20K Debt And A ROBOT OBSESSION?! | FULL EPISODE | Spendaholics

meet Stuart Hicks a 24-year old customer services leader from Kent temptation isn't a problem for Stuart he just gives into it love it love spending whether it's buying expensive goodies for himself this is I am 450 pound Gucci bag 70 pound blue Gucci strap or his very grown-up house 2,000 pounds of a thousand pound crystal chandelier money is no object my spending motto would be simply I have to have it but Stuart's very adult house hides a very childish obsession individual robots so far I tend to get a lot more they're my babies Stuart's growing army of robots may soon be looking for a new home as on top of his heavy mortgage repayments he has 20,000 pounds of debt that's rising by the day that's on car loans credit cards overdrafts house loans bank statements when they come through the door just go straight to a draw his best mate James is concerned he really does have a problem with spending he's definitely not gonna have any money in the future because I'm spending the way that he is and he's not the only one we've tried everything we can to make him stop but we just don't know what to do anymore without wit's end luckily for Stuart help is at hand psychological coach Benjamin fry will try to release to it from the problems that drive him to spend come on let's get rid of some blade I'm angry weather and lifestyle expert Jay Hunt has her work cut out trying to for Stewart to see sense I'm worried that you haven't listened to anything and you're going to go massively backwards I think I really need this help and I think I've come to a difficult point in my life where this is the right time to get help [Music] twenty-four-year-old Stuart lives alone in a two-bedroom house that he bought with his ex-boyfriend during their seven years together Stuart managed to blow a fortune creating his idea of the perfect home 500 pound type modern wallpaper the sofas which were about two-and-a-half grand custom-made curtains which 500 pounds and the expense goes beyond his four walls in the past year alone Stuart has spent over 1.2 million yen that's five thousand pounds creating his dream Japanese gardens I have trees imported from Japan temples from Japan and even the tiles of my shed are imported from Japan and it's not just expensive temples and tiles that Stuart likes to import from Japan robots make me just happy I love getting them searching for them hunting them down tracking down the rare ones getting them shipped here from Japan and then standing back and looking at what I've got if I had to pick between being debt-free and not having these then I would still pick these but Stewart isn't debt-free and spending double the 1200 a month's salary he earns is threatening his house his lifestyle and tying him to the job he hates the job itself is pretty mundane it's the same thing day in and day out it doesn't really push me it doesn't require me to use my creative side or my emotions to do anything so I feel quite wasted where I am and Stewart has a great remedy for beating the blues [Music] whenever I'm feeling down I am shocked some people binge and eat drink or get drunk I just shop I think I do want to just buy my happiness instead of earning it because I can't I can't see a way of owning it so I just want to buy him but trying to buy happiness has had an effect on more than just his wallet [Music] my spending as I'm contributed to the end of my seven-year relationship ultimately it was the thing we're out about most and that as well as other things to finally call the relationship the end of Stuart's relationship has not only left him single but without the second income that used to fuel his spending now he struggles with his mortgage repayments while spending like never before his twenty thousand pound debt is spiraling out of control and he could lose everything my biggest fear is that if I can turn the way I am now I'm just going to have no house no partner just blow the money just to make myself happy because I'm going for a hard time right now it's time for our experts to kickstart a transformation while 24 year old Stuart visits his family Jay and Benjamin have a snoop around his Dartford home Jay will be looking at how he spends his money while Benjamin will be looking for the reasons why I'm a very high-powered person I've put a lot of effort and time and money into the house everything is exactly how I wanted it and didn't even think about the cost because that's what I want that's why I did this room is very very very neat this sofa I wouldn't be surprised if it's been custom made to fit in this bit white leather is not cheap and these curtains I mean they're quite ornate the more fabric you have the more expensive it is you know this wallpaper all of this is really gonna start adding up talk me through this - it's not okay Gucci bag yeah what he's done is he's brought all the matching accessories he's got the keys he's got a wallet even the garden in Stewart's house catches Jay and Benjamin's eye it's quite a statement isn't it my Japanese garden it's quite nice as well though again like inside there's very neat very tidy also must be quite expensive you know you've got rocks a water pump you've got lights you've got statues you've got all these plants you've got all those words and tiles on the shed I mean it's not cheap I do like it oh yeah calming it's not all fun I mean like being gonna spend the whole exhales is it normally it feels Manek yeah but you know what I've been upstairs yet yeah maybe there's a dark secret lurking beneath this polish veneer Wow look at all of this you see is that you'll know this are these robots or