r/AmiTheA**Hole For Feeding My Starving Nephew?

g'day there guys it's rosie hubby machi back at it again with another episode of a slash am I the a-hole now if you love me like I love you then you know what to do I want you to tackle that like button like Steve Irwin would tackle a bloody crocodile maybe even Chuck and Ozzy flag down to the comments ha with that said now I want you to sit back relax Chuck a broad on the barbie and get ready for some bloody good contents posted by you sir coffee grinder 11 titles am I the a-hole for snapping in a barista after she woke up my sleeping baby twice the coffee shop near my house just reopened so I went in for a coffee on my afternoon walk with my 9 month old daughter yesterday it wasn't busy but because there were only three baristas only two serving customers but three baristas working the service was slow that's fine I wasn't in a rush but the second I walked in I was struck by how loud that coffee grinder was it wasn't just shut off in a few seconds though but kept going and going since the third barista was granting a huge bag of coffee all at once within the first minute my daughter wakes up and keeps screaming no matter how much I try to comfort her after five minutes I ask the barista if she could stop using the coffee grinder as it's disturbing my baby when she agrees and turns off the machine while I'm waiting for my drink I managed to get my daughter to start dozing again until the barista turns on the grinder again making my daughter cry all over again at this point I snap at the barista for turning it on while I'm still there as she can barely see that she has caused my daughter to cry again the barista says she was doing something else with the grinder there was more urgent but could she really have not waited until I left anyways the other baristas were extremely cold to me and didn't even say anything when they gave me my drink I emailed the manager when I got home explaining the situation and today the manager replied and apologized for what happened in return I got a free gift card I was telling my husband this thinking he would be excited about the gift card but he doesn't think I should have emailed the manager at all and that I overreacted but the manager agrees that I was wrong dear am I the a-hole I feel like we're seeing this through the lens of a Karen in a ways and I don't want to say that to be impolite to mothers with babies but in this situation they were kind of just doing their job she doesn't make it clear whether the coffee grinding was a vital function or not I don't know if they understand whether it was vital the way that the manager phrases it makes me seem that they're not the a-hole because that could have been done later when a baby was removed so this is kind of a hard judgement for me but I still think that Opie is the a hole in this situation and they could have taken their baby away from the area you're the a-hole the manager doesn't agree with you he just gave you the good service speech and a gift card so that you won't harm his business by tramping about it if your child is sleeping it is not the rest of the world's responsibility to keep quiet it's your responsibility to take your child someplace appropriate for sleeping which is not the middle of a retail business agreed 100% I have two kids if they fell asleep in public I did not expect anyone to be quiet or stop their job having a kid does not give you special treatment you're the a-hole it's extreme entitlement to actually expect them to stop doing their work until she leaves also who is taking a nine month old baby out while there's still a pandemic going on so on top of being entitled Obi is severely silly potentially risking her kid's life for coffee you're the a-hole the barista was doing her job it doesn't matter if it was urgent or not it is her job if you don't want to be around noise for your baby don't leave your house and enter a public space where there will be noise you did overreact massively this is why God created post mates or nespresso or just freaking drive throughs I've got small kids the only time I hit a coffee shop is when they're not with me except you know for drive throughs I was reading Opie's post and sheer disbelief cannot fathom expecting a barista to stop grinding coffee in a coffee shop because of a sleeping baby unless it's a sleeping baby gorilla or something well that puts it in perspective she was grinding coffee to actually make coffee with so the manager wasn't agreeing with Opie in this one I get it now I'm dumb Opie was just being stupid you're kidding right you went into a coffee shop and got upset when they were grinding coffee this is what happens in a coffee shop if the things that happen in a coffee shop are too loud for your daughter don't take her to a coffee shop you can't expect the world to be put on hold because you arrived your husband was right you were being awful and the manager was just trying to keep a customer in these hard times and not risk you doing something worse like blasting them on social media goes to an airport um can you stop making the planes take off you're disturbing my baby you joke but I used to live someplace where the wife of a local politician tried to get an airport that had been there for decades closed down because the sound of an airplane startled her when she was in the shower true story posted by user through RA 3468 titled am I the a-hole for giving food to my nephew who was being punished i-22 female have been living with my parents for the past few months because of the pandemic my sister 25 female and her son seven male have been living here for about a year she's a single mom my sister is a huge perfectionist and she doesn't accept mistakes she's very strict with her son and she constantly tells him she wants him to become a smart intelligent man before the pandemic he had a tutor and he was already taking piano lessons dance classes etc he's also learning multiple languages my nephew was still a child there and he behaves like a child he's not a troublemaker at all but in my sister's eyes he is like I said she's very strict and she doesn't like messiness or imperfection a few days ago nephew was being a normal child and running around doing child things he accidentally knocked over revise I was the one who saw at first I asked him if he was alright and told him to be careful and sent into his room I was cleaning it up while my sisters saw it and then she called Neffe she told Neffe to apologize he apologized and I said it was okay that should have been enough in my opinion but she told him that he wouldn't get dinner for the next two days because he broke the vars nephew didn't say anything and I honestly thought she was joking so fast-forward tonight he wasn't at the dinner table but I thought she was teaching him a lesson and she would give him food later but apparently it didn't happen and at about two o'clock Neffe knocks at my door and he just whispers that he can't sleep because he's hungry I felt so bad I honestly struggled to hold back tears because that's so wrong maybe I'm too emotional okay but I wanted to cry he's so small I just went into the kitchen and made him food I probably made too much noise because my sister came downstairs and asked me what I'm doing Neffe was already eating and my sis was furious at me I told her that she shouldn't be so harsh towards her child which made her very angry for some reason she pulled me aside and told me that I disrespected her in front of her child that now her son won't respect his mother I went against her and I taught her son that his mother was wrong and I was right that wasn't my intention at all she said I was an a-hole she said [ __ ] but you get the points for trying to teach her how to parent her own son I honestly didn't think that far my parents agree with her and they also think that I disrespected her I honestly just feel a little bad for the kid was I wrong am I the a-hole here no that is no way to treat a child Jesus Christ give that kid some food he's a growing young boy you need to feed them they can't grow up they can't be healthy if you don't feed them he's seven years old that punishment is far too harsh for breaking of ours obviously she doesn't care why is the mom being so abusive in this situation I now maybe have a little bit of a talk with CPS see what's going on over there buddy not the a-hole starving a child is abuse not discipline right like who in their right mind would starve a child's and what's with the parents agreeing that it was wrong to feed a hungry kid I'd literally call CBS maybe talk to the sister first show her somewhere official where it says that's child abuse so that she understands the gravity of her actions I'm not condoning child abuse but she seems like a new mother who doesn't realize that it's abuse if she doesn't agree to change then call CPS show her where a pediatrician recommends feeding a kid x times a day and she can't create a perfect child if she doesn't feed him I don't endorse that I just think that might get through to her but ideally she should call CPS not the a-hole normally I don't condone messing with another person's parenting but no dinner for a seven-year-old child for two days for accidentally breaking something that's child abuse in my view you were right to give him some food my role with everything is don't get involved unless it's hurting people that's hurting people it's also child abuse in the eyes of the state if school was open and that kid mentions to a teacher or aide that he was being punished that's in quotes because it's abuse in this way teachers would have to call CPS posted by user D Smith xoxo titled am I the a-hole for pulling out of my best friend's wedding for pulling out of my best friend's wedding question mark sir I'm a 23 year old female with a progressive disability like multiple sclerosis but slower bride is 23 year old female 2 we've been friends for seven years when she got engaged she asked another woman who's she works with for less than a year to be maid of honor I was hurt but I brushed it off then when it came to asking me to be a bridesmaid she commented that I had to wear heels and to walk down the aisle and stand for pictures unaided I was hurt because she knew about my condition in my meds and completely overlooked them we argued but made up until now her wedding is in February 2021 and I told her I was going to be using a wheelchair by then I've been going back and forth with it for a while I want my independence back no pain no anxiety over walking with my condition my team at the hospital stated that it would be a good idea I decided it would be for the best so I told her she was instantly off to me stating how would I go into the car to the wedding carry a bouquet get into the building I gave solutions to those things she then ignored my wheelchair saying I will walk down the aisle and stand for pictures right when I said no I don't feel comfortable or fully able to do so I got back a message saying so you're rolling down the aisle on my wedding day patronizing me and making me feel like crap it's a curveball she has to make work for her and her groom and she loves me the bride-to-be clearly wasn't happy so I asked if it was a problem she told me that she wasn't happy and she doesn't get it because I can use my legs and can manage fine and I want to be independent but yet I'm not using it all she wants is for me to walk down the aisle and stand for pictures on her wedding day after that I could do whatever I want like it's that easy my disability is able to turn off and done I finally got upset and said if that's how she feels I'm not coming treating me like a thing to stand in there and smile for her day putting everything else aside my health and well-being this is the one wedding day she'll ever had and she tried to fit my disability to work for the both of us but it always has to be my way disability doesn't make a person who they are their attitude does ripping apart my acceptance of my condition because I'm doing what's right for me I have a bad attitude I can't believe after seven years of friendship she's put her one special day over a supposed friend and her health like she's ashamed of anyone to see me in a wheelchair it will ruin her memories of the day it will ruin it just by being disabled ashamed of me which obviously made me feel ashamed for wanting a wheelchair unlovable unworthy ugly someone that has no business being a tepee full events because I'm disabled she removed me off everything basically saying I'm selfish to do this on her wedding day am I the a-hole for dropping out of my best friend of seven years wedding I'd say no absolutely not the a-hole for dropping out she's being so incredibly selfish and blinded by her own ableism and that is complete ableism Jesus Christ you have until February of next year to make allowances for a wheelchair it is not that hard she is just being repulsive not the a-hole I'm sorry you thought this woman was your friend because she's clearly not unless you redefine friend totally agree I don't understand why being in a wheelchair would mean anything for pictures someone can help get you where you need to go and I'm sure people wouldn't even think twice about it this bride is a total ass weddings are supposed to be a celebration of bringing people together friends and family anything other than that is crappy in my opinion my brother-in-law's cousin is in a wheelchair and he asked him to be a groomsman he was worried that he would ruin things and my sister and her husband-to-be said it would only ruin things if he wasn't in the wedding I walked down the aisle with him and he was in the pics and lo not one person complained about the aesthetics that's what decent people do this bride can't even fake being decent for the sake of her friend and pretend to be nice I'm voting to show the bride this thread before Opie leaves her at the altar posted by user automatic piccolo 81 titles ma the a-hole for not telling my wife there was a possibility her best friend's daughter is mine about seven years ago my wife's best friend and her husband splits and it looked like they were headed for a divorce around the same time my wife then-girlfriend and I split I think it's worth pointing out that my wife was the one who called quits when we split we were officially broken up this was not just a break I did not see any chance for us and figured our relationship was done so when my wife's best friend showed interest I decided to sleep with her we were never serious it was purely physical this went on for a few months and then she broke things off with me because she and her husband had decided to give things in other shots it was not long after they reconciled that she announced they were expecting she never reached out to me to confirm either way if it could be mine so I assumed it was her husband's I didn't know she had been sleeping with him while we were together but I suspected that there was some other guy that she was also sleeping with based on some of her behaviors about a year after all this happened my wife and I started seeing each other again we dated for a while and then decided to get married I never told my wife about my relationship with her best friend because we were broken up at the time and I wanted to have a clean start everything was fine until her best friend and her husband started having problems a year ago they have been going through a nasty divorce at some point her husband decided that he wanted a paternity test and discovered that his daughter is not his biologically the best friend then admitted that she was mostly sure it was mine the husband then contacted my wife and told her what friend had said since then I have been dealing with the fallout my wife thinks I was an a-hole for not mentioning what happened between us but I never had any reason to suspect it could be my daughter until now I don't think it would have made sense to tell her about something that I thought was low probability it seems crazy to me to hold this against me when I never suspected anything am I the a-hole for not telling her when I honestly did not believe the child was mine edits just to note that we did agree when we got back together that we weren't going to discuss her we slept with I think that is a crucial detail that I left out and I have never asked either I was going to say you're the a-hole until that edits I think it's completely reasonable to then be in the situation that you're in I'm gonna go with not the a-hole I don't think that he should be blamed for that when they both said that they weren't going to discuss who they slept with prior to getting back together I think that's it unreasonable to be mad at him now yes accidents happen but Jesus how is this his fault in this situation I don't see it I don't see it as being his faults change my mind please now keep in mind some of these comments are before the edits you're the a-hole it's not unreasonable to think that it would be best to disclose to your wife once you got back together you also said you had no reason to