5 Ways Living In A Sitcom Would Be Hell - YBOC (Big Bang Theory, Friends)

[Music] so did somebody call for a doctor so yeah anyway uh it's dr jordan breeding here with another episode of your brain on cracked the show where every episode is a bottle episode and the only show on cracked with its own killer catchphrase today i diagno [Music] the whole point of sitcoms is they're harmless they allow me to escape into a much simpler world where all my friends are winning attractive all my conflicts are solved within 22 minutes and apparently anybody has a shot with sofia vergara actually no i'm her husband don't be fooled by the uh at least that's how sitcoms look from our end from the perspective of the characters life must be a perpetual nightmare when you stop to think about it living in a sitcom universe would be ball shatteringly horrifying for more than one reason like like specifically five reasons in sitcoms even the guy who serves your coffee is like a comedy genius every third sentence is a punchline and every routine task devolves into slapstick shenanigans the live and studio audiences can barely contain themselves in the face of such hilarity it's a world full of laughter and joy and fun for everybody except the actual people in the show because they hear nothing but the endless silence of the void once you remove the audience i was probably forced to laugh at gunpoint anyway every big bang theory quip is met with dead silence oozing with bitter content benidio why don't you shoot another silver bullet my way get one yourself ooh somebody's been taking build nobody finds anybody else funny raj makes sexist demands of penny and without the laughter you realize he's not joking he's an penny should be mad at raj but really raj should be mad at whoever wrote him the line looks like somebody's been taking pills probably got paid 50 000 for that line i could write lines looks like somebody's anally compromised looks like somebody got big banged in their theory looks like somebody's been eating bacon on the wrong side of the bed i don't know i'll workshop it if that's the case penny will have to get satellite tv and maybe once a week want to vacuum through this place even the friends from friends which is a show about six people who presumably like hanging out with each other are revealed to be sad miserable dicks without the laugh track stupid comments from joey result in little more than mildly pain expressions and long pauses from chandler as he wonders should i kill myself should i kill joey should i kill everyone tell her she's not marriage material what girls say it to me all the time the only difference in modern laugh trackless sitcoms is there's no soul-crushing pauses i mean characters in brooklyn 99 or 30 rock just humorously jump right into the next line completely ignoring the previous slapstick comedy beater creative insult i mean you almost have to admire jake peralta for continuing the quip knowing that his jokes will always be met with stone faced indifference skipper scott got boop rapping jazz jazzity jazz juice old jazz jizz chang jingle jazz sitcom kids are much easier to deal with than real kids give or take 700 000 a year in window repairs they'll cry and poop themselves for a couple of episodes but before you know your baby is a precocious child full of funny and adorable catchphrases and way cuter than your actual kids i mean not my actual kids but you're dumb-ass kid if it was terrific it would say 100 with the word terrific next to it the only problem is somebody's out here making a killing abducting and trading these babies for older children of similar race and eye color say hello to daddy when will smith's aunt and uncle and the fresh prince tired of having a small baby version of nikki they just traded him in for a much older and sassier model to start the next season mommy and daddy won't let me watch bad boys there had been a seventh season probably would have been played by like morgan freeman okay brothers and sisters and misses and misters here's your daddy yo with the sounds to go in boy meets world corey's little sister morgan disappears for several episodes only to re-emerge as a different significantly older girl a season later when asked about her absence she comments that it was the longest timeout she'd ever had presumably referring to the dungeon basement where the matthews picked her up while trading in their younger original daughter modern family provides even more evidence of a vast baby swapping conspiracy when cam and mitchell celebrate their daughter's second birthday only to mention that she's three just a couple months later clearly they're speeding up the rate of her birthday so as to avoid arousing suspicion when they inevitably switch her out which they did it's just the sitcom circle of life apparently there's really no way to keep the swaps hidden and the only logical explanation is nobody gives a crap i can only hope that those newborn children being dumped are treated well as they themselves are grown for future trades [Music] hot dates are a pretty abundant resource in sitcoms as half these shows are just thinly disguised excuses to let their schlubby stars make out with every working actress they have a crush on and truly if all of us had access to that many beautiful dateable people the world would have much less free time and use for this show [Laughter] [Applause] according to the national center for health statistics the average woman has four sexual partners during her lifetime while the average man has seven which if you do that math it probably means dudes are lying and over-inflating their numbers a bit which makes sense or maybe they interviewed a disproportionate amount of gay men in which case good for you national center for health statistics sex is about love between a man and a woman not a man and a sandwich and yet sitcom characters go through more partners than that before the mid-season break regular schmuck ted mosby from how i met your mother mentions dating 30 women to his increasingly uncomfortable children and despite being the most average of average guys jerry seinfeld dates and presumably dead 66 women in just nine seasons with seinfeld that's like one a month so she didn't appreciate the erotic qualities of these salted cured