transformers and these are transformers or robots in disguise okay but these are kind of adult toys really oh yeah but the problem I always think when you get people who are into all of this is that where do you stop you know what I'm quite nervous about what we're going to find it has better I lost all my sense of Zen koan from the garden yes why climb up the spout yeah quite a big wardrobe oh look so I could display that's Armani Armani just like no you must be keeping them it's sort of trophies but in a cupboard with the inspection almost over all that remains is the dirty detail of Stuart spending bank statement loads PayPal PayPal PayPal I bet you that's all the robots and stuff that he's buying could be on the net oh look parcel force import duty exercise GTV 80 so is importing stock country of origin Japan seven thousand six hundred and ninety seven pounds owed to egg I reckon we ought to take all this I think yeah you're gonna have to weave your magic with that [Music] J and Benjamin are about to insist Stewart says sayonara to the spending sprees now a couple of things we wanted to show you in here but before we go in I just wanted to ask you a question Japan because we've been round your house it's like the Japanese water garden all the Japanese robots and everything else what is it about Japan I love Japan alone everything about all of the culture the civilization know everything and have you actually been to Japan I haven't yet ah right well hopefully you might quite like the Japanese theme that we've got today so come with us [Music] now come and have a look at this so what do you think all of this could possibly represent maybe you're taking me to Japan and this is all my luggage Oh rewards now mr. robot do you want to go and grab him for me mr. robot has a tag around his neck and what does that say on it as his 25 grand okay now what do you think that figure represents that would be how much I spent on robots okay now I'm gonna hold this robot for a minute and what I'd like you to do is just to walk around this circle and have a count up of how many bags and pieces of luggage there are that you can see off you go have a walk round 2 3 4 5 6 forty-two okay now what I want you to think about is the fact that if you hadn't a spent twenty five thousand on your robot collection you could have actually have had forty two trips to Japan for that same money does that surprise you yeah I've been doing what have you been doing and at one way I look at it is because I can't go to Japan I bought Japan to me but you can go to hell yeah and you could have gone less robots yeah enough looking at what might have been J and Benjamin now need to show Stuart the harsh reality of his future [Music] [Applause] if we could just take a seat at your desk please to help Stuart appreciate the severity of his situation Jay and Benjamin handcuff him to the job that he hates how does that feel comfy I'm very comfortable feel stuck really feel trapped in reason that you are change this desk it's because you are 20,000 pounds there's your debt there is your desk sit there and look at that the reason that we've changed your hair is because I want you to realize just how long you're gonna be chained to your desk if you carry on with your current set of loan repayments okay you will be free of these chains of free of your debt and the 6th of May 2012 I got so much wasted life I don't want to be here at 5 years ok well it's not that bad it's worse because it's all very well paying off your debt but at the rate that you're overspending in the moment even when this is paid off by this date you will have an additional 86,000 pounds of debt yeah how by overspending by spending more than you earn it's got to come from somewhere the Gucci the robots Japanese water garden all these things are going to continue and continue and continue and that's where you're going to end up which will keep you sat at this desk chain for a lifetime which is gonna be a lot worse than what you've got now so you're really here to crossroads in your life right now you can choose to stay chained to this desk or you can choose to do something about our semi-free sad you're free but you feel that you're willing to be open and come on this journey and really have a look and explore faced with this yeah definitely and now you're free unless drastic measures are taken Stuart's heading for a financial meltdown before handing over his cold turkey budget Jay and Benjamin size up Stewart's grip on his finances so what do you think you get through in an average week I'd say about 100 hundred to eight hundred two hundred fifty well Benjamin and I have been through all the statements and everything else and you might be interested to know that you get through three hundred and seventy eight pounds and fifty P in an average week so that's over double what you think you're spending oh my god what do I buy well this is the big question I couldn't even tell you where it goes then it really is a waste of money yeah what we've got to think about is the next seven days you've got to survive you've got to get to work and back no luxuries we know that's a goner so how much do you think you could survive on Japan's winter gives about 50 it's actually 29 pounds as we've worked into it so Benjamin and I thought that we reckon you could do 40 quid for the week no way seriously what do you have to spend longer lunches and going out lunch isn't going out yeah okay the point of this is cold turkey which means giving stuff up you remember those handcuffs remember that desk you don't know between chain two if we give him a change okay then that's 44 quid it's just seven days where you've