-Welcome, welcome, welcome to
"The Tonight Show," everybody. Thank you for watching. [ Cheers and applause ] I appreciate it. Hey, this is exciting. This Sunday is Mother's Day,
everyone. [ Cheers and applause ] We love all the moms out there. The kids and I planned
something special for my wife. We made our own cards. There's gonna be
breakfast in bed. I booked her a mani-pedi, whereas on Father's Day,
I got a Post-it note. It said, "We love Mom" on it. [ Laughter ] I read that over the years, the average mom receives
45 pieces of homemade artwork. [ Cheers and applause ] That's a lot. I'm sure after the first five,
even da Vinci's mom was like, "How long before
I can chuck this thing? I mean...is he watching?" Yeah, Mother's Day
is almost here, and if you're looking for
some last-minute inspiration, you may like this commercial
I just saw. Check this out. -Here at Zales, we know
how special moms are, and that's why we have
the perfect gifts, like a giant locket
that goes with nothing even though she mentioned
wanting a manicure, or a diamond-encrusted
Mickey Mouse necklace, even though she handed you
the number to a spa with a note that said, "Buy
this." Or a Casio watch that looks like
you got it from a claw machine, even though
she literally screamed "Running shoes" at you
over breakfast. Zales -- just get her
what she [bleep] wants. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Aw, that's sweet, isn't it? Kind of beautiful. Well, let's get to some news. Yesterday, President Biden
visited Louisiana. Did you see this?
-Yeah. And he opened his speech
with a story about another time
that he visited the state. Listen to this. -First time I came down here,
was a guy named Russell Long, who I served with. I was 29 years old
when I got elected, and I went to see Russell Long. He said, "How much money
did you spend in your campaign?" "About," I said,
"Little over $285,000." But then I had to borrow
some money to get through it. And he said,
"Good thing you won." And I said, "How's that?" He said, "Well," he said, "You
got yourself a $38,000 'dee-ficit.'" And I said, "Yes, sir." He said, "Well, if you had won, you just have
a plain old dee-ficit. Now you can have
a dee-ficit party." [ Laughs ] God, he was amazing. [ Laughter ] -You know you're talking
for a while when you watch the tide come in
and go back out, right? You know that. I'll tell you one thing. Biden sure doesn't have
a "dee-ficit" of long, rambling stories. Can we check in
on Biden right now? Where is he? What's he doing? [ Crickets chirping ]
-It's hard to believe that... -Oh, yeah, yeah.
You already said -- Yeah. I believe it.
I believe it. -Hideout.
-Gosh. Holy moly. -Hogging the entire time. -Well, things just keep
getting worse for Rudy Giuliani. [ Audience member whoops ]
I saw that 'cause of his gr-- [ Laughter ] I saw that 'cause of his
growing legal bills, Rudy had to lay off several
members of his entourage. -Mm. -It's the worst news
those people have gotten since they found out that they were in
Rudy Giuliani's entourage. [ Laughter ] -Me? I'm in his entourage? [ Cheers and applause ] I didn't know
he had an entourage. I always assumed those people
with him were orderlies. [ Laughter ] Well, this made me laugh. Last night on "Jeopardy!,"
I saw a contestant ran into a little trouble
answering a question. Check this out. Hot Stuff for $1,000.
-Hot Stuff. -Steve. -Is it calzone? [ Laughter ]
-No. [ Beep beep beep ]
"What are ovens?" [ Laughter ] -Calzone? -He's like, "Of course,
I'm sorry. Who -- Who is calzone?" When he said that, other
contestants were thinking, "You idiot," while everyone
at home was shouting, "What are Hot Pockets?" They actually are 800 degrees. Well, here's some news here. This isn't good for those of you trying to take
an Uber or Lyft this summer. Listen to this. -We're back with a heads-up
for Lyft and Uber customers. A shortage of drivers is making the cost of
the rideshares much higher
than they used to be. -No way. I have to pay more
for Uber now? -Yeah, sorry about that, Tariq. -It's all good. I actually bought a Hyundai
last week, so I'll drive myself. It's fine. -Oh. -"Oh," what? -Roll the clip. -Hyundai is recalling
more than 390,000 vehicles for two problems
that can cause fires. -What?! Now how am I supposed to
get around this summer? I guess I'll just sit at home and eat some ice cream
or sherbet. -Well... -Don't you dare. -Roll the clip. -Almost 100 popular ice cream
brands and sherbets have been recalled
over possible listeria. -Well, at least I can eat some of that chocolate shell
topping that goes on ice cream. Here's hoping there's no recall
they want to make me aware of. -A recall we want to
make you aware of. Hershey's is voluntarily
recalling some of its chocolate
shell topping. -Come on!
-I'm sorry. Tariq, there's got to be
something else you enjoy. What's your favorite snack? -Oh, that's easy. The Ruffles
All Dressed potato chips. -Frito Lay is issuing
a voluntary recall of select bags of Ruffles
All Dressed potato chips. -What do I even have left, the beans in my cabinets? -Check your cabinets. There's a recall of black beans
and chili beans nationwide. -I give up. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] This summer is a bust! -Oh, come on, Tariq!
Look at the bright side. I mean, aren't you going on a
double date this weekend? -That's true.
I'm looking forward to that. -Yeah. Who are you going with,
again? -Bill and Melinda Gates. [ Laughter ]
-Let's just move on. Let's just move on. [ Cheers and applause ] [ Chuckles ] -"The beans in my cabinets?" [ Laughter ] Oh.
-[ Laughs ] -Oh, man.
-[ Laughing ] And finally -- It's such a good read. Finally, I heard that Rome
just unveiled a new vending machine that makes hot pizza
in three minutes. -Ooh.
-Here it is. Yeah, look at that. And if you buy a vending-
machine pizza in Rome, it also comes with
a T-shirt that says, "Rob me.
I'm not from here. -Guys, as I mentioned,
Mother's Day is this weekend, and a lot of people are running
out of time to find a gift. Well, luckily, we here
at "The Tonight Show" think ahead, which is why we're releasing
some special "Tonight Show"
Mother's Day coupons... -Ooh.
-Yeah. ...to help you out.
Take a look at some of these. First, we've got... -Oh. -You get a free --
-Yeah. -That'll come in handy. It's Chris Hemsworth,
by the way. -Oh, every time. Next, there is... "Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's funny, Mom. It's great." After that, we have... Any "Bridgerton" fans? -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Next up... -Oh.
-"Yeah, that's right. I know. Tom is doing well, Mom." [ Applause ] Next, there's... "I'm not even
in that state, Mom." Next up, we have... -Wow, I like that. -"Well, let's just
not even watch it." -Hit "Input." -"Just hit 'Input," Mom." -I don't know.
"Now it says 'HDMI-3.'" -No, just hit --
-"I don't know." [ Laughter ] -And finally, we've got... -Aww. We love you. Enjoy those
Mother's Day coupons.
