Mr Plastic-Fantastic is in £55,000 of Debt | Spendaholics | Only Human

[Music] 28 year-old matthew Vokes is a shopping junkie whose finances are in desperate need of rehab when i'm spending it's like a high i never look at prices never ever look at the prices in the stores I see something I'll go buy it ironically Matthew works in finance and brings home 2,700 pounds a month but he's spending twice that leaving him with a colossal debt of 55,000 pounds and rising matthew spending knows no bounds from online shopping to luxury holidays top-notch gadgets TV must-have beauty products boots Matthews love affair with shopping means he's spending all his spare time with his credit cards my plastic friends also critical eyes are to me they're always there when I need them my nicknames actually plastic works his plastic fantastic lifestyle is a major worry for friends and family I think that if Matt doesn't clear his debt fairly soon he's going to end up bankrupt so don't see how he's going to manage when you gets older if he doesn't sort himself out now but Matthew refuses to grasp the seriousness of his plight I mean I've always thought having a lot of debt is normal people say to me how can you sleep at nighttime forgets about that's it psychological coach Benjamin fry and lifestyle expert Jay hunt are about to take on their toughest spend a holic yet Benjamin will push him to his emotional limits to discover what's behind his compulsive spending I don't know I've always got it in my mind that I could always be that little bit bout and when it comes to his bad behavior Jay won't be taking any prisoners try the bloody things on if they don't fit you don't get them and it's not just Jay who loses her rack where you going Matthew [Music] Matthew lives in central Birmingham with his brother Steven and friend Richard in an immaculate 240 thousand pound house that he bought three years ago at 28 everything in Matthews world is just perfect I've also because she matches the copy at my house if he wants it he gets it I like spending so Vikings and I don't even need them you know one day you've got maybe one coffee machine the next week you've got you know three coffee machine suitcase in case of go away anywhere all they've already got three most of my time is taking it with spending or thinking of ways to stem a minute I don't think I've actually got a hobby where I don't spend and his biggest hobby is looking good in the past two years he spent two and a half thousand pounds trying to achieve the perfect smile I'd like my teeth to look like Whitney Houston's teeth I think she's got fantastic team but a cabinet full of cosmetics can't hide the ugly truth there's his monthly 740 power mortgage and debt repayments totaling one thousand and sixty five pounds every month Mackay is teetering on the brink of financial ruin and risks losing his house and everything in it if he can't stop the urge to splurge not even his mum can make him see sense it doesn't need to spend raucous things we tried telling him not to do it but it goes in one ear and out your back and brother Steven confirms his spending isn't genetic if I've got the cash then I'll do I am pay cash where is the peas he's got his credit cards and he'll just go out and he'll just stick it on the plastic living for the moment could come back to haunt him if I get hit by bus tomorrow I'll know that I've had a great life I've had everything I've ever wanted to yeah I've never wanted for anything if I live to 70 which there is a good chance I'm going to then it will be a bit stuffed because of a see this debt isn't gonna go on its own Matthews home is a new build in Birmingham city centre Benjamin and Jay have been given free rein in his house while he takes a break across town they're here to look for clues as to what's behind his spending addiction they all look the same if you were a bit drunk on a Friday night you'd be like you and everybody else you'd meet your neighbors I don't know what they're gonna find I've got butterflies whatever [Music] please take shoes off there's not much depth to the this is a person who may like to live only on the surface who may not like to go beneath it ain't gonna be great for me come on more clues needed Matthews glossy life style gets a bit more gritty in his bedroom one of these one of what labels dawn but never worn well you're not gonna wear it with the labour law and are you and loads and loads of shirts but there is loads and loads of stuff everywhere in here well again there's quite a lot more gadgets it does seem to be again rather compulsive all over the top why does he need how many screens you going here three four we didn't need two telephones I think that's something embarrassing the base is when they're getting some ions sweet and they find all the products that I've got too late Matthew oh my boy stur Iser loads of aftershave those aren't cheap those teeth whitening kits loads of makeup hair products young mister voc's is clearly more worried about his looks than his bank balance 19 shells of hair products beauty creams and designer fragrances would run into the thousands there's so many products here there's no way that he's using up all these products oh these are your little friend them over I'm going to take these but I can't seem to find any statements anywhere yes there is I think they're going to pick on most days are we gonna be mustardy Oh God everything I just don't