r/AmiTheA**Hole For Meeting With My First Love As My Dying Wish?

good day there guys i can resist anything but temptation it's your main man maki and welcome back to another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you now if you enjoy today's bloody good content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie and ask yourself who is the a-hole in today's stories let's go our first post is by user love am i the a-hole titled am i the a-hole i am dying and want to have a catch-up with my first love so for starters i 32 female am dying due to cancer it was diagnosed pretty late after two weeks of severe stomach pain and throwing up after every meal at the stage i'm in doctors have suggested palliative care rather than any treatments which i'm sad about but that's life er i'm from one of the countries where marriage is arranged rather than the western way i was in love with someone a when i was 18 to 19 years old though he was from the same community as i am my parents did not agree to it due to his economic background which was a few steps below us my parents fixed my marriage with my husband b and we've been married for 12 years now we don't have any kids and b doesn't know about a as my ex-boyfriend but knows a as he's quite well known in our small city he never asked me about my previous love affairs since that's very taboo in my culture and i lied by a mission a remains single and is now a professor in our local university he's gained quite a name by mentoring young people and directing them in the right studies and career path now i have done everything i need to do my legal and financial stuff is sorted and i've spoken to my husband on what i need him to do get married again don't think of it as a betrayal to my memory and don't ask if my parents are okay with it etc now with people walking around me on eggshells i have been thinking a lot about a and i really want to spend some time with him a couple of hours and have a meal and walk down memory lane if he's willing of course i mean i don't know i feel like do what you like but on the other hand i feel like it's selfish my husband worships the ground i walk on and i love him but a is like that childhood crush on your favorite actor or sportsman or first love in high school which should be stored in a tiny corner of your heart and brings a wistful smile i'm just conflicted if i would be the a-hole if i tell my husband about a and this wish of mine tldr i'm dying and i feel like having a chat with my first love and note my intention is just to have a chat and a meal with just him i have two palliative care surgeries and two bags in my lower tummy so nothing physical or like an affair and it would be in my home no i think it's completely understandable and if he wants to have a date with you and just hang out for a few hours you've already laid the groundwork with your husband and your husband loves you enough to realize that this is just a normal request if i were in his shoes i'd absolutely be fine with you doing this because it's not cheating and you're going to be dying anyway and there's no other party here that would be an a-hole i guess so my judgment would be no a-holes here and in the comments no nano nay says no a-holes here i don't know if it's a good idea to tell your husband exactly what your relationship with a was however i would just tell them that you want to spend time with your friends before you leave a being one of them you were friends years ago even if that included a crush no a-holes here as long as the intention is catching up with an old friend not a quick affair before you pass and op says oh no let me edit my post thank you for your judgment i can't go outside i have some bags attached to my body then absolutely no a-holes here and hunter of shadows says no a-holes here i can't in good faith call you an a-hole for wanting this but i do think it would be a mistake to contact him while it could go well and be a pleasant afternoon it's far more likely that it will either be incredibly awkward or incredibly painful for both of you people love the idea of this sort of thing and in movies and tv shows it usually goes well reality unfortunately is often far different i also think it will create a lot of tension and issues amongst living which is a selfish thing to do dying or not i'm sorry you have to deal with this op may your spirit find rest into whatever lies beyond and op replies thank you i'm very scared thinking about what will happen you know afterwards but i understand where you're coming from and i appreciate your views what will happen afterwards is up to you and your beliefs it's your decision our culture does believe in soul never dies philosophy and approach death philosophically but i still don't know i'm scared of the unknown though doctors say i would be knocked off with painkillers probably and now to the update hi this is ess's husband and she passed away after five weeks of posting this i just looked into this account slash phone before two days and she never told me about a herself but we lived in a small town and everyone knows about everyone's business including rumors so i kind of knew about this vaguely a did come to see her as a courtesy once her illness became known to people in our place she was a very nice human being a dutiful wife and daughter and i really miss her she was also my best friend in confidence she was a genuinely nice and kind person and she deteriorated quite quickly post her diagnosis i just saw this account in her phone and am planning to have a chat with a to see if he would be willing to organise a scholarship paid by me with her inheritance in her memory to sponsor the higher education of a few kids every year and make themselves sufficient this is something she wanted to do i'm still not sure if i should tell a that i know their history but that's a different discussion for a different day i wish she had been one of those miraculous recoveries where doctors aren't even sure how something happened she was a very warm and loving person and thanks to everyone who had messaged her asking for updates and checking in on her thanks again and in the comments i don't know what to put as my name says you're reacting wonderfully to the news of her past relationship i think it would have made her very happy to know you were so supportive of something she seemed nervous about i'm sorry for your loss i agree it seems obvious that you were just as kind as she made you sound in her first post i'm sorry for your loss and i think it's amazing of you to see her good intentions and to honor her with a scholarship i wish you all the best in the future and space grotto says thank you for updating us i'm very sorry about your loss we only got her for a couple paragraphs and could send her warmth and kindness through her words i'm glad you got to live in that sunlight with her what a gorgeous sentiment i couldn't agree more in such a short post i feel like we saw a great deal of her spirit and the kind of person she was and teal housewife says this is a beautiful update thank you so much for posting i'm incredibly sorry for your loss it sounds like you and your wife had a great deal of love and respect for one another i think creating a scholarship in her honor is a beautiful way to pay tribute to her and our next post is by user throw are a bunch of numbers titled am i the a-hole for not staying at work even though i was scheduled to be off for the afternoon throw away because i don't know if any co-workers are on reddit or not i'll try to be somewhat vague for privacy reasons this happened yesterday and it's still bugging me so with the global pandemic going on there's been low censusing people at my work which basically means some people go home early slash arrive later in the day and they don't get paid for those missing hours thankfully they take turns with low census so it's not just the same person getting shafted each time yesterday it was my turn to be a low census for that afternoon and i was actually looking forward to it i had some phone calls i needed to make and i needed to study for a huge upcoming test so this was the perfect opportunity to work on that however when i got into work that morning i saw that i had been scheduled on for the whole day despite the fact i was supposed to be off in the afternoon puzzled i asked my boss what was going on and she explained that one of my co-workers called in sick so they needed me to stay this bugged me because they didn't inform me of this at all no phone call email or anything i had to find out by checking the schedule the morning i came in here's where i might be the a-hole i explained to my boss that i had already made plans for the afternoon and i couldn't stay she got all heavy with me and in addition to trying to guilt-trip me into staying she said we weren't allowed to make plans on low census days for that reason in the end i still got to go home early but i checked my union contract because i was curious and lo and behold it states that we aren't required to be on standby for low census days what's more if we are on standby we're entitled to receiving standby pay which is about 1.5 times our regular hourly wage my coworkers had similarly been annoyed when i told them what our boss had said to me so i shared this information with them and they will more than likely be informing our boss of this clause yeah i'm gonna go with not the a-hole here it kind of seems obvious with that contract and knowing your rights in this situation that you're backed by the union so absolutely this boss knew that they were just trying to get away with some bull crap and that's absolutely not on you for fighting back against them those laws and protections are there to obviously protect you from being taken advantage of by your boss it's unfortunate that they tried to weasel their way into getting you to stay by you know surprising you with it when you got into work but ultimately it's not your problem you did the right thing here and you deserve to have that time off when you were told you could have that time off so not the a-hole edits holy crap you guys i leave for a couple of hours to go to a doctor's appointments only to come back to a flooded inbox i'd like to thank everyone who commented and offered judgment and support i'm very tender-hearted and i don't like it when people are mad at me so it gives me comfort in knowing that i didn't do anything wrong i actually have a meeting with management tomorrow that's for a completely different crap show of a story to be brief basically management tried to write me up for failure to improve on feedback but they completely botched the process and didn't follow the proper protocol at all so hr threw it out i don't doubt for a second that they might try to start the process again tomorrow and i wouldn't be shocked if this came up during the meeting if it does i'll just mention the union clause and leave it at that i consulted with my father on what to do tomorrow and he advised me to go in with a level head and if they start talking like they want to pursue punishment shut it down immediately by requesting a union representative legally once a union representative has been requested management can't continue with the meeting he also advised me that if i do and they continue with the meeting in spite of it don't say anything let them dig their own grave and the second i get out of there contact high management and tell her what happened and possibly even my union depending on how things go this woman not only actually knows my dad and is on relatively friendly terms with him but in simple terms she's also basically the boss of my supervisor and my administrator and she's essentially in charge of how the whole facility is run and determines whether or not we get to stay open during the pandemic not the kind of person you want to have mad at you she's very fair and kind and she's actually the one i contacted when they tried to write me up and she investigated everything on my behalf and was the one to tell management that they couldn't do this because of this she's already pissed at my supervisor and my administrator for how they handled things and the poor girl will probably have an aneurysm if they pull something like this tomorrow especially since she already talked to my supervisor about how she handled things with all of this in mind now i'm actually kind of excited to see how this meeting will go tomorrow because if management f's up again it will not go well for them i'll update this post again tomorrow when i get home from work with how everything went edits okay i just got back from work a bit ago so here's the update i promised buckle in because holy crap it's a doozy this will probably be my last update on this post i'll more than likely make a new post once the dust settles in all this in hopefully a week or two so i had my meeting with management today and just as i suspected they still weren't happy and seem to be interested in pursuing punishments they're also still pissy that i refuse to stay on my low census day so i simply mentioned the clause of my contract and left it at that these women then had the nerve to say your contract isn't as important as your work to make a long story short i didn't like where the meeting was going so i requested a union representative these people not only denied my request but said it wasn't necessary to have a union representative for an investigatory meeting i kept my mouth shut because at that point they literally dug their own graves the second i got out of there i messaged time management and explained everything that happened and point blank told her that i'm not only being bullied and harassed but they blatantly violated my wine garden rights and this was not okay nor would it be tolerated i told her that i'd be contacting my union about this and i swear although she was very polite and sympathetic when talking to me i could hear this woman burst a blood vessel through the screen she thanked me for telling her this and she said she'd be speaking to hr about this she also said that i was well within my rights to contact my union about this unfortunately i was busy today so i didn't get a chance to call them but i am definitely calling them tomorrow when i got home from work i filled my dad in on everything that happened and i'm pretty sure he had a stroke when i told him all of this because he's just as shocked if not more so at the sheer ineptitude of my management and how badly they just screwed up he went on to explain that since they violated my rights in that meeting they can't use any of the things we discussed about against me and right up or other punishments and he agreed with me that they are being extremely nitpicky i'm not quite sure what's going to happen now but i do know that i will be contacting my union tomorrow and i'll be speaking with high management again and tell her that from here on out i refuse to attend any meeting with management unless she and a union representative are present with me because this is ridiculous i am fully expecting this to end up being quite the crap storm and this is only the beginning my supervisor and administrator have no clue what they've unleashed and what they're in for and i'm more excited than i should be to sit back with popcorn and watch how their own hubris comes back to tear them down and edit 4 final updates i swear i just wanted to clear up some confusion i've seen in the comments to start the reason i didn't go to the union right off the bat when all of this started months ago was because at the time this first began i had no idea they were even planning on writing me up and that the weekly meetings we were having were essentially setting me up for this i genuinely thought the meetings were to help me if i'd known this is what would have come from them i would have declined from the beginning secondly at the time they had first tried to write me up they hadn't necessarily violated my contract unfortunately being a crappy boss that doesn't follow protocol isn't really a breach of contract plus i wanted to try and solve this without getting the union involved anyway i'm not out here to get people in trouble i only want to be treated fairly and to keep my job and i thought that after what had happened with the write-up high management had taken care of it and it wouldn't be a problem anymore sadly this was clearly not the case yes my dad is a bit of a jerk he's pretty jaded and not one to make decisions with emotions he's made a lot of decisions in life that have hurt me and my family including divorcing my mother and leaving my family to move to the other side of the state but i can't find it in me to truly hate him and for what it's worth he does know his stuff my dad was always very intelligent and business oriented my grandma in fact once said he could sell snow to an eskimo he knows exactly how these things work and how to make an enemy or a friend out of management his advice and coaching is actually a big reason i even have this job to begin with and he's actively helping me keep it by advising me on how to navigate this situation and what to say or do he was actually the one who suggested that i start documenting everything that i could after my write-up meeting he only advised me to not go straight to the union for everything because in the eyes of hr that shows that you're willing to work with them to a degree