I'm Facing Bankruptcy Because of Designer Brands | Spendaholics | Only Human

[Music] thirty-three-year-old Glenda Thompson is drowning in 36,000 euros of debt not that she'd know it I just bury me has pretend that the problem isn't there and still go out and shop she earns 20,000 euros a year but saves none of it most goes on designer gear for a seven-year-old daughter Leah on average I could spend maybe 200 euros a week just purely on clothes really absolute work Glenda faces bankruptcy meanwhile her relationship with her husband Peter is at breaking point but it's just gone beyond belief because the money is not there it's time to send in the financial hit squad lifestyle expert Jay hunt who forced Glenda to face up to her situation you've got massive great debt to pay off and we need to start altering your mindset into recognizing that and psychological coach Benjamin fry will unearth the hidden reasons behind her compulsive behavior you talk about it as an addiction as that her feels I don't feel that I can pass the shop without actually going into it if she doesn't stop now she risks losing everything what I'd like to think this would be if this would be to make a rate thing you know [Music] glenda works for an investment bank in Dublin it'll refer to say her interest in finance is confined to the office she hands a healthy twenty thousand euros a year and spends her monthly paycheck within a fortnight when you go in and you pick up all these clothes and you're you go to the cash test to pay for them I think it's actually the adrenaline of opening the pores and taking the piece plastic else and it's not just her bank balance that suffers she's driving away those closest to her husband Peter also works in finance as a credit controller but when it comes to Glenda he's powerless I personally don't believe that Glenda realizes how much that she's responsible for I don't think she realizes how much it all adds up to and she's driving her sister's Sinead and Lindsay to despair as she competes to outdress Lea in the best clothes she needs herself feeling that she she has to compete with us all the time because it's getting so full straighten at this stage their kids would be dressed in the best they would always have a new outfit so maybe that's where I would be coming from Azza blenders way out of her depth just how deep is staring her right in the face just didn't realize there were so many solicitors close if she's ever going to surface something drastic Scott to happen [Music] it's day one for our financial Troubleshooters Benjamin and Jay with blender and Peter out they've got the keys to the family home I'm a bit nervous of FJ and Benjamin having a little snoop around my house and dollar watter granduncle from Punta Cana finds Jay we'll be looking for patterns of spending that need to be addressed and Benjamin's looking for clues as to why she does it you know what's funny is hardly any furniture but all the space it's like globe world the lounge only raises more questions it's a very neutral space other than this strange display of what can only really be described as grown-up toys gods don't sets another spooky one oh wow that's a certainly girl who doesn't want for anything certainly fully stocked more Globes yeah quite young at 7 to have your own telly and DVD player I mean there's a huge stack of DVDs I mean on average what $12.99 $14.99 taught me through look baby fat that's a not chief American label see she's obviously spending quite a lot of money I'd stay in the state Zana jeans more baby fat Tommy Hilfiger oh look wonder if she's pony club girl sweet little child riding hat what bear in mind she's 7 she's got two wardrobes she's still growing so how long is that gonna last the shoes are certainly be they'll all be redundant that is a big big area of spending in this house considering myself and Peter share two wardrobes between us and Leia has to for herself for a seven-year-old probably is a little bit outrageous for them yet they're probably gonna be bit shocked and Leah's wardrobes not the only thing that's fit to burst downstairs the kitchens packed - I guess the thing is the food's probably will get ran away at the end of every week and I do feel a slight for guilty but it doesn't seem to stop me what you do find is that people who are spending will spend on anything because she has to get bread and milk she's already out and shopping and spending and then the whole obsessive baby comes in but the worst is yet to come the kitchen table stacked high with evidence of debt see also spending when they went to New York look at that Tommy Hilfiger what's she doing in New York if she's this much in debt these are all the solicitors no solicitors that's a final demand for 370 999 another one another one for 1267 failure to comply with this order will result in a summons for your arrest and imprisonment being issued without further reference it is now obviously do not intend to make payment god she is in serious serious trouble okay go see if we can sort around [Music] there's some areas where it's so obvious that the spending is happening there's masses of food Leah's wardrobe is really excessive and there's globes wherever you look but in other areas there seems to be not much spending going on at all what is really shocking though is all the letters that have just been completely and utterly ignored about her