I'm £25,000 In Debt | FULL EPISODE | Spendaholics

Rudo Shani WA is a 35 year old PA from South London for the last six years she's been working for a high-profile record company rudos income is less than 30 thousand pounds but her debts have rocketed to 23,000 cuz I feel over there like means my wants and desires go way beyond my means I'm loving that she's got a thing about shoes and bags this girl just can't stop shopping or relax her beauty regime or curb her expensive taste for champagne say those are bubbles she's remortgage three times and her outgoings are triple her monthly income rudos on a one-way ticket to bankruptcy Buddha has been appalling with money she's in debt up to her eyeballs and beyond over the last six years rudos debt has taken over her life and she's finally realised that she needs help cue the experts lifestyle coach Jay Hunt will be serving up some money-saving tips we've got to get from A to B without me losing you in a shop so keep your eyes straight ahead fees psychological coach Benjamin Frye is a self-help expert who will help Rudo get to the source of her spending obsession seeing if we can investigate hidden pressures to spend money [Music] Rudo Shani WA is in monetary meltdown if she can't stifle her cash flow her debts will ruin her before meeting Rudo the experts have been given keys to her one-bedroom flat to hunt for evidence of her serial spending Jay will be searching for physical clues while Benjamin will be looking for the psychological explanations for rudos shopping habits I think being in my house and seeing the things that they see I think they'll get the impression that I'm someone who who likes to buy things and I would have met and I you know likes nice things right here quite a lot of photographs here it's in every single one she's like the one beaming in the middle of a group of friends you know out partying sweet little thing cute dear auntie Diddy how cool that you're my godmother I'm so excited because I hear from mum that we share a common hobby shopping well obviously it's what kind of standing joke mm-hmm everybody knows about the shopping yeah it's hardly needs any encouragement you go to my bedroom and that will pretty much tell you what I spend a lot of my money on there's three designer handbags here Prada two Gucci's you're not gonna get much change out of a thousand pounds for those just for those three just for those three more Gucci oh yes no Shopaholic of course would be without a pair of designer shades oh look I knew it I knew there would be storage below the bed what have you got look Oh more bags with another bag in I'm feeling lucky the bag on top of her handbag top of another bag Jay you're a woman tell me is it normal to have this many bags this is quite a bad cousin you know what's interesting that birds and shoes that is her big thing and if that isn't bad enough she's obviously gone for a trip why me with these those are the same yeah I know Justice she hasn't even worn these ones too many bags and too many shoes I feel is that the classic items of femininity and they really display an interest in reinventing the feminine all the time but to me that just speaks of a lack of confidence of the inner feminine in the kitchen there's further signs of where she's splashing out water drinker healthy a handbag yeah but his Sophie dollar she's an she's a model who's famous initially for being a kind of plus-size woman and then was famous for no longer being a plus-size woman I wonder if that says anything about rhodos body type or ambitions look more water how many got one two three four five six seven eight that's ten bottles of water and all next to a bloomin functioning tap that yes does work yeah that water is actually allegedly free my spending is is not good I really admit that you know I live this sort of champagne lifestyle on lemonade money what's down here each one of those in between 5 and 15 pounds each so that's a lot of money you know going on now varnish plastic bucket of champagne it's the most expensive thing in the fridge Cliff's got no idea oh this is her credit card a cold blow me present balance six thousand eight hundred and ninety five thousand pounds overdrawn oh look nails Groucho Club she's in the one learned monthly balance pays in poker all armed with rudos bank statements Jay and Benjamin slip away to pick through her finances Rudo shopping sprees went into overdrive six years ago when she began working amid the retail nirvana Street Kensington a move that coincided with a split from her long-term boyfriend my spending habits I would probably say went into overdrive as soon as I became really single every lunchtime she's splurging out on whatever takes her fancy one of the magpie effect cuz I don't know you see something it kind of winks at you you kind of wink at it and you're like uh-huh I'm seeing yeah it's you know you have guilt it's like looking at your best friend's husband you know you know you're like oh my god I shouldn't be looking at this I should be looking at this bag in that way and it's all wrong and it's just very dirty and very seedy but you just can't help it you know cuz he's giving you the eye back so you're like you know does this come in any other color if you know it's wrong from the moment you do it but you just can't stop it she has no relevance with money it doesn't matter to her in the slightest so therefore she'll just keep spending and spend she does every fortnight image-conscious Rudo files away fifty pounds on her number one indulgences false