My Mum Lives In Denial of Her Debts | Spendaholics | Only Human

[Music] 49 year-old Lim James is a go-getter when she goes to the shops she'd get something she's a single mom with a five-figure debt despite the 32,000 pounds salary as a social worker she now owes forty-five thousand pounds her resistance is non-existent I'm very sure the minute I see it which makes it impossible for me to then say can I afford it I mean that's just wasting time really and wasting energy nine year-old twins Brandon and Troy share their mother's passion for spending piling on twice the pressure Lynn's non-stop spending is tearing her apart and throwing a shadow over the twins future I was thinking more more about my children's future and hang on a minute if they do want to go to university or something they won't be any chance for them because I'm screwing it up for them her house is remortgaged and her debt is going through the roof she needs some professional help lifestyle expert Jay hunt will offer her practical spending solutions it's not about need for you you've got a house stuffed with more things than ten women could ever need psychological coach Benjamin fry would help Lynn tackle the roots of her addiction with the whole process you're going through at the moment particularly with the overspending which is kind of like treating yourself like a child and not treating yourself like an adult it just felt like this is the last chance I've got and I've got to do something about it now [Music] Lynne James lives with her 9 year old boys in East London she earns 32,000 pounds a year as a social worker being a single mom with a full-time career means there's little time to relax so Lynne dives headfirst into the nearest clothes rack if I have a spare moment and I find myself autopilot in a shopping centre I can feel that I'm getting more and more kind of hyped up in a kind of barbie-ish way that's kind of very quickly growing a whole load of carrier bags in all the time I've known her I've never seen her in the same outfit twice she sort of just trot in and sort of look around like this and you'd all have to look up [Music] at the weekend a family day out usually means a trip for the boys to Lynn's favorite shops while she's hitting the tears the boys hit the guilt button so she showers them with treats to keep them occupied and at the end of the day she kicks back with a pricey bottle of wine then loves a bit of luxury every day morning noon and night I suppose if she could have bubbles for breakfast then she would and when the statements rollin she'd rather not look to get a wider sense of Limbs situation Benjamin and Jay have borrowed the keys to her house while she's out the experts weighed in looking for clues to what she's spending on and why more and more and more stuff this system down here and more stuff good plenty of champagne down here though yeah so there's a social life yeah it's not actually as alone draw missing there I wonder whether this is full full of stuff oh look it's a statements unopened here and look at all this is endless and what she's doing with this stuff 6,000 pounds overdrawn but look when you go through it QV c TK Maxx simply jewelry shopping GJ max Burberry's I'll tell you what's weird she's got everything that she ever had in her whole life except all of our boats famous if you could go to relate with your credit card maybe that's what I should be doing Wow look at this another very very busy room takes me back to my time in the Serengeti it's like every single available bit of space is full up elephants glows perfume any opportunity when there are shops around I have to go in I have to buy something if I see something I have to get it no matter if my guardian angels screaming my ear you know you haven't got it you know shouldn't do it I just kind of flip it off switch it off and just do it anyway look Chester drawers two wardrobes trunk there's those cases there and another two sets of Chester jaws there and I just bet you that every yeah single one that you can't even that is solid with stuff I mean look at all of that as well I mean the kids games now those average about 40 pounds per game and there must be about 40 of them huge huge huge amounts of money have gone on filling all of these wardrobes and Chester jaws shall we see what else yeah we have holiday there's a room we missed here what's in there will disappear in time and space if we spend too long in here this is obviously the overflow junk room when I found a whole load of unopened bags with labels on I did think hang on I'm hiding this for me no it's not just from other people and that's really worrying it's almost schizophrenic to actually have to do that's hide it from yourself hold on that this should be the dining room shouldn't it there's nowhere to eat in this house or the children's playroom or an extra bedroom whatever it's extraordinary it's like there's so much in the house already that it's almost defies belief when you come in here yeah I know what you mean because up till now it's just been a little bit crazy but now this is this is really a bit weird but you know what you come in here and it's like this room