I'm £46,000 In Debt | FULL EPISODE | Spendaholics

[Music] meets 25-year old Allison Austin Hennessy a shopping addict who's very particular about where she gets her fix but don't shop what would I do Ali's passion for the high life has landed her in over 46,000 pounds worth of death more than twice her nineteen thousand pound salary as a youth worker in a children's home I enjoy helping people I love helping people like this all all of the valley is in dire need of help I can't carry on like this enough is enough and I've got to draw the line somewhere it's the reason I'm participating lifestyle expert Jay hunt and psychological coach Benjamin fry have just five weeks to prize Allie away from the tills [Laughter] as Benjamin delves into the deeper reasons for Ali's behavior Jay will find practical ways to tighten the purse strings I don't think you've really got a choice in this if you even though Ali's temper means it won't be an easy ride but what I'm saying is is that you're saying no I can't [Music] Ali lives near deal in Kent with her husband Michael they've been married for six months Benjamin and Jay have persuaded them to leave their home for the morning to see if they can uncover a few clues about why Ali's in so much debt Benjamin is searching for psychological pointers to what is driving Ali's behavior while Jay will try to nail down where the money's actually going that is a massive statement lads motor isn't it that's quite a ladder pose I wonder if that's something she spends a lot of money on being a bit boisterous well it's not cheap cars like that you know with all the bits and pieces that go on them that's certainly not a car on a budget is it that's part of being an exhibitionist nothing it's it's like we're everywhere don't change Urbanek coat isn't it it's like getting into your being on I would a driver mini Metro Molly I'd rather as Benjamin and J venture further into the house they begin to realise that budget is not a word that features in Anna's vocabulary how much spending it's done on this it does open up a whole world great but not know it's just makes life easier to shop on internet it really does that is just increase their spending tenfold it's a license for her to spend money but it is addictive because I was Benjamin and Jay have a poke around upstairs it seems the higher up they go the more evidence there is of Ali's overspending I mean this is a woman who's spending a lot and synchros similar some of the items yeah but I mean talking of similar look at this I mean this girl you know can't really afford to be buying one pair of occasional shoes and she's got four that are practically identical but in Ali world every purchase makes complete sense some of them are just sort of like for gardening and then I have like three pair for best and I have not best vest and I've a pair that I wear when I go on holiday on sand I have a pair that I wear when I'm on concrete's on night they're not gonna get messy yeah I mean I am quite bad like that I mean that is that's that's going a bit far oh and it's not just shopping that gives out of your buzz little thumb that's very nice oh look the heavy gear yeah I mean this stuff doesn't come cheap you know this is just like good couple of hundred pounds of the stuff in the plate I'm sure yeah keep the husband happy though perhaps Jay is beginning to realize that Ali is a girl who splashes out on well absolutely everything and Benjamin thinks he may have a good idea why that is I think her father her dad passed away recently and I think that what this area of the home seems to show up as a sense of kind of being perhaps a shrine or a memorial and clearly what she wants to say to herself and to others is I haven't forgotten my father I want to remember him so that could be something significant benjamina Jay are beginning to understand why Ali has built up so much debt but they need one further bit of evidence before confronting her with her habits this is gonna be very revealing because my theory is that she spends indiscriminately just across the board on anything she can find that's another one mm overdrawn 3,800 seems to be a theme okay what I think we should take all of these as Benjamin and Jay are about to find out when it comes to spending Ali is in a league of her own when Ali paid six thousand pounds for her beloved BMW she decided the 16 inch alloy is just weren't up to scratch the new set just 2 inches wider was what she really wanted leaving her 900 pounds worse off and the old set rusting in the garden and even when Ali tries to save money a spending addiction undoes all her good work the trip to Manchester we went over on these seven pound flights it's like right bargain nice weekend's and I have a good weekend out unfortunately when only got there she spent 1,400 pounds on a shopping spree so I might cheat but I said all the flights ended up putting me another fourteen hundred pounds in debt which I'll probably spend next five years paying off but it was worth it with her debts piling up like used alloys it's no wonder that Ali's credit cravings of causing marital strain it does cause stresses when she goes out and spending such large immense money at one time she really does get a buzz out of shopping she shops like he's an adrenaline sport and never more so than when she's angry with Martin and I have around my revenge yeah I love the Canterbury guy and hard to spend hundreds maybe Ali wouldn't spend so much on her angry shopping binges if she wasn't so choosy about where she gets her kicks I can't go into discount shops they're just horrific the way I look it is the tap that no one else wants sniff and how clear house one say what the hell makes something hakito ironically given ali's cheap shop phobia her mom Ann works in a charity shop in Canterbury and she has special reason to be worried the valleys 46,000 pound debt she owes her mum 23 