r/AmiTheA**Hole For Not Wanting To Raise A Kid That Isn't Mine??

g'day there guys it's your aussie hubby marky back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content now if you love today's content like i love you i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie and enjoy today's bloody good content posted by user throwaway 822020 titled am i the a-hole for not wanting to raise a kid that isn't mine my girlfriend became pregnant seven years ago it wasn't planned i didn't want to be a dad but did the right thing and married her she gave birth to a girl who was now six i tried to be a good father bought her toys and crap but things changed back in april when i found out that around the time my wife became pregnant she was fudging around with a lot of guys and the kid may not even be mine i got a dna test done and turns out i'm not the father my soon-to-be ex and i are in the process of getting a divorce as soon as i found out about the kid not being mine i told my wife to take her kid and get the frick out of my house she went to live with her mother when they were leaving i didn't let the kid take any of the toys and stuff that i'd bought for her i paid for them and she's not even my kid my wife called me every name in the book but i stood my ground yesterday was the kid's birthday my soon-to-be ex-wife called me and told me i needed to be there for her birthday party i told her to go screw herself i wasn't wasting any more time and money for a kid that isn't even mine she berated me for abandoning my daughter and how she's been crying for her father i told her to take the kid to her real father whoever the hell he is now my brother got to know about this and chewed me out he said i was being a dick and i should have at least shown up for the kid's birthday party so am i the a-hole yes you are but she is also the kid is not she sucks for cheating covering up and not telling you about the daughter situation you definitely had a right to know about that but you suck for going nuclear like this i feel like there is a healthy middle ground we can get to but um the way europe is going about it no class all anger all gas no breaks really i don't really stand by it it's still your daughter you've raised this child for six years you're just gonna cut all of that off and say you know what's not my kid anymore i'm not bound to it unfortunately i think legally you are bound to that kid for another 12 years and you were a dick for not even showing up to the kid's birthday party it's still your kid so everyone sucks here everyone sucks here your ex sucks for cheating but congratulations for bailing on a child who has only ever known you as their father and being able to turn your back on her this quickly says more about you this the way he talks he probably never cared about the child in the first place even though he's been raising her for six years fully believing she was his own child but he bought her crap and then kept all of it like what is he going to do with all of the toys is he really being so petty as to not let the kid keep the toys total you're the a-hole these poor patrol figurines are mine and i will do with them as i please i'm not a fan of actions that are designed purely to hurt people yes mom hurt op so now opie will hurt a six-year-old child this guy is a gem of a human being you're the a-hole why would you not even let the girl keep her things you raised her for seven years that's her stuff do you not care about her at all being mad at her mum for cheating is one thing but it's not okay to take it out on the child like that she didn't choose her parents i really love what she posted though i'm going with everyone sexier except the child the way opie talked about the little girl as if she were a burden to him she only knows opie is her dad it's so unfair to her she was probably scared to see them yell at one another and for her not being able to take her stuff you're the a-hole for taking out your anger at your ex on a child i get that she's not your child but she's six you have been her dad her entire life and throwing her out while keeping her god dang toys is a whole new level of a-hole you owe your ex nothing but you owe an innocent child caught in the middle of a pile of bull crap some common fudging decency you don't have to buy her any toys or presents to treat her like a child you've raised for six years and stop in to say happy birthday or at least call does a lack of biological relationship actually cancel out six years of bonding and love for you because that's some sociopathic bs right there it doesn't sound like he loved her or felt any kind of bond with her at all in the first place though because if he did then he wouldn't be able to shun this poor child out so easily posted by user actuator unusual titled am i the a-hole for telling my pregnant friend that she is a messed up woman with daddy issues after she accused me of being a gold digging cougar because i'm dating her husband's son now that's one of the more wild titles i've seen in a while so my friends we'll call her pat started dating this guy eric three years ago he was her boss at the company later we found out that the guy was in fact a married man with three kids he was in his early mid 40s my friend here was 27. i told her that she was crazy for dating a married guy and that it would end badly a few months later we heard that he was getting divorced being her childhood friend i did attend her wedding even though i didn't approve of their relationship soon after their wedding they were fighting all the time because her husband's former father-in-law who is the founder of the company was planning to appoint the oldest son as the boss all the stress involved took a toll on her husband's health and he ended up having a heart attack she called me crying at 2 am and we took him to the hospital in the morning the oldest son sam showed up and went in to check on his father and that's how i met my boyfriend fast forward a year later sam and i are madly in love i've met his siblings his mother grandfather and basically everyone close to him i was worried about breaking this news to patricia and worried about her reaction because she would always complain that sam was a rich spoiled brat who manipulates and disrespects his father he has never acknowledged my friend or said a word to her she's also six months pregnant and as of late has made weird comments about my body i'm very lean and extremely calorie conscious which has made me feel like crap about myself one day she saw me and sam kissing outside my home and freaked out she blew up at me really hard saying that i was betraying her friendship and that i had to break it off with sam she said horrible things about him things like how he's a womanizer and banged different girls every weekend she also called me a hypocrite and a desperate gold digging cougar for dating a younger guy i'm 24 and he turns 23 next month it got to a point where i lost my cool and lashed out at her saying that being a desperate cougar was better than being a messed up woman with severe daddy issues who got with an older married guy for financial security she got really agitated and left my home crying my other friends are telling me that i'm an a-hole and should have kept my mouth shut because she's hormonal and pregnant she never had a dad growing up and looked up to my father as a father figure i know my comments were hurtful but i was pushed am i the a-hole i honestly don't know what to say my brain kind of turned off halfway through this one because it's just like watching a huge tire fire go out of control and these two just keep chucking petrol in there and it's just non-stop anger and ah she said ah screw you no you both of them suck both of them have problems it seems both of them shouldn't have said what they said but it got to a breaking point and i don't think i can blame them for it the friend being hormonal and pregnant is more gas to the fire it's not an excuse for her behavior and the daddy issues is more gas no brakes so what i mean to say is everyone sucks you in this situation and um they should just be better people really ah i can't believe you talked to your mother-in-law like that everyone sucks here you both said very hurtful things she's more of the a-hole here though don't break up with your boyfriend but break off your friendship i think it's time to pull the plugs on the friendship she is more of an a-hole but you should have told her the truth and not let her find out because she saw y'all kissing y'all were best friends and your dad was her father figure you owed her the truth everyone sucks here not the a-hole maybe a light everyone sucks here you could apologize to your friend but i really want you to consider whether you have a relationship still due to being childhood friends or if you genuinely enjoy one another as people you can't just blame absolutely everything on being pregnant even though being pregnant sucks us i say you should talk to her but don't make excuses or go on the defensive you aren't in the wrong and you shouldn't let her make you feel like you are consider each other's feelings be kind and talk calmly i know you can work it out in the end i don't know i don't exactly enjoy her company but my family essentially raised her we've grown up together but our relationship suffered because i disapproved of her affair with her now husband she's always been a bit on the heavier side not fat by any means but chunky and i've always been very skinny so over the years she always made weird comments about my body which only increased after she got pregnant and put on 30 pounds i don't particularly like spending time with her in that case you should probably demote her to an acquaintance or cut ties altogether if she thinks so negatively of you she doesn't deserve your time posted by user no wing868 titled am i the a-hole for being brutally honest about my financial stability so i'm 26 i have no student debt and i own a condo outright my co-workers in office are very anti-young people and constantly rag on those millennials and their financial irresponsibility i'm one of four people under 30 in the office and my co-workers are usually shocked by my age they know i have no college debt because i mentioned it once and i mentioned in passing that i bought a condo on the last happy hour zoom meeting they started in on their talk i tried to gently defend my generation only to have them say i shouldn't because unlike them i'm actually responsible and i proved that millennials actually could do it if they really tried here is the thing though my aunt died when i was eight and she basically left enough money in time for my parents to invest for a college fund i have my condo because my grandmother died this year and i was on the lease and i have enough to pay off the 20k left on the mortgage basically put my success is to be blunt people dying at a convenience time i was sick of them so i told them that my advantages were literally inheritance and that i'm not better than my cohort just luckier they were all shocked that i would be so cavalier and blunt and now people are irritated am i the a-hole so if i compare this one where i said he was an a-hole for talking about his debt with the uncle i'd say this doesn't fall under the categorical toll poppy syndrome that a lot of australians uh cars succumb to uh you can't be better than me come on don't stand out from the crowd kind of ideology we have these people on the zoom call were you know assuming making assumptions you know crapping on millennials like a lot of people do apparently and this guy defended himself with the truth of the matter it's that he was just very lucky and i don't believe that's something to be ashamed about you know you've lost people in your life and they've given you things that luck has come with a lot of loss but as a result it puts you in a much better situation than a lot of your peers and that's nothing to be ashamed about being so cavalier and blunt about they have no right to be irritated you're not the a-hole here not the a-hole success is 99 inheritance either direct money or networking through family many older folks boomers especially cling to the bootstrap myth that all you need is desire and hard work to get what you want they stubbornly refuse to admit that the playing field isn't even and never has been and completely disregard how much the systems have changed since they were 20 to 40 years old knowledge and skills are more specialized now and there are far fewer programs and subsidies it's not enough to just do what your dad did when dad's methods are outdated and don't work in the current economy many of them still believe that you should be out pounding pavement resume or cv in hand and demand interviews at places that haven't taken paper submissions in years and it doesn't help that those same boomers have cannibalized the system for their own comfort and gain because they were coddled and catered to for most of their lives i cannot tell you how many times i've had to argue with my dad when i've been job searching because i'm not out pounding the pavements for six hours a day driving around putting in job applications at any place with a now hiring sign it took him years and more than a couple attempts to prove me wrong to realize that most hiring is now done online he quite literally left the house at 8 00 am one day and didn't come back until nearly five in the afternoon just to prove me wrong and came home with one paper application and a whole host of websites to go to and that was the only thing that changed his tune getting him to admit that moving out was financially impossible took full disclosure of mine and my wife's finances we live with him for financial reasons and a printout of web search for apartments in our area to show him that we just couldn't afford rent he was blown away by the fact that a one bedroom is around 800 a month in our area and he thought that there was still around five or six hundred a month people get entrenched in their mindset and it takes them a lot to change we have hit a point of stability now and we're just for adults he my mom me and my wife living in a house and making sure we all pitch in to keep things good but it took a lot of arguing to get here edit to add since so many are asking we live in the metro detroit area i've seen as low as 800 and as high as 1200 depending on area posted by user throw ra 55fs titled am i the a-hole for choosing my dad over my mum throwaway account because my friends know my original account i'm posting this here because i believe some of you all can understand my point of view and guide me through the right path thank you in advance my 15 female parents filed for divorce a few months ago after my dad found out about my mum's infidelity this broke his heart because she was his high school sweetheart i've never seen my dad cry for anything but after finding out that my mum got pregnant with her pos new boyfriend he broke down crying in his room i'm really disgusted by my mom and i don't want to have a relationship with her i was always closer to my dad because my mum wouldn't treat me well growing up so i chose my dad and told them that i don't want to see my mom ever again knowing that she did this to us she betrayed my dad and broke any trust we had in her my mom is now mad at me for choosing my dad because i'm their only child she wants me to be there by helping her with the pregnancy but i don't want to do anything with her her boyfriend or their unborn child i'm honestly tired of her she accused my dad of brainwashing me and flaunting his money to make me stay with him yes my dad is richer than her his family is also wealthy but i chose him because i don't want to leave him alone i don't want to betray him like my pos mom did my aunts mom sisters are now blaming my dad and harassing me from isolating my mom they're calling me an ungrateful child because my mum carried me for nine months and i'm not choosing her i can't talk to my friends about this as they don't understand my life they don't have divorced parents and i just wanted to know if i did the right thing or not so am i the a-hole edit one hello everyone first of all i would like to thank every single one of y'all here thank you for understanding my pain and thank you for showing me the true colours of my mom all these while i thought she really wanted me to be there with her because she was weak during her pregnancy but reading everyone's comments made me realize that she actually wants me as the unpaid nanny she also wants me to be with her because she wants my dad to pay child support i was really gullible and thought she wanted me because she loved me i feel crappy now i have blocked all of my aunt's numbers and i showed my dad this thread like some of y'all suggested i would definitely let my dad's lawyer know about the harassment that i was receiving i'm not sure if i want to cut my mum off from my life entirely or not and i know her unborn child is innocent but i'm not ready to face any of them i hope in the future i'm strong enough to forgive her and be a sibling to her child but for now i want to be with my dad because he needs it i suggested therapy for both of us and my dad agreed too he was really thankful for everyone's comment also thank you again thanks for the awards 10 kind strangers i would definitely reply to the dms as soon as possible and i just need some time to digest everything thank you again have a great day everyone well i think given that opie is not the a-hole in this situation before the edits i'm sure there was a case to be made for opie being in everyone's sexier situation or maybe you're the a-hole for going against your mother that would be a weird and wonderful reality not one that i want to live in personally as i feel for op it's a rock and a hard place situation but ultimately i believe that going with the dad was the best decision and it came with the best outcome of all you don't want to be emotionally manipulated by your mother you don't want to be guilt-tripped into going with one over the other and she did make the right decision in the end not the a-hole and don't ever think that you are ever you are old enough to make your own decisions and i don't blame you for choosing your dad over your mom anyone in that situation would what you did was right if you don't want anything to do with your mom that's your decision and no one can change that you said yourself that she has broken the trust between you and that's not easily repairable block your ants so they can no longer contact you or harass you they clearly don't understand your point of view in this situation you're not ungrateful and i can't imagine why they would see that or even think that stay strong not the a-hole as someone whose parents divorced for the same thing even though it was my dad that was unfaithful i also wanted to add something you're a good kid a truly good kid you are trying to think for yourself instead of being pushed around with someone else's opinion keep doing so you'll never be right in everyone's eyes in the end if you express your opinion you will be told to shut up because the divorce doesn't concern you and guess what it actually does concern you if you don't you will pee someone off if you think your dad is right someone will be mad if you think your mom is right someone else will be mad everyone feels entitled to butt in even though it's none of their business so the best course of action is doing what you think is right if you feel your mum betrayed you and your dad what you feel is valid don't doubt your feelings your parents may be the ones getting a divorce but you have every right to feel whatever you may feel and yes it does concern you we as children may have nothing to say in the matter and we should respect our parents decision but we do suffer with it try to be at peace with yourself try to see everything clearly and don't ever allow yourself to be influenced your aunts are trying to do so by trying a guilt trip so keep true to yourself posted by user deleted their account whoops titled am i the a-hole for planning to go on a trip with my biological kids without my step-kids i know the title sounds bad but please hear me out i 45 male remarried two years ago i have four kids from my first marriage 15 male 15 male 12 female and 9 male my ex and i have 50 50 custody i get them twice a week and every other weekend due to covert we just switch back to this schedule because i am an essential worker my wife has three kids from her previous marriage 