instead of heading straight for the big guns and they really like that so they'll be more inclined to be on my side if things go sideways he said that it's best to contact the union when they explicitly breach my contract as that will give me more weight in my complaints and he actually told me to report all of this to my union after i told him everything that went down today well that was a mouthful now on to the update hello again i'd like to start by thanking everyone who commented and offered advice i did my best to respond to as many as possible i actually forgot about the initial post until today when i discovered that i was low census again on to the update since my last update on my first post i managed to get in contact with the union rep and i swear to god i love this woman she's an older woman who not only knows what she's doing but takes absolutely no crap from anyone i'll call her sylvia for the sake of simplicity shortly after my previous meeting with management i was invited to an investigatory meeting with my supervisor for an unrelated incident basically a client was pissed that i wouldn't let them do something that posed a liability to the company so they complained to management sylvia went in with me and made sure that i got to fully explain my side of the story nothing came of the meeting thankfully but afterwards sylvia pointed out several things to me that she noticed about me during the meeting that i honestly never noticed the biggest one being that the way i spoke and carried myself was like watching someone wrestle with the innermost depths of trauma and that it was honestly heartbreaking to watch because she could so visibly see how stressed and desperate i was getting towards the end after she said that i took some time to reflect on my life i actually had a pretty good childhood i was never physically abused or anything the only part that sticks out to me where this possibly could come from is a period when my mum dated this loser who was actually quite emotionally abusive to me when i look back on it now he and my mother would regularly gang up and tear into me about my grades to the point where i'd cry myself into hysterics trying to explain myself and then he'd take away all my electronics and sometimes wouldn't give them back for several weeks leaving me with little to do and no way to contact my friends or anything outside of school i plan on talking to my mum about this at some point preferably when i can see her in person again because i'm positive she has no idea about any of this and it would absolutely crush her to know that i am now dealing with emotional trauma that's affecting me as an adult as a direct result of her and her ex's actions other than that i'm currently working closely with sylvia to turn things around at work and so far it's going well with her help i compiled a document containing the relevant union clauses and an email explaining that what they're asking us to do for low census violates our contract and i will not tolerate it management never responded to it but considering i was low census this afternoon and i didn't hear a peep from them about staying i'd say they got the message and know that i'm done playing with stupid thanks again for all your comments feel free to ask questions that i might not have answered in this update and in the comments rereach retop says glad to hear things are taking a turn for the better in many aspects of your life and opie replies same sylvia is honestly my hero and i don't know what i would have done without her she's a cool kid who vapes a weed swears like a sailor and has a cute little pomeranian named oliver bowler 22 says glad you're fine and op replies yep for the first time in months things finally feel like they're gonna be okay and it doesn't feel like the sky is falling i have a very smart and kind individual in my corner now who fully supports me and will do everything in her power to help me jojo cruz 206 says just be careful your management might start to think of you as a troublemaker and start to more closely scrutinize your work if anything else happens make sure you document it the time your manager spoke to you what it was about and whether or not it's something that could go in your personal record sylvia has probably already coached you on all of this as she sounds like a very seasoned union rep and completely amazing not the a-hole of course endo p replies that's exactly why i didn't go to the union when this all started i wanted to try and fix things without pissing everyone off but once it became clear that they were going to be pissed regardless i decided it was better for them to be mad and not be able to do anything about it than to have them be mad and to be able to make my life hell posted by user throw away c-tass titled am i the a-hole for refusing to allow the hospital to discharge my wife to me my wife now has stage four colon cancer for the past year and a half i've had to work and then come home and do the majority of the household chores and i was also treated as the nurse we have two sons 18 male and 16 male and a daughter 15 female that helped me out but it became expected of me to be their go-to parent on everything a year ago my wife pretty much stopped being able to do anything for herself she's exceptionally rude to me and pretty much screams and cries hysterically all the time and sometimes mud is on about people who haven't been in our lives for some time she also blames me for not being kind to her when i am putting my entire life on hold when i'm at home and i feel like i didn't even have an identity anymore over the summer i've talked to doctors and they've told me there was a lot of red tape regarding getting my wife into a nursing home i talked with my dad 74 male and he told me that from his understanding with hospitals if you didn't pick up a patient after discharge then three days later the hospital social worker would have to place them into a specialized nursing facility last week my wife had to be rushed to the emergency room for the week i didn't have to be her nurse i realized how much of a strain taking care of her barely lucid and angry when she was lucid woman had become to me i realized that i was basically being mum and dad around the house and i was so tired of doing this every single day and then waking up at six to go to work when i found out my wife was said to be discharged i ended up making up my mind when the hospital called to say that they were going to discharge my wife and i needed to be there to receive her i told them that i did not want to take care of her anymore the hospital continuously called me back and the person on the other line would beseech me to bring my wife home however i stood my ground and said that my wife needed to go to a professional nursing facility and said that the hospital social workers needed to figure that out am i the a-hole for finally realizing that i had reached my limits my daughter in particular is very upset that her mom is not coming home my son screamed at me that they would take care of their mother 24 7 if they had to however i knew that the hospital social worker would do his or her job competently and help my wife into a facility i don't think you've realized that you've reached your limits i feel like you're just an [ __ ] bit of a bait story but i'll take the bait anyway doesn't sound like your wife has much time left if she's at stage 4 colon cancer and you're just prolonging her suffering that's an egregious and disgusting thing to do i don't think that that rule applies in this situation that she would go to a nursing facility and if anything you're kind of just shooting yourself in the foot chest lungs eyes and face for doing this to her that's an exceptionally evil thing to do to someone and yes you are the a-hole there's no excuse and the moderator puts here opie has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole i might be the a-hole because it might seem in my wife's mind that i was abandoning her when i simply cannot keep up this pace of taking care of her i also might be the a-hole because i upset my kids who think that they can be their mother's caregiver oh my god ducal 14 says you're the a-hole opie i feel for you taking care of someone who is very sick as well as three kids and a full-time job i can sympathize that this is very draining and difficult however the way you're going about this is not right and not fair to your wife or your kids first off you need to admit that you need help and ask for it this just seemed like you spent the last year taking on more and more until you burned yourself out caregiver burnout is a real thing and as you've experienced can hit hard how about asking one of your parents to come help or a sibling or perhaps hire a nurse to come and help you out during the day find some way to allow yourself to relax making a decision to force your wife into a nursing home isn't fair to her and it isn't fair to your kids this needed to be a conversation that you had with your wife and your kids not something that you all of a sudden decided to force happen i understand you're burnt out but throwing your hands up and giving up isn't the right call here even if you agree on finding a nursing home perhaps choosing one with your wife instead of forcing her into whatever the system will provide spoiler alerts it's probably not going to be very good your kids are probably going to hate you for this so if you're okay with your entire immediate family being very upset with you for a long time well kudos i guess and crazy chrissy replies my heart breaks for his wife dying unable to care for herself torn away from her children abandoned by the one person who swore to be there i guess he didn't actually read in sickness and in health caregiver burnout is real i understand it logically but emotionally imagine being her laying there knowing your husband is refusing to get you i'm literally crying here i'm going to cling to my husband and hope to god he never turns into that in mild sickness and preferably always health for richer and maybe just slightly less richer till inconvenience do we part shiba doge book says i'm going with this is beyond reddit's pay grade you and your kids need counselling asap this is unbearable for all parties involved also pretty sure the social worker can get you in legal trouble for abandoning her you might want to reach out to the social worker and work with them instead of against and day trips inside cars says i read the statistics once about people who leave their partners when they're severely ill or dying they are staggeringly high for men but women almost non-existent you are the epitome of selfish you have put your own happiness above that of your dying wife and your three children this is the time for a little self-sacrifice sure you're not legally required and sure i know it's tough but yeah you're the a-hole your wife will suffer for the last few months of her life because of you your children will likely never forgive you if i was your eldest son i'd be driving to the hospital legally collecting my mother into my care and returning her to her legal home i hope he does i hope he realizes he can because with an [ __ ] for a dad like you god knows your family needs a new father figure our next post is by user unfair raspberry 108 titled am i the a-hole for telling an employee that pregnancy is not an excuse for low productivity so i work in an office due to the nature of our work and our employer we're not working remotely right now where i supervise a team of three people the end of the year is our crunch time and it means that my entire team is putting more hours than normal and everyone is expected to answer their phones and emails pretty much round the clock christmas accepted of course most of my team is doing great except for one woman who i'll call kara kara told me two weeks ago that she's pregnant and she's about 10 weeks along the only reason she told me in the first place was because i had to write her up for not being as available as she needed to be she was calling in sick at least once a week for the past four weeks and when she was at the office she was not 100 focused on her work she explained that she has severe morning sickness and that she's been vomiting multiple times per day and some days she needed to take off i agreed to work with her and told her that she can come in later and stay later if she needs to get around the morning sickness but she apparently is sick all day i made other concessions too i am allowing time off for doctor's appointments and allowing her to take more frequent breaks throughout the day and apparently she can no longer eat a regular lunch and must eat multiple times during the day question mark this all seemed perfectly reasonable to me as long as she held up her part of the bargain and maintained her productivity during this stressful time well she is not she is called out sick once already since then and she has not made herself available for cole's during off hours my other staff is staying at the office until 8 or 9 of the evening but kara is out by 6 and apparently goes straight to sleep when she gets home and keeps her phone muted during that time we have had to scramble to cover for her her work quality has also suffered as apparently she has difficulty concentrating due to headaches and won't take anything for them i sat her down yesterday and relayed my concerns she acknowledged how her lack of productivity has hurt the rest of the staff but claimed that she is physically struggling a great deal i told her that was no excuse because she's only in her first trimester and barely even pregnant yet i also questioned whether it was fair to the other women that she was using a normal bodily function as an excuse for low productivity this is what women fought to counteract during the feminist movements she said she understood and would try to do better i told my wife about it and she called me an a-hole saying that i have no idea how hard pregnancy can be i just think that it's unfair for an entire staff to pick up someone's slack because they made a personal decision to become pregnant so am i the a-hole yes in my opinion you're the a-hole you absolutely dug yourself a deeper hole there with the whole women's rights movement thing just putting that in her face that kind of seems unnecessary it's unfortunate that she's not able to pick up the slack but unfortunately she is pregnant you understand that and you should understand that work has policies and ways around helping these people that are pregnant until they're no longer pregnant you sound like you're not accommodating at all and not understanding that some people have worse pregnancies than others this just really sucks all around from you you're the a-hole and in the comments trania 86 says you're the a-hole it sounds like she has hg opie you might not know what that is but i'm still recovering from it it hits you in the first trimester and before modern medicine you could die from it that's not me being dramatic it's a fact you vomit so much you start to dehydrate you can fall into a coma you can die from malnourishment i lost over 13 percent of my body weight in a month's time was hospitalized three times and it took me six weeks after the hg had passed to get me back on track physically your employee is sick she may have chosen to be pregnant but she didn't choose to get sick because of it whether she really has hg or not is up for a doctor to decide but she needs support and medical aid not a supervisor that complains about slacking because they don't understand how much of a strain her body is under right now i'm going to say this loudly you need to stop pushing her right now because if she gets a miscarriage due to mental and or physical stress it will be your fault if you're in the usa then that's the a-hole too because the laws don't protect sick and or pregnant employees like they do where i live and portersby replies can we take a moment and put aside the whole pregnant employee issue to acknowledge that opie is the a-hole regardless for how he treats his staff in general forcing your employees to work 12 hours during crunch time instead of bringing in additional help or paying overtime is really crappy i mean i realize times are especially tough right now but it sounds like this has been the trend for a long time and answering your phone around the clock i just can't imagine a scenario where this is justified for an office job and fish and whistle says you're the a-hole your wife is right you have no effing clue what you're talking about people like you are why we have to have anti-discrimination laws i hope this is a troll oh god i know right quote i also questioned whether it was fair to the other women that she was using in normal bodily function as an excuse for low productivity this is what women fought to counteract during the feminist movement end quote as soon as i read this i knew this was a man who's using feminism to cover up his ignorance lol so because vomiting is a normal bodily function that means you should be able to work while throwing your guts out or are you commenting on the concept of being pregnant what a stupid argument fever is also a normal bodily function by your standards and so is dying the term normal bodily functions in feminism is used to normalize periods and normalize women farting pooping and sweating just like