thousand I'm not holding my breath thinking I'm gonna get it all back and if I do I'll probably be pushed up the daisies because of Ali's phobia she has never been into the charity shop to see her mum so when Ali needs a fast cash injection her mum has to shut up shop and meet her down the road the whole charity shop of second-hand thing just scares the hell outta me so I shall have to meet me around the corner say Ali's mom inherited much of her money when her husband died and needs the cash she lent Ali for her retirement fund [Music] Ali repays among 20 pounds a month which means it will take 98 years for Ann to get her money back makes me feel sick just thinking about it and I have to pay this money back here is the last thing I do to have any chance of paying her mum back Ali's going to need a serious shake-up following their rummage around Ali's house Benjamin and Jay have identified two key areas of overspending it's time to meet the experts and say hello to some shock therapy surprise we've got some things I want to show you around your house [Laughter] it's time here represents 25 pounds of your expenditure on motoring plus all the motoring costs you have can you think how much that is no you spend five thousand five hundred and twelve pounds per annum on motoring costs when you look at that graphic representation of the money you spend on cars how does that make you feel sick what I'd like you to do is to come with me fight your way through the tyres because rounding the back garden I got something else that I'd like to show you [Laughter] each one of these nice Ally represents five pounds that you have spent on internet shopping it adds up to a total of three thousand seven hundred and eighty-two pounds just on impulse on the Internet's which is quite a lot isn't it when you see it all sort of displayed like this I mean look you just got to imagine every one is a five-pound notes it's for sure I didn't realize it was quite as severe as this yeah please world there must be something to get you so in debt so are you beginning to see from these illustrations what it could be oh yes alright well we'll leave the mouse house we're going get a cup of tea and work out the next stage which involves budget okay to live on her nineteen thousand pound salary and clear her debt Ali needs to slash her spending to the bare essentials so Benjamin and Jay set a budget which will force her to do just that how much money you spend per week do you have any idea I haven't got clay you haven't got a clue you honestly don't have a clue how much money you spend a week we thought we'd show you how much money you get through in an average week and that amount looks like that because the average amount you get through in a week is seven hundred pounds a week yeah and I might add that this is non-essential spending so this is just stuff you spend because you can or can't what we'd like to do is to get you to go on what we call a cold turkey budget for seven days the only thing is to find out how you feel about the stuff that you're missing out on by and to see which things are really important to so at the end of that week you might think that I didn't miss any of that we might think I really missed this how much do you think you could live on I really don't know do you think you could seriously there for a week on fifty pounds I couldn't do it on fifty pounds that I think really sixty I can't imagine it not if that's why I spent ndon well I tell you what if we say sixty and when I don't buy her luxuries I mean it's not gonna be easy yeah about sixty-five pounds it's gonna be a very very different week practically everything that you would automatically on face products beauty products clothes shopping internet shopping things to the garden things for the house things for the car all those things are not going to be part of your life for seven days you'd better be prepared for the fact that it is going to feel really quite odd because this has been a habit for a very long time so it isn't going to be easy what's your first thought of the things you're going to miss out on I just I can't imagine I probably miss out and everything because I can't imagine what I could do wait a sec you know what do you do remember that you've come into this process saying that you're terribly in debt and you want to change oh I'll give it a go that's all we ask all we ask is that you just give it a go for seven days and then tell us how it went [Music] to numb the pain ally arranges a girls night in and conversation soon turns to the daunting challenge ahead so no longer stay do you think you're gonna change do you think you can do it if I'm brutally honest I would love to change but I am absolutely scared stiff at what that changing part of blotting at the moment I don't think i'm keiko and now I have to and I do want to to survey that it scares the hell away but Ali's friends are far from optimistic I think this is possibly it gonna be one of the toughest things despite Ally's fears it seems that a few glasses of wine and a good night's sleep have given her the will to succeed that was quite shots and the fact I spend 700 pounds a week alone with Jason it's 65 I think it's a bit mean I'm pretty game for laughs and even though I can't see myself laughing maybe crying this week definitely not laughing I will do it clearly because it is a challenge [Music] one of the toughest challenges for Ally will be finding a substitute for the sheer thrill of shopping shopping is everything it's just what I do unable to clean out her bank account Ali concentrates on the kitchen instead because today is only day one I'm alright I'm quite positive about what tomorrow will be like I haven't got a clue whatever things get better to shock and now this week when things get bad I can't shop so I'll clay cleaning is not my forte and shopping is I don't need a manicure when I finish it's