Mother in law gives adults only magazine to my son

[Music] some background info as follows husband and i have been married for over a decade he is a lovely man and i adore him but both his parents are a little bit nuts just in very different ways his dad phil is a reclusive dragon of a man who hates the entirety of humanity and we really only see him for christmas and birthdays when he grudgingly visits our house to lavish weirdly excessive amounts of presents on us all he is actually very fond of husband and only child and the kids and despite his grumbling he's not actually a batman husband and i suspect that he is suffering from some kind of depression but he won't open up about anything so there's not much we can do except be on hand for when he calls which he never does husband's mother mill however is a whole other kettle of fish she has always been something of a bad smell in our marriage by which i mean we're always sort of aware that she's around even when we can't pinpoint her exact location when she is around she has zero regard for boundaries and flip-flops between worshipping husband and despising him i have always found her very irritating largely because she hates me and has even called me the other woman at our wedding no less that was a delightful speech to sit through she also hates the fact that i had kids before i met husband and complains that i'm a w because my twins t1 and t2 were born out of wedlock this is a joke since she and phil never officially got married but hooked up young and remained together until husband was about 10 then for apparently no reason phil just suddenly upped and left the family home taking husband with him and relocated to a whole new city mill spent a fair bit of time and effort trying to get custody of husband but was always loath to involve the authorities and eventually gave up on it after phil's family got involved she had regular visits with husband however and moved to the same area when he was in his teens so he never really missed out on having her around even though phil never let him stay with mill ever when husband first told me about this he said he was always very confused about phil's sudden decision to abandon an otherwise okay relationship and essentially kidnap his own son but given recent events we both agree that phil probably saw some warning signs and just note the [ __ ] out before mel had a chance to do anything really inappropriate we are hoping to speak to him about it soon but at the moment we have too much else to worry about really so i have the twins which husband has adopted as his own naturally from a previous relationship and then husband and i got married and wanted another kid together unfortunately the twins basically wrecked my womb on their way out and i had to have a hysto shortly after they were born so adoption was our first choice and we started on it more or less as soon as we were married note this is also one of the things that mill hates about me because apparently she has a right to have a real grandchild anyway a lot of paperwork and angst in turmoil later and we ended up with our lovely son he was two years old when he came to us and had had a really awful start in life he was a very difficult child because of this which we were expecting and has attachment disorder which has improved greatly over the years but still affects him he also has some other behavior-related issues which are more specific and perhaps more identifiable so i'll not name them the point is though that he is both the best and worst child ever depending on what side of the bed he rolls out of he is now in his mid-teens so you can imagine what a joy life with him can be since he is also battling hormones as well as coping with his usual issues mel has always been a huge problem for son she spent most of his early years with us complaining that he wasn't really her grandson which pissed us both off enough to go low contact with her for about 18 months she spent most of that time leaving us long angry voicemails about how i was stealing her precious son and all she wanted was to see her baby anyway we eventually relented a bit which i regret and she started pushing to spend time with son and even offered to care for him when we were struggling to juggle jobs the twins and everything else in our lives she also asked a lot if she could have him to stay overnight with her so she could have quality time with him and get to know him we said no to that mainly because sun needed specialist attention at that point and was going through a violent phase and we didn't want her to get hurt by a raging nine-year-old mill never admitted that son was violent and took it as a personal slight rather than us not wanting her to get physically bitten in fact she's never really acknowledged any of his issues at all which has lead to a couple of really nasty incidents in the last couple of years where she has not only really upset him but actually undone a lot of the good progress that he has made the worst one prior to yesterday was when she redecorated his bedroom while we were on holiday which would be bad enough for any child but was devastating to son who has serious trust issues at the best of times she also once stalked him around the house with a pair of scissors because she wanted to cut his hair son has always had long hair because of his actual phobia of scissors and when he spotted her he freaked out so badly he ended up throwing up all over the front room mull never apologized in either case and flatly refused to admit that she did anything to distress son or the rest of us anyway even if husband and i could forgive her and i'm not suggesting that we did sun sure as hell never forgot either incident and started hiding from her whenever she comes over to visit this is important because it was her very lamb