14 female 10 male 8 male my step kid's dad gets custody as well well this weekend my step kids are going to their dad's house and i have my kids my parents have a lake house into hosting a family gathering i planned on going with my wife biological kids and step kids however they are with their step dad so they can't go my wife said that we should not go because they will be jealous and we are doing lots of water activities including jet skiing tubing paddle boarding etc i asked if she could ask her ex if they can come this weekend and he would have them next weekend but no because they already have plans keep in mind that my step-kid's dad is very wealthy he has a huge backyard with a hot tub and a pool with a waterfall and cave whenever he has them they go on lavish trips and for holidays and birthdays they get expensive gifts my kids understand that they don't have that and never give their step sister or brother a hard time about it but they would be bummed if they could not go to the lake i promised my stepkids that we would do something fun but now there is bullying and tension between the kids and my wife blames me for still planning on going am i the a-hole this is another one of those where it's like rock into hard place the step kids obviously have a step up in this one they have it a lot better in some ways then your biological kids because of that parent that takes them away and gets them expensive gifts do your biological kids have a right to be jealous and take it out on them for having a better lifestyle do the step kids get to take it out on you guys for not taking them to the lake house when you promise them to go these are all different situations i think it's very dependent on who they are and what kind of situations you find yourselves in as a family dynamic personally from the outside looking in i'd say you know you have to go on this trip what are you going to just cancel it because you can't have the step kids you may be an a-hole in the step-kid's eyes for doing so but ultimately you'd be an a-hole for canceling it for your biological kids who they had no control over therefore you've just got to do it i don't think you're an a-hole i think you're just in a very tough position edit thank you for all of your replies i sat down and had a talk with step kids wife and buyer kids presents we talked about everyone's concerns and needs we came to a conclusion that wife bio kids and dye are going to lake house this weekend step kids also have fun plans with their dad this weekend in two weeks we will go back down to the lake for a weekend step kids apologized for their behavior wife apologized for her ultimatum everyone left happy and conflict resolved thank you for your help i'm going to read some comments anyway because it's just tradition not the a-hole please take your kids your wife is being extremely unreasonable your step-kids get lots of activities that your bio-kids don't get i would turn it around on your wife hey wife step kids went to disney last year with their dad we now need to take my bio kids it's only fair i don't want to make them jealous hey just saw the step kid's dad bought the kids new ipads we need to save to give all my kids those too it's only fair see how fast she changes her tune not the a-hole your wife thinks your kids shouldn't hang out with their own family while her kids are out being pampered by their father you need to stand up for your kids sheesh not the a-hole if your parents are hosting it's not your fault that it's a bad weekend if their dad won't switch weekends it's not your fault they won't be with you there is no reason to deprive yourself and your kids are fun just because it doesn't work for the other kids schedules life isn't fair sometimes posted by user nacho mama 34 titled would i be the a-hole if i exclude my husband from the birth of our sixth child i'm 38 weeks pregnant my husband has been a great supporting partner in all of our five children's births some we've birthed at home some at the hospital and he's caught all of them and been my best cheerleader i really don't think i would have been able to make it through without him we have a great marriage and are generally happy so here's the but two years ago he started a new career in the medical fields he has to attend births in a small rural hospital prior to this he has only ever seen me give birth now that he's seen many women give birth in all sorts of situations and outcomes he has taken to mansplaining birth to me sometimes his mansplainations aren't even correct he he told me from what he's seen the average pregnancy lasts 38 weeks i told him that the average pregnancy is 40 weeks that's how they came up with that number in the first place because it's the average he's worked at one early induction happy hospital that doesn't make him an expert and besides that i don't care at all when other women go into labor that has nothing to do with my body i know what my body does so i averaged out my 5 births and my average is 39 weeks and 6 days so basically right around 40 weeks it's pissing me off that he's suddenly acting like something is wrong with me for going a perfectly normal and healthy length of time he also likes to mansplain other aspects of birth and compares what i do to other women he even went so far as to say he's worried now that i'll be giving birth with his co-workers and not some random hospital staff that i'll embarrass him listen i have extremely fast labors my first was under two hours and many of mine have been less than an hour guess what that's not the norm or average either but that's what my body does do you know what it means to have fast labors there's no time to get an epidural or any other pain relief i have only ever had all natural births and that's the plan for this one too so if i get a little short and snappy with people while i'm pushing a human out of my body and doing the single most difficult thing of my life i think i get a pass i'm kind of concentrating on pushing a bowling ball out of my lady parts and not tiptoeing around everyone's feelings especially not his so after me blowing up at him for being embarrassed i told him i don't want him there if his ego is so fragile then he doesn't have to be there at all if he doesn't know what happened he can't be embarrassed by it problem solved honestly i don't really want to go to the hospital with all the covered restrictions i'm not afraid at all to birth at home by myself like i said i've done it before would i be the a-hole if i just had the baby and then told him after our son is born eta he's a respiratory therapist he's only there at the end in case the baby isn't breathing and we do need to talk at least once more i don't want to exclude him to be petty i don't want to have anyone there that is unsupportive honestly this is a very sound and level-headed argument that she's making here it's not even an argument it's just her laying down what she expects of him he's the one making a big deal of this all she's kind of just like i'm here to do my job i need to focus i don't care about your feelings it's normal these workers are not here to judge me they may be your co-workers but they're here to get a job done you're the one making it weird buddy i don't see anything wrong with what she's said if she doesn't want him there because he's not being supportive it's only going to add unnecessary stress to the birth and she already has to do it without an epidural from her five previous pregnancies i can't imagine the pain i genuinely can't imagine the pain i wouldn't even say that we don't know the full story here we do know the full story now he's intentionally being like this i feel like there's no ifs ends or buts about it the husband is living in loopy land and she's sick of it if she wants him there she'll have him there if he's not supportive she won't have him there they're going to talk about it i feel like she's not the a-hole in any of this not the a-hole your medical procedure your say stress can delay and cause complications with delivery if he's there stressing about his work he's likely to stress you out and he's not being your partner in supporting you he needs to be there to support you he's more focused on himself right now if he can't shape up not the a-hole but if you all have a great marriage and he's been your best cheerleader you owe him a calm discussion about how you have appreciated his support during your previous labors and how that is what you want again if he can't give you that then tell him he's not welcome in the delivery room precisely i am guessing this is also the first one after he began his new career he's going to understand that he will maybe be there in a different capacity from working there and i know it's hard but a calm talk when neither of you are stressed during a quiet time might help you can give him the opportunity to be better good luck why is it her job to make him better isn't he a full-grown man a father of five no less who should be perfectly able to adjust to a better human from the feedback he's already got because sometimes we all get a little too stuck in selfish mode and it's helpful when our loved ones point that out to us it's just part of a partnership in a relationship you are a team no one is perfect if you blamed everyone or dropped them at every opportunity nothing would last there is no shame in telling someone how what they are doing isn't ideal and giving them a chance to understand that and hopefully better it this i know am i the a-hole is collectively a little therapy happy at times which i'm personally fine with we could all use a little more knowledge of self but this might be a good discussion to have with a neutral mediator dad's proud of his new career and experience and probably trying to be more involved while mum has done this before and doesn't need statler and waldorf in the delivery room both valid points both really emotional topics totally fair to one to referee not the a-hole regardless posted by user resident coat 5678 titled am i the a-hole for proposing to my girlfriend in a way she didn't like so i 34 male have been seeing my girlfriend 28 female for 4 years we've talked about marriage and kids in passing it's always been something we're both open to but we're both quite career-minded and that's been our focus she and her brother often joke and complain about the pressure they feel from their parents to get married he has been in a relationship longer than we have and still not engaged and i've seen as well how it's something their parents drop unsubtle hints about all the time i don't think they mean it to feel like pressure they just want their kids to be happy and they want to be grandparents anyways i've been thinking about it a lot lately i've reached that point in my life where marriage is increasingly appealing i'm ready to make that commitment and i know she's the one for me her parents hosted a dinner party to celebrate us all being able to finally visit each other's house again it was me my girlfriend her brother his girlfriend and our three sets of parents it seemed perfect to me so after dessert i got down on one knee and proposed she looked pretty stunned and said um i guess and everyone laughed all the parents started celebrating her mother was crying her father was opening champagne and we were all hugging we went home later and i told her how happy i was to spend the rest of my life with her and she started crying and saying she felt like she had no choice this upset me it was hardly the enthusiasm i'd hoped for and i asked if she loved me she said she did and maybe she did want to get married but the way i proposed made it feel like her answer was a foregone conclusion and she didn't have time to think about it and even now she knows that if she would have changed her mind she'd be letting everyone down and disappointing her parents she says she wished i'd proposed privately so we could talk together about what it really means and what our future looks like and she could be really 100 sure of her decision before announcing it to her family she feels like i've removed her opportunity to prepare for her parents reaction and make sure she was saying yes because she wanted to instead of because of expectation she says she's less sure than ever about our relationship because the proposal shows how little i know her or what she wants i thought i was being romantic and even if it wasn't her ideal proposal i don't see why that should affect her answer our relationships about more than just that one evening am i the a-hole um so is he just gonna ignore what she said at the end there is this a troll am i being kerfuffled what our relationship's about more than just that one evening yet she says she's not sure if you understand her how little she knows or what she wants i mean he just he really went against her wishes and obviously it's more than just that one evening but come on the wife's reaction tells you everything that's all i can say repeat i'm genuinely flabbergasted you're the a-hole why did you do that you're the a-hole you really should have been paying more attention to these discussions on how much pressure their parents have put on them to get married and how uncomfortable that is asking in front of the people who pressured her to get married was probably the absolute worst way to propose to this woman this your intentions were good but you really should have read the metaphorical room with your girlfriend when it comes to marriage and proposals you're the a-hole i don't even think his intentions were good to be honest his intention was to live the rest of his life with the woman he loves the most and he wanted that in a romantic way how are his intentions not good edits i first had the last question as how is that not good but that wasn't clear enough that it was about his intentions not his actual deeds i don't know if it's true but it seems kind of obvious that she wouldn't be able to say no in front of her parents it seems like he might have been being manipulative by asking in front of them the post implies he wasn't aware of this dynamic in play but i don't know how you wouldn't be and notice he doesn't say anything about her being ready it's just he's decided he's ready so let's skip all the unnecessary discussing of should we and are we both ready etc and just get right to the good part of me proposing all romantic-ishly and you saying yes and burst into tears and pat me on the back for deciding for the both of us that we shall get married now ah isn't it pretty standard advice that you don't propose without having conversations about the marriage first the proposal itself should be a surprise but the question and the answer shouldn't be seems like opie never bothered with that part which to me makes it seem like he isn't ready for marriage to be honest being on the same page is kind of important to a long lasting marriage it pains me to say this but you're the a-hole she has a point when i saw the title i was ready for a story about some entitled girl who was mad that you didn't make some huge grand gesture with fireworks and crap but she has a point on this one by making a public spectacle out of it you really did force her into a corner saying no in that situation is incredibly awkward to the point that most people couldn't bring themselves to do it and now as she said she feels kind of trapped into it because all those people who saw her say yes and doll got excited about it not gonna lie i did the same thing too young and she ended up breaking it off not saying that's going to happen to you but the yes in that case didn't mean a lot she just felt compelled to say yes posted by user melissa r969 titles am i the a-hole for sunbathing wearing only a thong so my best friend is mad at me and is telling me i'm the a-hole for sunbathing in my pool in my backyard in just a thong and if i don't stop our friendship of 20-plus years is over some details i live in the country on a large family farm with no close neighbors and the closest neighbors are my brother and my parents you can't see my pool or me sunbathing in it unless you come into my backyard my bff's boyfriend works for my father's construction business and they sometimes come to the farm to work in my dad's shop when they have to pre-fabricate stuff for jobs well i've gotten in the habit of getting in my pool every afternoon at around 4pm the joys of working from home am i right and sunbathing until around 5 or 6. well her boyfriend came over unexpectedly one afternoon and caught me topless sunbathing i immediately grabbed my top and put it on with my back turned he obviously was ogling my breasts though since then every time he works at the shop i see him driving by my backyard in my pool which he doesn't have to do to leave and is actually out of the way when he's leaving for the day and if i'm in the pool he always stops walks to my pool and interrupts my sunbathing even after i've told him there's no reason to come to my house unless he comes with my friends i got upset about it and told my friend that her boyfriend is a pervert and that he is driving by my house to try to catch me in the pool topless i also told her he was hitting on me and saying what a great figure and beautiful breasts i have her response is that i'm in the wrong and that i'm trying to entice him and that i shouldn't be sunbathing in just a thong i just don't get it i'm on my property alone and he's going out of his way to try to see me so am i wrong or is it okay for me to sunbathe in a thong in my pool in my backyard i just feel like he's a creep and she should dump him but i also don't want to risk losing my friendship with her so am i the a-hole no i don't think you are i think you've made it very clear that he's going out of his way to do this to perv on you continuously and will not stop when you tell him to stop i don't see how it's your fault this is victim shaming in the highest degree you're not anywhere that can easily be found by someone he's intentionally coming up to your property within you know talking range to look at you how is the girlfriend this blind not the a-hole edits so my bff just showed up at my house and basically called me a [ __ ] and accused me of trying to seduce her boyfriend evidently they got into a fight today over him creeping and he told her i kept giving him the eyes like what and she even had the audacity to point out the fact that my nightgown is short and she are and shows cleavage like really it's after 8pm and i'm home alone yet she disapproves of my sleepwear and that also makes me more of a [ __ ] according to her hmm another edits since everyone keeps telling me to tell my dad i just called him and told him that he keeps coming over to my house after work to try to catch me in the pool and that i don't like how he looks at me and talks to me i told my dad it makes me very uncomfortable and he's been disrespectful i also told my dad that i'd made it clear to him that i don't want him at my house without my bff there daddy says that he'll talk to him first thing in the morning and if he does it again he's losing his job a really serious edit don't message me for pictures of my breasts it's not happening edit this morning my dad just called me and told me he's going to call him and my two brothers into the office when they get to work at the shop this morning he said he's going to have the rubber bands that they use when they castrate the bulls outs when he comes in there dad is going to tell him if he even sees him on my side of the farm my dad and brothers are going to band him and that'll solve the problem thanks everyone i'm glad you don't think i'm the a-hole and that you advised me to tell my dad i think the fear of illustration will solve my problem also i didn't ask am i the a-hole for calling my father daddy and i really don't care what y'all say i'll call him daddy today if i want same as i did when i was 5 and when i was 10. get your minds out of the gutter and realize that it's okay for a young lady to refer to her father as daddy and it shouldn't be misconstrued into anything more posted by user secret task 8729 titled am i the a-hole for calling my brother's girlfriend a name and telling her to get out of my house throw away because i don't want it attached to my account so i grew up in foster care my parents weren't abusive or anything they had died and there was no one to take me so starting at age six i was in the system when i was 12 i moved into a new home and met my foster brother alan he is two years older than me but we became close he