been a difficult day for Ali and her husband Michael is beginning to realize what an uphill struggle cold turkey will be I think she's really really gonna struggle to stick to this the only way that she will actually do it is just because she can be so bloody-minded at some times he didn't realize what big part of our lives it was it was just everything everything everything we ever have done together but I can't imagine just not going out and volume noise if Ali is to break the vicious cycle of spending she will need to work on the reasons behind her behavior psychological coach Benjamin Frye has first-hand experience of working with addictive personalities he believes that every spender holic has a hidden motive he's our sally to visit a neutral venue in Canterbury to pinpoint what this might be I don't know what it is but something happens when you're spending money presumably there's some emotional component I mean after is I basically sick yeah so I want you to come to to mind the feeling that you have after you've shopped feeling slightly sick and anxious and just in terms of that emotion go back in your life and think about times in your life you know before now when you felt those feelings see if anything comes to mind it's somewhat like the same suffering like when you've lost something that's precious to you that's the only way I could really describe it loss in your life it's their loss has there been in the past well my father passed away obviously that was not that was a horrific loss when did he die it's just over 18 months ago was it a certain thing we were sort of expecting it but we weren't it was quite a situation that had been quite ill throughout his life and he battled with different illnesses yeah he's got cancer he's had a brain tumor before where I was born just before I was born and he got through that and then he had three bouts of meningitis the thought of losing my parents scared the hell out of me yeah I'll come in when I was very very young as to cry myself to sleep why did you think dread in the day because I was always told that every day with Dad was precious if you grow up with that sense that every day is precious think about how that translates to relating to material security as a Nadder yourself you know you living for the day aren't you yeah financially you're living for the day not just financially I mean I in Brooklyn see I am a great believer you know it's today as a gift I mean that is like I say that's why it's called the present this notion of growing up with your father and having health problems and being told every day as a gift to be honest I'd say that most people would say that that would be pretty frightening no I wouldn't say it was frightening I'm glad that I was brought up knowing that because I had I did have such an amazing relationship with my dad throughout my whole life I agree with you Spence stick to kind of appreciate people who are there around and I'm you know really glad you had that closeness but I think that the you know the fear that you talked about of being say two or three and crying about losing your parents it's quite unusual you know I just want us to kind of bear that in mind it may be too early for Ali to take on board some of Benjamin's suggestions but Benjamin wonders whether more recent events may also underpin her excessive behavior I had a car accident and I was injured and I had to have a year of two weeks for dead partially correct since two weeks we literally just as we got him home during that year did he spend a lot of money you didn't need to if I was to be totally honest I slipped into such a bad depression after the accident obviously don't wing it was like losing dad and the car accident and I wasn't happy with the way I looked and that was probably only time in my life that my confidence and my self-esteem hit an all-time life shopping was a way of cheering myself up and because I wasn't working I had more time to do it so that was all I did but everything cost money do you think the adrenaline rush of paying for something was it kind of antedated a depression yeah without a doubt yeah there's no denial because it may be the nervous sort of residual part of sometimes feeling a little bit depressed and so slipping back into behavior that was very helpful for you when you were really depressed totally great you know that that's exactly what I think [Music] I mean yeah it was a it was a crap yeah very important over here my life and I hope that I will not have another year like it I was daddy's little girl he was a wonderful dad he was a wonderful person he was a great person to be around and he was witty kind and generous spring choir a nasty blow it was something that I didn't ever imagined that I'd have to face but when her dad died in 2003 alia was already in huge debt she responded to her resulting depression in a well-worn fashion by embarking on a 20 month shopping spree so I've spent an extra twenty one thousand in the last 20 months just I suppose trying to make me feel better [Music] while Ali is able to talk about the depression following her dad's death Benjamin notices a reluctance to face the issues left over from the time he was alive the stuff I'm concerned about that she brought up was what happened earlier on in her life really the stuff about what happened when her father was alive rather than when he actually died because she spoke quite movingly about being 2 years old and thinking and crying about the fact that her father perhaps died shortly that's quite a burden to grow out with and to live with especially since they had a very special and close relationship I'd like to go deeper into those issues with her but she does seem quite resistant it's day 5 of Ali's week-long cold turkey and today she's dear at work Ali works locally as a youth worker normally it's a short trip in her nice warm car but with her 65-pound