Mother in law thinks I will cheat on my husband because I'm an affair child

[Music] so basically i'm the child of an affair my mom fell in love with and got knocked up with me by a guy who was already married my dad would periodically visit my mom and me until i was about four witches when his wife found out about my mom we never saw him again once in a while i think he sent some child support checks but i'm not sure i barely remember him since i was really young when he left me and my mom and he never visited much while i was awake or around anyway i don't think he really was interested in me just my mom my mom had two jobs to support us one at a fast food joint during the day and the other at a strip club which i didn't find out about until i was 16. she lied and told me she had another job at another restaurant at night i'm fairly certain my mother was also a pee on the side but i've never confirmed and frankly i don't want to know she had frequent boyfriends which she would much off of until she got tired of this or they got tired of us anyway fast forward to present day i'm engaged to the most wonderful man in the world after dating for four years and planning a wedding about eight months from now my mother still works as a stripper and lives with her current boyfriend who is honestly a sweet guy but is also a deadbeat and alcoholic my fiance's mother is not so wonderful she found out of course about me and my mom's background and present occupation and she hates both of us she's telling mike my fiance not to marry me because i'm the product of adultery and i grew up in a home where cheating is viewed as acceptable and permissible and therefore i will most likely cheat on mike and he will have to get paternity tests on any children i have so he's not stuck with some other man's baby she called my mama harlot a wrest and no good man stealing trash mike's mother has been married twice and both of her husbands cheated on her the first one with a stripper so i can sort of understand why mike's mom is kind of paranoid and doesn't look with fondness on me or my mom mike is upset with the way his mom talks to and about me and my mom but doesn't know what to do it's his mom and he loves her and up until now they had a really good relationship but she doesn't understand why her son who could have a good girl would settle for someone like me for the record i graduated with honors have a great job support myself and have never cheated on mike or the other boyfriends i've had i love cheating and do not think it's okay at all as for my mom she was of course deeply hurt by what my future mill said i'll be the first to admit what my mom did has done in the past is not okay but i don't hate my mom she's just a very silly and a mature woman who is lacking in common sense but is not malicious in any way she's actually very sweet and giving most of the time but she has terrible taste in men and has made a lot of poor life decisions she says she knows her affair with my dad was wrong but love is love and she couldn't help who she loved she still views my dad as the one who got away and the love of her life i think he's the only man she's really ever loved i remember after my dad disappeared her crying her eyes out every night for months and drinking herself into a stupor obviously she's delusional and has never really learned from her mistakes she lacks basic life skills and has always relied on her looks she is very very beautiful and charmed to get by in life but i know she did her best to be a parent to me and i know she loves me is it too much for me to ask my future mil to treat my mother with respect or me for that matter i'm not sure what i can ask of mike who feels caught in the middle and isn't sure what to do he's never had a serious argument or been truly angry with his mother before he hates what she says but it's clearly messing with his head because his mom has never been wrong before which he knows she is now what can i ask and what should i ask of my fiance and how should i respond to mike's mom i want to just cut her out of my life but i'm not sure that's fair to ask of mike i want him to be happy too i have a short temper though and it takes everything inside me not to explode at his mom and just verbally rip her to shreds especially when she said those things to my mom's face i want to thank everyone who took the time to comment even the haters and just generally overall rude and tacky people most of you were kind and supportive and help me think the whole thing through i really didn't appreciate all the nasty comments directed at my mother she's really a kind and sweet woman who ideally love who has made a few bad choices in life and is too immature emotionally damaged to see it at least she didn't abandon me like my dad did that was also the first and only married man she has ever had any kind of relationship with however i know this is ridiculous upset if this community just loves any opportunity to judge and bash women for any mistake and think they deserve eternal damnation i guess it was to be expected also clarifying mike's dad was actually my future mill's second husband her first husband cheated on her with a stripper but that is not mike's dad mike's dad also cheated but it wasn't with a rest worker it was a mutual friend or coworker or something like that not sure on the details mike is no contact with his father and does not like to talk about him so i don't ask anyways on to the actual update i actually showed mike the post he was quiet but kind asked me to let him think on it and then cooked me my favorite dinner and drew me a bath with scented oil and candles about a day after i posted mike asked me to sit and talk with him he started off the bat by sincerely apologizing he said the things his mother said to me and my mom were so awful and brazen he was taken aback and froze up in response he said that yes his mom has made the odd snippy comment about me or my mom but he's been good about deflecting the comment and changing the subject he just never expected an explosion of that magnitude he then apologized for not addressing his mother sooner but it's been so hard for him to wrap his mind around it that he deeply loves and respects his mother and it has been so hard to think about the implications of her actions and what it could mean for his relationship with her however his life is with me now and that if he thinks he's grown up enough to get married he needs to put me first regardless of his mother i will say i can understand why mike is so close with his mom i'll be the first to say i do not like my future mill but she has many admirable qualities about her she's very tough and ambitious and strove to make mike have a happy and successful life despite two failed marriages and being a single mom she is quite successful career-wise she's just too closed-minded and controlling for me to ever like her much anywho