need to my heart still don't even work from home but it's not just excess office gear he should be worried about but look at all of this he's buying stuff online on this website a hundred and seventy five purchases oh yeah it's an Internet auctions so it's like you know how much money is he spending on that what's the credit card statements but there's only two credit card statements there's about 15 credit cards right I'm just wondering whether he shreds all this stuff maybe removing the evidence convinced there's more to Matthews spending story they take one last look and stumble upon a hobby graveyard a hard day look I think we've hit the mother lode all the gear TVs skis bikes these boots boots boots and boots hey is it possible that most of this stuff hasn't actually been used we've got a serious they saw this ounce man needs your kind of brand of discipline junior hard having sifted through Matthew stuff Benjamin and Jay want to confront him with some home truths now I am nervous once blindfolded they lead Matthew inside to unveil the scale and horror of his debt [Music] [Applause] [Music] what do you think there's lots of me everywhere well what I'd like you to do is you may notice that each one of you is wearing a t-shirt with a black patch on the front okay I'd like you to reveal [Music] 4550 4550 pound okay keep looking Matthew seems to be uncovering a pattern so if you got any idea or this represents something I've bought maybe what a single purchase bloody well hope not could quite possibly yeah 4550 pounds is the average person in this country's debt right okay do you know why we have 12 people here I can only now assume that it must be how much I owe ya all of them so you're carrying the debt of 12 average people in this country right on a single pair of narrow shoulders the other thing is you've got to work 12 times harder to pay this amount back right how do you feel about that gobsmacked Barry I always thought was quite normal that's that I just thought everybody had that sort of level of debt and everybody was coping so you're beginning to see the scale of the problem that confronts us all here definitely I'm almost speechless Benjamin and Jake need to put a stop to Matthews consumer cravings first step of rehab a week of cold turkey first up J wants to find out if he has any idea where his money's been going in an average week or non-essential items how much do you think you get through probably about a hundred and fifty pounds okay well we flipped it out that the total amount you get through on an average week on non-essential items is seven hundred as one pound and 30p he's spending more than his entire weekly page just on luxuries I'm serious on average honestly oh my god that's very shocking you are completely and utterly clueless aren't you really about where it's all going I didn't think is anywhere near that much that's all clearly because if you think you're spending 200 and you're getting through 700 where's the 500 going how do I know it's it's going somewhere clearly 25,000 pounds a year that you don't know where it's going so how much do you think you could live on minimum and non-essential items for 7 days 7 days yeah minimum you can live on lunches 4 pounds a day Paige was 55 hold on white lunch 4 pounds because I was going to buy it but lots of people manage to eat their lunch without spending more than 4 pounds sometimes probably more a bit so how much Matthew do you think the minimum amount you could live on for 7 days on your non-essential items I'd probably say about half what I think I'm spending maybe 18 that's pretty generous I tell you what I was thinking yeah 40 quid but what if hands is this filling you with absolute dread yeah it's quite scary 40 pounds cold turkey is giving things up it's definitely gonna be a cold turkey completely [Music] back at home Matthew can't wait to tell his brother Steven about his cold turkey sentence God take another and I've got 40 pounds a week silly but I stopped making sandwiches for that God I'll be spending enough here I've got no money give me some mini Steven I think you'll cope to the best of his ability mmm I reckon you're cheap from dark fantasies like that but it's Casa vaping - really if he wants to clear his debt then he's got no choice but to stick to and trope he's gotta learn you find out what he wants when he wants looks like he's more sensible brother Steven has got him sussed for the week ahead day one of cold turkey and Matthew is finding it hard to break old habits instead of walking the one and a half mile journey he decided to drive and it's biting into his budget in total I suppose we're looking at vanish 23 times a week if I if I didn't drive that's all that's provide saying day two of cold turkey and unbeknownst to Benjamin and Jake Matthew sets off on an all-expenses-paid trip to London to celebrate friend Richards birthday luckily for Matthew cold turkey is off the menu as he laps up three days of luxury Hado really nice hotel last night I had breakfast provided for me this morning by the hotel which is quite good everything's been paid for so far I'm just gonna go and see the air the show now later on they're probably going to be going out while we're going to establish you in restaurant first of all so that's all paid for as well by my friend reaches parents which is very nice to them say my coltec ooh it's going quite well so far he's halfway through cold turkey