely suggest she sees a doctor about it multiple if no one takes her pain seriously had my pain not been brushed away for 20 i wouldn't be three surgeries in to fix the damage for it nor be struggling with infertility as there is medication that can help endometriosis to help prevent fertility issues posted by user yaki jackie titled am i the a-hole for splitting off my knitting club and joining a second one to escape mummy talk about two years ago i 36 female started a club through a meet-up site it was for women to get together and do stuff like knit crochet sew embroider and bead it started slow but ramped up and became a bi-weekly thing i became fairly close with a number of people and considered them friends as time went on and new people joined others moved away things shifted in the club a lot of new or expecting mothers joined the group conversations in the meetups would eventually turn back to being about kids no matter what other conversations were going on someone would be talking about their job and one of the moms would find a way to steer the conversation to her daughter's grades me and a few others would try to redirect conversation encourage quiet folks to speak up etc at one point a very cool new person joined amy and during the last two thirds of the meetup she said something like i didn't realize this was a mum group they all laughed about it but amy didn't come back i sent her a message through the meetup app and asked her about it because i thought she was a great addition and she said she just wasn't into mummy group stuff explaining the whole story to her she offered me a solution just let them have their mommy group and split off and to make a new one i felt bad because some of these women were really nice but just i don't care that much about your kids i'm sorry a light-hearted anecdote here or there sure but i started to dread going to the meetups because it would always always end up about their kids so amy started a new club and advertised it and i told a few of the other members of my group that i knew they were tired of being bulldozed we scheduled it differently and i continued to attend my old group a few more times until i said i was handing it off to another woman and stepping away i didn't give any reason didn't lie etc well about three months later they found out probably saw it on the meetup app boy it didn't go over well i got confronted by one of the mums and was told that i was an unfeminist and not family friendly and judgmental and a kid-hater i ended up saying look i get that this hurts your feelings and i'm sorry but the old group just became something different than i intended and despite trying to shift it i felt like splitting off and forging a new group was the best choice for everyone now you guys can talk about your kids and we can talk about other things she ended up slamming me on instagram and facebook trying to make it into a big crusade but it kind of flopped i still grapple with feeling bad about it i think i was right and i tried to be polite about it but it obviously hurt someone's feelings badly enough to be this angry at me for this long am i the a-hole no i don't think i can really fault you for it you know it kind of sucks that you did have to leave and not be a part of that chitter chatter but that's just life people move groups people move location they lose interest in things they don't want to talk about kids all the time everyone can choose where they want to socialize and do their knitting whatever floats their birds holding a goat that's all fine with me she is the a-hole for slamming you on instagram and facebook trying to defame you like that you're not the a-hole by going somewhere you feel more welcome not the a-hole people can always find ways to be offended and ticked off you didn't do anything wrong and i do think the way you did it was just fine it's not like you prevented them from having their mummy knitting club and i'm guessing you weren't contributing much to their kids talk anyway so i don't see why she cares that much that you're gone people love to make drama and you'll never know why they probably need that kind of drama because that's the only thing they have to talk about apart from their kids i have kids i participate in mum groups i agree with this some people are just hungry for gossip and drama i'm a mum and used to participate in mum groups too i quickly learned that some of these women have nothing else to talk about outside of their kids i like my own kids usually i don't give a crap about anyone else's and that whole bragging about achievements thing bugs the freak out of me one time after a round of oh my god carter just got his third stripe on his camo belt at taekwondo and addison just shaved three seconds off her 200 meter freestyle i was asked what my youngest was up to i said he recorded one brother fighting with his bare ass hovering over the other brother's face while sleeping i have three boys god help me and after 10 hours on youtube it got 23 000 views so i and my degenerate male spawn are no longer welcome lol so good see why are they looking for drama that's the quality content i'd be looking for if i was in these mom groups posted by user i don't know because they deleted their account lol am i the a-hole for logging into my sister-in-law's accounts and taking a post about me and my daughter down i am a mother to a seven-year-old girl for various reasons there are several people who i do not want having any form of access to her and that includes photos and social media i don't post about having a daughter keep my profiles professional and don't post photos with her in them i'm not an idiot i know once my daughter is old enough for social media she will put pictures of herself online but by then we will have had a serious talk about internet safety the kind of talk i can't have with a seven-year-old i've been with my fiance for three years now and a few weeks ago he proposed we told his sister yesterday over a video call my daughter was with us on the call my sister-in-law has known my daughter since she was four she's really good with her and she knows the rules about social media i've had to remind her of these rules more than once because sister-in-law runs a mummy blog and her daughter is only a couple of months older than mine and the two are good friends so if she takes photos of her kid and mine is in the photos i ask her to crop my kid out she has thousands of followers on her blog and social media and is popular enough to have been sponsored a few times but she's not anywhere near living off of it and she has a 9-5 job a few hours after the video chat was over i got a notification for sister-in-law's blog sister-in-law has posted about our engagement and alongside it she put a screenshot of us mid-call with my daughter showing off the ring and cross-posted it to all her social media where she's tagged us in it and the post is a long piece that makes clear that my daughter isn't my fiance's child this is the exact thing i don't want on the internet proof that i have a daughter alongside my name picture posted by someone in my fiance's family with a massive following on five different websites i untagged myself from what i could but my full name first middle and last name was on the post and still searchable we called sister-in-law and asked her nicely to take the post down she refused my fiance then asked her not so nicely and she refused again and hung up on us i had a minor freak out and my fiancee said that his sister had the same password for everything when they were kids so if i wanted he could try and get in and take the posts down himself i said yes the password was the same so he logged in and took it all down then texted sister-in-law saying what we'd done and that he'd hoped it wouldn't come to this she is furious with us and made a whole new post about how we hacked her account and since then it's been non-stop messages from her as well as my fiance's immediate family saying we overreacted invaded her privacy and that we should have just asked her again to take it down before going nuclear are we the a-hole updates spoken to a lawyer who has a cease and desist ready to go when and if we need it and said that if sister-in-law did pursue legal action she'd come off way worse than us and we'd get off close to scot-free by comparison i can see why some people would think that just going into the account like that is a dick move and you know it's uncalled for but if it was me in the same situation i'd probably do it not gonna lie i feel like that action is warranted when you've asked multiple times hey i don't like this you know i don't like this take it down please take it down and then you put a gun to them and you say put it down now and they hang up on you and you're like why why would you hang the phone up while i have a gun at you anyway the point i'm trying to make here is that i don't think gop is the a-hole i think that the sister-in-law wasn't respecting their privacy and continued not to respect their privacy and is like what you have the power to take it down now i'm just gonna slander you and drag you online because that's the cool thing to do i'm glad they have a lawyer ready to go and you know they're gonna take down sister-in-law if she tries it again opie not the a-hole you were forced to do this to protect your child her blog and popularity