Mother in law demands we don't invite father in law to our wedding (Part III)

[Music] so we decided on a fake elopement important detail my parents always told my brothers and me that as long as we went to college and worked toward being financially dependent that they would pay a specific sum for our weddings however they encouraged us to think long and hard about whether we wanted that money to pay for one night of fun or go towards a down payment for a house i'm the only girl and i always felt slightly pressured to have a wedding i don't know why i put it all on myself in my mind it was my dad's one chance to walk his daughter down the island that was important my parents assured me that there are no strings attached to the money and they just want me to be happy cruise control knew about this money situation which made things so much worse she would talk about how we totally have the budget for this stupid thing she wanted and didn't feel bad about claiming a piece of the pie because it wasn't really our money in her mind if i told her i didn't want something she was suggesting she would offer to pay for it herself dh and i planned a vacation to a romantic city in may the trip was a week long and we didn't tell her that we were going remember dh had said that we needed space because our relationship was in trouble she actually listened to it for the most part except that she sent emails with copied and pasted reviews of self-help and relationship books she also wrote a lot of emails that started with i've been thinking about it a lot and i think the problem with your relationship is we went on the trip i took a picture of both of our hands with wedding bands on them another of me smiling and holding a bouquet and a picture of us in a scenic location with the book a we texted all three to her from the h's phone i don't have the text but this is pretty close to what it was mom you're the first person to find out we got married we stumbled into the most beautiful little church and just knew that we had to get married there we never intended to get itched right now but it just felt right everything is perfect now we can use that wedding money on something practical to start our future together i'm so happy and so is regretful i'm going to turn my phone off for the rest of the trip and focus on my new wife but we'll be back in a few days don't worry about the apartment it's being taken care of i love you this was the genius part of our plan i worried that she would try to go to our apartment and raise hell but we had gotten phil and smile to house it for us and feed our fish cruise control refuses to see them in person we were told later that she showed up to the apartment and ran away screaming when smile opened the door nice try b we unblocked her after the trip was over and we were heading home there were dozens of texts and missed calls from her ranging from congrats to how dare you and this doesn't mean you can't have a reception we got to the apartment and phil and smile stuck around for dinner to chat and talk about our trip we were having a very nice time when we got a knock on the door i knew it was cruise control but i had an apartment full of mill repellent and i knew she wouldn't stay along so i opened the door she came flying in saw her ex-husband and his wife and then ran out crying how could you you're having a wedding reception without me wtf does this look like a reception to you she proceeded to cry and lay down on the tiny strip of grass outside of our apartment building she was probably laying in dog pee she went on and on about how the least we could do was celebrate with her and not with a man who ruined her life blah blah blah i told her that we weren't celebrating it was just a normal dinner and we would celebrate with her whenever she wanted but right now she should go home and shout because that's where most people in these parts let their dogs pee she kept crying so i leaned down to her and whispered please quiet down phil and smile don't know we got married yet she shut up immediately and asked me who knew just you she was suddenly the cat who ate the canary she was super satisfied with herself she said this isn't over i'm still mad that you got married without me i'll be reaching out to you to talk about how we can make this right okay cruise control whatever just go home later we met with her and told her that we had decided to keep the monetary gift as a rainy day fund and that we didn't want to have an actual wedding because i found it stressful dh also finally told her that he wouldn't have uninvited his dad and he knew she wouldn't like that so it was the best for everyone she was the angriest at the fact that he would have invited his dad and she gave us both the silent treatment for the rest of dinner she offered to pay for a reception and i said are you really willing to pay for phil and smile she said no and i said then save your money because we won't be there unless both of our families are invited the silent treatment after that statement lasted about two months it was great we found a good therapist for dh and he started putting weight back on next installment the lead up to the actual wedding fit my amazing mom and amazing bridesmaids she finally broke her silent treatment never lasts very long three weeks is actually pretty impressive coming from her she texted i call a truce like we are at war dh and i have been focusing on each other in couples counseling not planning a surprise attack she wants to meet and she has a few on requests some of which will not fly i don't have the text it's on dhs phone and i don't want to be a snoop so i'll ask him if he can forward it to me later the one request that really stands out is that she wants to meet with us separately because she doesn't want to be outnumbered she wants us to meet in a neutral location and one of us waits in the car while the other gets to be subjected to her tears nice try cruise control but we happen to know what triangulation is she specifically asked that we don't meet anywhere that has food she doesn't want to meet in a restaurant or a coffee house that's fine because it's impossible to find a restaurant that she can stomach with her long list of dietary dislikes dh hasn't responded but he has red receipts turned on so she knows we got it we are going to think it over and talk about it in counseling which will be on tuesday she's waited three weeks she can wait a little longer the one thing we immediately agreed on is that we are not doing the [ __ ] separate meetings thing we are a couple and we'll be treated as such the end edit is it weird that i kind of feel like i don't have anything to say to her i just have no desire to meet she's done so much and been such a pain but it seems like nothing we say will ever get through to her i just feel like meeting gives her what she wants interaction and we'll walk away from the meeting angry or disappointed a bit of an update on the request from cruise control to meet i showed dh a couple of the responses that i agreed with and he pretty much said i don't feel ready yet i want to do some more therapy first i think i'll handle it better if i feel prepared