Image-obsessed Matthew Vokes Could Lose His Home?! | Spendaholics

[Music] 28 year-old matthew Vokes is a shopping junkie whose finances are in desperate need of rehab when i'm spending it's like a high i never look at prices never ever look at the prices in the stores I see something I'll go and buy it ironically Matthew works in finance and brings home 2,700 pounds a month but he's spending twice that leaving him with a colossal debt of 55,000 pounds and rising Matthews spending knows no bounds from online shopping to luxury holidays top-notch gadgets TV must-have beauty products Matthews love affair with shopping means he's spending all his spare time with his credit cards or plastic friends also credit closeout to me they're always there when I need them my nickname is actually plastic works his plastic fantastic lifestyle is a major worry for friends and family I think that if Matt doesn't clear his debt fairly soon he's going to end up bankrupt so he's going to manage when he gets older if he doesn't sort himself out now but Matthew refuses to grasp the seriousness of his plight I mean I've always thought having a lot of debt is normal people say to me how can you sleep at night and that's about it that's it [Music] psychological coach Benjamin fry and lifestyle expert Jay hunt are about to take on their toughest spend a holic yet Benjamin will push him to his emotional limits to discover what's behind his compulsive spending I don't know I've always got it in my mind that I can always be that little bit better and when it comes to his bad behavior Jay won't be taking any prisoners try the bloody things on if they don't fit you don't get them and it's not just Jay who loses her rack where you going man [Music] Matthew lives in central Birmingham with his brother Steven and friend Richard in an immaculate 240 thousand pound house that he bought three years ago at 28 everything in Matthews world is just perfect I've also because she matches the copy of my house if he wants it he gets it I like spending so advise things and I don't even need them you know one day you've got maybe one coffee machine the next week you've got you know three copy machine I just put the suitcase in case of go away anywhere and all they've already got three most of my time is taking it with spending or thinking of ways to spend the money I don't think I've actually got a hobby where I don't spend and his biggest hobby is looking good in the past two years he spent two and a half thousand pounds trying to achieve the perfect smile I'd like my teeth to look like Whitney Houston's teeth I think she's got fantastic tea but a cabinet full of cosmetics can't hide the ugly truth there's his monthly 740 power mortgage and debt repayments totaling one thousand and sixty five pounds every month Matthew is teetering on the brink of financial ruin and risks losing his house and everything in it if he can't stop the urge to splurge not even his mom can make him see sense it doesn't need to spend what he spends we tried telling him not to do it but it goes in one ear and out your dad and brother Steven confirms his spending isn't genetic if I've got the cash then I'll do I am paid cash where is he's he's got his credit cards and he'll just go out and he'll just sticky on the plastic living for the moment could come back to haunt him if I get hit by mist tomorrow I'll know that I've had a great life I've had everything I've ever wanted to I've never wanted for anything if I live to 70 which there is a good chance I'm going to then it will be a bit stuffed because obviously this debt isn't gonna go on its own Matthews home is a new build in Birmingham city centre Benjamin and Jay have been given free rein in his house while he takes a break across town they're here to look for clues as to what's behind his spending addiction they all look the same if you were a bit drunk on a Friday night you'd be like okay and everybody else's door you'd meet your neighbors I don't know what they're gonna find I've got butterflies [Music] please take shoes off there's not much depth to the loser this is a person who may like to live only on the surface who may not like to go beneath it ain't gonna be great for me come on more clues needed Matthews glossy life style gets a bit more gritty in his bedroom one of these one of what labels still on but never worn well you're not gonna wear it with the labour law and are you and loads and loads of shirts but there is loads and loads of stuff if we were in here well there again there's quite a lot more gadgets it does seem to be again rather compulsive all over the top why does he need how many screens you got here three four why do you need two telephones I think that something barest mean Emmaus is when the games my own suite and they find all the products that I've got too late Matthew oh my boy stur Iser loads of aftershave those aren't cheap those teeth whitening kits loads of makeup hair products young mister voc's is clearly more worried about his looks than his bank balance 19 shells of hair products beauty creams and designer fragrances would run into the thousands there's so many products here there's no way that he's using up all these products these are your little friends over I'm gonna take these but I can't seem to find any state is anywhere yes the areas I think they're going to pick on most days are we gonna be mustardy God everything I just don't need in my heart