men not to force sick people to work quote i told her that was no excuse because she's only in her first trimester and barely even pregnant yet end quote lol not even women who actually have experienced pregnancy are entitled to judge the difficulty of other women's pregnancies all pregnancies are different and some can bring about a horde of health issues some lifelong are you her doctor no then you literally have no idea what she's going through whether it's normal or not and how she should deal with it i also couldn't help but notice this she's not made herself available for calls during off hours is this allowed to be a requirement for employees and if it is allowed just in general i don't know what work laws you have does her contract include having to be available during off hours or is it just an unfair expectation you have of your employees like everyone else in the comments i really want this to just be a troll but i feel like the unfortunate reality is that this is very common and prevalent in a lot of people's workplaces throughout the world even it's ridiculous how people still get mistreated this badly and we still put up with it why can't we just be like the french and just burn things when we disagree with how we're being treated anyway our next post is by user fanciest ampharos titled am i the a-hole for calling into work during icy conditions to keep my unborn baby safe so i work at a semi-popular fast food casual dining cafe chain restaurant i woke up this morning to an ice storm that was a bit worse than i expected it to be i tried to get to work but the roads are too slick and my husband said it was too dangerous for me being about eight weeks pregnant and we just turned around and went home for some context my family lives on a privately owned road that is not plowed or treated by the city it's done so by a private company that takes their sweet time the roads by our home are infrequently travelled so they are some of the last to be plowed i had been talking to a co-worker let's call them c over text about how i couldn't make it in they seemed frustrated rightfully so i'm their other person this morning and offered other solutions but they fell flat c drives a big suv type car and my family has a little hybrid and c was already at work and i felt guilty about even thinking about asking him to get back in this weather to get me now here comes the fun part after i talked to my manager who was understanding about everything i get a facebook notification from a different co-worker let's call this one v v proceeds to comment on an unrelated post telling me that i effed over their day by calling in whatever v has always been a really nasty person to begin with that i tolerate to keep the peace my husband comes riding in on his white horse asking why v is being so rude to his pregnant wife v proceeds to haul off on my husband's calling me a lazy co-worker that half-asses everything at the store and thanks to me they have a busier day in v's defense my job does overwork them followed by whatever protect that grain of rice you're growing as a jab at me being so protective of the baby i thought i was never going to have husband and v are still going back and forth on this post and husband is also looking into filing harassment complaints on my behalf for everything v has said this morning and in the past about my lazy arse and useless clump of lifeless cells am i really the a-hole here for valuing mine and my baby's safety i feel like i'm crazy edit i didn't want to just openly admit this but my pregnancy is basically a miracle baby after my husband and i were both considered to be infertile hence why my husband white knighted for me when he normally doesn't v brought the baby in this when they didn't need to v and husband used to be friends and he was honestly asking them why they were being so cross with me which is another reason why he got involved so thank you for the concern if you were worried he was like a control freak or something i've contacted hr about all this mess and i'm doing my best to put it all behind me and yes v has been officially blocked and removed on facebook i only had v there to be polite but that bit of me is in the rear i guess and edit two i noticed i misspoke above husband was not calling hr for me he was simply looking for the numbers online since i didn't have them on hand edit three and for some extra clarification i didn't tell my manager i called in due to my baby even though he knows i'm pregnant and could probably guess that what i said nearly verbatim was i spun out and nearly went into the ditch right outside the house husband had to come help push the car back into the road and he drove me back home the roads are super unsafe right now which is what happened so it's not like i was lying to him and edit 4 riding in on his white horse was used sarcastically even though i appreciate him for standing up for me it was super annoying and i'm thankful he had the decency to not throw around swear words and act just as aggressively as v yeah this situation really sucks from all ends that doesn't feel like there's much winning simply due to the fact that you're trying to drive on ice and i know that ice is different to snow i've never lived in a cold country like that before besides belfast but i know i would not drive on ice i would not i've seen those russian car crash compilation videos and i know even if you are prepared with snow tires and the likes ice is an unforgiving bastard it's unfortunate that it's led to this situation where it's blown up and you've had to hide so many details in the story just telling us at the third edit at the end what exactly happened and that's completely understandable but the fact is that this is just going to keep happening and either you have to leave this job and find something that you can work from home and do or you're going to have to move move somewhere where the ice isn't going to be on the road and you can get to work i'd say this is unfortunate that this is like a self-fulfilling prophecy it's unfortunate that this has happened it seems a little self-inflicted because you're in an area that is going to be iced and it's not going to be fixed for a little while because you're so far down on that priority list obviously v is an [ __ ] for saying what he said online but that's out of understandable frustration if this has been something that repeats and it's up to you as an adult in this situation to find a way that's going to get you to work and say that you had a medical emergency while you have that baby how are you going to get to a hospital if there's bloody ice on the road how are you going to help yourself in that situation everyone sucks here now in the comments goodcrisps73 says everyone sucks here v was rude you sound as if you're using pregnancy as an excuse i had to look twice i thought you were eight months gone not eight weeks and if you can't afford a big suv then get snow chains and winter tires what will you do if you urgently need to get out next winter when the baby is born and the roads are icy again grow up thank you rop is going to be one of those the wind blew in the wrong direction then it hurt me because i'm pregnant what will she do if she has a medical emergency while pregnant opie pregnancy is not an illness and if you can't cope with the weather now when it's only just january heaven help you in mid-february when it's really cold my name's not molly replies what there is a massive difference between the wind blew in the wrong direction and a literal ice storm making it very unsafe to drive and in case anybody isn't clear driving on a road covered in ice is very unsafe five to six years ago there was an ice storm in my city the entire city shut down for two weeks because it was impossible to drive bike or even walk they had to call in emergency services to deliver people their medication and oxygen tanks because people were literally trapped in their homes ice storms are absolutely no joke even if it wasn't as severe as an ice storm as that what do you think opie could possibly do if her street hasn't been cleared or treated yet it's a completely reasonable choice to not drive in a situation that puts her in danger and it would be even if she wasn't pregnant on top of that she is pregnant do you know when a woman is at the highest risk of losing a pregnancy the first trimester that's why most people don't tell anyone they're pregnant until their past 12 weeks because the chance of losing the pregnancy goes way down so i don't think it's unreasonable to be extra cautious at 8 weeks pregnant a car accident could easily result in a miscarriage i just want to know what planet you live on where people who won't drive on ice is them not handling the weather i live in one of the coldest places in america we all drive in snow for half of the year because that's just our reality we don't drive on ice because doing so is incredibly stupid dumb a-holes who won't live in canada or a cold climate or dumb a-holes who think you should risk your life to get paid minimum wage i swear people are such bootleggers nowadays ilhouse79 says everyone sucks here they were mean however you know you live on a private road which rarely gets plowed so why don't you have a car which is suitable assuming this isn't a freak storm that only happens once in a decade at 8 weeks you would have to break your pelvis to injure your baby if you were worried about that level of trauma then no one should be driving if you're at a point in the pregnancy where your uterus was out of the pelvis i'd give more slack if you weren't pregnant would you have driven in at that gestation that's basically your answer as to what you should have done assuming obviously that you weren't also sick due to the pregnancy at a level where you would have been home in fairness we own an suv and have a private drive that is gravel and we were stuck during a snowstorm and we had to call out it happens doesn't make anyone an a-hole sometimes you can't afford to live where you want or the car you want she works fast food it's not like she chose a ferrari our first post is by user nerdy sloth titled am i the a-hole for wearing my girlfriend's hoodie hi reddit i think i need some help here my girlfriend and i went to my parents house last week for a visit my brother his wife and their son were also visiting sister and lauren dye have never gotten along she kept my brother from coming to my 18th birthday party because i told her she couldn't bring her baby with her it was a place full of drunk people and loud music not ideal for a baby she also has issues with my sexuality bi guy here and my relationship with my girlfriend though she doesn't like it when i point out how stupid her logic is anyway things were going good until i got a bit chilly i'd forgotten to bring a jacket and hoodie with me as it had been warm when we left thankfully my girlfriend is almost always too warm and only wears hoodies because she looks good in them her words not mine though she does look great in them she offered me the hoodie i put it on and then all hell broke loose she started lecturing me about how a real man would never wear his girlfriend's clothes and since i'm normal straight now then i should try and act more like a man i don't see her issue with it my girlfriend is taller than i am so her already baggy hoodies look slightly baggier on me because of how short i am my girlfriend says she thinks it's cute and i think her hoodies are comfortable plus it's not like it's all the time anyway sister-in-law had a rant about how it's gross and makes me less of a man and how it makes her uncomfortable she made a few comments about how my nephew could be influenced by my behavior anyway things were tense for a while after that and we left a bit earlier than we'd originally planned to so fast forward to yesterday again we were all at my parents house and i decided with my girlfriend's approval to wear her bright pink school hoodie i didn't go to the same school as my girlfriend and my sister-in-law knows that she recognized the hoodie and went quiet shooting us dirty looks whenever she could and making snarky comments every now and then i later got a text from my brother that i made sister-in-law really uncomfortable and that i'm an a-hole for wearing something i knew would upset her i know it was petty but i'm a petty [ __ ] and i kind of feel like she started it anyway most of my family are on my side but there are a few who think i'm an a-hole for being petty and that i should have just let it go so reddit am i the a-hole no kinda seems like another case of someone with rampant homophobia and they're just letting that shine in this wasteland that they're laying down that's a really weird and vivid mental image i've just given myself there but that's kind of how i feel about it she's like this swamp monster just walking through just being a dick i don't like people like that i don't respect her for shooting the looks and starting the fights that she's studying and good on op for being petty and fighting back against it we don't need that negative energy here get out of here negative nancy opie he did a good job not the a-hole edits thank you so much for the comments and advice i've made an effort to read and upvote every comment even if i haven't managed to respond the kind words really mean a lot also to those of you who mentioned wearing a skirt or something to the next gathering my girlfriend actually loved this idea and picked out a pair of her boots smaller heels so i don't break my neck and a gorgeous pink sweater for me to wear i'm not confident enough for skirts yet she also suggested makeup long story short if we do go through with it i may update and in the comments anchors aviators says not the a-hole she sounds homophobic and should probably shut her mouth and opie replies oh that she is you should have seen her face the first time i brought a boy home and thanks by the way i would love to be your petty best friend and give you the pinkest frilliest clothes to wear around her at all times she's homophobic and a bigot and probably just not a nice person period must be great for her to be so privileged that she gets bent out of shape by someone's clothing or who they date sad sarcastic jew says not the a-hole honestly wearing the pink hoodie is low-key cool but they're sweatshirts would you be offended if your girlfriend wore one of your shirts probably not and her biphobia is shining real bright not going to pressure you but if you think you could pull off a skirt and heels with a pink hoodie thank you and i honestly kind of love that idea my girlfriend loves it too she's looking for skirts as we speak not the a-hole my wife is taller than me by a couple inches and we swap hoodies all the time and as a bye scotch i have a kilt and a sarong that i wear a lot depending on weather my body my choice and it's a damn sight more comfortable to wear rather than trousers and our last comment is by judge chad 100. not the a-hole i thought this was going to be some roll-reversed post about you stealing your girlfriend's hoodie to wear without her permission but i was pleasantly surprised yeah nah you're free to wear her hoodie if you want and she's okay with it your sister-in-law clearly has one issue and is showing homophobic views glad you were pleasantly surprised she is very homophobic but she seemed to calm it down slightly when i started dating a girl though she can't seem to realize that i'm still bi thank you by the way she probably assumed like many homophobes that it was just a phase or you were doing it for attention and thought that you had given up now that you're dating a girl i mean you could be classed as slightly the a-hole for wearing a pink hoodie knowing that it would piss her off but no it's what she gets for being a homophobe yeah you seem to be right about that and now onto the update hi reddit so i said my original post that i might update and well here it is so this happened a week or two after my original post but we've had a few unrelated family issues going on and i haven't been able to post like a few of you suggested i did wear my girlfriend's clothes at the next gathering nothing major just some cute high-heeled boots her pink sweater and a pair of her jeans she also painted my nails a beautiful shade of pink and helped style my hair let's just say by the end of it i wasn't looking like a stereotypical manly man not that there's anything wrong with people that do like more masculine clothes my girlfriend had also decided to wear jeans and a button-up shirt just to annoy sister-in-law anyways we went to my parents and immediately got glares and rude comments from sister-in-law the comment started about how if i want to be the woman in a relationship so bad that i should just go back to being an f-word etc there was a bunch of comments before this but she got annoyed when we ignored them in favor of having an intelligent conversation with other family members that was the comment that really got to my parents though it was partly the comment and partly the fact that my brother didn't do anything other than laugh i've told them to stay out of it says my brother has a history of stopping their contact with my nephew over stupid things and they have enough to worry about i've been bullied a bit in the past for my sexuality and my brother never stood by me to him it was my own fault if i didn't