I'm pregnant and my mother is acting like I'm a surrogate for her

[Music] starting when i was eight about a year after my brother was born she became increasingly mentally and physically a it peaked when i was a teenager and didn't care to be the beauty queen that she expected me to be she tried to vicariously live through me and would freak out if i dressed unlike her or listen to bands that she didn't like i would be beat literally every morning when i wouldn't wear the clothes she picked out for me or let her fix my hair she wouldn't do this in front of my dad and would always call him and claim that i attacked her i was constantly grounded because my dad thought that i was a problem teen he walked in on her beating me one day and that was the end of that they split when i was 15 at that point my mom pretended to k herself while she was on the phone with me and made an anonymous call to cps and claimed that my dad was emmy she was reported to cps by my school when my boyfriend told a teacher that i was being a again when she pretended to k herself then arrested and reported again when she stole my cell phone and car keys during a visit be me and said that i was never going to get to leave her house i ended up running through the woods until i got to a church where i called my dad and he came to get me she attacked him when he went to her house to get my phone and keys she convinced her several people on her side of the family that my dad and i made everything up and she's the helpless victim i got a lot of angry calls from family members after i graduated i hardly spoke to her and enjoyed a couple of years of freedom i started speaking to her more as my brother was entering high school and i would go to his football and basketball games i try to have a bit of a relationship with her but she is very difficult i am now 4.5 months pregnant and she has been a nut case through the whole thing she thinks she gets to be in the delivery room tries to be her way into coming to my gender scan thinks she gets to help pick the name thinks she gets to decorate the nursery and is going overboard with trying to plan my reveal party it does not matter how many times i tell her that she gets to do none of these things she will pitch a fit every single time and then go back to acting like i never told her no she always says i'll let my mom come to the gender scan i'll let my mom in the delivery room i'll let my mom help pick your name that's what mothers and daughters are supposed to do she thinks that i will just believe her and give him because i'm apparently a native child the only true one of those things is that her mom went to the gender scan because my dad had a business trip and couldn't go she was not in the delivery room my dad picked out my name i told her she can help us decorate and stuff but it will be things that we approve of because it is our house and our kid we are doing a reveal party a few days after our gender scan we are having the results sealed in an envelope and everyone learns what it is at the same time at our party well she thinks she's special and thinks she should get to know the gender and then she revealed to us i told her that i get off early the day before thanksgiving for my gender scan she says oh good i get off early that day so i can go no you can't for the 100th time there is nothing wrong with your mother being there you're supposed to have your mom there then it turns into if i don't get to go to the gender scan i'll get left out and won't find out what it is what the [ __ ] we are having a goddamn reveal party that everyone is invited to and this revealed party she keeps texting me all these ideas and things she wants to do at the party i keep repeating that this is not a big deal we don't need decorations it is dinner with close friends and family and we will not being playing any silly games but i want to have games the games are cute no i will not allow games we are eating mingling revealing and watching football so she calms down a little bit with that and then moves on to the baby names she doesn't like the boy name with picked out which is louie i just keep telling her that it's not her decision so the last few days she has been texting me any boy name that she can think of the other night she texted and said what about the name jude i like jude i wrote back and said we are set on louie i don't want to hear anything else about names jude was on our list but we don't want a boy's greeting to be hey jude for the rest of his life lowie will be the name if it's a boy she writes back and says whatever i would never give my kids a name that my mom didn't approve of he's going to be made fun of and labelled a nerd and are saying that it is a boy and you didn't let me know i told her that she knows that we don't know anything and that if she complains one more time about any of our naming decorating decisions she won't hear anything else about the baby i've also posted in the past about her addiction to social media and it's a way for her to show off if we just see each other in passing she has to take a picture and be like mother daughter time her picture taking is a problem and she makes any every event about the pictures she is constantly stopping everyone and making them pose for pictures when we start telling her that she has now taken 85 of the same picture and she's being obnoxious and rude she'll get upset and say that we are so mean to her and we shouldn't be bothered by her pictures if it makes her happy a few pictures are okay but good lord the whole time she also called me crying on mother's day because i didn't post a nice message on her facebook the card and flowers didn't matter because i didn't put it on facebook for everyone to see she has also called me and crying because i don't like her posts and she wants people to her daughter liking her things she is more concerned with my image than her own one time she left her phone at home and asked if i could go get it and bring it to her since i was off work i did and it