still don't even work from home but it's not just excess office gear he should be worried about but look at all of this he's buying stuff online on this website a hundred and seventy five purchases oh yeah it's an Internet auctions so it's like you know how much money is he spending on that what's the credit card statements but there's only two credit card statements there's about fifteen credit cards man I'm just wondering whether he shreds all this stuff maybe removing the evidence convinced there's more to Matthews spending story they take one last look and stumble upon a hobby graveyard a hard day look I think we've hit the mother lode all the gear TVs skis bikes these boots boots boots and boots hey is it possible that most of this stuff hasn't actually been used we've got a serious they saw this ounce man needs your kind of brand of discipline junior hard having sifted through Matthews stuff Benjamin and Jay want to confront him with some home truths Maui I'm nervous once blindfolded they lead Matthew inside to unveil the scale and horror of his debt [Music] [Applause] [Music] what do you think there's lots of me everywhere well what I'd like you to do is you may notice that each one of you is wearing a t-shirt with a black patch on the front okay I'd like you to reveal [Music] 4005 computer 4550 pounds okay keep looking Matthew seems to be uncovering a pattern so if you got any idea what this represents something I've bought maybe what a single purchase bloody well hope not could quite possibly yeah four thousand five hundred and fifty pounds is the average person in this country's debt right okay do you know why we have twelve people here I can only now assume that it must be how much I oh yeah all of them so you're carrying the debt of twelve average people in this country right on a single pair of narrow shoulders the other thing is you've got to work 12 times harder to pay this amount back right how do you feel about that got smokes Barry I always thought was quite normal that's that I just thought everybody's everybody had that sort of level of debt and everybody was coping so you're beginning to see the scale of the problem that confronts us all here definitely I'm almost speechless Benjamin and Jake need to put a stop to Matthews consumer cravings first step of rehab a week of cold turkey first up Jay wants to find out if he has any idea where his money's been going in an average week on non-essential items how much do you think you get through about a hundred and fifty pounds well we floated out that the total amount you get through on an average week on non-essential items is seven hundred as one pound and thirty P he's spending more than his entire weekly page just on luxuries I'm serious on average honestly oh my god that's very shocking you are completely and utterly clueless aren't you really about where it's all going I didn't think is anywhere near that much that's all clearly because if you think you're spending two hundred and you're getting through seven hundred where's the five hundred going how do I know it's it's going somewhere clearly twenty five thousand pounds a year that you don't know where it's going so how much do you think you could live on minimum and non-essential items for seven days seven days yeah minimum you can live on Lynch is four pounds a day petracles fifty-five hold on white lunch four pounds cuz I was going to buy it but lots of people manage to eat their lunch without spending more than four pounds sometimes probably more about so how much Matthew do you think the minimum amount you could live on for seven days on your non-essential items I'd probably say about half what I think I'm spending maybe eighty that's pretty generous I tell you what I was thinking yeah but what if and is this filling you with absolute dread yeah it's quite scary forty pounds cold turkey is giving things up it's definitely gonna be a Coulter completely [Music] back at home Matthew can't wait to tell his brother Steven about his cold turkey sentence God take an army oh and I've got 40 pounds a week to lose but I stopped making sandwiches for the castle boss Oh God oh well I'll be spending up here I've got no money give me some really Steven I think your coat to the best of his ability hmm I reckon you're cheap from dark fantasies like that but it's case of happening - really if he wants to clear his debt then he's got no choice but to stick to it and hope he's got alert you find out what he wants when he wants looks like he's more sensible brother steven has got him sussed for the week ahead day one of cold turkey and Matthew is finding it hard to break old habits instead of walking the one and a half mile journey he decided to drive the whole and it's biting into his budget in total I suppose we looking at banish it 23 times a week if I if I didn't drive that's all that's provide saying day two of cold turkey and unbeknownst to Benjamin and Jay Matthew sets off on an all-expenses-paid trip to London to celebrate friend Richard's birthday luckily for Matthew cold turkey is off the menu as he laps up three days of luxury Hado really nice high last night I had breakfast provided for me this morning by the hotel which is quite good if everything's been paid for so far I'm just gonna go and see the air the show now later on they're probably going to be going out while we're going to establish you in restaurant first of all so muscle paid for as well by