Mother in law attempts to share custody of husband's graduation

[Music] i've mentioned a lot that cruise control refuses to see her ex-husband dh's dad if their divorce was a child it would be enrolled in college by now she can't seem to get over it speaking of college dh's graduation from his undergrad was a mess cruise control wanted to go but she didn't want phil and his wife to be there a big snag in this demand of hers one of dh's stepsisters was also graduating that day from the same university they were not going to miss seeing two of their kids graduate i was also graduating but this was early in our relationship so i wasn't part of the family yet there's the large graduation ceremony with everyone in the famous football field someone slightly well known as a commencement speaker and thousands of family members sweating their balls off there are also smaller ceremonies for different colleges the college of education will have their own ceremony with the grads that are graduating with a degree in education for example dh suggested that if cruise control didn't want to see phil and smile she could attend the smaller one cruise control was upset that she wouldn't get to see the big graduation and she threw a fit she wanted the whole shebang small ceremony big ceremony and luncheon pictures afterwards despite this tantrum she skipped the small ceremony which is fine because they are not really for family anyway cruise control finally compromised that she would get a seat far away from phillips mill she would take one half of the stadium and they could sit anywhere else cruise control showed up late and got a horrible seat high up in the bleachers she also dropped her phone and it somehow got lost forever i don't know how because it's not like these are high school bleachers they are pretty solid he swore that it fell from a great height and she heard its mash to pieces but never found it the plan to make sure everyone avoided each other was that phil and smile would stay in their seats for 30 minutes to let cruise control have time to leave after the ceremony i still can't believe how selfish this request was phil and smile rolled their eyes and did exactly what they wanted to do they'd let cc take her damn pictures take dh to lunch and then dh would pick me up from my lunch with my parents and we'd go to phil and smile's house about an hour away to celebrate with dinner dh was disappointed because he wanted pictures right after the ceremony with his stepsister but he gave in cruise control had waved me off when i suggested she pick a landmark to meet by oh i'll just call you so she didn't call didn't respond to course didn't text i was meeting my parents and we ran into dh's stepsister and were taking pictures dh texted me have you seen my mom i can't find her and she's not responding to me i told him he should come and take pictures with his seas because we weren't far away he came and we got some nice pictures of the two of them like he wanted he kept looking around for cc for about 45 minutes and then he finally gave up my mom told him that he could come to lunch with us for all we knew cruise control had never shown up to graduation at all and she was totally flaking out he seemed a little sad but he perked up once we gave him some food cruise control finally fought her way through graduation traffic and got to her hotel she rented a hotel when she only lives an hour away and was still late where she opened her laptop and started spamming the h on facebook messenger by this time dh and i were done with lunch with my lovely parents and brothers and we were at phil and smiles house taking an afternoon nap because we'd been in the hot sun all morning he woke up to all of her messages and it was literally so much message that he couldn't possibly have read them all she wrote a novel he was still under the impression that she had skipped his graduation so he said this can wait and just got ready for dinner dinner was a fun backyard bbq with enough margaritas to drown a horse phil had prepared so much food and everyone needed to be rolled home when it was over we had a great time cruise control would never dare to show up to their house so we had a peaceful night she made the next week hell by alternating between yelling at the h for abandoning her and crying that she was a terrible mother and she felt so bad he ignored her for once because he was legitimately angry she'd made all of these demands and then she hadn't even held up her end of the bargain she finally stopped her crying and now she doesn't mention graduation at all besides he and i were busy hanging out with friends whose were soon to be scattered all over the country we wanted to hang out while we still could she was not invited when he graduated with his masters cruise control is trying in her way she really has followed all of the rules we gave her we told her that we would think about attending therapy with her if she asked she can't help but act weepy when we interact with her that she stops short of using guilt trips because she knows it'll result in time out she hasn't been allowed to set foot in our house and we've only seen her in person once we do a phone slash facetime call once a week dh verified with the therapist that cruise control isn't making this up and trying to force a surprise meeting i was shocked but dh was the one who thought of that it didn't even cross my mind it will be us cc and cc's therapist this therapist won't have met us before this point it seems worrisome to me that we will have to represent ourselves and our point of view as two people to a therapist that already knows cruise control an hour just isn't enough to convey how bad things got i am sure cruise control didn't say the worst parts of her behavior since she can't recognize them herself my son and his wife wouldn't let me crash on their couch for a few weeks and it made me so depressed i stopped eating sounds better than i tried to manipulate my son and his wife into letting me move in temporarily when i had no intention of moving out and when it didn't work i threw a fit and went on a hunger strike this is really important to dh and i'm going we talked it over with our own therapist and agreed that we aren't going to expect this meeting to show any progress if hasn't been that long and cruise control is really deep in her reality all we can do is share our side of the story with the therapist to give some context and hope that it benefits cruz controls progress she's lied and changed her story to her doctors so we assume she's lying to her therapist too we told her at the beginning that we expect her to be honest with her therapist and that if we find out she's been lying she's on time