debt so we're going to really have to go through these because where she does spend she's obviously massively overspending to a really worrying degree [Music] glenda needs to wake up to her situation and fast if Benjamin and jaea to bring her round they need to show her exactly where all the money's gone when we went through your spending one of the areas that we really notice you spend quite a lot of money on is children's clothes yeah would you say that's fair yeah have you got any idea of how much money you've spent in the last year on clothes for Leah that let's be honest she's going to cut there's a hundred children here and each of them represents 60 euros that you've spent in the past year on children's clothing and that comes to a total of no I took maybe a couple of thousands but now absolutely not six thousand well Glen do shop buy there yeah well I have got something I want to show you but maybe it's best if we take you down the pub oh okay okay [Music] having shown her how much she spends Benjamin and Jay move on to Glenda's burning issue the unpaid mountain of debt I like you too if you don't mind open that silver case we have in that case 36,000 euros well I'm afraid that 36,000 euros is the amount of debt that you are personally responsible for worried at all absolutely yeah so what I wanted you to do I wanted you to see what it's like to watch your money go up in smoke because that's the image I want you to have in your mind every time you feel like reaching for your wallet from today on so today if you would present cash clear you could start burning your money please that feel fun yep there goes the pension plan [Music] that could be a new car [Music] what do you think that could be stability so you're burning away your stability the money might be fake but the message is all too real what I had taught was bad I only got worse when they did reveal to me just how much debt I had actually managed to accumulate really overwhelmed sad and taught about it for a long time couldn't understand how I'd managed to get myself into so much debt and now I'm kind of thinking how am I gonna manage to get myself over and really don't know where to go from here luckily Jay and Benjamin do it's time to send lender cold turkey and with her house and future on the line it's going to be radical we're gonna sit down and work out your cold turkey budget but before we start talking to you what would you say is your average spend every week on non-essential items how much do you reckon you get through a day an average fare 200 euros well Benjamin and I've actually been through all your statements we have worked out that the actual amount that you get through is four hundred and two euros and fifty cents it's double what you thought it was this is the point in the process where we do what's called the cold turkey in your situation you guys are going on holiday next week so we thought we'd take that opportunity for slightly different form of cold turkey well what we were gonna do was basically not let you spend 400 euros a week because we would like Peter to have control of all the money Peter's been given carte blanche to say no but will he we thought we'd be quite generous and give you 20 euros the harsh reality of it today I think really did hit me I honestly didn't have a clue as to the extent of my spendin and the extent of the debt were in why do you look so afraid there's a passage of terror we go through on holidays come over man it starts like it's swimming the costumes and evening dress outside swimming costumes and bio costumes and shopping costumes and perfumes fancy jewelry because we've been away in family holidays we would be kind of intent on going shopping and so yeah it is going to be really really rich this is actually hardcore cold turkey because to be perfectly honest with you Jay and I have never walked into a situation that's been this serious in terms of the legal threat I mean I think you are very honest about the fact that you realise that you haven't got a choice here unless you decide to do something really drastic [Music] that evening daughter Leah contemplates the possibilities of a shopping free holiday team mom is kind of and find it difficult to not buy 19 on hyundai I'm looking forward to the beach so I can't go and make a sand castle to pick up shells and on the water [Music] 24 hours later the Thompsons touched down in gran canaria it might not be New York but for a spender holic it's still dangerous territory for Glenda holidays are all about simple strategic planning where to shop what to buy I probably will go into the shops yeah I think the compulsion to go in and have a look is there going to be there which is fine as long as I don't give in to the temptation and go and buy something on her last trip abroad she fretted away a staggering four thousand euros this time things will have to change this holiday is just so different to previous holidays purely because leah has had no new clothes before normally what we would do is we would have assumed costume for every day of the holiday so if we went on a two-week holiday she would have 14s women costumes for who's being very good I'm Yvonne I bought three would I sleep that afternoon instead of dragging Peter and Lee around the mall they dragged her to the pool she struggles to join me in this magazine Peter brought me yesterday at the airport and