suspect the child was yours which I find laughable ah you know I didn't use a condom but I'm pretty sure there's no possibility she could have gotten pregnant from me the Opie's edit changes everything though not the a-hole it's one thing not to talk about who they slept with if that's what they agreed on but it's pretty stupid of him to be claiming he had no reason to suspect the child could be his I felt like he should either have made an effort to find out about the paternity of the child or he should have discussed the possibility with his wife and they could have figured out how they want to proceed together indeed what he meant to say was there was a perfectly good justification for me not to deal with it so I didn't that said if they agreed not to speak about it then they agreed not to speak about it I assumed the wife had been with other people as well and didn't want to talk about it she doesn't then get to be ticked to find out that her husband slept with her friend and that a potential consequence of having sex happens especially if the friend opted not to contact him and say this child could be yours he wasn't obligated to reach out honestly this one can go either way he's not the a-hole for sleeping with the wife's best friend but is an a-hole for not wanting to deal with the child before the situation is exactly what he should have feared but as you said he had a justification to not deal with it until now I think it's slightly tougher situation there the other woman had gotten back with her husband and wanted to raise this child as his in their family units are beginning in the middle of this would have caused a lot of problems when he did not even know if the child was his in the first place there is no way he could have known that they would break up however many years later and the father would not want what was now his child's because he was raising her so the child was his at this point in my view you gotta wonder if he pushed the whole let's talk about a thing so he could justify not telling her he had sex with her best friends also there's a big difference between let's not tell each other the specifics of who he slept with and I don't want you to I don't want you to tell me if you slept with my best friend it's a classic lie of omission it's the same thing as I don't know saying borrow my clothes whatever you wants and don't ask me and have someone borrow a wedding dress the conversation was obviously had under normal parameters as a person would reasonably understand them and opie use that to hide extraordinary information life obviously would have wanted to know see that makes it worse we don't know who brought the concept up first so if it's Opie that brought up the let's not talk about it I feel like it goes back into the direction of he's the a-hole in this situation what do you guys think posted by user D me at the pier titled am I the a-hole for posting a video of the mayor of my town driving like an idiot to YouTube so I have a dashcam and sometimes I upload videos of dumb crap I see to YouTube anyway I was driving home from work a few days ago and saw a really expensive ow d cut across three lanes in one move and cut into the exit lane that I was in barely squeezing in between me and the start of the barrier I slammed the brakes and there wasn't an accidents but it shook me up it was the closest call I've ever had the driver pulled off into a gas station and I pulled over by the side of the road so I could turn my dashcam and get a clear view of the driver's face as he pumped gas so I could confirm his identity I had been wanting to make a report for reckless driving because the guy had almost caused a really bad accident I had never reported something before but this was probably the scariest close call at head and I thought it would be a good idea to I reported it to the police non-emergency line and they said they'd get back to me but I didn't hear anything yet I also put the video on YouTube titled crazy Audi driver in hometown name I tried looking for it and I couldn't find that anyway a few days later someone commented on the video saying that there was the mayor I didn't believe it at first but then I looked up pictures of him and was certain it was definitely the same guy he'd even been photographed by a local reporter near his Audi I added the video titled in description and said that it was the mayor of the town and I guess because it's such a small town and the video got shared around it's one of the early results if he looked this guy up it's apparently gotten shared in some Facebook groups like a local mother's group and a community group and the guy is getting a lot of crap for its I didn't see the reposts myself I'm not on Facebook but I got a call from one of the mayor's employees asking me to take the video down I said I'd like to talk to the guy like I just wanted to have a chat with the person who nearly killed me and then wouldn't even call me himself to apologize and she got really defensive but also formal like I'm afraid that isn't possible at the moment anyway some of my co-workers think it was kind of crappy of me to follow the guy film him and put his name on the Internet's and I get that but I also feel like as a public figure and a representative this guy should be held to a higher standard am I the a-hole for leaving the video of the mayor driving like an idiot's up on YouTube no that's this sort of institutionalized bullcrap that people get away with all the time absolutely call him out on it and get him removed from his office if he continues to blackmail you in this way through his assistance he definitely needs to be held to a higher standard absolutely opie is not the a-hole for this situation and you know keep putting it out there keep blasting this man for his stupid behavior how many mayors of towns can just sweep under the rug that drunk driving their DUIs they're killing people that they've run into you see it all the time and it's disgusting not the a-hole he's a government official and should have more respect for the laws also when you're in that field you know your life will be in the spotlights he could have spoken to you but chose to be a coward so next time he shouldn't drive like a jerk judging by the reaction of his staff he didn't learn a thing from this name shame and vote him out of office yeah hopefully this shows people how he really is and he doesn't get elected again putting this here sir Oh PCs it's not the a-hole and do you keep that video up if the way he drives is any indication we can see it's clearly obvious that he thinks that a few rules don't apply to him of the road of physics and velocity of manners and probably planning because he almost missed his exits let him go through every tedious motion and process required to have it taken down so that maybe he'll finally understand what it feels like to follow the rules then post this in our / petty revenge in the meantime you can post the video of him almost killing you in our slash idiots and cars just because he's an important person doesn't mean he's unable to talk to you decide what your bottom line is here and stick to it not the a-hole if they ask you to take it down again tell them I'm afraid that isn't possible at the moment yeah and he's the mayor of a small town he isn't that importance should have picked up the phone and called Opie to apologize himself small town officials can be some of the worst big fish in a little pond jerks and Opie's seems to be one of them RP is not going to get an apology out of him if the local newspaper industry hadn't been decimated recently this kind of thing would have hit the front page as it is the mayor is going to just have to deal with bad search engine results can confirm our small towns mayor came to a black lives matter protest and said nothing about black lives but he did go on about how no one was hurting more than our cops because our cops are good cops he's honestly a huge tool yes I'm sure the families of the people who have been senselessly murdered a far less hurt than some random small-town cops do these people take even the briefest moment to think through what they're saying and I like that I'm gonna end the episode on that today does anyone think through what they're saying in these situations I all right no I'm not the judge and jury and the executioner and the life giver and the marque but I am the Marquis anyway enough with my rambling am i the a-hole for asking what my friend sees in his wife so although I stand strong in my beliefs my friends told me that what I did was not okay and I think now I feel conflicted so I'm making this post I don't think I'm wrong there and you'll see why my friend is very good looking he met his wife before he met me around seven or years ago through school or something and she's a mess I mean she's not the ugliest but she's really tiny and kind of pudgy she has an acne problem which I don't understand since she's 27 she also has a double chin when she speaks which isn't the worst I guess but compared to my friend who was so good-looking she's basically like it too the only thing I can give her is that she's kind of funny and she's kind of book smart and has an okay job I guess but that's it I've tried my hardest to hint to my friend that he's young he's only 25 he can find someone else even I'm open to dating him like he is gorgeous but he's never caught any hints it's like he's under a spell his wife is pregnant at the moment which is frustrating because I haven't seen him in a while because of the virus and we used to call at least semi regularly but now he kind because she makes him wait on her hand and foot and he's lovesick for some reason finally got to video call him the other day after weeks and he looked tired but happy and gorgeous as ever she came to say hi and she's really let herself go I couldn't even look at her straight without grimacing she was a mess when she left the room all he talked about was her and baby this and baby that and she this and she that and she's glowing and crap it's like we see two different people finally I couldn't take it anymore and asked exactly what he sees in her he was like what do you mean so I gave him examples that I put above instead of talking to me like in adults he went really silent and when I was like what what is it he was like do you mean that and I said yes and he said I'm Way too tired for this what and then he suddenly hung up on me and before I even had space to breathe he blocked me everywhere I really do not understand what I said wrong I really do want to know what he sees in her they don't have the same interests my friends are since then hounding me about how I could say that and everyone I talk to seems to be getting mad at me I don't think I am but am I the a-hole I really don't want to lose him over something to do with her so should I just apologize maybe I think you might be the a-hole on this one ope I don't know you might want to read over that again and see just exactly what you said to someone that's obviously in love with their pregnant wife or partner and they're doing really well with them and it's a really tragic time right now for a lot of people like I don't know it'd be maybe let's you might be the a-hole let's see what comments have to say I'd be open to dating him he's never caught any hints you're the a hall and you need to get over yourself I couldn't get past I'd be open to dating him someone get this woman a drink of water because she is thirsty the friend's wife is smart and funny Opie is a dick and dumb who do you think he'd pick in his eyes his wife is probably the most beautiful woman in the world and that's all that matters also acne isn't a huge deal but a crap personality is writes Opie is a woman made ugly by her personality you're the a-hole I'm not even convinced this man's wife is as unattractive as she is implying she's just a hater I bet the wife is more attractive than our P and smarter and funnier she's heavily pregnant and all Opie says is that she is a little pudgy I retained so much water while pregnant I looked like the Michelin tires man or Pillsbury Doughboy yeah the swelling all went away within a month of having the baby boots saying a pregnant woman doesn't look like a runway model doesn't mean she's unattractive when not pregnant you're the a-hole you may think his wife as a two in the looks department but you're a negative 27 in the personality Department if I was this man I would never forgive you and I hope your mutual friends follow suits can we take a second to realize that this girl met him off he met his wife and still has the nerve to meddle in their relationship and wants him to leave her over the most superficial thing yeah I'd also add that I'm 27 and still have acne that's not weird what's weird is that you think a man would want to leave his pregnant wife because you don't think she's pretty look I'm turning 36 this year and still have the occasional acne flare-up hormones are whack and not everyone wins the good skin lottery posted by user am I wrong AIT a titled am I the a-hole for punishing my son's and not the woman I'm gonna keep this short since frankly I'm exhausted any questions can and will be answered in the comments long story short my family 35 male 12 male 10 male and I 32 female just recently moved into a new apartment complex our unit is at the very back of the building at the back of the property so behind us is just a wooded area nobody lives there at the very back of our unit and the one across from ours is a small balcony that faces out towards this wooded area because of the way the building is constructed you can't see onto another person's balcony unless you go to the stairs and lean over the railing otherwise the wall blocks you across from our units is a family of four a young looking mother her husband and their two children who are both under the age of two I haven't had the chance to go introduce myself because I think one of their babies is a newborn and honestly momma seems exhausted anyway a couple of nights ago I made a horrific discovery went outside to call the boys in for dinner and found them both with their upper bodies flung over the railing staring into our neighbor's balcony I grabbed both of them by their pants and asked them just what they think they're doing and that's when I see it from their vantage point they could see straight into the neighbor ladies balcony where she was sad completely topless with underwear on listening to headphones I was livid not with her but with the boys the way I see it she's on her own personal property where no one is supposed to be able to see and not drawing any attention to herself plus if she's breastfeeding I get not having a top or bra on it's tedious to remove every few hours and for every feeding in between and who wears pants in their own house anyway my digress I pulled the boys in the house and took away their videogames and phones until further notice and told my husband immediately when he got home but surprisingly he was mad at me saying boys would be boys and the lady should have some decency to wear clothes outside and asked me to speak to her about it I ripped him a new one and spent the night on the couch after which he apologized but the boys still seem upset with me am I the a-hole for punishing them but not saying anything to the neighbour absolutely not the a hole in this situation you were being led to believe that your actions are wrong in this situation by your partner and his two sons this is just parenting 101 that it's wildly inappropriate to go looking into private property like that especially being a peeping tom like you are your little pervs come on man I don't get why the father is being such a tight-ass about it either he needs a reality check I'm just gonna say it now not the a-hole good for you your husband is out of line and frankly acting in a manner that could give your son's the idea that it's okay to just get from women without respect for personal boundaries whether it's looking or worse a plus parenting from you and thank you for respecting your neighbor agreed it's very disrespectful to the woman and I totally get her just wanting to relax and not feel like she's being watched plus if the boys were flung over the rail it sounds like it would have been pretty hard to see her normally and they had to strain to get a glimpse big knot the a-hole yep the balcony's have privacy barriers that they are going out of their way to circumvent they are acting like pervs and are an extreme violation of her privacy this is an extremely important point er if they could just glance out of their window and easily see her I might say something gently and non-judgmentally to the neighbor like just so you know my boys bedrooms looks into your living room but as it stands the neighbor had an expectation of privacy that these boys invaded when talking to the boys I would focus on that expectation of privacy as well it is completely normal for boys to want to see boobs the important lesson here is not that the desire is wrong it's that we should all be able to be naked in