acrylic nails and she loves her nights out I go to a lot of private member's clouds so her house raccho cloud they're exclusive that hold Sex in the City thing of like oh I'm gonna be single and I'm gonna be cool being cool is costing Rudo 400 pounds a year in private club membership not to mention the three thousand pounds a year she spends on booze while she's there because she's the first one to the bar always full of champagne no matter what champagne I meant at the occasion it could be the end of the week let's go and have some champagne or have to support a new pair of shoes with 9,000 on credit cards a 15,000 pound loan and the 900 pound overdraft Rudo uses one card to pay off another something that's becoming increasingly hard to juggle with Rudo it's probably every six months when she comes in she announces that she's got money issues who does attempted before to kind of pull back on her spending spree and it's lasted I think for all of four weeks and I know that may not be a pleasant thing to say but Ruda has a four week attention span it's a classic case for the experts they've got four weeks to reverse rudos lifetime a financial mismanagement starting with the shock tactic [Music] cleaning up rudos messy spending will demand a strong brush with reality Jay and Benjamin have returned to rudos flat to show her exactly what her spending amounts to and they're not pulling their punches don't be nervous it'll be fine and you go every day and you go now what do you think this could possibly represent - a really kind of very artistic weird exhibition well it could be a modern installation but in fact there are 3,000 bottles of nail varnish here and every bottle represents a pound that you have spent in the last year on nails and beauty that's 3,000 pounds every year which is in fact a ninth of your total salary I actually feel quite disgusted like really disgusted I really hadn't a clue I was spending that much well I'm glad as a shock I'm gonna hold back the tears okay but I'm pretty close to it actually I don't want you to cry out until you've seen the kitchen no save the waterworks for later the kitchen is awash with rudos liquid assets have a good look around don't panic now do you know what this could possibly be yeah very good well done so this is two litres of water that you drink every day which makes 730 litres of water a year to know much that costs a lot of money well we think it costs 2000 190 pounds every year when you say it's nearly 10% of your post-tax income that's a lot of money it's a lot of money can that it is flowing into your house for no money at all how much they cost you to turn on the time no I just I've tried tap water and I don't like it like the taste of it could you grow to like it when you see all of this which is worse tap water or Det it's a tap for once well definitely days obviously up to now the answer has been tap water I know but now we're looking to change perhaps yeah not perhaps definitely I had it's change after everything oven down and you know after the horrible revelations that had been made to me I just spent a lot of time kind of just thinking things over and kind of you know kind of going back trying to go back a year and two years back and thinking you know and try to pinpoint this moment of time that I kind of lost control the fact that rudos parents both died before she was 30 has undoubtedly played a part in her overspending it's time for another tough lesson as Rudo discovers just how much she's been wasting Jay and Benjamin are getting her back to basics with a week-long course of cold turkey what we want to talk to you about really is how much money do you think you get through in an average week apparently we're talking about non-essential spending now including your mortgage not including your pills with stuff that you could really choose to spend or not a hundred two hundred so you'll find an offer that's why I'm not here to try to upset your humanity but there's a little bit more I'm gonna tell you exactly how much not exactly how much more Rudo you spend each week on non-essential items 624 pounds oh my god that's disgusting well it's quite a lot of money is oh that's all this much money every week and don't forget the four pound or pearls thing is with you rude oh is that a lot of it doesn't register how many times in a week would you actually use cash versus using your card I suppose I'd use cash for anything maybe about under a fiver right but if it's over a fiver then I definitely hand the card over so we need to say it in cash does it make a difference yeah makes a hell of a difference so if we put you on a cash budget for next week do you think that'd be a good idea it'd be brilliant what we'd like you to do is just take seven days to do what we call the cold turkey process and there is a point to doing this and the point is to negotiate with you now as to how much money you think you could honestly live on for one week I face if I be honest I could probably live on a fiver for a week then we've got to give you enough money so that you know it's reasonable I would say thirty pounds it would be a tough challenge but if you're really willing to give it a go and it sounds like you are then I think thirty pounds would be fair so you got a couple of things to think about while we're not here meanwhile I'm going to hand over to you the princely sum of thirty pounds which is seven days worth of your fun time for the rest of the week looks like a lot doesn't it don't spend it all at once hey you're gonna be all