screams at you I am out of control okay let's get out it worries me you know I can't even find the door handle there's about 40 things hanging on this door at least we know she's a size 10 [Music] that evening when Lin gets back from work J and Benjamin have a surprise for her they want to show her the true magnitude of her spending so come into your bedroom oh my god now have a look at all of this I wonder if you recognize who's on all these images here could that be you in a different outfit every time possibly well actually there's 365 images here that we've put on calendars to represent not only the money you spent but the fact that you have enough clothes in your wardrobe to wear a different outfit 365 days of the year and you actually spent three thousand six hundred and fifty pounds in the last 12 months which is quite a lot when you consider where else your money is needed yes we've been through here and realized that every single drawer and everything in this room is crammed and we found your secret room downstairs okay what do you think about these pictures because this is someone at your work that they'd never seen in the same outfit twice in ten years do you know I got too distracted with I don't know if I'd wear that I was penned a holic reaction isn't it today that's when we really worry when actually you don't need to hear the numbers you just see the items so this is a bit of a shock it's got another one for you it's in your kitchen actually okay Linds next shot gives a clue to the huge sums draining from her bank account a wine fountain illustrates the whopping 2,400 pounds that Lynne splashes out each year on fine wine each one represents five pounds that you spent on one of life's little luxuries how do you feel about that oh that's sick really just do you like French wine all these little things add up I think mmm is confronted like this you seem quite shocked yeah and yet I think there's a part of you that's saying that every week oh you know 20 or 30 pounds on a few bottles of wine these are life's little luxuries all necessities but the problem that you have Len is that you have a huge amount of essential spending items that you have to take care of you have your mortgage you have your home your stuff your kids food I suppose the analogy is just pouring it down the drain really especially when it's liquid line yeah what I think we should do is go back to the living room sit down and talk about your budget for the cold-turkey week so we can just leave all of this here for the time being okay after a series of shocks Benjamin and Jay line up the mother of all earthquakes they want Linn to spend seven days on a shoestring budget I just wanted to ask you if you know how much money you get through and an average spend in a week a hundred a week right and what how do you work that out you work it out on how often you go to the cash machine I don't never go to a cash machine I don't really really much operating cash because then it's too much a reality I think maybe more like a two-week they're non-essential setting right so eighty to a hundred pounds a week is what you reckon you get through I'm being tough on myself there and response to your earlier shocks I think I wouldn't have said that much before doing so before we came to that I just said forty to fifty you might thought 40 to 50 yeah what we've worked out is your average spend in a week is three hundred and seventy pounds and 8p a week that's every week so it's easy to see how you kind of have lost track in a way of how your debts are just growing and growing because that's just disappearing that it's really a shot that's much more of a shot than the other shot yeah so would it be fair to say then that how you operate is in a sort of state of denial where you don't really want to know the figure on the statements and you just pay the minimum off on your credit cards and then just carry on spending yeah cold turkey week just really means you surviving on the minimum amount of money that you can for the next seven days seventy-five pounds okay but you thought you were only spending fifty until today I don't think that seventy-five pounds is low enough what do you reckon if we said fifty pounds which i think is a challenge for you but I don't think is impossible I'll definitely give this a try but I mean I'm just a bit worried but what am I gonna do about the boys present so you noticed something no expecting is their tenth birthday okay yeah deal I didn't really enjoy the shock treatment very much the one in the kitchen was just really ghastly because like I said I think it was just like completely shocking you know money down the drain [Music] it's day one of cold turkey and a well-stocked fridge eases some of the pressure but this week throws a double whammy it coincides with the boys 10th birthday Lynne's heavily reduced budget is already a family talking point because there's always new things on the TV and it's gonna be hard because I because I might kinda like Beck she's got to pass our presents and then party bags to make matters worse treats have become a regular occurrence for the twins they've got into the habit of expecting