r/AmiTheA**Hole For Kicking My 'ANXIOUS' Daughter Out For Being Lazy?!

good day there guys no one is a match for my incredible debating skills in my head in the shower it's marky and welcome back to another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content i want you to sit back relax chuck a like on the video and tell me what you think of it down in the comments posted by user throwra2452t5 titled am i the a-hole for not taking my daughter's anxiety seriously i 46 male have a daughter 19 female who has anxiety she was fine both socially and mentally before but around age 12 to 13 something happened to her i'm guessing that it's her starting high school that made her start having it because she would skip class constantly and fake being sick all the time this made her social life crumble and me and her argue all the time she currently still lives with us doesn't have any friends or a job she mostly spends time on the computer she gets panic attacks from needing to do things like make a phone call or answer the door most of this anxiety seems to come from her not wanting to grow up or being scared of the world i was first sympathetic but it's gotten to the point where she's a freeloader who doesn't try to do anything i don't hate her but i wish she'd move out so me and my wife could have some time while we don't focus all of our time and attention on her anymore but on each other yesterday she went to a job interview and she was understandably nervous i was too when i got my first job and i tried to make her know she can do it i was really happy she decided to try and become independent and hoped this would lead to a chain of events making us free from her it went great until she called crying and said she apparently was too scared to continue the interview and ran away when she said to the interviewer she just needed to go to the bathroom this was the last straw for me i yelled at her saying it's time to grow up and she can't let her fears control her and she has to get a job or i'm kicking her out of the house i was tired of letting her rule the household just because her mind was a little screwed up she got really upset when she came home and wouldn't talk to me my wife who coddles her quite a lot got really mad at me saying to me that she needs time am i the a-hole i mean she's 19 right now there is time to go op and the world isn't in a great place currently i don't think you can blame someone with anxiety for having it become so much worse in these times and you know not getting better because you are not supporting them i get that you feel like there is a line where she should be better but i feel like you also don't understand mental illness quite enough and you're coming from a place of huge ignorance if the situation isn't suiting you maybe it's time for you to leave and to work on yourself some more because it's obvious that your daughter does need help i think that you are the a-hole in this situation you sound like an awful parent who doesn't love their kid and you're seriously hoping that reddit will validate and say anything other than you're the a-hole first of all you clearly have no idea what caused your daughter to switch from outgoing to an anxiety crippled person at age 12 to 13. you automatically dismiss it as something petty like starting school but it could have been triggered by something serious such as sexual assault or severe bullying rather than get to the bottom of it and being supportive you have dismissed her throughout her teenage years as being a pathetic inconvenience and a freeloader no wonder she hasn't confided in you or gotten any better secondly you have clearly done no research on anxiety and depression or looked up the symptoms these mental health issues can cause actual physical symptoms which are scary and difficult to cope with such as palpitations a tight feeling in the chest of not being able to breathe panic attacks nausea stress headaches profuse perspiration exhaustion yet rather than trying to understand what she's going through by researching it or providing your daughter with a safe space you berate her call her lazy and threaten to kick her out third it would seem that because you dismiss everything that she's going through that you haven't bothered to get your daughter help therapy and counselling can help with the underlying issues that have caused your daughter to withdraw and feel this way and can also teach coping mechanisms so that she can gradually get better at coping with her symptoms a lot of people with her condition also take medication you won't get your daughter help yet you expect her to get better she can't just flick a switch and suddenly be okay if she had broken her back in a car accident would you expect her to suddenly start walking tomorrow and berate her if she couldn't or would you understand that she needs months of physical therapy and assistance recovering from any type of illness mental or physical requires treatment and support lastly 19 is a very young age at which to withdraw support from your kid in case you hadn't noticed the world sucks and has done for young people for a number of years rental prices lower wage for under 21s and the high cost of living screw young people big time and that was even before the pandemic and so most young people continue to live at home until some point between 25 to 30. the economy in most countries is collapsing because of the pandemic and unemployment is high yet you expect your daughter to do what a lot of people can't and get a job whilst also battling a mental health issue i just can't get over how many ways you're the a-hole if you don't love her or can't bring yourself to act like you do maybe you would be doing her a favor by cutting her off yeah don't exactly see how opie could possibly see themselves as in the right in this situation everything they wrote just shows how much he doesn't care about his daughter's well-being you're the a-hole posted by user am i the a-hole boob padding titled am i the a-hole for asking my date why her boobs got smaller i am or i guess i was dating this girl amanda we went on a couple dates together and we decided to have sex today so we went to my place and after she tidied up her boobs got noticeably smaller i just asked her because i thought she was patting it's not like her bra was padded because she was still wearing it it turns out she used a prosthetic breast because she had a mastectomy after surviving breast cancer the thing is i never knew any of this she never told me and safe to say we didn't have sex that night and she called me an a-hole for pointing her out on her lie i seriously don't know why i'm the a-hole some of my female friends also said i was being an a-hole because i shouldn't ever say that to a woman they compared it to my dick which makes no sense you can't see dick cleavage so am i the a-hole i don't know opie if you wear some nice sweatpants some gym pants maybe you can see a little bit of dick cleavage just saying but it's definitely a sensitive issue for her i don't know why you would say that i guess in the heat of the moment your monkey brain turned on and you're just like hey look at that i wasn't expecting this it's not okay to say it's just not all right opie you're an a-hole for doing what you did i'm not surprised she broke up with you i hope you take this as a lesson to not point out people's flaws in front of them especially something as serious as this she's lucky to have survived breast cancer a lot of people don't and you should feel bad for doing what you did opie you're the a-hole you're the a-hole you say that you called her out on her lie of using prosthetic breasts but one wouldn't say that someone using a realistic prosthetic leg was lying about having a real leg you didn't know and it's okay that you didn't know but asking her why did your chest get smaller when she's partially or fully naked and vulnerable really is a dick move a good general rule is that you should never assume that something that appears cosmetic is purely cosmetic and you should afford those things the same respect and grace you would give to someone with a condition that impacts their life even if she was patting and stuffing how is it a lie push-up bras aren't lies makeup isn't lies waist supports are not lies changing your appearance is not lying it's just taking agency over what you want to look like you're the a-hole you can't see dick cleavage the point is that you just point blank asking her why her boobs got smaller was rude just like someone seeing your small penis and saying why is your penis small would be rude it doesn't matter that her boobs changed sizes it's not a big deal it's not something you need to address up front that's just so childish and rude i'm sure it was weird seeing her with noticeably smaller boobs but bro you gotta keep it to yourself you were probably gonna get laid and then messed it up because you have no class or tact people don't have to disclose these things like that to people they barely know you're writing it like her not telling you she had cancer was some betrayal to you like lying about an std or being a nazi people don't have to talk to people about their traumatic health issues with the person they've gone on a couple of dates with how would you feel if you had to have a piece of your body chopped off and then you wore something to help make you feel normal afterwards and some jerk called you out on it like you were a lying fraud or something evaluate yourself man you sound insanely petty and i hope this poor girl has the wits to stay away sir whilst i understand your disappointments i also hope you do see the irony of your behavior as well you think she lied about her boob size even though she has not explicitly lied to you about the actual size i'm assuming both of you haven't had a discussion prior to that night but why isn't it also then that you lied to her about your expectations that you require that the woman that you date to have a certain boob size yet she didn't discuss her actual boob size but neither did you reveal your expectations as well would your lack of discussion then constitute as lying you're the a-hole because she's not obliged to tell you her medical history that isn't lying you can't force cancer survivors to show their scars to the world when they aren't ready for it not the a-hole i seriously don't understand the people saying otherwise you're on a date with the possibility of having sex potential partner goes into a different room and comes back with a significant and immediately noticeable physical change with no previous explanation of why that change would be happening that could absolutely be a red flag that this person isn't who you think they are it's perfectly fudging reasonable to ask about it i get it if she was a little embarrassed but she can't be mad about him asking when she has never warned him before had opie asked just out of surprise and curiosity then it'd be a no a-holes here situation what makes opie the a-hole is that she explained and it sounds like he went on about it and when typing it up here he calls it a lie this sounds a lot like men who think women who wear makeup are lying you're the a-hole she was missing a body part and didn't tell him it's not the same he was surprised and put his foot in his mouth and could not process it fast enough he might be an idiot but if he is an a-hole then she is as well because she did not prepare him i say no a-holes here posted by user am i the a-hole told a baby titled am i the a-hole for explaining my pregnancy to my friend's child i'm pregnant and it's a source of fascination for one of my very close friend's daughter she's constantly asking me about it and is thrilled to touch my belly and see the baby growing apparently she's been asking tons of questions about it and my friend told her daughter some age-appropriate version of what's going on next time i saw her daughter she told me that she knew all about how the baby was growing in my tummy well obviously a baby is not growing in my stomach so i asked her what her mother told her and she told me a very inaccurate frankly strange telling of how babies are made so i told her the truth i think my version was still kid-friendly but i told her the facts of conception and that sort of thing and explained where the baby really is i also explained that you don't always need to have a husband and gave her the basics of sperm and egg etc yeah so excited about her newfound knowledge she told her mother everything that i told her and now my friend is furious with me and isn't speaking with me for undermining her parenting and introducing her daughter to concepts she's not ready to fully explain i still think if my friend is going to be using me as a teaching moment she should at least teach her daughter what's right i also personally don't believe in lying to kids and given how sexual education is lacking in my country i think it's important to start the conversation young do away with misinformation and make sex less mysterious so that open communication can be had am i the a-hole yes it's not your kid it's not your turn to parent this kid you had no right to be undermining her parenting like that genuinely your reasoning for thinking that you can educate this kid just because sexual education is lacking in your country and you don't believe in lying to kids it doesn't hold water like you think it does you're just going to destroy friendships and people are going to give you the side eye for this it's socially unacceptable behavior you should know that it's socially unacceptable behavior and it's genuinely doing no one any favors you may continue to tell yourself that you're doing the god's work all you want but you're really just disadvantaging everyone it's not doing anyone any good while she's still this young and you're the a-hole when the girl was telling you what mommy said that should have been a pretty clear indicator to you about how your friend wanted to address these intimate conversations with her child it doesn't matter whether or not you disagree with the approach it was not your place to approach this i agree with you that it's important to be honest with kids but there's also such a thing as age-appropriate readiness you don't give her daughter's age but it sounds like she's pretty young giving honest details is not a call you get to make yep i'm a kindergarten teacher the amount of times i've been asked about where babies come from is more times than i can count and while i definitely could have given a kid-friendly version of the facts i always told them to go ask their families one day i remember my kiddos were talking about polar bears we had just finished a unit comparing polar bears and penguins one of my girls helpfully chimes in i know about polar bears boy polar bears have balls and girl polar bears have vaginas i called her over and immediately said that while i thought it was great that she had all this knowledge some families don't want their children to know these things yet so she had to keep it to herself for now i can't imagine just overriding a parent's wishes like that unless the parent is teaching their child to be outright racist or homophobic against other people posted by user am i the a-hole punctuality titled am i the a-hole for putting my low-functioning autistic brother in a permanent care home and not letting him live with me my 29 older brother liam 35 name changed was born with low functioning autism since i was born my life and my choices and everything i wanted to do took a back seat compared to my brother my parents doted on him and bought him everything anything i would ask for got shot down they always told me that he needed things to stay calm and i should adjust since i was not autistic he was not expected to do anything around the house even though he was fully capable of doing a lot of things and i had to do everything from cooking to taking care of him while both my parents worked i had nothing memorable in my childhood as i spent all of it taking care of him as i grew older my mother would always say that it was my responsibility to take care of him when they pass away to have him live with me so he will always have family and that i was born to take care of him she would tell me i'm an angel for my brother to help him in his life i hated it i had dreams of my own goals i wanted to achieve but my friends and parents told me i was being insensitive but when i hit 18 i took off i left home and moved across the country and left a note saying i will be doing what i want and did not care about what my parents wanted me to do my family and friends called me heartless and bombarded me with calls demanding i come back but i refused and cut contact recently my parents passed away i got a call