are certainly not as important as your kid the internet is forever and honestly i'd be furious at this she is incredibly selfish what reason did she give for refusing to take it down or stop posting about you then i need to loosen the rules on social media and be aware that she's going to end up on social media eventually plus that you never let me post about her and that an engagement is a special occasion that she should be able to share with her followers especially as her whole thing is family and me and my daughter will be two new additions to the family and the people i'm worried about seeing her probably won't see it anyway you mean her content pool is growing and how dare you cut her from using your daughter as a financial opportunity ah the nerve of you i mean the true nuclear option would be to ask her and everyone else who reblogged it to take it down for the safety of the child let them know you asked her not to and add that she didn't care that a post right now could put your child at risk i'm assuming if you're trying to keep stuff on the down low that there are people who would absolutely make this a problem for you that kind of stuff ruins influences no true nuclear would have been changing her email address and passwords on those accounts and deleting all her posts then deleting the accounts oh that would have got you in legal trouble i'm pretty sure i think i feel like that's over the line and how funny is it that they're trying to lecture them on internet safety and yet they use the same password their entire life come on sis posted by user apartment trouble titled am i the a-hole for not giving a couple who's going camping with me a tent for two and asking them to sleep in the girls tent and boys tent i was organizing a camping trip invited a lot of friends and i had a couple's tent to lend out i treated spots in the tent as first come first serve as of this weekend the tents were planned out like this my big dome tent is the guy's tent two guys were sleeping in there and there was room for one more my other big dome tent is the girl's tent two girls were sleeping in there and there was room for one more julie's little tent my friend julie's tent she would be sleeping in it alone it could fit too snugly but she wanted to sleep alone and my little tent my own tent i'd be sleeping in it alone it could also fit two but very tightly so when my friend jess wanted to come and bring her boyfriend i said that there was room in the tents for them she could sleep with the girls and him with the guys she said that they should get a tent to themselves because they're a couple and it would be weird for a boyfriend to sleep with two guys he's never met i said that i'd been treating 10th spots as first come first serve and everyone has already picked their spots she was like why do you and julie get two-person tents to yourselves and i said that julie bought her own tent and that since i was organizing the trip and supplying almost everything i took first dibs and picked my favorite tiny she wanted me and julie to share and give one of the tents of hours for her and her boyfriend or for one of us to join the big girls tent and give them our tent i said that if they wanted a tent for two that much they could just get a cheap one at walmart for the weekends but i didn't want to change tent arrangements when i told everyone for weeks the tent arrangements are first come first serve jess told me it was really inconsiderate of me that i'm acting like a kid having boys and girls tents and the grown-ups will let couples sleep together i said it's not about letting them sleep together it's just that the only spots are in the girl's tent in boy's tent am i the a-hole for not just switching spots why is this such an issue with them jesus christ just get your own tent if you're not happy with it you're already getting like everything provided for you why do you care if you can't sleep together just jesus it's a camping trip with friends you're not going to be boning in the forest around your friends come on opie you're not the a-hole in this situation and i wouldn't give up my spot for them they're being choosing beggars in this situation and they can just not come if they don't want to that's fine too not the a-hole if she wants to sleep with her boyfriend so badly she can go out and get her own tent she's lucky or even nice enough to offer your other tent as it is exactly this beggars can't be choosers and all that the issue is the demand made to the organizer what she should have done is ask the other people and taken the no i dunno sounds like a-whole behavior then too either you're asking the two men or two women to bunk as four peepee of mixed gender in a big tent so you can have the other big tent or you're saying hey you guys that own your own tents one of you should give that up to us and go sleep in the other tents i think asking and then accepting a no would be a no a-holes here type of situation jess isn't entitled to anything but asking for a favor from the other campers wouldn't be wrong she goes into a-hole territory by basically making demands and refusing to take no for an answer not the a-hole every time she brings it up send her a link to another cheap tent i suggest sending her increasingly expensive tent links i would suggest increasingly cheaper tents up to and including a cardboard box despite the seeming contradiction these are both the best course of action not the a-hole you have clearly said that it's first-come served and offered them a tent to stay in for free she is not an a-hole for asking you to swap but is an a-hole to keep pushing it and for saying that they should get to share a tent for free because they are adults posted by user throw away a hole maybe titled am i the a-hole for kicking my girlfriend out after she deleted dead wife's pictures from my phone so my 25 male wife died 19 months ago it was real hard on me the first few months but i finally started putting myself back out there i met my girlfriend 23 female 7 months ago it was going pretty well and she moved into my apartment around four-ish months ago in hindsight we probably rushed this my girlfriend is very overprotective and clingy and scared of me cheating as she's been heard in the past i let her have my phone password so she could ease her mind she saw a photo of me and my wife and asked who she was and i explained she seemed to take it well but was a little bit awkward about it fast forward three days and i go to take a shower and leave my phone on charge in the bedroom i come out to see my phone unlocked weird but i let it slide later in the day i go through my photos to upload a new profile picture to facebook all the photos of my wife and me and her together are gone without a trace i checked my snapchat my eyes only because i had a few in there along with intimate photos of us together i knew it was my girlfriend i confronted her about it and she started yelling she said i need to get over it and get rid of all the reminders of my wife because she was here now she also called me really creepy for having nude pictures of a dead girl granted i probably should have deleted those a long time ago but i didn't want to because they were special to me might be an a-hole on my part there i was livid i told her to get out she stared at me in disbelief as i told her again she packed some stuff and left i went to my room and cried i woke up to many missed calls and angry texts from her and her friends for calling me the a-hole this might not have been a big deal but she permanently got rid of 95 of the pictures of my wife i still have some printed like the wedding in some vacations but i'm still missing a big chunk of them i feel like she deleted a part of me as well i've had to block multiple numbers including my sisters what the hell i do miss her though and want to talk but i'm confused reddit am i in the wrong no i feel like a lot of people would have the same reaction if they were that close to their partner like that and they were suddenly taken from you so young i would have the exact same reaction as you if my photos were just deleted like that in my phone i tie so many memories and things and parts of myself to old photos that i go back and i remember fondly and just things pop up in your mind hey i remember this that was funny on that day to me it's literally erasing parts of who i am if something like that would have happened to me and that's something people shouldn't have to experience you know screw her she is in the wrong she deserves the fallout she deserves to be yelled out i don't care obi you're not the a-hole you do you chief not the a-hole don't let her back in your life she needs therapy for her issues thank you i feel maybe i rushed into things without giving myself time to heal i may not be the a-hole but i am pretty stupid you're none of those things dude i'm sorry for your loss and wish you all the best you should take out a court for this if it caused you emotional trauma you were definitely not the a-hole i don't want to take anything that far i'm taking advice and blocking her and everything i made sure she left her key i'm taking my phone to see if there was any way to get them back asap we'll keep you updated not the a-hole check the deleted files folder on your phone a lot of phones have the equivalent of a recycle bin so hopefully they're sitting there