we haven't decided on a response to the text we'll do that tomorrow after therapy okay so in the last installment we made the absolutely insane decision to convince my mother-in-law that we were already married just to get her off of our backs about wedding stuff we had a vague idea that we would do just a reception later or we would elope for real depending on what we wanted to do the truth was that we didn't really feel like getting married at the time cruise control has sucked all of the joy out of our engagement and our inability to stand up to her just highlighted how not ready we were cruise control vacillated between being smug because she was the only one who knew and then being angry because we stole away her opportunity to plan a wedding for us she would give us the silent treatment on and off but she could never really stay away for long because we were 100 of her social life netflix couldn't sustain her forever we finally told her that we had accidentally let the truth slip to my parents and phil so that she could get to keep feeling special that she was trusted with this information and they only found out on accident i did this because i couldn't stand her comments about how she was closer to us than my mom was because my mom didn't even know if only she ducking knew that everyone knew the truth better i needed the intrusive thoughts about smashing her head into the floor to stop meanwhile dh was in therapy for his anxiety issues and trying anxiety medication we scheduled time together to reconnect as a couple and often chose activities that cruise control doesn't like so that she wouldn't attempt to join we became a lot closer over those months even though they weren't all great we were unhappy with how things went and couldn't decide on how to handle the real wedding and whether we felt ready to get married for real anytime soon meanwhile my mom was being a huge help to me i would visit her when i could because she was helping me sew my wedding dress i'm not much of a semstress but i'm decent she is very talented and she helped me out tremendously i had decided that i didn't want my dress to be made of a fussy fabric that would wrinkle easily and i didn't want a big puffy skirt i also didn't want anything strapless or a corset i wanted to be comfortable on my wedding day she talked me through my messy feelings about the wedding that wasn't and was the voice of reason that i saw he needed the dress we made was our inspiration for our wedding we ended up with a dress that was beautiful yet practical made of a fabric that was machine washable and didn't wrinkle easily i'll get to that later one day cruise control showed up and barged in and started telling us that we had to have a reception and that she had a short list of venues and we were going to hear her out because we owed her dh looked at her like she was crazy and just said mom what are you on why do you think we owe you she blathered on about how we took away her opportunity to plan her kids wedding and he said mom you need to let it go it was never your wedding to plan i know it hurt your feelings but regrets parents and my dad are completely happy for us you're the only hold out she gave us an infuriating rebuttal about how it's because she's actually invested in us and my parents and phil don't care about us fh said they care a lot but they also know that the wedding was about what we want this was a huge huge huge improvement for dh i'd never seen him just take the reins and confront her like this before it was the first moment that i felt truly happy and excited about marrying him again this was four months after the elopement so i felt that it was promising that night we finally let ourselves talk about wedding plans we came up with a few ideas that excited us i remember laying awake that night and coming up with plans because i was so excited that i couldn't sleep we finally decided on a plan around the time the dress was done we would have our late honeymoon that summer and it would be a cross-country road trip we would bring a good camera and tripod and we'd take wedding photos with me and my dress and dh and whatever was comfortable in as many locations as possible we'd end up with an album of fun and silly photos and finally get to go on the road trip we dreamed of for a long time we would get married at some point during that trip maybe in vegas i talked it over with my parents they still wanted to have some sort of gathering with the family to celebrate and we decided we'd do a bon voyage party we would invite everyone dh would get his first look at my dress and we'd have booze and great food i like this idea a lot it was a bit like a casual wedding without a ceremony i never had liked the idea of doing vows in front of people because i feel that it's really between the couple anyway cruise control is told that my parents who excuse the [ __ ] out of me but they are the parents of the bride the reception is their territory are doing a bon voyage party she boycotts it because phil and smile are invited we didn't get married that day but we had the groomsmen and bridesmaids and their dresses and suits we had the food and the speeches and the cake and everyone dressed up nicely it was very short notice so it was a small gathering but we both have most of our family and friends in town so it didn't matter much there were 53 people that made an appearance which was plenty it was held in my parents lake house it had room for many of our guests to sleep over if they were too drunk it was a ton of fun and we loved it the weather was great so we got to spend a lot of time outside it was a pretty cheap party too i'm glad we did it because i have professional photos of dh seeing me in my wedding dress for the first time and of us surrounded by our family minus cruise control cruise control didn't feel that it was important to show up because it wasn't a real reception in her mind she always thought that we'd let her do her own reception later and she'd do a better job than my family did nope never happened she also didn't like the idea of us going gasp camping on our honeymoon and turned her nose up at a party meant to wish us well on our travels we have great photos from the road trip i would wear the dress and hold a bouquet of fake flowers that we got from a craft store and eh would wear something silly that showed what we were doing seeing at the time in my favorite one dh is wearing snorkeling gear the dress has some dirt stains that won't come out but i feel that i got a lot of use out of it and i don't regret ruining it one bit what i do regret is letting cruise control convince us that we deserved a more luxurious honeymoon experience which turned out to be a huge trap i'll get into that later [Music] [Music] you

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Keywords: reddit mil, reddit mother in law, reddit wedding, reddit girl, reddit, reddit marriage, mother in law, crazy mother in law, r/ mil, r/ girl, r/ wedding, r/ pregnancy, r/, r/askreddit, askreddit, askreddit mil, mil, askreddit pregnant, askreddit girl

Id: TnP2cPKkmKc

Length: 15min 13sec (913 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2020