mike said that none of what his mom said affected his view on me that i'm amazing and beautiful and just perfect and he doesn't care what my background is he's still marrying me and that will make him the happiest man on the planet aww mike asked me to sit right there on the sofa he then got his phone and called his mother i'll relay the main conversation mike mom hi i'm calling because there is something i need to talk to you about it's about what you've been saying about my fiance and my future mother-in-law and what you said to their faces future mill starts to argue mike no stop right now i'm not going to listen to this [ __ ] anymore look i know how much tom and dad hurt you and i'm sorry about that i really am but taking it out on my name and her mom won't fix it or make it better jezebel my mother isn't the one who cheated on you and my name didn't exactly choose to be born into the life she's had don't you think if she had a choice she'd have done different future mill starts to argue and yell mike mom shut up and listen future mill silence mike's never talked that way to her ever mike my name is more than good enough for me she's smart successful witty ambitious and beautiful she has a good heart and is going to do amazing things she's all this in spite of her past and you know what mom if you think she'll cheat on me because of her parents relationship then i guess i'm bound to cheat on her too because my dad was a cheat and my mom had the bad judgment to marry two cheaters in a row future mill what but there were consequences you weren't born from it and i got them both out of my life i never said it was okay it's different you saw how it was bad to cheat she was raised finding it's okay mike said she sounded really shaken up mike and my name didn't have consequences because her dad cheated he abandoned her because of infidelity she had to grow up without a father do you think my name wanted that future mill silence starts to speak mike no this conversation is finished if you still want a place at the wedding you will drop this topic today immediately forever you don't have to love my name or her mother you don't even have to like them but you will treat both of them with respect if you don't you won't have a place in my life or the lives of any kids my name and i have my name is my friend and partner and she will be my wife anything said against her is also said against me and i won't have someone around who is disrespectful and cruel for no reason to me and her her mom is going to be my mom i plan on calling jezebel mom because that's what she will be future mill silence then starts crying my mill never cries mike you owe my name an apology you also owe her mother one but i can't control that but i can control what happens in my house i will not talk to you until you have apologized to my name and are ready to be civil to her and her mother hangs up i was and still am speechless my fiance is the kindest person in the world but he stood up for me and my mother without backing down oh and it doesn't stop there mike then called my mom and apologized for his mother's behavior and said he had talked to her and it shouldn't happen again but if it does to please not hesitate to tell him he also asked if he could start calling her mom and my mom said of course i know this meant the world to her he also sent her a big bouquet of flowers to her for her birthday which she should be getting sometime today or tomorrow my mom texted me later saying she wished she could have been loved like i'm at any point in her life and to please not take what i had for granted she said she is so happy for me and thinks mike is the most wonderful guy in the world i got all choked up and texted her back a thank you and that i thought so too still haven't heard from future mill but neither of us expect her for a while she hasn't communicated with mike at all either which tells us she took what he said very hard it'll probably take a while for her to recover from it my guess is she'll probably feel like i stole her son from her and have corrupted him but i guess that's what happens when you marry a conniving since born like me i really don't care and it isn't my problem as long as she keeps her opinions about me and my mom to herself i'll tolerate her for mike's sake and any future kids we have i know for a fact if she steps out of line mike won't have any qualms about cutting her out so i'm not worried about it anyways thanks again radit i wanted to share my happy update with you since most of yale was so good to me now getting ready to have lunch with mike and start planning our wedding bless his heart lol rick and i have been together for seven years and are finally in the position where we can get married and have the life we've always wanted that life has never included children i knew what i wanted out of my life and as soon as i could find a doctor who would do it i got sterilized rick has had a vasectomy his family did not know this about us until recently it has come up in a far-off sense but we found it fit to finally tell them that their desire for grandchildren nieces nephews or whatever else is unfortunately not going to happen it all went down at a party like these things oftentimes do when hanging with rick and his family at a cookout someone asked us about wedding plans we are planning a fun wedding and it's fun to talk about the things we are doing at some point his sister chimed in with after the wedding how long before i get to be an aunt rick and i looked at each other for a moment to confirm we wanted to do this and we both nodded i said oh there aren't going to be any children people of course didn't believe us and we're saying the usual you'll change your minds and it's different when they're your own and what would you even do if you didn't have kids we listened politely but when people were done we made it very clear once again that this was a joint decision and that we had made the necessary precautions they didn't know what this meant and as soon as i said i was sterilized the tides turned cue the how could you do that and everything under the sun we were called selfish and arrogant etc etc etc this hurt to hear from a family i've been close to since before we were together rick put an end to it and let everyone know that the topic of our fertility is as of that moment off limits as there is no reason to discuss it his family accepted this and moved on but his sister kept giving me these looks the rest of the time i wasn't prepared for what came in the following weeks phone calls emails texts and fb messages from people across his family telling us that they are no longer coming to our wedding because they cannot support the choice we've made the only people who have not declined are his mother and father his sister has organized this whole thing because she feels personally attacked by this because she cannot have children and