I think cause he was feeling a bit sorry for me and fairness but it isn't long before Peters resolve softens and Glenda gets to shop [Music] yet for food and lots of it this is something very new to us because who would never go into a grocery shop around holiday back at the villa Peters reveling in his role as Chancellor of the holiday Exchequer basically keeping control of the money like banjo and said if Lander requires anything she she must come to me and ask me for it which must be a real killer for [Laughter] [Music] I'm starting my coach okeyday as I'm in school I'll cook breakfast at home so yeah we're off to a good start anyway Leah faces another day in the same swimsuit can glenda face another day shopping free [Music] [Applause] as dad and daughter play she begins to contemplate a new family holiday experience I kind of think I'm dragging her true emo when you were on holiday isn't that really fair I mean she loves to be in the world or that's where she has most fun and yeah it kind of gives me great pleasure to see her having such fun [Music] by the time day 4 comes around Glenda's 20 euro budget is burning a hole in her pocket and she's found an outlet for it that doesn't involve shopping basically I'm treating Leanne theater to a game of crazy golf and which now costs 12 euros from my cold turkey budget for them I think it's gonna be money well friends [Music] [Music] it's been extremely positive for all of us I think Lee is happy that we kind of I think yeah are you happy that we don't with a good day today do you think you did you enjoy it the final day arrives amazingly Glander still has 8 euros left she decides to put her resolve to the test just the part I hate a nail-biting hour later she leaves empty-handed with the eight euro still in her pocket but her trip to the moor isn't in vain that's afternoon she's back leah has asked could she have her hair her braids and I have agreed the cost of the braids is 10 euros but to me it's my treat Thalia because normally at this stage of the holiday Li would have bags it's taken her over her cold turkey budget by 2 euros but it's something of a major victory for Glenn man that evening they round the week off with a proper family dinner I didn't need to would have held off for so long what she did and unpolluted so I think it's only right that I cook her a lovely me of this evening forever happy holidays happy holidays cheers big ears yes I've actually surprised myself and that I can live on such a small project but as for dealing with my data now that really scares me and I know that that's something that still had me Glenda's week in the Sun is over but there's still a dark cloud on her horizon [Music] in Dublin Jay's been through Glenda's financial statements with a fine-tooth comb the outlook isn't good Glenda's cost-cutting exercise is only just beginning bender I've got your new budget here but before we go through this I just wanted to ask you how you got on on your cold turkey week I think that being on holidays did help and I don't know whether I survive on that amount of money and back on some good news really in that you kind of managed in that week on holiday so what we've done is worked out your budget at the moment which comes to 1899 euros which is more or less given a penny or two your salary isn't it so everything that's coming in is going out every single month and then we've devised you a new budget which adds up to 889 euros so what we're doing is saving a thousand euros and we are going to be using that to make some inroads in what quite frankly are pretty huge debts Lea's clothing and toys which I know is a big area for you 400 euros a month you're spending at the moment I've cut that back to a hundred it might seem to you that we're taking off a lot of money but this a thousand euros that I've sort of siphoned off is going to start paying back some of the debts because what is really crippling you is the fact that you are only paying back a minimum payment if you continue to do that it's going to take you 32 years to pay back your debt by which time you will have added an extra 35,000 euros to that debt Jay's given her the fact continuous years and her 36,000 euro debt will grow to 71 thousand euros and taken over 32 years to pay off but by putting aside a hefty one thousand euros a month she could pay off the majority of it within just five years the choice is Glenda's how do you feel about taking effectively a thousand euros a month and putting it into paying off the debt it's something that I am I am willing to start and I am going to see through I mean I don't want to touch five years down the line for a death still to be hanging out of me like I kind of wanted to try and get this cleared as quickly and as easily as possible with Jays words ringing in her ears she risks a trip to the supermarket normally she'd spend 200 euros on her weekly food shop will this be any different it's kind of I suppose root North Americans and golf the cheaper option is something that we have to try and get our heads around and maybe cutter shop and bill in half value mushrooms 99 cents back 50 cent reduced to bargain this shop actually only cost us 56 euros and which is absolutely brilliant for us it really excited about the fact that we kind of a major bargain four and a quarter of the amount well done Peter the penny is beginning to drop for Glenda now