my friend Richard's parents which is very nice of them say my coltec ooh it's going quite well so far he's halfway through cold turkey and living on a budget is the furthest thing from Matthews mind [Music] so they for cold turkey a luxury cruise down the Thames Larry Linda not having to pay for any of it myself again thank God Matthew has managed to black his way through three days of unabashed decadence spending just 13 pounds of his 40 pounds budget still in London Matthew meets with Benjamin who's keen to uncover the real root of his addiction to luxury living if he wants to address his massive debt he needs to start looking at the potential causes for it so why are you saying that cause it's not spending I always want new things you know like nice new things like clean things kind of like perfection a bit of a perfectionist in space but there is a sense in which you know there's a reason why you started spending in the first place and I think for you your identity has become this spend a holic and I think you avoid what's beneath that tell me what you don't like about yourself no I suppose at school yeah I always wanted to be that popular one and have more friends and I've always wanted to have you know more of my own stuff and you've always wanted to be more acceptable yeah maybe so you could say I didn't like that I wasn't as popular as I wanted to be it makes sense yeah is that true yeah I guess yeah I guess well you know that's probably true yeah but you don't really like thinking about it no why not today it's a long time ago no I guess with Matthew refusing to talk about his early school years Benjamin switches tack to family Matthew grew up in Sutton Coldfield on the edge of Birmingham with one younger brother in a traditional two-parent family but it soon becomes clear this is another subject that's off limits you know I get a sense that you feel threatened by talking about this my family if it was been there for me I wouldn't want anything sir to come out that might make them think that and if my problems have been caused through them say it for you it seems like the you know it's got to be all perfect or it's a disaster I think I'm the same with every play it's not just it's not just my family no I understand that but I you know I think I important for you'd have a perfect life not just physically but emotionally me and you don't really like to look at imperfection in yourself or your past all the people you're closer to because that's a flaw yeah and it's a floor that we can't understand unless we're prepared to look at floors do you feel trapped by that sometimes claustrophobic maybe mm-hmm does your life feel a bit claustrophobic you can do I suppose I always have to try Oh make sure that yeah if I'm going out it's been a just getting ready to try and match with everything that's spotting that and it's not because you love looking good it's because you're terrified of looking wrong isn't it so your life is run throw a backdrop of terror does that feel sometimes how it is yeah so if I'm gonna help you we have to figure out what's really going on that really makes you spend if you want to look at that come with me confronting his problems head-on is a new challenge for Matthew Willy rise to it I hated the sight Channel today it's horrible he's asking me all sorts of questions I just knew that I really really didn't want to have to answer it it's kind of upsetting I could feel myself sort of like filling up and as a bit like oh don't ask me these questions I don't think my spending goes as deep as he was I trying to make out Benjamin I just think literally I'm just to spend a holic and just because it's me back in Birmingham and with only his mates and their bar of chocolate for comfort the cold turkey budget is starting to affect Matthew I've not really done very much this week I've just laid around later and watch TV played on my laptop not really didn't anything exciting I've not been out like you have not been to any bars or all pubs or clubs or anything my showers just broken which God knows how much is going to cost that it's probably gonna be sort of three or four weeks cold tacky when you realising how tight money really is he's traded his usual four pound lunch for a distinctly unlock giorious one pounds 18 option saving him two pounds 82 [Music] by day 7 any novelty of cold turkey has totally worn off on a shopping trip for essentials Matthew splurges a sixth of his 40 pounds budget on an extravagant treat when I got from Cherry's seven quit anywhere near that in his last 24 hours he's blown 28 pounds I've just been having a few sort of final thoughts of my own of the week because it's coming to an end it's it's it's confirmed there is just no way on this earth that I can live on 40 pounds a week I just couldn't do it [Music] Matthew's cold turkey week has ended with a bump despite blacking his way through three days in London he still come in 11 pounds in seven pence over budget Jay is not impressed I mean on the scale of people that Benjamin and I have worked with if I was really honest you would be right down the bottom end of the scale cold turkey right okay you know I think what brings it home is you know I know the shower broke and that's quite interesting because the way you're living at the moment you haven't got a spare penny for anything like that jiae's about to show him the brutal reality of his future you bring in two thousand six hundred