r/AmiTheA**Hole For Attacking My Wife For Not Apologising? | r/AmiTheA**Hole Top Posts of All Time

g'day there guys marky here the peanut butter that you have been logging for and welcome back to another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content i want you to sit back relax chuck a like on the video and tell me what you think of these ones down in the comments below posted by user i'm just a dad 1626 titled am i the a-hole for calling my wife a beer for being rude to our son my wife and i have a son who just turned 13 about a week ago he also started puberty and has been really really emotional he has mood swings and will often be snappy which causes my wife to yell at him i try and tell her that he's just going through a tough time and can't help it but she doesn't listen the other night they got into a big fight they were screaming at each other over something stupid i intervened and tried to calm it down but i just escalated it it ended with my son going to his room and staying there till after we went to bed sometime at around 2am he came into our room like a toddler he said he was sorry and is just confused he crawled into bed between us but my wife got under him she told him he should have been better earlier and he couldn't sleep with us this upset him even more and he started to leave but i stopped him i let him sleep on my side of the bed and as soon as he laid down he started crying and saying he was sorry i told him that i'm not mad and everything will be okay the next morning i talked to my wife about what happened she said she's still mad at him for yelling and won't accept his apology because if he was sorry he wouldn't have done it i was ticked and told her that he was just going through a tough time and was confused i told her she was being a beer and left for work i feel bad now but she was just being mean to him am i the a-hole i want to say that i'm on the teenage son side but i don't know what happened op says it was something stupid and opie admits to escalating things and i feel like by just saying that she was that escalated things as well this guy doesn't seem too knowledgeable in how to uh calm situations down and be a neutral medium between the two that stops fights from happening he keeps poking the bear thinking that he's doing the right thing his intentions are way out of line with his actions i really have no clue what he's thinking saying this and doing these things he's trying to help his son while at the same time pissing off his wife it's really weird and interesting mixie's going for there and i don't think it's going to pay off i think everyone sucks here in this situation you know the wife is not off the hook for her behavior the son isn't off the hook for his and opie is definitely no angel in this everyone sucks y'all teenagers by definition are difficult to deal with and are notoriously a-holes but you're right he's not fully in control and when he regained his composure he apologized as best and sincerely as he could you're a bit of an a-hole for name-calling your wife but she wins the biggest a-hole for sure she sounds less mature than your son and should at least try to have some love and compassion for him if she doesn't make some major changes he will want nothing to do with her sooner rather than later everyone sucks here for sure but i do wonder what else has been going on i assume that this fight wasn't the first time and i wonder if the sun purposefully said something to hurt his mom it wouldn't be unheard of but opie's reaction is pretty flippant it definitely sounds like the wife is dealing with the bulk of the difficult parenting stuff perhaps opie just goes to work and comes home to this but doesn't know what goes on while he is gone it's easy to have perspective when you're not the one in the trenches edits this has absolutely nothing to do with genders i'm not saying she's not an a-hole for not accepting the apology but she's human and sometimes our frustrations get the best of us i see this with my sister's family brother-in-law works a long day then comes home and takes care of their toddler as she doesn't want anyone else in dad's home he's tired baby's tired but won't go to sleep and sometimes he yells at her then my sister yells at him for yelling but doesn't offer to step in and help i'm well aware that my sister is an a-hole rp should have sent the kid to his room and sat his wife down and comforted her so that she calms down then go talk to the kids separately and calm him down get each side of the story but mediate separately to ease tension instead he joined the shouting match where tensions remained high and someone else to that first point of that huge paragraph how can you make this assumption even if this is true her 13 year old made a sincere apology and was upset enough to want to sleep with his parents she is the adult and should be mature enough to accept the apology and try to understand what's going on with her kid rather than hold a grudge and told his behavior which he apologized for over him everyone sucks here it was kind of bad that you called her that and being a teenager isn't an excuse for a bad behavior but your son did the right thing by apologizing info is there something else going on with your son sleeping in your parents bed at 13 is a bit unusual i'm not saying it's bad or weird but something else may be freaking him out as far as i know he was just really emotional and just needed comfort i think that was the quintessential bury the hatchet moment and your wife failed you did the right thing by letting him stay with you you can tell he was just feeling awful and it finally spilled over where he needed to act and then he needed reassurance that was not the time to turn him away the name calling was just a tad over the line but was it accurate yes posted by user throw weed dilemma titled am i the a-hole for calling the cops when my boyfriend's sister left her children with me for a few days which ended with her getting a felony charge i am pretty sure i am the a-hole and i did not think something this bad would happen this happened about a year ago me and my boyfriend have been together for five years his sister claire has a one-year-old baby alex claire is a single mom and sometimes drops her baby off at our place when she has some errands to run i will be honest here i have no clue how to take care of a baby i play with the baby but other than that my boyfriend usually takes care of alex my boyfriend's work is on site so he usually isn't home for four days and then comes home for three days one day claire asked my boyfriend if she can drop off alex for the day boyfriend was supposed to leave for work that evening since she had said that she will pick up the baby by evening he didn't mention that big mistake he left around 5 pm i was waiting for claire and kept calling her she picked up the phone around 8 pm and told me that she went to a place a few hours away with her friends she told me to tell boyfriend to take care of alex for the next three to four days i told her that boyfriend already left for work then she just told me then you take care of alex i will be back in four days and then she hung up on me and switched off her phone i freaked out hard i cannot call boyfriend because he's unreachable on site neither of us have family in the state that we could have called i called a few friends but no one gave me anything helpful the bag she gave with alex only had diapers left in it the baby was crying her head off and i didn't even know what to feed her safely i literally didn't know what else to do so i called the police and told them what happened they directed me to a social worker while the social worker was helping me take care of the baby the cops called the cops where she was to locate her the cops found her high on marijuana and she had enough on her for them to classify it as a possession and intention to sell edits i don't think she actually sold anything she probably just bought enough for her and her friends for the next few days she didn't get any jail time she had to do community service and pled guilty unfortunately that also meant that she got a felony conviction this got her fired and she hasn't been able to hold on to a good job since in my defense i only wanted her to come back because i didn't want anything to happen to alex because i'm not capable of taking care of her i did not think she was doing anything that would get her arrested in her defense she had left alex at our home plenty of times so it's not unreasonable for her to think that i would have no problem taking care of alex for a few days also this was probably the first time she took a break for herself since alex was born my boyfriend was ticked in the beginning but came around later their parents also think i wasn't in the wrong she obviously hates me and thinks that i ruined her life because she wanted to take a break for a few days this got brought up recently at a family dinner which is why i ask am i the a-hole she can argue all she wants at the end of the day she abandoned her baby didn't leave you with any suppliers to feed it and then disconnected her phone because she didn't want to have to deal with the consequences of her actions as unfortunate as it is to get a felony conviction as unfortunate as it is this is all her fault and she only has herself to blame that's what you get when you ignore your responsibilities and you didn't plan it out properly it's unfortunate but it's life not the a-hole op you did the right thing only a few diapers for three to four days dropping off her baby without agreeing to a time frame and then going to get high with friends i don't think your boyfriend's sister is ready to be a mom this is either a great wake-up call for her or a sign that the baby should be elsewhere your intention was to ensure that the baby was safe that automatically makes you not the a-hole when she dropped the baby off she really meant to pick her up in the evening which is why the bag didn't have anything but diapers and the bottles and food she packed was already empty going to another place for a few days was a spontaneous decision but once you have a child there's no room for a spontaneous decision you can't have a child and just spontaneously decide to go on a four-day trip that's part of the responsibility that comes with a baby yes thank you you can't afford to be spontaneous when you have a child and failed to make proper arrangements beforehand she was ridiculously irresponsible and honestly the entitlement of telling opie to take care of the baby then switching off her phone knowing that her brother was unreachable that's a neat way to show the world what a failure of a parent you are honestly we need to stop calling people spontaneous when they're really irresponsible it wasn't a spontaneous decision it was an irresponsible decision and irresponsible people don't deserve to have children at least until they get their crap together i have a sibling who you might call a free spirit like they go camping every weekend they randomly meet people and have long conversations on the beach they live a very simple life but it took working hard for several years to get there it might look easy to everyone else but my sibling makes sure that they have enough money for their bills to be paid they make sure someone can watch their dog when they go camping they make sacrifices to have this type of lifestyle people think things are spontaneous but a lot of the fun random trips take a lot of planning even people who seem to have a free life have to have money their crap together and very little drama to make this type of stuff happen you can't just get on a plane and go somewhere you have to have money in the bank you have to have clothes in a suitcase you have to have identification you have to drive to the airport spontaneousness doesn't just happen on a big scale posted by user water bottle and like the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for limiting the amount of water my son can drink i have never done this before so apologies for any issues my son 14 drinks a lot of water if we don't regulate it he will drink three four or five bottles of water a day he says he's just really thirsty the problem is tap water in our area is terrible so he can't drink that but buying so many water bottles is insanely expensive we spend hundreds of dollars a month on water we took him to the doctor a couple years ago to see if there was an issue and he's fine he just drinks a lot of water me and my husband are kinda tired of this so last week we sat our son down and made