want to be bullied then i should have stayed in the closet my parents freaked out and all the anger and resentments towards my sister-in-law that they had built up for the past few years came pouring out they told her how they really felt about her and how they're disgusted that my brother could allow someone to treat his own brother like crap they told them to leave and sister-in-law is no longer welcome in their home until she apologizes my brother tried the threat of preventing them from seeing their grandson but they were done with him and threatened to get a lawyer involved they now have scheduled visits though now it's video call says the rules are more tight again i feel bad that they're no longer talking to my brother but they've assured me that they'll be okay honestly this turned into my parents being cools rather than myself or girlfriends doing much other than looking absolutely fabulous either way i'm glad that we won't have to see her for a long while we blocked her everywhere after this incident due to the angry messages and voicemails we were getting i know this probably isn't the update a lot of people were hoping for but it's brought my family some peace of mind and i'm happy with that edits okay holy crap this blew up seriously thank you for all the amazing comments and awards i've been trying to read all the comments and sorry that i can't reply to them all i've seen a lot of people asking about my nephew's visits with my parents it was not done through a courts it is literally just a plan that my parents and brother came up with so that they can have regular contact with my nephew without speaking to his parents as for the lawyer question honestly i do not know everything about how it works i'm going off what my parents have told me we live in scotland and technically grandparents don't have automatic legal rights to their grandkids they can however get a lawyer involved and the courts can decide if contact with the grandparents is best for the child due to the fact that my nephew is a bit older now there's a good chance they could take his opinion into account i hope this sort of cleared this up for you guys and in the comments bk mary says man this is the one time where grandparents rights came in clutch i hope you're doing well op endo p replies they had just had enough honestly they're kinda scary when they're angry thank you and midnight crone replies you your girlfriend and your parents are all cools i love this entire thread sorry your brother sucks so bad but maybe this whole thing will show him how wrong he is to stand idle when he should step up best of luck to all of you nebsy webbsy replies we stand parents sticking up for their kids sad that your nephew was affected like this but understandable and opie replies they are incredible parents so lucky to have them and yeah it sucks i hate that he's stuck in the middle of this but he seems happy enough for now i feel bad for your nephew though even if he wasn't in the middle and your parents didn't step in he'll be raised to either be ashamed or hide as sexuality if it's anything that your sister-in-law doesn't like that amount of negativity is never healthy and cake is a die says congrats on being fabulous and being with a wonderful lady and congrats to your parents for standing up for you i'm sorry to hear about the grandkids and dopey replies thank you it's definitely not a great situation but at the very least my parents can have contact with my nephew and not have to deal with sister-in-law she sounds horrible i have some intensely horrible in-laws i had to finally tell my spouse that i was done and would not be seeing them ever again i'm so happy your parents are so cool i bet you looked fantastic our next post is by user am i the a-hole naked twin titled am i the a-hole for kicking out my identical twin for selling nudes online basically what the title says to give some backstory my sister 23 female and i 23 female were kicked out by our parents at the age of 18 and we've been living in an apartment together with a roommate ever since my sister doesn't have a steady job at the moment so i have been handling her portion of the rent on the apartments a few weeks ago she approached me and told me that she found a source of income and would likely be able to start paying for rent soon i didn't ask too many questions when she told me this because i was just happy that she finally found a job however i was talking to our roommates two nights ago and found out that my sister started an only fan's account and has been selling naked pictures and videos of herself now i'm very sex positive and forward thinking i have nothing against sex workers but she is my identical twin we look exactly alike in almost every way i personally do not feel comfortable sharing my body online to strangers on top of that i'm trying to start a professional career for myself and i don't want employers and co-workers to find this and think that it's me i confronted my sister when she got home later that night and told her that i will not be speaking to her until she deletes the account and that she would have to move out of the apartment she was pretty mad about this and stormed out of the apartment and ended up sleeping at a mutual friend's house for the last two nights i've talked to our roommates and some of our friends about this and they think that i overreacted am i the a-hole here while i agree that you know this could potentially affect your future here it's not your place to dictate what she does and doesn't do online it's unfortunate that this may put you in situations in the future that compromises you but in those situations you can just tell the employers that hey it's not me it's my twin sister i'm sure they'll be logical enough to separate the two the better thing you could have done in this situation is sit down with your sister discuss these things before she blows up too much online and come to a logical conclusion together yes this could put you in harm's way in the future but unfortunately you can't dictate what she does with herself her body and what she does online because she's an adult and she can make her own choices i'm gonna just have to go with you're the a-hole for this one secondhand heart says i completely understand your concerns but you cannot dictate what she does online simply because she looks like you it sucks but that's the reality of it soft you're the a-hole laugh 234 replies if they were not identical i would agree with you but her sister's actions could affect op i saw another am i the a-hole post where a woman was harassed by a man at a grocery store because her twin was camming that's really unfortunate and the sister in each scenario was justified in feeling angry but not her life not her decision and the op in the post is not justified in kicking her sister out of her housing with an ultimatum couldn't the same logic apply to say op's house ops rules evicting someone without notice is illegal so no if she wants to set that as a rule to live with her long term then by all means that would be fine she just can't expect to control her sister's life indefinitely and in response i get what you're saying but in my mind doing something while knowing it could eff up your twin's life is an a-hole move but the solution is one of you do something to change your looks like dye your hair people can differentiate them and they can both continue their jobs tex fiend says not the a-hole her actions could directly eff up your career in the future but there's nothing you can realistically do to stop her so start thinking about ways you can differentiate your appearance from hers different hairstyles if they're similar at the moment maybe a tattoo somewhere a little hidden but that you could show people if you needed to at this point in your position i might even start saving for a nose job endo p replies i was thinking about this we both have blonde hair so i might dye mine brown i've been thinking about doing that for a while anyways get a prison tattoo on your face when people mistake you for your sister say you got the tattoo for killing the last person who thought you were your sis don't actually do this and chloe to chloe says i do understand you not wanting to endure the stigma of being a sex worker but as crappy as it is it's her body her choice nah seriously she could f up opie's entire life they look the same yeah there are lots of people who look similar enough to be the same in porn shoots this just happens to be her sister but it's not unlikely many people have a doppelganger out there you argue sister a might screw up sister b's career but then the following logic is that sister a should give up her current job for sister b's future job and now on to the updates hey y'all so a while back i made a post about how my twin sister started an only fans account and i was considering kicking her out of the apartments in that post it was determined that i was the a-hole a lot has happened since then so i decided to make an update after reading your comments i decided that i probably took it too far and although i was embarrassed and felt violated at the end of the day it's her body and not mine just because we look the same does not mean i get to have a say nor should it affect our relationship so i called her and i told her i wanted to talk and we had a really long emotional discussion and i obviously decided to not kick her out as long as she was able to cover her rent going forward then the pandemic happened and as of june i no longer have a job i was one of the newest people at the company that i was working for and so i was one of the first to go and in a turn of events my sister who has been killing it on only fans is now covering for my portion of the rent until i'm able to get back on my feet so thank you for your advice i might have ruined my relationship with my sister and maybe even be homeless without it and in the comments nonsense word 37 says i'm an identical twin and this hit hard for me i totally understand where you're coming from in your original post i'm glad you guys worked things out back when my sister and i were kids we went to an overnight camp during summers one year we lived in a cabin way up on the girls side of the camp and being so far into the woods made everything extra sweaty with little air moving sometimes i would wear only a sports bra and pajama shorts to cool down being in middle school where everything is embarrassing in fairness this mortified my sister and we'd get in huge fights about clothes because my bed was by a window our counselor had to talk to us and work out an agreement in the end obviously these are two very different situations but that's the story it reminded me of it really felt like sharing a body at certain times and my sister didn't want people to see us in that outfit i'm glad everything played out for the best for you too zekelman says you deserve a ton of credit by thinking critically about your accents and changing your perception based on you data it's so hard to take criticism when it goes against your beliefs reddit may have helped but you deserve a good old-fashioned pat on the back for listening and changing your mind and soup detective says i read your original post and actually didn't think you were the a-hole because i've been mistaken for my sister who was 10 years older than me in the place that we both worked at before my sister has borderline personality disorder and often causes a lot of issues at work before i was married we obviously had the same surname i used to get pulled into hr meetings for things she had done which screwed with my career and reputation so i actually kind of get it her and i look kinda similar i obviously look younger but the same surname caused issues i'm so glad you sorted it out but i totally know how you were feeling with your twin starting and only fans your siblings can really f with your career prospects our first post is by user am i the a-hole greenhouse titled am i the a-hole for refusing to let a woman take from my greenhouse and pressing charges sir i 30 male live in a nice little neighborhood everyone knows everybody we all have our own space and many have flower gardens i have a greenhouse in my backyard that's visible from the streets and behind a four foot picket fence we got a new neighbor haven't had the chance to meet them until today i have a camera in my yard that notified me of movement near the greenhouse so i went and checked and that's when i found a lady and young teen picking tomatoes and peppers in my greenhouse i raised my voice and asked what on earth they were doing and the woman says it's fine she's friends with the owner i asked if she wants to run that by me again cause i'm the owner and i don't know who the hell they are when she realized she was caught she tried to leave with a bag full of vegetables i told her she isn't leaving with that food and she has two minutes to drop it and leave or i'm pressing charges she starts crying that she's trying to feed her child and needs it and that she can't afford this on her record but i didn't feel like rewarding a thief and took the food from her and called the cops she's telling everyone i'm an a-hole and a toxic man and though most are telling her she's in the wrong her friends on facebook are telling me i'm an a-hole and i should be ashamed am i the a-hole edit for information when she was offered the chance to leave without police involvement she screamed at me and broke a pot that had some chives growing i don't have her on facebook however my name is on my mailbox and i've since put my account to private if she had asked first by all means i would have given her a couple peppers tomatoes even some squash but she didn't and for that i say screw this lady we don't have enough context to know if she's uh telling the truth about her situation and if it is indeed dire and kindness does go a long way honesty does go a long way in these situations and she chose to do neither i don't have enough information about her life to be sympathetic for her all i know is that she was a thief caught red-handed lied about knowing the owner then yelled at op and broke a pot that had some chives growing this deserves no sympathy screw this woman she's the egg hole i would press charges op was well within their rights not the a-hole and in the comments swag says not the a-hole she stole from you she should have talked with you beforehand the fact that she has the lie i know the owner ready to go makes me think she's used to stealing so if opi caught me in his house taking his tv that would be wrong that's not how entitled works i needed a tv and ops an [ __ ] for not letting me help myself sarcastic by the way simply relaxing replies don't worry i know the owner he's got his name right here on the tv sony and i go way back to middle school trust me look my uncle works at sony and will shut down your tv if you don't let me watch it they ruined themselves says not the a-hole it was clearly a private greenhouse she lied about knowing the owner she filled a bag full and then she complained about a theft being added to her record she knew she was doing something illegal which was completely her fault she's just mad she got caught get a trespassing charge on her too if you catch her again charges will be worse for her she deserves it algebra lover says not the a-hole she was stealing from you assuming you're in the u.s if she needs food assistance there is snap food stamps the food handouts that are going on all over and churches who will give her food op replies yup live in new england many a friend use ebt and i help people when i can but not those who steal dark fascination says people used to steal from my vegetable and flower beds all the time and it made me crazy because like you i would always give out produce if asked i'd always bring bags of lemons into work for instance and so many snap peas and squashes but people who steal always seem to damage the plants or take things too early and waste them and that's just not okay not the a-hole at all i love my plants and really care about them it hurts to see your hard work destroyed i have a new fenced garden now and i'm really happy to not have to deal with entitled people stripping my entire flower beds of every rose and rosebud or every single strawberry tc nup replies that's my biggest issue aside from the lack of permission these people can easily end up killing the plants they're taking from i grew up gardening with my grandpa he taught me from a young age how to safely harvest from a variety of plants it's not just ripping crap off plant care is a lot of work and it only takes one full to ruin a year or more of labor i guess i didn't think of it like that it kind of does make sense that if you improperly take things off of harvests like that you can in fact kill the plants i think that seems a little bit counterintuitive because in nature i guess things would be ripping stuff off plants all the time and how would something survive if a herbivore or something of the likes comes up and just rips it off like that and eats it like that wouldn't those plants have just died out ages ago that's a weird little thought bubble for me a little head cannon if you guys know more about that i'd love to hear your experiences down in the comments our next post is by user jaxlin titled am i the a-hole for refusing to pay for a drawer shortage on a shift i did