fingers crossed she's not tech savvy enough to realize that ps change any passwords she may have access to opie may have also backed up without knowing he may want to check on the icloud.com or photos.google depending on his phone to see if anything's there not the a-hole she's jealous of your late wife as in the one person you can literally never ever cheat on her with i don't know i could do dobby but he doesn't exist unfortunately she completely ruined memories that you cannot get back due to her own insecurities and need to control you and didn't even apologize yeah that's some next level insecurity first red flags should have been moving in together after four months not the a-hole not the a-hole the lion the witch and the sheer audacity of this [ __ ] she destroyed precious memories of your past precious memories of your wife sentiment is what keeps humans sane it's what keeps humans kind she ruined that she went behind your back violated the trust you put in her destroyed your sentiments spat on your will and your past and tried to make you the bad guy she didn't even try to help you move on in a decent and loving way these actions are the actions of a controlling and gaslighting woman she would not be a good partner kick her to the curb let her back in your life and your life is over she will hold these things over you worm into your head and take everything from you don't take this kind of abuse mate you don't need to settle for trash like this mega jealous idiot take your time find someone good for you don't get into a relationship to fill the hole that's what she said posted by user ravenna53 titled am i the a-hole for taking my daughter's violin away my daughter 15 and i 38 moved into my boyfriend's 56 and 18 year age gap whoa home a month ago we've been dating since march and wanted to take the next step in our relationship when we moved in all i asked of my daughter was that she respect that this was my boyfriend's home and to be respectful towards him as with practically all apartments in new york city space is limited therefore every time my daughter practices her violin everybody else can hear this has proved to be an annoyance to my boyfriend and one of his rules is that she practice when he's not home flash forward to last week i wake up to her playing away my boyfriend is already at his desk working on a project for work and he says he's so annoyed and can't focus right now my boyfriend goes in her room and asks if she forgot the house rules she retorts that she has a virtual audition in a couple of hours and needed to practice i had told her not to wait until the last minute to practice but she did so anyway it was seven and my boyfriend's work presentation was at nine my daughter's audition was at ten so i tell her to wait until he leaves the house and she'll still have time to warm up we leave her room and soon after i hear her plucking the strings and obviously moving her bow my boyfriend goes in again and she tells him to go to the lobby and work there i didn't like my daughter's tone she also clearly wasn't going to stop making noise so i ended up taking her violin and bow away until my boyfriend leaves for work my daughter is so mad that she's shaking when i give her her stuff back she says that she needed to do more than warm up and through a tantrum before her audition now it's a week later and she found out she didn't make it into the orchestra she's locked herself in her room and calls her stepfather hitler and doesn't talk to me at all am i the a-hole i was reacting to her diso being a clear directive from me she was also disrespecting the man i love by kicking him out of his own home the lobby of our apartment is used a lot and poses a health risk to my boyfriend and he needs to give a hundred percent at his job also my daughter had plenty of time to practice before the day of i think you and the boyfriend both suck in this situation here i don't think he's a stepfather at all after those few months that you've been together and i think that what you're putting on this girl is ridiculous i don't know why he agreed to have you both in the apartment if he wasn't okay with the compromise of the violin because that's very much important for the daughter and i guess you two have lots to work out with that daughter because she's the victim in this situation you guys suck you're the a-hole you moved in with your boyfriend after three months of dating and basically told your daughter her goals don't mean anything and boyfriend is king it might be his home but thanks to you now it's hers as well big fat parenting fail mom calls him her stepfather this poor little girl is going through a lot right now can't even have the stability of playing her own violin i came here to say this in big drastic crazy changes music was the only thing i ever had growing up taking away the daughter's instruments wasn't just saying her goals and wants don't matter it took away her escape from reality which she clearly needs since she's living with her mum who's insisting on calling her a whole boyfriend her kid's stepfather after three months of dating you're the a-hole op you were destroying your relationship with your daughter for a guy you've only been with for a few months you're the a-hole you upended your daughter's life to move into an apartment that isn't big enough just because you've been going out with this guy for three months that's what makes you the a-hole also he's not her stepfather he's your short-term boyfriend who inexplicably moved in with after three months you're the a-hole girl the dick can not be that good stop being hypnotized by it and remember you have a daughter you're supposed to care for and this account has just been suspended so unfortunately anyone that wants to come find this post doesn't exist anymore sorry posted by user formal letters 3 titled am i the a-hole for saying we'd only help with my ex's kid's party if we could tell people that we were engaged this guy jack and i were together for about a year and with a couple of weeks of ending it i found out i was pregnant i texted jack to tell him and a couple hours later this woman liz showed up at my place saying she and jack had been together for six months and she was also pregnant and when the text arrived she got my address out of jack's phone so she could talk to me before him i told her everything and liz dumped jack i was about 6 weeks along at this stage and she was 12 weeks liz and i weren't exactly busy mates to begin with but jack took a huge step back when he realized how angry at him we both were so liz and i ended up doing pregnancy stuff together when my roommate said that she didn't want to live with a baby liz suggested we move in together jack objected but we told him to get lost and moved in together over the years we got closer i've always known that i was bi but when our kids were a year old liz realized that she was gay and when the kids were about five liz asked me out we knew it was a little bit weird but nothing about our relationship before this was conventional so we figured why get hung up on normal now we've been together four years now and liz proposed a few months ago i said yes jack has been an involved parent this whole time paying us both child support and having custody on alternate weekends he's met someone new married a few years ago and they have a son tommy tommy looks up to the nine-year-olds my son liz's daughter and loves them a lot and they adore their little brother tomorrow tommy is having a socially distanced birthday party for his fifth birthday the current guest list is both sets of grandparents and aunt uncle cousin trio the neighbor's sons then me liz and our kids they've kept it pretty small for obvious reasons and there's only going to be the five kids there total and tommy is good friends with the neighbor's kids but not so much with his cousin the party is on a date that jack doesn't have custody so he asked us to bring the kids as a favor he also asked us to stay and help at the party because i'm a decent baker and cook and he's asked me to make the cake which i agreed to and it looks pretty good if i say so myself but now the day before the party jack has told me and liz that his wife's family are homophobic so for the duration of the party he's going to need us to pretend that we're straight single moms because jack is already on thin ice with them for getting three women pregnant we said we'd drop the kids and the cake but not stick around because jack's parents hate us both anyway and we won't hide our relationship jack has said that we're being unreasonable he needs us to do this as a favor and we already agreed to help so we can't bail on him the day before the party are we the a-hole edits i wasn't gonna post about this here but since posting this we've had a bunch of comments about how this sounds like a rom-com which is fine and we're okay with joking about it but in addition to this we've had four actual messages and comments saying that someone seriously wants to adapt this into a novel and screenplay that's weird and it makes us uncomfortable these are our lives please stop well that was weird alright i don't think that you guys are the a-holes for wanting to ditch the homophobic parents at the party if they want to get all mad and judgmental and crap they can do that on their own dime you don't have to be there as a favor