Trump Lashes Out at “Junky” Derby Horse, Gaetz & Greene Join Forces and Elon Musk’s New Talk Show

i'm jimmy i'm the oath thank you for watching and thank you for joining us on the day after post about your mom on instagram day i hope you didn't screw that up there's a lot of pressure on mother's day i usually just pretend to be kidnapped and um i'm returned later that night did you meet the challenge guillermo jimmy how did you meet it tell me what'd you do so i ordered breakfast for my wife yeah yeah i did the laundry where did you order it from uh from a place called joe's cafe okay what'd you get her i got her pancakes i got her uh sandwich and coffee and everything she had pancakes and a sandwich for breakfast yeah well sounded like for me the pancake oh okay all right you know i've actually i figured something out this weekend moms don't actually like mimosas what they really like is to get drunk at breakfast it's you know many children were on the move this weekend travel was up by a lot this is the busiest weekend at airports since the start of the pandemic also your mom could tell you you look tired in person even the nra offered a mother's day message on sunday they tweeted this sweet image of mother and daughter with guns it says mama didn't raise a victim looks like an ad for the worst wb show ever doesn't it it's the kill more girls presidents biden and obama tweeted mother's day wishes yesterday as did donald trump he isn't allowed on twitter anymore so he wrote this on his website he wrote happy mother's day to all it will all come back bigger and better and stronger than ever before do not worry well now i'm worried okay nothing can ever be about anything other than him it can't just be mother's day it has to be it will come back and then three minutes later our kentucky fried former president weighed in on the drama surrounding the kentucky derby you heard what happened to kentucky derby uh no jimmy the winner you know there were steroids in the horse anyway trump wrote so now even our kentucky derby winner medina spirit is a junkie this is emblematic of what is happening to our country stay with him here because he gets to the point the whole world is laughing at us as we go to hell on our borders our fake presidential election and everywhere else and who knows more about the world laughing at us then our own triple clown winner donald trump what is he talking about does he think the horse tested positive for antifa and honestly if he's going to start picking fights with horses we should let him back on twitter because i want to see that yesterday we learned that uh junkie called medina tested positive for a steroid and the horse's trainer bob baffert claims he has no idea how this happened but he does seem to have an idea of what all the fuss is about churchill downs came out with that statement that was pretty harsh and um i think they had to just you know it's you know with all the noise going out you know we live in a different world now this this america is different and uh this it was like a canceled culture kind of a thing so they're reviewing it right right your horse tested positive for steroids because of cancer culture that probably some loud mouth lesbians got in the stall there and injected them with it it's horse racism is what it is the other big animal story came from houston where a bengal tiger is on the loose it was in a residential neighborhood last night oh florida is so jealous right now this is a tiger and you can see here an off-duty police officer he had his gun drawn on until the tigers owner showed up and retrieved it and then it got even weirder an off-duty deputy came to the house and confronted the owner of the tiger there's a brief confrontation about the tiger being out in public which is against city ordinance i have a tiger here in the city of houston the owner of the tiger took the tiger back in to the residence when hpd showed up they uh the owner put the tiger in a white suv and drove off from the scene there was a brief pursuit and the uh the man got away with the tiger and it turns out the man who got away with the tigers wanted for murderer he and the tiger are still on those be on the lookout for a white jeep cherokee being driven by a man with no head sometimes you know sometimes these netflix documentaries write themselves meanwhile in england where they will love this tiger story england is reopening for business and also reopening their arms the prime minister boris johnson today gave the okay for what they call cautious hugging starting a week from today those who live in the uk will be allowed to cautiously hug once again i have to say this is shocking to me because i was under the impression that if you hugged a british person they would explode it's not something they do and how have they been regulating that i didn't know it was illegal outlawing hugs it sounds like something the villain would do in a care bears movie and don't think it's a coincidence that this decision to resume hugging was made three weeks after the queen became single huh hugging you know what i'm talking about that uk variant of covid is now wreaking havoc here in the united states primarily in florida in the weeks after spring break there was a surge in cases of covid because they did not lock down though to be fair how could governor desantis have known that spring break travel might possibly result in the spread of dangerous variants infectious disease experts are pleading to anyone who'll listen asking them to hold off on traveling for spring break they're concerned about yet another surge as we head into spring break beth they're warning that crowds packing florida beaches could really contribute to a spike in coronavirus cases with spring break in full swing here in south florida health experts worry it could lead to another spike florida leads the country in b117 variants and local doctors are worried that spring breakers may be headed home with more than just souvenirs and florida souvenirs means chlamydia but it's the good news is that florida now has tight covert restrictions in place that oh wait the governor lifted all the restrictions last week oh never mind it's florida as more people do get vaccinated one thing we're going to be seeing more of is faces you know there are people who work here whose whole faces i've never seen at the end they'll be we'll be taking off our masks like a year-long episode of scooby-doo it's definitely going to be weird when we stop wearing masks all the time and it might take some getting used to so as a public service the us department of health and human services made this video to help us put our best faces forward the following is a message from the u.s department of health and human services you haven't shown your face in public for 13 months but now the coveted restrictions are lifting you'll once again be subject to a wide array of social cues when the time comes will you remember which face to make let's give it a try if someone were to say to you great news i am getting married what facial expression would you use not quite sorry guy the correct response is a wide happy smile you're getting there let's try again my dog