and living on a budget is the furthest thing from Matthews mind [Music] so day four cold turkey week on a luxury cruise down the Thames there in Linda not having to pay for any of it myself again thank God Matthew has managed to black his way through three days of unabashed decadence spending just 13 pounds of his 40 pounds budget still in London Matthew meets with Benjamin who's keen to uncover the real root of his addiction to luxury living if he wants to address his massive debt he needs to start looking at the potential causes for it so why are you so endure because it's not spending I always want new things you know like nice new things like clean things kind of like perfection a bit of a perfectionist in space but there is a sense in which you know there's a reason why you started spending in the first place and I think for you your identity has become this spend a holic and I think you avoid what's beneath that tell me what you don't like about yourself no I suppose it's school yeah I always wanted to be that popular one and have more friends and I've always wanted to have you know more of my own Stefan you've always wanted to be more acceptable yeah maybe so you could say I didn't like that I wasn't as popular as I wanted to be makes sense yeah is that true yeah I guess yeah you guess oh you know yeah that's probably yeah but you don't really like thinking about it yeah why not today it's a long time ago no I guess with Matthew refusing to talk about his early school years Benjamin switches tack to family Matthew grew up in Sutton Coldfield on the edge of Birmingham with one younger brother in a traditional two-parent family but it soon becomes clear this is another subject that's off limits you know I get a sense that you feel threatened by talking about this my family if it was been there for me I wouldn't want anything sir to come out that might make them think that and if my problems have been caused through them say it for you it seems like that you know it's got to be all perfect or it's a disaster I think I'm the same with everything play it's not just it's not just my family no I understand that but I you know I think come on Paul if you'd have a perfect life not just physically but emotionally and you don't really like to look at imperfection in yourself or your past all the people you're closer to because that's a flaw yeah and it's a floor that we can't understand unless we're prepared to look at floors do you feel trapped by that sometimes claustrophobic maybe mmm-hmm ziyal I feel a bit claustrophobic you can't do in space I always have to try and make sure that yeah if I'm going out it's been a just getting ready to try and match with everything's spot over and it's not because you love looking good it's because you're terrified of looking wrong isn't it so your life is run through a backdrop of Terror does that feel sometimes how it is yeah so if I'm gonna help you we have to figure out what's really going on that really makes you spend if you want to look at that come with me confronting his problems head-on is a new challenge for Matthew will he rise to it I hated the sight till today it's horrible he's asking me all sorts of questions I just knew that I really really didn't want to have to answer it it's kind of upsetting I could feel myself sort of like filling up and as a bit like don't ask me these questions I don't think my spending goes as deep as he was oh I'm trying to make out Benjamin I just think literally well I'm just to spend a Harley and just because it's me back in Birmingham and with only his mates and their bar of chocolate for comfort the cold turkey budget is starting to affect Matthew very much this week I've just laid around later and watch TV played on my laptop not really doing anything exciting I've not been out like III have not been to any bars or clubs or clubs or anything my shower which is broken which God knows how much is gonna cost but it's probably gonna be sort of three or four weeks cold tacky Winnie realising how tight money really is he's traded his usual four pound lunch for a distinctly unlock Juris one pound eighteen option saving him two pounds 82 by day 7 any novelty of cold turkey has totally worn off on a shopping trip for essentials Matthew splurges a sixth of his 40 pounds budget on an extravagant treat when I got some cherries seven quid anywhere near that in his last 24 hours he's blown 28 pounds I've just been having a few sort of final thoughts of my own of the week as it's coming to an end it's it's it's confirmed there is just no way on this earth that I can live on 40 pounds a week I just couldn't do it [Music] Matthews cold turkey week has ended with a bump despite blacking his way through three days in London he still come in 11 pounds and seven pence over budget Jay is not impressed I mean on the scale of people that Benjamin and I have worked with if I was really honest you would be right down the bottom end of the scale cold turkey right okay you know I think what brings at home as you know I know the shower broke and that's quite interesting because the way you're living at the moment you haven't got a spare penny for anything like that Jays about to show him the brutal reality of his future you bring in two thousand six hundred and fifty five pounds a month right that is how much you're spending at the moment every single month four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four