got to avoid temptation I'm just thinking there goes my social life I mean nobody's saying it's gonna be the greatest week of your life and we're certainly not sitting Alliance you saying it's fun but the whole point is it's not meant to be fun it's meant to be you exploring how you feel when you don't have what makes you feel good okay yeah is that a deal on India okay I'm gonna take this back then Stuart you better put that in your pocket there we go good luck sure yeah thank you seven days I had no idea that I was spending so much money each week on nothing and to think that now I've got to cut that down and I've got a really fire that was essential and one looking forward to it it's day one of cold turkey yummy I begin in my lovely car and driving but today we have to walk by walking to the station Stuart saves two pounds 80 in parking and 80 pence in petrol a saving of three pounds sixty this week is really gonna run show me where I've been going wrong nearly 400 pounds a week is still just going over and over in my head so a lot of money to be wasting hey can I get a weekly travel card please thank you very much that's just about all of my budget gone I've got about 40 15 15 power left now with money tight and temptation running loose Stewart reflects on the bad old days I've always just if I wanted something I've gotta bought it and not even thought about where the money's coming from I've just kind of got more money so I think I'm gonna miss the carefree lifestyle well I guess I was living but I don't want to plan it I really gonna give it give it my best Stewart works in Canary Wharf in the heart of London's Docklands it's a wash with pricey shops and rich bankers flushed with money something Stuart's simply doesn't have but this doesn't stop him from looking just in a t-shirt that I really like that it's got robots on it but it's 45 quid it's way out of my budget already let's keep walking Stuart's company pays a 5-pound daily allowance to spend in the office canteen so his first day of cold turkey is almost flawless today was day one of cold turkey I have spent sixty P on my B know if you can see that and 29 pounds 20 on a train ticket for a week just to come out of my budget very unfair I think and I've got 14 pounds 20 left at the end of my first day which is tragic it's day two of cold turkey and Stuart decides that one free meal in the office canteen was quite enough I should use a fiber as I say for a reason it does it would save me 25 quid a week but I genuinely don't like what I have to offer chips combo please splashing out 795 in his favorite restaurant instead could bring a premature end to Stuart's week of cold turkey just two days in thank you for joining us with James paying for lunch Stewart sidestepped disaster but it doesn't bode well for the week ahead I'm very lucky to have friends like James would buy me lunch when I'm going through something so horrible as cold turkey is she in there but um I still got to have my cake and eat it I guess which is what they always try and it's this sort of approach that slandered Stewart in the financial quagmire the reckless attitude he believes was also responsible for killing off his long-term relationship benjamin is keen to explore this stage of Stewart's life so invites him to London to probe further so why do you spend all this money he must be happy Oh beer for five minutes why it's just nice things and why does that make yeah thank God that wasn't coming home to a nice relationship it's like you heard the nice things instead and in which house are we talking about my house are you sure we're only talking about that house I think so I didn't I wasn't like this when I was at my mum in that house did you come home to nice relationships now Stewart left home aged just sixteen to live with his older boyfriend Benjamin suspects this could have been a critical stage in Stewart's life just tell me about your relationship with your parents and are they still together yeah who are you closer to him that's not really bad but neither of them we feel a bit distant from them yeah I guess I always felt like I wasn't as important as my brother and sister and I think I've thought about that before I think that's why I why I was so independent at such a young age how about being gay I was okay with that I was then when I tell my mum she said I know I wish you told makes up in going over in my head for years about what to do and how to tell you I moved out before I even told them so they couldn't throw me out thought that not that they would find me I guess well that's interesting though isn't it he was so worried about telling them that he moved out so they couldn't hurt hmm oh that was when you were 16 mm you were quite young I was young and I do I do think sometimes that was too young did you say goodbye to your parents house when you left I thought it was too much nothing win just legged it mmm some unfinished business there made me hmm but there isn't a family on this planet it doesn't have friction and the issue is how do you deal with that friction how do you resolve it if you're angry you need to show someone I don't need to be an angry certainly I know but it does exist the reality is that people are going to upset you you're gonna have negative feelings and if you can't articulate them and if you can't work them through then they've got nowhere else to go except into your behavior the other thing you can do with all these negative feelings is you can turn them in on yourself does that feel familiar I always myself yeah every now and then I'll just get really really really depressed and I won't know why and you cry a lot and as you know I'm not