Benjamin wants to help her understand why she's ended up like this he calls her for a meeting in London thank you you talk about it as an addiction is that how it feels it doesn't matter whether I have a hundred euros in my purse or whether I have one euro I need to go into a shop and spend that money do you think that one of the things beneath this might be that you're enjoying beauty for carelessly through your daughter I think part of the reason that I spend so much money on me is that if I go into a shop obviously because I have weight on me I very rarely find anything that fits me so rather than go home and feel really really down I kind of try to make up to me trulia how compulsive does it feel on a Saturday we'll go somewhere where there is shops which I know like deep down that Peter doesn't enjoy or Lee doesn't enjoy that is purely for me so how come Peter doesn't say no I probably would show a major tantrum so when did that start that's always been an ongoing thing from the time we've met like we've we've had it like everyone we've had our arguments for that yeah basically I think if I don't get my own way yeah I do I will Cho tantrum was a feature of you as a child doesn't that lesson no I don't think so no you want to tell me a bit about your family I have two sisters and I have one brother my elder sister is Sinead and my younger sister is Lindsay there's got to be an element of competition there I try to keep up with them but I can't so the three of you had a child roughly the same time yeah and then the race was on absolutely yet so why is it that you can think you win that by having better clothes and a better dress daughter I said oh I suppose I just don't want them to think that I'm different that if they can go out and buy clothes I can do it too you have a very negative self-image don't ya I think my biggest thing is my low self-esteem so what do you think other people think of you when they meet you I think a lot of people think oh yeah she's bubbly she's a good personality but I sometimes think that that's everyone's that I put on mm-hmm that they don't actually know what's going on underneath the sadness yeah and beneath that the anger yeah and that's what you take and you deal with at home and you deal with in the shops other people don't see it you know and so you're alone with these feelings as alone with the behavior that comes from the feelings then hate yourself through yep and yet you have no one to talk to about that do you think the spending is how you survive that place yeah I think so does it ever work no well as ined up to now it kind of made me talk about things that I've never talked to anyone before I've never revealed although they've always been there I don't think it that even I realized that I had so many issues Benjamin session has brought a lot to the surface but just as she's feeling most vulnerable temptation comes knocking its Leah's birthday and Glenda falls off the wagon spectacularly with friends and family to impress she hires a play center at a cost of 500 euros by his presence for all the children and a new outfit for birthday girl Peter's not happy it was simply because Glenda said that she forgot his clothing and at home this morning when we left the house so she went down and got her cricket new office you know plus we've paid for half the kids that have come here a 15 euro head because we've got our mobile phone worth 120 120 euro Peter has never had a problem having a pretty person before I'm obviously in the situation yeah I can take on board his points and but um I just can't I just don't think that is fair only at this particular time and to turn around and say to her well no you can't have a birthday party because mommy and daddy have got themselves into such a big mess older sister Sinead has heard it all before we've had situations where I could say like whoa we won't do a parent of this year we know like you know buy a house should be fixed but she never have it [Music] Glenda's compulsion to live through Leah continues to drive her deeper into debt with no emotional quick-fix to hand Jay decides to focus on her key problem area Leah's clothes she wants to show Glenda how to make the most of her two wardrobes worth of outfits what I thought we'd do today is have a look at some of these outfits and have a look at how we could mix and match them because if you could go into a shop and you were capable of buying one thing rod and then thinking you've got to buy everything to go with it then we're talking about less money being spent and that's what it's all about really now here is Leah - we're gonna use her for our little experiment so let's try and keep this outfit on her [Music] Glenda good job what do you think of that as an outfit would you be happy if Leah was wearing that yeah she would absolutely love that outfit Glenda I think you're going to be much better at this and you ever thought possible let's try another one [Music] not quite like this because I quite like the madness of the funky hat your top now we've added a skirt but the good thing about these skirts is you can get them with ties and elasticated waist so that as she grows a bit you can get more wear out of it and I think when you're buying items that needs to be a thing now okay Glenda you're going to have a go now so what do you think of this one then yeah I really like this outfit in effect