to him just letting him have the two kids in the first place is already a favor enough you shouldn't have to subject yourself to lying about your relationship just to please his parents who you don't actually care about so why do it you're not the a-hole him and his parents are jack cheats gets three women pregnant has judgmental parents and in-laws because of his actions and says hey can you help me out with the party you know cook bake decorate and you're like sure cool but you can't act like a couple around my judgmental parents and in-laws because they're ticked because i'm a dog who cheats and knocks women up that's cool right um no here's the food and the kids though have fun and he's like how dare you not change who you are to appease my family y'all not the a-hole jack the a-hole congrats on your engagement by the way not the a-hole wow so let me get this straight jack cheated on both of you and you were both pregnant when you found out i'm so sorry both of you ended up in that situation and i'm so happy for you that you have both found happiness with each other and created a loving family you should in no way have to hide yourselves to make his life easier and he shouldn't even have asked you that i'm amazed you're still making the cake you're a better person than i am honestly liz and i talked when we first found out about jack and agreed that if our kids are going to be half siblings then we should at least get on with each other we're actually almost glad it happened when it did because there's no way that liz and i would have gotten to where we are now if i'd been with jack for years or even married him or she was knowingly helping him cheat this way jack has found someone who knows how to reign him in liz and i found each other and all three siblings are close with good relationships everyone's happy not the a-hole so because of his terrible decision-making embarrassing track record with pregnancy prevention congratulations in your happy little family nothing is normal and you found happiness in a crazy world you guys are supposed to pose his straight after bringing his kids over to him as a favor i wouldn't have my life be even more compromised by his decisions he can ask of you that you hide it you don't have to do it if his fiancee can't handle the guy shotgunning his sperm everywhere why is she with the guy the homophobia is her problem entirely the wife is actually pretty great she's not funny with us at all she gets that it's jack who's the screw-up here but apparently her parents sibling and the sibling's partner are all varying levels of homophobic she says she's tried to get them to stop but i met some of them at jack and her wedding a few years ago and they seemed pretty homophobic liz said the father of the bride was funny about her wearing a suit and we weren't even dating yet so it was literally just a woman in a suit that he objected to i'd drop the cake off and leave don't grace the bigots with your presents and i'd lump jack in with bigots if he appeases them and does not stand for equal treatment and respect not the a-hole and congrats ladies posted by user t a feisty bison5036 titled am i the a-hole for prohibiting heating pads at work i 34 mill am leading a team of six software developers one of them keith 28 male who is my top performer the other is ann 26 female keith is on the spectrum and sometimes a bit particular keith complained to me that anne is contaminating the office microwave with body fluids upon investigation it turns out that anne is heating her heating pad in the microwave which she then puts on her stomach and after it cools down back in the microwave and keith frets about possible sweat getting on the pad and then getting into the microwave and daughter's food i think the risk is there but not that high but keith is also a bit particular especially around food and the disability woman from hr said i need to accommodate him to make him feel comfortable and perform well so i asked dan not to use the microwave for her heating pad anymore she told me she needs it for pain management but she doesn't seem to be in pain we are also living in a country with free health care and paid sick leave and stuff so if she were she could just get medical help without she asked me to document my decision and said she will then go home and take her sick leave and that she won't return today which seems like a pretty emotional reaction to a regular office rule my wife said that i am the a-hole for not hearing ann out but she ignores that keith couldn't eat at the office or feel comfortable there if i didn't enforce that rule and i'd actively discriminate against him am i the a-hole edits are gay seems like i am at least the a-hole for dismissing anne's pain i will apologize to her for that if she returns tomorrow that probably was uncalled for i don't really have a solution yet as a second microwave is no option and i'd have to talk to the safety folks to check if those electric heating pads are allowed but as both seem to be valid needs and concerns there has to be some middle ground so i'll work on that thanks for your feedback edit two i talked with hr about it they basically said that everyone sucks here and for ignoring some house rules about the kitchen and food safety and possibly endangering immuno-compromised folks keith for not being compromising and me for dismissing anne so we're all [ __ ] and hr can either get us all in trouble well at least me and anne or no one also electric pad is fine as long as she doesn't plug it into the wall but uses a power bank you're the a-hall 4 she doesn't seem to be in pain you can't tell that somebody's in pain by looking at them and women are particularly well at hiding it free healthcare doesn't cure pain and not everyone wants to take the day off for feeling sore when they can manage it just stop being an ass and get a second microwave for keith both of their concerns are completely valid and a second microwave will make everyone happy a second microwave for one person seems too much i already moments in details about options but i reckon that he could make sure she puts the pad on a dish and that keith puts his food on a dish so neither of them directly touch the microwave before anyone else comments he said he can't have a microwave i will not keep responding to people saying you can get a cheap microwave because it's not an option in this case i have to say you're the a-hole here because why would you go out of your way to accommodate keith's uncomfort but not anne's actual pain you just dismissed her and basically said she was lying you could have compromised and gotten an electric heating pad so that there was nothing going into the microwave sorry but let's call this what it is it's more than bad management it's opie empathizing more with the needs and concerns of someone his own gender rp might not even realize it but there is a long history of women's pain and needs being dismissed by managers who are male because frankly they are unable to put themselves in a woman's shoes for 5 seconds any women would immediately understand that anne's pain is possibly connected to her period that's not something you can just go to the doctor to solve even with free healthcare it's something most women just live with and manage with heating pads advil etc yes i'm asking op to be able to understand and empathize with this female employee even about her possible period related pain shocking right frankly opie be better edit wow i really appreciate all the positive feedback on this comment my faith in humanity has been restored because of y'all and then he called her emotional for literally going through with his suggested alternative taking the day off as a sick day like misogyny 101 the really dumb thing is microwaves kill germs so why is anyone freaking out about this right i don't understand why people are even suggesting buying other stuff when literally microwaves can sterilize fungi bacteria and viruses hell i bet that top employee's hands are more germs than a pad that's microwaved daily anyways you're the a-hole op posted by user hot today 5993 titled am i the a-hole for telling my fiancee that her dream wedding location is off limits because my sister had chosen it first throw away so i proposed to my girlfriend the beginning of this year we had originally planned to get married this september but that has obviously been pushed back to next year my sister also got engaged last year and tare and her fiance were 100 set to have an april wedding before the pandemic shut everything down however tragedy struck and her fiance suddenly passed away this june covered death it has been an extremely tough time for all of us in the family my sister has been hospitalized on and off over the past month and we are all doing our best to support her anyways now i am fighting with my fiancee because i'm putting my foot down so to speak on her latest decision to change our wedding venue to where my sister originally planned hers my sister had planned to have her wedding at a famous country estate mansion near where we live that's really hard to reserve normally it was also where she went on one of her first dates with her fiance so it had special meaning for them my fiancee recently told me that she contacted the estate out of curiosity and found out they have openings early next year so now she wants to have our