pounds of nine P which means every single month that is your over spend two thousand one hundred and sixty nine pounds of nine P I mean we knew you were overspending I mean I knew I was a be spending but not by that much that is a quite a daunting the bigger with such a massive overspend he'll need to make some cutbacks and none of his luxuries are safe clothing and footwear 300 pounds a month we've cut that back to 40 pounds on the basis that you could actually start wearing some of the things that are in your wardrobe that still got the tags in socializing 320 pounds a month that goes down to 64 the hormone yep I can spend that the southern nice let alone the Holman yeah and then I'm afraid what we have slashed is all the amount of money that you spend on the internet gadgets 305 77 holidays 265 hobbies 150 DVDs CDs 60 pounds all of these are quite big amounts and when we add everything up on our recommended expenditure we've still got an overspend here of a hundred and eighty eight pounds 92 you know what we've been doing for the last couple years and I can see where I've got it Matthew's biggest asset is his 240 thousand pound house and Jay wants him to consider borrowing 20,000 pounds against the value to help with his overspend and that would enable you to pay back those dreaded credit cards that are on really really high interest rates yeah I mean that is an option I suppose it's or not look Matthew let's be honest what is really weird to me is that you feel in any way in control with a debt of 55,000 pounds you are going to have to release 20,000 pounds out of your mortgage to solve this problem that you are responsible for getting yourself in I mean what exactly is the problem with doing that I suppose that I could take it out on the mortgage that I'm thinking is that robbing Peter to pay Paul right well it's a lot more of a cost-effective way of doing it I mean the thing is is that we are at the crunch point now there are no more choices there is no more denial you need this money to get you out of a huge hold and if you carry on the way you're carrying on you're gonna lose your house just see where I'm coming from my fear I know what they mean but it's like where is the evidence that would convince somebody that this time next year you're not going to be in a worse off position [Music] if he follows Jay's budget plan he could be debt-free in five years Matthew might not be keen on all of Jays suggestions but it has given him food for thought it's just shocking really to think that I might have to spend five grand ermand I guess now I've just got to pay the damn thing back have a nice I got a pay fifty five grand back to help Matthew get back on the road to financial recovery Jay hopes to tackle him on the Hobby gadgets and gizmos he never even uses I just wondered if you could talk me through some of the stuff that you've brought down today for loads of camping equipments tents those you know all the camping gear I need it for holiday away fully kitted out fully kitted out I was the only person in the campsite with my laptop my straightener my hairdryer okay it's almost like sometimes you seem quite proud of wastefulness and I just wonder with you whether you're buying all this stuff because this obsession of having to look good or look the best the whole time so if we had ten people lined up or with their tents it's right you win the rosette for having the swankiest tent but then if we have ten people lined up with their debts next to them you're gonna win the rosette for being the biggest spending more on aren't you hmm I think you know we have to look at the complete sort of idiocy of buying for all these things that you might need when in fact what you actually need is some money in your bank account yeah it's a good point what I want you to do is to go around your house and write yourself an inventory and I want you to be really honest with yourself about whether you use things or not and if things are going to be used then we are going to use them if they are not then they have got to be sold what I hope Matthews got out of today is a question mark in his mind about how much money he wastes and why he does it he just seems to be intent on spending on this fantasy world buying for all these things he never does he is not a man of hobbies he does not need all these things [Music] but three days later Matthew is still fighting against any of Jays suggestions I did come home and have a look through my stuff but as is looking through my step I was bits of like well I don't want to sell it or I don't want to get rid of it I like the stuff that I've got now I'd rather just try and get a fix and stuff and me buying things randomly the other day you know even though I've been through this process I still bought some coffee by which you know I shouldn't have done but I bought it and I've bought it now so I mean I probably will use it I don't know how much I'll use it because it was an it was something for a sat-nav system on one of my phones but I've already got a sat-nav system so I didn't need it but still bought it Benjamin is determined to get to the bottom of Matthew's behavior but he'll need to do more detective work if Matthew won't talk about anything difficult what I thought I'd want to do with you has helped you to understand the the drawbacks and the benefits of perhaps opening up a bit okay okay what I feel that you're doing to yourself is you're