somehow that's my problem i'm hurt that along with this we have been told we can't babysit for one of the kids in the family anymore my fiance and i are artists who have been teaching the little girl all about the world of art she loves her time with us and we enjoy being able to instill a love of creativity in her but according to the child's mother she doesn't feel she can trust a woman to take care of a child if she would remove her womanhood or something like that our wedding with an estimated 115 guests is now wedding with 32 guests his family was the bulk of it because i come from a small tight-knit family and many of my friends cannot afford to fly out etc i feel so sad over all of this but especially foreign he's seeing a terrible side of his family that he's never seen before and i don't know what to do to help it feel better my older sister 26 is in her last year of pharmacy school and will graduate this may her farm school tuition plus living costs are about 60k a year and my parents are helping her 40k a year because they don't want her to be in too much debt when she graduate she went to a private university far away from home for her undergrad and the cost was 30k a year which my parents were paying for it entirely i went to a public university close to home 20 minutes for my undergrad where i got very good scholarships that i have extra money left plus i have a part-time job my mother is a rsahm and my dad has a decent paying job background my mother always compares me the s my sister ever since we were young my sister and i are very different in personality wise and look wise during my teen years i suffered from cystic acne for seven years and i have scoliosis so when i walk i limp a little my mother and my sister would constantly verbally abuse me during my teen years about my acne and scoliosis therefore i wasn't confident with myself and i usually look down when talking with someone after a while it becomes a habit one time her friend came to visit and asked why i always looked down and why i limp when i walked my mother said it's because i have many acne and i choose to walk that way it is partially true that i like to look down but i didn't choose to walk like that because of my scoliosis one of my leg is shorter than the other and when i try to walk straight it hurts i explained that and she ignored me after that i rarely come out of my room or attend any event with my family the past two to three years i have been at me free and it was a boost to my confidence last christmas i went to the family gathering at my uncle's house and a lot of my relatives couldn't recognize me but they were giving me compliments until my mom went ballistic she started yelling at me that it's because i'm selfish and i don't care about anyone and that is why i didn't attend any family gathering hence why they can't recognize me i was extremely humiliated cried and left my mother has always have a strong bond with my sister they do many mother-daughter activities that i'm left out of when i started graduate school and my tuition was 40 case last year i asked my parents for help financially with living costs because i know they can't afford sisters and my tuition at the same time my mother got angry and started saying that i'm selfish because i only care about myself that i don't think for my sister's future and i enjoy making my parents feeling inadequate for being poor so i took out student loans and never asked for any help again but my mother didn't stop there she told my sister the story and my sister went off at me calling me a spoiled princess because i went through undergrad being debt free so i'm more fortunate than most of the population out there therefore now it's time for me to live the real world i graduated with two masters degree last year and was very fortunate to land a good job i also moved out with my longtime boyfriend who paid off my student loan for me so i don't have to pay interest now i'm paying my student loans to him by monthly payments and we are saving up for our wedding in september next year and a nice house now this is where the story is connected last saturday my mother approached me and told me that since my parents helped me out by letting me stay at home during my undergrad now to pay back that favor i have to pay for my brother's college education she also said i should pay my sister's debt when she graduate so that she doesn't have to pay high interest i asked her if my brother and sister will pay me back that money when they started working and she got mad at me for being calculating toward my own siblings she started calling me names and told me that i'm ungrateful selfish and that she knows i've always hate and being jealous of my sister because she is better looking smarter and people likes her more i told her that i'm jealous of my sister because she has always been the favorite child not because she is better looking smarter or people likes her more but i don't hate her i also reminded my mother that when i worked part-time in undergrad i sent that money to my sister monthly so that she could have extra money to spend and that i don't have enough money to pay for my brother's college tuition and sister's debt my mother told me that with my boyfriend and my income we should be able to do that i told her that is not right because it's my boyfriend's money and neither she nor i have the right to tell him what he should do with it she said that she is not coming to my wedding and will kick me out of the family and all of my relatives will do the same she called me on wednesday to come pick up my pictures from the family album and when i got there she was cutting up my baby pictures and telling me my sister is always the favorite child because she is not selfish and she have always listened to my parents i told her that she verbally abused me in the past because of my acne and the way i walked four years but i've always listened and never talked back to her about it then she said it's because of my ugly personality that i deserve to have those things happen to me and she wished she had suffocate me when i was a baby i've been crying for the past days and i don't know what to do when my own family won't even come to my wedding should i negotiate with my mother about paying half of my brother's tuition [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Ask Girl

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Keywords: reddit girl, reddit mil, reddit mother in law, reddit entitled parents, reddit family, reddit, r/askreddit, r/ girl, r/ mil, r/ mother in law, r/ entitled parents, r/ family, r/, askreddit girl, askreddit mil, askreddit mother in law, askreddit entitled parents, entitled parents, entitled family, reddit pregnant, reddit pregnancy, r/ pregnant, r/ pregnancy, askreddit pregnant

Id: e4r6exAWI-w

Length: 21min 48sec (1308 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 12 2020