not work backgrounds i was the bar manager for a mom and pop sushi joint for three years never had money issues before i've always counted my draw at the beginning of my shift and again add to the ends i get a cold christmas day from my boss saying the draw is 50 bucks short and he demanded i pay it i said i'm sorry i wasn't there when was the draw counted he said his wife counted it when she was closing i said i'm very sorry but if she found it first thing in the morning i would be more inclined to help but my draw was balanced before i left i cannot be held responsible for this he fought me for days over this demanding that i pay and as the manager i'm responsible for the draw even if i'm not there and all employees have access with no cameras he sat me down and threatened to fire me if i don't pay it i said prove it's my mistake and i will he then tried to accuse me of stealing product absolutely absurd as there's no proof plus it was a bottle of wine he gave me over thanksgiving that's available retail but insisted i couldn't have saved it for a month after seeing it in a photo online he told me i could keep my job even though i'm untrustworthy if i pay the shortage i again refused and was terminated he wants to fight my unemployment because i told employees inquiring what happened i don't feel i'm in the wrong for standing my ground against accusations with no proof i work in an at-will state and i personally don't think that you're in the wrong either for this one i feel like it's pretty obvious that he's working against you here and that you need to find ways to stand up for yourself against this you shouldn't have to pay for the draw shortage which was obviously not yours this was unfair dismissal and if you did pay for it that's only setting a precedent for them to further manipulate you and take advantage of you in the future it's unfortunate that it had to get to a point that you're fired from your job now but that's the best case scenario in this situation unfortunately at least in my opinion so i'm going with not the a-hole for this one now in the comments nothing on jew says not the a-hole depending where you live asking you to pay the difference could be illegal which is likely why the boss repeatedly tried to get him to do it without threatening any legal involvement dustin riley says not the a-hole sounds like they just want to blame someone for their own fab i don't see how he's going to be able to successfully fight your unemployment either he doesn't really have a leg to stand on and opie replies he told me he will report to them i'm dishonest and it will reject my claim well that's not how it works he fired you out of the blue unless he has a documented history of negative actions during your employment he can't deny the claim he can't just sit down and make a bunch of stuff up either he has to have the paper where he wrote you up and discussed it with you and you have to sign it right now all he has is him saying you should be responsible for 50 bucks that didn't even go missing on your shift he has nothing don't let him bully you into dropping the claim op replies he doesn't even have written rules and regulations never formally given a write-up he can make a thousand claims but there is no paper trail cameras or mutually acknowledged documents i wouldn't worry about it then he may be able to delay it for a week or two but if he tries to delay it too long without any proof he'll get fined in addition to having to pay the unemployment and our last comment by mountaingoat05 says not the a-hole and definitely fight back for your unemployment what they're trying to pull is not legal i suspect you're better off not working there anymore they sound awful and opie replies i'm trying to see it as a blessing in disguise but the accusations shook my ego up a little bit and frederine 45 replies my sister got fired from her weekend job that paid twelve dollars an hour for stealing five dollars from the parking box at the lots it was one of those insert five bucks in the slots to park at an unattended lot and they often got robbed so it was bs she had a full-time job during the week that pays well and definitely didn't need the money regardless her ego took a hit too having your ethic and honor dragged through the mud has an emotional impact keep your head high you know what you did and my guess is your former employees do too and our next post is by user pissed off troll titled am i the a-hole for stopping child support to my ex-wife when my kids are ages 19 and 21 and i'm paying for 50 of college tuition plus room and board for both kids age of majority in their state is 18. so i have been divorced for almost 15 years my girls are well adjusted bright and articulate young adults with whom i have an excellent relationship and communicate on a regular if not daily basis both are attending college full-time and working nights and weekends to earn some extra spending money the oldest graduates in may 2021. like anyone who gets divorced my child support payment was pretty stiff and included a 65-35 split that put me in a financial bind for a number of years regardless i never missed a payment provided for private education expenses maintained their healthcare coverage and continued financial insistence with extracurricular activities school outings medical bills etc while i might not have lived in the same city i maintained an active role in their lives spending holidays taking vacations together visiting family attending school and sporting events etc now that the girls are both adults and the youngest has graduated from high school i recently terminated child support payments to my mother in accordance with state law however for the past three years i've been paying for both children without issue as it was always my intent to keep paying the full amount until the youngest was ready to go off to college yes that's right folks i voluntarily paid an additional three years at the rate for two kids versus one now that i've stopped paying her directly mama bear has turned into a grizzly and is demanding i maintain my payments to her for the next three years until the youngest has graduated from college side note here our divorce decree specifically states that we have no agreements or responsibilities regarding college expenses so for the benefit of my goals i've continued to provide support and will continue to provide support the difference now is that i'm working directly with the adult children and not my ex-wife the ex is claiming all sorts of bills but the girls assure me that they pay for almost everything with the exception of their car insurance so i'm a bit frustrated here i will always continue to support them and assist them as long as they help themselves but am i really such an a-hole because i want to support my adult children directly versus through my ex-wife now i ain't saying she a gold digger but yeah mama bear obviously was playing nice so she could continue getting money from you i think that's very apparent here i don't think you're the a-hole for stopping that when you don't have to continue providing and i'm sure your kids are on your side here they've made it apparent that they pay their own bills so she's just kind of pocketing and keeping this money it doesn't seem like it's going towards these kids doesn't seem like you're the bad guy in this situation so i'm gonna give you the thumbs up and say not the a-hole and in the comments down below op has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole they say i might be the a-hole because some may believe that i still owe the mother additional funding and that i've permanently cut off my children from any form of financial supports care of children is a touchy subject but care of adults abled-bodied children quote-unquote is very different i argue that now the kids are adults i should have the ability to deal with them directly those agreements that their mum has with them are not my concern as i was never consulted or engaged with regard to the decision-making process that's very fair and in the comments dangerous lines 3697 says not the a-hole anything else i say will be mean so i'll stop not the a-hole don't stop sometimes being mean is required that ex-wife was likely being a jerk and just using the money to go shopping for herself or whatever extra money on the side rather than money to go to the kids she's an adult she can grow up and get a job if she does not have one and wants to mooch off someone else's money meant for the kids that she had with him opie block her you were just a wallet to her and all she sees is a fat wad of bills seriously you're divorced why don't you just block her completely on everything telephone shoes replies i tend to agree with you i'd be willing to bet if opi asked his ex to produce these bills he'd be met with nothing but excuses handwritten invoices or vague credits and debit card statements heavily censored and with no way of proving or that whatever expense showed is actually for the kids tub thumper 82 says not the a-hole your ex is saying child support but she means spousal support there is no need to pay the middleman when you are paying directly to the source this ex-wife seems to be confusing child support with alimony not the a-hole yup been there eight years and will be visiting 10 more i get my child more often because she wants her free time in shopping sprees i view it as paying her off from directing the crazy at me and getting more time with my child and our last post is by user homophobic mum am i the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for laughing in my homophobic mom's face and calling her barren after she started crying that she won't have any ground children because i'm gay my 15 male parents are divorced and i live with my dad it was a decision that i made because quite honestly my mum is a very crappy person in general nonetheless i had to stay at her house during christmas because my dad was gone somewhere else i'm gay and my dad has already known for quite a while and has been very accepting of this fact i'm out to my friends as well my mom on the other hand didn't know until a few days ago when i told her after she made some unnecessary remark about how i've never had a girlfriend when i told her that i'm gay she suddenly went silence then she started crying about how she failed as a parent and that she's not going to have any grandchildren because i'm her only child i agree with her that she has failed as a parent but i took issue with her treating this as if it's my fault for being defective instead of her waiting for until the age of 43 to have her only child so that's what i told her that it isn't my fault that her womb is now a barren graveyard she then became completely hysterical only for me to laugh in her face even more she took all of my electronics that i had with me which didn't really matter because she had to give them back once my dad picked me up a few hours later my dad thankfully sided with me after i told him about her homophobic reaction to learning that i'm gay she was shouting screaming and crying at me and my dad the whole time that we were leaving am i the a-hole and opie has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole some people may think that my reaction to my mom's homophobia is too harsh i personally think your reaction to her homophobia is a bit harsh i don't think it's too harsh i think you're just fighting fire with fire in this situation and in this one i guess you're justified in your anger but i don't think that the two wrongs make a right in this situation definitely in other situations i do think me personally with my moral compass two wrongs definitely make a right because screw some people but yeah she's being homophobic to you she's being disrespectful to you as her son that's definitely not okay but unless you've been told the entire story there may be other reasons why she waited till the age of 43 to have her only child and really it's not right for you to be flinging accusations like that and hurting her just as much as it's not right for her to be hurting you i'm just going to go with the simple everyone sucks here for this one endop gives an update reading these replies has now made me realize how homophobic this subreddit as well as society in general really is and how we still have a long way to go in terms of acceptance no i'm not being a misogynist i never told my mom that i'm disappointed in her for being female nor that she should be ashamed of it however the same can't be said about her reaction to me being gay so there's that and that's completely fine i applaud you for fighting back if it was the right thing to do in your mind then it's the right thing to do it's not totally unexpected and you're welcome to do that i do agree that a lot of society is still very much homophobic in my first hand experiences of it i won't deny that one and you're completely entitled to your opinion op in the comments the real scrotus says everyone sucks here obviously your mum should have been a lot more supportive when you told her you were gay but seeing her womb as a barren graveyard and then laughing at her about it was totally over the line you were an absolute dick to her and owe her an apology gunther time says seems the mom's horrible personality is rubbing off on op no i think you'll find that dysfunctional relationships breed trauma responses ooh this exactly right here also his edits calling people hear homophobes for disagreeing with him is he new to this subreddit and hasn't seen how homophobes are usually treated here nobody here cares that you're gay op they're calling you out for not only lashing out against something your mother can't control her fertility just like she lashed out at you but then you continued by laughing while she was crying like she's bad clearly but holy crap kid you freaking nose dived down to her level everyone sucks here everyone sucks here quote so that's what i told her that it isn't my fault that her womb is now a barren graveyard she then became completely hysterical only for me to laugh in her face even more end quotes just because your mother's been an unkind person doesn't mean that you have to be insulting women on the basis that they can no longer reproduce it's not a whole lot better than judging someone for their sexual orientation and our last comment by sunshine in autumn says everyone sucks here your mom should not have said what she did people shouldn't have kids just so that they will provide them with grandkids and that is entirely your choice being gay doesn't stop you raising a family if you so decide but if you decide not then that's okay too you should not have called your mom's womb a barren wasteland you don't know if she had trouble conceiving that she hasn't discussed with you she may have lost pregnancies previously or struggled with infertility there are many reasons people have one child and that's really insensitive of you our first post is by user am i the ahole075613 titled am i the a-hole for kicking my half-brother out when he was handing guests invitations at my wife's funeral now my male 39 wife of six years passed away from breast cancer three weeks ago it's devastating and i'm barely holding it together i used to sleep either at the hospital or my dad and stepmom's house he supported me at the time and i also have a 29 year old half brother my brother's wedding is in three months when i came from the hospital and sat and cried he brought up the wedding planning with his mom and talked about the venue and menu and ignored me he made backhanded comments like i can't imagine this happening to my fiance saying i'm not doing enough constantly comparing me to him and how he would have done more i stopped going i'd rather sit alone in an empty house than listen to him at the funeral he came with my stepmom his phone didn't stop ringing everyone noticed then later when the guests were sitting inside the house he kept asking about certain relatives to see if they came i was with my dad at the time once the guests started leaving i saw my brother standing by the door handing guests envelopes then shaking their hands when they walk out i didn't know what he was handing them i walked up to him and asked him he showed me invitations for his wedding that he was handing out to the guests and i was stunned i asked if he was serious he said there's some relatives and family that live out of town who came to the funeral and he wanted to do an actual hand delivery from his hand to theirs saying mailing invitations didn't feel proper i lashed out at him and he said no one noticed so it was no big deal he just wanted to make sure everyone got an invitation since the whole family was there i was so mad no wonder the guests gave me weird looks before walking out what's worse is that my wife's family saw this and were upset and i felt awful and embarrassed i was infuriated i yelled at him and told him to leave immediately my dad and stepmom and others got involved but he left after i insisted my dad berated him but said this is how he is being insensitive my stepmom said that i shouldn't have kicked him out in front of everyone her side of the family and disrespecting the family she said no one was noticing and that he thought that this was an opportunity for him to make sure they know about his wedding i argued with her and other family members for hours about it my dad's side