from my cousin one of the only people who seemed to understand having been away from them for so many years i did not feel anything but a slight sadness i traveled to my city and was told that my brother was living with our aunt temporarily i visited him before the funeral and my family pretended like they had not spent all these years calling me heartless and sending me hate they hugged and welcomed me it was strange then they gave me all the bags with my brother's stuff and told me that he would be moving in with me i laughed which seems to anger them i told them that if they were going to dump my brother on me i will put him in a care home the whole family erupted into screaming at me and i left the house i decided i had to get this over with and called up a reputable care home in my city and made provisions for my brother to stay there permanently i picked my brother up and a week later dropped him off there he didn't mind and he never speaks but said goodbye and nothing else i'm paying for this out of my own pockets my wife told me that he can live with us if it was required but i said that is not happening my family found out and have been blowing up my phone again calling me an abandoner a horrible person and insensitive my wife told me again that he can stay with us and i said i would hate that i spent 18 years of my life being not a child but a caretaker for my brother she understood but my family hates me even my cousin said i have made the wrong decision i feel more guilty than i ever have so i'm asking am i the a-hole edits i apologize for using the phrase low-functioning based on some of the comments here i've learned it is derogatory in my country it is just a term that shows how capable they are of individual living and did not have any negative connotations thank you for educating me i'm with op on this one i think you know he's done his 18 years the parents made it clear that he was not a son he was born to be a caretaker and you know maybe we can give them a pass if they never did that they just subtly hinted it but the parents made their intentions known that the brother was nothing but a caretaker to them and he was gonna be passed off once they died that is so incredibly heartless from the parents to do that to him and then to not make any other arrangements for their autistic son had this plan not come through they just put all their cards on one table probably blew all their money and then were like yup all right uh you're on your own now kid good luck they didn't care about either of their sons if you think about it they did not care about either of those children that is so heartless for those parents and the rest of the family of course they're going to be hypocritical they don't want to look after that son either why should they when they can just attack the one son who's done it all their life why should they expect him to do any differently because you know being a hypocrite is just all the rage these days god hate a man that wants to live his own life free from being a caretaker for someone after spending 18 years with them we can't have that everyone dog pile him now he's gonna take responsibility so that we don't have to i don't blame opie for any of the stuff they've done it kind of broke my heart seeing that he just said goodbye and he is in the home but it's the best option for that boy he is wanted in that care home he's not wanted with family he's not wanted with op so rock in a hard place this is the best choice op had to make it and hope he did it and i commend them for it not the a-hole you aren't born to be their caretaker if your family is getting so upset over it why aren't they stepping up and offering since it must be so easy to take care for them if they are willing to try and force it on you edits it was likely they were born with intent to be my wording was bad for this comment i'm also meant they shouldn't have been born with intent for them just to be the caretaker opi's family is upset because they don't want to be inconvenienced by the burden of being a caregiver i suspect they're embarrassed to themselves for not wanting to care for him and it's coming out as anger towards op not the a-hole not the a-hole if your family really cared about your brother and not about appearances then one of them would take him in you're in no way qualified to take care of a low-functioning autistic adult you have no credentials no studies based in specified medical health care i assume nor do you have the free time again i assume you're not a billionaire with nothing but time and money on your hands you haven't seen him for over a decade it's unreasonable unfair and wrong for them to assume that someone who hadn't seen him for an entire decade would just up and become a bona fide professional caretaker your parents were garbage i'm sorry to say how on earth could your mother literally just tell you while you were a child that you were born to become your older brother's caretaker like jesus looking at all of this makes me feel like you might be the only one who's looking at your brother as an actual person you are paying for professional care at a reputable place that can actually meet your brother's needs does your family not understand that your brother is a whole ass person taking care of a whole other human being with low functioning autism is different from taking care of a dog with special conditions it really sounds like your family just wants to look good i can't believe they packed everything and had all his bags ready to just get rid of your brother before the funeral even happens that's heartless how could they bag him up like a hamster that they're trying to pass off to someone else i think that as long as you check up on him every now and then make sure that the care home isn't abusing him or slacking on taking care of him then it's all good posted by user snowpainting9288 titled am i the a-hole for punishing my son after he said something racist about a week ago my 39 female family ordered chinese food for delivery when the delivery driver came to the door my daughter 16 female was taking the cat upstairs to put in her room because he always tries to eat the food my son 13 male loudly says make sure to hide the cat from the chinese guy as i'm at the door getting the food from the chinese delivery driver he very obviously heard what my son said and was upset by it i quickly apologized and took the food i told my son that racist jokes were completely unacceptable and very wrong and he refused to admit that he was in the wrong so later that night i forced my son to write a sincere apology to the delivery driver his name was on the receipt as well as write a one-page paper on chinese culture and a one-page paper on why racism is perpetuated by racist jokes and stereotypes then the next day i took him to the restaurant and had him read his apology aloud to the delivery driver as well as give him the papers he wrote the driver was very appreciative of the apology and thanked me for making my son do it he then told my son about multiple instances where he had faced racist comments and attacks from people while he was a delivery driver that night my husband 43 male and i got into an argument about me making our son do this he told me that it was embarrassing for our son to have to do the apology and that the punishment didn't fit the crime i told him that it was much more embarrassing for the driver to have to face that kind of racism and racist stereotypes and that our son would get over the embarrassment i do not condone any kind of hateful thinking in my house and the fact that my son said that embarrassed me as well my husband told me that it was just a joke and it wasn't that big of a deal i feel like i might have just overreacted some but i think it's important to help my son understand how what he said was wrong and hurtful i'm completely in agreement with the op here it was disgusting what the sun did and not everyone gets punished like that and that's a good way to stop the sun from doing it again in the future you gotta get a big old slice of humble pie and this is a great way to do it i don't get why the husband thought it was just a joke that's kind of enabling racism because it was a big deal you don't make those jokes to people's faces you can make those jokes to yourself all you want you just keep that to yourself but you do not say that to these people you do not you just do not be racist to people it is not a joke it is a big deal i support what opie has done and i like that they did it opie not the a-hole not the a-hole sounds like your husband could use the lesson too my first thought after hearing the dad's reaction guess why the sun thinks it's okay opie not the a-hole dad quite possibly the a-hole the son heard that cat comment somewhere could be that dad says bigoted things to their son when opie isn't around or at minimum doesn't counter hate speech when he hears it dad is definitely an ass but by the age of 10 kids will definitely have heard that stereotype in school or on the internet no matter how good a parent you are a kid will hear and pick up things from outside sources as a parent it's your role to not shelter them and expect them to never hear such things but to ensure that when they do they don't adopt them so that the kid knows what is acceptable and what isn't especially because you have no idea if he's saying this around other asian kids where there's even more damage i remember all the racism i faced in school that i had tiny eyes or i ate dogs or chinese people were barbaric and always drowned their girl babies uh i'm a girl and my parents didn't drown me but it left a lasting impression and often i wished i was white so i could be normal but if we fight back we're too sensitive people would taunt me with qinjong and tell me to go back to where i came from but if i called them white people in the context of i'm tired of white people treating us like that it was not all white people stop stereotyping us even if they had just made the dog-eating joke anyway not the a-hole op thanks for teaching your kids to do better not the a-hole your son may have been embarrassed but he should be embarrassed for having said a racist jerk that kind of joke is meant to embarrass and humiliate the target the delivery guy you did right by your son by turning that around and showing him that his attitudes and jokes are the real embarrassment soon he will be too old to teach not to be racist you are a great parent and i hope your son takes this lesson to heart yup the driver is the wronged party here not the son like you said he should have felt embarrassed by what he did the dad minimizing it as just a joke is meaningless and it's one of those things that people do to excuse stuff like that it's not okay and good on op posted by user throwaway392071 titled am i the a-hole for making fun of a white girl for being poor because she was being racist i'm asian more specifically one of the only chinese people in my grade which has been absolutely fun these days so the girl in question has been racially harassing me since the beginning of lockdown when she dm'd me and said did the bat taste good thanks a lot you fudging freak i reported her to my school and they literally just dropped it because they said tensions were high and she couldn't be blamed because her uncle had the virus some bs like that then i got repeated messages like that from fake and newly created accounts that i suspect were from her and i just kept blocking them until i guess she gave up because i wasn't reacting my school district has chosen to do in person massively dumb in my opinion but whatever on the literal second day of school she walks up to me while i'm in my lunch line and says in a thick asian accent are you eating bat dumb ring or dog noodle other people around me fudging laughed and i'm sure i don't have to explain this but i felt fudging humiliated i finally felt like i got her off my back for a little while and she comes back as soon as school starts and i already know my school administration isn't going to go to bat for me i don't know a lot about this girl since obviously i try to avoid her but i did know that she had crappy teeth lived in a trailer and was very poor i'm ashamed to have stooped to this but i just wanted to show her how i felt for once so i said i'd be less concerned with what i'm eating if i were you and more worried about your diet since you're the one who needs to figure out how to brush her teeth in a trailer with no running water stop trying to get sent to a hospital when you can't afford healthcare other students nearby me told me i went too far because it wasn't her fault she was poor like it was my fault i was asian she literally fudged and cried like i didn't cry every time she called me a fudging stink hmm she left me alone ever since though which doesn't matter since i plan on transferring anyways there's really not much i can add to this one it's a very apparent you're not the a-hole in this situation sometimes it's not okay to lash out at people like that i feel like this is a rare circumstance where you know what just let it out let those frustrations out she's given you more than enough you know room where it's justified in their response she's disgustingly racist and we've learnt from the last story that racism ain't cool kids don't do it so yeah opie not the a-hole backing down to bullies never works you have to hit back or they never stop it's sad but true narcissists and other entitled people only responds to extremely firm boundaries and harsh consequences if they break them she's young so she may actually have learnt something learned this the hard way i always thought being kind will set an example but in this world nope the girl probably targeted you to make her feel less bad about her crappy life and good job for transferring what a crap school being kind does set an example in regular situations but when you get bullied or someone is being a dick it's better to just be a dick back and solve it that way worked for me not the a-hole in my opinion i was made fun of for being gay as a kid and developed a sharp tongue by way of defense i would often get in trouble for making kids cry even though i was defending just myself just be careful of how you hurt people and recognize that you have the power and yield it with responsibility not to be a jerk but this is probably the case with a trailer park girl as well she makes fun of others because she has gotten made fun of herself happy and secure people don't bully others i don't care that opie did that though sometimes you have to stand up for yourself nah i don't think the trailer girl is making fun of others her behaviors are unacceptable and racist making fun of others is an unacceptable thing to do whether racist or not racism is just one way of making fun of others it's not even the worst you could make fun of someone because their sibling died or because their parents are drug addicts posted by user courage classic 6141 titled am i the a-hole for making fun of a woman for being in her 40s and single this whole saga started because my husband took my last name a couple weeks ago he got his workplace to change it and his co-workers found out about half of them think this is the funniest thing ever and about half are deeply offended brenda is in the offended half and has made that clear he and i are in a group chat with his co-workers where we organize carpooling during this pandemic it is very helpful to us so we can't leave the chat since he changed his name my husband and i have been dealing with a lot of dumb jokes in the chats which we have been mostly ignoring yesterday brenda his co-worker and i got into a bit of a spat i messaged the group chat asking if someone could take my husband home since i wouldn't be back from work until late and needed the car one of his other co-workers agreed and i thought that was that brenda messages the group saying maybe if you spent less time at work and more time being a wife your husband wouldn't come into work with dirty shirts i took this as a bad joke initially my husband is a rural mail carrier so his shirts look like shirts worn by someone in 90 degree heat on dusty roads i do wash them but there's only so much to be done i say i could make cleaning those shirts my full-time job and it wouldn't do much lol she says you won't be married very long if you keep trying to be the man in the relationship i'd be embarrassed as a wife if i did so little for my husband and i say well i work more hours and pay the bills so i think he can oxi clean his own shirts if it's so important maybe you should learn to take proper care of your husband or you'll find yourself divorced i'll let you know when i need relationship advice from someone who's 42 and