5 Movie Universes Secretly Much Weirder Than You'd Think - YBOC (Terminator, Logan)

[Music] happy 2021 nerds we made it you made it and i jordan breeding who is only larping as a doctor unless unless you're not a cop in which case i take venmo i have also made it so far you're watching the first 20 21 episode of your brain on crack the show that really encourages you to just get out there and recruit your friends and family into watching the only show on crack all about creating a cult following so today i'll barely legally diagnose for some reason filmmakers think it's more interesting to depict the alien invasion itself rather than the underground hip-hop sci-fi music fusion scene that would inevitably sweep eastern europe's dance clubs afterwards movies always want to explore specific conflicts but i want to explore specific subcultures those conflicts would create and then maybe start one of my own i mean if you're interested maybe you could join maybe give me your bank account information somewhere between all the f-bombs and the decapitated mexicans logan pauses for a moment to show us how comic books work in its universe logan the x-man doesn't seem all that impressed with comic book writer's journalistic integrity but he admits there's an objective historical truth to some of what they've written did you just call me blob no comics are based on real struggles in mutant history albeit romanticized and blown so out of proportion they enter the realm of fantasy you know because true mutant history is so grounded so nuanced but you can't have historical fiction without some history so there are absolutely historians in the background doing their best to catalog mutant related events but it's not that simple because in logan a mutant triggered catastrophe turns the world so anti-mutant that recording their history and especially recording it in such a fun digestible way as a comic book would be like if somebody made a web series based on the heroic and silly adventures of osama bin laden and his super terrorism squad laura seems to like the comics because mutants are presented as heroes but that would run directly counter to popular opinion comic conventions would be the equivalent of heading to the javits center dressed like seal team six or high-ranking al-qaeda members also is this limited to just comic books or does this timeline have a marvel cinematic universe that's presented as biopics would seeing the new deadpool movie be the in-world equivalent of spielberg's lincoln would deadpool himself be played by method acting daniel day lewis the only people seeing marvel movies will be members of the academy in boring history buffs a warrior has nothing to be ashamed of and since the battles waged by mutants would be some of the biggest most dramatic in american history you can bet there would be even more marvel civil war reenactors than we have for the actual civil war people would keep the memory of the battle of alcatraz alive by pantomiming and phoenix and magneto cosplay and just hurling you know homemade styrofoam fireballs at one another one thing that wouldn't change is we would still call them dorks that would stay consistent across all worlds from the perspective of the audience the events of the first terminator make perfect sense of course the futuristic murder bot sent back in time to kill the mother of the human resistance leader opposing sentient machines in an apocalyptic future would experience some setbacks [Music] it'd be hard to find the right sarah connor on the first try so naturally he'd have to kill all the women in the phone book with that name and as soon as we buy the premise that terminator was sent back with just a name and a city everything from the murders of the sarah connors the police station shootout to the robot getting crushed by hydraulic press it all follows naturally i don't want it any of it but nobody in the film's version of la has any idea what the hell happened and that means that terminators los angeles is about to be beset by nerdy true crime enthusiasts desperate to make sense of by far the most mysterious and suspicious murder spree of all time all they know for sure is that two women named sarah connor were brutally murdered and the third was at the center of the most brazen and deadly attack on a police station since the santa claus sarah connor just kind of wandered off after the slaughter so it seems like the events of the film have been largely forgotten she only ends up in an insane asylum in the second movie because she tried to bomb a computer factory several years later spent a lot of time in nicaragua and places like that so either nobody knows she was part of what would be considered a major high profile crime or she somehow managed to prove her innocence maybe by like claiming that she just accidentally stumbled into a mysterious factory with a dead body that nobody could identify and a bunch of pipe bombs like on her way to wegmans i'll be back regardless this is basically the most intriguing unsolved mystery ever imagine how awesome the serial season about this would be the terminator crimes would obsess fanboys right up until judgement day melted their bones i don't want it the first time we see batman and nolan's the dark knight he's cleaning up a messy situation created by a bunch of wannabe bad people when the hapless vigilantes has batman what makes him so much better than them he points out that their clothes are stupid because i guess the primary requirement for superheroism is the money to hire a really fancy seamstress yet here we are in the nolan universe batman is presumably the only superhero the only other possible superheroes are the league of shadows ninjas who only pop up every few centuries like self-righteous chlamydia you know how to disappear we can teach you to become truly invisible as the only one of his kind batman is probably inspiring terrible target brand vigilantes all over the country who've read buzzfeed's 10 hottest facts about gotham's caped crusader you complete me would be imitators likely intently study batman's methods pouring over footage of his fights and testing homemade gliders off the roof of their local arby's you just know there's some overweight middle-aged man in wichita kansas running around in a cosplay batman mask punching loiterers in