of the family said they were upset because of what he did and my stepmom's side of the family were upset i kicked him out my stepmom is now contacting me to get me to go to talk to my brother and get right with him to add my stepmom never sees anything wrong with my brother's behavior no matter what he does she always tries to defend him either directly or indirectly dad isn't doing a damn thing and op has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole my stepmom says that i shouldn't have embarrassed the family in front of everyone by kicking him out like that that it was not good for their reputation and um screw their family's reputation i could care less about a family's reputation in a situation like this we're pretty much diving to the bottom of the ocean here for just how bad a situation can get for a family someone's wife has literally died of breast cancer and this sibling is rubbing it in the face of op handing out wedding invitations minimizing ops emotions and then shaming opie for not doing enough that's just so incredibly [ __ ] heartless and then this family defending it and attacking opie as well because it's not good for their reputation this family is utterly disgusting i just cannot with these people there are definitely worse scenarios but me myself i can't imagine going through worse than this if i were in op's shoes and i don't know why they think they're the a-hole for this they're feeling particularly vulnerable right now they're going through grief so maybe they can convince themselves this is them being you know the agitator but as logic would have it that's absolutely not the case opie not the a-hole a goddess violet says not the a-hole who in their right mind thinks handing out wedding invitations during a funeral is okay that's the most insensitive thing i've heard of and what's wrong with mailing the invitations i've known many people to send them through the mail and have received them in the mail myself it's so commonplace i'm so sorry that your brother did this to you not the a-hole at some point you'll likely need to rsvp that you aren't going to the wedding i don't think your brother will intuit that be sure to give his intended an early heads up on why you won't be there i'm sorry for your loss yeah i wonder how the fiance will react because if i were engaged to an a-hall like this i would be exploding at him right now outrageous text 4914 replies not the a-hole your brother is selfish and unsympathetic and your wife deserved to have an undisrupted service i am so sorry for your loss and wish you the best edit to add if anyone embarrassed your family it was your brother not you and opie replied they told me kicking him out was extreme yet saw nothing wrong with him doing what he was doing excusing his behavior saying that no one noticed but he was giving the invitation to guests who came to mourn and extend their condolences i'm not even sure if they think that i was okay with that but their looks were telling no one noticed you noticed that's the only thing that matters your brother is beyond selfish and insensitive and his behavior at your wife's funeral is beyond the pale he owes you a deep and sincere apology but it doesn't seem like he's capable of one you are absolutely not the a-hole and please do not listen to your family members enabling your brother they are the reason he's like this in the first place i'm so sorry for your loss not just that evidently opie's late wife's family noticed as op said they were just upset by it jesus christ if someone had handed out wedding invites at my mom's funeral in front of her effing mother and father we'd be planning another funeral you don't get to go to a funeral and take over whatever the reason that's someone's last chance to see even if it's closed their loved one people deserve that more than anything else to be quite honest they deserve some kind of closure to that part of their life even if that's just the start of them grieving their loss opie double down and send out apologies including to the stepmom and her family for the inappropriate behavior one of your family members showed towards guests leaving the funeral say that it was not supported or condoned by you or your wife's family and you're deeply sorry that their time of morning was disrespected in such a manner to be fair i think that's the right thing to do i don't know if you particularly denounce them like that but absolutely saying that it's not supported or condoned by you or your wife's family is the right way to go about it because no one else there was expecting someone to pull this and they probably noticed just as much as you did that absolutely is a no-go and i personally would call out someone for doing that because that's just a dick move our next post is by user am i the ahole333645 titled am i the a-hole for kicking my son out of my house after he cancelled my job interview please hear me out first i'm a single mom 45 of a 20 year old son chris chris is in college he studies engineering being a single mom at a young age was not easy for me despite everything i've been through despite my own family giving up on me i made sure my son got the life he deserves he was and is my everything i worked several jobs that were different from each other i was able to earn a home after years of renting and more importantly i was able to provide chris with an opportunity for education recently chris moved back in with me because he no longer could pay rent his next semester is starting soon and he's been talking to me about the possibility of selling my house and buying a house in the city where he studies so he will no longer pay rent and said that it was a better to move i declined for several reasons one i grew up here my old friends live here two the city is expensive and three this home means a lot it represents my hard work and sacrifices chris didn't like that he threw a fit and kept bringing it up trying to convince me to do it last week he kept pressuring me i told him that i found a potential job at a company and it was an opportunity that i've been looking for for three months he took it as i don't want to move because of my new job but that's not true yesterday i found out that he contacted the company and cancelled my interview and then deleted my email i use a computer and it's in the office so he gets access to it he told me he wanted to check his college website for some reason and i thought nothing of it that was the night before i found out yesterday morning that someone cancelled my interview i confronted chris about it first he denied then he said that the company wasn't what i deserved anyway and i can find a better position when we move to the city i was so mad at him for ruining this for me and pressuring me to move leaving me no choice i felt as if he was trying to sell the house from under me after he said he found a potential buyer and just wanted to make things go smoothly and all i have to say is yes i yelled at him and argued with him telling him that he was an adult and should manage his own issues i told him to get a job but not expect me to turn my life upside down for him he yelled back saying i was selfish and i ended up kicking him out of the house his aunt knew and was yelling at me for what i did saying i was treating him poorly and he was hurt by me just to clarify his aunt is my sister she doesn't have children of her own and chris considers her as a second mother to him she's always defending him no matter the reason he hasn't left town yet and she wants me to call him i need to mention that this is not how he is normally i have no idea what's going on but he was constantly talking about it and was insisting so much it got me upset and worried honestly and opie has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole i feel like i'm an a-hole for kicking him out but i wasn't responsible for his issues i'm very supportive yet i can be strict i feel like there's different situations that will warrant different reactions and whether kicking someone out was an a-hall move or not so like the story yesterday with the twins one of them makes an only fan's account one twin gets upset and threatens to kick the other one out i don't think she actually got kicked out in that situation yes they would be an a-hole for kicking them out i feel like that wasn't warranted you kicking your kid out of the house in this situation was warranted because he was just at you non-stop pressuring you and just doing stupid young people things that obviously when you get older you realize was a stupid young people thing to do your sister probably has a few screws loose in her head if she is defending him on this one and calling you out for it shame on her she should definitely know better and know that he's acting up trying to get his way when his way will just actively harm everyone i say that with confidence and is an absolute because it's obvious given op's reaction that his pressuring and his stupid ideal he has in his head will not do any good for anyone but him and it'll just serve to further ostracize op and then in the same breath the sister defending op's son for cancelling the job interview and in turn ruining three months of job searching is just another nail in the coffin that's such a dick move op not the a-hole hud flow says not the a-hole he's twenty legally your house is under your name he's doing shady things like that around your house then he's being shady in general when it comes to family it's difficult to do anything negative but he needs to learn about consequences make him pay rent a normal rate no discount if he wants internet then he needs to pay for it lock your computer and if he complains then give him 10 and tell him to go to a library now for the aunt tell her that you needed the job and if they don't listen to both sides of the story then they can f off substantial fee replies oh i'd want up that and literally look up rent in the city and charge him that then be like why are you complaining this is what they charge in the city the mirror's truth says not the a-hole if you ever accept him in your home again charge him rent he's being extremely ungrateful and entitled it's none of his aunt's business and your son needs the reality check and opie replies i never expected this from him i didn't know why he thought by doing this he'd be convincing me to move out and sell the house moving is not easy and i believe that it's my decision in the end despite him being desperate he shouldn't expect me to put everything on hold leave everything and move to the city it's not believing it's your decision it is entirely your decision you have done every and anything for him and this is how he repays you so say in five years he finds a girl and she wants to move to a different city and you're stuck in the city he chose for you by yourself how is that fair he's young and only worries about the next five months unlike you who worries about the next five plus years please don't let him dictate your life not the a-hole i'd honestly be very careful about letting chris into your home again you may want to consider locking everything down check your credits put all your important documents in a safe place ss card tax returns birth certificate passport bank account info car and house title scrub your computer change logins and passwords for accounts make sure he didn't install a keystroke logger and talk to a lawyer about financial and medical power of attorney if heaven forbid something happened to you and you were incapacitated the last thing you want is for chris to take advantage of that and try to sell your house or clean out your bank accounts financial abuse is a thing and it's common among adult children to take over and control their parents finances so you need to protect yourself against that now i know it sounds harsh but your son has shown you that he and your sister it seems are untrustworthy for heaven's sake he tried to sell your house out from under you and he cost you a job chris is a very selfish and manipulative person it's absurd that he actually believed he could force you to sell your home and uproot your life so that he can continue to mooch off you he has shown that he cares more about his selfish wants than the needs of his mother and i'm betting that he spun the story to come out like he's the victim here to your sister who isn't doing anyone favors by enabling his behavior i would give her one chance to hear your side and if she continues to pressure you into allowing chris to take over your life because that's what he's attempting to do take control over his mother's life and when demanding didn't work he resorted to cruel manipulation and guilt trips then it may be time to go no contact with her for a while but right now while the hurt is still fresh please take the time to make sure your life is secure and safe from anything chris might do next either in retaliation or is another attempt to take over and gain control i don't know your son but it's possible that just confronting him explaining how his actions are wrong and giving him consequences for his actions won't make him accept reality for his behavior him running to his aunt into playing the victim is a good indication that he isn't holding himself accountable for his actions he's blaming you so i would make sure you're prepared for chris to come at you in other ways to get what he wants i am very sad for you but you also need to protect yourself from your son's selfish desire to run your life for his own benefit our next post is by user according air 3862 titled am i the a-hole for saying my sister is not welcome in my home so i 20 female live with my best friend and roommate i have a sister 21 female and a brother 23 male my sister and i have a pretty rocky relationship and i don't like having her in my space living with her for 18 years was hard enough and i swore i would never do it again she always wants something and is pretty toxic accusing people of doing stuff to her and turning her back on people some examples she befriended the girl who bullied me for years and brought her home for christmas my last year living with my parents this is a girl who bullied me to the point that my parents had to change my school and then she cyberbullied me her best friend's stepbrother treated her like crap for existing and she ended up dating him and telling her best friend to get over herself then told everyone her best friend was a selfish baby for trying to interfere in her love life more recently she told her parents that she found out i broke the cell phone they bought her when she started high school but actually she sold it so they would buy her a better one and she used the money on makeup so she's now a single mom and she was kicked out of her place before christmas she asked to stay with me and i said no i told her to go to our parents our parents were disappointed and said i should have let her stay for at least a night they then wanted to know if i would let them all come over for christmas and i said no i told her and them that she is not welcome in my home because i don't trust her they think i'm being really unkind i just don't want to be around her toxic my brother says i'm doing the right thing even though he never had issues with her but he knows she doesn't care about screwing people over and would never consider their feelings she told me if i won't ever let her into my home then i can never have a relationship with her daughter i told her that was her choice as her daughter's mom am i the a-hole and opie has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole i won't let my sister into my home because i feel she is toxic and i did not let her stay overnight when she was kicked out of where she was living personally i don't think that makes you the a-hole in this situation i feel like it's just protecting your better interests when she never has and never will have your better interests at heart and now she's using her daughter as a bargaining chip saying oh my god if i don't get my way you'll never be in my daughter's life ever again don't doesn't that just suck don't you just hate that oh my god wouldn't you just feel terrible never having a relationship with my daughter me personally if that kept me out of the firing range from having so much toxicity in my life yeah i would absolutely take that trade i don't care about you and your daughter i don't care about that relationship with her if it means that i have peace of mind and a happier life so therefore opie with your explanation of why you think you might be the a-hole just because she didn't get to stay a night with you after she was kicked out of where she was living for being toxic that's not your problem that's her problem she's an adult and she can solve her own problems she's earned no sympathy from you she has other friends she has other people that can go help her don't feel bad for not offering to help and not wanting to help you are not the a-hole here two scoops of ass says not the a-hole i have a sister who's a full-blown sociopath who also engages in the same types of shenanigans calling it shenanigans is like seeing kids who rip wings off of insects are playing these people are straight up terrorizing i don't know if i would necessarily label her a terrorist i might call her an unstable psycho not a terrorist but terrorizing as they inspire terror and fear into others and not the a-hole op