single now apparently brenda is going around and saying that i mocked her for being single in her 40s i don't care if someone is single in their 40s but i think it's absolute bullcrap that she can call me a bad wife but i can't point out that she has no frame of reference am i the a-hole reddits edits people keep asking why i need to help arrange rides in the first place when my husband is out on deliveries he rarely has cell service so if i find out late that i'm going to be home late i need to be able to reach his co-workers directly multiple spouses are in the chat for the same reason edit too people are saying that i've hurt my husband's feelings by saying i pay the bills after reading the exchange he sent me a text saying sometimes i forget your little hard [ __ ] who takes no prisoners i'm so proud lol he's fine i asked him just now if my comment about the bills hurt him and he said oh yeah it's so hard having a hot wife who makes good money really tough pray for me i can see why some people might think that op is an a-hole for saying that it's not always great to take a jab at people like that but again it's another situation where this woman was asking for it and you're not gonna put her in her place when she's being rude to you like that out of nowhere like what did op do to warrant this woman's spite i don't see it coming from any logical place it seems that that was coming from a place of jealousy and complete self-consciousness there is no justifying that woman's attacks i think hopey was justified to do what they did not the a-hole and it's good to stand up for yourself in these situations not the a-hole i don't even think i need to explain why she brought this on herself it's like watching wiley coyote trying to catch the falling anvil only to hold up a little umbrella and a sign saying what am i doing not the a-hole what the hell brenda mind your own single business yeah brenda needs to wind her neck in sounds like a jealous bitter one obvious not the a-hole brenda was the aggressor and super condescending and pretty sexist in my opinion and you hit her back with a zinger now salty brenda wants to play the victim p.s am i the only one who thinks it's odd that you had to ask the husband's work group for a ride home for him and him not just asking himself endop says he was already out delivering when i got told i was staying late and there's not always cell service by the way your husband's response to pray for him made me snort laugh congrats on being an awesome couple not the a-hole at all she came out of left field and started insulting you for no reason on top of that she interjected herself into your marriage your retort was logical what business does she have giving people unsolicited marriage advice when she's not in a successful marriage herself for the future don't engage simply say something like your remarks are inappropriate i will not lower myself and respond to such comments do not speak to me unless you have something relevant to carpooling to say no p replies i did say that to her once after an unsolicited rant about men who changed their last names and manish women but she didn't stop posted by user short substance titled am i the a-hole for cutting my kid's day out short i've been looking after my daughter 13 alone for the past few months because my wife is stranded abroad and can't get back into the country due to the pandemic it's been pretty good mostly because i've been able to work from home yesterday however i had a crucial work meeting about a major contract so to avoid distractions i sorted out a play date with one of my daughter's friends for the day and i dropped her to the friend's house about an hour away i drive over i drop her and drive back by about half 10. i'm about 20 minutes into what should be a two-third contract negotiation when i get a text from my kid asking if we can get mcdonald's on the way back now that was a code message i'd said to her to say that if you're feeling uncomfortable with the situation or what's going on call me or text me or mum that and we'll come and get you wherever you are and it wouldn't be obvious to anyone listening that she's trying to get away i text her back all okay and she just texts back saying i'm very hungry please get mcdonald's on the way back at this i'm worried so i make excuses to my partners who were annoyed by my dipping outs and i start to rush over there when i get there everything is fine turns out it was just a prank she'd told a friend about the message and they both thought how cool it would be if they made me drive back up again i was incensed i told her that that was the end of the playdate and how disappointed i was i also said we were going back home that instance i made my apologies to the friend's mum and took my kid home my daughter complained to her mum how i cut the playdate shorts and now she wasn't allowed to go out with another friend the next week my wife spoke to me and said she agrees with me that our daughter did wrong but said it might be easier for everyone if we let her go out next week i said no and that not only had she made it hard to trust her again if she is in genuine danger which is the worst thing she also unknowingly lost my company six figures in lost business i had to email my side of the presentation to a partner and because it wasn't their area of expertise they didn't impress the clients while i know that isn't directly their fault i still believe that actions should have consequences and it doesn't make me particularly vindictive to see those followed through yeah so i'm guessing this is the first time the daughter has had to deal with consequences like this by the sounds of it and it was a prank and actions have consequences as do a lot of things classic case of the boy who cried wolf in this situation and she does need to know that it's only an emergency you can't be playing with fire with this i can see why the mum wants to let her go hang out with friends next week to be fair but i don't know if the daughter would learn her lesson if you did let her go and do that so i think the unfortunate reality here is that you do need to cancel that second meet up as well and really drill into the door to the reality of the situation like there are places you're going to find yourself where you genuinely need to do this and the consequence of you doing this today is you've lost my company a lot of money i know it doesn't particularly pertain to the family dynamic but it's still very important overall so in conclusion opie is not the a-hole classic example of play stupid games win stupid prizes your daughter knew that the code meant that she needed to leave right then and there and made you drive all the way back and skip work she deserves her punishment and maybe even more i'd ground my kid from several things for that she knowingly made you think she was in a bad situation and had you drive all the way there when she knew you had important work don't budge on your decision yup and honestly it's a perfect consequence she made opie leave work to come get her her play date is over simple as that i think a few lectures need to be added in too business conference for opia's side what if something happened to op while he was rushing to get his daughter that was crying wolf i actually think you're being pretty lenient in her punishment op not the a-hole she's 13. go ahead and let her know there were business consequences and what they were let her know that she put op on thin ice and their job is shaky and that if they lose their job the results will be x y and z she needs to know that there are real world consequences too she's old enough to know that she cost the company money and put dad's job in jeopardy perhaps next time she wants not needs an expensive item she can be reminded of this i would love to get that for you but you cost us that bonus so we can't afford it do it only once unless she shows no remorse and for those who are going to say this makes it look like work and money is more important than her he proved that she's more important when he dropped everything to go and get her she definitely has to do some work to get his trust back 13 is definitely old enough for that if opi's actions are genuinely done without resentment vindictiveness or even undue blame and are actually used simply as a teaching moment of actions have consequences i think these are more than adequate measures to take if op outright explains that you are my number one priority especially when you're potentially uncomfortable or in danger i want you to trust me to come and drop everything to come and get you when you use that phrase or if you ever otherwise ask or need me to but in return i need to also be able to trust you you damaged that trust with this prank and i don't ever want to have to ask you if you're sure you're uncomfortable or feeling threatened i think she will understand that these punishments aren't vindictive but consequences for breaking your trust in her at the very least she will think twice before ever pulling something like this again posted by user throw ra ruka titled am i the a-hole for building a fence and blocking my neighbors from the road forcing them to take a massive detour so i'm the owner of a large house with a huge property surrounding it when i bought my property five years ago i basically lived at least five minutes away from the nearest house however the villages and towns have been expanding and as a result started developing houses next to my property i was fine with it nothing i could do about it to begin with but my property is big enough not to really notice to begin with or so i assumed it's good to mention i basically pulled out a bunch of trees when i moved here and made a dirt road with gravel of sorts to allow me easy access to the main road nearby instead of driving all the way around to access the main road well soon after people started moving into the houses i noticed that people basically used my little road to access the main road nearby and kids used to my field to play football i was pretty much okay with it because it wasn't bothering me or inconveniencing me until a few months later that was basically whenever people had a party or a gathering i noticed my road and the field which they drove over was full of cars and a few weeks later some people straight up started using it as a parking area i had multiple talks with multiple people and the results ranged from apologetic people moving their cars to aggressive people who told me to go f myself i finally had enough and started getting cars towed which led to people yelling at my girlfriend in particular as such i build a large stone fence around my entire property well multiple neighbors including the aggressive ones were all apologetic and asked me to remove the fence and how sorry they were for using it as they basically had to add 15 to 20 minutes to their travel time to work without my shortcuts i told them to go f themselves and get the f off my property and if i saw them there again i'd be letting my dogs loose however this is also impacting the nice neighbors so i am conflicted it really uh looks like one of those situations where it's all or nothing if you start letting the nice neighbors through eventually it might turn into one side versus the other and humans are tribal and we really don't want to do that because you will start so much more drama than it's worth either you let everyone in or you let no one in seems to be the simple solution and either choice you're not the a-hole for doing so it's your property you get to do whatever you want with this unfortunately these people have abused their privileges and that's just life not the a-hole your property your rules also if you didn't do this you could potentially have ended up giving them a right-of-way easements without realizing it depending on your local laws don't budge leave the fence maybe they will think in the future about asking for permission instead of forgiveness i didn't right-of-way applies if they need my property to access their own they can all leave their property as my house is next to the road not any houses what starfleet was saying is that you were in danger of creating a legal right-of-way across your property by allowing your neighbors to use that as shortcuts if you allow it for too long not only do you lose the right to block it off you also become liable for its maintenance and any injuries or accidents that occur due to lack of it glad i blocked it off then not the a-hole this was the right call invite the nice neighbors into their kids over for a nice barbecue once it's safe to do so you can totally find ways to be friendly without letting the crap neighbors take advantage of you or put you in a bad legal situation congrats on the new fence it'll be the best neighbor you'll ever have invite neighbors over and apologetically say that you had to do it because insurance was getting sky high if you want you can talk to a tax planner and discuss their donating the corner nearest their houses to the town for a playing field i think tax laws will allow you to write off the cost of the land that way and the town will then have the cost of the insurance and upkeep but make sure to write in that the gift is conditional and ownership will revert to you if they try to sell it to a developer or build on it posted by user am i the a-hole nice lifestyle titled am i the a-hole for refusing to support my niece's lifestyle so my sister and her husband was sent to prison at the start of this year and sadly won't be released for a few years that left me to look after their 15 year old daughter amy i was perfectly happy to do this but as most of their wealth was seized for being ill-gotten it means that i've been having to take care of her out of my own pockets once again this doesn't bother me but it's meant massive life changes for the kid firstly they sent her to a private school i can't afford anywhere near those fees so i had to transfer her to a local school she was upset at this at first but she quickly made friends and is excelling academically so this isn't a huge problem she's been off school for the last few months anyway due to the situation a bigger problem is clothing like my sister amy loves fashion and designer stuff she's still got a lot of stuff that her parents got her but she's always on the lookout for new clothes unfortunately i can't afford anywhere near the sort of stuff that she likes and i also have two children of my own whose clothing i have to pay for i've told my sister this but she insists that i should make allowances because her daughter is going through a tough time amy also really doesn't get along with my daughter hannah who is 11. she bullies her calls her stupid and ugly tells her none of her friends really like her etc she's made her cry on many occasions and often continues to taunt hannah while she cries yesterday i caught amy trying to buy a dress costing over a thousand with my card i was fuming and had a long conversation with her she cried and sobbed that she just wanted one nice thing my sister called from the prison and amy cried over the phone that she hates it here and i treat her unfairly i spoke to my sister afterwards and she begged me to go easy on her daughter because she's still adjusting i put food on this kid's plate i buy her whatever clothes i can afford even if they aren't to her taste i take her to visit her parents as much as possible they are held in different facilities and i do all of that on top of working and looking after my own children i told my sister that i was willing to look after her daughter for as long as she needs but if anything like the card incident happens again or if she continues to pick on my daughter there will be serious consequences for her my sister wanted to argue but they get limited time on the prison phone i think what i'm doing is right i get that the kid is going through a tough time and i'm doing everything i can to be there for her but i just can't tolerate bad behavior or bullying and i can't afford to pay for her expensive clothing the fact that she's struggling to deal with what happened to her parents doesn't change that and i'm on op's side for this one as well it's not op's fault that this girl is having such dramatic changes in her lifestyle and if you can't support it you shouldn't be expected to support it she's got two parents in prison for god's sake can she not adjust it is possible for people to adjust in this life and as much as that would suck for you from going from a rich lifestyle to one where you're not rich anymore you have to adjust and the parents it seems are coddling this child and putting undue expectations on rp that's not fair to opi in the situation do they want the kid to go into foster care because they're