you've created a new outfit just with accessories because if you just buy one scarf on one pair of tights which are not expensive then you have got a whole new look and you did that really quite easily and you like it yeah it's just very surprising like she will be the envy of all the kids on the road because she just be so funky now I'm Juliette Rea just again it's it's a learning process obviously I'm not going to get it like it over nice but yeah work on it no problem it's a winner yeah absolutely [Music] it's the morning after but Glenda's not off the hook having shown her how to utilize Leah's clothes collection Jay decides to tackle the root cause of the problem head-on her unhealthy desire to compete with her sisters they're an integral part of working with us in terms of how we're going to get over and stop this wanting to shop to impress so I thought what we could do is sniff over here because actually I've invited them to come and have a cup of tea with us for the first time ever Glenda will face her sisters and the demons that drive her to shop at the same time would you agree it's fair to say that when you're spending to impress your sisters it's something that you've created in your head rather than something that they make you feel yeah absolutely I don't know whether it's a certain element of maybe jealousy that they wouldn't be in the position that I'm in and yeah like I kind of sometimes feel Envy as well why can't I just be like them and is there almost like a bloody mindedness that there when they sort of say no no you don't have to do this you don't to do this there's a sort of part of you that just wants to sort of slightly annoy them and shut them up by having another evaluation here yeah we didn't like at the end of the day doesn't kind of damage them it only damages me if she says like um she's only damaging her so she's now she damages us as well because we want the best for gland and we we want to be there for but she just shoots as though it's just nothing it's just no no feedback no I mean he was told us mind around business something it would be we don't you really or be a reaction it's just nothing it's a brick wall I mean I think part of moving forward with you is moving forward with your sisters and I know from Sinead that you had shown a small glimmer of interest in gardening and flowers so as we're at the Botanical Gardens we're gonna make full use of that all four of us okay it's time to give the sisters another more creative outlet for their competitive energies one that might prove to be a long-term distraction from the shops their task is to make each other a floral bouquet as a symbol of their blossoming shopping free future [Music] I'm thinking though this could be a little hobby of mine it's like it kind of simulates my mind was just that I'm not used to doing I'm going in and hands of money over counter is kind of doesn't take much stimulation I can't believe you done that did you get on while you were doing it that is your role in business to provide constant entertainment this is Glenda's made for Sinead then this is Sinead made for Lindsay thank you and the piece de resistance made with love from Lindsay to Glenda I think you should all be very proud of yourselves they're lovely I don't I think Glenda sisters really really do want to help her but it's just whenever they try and help it seems that Glenda is just blanking everything out and there seems to be a real divide with Sinead and Lindsey on one side and Glenda on the other and if they can start working together as three sisters I think they could really really be a great key to helping Glenda Glenda's relationship with her sisters and money is driven by her low self-esteem benjamin suspects that beyond her direct family there are friends and colleagues who have a very different opinion of her she's desperate to feel more confident about herself and the only way that I could think of to achieve that in a very short space of time is actually to invite people here who know her and find out from them what they really think about her [Music] come in have a seat [Music] come on in come on in I've asked you to come here so I can learn a little bit more about Glenda from you I know what she thinks of herself I'd like to know what you think of them Benjamin wants Glenda to hear what they have to say what they don't know is she'll be listening in so who'd like to go first Spade hard worker kind caring and also for a good lass extremely funny strong strong yeah very strong she's very bright girl bright she is she's clever yeah she is very clever yeah never admitted to the fact that she was clever like if cigars you know you're very clever well done nashit are like you know it was nothing like she's my girlfriend but I don't think Jesus confident underneath it all as what she comes across you know she's fun she's happy she's good for a love she doesn't give herself enough credit I mean it sounds like you all really like Glenda lover but do you think you really know her hands up who's not afraid to know Glenda better because I have something to show you which will help you to understand Glenda a bit better yeah you'd like that outside Glenda suspects what's about to happen her deepest insecurities are about to be given a very public airing I think a lot of people think oh yeah she's bubbly she's a good personality but I sometimes think that