Mother in law wants her husband to help me get pregnant

[Music] i live in the uk and married to dh i've also always wanted kids so when we got itched we started trying right away a bit younger than most of my other friends were before they started trying for those who wanted children my mil was ecstatic she'd wanted grandchildren ever since her kids graduated and was beginning to doubt she'd ever get them from her two other children for background there is a decent age difference between me and e.h more than five years but not a decade and her other two children were in their 30s when i came into the picture married four years with the outrageous idea that they should live their lives how they wanted to the horror when poor young and naive me revealed unwittingly to her when she was but a fmil that i always wanted kids her sudden attempts to get close to me were even then very transparent we didn't worry when we didn't get pregnant after six months or even a year but after nearly two years of trying we went to the doctor during these two years mill's favoritism of me waned significantly she started suggesting i see a doctor after the first few months interestingly it was never we i must have something wrong with me maybe i wasn't eating right maybe it was because i'd used birth control when i was younger this was all done with dh carefully out of earshot by the time we finally went to the doctor she had progressed to offering us money to buy a surrogate that could finally give us the grandchild child we'd been trying for by this time i had been convinced that i was a problem it was my fault we hadn't had a baby i felt so sad and hopeless all the time one of the only reasons i was putting it off for so long was because i was terrified of having what she was constantly insinuating confirmed as fact knowing that she'd throw it in my face forever as it turned out there was no reason i couldn't have a child however we received some very devastating news about the h's chances of fathering a child think very very slim odds dh was upset i was upset for dh and neither of us were sure we wanted to continue this if heartbreak was we could expect after some long discussions dh asked me if i would be okay with conceiving a child through a sperm bank after a lot of thought i said yes now we have a wonderful ds who dh dotes on when we announced our plans to very close family clude into our issues only mill's face could have killed especially when she realized that her child was the one with fertility issues she never gave an apology for these comments by the way nor did she give any real attempt to comfort dh instead she made a few stilted comments about how hard it would be for dh to raise another man's child and that we should consider ivf dh stopped her right there and said he would be raising his own child thanks and no ivf was not for us we wanted to start a family as soon as possible and dna was not a requirement this was actually a huge part of our discussion i wanted to adopt but after some research we soon realized that the process could take many many years with no guarantees we were so afraid of the potential heartbreak there that we decided to use a sperm donor and prepare to adopt for our second q more death glare some tears and moaning about how we wouldn't even know where our future ds would be coming from apparently not a big deal with a surrogate though i've just realized we left soon after once rds was born she stopped by twice to see the long-awaited gc and once again waited for dh to leave the room before saying it's just not the same um excuse me at the risk of being insensitive how would she know this was her first and only gc and after that made no effort to see him this was great for me but i could see it hurt dh terribly they have a very close family and her decision to sit at the opposite end of the table during a scheduled family dinner spoke volumes so we visited less and less and less until the only times we saw family were during times we met up with sill bill and essos separately if mill noticed she never mentioned it i know that i should be grateful i've seen on here just how bad things could have gotten but it still makes me angry how my child is worth less in her eyes but why am i posting now after we found out about the h's chance of impregnating me were very unlikely condoms and birth control were no longer really a concern for us even after we had es well the results are in and it looks like we'll be having low number two a lot sooner than we expected dh is happy i'm happy but i'm also worried we are not exactly nc with mill but we have dropped the rope in a big way i personally think that we should keep this pregnancy to ourselves until the last possible moment but dh argues that it will be found out sooner or later and the longer we leave it the more suspicious it'll look because we have no intention of letting anyone know who put this bun in the oven we don't really want to deal with any favoritism bs or worst of all gp are from someone who reacted the way mill has to a lack of shared dna my question how should we go about concealing low 2 for mils toxic behavior as i mentioned in my last post my dh and i now only have contact with bill cill and their spouses through dinners and outings that we arrange privately with them one to three times a month this is in comparison to the weekly obligatory dinners we were having with the family before with possibly more if dh's uncle was visiting there are reasons this became a thing but a part of me was relieved that we were able to stop going especially with mill's behavior we were out today with bill and his spouse still i'll call them bill 1 and still won because they're older and he has sister still two and her husband bill we went out for an early dinner so the adults could talk while ds could play in the soft play area in the restaurant with at least one of us because he's still very young while it was mighty ages so twos and bill two's turned