and fifty five pounds a month right that is how much you're spending at the moment every single month four thousand eight hundred and twenty four pounds of nine P which means every single month that is your over spend two thousand one hundred and sixty nine pounds and nine P I mean we knew you were overspending I mean I I knew I was a be spending but not by that much that is a quite daunting figure with such a massive overspend he'll need to make some cutbacks and none of his luxuries are safe clothing and footwear three hundred pounds a month we've cut that back to forty pounds on the basis that you could actually start wearing some of the things that are in your wardrobe that still got the tags in socializing three hundred and twenty pounds a month that goes down to sixty four the hormone yeah I can spend that this than a nice let alone the hormone yeah and then I'm afraid what we have slashed is all the amount of money that you spend on the Internet gadgets 305 seventy-seven holidays 265 hobbies 150 DVD CDs 60 pounds all of these are quite big amounts and when we add everything up on our recommended expenditure we've still got an overspend here of a hundred and eighty eight pounds 90 to god you know what we've been doing for the last couple years I can see where I've got it Matthew's biggest asset is his 240 thousand pound house and Jay wants him to consider borrowing 20,000 pounds against the value to help with his overspend and that would enable you to pay back those dreaded credit cards that are on really really high interest rates yeah I mean that is an option I suppose it's or not look Matthew let's be honest what is really weird to me is that you feel in any way in control with a debt of 55,000 pounds you are going to have to release 20,000 pounds out of your mortgage to solve this problem that you are responsible for getting yourself in I mean what exactly is the problem with doing that I suppose that I could take it out on the mortgage but I'm thinking is that robbing Peter to pay Paul right but it's a lot more of a cost effective way of doing it I mean the thing is is that we are at the crunch point now there are no more choices there is no more denial you need this money to get you out of a huge hold and if you carry on the way you're carrying on you're going to lose your house just see where I'm coming from Matthew I'm not being mean but it's like where is the evidence that would convince somebody that this time next year you're not going to be in a worse off position [Music] if he follows Jay's budget plan he could be debt-free in five years Matthew might not be keen on all of Jays suggestions but it has given him food for thought it's just shocking really to think that I might have spent 5 grand ermand I guess now I've just got to pay the damn thing back to help Matthew get back on the road to financial recovery Jay hopes to tackle him on the hobby gadgets and gizmos he never even uses I just wondered if you could talk me through some of the stuff that you've brought down today for loads of camping equipments tents those you know all the camping gear I needed for holiday away fully kitted out fully kitted out I was the only person in the campsite with my laptop my straightener my hairdryer okay it's almost like sometimes you seem quite proud of wastefulness and I just wonder with you whether you're buying all this stuff because this obsession of having to look good or look the best the whole time so if we had 10 people lined up or with their tents it's right you win the rosette for having the swankiest tent but then if we have 10 people lined up with their debt next to them you're gonna win the rosette for being the biggest spending more on aren't you I think you know we have to look at the complete sort of idiocy of buying for all these things that you might need when in fact what you actually need is some money in your bank account yeah that's a good point what I want you to do is to go round your house and write yourself an inventory and I want you to be really honest with yourself about whether you use things or not and if things are going to be used then we are going to use them if they are not then they have got to be sold well I hope Mattie's got out of today is a question mark in his mind about how much money he wastes and why he does it he just seems to be intent on spending on this fantasy world buying for all these things he never does he is not a man of hobbies he does not need all these things [Music] but three days later Matthew is still fighting against any of Jays suggestions I did come home and have a little Meister but as is looking through my staff I was bits of right well I don't want to sell it or I don't want to get rid of it I like the stuff that I've got now I'd rather just try and get a fix and stuff with me buying things randomly the other day you know even though I've been through this process I still bought something off eBay which to know I shouldn't have done but I bought it and of course it no sir I mean I probably will use it I don't know how much I'll use it because it was an it was something for a sat-nav system on one of my phones but I've already got a sat-nav system so I didn't need it but still bought it benjamin is determined to get to the bottom of Matthew's behavior but he'll need to do more detective work if Matthew won't talk about anything difficult what I thought I'd want to do with you has helped you to understand