that's once that I put on that they don't actually know what's going on underneath the sadness yeah and beneath that the anger yeah and so you ate yourself yep and yet you have no one to talk to about that I think my biggest thing is my low self esteem how do you feel about that I'm shocked to hear her say she hates herself I think that's extremely harsh and to think that she's had to hold all that in and feel this about itself it's it's very sad this may seem like a very odd way to help you build your confidence because it's really showing the most raw part of you till closest friends but I think this will help and what I'd like you to do if you can is come with me into the room with mr. Milligan do you write to do that yeah she gives herself a minute to compose herself and takes the plunge Glenda how did it feel watching then watching that tape what else do you want to say here and I think the reason I was so worried because I see myself as such a fade no you see yourself as a failure you didn't want anyone to know you felt that no because he thought they'd abandon you no you shouldn't have to feel like that we're all here to have people just obviously didn't realize how bad you felt like her hair Cheryl we're out here and nobody will think of you any difference like if you do come to talk to them understood it'll be the same and think it the same do you feel that you'll be more confident that you can be yourself in front of these people let's hope we do have a choice now since every no now after this very very intense experience you get to go for a drink and we're gonna see just how confident lender has become I really hope this would work and I'm thrilled because she does have friends and she does have family who love her and who careful they don't mind that part of her is broken that a part of her hates herself and in fact they almost love her more because of it because they know it in their hearts and now they know in their minds and I just really hope that that this is the kind of confidence that Glenda really needs Glenda's finally opening up to friends and family but one person still in the dark I haven't spoke to Peter about what happens I do feel that if I start talking about it again I am going to break down it's been a really tough tough time for me and emotionally I kind of looking at it now thinking the shoppin is the easy part it's now having to deal with my emotional problems and trying to find myself again it's going to be one of the hardest things probably that I've ever had to face in my life having come this far together Peters willing to wait housing hasn't our Seder with me it's all about everyone else knows more than I do sure we don't hit them Istanbul she's our own woman when she's ready to talk to me she will Benjamin calls Jay back to Dublin if Glenn does to complete her journey to financial rehabilitation the hardest work is yet to come there's two speedster in a sense because he's done really well and yet at the same time I feel like even though she's good with it and goes with it and gets there there's something she's holding back on something almost like she can't quite bring herself to fully communicate ya know when I'd done stuff with that she's really really compliant when you're there and you're yes yes yes yes but then what I want to know is when I've gone is she following through with everything that we're suggesting I tried to get her to communicate with her friends by being the intermediary and at the end I think they began to but I worry that really this should just be the first step the really important place were to communicate is with her daughter and with her husband well I don't know how much he's communicating with Leah but I sort of get the impression that she just drags her around shopping mall after shopping mall after shopping mall and that there's not much communication going on there because leah is just bored out of her tree that's not good and I think any relationship with a parent with a child is symptomatic of the relationship between the parents so I'd much rather focus on her relationship with Peter really trying to help them to improve their communication and I think from that they'll automatically improve their communication with Leah yeah I think we've got a very long way to go with Thunder I do you think she can do I don't know it's like we just scratch the surface and we're halfway through its Jai's final session and she's invited Glenda to the local stables prior to her mum's excessive shopping sprees Leah used to ride here now Jay wants to put Leah back in the saddle without denting the bank balance hi guys how are you I'm good you're very at home here aren't you because this is where you used to come riding isn't it now I know you haven't been for a while have you we used to bring her up every week would it kind of got to a stage where we couldn't afford to bring her and what I did drag her around shopping centres which kind of defeats the purpose of trying to save money it's kind of something that I took away from her Enya I do feel guilty because I know she has a passion for it so what we thought we'd do is bring you back here and get you to do some work and be like a horse helper to get the horses ready and then if you're a great helper here then you can go in there and have a lesson for nothing do you think that would be a good idea yeah should we give