to play with ds bill one and so one revealed some very interesting things to me firstly they had noticed i wasn't drinking not very unusual because i'm the only one who can drive and prefer being able to drive over having a drink however we had walked to the restaurant and i had refused to taste some of sil one's wine so she asked why i wasn't drinking and i made an excuse still one okay long pause have you ever thought about having more kids i thought you said you wanted a big family i just shrugged and said we were thinking about it but wanted to wait until diaz was a bit older she laughs and said you don't realize how lucky you are in a way we are never having kids with donna needs dna around to be honest i was a bit put off by this but get where she's coming from i say we would probably go the same route we did last time and bill chimes in with don't tell her that i say we won't be telling her anything when the time comes thanks to how she's acted and he tells me this story the day after we told donna about our plans she came over to build one and sell one's house for a chat from what they've said it was more of an opportunity to cry in front of a captive audience and blame me for what was happening she said that i must have been the one making us go to a clinic that it wasn't fair that the h will be raising another man's child and that i was being horribly selfish for not making us go to another doctor to get a second opinion not surprising but then she told bill to offer dh a chance to have a child connected to him for real when he asked what the hell she was talking about she clarified tell the h you'll help get bad incubator pregnant when bill 1 politely declined donna apparently threw a fit and started crying all over again bill 1 apparently remembers her saying some interesting gems including well the both of you won't be having any so you're just going to abandon dh and so you're just going to let her do this you won't even have to look after it i told dh as soon as we said our goodbyes and we both had a good laugh for many reasons donna's idea would never work for us we also decided to drive to our next outing which will be in a couple of weeks i went to the lawyer on my day off and it was overall good but didn't stop me from worrying basically we need more proof he said that our reason we were cutting contact would probably be acceptable for a judge but they might have a hard time believing what we were saying without hard evidence he also advised me not to treat her different from my own mum until after i got this proof so on to tonight we are without getting into too much detail past our first trimester so have been wanting to announce it for a while i decided this would be an excellent way to document how she acted but also how we were being fair i filmed bh saying to diaz that he was going to be a big brother this was a happy video with a lot of tears mostly from me we then got my friend to film us telling my side of the family my parents were thrilled and accepted our gift to them an ultrasound picture we also have one for ourselves then came dh's side as i've said on here before dhs family have obligatory weekly dinners that we only recently stopped attending usually these are at donna's place but i won't go there without an escape route so we've been waiting for bill and his wife to offer to host we contacted them in advance and asked to bring my friend for an announcement he sounded a bit unsure but agreed tonight comes i introduce my friend from high school to everyone none of them have seen her since the wedding and are a bit put off by an outsider attending their special dinner so dh's sister asks where the s is and we say at his other granny and grandpa's house we have dinner and it's honestly not as bad as it could have been mill barely even looks at us and just asks dh where his company will be sending him on his upcoming business trip this is coming from a woman that used to beg for calls every couple of days and grill both of us on every aspect on our lives she hasn't called the h4 over a month before tonight after dinner we all sit down to chat and i get offered a drink by bill's wife so one i stand up and my friend takes that as her q to start filming on her phone dh stands up to and i say we have a surprise for everyone everyone else in the room looks at us and he h shouts we are having another baby silver one shout signed you it and so one and both bills all say congratulations to us mill sits quietly d h gets out an envelope and says mum we wanted you to have this she takes it and inside is another ultra sound she looks at my friend filming and said thank you her face was pretty stoic but i could see her eyes getting wet honestly if the camera hadn't been filming i would have expected a bigger reaction she leaves the room soon after to go into the kitchen while everyone else chats she comes out sends picture after noticing i take in a few glasses and fill them up having a look around i figure she's tossed it on the counter then when i opened the bin i see the picture she'd somehow torn it in half right down the middle i was just so angry and weirdly scared by it what the hell is her problem at first my instinct was to close the bin and say to dh later but i realized this was a golden opportunity to call her out so i fished the pieces out the bin and walking into the living room me mill what's this holds up pieces donna looked very shocked for a second but then she looked so angry i was honestly a little worried dh asks what the hell she'd done to the picture we'd given her and she shouted i didn't want it she started crying then noticed my friend was still filming she really started bawling then and screamed you're just doing this to humiliate me and ran upstairs bill and sil her children followed her but their souls dh my friend and i stayed where we were my friend said she's fun and stop filming we leave soon after not bothering to stick around to say goodbye and drop friend