right yeah yeah I've got to be okay I think Rudo is somebody who's tried herself to break habits to realize why she's spending so much to get herself out of doing things like that but I think her focus was in the wrong place and I think that what she has really really realized is that drastic measures are needed to halt her in her tracks and break those patterns rather than trying occasionally to do little things that she's not really going to notice it's day one of the cold turkey week and in the past rudos been spending money like water bottles of the stuff with over 2,000 pounds a year going down the toilet it's top of the hit list while I'm getting used to getting drinking the tap water I like putting it in the bottle and keeping a label on because it makes me think I'm drinking water working in central London has played havoc with Rudo spending and the temptation to shop is literally all around her it's hard I think it's gonna be probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do live on 30 quid a week there are just so few things out there that are under a pound it is just not funny it's day two andrew dozo lunchtime spending routine has ground to a halt with a ban on a hundred pound a week blowouts in the M&S food haul bruno stepping into uncharted territory as she stalks up on a week supplies in a low-cost supermarket oh look at this actually that's quite nice in here [Music] look at that the liar that's 45 people to 5p for that I mean look at look at the balls they look just like very liquid it's Magnum and we all know what Magnum was he was big and was strong and he did the job I'm gonna stop making my own lunches my granny cat bone and she was blind I figures for free there's no price I think they've given it away today oh my god is my TV oh that's amazing you know what I like she started to think I was being robbed earlier robbed blind [Music] I'm totally cool thanks very much success rudos managed to get her weekly shop down to 12 pounds 20 more than 80 pounds less than her usual bill the thrill of splashing out the readies is being replaced by the buzz of pinching the pennies one thing that is just fantastic for my budget is Turkey I mean I can't even begin to tell you I'm gonna have turkey coming out of every orifice of my body I'm sort of happy but I'm kind of shocked and worried because I'm thinking you know hey how have I managed to spend so little and be you know is that 20 pounds gonna still be enough for like Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday in typical Rudo style she's embraced the cold turkey challenge with both hands but in the long term can she make it stick despite Jays practical advice for saving money it's vital she understands what's driving her compulsion to spend spend spend buying things keeps Rudo comfort and a buzz and it when she's insecure or food insecure a little purchase probably you know Pixar up benjamin fry has been through therapy himself and now uses that experience as a self-help writer and consultant he wants Rudo to examine the deeper emotional issues that influence her reckless spending in the experience especially a compulsive or an addictive experience there's always an emotional component and it's my task to really try to figure out what that is okay on the surface she was buying stuff but what does that translate to on an emotional level is she trying to fill a gap that's in her life with the clothes or - the clothes help her to physically transform herself does she feel that she's not beautiful enough often this is the case with adults that our behavior actually represents an unresolved from our childhood Rudo and her five siblings were raised in Zimbabwe rue de lost both of her parents over five years ago two of her sisters still live abroad but she's very close to her other siblings who live nearby in South London Benjamin seeing her to discover what life was like while she was growing up you know my parents I think had quite a hard life they also came from very poor backgrounds and then these situations changed with regard to money but you know even though they had at some points they had money they weren't able to deal with it yeah so there are financial issues in your family as well definitely classic examples would be you know if my parents had an argument she'd sort of like be screaming and shouting and say that you know she was gonna she was gonna go and you know some hurts him sort of things she would go and spend loads and loads of money on just stuff that we that you know I don't know maybe she didn't need there was a weapon yeah she definitely used as a weapon when when she couldn't get her way sometimes and you know a lot of times you know towards the end she was spending money that we didn't we didn't have yeah so money is a weapon when she can't get her own way and she's spending money she didn't hurt yeah that remind you of anyone I mean who do you think you might be using this spending as a weapon against I feel it's more about my mother having struck upon an important link between her late mother spending and Rudo Benjamin wants to investigate their relationship further I felt in you know throughout my childhood that I was not you know my parents weren't unfortunately very good at making us feel sort of very wanted or very sort of in the first yes within a family unit so you didn't feel like to by a parent no basic yeah well that'll do it they weren't you know I'd get a lot you know for my parents you know why can't you be more like and so there was a lot of that what sort of