wedding there instead she visited the place and fell in love and says it's actually her dream venue i basically said absolutely not are you insane that would be incredibly traumatic for everyone in my family including me but especially my mum and sisters who already helped my sister and brother-in-law plan their wedding at that exact location my fiance won't budge and she's furious i'm not seeing things from her side she says our wedding could be like a beautiful tribute to my sister's loss but i don't think anyone would see it that way more than likely people will think we stole my sister's wedding ideas and are forcing her to attend out of cruelty am i the a-hole for telling my fiancee her dream venue is an absolute no-go no oh my god is she insane that's what's one of the worst ideas i've heard from the sub and i've heard a lot of really bad ideas how about we play attributes to the person that your fiance would have married but died earlier in their life too you know because they don't want to marry you they just want to marry the idea of that person that's a good idea too let's do that one why is it whenever wedding plans come out people just go loopy i don't understand it definitely not the aholop i don't envy the position that you're in i wouldn't want to be stuck in that rock in the hard place both the rock and the hard place being your insane fiancee oh my god no thank you not the a-hole but i am really trying to understand how your fiancee could possibly see that as a beautiful tribute for your sister oh remember that beautiful wedding you were excited to share with the love of your life well now that your life's fallen apart you get to see someone else have it you're welcome can you imagine yep right on the money she will be rubbing salt into your sister's wounds leave that poor girl alone she will have a hard enough time going to your wedding already your wedding is going to be so awful for your poor sister anyway even if she is genuinely happy for you i hope this is a one-time mental glitch for your fiance and not typical behavior hmm what do i want now how can i convince myself and others that it is not only reasonable but altruistic not the a-hole not the a-hole your fiancee is lacking empathy here and that's something you need to consider for the long run of your relationship this cannot be stressed enough there is something really wrong with your fiancee because she cannot understand why using this venue is so hurtful to you your family and especially your sister oh you think it's a beautiful tribute you think she'll think that okay let's video call her right now and you can tell her your amazing idea you not me and don't you pretend that this is coming from both of us if her face lights up when you say it then we'll do it and if she cries yells or hangs up i will not be marrying you there or anywhere else well what are you waiting for nothing to be afraid of if you genuinely believe that she'll like the idea oh feeling a little hesitant to actually tell her might that be because you know this is cruel as hell not the a-hole posted by user am i the a-hole friend in need titled am i the a-hole for leaving my wife and kids after she locked the door on me my wife decided that it'll be funny to lock the door on me while i was getting the mail i waited for 10 minutes knocking the door and calling her and she still wouldn't answer i was already pretty ticked that morning because i stabbed my toe and slept pretty terribly she knew this so i just decided to bike to my friend's house after about 10 minutes she tries to call me but i just ignore her after about two hours hanging around with my friends playing some halo i come back home riding my bike the door is open by this point i came home to see her in tears now she's very ticked at me for leaving her with our kids for over an hour i just say to her that she locked me out and that i didn't think she needed help i was already pretty ticked that day and didn't think locking me out for 10 minutes was very funny so i decided to make it fun she's now complaining that we're supposed to have equal responsibilities in taking care of our children and that i was being sexist that i just left her our children are four and one so am i the a-hole uh not the a-hole a harmless joke would be locking it for you to have the initial shock of i remember this being open before not ignoring you for 10 minutes for real maybe let him knock two or three times and then let him in and giggle but it's also not smart to try to play a joke on someone who's already in a bad mood people that normally could have laughed can snap at something dumb because they were already in a bad mood yeah and she even left him out there for 10 minutes and it seems like she would have left him out for 10 more minutes because she called him 10 minutes later everyone sucks here 10 minutes is not school leaving with no word for two hours is not cool grow up both of you you're supposed to be adults and partners jesus i can't believe i had to scroll this far to finding everyone sexier this whole situation just screams childish for both parties also sorry but as an adult not sleeping well and stubbing your toes shouldn't be triggering enough to be in a really bad mood all day like we all sleep bad sometimes and i stub my toe and then i get over it i'm not going to be extra mad at the stuff my spouse does because of either of those things that are out of their control this is the part that made me start to question op you were already in a terrible mood because you'd stubbed your toe that morning you're gonna work on your emotional stability man he didn't say he was in a bad mood all day he could have gotten the mail that morning haven't you ever woken up in a bad mood wouldn't it suck if the spouse knew you were cranky and did something crappy anyways and i'm not going to be extra mad at the stuff my spouse does because if either of those things are out of their control i agree with this but see what she did was completely in her control i can see locking him out as a joke and then immediately unlocking the door but what she did was unnecessarily obnoxious and mean i mean he didn't get a call from her for 10 more minutes after he left he could have been locked outside for 20 minutes if he didn't leave who locks their spouse out of the house for 20 minutes as a jerk i dunno either he's not telling us something or she has some really pent up resentments justifiable or not justifiable yes everyone sucks here so you're an a-hole too sorry reddit i'm not in the majority op if you care here is why one she screwed up not a funny joke not funny to do you were pained for 10 minutes and maybe longer she was pained for two hours two you knew she was in the house and where your kids were sounds like she didn't know where you went if you were coming back etc this may have triggered serious abandonment fears in her especially with that reaction she gave you three you got to play games for two hours while she was caring for your children i get you were punishing her which is a stupid thing to do but that aside for the sake of your children you should have waited around and had a mature conversation now i'll say this it's good that you took time away to cool off but and i'm speaking from my own therapeutic background here if i take space from my wife after a fight or joke gone wrong i really need to tell her how long i think i'll be gone because of her own fears and issues what may seem like a harmless prank revenge to folks here on reddit could have seriously hit something in her psyche that may have lasting damage between you two yes her prank was juvenile and stupid and she needs to grow up your prank was also juvenile and stupid and you may have really hurt her emotionally take some time to talk to her really and make sure she's okay and that you're okay posted by user i don't want kids throw titled am i the a-hole for not wanting kids now when i was 24 i had a baby with liz we trucked along for five years then got divorced the kid jane was very upset by the whole thing i never really wanted kids and jane was a mistake i realized after we had her exactly how child free i wanted to be at first we basically had 50 50 custody while we got it formally figured out we just worked around our schedules and while we both worked she spent time at her grandparents the problem arose when i realized i was dreading having her over a lot of the time we did 10 days each the divorce took ages due to state laws etc and i had the time of my life for my 10 days off and hated having her with me she was fine before but now was showing some really crappy behavior to me specifically nothing major but she was well behaved before the divorce was finally about to go through and our legal obligations towards jane decided i told my lawyer that i wanted no custody full stop but would pay full maximum child support instead my ex liz and my parents were not happy about this but i told them that i was moving across the country to a city and this was the only way so i did move and paid full child support with only one late monthly payment it's now 10 years later and i'm exceptionally happy i am now married again and my wife doesn't want kids either jane is 14 though and has been contacting me through facebook and my parents i haven't been in contact with them much because they choose to keep having a relationship with