a new rule he can have two bottles a day which is still enough to not be thirsty to enforce this rule every bottle he drinks past the limits is one day of grounding we got some pushback at first but it wasn't a problem until yesterday where he drank five bottles of water in just 24 hours we followed the rules and grounded him for three days he was really mad and said it's totally unfair but we reminded him those were the rules i talked to my sister about this and she said it was crazy so i decided to post it here i guess a big part of this one right here is we don't know what country they live in and we don't know if they can afford to be drinking all this water and why is he not buying water himself but you know it's a human right to have access to clean water and he's a growing boy he needs a lot more nutrients and sustenance than a lot of other people do so i feel like depriving him of those other bottles of water is just inherently wrong and evil it's an unfortunate cost of being apparent that you have to spend extra money to keep your children growing alive and healthy you're the a-hole for depriving him of that water op that's all i have to say surely this is a troll you're the a-hole let the kid drink water are you trying to kill him maybe try a water filter for the tap water or buy bigger bottles of water so it's more economical i really hope it's a troll but i don't think it's that far-fetched sadly limiting a child's food and water intake isn't that uncommon yeah what the hell two bottles of water is about a liter which is actually far too little you have a kid that wants to drink water instead of soda and you react like this what a kind of a control freak are you edits i'm still angry just thinking about this you punish your son for drinking water what the hell man what else do you control in his life how often he pees please tell me you let him eat as much as he needs at least posted by user unluckystop6213 titled am i the a-hole for grounding my daughter for being inappropriate to her step-brother to start off my ex-wife and i split up when my daughter was about four years old it was an amicable decision and her and i are still friends we have dinners together with our daughter at least once every couple months since the divorce my daughter loves these times and we get to talk about boring co-parenting stuff when we finish dinner and our daughter is out of earshot i met my current wife when my daughter was 10 and she had a 13 year old son they got along but she always seemed to want to hang out with him more than he wanted to be with her i didn't think anything of it just figured that she thought that he was cool and looked up to him she used to beg for the two of them to have sleepovers in the living room and things my stepson has never complained to me about this my daughter is now 12 and my stepson is 15 and we live a pretty boring life together but last week i heard my daughter scream crying from her brother's room i went to investigate and he was standing there fists clenched and read in the face my daughter was laying on the ground sobbing and hyperventilating immediately i separated the two and i started talking to my daughter she told me that her stepbrother said he hated her and he doesn't ever want to talk to him again and then pushed her to where i found her i went to my stepson after talking to my daughter and confronted him he admitted to the words but not the shoving and he told me something that really freaked me out he had just taken a shower and had come out from the bathroom to his room but apparently he didn't hear the door latch close when he had finished getting dressed and turned to leave he saw that the door was cracked and my daughter was on the other side that's when he flipped out on her and told her to leave him alone and not to ever talk to him i honestly didn't know what to think i went back to my daughter and after a bit of prodding she confessed and said that she was curious and seemed really embarrassed i got really upset and told her what an invasion of privacy that was and how would she like it if she found someone looking at her change the way he found her i told her i was going to take away her laptop and her phone and she freaked out she called my ex and before i knew it she handed me the phone and my ex was on speaker scolding me for something so trivial she says that every preteen and teenager gets curious sometimes i told her it didn't matter her curiosity shouldn't impede on my stepson's safety in my house and vice versa if it happened the other way round my daughter started screaming that she wanted to live with her mum and the next day my ex came to pick her up my daughter is refusing to answer my calls or come for visitation which used to be a 50 50 split my ex-wife says she's appalled by my clear favoritism towards my stepson and i just want my daughter back am i the a-hole should i apologize yeah this is a really messed up situation i don't really know the answer for this one myself i feel like you are definitely not the a-hole for addressing the situation and trying to keep everyone's best interests at hearts this stepson absolutely had his privacy invaded by this girl and your ex wants to cover it all up and said that she's done no wrong she's obviously done wrong i don't know where this x's head is at if anything she's the one showing clear favoritism by just completely ignoring reality she's like oh it's not even that bad that she was looking in the room what's wrong with you you're a demon for punishing this clearly inappropriate behavior no opie you're not the a-hole i don't know what you do in this situation not the a-hole your daughter was being inappropriate you should point out to your ex that she would be ticked if your stepson did it to your daughter if it's inappropriate for one it's inappropriate for the other when i said that during our initial conversation she said something like that's different he's older and therefore has more power over her that's not word for word but it made me upset to hear that's complete and utter horse crap tell your ex and daughter sexual harassment regardless of age and gender is still sexual harassment wish i could upvote this more than once age and gender can't be a shield for crappy behavior opie you are not the a-hole your daughter may have innocently been curious and handled it poorly but if that's the case she needs to learn and you were making it clear that what she did isn't right also you're being a great step parent not the a-hole this is not okay your daughter needs to know what a clear violation of privacy this was and how not okay this is he needs to feel safe in his home just like she needs to feel safe in her home the fact she's throwing a temper tantrum about this instead of apologizing profusely and promising it will never happen again quite frankly is worrisome i'd explain to your daughter that if the roles were reversed she'd be livid right now if your stepson did this to your daughter and the bullcrap about favorites is the biggest load of crap i've ever heard and if she doesn't understand that then maybe you should get a mediator and explain it to them tell your daughter that it's her right not to see you but when you do you expect an apology to both your stepson and yourself i'd also let your ex know that you're expecting an apology from her as well your ex acting like she is is some petty stuff that needs to stop like yesterday posted by user secretary sufficient 4 titled am i the a-hole for forcing an atheist to say a prayer involved parties are me 33 male and my brother 14 male my grandparents are raising my brother as our parents are no longer with us i sometimes take over to give them a break and he spends a week with us every couple of months i had a great get-together with some of my family and my wife's family for dinner two nights ago my brother and my cousin were there i'm catholic but mostly secular i go to church for occasions like communions and baptisms but i mostly don't believe in religion my brother on the other hand is an atheist and not really quiet about it whenever my wife's parents are over we say prayers and meals because they take their faith a fair bit more seriously than i we are about to eat dinner when we stop for prayer and my wife's parents ask my brother if he'd like to say something before we eat they don't know his beliefs or anything really about him he goes on a brief spiel about how we're wasting time and god isn't real etc etc it's not extreme but it's unwelcome considering the company i had to excuse my brother and i from the table so i could talk to him and explain to him that they take their faith seriously and to show a little decorum and sensitivity he laughed in my face so i told him he had to say a proper prayer or he wouldn't be joining us for dinner it didn't have to be about god or anything like that just a few words expressing thanks for our meal even if it's not a religious prayer it would placate my parents-in-law and it would take him no effort at the very least be a team player and not start drama for no reason he refused and called me an a-hole so he didn't join us for dinner he left the next day and didn't say a word to us was i the a-hole and for some further context and comments instead of making an edit to the op i'll explain a few things here and link to it in case someone wants to respond to this update specifically my in-laws did not put him on the spot in a malicious manner they were wrong to assume the default is faith following but asking someone to lead a prayer or say a few words before eating is a gesture of courtesy nothing more it's considered an honour and part of their way to break the ice with my brother many commenters here assume it was done in malice when it's anything but as for the semantics of prayer versus toast i don't see the difference you can have a secular prayer that isn't praying to god or whoever else my brother was invited to say something anything to start off our meal he could have said thanks to my wife and die for cooking being thankful that family is together and in good spirits and health whatever i made this thread to address the respect issue i don't see how i handled things being disrespectful but what my brother did was for what it's worth he ate in our spare room where he sleeps i didn't want him at the table with the rest of the family until he addressed his diatribe and correct his wrong also many people are asking what i'd do if i was in his position with a difference of faiths between myself and my hosts i would say a prayer as i have explained here giving thanks for the meal my hosts our health and so on yeah i mean he did say words did he not he gave some words and you rejected them because you don't believe in his beliefs i think this child has as much right to feeling offended while you excluded him as you are from his difference in beliefs and not saying what you wanted him to say at the dinner table i don't think he should have been put on the spot like that i think you should have told him beforehand that these were religious people they say prayer before dinner because you know that they say prayers before dinner and he seems kind of set up here you could have intervened and said no no i'll see the prayer it's okay yet he was put on the spot and now you're mad at him for saying something that he believes that's kind of hypocritical of you op i think you're the a-hole in this situation you're the a-hole yes he should be polite he should not be forced to pray if he's not religious and asking him to pray or insisting that he should pray is way out of line and frankly very weird it didn't have to be about god or anything like that just a few words expressing thanks for our meal even if it's not a religious prayer prayer in catholicism is intrinsically religious and literally involves addressing god directly who are you asking him to express thanks to edits i know you can thank your guests for being there or thank your host for having you or thank the people who prepared your food that's a really nice thing to do it's not by any definition of prayer it's talking to people you can definitely say prayers that aren't inherently catholic or even religious however it's unreasonable to expect a teenager to be able to do so without some modeling a better move would have been having the brother apologize for being rude and then the older brother could say a prayer catholic or otherwise a conversation later on about having respect for others beliefs and how to say a prayer of thanks that isn't religious or politely declined to say a prayer would be a good