things are they saying you know for my mother my mother sometimes the way I looked I think maybe as a child she perhaps liked the way I looked so looks were important yeah there wasn't just like could you achieve Morris no looks very important I was overweight as a child so you know she would always sort of sort of pick on me you know I was you know she would say that you know why you know that I wasn't very attractive or you know I didn't look a certain way so she'd always pick up on things like that and so nice so you really got from that up bringing a sense of struggling to be accepted struggling to belong and no positive role model in terms of money and what worries me is that we could give you all the practical advice in the world but underneath that if you're constantly left with the feeling that you need to do something to improve your chances of being accepted very often that something is probably gonna involve spending money I've always had this underlying feeling that the spending is not getting me what I want and so I've I feel like you know my mission is becoming very futile I'm I'm chasing after something I'm never you know I'm looking to fill this hole that I'm never going to fill could you articulate exactly what you think the hole is so I kind of feel like the hole is the place where love lives definitely and there just hasn't been enough love no it's just pretty sad it's very sad and I think if I can put in such a weird way I think you spend over it I think you spend over their sadness definitely and I think it's better to be sad keep your money in your wallet definitely yeah you mind being sad I don't like being sad but but the truth is I'm always sad so I suppose it's just something I'm quite comfortable with well the truth is very healing is very cathartic and I think you often make a choice between effectively crying or laughing and I think you know what's happening now is probably better for you in the long term mmm laughing I think it's actually a very good sign that Rudo was able to share her tears share her sadness because I think for her the sadness and holding onto the sadness is a big part of why she has to behave dysfunctional in other ways and for her to be able to sit there with me and share the sadness to that degree today with someone she doesn't know very well is really a very good sign [Music] I'm glad this is all coming out you know I had a good cry last nights and stuff and you know sort of went back and you know realize that because I've always I was you know cuz i just started to grieve for this childhood that I never had I find it very difficult to understand how how I'm how a mother could you know be so hurtful what's just for me it's like that it's the ultimate leg down and I mean I suppose I've never really dealt with that but it's made me you know having being able to sleep on it and think about stuff I got up today and I'm more determined than ever Benjamin agrees with Rudo that her spending is an act of rebellion and that she needs to calm down her lifestyle to set up some long-term change she's now five days into her cold turkey week and for the first time in years with no money for cabs and booze Rudo faces a Friday night home alone it's the last day of cold turkey and Rudo has shown surprising initiative I sold a pair of shoes to my sister well they were just kind of lying around and I hadn't worn them and they put in the box for ages and I know I remember she said she liked them this means she's now got the financial muscle to make the ultimate sacrifice rudos having the false acrylic nails that she's had glued on for the past 15 years ground off her fingers for good I once had my nails taken off when I was trying to cut back and I thought this is just ridiculous you know my friends would like your service you know roots you really don't need heavy nails done so I was like okay okay we'll give this a go no biggie no biggie I think I had three days three days with my own I just looked like my hands they just looked shocking I couldn't believe it I couldn't believe what I was seeing I couldn't handle it so three days tops and then I came back and had my nails done I have no idea what it's like for perhaps a drug user to come off a drug but I could probably liken it to that Rudo sales through cold turkey with flying colors but the challenge of a long term budget is a scary prospect in the past her addictive nature has sabotaged all attempts to change I'm feeling a little bit kind of apprehensive in myself because I'm I'm wondering if I'm gonna be able to if I'm gonna be able to do this you know because it's all very well you know you have a week and you get stuff and you make all the changes but you know life is made up of lots of weeks am I really gonna be able to do this you know six six months down the line seven days ago Rudo shinee were a 35 year old PA working for a well known record company was spending over 600 pounds a week on non-essential items with her debts amounting to over 23,000 pounds and her love of shopping showing no sign of waning things were getting out of hand a week later Andrew dough has been living on just 30 pounds Benjamin is also beginning to make headway in helping Rudo understand where the root of her spending addiction lies however a budget is for life not just for seven days and so Jay Andrew dough meet up to tighten the purse strings [Music] so reader you've done your seven days cold turkey how's it been it's been very very difficult very difficult everybody's just been hysterically difficult I