cold turkey budget in mind Ali's making the ultimate sacrifice ditching her precious BMW and cycling the five miles to work because I've only got this 65 parents and I can't really justify using pictures gone away I have two choices when it comes to travel one is to cycle or I could use public transport to save money but I won't use public transport our principal just I don't like it it smells and have to wait around for ages I cycling is my only option so that's what I'll do cycle but the next day after one day of cycling effort Ali decides to throw in the towel I don't think I'm gonna cycle any more until the better weather comes in in the summer oh I won't mind at all whatsoever it's been really miserable and by the time I get there I'm just psyched and I'm just not enjoying that it's the end of cold turkey week and Ali is heading in the right direction but as she owes 46,000 pounds she still has a long way to go if Ali wants to drop the debt she'll need to cut back on her biggest areas of spending so Jay has popped down to Kent armed with a new budget to help Ali try to turn her fortunes around have you got on on your cold turkey week I have five pounds left god that's amazing cuz I know you were really worried don't you that you weren't actually gonna be able to do it initially it did seem impossible and then I think we're stubborn straight to Cairo and and yeah that's what I want to talk to you about today is your new budget cuz as you say you've done your week no I'm just gonna expect you to live on 65 so we've gone through and had a look at everything your current outgoings are three thousand seven hundred and thirty six pounds a month and your current income level is two thousand two hundred and fifty pounds a month so obviously we've got to make some cutbacks here you know when we come to motoring the accessories for the car which are currently running at 145 pounds every month that's coming at nil now this is one you probably are gonna miss because clothes and underwear currently you're spending 500 to 1200 pounds a month on that and what's coming at the recommended budget is 75 pounds so that it's gonna see a big big hit and the Internet which again is an area that you find really easy to spend that's clocking up 315 pounds a month and we'd like that to go to nil no internet for a whole month then I think you're going to find that quite difficult right okay so we've got quite a lot of work to do if that's your room yeah best of luck the internet shopping thing will be very difficult reaching the figure of zero if we hit symbols basically off if you know what it says I'm not allowed to purchase anything on the Internet I'm very determined not to do that while Ali may be willing to break her connection to the Internet her taste in expensive clothing may be harder to rein in I don't actually think I've had to stick to a 75-pound budget not every month like forever it's not going to happen to buy a coat you know I might have to Seifert about five months in which case you know whatever season on buying the coat for he's over so it's not going to happen I don't think I'm gonna be able to do it if I did go to sorta like the lower market shops chain stores and yeah I'll probably get lines for seventy-five pounds they practically give it away I have to Ali spends as much as 1200 pounds a month on clothes if she's going to stand any chance of hitting her target of 75 pounds she'll have to face her fear of cheap shops Jay has come up with a plan to help Ali to change by putting her high standards to the test come on have a stand here okay now before I explain what we're gonna do with these I just want you to tell me a bit about this version you've got of going into certain cheaper shops I don't walk into them I don't even go through the door I don't even stand outside I just I just can't do it have you ever sort of thought to analyze what it is or you just think oh now a freak out and cheap shops their flaws can't ever go there to me it is I look at it like it's some form of phobia I just can't do it well what I was going to ask you to do today is we've got here five t-shirts okay now you can take your time have a look at them feel them whatever what I'd like you to do is to take these markers and with one being the nicest most expensive most alley friendly t-shirt I'd like you to just number them as you go along because you obviously are the expert on quality that is Taniya there's a nice shape to it by feeling the t-shirts for quality Alamos put them in price order one being the costliest t-shirt five being the cheapest so you're sort of judging it on thickness Wow yeah and stitch - you're okay touching them doesn't feel free it's not that bad my men is my number one and I don't know why whether it's instinct or C I think it's the stitching on that one that makes it look really cheap let's go into the bottom of the pile is that yeah you quite easily worked out your 185 ever do but it's the middle ranking bit one two three okay let's put your numbers on [Music] final decision yeah this is Ali's quality control test all right well number one is Marks and Spencers t-shirt eight pounds number two gap ten pounds number three Agnes B 40 pounds number four Primark two pounds fifty number five new look six pounds you have managed to pick the two that you instinctively didn't like or in fact you really didn't like number five did you that was easy to get down there Ali has done well picking out the two cheapest t-shirts but as she's placed the costliest t-shirt the forty pound top from Agnes B at number three J thinks Ali should be prepared to compromise her high standards and consider the mid-range high street brands you know is there a way that compromise could become a bit easier I'm sure it cared that I don't think you've really got a choice in this you cannot spend the way you spend so I think you've got to start being really