putting yourself in a cage where you can't get out because you think it's not okay to talk [Music] [Applause] so what do you think about that you're just looking at it what do you think how do you feel it makes me feel very scared and I can feel I can feel myself tenancingo really yeah just looking quite like yeah I'm gonna invite you to step into your own emotional prison you don't even want to get in there oh no okay what's it like in there I don't like the cage at all no I don't like that there is a string of it why is it there you stay in here why don't you come out afraid of what others might think yeah later well there's my thing who's top of that list hope you'll know that okay I want you to think of one thing that you really feel like you need to say but that you don't say because you're worried about your mother or think it's kind of hard I just want you to think about that for a moment I'll give you some motivation you can call me back any time how do you feel that I'm moving further away from you Wow well yeah I guess okay now if I just left you in here wouldn't be good with it now that is what's gonna happen at the end of this program and what I want you to decide is when I've left do you want to still be in here or do you want to try and take some steps to getting out to be running through those fields okay well here's the thing you have an opportunity now to say something that feels really difficult uncomfortable to you to say but might help you to get out of your own emotional prison Benjamin brings in the person whose opinion Matthew cares about the most so Matthew has something that he wants to say that he thinks will help him out of his own emotional prison actually say yeah I guess I've always felt that I could always be better or I've always tried to be the best that I can now I don't know that you're definitely in a bit alone and then everybody just me that I don't know I've always got it in my mind that I couldn't always be that little bit better all that there'll be more for your mum yeah for everybody here's one of them or so there's a sense in which you feel that you're not good enough well that's very brave of you to say so I think I'm gonna give you a shot at freedom I'm just gonna open the door with this now what do you think of what he said I didn't realize you felt that way and and you know if you want to change in any way that wasn't always there for you now Benjamin wants to show Matthew how different it can feel when he lets someone into his cage how do you feel they're together on your own by now because you've got each other but you know what's really interesting here is that when you're in here on your own it's really really frightening place to be when you let someone else into your emotional prison it's not so scary and in a way that is what was 33 and you come out together [Music] and it was hard but it's no it's over and done with and it's been said it's a weight off my shoulders well happy now enough you'll come back to us and tell us more and I can look more to us and it'll start looking us you know that is good IDs are they just enough to buy things to make himself look good while Benjamin is making inroads with Matthews psychology Jay has hit a brick wall with his attitude and calls a powwow to discuss the way forward how are you finding it with Matthew because I have to tell you I'm finding him deeply annoying at the moment and very very resistant well I can really relate to that because in my work with him he was very resistant and it was quite difficult but I did get little bits and pieces and I did do a thing with his mother where in a way you know he got it and here is definitely potential for movement there but then you know what comes next but it really needs to do is you start to open up to people in general but I think you're right he's bad at interacting with people you know I want him to sort of increase his hobbies because he spends a lot of time in buying more stuff on the Internet I mean I know I'm being quite tough on him but I just think if I let up it isn't going to hell he's one of the most difficult people we've ever worked with to reach and he's one of the people with the biggest debts we've worked with it could go either way really I just you know I don't know if we're gonna be able to bring him in or if we're gonna actually lose him Jays not about to let Matthew get the better of her and heads to Birmingham where drastic action is needed to get him back on track no Matthew this particular juncture in time you can't afford to have all this stuff that you don't use sitting here like a security blanket because we've got to find some way for you to generate some income to get paying these debts off so I think we should get on have a look gather up a few things and seriously think about saying and I think the first two areas I'd like to start is wardrobe and garage yeah okay yep okay well over Gover I don't know change that's probably a - right it is ice skates how many times have you use those but I ask you think I'm a reason well there we go [Music] let's get take that they're coming with us taking that these get me ten DVDs that you couldn't give a toss if you never saw again now now there's one why haven't you worn these I don't even think I tried them on I mean how thick is that really try the bloody things on if they don't fit you don't get them having taken stock of the castoffs Matthews willing to part