MyPillow Mike’s MAGA Rally Ruined, Trump LOVES His Own Birthday & Biden Visits the Queen

thanks for clapping and for watching and for joining us that's uh i appreciate it i hope your weekend was good why are guillermo's not here tonight he's sick um all that's left is this stool the doctor said he ate a bad pinata so um we wish him well even though there is no chance he's watching this like less than none better chance he's at the ballet tonight than watching the show right now uh i went on a personal we had a big day family wise today my wife's sister kelly my sister-in-law and brother-in-law had a baby today their first baby a girl one of the girl babies and so my wife has been at the hospital since yesterday so i had the kids myself last night and this morning i was waiting for applause but uh so this morning i wasn't expecting laughter billy our son who was four years old this morning says to me with a great deal of delight he says mom's a heart and you're a fart and i was so proud and mad at the same time i didn't know what to do anyway the good news we have a new baby in in our family the bad news is that baby has to share a birthday with this baby donald trump today uh his donald trump jr wished his dad a happy birthday by posting one of the goofiest photos ever taken of a president or anyone ever i guess dj tj didn't have any pictures where his dad was hugging him so this was the next best thing but it is a special day 75 years ago today our racist slumlord and his wife welcomed the beautiful baby boy donald january trump who went on to become our first pumpkin president trump also got a shout out from his former lawyer and possible future cellmate rudy giuliani who tweeted happy birthday president trump everyone says they miss your policies you know i was just saying the other day how much i miss his policies what were they again i didn't even know he had them unfortunately for trump he will never get to see these affectionate tweets because he's banned from twitter he's not allowed on it and that is a shame because no one gets more excited about donald trump's birthday than the birther day boy himself tomorrow america will celebrate a very important anniversary the 245th birthday of the united states army unrelated going to be my birthday also and all i did was put out a fever if you'd like to meet uh he sent me a very beautiful birthday card the chairman of nbc called me was my birthday and it was seven in the morning and he called said donald i just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and he calls and he said you know happy birthday donald my wife said who was that he said that was the chairman of nbc they wished me a happy birthday before you did he wrote me a beautiful letter on birthday it was my birthday as you know last week they all called me to wish me happy birthday yesterday we started really on june 14th flag day my birthday [Applause] june 14th is my birthday that was june 14th my birthday it's my birthday on june 14th flag day of all things we had finished dinner we're now having dessert and we had the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake that you've ever seen [Music] oh well happy birthday donald i all i know is my birthday wish for donald trump last year came true so so they're having this g7 summit over in england and after the summit queen elizabeth hosted the bidens at her home windsor castle it was an historic meeting it was the first time the queen had ever been called kimo sabe by anyone and president biden said the queen he said the queen reminds me of my mother and the queen this was kind of cool queen said oh really could your mother do this and then she dropped into a full splits it was incredible um the ceremonies that surround these visits from foreign leaders is elaborate to say the least first the queen comes out carrying a purse full of sweet and low probably and then then the bidens pull up in their car to the windsor castle valet parking and joe tips the guy a crisp new pound and so then they listen to the national anthem together joe covers his heart the queen does not he's still mad about trump then then joe biden takes a walk by himself hoping to win best in show and he does someone points out a fellow who does sword tricks and president enjoys them then some guys walk by and then they leave to go get drunk i guess i don't know you know there was some controversy because biden kept his sunglasses on when he visited the queen this is a violation of protocol that could get him ray-ban from the palace but the queen didn't mind after the ceremony they had tea and this is what the crown would look like if it was on cbs [Applause] it does look like joe and the queen are posing with their daughter doesn't it anyway the overseas trip seems to be going well biden attended the nato summit in brussels today and this tells you all you need to know this was on saturday this is uh with angela merkel and this was a previous g7 where she's literally telling trump to go to his room meanwhile here in the united states covet be damned the annual westminster kennel club dog show was back because of the pandemic they moved the competition outdoors for the first time ever and the winner of best in show this year was a pesky little pekingese named wasabi and now she'll of course look for that proper pekingese i think i commented on last night that i've been told that it looks like a goldfish moving through the water as you move watch the movie no no it doesn't look like that at all but you wouldn't need a roomba with that dog would you looks like chewbacca melted it looks like it looks like a less like a dog that will invest in show more like a furball that would win best in throat this was good too during the agility competition the owner of a boston terrier named ripple showed the world why he named his dog after a discount fortified wine up and over looking at that looking at that camera and still running and staying clean that was amazing get to the outside push push [Applause] i don't think i've ever seen anything like that in sports ever before he tackled and almost crushed his own dog how do you console somebody after something like that oh it wasn't your fault honey you know you can if they you know this year it's it's it's outdoors and the there's air around coming at you you know who else had a dog in the competition this year baseball's all-time home run leader barry bonds uh who seems to have dropped quite a bit of muscle weight since his plane days gee i wonder how that happened bonds had a miniature schnauzer in the show there he is cute little guy his name's name is juice sadly juice was disqualified after failing a drug test but speaking of drug tests the my pillow man mike lindell is apparently out of hiding you know he's out of he was