our own homes without other people looking every time my preacher happens to preach on David and Bathsheba he says he thinks David had to purposefully angle himself on that roof in order to look at Bathsheba not that Bathsheba was out in the open and easy to see the more you know I guess not the a-hole boys will be boys I'm sorry what century is your husband living in like you said that woman was on her own property not only are you not the a-hole for doing some good parenting you're also not the a-hole because you didn't sexualize this woman your husband on the other hand could afford to learn a bit depending on what state appears in assuming she's in the US her sons may have been breaking the law in many states peeping toms statutes boiled down to being met if one person is actively watching or photographing another person who was fully or partially naked without their knowledge but would that still apply to minors in a lot of places many laws are different for minors they might not actually be able to be charged but it's still a good argument for punishing them and it would be a good argument to convince the husband that it's the boys fault not the woman's not the a-hole I would have reacted the same way I would also have a long talk to my son about privacy and gender equality and engorgement hurts especially at the tail end of breastfeeding ah you're preaching to the choir they're even wearing bras hurt from the friction of them rubbing against my nipples it's been over ten years and the sensation is still a very vivid screw that crap maybe tell you neighbor Opie not because she is being indecent but because she needs to know people are looking at her she probably does not know they can see her I'm not saying it to be mean to the neighbor I'm saying it so that she can react accordingly I know that if people were creeping at me I would want to know this situation reminds me of the post of that girl that was named in her home having a long time and kids were looking at her when she shooed them off a mum came out and screamed to the girl for being indecent even broke a window I think the cops were called because the mum was crazy thank you for not reacting this way and realizing the boys are in the wrong oh I agree I'd say hi to the neighbor tell her I caught my kids peeping and that they grounded so that if they ever do it again to let me know because I'm trying to raise children who respect others hell I'd even ask if she would accept an apology from them because that crap has to be embarrassing enough to remind them that they violated a person RB you're awesome make your husband sleep on that couch next time he says some sexist crap a lot of people are saying no don't do that don't go and tell them I would be of the minds to not go tell them myself I feel like that's probably a bad idea good to just punish the sons and make them not do it again posted by user it's fifty to sixty seven titles would I be the a-hole if I made a donation in the name of an acquaintance who does not support the cause so I'm 28 male and I'm getting married this year to another man 27 male most of our guests have been very supportive but we received a letter from one couple telling us that they do not support us and won't be able to attend our events they also stated that they hope we find the truth while I'm disappointed this also means that we'll save a little money on the wedding on food alcohol etc I think it's obvious that they're the a-hole for sending this letter but I wonder would I be the a-hole for taking the following action I would like to donate the money I will save to an LGBTQ organisation in their name I'm hoping that I or the organization will be able to send them a receipt and thank you for the donation would I be the a-hole throw away as there are giveaways to my identity on my main accounts I think unfortunately if you do that that's a malicious act and it's not in good faith sir Oh pee as you know self-righteous as an act that is I don't think it's a wise move and I think you would be the a-hole if you were to do that I would advise against it go staring drama they've not attacked you other than saying we want you to find the truth which sure they can have their beliefs but you can just block them you can just remove them from your life you don't need to personally attack them by doing this because we don't know the repercussions how these people will react it's not always the best idea to do these things you're the a-hole but I fully support it and am also an a-hole every year for Christmas I give my conservative relatives a donation in their name to whatever cause upsets them the most at the time Planned Parenthood gun control advocacy etc this year it's looking like they'll be donating to black lives matter I think you meant to say not the a-hole nope it's definitely an a-hole move doesn't mean it isn't funny and some people don't deserve it fair enough ask him about break-ins there needs to be a justified a whole tag like you're the a-hole but I like it if we ever need a justified a-hole judgments what you're doing is not harming anyone other than rubbing some much-needed I are in an overly inflated egos of two bigots not the a-hole go for it I like it justifiable a-hole may be my new favorite status you would be the a-hole this takes trolling to a whole new level you'd be wrong to do it but at the same time you would be fudging awesome if you did this if it's okay with you I shall borrow you idea and use it myself in the future sometimes being in the wrong is justifiably rights this is one such time you're the a-hole don't drag the org into this because if they call the oil can demand the money back the org isn't going to know this is a spite donation they will have to verify that they aren't part of some scam being used for scam purposes forcing them to review other donations I run an LGBT organizations like these regularly we challenge Christian fundamentalism people run the donation on their own credit cards they have to otherwise the donation won't go through and leave a dedication with contact information for the Alba to reach the dedicated the only issue IP or the org would run into is therapy committed fraud with the bigoted person's credit card but that's a whole other kettle of fish if you want to be considerate to the org I would say please don't leave the bigots phone number it would be a real day runner for the person who has to do a thank you phone call to them congratulations on your wedding Opie and I'm sorry you have to experience this on what should be a jubilant occasion we're fighting for you posted by user Daisy cherry blossoms titled am i the a-hole for not telling my ex I got pregnant I twenty-eight female was with my ex-husband for about six years during this time we were trying for a baby Ben had no success about four years into our marriage our marriage had a rough patch my ex had stress had work and slept with his coworker to relieve it he confessed to me rather quick and a week later they sat me down and told me they were expecting a child's I was an idiot back then and so I felt like I should forgive him because I truly believed he loved me and they thought I had no one it wasn't my ex's family treated me like their own but my ex's suppose a daughter was the apple of their eye as a result of that's my ex's co-worker was frequent presence in our lives they felt like they had to include the mum of their grandchild for everything - and she made her way in every family picture in memory it didn't help that I suspected that the co-worker had feelings for my ex and floated with him when she can people thought that she was my ex's wife constantly and I finally had enough when during the baby girls first birthday party when I was told to take a picture of my ex his mistress his daughter and his parents and it didn't include me it hit me that I was now treated as the other woman and I realized that I deserved more than this bull crap I filed for divorce a few months later and left it was the hardest time of my life but I ended up getting a promotion at work and met this sweet wonderful guy fast forwards now me and my boyfriend are madly in love and I gave birth to an adorable baby girl that I considered a miracle baby I got pregnant with my boyfriend like three months after dating him and I thought that it was strange that this could happen since my previous failed attempts with X and had thought that I was the infertile one it crossed my mind then that maybe he was the infertile one and he only believed mistress was pregnant with his child because they were having an affair I didn't say anything there because it was not my place anymore however my boyfriend was so happy about my daughter's birth and posted on Facebook and tagged me in the Paris I was still friends with my ex sister-in-law on Facebook and she saw the post she called me up and said that she was hurt that I didn't let her know that I could actually get pregnant and the lack of child during my first marriage could be my ex's faults he took a paternity test the poor baby girl was never my ex's the co-worker apparently was dating this terrible guy during the time she slept with my ex and didn't know who the child's father was so she just strung my ex along because she had feelings for him and thought he'd be the best father for her child's now my ex blames me for not telling him that I was pregnant way before and him having to father this girl he's doing pretty bad now and I can't help but feel guilty like I should have told him and it's I didn't realize that I could edit my post even after the 3,000 character limits our game so first of all I keep seeing Pierre that people have seen other posts like mine and some YouTube video if sir I'm upset that others have had similar situations as me and that some people find the situation so hilarious that they make a video out of it I've also never posted on reddit before I had a previous account for browsing not posting I don't think I have to prove my story and I honestly posted this to not seek validation that my ex supposedly is the worst ever but to gain perspective since my ex and his family were my family and close confidants for a large period of my life we were pretty close and I had promised to keep in touch after the divorce which they were super upset about but I really couldn't after everything that happens between us they're now super ticked at me for the divorce and for being complicit in my ex taking on the expenses of his not daughter and forming a paternal connection with her for longer than he should have edits so here's what's been happening right now I haven't spoken to them after this and have been avoiding my exes calls he texted me saying that he's sorry and overreacted and felt guilty about prioritizing people who were never really family over me I only replied with asking how his daughter is because even though she isn't biologically his she's still his girl she seems like an adorable kiddo and adores her dad my ex's mistress is able to support the girl financially so my ex won't contribute to that but he says that he's still going to see her every month because he feels morally obligated to I feel bad for the girls so much because she seems to have lost her family units dad grandparents cousins I'm gonna go with a big fat not to a whole in this situation I'm gonna say that's an incredibly screwed up way for that father to react to his own child I mean it is his own child at this point even if not biologically it's not opiez fault at all that she left and didn't tell him when she got pregnant there is such a thing as having a hard time making a baby in this life but seeing how he treated his own wife and her forgiving him and then having the mistress such a huge part of his life and then not in the photo and just being a heartbreaking influence in general I don't blame her for leaving no that's disgusting behavior and he shouldn't be putting it on the opie now for what she did no that's so wrong not the a-hole first of all what the hell your ex cheats on you and blames you for him taking on fatherhood for a child that is not his what uh I'm not gonna say it because this comment will be removed sorry no rough patch justify his cheating he should have taken up counselling he screwed her he cheated he should have considered the possibility that she is fudging other guys too the only one he can blame is the woman who forced that child onto him and himself don't feel bad you don't need to be mad at your ex but you sure as hell need to grow up and be mad at the audacity that he is trying to make you the bad one here it's great you still get along with your ex's family but my dude he made his bed cheating with his co-worker who was already in bed with another man now he can lie in it and take care of alimony suits and whatever his plan is I hope he can figure out something because that child considers him her dad already but he'll that woman stole years from him added thanks for the gold I'm a sporadic user on reddit did not expect to go through the roof like this like I would comment on a friend's problem they confided me thanks again and I want to make things cleaner yeah the last sentence was a bit hard to understand I do still think it was entirely ex's fault and he got all he deserved and more however may also see another issue here the fact of slipping another human being a fast one in this case a baby and playing on their good faith suggesting it is their child's ex was at least decent enough to take on responsibility for the child that he thought was his he played IP and got played in turn this is a freak fest and the child is the only one losing here not the a-hole I feel terrible for the baby but holy crap what a karmic [ __ ] slap this one is not the a-hole sucks to be him he cheated on you and got conned you are under no obligation to give them information yeah this don't forget he still cheated regardless if there was a kid or not in this mess if anything that's probably , he probs wouldn't have said anything if the mistress wasn't pregnant Arpi also says I know it on the infertility I always assumed that it was me who was infertile because I had incidents in college where I didn't use protection a couple of times very irresponsible and highly not recommended and nothing came out of it at the time I believed I was extremely lucky but when trying to get pregnant I thought of the incident is proof that I was the infertile one and had led my ex to believe as such him supposedly getting his co-worker pregnant strengthened my belief we were actually going to a fertility clinic before we got the news about his co-worker but that never ended up happening side notes thank you for all the kind words I know a couple that had unprotected sex were up to ten years no baby when they split up both got pregnant and impregnated someone within months sometimes people literally have incompatible chemistry posted by user boy fan on titles am I the a-hole for telling my girlfriend to stop eating baby snacks weird title and this'll sound fake but it's 100% true my girlfriend's 26 female and I 29 male have been dating for five years and have been living together for one she's vegan and health conscious and I am too but here's where the problem lies she really likes proportioned food things that are already packaged in small portions to prevent her from over snacking that's normal but she gets these small applesauce pouches and these fruit puree pouches small low calorie snacks that are literally made by Gerber and they're intended for literal babies she likes them because to her they taste good while they're low calorie and again they're already portioned into small servings but it's literally childish it's for babies there's plenty of adult foods that are small portioned and low-calorie every time we have family or friends over they always comment on that food being in the fridge and some even question if we have a kid or not it's just annoying and unnecessary so I asked her to stop buying these snacks and get something more grown-up and she simply said no she even tried to show me on her phone that what she was doing is common and that so many other adults eat theses snacks but I wasn't buying it sir I broke into a hall fights where I was calling her immature and saying that she had to grow up I know that was rude and she was saying that I'm being a d-bag for getting mad at her for something that she says is harmless am I the a-hole for wanting her to grow up and eat food that's actually not intended for infants yes and you're the biggest child for turning this into an argument over child's food like it's not hurting anyone it's literally just hurting your ego you need to grow up buddy you're the a-hole stop trying to control what she eats it's applesauce you're the a-hole if it was because the baby stuff is too expensive and you're on a tight budget maybe personally as a parent I don't like the squeezy pouches because kids need to learn to eat from a spoon drink from a cup etcetera rather than effectively using a straw all the time you eat and drink too fast the rest raw and it