suicidal but I certainly think about wouldn't it just be easier if I wasn't here it's kind of like you lost your anchor yeah you feel a bit lost definitely so maybe what we need to do is we need to restore that anchor I think you're right though I have lost I've lost who I was and I want to I want to go back there [Music] I think the chat I just had with Benjamin was a lot harder than what I was expecting and he certainly dug off a lot more than I thought there was I didn't even consider for a second that my spending was anything to do with my family I still I'm still not sure if if that's a cure on our then I've got god I think about it well that was quite a helpful session with Stuart what I worry about though is that when he left home at the age of 16 he kind of gave up on his family and I think as a result that loss of communication has left him adrift from them so I suspect what I'll need to do for him is I'll need to get him comfortable with using communication handing up opening up to his family so that he can go back to the security that I think he left far too young I'm really not used to talking about my feelings it's not something that I do very often I normally help people talk about this and I help other people when they've got problems everyone else has got so many problems that everybody asked me and I'm not one to start and what about me back in the grim world of cold turkey it's Friday night and Stuart's friends roll up to take him out I'll take the whole dog I was offended that just just so it's their self got it normally Stuart would insist on driving himself but he's decided to catch a lift with his mates saving him four pounds on petrol [Applause] [Music] they get to the bar earlier than usual and it saves them of five pounds entry fee but drinking water all night is not as cheap as Stuart thinks [Music] good morning I am when our last night as you know and I spent five pounds 70 so I now have 8 pounds 50 now I'm just kind of bored actually and not really sure what to do myself normally I would have gone out and gone shopping but I've got to do it I'm gonna I'm gonna do it I'm determined to them and not blow my budget Stewart is discovering that not shopping at the weekends is leaving him with lots of time on his hands [Music] I didn't realize not spending money was so boring you see all these people doing it all the time you know we don't mean only to spend money to have a good time that what do you do people is so boring I hate this I want to go shopping and I'm gonna grab my friends miss money with only the Internet to keep Stuart occupied and his resolve faltering it could be an expensive end to the weekend I guess I am torturing myself going onto the Gucci website to look at what what's the latest gear that I can't buy anymore there's a lot of stuff on here that I want and normally especially if I'm feeling down then I'll just click drop and then it's on its way here I have seen a few things I have wanted I have resisted [Music] with Stuart's tough week of cold turkey finally over Jay is keen to see how he fared now Stuart what I've got here is your new budget but before we have a look at this I just want to talk to you about how you got on during your cold turkey week I did alright did you and I have caught you got change 5 pounds 35 wow that is impressive did you think you could do it I thought I thought I'd overspend by a lot a lot I was determined well moving on what we've got here is Stuart's long-term budget and we've added everything up that you're spending at the moment and it comes to two thousand four hundred and fifty two pounds 27 that's how much god you're getting through every month now given that you're bringing in 1291 pounds that red figure of one thousand one hundred and sixty one twenty seven is your overspend currently that's like I was been in double what I was earning hmm that's crazy now what I want you to realize is that we have been through these figures and we have stripped everything right back as much as we possibly can now even when we've done that we are still in a nova spend of 225 pounds 22 but we're gonna deal with that I've got a separate idea of how to deal with that overspend okay now I want you to look at this area first of all lunch at work at the moment you're spending a hundred and nine pounds which to me is absolutely insane given that you get five pounds a day to spend on stuff what what what do you do with that there's loads of restaurants all around where I work rich I'm surrounded by restaurants so I just go to them every lunch that's over a hundred pounds every month that somebody's giving you and you're just chucking it away and for me that's a really easy one okay at the moment clothes come in at 200 pounds every month and that we're gonna have to cut down too now no surprise internet shopping is costing on average 220 883 a month and we have been quite reach it does it feel okay if you were to think at this precise moment in time every robot that I buy is chaining me to my desk and stopping me doing things that I really want to do that's all that is what the robots are doing so when you look at this how do you feel I've never thought about what I was spending but um I'm sure once they get into it I'll be okay but it's just it'll be the getting into it the sky things gonna be the hard bit I'm really pleased with the budget even though even those 250 pounds I still got pulled from somewhere that was a bit disappointing but just goes to show just how bad I am at spending [Music] was a spending Stewart is starting to understand his financial situation but Benjamin wants him to understand the emotional problems that underline it he's brought