next step in helping the younger brother learn how to act respectfully in such a situation agreed with you're the a-hole forcing him to say a prayer or skip dinner will just build a grudge and do nothing for helping your brother develop into a decent human why couldn't your in-laws say a prayer why do you need to force your brother to do something that he doesn't believe in all prayers are religious by the way because you're talking to god you're the a-hole i'm gonna go with a gentle everyone sucks here your brother cannot be forced to say prayers for a religion he doesn't believe in and he should be respectful of their religion if he wants to be quiet while the other people are praying that would be best he doesn't have to pray and he isn't being outright disrespectful and rude posted by user gagan wins titles am i the a-hole for wanting to keep my wedding dress this sounds ridiculous i know but it has turned into a serious issue over the last few weeks and i would really like some outside perspective on the situation because i can't think clearly anymore necessary background information i 23 female was the first child on either side of my family i have a sister 19 and 5 female cousins 21 18 16 14 and 9. when i was younger it was sort of a tradition that whatever nice clothes i had were passed on to the younger ones that included the dress i wore to my first communion which was a very big deal the dress is now ruined although i had intended on keeping it this tradition stopped when they all started to outgrow me i am about four foot ten a few weeks ago i met up with my mother and sister for a chat my country allows that and we somehow got onto the topic of weddings i don't know why but for whatever reason they expect me to get married first as the oldest of my generation although i've only been with my boyfriend for eight months and don't plan on getting married in the next two or three years i mentioned a wedding dress i had seen on pinterest and showed it to them saying that this was the type of dress i wanted to wear to my wedding one day my sister then said something along the lines of god no that is hideous i don't want to weigh that on my wedding day i laughed and said she didn't have to she could choose her own dress whenever she felt ready to get married i thought she was joking but then my mother chimed in and said no no you will have to choose something your sister likes as your dress will be passed on to her just like we did with the dress you wore during your first communion it would be so nice to see all the girls of the family wear the same wedding dress to be honest i was kind of taken aback and blurted out that it would be my dress alone and no one had the right to take it away from me let alone choose something they would want to wear my mother and sister got very angry at me telling me that it would be selfish and that i was depriving the family of a nice tradition i told them very bluntly that i don't care about that tradition and that they could all buy their own dresses now my family is mad at me because they think i don't care about them and i just can't help but be angry the wedding isn't even in the picture yet and they are already calling me an a-hole for not wanting to share my wedding dress with my sister and cousins i don't think i'm in the wrong here but i would really like to know what you think about it am i the a-hole ah yes another familial echo chamber that hates everyone that wants to stray from tradition and i can't fathom if they've all outgrown you and you're 4 foot 10 how would getting a wedding dress that's going to suit all of them work surely that dress would have to be altered and screwed around with so much that it's not even worth the effort at that point even if it was to be a reality i really want to know what drugs these families are taking because i'm gonna need to hook myself up with that if we're so disconnected from reality would really help these days that's for sure i can't even find an argument to say you're the a-hole or everyone sucks you're in this situation you've been very reasonable in this op and i commend that so it's an obvious not the a-hole edits wow this blew up sorry that i can't keep track with answering the overwhelming response was way too much to handle to be honest i was just really upset and needed to vent but i actually got some really great advice and i wanted to thank you very very much but i wanted to clarify some things since i can't answer every single comment one i don't live at home anymore and my parents pay nothing towards my expenses i pay for everything myself and intend on funding whatever wedding might happen in the future they won't get a say in a hypothetical wedding dress as i also intend on paying for that myself two the conversation which sparked the argument was casual my sister mentioned one of her friends getting married recently and we talked about weddings in general someone mentioned dresses we talked about dresses and i ended up showing them the dress i had pinned on pinterest 3. someone mentioned a wedding board on pinterest i don't have one i have a board with clothing i like and was looking at vintage dresses when i came across the wedding dress my boyfriend and i have briefly talked about marriage because i wanted to know if our expectations would clash etc and we've joked a bit around what we wanted how we wanted to do it but nothing serious i am in no way ready to get married this young and i have a lot of respect for someone who feels ready so young 4. the tradition was made up because of monetary reasons when i was a kid i wore hand-me-downs all my life and still do but nowadays i choose to rather than to be forced to if they want to start a new tradition that's fine by me but not like that 5. my family is special always has been grandma burned her wedding dress about 30 years ago because my grandfather is an ass they are still married they hate each other and they deserve each other oh god i am not on speaking terms with either of my aunts they are entitled and horrible and i haven't seen any of my cousins in the last three years don't know why my mom even considered the thoughts but she's a people pleaser and i've already come to terms with the fact that my sister is the favorites it's been easier not to expect anything than to be let down all your life six i will shut down every attempt at reviving this conversation because i hate it that someone holds a grudge because of a hypothetical situation and seven thank you for your petty answers i love them all posted by someone that deleted their accounts titled am i the a-hole i took a pregnant girl inside my home because i believed my son was the father i live in a very small town my ex-wife 40 female and i 42 male split when our son was two she thought i always supported my best friend 42 male more than her he was less fortunate than me and i helped his family sometimes the split was not amicable we had so many disagreements regarding how to raise our son she spoiled him he was raised not accepting responsibilities for his actions he started dating my best friend's daughter and my best friend passed away when his daughter was 10. she was a very shy girl and really didn't have any friends i saw my son and her relationship grow and he seemed genuinely loving her my ex-wife wasn't approving of this relationship at all all the while saying the girl is trying to take advantage of our son she was not one day her mother brought her to me and she was crying saying that she was pregnant and my son will not take responsibility for the baby my friend's family is very religious her mother wanted my son to marry her when i called my son to speak to him i saw a side of him that i've never seen he was screaming at me at her saying how his mother was correct and that this girl was taking advantage of him he told me that he doesn't want anything to do with it and he will not sign the birth certificate and he will never be in the child's life i told him i want nothing to do with him if that is what his decision is and i will pass any inheritance i have to the baby he completely went no contact with me the girl's mother kicked her out and she ended up moving with me shocked to say the baby was born with a genetic disorder that no one in my family or my ex's family had but someone in our town had the girl broke down and confessed that her and my son were having troubles with the relationship because he started believing his mother more and she made a mistake and slept with the other guy one night she was hoping that no one would find out i told her she's not allowed to enter my house anymore i tried contacting my son and my ex told me i am dead to her and her son and she can't believe her son has to share his genetics with such an a-hole i truly believed that my son was the father and i was helping out am i really an a-hole now for believing my son was taking that good and assuming she was pregnant because of him i don't even know what that means so i'm just gonna say yes you're the a-hole but he's also an a-hole for how he dealt with the situation too i can understand he was flipping out and freaking out but none of you guys came to his rescue and helped defuse the situation you guys immediately just burned bridges went to no contact and lived on your two little islands that you guys decided to be on this pregnancy could have gone either ways and if he was the father they'd be the ones in hot water now that he's not the father you're the one in hot water i can't blame you for kicking her out of your house now that she's proven that she was cheating and that would really break me as well if i was you in that situation it'd be a hard decision to make but it is a decision you have to make regardless that baby is her responsibility and it's her problem to deal with now she's gonna have to sort that one out that's not your problem op your problem is mending relationships with your ex and your son that's just how it is you failed that initially and i hope that you fix it but everyone sucks here i'm not saying you're the a-hole i'm saying you were too generous with other people when your own kid should come first you should have gotten a paternity test done first then talk to your son instead of giving him such a harsh ultimatum the girl should have been more honest about the situation instead of taking advantage of your generosity talk to your son and hopefully he will listen and you apologize profusely so i think everyone sucks here i don't really believe the whole narrative of an evil ex that raised his spoiled and irresponsible son so far where was opi in all those years where the son was supposedly never punished for his wrongdoings the ex-wife left because opie took care of others before his family and after all those years he still chose the same family that was part of the reason for his divorce over his own son opie said how he checked out of the conversation once his son started talking and mentioned the ex-wife he should ask himself how often he put his son aside to be there for the other family also ex-wife was right kind of sad that the opie has lost his wife and his son due to putting his besties family first his best friend may have been a good person but opie believed the besties daughter without getting his own son's version of what had happened first i'm guessing the sun and the ex are a lot happier without opi in their life you're the a-hole because you should have gotten a dna test done before making any ultimatums to your son i get that you were trying to do the right thing but you shouldn't have just believed her with no proof i'm more inclined to say you're the ae hall now i'll take back the everyone sucks here it's pretty apparent with the comments making this clearer for me that op is the one that screwed up and he's ultimately at fault here so yeah you're the a-hole op posted by another user that deleted their account titled am i the a-hole for saying my sister-in-law is acting really fudging creepy i am 26 female and my brother tom is 30. he is married to emily 31 and they have a daughter my niece who is three emily also has a brother george who is 28. i've met george plenty of times and he's a nice guy we don't really interact much unless it's for family events or if we're seeing our niece anyway emily has joked for a while that i should date george as we've always been single at the same times we have just laughed it off every time as george and i have zero attraction to each other however lately emily has gotten pretty serious about it i keep telling her to knock it off and she says it would be great if george