impacts muscle development in the mouth and jaw so learning speech can be impacted but for appearances sake who cares alright Opie does or if it was because of the plastic waste surely adults can spoon themselves a small bowl of applesauce from a large container that baby food is like 40% plastic packaging that's a really interesting fact about muscle development and straws though I didn't know that you can buy refillable pouches this is a total win-win she can portion her food in convenient pouches that she could take with her they won't be blatantly labeled as baby food and buying either applesauce or baby food in large quantities is generally cheaper than the pre-portioned packages posted by user no sign at wedding throw titled z' am either a haul for refusing to go to my niece's wedding as my sons and her cousins are not invited my niece is getting married late next to me and my husband to myself recently received the save the dates on its was details of the couple's weddings website and upon checking it the website mentions the wedding is child free I have two sons who are my niece's first cousins and by the time the wedding comes around the youngest will have just turned 12 and the oldest will be 13 nearly 14 with a birthday coming July now at 12 and nearly 14 I believe that my niece possibly meant young children say under 10 and double-checked with my husband's brother the father of my niece who agreed with me that yeah nice probably meant young kids but he would double-check especially as my kids are her actual cousins so it was probably fine a couple days ago he rang and confirmed my son's were not invited my husband and I quite upset about this my sons were looking forward to being at their cousin's wedding and called my niece yesterday to confirm what her dad had said and she was apologetic but yes due to them already being over their intended head and the fact they had other similar age children and younger that were being also cuts she had to just be fair across the board and say no to everyone I told her how upset her cousins were how disappointed husband and I are at that decision and we asked niece to please reconsider is not only a my son's hardly kids they are her cousins and if she couldn't accommodate them then husband and I couldn't come the line went silent for a while and my niece put on this very rude and sarcastic simpering voice saying I'm so sorry auntie to hear that you can't come I do hope we can celebrate with you it'll later dates and basically hung up at me I was furious about how rude she was at me at what I thought was a reasonable request okay if my sons were like five and seven sure that age can be unreasonable but even then they are still her cousins my husband agrees that niece is being unreasonable but disagrees with me calling her and asking her to change her mind as it's her wedding in the end and we can't changes edits thank you everyone for your comments although I think many of you are missing the points I want to address some things people have mentioned my sons were indeed looking forward to going they look up to my niece my oldest was born when she was around 15 and youngest around when she was 17 she moved away for university to study zoology has seen them on and off over the years with the last time around four years ago my niece now lives in two states but we talk about her constantly she is already very successful in her career and works as a zookeeper at a very renowned and famous zoo here as her aunt and family member I'm very proud of her achievements we talk about her lots as she is a good role model in terms of success and working hard to achieve your dreams and she is someone I want my son's to emulate as they begin their careers my sons have also been invited to other of their cousin's weddings when they were younger than this the first was when they were five and seven and the second when they were roughly nine and alive they were both very well-behaved at birth and had an amazing time they danced all nights and were able to see all other family members as well they had very fond memories of being at their other cousins weddings and were upset at being excluded at this one and as much as I am proud of my niece and is fantastic hard worker who was earned every bit of her success she does have her negative traits and she is stubborn sarcastic and as a child quite obnoxious at times she absolutely did put on a sarcastic tone every word was heavily emphasized and she even changed her voice somewhat to sound like a simpering suck-up it was 100% intended to be rude and finally some of you were 100% missing the points this wasn't so much about not having children there as it was about not having family there I know many of you have said cousins and not immediate family but my niece is someone my sons look up to my kids are her family they were the only kids that were family excluded my niece told me on the phone the other kids not invited were kids of their friends totally different to family I hope that clears up some of the hastily made you're the a-hole comments that don't fully understand my position even with that edit I'm gonna go with Opie is still the a-hole here it's not your wedding you can't just guilt someone into allowing you to have your kids there even if they enjoyed the other weddings again it's not your wedding either comply with the rules or don't go it's that simple stop beating someone for having rules at their wedding that you don't agree with you're the a-hole you're the a-hole no kids means no kids there are just some situations that teens and children aren't appropriate ads I suspect there's going to be alcohol and a certain atmosphere they want to have the other issue is that if they make an exception for your kids everyone will want an exception made so please don't take it personally and they respect her wishes it's not your wedding you're the a-hole it's not her wedding and she is not even a wedding guest now the niece was absolutely right in not negotiating with terrorists which makes me think that it's not the first time that she had tried something like this so you called your brother and Lauren got confirmation that your sons weren't invited and then called your niece to confirm way to put her on the spots you're quite an unreasonable person ope and asked her to reconsider in other words I hope II tried to guilt niece into including her Akkad's she knew the kids weren't invited from the minute they got to save the dates and their names weren't on its you're the a-hole you're the a-hole reeks of entitlements I understand wanting to double check to be sure but you double and triple-checked just to try and guilt her into making an exception for you then trying to strong-arm her by threatening not going yourself it's not your day sir no matter how you or your sons feel no matter how close you are you have zero say in her guest list if it is not to your taste you have every right not to attend and in RSVP no will suffice am I the a-hole for going no contact with my parents after learning they had lied to me about my allergies all my life hey everyone I'm 19 years old and my parents are in their 50s for as long as I can remember I have been allergic to several things dairy wheat / flour gluten legumes okay sir since I was a young child my parents have completely kept all of them out of our house while other kids ate breakfast cereals I ate fish and disordered pickled vegetables for breakfast while other kids had Lunchables I had grilled chicken or fish with again assorted vegetables usually sweet potatoes while other kids ate birthday cake at the birthday party I had an apple I never questioned this until a couple of months ago I was at my onst house for my birthday party and she made brownies for everyone for me she took great steps to make them with almond flour and avoided all of my allergies I started eating them and thought little of it until my aunt suddenly looked at me and in a panicked way asked which plate I took the brownies from I pointed from the one where I got my brownies and she immediately stood up and told me we had to get my EpiPen she raised to ask my mother for its and I sat there scared out of my mind because I had never mistakenly eaten flour before I noticed my mother had calmed her down and then she said that we don't have to worry because she had switched the plate of brownies and after all I'd eaten the ones made with almond flour I found this incredibly odd because really why would she swap the plates that doesn't even make any sense but for the time being I let the issue rest it didn't sit well with me for about a week and I finally went to get an allergy test the doctor started with the skin prick test and lo and behold I didn't react to any of the above substances then he ordered a blood test and when the results came in they said that I had absolutely no intolerance to any of the foods that I'm supposed to be allergic to I was furious and called my mother she eventually admitted that she lied to me because she wanted me to be on a Paleolithic diet and wanted me to be able to avoid all temptations she raised me with a lie about her own health but she keeps insisting that I try to see it from her perspective she spams my friend with messages about how healthy I am that I never had acne that I had been in great shape my whole life that I have strong teeth and burns and even that I got into a d1 college tennis team she has started calling me ungrateful for her intervention and insisting that I really should be glad I never got carb addicted what to think I carried around an EpiPen for all those years one that I suspected maybe fake seeing as my mother never got me to replace it and I don't even know anymore am I the a-hole and an ungrateful son for losing it over this no you're not the a-hole at all she's an a-hole for stringing you along I repeat my god that's like cult-like abuse of someone's trust and perspective of reality you like you warp into another dimension when a lie like that gets unearthed absolutely screw your mum I can see where she's coming from but that's no excuse that's despicable why would you do that to your own kid that's so disgusting you're not the a hollow pea I would consider my options from this point forward not a hole you spent your entire life thinking the you could die easily because your mum wanted you on a special diets allergies are incredibly serious and while you can grow out of them to be lied to is unnecessary what your mum did was manipulative and poor parenting she easily could have had you on a diet like that without lying and making you fear for your life that's what I was thinking I was a good respectful kid I followed her directions why did it take a lie to get me to eat the way that I thought I should I'll probably keep eating this way for the most part anyway but knowing a strawberry milkshake where I kill me is a huge relief not the a-hole but if you don't get out there and have a Taco Bell nachos Bell Grande immediately then you're the hain't whole don't listen to him go to an actual Mexican restaurant and get some quality nachos agreed get a croissant and some Domino's Pizza cheesy bread and baklava and spanakopita and a real burrito Taco Bell chalupas are awesome and real burgers with real buns and onion rings or mozzarella sticks so just find a hole in the wall random restaurants in order whatever the heck he wants sauce these are the things I crave after 10 plus years of being non-celiac gluten intolerance heavy emphasis on the find a random place that looks yummy and don't know whatever he wants on the menu and enjoy on my behalf you earned it not the a-hole also tell your aren't about your mum's lie she should know that your mom made her put in extra effort for who knows how many times and caused her to go into a panic about you potentially having an allergic reaction when in reality your mom had lied about your allergies I feel bad your aunt went through that what your mum did was so terrible she needs to face the consequences of her actions cut contact until she understands just how bad her actions were yes it was awful not the a-hole Oh P by the way you were very very smart to check with your doctor after that brownie incidents it's a kind of thing I might not have thought to do but it's great that you did posted by user Daughter compensation titled am I the a-hole for expecting my daughter to compensate me properly it's my husband's birthday tomorrow and he's asked for a gazebo to replace the old ugly one in a yard at first I was really against it because gazebos are hundreds of dollars and normally I just get him things that a $20 or less for his birthday so his request took me by surprise for sure but my daughter said she would pay for half of the gazebo so I reluctantly agreed to it she and my husband also agreed to build the gazebo themselves to reduce costs because there wouldn't be an installation fee and such so I bought the gazebo with my own money and told my daughter to venmo me half but I checked my venue and my daughter sent me far less than half I asked her why and she said she paid $200 to get the old gazebo removed last week and so that should also count as part of the cost of the gifts I told her that's not how it works and reminded her that she promised me she would pay half of the gazebos cost she got huffy and said since the gazebo itself cost about five hundred total if she paid 250 for it plus 200 for the removal then she is paying for much more than I am I told her that the removal doesn't count and it's tough luck but she should have thought about the costs before she agreed to do this now she's acting like I'm the bad guy and saying I'm going to ruin my husband's birthday am I the a hall I'm gonna say we don't really know the daughter's age in this one sir even sir you're the a-hole Opie for doing that that was not agreed on in the first place you decided after the facts that you know this cost should be on her because she is going to do it you know what I'm just gonna contribute financially I'm not gonna put my life and body on the line she can do all that no Opie you suck you're the a-hole you're the a-hole your daughter paid her fair share removing the old gazebo is an obvious part of getting a new one and something you should have considered in the cost as well not something else to shove on top of your daughter you clearly don't buy nice things for your husband delights anyways and the one time you do you're choosing to be cheap and ask your daughter to pay for its plus she's going to be enjoying the gift as well it's not like it's just for her husbands disagree forever the gazebo will reminds her of her own sheep daughter that only paid 50 bucks towards the cost of it huh you're the a-hole her cheap daughter who paid and helped her dad build the gazebo what a monster you're the a-hole your daughter does something nice by offering to pay for half and puts in the work to demolish the old one and do you want to rip her off also the daughter doesn't even live in the house that will be getting the gazebo while it is a gift for the opiez husband and she will be benefitting and enjoying it whereas the daughter won't be Opie is literally just being cheap she's literally trying to make her daughter pay more than half but still wants to claim it as her gift to her husband I doubt her daughter will be offering to pay for things in the future you're the a-hole over a birthday gift damn add the cost of the removal and the gazebo together then divide by half you really think the gazebo is gonna install itself over the old one posted by user dude Donuts care titled x' mi the a-hole for calling my wife selfish for wanting to get an abortion so me Canadian male 36 and my wife Lebanese female 34 have been married for three years we met when she was in college and got married a few months after she's a very independent woman and believes in hard work she's a doctor I'm an engineer I work in a completely different fields I know nothing about doctors in their work environments other than the basic stuff and I've noticed that she's somehow used her job as an excuse to avoid being involved in family activities like dinner heart-to-heart conversations etcetera she'd say I'm busy I'm exhausted I just got back from work I'm not ready to talk about this or that I tried my best to be patient and understand she must be stressed out from work but it got to a point where it has gotten ridiculously annoying for her to just focus on a job and ignore her family last week she told me she was pregnant and that I was gonna be a dad for the first time ever in my life I was excited and happy I honestly thought that we would never have kids because we been trying for a long time but she proceeded to tell me that it was not a good time and that she wanted to get an abortion I was stunned this is our first baby together after waiting for the two whole years and do you want an abortion why she started telling me that she wasn't ready or sure about the baby given our current situation she brought up our recent arguments and used them as an excuse because I know it wasn't