with it's time to show him how to turn his online addiction into a cash cow across town Sat chakkar runs a thriving business selling other people's items online she takes a 30% commission but Jays hoping she might inspire Matthew to join the 70,000 Britons now making a living as online auction traders you're expert this because of one thing you are is always online except he's buying and not selling but if we could turn it around I think you might quite enjoy being a seller people get a huge buzz from watching their auctions when the finishings I've always I know he just thinks people do a lot of people do and I think they're realizing the value of things no no no but you're not gonna be in that camp anymore yeah you're gonna be in the cool sorted green recycle and debt free can yeah I think if you think about what you've got lying around the house you might think he's not worth anything to anybody but in fact one man's junk is another man's treasure you know even if it's an old computer screen or a keyboard and if it's gonna get you a few pounds why not and it's better than singing him and you recycle at the same time and to make sure he doesn't stray back into buying Jay has one more trick up her sleeve it's a little mouse pad what do you think of that that's you know yeah so any time you're tempted to spend and deviate from your research on selling look at the message on my mouse pad good thank you very much - oh I always feel with him that I'm dragging him and bullying him and making him do something cuz he is so damn lazy but I think he might persevere with doing a bit of selling because he does love being online and he's got all the stuff there and I just detect in him a spark of enthusiasm that I haven't seen before so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for him turning into an internet seller a good of the stuff that I've got could easily go online I would imagine whether it's that a lot don't know but I suppose I could always try and see and it's not long before he gets the selling bug Matthew puts one of his duplicate gadgets up for auction and he's about to reap the rewards I saw that feeling four hundred and twenty quid yeah he bought that hundred twenty thousand go Cod John thanks John [Music] Benjamin is making progress with Matthew but would like more inside information he hopes another meeting with mum Ruth might shed light on his past and give him some more vital clues it's lovely as well Benjamin thinks he may have hit on something University come home with it blonde I had to get on a school of this kind of age do you think he got to go to university decided to raise that yeah you don't remember him being kind of very distressed about being bullied or anything at school so you don't know maybe maybe not I think that Matthew's mother found it quite difficult perhaps to talk about issues and to really feel comfortable at opening up and maybe that explains where Matthew gets some of his reticence from also it's pretty clear that Matthew now lives with a different hair colour to his natural one and that is an indication probably of real issues over his own sense of identity after winning the battle to get Matthew selling instead of buying online Jay has another scheme to save him some cash it's a way to fill time without filling shopping baskets you're probably wondering why I told you to bring your rollerblades come through here I want you to come and meet Nina now matthew has tried this before how many times did you do it oh we're doing it a couple of times but I fell over probably a couple of times as well so I just gave it up but today what we're gonna do is get Nina to give you a personal lesson because I think rollerblading would be a really good thing for you all right so just give it a go that's it Oh [Music] [Music] it's very very very very good is it better than the first time you did it and hated it when you fell over yeah yeah well good I'm glad you said that because all this is incredibly good for the skin and matthew spends about a hundred pounds a month on beauty products so that would definitely come down and bite see with a nice glow from being outside and exerting yourself because what we're aiming to do is to try and find something that you can do in your spare time rather than this automatic thing of getting home from work and just using your time to do internet shopping and you might even like it to really try and get him hooked she sends him to escaped london event where he has the opportunity to meet enthusiastic like-minded people I'm very very bout amazing is when everyone is saying hi and how are you and wanting to get to know you in you know they're also interested it's really sort of like quite motivating friendly people this is the skating community these free events happen all over the country and if it saves him 60 pounds on a social night out and gets in using escapes it's a win-win situation interested to see what I'm like after maybe a week probably been down there at the front of the crowd I would really like to think that I would go home and at least try them on again and skate down the street and see how I got on in my local area and then see how we go from there Jay has had a breakthrough with Matthew but Benjamin is about to set in the hardest challenge yet he's already seen Matthew open up to his mum but the real test is whether or not he can open up to the rest of the world benjamin writes out several