in hiding because people were trying to kill him they're trying to smother him with his own my pillows but now he's not in hiding in fact he was at center stage this weekend hosting a rally in new richmond wisconsin a rally that featured a video chat with donald trump and a live appearance by none other than diamond and silk who had harsh words for dr fauci you done sat here uh-huh we're in the midst of a pandemic uh-huh we don't gain all of this covert weight all of this weight and now come to find out fossey what's his name girl got the flip-flop fawcy [Applause] has been undercoverly flip-flopping on the american people uh-huh that's true i can never tell which one is the ventriloquist it's i can't wait until they reveal that diamond and silk were tyler perry characters the whole time so nothing at the rally went as was planned lindell somehow arranged a military flyover the fire jets are supposed to come roaring over his head while he's on stage but that didn't go exactly the way he might have hoped a little surprise coming here are they when are they surprised in the sky here in about a minute you hear them coming you can't you can't time this 30 seconds god bless america while we wait on this surprise that money prevents other candidates that may be qualified from having their messages get out there better late than never yeah wow how about that how about that what a mess how the hell he gets those pillows made i have no idea but he originally claimed mike lindell said 30 000 people were going to show up to this thing the actual number was a lot lower than that some estimated the crowd had a thousand people turns out a bunch of pranksters reserved tickets and never showed up it's the same thing that happened at trump's rally in tulsa last year one of the trolls tweeted he reserved 50 tickets under the name jack mioff and i guess that didn't send any red flags up but i don't know how this kind of thing keeps happening so i thought it would be a good idea to get right to the source uh right to our old pal mike lindell who's that mike hi mike bernice hell are they mike what wait uh no i'm not on the phone mike i'm over here it's jimmy kimmel come on not now jimmy crumble i'm waiting on my space shuttle you're waiting on what your what my shadow i paid an astronaut two million bucks to buzz the crowd at my frank's beach rally and the son of a gun must have got lost in space wait you paid an astronaut two million dollars to i tried to hire a pilot for a special surprise when we cracked open the chinese dominion machine but they won't let me in any airport anymore so i put an egg on the craigslist and within an hour this astronaut fella got back to me with great credentials he's a space ranger from the intergalactic alliance he's you know mike that sounds a little suspicious as far as i know there is no intergalactic alliance oh there is no there is that's yes sisters i'm no idiot i told him that there's no way i'm just gonna wire you 2 million bucks till i see a picture and he sent one right away oh his name is buzz and everything oh it's where are the hg double hockey sticks is the darn felony that's not mike that is not an astronaut buzz look i told you i i i told you but uh there he is no no sorry it's that's just a that's just a cicada oh yeah there are a lot of those out i might now yesterday you were i i heard you were expecting 30 000 people but the reports say only around a thousand people showed up why do you think that was the heck if i know jim we had 30 000 reservations i call i got them all right here oh 30 000 reservations printed out personally we got 50 tickets for this guy jack mihoff he was a no show i got 100 tickets for hugh jazz 20 tickets for dick squeazly we had people from all over the world reserving seats dick squeazly was gonna be there some guy all the way from greece reserved 2 000 tickets really what was his name harry harry paratesti's okay one paragraph now mike i don't i hate to be the guy to tell you this but those sound like fake names i think you may have been pranked come on harry paratesti's would never do that he's greek all that must be buzz oh no just some more teens throwing bottles of piss pee at the window again okay well mike that's you know the astronaut you showed me a picture of that was buzz lightyear and that he's not coming he's a toy actually just like all those other people who didn't show up this weekend he's not going to be there yeah did you do you know why that is jimmy pimple no because the deep state had everybody vaccinated and now they're magnetized and they get stuck to their washing machine juno my nephew juno showed me a video of these people they got keys like this all stuck to their foreheads uh-huh just like this yeah but that you know those videos are not accurate mike and but and also you didn't get vaccinated why is the key sticking to you sticks to me because i quit smoking and so i chew on thermometers to help me with the oral fixation no mike don't chew on those that's those are full of mercury i don't know no thanks i don't need any insurance no anyway mike listen this is your second poorly attended rally are you done doing these now hell no i was expecting 30 000 folks to expose dominion so i ordered 600 pounds of jumbo shrimp they've been in the trunk of my car for two days and they're gonna go bad yeah i think they seem like i don't yeah they might already be bad michael i don't think oh they're hot they're hot they yeah they're maybe in style my throat's closed enough you hear that ringing jimmy did you hear the ringing in your ear no i don't that must be buzzes here mike i think you might be hallu mike are you allergic to shellfish very uh a trip are okay because the bible says they're bugs the cicadas of the sea no mike do you have an epipen i don't believe an epipen oh come on leave me alone i got someone coming here with another pillowcase full of shrimp who's bringing you more shrimp let's see here i think her name is i think herniate is a her name is anita man pump yeah no yeah it's getting dark i think this shrimp might be anti-fun yes okay we'll have to kick back mike with mike on another occasion i guess because he's seems to perish thanks for watching if you liked that video click the subscribe button and if you didn't like it you hurt my feelings

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 1,655,536

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Guillermo, New Baby, Billy Kimmel, DJTJ, Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani, Twitter, G-7 Summit, Queen Elizabeth, Joe Biden, Sunglasses, The Crown, NATO, Angela Merkel, Dog Show, Wasabi, Westminster Kennel Club, Mike Lindell, Frank speech

Id: OKJ9X3DQzU0

Length: 15min 13sec (913 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 15 2021