meats the female sitcom characters are also well above the average phoebe from friends had over 30 sexual partners while the most promiscuous golden girl had a pelvis destroying 165. given the fact that 110 million americans have an sti at any given time there is no way blanche didn't spend all of her time in between episodes just just punching bugs crawling out of her bits oh come on bladger you've been known to debone a chicken from across the room you might say that i'm slut-shaming here but these people live in a world where anything less than a new sexual conquest each month is a source of deep shame and anxiety workaholic liz lemon dates at least 16 people over 30 rocks run and is treated like a lifeless nerve while jd from scrubs is threaded because he's only had sex with nine women and goes on to sleep with six more do these people have no other hobbies come on you know i'm way more stud than dud wow you can really taste the apples characters and sitcoms are always surrounded by the people they love most and those people are incredibly dedicated to being in each other's lives in the real world many struggle with not having enough time for friends or if you're like me what even is a friend am i right like what does that word mean anyway it's not a problem though for characters and sitcoms because your friends will even go on vacation with you no no big bullies and they'll sign up to all of your same classes and they'll move across the country to be with you and they'll probably still be your only friends 20 years later on the reunion special no zack morris is junior high pals and principal seemingly followed him from indiana to california between good morning miss bliss and saved by the bell whenever zach travels anywhere like hawaii or las vegas the entire gang is there when he goes to college screech and slater tag along followed by kelly followed by visits from freaking everyone else at some point you have to wonder whether you're in a cool circle of friends or a cool actual cult there's no hope with dope meanwhile in boy meets world not only do corey's friends decide to become students at the exact same college as him but so does their longtime teacher mr feeney it's freaky enough running into your teachers one time after school let alone every day for the rest of your life dude you're the laughing stock of the college and it's not just teachers in this universe authority figures in general tend to be incredibly clingy in shows like 30 rock or scrubs higher-ups regularly sidestep an institution's hierarchy to get involved in the lives of one tiny group of workers human contact is important lemon i can tell from your stress level that you have not been touched in any way in quite some time not caressed not massaged not even groped on the subway this isn't just about having the loyal gang following you around when your entire world is limited to the same handful of people nobody ever has a chance to grow or reinvent themselves those kids you randomly got stuck with in first grade they're your permanent life partners forever whether you like it or not song was the one that you were the one that said she couldn't fit into her pants because i'm fat [Music] sure your children might get swapped out at some point and you might swap sexual partners faster than john wick swaps empty magazines but in the sitcom universe the things that actually matter never change beads bees beads beads personally i love knowing that in any given week all of my favorite characters will be around getting into misunderstandings and learning valuable life lessons and then learning them again and again and again because these people are stuck in some sort of purgatory where no one is allowed to advance or mature in any way eric and i went on a diet i'm up fat when haley from modern family finally manages to leave her hellishly formulaic home and head for college she's immediately expelled and when her sister alex attempts to do the same she's struck down by mono and returns home for several episodes before deciding to just take a semester off rather than further risk god's wrath they're happy when family matters urkel manages to literally destroy the house in certain episodes and yet it's always repaired by like the next scene even when he jet packs through the roof the damage is never mentioned again it's unclear whether urkel is attempting to kill himself or is just acting as satan's instrument of chaos but either way sitcom god will not allow him to die and it's not just that these characters can't further their life goals or impact the physical world they can't even remember anything long enough to influence emotional growth and arrested development michael bluth realizes that he can't use his son and dead wife as an excuse to not date anybody new and then he does that like two episodes later i know you're the big marriage expert oh i'm sorry i forgot your wife is dead and so it goes for everyone as long as the show runs the sarcastic dick will continue to be a stream of withering barbs the sun will keep getting high the woman in the unhappy marriage will keep complaining about her fat stupid husband the selfish jerk will remain a jerk despite learning a powerful lesson in unselfishness once a month and such is life in a sitcom everyone locked in the same circle of witty but never laughing friends fearing their children sudden disappearance and all the while trying to soothe their misery with an incessant genital rubbing and the whole time none of them know they're being watched oh my god we're having a fire sale oh the burning it burns me evacuate all the school children [Music] can't even see where the knob is yeah so i don't have my clipboard but we've got studio cue cards so i uh comforted myself with the belief that people laugh along with me in real life convince myself that my child is still the same kid my wife gave birth to and learned a valuable lesson about friendship probably that's all we've got in today's episode be sure to see kathy on your way out for some condoms because i know at least a few of you are like oh is number three weird no it's totally normal that i have an eyes wide shut orgy every weekend right so you know be safe out there and say hey to tom cruise for me when you're linked you miss important info