statements on cars hoping the phrases might challenge matthew to confront some of the issues he avoids talking about Matthew's problem is that he's trying to manage other people's reactions to him and I'm hoping that by showing these things to other people he'll get reactions that he wasn't expecting he's taking him - Birmingham's Mary Hill shopping center to face his biggest fear what others think of him so Matthew the thing is you're living your life really through other people's eyes looking at you right you agree with that hey're do you agree with that yes yeah you think a lot about what other people think of you don't you yeah so come with me to help out with her I've got a little experiment here I've got an earpiece for you and some props food to hold Benjamin asks Matthew to hold up this statement signs that force him to reveal more of himself to the world wired for sound he's ready to take center stage with his first declaration excuse me ma'am what do you think of this guy No they are silly why it looks good I have a quick word this guy what do you think I just don't understand me to diversion for that Oh what he's trying to put across you don't get it okay brilliant did you learn anything about people's reactions to you there that was new to you people just really didn't have a ton opinion either way so you didn't read one of them but you spent so much time worrying about what other people worry about you and the fact there's a lot of the time they don't really give a monkey's so a lot of this effort and spending is kind of a waste of time might as well relax and be who you are okay I'll give you another one Jimmy what do you think of this guy I think if you've got something they should definitely say position be afraid to tell people why not are you never afraid to tell be worried or anything no [Music] nice-lookin yes but then he comes up even though he feels well thing he'd have to been in with you yes I wouldn't be any good okay so which would you rather have a scruffy bloke who was emotionally open for a tidy looking blow on a roll Matthew gets another sign that's a touch more personal more or less interested in holding the card or not holding the first well I'm more interested looking at him cold in the car because I'm intrigued by what he means by opposite well that was interesting all of them said we shouldn't be afraid to say what you really feel because people can look at you and think well you know look at you you're good-looking you're all sorted you're well dressed and then there's no vulnerability so then there's no compassion towards you if anything is MV when you hold that up and people are looking and they feel some compassion they can see that you're not everything you pretend to be and then they can get closer to you and they can help you is that a revelation for you soon as no until today so yeah today's made me realize that be by being some caged-in you know like you showed me in the cage you know less people will like them because they don't know anything about me exactly but it's easier said than done and the last sign touches a raw nerve it's a revelation too far for Matthew hold that cut me and told me about doing it not to come here until it's about doing it okay let's put this sign down and talk about it no I'm not doing it a point about not doing it ok ok but let's put the sign down and talk about why you're not doing cuz this is exactly where you get to guys we need to talk about doing fine I'm not gonna make you do it I promise you I just want to know why you feel like this cuz I'm just don't think it's an issue and that's been my spending cause any cuts between if it's good no that's not the point the point is everything we just did was about you being more open difference where you going Matthew Matthew has been pushed beyond his limits he goes into hiding and refuses to see or speak to Benjamin for over a week finally after much soul-searching Matthew agrees to meet Benjamin to discuss what happened today what I'm going to do is tell him how dr. thought the exercise was and obviously see what his thoughts are of my reaction to the way that I strapped up and the way that I sort of just walked out and I didn't want to speak to anybody because you know at the end of the day I just I didn't want to even come back I do feel that there's a difference between perhaps what I was asking Matthew to do and the scale of his reaction to it and there's something there to understand about that difference and that's what I want to look at today hi there hello nice to see you again last thing I saw of you was the back of you obviously you were very distressed and upset once I was distressed so it's just a bit like what's the point although yeah dye my hair I don't dye it because I got bullied at school or anything I mean I could die I could go back to my natural it's a no if I really wanted to but I just prefer being done you see my dilemma here is that I've seen you freaked out about that issue so I now don't know if you're finding it hard to tell me what's really going on or if it's there's another way to understand this what I want to do is I want to put some things on the board and just see if we can illustrate maybe some differences between where you are and where I am on this okay the revelation about his natural hair color clearly hurt and Benjamin wants to explore the build-up to Matthew's extreme reaction oh it's just pissed off he