jane despite me not wanting us to be involved my wife therefore found out somehow and now she's mad at me jane wants to have a relationship but i do not want kids and have made that clear i called my ex-wife out on facebook for allowing her to contact me she shouldn't be near facebook at that age what the hell and for turning my parents against me but now other family keeps messaging me telling me to f off am i the a-hole for deciding i don't want this kid edits been with current wife for 4 years just found out it was my sister-in-law that messaged her to tell her too i'm sure there were talks all throughout that first marriage of having a kid is it cool to have a kid hey do you want a kid and the fact that you had a kid and it wasn't an accident tells me that you very much wanted a kid throughout that whole time and then you completely 180 right after the kid's born that's a dick move that's just not right i would feel terrible to be that kid i'd feel terrible to be in the wife's shoes in your family's shoes that's just a terrible decision all around don't have a kid if you don't want the kid it only harms everyone else you're the a-hole oh my god you're the a-hole you do not decide after having a kid that you don't want a kid you need to be there for your kid her crappy behavior was likely because she could tell you resented her presence i'm so glad your parents stuck by her so at least she has her grandparents on her side but i cannot believe you pretty much cut them off for wanting a relationship with their own grandchild you may not want kids but you have a kid so it's a bit late for that right so here's the behaviors that opie thinks are okay have a kid without thinking it through declaring that kid a mistake resenting the kid noticeably abandoning the kid like he's returning a goldfish to the store expecting a forehead kiss and cookie for paying the legally mandated child support almost always on time trying to manipulate the rest of this child's family into abandoning her taking his ball and going home when it doesn't work ignoring the now teen's attempts at contact publicly berating the only decent parent the child has and having the shameless audacity to think that he can cast aspersions on parenting by judging the child's social media use did i miss anything god opie you're such an a-hole but it worked out so great for me is not the airtight justification you think it is his current wife just found out about everything in his words somehow and is now mad at him shocking that she'd be mad truly truly shocking i cannot imagine being with a guy and finding out that he has a kid that he'd been ignoring for 10 years to say i'd leave him faster than you can think is putting it mildly it's a huge stain on his character yeah there's a major difference between being with a guy who doesn't want kids and being with a guy who's willing to abandon them huge difference you're the a-hole the time to be philosophically consistent about not wanting kids was when you chose to have one not during the inconvenient sacrifices you have to make afterwards and for allowing her to contact me yeah you're the a-hole it's not your exes or jane's fault that there's a kid out there somewhere desperate for an opportunity to get to know her own father it's not liz's responsibility to help you dodge all contact during jane's formative years posted by user throw r a m i q titled would i be the a-hole if i don't walk my adopted daughter down the aisle now before adopted daughter reconnected with her biological father she had asked me to walk her down the aisle and i had said yes but since then the biological father and i have become pretty close he explained to me that he was only a teenager when he got his girlfriend pregnant and that when her family found out they sent her far away to some relatives and he never saw her again i felt pretty bad for him and i knew that if i were in his shoes i would want to walk my biological daughter down the aisle so i called adopted daughter and asked her how her and her father were getting along and she said great so i said good because i think he should walk you down the aisle she seemed pretty fine on the phone and said something like i'll think about it but my wife told me later that she called her and she was crying and very upset oh hey let me just open this grenade and like toss it out the window let's see what happens yeah everything will be fine right i genuinely don't understand how they came to this conclusion that it would be a better idea for the biological father to walk them down the aisle they've barely known them the adoptive father took on that responsibility his whole life and now he just wants to hand it off like that how is he not sure if he's the a-hole in this situation she's crying that's a pretty good indicator that you're an a-hole buddy you're the a-hole although you might be coming from a good place this is her big day and it's down to her to decide who walks her up the aisle the way you called her adopt a daughter in this post and immediately relinquish something that should be a big moment for you as her father adopted or not i could see how hurtful that would be for her it seems as though you're making it clear that you still see her as your adopted daughter and not just your daughter i think the only way it could have been more hurtful is if he had outright said i don't want to be part of your special day which is what i bet his daughter thinks i think in this case the only way opie could have suggested it and come off as rosie is if he suggested that they both walk her down the aisle something like daughter i'm glad you and your bio dad are getting along and everything is going great i think he's a great guy and i'm glad to have him in our lives i was thinking your wedding that um now that you have both of us how great it would be to show that you have two dads who love you walk you down the aisle together i just wanted to throw it out there because i wouldn't be offended by sharing that moment with him i'd be honored and of course i'd be happy with anything you choose i love you and am proud of the woman that you've become that's how i'd imagine it making her cry in happiness instead of being upset that she doesn't think hope he wants to be there that seems to be a repeating theme on this sub people just talk without thinking or just don't communicate at all or not communicate properly like maybe if they write their words down before they say something loaded listen to it back and maybe try and think about it from that person's perspective they would see oh crap this might hurt their feelings i should rephrase this that's just my wisdom i'm obviously a psychologist with a phd and many master's degrees so you can trust my advice you're the a-hole how incredibly insulting that you think it's your place to make this significant decision about your daughter's wedding and how heartbreaking for your daughter why on earth would you think it would be appropriate for this man she has only known for a short while to walk her down the aisle when she asked you the father who raised her to have that honor yup you're the a-hole look that wedding is not about her sperm donor it's about her and she extended that honor to you not him and you agreed and now you have forced a demand on her who she may not well love as much as she loves you and you did it because you like the guy moreover your telling of this story sounds like you fudging ambushed her with this which is even more a holy you should have asked her opinion not forced your opinion on her you owe her an apology posted by user oh no i have a blue chair titled am i the a-hole for confronting my sister-in-law for wearing clothes that belong to me some info a few years ago my family didn't have a lot of spare money to buy a lot of things lower middle class only recently around 2016 did my husband get a new job and we got financially better by a lot so finally we could afford to buy things for our kids and travel in 2018 i was so excited when my husband got both of us tickets to go to india for two weeks and gave me 200 000 rupees for punjabi suit shopping traditional indian clothes this meant a lot to me because my husband is a nice man but he's very quiet and not very romantic so this gesture meant a lot to me because he knew how badly i wanted to go to india we went to india got beautiful suits i also bought a few for my kids and sister-in-laws and was so happy i had never gone on a shopping spree like that before in my 45 years of living when we reached our home country my husband surprised me with a gift it was a beautiful langer that costed 30 000 rupees that he had secretly purchased for me he said to keep it and to wear it on our 25th wedding anniversary celebration so fast forward to our 25th anniversary eight months ago my daughter and i are rummaging through all my clothes and i cannot find this lenga at all we searched for days and could not find it we barely have any friends come over us we usually go out with them so mostly only my husband's family visited my home my family lives in a different state i explained this to my husband and he was very upset i was crushed i know it might sound stupid to be upset over a piece of clothing but for a couple that barely did anything romantic this meant a lot to me about a week ago my daughter comes running out of her room and shows me a picture