your response and your decision regarding your decision is the best stay strong marleycat118 says not the a-hole you don't have to justify or explain it's your place your parents probably didn't want her at their place she can suck it up because she's burned the bridge that you guys had unless she shows improvements you owe her nothing and even if she does somehow become a better person people can change opie is still in no way obligated family is important but family is also what you make it she owes her sister nothing the mirror's truth says not the a-hole she is toxic and you don't need to put up with her anymore everyone else can suck it up not the a-hole i wouldn't want someone like that at my house either your parents are the ones who enabled her behavior they can be the ones to deal with her and our last post is by user 0587 throwaway titled would i be the a-hole for reporting a co-worker to hr for trying to feed me so i 24 male am a small man five foot four and 103 pounds as of my last physical i'm well aware i'm at an unhealthy weight my entire life i've been small mostly due to illness and a myriad of allergies and it's admittedly a sore spot i'm working with my doctor to gain weight while still fitting in with my dietary restrictions no meat dairy gluten or nuts and honestly i'm so much better than i was several months ago and proud of myself for the progress i've made a co-worker peg 30 female got pregnant and recently returned to work late november she's been increasingly overt and uncomfortable in her concern for me peg made and brought in cupcakes for her return and when i thanked her for thinking of us but refused citing my glute analogy she was visibly upset she didn't shout or complain much just sighed heavily and said that she would put this one in the break room with the rest i felt awful then she brought me a steak sandwich the next day on gluten-free bread again i thanked her but i brought in my own lunch and needed to focus on that peg told me it was in the fridge for when i finished ended up bringing it home so she wouldn't feel bad and gave it to my boyfriend next day she approached again i refused again she insisted by now we weren't alone in the break room she joked that it was rude to refuse a home-cooked meal in favor of that my lunch at that point i just took it and thanked her and boyfriend ended up eating it then she just started leaving bagged snacks on my desk she would approach with a snack or a portion of whatever she made for dinner the night before and not leave me be until i had taken it i went to our boss and explained that i felt uncomfortable and was told that she was probably feeling maternal and it would negatively impact morale to discourage her so been taking notes since then what days peg has given what when who witnessed it etc from the 8th of december you freaking americans and your stupid dates to now she's done it 23 times yesterday i took peg aside and explained that while i was touched i would appreciate if she wouldn't bring in anything else she said that i should have said something sooner she was only trying to help have i seen myself in a mirror does your boyfriend like you starving yourself among other phrases livid i told her that maybe i didn't feel like sharing my personal medical history with her just so that my wishes were respected for god's sake we work with a hospital don't you know anything about hippa we parted from there me childishly storming off and her in tears have i already been a huge ass and what a report to hr just be the icing on the ass cake and op has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a-hole well for starters she's probably emotional from having her child and worried about me i also left the poor woman in tears and threw her consideration in her face my boss clearly didn't see an issue with his behavior and actively discouraged me making a scene over it there's obviously a lot of different factors to put into account in this one and if we didn't have you tracking how many times she did it i would kind of say that you're a little bit overreacting in this situation and it could be an everyone sucks here kind of situation but given the fact that she has done it 23 times in less than a month that is just egregious that's unforgivable that's absolutely sociopathic behavior why is you being visibly uncomfortable and saying no not enough for this woman at this point she's got a point to prove and she doesn't care about your feelings how many people here can reasonably say they can do something out of good faith 23 times and by the time it gets to that 23rd time it's still in good faith because if you could do that to someone who is obviously denied this and is uncomfortable you lack self-awareness it's just so sad that someone can do this to another person i feel like we do have enough evidence that this isn't a completely biased take on the situation and that it feels like to me opie's boss doesn't want to see an issue with this behavior and discourages opie from making a scene over it because they'd rather keep the peace because it's less problematic to reprimand this woman over that i disagree with op's boss and this was probably one of the only ways of tackling this situation it's harassment and you have to get people off your back so yeah op not the a-hole trainia 86 says not the a-hole even if she stops now you can tell hr that you had a discussion with her and you do not require action at this moment but you want to put this on the record consider this what if she complains to hr about a hostile work environment make sure your side of the story is on record somewhere quote i went to our boss and explained that i felt uncomfortable and was told that she was probably feeling maternal and it would negatively impact morale to discourage her end quote can i just say that this boss is a huge asshat your co-worker is clueless and annoying but your boss should have taken action here they just didn't want to deal with it so your complaint wasn't properly addressed she's the biggest a-hole in all of this edit boss is a woman not a man thanks to those who pointed it out fish and wessel says you weren't childishly storming off you were leaving after setting an appropriate boundary not the a-hole the mirror's truth says not the a-hole yes you might have just told her to stop at the beginning without giving your medical history but she likely wouldn't have listened i would report her and your boss boss should have stepped in the moment you asked literally just finished a work harassment training and this is like checking all the boxes unwelcome and pervasive changing the dynamic of the workplace and supervisor is not stepped in 23 effing times i'm surprised opie has been so patient breaks my heart that he would feel bad for this aren't those fun i've led the two hour manager sessions in the past and yeah this is both a problem because of his food allergies which could be considered a disability because his ability to process certain foods impacts the major life activity of eating and its gender stereotyping if op was 5'4 104 pounds and female no one would take an issue well that can be untrue at times though i've heard a lot of skinny girls getting harassed because you're so skinny it's not healthy to starve yourself or you need to eat and to put some meat on those bones it can happen to both genders and it's equally as hurtful to both this lady's just a freak and our last comment by recalcitrant opinions says not the a-hole but hear me out i think you should bring this up on hr primarily to report how your boss handled or in this case did not handle the issue you can say that you think you and your co-worker have resolved the situation and hope there will be no further incidents to report but that you want to provide the documented evidence just in case as well as express your frustration that you are essentially told your discomfort does not matter because the offending party is pregnant our first post today is by user panic boyfriend titled am i the a-hole for telling my girlfriend i will literally kick her out if she won't see a doctor i'm honestly out of ideas for how to help my girlfriend and so maybe i was too harsh today but i'm losing my mind over this situation she definitely has a medical issue of some kind she goes to the walk-ins sometimes but they won't do anything long-term that needs monitoring so she needs a family doctor and she's been on a list for over a year and she does call around occasionally to family doctors but has not had any luck but i don't think she's taking her health seriously at all and i offer to take her to the er sometimes because seriously she might die or something and i want this addressed as soon as possible she is thin and small she doesn't teach much but partly and i can confirm because she often throws up after having just a few bites of a meal and then feels sick for a while that kind of knocks her out of the day for a few hours so she just takes vitamins and occasionally drinks enzyma or ensure i don't know how to say that the kind of drink targeted at old people to keep up calories but she's only 23. and she's weirdly fine with this and says she's always kind of been this way which isn't true because we started dating two years ago and i definitely saw her eat normally at some times in the past she wakes up in the middle of the night to be sick in the bathroom sometimes in the middle of the day she goes from totally coherence to looking like a drunk person in less than like five minutes and i literally have to force her to drink some juice or something i'm not a doctor but i know she needs one like yesterday i'm not even comfortable with letting her drive anymore because of how spacey she can get out of nowhere she keeps saying she's on a list and will get a doctor eventually but i think seriously this is bad and i know i'm nagging but it's kind of scary and i don't know what to do at all today she got really weak and confused and forgot about lots of things that we were talking about just this morning and i said i kind of want to call an ambulance and she told me she's fine and would be mad if i did that and i'm so upset i said like if you're trying to kill yourself i can't be with you to watch and seriously you have to do something or else move out because i can't do this anymore you have to get healthy or get out she's okay physically now but incredibly angry with me for being insensitive about symptoms she can't help but i know she can't help it and that's why i want her to go to the hospital because what if she has some kind of disease that can use medicine or something i really don't know i know medical info is super personal but i live with her and see this problem every day and it's really scary so i kind of think it's my problem too but maybe i'm overstepping i really don't know is it an a-hole thing to push people on medical topics like this maybe i should call her mom who's in another city but not far but that also feels kind of dickish and i don't know how to act right here i think it's fair that you want her to get a doctor's help i'm not sure if kicking her out is the best thing to do but i can understand your decision and i can stand by it i guess if you feel like you have no other options it really does from the outside in seem like a serious situation that's only going to get worse with time and her not going to a doctor is a cause for concern i don't really have much to add or say on this one because i have no experience in situations like this and i do hope that we're able to come to a good conclusion for this one but for how you've gone about it i don't think you've been too dickish and i think calling her mom is a good idea i'm gonna go with not the a-hole edits thank you all so much for your stories and encouragement on this situation it helped me realize that it's worth acting even if it would make me an a-hole we messaged her sister really late last night girlfriend said it was okay to do but i'm the one who messaged and she was still actually awake and said that she has the weekend off and could come stay with us for two days and help if she can and she got here a few hours ago she's been really kind to me honestly like trying to take care of me and telling me to go sit down and she made me food and i'm overwhelmed she had a private conversation with my girlfriend and when they came out they said they're going to go to the er and her sister is somehow doing all of this so easily where i couldn't and they're at the hospital now and i'm not but i think that makes sense because she seems to listen to her sister a lot easier than me and it's probably best and i think i'm just exhausted or something i've never been so stressed in my life but i'm so thankful to her sister who seems to know exactly what to say to make everything work edit again for anyone curious her sister called me and i guess my girlfriend is more than one ulcers in her stomach and there could be a reason for it so they're still at the hospital to try to see why she has them she had a scope thing and also a biopsy and that's all i know so far not the a-hole she definitely needs to see a doctor that isn't normal however telling her you would kick her out might be a bit insensitive but she really needs to see a doctor and opie replies i don't really want to kick her out right now but i am questioning the relationship i don't know why i even said that and it's why i'm probably an a-hole i'm just feeling so lost that i said any words that came into my head at the moment just trying to push her to do something because she isn't accepting your help part of which is a place to live then it is right for your own survival and mental health for you to tell her to find somewhere else to live not the a-hole you should be questioning this relationship she isn't taking care of herself but demands you cater to her needs which is impossible you're not a doctor look you also can't ignore the emotional and mental toll this has on you too you're literally seeing someone you love wither away to the point of suffering memory lapse and they refuse to seek help this is forcing you to continue to live in the fear of losing her in the worst possible ways you can imagine while her body her decision she has no right to cause you such anxiety and continue on her merry way expecting you to be happy i'm sorry if i'm coming off a bit harsh towards her but i've been in your place with a dear family member who refused to get help i feared for them as much as i loved them and it wrecked me their own self-destructive behavior was destroying me too i tried to help in every way i could think of and at the end i had to use an ultimatum to drill into their heads that it wasn't okay i left they found out they had cancer eight months later can you imagine the horrible taste this left in my mouth as i tried to support them can you imagine what would have happened to my mental health for those eight months before they decided to check it out no one has the right to ask you to watch them die if they are willingly doing that without seeking help or at least to find out what's happening then in my book that's abuse purple one asks does she have an eating disorder endo p replies i don't know really i don't think so though she seems to try to maintain her weight with supplements like calories and protein drinks and stuff like that but as i've said it's sort of weird and i don't really know what's going on so i want to go to a doctor maybe even together if she will ever agree to it it could also be irritable bowel syndrome or an ibd like crohn's ulcerative colitis that can make you lose weight have stomach upset feel ill be malnourished or not want to eat etc my ex with diagnosed crohn's drank so many insurers when he was in a flare up so many and our last comment by wrench 48 says i was so concerned with my wife's health that i demanded she see a doctor she continued to refuse finally i told her that if she didn't see a doc i'd divorce her that's your choice she replied i divorced her a year later she was dead turns out she was an alcoholic and didn't want to be outed she traded her marriage and her life for all this it's not rational but if they don't want to go you cannot make them go prepare yourself and now on to the update in summary my girlfriend was constantly sick dizzy and confused i was getting angry at her about it because she refused to get help and it caused us to fight it's been a long time since that post but i received so much support and kindness from it that i wanted to give an update to anyone who may like to know what happened in the end after many days and long nights in the er with referral promises that never came to be my girlfriend finally got a referral to some kind of diagnostic clinic that works with difficult problems the early hospital visits were enough to know that she had ulcers but she was still sick even after they were seemingly healed so they did more tests and more er visits sometimes all they could do was hydrate her she is constantly dehydrated and tell her she needs to take stronger vitamins because she's always mildly deficient in a few the diagnostic clinic run an f ton of blood tests looking for every possible thing like three blood tests a week she must have been screened for every disease in existence they found some mild liver dysfunction sorry if i report this incorrectly but she doesn't process bilirubin correctly as far