have I've gone through all the money right there's not a penny lay and should you overspend at all I didn't know spend but it was very hard and how did you feel about telling your friends this is what you were doing have you socialized with them during the week not at all haven't seen one haven't seen a soul in a week you know Jays got to get tough as she breaks down brudos new monthly allowance so on the beauty France teeth-whitening fifty pounds a month smile see they're white enough well that's going to nought funnily enough so you won't be doing that again taxes at the moment the current expenditure is a hundred and twenty pounds a month now that has gone back to nought yeah what it's saying is because you can't get a taxi doesn't mean you can't go out to something it's just about choices it does seem quite just it when you look down here it's like zero zero zero zero but the reason why we don't you know when we look at the bottom you know overspending by three thousand two hundred and thirteen pounds a month it's got to come from somewhere just because rudos living on a shoestring doesn't mean a lifetime of microwave lasagna Jay has come up with some cheaper alternatives to the 400 pounds ruder we're spending every month in restaurants there we go well navigated Rudo no money spent on that trick excellent are you aware of why I brought you here to have supper at 6:15 if I'm mad what I wanted to introduce you to is that promotions that a lot of restaurants do which is cool feet the club and what it means is whatever time you turn up generally before 7:30 that is the amount that you're going to pay for your meal right so we came 6:30 we're paying 6 pounds 30 from Neal people behind probably got here 10 minutes earlier they're paying 6 pounds 20 but what it means is is that if you get hit earlier and have your dinner so meet people after work have early supper it means you're not having to pay half as much as you would later on what do you think about it's brilliant another idea for you you know if you're seeing girlfriends and things might be to sort of do early supper in a movie night and you know if you're in a cinema what you move that's two hours for 8 pounds when have you ever been in a bar for two hours and spent eight pounds Rudo but it's just a minute yeah I like it sounds really good you know I just don't have money anymore to spend out on these huge nights out so this is definitely going to be my only option for Rudo a night out drinking with friends has been an expensive pastime like her shopping rudos been using alcohol to avoid dealing with the traumas of her past unfortunately the spiraling cost of her big nights out is only making matters worse as the evening goes on we normally end up getting free ham at most day and she just wants to be everyone's for him it doesn't matter what it costs its money's never an object the under visa you don't pay for it then conversations I've had with her about I can't believe that much money I spent last night I'm on cereal and sandwiches for the rest of the month now I can't afford anything you know we laugh about it but of course it is serious Rudo knows it's serious but how do you cut down on spending while still enjoying a drink with your mates so Rudy I brought you to a bar which is a familiar place I know judging from the 269 pounds a month that gets spent on alcohol and when you're out what do you generally drink wine and champagne oh right okay economical then when we're out I know I realize now that's just crazy I was going to talk to you today about cocktails because it's generally I think easier to go for a completely different drink than it is to start cutting down especially if you're used to drinking wine and champagne obvious you can't have half a glass of wine or half a glass of champagne and it's just kind of not going to work and you can pace yourself with water do you feel pressured when you're in a group of friends that they want you to drink the interesting point because I have gone out to places with my friends and if I've ordered said like a cranberry juice or something they can immediately see yeah there's no alcohol in there and then the pressure starts because you can order a non-alcoholic mojito or a virgin mary' yeah nobody's gonna know at all but you will cuz it's going to be literally half the price when you take the alcohol out yeah would this be something that you would ever do at home not that you are ever at home but if you had friends over would you think of making something like this for them yeah definitely because past the thing is not to stop you going out but to find a way that we could increase your socializing at home they want to bring a bottle of vodka and turn them into alcoholic cocktails fine but you're not having to fork out for a bit of inspiration J's enlisted the help of Francisco a West End bartender to run through a non-alcoholic mojito we use freshman cross-ice they that we'd have apple juice passion fruit syrup sugar syrup a bit of lime juice there you go a nice apple mojito [Music] Rudo has always plumped for pricey drinks in upmarket bars but with Jays help there's a simpler alternative much closer to home I'm making a couple of cocktails and try to follow the mojito that I'm Francisco taught me so now I've got two jugs that's some kind of plays and things so I thought if I'm gonna you know if I'm gonna make it a proper Rudo house you know you wouldn't go to searle house and not have the bar menu all the canapes and all the stuff with the cocktails I didn't buy any