-We now have the audio
of a damning phone call in which Donald Trump's
former lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, explicitly dangled
a quid pro quo to pressure Ukrainian officials to interfere in
the 2020 election to help Trump
and hurt Joe Biden. For more on this,
it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ As we all know,
Rudy is currently under what we can only assume is a very serious
criminal investigation, given that they raided
his home and office and seized his
electronic devices. This investigation could
very well land Rudy in jail. According to another
former Trump associate who's already been there. -Investigating Donald Trump,
as prosecutors ramp up their investigation
into the former president. Another name always comes up,
doesn't it? Rudy Giuliani. Could the former mayor
end up in prison? -The FBI is not raiding his home without having extremely
significant documentation, information within which
to pursue this. There's no way in the world that they're going to
let him off the hook. What Rudy needs to do
is like what I did -- you need to take responsibility
for what you did wrong. What Rudy needs to do -- and this is my speech to Rudy
and to anybody else -- they have him, and so if he's looking
to protect himself so that he doesn't end up spending the rest
of his life in prison, he may want to actually
start to cooperate. -Somehow,
Michael Cohen has become the wise, elder statesman
of former Trump goons. He used to be the intimidating
Mafia-style bag man, and now he's like
a guidance counselor sitting backwards on a chair
to give Rudy a pep talk. "You've got to straighten
out your life, man. You could be somebody, but if you keep hanging out
with the wrong crowd, you're going to find yourself
working down at the gas station for the rest of your life." "But I love the gas station.
That's where I get my hair dye." It's fitting that Cohen
looks like a bargain bin Ray Romano now,
because he sounds like he's giving brotherly advice
to Robert. [ As Ray Romano ] "Oh, Robert, you got to take responsibility
for what you do. You got to tell Ma
you broke her vase." "Raymond, don't tell mom
about the vase, Raymond." And we have heard the feedback and understand those impressions
are polarizing, so do please go to
@seacaptainpolls on Twitter, where you can either vote
"Everybody loves Seth's Raymond" or "Everybody hates fun." So if you take Cohen's
word for it, Rudy could very well
end up in jail. And I know we've been saying
some version of that sentence about a bunch of different Trump
cronies for over four years, and yet somehow it feels like
they all evade accountability. I mean, Steve Bannon's out there
just doing a podcast like a 22-year-old stand-up,
and looking like he's about to film a scene
in the new "Aquaman" where he plays, I don't know,
a guy who guards the sea cave, despite the fact
that he got arrested by the Postal Service
police force on a Chinese
billionaire's yacht, an insane thing
that actually happened, and not, as I first thought, a lyric from the Don Henley
song "Boys of Summer." I mean, he got arrested
by postal cops at a Chinese
billionaire's yacht. ♪ Don't look back,
you can never look back ♪ That probably won't even make it
into the history books about the Trump era, because
there's just too much to cover. And it's such a bummer, because there should be
an entire chapter devoted to the fact that the Postal Service
has a police force. Personally, if I were
in high school, I'd be psyched to learn there
are Postal Service cops. If I found out about that
in 10th grade history class. there's a good chance
I'd be out there right now, walking the beat
in those short shorts with my bucket hat
and a badge, solving mail crimes with
my unorthodox method, and Chief would always
be trying to muzzle me, saying, "Meyers, I got the mayor
breathing down my neck thanks to your stunt." And I'd say,
"What am I supposed to do, just cram the whole Pottery Barn
catalog through that tiny slot? I had to break those windows." And he'd say,
"You're gonna fly right, or I'll have your badge." And I'd say to him,
"Sorry, Chief, but I'm like an envelope
with photos inside. I do not bend." You know, I should probably stop before I give away
the entire plot for my new collaboration
with Dick Wolf, "Chicago Postal Service
Police Force." [ One chord of "Law & Order"
theme plays ] The cheapskates at NBC would
only pay for one of the "dun"s. "Chicago Postal Service
Police Force" is just one of the many ways, along with my new company,
MyZipper, and my Broadway musicals,
"Cicada, Cicada," that I'm soon going to be the
richest man in the world. Anyway,
what was I talking about? Oh, right. Rudy Giuliani.