and i got together and had a kid because it means our kids would be full cousins on both sides i told her to stop and she hasn't she's even been going on and on about it saying that she wants her kid to have a cousin that's within her own family and mine so she doesn't have to get to know another family if i dated someone outside of george i finally reached my limit and told emily she's acting really creepy that she wants me to date and sleep with her brother to provide her with a child so it's a pure cousin of my niece i also told her that even if i did date someone and had a kid there is zero chance she'd be involved with their family or if she was it would be at the bare minimum i really upset her and she's been crying to my brother saying how much of a [ __ ] i am and that i accused her of fetishizing her own brother that is literally not what happened tom is demanding i apologize to emily george reached out to me and told me he was glad i said something as his sister wasn't listening whenever he told her to stop george says i have nothing to apologize for am i the a-hole i feel like if you and george agreed to this you'd kind of just be feeding into her delusion and that's not healthy i don't know what the hell is going on in her little fantasy world that she thinks that's an acceptable thing to do because i'd be doubly grossed out if i was you op that just rings so many alarm bells like you're trying to force a relationship and a kid what's your problem that just is never going to happen that's never going to work she's the a-hole for continually pushing it you guys being upset and telling her to quit is not an a-hole move it's a realistic one it's sad that the boyfriend is so much on her side saying oh she didn't say that fetishizing your own brother just wants you to have a baby with him how's that fetishizing she just wants you to have a baby that's pure i don't get that mentality i really don't understand it's not the a-hole op not the a-hole that's a really creepy thing to push her brother and you into sleeping together just to have a kid especially when both parties have told her multiple times to back off and she's only crying because she got called out yup once or twice is a joke or teasing but beyond that it's harassment and to cry about someone calling out your harassment sounds so fitting for somebody who'd think it's cool to continuously do something that is clearly making people uncomfortable good on op for standing up to it and a good lesson to learn for the sister-in-law not the a-hole you're right that is seriously creepy what the hell especially how she's just kept pushing the issue over and over again like she was hell-bent on making it happen despite both of you telling her to drop it glad george is backing you up at least since your brother doesn't have the sense to see how inappropriately his wife was behaving if this were a rom-com rp and george would start seeing one another in a different way right about now i was thinking the exact same thing if this was a 90s movie with tom hanks and meg ryan right now the indie love song would start and they would run to the empire state building to confess their love or they'd argue at a new year's party until they finally break the tension with a long overdue kiss and everyone lived happily ever after posted by yuzo am i the ahole hfbg1 titled am i the a-hole for not taking care of my disabled daughter throwaway accounts also please excuse my english i'm not a native speaker some background info i 41 male have a disabled daughter molly 11 female with my ex-girlfriend sarah 37 female this all started 12 years ago me and sarah were together for about four years and we were trying to have a baby after a couple of weeks of trying she got pregnant and we were super excited unfortunately in her fourth month the doctors told us that our baby is severely disabled and advised us to get an abortion it was very hard on us we started arguing a lot because sarah wanted to keep the baby and i didn't i said i don't want to spend a whole life taking care of a child and throw everything away but sarah didn't want to kill the baby we argued about this every day and eventually it became too much and we broke up we still kept in contact with each other as friends a couple months later she went into labor i came into the hospital with her to support her as the doctors said molly was born severely disabled they kept her in the hospital for a couple of weeks and then gave her to sarah she took her to her house and i visited them a couple of times within the next months i got a job offer and moved away to another city me and sarah are still in contact and i send them money every month but we meet each other very rarely about once in two years so now molly is 11 years old she's bound to a wheelchair and will never walk she has the mind of a three-year-old and can't speak sarah left everything to take care of her she's at home with her 24 7 because molly is unable to do anything on her own they get state contributions since sarah can't go to work and i send them money i have a wife now and two daughters who are five years old and we live about four hours drive away from sarah sarah has called me last week saying that it's too much on her she said she does nothing else than take care of molly and she's tired she gave up on her career hobbies friends and everything she asked me to start taking care of molly as well she asked if i could have her in my care at least one week every two months in the beginning and after i know how to take care of her then maybe more often i talked about it with my wife and we both agreed we don't want to take care of molly i apologize to sarah and instead i offered to pay for a professional to take care of her or pay some facility to take her in but sarah refused she doesn't want a stranger to take care of molly nor put her away in a facility i feel really bad for sarah but i have a responsibility to my two daughters and my wife now i talked about it with my parents and they understand and don't blame me but i feel like i might be the a-hole very tough situation that one and i can't blame rupee for walking away from it i don't think you could really call anyone the a-hole for walking away from a situation they don't want to be a part of there yes it really does suck that molly was born with a disability like that but sarah chose to keep her and now she's completely under sarah's care it's unfortunate that sarah can't handle those responsibilities anymore after 11 years but she had the choice and she chose to keep molly and i respect her for that it's really not an easy life to lead but in the end opie is not the a-hole for not wanting to look after molly that's my opinion others may view it differently but it's not the a-hole for me you offered to pay for a solution which is very generous i hate to say it but this is what she signed up for when she decided to continue the pregnancy as harsh as that sounds it's so true there are some situations in life where there are no good options severely disabled baby is one of them no one is walking away from that situation happy i agree sarah doesn't want a solution she wants her solution the op was very generous with his offer yeah and it seems like a misery loves company thing because the caretaker would allow neither of them to be burdened and is the ideal situation not the a-hole an external living situation would probably prove to be best by the sound of it an in-home provider would have to be in around the clock sarah would still have to come home and care for molly otherwise which it sounds like she doesn't want that at all with a live-in slash at-home care provider things get very expensive very quickly depending on all they need to do for the clients look no judgements but in-home care for molly is not sustainable long run eventually you and her will not be around and capable so you need to find her a good home where she can be cared for to live her best life the good ones have long waiting lists so you should be looking into those now honestly molly's mother should have been looking into them before she reached her breaking point he doesn't need to do that at all she should have aborted her body her choice her responsibility women can't have all the rights in regards to abortions and not take equal responsibility op is paying child support and offered to pay more and the woman declined she wants everything to be done her way and she displayed that when she didn't get the abortion and she displayed it again when she declined the professional help i know i'm coming off as harsh but choices have consequences also if you take the stance that abortions aren't wrong then logically you must take the stance that a father should be able to opt out of a pregnancy before the kid is born disagree with the end it isn't fair that women have an opt-out and men don't but that unfairness is a consequence of a biological reality neither the men nor the woman can just abandon their born living breathing human childs both parties can do whatever they want to their bodies in advance to prevent that outcome but because the baby grows in the woman she gets an extra out that's not something we can really correct certainly not by filling our society with even more abandoned kids anyone can literally abandon their child fire houses and hospitals have safe spaces where you can drop the baby in a draw and walk away free and clear yes but both parties are equal in this scenario regardless of sex in the above comment they are discussing a biological difference really makes you think posted by user snoopaz 1994 titled am i the a-hole for stealing my friend's baby name hi first time redditer 26 female here i am an american and my friend is irish 26 female we met in college as she studied in the us i consider her one of my closest and best friends she was bridesmaid when i got married years ago my friend found out that she can't have kids naturally it was a really difficult time for her as she has always wanted kids we have spoken together about our future kids being pen pals but she says when she's ready for kids now she will adopt i found out i was pregnant this much and we are so excited my friend has been very supportive and happy for me although the pandemic stopped her from being able to fly out for the baby shower and the gender reveal last weekend she asked me if i'd thought of any baby names and when i told her we had already chosen our son's name she was extremely upset we have chosen a traditional irish name for him she says i know that she wanted this name for her own son which is true but i thought now that she was adopting any child she has will come with her own name we wanted to give our son this name and ask her to be godmother so she can have a child in her life with this name she blew up she said i was being cruel and should have asked her before deciding this well i wanted to surprise her so of course you can't ask someone or it'll ruin the surprise she said that the name has precious meaning to her and her family and we have no right to have this name as we are not irish but actually my husband recently did one of those dna tests so we discovered he is 18 irish and we think this is a nice way to connect with this part of us well she laughed coldly she said my husband and son are absolutely not irish i honestly was shocked as i thought she would be really touched as i said she will not be able to naturally have children herself so she can never use this name when i tried to reason that out she said she could adopt a baby that was unnamed even though previously she had told me she has interest in adopting children not babies to me it was like she was grasping at straws and just does not want us to use this name out of jealousy or resentment she was really hurt i suggested those were her motivations and ended the call with me before she said something she would regret those were her words she's not spoken to me or responded to my messages since i don't want to change my son's name me and my husband are now very fond of this name and my mum has even embroidered it on a lot of blankets and newborn clothing my husband thinks i need to choose between this name or my friend as it looks like in the future i can't have both but it is not a name or my friend it's my son's name or my friend's non-existent hypothetical son's name i feel like she is punishing me for being able to have a son when she is unable to my husband suggested i ask a more neutral audience reddit so am i the a-hole if you think reddit is a more neutral audience i've got some really bad news for you i guess