booze cuz my friends I system if you want booze you'll pick it up yourself but I picked up all of that for twenty seven quid I could have spent my twenty seven quid on a round and for twenty seven quid I'm getting all of this and I'm just so excited [Music] just taste it first for God's sake Jesus I know I haven't got a degree in Bosch I just need some booze and well-being Oh Jackie is fantastic and I think this is this has really been a wake-up call this is the microf like sort of thing and she knows if this isn't work nothing is gonna work she got to the point now issues that she I suppose examined her life and person and said like you know what I want to change it's two weeks into rudos new cash conscious way of life and things are starting to fall into place I just don't give up easily that's just not me I don't know something inside me was just saying keep going keep going keep going I can't go back to the person I was hi livin Rudo had built up a debt of over twenty three thousand pounds through years of indiscriminate spending but now budget-conscious Rudo has logged on to an Internet auction site hoping to address the bank balance I'm gonna put my Gucci bag on a little cookie number so look exactly the same bag we have 800 cribs worth of banks here all year we go here we go here's my Prada bag Gucci Prada Burberry but you know feeling that one anymore I've got under the bed oh look at that a bag in a bag still got the tag on it it's just gonna take photos of all of this and put it on eBay and see see who wants that's it sorted Rudo is starting to take all the right practical steps towards spending less money but there's a lot of long-term temptation heading her way Benjamin wants to explain a bit about the psychology of shopping he hopes this will help you to appreciate how stores trigger emotional responses that persuade shoppers to part with their cash Rula brought you up here above the hustle and bustle of High Street Kensington to see a different perspective on people and as they shop you can actually observe that observing the shopping and what you perhaps so realize is that so much thought and science and energy and money goes into the simple presentation that you look at it's designed to make you go in there and spend your money want to go shopping I definitely don't want to go shopping okay I want to go into a shop yeah I'm gonna become like this ninja shopper you know and we armed with all these schools really to sort of you know sit with things about are like stay away dress I'm ready for you you see here we are going up to the ladies where which involves coming all the way in there entrance so that from here to get out without spending money you have to go back past the whole load of stuff if the stuff you're really interested in was just inside the door then what good would that be you can buy it and leave so here we are really right in the womb of the shopping experience your eyes of litter you're getting all kind of excited it's the right side of the brain experience it's a sense of experience I think you smile I identify with everything you say first as you're saying it and that's exactly what our feelings I can't deny it another really interesting thing there's no mirrors at the beginning of the shop so even if you did find something there and you wanted to kind of look at it against your skin yeah just have to walk to the back of the shop to look at yourself in it by which time you're in see how they've been getting in yeah because you know that's always always a thing on my mind I'm always thinking where the mirrors and the mirrors are always at the back there you go of course then what's the choice you either go back out through that birth canal that you came so pleasantly in through and he rejected into the street just thrown out into the harsh reality of life with nothing or you go out there with a comfort blanket right and look around you do you see any nice comfort blankets well wouldn't this be a help if we could just leave holding onto this it's so easy to buy isn't it you just give them a little credit card and worry about it later so let's practice leaving a shot without buying anything okay that's the next clip that goes down do you think you can bear it yeah you've tried nothing on [Music] Benin Jays advice has worked wonders for Udo but clearing her debt will take years sticking to a budget is something that is quite alien to Rudo and previous attempts have all taken a dive although she insists she's ready to change her nearest and dearest remain skeptical having lost both parents within a year of each other Rudo now seeks approval from her older sister matey and is keen to convince her that she's making genuine progress okay you do you sincerely think that you can keep this up yes for a year yes really really but I really just feel that this is just you know the changes I'm gonna make you're gonna be kind of like for a long time and I'm ready to make those changes before I started with this I was kind of like not too sure but I've just learned a lot more about myself what in your behavior is going to change I'm not buying stuff anymore to make me happy before I used to buy a lot of stuff to make me happy just to fill a little gap but now you can honestly say that that's not the case now yeah honestly and you'll only said well that's why you're kind of going well you know what routes a year down the line yeah I'm being I'm being generous with it yeah I'm actually paying you at you stunned actually this is real I just I've just learned a