of my sister-in-law wearing the exact same langer as the one that my husband bought i asked her how she found the photo and she explained that she was on instagram and saw that her cousin was at a small get-together covered restrictions allow up to 30 people to attend a party and saw her aunt in the background wearing the exact same lenga so she took a screenshot i was livid but i didn't want to jump to any conclusions so i waited for a few days to calm down and proceeded to call my sister-in-law i explained everything and she was silent after i finished the only thing she said was i saw it last year and i just borrowed it you have so many suits i don't know why you're so angry i took one i was ticked because she took it without permission feigned innocence when i asked her about it last year and is now claiming that i'm overreacting i lost it and just gave her a piece of my mind for 20 minutes she straight hung up when i was done now my mother-in-law and my other sister-in-laws are calling me an a-hole for scolding her and they're forcing me to apologize to her and just let her keep the lenger so am i the a-hole i went and looked up how much 30 000 rupees is and that's 560 bucks in australian that's probably a good 300 bucks american money doesn't grow on trees she can get stuffed then all the oh i stole from you are you calling me out because i got chords i'm just gonna gaslight blah blah blah blah honestly sister-in-law sit on it and rotate mate that's not on ropi is not the a-hole get that langer back now updates my husbands may not be the confrontational type so i knew that when i told him about this a few days ago he wouldn't have done anything about it but i raised my daughter to be one hell of a person this kid took three of her friends drove all the way to sister-in-law's house demanded for the lenger and refused to leave until sister-in-law gave it back she just got home and i have the langer with me now and i noticed a few holes but either way i am very happy i have never asked my daughter to fight my fights for me but i'm glad it worked out the way it did god knows i would not have been able to do what my kid did because sister and laura and her husband are scary people but not that scary for my 20 year old apparently update 2 upon further inspection i've noticed there were small cuts probably by a pair of small scissors and some of the bigger beads at the bottom of the length have been pulled out my sister-in-law definitely did this on purpose my daughter says that it took sister-in-law quite some time to bring the lenger out and she suspects this is the reason why well done you for raising your daughter who will be able to stand up for herself your sister-in-law should be ashamed of herself don't let that woman in your house again she can't be trusted herself and in the place of others who can't stand up for themselves which is a far more rare quality when genuine she sounds amazing posted by user pima07 titled am i the a-hole for teasing my son and in return he said a hurtful comment my 33 female son 13 male pitched two innings at his baseball game yesterday evening he did so great i was really happy for him and i took a few pictures as he was walking towards me but he did not like that at all i asked him if he'd rather ride home with his dad or me and he chose his dad we all live together by the way we took separate cars because of work soon as we pull up to our driveway my son hops out of his dad's car and says dad bought the drone can i play with it and i said well you didn't like me taking pictures so i guess no you can't i was just joking but then he said you bum everyone out lizzy is fun and better lizzy is my sister you know the cool ants the cool everything i didn't say anything afterwards i don't know i just shut down i never hurt my mum's feelings like that by telling her i preferred someone else i was just sad the entire night and still am today i texted him earlier this morning to tell him that of course he can play with the drone and that i was just joking but what he said is still sitting with me and it really hurts because in that short moment he spoke the truth yeah i mean it doesn't seem like he can pick up sarcasm all too well or you're just not good at sarcasm it looks like he's 13 years old i mean he probably doesn't know any better right now we can only judge this story at face value but i would be pretty hurt like that too if i was him even if it was just a joke because you're like really emotional at that age and obviously that's not to speak for everyone who's 13 i'm sure some people were in touch with their emotions at that age but yeah sometimes you just let some truths out and people get hurt but that's a learning experience at that age you're the a-hole you teased him he teased you back maybe he went too far but he's 13. he's still learning don't talk crap to your kids if you can't take them talking crap back but he's not learning because no one is teaching him anything opie you need to do a better job of communicating with your son and caring about each other's feelings as soon as you realized he didn't want a picture taken you could have said i'm sorry i was so proud of you that i wanted you to remember this moment i respect that you don't want your picture taken though so i'll stop and then drop the picture thing don't be passive-aggressive towards him because that's teaching him the wrong thing and as soon as your son said something hurtful to you you should have said that hurts my feelings i love you more than anything and i can't believe you would say something so cruel don't wait to text him the next day otherwise he will not learn that his words have an effect on you and opie replies thank you for this as i said in my post i did shut down but i should have addressed it immediately to let him know that it did hurt me and i also should have apologized to him i understand this and will work on it going forward you sound like a good mom it's hard to raise a moody teen they are still learning how to treat other people and you've got to be the role model since everything you say is going to shape their future relationships as long as you remember to communicate you'll be fine i'm sure your son loves you and will one day regret his words if he doesn't already yeah you're the a-hole he's 13 dude he doesn't understand his own emotions fully let alone anyone else's plus who gets miffed about a kid not wanting to get a picture taken and then tells them they can't play with a toy as a result poor kid probably wanted to look cool after killing it at the game and his mommy came up to take pictures in public damn did not see this from his perspective at all okay i get it i just wanted to say that you're being really receptive and lovely here part of the reason some of the responses you're getting is so vitriolic is that a lot of these people on the sub are in their late teens and early 20s and have very visceral memories of picture-hungry moms hey stop calling me out like that god knows i raised a huge stink every time a camera came out between age 11 and 16. but in retrospect i was just a kid who had no ability to differentiate between a little annoying but endurable and focal point for all the adolescent rage and powerlessness in my body you're doing good posted by user mindless database 15 titled am i the a-hole for leaving the united states and bringing my newborn to my home country of india never to return back without telling my baby's father my husband i'm an indian woman and a new mother to my little half indian half american baby girl she is six months old the day i went into labor i learned that my husband was having an affair with our neighbor she's only 22 and has a myriad of mental health issues she and my husband started an affair after she got out of rehab i had no idea that trying to help her would involve sticking his peepee stick inside of her it was a traumatic day can't mention much here but to put it shortly she declared she was three months pregnant with my husband's child and had an emotional breakdown she fainted and my husband left me alone in the hospital to take her to another ward he carried her in his arms in front of my own eyes he returned after a few hours i had just given birth to our daughter he took her in his arms kissed her head and left the room so two days go by my husband returns finally telling me that he will have to move out because his mistress is emotionally fragile and he was the only person in the world who could support her he supported us financially but rarely visited his girlfriend spent a few days in and out of the hospital it was a continuous back and forth of her hospital visits she gave birth prematurely and the baby spent a lot of time in the nicu struggling between life and death the baby was also born with a host of disabilities and conditions which would cost them thousands of dollars in medical bills the last time he came to visit our daughter he looked really distressed and emotional that day i also overheard him talking to her on the phone he was promising her that he would always prioritize their baby over our baby he also promised her that he would always love their baby over our baby because their baby was a product of love and our baby was a product of duty sex that day i called my parents back in india and told them everything they told me to come back home i don't have