something every week really I mean some days it is only literally something in the pound shop but it is an expectation which is wrong go carefully [Music] Blinn's career as a social worker involves a lot of appointments and a lot of mileage it's going to take a massive effort to stay the course and resist her usual stop offs normally I might have just thought well I'll just get myself something small or despite going to this shop so I've had to avoid certain areas perhaps take a different route in the car avoiding certain shops them I might drop in and see normally by evening Lynne has successfully bypassed her shopping fix but she still needs to resolve the issue of the boys birthday presents this might seem like a tough task but luckily Brandon seems to be more money savvy than his mum Temari you had the cold sake money and it's coming up to our birthday so it's in the way that you can't get to nintendo's because I know your code sake would money would go and we have to get smaller presents and that customer you don't you just grab a tray the Nintendo bla and then you get me that small present you you're gonna think of yeah so you're still getting it but we're spacing it out more and so if I got a Nintendo on birthday and Troy got a Nintendo on birthday then well yeah then we'd have low Christmas presents No [Music] Saturday morning and the boys are at their weekly drama class getting the boys presence will keep her focused but she'll still need to be creative if she's going to stick to her budget Lynn's been selling clothes at a secondhand shop and hopes to collect some cash I thought it'd be useful if I owe me something today help towards the boys present while Brandon has volunteered to wait for his pricey electronic game console Lynn still wants one for Troy oh that's good news and I'm not even gonna look around like I usually do and spend some of it back usually cash goes in one hand and straight out the other with so much at stake it's time to show restraint anyway I'm not gonna look I'm gonna be blinkers right and I'm gonna be good I'm gonna take my money and run by sacrificing her own treats Lynn bends the rules and boosts the cold turkey coffers by 15 pounds a further 40 pounds gets donated by the boys dad Steve bringing her budget up to a hundred and five pounds [Music] despite this welcome injection of cash Lin will struggle to raise the funds for Troy's present so she heads for the cut price stores I've just got to Oh forever it was the game you won third with her budget boost Lin gets two presents Troy's game console and a chemistry set for Brandon leaving her with 20 pounds Lynn's other cost-cutting measure is to rule out a birthday party instead she has agreed to give the boys party bags to take to school 28 to be precise 69p 10 bags these are 8 bags are now 99p although I prefer them I ought to get the cheapest there's loads of things to fool they're gonna have just some cheap sweets on a piece of cake I'm not gonna go mad like I know you can do 6:19 really they're party bags could literally be a piece of cake but old spending habits die hard by spending cash Lynn has made some concessions normally I'd be using plastic and convincing myself that I'm not spending money that's if that's something I wear I haven't used any of that today it's dwindling money which I hate 14:45 the last legs of the cold turkey money I think is more or less gone or I might even have gone over but if I have any tiny bit anything I hope just two days into cold turkey and Lynn's chronic spending has left her only 5 pounds 55 for the rest of the week undeterred Lin decides to spoil herself pushing her into the red by three pounds 44 she's not just treating herself she's fooling herself Lin thinks she's well on target I know I'm not drastically over and I do think everyone should at least acknowledge that I have been resource for this through it so far I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do for the next few days but very convincing huh yeah it's true thing it's true this is divine I've spent about ten pounds on myself and the rest on the boys in terms of non essentials what did you spend the ten pounds on two bottles of wine it might not have been it might have been actually eight nine pounds but yeah it was those four the two things that were for me I can't say well you're having a glass of it now so it's not exactly for me thanks Lin is convinced she's been cutting corners but she won't accept the reality of her massive forty-five thousand pound debt one of the biggest that Benjamin and Jay have come across [Music] psychological coach Benjamin fry wants to know what's behind this record-breaking spending addiction okay let me just take you back if I may briefly to the moment of purchase know I'm so impetuous with amount and just I can think of one really good when I was on a bus yeah and I'd waited ages for the bus anyway but as soon as I pass it when I got off at the next posture and I dashed in there got it straight away trying it on and bought it in all within about a minute I think two minutes had passed how long did you love it for why me I've only wanted what's cause it's summer and