has always been protective of me and after we both aged out we remained close he's been there through everything from walking me down the aisle to being there when i had my baby i consider him to be my only family other than my husband and child recently allen started dating a woman named miranda i was super happy for him and he brought her with him when he visited last i thought she was great she was sweet she was funny she seemed like a great fit for my brother that was until my husband and alan went outside to talk about allen's new car miranda did a complete 180. she started accusing me of wanting to sleep with alan and steal him from her and said the only time a girl calls a guy a brother when they aren't related is when the girl is a [ __ ] i can't say i kept my cool i yelled at her that she was not going to disrespect me in my own home and if she was going to be an insecure [ __ ] i doubt my brother would stay with her she tried to yell back but i told her to get out of my house and not to come back she made my brother leave with her he later texted me asking how i could be so rude to his girlfriend and i told him what happens he broke up with her my friends are telling me i'm the a-hole for how i spoke to her and i shouldn't have stuck my nose in my brother's relationship am i the a-hole here no i don't think so i think that's just her insecurities speaking and you really should be wary of people like that because you know who knows what they're going to do i think you're lucky that she backed down and actually left in that situation and didn't escalate it any further people can get crazy when it comes to defending their partner or keeping people they think of as threats away from you so no you're absolutely not the a-hole she is completely disregarding your history with ellen and screw her not the a-hole edits wow i didn't expect this to blow up like this sorry i can't get to every comment but here is some more info miranda knew that we were both raised together in foster care allen is close to his bio mom and she has met her but asked if i was his dad's child because there was no pictures of me and his mum is latino i look nothing like alan and i'm about as wide as they come we told her at dinner that i'm an orphan and we were foster siblings she was also told of how we met and all the typical sibling stories my friends also know how alan and i are related i didn't expect them to be those types of people they 100 know that i have no feelings for alan and only see him as my brother i want to talk to them further about this because i now see they should have never taken miranda's side she is not a part of our friend group none of us knew her allen met her online the argument everything started off normal like i said she was very sweet when the guys went outside she stayed in the kitchen with me to talk while i cleaned up the conversation started off with the usual questions like what alan was like when he was younger she then started yelling that i wanted to sleep with alan that i had to be attracted to him that i wanted to steal him and then the [ __ ] thing i got angry and yelled back asking what the hell was wrong with her why she would ever think i would want to sleep with my brother and how dare she come at me with that disgusting crap i yelled at her that she wasn't going to disrespect me in my own home and that she was an insecure [ __ ] that i doubt my brother would stay with her and that he deserved better when she tried to yell back i told her to get the hell out of my house and not to come back from what my brother told me she told him i started attacking her saying that she was a [ __ ] and telling her no one could have my brother she told him i threw a pen at her and she fled my house my brother didn't believe all of it so he messaged me to ask about it when i told him what happened he said he would take care of it and he broke up with her not that a-hole you helped your brother dodge a bullet yeah whoever is telling op she did the wrong thing is the a-hole and of course the girlfriend is a mega a-hole everyone needs a person like opie in their life opie not the a-hole you did the right thing and you should be very proud of yourself because you sound like a wonderful friend and sister and i'm sorry for your loss just want to tell you that as a mom i'm very proud of you too i did a double take when i saw that the way op spoke to her was rude no she was beyond rude to op all op did was stand up for herself and refused to be disrespected in her own home i hope he needs new friends posted by user will never know because they deleted their account titled am i the a-hole for not wanting my wife to eat grass my mum invited my sister and die over for an announcement the other night and told us that she got married i don't know him well enough to judge but he seems like an ass because he laughed at my car and asked what i do for a living that i drove that crap car i actually met the guy once but she never told me that she had a boyfriend and they were together for two years so i guess she doesn't give a crap about me my wife is vegan and my mum never cooks special food but usually has a side salad at dinner so she just eats the salad well all she made for dinner was some one pot greek dish with chicken in it and cooked in chicken broth and there was no side salad i asked my mum what my wife was supposed to eat and she got very upset and said she just got married we're supposed to be happy and the night is about her look my five-year-old daughter actually told my mum that she is mean and my mom looked at me like i was supposed to do something we sat down but i was immediately uncomfortable i told my mom that i wasn't going to eat in front of my wife and my brother-in-law said my wife should eat the grass i could see how badly that hurt my wife so i got up and said we were leaving my mum said we are selfish because she got married and it is about her as we were leaving i heard my husband say yeah drive away in that car my sister said that it was our mom's nights and our chance to meet our stepdad and i should have sucked it up i'm sorry who wants to stay in a house like that this is like some sitcom bullcrap yeah your wife can eat the grass yeah you drive away in that car who the hell do you think you are insulting us get out of my house no wait stay here and put up with us god damn it so yeah that's how i feel about it um i don't really have a good opinion i'm just ranting and i think hope is not the a-hole not the a-hole damn daniel that was rid of her mum and her new husband and i'm glad you left the five-year-old knew it was bad he's not your stepdad you're grown with a wife and child of your own just because your mother gets married doesn't make her new husband your stepdad this this is so true my parents married when i was a senior in high school i was a witness we had to keep it a secret for years almost 10. don't ask me why because i don't know the answer my siblings and i were never allowed to be in that home never lived in the same home as the step parent or their children we say step parents because it's easier than explaining the whole situation but we have no real emotional connection to that person that person is our parents spouse and we respect them as such but no one in our family pretends it's something that it isn't that's actually helped us communicate and be more at ease with each other once we were past the age that our parents were expected to take care of us we worked out what fit us best and it's worked i wish my parents would understand this my dad's 31 year old wife is not my stepmom she was 11 when i was born not the a-hole your mom's new husband is an a-hole who can't even be bothered to try and make a good impression when announcing that he has joined your family your mum is an a-hole who doesn't give a crap about her guests when she hosts them or about her new husband treating her guests like crap your sister is wrong i would refuse to speak to them until they apologized and then enjoy the long piece that results because they don't want to apologize it sounds like you'd be better off to be honest posted by user am i the ahole throwaway queer titled am i the a-hole for getting touchy with my doctor about doing a pregnancy test ever since i was 13 anytime i've had a stomach issue of any kind doctors have always pushed pregnancy tests even though i was adamant that i was a virgin and was too afraid to talk to boys let alone have sex now i'm an adult 30 female and i'm able to advocate for my own care better although i'm married to a man 32 male since he's transgender there is absolutely no chance that i'm pregnant this last time at the doctor i was having stomach issues that they still have yet to diagnose despite knowing my marital status my doctor was adamant that i take a pregnancy test since i'm not on birth control and why would i need to be even though i'm monogamous when she told me to take the test not asked i laughed and said it would be quite the immaculate conception and that no i wasn't pregnant she insisted and so i told her there was no pnv sex so back off she looked offended and was weird throughout the rest of the appointment am i the a-hole for my comment i don't get why it's been an issue for 17 years that doctors continue to persist and there has been a record of you continuously not being pregnant why do they continue to do this this is one of life's deep mysteries obviously you stand corrected with your statements i don't know why they don't take your pain seriously they are supposed to be medical professionals and it's their job to help you not continue to hammer the same dead horse into the grounds not the a-hole but i don't know what you should do from here edits someone pointed out that the concern is also having to pay for the test my main frustration is feeling not being believed and then having to pay a ridiculous amount to prove that i was being truthful if it was free i'd more happily pee in the cup just to prove that doc wrong edits appreciate all the comments thank you also i'm not a lesbian not super offended just be careful not to assume people's sexuality it can be a touchy subject for trans people because to some it implies they are still female just some food for thought i'm going to say that the doctor might be obligated to have a negative pregnancy test before writing receipts or recipes for certain medicines which could cause malformation or miscarriage i mean why not just say that though if it's the case i dunno you're right in any case the doctor failed to communicate properly as a soon to be medical professional i don't think you're the a-hole for sticking up for yourself it does sound like years of frustration built up that were loosed on your doctor though that being said you mentioned that she knew your marital status but that doesn't necessarily mean she knew your husband is a trans man she likely assumed your husband was born with a penis i'm not saying it's right i just want to bring some other perspective to the situation also you would be surprised how often pregnancy is the cause for abdominal complaints it's also a diagnosis that can have serious consequences but can easily be ruled out unfortunately not all patients are upfront about their sexual activity as you seem to have been so health professionals often need to order things like pregnancy tests again you are not the a-hole i just wanted to give some insight from the other side true and i understand that but i tell all my doctors up front about my husband being female to male so that we don't have to go through this dance every time somehow they still miss it unfortunately we don't always remember these important pieces of information and often our brains are trained to go to the most common situation in any case i'm sorry that you have to keep going through this frustrating situation also hcg pregnancy hormones can also be elevated in some cancers so maybe giving your doctor the benefit of the doubts is also trying to rule out the possibility as a year in pregnancy test is a cheap test to start with thank you for the info i wasn't aware that that was even a thing yeah there was a guy who had one of these tests for the lulls but when i came back positive he went to the doctor and found out about his cancer very early on pretty much the joke saved his life this a positive pregnancy test for a guy is a 100 sign of cancer for a female it could be a baby a brain tumor or cervical cancer wow talk about surprises posted by user a heavy question 33 titled am i the a-hole for sleeping through a plane ride when i was sat between a mother and her kid so i had to fly recently for work unfortunately i was seated in a middle seat and there was a mum and her kid in my row the mom had the aisle and the kid had the window i thought it was a little weird that they bought seats like that i asked the mum if she and her son had the seats they wanted and she said yes then i did my usual plane habit of taking a couple dramamine and putting on a sleeping mask plus a medical mask now too on putting my noise cancelling headphones on and wrapping myself up in a blanket and a pillow i passed the hell out immediately and i am a rock-solid sleeper especially after i've had dramamine i woke up 20 minutes before the plane landed because i'd set an alarm and the mum was like oh so now you wake up and i was kind of confused and she says something petty about thinking i was dead i made a joke about flying making me feel dead and she got mad at me for making jokes when i'd been so rude to pass out that she was blocked off from her son the whole flight i don't know what she meant by that and honestly i was still woozy so i was like okay but i'm wondering am i the a-hole for sleeping on a flight i thought that was normal no what is that reaction that the mom said is she all right you asked at the start hey uh are your seats all good all right i'm out bye i didn't really know what this mom was expecting i mean maybe if you were awake and pretending to be asleep it would be an a-hole move but has she never flown before people are just out cold they're just they're done for rides she has no right to be mad at you i i don't see what's going on in her head not the a-hole what the heck if you were so conked out that should have made it easier for her to interact with her son besides she knows that's the risk if they buy their tickets that way people do it in hopes that the middle seat will remain open because the middle seats are always the last to get picked sleeping on a flight is perfectly normal and acceptable behavior she was incredibly rude to even comment on it in this way not the a-hole move on with your life and forget this grumpy woman even exists wait a second that's a thing people do i've never heard of this potential life hack yep my husband and i do it when we fly the difference being that one of us switches with the middle seat if someone happens to buy the seat in between us it'd be annoying to be sandwiched between a married couple i think what would you do if the person wanted the middle seat say they didn't like the window or the aisle or they chose a single middle seat because they thought they'd be between strangers and not have to listen to constant yapping if someone actually wants the middle seat on a plane they need to be immediately reported to homeland security not the a-hole you made sure they had the right seats they did so you did plenty she can't be mad at you when she literally wanted it that way also plenty of people sleep on planes totally fair yeah and speaking as a traveller if i had the option of interacting with my family member with an awake person versus an unconscious person between us i would pick the unconscious person because it's so much less awkward posted by user infinite light 5425 titled am i the a-hole for kicking my friend out because of breastfeeding i had some friends over one a male with his wife the other three female one of the females we'll call jane had a baby two months ago and this is the first time we've seen her she was away to families when she had her baby so this was a small unplanned baby shower for her after an hour or so her baby got fussy and she started breastfeeding her baby one of their friends we'll call her rb rude started looking upset and asked don't you think we should cover up especially since there's a man here we all just kind of looked at her my male friend said it's okay since his wife breastfeeds and his wife nods her head well this upset rb and she looked back towards me and said to get a blanket so i got her one and she said no it's to cover up with so i did as she asked and opened up the blankets and all the while all the other people were giving me a strange look and i covered arby's head and sat back down rb got mad and took it off and said no that jane needs to cover i said what for arby gets up and tries to put the blanket on jane i finally had enough and said if she didn't like seeing someone breastfeed then she can either look away or leave yeah she got mad seeing how i'm choosing jane over her and that she's known me longer i told her that you should know by now that i don't believe in covering up regardless of where you're at and that it's my house i also told her that she knows what a pain it is trying to cover up a breast in a screaming wiggling baby's mouth so have a nice day so yeah she's mad at me but the rest of us had a good time visiting so would i be the a-hole for putting the blanket on arby's head lol no i think you're just making light of the situation it's a good fun gesture no one else had a problem with it only rb did very odd she's an a-hole for not reading the room and continuing to push her agenda of sorts when no one else had a problem that's you know that's really what it comes down to she couldn't accept that no one else was cool with it she wasn't cool with it so she had to change the situation you made fun of her you put the blanket on her head everyone had a laugh at her expense still don't think you're an a-hole for that lol not only are you notch the a-hole but i think it's freaking hilarious that you got the blanket and put it over arby's head making a really good point good for you i came here with my pitchfork out but you are so not the a-hole and well-played with the blankets way to be a good friend and stand up for that poor woman being shamed for breastfeeding is awful but she made the situation much better good job posted by user i don't know they deleted their account titled am i the a-hole for not letting my husband meet our firstborn child my husband has this best friend anna they've been friends for a long time and dated many years ago mutually deciding that it's best for them to remain friends i've had no problem with this relationship until now on the day that i gave birth and his brother got into a car accident my husband got a call from her in the middle of the night and asked him if he could drop her at the hospital her brother was at which was an hour away from us since she was too scared to drive my husband agreed told me quickly while i was half asleep and rushed out a few hours later i had contractions and called my husband he didn't pick up after multiple tries so i gave up and called my dad who drove me to the local hospital which was 12 minutes away i was so scared of giving birth alone since i've had about three miscarriages and one stillborn my husband promised me that no matter what he would be there for me guess what he wasn't he called multiple times while i was in labor and when he finally picked up my dad's call when i was giving birth saying that he'd misplaced his phone in the chaos my dad informed him that no matter how fast he drives anymore he's going to miss the birth of his child well my husband took that as he's already screwed up so it doesn't matter when he shows up at this point no that's not it so when he finally came our daughter was about five hours old and i had finally moved to the maternity ward when he came i refused to let him see our baby edits did let husband hold and play with baby after discharge because i was so high on emotions and was shaking when i saw him and didn't want it negatively affecting my time with the baby i wanted her birth to be a happy time and i was already struggling to feed her my husband was in a bad state and told me to please let him see her so i told him to stand by the window and held the baby up so he could see her i told him to then leave until be able to interact with the baby at my father's home when my both well and out of the hospital and that i was most