my take on this is she has worded this so terribly that i don't understand if she understands how bad she's making herself look i'm sure her intentions are there these are really bad intentions that's for sure she's really playing 4d chess with her own brain here this is her trying to force her own way without regards to other people's feelings or thoughts because they've shown her they do not like her doing this and she's like i'm not going to listen to you i'm going to do what i want you obviously have ulterior motives here that you're not telling me some people never cease to amaze me at how much they suck this woman does suck she has no care that her friend can't have a baby and is now stealing a name that that woman cherishes and says oh my husband's 18 irish therefore i have a green card to do whatever i want what's wrong with you you're the a-hole yikes definitely you're the a-hole very insensitive of you the names you share with your best friends are off limits end of story no matter how the circumstances change that's just being a loyal friend every time she has to interact with your child she will instantly be reminded of how she cannot have a child infertility is incredibly heartbreaking and difficult to work through as it is let alone be reminded of a child that you can't have because your supposed friend named the child your child's name if you really thought that was going to be a well-received surprise you were quite out of touch with the incredible psychological burden that infertility can cause for women you should change the name and apologize for not realizing how cruel this action could be there are so many good names out there and it's not too late embroidery can be reworked and we changed our favorite name like five times before we decided on one unless you don't value your friendship then do what you want additionally you can adopt even a child in their teens and change their name like a middle name your former best friend can adopt a son who is 11 and add this name to be his name for a younger child she indeed could potentially change the first name uop is doubling down and has clearly decided to keep the name just have to find a new godmother and best friend i guess it also seems like opie really does not care to listen with this digging in why even bother asking here posted by user joe8674309 titled am i the a-hole for being jealous of my pregnant co-worker so i'm 31 female a teacher at a private school and my co-worker 21 female is an assistant working toward her teaching degree we get along great even though we're in different places in our lives i'm happily married and i'm happy to live more of a quiet life and she is young and enjoys going out being with friends my husband and i have been trying to get pregnant for several years and i'm joined september with our first i was so excited to share the news but i waited until 12 weeks to announce because i've had miscarriages in the past my coworker we'll call her kayla became pregnant at the same time and she announced it five weeks before an ultrasound or doctor's visit i was happy for her and thought it was cute that we were pregnant together she shares a lot more about her pregnancy than i do i'm more of a shy private person so i don't like to talk about morning sickness or any other symptoms plus i don't think it's appropriate to talk details about our bodies around the kids because of this some of our co-workers have accused me of being snotty about my pregnancy meanwhile kayla gets little gifts and compliments she also posts regular bump updates and nursery pictures on social media while i don't really post at all anyway on friday the school threw kayla a surprise baby shower and everybody brought gifts and food i knew about it and contributed to the cash fund for a stroller and i brought a few story books for the baby i honestly assumed that maybe they were throwing a shower for me as well since i'm due two weeks before her but it was just for her which was fine because i thought she should have her moment when i quietly asked my principal later in the day if they were throwing anything for me since my husband said he would stop by if they were my principal replied that everybody assumed i wouldn't want one i instantly began to cry and i felt very rejected i thought it was really unfair and cruel to throw a baby shower for one co-worker but not the other some of the other teachers heard that i was sad about it and tried to comfort me by pointing out that i'm in a better place financially than kayla and i don't need gifts i don't think it's about the gifts it's more about celebrating i would be fine with no gifts at all maybe i'm being oversensitive but i'm dreading going into work tomorrow because i feel so hurt am i the a-hole it's unfortunate that such a miscommunication happens and perhaps cahoots on her end to not have a celebration for you at the same time as her i honestly cannot blame you for being jealous i would be jealous too if i was left out of a celebration like that even though i was earlier on vocal about why i wouldn't want a celebration because of miscarriages you can't really change the past at this point you got to go into work you got to go through that dread and you just got to get past this one unfortunately you're not an a-hole for being jealous you're not an a-hole for vocalizing it that's natural and that's human not the a-hole updates thank you so much for the kind words i was truly overwhelmed by all the positive comments and offers of a virtual shower just ranting a bit on here helped tremendously and all the positive people on here really helped me gain a perspective i decided to take my maternity leave a week early and just focus on nesting and my body and then i gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy yesterday everything went smooth and i'm so deliriously happy the kindness of strangers still brings tears to my eyes not the a-hole they were wrong to assume that you didn't want a celebration just because you were more private what they are doing feels punitive you don't come across as jealous rather justifiably hurt i was and am pregnant during the pandemic and didn't really tell anyone until i hit 30 weeks i've also had difficulty before like op my co-workers who know still got me little presents even though i'd purposefully shut them out of most of the pregnancy if you're going to have work parties for people celebrating life milestones you have to do it for everyone or no one it doesn't matter if one person is more open or not if they thought opie wouldn't want to shower someone should have pulled her aside and asked we had a widower in my group get married and he requested no party but we still gathered money and slept in the card so he knew he was cared about not the a-hole your principal should have at least asked you how you prefer to celebrate if at all instead of allowing assumptions you would think a building full of educators would be a bit more savvy about how to treat colleagues in the workplace in every school i've worked in the person's group grade level or departments plans the celebration so ropi's group is the a-hole for not doing this whether she was quiet or open about her pregnancy posted by user throwaway username 123 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to pay for my daughter's college my daughter abby 17 female is a senior in high school and is applying to college for next fall she has been working hard has a lot of extracurriculars but not the best grades we live in a small town and she has expressed that she wants to go to college in a big city across the country we my wife and i had always made it clear to her that should she decide to go to college she would have to find a way to finance it on her own and encouraged her to get her grades up to get a scholarship however that hasn't really come to pass and it turns out her options for funding are quite limited if she does want to go to a reputable place my uncle passed away earlier this year and left a sizeable inheritance for me and my siblings i hadn't mentioned it to abby but she found out through her mother recently she was absolutely ecstatic because it meant we could afford to pay for her college and it would increase her chances to get into so many places i told her that the deal is still the same she needs to find a way to pay for her education and apply to places that would make financing it easier she blew up and has been extremely upset since her mother is very sympathetic towards her encouraging this behavior even and says that i'm being unreasonable abby hasn't been out of her room much since this conversation and has refused to look at me i think she is being childish and entitled while she is accusing me of clipping her wings am i the a-hole this one i had to really think about before making a decision and i feel like they haven't been educating abby properly on what it means to carry that debt why they won't pay for any of her college education when everyone else's parents save up like 18 years for them in normal circumstances that is not every circumstance but in america it's very common that your parents help you out with your college fund just because it's so hard and another one here op hasn't said what they're going to be doing with the uncle's money what was the reason all these years that they haven't been saving up a college fund is it because they couldn't afford it and if that's the case why now when they do get uncle's money are they telling her they're still not going to pay for it do they just refuse to pay for it on principle did they not have the money before and now they do have the money so they can afford it and abby's going to get her hopes up i don't know abby is young abby hasn't experienced much of the world i can't fault her for her reactions it feels like she's being played around by opie and opie's partner for her entire life and that's not fair on abby because of that i'm gonna say you're the a-hole everyone sucks here i don't agree with the all or nothing thinking here why not offer to match whatever she can raise through scholarships and grants there are countless scholarships out there and many go unclaimed because nobody applies best response i agree even if she works or had worked to try to fund her education it's likely she'd have to rely on loans and they are best devoted to say the least this could provide her an incentive to work harder and reward her for her hard work and save her a ton of stress and hardship in the future yes she'll learn hard work pays off and things don't just fall into her lap but will have more room for success as well rp you could also offer to be the one to loan her the money interest free or low interest that way she still knows the value of her degree but doesn't pay devastating interest rates you're the a-hole to maybe everyone sucks here because you're ignoring how college is paid for in the usa the fafsa or fafsa looks at your money you're not magically exempt from that because you told her you weren't paying back in the day so you're effectively clipping her wings even if you think that's unfair ah yes abby isn't going to be able to get any financial need grants at all i had a similar thing happen in college because long story short my uncle stole money from my dementia adult grandmother so my mom took a hundred thousand dollars of my grandmother's money into her bank account so he couldn't get it of course that meant it appeared to be my mom's money even though it wasn't so no needs-based scholarships for me and op it doesn't matter that you don't pay for her college your income and assets are still what they look at to deny her money posted by user ashamed project titled am i the a-hole for not telling my wife my parents were cousins my 26 male parents have been happily married for 30 years neither of them had known they were cousins and found out two years into their relationship their mothers who were sisters had lost contact after each of them ran away at different times from their strict super religious households the day they met it was almost in an instant that both of them knew they were each other's siblings that day was filled with a lot of chaos and ended up with a breakup of my parents however five months into the breakup they both realized they couldn't do it and they got back together my mother's mum supported them whereas my father's mum had not and disowned my father a year after that my parents got married and had my sister and die just a month ago my father had passed away from heart complications and it hit my mother really hard and she was absolutely