honest with yourself about what you can compromise on and what you can't and for me this is a bang area I don't know I don't know if I'm willing there was just certain places that I'm just point-blank I'm just not gonna do it I really I don't I would rather go about and it's as simple as that I am willing to go without stuff rather then go into certain shops and be wearing certain items are climbing it's just not gonna happen I won't go without because I'm just you know there's certain standards that I'm just I'm not lowering that low it's about finding out where you're happy to compromise I'm what saying is anything wrong there if you want to go there and buy your stuff there that's your choice you do it but me personally I don't want to and everybody looks the same when they buy clothes from China everybody walked around looking exactly the same and who wants to look like everybody else but your argument doesn't work because what happens if you're in an upmarket bars and ten people are wearing the same as you okay because it's night you kiss upon it's your argument you're putting it across as an argument but it's not an argument it's what is important to me as an individual not what is important to everybody else yeah but what I'm saying is is that you're saying you want to just do that no I can't be to its think of your arms it's nice it's you just mic in our because you got on jiae's attempts to sow the seeds of compromise have landed on rocky ground after two days of radio silence Ali finally decides that she wants to continue with her retail therapy though she's still reluctant to tackle her cheap shop phobia I'm pretty much willing to Gary the fly for a lot of the whole process but there was just certain things that I will not do I've got no intentions of doing and that being one of them concerned they have hit a brick wall Benjamin and Jade called a meeting to take stock the thing is about Ali is that I am actually really quite worried about how much she is prepared to compromise going through this process because at the moment I don't think what we're doing or saying is working at all I don't think Ali likes being confronted she's not used to it and she doesn't respond very well psychologically something like the spark of raw anger can be a good way into a problem so if she is at least she's showing something at least she's responding in some way and I can use that I can pick up on that thread with her see where that comes from where it leads to and to see if maybe that's something we can happen to change and get control of because it may be that that's an important part of her spending habits I think in the meantime what I might do is suggest that she goes to this great spa right near her because she never spent any time on her own and maybe what's needed is just a couple of days to sit be on her own and reflect and really consider whether she's going to be committed to this with relations between them strained Jay suggests Ali goes to a health spa to give her a chance to collect her thoughts and learn to relax it scares me mainly because I really I genuinely am used to being away and I'm very very rarely on my I may be brief journeys here or there I like to block a lot of things out and when you're with other people is easy to do but when you're on your own that's your time to think about stuff Allie can blow up to a thousand pounds in a single blue water shopping trip so the 125 pound fee for a day at the spa is a fraction of the cost and may provide a healthy alternative to alleys retail fix after speaking to Jay Benjamin is concerned that alleys angry outburst may be part of the problem he decides to do something that Allie would never dream of venture inside a charity shop Benjamin's in Canterbury to visit Ali's mum to uncover more about Ali's spending addiction tell me a bit then about her temper it doesn't take a lot to set her off it really doesn't do you remember what age she sort of started to show this from when she was young yeah anything this comes a bit from your own personality yeah yeah I'm saying how did you cope with that temper around the children didn't know no oh my husband now I used to lose my temper with them right very good so she may have learned about kind of getting her own way being for me from you yes I do blame myself [Music] alleys relaxing into her day at the health spa and the calming atmosphere means there's no sign of her temper [Music] [Music] there has surprised me I have been optimal Axl's anything cob work but so far so good I was quite stressed when I first came here but I feel right now for quite enlightened so you know Benjamin's feeling similarly enlightened from chatting to Ali's mom if she feels guilty about losing her temper when Ali was younger rejecting the financial SOS calls from her daughter will be even more tricky if you're feeling guilty about stuff then presume it's much harder when they come and they want something to be firm because perhaps you're thinking I'm making up for what happened when they were little yeah what do you think what would you say characterizes what happened when they're little that you're referring to like that well if they came home and asked for things we didn't have the money in them days sure the wages weren't same my husband worked down the pit we found it very hard sometimes to manage on monthly money and the ghosts see other children with things and you do feel guilty you didn't feel guilty oh I do think I could have been a better mum right I'm really do well I know kind of emotional level with the kids and yeah and having a husband that was poorly course when he went I felt guilty because I was pushing my life onto them because I relied on my girls so much those that first year you know that it was just unbelievable and they were there for me now I feel want to be there for them to repay back that's what happens with addicts is they