likely divorcing him he started bawling and apologizing and defended himself by saying that anna's brother was in serious critical condition and although he's fine anna needed him though and his parents were there she's not that close with him and she was in an unbearable state i told him that i didn't care and that his daughter already had come second to him and all she did was be born i'm putting my daughter into maya's health first and won't let her be sidelined my husband agreed and left however anna called me later and said that i was being controlling and she had never met someone as cruel as me for not letting a father see his baby i told her that my husband made his decision and that this was his doing and not mine but now i can't help but feel cruel in my actions and feel like i'm depriving my baby of both her parents being together my husband sees her a few hours each day now am i the a-hole edit i feel like this is useful information and could explain why i was so mad anna's brother was not in a life and death situation he had serious injuries but most were concentrated on his legs and arm he did have a concussion but gained consciousness soon anna was there along with both her parents who managed all the hospital stuff my husband was there as an emotional support for anna i did let my husband see our baby right after i got discharged edits husbands saw baby husband held baby husband played with baby i wanted a couple of days rest in bonding with a baby since my emotions were so high and i was afraid if my husband was a continuous presence i would get stressed and something bad would happen i told him as such they spend time together but i'm still cold with him i may still be the a-hole i don't know but i'm still so mad at him and it's not the first time he put anna before me i can forgive the other instances since i could handle it but this time was the straw i was so scared to hold my baby because i was paranoid the minute i touch her something would happen to her and no one was there to comfort me i only had my dad but he wasn't in the delivery room which is why i'm not too keen on forgiving my husband also we both knew the baby was true any time now so i don't understand why my husband didn't have his phone on him we even tried reaching out to anna and she didn't pick up either oh i guess some emotional support going on there right after he learned i was giving birth he already knew that anna's brother was going to be all right he spent that time making sure that anna was okay and feeding her and then waiting for the brother to regain consciousness he could have come back after seeing his daughter to talk with the brother he could have made it back in time edits so many of you got it wrong i'm not preventing him from ever seeing his baby that is stupid and unreasonable he literally saw her about a day later when we were discharged and safely at my dad's home he already didn't see her for five hours on purpose and put anna first i didn't think an additional day would make much of a difference and it wasn't to him he was happy to see the baby and he spends time with her all the time she's two months now and also i'm not mad about the fact he went to see anna i'm mad that he didn't think we were a high priority to rush back to he left me so quickly in the middle of the night when i was already late he couldn't have left anna in the care of her parents and rushed as soon as possible she's not a child and she doesn't have any mental health issues either added three sorry for all the edits but someone just messaged me this what if my baby was a stillborn again he had no way to know since he and i didn't have any contact after i gave birth thank the stars my baby is healthy and dwell but it was a possibility edit update thank you everyone for your replies i think that i was the a-hole for using my child against him and should have told him that he could hold the baby and then asked him to leave so the divorce is probably going to happen my brother is looking at lawyers for me in the midst of this whole mess this post made me realize i never checked on anna's brother to see how he's healing because i was so irked by anna i called him and he said that he was doing well and will be out of his wheelchair soon he asked about me and the baby and how i was doing with the split and if i was okay with my husband and anna i can't believe i was so oblivious i thought they had an emotional thing going on because of this and when i confronted my husband he denied it and said me and our baby were his priority and he made a mistake and he was being dumb yeah no and his brother kindly informed me that he and anna's parents thought that my husband and i split when i was seven months pregnant and that anna and tim were back on he showed up at the hospital as anna's boyfriend which is why they didn't bat an eye that he was there and not with his pregnant wife because we apparently split her brother's procedures were done well before the afternoon so i don't know what my husband and anna were doing for all those hours but i don't even want to know if you want more details i can answer in a comment thanks everyone for your kind words and advice i will be moving back and filing for full custody i don't want my baby growing up to be like her father or anna he can be fun dad or whatever it is he wants to be last edit i think i'm going to take a break from reddit now because ranting on the internet doesn't seem healthy thanks everyone for their support i'll take it from here well i think it's pretty clear from that i don't think we need comments for this one that was a roller coaster and a half i will admit posted by user bronco bfbc titled am i the a-hole for calling my wife and karen as she was making a scene throwaway account for obvious reasons here goes my wife and i are very opposites like very she tends to have narcissistic episodes when she doesn't get her way she can sometimes treat people like crap a while back we were at a sonic getting some drinks during their happy hour and they got the size wrong on a drink she then asked the teenage girl how hard is your job i was livid first off sonic was my first job as a kid i went through ptsd mode of a customer yelling at me over a slight inconvenience i've been on the other side of that window i just yelled out hey chill out she got mad at me and said i don't know why you defend them when they can't do their job right we let it go fast forward to today we've been trying to get our dogs nails trimmed for some time now at pet smarts and we were finally able to make an appointment because of the rona we get there and they can't find our names on the list and they're pretty booked up till next week she then starts to go off on the dog rumor and starts causing a scene saying how could you lose my appointment i've been waiting for weeks i wish we still lived in boston because they have more pet marts and competent people working instead of useless people like you i was embarrassed and livid at the same time so i grabbed her arm and said stop being a karen and get in the car now i will handle this she storms off to the car and i apologize to the staff told them to call me instead of her and apologized again i seriously cannot stand it when people are rude to public servants i couldn't keep quiet anymore when i finally go outside i find that she left me there i call her and she sends me to voicemail i take a lift home i get home and she is mad in tears she says that i embarrassed her and made her look like a fool when a partner should always have their partners back no matter what i told her that i disagreed to that and she has now been giving me the silent treatment for about six hours now am i the a-hole edit one yes i love this person edit two she's my work in progress we've talked about her behavior when we were engaged and i called off the wedding due to her behavior she acknowledged it and said that we are good for each other because i keep her grounded but she sometimes reverts to her narc self at times edit 3 she dubbed herself work in progress not me both situations i've been trying to reason is it okay to get mad at them for this and me working at mcdonald's for like almost five years no not really you come back and you be an adult and you keep your emotions level and you get the situation sorted now the one with the dogs and the nails that kind of does suck that they lost the appointment there and i can understand being upset but you know you can always trim the dog's nails yourself they have clippers for that unless your dog bites people like mine i can understand that but her actions were unreasonable she's a work in progress i don't think opie is the a-hole for calling her out you're not supposed to put up with those kinds of behaviors you're supposed to fix them and he was giving her constructive advice not the a-hole everyone sucks here you two need to work on your communication skills agreed rp does not get a pass for being the good guy they should probably have a conversation when they start talking again grabbing her arm and yelling was not cool we'd like to know what you would have done if you were in op's place i'd probably have left it at a hand on the shoulder or around the arm op says i do not disagree with you our communication could be better there are so many armchair therapists writing below don't break up with her because reddit has told you to don't go back to using these arguments as ammunition if you read enough of these you will grow resentment against her but these people aren't in your real life or in your hearts not the a-hole but man you really might want to consider what you are actually dealing with here she's my work in progress you are her boyfriend not her dad your partner should be someone that is your peer and who treats you with respect not someone your parents i'm sorry but you won't fix this woman she doesn't want to be fixed her life is exactly how she wants it all she has to do to keep everything that way is occasionally tell you that she will change she acknowledged it and said that we are good for each other because i keep her grounded no you were good for her because you ground her she is bad for you because she is a narcissist who treats you horribly because she is a narcissist she assumes that if it's good for her it's good for everyone and yes i love this person that is not a good enough reason to stay with someone who treats you and everyone around you like crap she sounds like a terrible bully can you imagine what would happen to your children if you had a family with her do you want her leaving them on the side of the road or going off on them oh frick you just painted a horrible picture i'm sorry you're in this position my friends i wish i had something more uplifting to say but you do have the power to leave you do not need her consent i can understand that it always hurts when we cut ties with someone we love but it gets better as time goes on and it also frees you to eventually find someone who is a nice person and who actually loves you back posted by user deafbaby456 titled am i the a-hole for telling everyone exactly why i'm getting divorced my ex and i have one child together we found out during my pregnancy that our child would be deaf and wouldn't qualify for the surgery that some deaf people are able to get due to a combination of problems while the external issue is a fluke the internal issue is apparently something that i always had a 25 chance of passing down to a child's not to toot my own horn but once i learned this i made an effort to start connecting with the deaf community in my area and learn asl he did not and while he stayed for the birth he moved in with his brother right after dropping me off at my home i owned the house and did before i met him so it's not part of the divorce he was nice enough to give me two months worth of a cleaning service and a gift card to grubhub thanks thanks husband that's really cool he ended up telling everyone that i am the reason he doesn't see our child and that i filed for divorce because i overreacted the truth is that i have sole custody because he cried in court that he couldn't deal with the baby and wanted to just pay support while i did file it was because he abandoned me and said so many horrible things that i couldn't get over i have text messages he sent me which he says that he wouldn't have married me if he knew that we would produce problems and that he couldn't handle raising a oh that's not a nice word the only thing wrong with her is her hearing i don't want my child to grow up in a home where she's hated i was starting to hear all sorts of crap from my family and his who started to take his side because divorce isn't really a thing here so i took action i made a social media post publishing the text messages so that people would finally see the truth i'm now getting calls and messages for making a private issue public and parental alienation am i the a-hole i think it goes without saying that absolutely not the a-hole for this but there is a few caveats here that i think convince them to make this post the big one for me is living in a town where divorce really isn't a thing i imagine the culture there isn't too accepting or inviting of this and if you can point a finger at someone they will all dog pile on that person and shame them obviously that's my view of it that's my how i'm perceiving why she thinks she's the a-hole because these people won't look at reason and unless they have the receipts they have these text messages that this guy has sent her and the crying in court and everything unless they have the full picture they're gonna take his side because he's the one getting broken up with even though he's the one that initiated it i don't get why family law has to be so messy and disgusting like i would never go into it myself after hearing stories from my mother family law is it's brutal it's brutal this is just another classic case of family law going to courts and being messy so i side with op they're not the a-hole screw that guy for walking out on his daughter not the a-hole this guy has no business smearing you and damaging your reputation you did what you had to do to set the record straight and nobody can fault you for that hey opie i have no idea where you're from but if you're in the us you can sue for slander and defamation of character he is clearly doing both you could get some money to help your child whether that's paying to go to a school for the deaf hiring an asl aide or paying for surgery if that's something you and or your child is interested in but also not the a-hole your ex is a major gaping a-hole however they say that's what the child support is for i'm saving as much of it as possible for future education costs i just want to take a moment to say a huge kudos to you for making the effort to connect with the deaf community in your area and learn asl for your daughter i'm a graduate student studying sign language linguistics and a lot of hearing parents of deaf children don't understand how vitally important it is for their kids to be exposed to sign language from as young an age as possible you may already know this but deaf kids who are exposed to sign language from birth have better outcomes in a huge variety of developmental milestones including literacy in english math memory spatial reasoning the list goes on and on not to mention the huge differences it makes to feel loved and supported by your mum thank you for doing what's best for your daughter where many parents don't make the effort to i know what will mean the world to her as she grows up posted by user underwater karma titled am i the a-hole for bailing on a hike when an unfit person came along apologies for the length that's what he said but here goes i'm an avid mountain trail hiker and i've been trying to get some friends to come on one of my favorite hikes it's an almost 000 feet elevation gain 8 miles round trip but has a huge payoff in vista at the top it's a very challenging hike but this is an athletic group who could handle it last saturday we had the hike planned i sent everyone a prep list footwear sun protection water snacks etc when everyone showed up at the trailhead one of the girls had brought along a friend i'd never met and it was clear she was not going to do well on the hike she brought nothing no hat for sun protection no water no snacks was wearing teva style sandals and extremely overweight the sandals alone were a disqualifier this is a rocky climb not a walk through the woods i tried to be political and said i don't think this is going to work and stressed the advanced difficulty of the hike and the importance of proper footwear and hydration i didn't mention anything about her weights specifically avoided it in fact and yet i was immediately accused of fat shaming and assuming a heavy person can't be physically fit this hike had disaster written all over it there was just a zero percent chance of it being a pleasant day so i eventually said that i just didn't want to ruin anyone else's day and i left i had you're a dick on my phone before i was out of the parking lot this was 9 am at 5 30 p.m i get a text from one of the guys with a photo of the entire group sitting in an emergency room text said dude this has been a fudging nightmare i got the story in the next day that the out-of-shape girl couldn't hike more than a few hundred yards without needing to stop to rest had drank all of her friends water before getting halfway on the trail and when told we're almost halfway sat down and started crying saying she wanted to go back long story short on the downhill she fell and gashed her leg pretty badly and had to be helped to keep walking resulting in another guy falling and spreading his ankle hours later they made it back to the cars and everyone went to the er to support the two injured people now nearly a week later half the group has been telling me how right i was that we all should have known to call it off but the other half is still calling me a jerk one said i bailed when they needed me the most so am i the a-hole i 100 knew this was going to go badly so knowing that should i have hung around to help my friends through the inevitable hardship or was i right to say you're on your own with this terrible decision i think there's two schools of people in this situation there's people that are going to avoid the situation because they can see it coming but i think there's also people that stick around and help because they know these people would be screwed without their help and they bring additional supplies to make up for that because they know what's going to happen i don't think either schools of thoughts are wrong in this decision i think either way you would be not the a-hole it's just this one the way you went about it made it a lot worse for these people i personally would probably do the same thing you did op i'm not sticking around for that that's an entire day wasted just to have an inevitable outcome happen anyway everyone else had the decision not to go through with the hike they did it anyway it could have resulted in the death of someone because hiking is nothing to mess around with who knows it didn't this time they were lucky i still hold to the fact that opie is not the a-hole been there done that had to bail on a hike in the sierra because my partner clearly hadn't trained for it as much as he said he had a couple of days in we were already a day behind schedule you were in fact there when they needed you most right at the beginning they chose to not listen to you thanks that actually helps absolutely mind-blowing that this person thought they could do an eight-mile hike with no gear and hadn't physically prepared for it the people calling you a jerk are just as delusional they were more afraid of coming off as being fat phobic than stating the reality in which the outcome someone could get physically hurt and they did you did the right thing opie mileage doesn't necessarily equal difficulty we have a lot of long flatish loops around me that can totally be hiked in sandals or biked by beginners on some trails i can do a long hike with no prep and minimal equipment there is some steep short trails where i struggle because it's three miles of rock scramble it's possible this girl was in shape but just clueless at how difficult the terrain and elevation gains made the distance as someone who is out of shape women's size 20 pants xxl fats and does enjoy a nice hike you can damn well bet i research where my friends are going before deciding to join she knew