it a go then and see some of the things that you might have to do and shall we get mom to give us a hand oh yeah okay now you wheel that out let's take it over there [Music] just go in the direction of where his head [Music] so blender how do you feel seeing her on a horse and so happy here it's a great feeling just seen her doing something that she actually enjoy as opposed to something that I enjoy there's Sunday morning big smile as opposed to Sunday morning oh not another shopping trip I mean the thing is also about doing this it's not going to cost you any more money so while you're paying off the debts you know she's already got the Hat that I saw in her wardrobe she's perfectly happy in her jeans anything else she can borrow from here so for the time being it's not like it's something that's going to cause you you know to spend more money yeah absolutely I think Leah coming up here once a week and working hard and getting her lesson as a reward for that is a real welcome to the real world and I don't think there's anything wrong with her learning that lesson from now do you oh no absolutely I think this is gonna be really good for Hayley is so used to kind of having things just handed to her and that's actually my fault because I'm just so used to giving her stuff and I think this now is a perfect grade to start the fact that she knows that yeah she can have a lesson but when she actually works beforehand whether we cleaning at the table screwing the horses so I think it will be a good lesson for her to learn and I kind of hope that it kind of carries on outside its horse riding and it's not going to cost you any more money which is the bonus yet [Music] blenders nearing the end of her journey four weeks ago she presented Benjamin and Jay with their most challenging case ever so how if they made any difference Jay and I never walked into a situation that's been this serious despite starting well on holiday her session with Benjamin brought her back down to earth with a bump I think my biggest thing is my low self-esteem as a result she fell off the wagon in spectacular style Jay nipped the problem in the bud with a lesson in mix-and-match fashion Brenda I think you're gonna be much better at this than you ever thought possible and a sisterly bonding session which came up roses I'm thinking now this could be a little hobby of mine however Benjamin continued to bring difficult issues to the surface as he worked on her confidence now to help her finally overcome her addiction he's devised her biggest challenge to date in order for Glenda to take control of her finances she has to open up to herself and Peter it's the final step in her psychological journey with Benjamin and is she's to succeed she'll need Peters help too today is about communication with Peter so I understand that's not going as well as it might yep okay so what you're gonna do he's doing is you're both going on walks around Dublin and during your walk you're gonna write each other letters which I'm going to deliver Benjamin wants Glenda and Peter to rediscover how to communicate by writing love letters but first they need to express what they don't like when you don't listen to me I feel closed off when you get impatient with me I feel frustrated when you see Americans I feel angry and when you're judgmental I feel very unhappy and when you're in bad humour I feel isolated very good I could not say disappear it's okay putting it down on paper but you're very articulate about it so you've got a lot of thoughts and feelings so you're not Express thanks for sending me with this a bee doesn't shoot the messenger he probably earlier on her way to the next location Glenda considers the impact of opening up to Peter for the first time in years [Music] I am a bit nervous as to how he's gonna react but hopefully it is going to be the start of something new and he'll take you for what it is and if that is my feelings it's clear from his reaction just where they're at this is kind of bringing stuff up for you isn't it yeah it's it's say I really yeah well here's your chance Peter I'm going to ask you to write lender love letter okay it's gonna be the same thing and given the opportunity he offloads [Music] we honestly think this communication thing is very necessary if we've been around a bluff so many times available and we haven't seem to be gotten anywhere at all what a legs I think this would be a this would be to make a breakthrough you know a few blocks away Glenda anticipates her husband's response when you seem less committed to our marriage than I am I feel lonely when I feel like our family is less important to you I feel worthless when I imagine the future and Leah and I are not prioritized I feel hopeless is there more communication happening there absolutely it's pretty moral communication that we've had and he hate years that we've been married as before he's never it's always being true a heated argument or so since you're feeling closer to Peter I'm very pleased about that because what I want you to do now is I want you to write another love letter to Peter this time I want you to write five things that you appreciate about him and how that makes you feel this time glenda holds on to it so she can reveal her true feelings to Peter in person but before she does there's one more stop Peter needs to compose his response the good news is she's gonna hear