gonna be even worse off in that situation there's no winning if you continue to cuddle this child opie not the a-hole please help bring her back down to reality not the a-hole your sister is at a whole new level of entitlement here her own choices have placed amy in this situation and it's fallen on you to care for her you have stepped up and it sounds like you're doing a bang-up job your responsibilities are to ensure her that amy is fed clothed housed educated and loved and supported you're doing all those things your responsibilities do not extend to buying amy designer clothing much less a dress that costs 1 000 if you are on a budget amy is indeed going through a tough time but she needs to learn a couple of tough lessons namely your income can't cover the same lifestyle that her mother's ill-gotten funds did she has not owed designer clothes using your credit card without your permission is absolutely stealing and is not justified by just wanting one nice thing good for you for role modeling some sane and reasonable values for this poor girl before she grows up to repeat all of her mother's mistakes posted by user anonymity throwaway titled am i the a-hole for wanting to bring the partner of my brother to his funeral a little over a month ago my little brother who was 26 passed away in a motorcycle accident his death was so sudden and hit the family very hard i honestly still can't believe it with the pandemic and now this unexpected loss we had no idea how to organize a funeral while dealing with our grief my brother always said that he wanted to be cremated when he died so at least we were able to honor his wish it also made it a little easier to take our time to plan a proper service for him without worrying about his body the week my brother passed i drove to his apartment to pick up some stuff and met his roommate i'll call him em who my sister already told the news only i came to find out m was more than that he was my brother's boyfriend of five years he was so heartbroken and upset he didn't even try to hide the fact that they were a couple while i was a bit surprised i had my suspicion growing up that he might like guys but i never said anything being his older brother and doll i figured that he'd come to me when he was ready i wound up staying for hours talking to em about my brother and going through photos since then i kept contact with him to see how he's coping and i started visiting a lot just so that we both had someone to talk to he's a great guy and i'm really happy my brother found someone like him to spend his years with having these talks with em have also made me feel a lot closer to my brother again my brother distanced himself from our family at 18 and didn't keep much contact with anyone even me despite us being as close as two brothers can be which looking back now i guess i can see why my family was finally able to organize a proper funeral service for my brother the service is scheduled for this friday we're still limited on how many people can be there so only close family will be attending and it'll be live streamed for everyone else i really think m should be at the funeral he just lost the love of his life and he really wants to be there too we decided to tell my parents he's a really close friend of my brothers my sister who apparently knew about them flipped when she found out she told me to not bring em because our parents will question who he is and it might expose the truth about my brother being gay since they never met him before we all argued over this and she pretty much thinks i'd be an a-hole for letting m possibly face ridicule from our family if they found out who he was because you know they're all close-minded and i'm also a terrible son if i upset my parents over my brother being gay while they're still grieving him this is all if they find out i don't know if they will but it still doesn't seem fair to not let em be there when he was such an important person in my brother's life i feel like it's only right to bring him but maybe i'm letting my emotions get the best of me and maybe someone with a different perspective can tell me i think i would be very upset if my partner died and i wasn't allowed to be at his funeral because some people are upset about my sexuality and they would rather never learn about me being the brother's partner than have me at the funeral that's honestly a heartbreaking reality and i imagine it's a reality for a lot of people and i wish it wasn't a reality but i think it's only right to bring him to the funeral i think he needs that closure i think he needs to grieve i think it's disgusting that anyone would ever consider keeping him from the funeral not the a-hole updates thank you so much to everyone for your support and ensuring me that we're doing the right thing here i know i won't be able to reply to every single comment so just wanted to express my gratitude also i did want to say since people keep telling me to warn em about my family he is aware about how they are since my brother told him all about them and knows what he might be dealing with if anyone finds out he still made the choice to be there and prefers being introduced as only my brother's best friend not because of my family's homophobic views but because he wants peace for himself at the funeral if anyone does find out though he won't be alone i'll be standing by his side so anybody wanting to cause problems will be dealing with me so please don't worry i won't let anyone ruin his last chance for us to say goodbye to my dear baby brother in a perfect world your sister's concerns wouldn't matter but it's not a perfect world to me if em knows the risks and is willing to come anyway let him maybe your parents will surprise you and be happy that your brother found someone so wonderful not the a-hole by the way endo p says i highly doubt it they're not the most open-minded people when it comes to the lgbt community m is aware of the risks and knows how my family is i really don't think there's a possibility he'll be outed somehow but my sister seems to think so m should be there and as your brother's long-term partner i think m can make the right choice about whether to present himself as the partner or the friend he shouldn't have to closet himself at his partner's funeral for the sake of your estranged parents but whatever m decides he should be there so sorry for your loss updates am i the a-hole for wanting to bring the partner of my brother to his funeral em went to the funeral and i introduced him to everyone as my brother's roommate and best friend my sister was visibly bothered but she didn't see anything as expected everyone including my parents were too upset to think about him being there and was still very welcoming towards him they didn't speculate or react the way my sister thought they would and i knew they wouldn't we were all focused on my brother it was a beautiful service i'm glad em was a part of this and that my brother got a proper send-off it was very difficult and it hurt so much to say goodbye i really hope we did right by my brother and it was how he would have wanted it thank you to whoever suggested an urn necklace that m could keep some of my brother's ashes in i brought this up to him and asked if that was something that he wanted i was going to get part for myself while my parents kept most of it and then i would just split the ashes with m m didn't know that was a thing but he said that he liked the idea he got himself a beautiful pendant to keep the ashes in and he really loves it so thanks again to the person who commented this it was a lovely suggestion and it means so much to him to have a piece of my brother with him at all times i still have kept contact with him since the funeral he's stopped by a couple of times and he's finally met my wife and daughter i also try to see him when i have the chance just to make sure he's okay this has understandably taken a huge toll on him he's told me he started talking to someone to help cope with the grief which i think is great i myself had a bit of a wake-up call that therapy was something i very much needed right away my wife brought it to my attention that our five-year-old has noticed that i've stopped eating and now she doesn't want to eat either unless i do i don't know i guess i haven't been able to eat because i feel like i don't deserve it if that makes any sense it hit me that what i'm going through was starting to affect my family so i'm currently looking up grief counselling in my area i've also made an effort to eat more in front of my daughter so she knows that i'm fine and it's okay to eat hiding the fact that it still makes me sick to my stomach things are still rough and wounds are yet to heal but we're all surviving thank you everyone for all your kindness and support it was very reassuring to know that this was the right thing and m deserved to be there thinking back now it should have been a no-brainer but emotions were high and it was better to get an outsider's perspective i appreciate everyone's inputs and i hope you all have a wonderful day bless you for accepting m with open arms and open hearts and minds you are a wonderful person for accepting your brother's partner without questions or judgments and giving him a safe place to express his grief and sorrow bless your soul for acknowledging your own sorrow is affecting your child you are a strong caring individual for accepting that you are not handling your sorrow well and that you need assistance processing and healing my heart goes out to you i am so terribly sorry for your loss you have a lot of healing to do but it seems that you have a great support system your brother's partner will need support as well and it seems like you were doing an amazing job at stepping in and stepping up i do believe that you too developing a friendship may help in the healing process take care darling and may your brother's soul be at rest and may your hearts be at peace and opie says thank you so much for your kind words they mean a lot i'm beyond grateful m and i have become close friends it's helped immensely and has made me feel so much closer to my brother than i have in years posted by user cue combo connoisseur titled am i the a-hole for eating too many cucumbers this is perhaps the most bizarre am i the a-hole post i have ever written but i'm honestly so confused i feel like i can't possibly be the a-hole but then sometimes people are too blind to see their own flaws so maybe i really am for as long as i can remember i've had this quirk i guess you could call that i never snack on anything other than cucumber i shouldn't say never technically since socially i'll get ice cream more eat a few chips at a party like i'm not a piggy eater by any means but my snack of choice has always been cucumbers i eat pretty healthily anyways so a lot of fruits and veggies are a part of my diet since veggies are lower in calories i have to eat a lot of them to eat enough so i'll usually have some sliced cucumber in my purse that i munch on throughout the day and i'll always have a cucumber in my car that i just eat whole when i'm driving i go through several cucumbers daily although it's not healthy i've had days where i felt really depressed and overwhelmed and binge eaten nothing but cucumber i think i've eaten perhaps 35 on very extreme days recently this quirk has begun to drive my 22 female boyfriend 33 male of 6 months insane his words not mine he says it's highly inappropriate to carry them everywhere with me we spent last weekend at his parents lake house and i provided my own cucumber to snack on one night before bed i was in my room gnawing on a cucumber like a savage when his mother walked in under normal circumstances i never would eat that around others i'd slice it up she was puzzled but chuckled and said oh my you do like cucumber my boyfriend later told me that i humiliated him with my childish and immature eating habits i told him that his mum caught me in a low moment he was being ridiculous since he eats a bag of chips every day and i don't bat an eye he told me that chips were a normal snack and whole cucumbers were deranged he told me i needed to stop eating cucumbers and that my behavior was a deal breaker for him i feel really bothered but i think cucumbers are a weird hill to die on and i don't want to lose my relationship so am i the a-hole edits i'd just like to add that my boyfriend has never expressed any issue with my cucumber habits before now the incident in question was because around 8 pm i was getting really hungry and i don't know his family super well so i didn't want to go rummaging and ask for a snack and i didn't want to bother them by asking for a cutting board or something to cut up my cucumber because of well mild social anxiety so i shot myself in the guest room and figured i'd just snack on a cucumber quick i don't usually go inside any cucumbers okay but then his mum walked in looking for my boyfriend presumably and was a little surprised but seemed amused and not upset or anything i honestly didn't think it'd turn into such a big deal for him i'm just gonna go out of the gates here and say not the a-hole i mean it's a bit peculiar that all you ever eat for a snack is cucumbers but there's worse things in this universe people just sculling tomato sauce that show my weird habits or whatever it is like that one woman that just eats couch cushion that genuinely makes my head spin i don't understand it i feel like cucumber is a nice sane habit to be having them judging you for that is really odd i can see why they think it's so weird but i don't think it's a deal breaker cucumber's nice it's a healthy snack literally nothing wrong with that in my books uh it's you know it's a bit odd that she just walked in on you like that but it is what it is i don't think you're an a-hole in this situation not the a-hole dump your boyfriend and enjoy your cucumbers note i personally find cucumbers disgusting and it would still never occur to me to care about this i mean it's not unusual but people have quirks and if he's controlling about cucumbers didn't think that'd be a scent inside right find a man with bigger concerns in his life this isn't a quirk it's disordered eating the boyfriend may be an a-hole but this is by no means a quirk or even remotely normal she does have a problem i would be concerned about this too although probably not because my mum saw her eat it what exactly is her problem how is it disordered i understand that nothing but 35 cucumbers in a day is definitely a problem but that sounded less like a pattern and more like a one-off instance caused at least in part by depression i'm genuinely curious am i missing something here yeah disordered eating can come in many forms and being so fixated on one food in a way that's clearly interfering with her life to the point that she has to hide her obsession is a pretty big sign this isn't quite the same thing but for reference there is an eating disorder centered around being obsessed with healthy eating called orthorexia that most people wouldn't realize is a problem not the a-hole i 22 female and my boyfriend 33 male was enough for me to be on guard and the rest of the story confirms it it's rich that he called you childish when he's dating someone so young i know right and opie i devour whole cucumbers all the time and bits and doll i love them as well don't feel bad about eating cucumbers and i doubt his mother made that remark to put you down to me it sounded more like an observation an attempt to make a little small talk he is the one with the problem not you updates am i the a-hole for eating too many cucumbers i didn't expect my first pose to really get any attention so i would like to thank you all for the taking the time to read it and giving your judgments to those of you who expressed concern for my cucumber addiction and that i have an eating disorder i can assure you that i am perfectly healthy i wouldn't consider myself addicted nor do i have an eating disorder at all i just really enjoy my cucumbers i can go days without eating them i don't need my cucumber fix it's just that if i'm going to snack i'd prefer to eat a cuke that's a really weird name for them but okay i would consider the amount i snack on cucumbers proportional to the amount my boyfriend or any normal person would snack on chips or other junk food i just occasionally eat more since they are so low in calories additionally i have had a few cucumber binges i am well aware that there is a notch healthy just like binging on junk food isn't healthy but that's extremely uncommon for me and for the most part i eat a well-balanced and healthy diet however i will talk to my doctor about it to ensure that it is not worrying as for my boyfriend we ended up calling it quits