as i understand it and that is an important liver thing after that they still tested her for every gastro and liver disease under the sun and it looks like she has a genetic thing that sometimes but not always causes stomach pain and puking they basically told her that it sucks but isn't life-threatening and all she can do is avoid putting stress on the body so she has actually gotten much better at sleeping regular hours and not pushing herself physically and trying to drink enough water or gatorade which she now claims to be superior to water but whatever it seems to work she still throws up suddenly if she gets stressed out but it's much less frequent and for at least two months hasn't been getting randomly confused so that's a good sign she says now that she has an answer it's easier to handle and i'm not really pushing past that because it seems to be working she isn't angry with me anymore and said i wasn't wrong to be upset and she apologized for being difficult but she said she was initially overwhelmed with never getting answers and never knowing how to eat or act to make a difference so she never tried she seems embarrassed about it now we had a lot of conversations about how to deal with health issues in the future and i also apologized and said i'd really try not to lose my temper if she gets sick again but it will be easier if we talk about it sooner i think we're on the same page now and things are way better than before she even saw the original post and said that the comments helped her realize that this was actually scary to other people where she didn't think it was noticeable to others at first she still said that i was too harsh to lash out at her as some of you mentioned and i'd agree the compromise was to talk about things more often so neither of us has to feel like worry is building up over time thanks to everyone who reached out after the first post with thoughtful responses it meant a lot and we might not be totally there yet but we're making good progress and in the comments neckygirl19 says glad you updated it sucks but it happens in high school everyone was convinced i had an eating disorder because i rarely ate in front of people because i would get sick when i ate i had ulcers still do when i get extremely stressed i can't eat or if i overeat i get sick well i don't know that it gets better you find out what you can deal with and don't at least for me endo p replies yeah she seems to just know a bit as well there are times she says i can't eat right now i think i need a few hours and i will eat at night and i used to argue but also she's usually right and gets sick if she eats when she feels like she can't sometimes not though it's confusing and weird from my perspective but as long as she's trying to be healthy i'm happy and i can let her figure out what works to her nickygirl19 replies i promise it's not like she wants to do it it honestly sucks throwing up every time you eat i did it for a year still not sure how i survived it really became better to not eat which i seriously get another reply says a fair number of chronic illnesses are actually pretty hard to diagnose there isn't one specific test or image that can diagnose a lot of things it can be really hard and depressing to be ill and keep going to doctors and getting tests and getting no answers so i have a lot of empathy for your girlfriend's situation i have multiple chronic conditions and it took almost five years to get diagnosed and get in a drug and lifestyle regime that works i'm glad she's doing better one thing that might help her or her doctors in the future if she's up for it is to track her symptoms i use a bullet journal to track my symptoms into what i eat it helps nail down triggers there are a ton of apps too and our last comment by twirling barbie says sounds a lot like cluster headache i've been in her shoes they couldn't find a thing they kept asking me if i was pregnant and years later i met someone with similar symptoms going through the same horrible process she had cluster headaches literally only having extra oxygen helps with her sometimes doctors can't really find what it is and opie replies yeah it seems that way finding answers is harder than i expected the vague conclusion we have about what's going on is helpful but not really like definitive this new fancy clinic was really fast and helpful though and they have her as a patient now and told her to come back anytime if things get bad again so it's nice to know we at least have that option open yeah i guess me personally i have nothing else to add to this and i feel like the comments summarize this pretty well i know a lot of people especially people down in my comments do suffer from chronic illnesses and i see those comments and i feel bad because it's like i don't i can't do anything personally besides helping myself through the stories and giving you an escape from reality for a bit and that's kind of the point of the channel it's just you know step away from things for a while i do hope personally that op's girlfriend is able to find help through these clinics as that was an awful thing that they were going through and i'm sure it will continue to happen and i hope they're able to find solace in some way our next post is by user shannon e3 titled would i be the a-hole for confronting my dad about shady bank account activity so my parents got divorced a couple years back my dad had been pretty involved with prostitutes and blew thousands of dollars of family money on this habit the divorce started out pretty amicable but when my dad started to realize he was going to lose a lot of his money he wanted to cut my brother and die off of his health insurance plan take away college money etc i was 21 at the time and my brother 19. my dad was also pretty intensely cyberstalking and physically stalking my mom once she had started to move on he put a tracker on her car and a key logger on her computer all of these things we changed all of her passwords and then the next day she was locked out of her accounts because my dad had changed them all back it took lawyers getting involved because of this harassment to get insurance details righted college money restored and to get reparations paid back to my mum for all of the prostitute money that he used i contemplated cutting him out of my life back then but i just felt terribly guilty about all of it even though my brother cut off communications fast forward to now and my dad and i have somewhat of a relationship it's improved a lot since the divorce years even though i've caught him in a lot of lies and shady behavior still however i recently got married back in may and my husband and i found out we're expecting a baby due in april we've been working towards merging our finances when i get this notification from my bank that the contact phone number on my account had just been changed to my dad's phone number i just feel so sick i know he was the one that put that number on my account which means he's probably yet again doing something shady to access my account i tell my brother about it and he's delivered and ready to confront my dad and i think i am too i called my bank about the phone number change and while they won't give me the ip dress the change was made from they can confirm it was done from a verified login and it was not myself or my husband so would i be the a-hole for confronting my dad and possibly cutting off contact i'm so sick of being locked out of accounts having my private information screwed with and at this point i don't want my future child and family having to deal with all of this harassment and stalking kind of weird that you have to question this one i don't know why you think you'd be an a-hole for that this guy is obviously breaking the law and destroying whatever relationship he has with you how is you cutting off contact with him and shutting him down a a-hole thing to do i'm kind of completely lost for words on this one i don't know how you've convinced yourself of that but anyway here's a reassurance i would go with not the a-hole i feel like i don't need to explain anymore why that would be in the comments not sorry miss jackson ooh says not the a-hole in the slightest change banks if you can if you can't close that account and open a new one he may already have the account number and that's a problem talk to the bank and see what other security options they offer rather than phone numbers for two-step verification email a one-word password if you use email create one for that specific purpose of identifying yourself and don't use it for anything else there is no reason for him to be accessing or trying to access your accounts you're an adult and what he is doing is trying to steal or do some other shady crap and honestly you shouldn't feel guilty if you want to seize all communication he has burned those bridges i live by the fact that you don't have to keep anyone in your life who treats you like crap blood or not a friend of mine teaches a cyber security class something to keep in mind is that your dad knows a lot of your security questions first pet cousin's names favorite whatever so either pick a security question he doesn't know the answers to or answer with fake info that you can remember like if the question is your middle school and you were a fan of the babysitter's club use stony brook middle school or have a formula like using the last word of the question then the answer then a phrase that you add to the end of all your questions that means someone not only needs the answer but the formula and op replies yes i actually did this i set up a new bank account to start transferring my money over and i used fake answers for all of the security questions since i realized he would know all of my answers please be aware he may be actively monitoring your communication such as email or even telephone without your knowledge trust nothing question everything maximus is king says not the a-hole you need to go no contact you need to do an audit of your passwords and codes because clearly there is a pattern if he's able to get access change keywords from things he'd know like your mother's maiden name explain to the bank why you want this done you can even give numbers you want flagged in your account if they try to access it make sure you get a copy of your credit reports he knows your personal info like date of birth social security etc and could be making credit cards in your name protect yourself proactively not reactively because your father has shown he does not care op replies really good advice thank you i didn't even think about him making credit cards in my name i wish social security numbers were something you could get changed easily i've opened a new bank account with a different bank and i'm in the process of getting all of my money moved over i felt so paranoid doing this but i created fake answers to all of the security questions because i realized my dad would know the answer to virtually anything i pick good job i want to add freeze your credit it's not hard for you to do or undo sorry for all of this crap if only your dad wasn't a major jerk you were not the a-hole if you want to remove yourself from him like your brother did endo p replies i didn't think about that either that's a really smart idea especially since going no contact will probably really piss him off and now on to the update so i got a lot of great advice from this sub and i wanted to thank everyone who took the time to respond i ended up taking my computer into geek squad and they did find a keylogger on it they removed the keylogger and i spent some time picking a few files that i felt were safe to save and wiped my hard drive i'm set up now with a new bank account that has fake security question answers that are written down on a piece of paper and filed away now that my hard drive is wiped i've also changed passwords on every account and set up two-factor authentication on every account where that is possible many of you advised against having a conversation with my father but my brother and i ultimately decided that for the sake of our own closure it was something that we needed he of course denied everything and while the conversation was frustrating to say the least it also gave me the permission i needed to let go of him and go no contacts we've contacted the authorities about the bank account change and we're in the process of opening an investigation we made that clear to my father in the conversation as well to hopefully dissuade any further intrusion attempts my hard drive is clean i've blocked his email address and phone number and have deleted all old emails that could contain downloadable files and malware this is going to be a long road in feeling like we're safe but i think i'm finally heading in the right direction thanks again for everyone who commented on the original post all of the advice was so so helpful and lotusflower01 replies i'm glad you were able to get this under control i would recommend you put a lock on your kids credit information it sounds like your father might be the type to take out credits in grandkids names yes i will definitely be doing this our first baby is still five-ish months away from being born but once they are i'll make sure that all gets frozen it's good that you're working on freezing but as a victim of identity theft multiple times myself criminals not family for me i have a couple of additional suggestions that i've come across create an online account with both the irs and social security administration for you and your spouse this will be complicated by the freeze that you have on your credit so it will take a while since your credit is frozen they will send a confirmation code via us mail to the last known address from your last tax return once you get that code you can complete account setup with the irs accounts you can get transcripts of the prior year tax returns with the ssa accounts you can sign up for benefits including disability you don't want your father being able to do either of those things in addition to the freezes in place at transunion equifax and experian add check systems to the list of agencies where you have a freeze they are often used in association with banking like checking and savings accounts if you haven't yet get at least one copy of your credit report from the free annual credit report website due to the pandemic they are offering free weekly reports through april 2021 so don't wait look for anything you're unfamiliar with but understand that some accounts don't show up the way you expect for example from when i had one a home depot charge card used to show up as cbna thd if an account does not look familiar the report should have enough information that you can track down the company that extended the credits and get more information good luck hascap 2010 asks why why why do some parents do this sort of thing do they think their adult children will just meekly go along with it do they want to lose all respect in contact with their children and grandchildren and opie replies i have no clue why my dad is so narcissistic and definitely plays a lot of control games on some level i feel like he thought he wouldn't be caught and wouldn't be held accountable it's really sad how it's all played out but he won't ever get to meet his grandchildren now hopefully this will teach him some kind of life lesson that you can't go invading people's privacy like this i'm not sure if you have social media but make sure to never post pictures of this child or any future children yeah we've been going back and forth on that one i've blocked my dad on all social media and i have my instagram privates and my facebook set so you can only view my profile and cover photos i feel like we'd be safe to post pictures in that case but maybe it still isn't definitely something we need to look more into and our last comment by cheerily terrified says i'm glad it's worked out as much as it can be if going to see your father one more time was the right move for you then it was the right move for you and well done for actually going to the authorities that's really brave and a positive step yeah it was definitely scary reaching out to the authorities but i'm glad i did it for sure they've been so helpful and it makes me feel one step closer to my father not being able to pull this again i have to ask how did he get access to your computer to put the key logger on that concerns me he was the one who originally bought the computer for me it's five years old and i got it when i was still living at home and before my parents were separated unreal not that i'm ever glad to hear about a person like this but i'm glad you're safe do you have cameras for outside of your house we did end up getting those camera doorbells installed on both the front and back doors he's never been violent before but we definitely didn't want to take chances either he sounds like the kind of person to go through your garbage not get violent well i think that's where i'm gonna end today's episode guys i do hope you enjoyed and i'd love to know your opinions on these ones today as always i do hope you've had a good day night sleep whatever you're up to and i'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 17,773

Rating: 4.8865247 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: oO2TePY62hY

Length: 153min 54sec (9234 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 21 2021