now the the drawbacks and the benefits of perhaps opening up a bit right okay okay what I feel that you're doing to yourself is you're putting yourself in a cage where you can't get out because you think it's not okay to talk so what do you think about that you're just looking at it what do you think how do you feel it makes me feel very scared and I can feel I can feel myself tenancingo really yeah just looking like that yeah when invite you to step into your own emotional prison quite you don't even want to get in there oh no okay what's it like in there I don't like the cage at all no I don't like that the restriction of it why is it there you stay in here why don't you come out afraid of what others might think yeah made of others might think who's top of that list probably all know that okay I want you to think of one thing that you really feel like you need to say but that you don't say because you're worried about your mother or thing it's hard I just want you to think about that for a moment I'll give you some motivation you can call me back any time how do you feel like I'm moving further away from you Wow worse yeah I guess okay [Music] now if I just left you in here wouldn't be good with it now that is what's going to happen at the end of this program and what I want you to decide is when I've left do you want to still be in here or do you want to try and take some steps to getting out I want to be running through those fields okay well here's the thing you have an opportunity now to say something that feels really difficult and uncomfortable to you to say but might help you to get out of your own emotional prison Benjamin brings in the person whose opinion Matthew cares about the most so Matthew has something he wants to say that he thinks will help him out of his own emotional prison what does it say yeah I guess I've always felt that I could always be better or I've always tried to be the best that I can now I don't know that you definitely know it alone and it everybody fits me that I don't know I've always got it in my mind that I could always be that little bit better or that little bit more for your mum yeah for everybody is one of them oh so there's a sense in which you feel that you're not good enough well that's very brave of you to say so I found when they give you a shot at freedom I'm just gonna open the door with this now what do you think of what he said I didn't realize you thought about that rat and and you know if you wanted change in any way that we're always there for you now Benjamin wants to show Matthew how different it can feel when he lets someone into his cage how do you feel they're together on your own fine now cuz you've got each other you know what's really interesting here is that when you're in here on your own it's really really frightening place to be when you let someone else into your emotional prison it's not so scary and in a way that is what was 33 and you come out together [Music] and it was hard but it's no it's over and done with and it's been said some weight off my shoulders we're happy now enough you'll come back to us and tell us more I can look more to us and that it'll start looking us you know that is good IDs and he just nap - bargaining us tonight in South look good [Music] while Benjamin is making inroads with Matthews psychology Jay has hit a brick wall with his attitude and calls a powwow to discuss the way forward how are you finding it with Matthew because I have to tell you I'm finding him deeply annoying at the moment and very very resistant well I can really relate to that because in my work with him he was very resistant and it was quite difficult but I did get little bits and pieces and I did do a thing with his mother where in a way you know he got it and there is definitely potential for movement there but then you know what comes next but it really needs to do is you start to open up to people in general but I think you're right he's bad at interacting with people you know I want him to sort of increase his hobbies because he spends a lot of time in buying more stuff on the internet I mean I know I'm being quite tough on him but I just think if I let up it isn't going to help he's one of the most difficult people we've ever worked with to reach and he's one of the people with the biggest debts we've worked with it could go either way really I just you know I don't know if we're gonna be able to bring him in or if we're gonna actually lose him Jay's not about to let Matthew get the better of her and heads to Birmingham where drastic action is needed to get him back on track no Matthew this particular juncture in time you can't afford to have all this stuff that you don't use sitting here like a security blanket because we've got to find some way for you to generate some income to get paying these debts off so I think we should get on have a look gather up a few things and seriously think about saying and I think the first two areas I'd like to start is wardrobe and garage yeah okay yep okay well over Gover I don't know change that's probably a to writers don't change ice skates how many times did you use those but I actually think I'm a reason well there we go [Music] let's get take that they're coming with us taking that those these are coming with us [Music] get me ten DVDs that you couldn't give a toss if you never saw again now now [Music] there's one why haven't you worn these I don't even