i was pretty hurt at first but i think perhaps his huge reaction to cucumbers was indeed a red flag for controlling behavior i think that he was trying to call my bluff expecting me to give up my cukes for him so the breakup took him a bit by surprise too how it went down was that i told him we needed to have a chat i told him that it was unacceptable to tell me what i was allowed to eat i added that if listening to me chow down on cucumbers was what bothered him as some of you in the comments noted i would avoid eating them when he was around apparently the very idea of me eating so many cucumbers was driving him nuts and not the noise i decided to try and compromise he was a pretty heavy drinker and will get drunk pretty often i know that it's very bad for his health and i have expressed that concern in the past i told him that i'd give up cucumbers if he gave up alcohol he declined my offer threw out a few uncreative insults and expletives and i am now writing this from my mom's couch with a cucumber in my hand and a cucumber in my heart i'm still unclear on why the cucumbers were such an issue why i could never eat them again why me suggesting he give up alcohol with such a big deal among other things but i guess i'll never know now edits thank you so much for the awards i'm so honoured and i'm really glad to know those are hugs i always thought they were judgmental ewoks edit too i seem to have forgotten to add this as it was a common question on the original post and i'm seeing it in the comments now no i did not eat 35 of those mammoth cucumbers my eating habits may be odd but i'm not completely insane i think on my last cucumber binge which occurs super rarely and it was quite a while ago i had maybe three or four big ones and the rest were mini cukes i do buy a lot of them at the grocery store but i have a cucumber dealer who hooks me up with huge batches and for those of you upset at my use of the word cuke here you go may your lives be enriched and that link is to the youtube episode of veggietales minnesota cuke and the search for noah's umbrella very interesting that is very interesting edit three just for some clarification for those who think my boyfriend is completely justified in his cucumber hate and that i'm a lunatic i agree sort of if he had been bothered by the chewing or concerned about my health i was ready to talk about it and work something out i didn't enter into the discussion for a fight or with the intention of breaking up his attempted grasp for control over my food wasn't even the reason why i broke up with him but when he started shouting at me and called me a [ __ ] which he had never done before i decided to end things imagine being dumped by your girl because she'd rather eat cucumbers than be with you i know that's not actually the reason but the thought had me howling and op says yeah he was pretty ticked you can take the cucumbers away from the girl but you can't take the girl away from the cucumbers just gotta say after reading your original post and update i thought hmm a nice fresh cucumber sounds pretty good right now went to my fridge and now typing this while munching on a cold crisp cuke huh that's absolutely fantastic good to know i wasn't the only one who read the first post and said damn i don't usually eat cucumbers by themselves but that actually sounds kind of good right now then for dinner i made a tomato and cucumber salad with balsamic vinaigrette and it was delicious i do tomato cucumber tossed with some feta cheese olive oil with sea salt and pepper stopping at the store on my way home i could go for some of that right now not gonna lie posted by user am i the ahole proposal 123 titled am i the a-hole for accepting an engagement last week my 25 female sister 27 female got married i went with my boyfriend 25 male of 5 years the reception was going great everyone was having a good time and then i turned around and saw my boyfriend kneeling he pulled out a diamond ring and asked me to marry him i said yes because i love him and i want to marry him we got some congratulations and then the party continued it didn't seem like it disrupted very much and it was after the actual ceremony a week has passed and my sister is really mad at me for accepting the engagement at her party i know my boyfriend probably shouldn't have done it at the wedding but it didn't disrupt it that much he was dropping hints for the past few weeks so i assumed it was coming soon but i didn't know it would be at the wedding obviously or i would have told him to wait as i see it it's not my fault i wasn't the one who decided to propose but i do want to marry him and i had to say yes or no so for me it was a clear yes but my sister has blocked me and my family is texting me angrily so reddit am i the a-hole not my boyfriend i'm asking for me well um i think both of you suck sorry proposing at a wedding if you've not asked permission is completely a no-go and even if you're put on the spot i feel like you say no and you say we'll talk about this later as much as that breaks your husband's hearts it's honestly like a cardinal sin in my book you just do not do it you do not steal the thunder at someone else's wedding even if it is after the ceremony as much as it sucks as much as you don't want to do it i feel like you have to say no we'll do this proposal later you've made an embarrassment of the both of us and i'm sorry you do such a disservice to your family when you accept that proposal as as hard as that is i understand it's hard so you're the a-hole for this one op you're the a-hole yes you were put in an awkward position and your boyfriend is the real a-hole here but you're the a-hole for playing it down as though it was nothing when in fact it's not cool at all to get engaged at someone else's wedding reception 100 this an apology could go a long way here op is technically right that she didn't propose but it's not the hill to die on boyfriend should apologize too you're the a-hole i was gonna say not the a-hole but you've agreed to marry a classless a-hole so it definitely calls your character into question and your dismissive attitude towards your sister just rubs me wrong i hope she announces her pregnancy at your wedding man i'd feel some kind of way about it if my husband used someone else's special occasion for his proposal it just seems so fudging lazy like you weren't even worth the efforts my thoughts exactly you're the aholop when you saw him kneeling there you should have said something to him then especially since it seems like you were expecting a proposal soon anyway instead of making it special for you he took the joy away from both you and your sister now this is the memory you'll both get to live with hope that it was worth it everyone sucks here your boyfriend is the huge rude insensitive a-hole you know it we all know it but instead of telling him to apologize to your sister and you apologizing as well you were acting dismissive of her anger towards the proposal as a whole yup plus op could have shut him down it's not hard to say don't do this here i mean at that point that would make a bigger scene i don't see how opie could have avoided it but her fiance needs to apologize right it's still a scene but walking away and pulling him out of the room is at least a don't ruin my sister's wedding scene which would make her not the a-hole especially with a big my boyfriend is a [ __ ] type apology instead op went with gosh this is not okay but yes followed by a what's the big deal apology posted by user dordier 3 titled am i the a-hole for ruining my wife's birthday trip by insisting either our son comes or no one goes long story but i'll keep this brief my wife's birthday was two weekends ago we had planned to go on a long camping trip of six days and everything was all set and paid for roughly three days before departing my wife got into a huge fight with our 12 year old son they have been getting into small arguments and butting heads more and more but nothing like this apparently he was playing minecraft on her laptop and downloaded something that crashed the computer nothing too terrible but my wife was worried her computer was permanently broken so there was a pretty easy solution to everything go to a repair shop but like always it devolved into a massive fight between them because our son was adamant he didn't do anything wrong and my wife was adamant he did it eventually got so bad my wife threatened to send him to stay with our neighbor by himself while we went on our trip if he doesn't confess he says fine leave without me so my wife made up her mind to actually leave him with a neighbor for six days while we go on our trip i tried to mediate but it's the night before and my wife is still set on dropping him off at the neighbors he's also upset and has packed his stuff in preparation at this point i basically put my foot down and said there's no way in hell we're actually doing this this is insane we're a family and if we can't go together we shouldn't go at all long story and lots of drama short the trip was cancelled my wife refused to let our son come along and i refused to leave him behind as a result she's accused me of ruining the one week this year she's been excited for i don't know if i did the right thing in the end edits to everyone asking about how the laptop broke it's a really old computer and my wife accidentally spilled orange juice over it roughly a year ago when the problem started the computer honestly crashes all the time and i've got no doubt my son's games over taxed it and crashed it again but i don't think his games were to blame for the problems starting edit 2 my son did have permission to play games and download specific mods related to the game limited to a site that we trust without our knowing so he didn't really break any rules by playing the game or downloading but the laptop was in incredibly poor shape and what used to be fine no longer was my wife just seemed to forget about all the other times the laptop crashed and pinned every problem on this one instance um i want to say everyone sucks here in this situation because this husband has done nothing to calm this wife down it seems like he's been sitting on the sidelines this entire time he would not be the a-hole if he mediated this from the start instead of waiting it out and seeing if the problem fixes itself i feel like you've got to have more self-awareness in these situations and be like you know what maybe the worst thing could happen in this situation and i should preemptively put the fire out i should tell the wife hey you've you've messed up this computer you've spilled orange juice on it he's a kid he's 12 years old he likes to play games computers crash all the time yours has been crashing all the time you can't give soul blame to this kid he's young we they all make mistakes especially 12 year olds it's not fair that you attack him like this your wife is a huge a-hole for doing what she did and i don't know that's a really strange relationship and i hope you do fix it so everyone sucks here because of that everyone sucks here going to a repair shop may be an easy solution to the problem of the broken computer but it doesn't resolve the issue of your son downloading something he shouldn't have and edit potentially lying about it i think excluding him from the trip was an overreaction but i also think you failed to have your wife's back in what was partly a disciplinary issue you say like always it evolved into a massive fight if this is the norm your family needs therapy i don't mean that flippantly you need to find better ways to resolve problems if your son's now 12 it's not going to get any easier as he enters the teen years and opie says to be clear i absolutely did have her back in the beginning i agreed that his games did crash the computer but she took it to another level and wanted him to confess to breaking it permanently the point i stopped backing her was when she wanted our son to confess to breaking the computer with his games because that's just not the case i told him to stop playing minecraft on her laptop but she wanted him to take responsibility for it going to crap in the first place that's why the fight got so bad and why i stopped defending her quickly after that i think you needed to defend your son yes your wife is your partner and you should parent from a united front however she overreacted when she took the camping trip away she went too far then she doubled down with you saying your son stays or no one goes that's all kinds of unreasonable she puts you in the judge jury and executioner position a punishment or some corrective action was due to the sun no computers for a month take his cell mow the lawn every day etc but not allowing him to go on a family trip would have set such a negative dynamic in motion within your family that you would be years coming back from it if ever not the a-hole op but some family counselling is in order and that's all kinds of unreasonable especially due to his age he's obviously not an extremely young child so he's at an age where he's got to be taking responsibility for his actions but still deliberately excluding someone who's not hit his teen years from a family holiday seems extreme and quite immature and counterproductive excluding him in that way is hardly going to improve the family dynamic going for a couple's weekend to get away from the responsibilities of parenthood is one thing and probably needed for most families to relax for a bit but parenthood is still a commitment and you can't just cut out your kids when they annoy you posted by user like lysie titled am i the a-hole for walking out of an intervention quote unquote i might be a little righteous but i hate cheaters i just lose all respect once i know someone had an affair my father-in-law left mother-in-law for his 20-something year younger mistress four years ago and as a result he has limited time with his kids i want to raise good people and i just don't trust his judgment my mother-in-law and i have a complicated relationship but i do let her see the kids whenever she wants she's a great grandma though i've been avoiding her since she sued us my mother-in-law texted the other day that she wanted to go to lunch and talk i was open to it because honestly she was in the right and we did owe her money i wish she didn't take us to court but it is what it is when i got there father and law and his wife were there mother-in-law started berating for me for being righteous and tearing the family apart and depriving father-in-law of his son and grandchildren she said i have no idea what happened or that she cheated first and broke his heart then she kissed his wife on the lips it was non-sexual but still what the hell and said see i accept her so you should too father-in-law started demanding for me to admit that they were right and i didn't know what to say so i just walked out dear husband says i should have at least explained myself and had an open conversation i kind of had to read back over that and understand just what the hell is going on why is the mother-in-law kissing the father-in-law's wife on the lips how is it non-sexual i what what is going on okay that's just a whole bunch of information that was opened up there i guess it makes this an everyone's sexier situation but only in this moment i'd say not the a-hole beforehand because they didn't have this knowledge seemingly or we didn't know that they had this knowledge so if they were cool with it the whole time yeah there's no reason to be keeping the kids from the father-in-law but at the same time they're not entitled to see the kids you're not entitled to see them and opie doesn't trust your judgment they don't trust you as a person they shouldn't have to and they shouldn't have to be pressured by you the mother-in-law is a terrible person if she cheated on the father-in-law first it doesn't excuse cheating on the father-in-law uh as a result of that and why the hell is mother-in-law taking rop to court who the hell knows i don't have an answer for this one i'm very confused this story had too many twists and turns everyone sucks here there's a dumpster fire going on while opie is trying to defend their kid and they don't know what to do and it turned out they sucked here but i i want to say not the a-hole but i feel like i'm wrong if i say that so everyone sucks hero p everyone sucks here if someone ambushes you you owe them nothing mother-in-law should have written you a letter or email explaining the circumstances not that she owed you any but if she wanted to advocate for your father-in-law so she could see his grandkids that was the way to go and why is cheating worse than refusing to pay money back both are bad but you are depriving your father-in-law time with his grandkids