once you've worn it once it's no longer unique and different especially once people have seen it on you know and as you pay for it how does that feel I feel sick usually I actually say out loud to the person I really shouldn't be doing this I say it all the time maybe you're hoping that someone's listening when you say I really shouldn't be doing this yeah I feel guilty generally I do feel quite guilty to get to the bottom of Lynn's self-destructive habit benjamin delves into her past I went to boarding school and I was 11 and then when I came then when I was 16 they they let me leave and go back to a kind of grammar school with him those are they my mother so they let you leave boarding school well I hated it and I kept on saying can I and I didn't want to be there anymore I found a five-year Diaries I'd had and at the end of every single entrance I've put I hate this place in capital letters as all these exclamation marks it's a long time to be hated yeah and not be allowed to go home five years mmm and boarding school you couldn't really hide you can only show you feelings particularly because you know you just get tea so if you wanted to if you felt homesick which you obviously did mostly especially when you knew you had to go to the toilet and have a gristle about it rather than really sort of showing anyone about it so emotion it was very repressive it was very repressive emotionally I wonder what they had you wearing oh good it was just appalling what they had is so it was a uniform oh gosh yes it was a uniform and a half and he had to wear seven days a week yeah beauty it's almost like I should be grateful about in a way about being there you know it's kind of like I don't know so you can't wear what you want you can't be who you want you can't feel that you want to feel and it's important not to be different yeah it does seem that now then really has a desire to almost kind of scream her individuality to make up for the difficulty and the trauma of having to suppress herself for all those years she was in system and the conformity of the boarding school the session with Benjamin brought up some painful issues so Lynn takes refuge in the nearest shopping center after spending some time with Benjamin and feeling a bit raw and bit you know quite upset with you I'm kind of almost felt a bit sorry for myself and I happen to go to a meeting and I knew that I could quite easily go via one of my favorite little shops and I so really had that pull to rules there I had to really kind of stop myself doing that and instead went and has something tweaks it was lunchtime anyway although Lynn finds herself in a mall she manages to avoid her favorite clothes shop big pop he's thinking laughter what I've gone through you know why not she's got a week and I'm doing pretty well on it so maybe just a small thing would be alright and that pull you know I am able to avoid it by just not going anywhere near the place and that's what I did London do you think I've done well about being in any clothes shops get bring any bags home no and there's nothing hiding yeah I hope like I don't do for you it's the final day of cold turkey and time to celebrate the boys birthday by the look on their faces Lynne's clever spending has been richly rewarded but once again Lin goes too far and piles on another present cold turkey has been well and truly stuffed and it's not a proper birthday without cake and candles despite the short cuts and the extra pennies Lin soared over budget by 25 pounds 84 with a debt of 45,000 pounds Lin must keep a tight rein on her outgoings having decimated the 50-pound budget for cold turkey Jay confronts Lin about her confused attitude to spending see what's interesting for me is that you never really know how much money you spend and you never really know where you are because there's statements in the drawer and your head blanking it out and when we give you a very clear 50 pounds cash for the week you still do that you still couldn't say how much over you went when we go forward what we've got to think about is putting things in very clear boxes so that you know where you are now here is the new budget the first one we've looked at is jewelry that's about 35 pounds a month you spend on just bits and pieces well we've actually been a bit brutal and cut that down to zero and that's based on the amount of stuff that you do actually have yeah shoes and clothes at the moment you're spending 300 and we're recommending sixty pounds which i think is going to be one of the most difficult areas for you isn't it I think it is yeah but you know I want to do it so you know I'm glad you didn't say no I thought you're gonna say no from that so I can't really no wine that's coming in at 90 pounds a month and we're recommending that that gets cut back to 30 pounds now what we're looking at here is the payments on your loans you've got three loans basically now that's where we're not doing quite so well because you're paying the minimum payment every month aren't you just about managing to buy juggling around to find just that minimum out and I know that that's just paying interest so it's just never gonna go away it just