think I've tried them on I mean how thick is that really try the bloody things on if they don't fit you don't get them having taken stock of the castoffs Matthews willing to part with it's time to show him how to turn his online addiction into a cash cow across town Sat chakkar runs a thriving business selling other people's items online she takes a 30% commission but Jays hoping she might inspire Matthew to join the 70,000 Britons now making a living as online auction traders you're expert this because of one thing you are is always online except he's buying and not selling but if we could turn it around I think you might quite enjoy being a seller people get a huge buzz from watching their auctions when they're finishing my Commons I've always known it I know he just thinks people do a lot of people do and I think they're realizing the value of things but you're not gonna be in that camp anymore yeah you're gonna be in the cool sorted green recycle and debt free camp yeah I think if you think about what you've got lying around the house you might think it's not worth anything to anybody but in fact one man's junk is another man's treasure you know even if it's an old computer screen or a keyboard and if it's gonna get you a few pounds why not and it's better than singing him and your reciting at the same time and to make sure he doesn't stray back into buying Jay has one more trick up her sleeve it's a little mouse pad what do you think of that that's good you like that yeah so any time you're tempted to spend and deviate from your research on selling look at the message right on my mouse pad thank you very much I always feel with him that I'm dragging him and bundling him and making him do something cuz he is so damn lazy but I think he might persevere we're doing a bit of selling because he does love being online and he's got all the stuff there and I just detect in him a spark of enthusiasm that I haven't seen before so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him turning into an internet seller a good of the stuff that I've got could easily go and I would imagine whether it's not don't know but I suppose I could always try and see and it's not long before he gets the selling bug Matthew puts one of his duplicate gadgets up for auction and he's about to reap the rewards look at this I saw that thing four hundred and twenty quid yeah that engine twenty thousand go Cod John [Music] Benjamin is making progress with Matthew but would like more inside information he hopes another meeting with mum Ruth might shed light on his past and give him some more vital clues I think it's lovely as well Benjamin thinks he may have hit on something University come home with it blonde I had to get on a school of this kind of age do you think he got to go to university decided to raise that yeah you don't remember him being kind of fair distressed about being bullied or anything at school so you don't know maybe maybe not I think that Matthew's mother found it quite difficult perhaps to talk about issues and to really feel comfortable at opening up and maybe that explains where Matthew gets some of his reticence from also it's pretty clear that Matthew now lives with a different hair colour to his natural one and that is an indication probably of real issues over his own sense of identity after winning the battle to get Matthew selling instead of buying online Jay has another scheme to save him some cash it's a way to fill time without filling shopping baskets you're probably wondering why I told you to bring your rollerblades come through here I want you to come and meet Nina now matthew has tried this before how many times did you do it I'm originally a couple of times but I fell over probably a couple of times as well so I just gave it up but today what we're gonna do is get Nina to give you a personal lesson because I think rollerblading would be a really good thing for you all right so just give it a go that's it [Music] Oh [Music] [Music] it's very very very very is it better than the first time you did it and hated it when you fell over yeah yeah the first time well good I'm glad you said that because all this is incredibly good for the skin and Matthew spends about a hundred pounds a month on beauty products so that would definitely come down and bite see with a nice glow from being outside and exerting yourself because what we're aiming to do is to try and find something that you can do in your spare time rather than this automatic thing of getting home from work and just using your time to do internet shopping and you might even like it to really try and get him hooked she sends him to escape London event where he has the opportunity to meet enthusiastic like-minded people hello I'm very very bout amazing is when everyone is saying hi and how are you and want them to get to know you in you know they're also interested it's really sort of like quite motivating see the friendly people are this is the skating community these free events happen all over the country and if it saves him 60 pounds on a social night out and gets in using escapes it's a win-win situation be quiet interested to see what I'm night after maybe after two weeks of lessons and probably that is even down there at the front of the crowd [Music] I would really like to think I would go home and at least try them on again and skate down my street and see how I got on in my local area and then see how I go