starts by writing down what Matthew felt on the day I love it almost like betrayed follow car was being made to do things I didn't really feel were relevant on the opposite side Benjamin writes his version of events and explains what he thinks caused the extreme reaction so if I was given this I say a colleague and said look this has happened what I think the logical conclusion for me is that this guy has been bullied over this taboo so I'm gonna put that up if that was my first guess my second guess would be that you're still afraid still worried about being bullied about this taboo if I added those two things together I think that makes a person want to look like they must be perfect which is expensive as far as I can see where you coming from mm-hmm I don't think from your reaction it's completely untrue I don't think I'm a hundred I mean I'll agree with you I don't think it's completely untrue it's cool every now and then I used to have like a name called a something like that so these kind of experiences may have been there and then you may have thought well you know I've grown out of that I've moved on I don't have to think about it anymore but it's precisely not thinking about it that means you have to behave over it and the behavior that you exhibit is I must be perfect which cost money I'll tell you an interesting thing that happened after you left that day at Mary Hill I held up that sign in the window and every single person that walked past that window laughed at me yeah which is why I didn't really want to bring it into this show because I know that I will be humiliated probably for years afterwards which is why it's specific it's just you see it all you see it on TV and it's you didn't see it on TV you lived it yeah which is why I specifically didn't want to go out because it will have an adverse effect on my life on a note well and it will be a negative effect but I think what you're saying is that it did have an adverse effect on your life it did have a negative effect and that that has been really hard for you and you know how hard it is and I think that when when I when I suggested holding that sign it broke that tremendous effort that you make to cover yourself up not just physically but also emotionally I think that the key is to really just start to be as open as possible as often as possible and allow people in and then when that moment comes when you want to walk away like you didn't marry him stay and talk about why you want to walk away people don't talk they today these days oh I love you for that you'd be amazed people do talk you don't if you ask me what can you do about it that's the answer [Music] two months ago Matthew Vokes had a shopping addiction that was out of control he was facing a spiraling debt of fifty five thousand pounds but continued living a lifestyle he couldn't afford glossing over the reality of his situation he was the toughest nut to crack but lifestyle expert Jay Hunt has shown Matthew ways to curb his serial spender try the bloody things on if they don't fit you don't get them and how to get his kicks for free psychological coach Benjamin Frei helped him release his inner demons and start making sense of his spending well you hold that up and people are looking and they feel some compression and then they can get closer to you and they can help it's been two months since Matthew started down his road to financial recovery Benjamin and Jay and meeting him for an update was this harder than you thought it was gonna be it's gonna be like a walk in the park now how are you getting on with your shopping has that been easy to cut down rather than buying online well done and have you put your skates on again whenever we take the dog for a walk copy that's how you do it I'm a roller brain's getting really good yeah I started to walk to work so in eighteen months time will be almost debt-free and stick-thin now one of the chats that we had earlier on was about whether you would think about releasing any of the equity from your property 20,000 to pay off the credit card debts if you had to think about that my parents or my members actually agreed to give me 20,000 pounds towards clearing my debt what what would stop you I think I'd rather try and do it on my own mother than just going yeah take the easy road it's so nice that your parents are there but as you said there is something to sort of sorting yet all about yourself if we came back in six months from now would we find Matthew carrying on on this new path or do you think you're gonna slip back you came back in six months time I'd be 6,000 pounds lessened oh yeah and would you be opening out a lot and I'd be selling more stuff and I'd probably opening if I was fearful to good work well done plastic that's been cut in half just like one of his credit cards so they are no more

Channel: Only Human

Views: 116,048

Keywords: only human, only human channel, only human documentary, shopaholics, shopaholics anonymous, shopaholics bbc, shopaholics documentary, shopaholics full episode, shopaholics uk, shopping addiction debt, shopping addiction documentary, shopping addiction full episodes, shopping addiction help, shopping addiction recovery, shopping addiction true life, spendaholics, spendaholics documentary, spendaholics full episodes, spendaholics tv show, spendaholics uk, spendaholics youtube

Id: z1v19Ey9SZk

Length: 55min 53sec (3353 seconds)

Published: Wed May 27 2020