off her house she sent me a copy of the videos a part of me feels defeated she somehow reacted even worse than last time way to lower my expectations on the other hand i feel like we could easily show that to a judge and gpr would no longer be an issue dh is furious and sad i'm still angry but a realization i've had makes me smile just a little when low 2 turns 18 a few choice words from me and eh will make a long since cut out donna wish she'd never destroyed the only picture she had of her real grandchild mill dh's name sniff i'm not happy with you you and her are determined to hurt this family you know how everyone feels about what she did and it's not the same i don't want to see any of you at my house until you apologize for giving me that stay out of our lives well we are more than happy to stay out of her life d.h is changing his location for work and i'm going to try and do the same for my work though i think i'll probably end up having to quit my work knows about the baby but not the specifics my dh also thought it would be therapeutic to post a little about when this all started at least according to him so i'm going to go through that this is based on dh's account and some of what i've heard from sill bill and essos so as i suspected donna was always a bit of a handful she apparently had a fit when her eldest child bill 1 eloped with still one without warning wouldn't talk to them for months afterwards and only eased up after a talking to from phil a few years later cylinder so did this too after a huge amount of wedding planning stress can anyone guess who the source was the problem started when phil passed away it was apparently really sudden and traumatic for the whole family think a very dire medical issue in public witnessed by all of his children despite kind attempts to help he was declared dead at the hospital all of his children were still in their twenties phil from what i've heard was a very kind and generous man he was really into sports and actually started a team here for a certain sport i won't mention in case it gets too revealing to this day old members of this team he founded and coached still post about him and mentioned him fondly to dh bill and still at the funeral a lot of people from that team and others involved in the sport came to pay their respects people from his work and friends also came however this is not what caught donna's attention they had a row of seats reserved for family at his memorial and it only had donna bill sill dh and their uncle donna's brother who had decided to visit to pay his respects and to give some support to donna phil was essentially an only child of only children and had moved country to live where we do now so they have little to no contact with distant relatives donna has only one brother who remains unmarried she is also the child of two only children to her this is a huge issue because it means that her family is the last of the line and has to carry on the gene pool at all costs the day after the funeral she begged both of her children to start having kids or no one will go to your funeral she used guilt and said how hard it was for her to know phil would never get to hold his grandchildren and how she would like her for him she then apparently collapsed and had to be held to bed a week after the funeral the weekly family dinners began where all of the children would have to come to her house or later on one of their houses and eat a three-course meal then they would have to watch a movie and could then go home no excuses no way out unless you wanted to go on a guilt trip all holidays were now hers with her own especially made family traditions i find it so strange that they all went along with it for so long that she knew what she was doing she guilted them endlessly about their own separate allotments she told the one and so one that they had wanted to pay for their eldest son's wedding and told sil too that it broke her dad's heart that he couldn't walk her down the aisle phil had never talked about the elopement in a negative way but with him gone they would never know how he really felt so out of guilt they did anything donna wanted she also came down with a couple of vaga medical issues so they worried they would lose the only parent they still had dh got his own guilt trip but mostly over how he wasn't married and had gone on a trip very soon after phil had passed no one knew it yet but he had actually already met his future wife at the time i was helping out where my dad worked when he had stopped by this was only a few weeks after his dad's death and he was devastated we ended up friending each other on facebook but didn't start going out until over a year after phil's death in the meantime dh used some of his savings and the very generous amount of leave his work had given him to go on a trip with friends to find himself and think about how he wanted to live his life when he came back donna apparently gave him the silent treatment until he apologized for leaving without any notice when we started going out he explained the whole weekly dinner thing to me and i agreed to go with him when we got serious anyway so that's the story of when donna got bad me and dhr thinking of getting bill one sill one bill to ansel two to make statements about her behavior to put in evidence so that we can feel safe enough to move away but we also don't want to tell them we are moving yet or even get close to talking about why in case it's suspicious any ideas on how to approach that [Music] you

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Keywords: reddit mil, reddit girl, reddit money, reddit prenup, reddit justnomil, reddit mother in law, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ mil, r/ money, r/ prenup, r/, r/justnomil, askreddit, askreddit mil, askreddit justnomil, askreddit money, askreddit prenup, reddit pregnant, rwfd

Id: ormOlAcp0SI

Length: 19min 13sec (1153 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 10 2020