a justification for what went down yesterday which is this we myself husband t1 and son went to the cinema yesterday afternoon to see beauty and the beast t2 didn't want to come because she's not been feeling well she says cold i say epic hangover after her best friend's birthday but whatever when we came out of the film husband had a missed call from t2 saying that mill had come over to check on her and t2 was concerned that she might have been poking around the house we've had this problem with mill before redecorating rooms notwithstanding so husband volunteers to pop home and make sure everything is okay while me and the kids have a mcdonald's we can then either catch the bus home or husband will come back and pick us up it's not really a problem also it's worth noting that mill pretty much never acknowledges the girls and isn't close to either of them so the idea of her just stopping by to say hello to titu is highly suspicious she has however come in and borrowed our kitchen appliances and other household items before so we are naturally expecting to find that our blender has been nicked or something husband then called me up a bit later to say that mill had left by the time he got home but son's bedroom door was open he never leaves it open so i asked son if husband can stick his nose around the door and make sure nothing has been moved or changed son agrees but gets very anxious obviously so husband went in while i was on the phone and reported that everything appeared to be fine and nothing was missing so that was good we enjoy the rest of our meal and get the bus home when i get in husband pulls me aside while son goes to obsessively check every inch of his room for any sign of anything being touched husband tells me that he found 2pmax badly hidden under son's pillow and that he is 99 his mother put them there i was completely incredulous at the time because what the actual duck but when he showed them to me i have to agree that they are definitely not the kind of thing son would try to smuggle into the house himself you see son is gay and these magazines were both full of pictures of women milno's son is gay but keeps insisting that it's a phase and that he will get over it and bemoans the fact that a good looking boy like sun is being wasted on the gaze her actual words not mine she is hilariously homophobic to the point where she refused to visit for christmas because one of our gay friends was also staying it's one of the many things she whinges about her husband whenever she gets the chance there is no way that we can 100 prove that she put the magazines there but the idea that it's possible makes me feel physically sick it doesn't help that one of the magazines had a headline on the front about older women and i have to say i'm too scared to open it but why would anybody give a kid those kinds of pictures husband rang mill up and spoke to her on speakerphone and we both asked her if she had been in son's room all she would admit is that she might have looked around the door to see if he was in because she misses him so much but would say nothing else and hung up when we told her exactly what we found husband is both furious and now very upset and keeps asking me what it means and i honestly can't answer i suspect husband is now re-evaluating some of the things that happened when he was growing up and i know i certainly am we also now have to decide if we want to call the police or if we even have any actual legal reason to since son never saw the magazines and she has never ever been alone with him in the past thank god husband rang mill this morning to tell her that she will never be welcome in our home again and that if she contacts us we will get a restraining order he did this without consulting me but i'm 100 okay with this and we'll back him up all the way we also discussed it with the twins so they know what's going on son is aware that something is up and we will have to tell him at least part of it soon but i suspect that we will only get as far as telling him that somebody went into his room without permission before he flips his lid and has a meltdown so we are trying to come up with the best most tactful way to tell him before we open that particular can of worms so this is a state of my family right now husband is distraught i'm distraught both the girls are fuming and dear son is confused and wary because the rest of us are all on edge it's a really shitty way to end easter and it's only going to cause more issues and problems in the future i have no idea where we go from here but i convinced husband not to burn the magazines in case we do end up calling the police part of me feels like we may be overreacting but i honestly have no idea how else the magazines might have come into the house and the fact that husband and i are both so on edge about makes me feel like i ought to trust our instincts i want to think that if she did do this then she was maybe trying to be a cool grandma and tempt him into being friends with her or something but i also can't help but thank our lucky stars that we never let her take him for sleepovers or anything like that as you can probably tell i'm still very mixed up and conflicted about it all anyway this has turned into a massive wall of text so i will leave it there i'm sure i will have other tales to share now that i've broken the silence so to speak but for now it's too much to go into them thanks for reading if you made it this far also just in case anybody is wondering if those were sons magazines he would have flipped out and raged at us about it as soon as he got home and found them missing i once found the sock under his desk and washed it without express permission and he freaked out and screamed for hours about it even though he was completely okay with me taking his laundry bag with all