Channel: Cracked

Views: 142,310

Rating: 4.8279285 out of 5

Keywords: cracked, your brain on cracked, sitcoms, big bang theory, seinfeld, friends, arrested development, modern family, boy meets world, saved by the bell, community, 30 rock, sitcoms without the laugh track, sitcoms without laughter, sitcoms without laugh track or music, sitcoms explained, comedy, cracked.com, Sheldon, young sheldon, bazinga, tv tropes, movie tropes, sitcom tropes, family matters, urkel, zach morris, how i met your mother, fresh prince, sitcom hell, living in a sitcom

Id: 5JfOHmi2X4M

Length: 13min 21sec (801 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/smeagolheart]

I like the old cracked videos where they featured more then one person. There's an interplay you just don't get with these single person videos.

[u/NumbersNumbers111]

Great video. BBT seems like a show out of time. There are jokes on there that sound like they're from a 1950s sitcom.

People that apologize for Friends always say "the show is from the 90s, it was a different time" as a justification, but even if you buy that as a argument what excuse does BBT have? It ended in 2019. There is no justification with the rampant misogyny displayed by the show.

[u/thefringeseanmachine]

you know, I never really thought about how nobody in sitcoms laughs. I feel like this is a somewhat recent development? like, I remember seeing scenes from the Dick Van Dyke show where he'd laugh heartily.

and we can't forget the 80's schlop that would end on a freeze frame of "oh you so wacky!" with everybody laughing, although I don't think that counts.

the sitcom universe does seem a whole lot less joyous now...

[u/gdan95]

As if we needed yet another one

[u/3Effie412]

I miss After Hours.

[u/Progman3K]

Kinda?

J, you're producing more and more elaborate videos and they're great! Keep it up!

[u/TheOtakuX]

Except Big Bang is the only decent sitcom of the past two decades.

[u/Dead_Purple]

I could never get into this crappy sitcom. I tried watching a few episodes and only managed to chuckle perhaps two times. Other times I just mentally thought, 'Eh that was kinda funny'

​

Also I remember when the show was first debuting and they had photos and clips of Sheldon.

Instantly disliked Sheldon and really wanted to punch him in the face. Now the actor is funny, saw him host Saturday Night Live and when he guest stared on Super Mansion.

[u/lordhumunguss]

Always look forward to your videos, Dr. Jordan. I might even cite this one in an upcoming paper