broken this week we had a tiny funeral only 10 people for him and everything was going smooth until his mother showed up my aunt had brought her along this created a huge shouting match with my mother aunt and grandmother in this they disclosed the fact that my parents were cousins my wife looked at me in shock and asked me if that was true i told her yeah and she said to wait for a conversation about this when we got home well we got home and she just started crying saying that it was disgusting that i was the product of incest and how i couldn't have told her and why i didn't trust her i truly don't believe that my parents relationship defines me as a person i've tried to ignore that fact for my whole life and it was a really uncomfortable topic i told her that i had the right to keep it to myself but she just screamed that i didn't and that what if we had a child and it could have complications because of me although the chances of that are extremely low i still stood my ground that it was my rights but my wife just continued to cry as she told me that we were going to take a break i'm heartbroken because i didn't think that part of me defined me and to know that she was taking a break from me because of that reason really hurts i talked to my sister about this and she said that i was the a-hole and should have told my wife as she told her husbands she said it's not something i should have hidden because it was a deal breaker for many i'm really tired of having my parents relationship define me as a person and i don't think i'm the a-hole for not telling my wife i haven't had any contact with my wife but i know that if she were to forgive me i'd have to apologize and even though it may sound so petty that i'm putting our relationship on the line i don't think i need to give any apology i would like another view on this because my mind's racing although throw away because my wife knows my reddits i'm not defending op by saying this i'm just saying this looks like an entire mountain of denial that you've been climbing up your entire life op and you don't want to jump off that mountain right now because you're using it as a defense mechanism this is not the hill you want to die on you know that there are negative consequences of having kids when you yourself are the product of incest that is a huge bombshell to be hiding from your wife and she has every right to be pissed off now that you've told her that part of you absolutely does define you i know it shouldn't but genetically it absolutely does i don't blame her for taking a break from you either i would be very riled up if that were to happen to me you do need to give an apology to her opie and i don't know if this relationship will last because that is a deal-breaker for a lot of people i don't know what to say you're the a-hole edits i fully understand that i was in the wrong this was my wife and i should have told her keeping this away from her was a betrayal of trust however my parents being a product of incest was always a sore spot for me i wrote this in the post but i exceeded the word limit therefore i took it off but when i was in high school this information of my parents leaked my sister told it to a friend and in the small town i lived in it spread like wildfire i would get bullied constantly for it on top of already getting bullied for being small and skinny the bullying was horrible and i was hospitalized once from it for broken ribs that instance emotionally scarred me and i went through therapy to overcome it while in therapy my therapist wanted me to know that my parents didn't define me their relationship had nothing to do with me my parents were their own people and i was my own person after those years of therapy i left with that mentality why should my parents affect me so you guys were right although i was saying my parents didn't define me if that was true i shouldn't have kept it a secret i knew they defined me and i was scared of my girlfriend now wife leaving me perhaps i made it worse withholding this information i've contacted my wife but her sister said to give her a couple more days to gather her thoughts and when she does i will apologize thank you for showing me that i was in the wrong edits turns out a couple days means minutes we are getting divorced she can't live with the fact that her children would be disgusting freaks al oh god that's well your parents relationship does define you if you think you have to keep it a secret and incest being a huge huge taboo and with health ramifications one would think it is ought to be mentioned to the person you're getting married to so yeah you're the a-hole there are technically potential health ramifications from the cousin's marriage but they are low to begin with and opie marrying outside of the family means any of his hypothetical children have basically the same odds of complications illness and disability as anybody else that said if he didn't tell her because he didn't think it mattered that'd be one thing intentionally hiding it's because he knows it would bother her is another and does make him an a-hole his wife's response seems totally disproportionate though everyone sucks here posted by user throwaway xcx0 titled am i the a-hole for financially supporting my brother's ex-wife for the past three years since moving to the states i've gotten close to my sister-in-law now former as i live only a 10-15 minute walk from her i used to believe that she was some terrible woman who abused my brother and kept him apart from his children but the past three years have been an eye-opener to say the least my brother figured out a legal way to not support his former wife and barely supports his children they have four kids and he pays just under 380 monthly even though he can afford to pay way more and should be paying more i never had a relationship with my ex-sister-in-law because i lived in another country at the time and so we had met once at the wedding and generally spoken on the phone a few times my whole perception of her was based on my brother's stepmothers and father's bs stories when i moved to where i live now i noticed that my ex-sister-in-law was really struggling and decided that i would give her money monthly to help out with the kids my brother recently found out because my niece told him that she needed a new laptop and shoes and he told her that he pays her monthly enough to be able to buy this for her so she should ask her mother and she replied no worries dad i'll ask auntie he then decided that i made him look bad and has demanded i stop helping them because he pays her enough i basically told him that i can do what i want with my money and will continue supporting nibblings and ex-sister-in-law my stepmother and father have gotten on his side and are demanding i stopped dealing with that [ __ ] during our heated arguments i told my stepmother that her son was a disgrace and her and dad needed to stop enabling his bull crap several people have told me that i'm in the wrong for inserting myself that's what he said and that i am emasculating my brother and attacking his relationship with his children as a provider am i in the wrong in supporting my ex-sister-in-law i think opie you can do whatever the hell you want with your money if that's supporting your ex-sister-in-law because she can't afford to raise her kids and can't afford anything nice because he found a legal loophole and screw him they can't control you they can't control your money you seem like the only good person in this story there is no way that we could flip this unless we turn our brains inside out to the ex-sister-in-law and you being the bad guys here ah you guys are supporting yourself financially disgusting not the a-hole he's emasculating himself by not being a father and providing for his children good on you for seeing your family suffering and stepping in to help exactly don't display emasculating behavior if you don't want to be emasculated not the a-hole you are supporting your nieces and nephews and your brother is a jerk exactly they're your family too it's like when parents split up badly and then it's the grandparents and extended family that miss out on seeing the kids grow up not the a-hole 380 bucks for four kids is impossible to live on and you're doing the right thing if he wants to step up and actually help sure back off but till then spend as much as you want on those kids they are technically your nieces and nephews so you are just being a good auntie it's wrong for them to ask you to ignore people in need 380 bucks isn't even okay for one kid let alone four not the a-hole posted by user throw away somebody titled am i the a-hole for washing kid's artwork off my property my neighbor's kids seven and nine vandalized my driveway with elaborate chore cards i caught them when i came out to walk my dog they had covered the length of the crosswalk into my admittedly large driveway completely apparently it was for an online art contest and they needed the space and had to take pictures when they were done i think they or at least their parents should have asked me first before claiming my property i immediately told them to move grabbed my hose and washed it off the older child started to cry very loudly and the younger followed and then they ran off later in the day i got a phone call from their mother about how they are heartbroken that i could be so cruel and that they weren't causing any permanent damage she said they would have cleaned up after they were done and i should apologize to them i think that's besides the points but i feel like i may be the a-hole because yes they weren't causing any permanent damage and i wasn't going to use the space but i still think i had every right to get the graffiti off my property am i the a-hole seems like a clear-cut everyone sucks here they should have asked your permission and they shouldn't have just done it without asking your permission but you're the a-hole for hurting kids intentionally when you could have asked them how long it's going to take and then you know got them to clean it up and not hurt feelings it's just chalk they weren't actually graffitiing your house it's something that could easily be removed you could have waited until later on and not hurt their feelings in front of their face it just seems really heartless and most normal people wouldn't do this you kind of just seem like a heartless husk of a person op yes they did you wrong but i feel like you did them worse everyone sucks here but you suck more everyone sucks here the parents should have made their kids ask first that would be polite and neighborly but holy geez are you worse i don't even think that counts as graffiti and i sure wouldn't call it vandalism it's chalk and they are kids chalk do you deflate the bowls that accidentally land in your yard too do you hand out dental floss on halloween do you always go out of your way to be unfriendly vandalize deliberately destroy or damage the chalk drawing was deliberate yes but your driveway was not damaged or destroyed in fact the reason chalk is such a best seller is because it does neither of those things you would have had a better argument if you said the kids trespassed and didn't ask for your permission instead you're reaching so therefore you're the a-hole posted by user silver and cat titled would i be the a-hole if i reported a therapist after one session first of all sorry for formatting i'm on mobile i wanted to start therapy because of my not so fun childhood so i registered to an online site where i could pay x amount of money and get a certified therapist have sessions each week i was looking forward to our first session i read a lot about the therapist lady and she seemed to have great credentials however during our first session she did not ask any questions and whenever i tried to mention why i wanted to start therapy she steered the conversation away to her kids she told me their ages favorite food what animals they were searching for on various paintings in a museum etc i'm child free and that was already mentioned in my introduction that i sent before the session so it would have been obvious that i can't share similar stories i just wanted someone professional to listen to me but instead i got to listen to the one hour introduction of her kids even when i mentioned something personal and disturbing from my childhood so maybe she would ask what or something she just kept talking about the spices her kids don't like i was polite and didn't complain however i feel like i wasted my money i cancelled my subscription and pretty much gave up on therapy would i