because of that she was afraid and nervous but didn't want to show I told her having the baby is gonna make our lives wheat and will strengthen our relationship very bold statement that one she still wasn't sure she told me please try to understand my situation I stopped her right there told her she was being unreasonable and selfish to think she can get an abortion after waiting so long for it to happen she replied to me saying if this is about your mom I don't have to please her I'm not a baby machine I'm human she probably sent this cuz my mom used to Oscar where's my grandchild all the time but that's another story I feel like we'd probably get some good context if we knew that story it escalated when she brought mom up and said she wanted time then the next day got up and went to work early without even talking acting like nothing happens I don't get it I've always wanted to be a dad but she straight-up said she's willing to abort my child that I have waited an eternity for and the abortion question is one that I really don't want to give too much of an opinion on ever I think we don't know enough about this situation we've got this one specific time in their life and I don't know what these people like or their morals are sir I'm not gonna put an opinion on this one it is not my place - you're the a-hole she's not an incubator if she doesn't want to have a baby with you she doesn't have to and you can't force her to having an unwanted baby does not strengthen or sweet in the relationship it builds resentment and delays the inevitable yes the whole have a baby to strengthen our relationship is a myth it's all about communicating with your partner I can't believe he tried to make her look like an a-hole for wanting to improve the relationship before pop a child's possibly he hopes having a baby will make her step back from work thereby strengthening their relationship because she is forced to be family-oriented I think this is spot-on given the way he talks about his wife but particularly it sounds like he's hoping it'll cause her to pay more attention to him especially telling that he said it's ridiculously annoying for her to just focus on her job and ignore her family when he's clearly not talking about extended family and they don't have any children what family him he feels like she is too focused or distracted by her job to give him the attention or emotional support that he wants which on some level is a valid issue in a relationship but from the rest of this post it sounds less like that's a genuine problem and more like he has a problem with her having a career like this and feels like it's taking away from what he thinks she should be giving him which is children and possibly a more traditional family hence this coming to a head over this pregnancy I told her having a baby is gonna make our lives suites and will strengthen our relationship that is not how it works a baby will make your life harder more stressful they're expensive they keep you up at night screaming they make messes and break things they get sick and have issues they definitely don't make marriage any easier they add pressure and strain to your relationship often create resentments if you have this mindset towards having a baby you aren't ready neither is she so your marriage isn't ready for a baby you're the a-hole true they're not ready but she's clever enough to say it it takes some courage to do so Opie you're the a-hole it really sounds like he and his mom pressured her into agreeing to try for a baby and then when she got pregnant that was the moment of truth when she realized that she really didn't want one that was what other people wanted honestly I feel bad for her because her opinion isn't really being taken into consideration posted by user good behind my boy titles am i the a-hole for giving guardianship of my son to my aunt over my mother after I died of Mike terminal care ha i-21 mail have a son who just turned one his mom who was my girlfriend died in labor along with the other baby she was carrying I was diagnosed with terminal cancer three months ago and they don't have very long left two months at most I have accepted that I'm going to die but now I have to think about what's best for my son I have decided who my boy would go to and I thought that my mother 55 naturally but then I start to think of her situation as my older 29 lives with her along with his five kids all aged under five and I decided not to as my mum works and my brother to be honest isn't really raising his kids more dragging them up and can be neglectful I wasn't going to put my son in that environments is I want someone to actually care for him so I then thought of my aunt 33 on my dad's side she's a good mother and her husband a good father to their three girls and I know they could provide for my son I asked them and they agreed my mother however found out that I wasn't leaving my son with her and she got angry at me that she's losing me and now losing her grandson I gave her my reasons and that she realistically can't raise him while she's basically raising a man-child and his kids it all ended in an even bigger argument and now I'm cooling off at home I understand that things are terrible for her right now as I won't be here soon but my aunt is a much better choice it's not like my son won't know who she is as the walk between hers and my aunts is only five minutes am I the a-hole I'd say no Obi is not the a-hole it's their dying wish they should get to choose where their child goes and that's not the environment for a child to be raised in with a man that's not raising his own five kids the mother sounds like she's living in an idealist world and this is a response to the trauma of losing so many people so close to her and while I can empathize with the mother we do have to do what's best for the kid even if that is not being with that particular family even though they're only five minutes down the road I went to first offer my condolences over this entire situation you are a bright and kind young person and I'm so sorry this is happening short answer no not the a-hole you have to think of your child as hard and as horrible as this all is I'm unfamiliar with how child custody works once both parents have passed away but what might offer a decent solution is if you're able to specify that legally your mother might be able to spend time with him this is a very delicate situation and despite it all I must say I believe you are handling it very well I'm sending so much love and light your way not the a-hole you're taking a final responsibility to ensure that your child has the best chance for success don't feel bad about it and don't let your mother talk you out of it you're a good dad and I'm sure your child will grow up and knowing and appreciating that piggybacking to say that you should draw up a will to transfer full guardianship to your aunts their estates where the court can decide that the child should go to the grandparents even if that's not what you want if you think it's something your mother will make a fuss over or try to make it trouble for your aunt's you definitely need to talk to a lawyer on top of that take the time to write some letters for his major milestones first dates turning 10 turning 16 18 and 21 getting married graduating high school in college etc it'll mean the world to him as he grows up oh and maybe include bits about what his mother was like as well and maybe leave something sentimental to him to have when he turns 18 from birth you and your girlfriend if you have anything honestly even printouts and pictures would be good too like a watch a baseball cap childhood stuffed animal or just anything that holds meaning to you that would honestly be so special and would definitely at least let him know that he was so loved by you piggybacking to say leave more than one thing nothing more heartbreaking than to have one item let's say a watch that's incredibly importance then have it lost stolen or a friend pushes you into the pool with it on and it's gone forever also the comment below making him emails set up two accounts in case of an adolescent anger fit or someone else deleting them or lost password or a tech issue or whatever one copy for him one backup copy that someone else has the password to and can resend them if needed the things and notes you leave will be meaningful your child will have good moments and bad and he'll miss you and to be angry you were taken try to minimize the damage he can do to himself while he's learning how to manage his deep feelings posted by user Youssef de harem titled am I the a-hole for telling my girlfriend her chronic illnesses are her own faults so my girlfriend's 20 female and died 36 male have been living together for about six months now she is quite a lot of mental and physical health conditions she has chronic migraines hypermobile joints that are causing severe pain her wrists chronic kidney disease and pernicious anemia as well as depression she's been struggling a lot over the past few weeks a lot of headaches and pain in her wrists but to me she's doing absolutely nothing to help herself she eats absolute junk and when she's feeling okay she does absolutely no exercise or anything that could help her depression or her headaches she's so depressed she hasn't even showered for maybe two weeks the other night I tried initiating a conversation on getting her back to feeling okay and she got really ticked at me telling her I just don't understand how she feels I appreciate that I don't but I replied telling her she absolutely has done nothing to help herself so it's her own faults she feels like crap all the time we ended in a massive argument and she's been cooped up in the spare room ever since and either a hole unfortunately I pee you are the a-hole you obviously cannot put yourself in her shoes and I know you want to do the best for her and you want her to make herself better but you're not a doctor at the same time you don't know how to help her entirely you don't know what you're doing you're kind of just giving your opinion forcing it on her and not apologizing when she reacts badly to you and she reacts in a justified way not changing your tune and being accommodating to her makes you the a-hole you're the a whole one why are you with someone that's just over half your age - side effects of chronic illnesses are depression instead of crapping on her for being depressed you should try to support her and help her feel better it's even more than that if you look at time being in adults she's been an adult for two years and he's been one for 18 years age gaps aren't inherently our soulish there are P you're the a-hole because you're shaming her for being depressed it's hard to care for yourself when you're depressed offer help instead of shame okay sir I have chronic migraines like Opie's girlfriends my dad always feels like you can tell me well if you just ain't better you might not get them or well if you just fixed your sleep schedule they might go away and then he gets mad at me when I tell him I know what my actual triggers are and the problem isn't as solvable as he thinks it is he continues to scream at me and act like it's my fault I have a chronic disease and that also causes depression I hate people who act like they know more about your chronic disease than you do I pee urine a whole and there are healthy foods that trigger migraines my husband's are triggered by avocados which sucks for him because he loves guacamole your the a whole big-time one why are you 36 dating a 20 year olds that already sets off so many separate flags - depression is almost always a side effect of chronic illnesses 3 you think that at 20 years old she hasn't tried everything that would help with her chronic illnesses you think you know her illnesses better than the person who's lived with them for I'm guessing at least a good chunk of her life it's a good question posted by user Britt and two titled Emma the a-hole for telling my sister that her husband was bullcrapping her this is a wild situation to give some backgrounds i30 to female have a sister leia 26 female she's been married to Jake for five years and they have two kids we all grow up very Christian I ended up leaving the church but my sister and brother-in-law are still on fire Christians anyway Leia has mentioned things to me that seem very sketchy I jake is cheating but she won't accept the thoughts he leaves their bed at night and doesn't come back till after work the next day he hides money and he's trying not to conceive another kid with my sister I've gently tried to give her reality check but it hasn't worked well on Friday after work they came over to swim totally fine in our state Jake was swimming with the kids and my sister and I was sitting in the grass keeping an extra eye on them Jake had lots of red scratches on his back to me they looked like fingernails I made a joke to my sister about their dry spell being over and she said they still hadn't had sex in a year I gently told her that they looked like finger marks and that it was pretty sketchy as hell she said casually that Jake had gone on a prayer walk with his men's group and had been spiritually attacked by a demon now we grew up with these kinds of beliefs but I told her that was crazy and just an excuse she got really flustered and pulled her kids out of the pool she told Jake she had a headache and they left MIT a hole for telling my sister my concerns should I have stayed out of her business edits I got overwhelmed trying to respond to comments but thanks a ton to everyone who commented to the people asking whether my in-laws are really names Jake and Leah know it comes from a Bible story and I thought I'd be clever with the aliases to the people asking why I haven't intervened before in my sister's relationship I've tried to gently bring it up but I was worried about hurting her or being wrong My partner and I are currently stuck in my home state Judah covered but I actually have a job in another country that I'll be returning to once the pandemic ends I haven't been around my sister too much in the past year but I did try to call her a few times a week before I moved back finally to the people calling my sister's stupid she's not pleased have a little empathy the idea that your husband might be cheating can be hard to face I'm gonna say I hope he is not the a-hole for this one the sister is in heavy denial she seems like she's using her religion as a face for it to kind of come to terms with it to make excuses for the husband and I think she doesn't want to accept the ldiots she's going through the phase and I hope she does make it to acceptance at the end and I hope that she leaves that man because to be going on for such a long time can destroy someone's soul really in this context you just become destroyed as we've seen through a whole bunch of stories syrupy not the a-hole and I hope your sister gets help Jimmy jr. dance party says I mean not the a-hole for trying to help but if your sister is so deeply deluded she thinks her husband's sex marks are from a demon there's no helping her see the lights I would just drop it excuse me are you telling me you don't believe in succubi well I never how dare you I will pray for you could be an incubus who knows my first thoughts strictly religious no sex for a year spends a lot of time with a men's group sounds like he's a closet case to me I feel bad for Opie's sister if sir and her husband a little not the a-hole then in his mind he might be fighting the demon of homosexuality which was actually just the finger marks of another dude we wrestled naked for hours he won again and again and again but I refuse to submit we agreed to battle next Tuesday not the a-hole the husband is but at this point you've done all you can your sister is in denial pushing further we'll just push her away perhaps even after she comes to terms with it as someone who's been in severe denial about someone I cared about this I know it's upsetting Opie but don't push too hard it will only push her away hopefully she'll figure it out on her own eventually and feel ridiculously foolish but that's her mistake to make I had my boyfriend in therapists birth gently telling me I was in an abusive relationship for months I only accepted it when crap hit the fan and he became delusional blaming me for things he had done harassing and threatening me I suppose the only issue is that if your sister believes the scratches were for a demon she might be delusional herself I'm so sorry Opie this is rough well she said she's still hardcore Christians so check mark on delusional still come on stop man not the a-hole but use caution you need to be her safe space pushing will cause her to shut down and if she tells her husband that you're doubting his completely freaking absurd story he could push for her not to talk to you excellent advice and I can just imagine the stories husband will make up to cut ope out of her life and if sister believes demons dug their Lee press-ons into his back she'll believe anything he says am I the a-hole for not wanting to talk