it bad news is I'm not gonna read it - mm-hmm you are I've got your next location for me what I'd like you to do as I like you to go to the chapel I'd like you to meet Glenda and I'd like you to read their letter blender and pizza are in there right now obviously they know what they need to say to each other and what they want to say and how they feel about it the question is are they going to be able to say it to each other face to face it's the moment of truth [Music] when I realize you have my best interests at heart I feel secure when you prioritize our family oh I feel proud when you respect me I feel grateful and these are your ones and when you feel loved by me you feel it was our worthwhile and when you feel that I am there for you it feels like you're falling in love all over again I suppose I do I've asked you to be there unconditionally there are a lot of changes I need to make to me I've learned so much about myself and I suppose about what are people around me I just need you to be there for me and I said I was gonna love you unconditionally and I always have one of you need me to stand and listen and take the flack it's no problem [Music] Glenda's reached the end of her emotional journey with Peeta by her side but will it be the beginning of a new chapter for them or merely an interlude toes very intense having to open up like that and but also I do think that it was it was good it was a good opportunity for service to sit in the same room without actually shouting at each other it's just talking calmly and actually I suppose being open and honest to each other which was something that we've never done before it's been a productive day and I think we both we both know do you feel what has to be done it's a month since Benjamin and Jay left blender now they're back does he if she's made any headway into her 36,000 euro debt and kept the bailiffs at bay so Glenda we've reached the end now how have you been since we they'll saw you think I've made some progress which is probably a major achievement on my behalf spending on Leah how's that been going cutting back on that I've spent I think about 70 years since the last time I spoke to you I'm only which is I'd spend that in like one one day only so has it been going between the two of you and myself Peter are talking a lot more now how's it been for you Peter seeing Glenda going through all this and obviously helping her as well because she's come with in terms of things that she needs my help or once that are to talk she will now come and ask me and we will discuss things in conversate which feels great it feels great to be able to do that I noticed the famous snow globes have been replaced by these jars up here on the mantelpiece what are they for we sat down and we had a chat after we'd gone through the budget and it kind of it did kind of scare me the fact that we had to put away nearly it tells new euros to try and get us out of this test so this is kind of a visual way of me seen the money gone into the Jerris and then go and pay the bills it's a brilliant idea because I think you're much less likely to open that jar and count out that money and take it and spend on something than you are just using your card when it doesn't really feel personal absolutely are you opening your post as well now go straight into the drawer like it did I mean the legality and really did when I did actually got through them and read them they really did shocked me because I I probably was very naive and I didn't realize just how bad things had gotten so this has been a good thing you'd say even though I know it's been quite hard along the way well for me it's been really really good and it's brought up with a lot of emotional issues that I I didn't actually realize that I did have and but it's something that I know I'm gonna have to deal with and I know when I do deal with it I will come out better on the other side I hope in six months time we don't have regrets and we don't have oh here we go again and here's the same problems and you know it's just a matter of us being positive now I would never go back to the way I was you know the same once bitten twice shy it will never happen again eight weeks ago Glenda Thompson presented herself was the most serious spender holic to date now with plenty of family support and understanding she's finally moving towards the possibility of a debt-free future I think it's changed me a lot as a person and my outlook is more positive I'm spending more time with Peter and Leah which is a good thing see the issues are still there but we are dealing with them but the difference is we're dealing with them together as opposed to me just taking it all on on my own I think I have achieved much more than I ever thought that I would

Channel: Only Human

Views: 392,952

Keywords: only human, only human channel, only human documentary, shopaholics, shopaholics anonymous, shopaholics bbc, shopaholics documentary, shopaholics full episode, shopaholics uk, shopping addiction debt, shopping addiction documentary, shopping addiction full episodes, shopping addiction help, shopping addiction recovery, shopping addiction true life, spendaholics, spendaholics documentary, spendaholics full episodes, spendahoics tv show, spendaholics uk, spendaholics youtube

Id: 1bLokiXp9Tk

Length: 55min 52sec (3352 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 22 2020