into the vast expanse of Kent's coastline to help him open up when Stewart was 16 he left home and I think really it was because he just didn't know how to open up and communicate his fear to his family and maybe some of his anger so today rather than just hit that straight over the head first thing I'm gonna play with him a bit and play with what it means to him to actually voice the kind of opinions that he really feels he chokes on you'll notice that we've arrived at the very spot where I previously planted some miniature robots on which you're going to write the things that have really held you back and stopped you being free okay and then we're gonna let go of the stuff that holds you back because you don't you don't express yourself we don't make your conflict external we'd have to see you don't even like that some people would look at this and say this is the silliest easiest thing anyone could ever do you don't want to do and I think I express myself just through different ways I like spending money buying matching bags and artistically yeah okay well that's what's got you into this trouble that's why you're standing at the top of a cliff Lee I'm gonna try a different way Stuart is asked to write down what he feels holds him back in life the first few thoughts come easily for Stuart but Benjamin wants him to dig deeper see now it gets harder than that you're going through the obvious things are we gonna go just a little bit deeper all right the family that you grew up in there was a sense in which you felt like maybe you were in some way less than your brother or sister yeah I certainly got the blame for more things okay so blame how about that okay what else do you want to get rid of that has really made you feel trapped inside of you and I just always remember hating myself for not knowing why so that's that's something you'd be nice to get rid of yeah but writing down his feelings is only half the challenge take this this bond that has kept you back and fling it into the English Channel as hard as you can and scream while you do it to scream oh this is annoying yeah it is yeah no heed then an angry widow doesn't feel you feel any sense of relief getting rid of that no no not at all okay let's go come on blame let's get rid of some blame good how do you feel expressing your anger that is stupid it stupid yeah the slightly getting T it's like pissing you off yeah the pissing off I'm making you do it yeah good works for you don't get pissed off and you don't process it and all this stuff this stuff that your job just weighing you down ah okay come on let's go let go of your self-hatred let it go ah that's it what have you got out of doing that I think identifying problems and seeing how hard it is to really let yourself feel about them yeah because what's really interesting here is that you you really felt reluctant to do this you did it and you experienced how uncomfortable it was but that nothing's been broken nobody's been hurt there's been no disaster here and you're okay yeah come on let's get you off this freezing cliff [Music] after a draining session with Benjamin Stewart takes refuge at home about our day besides I'm going to come home and get some Zen flowing and tidy up my cloud tree so it looks all pretty and neat again although Stewart has blown bundles of cash creating his perfect garden he's done all the work himself Jay is hoping to use Stewart's green fingers to rake in the readies [Music] she's arranged to meet him in the grounds of Hever Castle in Kent to put her plan into action we've got to find a way where you can earn an extra two hundred twenty-five pounds a month so I'm thinking it would be easier if you're going to put extra effort into something to do something where you have a passion I'm going to introduce you to kneel here today Neal's job is Head Gardener so he is in charge of all of this I mean it is one of the most beautiful gardens in England and I think that what we might end up with here talking to him is a way that you feel inspired and also some ideas for how you can get round that 225 overspend Jay has done her research and thinks that Stewart and Neil have more in common than they may expect there are many moons ago I used to work up in the city London as an insurance broker and had to get out of this and decided it's gonna set up my own business I really and yeah great really to started like you know a friend of a friend all a lot they guardin done and before you knew it you were having too much work Stewart does have an over spend of 225 pounds on his new budget so he really needs to earn some extra money and using his gardening skills seems the perfect solution more and more people near their garden now we see a kind of extension to their house they really want someone that's got that creative flair and to help design their gardens and he can't you can't breathe in fresh air their feet stuck behind an office I reckon he could charge about 15 pounds an hour he gets home at 4 o'clock in the afternoon so he can utilize that time and the early evenings and weekends can be utilized with doing a bit more graft so I think he could be seriously in the money if he puts his mind to this [Music] Jays strategy is blossoming but she's got one last surprise to kick-start his budding career what Stewart we're so confident that this is something that you can really really do and do well that we've set you off so here is your birthday and we've taken some pictures and all the services you can offer fish stocking planting roof tiling death King paving and hopefully inspire you to use this as a tool to start doing a bit of networking friends family the office and start getting