feels like a never-ending impossible yeah ask with you making these minimum payments every month you're not even keeping up with the interest so we need to increase those payments so that you start to feel more in control and that you're actually starting to really chip away at some of these debts so it's you and the boys onboard moving forward with this yeah definitely the new budget may be tight but there is room for manoeuvre I think Lynne has got quite a sophisticated denial system going on when it comes to her debt her debt is really quite big and I think it's one of those that's where she thinks you know it's so enormous it's so overpowering I'm never gonna get to pay it off therefore I'm just going to blank it out and so what she does is you everyday sort of uses little things in little ways to make herself feel better and it's little amounts but they're all building up building up building up and there is gonna come a day when she isn't going to be able to use these cards and she is gonna really have to think about what she's going to do about this but at the moment I think half of her really wants to go down this road with us and the other half is still in a complete fairytale land of denial and I think her bubble is gonna get burst quite soon the depth business he knows the thing only what's afoot a second most and that made a lot of sense and I think not I mean it quite pleased to pay is that there is that acknowledgement that you know I'm never going to succeed I mean I'll just set me up completely to fail if I just have absolutely no little with just Jay calls and Lyn treats if I have none as those atolls and I can see well I mean it's just a nice hard enough without absolutely nothing in her new budget Lynn has seventy pounds per month for outings it's half term and she's taking the boys to the bowling alley her challenge is to spend no more than a tenner [Music] three of us creates a poundage to get in okay thanks to a little research lin has found a place with a one-pound entry fee but the moment they step inside it's clear Lin's research was maybe too little quickly a few games well that's the thing darling it would be good to play two games but then it goes up to another I know so it has to be one game now definitely there's the shoe has another pound there you are your place your shoes can you take the pair [Music] where'd you put your fingers Eliza wanted to go right off [Music] yeah look games finished light's gone out well did you enjoy it see they wants another go now how about you two just having a go not mummy the boys are the apple of Lynn's eye and her resolve quickly crumbles pushing the budget from ten pounds to sixteen pounds fifty all finished you won shaytan's blender can take shoes off could've put your shoes on Brandon its Brendan unhappy cuz you lost come on it's not like you desperate for a rematch Brandon powers more pressure on his mom I want to play one of the game starts I know we can't play the game does Jessica's we already decided we couldn't do both and you chose this love okay [Music] I'm not doing anything more it's hard for Lynn to reduce her spending on the boys but the gravity of her financial situation becomes clear later that day when her credit card is refused when choice it's me since starting the process Lynn James has begun to curb her spending on clothes unfortunately she is still spending way too much on her children as a result Slim's heading for the mother of all crashes with Lynn's behavior threatening to derail the whole process Jay and Benjamin line up a rescue mission what I'm finding is that although I seem to have stopped her shopping on clothes her spending generally is leaking out into other areas especially the children which seem to be a big trigger because she will go out and think okay I'm taking the boys out I'm going to spend ten pounds today and before she knows where she is she spent 47 maybe the children are pressing so many buttons with her that she actually gives up on counting the money kind of by mistake on purpose because if she did count it then she'd have to come to a point where she'd have to say no to them and I think probably for her saying no to the children is the stuff that she really needs to work on Benjamin's taken the family to a toy shop by dropping the family deep inside the lion's den Benjamin hopes to show Lin how to refuse the boys barrage of requests oh gosh why do we come in here cuz they're not gonna be a sir it's Kitely coming out completely empty-handed conflict of having the same note what do you think boys is it slightly boring to go around the toy shop not thinking what you can buy it's different and it's difficult and your job is to kind of help them because they can't do it on their own to take away from here what's valuable in that experience without necessarily having to take all the toys the prospect of leaving a shop without a present is predictably met with disappointment because they could use for a while then they just get pushed on to your fans Benjamin steps in to offer Lin a solution there is one thing and shops like this that you can always get for free if you follow me downstairs what