her body better than anyone else and should have done the research at the very least wearing proper shoes and bringing water would go a long way in ensuring she could make it and if i got there and someone more experienced was like hey you dressed wrong for this fyi i would uninvite myself wish them well maybe plan to meet up later and hit up a less difficult trail in the area fat doesn't equal out of shape although personally i am out of shape but showing up ill prepared does equal a disaster waiting to happen posted by user complex inside 363 titled am i the a-hole for telling my wife that she shouldn't be worried about delivering a big baby because my mother did it three times with no problem we had an ultrasound last week our son measured over 8 pounds even though my wife was only 36 weeks she was told that our baby could be a 10 pounder and was upset because her doctor advised her to mentally prep for a c-section if he ends up being that big she's also worried about having to deliver him vaginally if a c-section isn't required because he will be so large she has been upset about it for days and i told her that i thought she was worrying way too much since my mother gave birth to me and my two brothers with no issue and we all weighed over nine pounds she even did it naturally that apparently was the wrong thing to say and she had a breakdown i was told i was unsupportive for telling her that she shouldn't be worried instead of acknowledging her concerns which i don't get those scans from what i've read aren't even that accurate so it's not worth getting upset over when they could be wrong and even if they aren't there's nothing that can be done about it the baby is going to grow as much as it grows i still suggested that she speak to my mum about her experience because i knew that she'd assure her that it wasn't as bad as she was expecting she said she didn't want to speak to my mum but i asked my mum to call her anyway when she was still sulking she also got upset over this i was only trying to help her and stop her from worrying and the best way to do that i thought was by pointing out my mum's experience with big babies edits i just want to clarify that my mom is smaller than my wife so that is why i thought it would make her more comfortable i just feel like he's not getting the hint that she doesn't want to speak to the mom and he continues to be like my mom did it she survived it's fine her body could take it my mom could do it why do why don't you want to listen to my mom my mom knows what to do listen to my mom it's like a fever dream this husband's just a crazy lunatic just raving at her i can see why the wife is so upset but you know obviously i can't empathize i can't have kids myself but i sure as hell wouldn't want a c-section or to deliver someone vaginally that's over nine pounds jesus christ that's a big baby that's an entire football coming out of there no thank you opie you're the a-hole stop pressuring her you're the a-hole every woman's body is different every woman's uterus cervix and vagina is different every woman's pain tolerance is different not everyone can push out a 10 pounder and all you're doing is comparing her to your mother jesus freaking christ pick up a book and learn how to be supportive of your pregnant wife if the doctor told you that you were going to take a solid 10 pound crap would you be worried other men have done it just fine smaller men even yeah talk to one of them on the phone it's just the motivational advice i need oh my god you really survived a 10 pound crap you're a war hero thank you you're the a-hole hugely just because one woman had a certain experience does not mean it will be easy for your wife and it's certainly not nothing to worry about instead of supporting her and acknowledging her feelings you basically just told her they weren't valid giving birth for the first time is frightening and knowing about potential complications makes it even more so then you got your mummy to intervene even though your wife explicitly asked you not to you have a lot of growing up to do and fast i'm an amazon and my son 10 and a half libs pounds i don't know and i almost died without any warning during labor even with an obgyn and a running down the hall all hands on deck c-section my tiny delicate six foot shorter than me no hips sister-in-law popped out an 11-pound eight-ounce child naturally op is absolutely an a-hole same i'm 5'4 but i come from prime polish peasant stock my grandparents were each from families with 10 plus surviving children there was lots of successful childbirth going on and i was myself 10 pounds at birth sorry mum i inherited a birthing pelvis that my obstetrician literally complimented during my prenatal visits my first child was nine pounds my second child was nine and a half pounds i almost died birthing my second child because they got stuck they tilted and their shoulders jammed at an angle and the attending doctor called for an emergency c-section when both of our heart rates started to falter and not recover as fast as they should have i had all the pieces for success and it still happened to me opie said that his wife should be fine because his mother whose pelvis shape and dangle has nothing to do with his wife's pelvis shape and angle was fine is a ridiculous leap of logic and is not comforting at all posted by user am i the a-hole cousin throwaway titled am i the a-hole for refusing to apologize to my religious cousin after i told her that she'll be going to hell oh i know the title is a little wonky so please hear me out throw away since some of my family know my main account so for some background i 24 female am a lesbian i've been out since i was 17 and my whole family knows i know that my religious side of the family has a problem with my sexuality but they haven't really said anything about it to me directly until now a couple of days ago i posted a picture of my girlfriend 25 and i on facebook we have only been dating for a couple of months so this is the first that my extended family is seeing of her a couple hours after i posted the photo my super christian cousin 29 female sent me a private message basically she voiced her disgust over the fact that i have a girlfriend and how homosexuality is a sin etc at the end of the message she told me that if i don't change my lifestyle i'll be going to hell and that it's her duty as a woman of god to warn me i knew her views were a bit extreme but i didn't think that she would actually take the time to confront me now when my cousin was 18 she got pregnant and had a son with her high school boyfriend it was quite the scandal at the time i responded back to her that she shouldn't be cherry-picking from the bible as to what counts as a sin and what doesn't i also said premarital sex is a sin too i guess i'll be seeing you in hell and left it at that my cousin freaked and said how horrible it was of me to call her son a sin i have received a lot of angry messages from family members i don't feel bad for what i said and i think my response is justified i won't be losing any sleep over what my cousin thinks of me however this has made things tense for my mom my cousin is my mom sister's kid and it strained her relationship with that part of the family my mom doesn't care about what i said but she wants me to apologize to my cousin to keep the peace i don't want to apologize and i told her that she is a little upset that i won't apologize to appease them my girlfriend thinks that i'm in the right but i feel bad that i'm stressing my mom out over this am i the a-hole for not just sucking it up and apologizing edits to add some more info i'm an atheist and don't believe that pre-marital sex is wrong i was just trying to use her own logic against her to show that she's wrong and being hypocritical i doubt that she even cares about that at this point i showed my mum some of the responses in this thread and i think she sees things from my point of view now she told me that she was sorry for asking me to apologize in the first place i'm going to take some of your advice and only clarify to her that i didn't mean that her son was a sin just that her actions were according to what she believes in i will most definitely not be apologizing to her though thank you for your kind words and i'll give an update here if my cousin even responds to my message not the a-hole you weren't calling her childish in you called her actions of sin because that's what she did to you you were right she shouldn't cherry-pick but she's self-important and homophobic and that bible is her shield as long as she uses the bible she's always right i would personally try to keep the peace but that's a me thing and i would advise you to not bend because she will pull this again why is it everyone who quotes from the bible always forgets the first commandment not the ahol eda thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself it's the umbrella commandment i'm not familiar with the bible what does thou shalt have no other gods before me have to do with this it's been a while but i think they're referring to when jesus was asked what the most important commandment was if memory serves love your neighbor as yourself essentially the golden rule as i understand not the a-hole i want to say sick burn but it's not even a burn it's just straight up the truth i bet your cousin doesn't even keep sabbath and wouldn't stone her daughter if she's not a virgin on her wedding either christians are pretty much without fail hypocrites and put way too much emphasis on gay people good for you for calling her out i was raised and am still being raised in a lenient religious family so i never followed the sabbath and just don't understand why that is so important not that it matters much to me i'm not really religious myself at this point just trying to figure things out for myself but my dad has emphasized openly to me and my older brother that we shouldn't be ashamed to look at graphic images most christians are super religious in my opinion it's rare to not see one to try to force it down your throat or try and quote the bible to belittle you posted by user deleted his account titled am i the a-hole for telling my boyfriend's mother that her meet-cute story is highly disturbing i've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years and i am very aware that his parents don't approve of me but we've always managed to cordial relationship the other night we had dinner with him and his sister and nine-year-old niece were there his sister was commenting on how their parents never told them how they met his mother ended up telling the whole story she met her husband while she was his subordinate at work and he harassed her they ended up cheating on his fiance together and when she tried to break it off he blackmailed her with her naked pictures she cut up his fiancee's wedding gown as a prank and he threatened to get her arrested and then just decided to marry her instead everyone at the table was laughing but i guess i looked horrified because she called me out i said that was highly disturbing and abusive she said oh i was being dramatic i don't know because everyone else thought it was funny and it was almost 30 years ago i told her if i ever have children i don't want them to hear that and she was very cold for the rest of the evening my boyfriend says that i had no right to say that to his parents your boyfriend has no right to say that to you jesus christ is he gonna model himself after that woman after those two being disturbing and abusive to each other is that is that a path he really wants to walk down is he gonna do that to you opie i can't believe they're so accepting of this story and it's just a fun little family sitting around the table let's laugh about all the disgusting stuff we did in the past hey it's hilarious now i really don't think the fact that it was almost 30 years ago excuses their actions it's just it's not acceptable um op not the a-hole i would very much question are the motives and actions of the boyfriend from this point forward there's nothing cute about that story and even 30 years ago that sort of thing wasn't funny not the a-hole that her boyfriend doesn't get it is also highly disturbing i would be worried about what kind of cute pranks he might have in store not the a-hole for real massive red flag if he thinks there's nothing wrong with that maybe he needs time to process it if my parents told me that as their how we met story i'd need to have a lie down before i could even begin to dissect it all i mean maybe i wouldn't go as far as to immediately break up with him just because he didn't react immediately but it's really something to keep a very close eye on not the a-hole harassment blackmailing damage to someone else's property cheating i don't know what part is cute about this entire crap storm and i don't know if you and your boyfriend are together for two and a half years must be serious and you don't want your hypothetical children why that would be an issue you know you would have children and up until now you seem sure that you and your boyfriend have long-term goals then it should be clear right off the bat that you don't want this disturbing story to reach your children not the a-hole 100 percent not the a-hole but i wanna know what your boyfriend thinks of the story cause it's a big off and derpy said my boyfriend doesn't like his father very much so he's critical of the blackmailing but he acts like cutting up the dress was justified because she was young though she was actually the same age as i am now red flag the fact that your boyfriend approves of that part of this situation makes me really worried if it's okay for his dad to sexually harass his mom and his mum to cut up a wedding dress what would be okay to do to you or to his sister's partners or your children i'm very concerned about this posted by user four-time lucky titled am i the a-hole for not giving my pregnant friends my old baby items after i found out she's selling them i female32 just had my third and final kid he's five months old now i have loads of baby things from my older kids and also some things i bought brand new my friend tina is currently pregnant with her first i offered her all my unused items along with everything my baby grows out of by the time she's due in december she likes to shop in second-hand stores so my baby items certainly weren't beneath her baby stuff is so expensive and when she offered me money for them i declined saying i was happy to help her out and see them go to a good home the items offered included cots swings bounces clothes breast pumps and lots more last weekend i dropped my first lot of stuff over as i didn't want to have clutter in my house till december i brought over all my zero to six month clothes some still new in packaging the breast pump one swing and a baby monitor the next day i got a facebook notification that someone i knew posted items for sale in marketplace it was tina selling everything i dropped over i was livid and called her to explain herself she told me she didn't see the big deal she was going to sell them and use the money towards brand new items i saw red went over to her house and took everything back i told her she wouldn't be getting everything else i was going to give her either the way i see it i gave her those things to be helpful and would have sold them myself if she hadn't taken them why should she profit off of me later that day her boyfriend calls me and screams down the phone about how disgusting i am to do that to tina while she's pregnant and how crappy of a friend i am but i'm digging my feet in i really don't think what i did was a dick move if anything she's the a-hole for selling my kindness so reddit friends am i the a-hole should i be bringing this stuff back to her eta i would have donated a lot of the clothes and smaller items to our local charity for the homeless and single parents in need of aid and only sold the bigger items such as the cards my rage was her taking away from them and making money out of it eta2 when she offered me money for them she said oh you're so kind for giving me all this for the baby it's so hard to baby shop with a pandemic i should really give you something for it i told her no and i was just happy to help her out and she thanked me for making it easier for her had she told me that her intent was to sell them i wouldn't have given her anything and instead offered to buy her something off her baby registry dude screw tina what's her problem and the fact that she's only sorry that she got caught she's like oh you caught me ha what's the big deal please don't take these away no tina that's scummy behavior how could you do that she knew she was going against the best wishes of her friends some of those items weren't you in packaging yet she wants to sell them to buy more new things are you negative brain cells today tina what's going on like you can't blame the baby on this one this is of your own volition i'm gonna say opie is not the a-hole and very much so justified in their actions not the a-hole that is wildly tactless on your friend's part accepting gifts just to immediately resell is tacky and rude especially since baby stuff is so expensive and you are being very generous to give so much of it freely not just rude but trashy plus she advertised the gifted items in a public forum facebook it's as though she didn't see anything wrong with selling gifted items or didn't care enough about the giver to give a damn that it was rude not the a-hole if she were even considering selling some of the items she could have brought that up in the discussion this crap happened to my mom a lot the thing was my parents had me and my little sis before any of their friends had theirs that meant that when we were like six and eight all of their friends got their kids now my mom is very kind and offered them the old items and they all took something now the problem was that she found ads of items that she found very familiar on our version of craigslist now she only lends items so crap like this can't happen not the a-hole i used to give my daughter's outgrown clothes to a sister-in-law for my niece i never saw my niece weigh even one of those items sister-in-law was either selling them or throwing them away i found a friend who had a younger daughter and started giving the clothes to her every time i ran into her her daughter was wearing something we had passed on give your stuff to someone who will use it also usually the kids are super proud if they like you we passed down a lot of my stuff to one of my cousins that has two young daughters they are always super proud to wear something that was mine when i see them and they show it off exactly we get a lot of hand-me-downs from my aunt and uncle because my cousin is a couple years older my daughter is always excited to get and wear them since she adores my cousin posted by user disturbing dinner boyfriend titled am i the a-hole for kicking out my boyfriend after he humiliated me at dinner in front of my employers i 22 female recently started working as a private tutor for a wealthy family the job pays very well and really improved my financial situation i'm fortunate to have secured this role but it's still the beginning stages and i'm not trying to screw things up last week the couple invited me to dinner and said that i could bring someone along i told my boyfriend about this and asked if he wanted to come with me he said yes i warned him that these people can be a bit snobby so i expect him to show good manners so the dinner happened and it started off well i noticed my boyfriend was nervous but didn't think much of it then i noticed that he was drinking more than usual he rarely drinks i kept giving him looks to hint that he should stop drinking he was completely oblivious and behaving like a nervous wreck after a short while he got so drunk that he started talking absolute crap he looked at me from across the table pointed at me and asked if i was single for some reason they actually found that amusing so that was a bit of a relief i quickly changed the topic it gets worse this is so painful to type out he started telling them about our sex life he said that last week i had a sneezing fit while i was on top of him and that it felt good and that he's become a changed man since then oh my god oh my god it was dead silence and he was the only one giggling to himself i apologized profusely to the couple and went to the restroom with him i was so fudging upset and angry and told him that he's an embarrassment