out for six months the fact that she wants us to see her therapist despite that means that she either hopes we won't stick to it or she really is trying with a therapist we'll see i'm afraid to walk in and be lectured by a therapist who has been lied to and believes that dh and i are abusing poor little cruise control we will have no issue putting her on time out if that happens but it will suck 4dh he's been a little more optimistic than i've been we decided that we should come in prepared with at least one thing we would like to talk about but we have three in case time allows in order the fact that she makes dh hide half of his family from her the fact that she refused for a long time to let us have free time without her and crash several dates and day trips the fact that her reactions to things aren't proportional to how serious they are scream crying if we don't let her attend our date with us we think these will give the therapist insight and things to discuss in future appointments with her a little extra story for you all we decided that we are done catering our actual home to cruise control sensitivities remember how she acts like she's been betrayed if we even mentioned eh's awesome stepsisters and stepmom we finally printed some pictures with them and added them to our picture wall we had some upstairs in the hallway but now they are prominently displayed in our living room our own therapist that we've been seeing who we really like gave us the advice that we should act abusing us like and refuse to give hugs or make small talk not to be mean but to make sure that therapy with cruise control doesn't become a way for her to sneak around lc and force interaction we needed to set the tone for serious work to be done rather than rug sweeping so of course we show up and cruise control ducking leaps at us dh and i dodged her and he h said mom this is not the time nor the place we all need to take this seriously she said not even a hug and he replied not even a hug go dh we had emma old the therapist beforehand but we also brought a hard copy of our list therapist asked us if we had anything to say before we got started d h piped up and said yes i want to address what just happened outside of the office so that cruise control understands our reasoning we spent a few minutes on that and cruise control said she understood the therapist said that she was going to focus on the bullet points on our list that involve the three of us rather than those that are observational about cruise control's behavior understandable and she went straight for the moving and debacle i was glad because we still don't understand what was going on and we can't be 100 sure that she wanted to live with us permanently when it was time for cruise control to start talking she was tearing up she said that she hated her apartment and wanted to leave it was too dark and it makes her depressed and she had decided to live on cruise ships for half the summer dh said you told us you would be doing it for four months and now it's one month and she said that she had other plans for the middle of the summer that she couldn't tell us about because she felt that dh's feelings would be heard we had no idea what she was talking about i can't think of a vocation she'd be able to go on that would hurt our feelings other than crashing our own the therapist said that if feelings are going to be hurt therapy is a good place to process that she signed and said okay and then she tells us her real plans that i still think are sketchy as duck now her story is i felt that you would be lonely without me all summer so i wanted to stay with you for a while so you know i still care about you i met a man online who lives in vacation destination and we were going to spend a month together i was going to take a cruise before and after the trip to see this man so that i could say that i met him on the cruise by accident i just didn't want you to feel abandoned we were just like wtf why would we care if you're dating we'd both be ecstatic dh reminded her that he has a close relationship with his stepmom and dad i said that we'd be happy to see her find someone to spend time with because she seems lonely cruise control refused to accept this she believed we must be lying to her and that dh would have been distraught if she moved on from her divorce in the late cretaceous era therapist kept saying to cruise control that we seemed pretty genuine now that we were on the subject we spoke for a while about what a burden it is to be 100 of her social calendar and how we would love to see her find some friends or a hobby dh said that he was worried about the new job and whether it was real and hoped she was going to be okay because we can't take her in if her employment doesn't work out when asked if the job is real she just said the job is there if i want it she couldn't give us a yes or no i'm terrified that she's going to suddenly become desperate for a place to live and need us to help her the last thing we did was state our boundaries we said she cannot live with us ever and that's a hard boundary we said we'd do therapy with her no more than twice a month and that we would stop if we suspected she was lying to the therapist or using therapy as a way to get her th fix instead of working on herself we also said we were unwilling to let visits get to the point they were ever again we understood that weaning her off might be good for her but it would be very very bad for us we also shared a list of things we'd like to see from her like an apology genuine attempts to find new people to socialize with honesty and for her to get used to the fact that the h's tip family is a huge part of our lives we haven't agreed to go back and we haven't been asked all we can hope for is that we gave the therapist some things to ask cruise control about she needs a diagnosis like yesterday we haven't been seeing her in person we have a policy she doesn't know about which is that she can call all she wants but we will only pick up twice a week if she calls more than once in a day she's on a secret timeout she hasn't tried to drop by because she knows that means time out for a long time we've been seeing my family in dhs dad stipp family a lot more which has been wonderful [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit mil, reddit mother in law, reddit wedding, reddit girl, reddit, reddit marriage, mother in law, crazy mother in law, r/ mil, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ pregnancy, r/, r/askreddit, askreddit, askreddit mil, mil, askreddit pregnant, askreddit girl, reddit honeymoon, honeymoon

Id: NYm7WS5y_As

Length: 14min 13sec (853 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 20 2020