is one of the things you can usually get in a good toy shop is access to children's books that will really fire their imagination so why don't we have a look around here see if there's anything you like if there is something you like should I read you one little story yeah I'll start off it's called the crocodile no animal is half so vile as a croc Ewok the crocodile on Saturdays he likes to crunch instead of buying toys the boys enjoy quality mum time how's it going Troy can I borrow your mum for a bit I'm gonna have a little chat with your mum about today well what I want you to take away from here is actually it's got nothing to do with them they are not adults they don't have a relationship with money they have a relationship with their mother and their mother has a relationship with money in some ways it's more to do with that sort of stupid sulking of stuff that but you know that that's pressing the button and it's about stopping that it's not about me feeling bad about not letting them have so much really it's just that and I do think there's something to acknowledge here about being a single mother that these two levels might be the different dynamics you get from two parents then it doesn't matter if it's the mother or the father but there is a sense in which one person can enjoy the interaction while the other person says no actually we can't afford that you have to do both so prepare yourself to be in both places loving tender compassionate but also rigid disciplined and I want you to take away from them the talk and the language and even the burden of being involved in money and when you'd have very firm financial boundaries based on you now looking after you a part of when you look at your bank statement is lynn saying what about me because i need to feel safe with my money Benjamin's work is bearing fruit J decides to follow suit by showing the family something they can do together and which won't cost a penny the Tate Britain gallery is one of many places in London with free entertainment for all the family now what we thought we'd do today is help mummy a bit on her budget because this is free the gallery offers children ways of following an exhibit of their choice the odd faces collection should we give that to mummy and that is the way to start and then I'm going to catch up with you in a minute okay off you go is it oh my goodness my video let's try [Laughter] instead of spending cash the family spend time together what do you think about this then the love I think it's maybe it's like two sets of twins no look look two ladies they were born the same day married the same day and both gave birth the same day married the same day it's like you might do that for us she'll get married on the same day so is the Tate any match for the till did you run around or walk around did you so then how was it for you today doing something sort of different with them it was something new all sharing rather than me feeling a little bit that they are just hanging around outside changing rooms whereas you know that was kind of we were all negotiating as a family what what we were doing today which was nice having made real progress with her spending on the boys Jay and Benjamin want Len to tackle the most damning evidence of her addiction her overstuffed spare room friend Donna volunteers to help uncover Lynn's floor [Music] there's a back room that is full of stuff clutter my god knows what there's probably dead bodies underneath all this stuff it's been there for so long today is the first time in ten years that Lynn has attempted to clear out this room that's the problem I mean some of these things could probably be sold can you see why I never want to come in here but let's just chuck him outside [Laughter] [Music] in there yeah it's fair I have to keep that for now many items have only been worn once but are of no value so it's straight to the charity shop and this I love as well but I will sell it look I'm trying now we look like we're getting anywhere no he just looked feels like we've just moved all over here but what we've done is put it into millions of piles [Music] despite their best efforts the end seems a long way off [Music] now that Lynn has conquered her clothes Mountain Benjamin wants to get to the source of her compulsion to wear something new and outrageous every day he has taken her back to the site of her old boarding school that kind of awful thing I've just gone back to school after a school holiday so enter what strikes me first out here is are the gates the gates and I'm sure there used to be like barbed wire or something on them recently converted to offices Lynn boarded here for five years it's the source of some of her most painful childhood memories it's where we lived basically well I can take you in here tonight how would that feel you look very apprehensive yeah yeah I could bear it yeah just just lights and I'm the floors used to build that parquet wood I think don't think that was there huh yeah hysterics before lips that was the day room which is a lot because I think they've sort of shortened it and it was all waited in floors because he had to polish them as a punishment