be the a-hole if i reported her to this site so that they'd know she's not really caring about patience or am i just making this about me again and should i have waited for more sessions to talk about my issues she sounds like she needs therapy what is she doing ah yes i was really messed up when my grandmother threatened me as a child oh my god you want to hear about my kids so there's this like one spice that they really like like i just can't see why a therapist thinks that's okay to do it's like i'm just gonna ignore you we're gonna heal you by uh ignore therapy that will work i wouldn't hesitate to ask for my money back and report her for not doing her job it's just so unprofessional and unnecessary and frankly it's dangerous if the right person gets the wrong help it to me sounds like a disaster waiting to happen this woman needs to be slapped down or needs to be removed from this website and from therapy in general find a different career lady edit updates i sent feedback to the sites as many of you suggested basically reported the conversation is unhelpful i don't want anyone else to go through the same as i so i hope that they will review her therapy style and give her some feedback thank you you breathtaking humans for these supports not the a-hole that's not professional behavior maybe quarantine is just being hard on her when you are looking for therapists it's important to find someone that you click with and someone who monopolizes the time does not seem to fit the bill i would report it but if i were you i would just report what happened rather than making inferences about how much she cares about her patients your complaint will be taken more serious if it's more factual this is an excellent advice thank you i usually tend to stick with the facts no emotions involved in my arguments because of the said childhood so it will not be a problem i hope you don't give up on therapy one bad experience doesn't mean that all therapists are like that this it took me two or three months before i found one i liked but i've heard of people going through way more until they found one who clicked keep it up you deserve someone who will listen i remember a therapist i so disliked and would be internally rolling my eyes as she spoke but it was when i was young and didn't yet know how to advocate for myself i stuck it out out of politeness i had a psychiatrist i really liked but he's in prison now and i haven't actually found another who actually helps i wasn't gonna read the story but it's too interesting not to read it so suspiciously formal says i would like to hear the rest of this story nothing too interesting i had a psychiatrist that i'd see every week one day in 2012 i showed up to an appointment and after an hour of waiting the guy in the office next door came out and told me that my doctor is gone and he didn't have any further information i tried going to the other doctors but since they didn't have my records or any records of my diagnosis they wouldn't prescribe me my meds even with the pharmacy confirming my script turns out my doctor was under investigation for having sex with an 18 year old patient of his it's illegal for a psychiatrist to have sex with someone in their care so he surrendered his license and fled the country he ended up in new zealand and set up a practice after lying to get his license transferred he refused to answer any attempts at contact from me or other doctors when new zealand was made aware that he lied about his license status or investigation not really sure he was sent back to the u.s stood trial and was convicted of sexual assault in the second degree oh and he was a mass shooters psychiatrist and i was an emt who responded to the call via mutual aid only found that out by googling him so i ended up having a nervous breakdown spent years seeing different doctors trying to find a provider that would treat me and not give me meds that don't work i'm allergic to or give me bad reactions i still don't have my meds i'm fed up with doctors and i spent last week calling the prison and my old states crime division to see if i could get a letter or copy of my records or something because it's been years and my issues have only gotten worse except for a short amount of time after my breakdown basically he fled the country before the department of health took possession of his records the people at the prison say that they would talk to his counselor but no promises it was suggested i write to him in prison which i had to google how to try to get a letter or something with my dx on it and i have an appointment with a new doctor in 62 days and if this one doesn't work i give up on all doctors altogether posted by user techamom titled am i the a-hole for refusing to send my son to a treatment facility i 34 female have a 13 year old daughter and an 11 year old son i'm currently married to the father 44 male of my son while i love both my kids equally my son has always been a difficult kid he skips school fights with teachers and steals school psychologists and authority figures have said that he has conduct disorder and we feel that the label has just given him more pushback from teachers while he does have some anger issues he's still a bright young man who his father and i feel just needs love we've been going to therapy as a family and for him individually and his grades have since improved and his behavior has intermittently improved however these past months he's gotten angry again probably because of being cooped up last week after a fight with his sister he ended up gorilla gluing some of her stuff onto surfaces we went back to therapy and the therapist suggested a treatment facility she only suggested it but my daughter keeps begging me to put him in one my husband is furious at the suggestion because he doesn't want to lose access to our son and he doesn't want a bright boy to be locked up like he's some criminal enabling it would also break my heart to send my son to a facility and my husband thinks that this is mostly just revenge on my daughter's part because she's angry with him while my daughter asked me again i told her that i refused to send her brother to a facility where he might be prescribed drugs or labelled a problem and that i have hoped that if i continue talking to him he'll eventually get over his anger am i the a-hole my daughter is saying that she wants to find her father and live with him and that really hurt me and letting them take my son away would also hurt my husband and fill him with hate and resentment towards everyone involved in the incident i hear excuse excuse excuse excuse excuse you're full of excuses opie and it's no wonder that your daughter wants to move out enable deny cry why is he why is he such an issue we didn't raise our son this way if you're not going to let him be prescribed drugs or labelled a problem because it's obvious that he has a problem and needs professional help then you're the a-hole in this scenario yes the pandemic is affecting us all yes it is bad for mental health but ignoring the fact that your son is going downhill again and saying oh it'll be better soon it'll be better he won't repeat this it's just very stupid and simple-minded i do hope you get him help though i don't know if you will because you have a history of enabling him so you're the a-hole i was that kid i had severe self-harm and suicidal ideation problems and regularly deliberately caused problems in my family because i was in pain and i didn't know how to get it out or cope with it i was sent to a treatment facility for help and it changed my entire life it sucked and i didn't want it at the time but it was the best thing that ever happened to me a wake-up call that i was seriously messing up my life and relationships while getting the care i needed your son is damaging property and relationships and causing other people pain and anxiety just by him living there it's not fair to his sister or to anyone else that has interacted with him give him the escalated help he needs please also read this awesome comment by a professional and i'm reading that now hijacking top comment to say as somebody who works as a residential tx program you are absolutely right that the kiddo needs the help he needs i would like to take a minute to address some of opi's anxieties because i can speak to the other side of this getting him labeled as a problem the point of residential programs is to prevent your kiddo from being labeled a problem he's a minor and protected by hipaa colleges employers whoever they don't have any way of knowing about this unless you disclose what will certainly get him labelled as a problem is if his conduct issues cause him to have run-ins with the law down the line that stuff stays on your record neither of you want that locked up like a criminal look nobody loves being in a place they can't leave however think about what a kid's life is already like you can't leave most places unaccompanied people are constantly barking orders at you and there is rules that apply to you but not adults the transition to a residential program is less like going to prison and more like going to a summer camp where all your camp counsellors are actual counsellors you still socialize play games hug plushies watch movies and eat snacks it's just if you have a meltdown somebody comes and ushers you into a de-escalation room where they wait for you to calm down and then you talk about your feelings and more constructive ways of working with them get medicated i understand why meds are scary side effects are real and overprescription happens you are not crazy for worrying however properly managed meds can be a fudging lifesaver in so many ways one of the issues with prescriptions is that psychiatrists don't actually spend that much time with their clients in a res program they are in direct contact with your kids care team all day every day they get a much much better feel for what's going on and how to help rather than throwing a handful of pills at you and seeing what sticks med management was a structured part of our kiddo's routines i need glasses my diabetic body needs insulin neither of us is qualified to manufacture those things ourselves and we'd make a mess of it if we tried behavioral stuff is the same if you are at an accredited vetted program with a strong empirical basis and qualified professionals working there you are giving your child a huge huge help be picky about which program you choose good ones will accommodate family therapy set up a tx plan for when he's discharged and involve you in your child's care sending your child to a treatment facility doesn't mean that you didn't love them enough or that there's something fundamentally wrong about either of you you can look at this as a thing you're doing because you love them posted by user throwaway 067100 titled am i the a-hole for wanting my wife to give her ex full custody and send her son to live with his dad me and my wife got married three years ago she has a son from her previous marriage my stepson kevin is 16 and has been nothing but mean and awful to me for no obvious reasons he disrespects me and my family and would blatantly tell them to f to their face and say he was only there for family events his mom makes him attend he takes stuff that belongs to me like wrist watches laptops and medication yes medication he takes my car and goes on rights without my consent nor a driving license but i had to shut up and not say anything because my wife is being overprotective of him and would try to excuse his behavior every time a couple weeks ago i discovered that he's seeing a girl she's 18 and he wanted to give her a ride with my car i didn't know then but he was probably planning this for a while he's good at taking things and hiding them he stole my car keys at 11 pm while i was asleep by the way my wife saw him and told me turned out he took her on a ride around the neighborhood and did some drifting as a way to impress i told my wife to call him before i call the cops we waited for 30 minutes till he got back we had a huge argument he had the audacity to talk back and act like he did nothing wrong thank god the neighbors didn't call the cops on him for what he did that night i told my wife that i can't take it anymore because he was going to get me in trouble because that was my car and my dl and that she needed to let his dad take full custody and kevin goes and lives with him she started crying yelled at me and refused to talk ever since this has been stressing me out we can barely talk and she blames me for his behavior saying i resent him when he keeps