the dick never start with that cloaca the victim gets all fuzzy for obvious reasons the real batman can't reveal his identity or maintain any sort of official internet presence which presumably means that some 13 year old kid is in charge of keeping the batman official twitter account up to date on all of batman's favorite restaurants and making sure that hashtag joker sucks butt really just takes off we're trying to help you just like in the real world somebody somewhere is profiting on off-brand batman apparel and selling unlicensed bumper stickers of batman just like pissing on stuff walmart could easily sell the official batman cod piece now with removable self-esteem every major event in american history creates crackpot conspiracy theorists or truthers or [ __ ] [Music] what an ass these are the people who say 911 was an inside job or the moon landing was directed by stanley kubrick in that uh keanu reeves is an immortal being who will never age which i'm saying is a joke but that's the only one i can't really prove isn't true the ghost attack on new york city and ghostbusters would arguably be the biggest event in american history the event was widely publicized and witnessed firsthand by thousands of new york citizens but somehow by ghostbusters 2 nobody believes the attack happened the busters themselves are now stuck working kids birthday [Applause] can you parties if that was the ultimate fate of 911 first responders apparently all of new york city woke up the day after the attack washed 15 pounds of marshmallow gunk out of their hair and then instead of never forget immediately forgot yeah but what a ride you just know that the ghostbusters version of 4chan is bogged down with thousands of marshmallow truthers providing proof of the attack the difference is that they'd be right and from news reports to eyewitness accounts there'd be a lot of evidence pointing to there having been some sort of attack in new york city from an otherworldly marshmallow creature in his ghost minions see that truthers there is an alternate universe where you can conceivably be right that's the biggest victory you'll ever get well there's something you don't see every day the best picture winning birdman is a movie about a play filmed like a play and the film's chaotic single take approach mixed with magical realism and just the jazziest drum score add up to a film clearly designed to give audience members ptsd flashbacks to their own elementary school play experiences take it easy take it easy i know this is hard and the play even ends with lead actor rick and shooting himself right in the damn nose which especially reminds me of fifth grade drama pivot-faced gamers creeping in their pants prior to rigging's attempted suicide he is dogged by his detractors both real and imaginary all trying to convince him that his play will fail while the stress created by arguing with an imaginary birdman is the more memorable moment riggan's staunchest opponent is drama critic tabitha dickinson she tells reagan that no matter what happens she's going to eviscerate his play in her review effectively killing it before anybody can actually see it she hates that riggan a former movie superstar has the audacity to leverage his low culture fame into a broadway run but thanks to riggan's willingness to leave it all on the stage or at least all of his nose on the stage tabitha comes around i mean she dubs reagan's play a resounding success and claims he has created a new theater movement super realism by shedding literal blood on stage riggins brought the theater into a more intense and even more self-destructive realm that's how you got me into this while that may sound like the over-excited enthusiasm of a critic desperately trying to get somebody to read their words instead of watching yet another cracked video about their words which like good luck lady you're a lazy the movie presents tabitha as the single most important living theater critic her words matter add that to reagan's notoriety as one of the world's most famous actors and you can bet people are reading the hell out of that review and taking it very seriously yes yes in the real world actors subject themselves to intense punishment via method acting all the time even despite mixed results what happens when you make almost killing yourself on stage the hippest new theatrical movement you create an entire subculture of artists shoehorning semi-suicidal methods into their own works if you think biting the head off a bat is an intense stunt for a metal concert wait until daniel radcliffe just chops his dick off at the end of a big musical number theater's gonna get hardcore as hell look at these people look at their eyes they're all sparkling they love this [ __ ] they love blood they love action not this talky depressing philosophical yeah so we discussed how being a superhero is mostly about owning the right underwear dreamt about a world where my fan fiction is considered historical fiction and revealed the title of jk rowling's next book the castration of harry potter wow i think that's it be sure to see kathy on your way out for some delicious kool-aid no don't worry don't worry it's grape happy new year [Music] hi i'm dr jordan breeding and i'd like to invite you personally to join my community we have lots of things that will make your life better just so much better and all you've got to do to join us is like subscribe and send me your daughters that's it i don't know i don't is this would you join this cult i don't feel like i'm do you want to join my cult

Channel: Cracked

Views: 104,875

Rating: 4.7171202 out of 5

Keywords: Your Brain On Cracked, Doctor Jordan Breeding, Dr. Jordan Breeding, Jordan Breeding, Cracked, Cracked.com, The Terminator (film), Logan (film), X-Men (Franchise), X-Men, Birdman (film), Ghosbusters (film), Ghostbusters (franchise), Ghostbusters II (film), Michael Keaton, Bill Murray, arnold schwarzenegger, Sarah Connor, John Connor, T-1000, Film Critique, Movie plot holes, Comedy, Sketch, True Crime, Truthers, Conspiracy Theories, Deadpool, Lincoln, The Dark KnighT (film), Batman

Id: mgK9CxaJJdE

Length: 12min 5sec (725 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 01 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/josephtunacao]

Good start to the New Year. More videos please.