the rest of his stuff in it which the sock had no doubt fallen out of but then this is the nature of his condition at the moment it's been a crazy evening and i'm incredibly grateful to everybody who has commented and offered advice and support it's been an amazing relief to know that mine and husband's gut reactions are not so wildly out of line i always imagined myself as a fairly level-headed and objective person but reading everybody's comments has made me see that perhaps husband and i couldn't see the forest for the trees so to speak this will not be an easy situation to clear up but now we know we are not being crazy or overreacting we have taken steps everything has moved at warp speed this evening it's amazing what you can get done when you have two adults running around like blast flies and a pair of amazing girls who are willing to entertain their brother while you do it anyway here is where we are at now we called a lawyer the only lawyer we know is the one who handled our adoption it was technically past office hours when we rang but she was kind enough to take our call and has been amazing she's rung back twice since we spoke to her and is basically all over this for us i cried when she told me she would sort out the restraining order and no contact letters she also assured us that she will help us see this through which i'm so happy about since we know her and know we can trust her she also told us to call the police we called the police i spent an hour and half on the phone with an officer and we are going into the station on monday to do a formal statement i thought they would brush us off but they didn't i have no idea if what they can do for us but they want us to take in the magazines and at the very least it will be on file they have also said they will send somebody to speak to mill and tell her not to contact us or come near us as we are preparing a restraining order i think their reasoning is that it will prevent a breach of the peace if she stays away and they are absolutely right i spoke to son i explained to him that we think mill went into his room he already knew that bit and that we think she tried to give him p magazines i didn't tell him what kind and he didn't ask he's been very quiet about it all but i suspect he is going to react to it sometime tomorrow this is fairly normal for him it's a kind of delayed response my main concern is that he knows mill will never come back into the house which i made very clear and it's true i don't care what we have to do but she is never coming near my kids again we changed the locks husband saw me on my laptop and ask me what the internet was saying i did warn him that i'd posted asking for advice because it's not the kind of thing to hide and when i told him a lock change was suggested he was all over it mill never had a key that we know of but it doesn't hurt to be safe rather than sorry and this way if she does ever get back in we have absolute proof that she can't have gotten illegally husband is sitting next to me looking up camera systems on his tablet we have a security light we live in the countryside so we need one to scare off all the marauding foxes but i have zero issues with getting us a set of security cameras also i feel like this is a project that will help husband feel like he is being useful he's always useful but this has hit him really hard so far the only relevant person i haven't been able to contact is a social worker i will keep trying however meanwhile husband and i have been discussing therapy options and also where we go from here i agree with a lot of the comments on my first post husband and i need to speak to phil and find out what happened when husband was a kid i don't know how we are going to do it or when and i think it needs to be a conversation for tomorrow at this stage husband was all for it this morning but it's been a long day and i suspect that the more he thinks about it the less he wants to know what phil might have to say i don't know none of this is going to be easy but if there is something significant lurking in his childhood then we need to know so we can take action i will basically do whatever it takes to keep mill out of our lives forever and i know husband wants the same on the other hand this is his mother and his childhood and i would be a stone cold bee if i didn't take into account the fact that he's feeling like other [ __ ] right now so i'm not going to push him too hard tonight when we can't do anything about it anyway from now on though there is going to be no contact at all with mill unless we have to see her in court she's wiggled out of no contact before but i can see no rational reason for anybody to suggest that we ought to let her back into our lives this is inexcusable i'd love to know why she did it i really would but as has been said the reason doesn't actually matter my job for tomorrow is to keep trying to get in touch with our social worker or at the very least get an actual call back from the out of hours team i don't care if it's sunday given how important this is a normal sunday routine involves going out to lunch in town but given that mill knows this we've decided to skip the cavalry and try out a chinese place that's opened about an hour away the twins and son all love chinese food which will hopefully make some more open to the idea and if he doesn't want to go either husband or myself will go and get a take away from there instead son likes his routines but isn't entirely rigid so we'll just have to take the day as it comes also i feel like the girls deserve a treat they've been absolutely amazing today and i'm so proud of both of them [Music] so [Music] you

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Id: yCCFuUPu6Oo

Length: 18min 31sec (1111 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 14 2021