often have people around them that in the kind of psychobabble they call their neighbours if you're an enabler to an addict then you are in that slightly classic phrase part of the problem and not part of the solution instead of just saying no a slightly manipulative thing you can do is to say a couple of nice things and then say but I'm going to say no and it also allows you to say something which you know is what she doesn't want to hear the same time say some nice things which show that you love her and care about so it's just a it's just a little tip that might be helpful Benjamin is starting to form a clearer picture of what makes Ally tick and the time spent unwinding at the spa has given Ally time to reflect [Music] I was quite surprised how much I actually enjoyed spending time on my own she's been able to think about things I haven't worried about things that was my initial fear that I'll just sit there worrying about next Antonella but I haven't really had any worries any stresses I seem to feel like left them at home I thought about stuff no no stress for such time yeah it worked with Ally no in a relaxed mood after her run-in with Jay she has finally agreed to do some work on overcoming her phobia of cheap shots benjamin has invited Ali to Ashford to start breaking down the foundations of her anxiety I know you've got a phobia about going into shops rather than Prada and Dolce & Gabbana I want to take you near to that experience get you close to that so that we can slow that down and sort of physically explore what's happening to you peacocks is a discount retailer exactly the type of place Ali's phobia prevents her from entering okay we haven't actually got near it so calm down I haven't actually got to go in there you just know from the show and then you go in there okay we take one step closer together just once that see like it makes me feel sick to another step I'll walk to the door but I can't go a long time to edge let's go the door see how the itching coming yeah but I can't go okay tell me what happens here failure to feel it all the blood rushing up to my head it was really quite tight if your solar plexus is camping up when you see that stuff what it's saying in a way is that it's threatening your sense of self isn't it so you're actually afraid of going in there very impressed Benjamin has a theory on the origins of Ali's phobia and thinks it could have everything to do with a childhood fear of losing her father because what I see in your spending let's bring it back to your spending is I see a woman who basically is living almost as they feel kind of the wife of a millionaire and what that's what is creating is this illusion of a woman who needs nothing or in other words has everything that she wants Benjamin thinks that to cope with the overwhelming fear of losing her father as a child Ali has retreated into a fantasy world where she can always have whatever she wants and never fear losing it when you cross that threshold into a cheap shop what you're doing is crossing a threshold from Ali's magical universe where she needs nothing to the real world where people have to shop and shops like be cope because they haven't got enough money nothing for you to confront those limitations in himself is extraordinarily threatened if you carry on spending as you've been you don't be lucky to be able to afford things and pigtails and that scares the hell outta me and that's why I think you can't go in there because I think you're terrified of being overwhelmed by becoming by by having any needs at all I want you to be able to go to Prada and look around and say I can't afford anything this month so it's beautiful to look at yeah but I'm going to leave the shop with nothing because I think for you that is about discovering that Ali has limits in the real world and I think it's something who never wanted to feel ever since the real fair that you've taught us about of losing importance you can be right benjamin has set Ally on the right path she has learnt to appreciate spending time alone instead of spending money and taken steps towards overcoming the fear that fuels her cheap shop phobia now it's time for Jay to put aside the false start and give Ali some practical tips to cut back on her spending Ali's biggest area of expenditure is on clothes spending up to 1,200 pounds a month after seeing Benjamin Ali has agreed to work harder on lowering her high standards it's still a little too soon to visit a discount shop so Jays come up with an alternative plan I brought you up to London to take you to the dreaded four-letter word sale okay secret sample sales are held six times a year and are advertised in listings magazines it's a chance for top-end designers to sell on excess stock which means those in the know can pick up some real bargains the trick is to get there early when the designers are setting up to guarantee the pick of the crop for the first time in years Ali crosses the threshold and visits a sale Ali needs to rethink her entire shopping routine usually she would spend hundreds of pounds coordinating outfits but Jay thinks there's a cheaper alternative it's setting yourself up for more purchases to fit in with colors that you're buying doing things like maybe buying Karki denim black those colors are going to go with anything that's in your wardrobe something like this denim skirt which is reduced from 185 to 80 quid it's a designer Marc Jacobs skirt you can wear it in the winter you can wear it in the summer you can wear it in the day you can wear it in the evening so for 80 quid it's a good purchase and it will hold things together in your wardrobe that's what you need to start doing read budgets I do like that skirt and that is the sort of thing I would buy maybe in a different environment now I probably would try and be brave and buy in this environment if it wasn't so short when Ali goes shopping