he kept saying that he felt sick and then threw up i went back to the dining table and explained to the couple that my boyfriend felt sick and decided to get some fresh air i was so upset that i didn't stay around for more than 10 minutes they didn't seem too appalled but it doesn't matter anyway when we went home i decided to kick him out i told him that i don't even want to see his face at the moment he went to crash at a friend's place and that's where he's been staying ever since he keeps begging me for forgiveness but i don't care my friends found out and they all agreed that i am a huge a-hole for kicking out my boyfriend they said that i overreacted don't care about his well-being at all and that he deserves someone who cares am i the a-hole this just reads like a typical uh relationship dispute maybe a little bit more intense than usual but you know if someone was going to tell me this story i'd be like yup yup no that's that's normal that checks out perhaps a little over the top to kick him out when he's drunk it's not always the best to be walking outside by yourself drunk unaccompanied you can get yourself in some trouble but you know he willingly got himself drunk he was talking mad smack to the rest of the people at that occasion and um he embarrassed you it was hilarious but he embarrassed you a lot and i don't blame you for feeling that way i can't fault you opie i don't think you're the a-hole for these actions this is his fault not the a-hole his behavior is unacceptable even at a dinner with your friends with your boss it's unforgivable does he have a drinking problem that wasn't answered sounds like he was drinking to steady his nerves and didn't realize how low his alcohol tolerance was which would explain his behavior it's an explanation for why but it still doesn't excuse what he did what if this affected her relationship with her employer she definitely has a right to be mad about it who gets drunk like that in front of their partner's boss someone who was really really nervous i did that around girlfriend's families when i was younger for the same reason i never said anything as wildly inappropriate as opie's boyfriend but i kind of understand why he drank one shouldn't drink when they're nervous it's a good way to create an unhealthy coping mechanism i mean yeah but 21 year olds don't always make the best decisions hallelujah oh i know but in case anyone read that and went huh maybe i should start doing that you know oh come on a few babies for the for the nerves it helps out right it's pretty good um no not the a-hole i wouldn't tolerate someone close to me sharing intimate details with anyone let alone someone who should see me as a professional why would he even get drunk at this thing posted by user am i the ahole sister 628 titled am i the a-hole for making my sister walk home my sister is 18 and can't drive yet i'm 21 and have my own car she's been seeing a guy for a few months now who my parents don't know about so she often asks me to drive her to his house we tell my parents i'm dropping her off to her friends or something i am mostly fine with this but the last four or five times when i went to pick her up she wouldn't pick up her phone or would ignore my texts just to spend some extra time with her boyfriend i would call her and tell her i was five minutes away and she would say okay and then leave me waiting outside his house for 15 minutes to maximize her time with him i wonder if she kept doing this i would just leave and she could walk home last time i waited outside the boyfriend's house for 20 minutes before knocking on his door which she got really annoyed at me for doing today this happened again when i dropped her off i informed her i'd come get her at 5 pm at five i called three times and she ignored me so after 15 minutes i texted her i was leaving and went back home cause i was fed up she finally called after another 20 minutes and said she was sorry and asked if i could come get her i said no she could walk home around 30 to 40 minutes call uber get her boyfriend to drop her off or call mom or dad i had told her multiple times not to pull this crap and she had agreed she walked home and now she's really ticked at me we live in a safe area and the walk is through suburbia no highways and it was broad daylight am i the a-hole well i was going to point to an like possible everyone's sexier situation but the fact that they do live in a safe area no highways to cross and broad daylights that just tips it into the not the a-hole category here for me like it's very obvious that it's not the a-hole but i want to think outside the box maybe you know they think they're an a-hole because their parents would come down on them hard for not protecting the the sister if she were to walk out by herself you know there's crazy scenarios that uh jeffrey dahmer is gonna be walking this this suburbia and he's gonna kidnap her who knows what can happen it's crazy out in those streets but yeah classic case of uh she's spending so much time with her boyfriend she loves him so much we're gonna maximize the time together and then he probably gets on snapchat to another girl afterwards who knows it's young romance it's not always the case it's just a common occurrence opie not the a-hole you gave her fair warning she kept wasting your time and you did exactly what you said you would yup i absolutely hate people who aren't grateful for rides i'm not even old enough to drive but there's just no reason to not be on time when someone is taking time out of their day to take you if she wants to maximize her time she can literally just stay longer not the a-hole exactly just organize the ride later if it's that big of a deal maximizing her time shouldn't translate to wasting op's time girl isn't even maximizing her time she was on borrowed time and deeply in debt now that card is cancelled not the a-hole you are already helping her out a lot and you have discussed her wasting your time i think you should stand your ground here at least for a while not the a-hole but why is she hiding her boyfriend if she's 18 asian parents lamel i see i used to go out from a girl whose parents were from hong kong she was born in ireland parents broke up when she was young so her father moved out anyhow she was petrified he'd find out we were going out wow i guess that explains why i saw nothing strange about an 18 year old having a secretive relationship from her parents until this comment i am also asian i'm asian as well and still hid my relationships even though i'm already 23. i think i literally would only tell my parents about my significant other if it ever gets to the point where we would get married posted by user first love immortal titled am i the a-hole for naming my first born son after my late boyfriend and not my husband even though it's a tradition in his family to name the firstborn son after the father let's get this out of the way first my husband and i are currently separated and we are getting divorced i'm going to file in a week or two and we have been living separately since i was six months pregnant why you ask a pretty common occurrence he was having an affair with a woman and he gave me the i love you but i'm not in love with you talk after i caught him no he didn't confess i was suspicious about his late night office hours and tracked him down at his office only to find him missing i waited for three hours all alone and then i saw them both arriving at the office she was hanging on to him they kissed inside his car and that's where i confronted both of them she was crying and he went on to console her saying it wasn't her fault that was four months ago and i moved out of the house heavily pregnant i moved to a friend's house that he didn't know about and for the next four months i didn't have any contact with him my choice i didn't inform him when i went into labor my sister and best friend were there for me i gave birth to my healthy baby boy and named him after my childhood sweetheart daniel my first love who sadly passed away when he was 20 from leukemia it was the most heartbreaking thing that ever happened to me it affected me really bad i lost 40 pounds in a month and had to be hospitalized i still have a hole in my heart a part of me was lost forever the day that i lost him it took immense therapy and counseling to cope with the grief and i met my husband six years later he was the first guy i fell for after daniel we got married two years later and after three years of marriage we got pregnant with our first child i wanted to wait a few more years but it was he who pushed for a baby my husband's name is felipe and in his family the firstborn sons are always named after their father so we decided to name him phil however after our separation i started experiencing daniel's presence around me i was a mess but i saw dreams where dan would talk to me and tell me that everything would be okay honestly i feel like dan's spirit has helped me heal and gave me strength to cope with the breakdown of my marriage when my boy was born i named him daniel his middle name was after my grandfather and i gave him my last name a month later i contacted my husband and informed him that his son was born a month ago and that i was going to file for divorce and to chalk out any visitation if he wanted i had him blocked everywhere for a month the same day i reactivated my facebook and announced the birth of my son with his full name my husband called me up crying and furious and told me that i had no right to name his son after some dead guy that i screwed his family thinks i'm the devil incarnate and even my mom thinks i went too far i'm losing my mind here am i the a-hole to the people wondering i'm not going to deny my husband a relationship with his son we'll come to a custody visitation plan once we get a court order for now he is free to visit his son whenever he wants the rest would be his choice to the people asking me if it was his choice to go no contact and whether he tried to contact or find me no it wasn't his choice and he did try to find me but he was informed that i was safe and that i would reach out to him once i was ready why did i stay away from him and didn't tell him about the baby for one month my emotions were a wreck and i didn't want to see him or talk to him i was incredibly toxic to be around going through hell mentally emotionally and physically i didn't want anything to do with him i also wanted the first month of my son's life to be a peaceful bonding experience for me and my son was it for my mental health yes was it selfish yes to remind everyone daniel isn't just my dead ex my former boyfriend my old lover my ex-boyfriend his memory is the reason i pushed myself to eat healthy and be alive to survive my pregnancy and give birth to my son he is my spirit angel looking after me from heaven and that's why i named my son after him he was taken from me by fate but he will always be there looking out for me and my baby i think this is a very clear case of not the a-hole i can see why the ex-husband's parents angry and think she's the a-hole but um that's a them problem that's not an op problem so in their eyes opie is the a-hole but i think coming from a voice of reason a place of logic rp is definitely not the a-hole in this situation i see them having no reason to stay with the husband no reason to even really reconnect like that definitely give him you know some custody of the sun let him see the sun but i think you write off your obligations to have your family name with the kid have that child uh named after you i think yeah you throw yourself under the bus when you cheat like that that's that's unfortunate for him you know it's unfortunate for op2 but he's got to accept that and i think in this situation opie is definitely not the a-hole he cheated and left you while you were pregnant of course it's still his son but giving your baby the name of the man who cheated on you while you were carrying his son is asking too much daniel is a lovely name and i'm sorry for your loss please don't think you were selfish you were not your ex lost all rights to that silly name tradition when he cheated his fault and his problem not yours congratulations on your baby boy plus daniel is a much better name than phil apologies to anyone that um is named phil suggestions for your facebook page and relatives i won't name my son after a cheetah naming is for honoring people with integrity only posted by user league aggravating titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister and brother-in-law told you so for being dumb parents my sister and brother-in-law are pseudo-hippies they have an eight-year-old daughter named lee my niece had this bone-headed idea to shave her head and my sister and brother-in-law had no problem with it it was self-expression they asked me to do it since i cut my own son's hair and buzz my own i refused i told them she would be mocked and teased for looking like a boy kids look androgynous and hair and dress are usually the giveaways as to what gender they are they turned it into a political issue about gender equality and tai told them they can do what they want and believe what they want but this isn't a political issue she will be mistaken for being a boy with a buzzed head and she won't like it they buzzed her head anyway a two all around and she looks like my son except they let her put blue dye a week later she has been bawling her eyes out and once a week and won't go outdoors without a hat people confuse her for being a boy even if she dresses like a girl of course my sister and her husband are making it into a political issue i told them they were wrong and now their kid is upset and they are stupid ass parents also they screwed up the buzz too the line is all messed up and there are uneven patches but they insist that it's the world that's wrong and not them you know what i don't blame rupee for this one i'm gonna say they're not the a-hole you can see it's everyone sucks here if you want that can be your opinion but i definitely think the parents are the ones to blame in this situation screw them for putting that on their kid convincing their kid that was a good thing to do they should have more common sense and have listened to opie and now this could be a budding insecurity that flowers into you know crippling depression or something later down the line we obviously don't have all the facts in this story we have a biased view from op but i honestly wouldn't put it past that little girl to be insecure about their hair and their identity now obviously that's a stretch but that's my opinion on things what do you guys think i think not the a-hole everyone sucks here apart from lee lee is entitled to have her hair how she wants this is not your business however her parents should have explained to her that there are a lot of people out there with your mindset who will judge her and mistake her for a boy before she committed to it if she then wanted to go ahead with it that would be lee's choice not yours not her parents edit in response to some replies opie is an a-hole not because they refuse to take part that's their choice but saying i told you so and insisting it's a terrible idea whilst calling them dumb parents is absolutely not constructive maybe if lee was told to think about the consequences and she still wanted to go ahead and have her hair cut she would have been more prepared for the outcome as others have said in replies to this comment it doesn't always end in tears when they've been sat down and had it explained to them how people may react you know that lee is an eight-year-old right they're not always 100 rational and logical it's part of the job of a parent to prevent kids from making choices they will regret you're aware that hair grows back right yeah and trauma heals with time but i bet this little girl is going to remember being so embarrassed she wouldn't leave the home for quite a while not the a-hole how the hell has this turned into op's fault they refused to take part because they knew how it will go and they told it sister refused to consider did what girl wanted to do and now are upset the whole situation can be blamed on parents and only parents if opi helped with cut the result would not have been the same then parents would blame rupee for not saying this happens it's the same thing when parents think giving their child unique names to feel special and then they are bullied through school lesson learnt for everyone posted by user gloomyad 9473 titled am i the a-hole for embarrassing my son in front of his friends today my 12 year old son asked if he could go to the park and play hockey with his friends the park has a rink i asked him who was going to be there adult-wise and he said none so i said nope he asked why i told him because last time they played unsupervised they ended up playing without their helmets hockey is fudging dangerous without helmets and without an adult i told him i didn't completely trust him it's not personal i just don't trust a bunch of unsupervised 12 year old boys he was very upset and promised he would wear one while playing hockey he said dad i would not lie to you like that so i told him he could and dropped him off all the kids were wearing helmets i told him i would call him before i picked him up in an hour but i lied i just showed up half the kids weren't wearing helmets my son was one of the kids when he saw me coming towards the rink he skated over to put on his helmet i told him not to bother and we were going he claimed that he had his helmet on for just a moment i told him that i didn't care and to get into the car he asked why i told him he had three seconds to get his stuff or else three seconds passed and i came into the rink and he started packing up i grabbed him by his jersey and made him leave the rink some of his friends were laughing he cried in the car that i humiliated him in front of his friends i asked him if it was worth not wearing a fudging helmet edit my son is still giving me a bit of a silent treatment i told him i was angry because i didn't want to see him get his teeth knocked he asked me if i was being serious and that wasn't even a funny thing to say he still insists he was only without his helmet for a few seconds because he was hot and he didn't want to talk about it anymore edits when i gave my son three seconds to pack up he just stood there defying me so i had no choice but to outdo him which is why i grabbed him by the jersey it was quite easy dragging him because he was still on skates edits one of his friends came over to pick him up to go bowling when my son came down the stairs his friend sarcastically told him not to forget his helmet i don't know whether that was a dig at him or me i'm gonna go with not the a-hole on this one that's just proper parenting and you know sometimes you do have to embarrass your kids to get them to learn their lesson i'd love to know what other forms of parenting are actually effective and get the son to learn his lesson here without being embarrassed but it's a 12 year old boy he was obviously stroking his ego by standing his ground trying to look cool in front of his friends you've got to bring them back down to reality at that point you just have to he wasn't abusive he didn't you know hurt this sign he didn't do anything besides embarrass him and show him that hey you know i told you you can't play we're going now this is what happens when you don't follow the rules i think that's completely fair on opie's end i don't think he's an a-hole for doing so he'd be an a-hole for not doing so what is that you're not punishing your kid that would be the a-hole action he certainly is gonna think you're the a-hole the only thing i'd say was a little unnecessary was grabbing him by the jersey but otherwise not the a-hole he can just tell his son that not wearing a helmet when he was a kid is what caused him to grow up and be so mean and embarrassing not the a-hole when my brother was 15 we had gone on a cruise to bermuda my brother met some new friends on the ship and they left the ship in the middle of the night my 15 year old brother was roaming bermuda with strangers mind you this was 2004 so before 15 year olds widely had cell phones until three am all my mom knew from the ship log was that he wasn't on the ship he was in a lot of huge trouble the very next day while they were on the island my brother wandered off my mom was ticked and when she spotted him my 5 foot 4 mum had her 5 foot 10 son by his scruff dragging him back over with the rest of us my point