was right after i had gotten out of the gym when i showed up she looks at me mortified runs to me and says why did you show up like that why didn't you at least put on mac loop i didn't say anything and left she starts blowing my phone up with texts about how she's so embarrassed that i didn't put an effort into my appearance when her coworkers would be seeing me the funniest thing she's done recently was on saturday she called me and it was normal conversation until she goes now make kyle my so clean up before the reveal party i thought she meant help clean around the house because he isn't a good housekeeper i said he will the house is never dirty anyways and he's been helping a lot more since i've been pregnant she says no i meant he needs to clean himself up he needs to cut that beard off he has a burly beard and is likes having it i said um i'm not going to make him cut his beard she immediately gets shrill and goes but i don't want it in the pictures i said that's too bad she then says but everyone is going to be there and they are going to see it so what i told her it doesn't matter and i'm not going to make him cut his beard to please her she says well can you at least mention it to him i said no again and she starts with your law weird you all are just so weird nobody wants to see that beard i just said oh well for the past two days she sent me at least 25 pictures of my grandmother and her holding me when i was a baby i don't know what that's about other than thinking that she's going to have access to my kid on the level that my grandmother had access to me she then gets mad because i haven't responded to her picture texts i just told her i saw them and i'm busy at work to which she says well you could say something nice about them i'm so anxious about the reveal party every time we are in public she starts hanging on me and shouting me with affection because she knows i'll look like a bee if i tell her to stop she also loves to speak for me answer questions that people ask me and if someone talks about a restaurant they like she'll be like daughter loves that place actually i have never in my entire life been there she feels the need to involve me in every single conversation this is a very long and complicated story so i'll have to leave a lot out for brevity's sake for context i'm 30 f married with one son and a daughter on the way if you read it all thank you i really need some support i was adopted when i was five my biological father was also adopted when he was a child he was adopted by a married couple who already had two biological children both of whom were teenagers when he was born his adopted mother was something like third cousins with his biological grandmother and his biological mother was friends with his adopted mother's teenage daughter the teenage daughter never left her parents house and helped to raise him i was adopted by the same set of people i know that's all confusing but basically i was adopted by my grandparents but they aren't my biological grandparents because my father was adopted my bio dad has never been worth much won't work always on d in and out of jail he and my bio mom were teenagers when i was born got married afterwards and had another child my sister they lived with beo dad's parents grandma and grandpa plus their daughter we'll refer to her as mom for the first year i was alive then moved out they got divorced when i was four and i was adopted when i was five i've always been told that the reason was because i was too attached to man mom and my bo mom was too overwhelmed and too poor to care for two kids on her own so grandma and grandma became my adopted parents and their daughter who continued to live with them was called my mom they then moved with me to another state my life growing up was very weird i won't go into there in detail right now but i'll list a few things first of all they are mormon i won't spend time speaking on that trauma here but i left that church when i was 17. they tried to keep me as a baby i wasn't allowed to feed myself wipe myself or bathe myself until i hit puberty and finally stood up for myself and demanded i be allowed to do those things after i stood up for myself man didn't speak to me for three months when i was a young child think like four to eight roughly they would get me to flirt with older men because they thought it was funny my grandpa's friends who would come over waiters at restorats doctors they taught me that the only thing of worth i had was my looks and the only thing in life i would do would be to get married and have children they were stage moms i was in 18 hours a week of dance practice and i competed in dance everyone at the dance studio hated me because they would loudly talk about how much prettier and more talented i was than the other girls they would do this when they came to help out at my school too openly mocking the young girls in my class for being fat having big feet whatever i never had any friends actually because i was never allowed to go over to anyone's house and no one was allowed to come to ours i was only allowed to go outside if they had time to sit outside and watch me which they rarely did they pulled me out of school in seventh grade so i could dance professionally mom home showed me but actually did nothing at all because i was already smarter than any teacher so i received no education for three years my sophomore year of high school i begged for them to let me quit dancing professionally and let me go to high school and they finally relented because mao was in very bad health and mom was addicted to opioids at this point and sending me to school all day was just easier for them i got a boyfriend when i was 14 a mormon boy mom would buy me s lingerie and have me open it in front of him and my grandpa she once made us chocolate covered strawberries and had us get in the hot tub while she filmed us feeding each other we were 15. they convinced us both that we should get married when i turned 16 and live in their house with the