about my children that I lost in the 2004 Boxing Day tsunami in 2004 my family and I decided that over the Christmas period we'd go vacation to Thailand my husband had spent some time there as a child and really wanted to go back I had two small children a four-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy we arrived in the 23rd of December and would do to go back on the 2nd of January on the 26th Boxing Day a tsunami hit the resort we were staying in I was upstairs in our hotel room when it hits whilst my husband was with our children in the dining area I prayed that my husband had our children whilst I fought for myself my husband and I were reunited three days later and he told me that the tsunami hit before he managed to grab our children we stayed in Thailand for four months hoping our children were being kept somewhere with us presumed dead but after searching pretty much everywhere we presumed the worst and returned home which was the hardest thing we've ever done I didn't deal with the loss well nor did my husband and we ended up divorcing three years later we couldn't even look at pictures of the kids and broke down just looking at each other my family has always been as respectful as they can apart from my mother my mother and I never had a good relationship she was heavily addicted to drugs when I was born and was in and out of my life until I was 15 when she sobered up I was full of resentments and left the family home at 16 and we went about ten years without talking over the quarantine period I've been staying with my sister into a family and they also let my mum live with them my mom will make dinners extremely uncomfortable me by telling my nieces about the cousins they never got to meet and how she felt when she found out even though we weren't talking at that time last night I finally snaps we were sitting having dinner when my mum asked about how my now ex-husband is I told her I don't know as I don't we haven't spoken that often since we divorced she asked if we'd still be together if the kids were alive I asked how the Freak was I meant to know she told me to stop being a [ __ ] and I told her to stop bringing up the dead children my nieces started getting upset because we were shouting my sister told me to calm down as they roll allowed to grieve to which I completely disagree with I left my sister's house and to a hotel not too far away because I seriously can't take it anymore but my sister has called multiple times telling me I have become a serious a-hole since losing my children am I the a-hole I think it's a typical case of people not going through these experiences not experiencing what this trauma will do to you and not recognizing what the responses are so absolutely RP you were not the a-hole these people don't understand and refuse to come to grips with what you've gone through and I just have no words for them not the a-hole your mum was purposely digging into you for a reaction I'm sorry for your loss and I hope the distance from your family who don't respect your boundaries give you some better peace you could never be the a hole in this situation RP your post made me cry I'm so sorry sorry this happened to you I can't even imagine how you must feel not the a hole it's like your mom is looking to rub salt in the wound not the a hole yes the loss of your children extends to your family and even their friends and your own friends who have met them but no one will feel it greater than you and your husband it sounds like you and your mother / sister grieve in opposing ways you do not want to talk about your children but your mother insisted want to include them in their lives and talk and think about them regularly your mother crossed a line by bringing up your children despite knowing your feelings then again by asking if you and your husband would still be together if they were alive a question that only serves to be extreme nosy cold-hearted and condescending your sister also crossed a line by calling you an a-hole since losing your children it sounds like they simply cannot understand your feelings and think that you should be processing your grief more like they are and if frustrated that you aren't I think getting space away from them and going to the hotel was a great idea but it might be time to think about next steps living with your sister and mother might not be good for your mental health and it's may be time to start thinking about a different place to wait out the rest of the quarantine where you won't be bombarded with crap like this and your feelings will be respected the sister is 100% right that everyone gets to grieve and the natural progression to that is that everyone gets to grieve in their own way in their own time which is exactly what Opie was not allowed to do not the a-hole posted by user boyfriend's daughter trouble titles am I the a-hole for asking my boyfriend to stop wearing suits outside of work I know this sounds weird but here goes I've been dating my 47 female boyfriends 52 male for two years we met in a grief counseling group after losing our spouses everything in this relationship has been great our kids get along great I even got his Mother's Day card from his son thanking me for making his dad smile again it was sweet my daughter 19 female adores my boyfriend's I was surprised how fast they hit it off because she's very shy but I didn't want to question it so I let it go but as time went on things got weird on Valentine's Day he got me a bouquet and arose for her and she still has it hanging in her room she gets up early every morning to make him a latte and every night when he gets home she's waiting in the kitchen with a beer and a sandwich for him he has back problems so she bought him a computer chair with a massage rollers on its which ticked me off because I am a masseuse I can take care of this man's back just fine I refuse to be replaced by an effing chair I asked my daughter why she keeps doing this stuff and she said she just likes him I asked why to see if I could get more info and she started listing things he's smart funny nice blah blah blah but what stuck out was when she said she loves the way he dresses my boyfriend is a funeral director so he always wears black suits when I first started dating him my daughter would always call him sharp dressed man saying things like are you gonna go see that sharp dressed man again or when did you get to meet your new sharp dressed man mum my daughter always says she wants to marry a man in a suits so I assumed this was her way of showing approval but now I'm starting to wonder if there's more I've been wanting to suggest that he stopped wearing suits outside work but he loves his suits we just bought a house together and I know he's been looking at rings this man is a chess champion who speaks six languages it doesn't know how to close his laptop when going to the bathroom long so I'm invested in this relationship I love this man and I want to marry him but I'm afraid if I tell him what's on my mind he'll kick my daughter out this all came to a head last night when we were watching a movie and she went up to get drinks when she came back she handed my boyfriend his beer and then tried to sit in his lap I say tried because my boyfriend pushed her off and angrily told her what she did was inappropriate he stormed up to our bedroom and I followed him up to talk to him he started saying that my daughter should start looking elsewhere to stay but I told him about the suit thing that maybe if he just wore normal clothes outside work she wouldn't act so weird he told me I was being ridiculous and we went to bed I made him breakfast this morning but he left to go eat instead he says he's in the McDonald's parking lot now but we're going to have a serious talk when he gets home I don't know what to think am i the a-hole updates on our conversation well it turns out some of you were right and there was a lot of crap I didn't know about an entire crap sure is worth in facts my boyfriend showed me several disturbing text messages no actual propositioning or anything just weird stuff like I miss you and are you awake at 2:00 a.m. etc and apparently my daughter had confided in him about a close relationship she had with her basketball coach ride after her and dad died my boyfriend said he kept it a secret because she begged him not to tell me and he didn't want to break her trust I of course was incredibly hurt to hear this but at the same time I understand why he didn't tell me apparently he is the only person she has ever talked to about this it turns out that my daughter has basically been treating my boyfriend like a private therapist for the past several months and he didn't tell me because he wanted to help her he chalked up all the favors to her just showing gratitude for lending in year and didn't realize how she might have felt differently before last night's he apologized for insisting on kicking her outs and I apologized for the stupid comment about his suits it was a comment I made out of being in denial and now I realized that she needs therapy when I first started grief counseling I did ask my kids if they wanted counselling they both said no and I didn't want to force it on them when I sat my daughter down to talk about the boundary issue she burst into tears and started apologizing I had an extremely uncomfortable but necessary conversation with her and I told her that I'm going to start looking for a therapist I didn't tell her that I know about the basketball coach because I don't want her to feel betrayed and I'm hoping a professional will be able to get it out of her any more sensitive and controlled manner but so help me God if that mother-fricker ever shows his face in my hometown again and she asks me why I'm in jail I guess I'll have to tell her that I know about it then but for now her healing from the past is my main priority because it really does seem like her dad screwed her up far worse than I thought my boyfriend and I have made up and no one is getting kicked out but things are still pretty awkward she's basically quarantined herself in the basement for now we all just need some space and my boyfriend has already helped me find some good therapists in our area posted by user Roman Melville titled am I the a hole for mansplaining my dates disability at the beginning of lockdown I was bored and on tinder not unusual and met this woman called Lara we began talking and agreed that we should meet up once restrictions had left she very early into talking warned me that she was severely deaf but I have met deaf people before this so this didn't bother me she came over to my apartment and we at the beginning really got on well she didn't look exactly like her pictures but I thought it wouldn't hurt getting to know her a little bits a few minutes after we got situated and comfortable with each other I asked her some questions about herself which she didn't answer as she said they were too personal she then made a comment about her deafness so I took that as an opportunity to tell her that I knew and asked her if she'd ever consider a cochlear implant and such she really interrupted me and told me I was getting some of my facts wrong and when I asked her how she became deaf she said it was meningitis which I was unaware of could cause deafness so in the moment I laughed and said that wasn't true she left half an hour after getting to my place and said I wasn't listening to her nor was I getting my facts right I got quite irritated by this as I thought it was quite rude so told her I'd walk her back to hers to which she refused saying it was fine I checked my phone later that evening and she'd sent me a long text before blocking me on everything basically saying I'm a massive ass when I've told my friends about the date they've all said that - am I the a-hole Rp I think it's pretty obvious you're the a-hole heel just because someone's deaf you don't get to explain what caused them to be deaf I'm pretty sure they know why it's a big slap in the face to be told that think you realise that you're an a-hole and you're just looking for closure you're the a-hole you asked a deaf person how she became deaf and then laughed at her and called her a liar because of your own lack of knowledge about the situation the correct response would have been oh I didn't know meningitis could cause deafness not haha no you're wrong about the cause of your own disability I'm also amazed someone who claims to have any knowledge on deafness doesn't know meningitis can cause it's like that's fairly well known at least where I'm from it is honestly if I didn't watch switched at birth I wouldn't know meningitis cause deafness but I also wouldn't have reacted as horribly as he did the correct response to this is exactly as the comment is stated above not accuse her of lying she rudely interrupted me imagine having the audacity to interrupt someone as they try to explain your disability to you that's sarcasm you're a troll or this really happened either way you're the a-hole yep apparently the polite thing for her to do would have been to sit there wide-eyed listening and then when he's finished talking saying wow I believed the doctors when they said it was meningitis but it turns out I was wrong and I never seriously considered a cochlear implant until you explained their benefits just now I'm gonna go get one you're so much smarter than me and that makes you me attracted to you let's screw posted by user throwaway 86 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to stop having a relationship with my dear daughter because my girlfriend is uncomfortable I've known my best friend Brenda since we were kids I was the first person she came out to his lesbian when we were in our senior year of high school and fully supported her she met her current wife in college and they got married six years later when I was 27 they both talked to me about wanting to start a family they asked if I would consider being their sperm donor because they wanted someone they trusted rather than a stranger and who would be there when their child started to have questions about their donor I was honored that they thought of me and agreed to do it it felt good to help people I care about start their own family we went through the whole process and a year later Brenda gave birth to their daughter Lucy after Lucy Lawless of course since she was born I've always wanted to be present in her life and we have a great uncle and niece type relationship the three of us have been happy with how things are and they're glad I'm close with Lucy she's already been told of how she came into the worlds without the full details and while she knows I helped build their family I'm uncle Steven to her three years after she was born I began dating my girlfriend I didn't tell her about Lucy till four months in and it took her time to process this but she eventually came around we've been together three years now and planning on getting married last week was Lucy's sixth birthday and we were both at their house after cake was cuts we all started taking pics I told my girlfriend to come so we both could get one with Lucy but she said no didn't think nothing of it until I noticed she was distant and tightly interacting with anyone we talked after we got home and she said she didn't feel comfortable with me seeing Lucy anymore because it still felt weird that I donated sperm and now I'm playing a role in her life when donors don't do that this was a shock to me because she never brought it up before when I said I wasn't gonna stop she got frustrated and it became a huge fight she didn't understand why I had to be in Lucy's life and it felt unfair that she has to share me with someone who's not my legal responsibility at one point she asked if Brenda and I slept together and came up with this sterner idea to cover the fact that I knocked her up and that's why I'm involved again we were both angry but asking that was out of line I told her I'll never cut off my relationship with them and left our apartments she's still been trying to convince me for days and to also consider her feelings in all of this to her it's unreasonable to choose a kid that'll never truly be mine over her someone I can have a future and start a family with I feel bad that she feels this way but it seems like she's not being fair either it's been rough and I don't know who's right or wrong she's making me feel like the bad guy here and I need a neutral party's help and I the a-hole I think no your girlfriend is being somewhat bigoted towards these people I feel like she's not outwardly being that way but Jesus what excuses do you have to cut this one out of your life you made that choice to have that kid in your life you chose that before you started the relationship with her she committed to the relationship she had to accept the fact that the kid was part of your life she can't become jealous now and destroy that I don't think it's worth keeping that woman in your life if she's gonna be that way oh be not the a-hole Wow your girlfriend is angry you have a relationship with your