got run over by a car how does your face respond to that nope now you make a sad face edges of your lips down better let's do one more now listen carefully i believe covet is a hoax and vaccines are the devil's blood how would your face react to this disturbing statement no you should make a shocked and angry face [Music] stop nodding yes wait are you q anon supporters oh for sake tom hanks eats baby the proceeding was a message from the u.s department of health and human services well that doesn't seem true at all you know not everyone's on board with wearing masks marjorie taylor green aka clan mom had the first in a series of what they're calling america first rallies her first stop was the villages which is a retirement community outside of orlando where mtg gave seniors her two cents on climate change we don't want to pray to the climate gods and confess our sins and pass the green new deal no thank you [Applause] electric vehicles are cool i like them and i think that's awesome technology and we want to keep our earth clean and we we want the most beautiful earth in the whole world very well said yes and if only we could stop the dangerous emissions coming out of her too we'd be sad but the main event at this gathering of the simple was an appearance by the soon to be disgraced congressman matt gates who for reasons unknown is back [Music] [Applause] yeah hell yes gates is back you know usually when matt gates visits a retirement community it's to meet his girlfriend's grandma but this time um the only thing sadder really than that entrance is the fact that this is how he celebrated his 39th birthday cnn is just the worst i already know so today is my birthday and i already know how cnn's gonna report it matt gates has wild parties surrounded by beautiful women in the villages so just get ready for it yeah that's right everyone gets two tapiocas tonight did you see um elon musk hosting snl over the weekend a lot of people watch it was their third highest rated episode of the year there was so much focus in fact that newsmax brought an expert on to review it unfortunately for them what i guess they didn't account for is that the guy they picked to do the review is a comedy writer who worked for president obama what happened on snl this weekend was that people made stuff up and then said it on television like it's true and that actually happens pretty frequently in american tv for example in 2020 dominion voting system sued newsmax over its false claims about election fraud newsmax was lying to its own viewers and newsmax had to settle that lawsuit so i'm actually i just need to check in are you still telling that lie are you telling new lies and then the anchor a guy named rob finnerty had the tap dance to make sure his overlords and newsmax didn't get hit with another lawsuit from dominion that's fine david i know this is a very funny moment for you i'm sure you didn't sleep last night as you prepared to sort of try and get the morning anchor on newsmax i'd be happy to talk with you about whatever you want to talk about obviously it's not the topic that we have set up for right now so if you'd like to talk about saturday night live i will do that with you but obviously i'm not going to talk about anything else right now so you decide right now in this moment on live television go ahead did dominion voting systems have any impact on the 2020 election oh that's unfortunate because i was really excited about this interview yeah we all were we were all excited about that interview elon musk was a weird choice for host but he and he didn't get great reviews for his performance but reviews don't mean much comedy is a matter of opinion i'm curious to know how he thinks he did and so we asked him to join us and he very graciously said yes i'd like you to please say hello to elon musk right now hello elon hello jimmy kimmel now hilo where are you right now well this is my new in the daytime tv show elon did someone bring me a small boy who sings andy's whimsical so that i may present him wait a minute you know i have to say it looks like you're on the set of ellen it's called elon now i bought it you bought ellen's show yes i paid her 2 billion dodge coin oh wow how how much is that worth well um you know like 1 billion dogecoin yeah it's twice that oh okay such idiots sorry jimmy kimmel it's time for me to do a dance oh okay mars mars mars space space space mars mars mars space space space yeah wasn't that like a totally relatable normal guy performance i engaged in with my flesh body jimmy yes i mean no i mean why why elon why are you doing this why are you well you see jimmy kimmel it was such a hit this weekend when i was hosting snell that i thought what other things am i great at and totally qualified for and it occurred to me that uh hosting an everyday television show program is like for me okay someone bring me like a bird or a monkey or something that does something remarkable perhaps i should have spared a few of ellen's staff members from their terrible fate what do you mean they're terrible fate what did you do to ellen's staff well they were no match for my new bone vaporizer what is that oh i made it in collaboration with my good friends at shutterfly it's a it's a wait a minute you vaporize ellen's staff bones in collaboration with shutterfly i did was that like a no-no yeah it's kind of a no-no yeah yeah well no what is the deal with those these well they're available in limited quantities at boringcompany.bonevaporizer.sex that's it okay all right why would you make something dangerous like that available to the public elon because i'm like everybody's favorite sociopath someone bring me a dance squad from an underprivileged high school so i can like steal their spirit and go viral with it you know i'm starting to think you've never even seen the ellen show guess what what i'm also your host now too what yeah guillermo come to me wait what no no no no you can't take guillermo you're not allowed to have guillermo oh jimmy kimmel do you love to enjoy having your own solid bones uh i do yes another no-no i guess fellow flesh bodies we have a great show we'll be right back with human mcgregor and later on i'll probably pop out of some doorways to frighten the cast of blackish or something guillermo now we can dance space space space space mars wow yeah that's like yeah thanks for watching remember every time you click the subscribe button one of your enemies gets destroyed

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,408,296

Rating: 4.8234272 out of 5

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Mother’s Day, Guillermo, Travel, Airports, NRA, Killmore girls, Donald Trump, Kentucky Derby, Bob Baffert, Houston, Tiger, Boris Johnson, England, Hugs, Spring Break, Ron DeSantis, Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, America First Rally, Elon Musk, SNL, Newsmax, James Adomian

Id: ERQC3Z1xgc8

Length: 15min 15sec (915 seconds)

Published: Mon May 10 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/RegretSubject]

Kimmel the clown.

[u/Potential_Square_392]

Sorry guys - didn't mean to post the whole thing without the notation: go to 11:45! "Kimmel the clown" is my hero.