so sometimes it's a vault parking what is it about the stairs that particularly evocative it's her it's just tied in it going up and down them all the time the door which she was up there and I don't know he's just up and down those stairs and that window and then so as you go up the stairs being out to sea out to the other world really look at the real world again it's just all the sort of all the regimentation of it all you know like I had to do is chew clean just this was just so ordered that's what I think is there a sense of how much of yourself you lost you know just how you had everything was just you know everything that had to be certain times less writing on certain times here to write home on certain days in certain hours you had to clean your shoes on certainly evenings do your laundry certain days you had duties so do you think some of what you're feeling now is a kind of sense of grief for what you lost of yourself it's just all those years when it's very hard to be spontaneous or anything really cause everything was just about the bell going and what's showing up take me up the stairs a bit and [Music] remember this window yeah because I met and that's exactly as it was it's exactly this kind of your vantage point into reality yeah it was one of them how much of yourself do you think you really lost in those years here I think I lost quite a bit really I mean it's I think it took me quite a while I really found it hard to get on with how you were supposed to be in outside of this place really because this is the least individualistic place that you could possibly grow up in mm-hm as you said it's all regimented Benjamin has an exercise to help Lynne release the part of herself that is still trapped in the past of her painful school days what I want to do with you out here is in a sense I want to turn down the volume on what this place means to the hold it has over you I want to turn up the volume and you and your individuality the part of you that was squashed by the uniform experience of being in this very regimented place now to do that I want you to fight against kind of the memory of this place of Vokes with your own voice okay so let me paint in the picture your family just left you're all alone and you're thinking what about me okay so I'm thinking what about Lin and you want to say what about me I'm gonna just take a few steps away from you what about Lin what about me what about Lin what about me what about Lin what about me what about Lin what about me who are you talking to this place I think all right so what about Lin what about me what about Lin what about me I come here what about me I can't hear what about me what about me and one for your parents what about me one for the school what about me what about me who me I got a sore throat down that was that that was quite good really I thought a bit fearful at once what I thought my voice is gonna break well it has I've broken I work let's speak again there for days mmm yeah it's not quite good really you really go into it eventually it's a bit embarrassing and it felt a bit weird things will be sectioned any minute yeah so what about you then then what about you who's gonna take care of you know who's gonna pick you up who's gonna drag you away from here it's not here anymore I guess I have to accept that when it's gone maybe I have to just let it go it's still in you and I think what you've got to do now is in a way come back here as an ad out and collect yourself as a child and this is partly your challenge with the whole process you're going through at the moment particularly with the overspending which is kind of like treating yourself like a child and not treating yourself like an adult and I think the rebellion of the spending has very very strong echoes with the rebellion that you want to make here it's very important that you listen to this voice they're saying what about me well well done thanks come on that's gonna get you a cup of tea and warm you up a bit take you back into the mess hall it felt really quite good to just shout like that it was embarrassing it obviously had an impact on me and you know I can see that in some ways it shapes some of the behaviour of cat that's got carried on with and it was just like you said it's all moved on you know we've got bloody time I did I know it's just so ridiculous [Music] with a new resolve and feeling stronger it's time to work on her budget making a little go a long way means being versatile Lim prides herself on having a great eye for a bargain but Jay wants to show her how these so-called savings are a fool's economy now Lin you have described yourself quite often as a really really good shopper brilliant how do you define being a brilliant shopper not hanging around not wasting time seeing something knowing that it's gonna suit you that you're gonna like it buying it straight away in and out and that's it no I've actually got something here that I brought with me to remind you of sensible shopping the famous Burberry's raincoat which was 300 pounds and has been worn once so when you bought it and it was on sale that's what went through your mind was it saving it mate