biological child for red flags you are not the a-hole and you do not want to have any kind of permanent relationship with someone who would sever your ties to your biological child's run and run now came here to save run not the a-hole but I also don't see how you two are compatible from this standpoint this seems like an impasse and something a girlfriend thought she was okay with and changed her mind or didn't know of the full scope of what she was getting into when she said it was fine with her but you do what is right for you anyone trying to change that especially when if I remember right you've been in her life before your girlfriend was in yours well that's asking a lot it's asking a lot of you to expect you to ghost to this little girl and it's selfish too if your girlfriend wanted to be in your life she would be happy to share you with a six-year-old girl who has a life of her own not asking you to ghost her I agree maybe the girlfriend was okay with the idea but when actually faced with the reality she realized she couldn't handle it and that's okay if she recognizes why it's a deal-breaker for you it sounds like it is the comments about not wanting to be around kids that aren't yours is weird did none of her friends have children the girlfriend seems either young or just emotionally immature based on this Opie you're not the a-hole please keep nurturing Lucy it sounds like you and her mothers are giving her a rich life full of love don't let someone dictate your relationships and good luck Opie I guess I just don't really understand what there is to handle about this situation it's somewhat unconventional in principle yes but I really don't see how it's any different in practice than him having a nice it's not like he's paying child support or has custody he's present in her life the way an uncle would be while I personally agree with you not everyone sees it that way I'm just saying that accepting an idea is different than accepting a practice I'm also not damming the girlfriend for feeling that way but she does need to recognize that this situation isn't for her that's okay but she shouldn't try to change Opie or his family dynamic posted by user snoo 32 512 titled am I the a-hole for taking $15,000 out of my toward his college fund to buy myself a new car I have an eight-year-old daughter and to make college more easily accessible for her my ex-wife and I each put money into a shared fund for her my ex-wife and I do not get along but we make an effort for the sake of our daughter at the end of last year my car basically blew up completely blew a gasket broke down every time I drove it and ended up being written off my current wife and I decided to save for a new car and to wait for one I was sure that I wanted as I loved my old car on my way home from work I Drive past a really high-end car dealership basically sells vintage top-class cars they're absolutely beautiful but I've never went in because they're extremely expensive a few days ago I drove past it and thought why not I'll have a look and just not buy anything I walked in and saw a truly beautiful Mustang rang my wife and told her I'd found the car I wanted we hadn't saved enough sir I used the money from our savings and without thinking dipped into the college fund my ex-wife and I have for our daughter it was just under $15,000 I rang my ex-wife after I'd bought it to tell her and assured her that I'd put the money back in but she went ballistic telling me that she basically just paid for my car as she put some more money in monthly than I do I said that was ridiculous and that it doesn't matter because it's my money too she's now going on about suing me and all sorts which is just ridiculous am I the a-hole feel like it's a troll post but I'll bites yes you're the a-hole for doing that you know you're the a-hole you just wanted a shiny new Mustang look at you you're so special you're the a-hole you stole from both your wife and your daughter to irresponsibly buy a car that you can't afford I hope this is a troll no one can be this dense I'm seriously glad I live in a country where this would not be possible he would be able to pay into the accounts for his child but he would not be able to open closed or withdraw without the other parent presence if he wanted to do anything alone you'd have to bring court orders showing you have sole custody he's a crack parents and I have high doubts he'll pay that money back I hope the mum does sue him America is something called a 5 to 9 accounts that this would be difficult to do with they're just not using it so the account is probably just a normal joint accounts in the parents names that they're calling a college fund I think you're right this is probably the case in either case Opie is the a-hole and I'm glad he's being sued over his BS posted by user elena brough Dhin titled am i the a-hole for telling my daughter-in-law she needs to let my son be in the delivery room instead of her mother my daughter-in-law katie is currently 37 weeks pregnant with my first grandchild a baby girl I really love Katie her and my son have been together about six years now and I have a good relationship with her but we've recently gone to a head on this discussion due to covent the hospital Katie plans on delivering her baby in has a one birthing partner limits and instead of choosing my son she chose her mother my son claims that they had a discussion about it and he was ok with it but I think it's completely inconsiderate of Katie to deprive my son of this incredible experience sure her mother is her support system but so is my son katie is also an extremely insecure girl and descent she doesn't want my son seeing her in that much pain and discomfort which having three babies myself I do understand but I do not think it's good enough a reason to not let my son see his baby being born it's his baby just as much as hers they come round to my house for dinner once a week usually on a Wednesday so last night's my son got up to go to the bathroom so I decided to have a quick word with Katie I wasn't pushy I just suggested that she should have my son in the delivery room instead of her mother as it was his right to be there she said they'd agreed between themselves that it was okay but I know my son and I just can't imagine him being okay with that I asked her why she didn't want my son in the room and she explained why her insecurities etc and I told her she was being idiotic for someone soon to be a mother she sure is childish she shouted for my son and my son was furious at me telling me that he was okay with whatever Katie wanted and that he'd only be sitting outside he'd get to see his daughter straightaway I said that wasn't good enough and he said that if I kept this up I wouldn't be seeing my granddaughter at all which is just ludicrous am I the a-hole yes you're the a hole for this one I think it's obvious with their reaction that's coming here you're very much the a-hole how can you not think you're the a-hole if you're being attacked by your own kids that are okay with their decision they've made Opie you are the a-hole and you need to respect their boundaries you're the a-hole she's the one parsing the human out of her body she's the one that decides who's in the room with her I think it would be fine for husband to be upset in hurts but Opie needs to stay in her Lane exactly my thoughts the son is okay with it and understands européenne needs to mind her own beeswax you're the a-hole even if the son is not okay with it and is just going along with what the wife wants because it's easier it still is not anyone else's place to interject the only person who gets to oppose the wife's decision is her husband if he wants to be in the room personally I think the wife needs serious therapy if she's too insecure to allow the person who she loves and helped her create the life to be there when that life comes into the world but that's not the issue mother-in-law went too far in this case and if you can only have one person Judy covered roles then as a practical matter your mother who has actually given birth is a better choice in my opinion if my wife was giving birth and they could only have one person I'd want whoever was going to make it easier for her if that was me great if it was her mom great you're the a-hole oh my god you are so the a-hole this is not your business it is Katie's decision and your son is okay with it sir but out granny and stop insulting your daughter-in-law some women myself included do not wish to be watched during labor there is nothing wrong with that let's not forget to point out I hope Opie likes not being a part of her grandchildren's lives she's straight just ticked off her son and daughter-in-law stopped biting her nose where it doesn't belong rupee you are a supporting player in this situation so be supportive you won't like what happens if you can't figure out how to do that's huge you're the a-hole am I the a-hole for asking my friend for her boob voyage party a while ago my doctor found a cancerous lump in my breast thankfully it was Stage one but I did end up having a mastectomy it was a stressful time and when my friend was over a few days ago before my surgery we got on the topic of the boob voyage party from Jane the Virgin I asked her if she would throw me one of those parties to help me get my mind off it I thought she would put together just two small girls nights but she went all out she invited all of my friends and my boyfriend and had an array of boob paraphernalia it was funny and light-hearted and meant a lot to me to get all that support from my friends during my recovery my boyfriend confronted me and said that he hated the boob party he thought it was tacky and he was offended that I hadn't asked him to put something together instead he said that we were supposed to be going through it together and I should have thought about his feelings and the fact that he doesn't like parties and wouldn't want to spend one of the nights leading up to my surgery like that I told him that I'm sorry that he felt that way but it was really helpful for me and I was the one getting surgery in treatment I told him I wanted to support him but my feelings had to take priority under those particular circumstances and the party helped me he still angry at me for refusing to apologize for asking my friends to throw the party without asking about how he felt about it first it comes up now and again and he still wants me to apologize am i the a-hole I'm gonna go with a big fat no you're not the a-hole it's absolutely your body you do what you wants your in party how does his feelings at all factor into this I don't get why he's so personally offended he doesn't have to go if he doesn't want to but that just shows that he's shallow he's deep he did I don't like parties sir I don't want you to throw one I don't want to have to go to them I don't have to be subject to this you should think about me no you're a terrible boyfriend if you do that her life could be on the line here given that breast cancer is such a series issue Jesus let people have some fun boyfriend surprised if she doesn't break up with this man over this so you went through a life-changing experience and he made it all about himself not the a-hole you probably would be very shocked how many men make their wife's or partners diagnosis all about them hell my father made my ovarian cancer diagnosis in my teens all about him yep pretty unforgettable that in the u.s. when a man is suffering through a serious illness his chance of his wife leaving him plenitude 5% when a woman is suffering through a serious illness her chances of our husband leaving her jump way up to 20 to 25% yep it's pretty unforgivable if you ask me it shows the differences on how men and women are raised as well as how society views them well one is raised and socialized to be a caretaker and ahead of the emotional labor departments the other one pretty much the opposites when they suddenly have to deal with emotional labor and be a caretaker obviously they can't handle it and jump ship just another way of how sexism hurts everyone I'm talking about just historically how men and women have been socialized I'll make a disclaimer for the not all men crowd and the women a horrible crowd too it just makes sense that historically this is the way people have been raised for a long time and a lot of cultures is still like this yes I 24 female nursed my last boyfriend through Ewing's sarcoma and during that time I realized that I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore note that I did not dump him while he had cancer I realized that if the roles have been reversed if I had been in the one lying incapacitated after six months of chemotherapy and half my hip removed the household would have gone to crap unlike me he would not have regularly sterilized the entire house to protect my fragile immune system he would not have washed my sheets he would not have cooked without being asked he would not have brought me breakfast in the hospital every day at 8 a.m. because I didn't care for hospital food he would not have written down all my concerns and brought them up at the doctor's office because I was too tired to remember definitely would not have helped me change my surgical dressings and he would not have known how to comfort me it would have been my burden to comfort him and to hide my pain so that he didn't feel uncomfortable I know this because that's exactly what happened for any minor injury that I received my next partner is going to be just that a partner no more trying to convince the other person that they should respect me enough to take on their fair share of the emotional and physical labor you either understand equality or you don't not the a-hole when someone shows you who they are believe them your boyfriend is a self-centered a-hole who can't even tolerate you getting support in the way you need it for your medical diagnosis and treatments but he thinks his feelings about your cancer are more important than your feelings is very telling and I hope your ditches asked and find someone who has a working sense of compassion exactly rights I had cancer we went through it together but not like this she respected the fact that I am the actual one with cancer anything else is unacceptable you needed and deserved your boob patty party have her plan another one and don't invite his ass posted by user by the twin moons titles am I the a-hole for making customers that stiffed me on the tip my last priority or I 21 female I'm a server in a small town in Kansas where the minimum wage for waitresses is $2.13 an hour which is just enough to cover income taxes due to that all of my income and for most of the servers in the state is comprised of tips recently I got into an argument with an acquaintance 25 male of mine he mentioned how he doesn't believe in tipping and that it wasn't right of me to treat customers that never tip is less important than other customers generally if I have a lot of tables I will put up serving cheapskates until my other tables are caught up I understand that the tipping system is broken but I also believe that people that don't tip with the mindset of I'm gonna change this system consciously or subconsciously taking advantage of it and I believe a portion of people refusing to is not gonna change the system and force my employers to give me a living wage but instead just screw me over because I live in a small town and don't have the option of finding a different job am I the a-hole here I know my opinion is entirely biased but what do you guys think edits everyone talking about how servers and cities make beaucoup money please keep in mind the average server in my small town post tips will make about 750 on the lowest day to ten dollars on the highest day and in the state of Kansas if you don't make the full minimum wage your employer is supposed to though this doesn't always happen in locally owned businesses edits me doing this only applies to regular customers I had an entire argument that I laid out there but then I realized I'm Australian I don't know what I'm talking about I've never lived in Kansas and these small cities I don't know the environments that these people live in I don't know what it feels like to be shortchanged I don't know what it feels like to have someone not tip me and I lose my wage because of that I feel like it's kind of an everyone sucks here situation you suck for not tipping and you suck for treating them worse because they didn't tip but what's the solution to this I don't know either Opie is not the a-hole or everyone sucks here I'm just very conflicted and confused not the a-hole screw literally every single person that doesn't believe in tipping edits if he lives in somewhere that pays the waitstaff a living wage then feel free to not tip if you live in America and don't tip when you go out to eat make your own food maybe we should just pay servers a livable wage instead of this weird awkward custom of tipping hmm edits I'm not suggesting not tipping right now just that I would rather they pay the servers