Most Badass Comebacks Ever Said

like the video and subscribe right now or this dog oh we'll be watching though your window tonight what's the most baddest thing you've accidentally said in the heat of the moment I worked in cellphone sales for a few years and a woman came in with a fairly new flip phone this was 2018 we just still sold them she was complaining cause one of the sides of the screen was dangling off and said she didn't do anything had just snapped and demanded a new phone I told her that looks like physical damage and we don't have any coverage for that since you didn't buy a phone protection warranty she insisted it wasn't physical damage in the phone just sucks and broke itself she started freaking out and calling me all kinds of names and swinging her phone in my face and then the top half of the phone literally snapped off and landed on the counter in front of me I just looked her in the eyes and said well that was definitely physical damage she lost her [ __ ] at my comment and it was weirdly satisfying when I was 12 my older sister had a boy over for Thanksgiving dinner she dated lots of douches but this guy took the cake big brush annoying [ __ ] who was rude to her and basically everyone as we sat down for dinner before we were about to say what we were thankful for he says inaudible more and grunts huh looks like I'm seated at the head of the table must be important with a huge [ __ ] eating grin without pausing I gesture to my tab seated opposite him and said actually my dad is at the head of the table you're the [ __ ] my mom scolded me for swearing at the table but years later told me her and my dad thought it was hilarious at work project management and the cut and mismanaged a project so badly they pushed getting Minimum Viable Product out with the goal to roll out improvements later product released they all patted themselves on the back and moved on then that minimum viable products broke in a meeting we had with our directors about how it's so broken and the cost to fix it et Cie no cost too big and limited manpower et Cie I asked how can we couldent afford to do it right but we can afford to do it twice I'll never forget the moment a family walked into the local pub I was working while I was working this big king of the grill bulled Alfa patriarch dad type and his wife and kids came through I said welcome where would you like to sit and he snapped back when a table would be nice and without missing a beat at all i replied actually we usually sit on the chairs here I'll never forget the satisfaction of that moment or the look on his face haha you are the Alpha dad now I didn't realize the nature of my comment when I wrote it but in high school one of my teachers did end of the year and on Emma's evaluations everyone hated him and I understood why but I still did well in his class I wrote I don't have any critiques about your teaching but I think you should work on being a better person dude how old were you that line would have definitely destroyed me if I had been your teacher not me my daughter this boy at school called her a target her response no I'm autistic I don't know what you're ducking excuses she was in sixth grade I was pretty shocked when I got that phone call she usually doesn't say things to people after four years in an abusive relationship and one year of an abusive marriage I told my ex that I wanted a divorce he told he that I couldn't divorce him or I'd go to hell my response was well I guess I'll see you there I then kicked him out of my house for which he had never paid a dime in bills and told him to call his mom for a plane ticket not the most badass story here but it felt good I was around 17 or 18 and getting my first filling at the dentist they pumped me up with nitrous oxide for pain and to help me relax during the procedure dentist came back and asked me how are you feeling all I said was I don't and he lost his shirt and cracked up for what seemed like 20 minutes before he could pull himself together I also started cracking up because of the laughing gas and his laugh was infectious so we were both just sitting the in the room laughing and all his assistants came by and were very confused law I had something similar though far more disturbing which has been kind of a theme in my life I got super drunk when I was probably 25 got in a bar fight as was my habit and got knocked out cold also a bad habit back in those days woke up in an emergency room to a cop who said it's 4:30 a.m. you're in so and so emergency room you just blew a point to 9:00 back so I have to take you to the debt accenture now I stood up from the chair they had me in and the cop goes hey wait are you okay to walk and I threw my arm around his shoulder and bellowed out walk hell I'm driven let's go he was not amused and he got a little rough with me but about half the emergency room staff completely lost it all so I eventually quit drinking and fighting though it took about ten more years of failures before I hit that point I worked at Target back in college in a stalking job where we had to be there at like 4:00 to 5:00 a.m. to unload trucks one morning I overslept a bit and walked to the unpacking line about ten minutes late eating a breakfast bar the boss stormed over and started loudly berating me in front of everyone for being late as he was going on I was listening and taking bites of a bar without much expression mainly because I was so damn tired it finally bothered him that I was disrespectfully chewing during the yelling and he stopped mid-sentence held out his hand and said give me that damn thing it just happened that I only had one bite left so I took it handed him the wrapper and said thanks with a mouth full of food he paused and started laughing at the ridiculous response to his bitching we were buddies after that forensic biology professor brings out a fresh human brain as a surprise to a stunned class you have no idea what I had to go through to get this the skull the Gennie's has stopped by at the wrong time I'm a writer and I do a bit of stand-up comedy as such people tend to introduce me to new people as a back quote comedian back quote writer etc so I was outside a bar smoking with a friend of a friend he then introduced to one of his friends his friend was dressed like lamb Gallagher from Oasis and seemed to exude a bit of a cocky sneery manner the introduction went thusly friend of friend mr. Gallagher this is writer of wrongs he's a comedian mr. Gallagher looks me up and down comedian a does that mean you think you're funny righter of wrongs no it means everyone else does I literally do not know where it came from I didn't think about the response it just came out and it is hands-down the greatest thing I've ever said at work at a company meeting someone was presenting something cool they volunteered to work on unfinished they then explained things they thought they could do better in a self-deprecating way and a bunch of other people started railing into his work with petty criticism it was definitely good work though and a thought just hit me so I blurted it out sometimes done is the best feature a bunch of people laughed and then the criticism stopped people gave him kudos and we moved on not really baddest but I was surprised this