yeah a whole lot of stupid things really went through my mind because the equation that we ought to start thinking about really is that this that cost 300 pounds is costing you 66 pounds a year on interest because you haven't got the money to buy it so this is already this growth is already 366 pounds yeah and next year when you haven't worn it it's going to be worth 420 so those are the sort of equations that we really need to start thinking about now what I want to do today with you is to set you a shopping challenge okay I want you to take your 60 pounds and I want you to buy one item okay now that item has to be a versatile enough item for you to wear five days to work next week I think it'll be hard it'll be tough it's a different way of shopping for you yeah definitely yeah that means I never wear the photo Lynne will always enjoy shopping so Jays strategy is to attack her mindset the first obvious step is to exploit the sales season [Music] puts two nice the second step is to pin down what she's after I've got lots of things that look like that it's hard to suppress the urge to be the office peacock then the house is gonna look different five days in a week not bad I think I could have bought three things in this time normally cuz I you know I just feel like so it's so restricted just was one thing I was not quite back at school it does feel a bit like that it will feel a bit like a uniform I think I think we may found it classy scary nice yeah good purchase so how do you feel about this being the basis of your outfits for next week I felt a little bit like oh god are being asked to put on a uniform because that would be my worst nightmare to have any job whereby you had to wear the same yes I know most people think that smart because they think well you know then you've got to think about it just get that bed jacket on but for me that's just like oh it's depressing it just feels really depressing getting you to do this is going to force you to show your personality slightly in a different way because I still want you to feel like you because if you don't feel like you then you're going to jump right back to square one and I think I think you're right yeah it's gonna be an interesting week [Music] after four days of wear the skirt has really outstayed its welcome I'm completely sick of it now it's gonna be dust as soon but everybody's kind of said oh you look really nice and it's kind of made me on Drive wanted to just burst out laughing those are times really because I thought how can they say that when it's the same old boring thing so I guess it said it shows that most of its in my head [Music] four weeks ago Lynne James were splashing out almost 400 pounds a week on clothes fine wine and treats for her children since then Jay has shown her how to use a tighter budget more effectively while Benjamin has explored the root causes of her urge to splurge [Music] it's a month since Lynn James embarked on her journey to emotional and financial stability while she still enjoys window shopping her clothes buying has come to an abrupt halt I'm gonna manage to avoid seven sation so I'm not going to but the first time she's ever left him she's cut back on the fine wines and got stuck into the clutter [Music] on weekends Lin and the boys now forgo the shops enjoying their time together without having to spend Awards of money with Lim making positive changes Jay and Benjamin make one last visit [Music] no way Benjamin look at this look at this well it's just a room that you are in control of whereas before as you said you just kind of shut your eyes and hold something in it and didn't want to know now it's like a really calm welcoming room it's just feels so big I was scared I was good it was like a monster this room really nicely anything almost all of its gone was it painful to let go of it no it was just such a big fear to start with everything just felt so cluttered it's like my whole like you say internally whoa life felt so cluttered but once I started it's like I can't stop it seems like every day I'm throwing out another bag of stuff from somewhere in the house no it's great you come in here and you feel a sense of peace and calm and it just is a total transformation I've settled for that then happy with that thank you very much for your help it was also a fairly cathartic second and it's made me definitely think before I act a lot more not so impulsive I think with money you know it's been very useful and then a lot of it was a lot of fun but also a lot of it was quite heavy too

Channel: Only Human

Views: 177,429

Keywords: only human, only human channel, only human documentary, shopaholics, shopaholics anonymous, shopaholics bbc, shopaholics documentary, shopaholics full episode, shopaholics uk, shopping addiction debt, shopping addiction documentary, shopping addiction full episodes, shopping addiction help, shopping addiction recovery, shopping addiction true life, spendaholics, spendaholics documentary, spendaholics full episodes, spendaholics tv show, spendaholics uk, spendaholics youtube

Id: 3siFusuOnks

Length: 56min 2sec (3362 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 25 2020