because she's angry she ignores the price tags and buys clothes for the sake of it even when they don't fit I've gone higher or not picked up stuff it's not even my size and I've gotten higher and being like you know hello I bought that for me maybe an interesting thing to explore might be that if you find yourself in that situation and it is at home that you might start to actually start keeping receipts in an envelope so that when you are calmed down you can take something back because there's so no point in you having a size 16 skirt hanging in your wardrobe do you know I don't mean it that it's just dead money I mean you have made progress to see you actually came through the door yeah I do feel more comfortable than I did before I started this whole process so I think yeah there is there is improvement there's definitely improvement something has been Michael has noticed yeah he's a big achievement actually getting Ali through the door into a sort of outlet sale type place maybe in the future encourage it to do a bit more and make the pennies go a bit further I actually felt a lot more comfortable not comfortable enough to maybe purchase something but comfortable enough to stay in that environment a bit further down the line I might pack up the courage to do the same thing again Ali's other main area of expenditure is on her car Ali is used to blowing a fortune on her BMW but now it's time to get some of it back when Ali bought her beloved car she replaced the wheels with brand-new alloys since then the old ones have been gathering rainwater in her back gardens despite being worth 200 pounds due to my new budget being so tight because obviously I'm gonna try and concentrate now on paying off the things I'm trying to find things to sell so the only thing I've actually got it's no use to me it's my old alloys off the Bema I'm gonna put them for sale say what again and the alloys aren't on the market for long before there's a buyer hey don't alright well give you a couple of hundred quid for Messiah or give me more say for good toys but no I gotta say what about spawn check if you want since I've been doing the process I have become less materialistic whereas a month ago I just saw point blank I wasn't gonna sell them but now I've actually done it um I'm not really that bothered I'm quite great for everyone they were a bit of an eyesore and of my 200 pounds [Music] Alley is beginning to make sound financial progress Benjamin is pleased at the work she is doing on her underlying issues is finally feeding through to her bank balance but there's one more thing he wants her to do benjamin is concerned that unless allie makes moves to deal with her temper her anger could erupt at any time undoing all the progress she's made he has brought her to a boxing gym to unleash her frustrations [Music] well my anger in your life a positive thing I'm not a negative thing okay so one of the things that we wanted to is get you to learn to really connect with your anger in a way that helps you rather than just destructively like come on you're gonna be my million-dollar baby spend like a millionaire hit low [Music] okay that was great Ally that was really good I think that's a really great warmup I can see that you can connect with your anger quite well what I want to do now is take it to the heavy bag try to put some feelings together with some thoughts together with some action it give you an idea of how you can take care of your anger in the future ready come on then let's do it so what I want you to do is I want you to think about someone or something or anything that's pissed you off and actually talk about it while you're hitting the bag I think you said one thing that makes me really really angry and that's dad's doctor [Music] in putting our frustrations into words Ali finally reveals the source of so much internal anger there's are a small sense in which you feel that there's a sense of release emotionally not just physically to say those things and to put action to it not just to talk about it but to actually grind it out yeah I mean is it has to be a form of release do you think that you've ever have gone out and spent money because you are carrying this anger around and you frustrated or you couldn't do something about it I really do so now I am aware of that when I get angry or feed off a waiver I will go out and say oh what the hell do I mean I've got nothing to lose and I forgot and a couple of grand later then I'm feeling even worse and of course I'm going to started because I know I shouldn't have bought the things I've thought yeah what's the most recent time you remember kind of spending angrily when Michael and I have arguments mm-hmm because I'm not he hates me shopping so much and I'm just like what the hell yeah I mean if we're gonna Rao in a way and you know we're gonna have all a major I can rent our eyes well I have a major argument and lots of nicely plays or make up whatever yes has better punishment yeah but also maybe he has already angered you you've had an argument and you're carrying around anger that you haven't been able to dissipate so just triggers off in this whole thing yeah spending instead of punching [Music] five weeks ago Ali was a spender holic and forty six thousand pounds in debt with a unique phobia of cheap shops Ali had a stark choice change her ways or face bankruptcy since then she's confronted her phobia head-on and even visited as sale she's finally seen sense and sold her alloys raising two hundred pounds and made moves to channel her anger something husband Michael thinks has triggered a huge effect all in all her whole self seems to be more relaxed and more taking life in her stride rather than sort of running headlong into it all the time whole lifestyle is is changing now I think is still a long way to go but I am shocked to be honest with the sort of effect it has had I do feel better