well then we can get rid of tipping the amount of people jump into conclusions in this thread is staggering who came up with this horrendous system from the UK and this whole concept is so infuriating pay a decent minimum wage then tips covers good or great service and food which is how it is in raelia and I completely agree with that this is my experience here and is anecdotal call this a disclaimer an ex worked in a pizza restaurant in a very busy shopping center she was paid approximately 350 pound per week tips were huge ranging from 50 to 100 per shift so each week after passing on to the kitchen she'd see about 700 per week on a good week and so contracted pay was too low to pay tax on so 26,000 pound per annum opted 36,000 pound per annum take-home if everything was at its best this is an extreme example as she was very good at what she did and picked the restaurant she wanted to work out based on its potential essentially she was being paid more than junior doctors teachers solicitors with the same two years experience that she had this is why the rest of the world finds her tipping culture weird and you get mixed responses from those outside of the US I tip 10% for okay service and food 24 great poor service and it's why should I tip not the a-hole your friend is just being cheap this and getting what he pays for when I was young I asked dad why everyone at the restaurant is so nice to him and it seems like he got better service than I got elsewhere he looked me in the eyes and said always tip well and now I do especially it places I frequents to get a bad or no tip with me you basically have to be actively rude to me which almost never happens not the a-hole Opie when you pay more for something that something will be higher-quality why shouldn't that apply to service and any non tip is reading this your experiences at restaurants and bars will be way better if you start tipping well and it's worth it's posted by user red suitcase triple Eight's titled am I the a-hole for telling my children's teachers to screw off and pulling her out this happened last year and I was telling a friend about it yesterday she said I overreacted and she would have handled it differently my daughter was in the fifth grade at a regular public elementary school now there is this other little girl in her grade that is just a known bully among the girl my daughter is very sweet and quiet she had never been in trouble before now I think her kind nature has the tendency to make her a target for a bully this girl had been picking on my daughter for years on and off as well as lots of other girls I tried so many times contacting her teachers principal her mum school counselors every time it just fell on deaf ears I know I wasn't the only parent who tried and tried there were multiple families who were fed up well last year it was about two weeks before school was out and my daughter and her best friend were playing outside this girl starts picking on my daughter and her friend my daughter looks her in the face and says you're a [ __ ] I'm sick of you teasing us please leave us alone well this girl goes and tells the teacher now look I would have preferred my child didn't use that type of language and we did talk about how she could have been polite but firm in her words at the same time if the school would have done something a long time ago none of this would have happened well my child's teacher began to scream at my child until she was in tears and then sent her to the office where she was screamed at for hours longer so now she's being bullied by the staff as well I was livid and went into the teacher's office and let her have it I told her if you people would have done something about the bullying my child wouldn't have felt the need to bully this child back how dare you make my child out to be a monster and a bad child when she has been victimized since the first grade by this girl the teacher said I should be deeply ashamed of my daughter hell no I told her to piss off and called her from the school we will be attending a private school in the fall a round of applause to Opie for that one absolutely not the a-hole why do you even have to ask the question the question should be am i the a-hole for not punching that teacher in the face for defending the bully Jesus you got to stop bullying at its source straight away and they obviously were condoning it by not taking any action as teachers that's disgraceful I'd be reporting them to whatever entities would listen to me but then again that might fall on deaf ears and it the cycle repeats it's why you take your kids to Brazilian Jujitsu and they tackle the problem themselves right right that's sarcasm don't at me not the a-hole you're a good parent for getting her out of there and should be proud of your daughter for standing up for herself my parents have a rule that if we do or say something like that to a jerk then they won't get mad at us after using a curse word now it's the end of the world but terrorizing someone isn't off Corliss turtle sense edits my brother punched a total dick in the face who bullied everyone in the face god I'm gonna bully you right in your face buddy he shut up for the end of the year because my brother then went into middle school sixth grade and douche face went to fifth grade and I went to full grade I don't know how that changes anything but okay not the a-hole but did they really scream at her and was it really four hours screaming at someone for ten minutes sounds tiring I can't imagine doing it for hours that was the only thing that made me wonder if you're being an overdramatic parent er but if everything else went down the way you say then not the a-hole my child said that her teacher yelled and screamed at her for about in hours and then sent her to the office where it continued by the principal what I think most likely happened is there was some yelling followed by them trying to get my child to apologize which she was refusing then followed by more yelling her teacher was a very intense personality Jesus she'll be better off at another school so I agree that more should have been done to stop the bullying earlier which likely could have prevented this but also think seriously about what your child is saying and how likely it is to have really happened that way not calling your child a liar simply saying kids exaggerate consider this where were the other students in her class as the teacher was yelling for an hour what was happening with all of the office staffs are the responsibilities as they yelled at your child for hours on end the likelihood of this happening in such an extreme way for so long is highly unlikely a teacher can't simply and in the rest of her class to yell at a student for an hour as a previous school employee I think a child probably got yelled at by the teacher maybe for several minutes and too harshly then your child was sent to the office where they were scolded and sat for several hours after refusing to apologize obviously I wasn't there but the logistics of spending several hours yelling at a single child just isn't possible there are too many other moving parts in a school you could be very very rights little kids do exaggerate especially if it felt really harsh and never-ending I could see her thinking it was longer but like I said above I know the school counselor was called in to watch the class ribbons posted by user hate my house 22 titled mi the a-hole for showing my boyfriend how disturbing it is to have him yelling at video games all the time by calling my friends up and having a jerking scream my boyfriend plays games with some of his friends from college and they get really intense about it's like yelling in frustration it bothers me a lot I grew up in a rough home and I don't like that environment of screaming and cussing and anger in my home I've told my boyfriend this and he says he's not really mad it's just a game it's just the way he connects with his friends who are competitive people but to be honest it bothers me a lot last week I had been napping and I heard a holla and I was immediately working and feeling panicked I of course quickly remember where I was but I was upset I really just don't want those energies in my home I went downstairs and told my boyfriend to stop hollering at home because it's stressing me out and he kind of brushed it off later that night I called my friends a jerk said I should just have a yell with her and she was all for it she went out to the woods behind a house and also grabbed her roommate on the way it was kind of silly at first yelling over Skype but we kind of got into it my boyfriend was yelling about some crap her boss said and her roommates and I were yelling back screw that girl yeah you need a job and stuff it was kind of hard to keep from laughing and we kept dissolving into giggle it devolved into one of us shrieking like a maniac everyone dying laughing and then repeating my boyfriend came upstairs at that points he'd been sitting outside and smoking and he asked what the hell was going on I was like I'm calling my friends thought we'd try having a scream seems like a fun way to socialize he was telling me off saying that hearing woman's screaming is gonna make someone worried and I was like oh and uh I'm sure it's fine screaming into a mic is just normal socializing rights we talked later and he didn't want me pulling that crap again because it freaked him the hell out to hear me screaming and I was just like okay so do you finally get it I feel freaked out when you bring that energy into the house too and he said he didn't think it was the same he and his friends normally socialize like that me and my friends were being crazy to make a point I said that I had a lot of fun having a yell on the coal it felt good and if he wanted to keep bringing that energy into the house I'd be doing it too but if he didn't want that kind of energy around we could stop it together he called me ridiculous for this and yeah I know it's kind of petty but I also think I have a point if he doesn't like me screaming in the house he should understand I don't like him screaming in the house am I the a-hole for having a yell while video calling my friends to try and make a point to my boyfriend that his yelling when gaming with his friends is disturbing no absolutely not no scream all you once screw him he doesn't get to decide what goes and what doesn't go in this house just because he feels he wants it one way or another you can't compromise like that absolutely keep screaming in that house all you once the neighbors call the cops even better the boyfriend gets to deal with that I think he needs to learn to stop screaming I've been called out on my screaming in the house before it's absolutely a behavior you can stop he just doesn't want to stop it and that's the problem here he doesn't want to stop but he wants her to stop you can't have it both ways grow up and be mature opiez boyfriends Oh be not the a hole not the a hole he's being super hypocrite he asked him to stop screaming for valid reasons and he refuses to respect that he have the right to feel safe in your own home and if his yelling makes you panicked and uneasy he needs to grow up and change his behavior RP your screaming bothers me while it shouldn't later why you screaming Opie's partner refused to back down that's a huge red flag not stopping behavior that really hurts your partner is another huge red flag what Opie is experiencing is called flashbacks and I've seen a lot of it at work I have them too if he doesn't stop Opie risks being reach Rama toast his behavior is childish and reeks of entitlements hopi needs to reconsider the whole relationship unless her boyfriend decides to grow up and honestly yeah the fact that it could read triggers someone's trauma is absolutely a deal-breaker in a relationship not the a-hole oh my god dude I'm in the exact same situation I have autism and get triggered by loud noises and especially shouting my boyfriend will be playing his game with his friends and suddenly scream and I legitimately start crying I wish I had the guts or energy to do this so he would understand does he know you start crying also that's really sad and I really feel bad for you mates yes he does he eased up a little posted by user Aoife Charisse titled am I the a-hole for sleeping my roommates bed for a week after my boyfriend / cute - red wine all over mine my roommate and I both twenty female don't know each other that well we have mutual friends who both knew we needed roommates at the beginning of the year so set us up we're not in the same apartment at the same time very often sir I wouldn't say we're friends but we don't dislike each other at the beginning of last week my roommate told me she was going back to her hometown which was about two hours away because her dad was sick and she wanted to be with her family I said okay see him on your back you know the usual that night I invited my boyfriend over and we ended up getting a bit drunk which resulted in him puking red wine my bed it was like 3:00 a.m. at this point and I was a bit tipsy so I dragged him over to my roommates bed and we both fell asleep the next morning my boyfriend went home but I was hungover and didn't want to wash my sheets yet so I just stayed at my roommates bed I ended up sleeping and staying in my roommates bed for the rest of the week she came back to the apartment on Monday whilst I was out shopping and I came back to her questioning as to why there was a phone charger on her bed and I told her that I've been sleeping in her bed because of the red wine puke expecting her to just find it amusing but she was absolutely disgusted and called me a slob because I didn't wash my sheets she then demanded I change her sheets because my boyfriend and I had both slept in them and I refused saying they were both hers so she should clean them she's now saying that I crossed a line and that she's going to start looking for a new roommate am I the a-hole how can you leave red wine puke on a bed for a week did Opie just not tell us that she cleaned it is it just sitting there festering for a week how could anyone do that obviously Opie is the a-hole and deserves to learn this lesson the hard way how could you not be the a on this one I don't understand so stupid you're the a-hole changing her sheets would be the least you should do I'd be demanding you vacuum my mattress as well and it's pretty disgusting not washing the puked on sheets either if you and your boyfriend content alcohol or the aftermath maybe don't drink she left puke covered sheets for a week like this general laziness and then there's this I would be looking for a new roommate - this is so gross and invasive for the roommates privacy that's a crackhouse level of laziness I assumed when I read the title that maybe this was a misguided cleaning standoff with the boyfriend like he'd be refusing to clean up his mess and she was finally putting her foot down about cleaning up off to him that would still be horrific in a way because god damn you don't like buyer has its marinate in your bed for a week to prove a point imagine my shock when I realized she left puke in her bed for a week because she felt lazy crackhouse levels of laziness is right on the money not the a-hole not your bed you shouldn't have slept in it one night wouldn't have been terrible but a whole week in someone else's bed because you didn't want to wash your sheets it's just plain rude sorry to say but your roommate his rights you're a slob I agree with one night's not being terrible in theory but she dragged her just puked all over her bad boyfriend with her therefore risking him puking all over the roommates bed - and I think we all know that if he had it would have been her roommates responsibility to clean it because it was her bed and apparently leaving pukey bedding laying around for a week is a viable option in Dopey's worlds g'day there guys outro Marky here just wanted to say thank you so much for watching today's episode I hope you really enjoyed it I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed making it now with that said we have some special mentions everyone that's signed up for my patreon everyone that's a channel member you guys all know who you are I'm gonna start putting you on screen in the near future sorry I'm very lazy but I do love each and every one of you and you all know that if you want to join there is links down in the description below if you want to be a channel member there's a join button next to subscribe it helps me out immensely also I have a second channel that does memes it's called Marky - it should be on screen here now if you like memes and you want to laugh with me it's some not so politically correct content all the time hope you enjoy it click on the screen subscribe and enjoy the means that's all I have for today and I'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 116,575

Rating: 4.8605089 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: hC1So8qhWIk

Length: 141min 43sec (8503 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 19 2020