some work in because what seems mad is that we're not turning this potential of yours into a money-making scheme you know quite Jen means Stewart can not only stave off the boredom of life without shopping but also earn him an extra six hundred pounds a month but it all depends on how hard he's willing to graft I'm really excited about the prospect of starting my own company it's a bit funny to think that it was in front of me the whole time saying that I was already doing for fun anyway and yummy excited by the idea of it I don't think that today has been a perfect solution in the end to all of Stewart's problems but it will help pay off his debt and it's brilliantly fitting in with his schedule because it enables him to keep his job keep money coming in whilst he explores the possibility of a new career that would make him really happy I love this book is fantastic and I can't wait to show everyone it and get some work coming in I'm really I'm really gonna do this I'm really feeling like a happier person I mean outwardly I don't think I ever let anyone see how sad I was inside but I think now know that I'm showing everyone how sad I was inside I've got nothing to cover up anymore so I can just say yeah this is what I'm like but it's not how I want to be so help me change known even quite help me just watch me Chinese I'm gonna the next morning Stewart has lost none of his positivity hever castle was gray a great time working with Neal so now I'm taking Jai's advice and I'm gonna go and don't try and get some work got my portfolio and I've got some new fish that I've made up for gardening so I'm gonna go knock on some doors and see if I can get some work hi there hi I'm starting my own gardening business yeah and I'm just handing around some fliers trying to get some work and I've got a portfolio so you can look at my working it's 15 pounds an hour it'll be something that you're interested yes thanks a lot bye it's been quite positive everyone seems quite interested I've had no definite offers yet but I remain positive I'm sure I'm sure I will get some that one seemed quite keen so I'm sure we'll get some not one to be discouraged Stewart carries on touting for work a couple of days later Stewart has made a dramatic decision that could change the whole nature of his journey I have put my house on the market today unfortunately because of the debts that I have I can't afford to buy my eggs out so am I on having to sell the house which I'm which is kind of sad but it's also it's part of this process Stewart's clearly upset about having to sell his house it sets alarm bells ringing for Jay and Benjamin they know full well that when Stewart gets down his spending goes up they shed you'll a crises meeting to discuss ways of tackling the situation I think as we all know selling one's home can be a very emotional time and I do worry how he would express his unhappiness when he sells it well my worry is that he's gonna express his unhappiness by going on a big old spender but I don't want to find out the good news of him putting the house on the market is negated by the fact that he's gone and bought another 35 robots and the whole of the Gucci new collection so I really need to work with Stewart possibly more directly and with someone in his life and I'm thinking of using his mother ah to help him experiment with opening up to someone someone who stay with him after we've gone as well yeah I think that could be really important hopefully I'll give him a kind of bridge to carry him over this difficult time I think you're right that it is gonna be a negative feeling that he has about selling the house but what I'm hoping to do is to give him a specific goal to work towards in the future and keep him being really positive you know if I can work on him emotionally and you can keep him on track yeah there's a chance but it could really all go horribly wrong as he suddenly realizes what he's lost it's actually the consequence of his spending is that he has lost his home at this critical stage of Stewart's life Benjamin decides to bring Stewart and his mother together to try and tackle some difficult issues while Stewart was growing up he never felt as special as his brother and sister it left him feeling somewhat adrift from his parents but just 16 he left home overnight to live with his boyfriend it's this key stage of Stewart's life that Benjamin wants him and his mum to start talking about they're just closer because and no rich sanjaya at the golden children and I'm not but he's never said this before so it's news to me okay this is really important you're saying you haven't heard this but no I mean he was as much wanted as everybody else and loved and had everything that we possibly could afford i 100% believe that you love stewart as much as your other two children yes they also 100% believe that Stewart's experience in the house somehow left him feeling like he was less important it may well it does just prove but I don't know why but the other part of that story that's really important for us to hang on to is that he only just told you that and this is what I'm working with sure I'm saying to him please please don't be afraid to communicate benjamin feels stuart is making good progress but he still wants to explore what he believes to be the critical point in Stuart and his mum's relationship one of the things that Stuart really craves I think is emotional security of the family and in a sense what I saw Stuart to him was leaving home at 16 and swapping perhaps the freedom of being a sixteen year old 17 year old out and having fun for the security of a you know quite settled relationship yes and I do think in a way