is kids who break rules are never too old nor are their egos or reputations ever too fragile to grab em by the ear scruff jersey back under your watchful eye when they are deliberately breaking the rules and even more seriously when they are putting their life at risk kids think they are invincible they are not and they need to know that there are consequences that they don't want to repeat for when they put their lives in danger before the consequence actually becomes irrevocable by user puredark123 titled am i the a-hole for cutting my nephew's hair my nephew 16 is a female-to-male transgender person his mom thinks it's just a phase he came out four years ago he's a good kid and since i'm a hairdresser he asked me to cut his hair for his birthday he had long hair and he hated it he would confide in me that he didn't feel like himself in his hair and that he hated looking in the mirror and seeing it his mum forbid him to cut his hair and still calls him as she because how certain she is that it's just a phase i strongly disagree with her her son doesn't even feel comfortable talking about his gender because she either pretends like she can't hear him or just tells him it's just a phase you'll grow out of it soon so on his 16th birthday he came over and i cut his hair for him giving him a hairstyle of his choice when she's seen his hair he cried out of joy and hugged me telling me he never felt more like himself he went home and my sister was ticked she called me yelling telling me that i ruined her daughter's hair and that i should have never went behind her back to cut her daughter's hair i simply told her that i didn't do anything that was permanent and that if later on in nephew's life he chooses that he wants to grow his hair back out that he can am i the a-hole here no i wouldn't think so the mother sounds very bigoted and i really do hope that she grows out of her ways because it's very much not conducive to a good mental health that's for sure you can do whatever the hell you want don't just go forcing that on your kids that's not right opie not the a-hole regardless of gender or the situation any old should have autonomy over their own hair yeesh also definitely your sister is the a-hole exactly what if opi's nephew was still female and simply wanted short hair like a pixie cut it's just plain ridiculous and solely based on the fact op's sister is massively in denial about her son exactly it's pure transphobia next thing we know she'll be banning him wearing shirts and trousers and insist on dresses and skirts for no reason except that she doesn't want him to express he's actually a boy it's not like opie's secretly signed for medical permission for surgery behind mum's back it's hair mom is just a transphobe phases are normal parts of being a teen and hair is an easy way to express that whether it's anime punk mohawk black got hair or preppy blonde or highlights if she saw it as a phase she wouldn't have this reaction she finds it unacceptable for other reasons my mom let me get pink stripes during my avril lavigne phase and read during my tim burton phase neither were particularly great style periods but she recognized that hair grows clothes stopped fitting and it made me happy sometimes being a parent is going to the store with your kids and spiderman costumes in july because it's inconsequential and it makes them feel fantastic about themselves not the a-hole would his parents have been upset with him cutting his hair if he wasn't transgender anyone can have short hair it's not a gender quality and sometimes it's more comfortable to have less maintenance with your hair your nephew shouldn't be forced to have long hair if he doesn't want it he's 16 not eight his parents shouldn't be dictating what hairstyle he chooses to cut his hair in when it's his hair to begin also hair grows back it's not like it's a permanent situation and can be modified later on to however your nephew prefers seems like his mother is also transphobic and unsupportive of her son and that's not fair to him at all either not the a-hole even if it is just a phase he won't ever forget how invalidating and dismissive his mother was about his feelings good on you for supporting your nephew this might escalate his mother's behavior however perhaps keep an eye on him i'll definitely keep an eye on him i'm even thinking to let him move in if she escalates i'm so glad he has you in his life op just knowing that you're there you validate him and can give him a safe place is so validating thanks for being such a great person and dance obviously not the a-hole posted by user outrageoustaste839 titled am i the a-hole for using my wife's argument against her when it comes to our child throwaway title sounds bad but hear me out i have a wife who has birthed our son unfortunately my wife would not let me help name our kid and told me she was the one who created it thus she gets to name him and she does not care about how i feel my wife uses this argument all the time and treats me second rate even when i try to help or speak out my mind on opinion i'm kind of sick of this and i tried to have a proper conversation but wife refused and told me since i did not birth the child i don't have an opinion on her parenting so today my son had a temper tantrum and my wife told me to fix it because she was busy drinking alcohol i said no and told my wife to fix it herself and that i then told her she birthed the child and that she can parent the child wife told me i'm not allowed to parent our child multiple times i left and played on my console my wife was furious and yelled at me for not parenting our child and telling me i'm a bad husband for not following her wishes so am i the a-hole for using my wife's argument against her when it comes to our child well yes but she also sucks for starting that in the first place it's a very childish precedent to set i don't understand where it came from or i don't understand why she's saying that there's perhaps a bit more to the story that we're missing but purely based on what you've given us here both of you guys are handling this very poorly your communication skills are not quite there you're not empathizing with each other on a mutual level it's kind of odd to see but nonetheless uh you guys do what you want i guess you both suck here and i hope it goes well everyone sucks here your wife is either awful or needs to see a doctor if this is out of character for her pre-pregnancy to rule out ppd you suck less than your wife does in this instance if we take her behavior at face value because at the end of the day that crying baby is still your child and is still dependent on you and your wife for care if she is drinking and doesn't move and the baby cries you still need to take care of him not play on your console it is completely unfair to leave your kid hungry or sat in their own crap for an extra 10 minutes while you and your wife both refuse to take responsibility for whatever reason he doesn't deserve that this is the answer both parents suck for using their child as a pawn in their conflict everyone sucks here it's kind of a question of whether the ends justify the means though if the kid was uncomfortable for an additional five to ten minutes and the result is that the wife realizes that her plan has backfired and allows op to start parenting as an equal that's to the benefit of both the opie and the kid i personally doubt that a single interaction will change her mind but if he holds sperm and makes her reap the results of her astounding selfishness maybe she will change better yet though they should get to a therapist for sure everyone sucks here you are both acting really immature and irresponsible you have a child but you're too busy fighting about who's going to be the parents to properly take care of it your child is the one who's going to suffer for it posted by user if i die before i skeet titled would i be the a-hole if i told my mom that i didn't want my dog to become a service dog for my brother basically ever since i was like in kindergarten i've been expected to take care of my oldest brother who has a seizure disorder and cerebral palsy a few months ago i was given a puppy by my grandma since her chihuahuas had a litter me and this puppy clicked really well and my grandma specified that he was only mine and no one else's since usually the dogs i get end up getting sucked up and becoming the family dog since my parents are divorced this made me happy since i'd be able to take him with me wherever i went instead of leaving him at one household when i went to the other recently my mum started talking about making my dog a service dog i got really happy because i assumed she meant for me i have diagnosed anxiety however my parents won't pay for medication since they don't want me getting addicted huh she corrected me and said that she meant for my brother i told her that i didn't want that since he was my dog for information my dog does not like my brother my brother also definitely does not like dogs we have to tell him not to kick the dogs because it's his first instinct whenever they get too close just to smell him or lick him all of our other dogs are large german shepherds who know not to get too close however my dog is a friendly and curious chihuahua and is very small it would not survive a kick from a 25 year old man i also told my mum that i wanted him to be my dog and that if he became my brother's service dog i wouldn't be able to be with my dog as much as he lives with my mum more days of the week than i do also that when i go to college next year i wouldn't be able to take him with me am i the a-hole also sorry for the long rambling no i can't see you being the a-hole in this situation you know you don't want to put your dog's life at risk the brother doesn't like dogs in the first place i don't understand why she thought this was a good idea and if she's gonna think you're an a-hole for that maybe she's the one that needs a service dog to fix whatever's going wrong in her head why would you even think that this was an idea in the first place why are none of the other dogs service dogs why does his dog have to be a service dog and chihuahuas i don't know if chihuahuas make great service dogs they're a bit too small to really do much i guess but you know that's my perspective on it i'm gonna say not the a-hole it's your dog plus i don't think a chihuahua would make a good service dog and your brother hates dogs also your mum sounds like they have a major favoritism towards your brother which is uncool you need love and affection too i mean depending on the type of service a chowawa can 100 be a service dog i imagine given the disabilities op listed that they'd want a seizure alert dog i don't see why a chihuahua couldn't do that in fact some service dogs are better if they're small some diabetic alert dogs are carried or worn so they stay close to their owner's mouth and can smell a change in blood sugar others though need to be bigger some people may need a dog to help steady or balance them or they may need a dog capable of reaching their chest i've heard of dogs that bang on their owner's chest to help break them out of flashbacks and panic attacks of course any of this would require a lot of training and the individual personality of the dog is more important than the breed but with all that being said in this case the dog clearly wouldn't make a good service dog for the brother since the brother doesn't like dogs and could injure or possibly kill it seriously not the a-hole do not let them take your dog there's a woman who goes grocery shopping at the same time i do each week and she has a chihuahua service dog because of some sort of heart issue she wears him in a little chest harness and he barks like a mad demon when she's in danger of passing out when he barks she lays on the ground immediately so that she doesn't hurt herself if she falls the dog weighs like four pounds and his eager was bigger than the hulk i swear chihuahuas can be service dogs but op's dog can't be someone else's service dog because they would never be able to focus on them more than they focus on op having the service dog's attention is important otherwise they might miss things not the a-hole op posted by user throw ra 382-838 titled am i the a-hole for helping my friend get a girl removed from the soccer team i 16 female have a friend named aisha 15 female aisha is muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks comments etc i don't know why it's just cloth anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named megan also 15 female when we were sitting together at lunch she came up to aisha and die and told aisha she dared her to take her hijab off taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it this was with malicious intents because i told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab i moved her hand away and we went to the principal instead of getting punishment megan made up a sub story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club that she was in fast forward a few days ago she makes a tick tock that said when you get called to the principal's office for telling the muslim girl to take off her durag i was so livid for her aisha is very shy and didn't want to seem like a buzzkill so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization well i did and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior now all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible i am how i'm an invalid how i need to take a joke etc my parents think i should have stayed out of it but i think i did the right thing i think you did the right thing too opie she publicly posted on tick tock you know showing that she was a racist and that she's cool with doing specifically like disgusting things she was let off very easy by the principal and should have just chilled from there and learnt her lesson but obviously she doubled down and you took action into your own hands this is a form of vigilante justice i can get behind i fully back opie's actions in this ones that girl needs to be shut down the soccer organization needs to be notified and asia deserves justice in this situation opie not the a-hole have you seen the clip where a soccer player lost full coverage with her hijab and the other women even opposition stopped to huddle around her while she fixed it when there were so many of those women in the world why would a soccer team want an islamophobic player her own actions got her booted from the club and for good reason op says i love that video it made me bald the first time i saw it even though that may sound ridiculous it's not hard to practice human decency not the a-hole what the hell where's the jerk people really care more about soccer and tick-tock than being a humane person seriously it's honestly gross like yeah i might expect it from the girl megan but her friends and even opie's parents are giving her grief about it it's disgusting this girl aisha was accosted for wearing an item of clothing and some other girl without cause proceeded to try and remove the piece of her clothing for no reason other than being malicious if megan was so concerned with her standing in soccer she probably shouldn't baselessly assault people on xenophobic grounds opie is so not the a-hole here and apparently has a better grasp on what constitutes unacceptable behavior than even the adults i'm not surprised that megan's friends are lashing out because of this people like megan are very rarely the lone wolf in their friend groups they're all a-holes for sure but it's definitely not a surprise ropi's parents are looking out for op their advice might be misguided but we don't know the nuance here they could have said something like you did a good thing sticking up for your friends but sometimes that comes with consequences unfair though that may be they could have been crappy about it we don't know this can be a difficult position for parents but you want to look out for your kid but you also want them to have a sense of what's right parents can often be well intentioned but still slip up to be sure though rop did the right thing and megan is suffering the consequences of her own actions and nobody else's posted by user we meet there titled would i be the a-hole if i told my wife that her lesbian friend is in love with her and wishes that she wasn't pregnant i know this sounds really wrong but please hear me out my wife has a girl gang a group of women who are very close friends and always support each other one of the girls in this gang is jill jill is a lesbian jill always has had this tiny crush on my wife my wife knows about this i know and jill knows that we know in fact jill also jokes around me that my wife would have been with her had i not been in the picture now i'm possessive but i trust my wife also jill has always respected my wife's boundaries given that she's straight and has never done anything to make her uncomfortable jill has assured my wife that it was just harmless infatuation and nothing to worry about yesterday my wife arranged a barbecue party for her friends all seven of them and the plan was to announce that she is pregnant we've only recently found out i was working in my home office when i heard jill crying and amy another of my wife's friends consoling her jill was also saying that my wife is too young to be pregnant she's 29 she shouldn't be pregnant basically rambling about the pregnancy and crying amy was telling her that it's high time that she got over my wife and that they don't have any chance jill replied saying that she did have a chance with my wife up until now and this wretched baby ruined it for her i don't think they know that i was home as they were talking pretty loudly in the living area the door to my office was open so their voices were very clear i've debated about whether to tell my wife or not and as far as i know she's only aware about jill having a minor crush on her and not the extent of her feelings i feel like i would want to know if i was in my wife's position however this might significantly affect their relationship would i be the a-hole if i told my wife that jill is in love with her personally no i feel like this is something you do need to sort out and i imagine it would be the same with your wife if she found out that a man was in love with you and you know you had to know that if she was feeling uncomfortable i'm sure she'd want to tell you and have that smoothed over this instance should be no different i would want to have things resolved with my wife and have it not significantly affect their friendship if at all possible definitely communication is everything in a marriage you'd would be the a-hole if you didn't tell her in all honesty not the a-hole you have to tell your wife what if jill does something even more weird as a pregnant woman i would not want to be surprised exactly rop should definitely tell his wife about it jill seems to be obsessed with opie's wife i don't want it to sound alarming but the way jill thought she had a chance with op's wife until the baby came into the picture even though opie is still married to his wife sounds very wrong she might try to harmopy or the baby itself so opie needs to be very careful it is straight up fudging creepy i might be overprotective but if i overheard a man say that about my wife i would immediately see that guy as a threat and would no longer be okay with my wife being around him especially not alone even though women are usually less of a physical threat than men are i still think opie has every reason to see her as a threat as well she sounds nuts that's just it jill is doing the same thing nice guys do in pretending to be friends all the while they're just waiting for their shots i'm going with not the a-hole as long as you only tell your wife she for sure has a right to know especially since jill will most likely be jealous of the baby just make sure you don't wave it around like a flag for everyone to see you feel me it doesn't sound like you were planning on doing that all along just wanted to be clear on where the a-hole line is i'd also like to point out that the wife might want to know about the other friends hopefully a civil discussion can come out about this but not to the rest of the group why should they not wave it around like a flag they have every single right to be proud parents if jill were a man this would be straight up sexual harassment they have no responsibility to regard her feelings since she feels no responsibility to respect their relationship on top of that jill