as punishment but you don't see taking money and not paying back as a similarly bad thing you seem very judgmental for someone who has to be sued into doing the right thing as long as your father-in-law has treated your kids well in the past you should let him see his grandkids opie is entitled to limiting her children's contact with bad role models she herself is a bad role model and a hypocrite rp sounds like she also feels entitled to telling a story with very limited details i've read this three times and i still feel like i have no idea what's going on right i read it once and i'm not even going to bother there's no facts here there's just a story i wouldn't be surprised if something was made up the last two paragraphs didn't even make much sense to me by user tours titled am i the a-hole for cutting my daughter off because i think she ruined her own career my daughter 26 female was a phd student at a university she got a stipend but i still helped her pay rent so she could get a better apartment and buy better clothes however in july she starts telling her father and dad that her advisor keeps saying that he really likes her her father and i both know our daughter is the type to get rather neurotically distressed when there's disturbance of any sort in her life so we tell her that if he's just relaying his feelings she should focus on her work and that it's better than her advisor hating her then comes august and she's complaining that he keeps setting meeting times late after hours and that after she filed a complaint her life there has been a living hell she then said she was done and wanted to leave the university her dad and i are furious because she essentially encountered feelings from a co-worker which might happen in every professional environment and instead of dealing with it person to person like a grown-up she goes straight to administrative figures now all the effort we invested in her graduate education is down the drain and she is saying that her advice will probably bad mouth her to potential employers since her employment opportunities are in the research fields and it's a shame because previously she had been doing better than her peers and getting ahead but then she goes and decides to shake things up with her divisor as a result we told her that since she made the decision to torpedo her reputation and career what she does here on out is up to her my husband and i will no longer be sending her money for her rent or any other expense am i the a-hole she essentially antagonized a guy who could have helped her advance in her career and obviously university administration agrees since they didn't take any action against said advisor my other daughter 23 also had a guy at work take a liking to her and instead of trying to get him fired he was actually able to help her get ahead i don't like the reasoning that the parents are taking for this one if it was me i'd take it up to the administration as well i see absolutely nothing wrong with doing what she's doing these uh parents just have a scrotum lodged into their brain it looks like this is some next level barbaric thinking to really be blaming this on the daughter oh you know it's your fault that you got kicked out you could have just done this person to person obviously the parents don't know what this guy was like maybe he's a dangerous type that was you know destroying every opportunity that she had her life has become hell since she reported him does that not raise red flags about the kind of person that this guy is talk about putting your daughter in a disgusting spot all by yourself i feel like these two have failed as parents and they are definitely the a-hole in this situation you're the a-hole your daughter is the victim of sexual harassment and you're mad at her for not using it to her professional advantage if you know anything about the way hr works at institutions with these kind of complaints you should know that no action by administrators doesn't mean that nothing happened just that there wasn't enough evidence you should be supporting your daughter through an incredibly tough time right now rather than cutting her off financially i hope this is fake and you are not this terrible of a parent also if it's her advisor it's not she essentially encountered feelings from a co-worker as you so charmingly put it as a phd student her advisor is far more than that and has significant power over her education and career you are a horrible person and parent for this you're angry that she didn't what leverage the sexual harassment from her boss and mentor into more opportunity you sound like the time to think that a man following her at night is just a compliment that she should use to get something i hope she takes the cue from you cutting her off financially and decides to go no contact with you both completely she essentially antagonized a guy who could have helped her advance in her career you might as well have followed your thought to its logical conclusion and we're really disappointed she opted not to prostitute herself in service of her career to you and your spouse you're the a-hole your daughter's advisor is not a colleague but someone in authority over her who has the ability to ruin her career with all the attending implications that her failure to receive his advances might threaten her future the adviser's action's a textbook harassment your daughter has the right to report and not tolerate his behavior supervisors have horrifying amounts of power over graduate students they have to sign off on funding job prospects ability to go to conferences access to lab resources even your ability to get a degree on time them just not liking you can make it impossible to progress in your fields the moment he made the relationship unprofessional she was completely screwed if she hadn't reported it and just quietly tried to ignore it he'd likely have started sabotaging her in a way that was completely deniable this my supervisor literally decided if i was going to graduate or not i was walking on eggshells and completely miserable because of how i was treated i can't even imagine how much worse it would be if i was being sexually harassed you're the a-hole posted by user m to ghost titled am i the a-hole for not showing up to pick up my step-daughter at school one time after she made me wait countless times obligatory disclaimer this happened about a year ago so this is an ongoing issue that has driven me and my husband apart and i'm worried may threaten our marriage down the road looking for some unbiased responses i have a teenage stepdaughter 13 from my husband she's been living with us for three years now and there's still growing pains she doesn't trust me fully and continues to act out against my authority in any and all forms so last year around this time my husband was overseas attending to his uncle's funeral and managing family affairs it was just me and stepdaughter for about three weeks with me cooking cleaning driving her around i was supposed to pick her up from school at 3pm every day given the schedule it would mean leaving the home around 2 30 and not getting back until around 3 30 to 4. i'm a freelancer so while my schedule is flexible i don't have endless free time in the first week she was constantly late like i'd wait an hour and she wouldn't show up until 3 45 i was furious and told her so but she would roll her eyes at me anyways i was fed up and just decided to leave her there for a bit one day and let her sweat i just didn't turn up i waited until around seven to eight pm and then called her mobile phone expecting to hear her apologetic no response i called the school and they say they saw her walk home at around 3 30 pm at this point i'm worried and i start calling neighbors and the local authorities after hours of calling and searching we find her in a random backyard in another neighborhood she tried taking shortcuts home through people's backyards but got bit by someone's unleashed dog her leg was bleeding but nothing broken so she just sat down and cried once her phone died long story short when my husband woke up that day he was furious me and called me all sorts of names he flew back that night and we had a big fight over it ever since then we've had family therapy but my stepdaughter openly resents me and blames me for her scarred up leg my husband thinks the blame falls solely on me as well and refuses to hear out my complaints about her i just feel unheard and frustrated and yes things had spun out of control but i still feel like i tried to do the right thing you know what opie you tried to teach her a lesson and she got herself into someone's backyard and got attacked by a dog your plan backfired you're the a-hole for putting her in that spot even though it was unintentional i mean there is a lot of blame to throw around here what the hell was she doing skipping through people's backyards that's just stupid but she's young and i don't blame her so what i'm trying to say it's not completely your fault she got attacked by a dog but you put her in a situation where she could have been kidnapped she could have been taken who knows what's going to happen to this kid it really sucks that this happened because of you not being there to pick her up as much as waiting an hour every day at school sucks it's what you have to do sometimes you have to protect the kid it sucks you know we we can find solutions you can just run into that school and drag her out if you once but abandoning her is not the answer so you're the a-hole you're the a-hole i waited until around 7pm you're the adult that is more than letting her sweat that could make someone freak out of course she wouldn't wait for you for four hours does that justify her behavior no she's clearly got issues but she's 13. your husband should be listening to you more because it's clear what she's doing is disrespecting you completely so you need to be a united front but regarding this specific thing you're mentioning you're the a-hole yes if she's consistently showing up at 3 45 to 4 and that's when opie arrived i would have totally said not the a-hole the really over-the-top thing though is that she also did not even bother to call her for four hours leaving her standing there for four hours is insane the kid should have told the school that there was nobody to pick her up and she could not reach the person supposedly in charge of her evil stepmother might have gotten a nice educational visit from cps i hope the daughter does get the school involved if it happens again that's what i said i work at a school and if we had a child still there when we were leaving and we couldn't get a hold of their parents or guardians the next call would have been to the police and cps a 13 year old can leave school without someone to collect them she walked out to walk home the school isn't at fault here exactly you're the a-hole what you did was put a child in an unsafe situation purposely as retaliation you are all lucky nothing worse happened to her it is reasonable to be upset when a child doesn't respect your time but you are still required to act from a place of love when punishing them this means you must communicate using words i would have divorced you honestly such casual disregard for a child's well-being just for petty revenge your way of dealing with this conflict is immature grow up accept responsibility and allow them space to be angry and disappointed with you stop defending yourself and ask yourself if you can really love this child and commit to acting with love no matter how upset you are if you can't you need to leave edit to add you lost your right to complain about her behavior when you did this therapy right now needs to be about you hearing the ways you have betrayed their trust and trying to find ways to rebuild it drop your complaints listen apologize try to make amends and rebuild trust you are not well placed to be an arbiter of good behavior and need to drop all criticism of her in therapy get yourself in order lead by example and let your husband handle all correction for now posted by user expressmuffin4504 titled am i the a-hole for saying i was glad my brother is dying long story short my brother slept with my ex-fiancee thankfully no children were involved so there were no obligations but i never forgave him since i have massive trust issues that have affected every subsequent relationship now i just don't date and honestly i don't really blame women for not wanting to date my insecure ass since i wouldn't either i cut off contact with him and tried to make everyone else in my family do it too and they agreed i also destroyed any family photos on the internet and off the internet so it was like he never existed at all i got a call from his lawyer and he said that he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and that he was dying and would like to make amends with everyone that he hurts especially me i told the lawyer i'm glad he was dying and he will live with the crappy thing he did for the rest of his life and that i'll never forgive him since he ruined my life the lawyer gave me the details anyway like i'm going to go and advised that i should consider seeing him anyway after this interaction i told everyone what had happened since i thought they had the right to know and they asked me if i would see him and i said no and that i'm happy that he is dying my mother shouted at me saying that i'm a bitter a-hole and that i need to get over it and he has probably changed and that i was being unfair my sister said similar things to me but i don't think he deserves closure and the only way i'd go is to let him know that he isn't forgiven and they got angrier and said that i was an a-hole and hung up honestly the thought of seeing him angers me so i don't think i did anything wrong am i the a-hole this is probably one of the hardest ones to comment on that i've seen before because you know logically everyone would think you know he did do you wrong but he's dying so we've got to give him that final send off if you would like but at the same time everyone's different everyone processes things differently and i'm not one to judge you for choosing one way or another especially when it's something of this degree i mean he just destroyed your relationship there just completely broke down what you had built up there and it's you know in your mind it's written off relationships any time in the future i understand where this anger is coming from and i understand if you don't want to make amends and you just want to let them die that's really grim but it still makes you an a-hole regardless of whether it's justified or not your brother is an a-hole for doing that to you i'm not sure if there's any coming back from this one in the end but everyone sucks here in this situation he did an incredibly crappy thing but you're the one that ruined your life adding on that you need to take ownership of your own reactions and feelings being cheated on isn't why you haven't stated successfully you should see a therapist he has decided not to date because of his insecurities due to this you're just making a personal attack to make him feel bad for not dating why is he obligated if he's not ready telling someone to seek therapy and that they need to own their own actions and feelings isn't a personal attack and thinking that it is or that it's motivation for someone to feel bad is telling you're the a-hole there is never a reason to tell a mother that you are glad her child is dying it doesn't matter what he did that is beyond cruel the fact that you would do that to your own mother is absolutely disgusting if you don't want to see him you don't have to if you don't want to forgive him you don't have to but he didn't ruin your life you were doing that on your own by letting hate eat you up it's like the old saying you drink poison and expect the other person to die opie's hate only harmed himself what his brother did was crappy but at some point one must pick up the pieces and move on with life because life is too damn short to spend it hating isn't his brother dying though he's actually happy that he's dying your quote literally doesn't apply opie is drinking the poison after his brother is dead opie will still hate him and still not move on he says he's happy but no he won't be yep brother and his feelings won't exist much longer but opie is going to carry that crap for his life if he keeps it up the hate will still be there it'll transfer to something else seems like it's already moving to opie himself he's already shaking himself for the feeling he has regarding the situation despite all of them being valid but he's holding on to them for whatever reason it's becoming who he is more so than an event he experienced posted by user number pitiful