little bit more about myself and I like it you know hopefully four months from now I'll be able to kind of go you know matey you know I'm a friend so you know what I kind of went I know I know I shouldn't be doing this for other people if this is for myself and it really is for myself but I do just want back on what you guys to be proud of me also you know you know to be honest I love my friends I really do and they've been very good but you know the most important thing to me is the family you know you know considering that sometimes we're growing up we were quite fragmented it's very it's very important to me but mating it's very boy you know everyone's different I know but for me personally it's very important that I have you guys in my life I need you I really I need you [Music] it's now three weeks into rudos new financially improved lifestyle and on a practical level she's gone from spending 624 pounds to fifty pounds a week more importantly she's starting to deal with the deep-rooted pain associated with her turbulent relationship with her mother both Benjamin and Jay feel they're making headway with Rudo not just with her fast and loose spending but also with her issues from the past we've got in quite deep with some of the stuff with her family she never really got much nurturing of support or affirmation from her parents at all and I think this has really weighed her down emotionally a lot of the shopping she now relates to trying to pick herself up from there I mean everything I've talked to her about she's been very open that's what I really like about her I think her confidence level really went up after she'd done the cold turkey because she did really well on it and I think that gave her the confidence to think this is a massive thing I didn't think I could do I think she felt that she was trapped in this constant spending pattern and I think she is quite open to looking at different ways of living her life because she's reassessing what she actually wants out of it in that first meeting Rudo admitted to Benjamin that she'd had an incredibly destructive relationship with her mother Benjamin believes this may be linked to the way she spends money for rude Oh shopping was a shortcut to happiness a quick distraction from a long-term need Benjamin wants to talk to Rudo about ways to fill that emotional void so what did you want to do when you were younger my first career choice at the age of 7 was to be a nun clearly that's gone right out the window no you could still be a nun make a great loan these days well they take a vow of poverty to start off with what about later on when you got a bit older I just think I just want to get out of house what about your passions what what was that there really moved in I know I have a very you know creative side you know I always have done as a child but you know that son things sort of growing out you know we were sort of led to believe that you know that kind of stuff doesn't pay the bills what's happened to that creativity it's a go really because I was awarded a place at college knees for college right but my parents didn't think it was suitable so you're good enough for your music teacher you were good enough for the admissions board but then you took that triumph back to your parents and they're like so what it's only singing what's the point of that you're not gonna make a living doing that exactly never so really crushed him yeah it was it was very upsetting it's quite ironic though because you are actually working in the music industry it's kind of like you say you don't dwell on it and he left it behind but it doesn't really say that he did because you can work with the singers yeah I suppose so you see I'd like to see you up on a stage singing a song not for a living but just for fun because I think that that would nurture you a be rude a nurturing reader you know I would do those thing I thought I could do those things but you know it also brings up the flipside for me the other very emotional side which is that I never feel that I'm good enough and I feel that I'm never really good enough in everything I do in life well you told that when you were younger I think Bruno's mother stopping her taking up her singing scholarship there's a real wound in rudos childhood and it does sound very much to me like it's a place where she can locate the idea of giving up on herself because there's something about Rudo that speaks of a sort of self abandonment I think when your own mother is the one that really stifles your dreams in life it's very very hard to bounce back from and to feel confident about yourself and something I'd want Rudo to do is to try to find a practical way to reclaim herself being at singing lessons or joining a choir whatever it is appeals to her would really help her emotionally work through what she lost in that time and reclaim some of herself because this is about getting back the part of her that her mother really threw away you know I sort of now associate Benjamin with pain so every time he's he's around or I know it's going to be around I think oh god you know I'm gonna have to start dealing with really sort of emotional stuff and the sadness yeah there's more sadness as being brought up to the sofa that's really what it is so I feel kind of very feel a bit like an open sore it's been 21 years since rudos late mother stopped her going to music college her chat with Benjamin has made rooder dwell on what she was forced to give up and inspired her to put things straight it's been years since she