family in the u.s his family wasn't close to me either i'm all alone i came to the us on the fiance visa to marry him my former boss back in india got to know what happened to me and offered me a new position telling me that she would love to have me back knowing that my baby would suffer in her father's house i planned my escape and left the us i'm never going back my divorce will be official in some time india isn't a signatory to the hague child abduction convention so technically i haven't abducted my child us laws don't apply in india and we didn't have a custody order or arrangement my husband is now blowing up on my phone my parents have blocked him everywhere some of my friends are telling me that i ripped my baby's father out of her life and that i'm a horrible mother am i the a-hole why is it always in posts that the friends are always turning on the mother in these situations or the the writer of the story she's escaping an emotional and physical cheetah someone that openly shit-talked her to her face on the phone he's stuck with an entire situation back there i'm surprised she didn't just cut him off from the get-go this is a horrible situation it really does sound like india is the best place to be opie i hope you're all safe there's no way you're the a-hole and i hope you're okay look i'm probably gonna get a lot of crap for this but i do exactly the same thing tell him he can come and visit i'll bet he never does he sounds like such an a-hole and you were doing the right thing kids don't need toxic parents i am so sorry this happened i came here to say this if i knew my other half was so disloyal so uncaring towards the baby i'd go home too i was so ready to judge this based on the title then i carried on reading and feel so sorry for op she's gone home for support for herself and the baby she has 100 done the right thing he is welcome to visit her and the baby though i doubt he will i hope he can meet someone who will look after her and love her and the baby and move on from the hurt caused by her ex agreed with everything not to mention i know very little of us immigration could she even remain in the usa if her husband divorces her given that she's on fiance visa would he have continued to support her what support system would that baby even have what suffering would she have to undergo in her father's house if he wanted anything to do with her at all if opi hadn't fled with the kid it might have become an ugly legal battle that left her daughter to be cinderella to her new evil stepmother opie did the only correct thing to keep her daughter safe from her husband's irrational actions and to keep her with her mom the only parent who cares i would have done the exact same thing op did and felt zero remorse posted by user alone throwaway 2020 titled am i the a-hole my husband tried to open up to me and my response wasn't the best so my husband and i have been married for almost three years and we have a nine-month-old son neither of our jobs really allow us to work from home so our son is in daycare three days a week and we have my mother come over to help the other two days so that we can still work full time my husband has never been the type to really open up about his feelings he says that it's because he knows i struggle with anxiety and the last thing he wants to do is add any extra stress into my life he knows i tend to overanalyze things so he'll keep things to himself when something is bothering him and it's not uncommon for him to tell me he's fine when he clearly isn't he's told me that he would rather just deal with things on his own rather than be another source of stress in my life he said that when he does try to open up to me about things that are bothering him then i end up making things about me and his problems never get solved so why should he even bring them up well the other day we were having dinner and he stopped eating and started seeing how he's been feeling so isolated the last few months he said he misses his friends he misses going out for drinks and dinners he said he just feels so alone lately and doesn't know what to do to make himself feel better since the pandemic seems to be ramping up again i listened to him and let him finish but the first question i asked was do you feel alone because of anything i'm doing and he kind of stared at me and snapped at me and said this is why i don't open up to you about things the first thing you do is make it about yourself and then he said he was going for a drive and he left i felt bad but my heart was in the right place i just wanted to make sure that i wasn't doing anything wrong my mother came over when he was gone and i told her what happened she seemed to understand where i was coming from but she's my mom so i felt like she would take my side regardless when my husband got home i apologized and asked him if he still wanted to talk about anything he said he was done talking for the night and that he was going to read and get ready for bed i tried to snuggle up to him in bed but he kind of shrugged me off and got up to go reading the couch instead it's been a couple of days and i haven't brought it up again and neither is he he tends to just go about life as if nothing is bothering him until he gets over it but i can tell that all i did was make things worse i don't know why my first instinct was to ask if it was my fault but does that make me an a-hole i think it does make you an a-hole if this is a repeated thing that gets brought up all the time and you refuse to fix it people won't want to open up to you and it's not fair for you to get angry at them if they don't want to open up to you because they're not going to have any progress made nothing's going to resolve the way that you're going about things opie the better thing to do would be just shut up and just listen to them talk and just say yep i see where you're coming from okay better to let someone just vent at you then ask them questions about what you're doing to affect them that's just my two cents take it with a grain of salt maybe it's not the best advice in the world but hey who knows i think opie is an a-hole in this situation you're the a-hole not everything is about you he told you he doesn't normally open up to you because you tend to make it all about you so then he opens up for a bit and the first thing you do is make it about you i think you need some therapy to learn how to listen to others and be there for them i don't say that sarcastically i mean that sincerely some people have trouble communicating and responding appropriately to others out of insecurity or for a variety of other reasons i'd apologize and say going forward you're not going to assume you're to blame unless he specifically tells you you've done something to upset him that you'll work on your listening skills and maybe look into ways you can learn to communicate more effectively i'd recommend marriage counseling if you can't do both individual and marriage it sounds like you both have different conflict styles and communication styles and a counselor can help make a huge difference to get you guys on the same page and working together effectively it also doesn't sit well with me that opie immediately goes and blabs about her marital issues with her mom agreed given that it was already a significant feat for the husband to finally open up about his private feelings a potential remark like well my mum thinks is certain to climb him up further than he was already yup you're the a-hole but i feel like you realized it already now it's about what can you do to make it right your response made him feel like you're less concerned about his well-being and more concerned about making sure you're not to blame for how he's feeling let's say he had responded with no nothing you're doing what would you have responded with next now just cut directly to that response instead even if you had responded with what can i do to help that would have been better than what you said trust me your husband hasn't magically started feeling better he's just suppressing his feelings not talking about it will make it worse brainstorm some ideas maybe do a video conference call or game night with friends maybe reach out to his family members and remind them to call him or just tell him you want to listen to him and understand what he's going through only ask him questions about him not about you alright guys that's where i'm gonna end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys are able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you guys have watched this far in the video and you haven't already subscribed on patreon or become a channel member that's cool you don't have to but there are links down below you can donate any amount of money pledge that any month cancel whenever i'm completely cool with it it's just there for you to support me if you'd like to go the extra mile and i'll go the extra mile for you guys by putting out new amazing content every single day with that said guys i really hope you have a good day night sleep bath time at work whatever you're up to today this has been marky i'll see you in the next amazing video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 24,270

Rating: 4.8363066 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: X_A8SHqHTC8

Length: 178min 44sec (10724 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 28 2020