titled am i the a-hole for refusing to take my girlfriend's pregnant friend to the hospital backstory is that my 28 male girlfriends 25 female friend 24 female has always hated our relationship i've been with my girlfriend for three years at the beginning her friend made it clear she did not like my guts she would make passive aggressive comments about me even while we were dating her friend would even introduce her to other guys when we finally got together her friend would blatantly make up things like opie thinks you're getting bigger or deliberately misconstrue things that i said to make them negative i've tried to make amends with her and include her in group activities but i've stopped trying a long time ago after she kept backstabbing me so i do not like her friend and i avoid her whenever i can and while my girlfriend understands her friend apparently was there for her in the past when her parents got divorced and what not so she doesn't want to ditch her as a friend fyi as a disclaimer her friend is the type of girl that dyes her hair blue and has a twitter account that lists her gender and is also where she gets into arguments frequently that type of girl that most guys want to stay away from anyways on to the topic she got pregnant roughly nine months ago and also ended up getting kicked out of her apartment a month ago she was homeless and since my girlfriend and i live together now my girlfriend begged me to put aside my differences with her and let her stay with us for a bit i relented because it meant a lot to my girlfriend but i made one condition i do not interact with her at all to which she agreed for the most part i've kept out of her way but occasionally i've heard a few snide comments about me from her friends it's whatever my girlfriend is out of the house from morning until 6 pm so she wasn't here when this happens on monday her friend started screaming out for me that she thinks that she's having the baby i told her then call an ambulance but her friends didn't want to pay for the ambulance cost i told her that there is nothing i could do and i am not driving 15 minutes to the hospital she was crying and begging me but i simply refused again she had a phone she could have called an ambulance she ended up texting my girlfriend about what was happening and my girlfriend blew up my phone asking me to take her i told her that we agreed that her friend and i stay out of each other's way long story short my girlfriend ended up coming back from work to take her to the hospital her friend is still at the hospital with her new son my girlfriend got into an argument with me i told her that i made it clear from the start that she agreed to my condition now people understand there was a lot of bad blood between me and her friend over the years and i barely scratched the surface in my backstory i feel like i sacrificed a lot by letting her stay with us and i feel like that doesn't make me an a-hole but my girlfriend says i should have made an exception so maybe that makes me the a-hole i think you know you're the a-hole hero p but you're trying to justify it as righteous hatred and you have the right to tell her screw you i do what i want i'm not listening to you i'm not sucking it up and driving you to the hospital when you're pregnant because i hate you this whole thing just oozes of toxicity on your half i know she's a terrible person but come on if even if i hated someone i'd still drive them to the hospital if they're pregnant and having the baby those ambulance costs are damn expensive i've seen those dear lord how do you guys afford that so unfortunately this makes you the a-hole op you're the a-hole dude come on whatever your grievances with her the baby did nothing to deserve you letting your grudge potentially affect its well-being besides if you really have that much of a problem with her presence it's past time for you to put your foot down with your girlfriend and insist she make other arrangements you don't get to agree to help her out and then not actually help i'm with you until your last sentence opie didn't agree to help her with medical or pregnancy needs opie agreed to help her by allowing her to live in op's home instead of her being homeless and opie did so that doesn't give opie extra obligations to help with anything needed pregnant people are perfectly capable and it's weird she didn't have a plan for how going into labor and getting to the hospital would work for her that said as you said it is an a-hole move to not assist a pregnant woman roommate get to the hospital edit to add not sure whether i need to clarify or not but my entire point was agreeing to help a person with one thing does not mean you agreed to help them with anything i'll add that this sub usually seems to think people aren't obligated to help roommates particularly those who are treating you horribly and could choose to help themselves so regardless of whether you like them agree with them whatever this is a matter of being a decent human being i have on occasion helped a friend of a friend or an acquaintance neighbor co-worker with an emergency because it's simply something you do to help make your society a better place to live for everyone that said there are people i wouldn't give a glass of water in the desert to but nothing in this story seems to rise to that level of hate you're the a-hole posted by user my daughters am i the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for going off on my 27 male sister 32 female when she criticized me for having a baby out of infidelity i have a two-year-old baby girl who is in my life right now she was conceived out of wedlock and after i had an affair with my then fiance i got the girl pregnant and kept this secret until a few weeks before my daughter was born once she found out my then fiancee dumped me of course i was going through some things at the time so the girl i cheated with wasn't much of a class act she ended up in jail about seven months later and will be there for a very long time for child endangerment and cocaine possession luckily my daughter is only in my hands now my daughter being a result of my sleeping around is kind of like the elephant in the room most of us never talk about it because frankly it's embarrassing for me and i'm not sure if i ever want her to know how she was made i say most people because my big sister loves to bring up how awful i am she got divorced from her high school sweetheart five years ago because he cheated on her multiple times she's bitter and is now taking it out on me and my daughter two sundays ago we had a family dinner with her kids my daughter our parents and our younger sister before dinner we were chilling in our living room after talking for a while about how we want our kids to grow up she said well let's hope your daughter grows up more like your girlfriend than her mommy or daddy i asked what was wrong with me and she said that my daughter was going to have tons of men that want her someday so she needs to learn to not run around on her partners and obviously i can't teach her that i was offended but i let it slide because she likes to say stupid things like this a lot when we finally sat down to eat she was still cracking jokes at my expense the final straw was when she told my girlfriend that if we get engaged she'd better get ready for another baby because mr manor over there might want to slip into another druggie behind another fiancee's back i was incredibly ticked off my girlfriend hates hearing about this and i don't like her having to think about how much i messed up two years ago i also feel like it implies that i'm ashamed of having our daughter from that situation which i am not i told her she needed to stop acting like a br she told me she would if i learned how to keep it in my pants this escalated into a yelling fight over dinner eventually i got fed up with this and decided to leave with my party while getting up my mum told me that i was acting immature and needed to start thinking like an adult and not argue with my sister this set me off even more and i left without saying a word to my family since that night i've gotten calls and messages saying i needed to give an apology and i have refused every time my girlfriend says i reacted too harshly but she understood where i came from i haven't talked to my sister since am i the a-hole edits okay i left this out but at a point in my life before me and my current girlfriend got together i may have been a serial cheater i have cheated on every girlfriend or partner i've been with except my girlfriend at least once i had some severe self-worth problems and emotional issues i screwed up and i hate to say this but i didn't learn my lesson until i cheated on two other girls between my ex-fiancee and current girlfriends but i have changed for the better yikes that's really not something you want to hear this oh this is a mess this man his life is a mess i mean i can't blame the sister for having a go at him because it's obvious he took so long to learn his message it's probably warranted for the longest time that she kept having shots until he did learn his lesson so i genuinely and definitely can understand why she was so pissed off at her brother for continuously making the same mistake and knowingly hurting so many people but that said i think she really did choose the wrong time and place to be starting that argument and upsetting even more people all over at the dinner table not a good thing to do she's an a-hole for choosing that fight there you're an a-hole for blowing up and reacting and not calming the situation down and moving it away from the kids and the family everyone sucks here for their actions they've taken but you suck moreop for your continuous history and hurting so many people and it's hard to forgive someone for doing that so everyone sucks here leaning on you're the a-hole op everyone sucks here your sister clearly has issues of her own and is taking them out on you crappy move roping your girlfriend into it as well she's definitely the bigger a-hole i disagree that said the thing she's taking an issue with you're cheating is a valid point you don't recognize or acknowledge your poor decisions in stepping out on your then fiance nor do you plan to address this eventually with your daughter who will most definitely have questions as she gets older your actions have had consequences for more than just you either your daughter will find out about this as she gets older or your entire family will continue to indefinitely lie to her that's a position your choices put them in eventually i think you'll find that this isn't something you can just sweep under the rug and forget about by the looks of it your sister at least isn't going to shut up about it consider what if anything you plan to tell your child when this inevitably comes up in the future before she hears it from someone else edits i made this comment before opie's replies and post edits while i stand by an everyone's sexier judgment for this situation i have to say opie is a monumental a-hole in general and this incident was obviously a match for a shed full of dynamites op you have hurt many people multiple times and you don't deserve a judgment in good faith you saying you have changed is laughably inadequate you haven't had enough time to prove it in a pandemic no less and there is very little reason to believe you at this point i'm even more worried for your daughter there is no precedent in your behavior that suggests you won't fail her like every woman in your life you already have by bringing two women into her life and then cheating on them for her sake i really really hope you'll approve me and everyone else in this comment section wrong but if there was ever a case of i'll believe it when i see it it's yours the girl i cheated with wasn't much of a class act you're not much of a class act either sweaty everyone sucks here your sister for raising a stink in front of other people and talking crap about an innocent child and you for wanting to hide from your daughter the truth about her conception posted by user milentogle2334 titled am i the a-hole for deciding on my baby's name without its father long story short i hooked up with this guy from university a couple of times and eventually got pregnant i'm 22 he is 24 years old i decided to keep the baby involved him in the decision and tried to do the best i can everything between us seemed to be fine we were on a friendly basis and met regularly just to talk and stuff he stopped talking to me when i was about 20 weeks pregnant i knew i was having a boy at this point he met some other girl and didn't want her to be involved in my pregnancy so he decided to not be involved anymore as well okay so i was all by myself with support from my family i'm now 34 weeks pregnant and decided on a name and everything the name is quite unusual but i've liked it for years baby's father called me yesterday to settle a different thing something about a car i sold to a friend of his not too important and we talked about the pregnancy a little i initiated that because he wouldn't have said anything i referred to the baby by its name and he was wondering who i was talking about i explained that this was going to be the baby's name and i've decided to name him like that quite some weeks ago he then called me a stupid [ __ ] and ahol for not involving him in this decision because it was his child too but i guess since he stopped talking to me i didn't even think about taking his advice here so am i the a-hole edits legally i have to involve him somehow i really need his money and he is only obligated to give it to me if i present him as the father on the birth certificate then you know if you put it all in that context he's the a-hole for ghosting you like that and then holding his money over you and then berating you for not asking him what he would like to name the baby also and it sounds like he's going to withhold his signature on the birth certificate i don't really think it's your fault for not being in regular contact with him if he's moved on and found someone else from what i can gather from the story it doesn't particularly sound like he's interested in being part of this process and part of anything really to do with that baby until now when the baby name comes up and yet he calls you a [ __ ] and an a-hole for not involving him it's a weird loopy thinking this guy sucks not the a-hole op not the a-hole he may be legally required to be on the birth certificate but that doesn't mean you need to involve him in naming decisions this just having his name on the birth certificate of a boy he doesn't want to be involved anymore gives him no right in deciding the name i assume that you're in the us and here in austria the right to the name of the kid if there is no marriage goes to the mother and even when married the parent who informs the registry office needs a signed letter of acceptment from the other parents not the a-hole the kid is not a hobby that you involve yourself in when you were bored if he doesn't want to be involved then he doesn't get to be mad when he's not consulted not the a-hole he hasn't spoken to the woman carrying his child into over three months maybe hearing a name associated with the baby made it feel real and caused him to freak out regardless he shouldn't get to pick and choose which parts of being a father he wants to partake in you certainly didn't get that choice not the a-hole and referring to the part about the [ __ ] and a-hole comments he ditched you and his child that's bs if he wants the privilege of being in his child's life then he needs to take on the responsibility of being in his child's life and that responsibility includes putting in the work and respect needed to maintain a cordial relationship with each other's mother at the very least he fathered this child that alone doesn't make him a father endop also says i'm actually surprised that nobody told me that i'm the a-hole to be honest one of my closest friends is quite close to him too and told me that i was acting unreasonable since i'm just pregnant quote-unquote and he wants to be there for me once the baby is here lamell um what what reason do you have to reasonably expect him to suddenly be involved when the baby is born the guy should know how close you are to the due date obviously you're going to have been choosing a name in this time eta just to clarify i meant as a rebuttal to the friend saying he wants to be involved that it doesn't seem fair to expect you to think that he's going to genuinely change his interest level updates am i the a-hall for deciding on my baby's name without its father first i want to say thank you for your answers they really helped me when i was struggling so three days ago i gave birth