getting into trouble and treats me like an absolute dog crap so am i the a-hole after all of this it's very much clear that this son is an a-hole he shouldn't have stolen your keys he shouldn't have gone drifting around the neighborhood he shouldn't continuously steal your car i think you're not the a-hole for the way you want things to be going by having him go live with his dad and getting him out of your hair but you're not communicating this in a reasonable way and it doesn't seem like you've taken a lot of action to stop the boy from acting out from the get-go and a lot of your behaviors here are not in line with your intentions it's quite clear you do resent the boy you don't like him and he doesn't like you both of you suck and i think you need help so everyone sucks here the crappiness of kevin is of course obvious and your wife's enabling of him certainly sounds like it rises to the level of a hollery you don't get to demand that your wife give up custody of her minor son full stop that's not how being a parent works and for you to marry a parent without understanding that is kind of horrifying if you can't live with her son you have every right to leave everyone sucks here someone needs to get a grip on this kid and his behavior but i don't think making his mother choose between you and her son is going to end well for you being walked all over by an aggressive older child is not something that ends well either the mother needs to stop enabling the kid and take responsibility for the spawn she raised so badly that he turned out like this not all parents who marry into families with children except being parents that's a blanket assumption that does not work because many kids don't even want another dad or mom kevin has a dad already why isn't he parenting him we don't know if he's parenting or not but i've noticed that what happens at one parent's house isn't considered the other parent's business also if you marry someone with a minor child you're a parental figure full stop you may not be an actual parents but you are responsible for them and have to take care of them legally to a degree if you don't like the kid or don't want responsibility don't marry the parents this whole story sounds like it should be an episode of dr phil endo p replies it's been an ongoing battle trying to get him on the right track but he sees this as taking over his dad's role and my wife would support him saying i'm putting too much pressure on him and that i should just let him be whatever i try to do it's always looked at as evil and overstepping the line he absolutely refuses the idea of even listening to me moreover he would go against what i say just out of spite i'm tired of all of this tired of the lack of support i get tired of putting up with this and second guessing myself and my potentials to be a good father figure did you guys not discuss this before you lived together and got married i told my wife i had no problem having him live with me and i gotta say it's only got worse than the last couple of years posted by user matter to this titled am i the a-hole for making a kid cry on a plane multiple times me 17 male and my boyfriend 19 male were on a 15-hour flight this 10 year old boy was sitting next to us and his mum was seated in the row next to us for the first hour or two he was talking to me and showing me games on his ipad i was fine with that then he started asking me questions about my hair and if he could touch it i have half dyed pink so because of that i guess i got tired of talking to him and told him that i had to watch something so i just put on my headphones he started crying his mother calmed him down and apologized to me and i said it was fine a few more hours pass and he was asleep for a few hours and i was playing on nintendo's switch he woke up and asked me if he could play i let him play for half an hour and he managed to drop it six times during that half an hour so i told him that it was about to die and he couldn't play it anymore crying starts again of course his mum asks me if i can let him play for a bit more but i say no she didn't say anything else then i was asleep kinda laying down i had my head in my boyfriend's lap i feel some weight on me open my eyes and see that the kid is literally on top of me climbing over to get to my bag probably wanted to switch again i sat up quickly because i was kind of surprised he stumbled back but didn't fall he just got up startled and another fit in series his mum was asleep too but she woke up from the noise and at that point she just started yelling at me for making her son cry multiple times acting like a kid and not having empathy for a single mom she said that i could easily let her son play for a few more minutes and if i was so bothered by him we could have agreed to switch seats with her my boyfriend told her that she was acting ridiculous flight attendant came and asked what the problem was the mum said something about a couple of empathetic a-holes at the end they got seated together in the back row i feel kind of guilty about it now to be fair if it was me in the same situation in your shoes going through that step by step i'd probably feel guilty too because it's like i don't want to yell at this woman because everyone's going to turn heads and see but i also don't want this kid to break my switch because cause he's dropped it six times and this kid will not stop how do i stop him from wanting to switch and get her to shut her mouth and do it all peacefully without causing a scene it kind of seemed like it was necessary for the flight attendant to come in you've done everything that i would have done in this situation op and for that i don't think you're an a-hole i think the kid is being ridiculous and the mom is just entitled like it just seems the story is straight ripped from entitled parents but it's not like these things don't happen not the a-hole you were far far kinder than i would have been the child is entitled to nothing of yours not your possessions or your time parents are responsible for raising a child who understands that and for providing entertainment on a plane too i literally wouldn't have the patience to deal with a child acting like this and at age 10 how is this woman raising her kid not the a-hole single mom or not it's her kid not yours and you certainly aren't an in-flight babysitter traveling with kids of any age means taking the time to plan she clearly didn't she said that i could easily let her son play for a few more minutes not the a-hole she could have easily packed stuff to entertain her own damn kid it's not a stranger's responsibility to provide entertainment to the children on board you already went above and beyond by talking to him for two hours in my opinion also by the way he reacted there is virtually no chance that he would have been happy with a few more minutes anything less than letting him play for the rest of the flights would have just delayed the kid crying posted by user sad secret recipe titled am i the a-hole for wanting to keep my nana's pasta recipe as secrets my nonna grandmother made the most delicious version of a well-known pasta dish but she vowed to never tell her recipe she wouldn't even let people into the kitchen when she was cooking it recently my nana got sick and passed away and my family has been sorting through the items in her house my boyfriend located a drawer full of handwritten recipes and found the recipe for the pasta with two surprising ingredients we didn't tell the rest of my family at first because we wanted to make it first to be sure it really was the recipe a few days later we made it and it was like nana was back and in my kitchen so good i told my boyfriend that i thought it was a sign that we found it and that we were meant to carry on the legacy of not as secret pastor i said we should make it for my family at our next get-together but still not tell anyone what the recipe was and he agreed that that would be funny yesterday though i got a message from one of his friends saying that my nana's pasta was delicious i asked my boyfriend and he told me that he had posted the recipe in a group chat he said it casually as if he did nothing wrong i got angry at him and said that he knew she wanted its secrets he said that it was honoring nonna to share her good cooking with everyone and that her memory would live on through the delicious pasta i started yelling that it doesn't work like that and it got worse from there where he said that i was overreacting and that we had no idea what she would have wanted for the recipe after her passing he even said that if i really believed it was a sign that we found it that he was the one who found it and it was up to him to decide what to do with it eventually he apologized but the damage is done i answered his friends and told her to please get rid of the recipe and never make it again i asked my boyfriend if i could look through the group chat and he was resistant but then he left me he shared the recipe with 11 people and after he shared it one of them responded with ghost pastor emojis which is so insensitive i did make him message the chat to ask them all to please delete the recipe i worry they won't though i've not told my family yet but i'm going to before they find out from someone else i am so hurt by my boyfriend's actions and it's difficult to look at him the same way my friends all say that i'm being melodramatic but this secret recipe is a big part of my nonna's identity and casually sharing it feels so disrespectful opie i really feel like you're overreacting here and we can't control the way we feel we can only control our actions when things like this happen your actions were very much over the top and i can't fault you for that your feelings are valid but you were kind of destroying the relationship with everyone you have by acting like her you were not your nonna you were not her the recipe is out and you shouldn't go seeking to destroy it it's unfortunate that he did share it with the chats and those emojis were pretty harsh but at the end of the day it has been done it's really not as heavy as you're making it out to be and he does suck for doing it you got to admit he does suck and he kept that from you as well you didn't find out until one of his friends messaged you saying how good the pastor was it would kinda suck if you died and the pasta recipe never got shared with anyone because you didn't want to tell the rest of your family even what right do you have over the pasta recipe that they don't like for real nana wanted to die and not share that pasta recipe would you rather no one has it or everyone has it that's kind of the question here regardless of how this is gone everyone sucks here you appointed yourself the gatekeeper of the recipe and not once have you mentioned sharing it with your family you know how silly your boyfriend sounds when he thinks him finding the recipe was a sign for him to do with it what he wishes that's how silly you sound using the same excuse for not sharing it with your family and keeping that same warm memory of your nana from them it's selfish behavior furthermore you can't also gatekeep other people's phones it doesn't work that way your boyfriend is also done messed up he doesn't own the recipe and it wasn't for him to share everyone sucks here obviously your boyfriend is at fault for sharing the recipe but from how you've written your message the recipe wasn't yours either you just lucked into finding it from the way you've written your post it would have gone from your nonna to you because you got lucky you were just keeping it to yourself so i think it's pretty selfish as well everyone sucks here i also have a nonna except she's nana and she loves underexplaining or keeping recipes secrets she's in her 90s and i've started semi-begging her to tell me the recipes for real because no one will know after she's gone and all of her fantastic food that reminds me so much of her will just be an unattainable memory opie if there are others in your family who cherish you're not as pastor as much as you you should share the recipe with them it's a tangible link to a loved one who is gone and a family tradition that shouldn't be hoarded by one person your boyfriend was wrong to post the recipe without consulting you he doesn't get to make calls like that when it's not his family but please consider being generous with your own relatives

Channel: Markee

Views: 18,351

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Id: mVoul5hv13A

Length: 110min 2sec (6602 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 09 2020