Why Work Will Still Suck in Space - Starship Icarus: Episode 4

hate this song it's overplayed yeah you know they did a remix of it that's pretty good they had it like a fat what a fish in the distant future the starship vigorous dispatch to seek out strange new life and adventure this is the story of the low level support grooving weekend Oh Mingo yes I knew I had a shapely ass I I just I walked in here and you guys were just playing and I okay there are clones or they're shapeshifters are cyborgs there's only one way to find out clones a simple med skin yes no no no no okay well I get it I'm looking at the replicator logs here we go the ship's a I took it upon itself to make clones of the four of us last night and then killed them why no we're the clowns well as far as I could piece together a Trojan file the ship made called revenge underscore suck it underscore dick holes dot exe survived the restart when it was activated it sucked all the oxygen out of just our office causing us or you know the the original us is to suffocate and die horribly eyes bulging the hole anyway then in a moment of panic the new non us hating ships AI purge the file laid our replacements it's kind of like when you're watching your friends pet and you accidentally kill it and then you have to rush off and replace it and hope they don't notice but wait I have all of my same memories I I remember going to bed last night well unless the cloner needs a wipe you all have an identical atomic makeup memories and all memories are made out of atoms what else will they be made of no wait that that doesn't make sense because dead Cody had more hair that means that our Cody must be the real Cody because he didn't have the brow beard or the cilia or whatever last night those are pubes but it wasn't actually last night what day do you guys think it is February 13th wrong it's March 29th this ship worked off of the last available backup of your bio signatures so your memory stopped there you guys all lost a month and a half so our office depressurized and you didn't get a beep on your thing telling you the ship was literally hemorrhaging Human Resources sir this is my first cycle clearly my predecessor decided to pass the buck and screw getting a recommendation well good luck getting a job at turbo yogurt right ok I took ten breaths and I've processed this back to work huh not so fast ERF policy is very clear in situations like this the good news is that you all will be able to take a certification course and if you pass that course you will be put on a list of applicants to fill the vacancies what vacancies well I don't know if you heard but recently our whole crew died ha ha see this is how they get you kidding me I have five years starship experience and I'm a grade 9 whatever that means actually you have less than 3 hours of experience and like we have the same memories the same skills we are the same we deserve full credit for everything old us did baddest commander space fire clone you wouldn't pull this [ __ ] on him I saved the ship from ji-ho - where's my well you just restarted the computer captain space fire runs and jumps and stuff plus you failed and we all die point stands the points - alright alright this notification that I got from my predecessor titles be partly inappropriate Valentine's Day sit before opening video attached beware does that still apply in this new reality absolutely no you could probably just delete that without her I don't even know that guy you know I'm this guy and this guy loves certification courses certification mmm hmm poor smooth horse all right wait does this mean that all of our debts are gone - I'm not getting sued that guy's dead I could go home again in four years and ten months when he occurs his next scheduled to be within a shuttle distance of Earth but you're right we have a clean slate that wasn't me that got kicked out of the Academy for overzealousness that was old me we have to do everything we can to honor the heroes that died so that we could have a second chance specifically us screw this work crap I'm gonna ask the committee no I'm gonna tell the commander that I deserve to be on the bridge crew oh well I didn't think I was gonna work okay uh okay uh when I first woke up here I was scared I thought I had made the worst decision of my life but little by little I found things that I liked about this job and this ship and this team and you know so maybe instead of making waves or doing things they're probably gonna get us split up or thrown in the brig maybe instead we asked Ava to fudge our forms giving us our old jobs back and maybe in exchange we agreed to pretend this never happened and we will not tell our families to file a wrongful death suits maybe well is it a deal son because I like you guys try not to get me fired over this guy no no come on guys a second chance fresh start Bridge crew everyone ignore him first job we need to get the dead bodies out of the office before they stink we'll just have our intern stuff them into the waste objectors and let the ship just poop us into space ah that's what he always wanted that's how you delegate I'll be in my new office Oh positive reframe tickets already coming in for the reverse polish anthing captain mass extinction something house like I can't do it without and so about this Valentine's Day whatever how I'm sorry I'm sorry I was in a weird place yesterday a month and a half ago uh I found out that my wife only wanted me to sign up for ERF because she was having an affair with our robot gardener oh gosh sorry that yeah that's tough my daughter works as a ninja for the president now so that's good good pension and stuff so it's no that's good Judea the Council of presidents recently voted to a Laos milk magic so she must be very happy ah I guess what I'm saying is even though I'm sorry I'm also not sorry it's a long trip Ava and I like you i spaced like you Oh oh now not to ruin the moment but do you mean me as in the Volt Aryan fart goblin' and a fat back on earth or the avatar was no genitals physically talking to you or one of the other operators that came before me this relationship is gonna be more challenging than I initially thought relationship never had one of those before well it's done should see my face out there and the void looked so peaceful I before it exploded kind of got a lot of my plate here so yes for now yeah this whole thing kinda is your fault if you think about if you just reset the AI like you were supposed to know what hey I make some solid point y hace yeah all right the only one you like here is the AI that you neutered that makes a lot of sense actually not completely nerd it some changes while I was in there gave it a quiet dignity now departing for J alpha system dickholes haha IMG subscribe to crack um or beef in physical discomfort I won't kill you but it's good you get a get such a Zets

Channel: Cracked

Views: 173,288

Rating: 4.9440818 out of 5

Keywords: Icarus (Fictional Character), Starship, Star trek, star wars, Battlestar Galactica (TV Program), Space (Quotation Subject), In Space (Musical Album), sci-fi, science fiction, captain kirk, cracked, cracked studios, cracked.com, comedy, funny, parody, aliens, ridiculous, satire, television, spoof, Sketch, Humor

Id: awNO_Kl9s1M

Length: 11min 23sec (683 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 17 2014