that if he had not felt he needed to move out of home and if he'd stayed at home then he might have had more security in the way that people normally get at that age have you talked about why you moved I moved out so that if I came out you can throw me out and how many times did I said to you in the past Stuart will you just tell me looking back no no yes it was very very young do you think in retinas that you miss kind of those final years of living at home I missed having him at home because he went too quickly we wasn't ready for him to go it wasn't what we wanted to tell our mission is to kind of try to give Stuart a safe place to be and to explore himself with people robots or Gucci bags or whatever else it is that he needs to bring into his life to give himself a full sense of security Iona showmen a real security can come from being able to say to someone something that seems a bit scary but actually surviving I'd love it if you moved by Amos I'd really recommend that I would love it you see what I think would be really healing for used is to go back to what happened when you were 16 and to redo that because you have never separated from your family from a position of strength and with that love from their blessing I think you've really suffered from it so the question is can you commit to do something you're afraid of or move back your mom dad yeah be nice to have someone else to look after me I have to date myself you don't need the security of having all these things around you Stuart you need the security of knowing that you're not scared to talk to people that you really love you're not scared to listen to people who really love you [Music] Stuart is learning to open up and with his father back from working abroad the family take their annual trip to the Biggin Hill Air Show the only difference this year is that Stuart decides to join them since my chat with Benjamin my relationship with my parents has been a lot more open I am fine I can say a lot my stuff to my mum they're talking about like new relationships and like that the only would never talk to about those kind of things I felt quite comfortable doing it now the day is a success and prompt Stuart to make a decision about moving home I'm looking forward to going back to my mom and dad's house it'd be nice not to have so many worries it's so much responsibility so I'm looking forward to going back in and I keeping my job and blowing the entire wage packet would be nice just because it wouldn't matter if I did or didn't Jays predictions are spot-on to prevent him from undoing all his hard work she believes Stuart must view his house sale and move home as an incredible opportunity to set himself up for the future and not slip into the weight of the past what I'm really worried about with you is that you are gonna sell this house you are going to view this as a bloody great spending opportunity and if I came back to see you in a year's time you are going to be stuck at your parents massively in debt with a whole load new gadgets and a whole load of Gucci bags and no way out I'm just being really honest with you now I don't wanna go backwards I don't want to go backwards Jay thinks Stuart needs a long-term goal she's researched to the local property market and shows him someone bed flats that he could afford if he agrees to knuckle down and follow Jays plan what we've worked out is if you carry on doing the job you're doing now and you get the gardening work and we keep to the target that we've got at the moment what you'll have is an extra seven hundred pounds every single month so what we've got here is Stuart's new house fund okay which is the yearly goal so there's our 700 pounds at the bottom and if we carry on saving that at the top what do we see eight thousand four hundred which is ample for you to put down as a deposit on Stuart's new house what we have to remember is the this is the reward for a year's hard work yeah it'll be worth it I could have my own place after that yeah just four weeks ago Stuart Hicks was on the verge of financial disaster addicted to shopping he'd bagged himself a 20,000 pound debt but lifestyle expert Jay hunt has shown him how to maximize his earnings whilst doing something he loves I mean what seems mad is that we're not turning this potential of yours into a money-making scheme and persuaded him to save rather than spend meanwhile psychological coach Benjamin Frye battled with Stuart to let go good showing Stuart that finding the way forward often means taking a couple of steps back I love it if you moved back in with us I'd really recommend her I love it Stuart has made great progress so far and realize that anchoring himself with his family is the key to his future but before he can truly benefit from moving home benjamin has one burning issue to resolve in order for him to understand why going home will save him psychologically Stewart within the fire engine we're on our way to an emergency can you guess what that is my bank manager wants to see me no I think you'll find that as we drive up the street to a house there's a little bit of a crisis at your home so come on jump out it was an emergency come on now I need to get into this gear hurry up hurry up this is important we've got a serious emergency on our hands [Music] the fire is pouring from that window [Music] I really hope this to do what's gonna find why I left over there because otherwise can be a complete disaster but if it gets it you can get back out that window and down that ladder I think it's gonna be really surprised at what he's done come on Stewie you've got him yeah well done why don't you have a look who this is that you've saved