from there Jay has had a breakthrough with Matthew but Benjamin is about to set in the hardest challenge yet he's already seen Matthew open up to his mum but the real test is whether or not he can open up to the rest of the world benjamin writes out several statements on cards hoping the phrases might challenge matthew to confront some of the issues he avoids talking about problem is that he's trying to manage other people's reactions to him and i'm hoping that by showing these things to other people he'll get reactions that he wasn't expecting he's taking him - Birmingham's Mary Hill shopping centre to face his biggest fear what others think of him so Matthew the thing is you're living your life really through other people's eyes looking at you right do you agree with that yeah do you agree with that yes yeah you think a lot about what other people think of you don't you yeah so come with me to help out with it I've got a little experiment here I've got an earpiece for you and some props food to hold Benjamin asks Matthew to hold up this statement signs that force him to reveal more of himself to the world wired for sound he's ready to take center stage with his first declaration excuse me ma'am what do you think of this guy they're silly why I know it's good karma quit word this guy what do you think I just don't understand the diversion we don't know what he's trying to put across you don't get it okay brilliant did you learn anything about people's reactions to you there that was new to you people just really didn't have a ton opinion either way so who didn't read one of them but you spent so much time worrying about what other people worry about you and the fact there's a lot of the time they don't really give a monkey's so a lot of this effort and spending is kind of a waste of time might as well relax and be who you are okay I'll give you another one Jimmy what do you think of this guy I think if you've got something there is a should definitely say position be afraid to tell people why not are you never afraid to tell before anything Nora [Music] nice-lookin yes but then he comes up even though he feels well thing it'd have to been in with you yes I wouldn't be any good okay so which would you rather have a scruffy bloke who was emotionally open or on a roll Matthew gets another sign that's a touch more personal more or less interested in holding the card or not holding the phone well I'm more interested looking at him cold in the car because I'm intrigued by what he means by opposite ease well that was interesting all of them said they shouldn't be afraid to say what you really feel because people can look at you and think well you know look at you you're good-looking you're all sorted you're well-dressed and then there's no vulnerability so then there's no compassion towards you if anything is envy when you hold that up and people are looking and they feel some compassion they can see that you're not everything you pretend to be and then they can get closer to you and they can help you is that a revelation for you as soon as no until today so yeah today's made me realize that by being so caged in you know like it showed me in the cage you know let's tape up of the wheel because they don't know anything about this exactly but it's easier said than done and the last sign touches a raw nerve it's a revelation too far for Matthew hold that cut me and told me about doing it not to come here in talks about doing it okay let's put the sign down and talk about it no I'm not doing it a point about not doing it okay okay but let's put the sign down and talk about why you're not doing cuz this is exactly where you get to guys know what we need to talk about today fine I'm not going to make you do it I promise you I just want to know why you feel like this because I'm just don't think it's an issue and that's going to consume I spending because any cuts between if it's gonna hurt that's not the point the point is everything we just did was about you being more open difference where you going Matthew [Music] Matthew has been pushed beyond his limits he goes into hiding and refuses to see or speak to Benjamin for over a week finally after much soul-searching Matthew agrees to meet Benjamin to discuss what happened today what I'm going to do is just tell him how daft I thought the exercise was and obviously see what his thoughts are of my reaction to the way that I strapped up and the way that I sort of walked out and I didn't want to speak to anybody because you know at the end of the day I just I didn't want to even come back I do feel that there's a difference between perhaps what I was asking Matthew to do and the scale of his reaction to it and there's something there to understand about that difference and that's what I want to look at today hi there hello nice to see you again last thing I saw of you was the back of you obviously you were very distressed and upset ever since I was distressed so it's just a bit like what's the point well they're yeah dye my hair I don't dye it because I got bullied at school or anything I mean I could die I could go back to my natural it's know if I really wanted to but I just prefer being dark you see my dilemma here is that I've seen you freaked out about that issue so I now don't know if you're finding it hard to tell me what's really going on or if it's that there's another way to understand this what I want to do is I want to put some