mom bought the wedding dress and everything but thankfully i broke up with him and didn't go through with it this isn't the half of error but i think it gives a pretty good sampling of what i went through i moved out the day i turned 18. gma died when i was 21 and then mom laid a bunch of guilt on me about how she had tried so hard for me and now she was alone and stuck caring for my grandpa and wanted to have a better relationship with me i was severely depressed at the time and also pretty self-destructed and even though i knew my childhood was weird i hadn't yet put together just how ducked up it was fast forward a few years i tolerate a relationship with mom reply to all of her incessant texting go to lunch with her put up with typical end behavior but mostly try to ignore it i allow her to guilt me a lot i get married and two years later we have a son this is where things start to deteriorate she starts spending the night at our house uninvited to help with the baby but her help is just taking him away from me and into another room because i should be resting she didn't like the name we chose for him dh's grandfather's name so she makes up a new name and only calls him that and tells all her friends that that's his main as baby gets older she starts demanding time with him and weekends with him something always pops up so that he has to spend an extra night with her she starts posting memes on her facebook from mom groups about being the mom of a toddler she takes lots of pictures of him so that when he's not at her house she can post them to make it look like she has him when she doesn't she starts taking him to the air every time he's with her for his asthma and always says that he was diagnosed with pneumonia and has to be on antibiotics she always posts about his health crisis on her fafsa book and gets lots of sympathy this goes on until one trip to the air i ask for her to put me on the phone with the doctor who tells me my son has never been diagnosed with pneumonia i ducked up here i should have never allowed her to have so much time with him and so much control but standing up to her terrifies me and by this point he's so attached to her because she gives him whatever he wants at her house she only feeds him ice cream and candy and lets him spend hours on the kindle and buys him whatever he wants i also had horrible postpartum depression and the first two years of his life were extremely difficult for me and by the time i snapped out of it it was too late but at this point i'm starting to have questions about my own adoption so this is what we've been dealing with for the last six years constantly relenting to her demands constant stress i started a healing process about two years ago and finally came to terms about what a huge negative impact my childhood had on me i feel massive guilt forever allowing my son to be around her i find out i'm pregnant with our second child a daughter and i decide to find my birth mom as part of my healing i found her and we met along with meeting my two sisters one full one half two weeks ago and all the truth came out my biome never wanted to give me up but man mom bullied her into it just like with me they took me away from her when i was crying because they told her she was too young to know what she was doing they purposefully gave me colic by putting cereal and baby food in my bottle when i was a week old so they could say i was too difficult for her to handle when she moved out they wouldn't let her take me because they said i was too attached to them she would get me and take me home with her and they would call her every five minutes then drive over and take me back after a couple of hours they wouldn't allow me to play with my sister when she was getting the divorce from my dad they told her that if she didn't let them adopt me the judge would take both of her kids away she didn't want to risk losing both of her kids to my psycho dad because she didn't have a lawyer and they paid for his lawyer so she gave in and let them adopt me they weren't supposed to move out of state with me they had my birth certificate changed there's a lot more that i won't go into i don't blame my bo mom for this she was 19 from a bad home was being a by my dad and was living in these people's living room i don't blame her at all after the divorce she got in touch with my dad's bio mom and mom had done the exact same thing to her and that's how they adopted my dad i don't know what to do i despised my mom i was kidnapped by psychopaths i can barely stand to look at her all i've wanted for my entire life was a normal loving mother and she stole me away from one i want to cut off all contact with her and leave her to die alone but i can't my grandpa is a massive enabler but he was the only person who treated me decently growing up and i love him he's 86 and lives with her i can't cut my son off from her because he loves her it's not fair for me to make him suffer because of my mistakes especially since he's too young to possibly understand why i'm at a total loss and i have no idea what to do she started making demands last night about how many nights he's going to spend with her this summer and i tried to stand up her by saying he will only be able to spend one night a month with you and you may take him to his swim lesson every week it didn't go well but she ultimately dropped it and my dh says i should be proud that i stood up and won that one but it doesn't feel like i've won much of anything [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

Views: 42,287

Rating: 4.8853974 out of 5

Keywords: reddit girl, reddit pregnant, reddit entitled parents, reddit mother, reddit sister, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ pregnant, r/ entitled parents, r/ mother, r/ sister, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit pregnant, askreddit entitled parents, askreddit mother, askreddit sister, askreddit

Id: RequnIwliXs

Length: 18min 59sec (1139 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 09 2020