thought somehow came out fully formed like it was some phrase I've been saying for decades I guess I was just realizing how many people don't finish anything they start so done suddenly seemed like a pretty damn good feature give a man some credit for finishing the damn thing I'm late to the party but oh well I work in waste management I'm also a rather small person like they don't make clothes at Old Navy in my size small I was wheeling a stack of drums out to our loading dock navigating pretty much purely on instinct since I couldn't see over or around them lo and behold there's someone there chatting with the shipping people I run straight into him I'm surrounded by everyone in shipping some fairly big dudes and I feel amazingly embarrassed I leaned around the drums to look at the guy I hit and without even thinking said the duck you want me to do see-through backquote em everyone burst out laughing and the guy even opened the door to the dock for me every time I see him now he pretends to dock edit I'm not going to grandstand about getting silver but would just like to say it's my first one and it's a lot more exciting than I thought it would be to be honest I was accused of being passive-aggressive I replied which part sounded passive I don't ever want to come across as passive I worked at a book store and the customer asked me how often do the periodicals come out I deadpanned periodically and he asked to speak to my manager worth it I used to work in a bookstore smartass answers to dumb questions were the best customer where is your nonfiction section me what topic are you looking for we have lots of nonfiction customer just your regular nonfiction me biographies history computers gardening customer just regular nonfiction me see that sign over there that says fiction the entire rest of the store I had amazing job security I already posted here that I just thought of another story there was this one extremely attractive girl in my comm 101 class in college one day for a project where we interviewed other students I was partnered with her we ended up not finishing our questions in class so I asked her if I could meet us somewhere to finish interviewing her she said yes fast forward to the next day I meet her after her dance group finishes rehearsal I knock through the last few questions and the final one which I asked is what do you perceive the future to hold she replies I don't even know what I'm having for dinner tonight I have no idea what the future holds so I say well if you don't know what you're having for dinner do you want to have dinner with me she laughed said yes and though we only hooked up that night I still look back on that day as one of the best dating stories I've had yet I was in an acting class in college and we were doing a scene where a couple was having a big drawn-out fight multiple pairs went through the scene and I studied it pretty hard so I knew all the lines we are about halfway through our performance when my partner clearly forgets what a lioness and because everyone was doing that scene they could tell she had forgotten as well her next line was supposed to be well I'm sorry I asked I'm not usually a quick thinker on my feet but I just filled the second or two of awkward silence with I bet you're sorry you asked huh and continued on with my line not overly badass per se but the class and professor loved it and all laughed probably the only quick-witted thing I've ever done in my life my uncle's were bitching about my dad so I walked into the conversation and told them it wasn't polite to talk about people behind their backs my uncle turned to me and said I shouldn't interrupt when the men are speaking and completely out of character I replied I don't see any men in here boy did I get some [ __ ] that David that's how I knew I won that exchange me and my girlfriend at the time were having a discussion about her going back to school she kept putting it off every semester and one day she got angry at me trying to get her to actually go back not just talk about it and she yelled rome wasn't built in a day and I responded yeah but it was built and a decade later I still think of that edit she did end up going back to school got her master's even she's married now with twins just a real [ __ ] young male traveling with a bunch of other males Border Patrol we were being searched for drug smuggling Border Patrol agents you know I have the authority to cavity search you me somehow without skipping a beat sure you might but neither of us would enjoy it and you wouldn't find anything off the hook no fingers in my butt at a party a few years back someone stole my friends purse her boyfriend found the guys who took it and got it back for her but he was still in an angry drunken rage and was continuing to escalate the situation when he was well outnumbered my friend finds me and says I'm afraid boyfriend is about to get into a fight I need your help stop him please I stand up and I tell her I can't promise you I can stop him from fighting that I can promise you I won't let him lose before walking off to find him ultimately no fight actually broke out and I didn't realize that I had basically said a cheesy one-liner until after the fact when my friend told me how intense that line was I didn't mean for it to sound so dramatic I just wanted to let her know I wouldn't let him get his ass kicked I didn't mean to make it sound like I was about to demolish three guys by myself like I'm some sort of action hero go wait with mommy daddy might be going back to jail again guy pushed my five year old daughter at the fish store and she started crying when he heard me say that he ran out of the store I've never been to jail before I don't know about baddest but I years ago I worked at a Hard Rock Cafe and we often had pre-shift server meetings outdoors on a patio and my wild boss was droning on about us selling more overpriced plastic cups I was staring off at the spinning globe on top of the building that says save the planet on it I interrupted my boss by blurting out if hard rock is trying to save the planet why do we waste so much paper which was really directed at my managers who had a hard-on for printing out stupid memos they somehow didn't realize it was about them specifically and passed the comment up the food chain which ended up resulting in the entire company changing their payroll system to paperless globally we had a rovelli dramatic neighbor who always claimed she was sick and dying my mom came to see my kids in the middle of battling Stage four lung cancer the neighbor pulled her hi Rita so glad to see you did Jason tell you that I'm dying my mom looked right at her smiled and said me too dear but not today never more proud of her you've been visited by Karen dog Oh this dog Oh we'll take half your money unless you comment stay away from me Karen thanks for watching do not forget to subscribe for more daily videos

Channel: TZ Entertainment

Views: 579,945

Rating: 4.962697 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, dankify, tz reddit, toadfilms, badass, said, funny things said, comeback, conversation, in the heat of the moment, funny comeback

Id: cXtK14Y4MhI

Length: 15min 5sec (905 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 19 2020