things on the board and just see if we can illustrate maybe some differences between where you are and where I am on this okay the revelation about his natural hair color clearly hurt and Benjamin wants to explore the build-up to Matthew's extreme reaction oh it's just pissed off he starts by writing down what Matthew felt on the day almost betrayed follow car was being master do things I didn't really feel were relevant on the opposite side Benjamin writes his version of events and explains what he thinks caused the extreme reaction so if I was given this I say a colleague and said look this has happened what I think the logical conclusion for me is that this guy has been bullied over this taboo so I'm gonna put that up if that was my first guess my second guess would be that you're still afraid still worried about being bullied about this taboo if I added those two things together I think that makes a person want to look like they must be perfect which is expensive I suppose I can see where you coming from mm-hmm I don't think from your reaction it's completely untrue I don't think I'm a hundred I mean I'll agree with you I don't think it's completely untrue it's cool every now and then I used to have like a name called a something like that so these kind of experiences may have been there and then you may have thought well you know I've grown out of that I've moved on I don't have to think about anymore but it's precisely not thinking about it that means you have to behave over it and the behavior that you exhibit because I must be perfect which cost money I'll tell you an interesting thing that happened after you left that day Maryhill I held up that sign in the window and every single person that walked past that window laughed at me yeah which is why I didn't really want to bring it into this show because I know that I will be humiliated probably for years afterwards which is why it's specific because it's just you see it all don't you see it on TV and it's you didn't see it on TV you lived it yeah which is why I specifically didn't want to go out because it will have an adverse effect on my life on a note well and it will be a negative effect but I think what you're saying is that it did have an adverse effect on your life it did have a negative effect and that that has been really hard for you and you know how hard it is and I think that when when I when I suggested holding that sign it broke that tremendous effort that you make to cover yourself up not just physically but also emotionally I think that the key is to really just start to be as open as possible as often as possible and allow people in and then when that moment comes when you want to walk away like you didn't marry him stay and talk about why you want to walk away people don't talk later though these days oh I love you for that you'd be amazed people do talk you don't if you ask me what can you do about it that's the answer [Music] two months ago Matthew Vokes had a shopping addiction that was out of control he was facing a spiraling debt of fifty five thousand pounds but continued living a lifestyle he couldn't afford glossing over the reality of his situation he was the toughest nut to crack but lifestyle expert Jay Hunt has shown Matthew ways to curb his serial spender try the bloody things on if they don't fit you don't get them and how to get his kicks for free psychological coach Benjamin Frei helped him release his inner demons and start making sense of his spending when you hold that up and people are looking and they feel some complexity and then they can get closer to you and they can help it's been two months since Matthew started down his road to financial recovery Benjamin and Jay and meeting him for an update was this harder than you thought it was gonna be it's gonna be like a walk in the park how are you getting on with your shopping has that been easy to cut down rather than buying online and have you put your skates on again whenever we take the dog for a walk that's how you do it I'm a rollerblades it's getting really good yeah I started to walk to work so in 18 months time will be almost debt-free and stick-thin now one of the chats that we had earlier on was about whether you would think about releasing any of the equity from your property 20,000 to pay off the credit card debts if you had to think about that my parents or my members actually agreed to give me 20,000 pounds towards clearing my debt what what would stop you I think I'd rather try and do it on my own rather than just going take the easy road it's so nice that your parents are there but as you said there is something to sort of sorting yet all out yourself if we came back in six months from now would we find Matthew carrying on on this new path or do you think you're gonna slip back you came back in six months time I'd be 6,000 pounds less in dirt yeah and would you be opening at Mont people and I'd be selling more stuff and I'd probably opening of a lot more your 40 good work well done plastic has been cut in half just like one of his credit cards so they are no more and plastic mat is no more so it's just map you

Channel: Spendaholics

Views: 75,751

Keywords: Spendaholics, Shopaholics, Shopping, Spending, Haul, Addicted, Addiction, BBC, Only Human, Jay Hunt, Benjamin Fry, Debt, Finances, TV Show, Full Episodes

Id: wq5z6dvA4PI

Length: 56min 11sec (3371 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 12 2020