literally called their future child a wretch she is incredibly toxic and should be cut off by the wife they say i took the flag waving comments to be about what jill said not about the baby so don't go putting the gossip on blast tell the wife let her handle that with the girl gang not opie they have every right to be proud parents and shouldn't have to hide their happiness over the growing family and yes jill needs to be cut off posted by user copyconnect 106 titled am i the a-hole for telling my son that he's the reason that me and his mother are getting divorced i know upon reading the title alone many of you will just call me an a-hole and you might be right but i want to explain myself first my wife and i have been together when we first met in high school we were able to maintain a long-distance relationship throughout college and stayed true to each other i truly thought we were inseparable she gave birth to a boy 12 years ago and since then things have changed drastically my son unfortunately has behavioral problems and it's been very difficult raising him he throws temper tantrums gets in trouble in school frequently refuses to listen to my wife and i as a result my wife and i started having disagreements about how we should handle him i.e whether to punish more let him get his anger out etc this created a huge wedge between us that kept getting wider we both resorted to drinking more and wanting to be away from each other as much as possible to get some relief we started having more arguments and eventually it became so obvious that our marriage was deteriorating that family members started questioning it so the topic of divorce came up and we both decided to go through with it when i first told my son about it he cried endlessly then started throwing fits about how unfair it was i completely understand that a divorce is hard on any child but the intensity of his fits kept growing since my wife and i are separated not yet divorced and because she can't tolerate our son that much we agreed that he gets to spend most of the week with me unfortunately so i see him a lot and have to put up with his yelling far more often than she does last friday he started asking if my wife and i forgave each other and i told him that the divorce is happening like it or not he starts crying and i got mad at him and told him buddy you want to know why we're getting divorced because of you we were happy before you were born but you always act bad and get in trouble so stop arguing with me when you caused it you have nothing but yourself to blame this devastated him and i did apologize but i told him there was some truth to what i said however since then he's been more quiet and behaved even my wife who was with him over the weekend said that he was much better so yes i think i am the a-hole for telling him he was the reason we're getting divorced but in some ways i don't think i am because maybe it was just something he needed to hear opie um i think you could have left this story at the title don't think we needed you to dig yourself straight into hell there i think that was inconsiderate on your behalf and i don't think that satan wants that either okay i think satan wants to chuck you into an even deeper layer somewhere i don't know where you belong not even hell wants you at this point if i talk you to a um counselor and we ask them hey do you think a kid wants to hear that they're the cause of a divorce do you think the counselor is not gonna smack you over the head with his clipboard that move was definitely not the means to a productive end op and i don't think this sudden change in your son's mood will manifest in a good way in the future uh you're the a-hole please get some help please reverse time if you can and stop yourself from doing that what the hell is wrong with you the title was bad but your explanation was worse you failed as a parent by not getting him the help he needs and being able to support him as a parent now you're not just breaking up his home but you're telling him it's his fault when the fault lies with you two adults that's horrific you're the a-hole this christ you're the a-hole honestly it sounds like you've both been crappy parents that's the reason he acts out yes there may have been some physiological components but it's your job as parents to get him help not deal with it by drinking blaming him and fighting this whole situation is a result of your failures seriously this is one of the most horrible things i've seen a parent post on here it honestly sounds like the poor kid has no one giving him the proper support and structure that he needs which is a failure on the part of both parents which has no reflection on the child support and structure and working together as a parenting team is especially crucial with a child that has any additional needs such as behavioral problems you're the a-hole for not properly supporting your son for putting undue blame on him and for telling him you blame him all of that is on you op not the kid you're gonna sit here and tell me children don't just auto correct bad behavior without intervention how dare you add insult to injury by bringing common sense to combat stupidity and poor parenting you're the a-hole times one thousand yes the title is bad but the content of this post isn't better you're such an a-hole i can't believe it you getting divorced isn't his fault it's not he's your child children throw tantrums they can also get in trouble at school and can disagree with their parents parenting him is your job and if you and your wife can't handle it that's on you because she can't tolerate our son that much we agreed that he gets to spend most of the week with me unfortunately oh f off with that that's your child your child that is going to a major change in his life and you say it's unfortunate he's spending most of his time with you you're the a-hole for telling him the divorce is his fault you were the a-hole for telling him you and your wife were happy before he was born you're the a-hole for failing him as a parent and being a crappy person you're the a-hole for being glad he's common now after you destroyed him with your words i feel so sorry for that kid he has two horrible parents and i hope he has some other positive support system in his life posted by user change your name am i the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for telling my boyfriend this isn't game of thrones and he doesn't need to continue his family's legacy i'm 24 female my boyfriend and i have been dating a little over two years i'm not pregnant but we got on the subject of future children since we want to eventually marry and start a family together he wants his first boy to have a family name understandable and for all his kids to take his last name since he's an only child and he wants to continue the family legacy yes he said that almost verbatim and yeah i laughed a bit because that's a weird thing to say to be honest for the record i already know i'm either gonna hyphenate my name or not change it at all when we marry no shame to women who change their last name it's everyone's own choice i'd like our kids to hyphenate too my boyfriend didn't realize my policy extended to any kids we might have he's really adamant about continuing on his last name for some reason it's an uncommon name but he's not royalty or anything after going in circles about the legacy and bloodlines and the family name i eventually told him it's 2020 and we don't live in game of thrones and legacy doesn't mean anything anymore he's been mad at me for disrespecting his family and just saying just cause i don't care about my family name doesn't mean he doesn't according to my friends he's being silly but i probably could have been more nice about telling him no personally i don't think that you're an a-hole for this but i know that that mentality still continues to this day my friend who is estranged and away from her scottish father still goes on about the family legacy with the uh family name that he wants to continue and uh to me it was kind of like why do you care this has no bearing on reality plus you have girls so the family name's not gonna continue through them i don't know people get too hung up on it it's like the family name just overrides your kids in general i i don't get it i don't understand it i think that opie is not the a-hole for not caring and i think she's not the a-hole for telling her partner so just a weird mentality not the a-hole i disagree with one of his main points you do care about your family name that's why you want to hyphenate your kids names he seems to think that only men caring about their family name has any value it's interesting that this is you disrespecting his family but he doesn't mind how disrespectful he's being to you and your family people are arguing that opie is being a hypocrite because she claims not to care about legacy but wants the kids to hyphenate i.e have her name these are totally different issues she wants to hyphenate and the guy wants the kids to only have his name it's a related issue but it's not quite the same i can stand opie wanting it to be obvious that her kids are related to her on paper i certainly want my kids to have my name too and because i'm a woman with no brothers or male cousins and my husband is an only child we're both the last of our line so to speak and want our kids to carry on both of our names into adulthood if and when they decide to change it that's a hundred percent on them and we are obviously fine with it as someone who had their parents names hyphenated please spare your kids pick one my hyphenated name has caused me so much grief and inconvenience when it comes to ids records transcripts etc etc due to length it also kicks the issue down the road imagine two people with hyphenated names marry are you gonna quadruple hyphenate i can't just name change the last name either because it would add another layer of complexity when i'm trying to get my paperwork together for insurance loans etc my sisters literally joke about how they get to escape he haste when they marry but i'm stuck with it for life please please don't tie for nate i wish my parents hadn't almost on the daily posted by user throwater222 titled am i the a-hole for telling someone that their tattoo doesn't mean anything i 25 female am very white but studied islamic and middle eastern studies i'm fluent in msa and three dialects i worked for an embassy in a gulf state for nearly two years recently i met a few new people one of them is a quarter lebanese as she has a lebanese grandmother to my knowledge she doesn't speak arabic it's got a bit awkward when she got a new tattoo it is in arabic and people asked what it means she said it means sunrise which unfortunately it doesn't it is just arabic letters saying the english word sunrise so basically when you read it out loud it says sunrise i decided to keep this to myself but then she asked me what i thought of it i said it's lovely and hoped that would be it unfortunately it hasn't someone decided to google the word sunrise and found its actual spelling this sparked a discussion about how unreliable the internet is and eventually someone asked me if maybe there's multiple spellings that's when i decided to spill the beans my friend with the tattoo got quite upset understandably but then she turned to me and said that it was rude to say that since she's actually middle eastern and i'm just an imposter she left shortly after and our friend group is divided wow um i was going to go with no a-holes here for this one which is a rare judgment but uh then she says that they're an imposter a little bit racist there buddy just a little bit racist that one turns the tides to ops not the a-hole that friend with the tattoo is the a-hole sure op is lying by a mission but to me it seemed like an unnecessary thing to say oh yeah no you screwed up your tattoo job god that must suck for you it just spells sunrise in english but that's not the actual definition that you were going for with your tattoo god sorry about it sure you can judge op for being the a-hole in the situation there but i don't judge op for that i think that's just like any other person that gets a tattoo with chinese letters on them just let them believe what they want to believe there they go it's no harm to them so there's my reasoning rp not the a-hole well you were just telling them the truth so i'ma go with not the a-hole i don't get what she's so upset about now she should just tell people it's sunrise transliterated into arabic scripts most people aren't going to care to be fair i too would be upset to learn that i had a misspelled tattoo and what i wanted tattooed on me was not done the way i wanted it's permanent after all that said opie still isn't the a-hole she was ready to let it drop but no one else was tattoo artists aren't a language experts if you come to a tattoo artist with something written in a language they don't know it's not their job to figure that out it's yours the customer to know what it means and have it prepared properly for them it's their job to just make it look good on your skin not the a-hole you were honest when asked and framed it politely your friend used an ad hominem attack i've had people try and get me on language crap too using ad hominem attacks and it's pretty rude just tell her it has the same propositional content despite being phonetically english she should have researched the tattoo before inking it exactly they didn't ask for their inputs before the tattoo so there's not much op can do anyways she was just trying to be polite posted by user fufu bunny law titled am i the a-hole to ask my friend single mother to do a paternity test on her son because i had suspicions my husband is the father messi but i'll make this as short as possible so one of my best friends had a kid three years ago she said it was a one night stand and later the guy expressed no interest in being a dad so she raised her son herself no one has ever seen this guy not even me the issue is this this kid looks extremely like my husband like to an insane degree the hair color eyes face everything he's even been out with my friend and her son and people have mistaken him to be the dad before needless to say for three years now i've had my suspicions but i haven't said anything my husband is also close to my friend and the timeline works out we were all living almost in the same neighborhood around the time she got pregnant over the past year it's really eaten at me i see the resemblance growing more and more it doesn't help that my friend refuses to show me a picture of her son's biological father no matter how much i asked it kept spiraling until i had a meltdown and confronted both of them saying that i will pack up and leave if i don't see a paternity test long story short my friend got a paternity test but said that our friendship is over the test says my husband isn't to the father and i feel so ashamed to lose my friends but i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid but he has moved out for the time being and i'm worried this is the end of our marriage am i the a-hole for insisting on that test i honestly felt like i had no other choice the resemblance was unavoidable and it was eating at me so much that no amount of therapy could help i thought my husband would understand my fears most of all given my history with past cheating exes did i screw up and how badly oh oh ob jesus christ you might want to join that man grab a shovel and help him dig down to hell too oh no what have you done here you screwed up big time this may be one of the biggest screw-ups you've had to date i imagine it's not particularly normal to force your friends to have a paternity test with your husband and continue to berate them about it for a long time to force them into doing it and then you know try and have everyone be cool with it after the fact when it's proven that uh hey the husband is not the father i mean i think a lot of people could have seen from a mile away that this was going to destroy the friendship i know that it eased your nerves to actually have the results and be assured but how did you not think that this woman was going to detach you guys from her life that's what i want to know i want to know how you reconciled and convinced yourself that this wouldn't destroy relationships left right and center you're the a-hole i thought my husband would slightly understand since even he sees the obvious resemblance between him and this kid wait so you thought your supposedly cheating husband would just casually comment on his love child like oh gee honey doesn't he look just like me to his already paranoid wife why the hell would he do that if he was actually guilty why the hell would either of them indulge you if they actually cheated what a mess you need professional help op i don't think it will save your marriage or friendship but hopefully it will save you from yourself you're the a-hole remember when arnold schwarzenegger's housekeeper had a son that looked unmistakably like him and how that turned out that boy is his identical damn clone with a tan though i don't know how nobody saw that sooner arnold has a very unique look i don't know how he looked as a child though probably less bulky huh it'd be nice if we could just believe people who swear they weren't cheating but that's just what cheaters would do so we can't i don't even know where to begin judging this one how would that even go babe i know this is stupid but the kid looks a lot like you and i just can't get this idea out of my head what should i do faithful spouse's response says i've always been faithful to you i hate to say it but this sounds like your past experiences with cheating axes is messing with your head if you pursue this it's going to ruin your friendship and strain our marriage please listen to me and figure a way to get over it oh it's the same thing with a cheating spouse's response if you suspect cheating but can't prove it what are you supposed to do the only two options i can think of are burning it all down right or wrong and just let it go right or wrong once you start trying to prove it accusing people of cheating and asking for evidence etc those friendships are pretty much trashed either way if you're right they're god damn cheaters and that's the end of the friendship if you're wrong congratulations you've accused your friends of betraying you and that's the end of the friendship so i think you have to ask yourself what's more important to you losing your friends but knowing for sure or keeping your friends and living with the doubt going against the grain to give no a-holes here this thread is a classic case of outcome bias a judgment of ops decisions should only depend on the information that was available to op when those decisions were made so the outcome of the paternity test should not affect judgments yet i guarantee all of these you're the a-holes would be not the a-holes if the test came back positive it's too bad that you couldn't move past this in hindsight it was just your paranoia but hindsight is 20 20. go to any reddit thread about suspected cheating and you will find hundreds of comments telling you to trust your gut feelings and find the truth well that's what you did and now reddit crucifies you for it typical you made a decision that would ease your suspicions while ending your relationships no matter the outcome it's a tough trade and now it's time to face the consequences of it but hopefully it is better than being driven to its end by uncertainty all right guys that's where i'm going to end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys are able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you guys have watched this far in the video and you haven't already subscribed on patreon or become a channel member that's cool you don't have to but there are links down below you can donate any amount of money pledge that any month cancel whenever i'm completely cool with it it's just there for you to support me if you'd like to go the extra mile and i'll go the extra mile for you guys by putting out new amazing content every single day with that said guys i really hope you have a good day night sleep bath time at work whatever you're up to today this has been marky i'll see you in the next amazing video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 35,311

Rating: 4.8658428 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: JS00BWOOFDs

Length: 181min 44sec (10904 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 11 2020