for doing the process I have benefited and a lot of ways really when this is all over I do hope that it has paved the way to a new life because I can't continue the way I was Ali has made massive progress but there's still some unfinished business at her mum's charity shop in Canterbury I'm trying to sort out some stuff to give to the charity shop when my mum works something I've been meaning to do for a long time but I think because of the whole process and my way of thinking has changed this last few weeks really it has gonna be that prompt to let go of material objects that we don't need so I've had a really good start out today I've packed everything up and the next part of the mission is to get to a charity shop and maybe walk through the door and drop it off I think mom will replace [Music] for the very first time Ali goes to visit her mum at work in the charity shop all right oh I'm great I'm not buying great I think I will come back and visit you when you're working now I've got no qualms about coming in here and I might even help you out all right then okay okay that'd be great do it I never thought I'd see this day I never thought I'll cover you know I really think you have changed Ali you really have it has it's maybe set the path a different path for me to follow is just whether or not I am I keep track dad would be proud that you're trying to do something sweet I'm okay I really do know that Ali has finally come to the end of her retail therapy so Benjamin and Jay have come back to her home in deal to see how she's got on Ali how have you been getting on one of the most difficult things of this process has been that throughout my life if I wanted something I just got it when I was little my parents would buy it as I got older the bank manager would buy it you know I've if I want something I would just get it yeah and that has been quite difficult just coming to terms with the fact that I can't have everything I want is knowing when to draw the line but I think I've managed it quite well I am secretly shocked how well I have done so Ali we slashed your internet budget to zero how have you been coping with that I haven't bought anything have you missed that no not really initially I did for the first few weeks it was really difficult because I was on there doing work and I think I check and then I get emails from companies I've bought from saying we did like the price yeah that's and now I don't even read them I'll just delete them as soon as anything comes in but you don't even get the time socialists I don't look good at all no clothing is an area that we really cut back on because your budget was 75 pounds a month now for clothing have you been getting on with that I actually in the last month I've spent about 150 so they're not an improvement yeah definitely I actually found a pair of jeans they've been marked down from 100 pounds to 40 Wow that's a good sound is that the same thing as being on sale well I just went into you know this slight small boutique II type shop and then buy the change rooms there was a rail and it didn't look like her in a sale rail and I just saw it in these jeans were just like they're right at the front and my size and everything so so only one of the other things we highlighted for you when we were first here was the money you spent on accessorizing your car and a new budget quite sensibly I thought was zero for that how's that gone at some point I'm thinking about maybe trading the car in and buying something a little bit more sensible Ali has one more surprise for the experts which will hopefully make her a comer customer husband Michael has bought Ali a high-tech punch bag allowing her to vent her frustrations on a slightly different type of plastic this is slamming slam man was bought for me as a present after the daybook certain that we did because I enjoyed it so much yeah I did it was the best thing I've got out of the whole process without a doubt the thing I've most enjoyed well apart from saving like two grand in weeks do you think that's helped you emotionally in any ways I think it's got to because it is all release and isn't it when yeah that's the whole point of it do you find it quite useful to literally just sort of vent it all at him yeah it definitely without a doubt it's just trying to I mean I've always been good at containing anger because I have to because my job so it's quite easy to go through days with there letting it build up yeah and then but now I can come out you know after three days and yeah that's before you used to get angry and then shop mmm oh I did without a doubt so this state saving you from having to shop yeah definitely it is something has to fill my time with me something I enjoy doing that's get me fit as well so and also a great way to release your emotions rather than put them into other things negative things you know you've done really well Ally I have to say you seem more centered and more calm and I think there may be engaging with some of your emotional issues like the phobia of cheap stuff you seem to be getting over slightly you've been to your mother's shop you're doing your anger work here and coincidentally magically you seem to be saving a lot of money so it's all knitting together quite well nothing you've been terrific terrific sport and I hope it lasts okay Cheers no thanks for help initially the first few weeks I just didn't feel that I was getting anywhere and it was like you know the ideas were life a bit too far-fetched and not me they really weren't for me at all [Music] you

Channel: Spendaholics

Views: 226,128

Keywords: Spendaholics, Shopaholics, Shopping, Spending, Haul, Addicted, Addiction, BBC, Only Human, Jay Hunt, Benjamin Fry, Debt, Finances, TV Show, Full Episodes, designer, luxury, designer vs high street

Id: b4ZDE1uOmC0

Length: 55min 51sec (3351 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 02 2019