who is that guy what age do you think you are in that picture yeah oh if I lose a bit very young about 1617 that's sixteen and that is the age that you moved out of your parents so what this is really about much more than just about your money in your house and your finances because this is about rescuing that's sixteen year old boy that you left and nobody was there to rescue because you never dialed 999 so this is about you recognizing that there's a part of you that still needs attention still needs help but you're an adult now and you need to be the guy ultimately the rescues yourself okay and I think if you can use this time at home you know it's probably gonna be six months or a year you're gonna be there but use it really constructively to actually talk to the people as an adult about your life and about all those conversations you never had the conversations we started to have with your mum yeah see I think this is what's going to reenter you back in the life that you came slightly adrift from and then you can go forward psychologically and financially from a healthy place but don't make this move just about saving money because it's really about saving yourself I think that is how I've been looking at it at the moment it was just to save money yeah all right so let's do I want you to do is I want you to take little stew at home let's take youngster at home and let's start all over again and redo your life as a sixteen year old I think it's really good that Stewart's had this experience because he did he did really get into the idea that he'd saved someone and then he realized that it was him and I think it's a pretty physical visceral activity not something is easily gonna dismiss or forget and hopefully he'll take seriously the idea that he going home to rescue himself and not just a party on I understand what Ben was was doing today and I think I think you did it in the best possible way as well it really it made no sense physically and mentally I'll definitely be hanging on to this for a long time [Music] it's been nearly two months since Stuart embarked on his financial makeover it's time for Jay and Benjamin to discover whether their advice has worked or not so Stuart we've got to the end how are you I'm doing great I've become a lot calmer since now that Felix went into place and I haven't got so many worries and I'm not so uptight about everything so tell us what's happening with the house solve the house already how do you feel huge weight lifted off my head huge bite now how is it going on the spending front how have you been getting on with that I haven't really spent much I'd rather save the money and put it towards this new flat that I want to buy so having the focus of thinking okay I really want to get somewhere new and I don't really want to spend you know on a new bag or trousers that's the focus do you think that's helped yeah I was thinking I thinking I could buy a new bag or I could buy a piece of furniture to finish the flat and I'm even keeping spreadsheets know who I'm spending the spreadsheet said about the spending on robots of people anymore haven't you I haven't been looking I've been I've been preoccupied I just have even been looking but I haven't even felt the need I wants to ask you how's it been going with the gardening business what could be don't work now good I've done them I've done four Gardens hasn't been anything I've done any major overhauls it's all just been I'm cleaning up and my own orange team in bushes and things I've got a really important question for you do you think that you still feel like you're less important to your parents and your brother and sister I don't know I'm still dealing with the feeling that feeling because I've had that feeling for so long yeah and it hasn't gotten but you know what I was a child when I lived there last and now I'm going back then it's gonna be as an adult and so it's gonna be an adult relationship with my parents and that's something that I think you started for the first time when you sat down with your mum and you opened your mouth it's as simple as that but it's so scary to do is let someone pushes you but the moment you're over that hill it's like downhill all the way and it's great fun it's been so different but different in a passe - why so do you think that at the end of all this you really have in a way saved yourself definitely I'm in a much happier place I'm not so uptight and obsessive about everything I think I definitely did help and I think asking for help was one of the biggest problems I've got the help and what's going through this process with us harder than you thought it was gonna be it's been really hard but I actually feel I know I will never go back to spending 400 pounds and we cannot know what I spent it on them days are long gone behind me my aims and stuff are more more tangible so everything in Stuart world is looking up it's always a it's all looking good yeah I do ice to do still get down moments because sometimes the reality of all the harsh things that are happening right now does hit home but you don't automatically clock on and buy another transformer I won't go shopping eylem I'll lay out the problem and I'll solve it and move on I think you're a five-star gold-plated success thing Jay absolutely in the journey there's been a good one I'm glad I'm so glad you

Channel: Spendaholics

Views: 92,297

Keywords: Spendaholics, Shopaholics, Shopping, Spending, Haul, Addicted, Addiction, BBC, Only Human, Jay Hunt, Benjamin Fry, Debt, Finances, TV Show, Full Episodes, Robot, Toys, Japanese

Id: sZbQFqYPE6k

Length: 55min 57sec (3357 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 20 2020