sang and her vocal cords are rusty but rudos fired up and has booked herself in for a sin eNOS it's good that you're blurring the lines between the two because that's what we want see which ones are absolutely fantastic she was the best thing teacher I had outside we were high [Music] I thought that was really really nice how do you feel when you go up to the high notes I don't know what we could get to but it was really nice it's kind of a warm feeling for me it's gonna be hard putting it into that category of need and want you know because I just feel so good at the moment after doing this lesson that I just think this is something that I need not it's not a want if I have to sell more stuff on eBay if I have to sell my furniture I'm gonna have to do that because this is something that I need Benjamin and Jay have talked to Rudo about ways in which he can get back on track on both a financial and emotional level for Udo the path to change has not always been easy on Jays advice she's getting a change of scenery to talk things through with Cathy her oldest friend from Zimbabwe for less than Ruda would spend on a night out in the West End she's traveling to Brussels to get a little distance from her life back in London homicide is gorgeous it's absolutely beautiful just visually do you think Catherine are we've been able to catch up and you know and obviously there's always loads of stuff we can catch up on it because we go back such a long way you know when they said look you know are you up for the challenge of trying to sort things out I was absolutely 100% I thought you know what I'm gonna do this you know just the aim is get rid of the credit cards just get rid of loads of stuff and I'm still thinking like that keeping things with your nails see me because I look at your nails now and just think well I actually think that your nails as they are more beautiful than the nails that you're spending actually you know just made there isn't that thing of having to prove to other people I had to prove it to myself I don't want to let myself down you know despite the fact that London is awash with galleries in museums rudos obsession with shops has always taken precedence away from that temptation she's able to re-explore her childhood love of music right so this is the African section you know this is all it's all very familiar because you know yeah when you got to Victoria Falls and stuff and and they do their musical display it's really cool I love all you know going into the art galleries just been very calm and very sort of cultured and I feel quite grown-up really opening a round in a bar trying to get to so bad you know he just walking around and it's just it's just been a very calming experience [Music] we've had this whole anyway here chairs it's been a it's been great it's exactly one month since Rudo set out on her path to financial and emotional security Jay and Benjamin have returned to where it all started to see how she's got on very nicely served lovely know I like it I just think it's so weird that four weeks ago we were all sitting here and going through your money and you were not believing that you were spending six hundred and twenty four pounds a week and it's it's quite odd because it has been such a massive change it was just very instant it was an instant I knew it wasn't even thinking about it all no sort of going to do now is just like right that's it but I just I do feel that for me the hardest part is going to be able to you know once this is finished it's just so good keep going that's where the real that's the hardest part for me that is hard I think it's about setting d-double targets and not being unrealistic to keep your interest because I think it is that thing where it would be easy to slip back you know a handbag here or trousers there or a couple of manicures suddenly in a fortnight matching shoes yeah by men back in the bag there and suddenly yes or the stuff yeah but half the battle is that you're aware of that it really it's always in my head I mean the need and once that's the first time I've seen you I don't know oh that's fine they've come off I'm not fast about it I don't freak out about it and it's really weird because as I'm going through this process this is how I gauge it as they go down this is how I'm growing so that's how I look at them every day and ask them when the new nail comes through properly that would be like the new me I'll be like the birth of a new meter when the nails are fully grown now how are you gonna manifest a new you and how you gonna keep it going Wow there'll always be a reminder just looking at my own nail will always always be a reminder of what I've gone through well we're really glad aren't we we've met you because they want to see really both of us feel that you know you've worked really really hard you really do have the tools to carry on with this and I have full confidence that you are going to well done seriously it's been really rewarding working with you and I think you'll go from strength to strength hey querido thanks dad you've been brilliant and yeah I'm gonna miss you [Music]

Channel: Spendaholics

Views: 146,352

Rating: 4.8703842 out of 5

Keywords: Spendaholics, Shopaholics, Shopping, Spending, Haul, Addicted, Addiction, BBC, Only Human, Jay Hunt, Benjamin Fry, Debt, Finances, TV Show, Full Episodes, night out, private bar, private club, members club, champagne, handbags, clothes, ebay

Id: M3GefCDpql8

Length: 56min 0sec (3360 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 23 2019