to my beautiful baby boy silas as i decided i was still considering another name which was more usual david but decided to just go for it i'm his mother he lives with me he is a part of me i contacted silas's father when i went into labor and at first contractions but nothing i then told him his weight etc but still nothing i left the hospital the day before yesterday already and he showed up at my place with a basket full of diapers and stuff which was cute he then told me that he still doesn't want to be involved because he feels like he's not in the right place but he is paying and he told me that he would try and reach out from time to time i don't know how to feel about that yet but yeah what can i do he also told me that he still doesn't like the name but that he will eventually get used to it someday oh and his girlfriend dumped him but that's just a little side note that made me smile because of sharden freuder i know a little mean so sorry for the bad formats i'm on the phone and trying to be the best that i can still not the a-hole if he doesn't want to be involved in raising the baby he's not the father in my honest opinion so he doesn't get a say in the name either and congratulations on the new baby enjoy it as much as possible while he is still young edit missed the original still felt like telling you not the a-hole silas is a really nice name common names can get really annoying like do you mean me or do you mean one of the other threes who share my name our naming system is just so uncreative unique names that aren't something weird like abcd pronounced absidy are great my parents gave me such a name that i would be willing to bet i am the only person to have ever lived with my full name first name not but full name almost certainly though robots had pronouncing it people too actually sometimes posted by user satanic toaster titled would i be the a-hole if i only gamed late at night to avoid conflict much to my mother's disapproval for some backstory due to what's going on in the world right now everyone in my family is living under the same roof my mum 42 female now works from home my dad 47 male thankfully still has a job outside of the home and all my siblings 15 male twin 11 male and seven female i am the oldest one out of the bunch 19 female and have always been the nerdier one out of the group i enjoy a mass majority of nerdy franchises and going to comic con it's been a point of teasing growing up after my siblings all grew out of their interest in things like lord of the rings star wars aliens comics etc being that we are all under the same roof means we all share the same ps4 and a role at home at the same time as each other normally i am away to college and am only home during the summer time but because of the circumstances right now i moved out of my dorm early now that there is a bunch of free time on my hands i invested in a game i had wanted to play for a while one of the dragon age games so that i also had something to do you know i waited my turn to use the ps4 and quite enjoyed my time on the game that was until the rest of the day i was teased for my gaming choice i normally can laugh off a jab here and a jab there about my interests because i'm used to that but even my brother's friends they would like invite over joined in on the fun i hate to sound like a child and as i'm writing this out i feel like that's how i'm coming across but there is only so many times my siblings sing it's a wizard harry or har har har i cast magic in the most obnoxious of voices i attempted to enjoy my game time during the following days but my brothers would just walk past and to make remarks about how dumb my game is how old it is or remarks alike most of the remarks come from the 11 year old twins and their friends but the 15 year old one joins in too sometimes i decided i would just play my game when my brothers went to bed so like after 11 p.m or midnight and play till 1am this doesn't stop their teasing obviously but this way i can enjoy my game without being made fun of and it helps me not want to snap back at them as much my mother yesterday told me that she doesn't like me staying up that late and that i need to find a time to play my game during the day i told her that the boys make fun of me and i can't really enjoy my time gaming when they act like that granted my mom doesn't like that i game period you know like traditional stuff and how it's a turn-off for suitors quote-unquote and thinks that it is very childish of me to take what my brothers say to hearts and that it's their job to be a pain in the butt so would i be the a-hole if i continue playing my game after everyone went to bed i'm struggling to comprehend your mum's thought process here that traditional mindset i feel like we should have grown out of that by now who the hell still talks about suitors in this day and age and you know that you know we're perpetuating the boys club mentality it's their job to be a pain in the butt if we're thinking along those lines then it's also ops job to slap them down and you know punish them for being pains in the butt because their actions have consequences right would it not be okay for op to uh physically enact change in the house that would stop these people from verbally abusing op or would that be too much in the mum's traditional mindset because that's how it was back in the day i'll just go get my belt out shall i i as someone in a position of authority should be allowed to do that because it's the traditional thing to do is it not hmm that sounds kind of messed up doesn't it well yeah so does opie's mother's backwards ass thinking that's kind of messed up too she's an enabler to the highest degree and it shows opie not the a-hole continue what you're doing you're 19 you don't have to listen to your mother anymore it is what it is you would not be the a-hole if you can't enjoy the game during the day and you're not disturbing anyone when you're playing at night then it sounds like your mum is enabling your brother's behavior which isn't good and i think she's wrong to say it's their job to be a pain in the butt thank you for this my mom has felt that me playing late at night is me disrespecting her but hearing this it makes me feel better i felt the same way that she was validating them but she never does anything to deter what they say and lets it get heated at times i feel like she just has that boys will be boys mentality not the a-hole your brothers suck for shaming you for something you enjoy it's not hurting anyone so screw them your mum may not love it but 1am is a pretty reasonable time for a 19 year old and you've found an arrangement that doesn't make you feel shame for playing your brothers need to grow up and let you enjoy things thank you for a while i felt like maybe i was just being sensitive and taking their comments too harshly but after reading this i wish i could say screw them but hearing this validation is a close second not the a-hole yes you were 19 and sure maybe you should be a bit better at ignoring your siblings taunts i've been there though and i know how hard it can be when you hear the same things over and over about your interests again you're 19. as long as you're being polite about the noise level and you're getting other things you need done during the day i don't see an issue with you deciding your own bedtime it's not like you have to get up at six to seven am right now anyway updates would i be the a-hole if i only gamed late at night much to my mother's disapproval i am happy to announce that things between my brothers and me have improved tremendously not so much my mother since my last post i've also managed to spread my nerdy influence a bit around the households someone in the comments of my previous post mentioned that maybe my brothers were wanting to spend more time with me i managed to get the twins 11 male and my sister to sit down and watch the first harry potter movie with me before i moved away me and the younger siblings would have a tv series that we would all watch together and harry potter was something none of them had seen it was awesome not only did all three kids love the first movie but we made a thing out of it we would get snacks and we watched every single harry potter in under two weeks we are now making our way through the hobbits and the lord of the rings which are movies that before the kids would have told me that are dumb and not cool beyond movie nights i've started taking out one of the younger kids for a lunch date every few days to get one-on-one time with them not once after watching these shows together have i heard a negative remark about my game i even got another dragon age game and haven't heard a rude peep out of them my sisters have even started playing minecraft and proclaiming herself a gamer girl much to my mother's displeasure i have picked up a few more feminine hobbies like cooking jewelry making painting etc that seemed to get my mom off my back about my gaming and she has only had good things to say about our little movie nights because it's let her go to bed earlier and leave the kids in my hands so yeah kind of an anti-climactic but i don't think i've felt this close to the little three in a long time thank you to everyone in who gave their support in the comments tons of love to you guys ropi i disagree with you calling this anticlimactic this is one of the best outcomes that could have happened you're having fun with your siblings you connected with them with your interests and you've influenced them with something you're passionate about now your relationship with them has improved tremendously yes things could have gotten better with your mum but at least now you're having a greater time instead of previously and op says i guess putting it that way does make it sound more climactic and the outcome has been amazing i feel like i'm getting to know each of my siblings on a deeper level especially the twins those two i have always had a harder time connecting with and now we are even developing our own inside jokes posted by user chaotic nature 32 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to let my sister and her kids move into the house that i bought i'm a 32 year old woman and i just bought my first house it has three bedrooms a yard and is just what i need right now i'm single and have two dogs my sister is 34 has three children and lives in a two-bedroom apartment lately she's been talking about how such a tiny living space is not enough for the four of them when she got to know about the house i had bought she became very upset and told me i was being wasteful as i'm single and don't have kids and therefore don't need such a big space i reminded her that what i do with my hard-earned money is none of her business she went on to complain to our mother about how selfish i was being yesterday evening i got a call from my mum telling me i should let my sister and her kids move into the house my house i told her that no one was going to live in the house that i paid for but me and that extra space would be great for my dogs to play in my mom also got very upset with me and told me that i was being unreasonable that my sister's kids are growing and need the space more than my dogs i offered to help my sister out financially so she could rent a bigger place my mom got my sister on the phone who shot down the idea telling me that i needed to let her and her kids live in my house when i refused again she very generously suggested a compromise i could live in the house with her and her kids and would not have to find somewhere else to live she said this as if she was doing me a favor i told her she had lost her mind and i hung up am i the a-hole or is she i know my sister is struggling financially but this kind of entitlement is ridiculous yes the entitlement is our slash entitled parents level of entitlement for this one who the hell does she think she is demanding that she come and live in your house and then getting your mom on her side too that's disgusting she's fallen on her own sword with this one she's put herself in the financial situation that she is and them strong-arming you into having your house is not the way to go about it this is perhaps just a situation where you go no contact let them see how ridiculous they are being and if i were you i would just wait for the aliens of normality to come down and probe them with the stick of sensibility because they are not being sensible right now opie not the a-hole updates am i the a-hole for refusing to let my sister and her kids move into the house that i bought first and foremost i want to thank all of you for your kind and supportive comments and for all those awards you're all beautiful after getting the verdict from am i the a-hole i decided to send my sister and mom a link to this post letting them know that i had made it as expected they freaked the hell out my mum has been texting me telling me what a horrible daughter i am and how i've embarrassed her in front of so many people i told her to calm down as these are all strangers on the internet who have no idea who she is but asking my mom to listen to reason is like asking my cat to stop shoving things off of horizontal surfaces so i told her i'd talk to her when she's willing to act like an adult my sister has been crying about this to my mum and any other relative who will listen most of them won't they had been on my side from the starts and had agreed that my sister's demands were ridiculous they think this whole thing is hilarious thank you once again edits some of you asked if in my original post if i really thought i was the a-hole i didn't of course i just wanted to show my mum and sister what a group of unbiased observers would think of their behavior [Music] riley gray says i'm so glad she was so crazy we are still totally here for more updates by the way i imagine you've got more stories than just this rp should tell her mum that she should be embarrassed by her actions why wouldn't she be embarrassed for this crap maybe she will learn something and not do embarrassing unfair ridiculous crap in the future i would have loved to be a fly on the wall when your sister and mom read the replies to your original post it's exactly what they deserve too reading what tons of strangers think of their pathetic and ridiculous behavior i hope she reads this update too if you're reading this op's mom you and dopey's sister are acting like entitled brats who think the world revolves around them your situation is your own making and while families do and should help each other kicking someone out of their own home is insane and ridiculous perhaps if you were more kind and loving to opie throughout their life then they might be more inclined to help but you get treated the way you treat others this whole op has a house so i want their house is something a two-year-old would say for christ's sake grow up this reminds me of what my dad used to say treat everyone with respect as long as they don't disrespect you you don't know who they are where they're from or what they'll be in the future you don't know how you can help them or they can help you in the future either and of course help people that you can edited for spelling very wise remarks i wish more people thought like that okay and i think that's where we're going to end today's episode guys as always i do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learn something from these stories just want to say a quick shout out to my patreon subscribers and my channel members you guys should be on the screen right now if you do see yourself i want you to give yourself a little pat on the back for being amazing and supporting me on this channel this uh little journey we're going on on the youtubes i really appreciate it and you guys enabled me to do all this amazing work so if you do see yourself i love your face and i'm happy to see you also guys if you want to pitch in your own support you don't have to but channel links are down in the description below to support the patreon the channel membership whatever you want to do it's kind of like tipping me if you feel like i'm doing a good job on this channel i will be opening up avenues for content on those in the future just right now i'm kind of bogged down and stuck in islands but you know it is what it is anyway guys with that said i do hope you have a wonderful day today whatever you're up to i'd love to know down in the comments below i do hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to today tell me and i'll see you in the next episode guys bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 84,104

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: 4gXUZ7WYU08

Length: 146min 51sec (8811 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 30 2020