[ Chuckling ] So, who knows? Maybe Cohen's wrong, and Rudy will end up fine
like the others, but I just can't imagine
the feds raiding Rudy Giuliani's
home and office and finding nothing
incriminating. I mean, forget Ukraine
and quid pro quos. He's probably got
a fridge full of whitefish he stole from Zabar's or a sink full of
unpaid parking tickets he tried to stuff into
the garbage disposal, only to remember
he doesn't have one. He's probably breaking all kinds
of co-op board rules, too, especially with that
welcome mat. And you know
he probably has neighbors that are happy to rat on him -- maybe a guy who,
and I'm just spitballing here, is in a bathrobe and a Yankees
head who's eating a bagel. "Hey, you guys looking
in Rudy's apartment? Yeah, okay, because last week
he woke me up at 3:00 a.m. He asked me to hold this Bitcoin
for him in case the cops came. It was just a duffel bag
of old subway tokens. Also, do you know
he married his cousin?" One sign that
the investigation is serious is that federal agents
seized his electronic devices, and apparently he had
a lot of them. According to a court
filing last month, prosecutors seized
18 electronic devices, including phones and computers
belonging to Giuliani, as well as certain
employees of his firm. Alright, first of all,
what 77-year-old man has that many
electronic devices? "Yeah, Chief,
we found three phones, two iPads,
a Palm Pilot, an Atari 2600, three blood pressure cuffs --" "Meyers, I thought I told you
you were off this case." "The Postal Service Police Force
are never off the case!" [ One chord of "Law & Order"
theme plays ] Was that the same "dun,"
or the back "dun?" So I can only get
each one one time? Also, I'm sorry,
Rudy Giuliani has employees? Can you imagine working
for this guy? "Hey, honey, I'm going
to be home late tonight. Yeah, the boss thought
he had reservations at Morton's, but it just turns out
he bought some salt. I'm laughing, too." I can't picture Rudy actually
being in charge of people. When I imagine him
employing someone, I just assume he pulls aside
a kid on the street and flips them a nickel
to run an errand for him like he's Chazz Palminteri
in "A Bronx Tale." "Hey, kid, take this briefcase
full of cash down to the docks. You come back alive, I might
have something bigger for you." And now we may be getting
a better idea of what exactly federal agents
might have found on all those devices. Let's first take a trip
down memory lane, back to the first impeachment
of Donald Trump. You might remember
the central allegation that during
an official phone call with the president of Ukraine, Trump had tried
to extort Ukraine and get them to interfere
in the 2020 election by digging up dirt on Biden. We all read the transcript,
where it was very clear that what Trump was doing
was dangling a quid pro quo. And yet Trump denied it, uttering the same refrain
so many times, it almost started to sound like
a religious mantra you would hear on the street
from some weird cult member trying to convert you. -There was no quid pro quo.
There was nothing. There was no
quid pro quo at all. If you remember at the
beginning, it was quid pro quo. But listen to this --
there is no pro quo. -That sounds like
something you'd say when you get stopped
on your way to work by some German tourists
in Times Square. "Excuse me, can you tell us
where to find the M&M store?" "Uh, scusi. No pro quo." Ah, the good old days, huh? So quaint, back when the biggest
scandal in politics was the president trying
to extort a foreign country, before we were all trapped
in our homes for a year to avoid a deadly plague and a violent mob
tried to overthrow democracy. ♪ Don't look back,
you can never look back ♪ Look, I'm sorry all my references lately
are for 50-year-old men, but look at my audience
right now. I mean, I bring
in younger people, but their little hands
can't hold all the cue cards. Now obviously, you don't
have to be a lawyer to guess that a quid pro quo
sounds super illegal, so that was their line --
there was no quid pro quo. But now we have damning
new audiotapes of a phone call Rudy Giuliani had with
a Ukrainian official in 2019 in which it definitely sounds
like there was a quid pro quo. -CNN today obtained audio of
a 2019 phone conversation between Rudy Giuliani and an adviser
to the president of Ukraine. In that conversation,
which again, took place in 2019, Mr. Giuliani can be heard pressuring
the Ukrainian government that their president
must publicly announce a sham investigation into some
alleged wrongdoing by Joe Biden. -The audio obtained
exclusively by CNN is from a roughly 40-minute call between Giuliani, a US diplomat,
and a Ukrainian official. -Alright, first of all,
how is it that every time these guys do
something shady or illegal, they get caught on tape? At this point,
they're less like politicians and more like Twitch streamers. "Hey, guys, Brad here,
about to bribe a foreign country to interfere in our elections. Figured I'd go live. Also I'm gonna try
another speedrun on 'Super Mario Brothers.' I keep getting eaten
by the chain chomp, which totally blows." We on purpose didn't
give Wally lines today, because when we do,
we have to pay him extra money, and I'm trying to save
as much money as possible so that NBC will let me
buy an M.C. Hammer sample, and I'm getting
as creative as I can. Like the other day,
I brought our budget to our line producer, Jen,
and I said, "Hey, right here there's
all this money for suits, and I'm not wearing
suits anymore. So couldn't we use that money
to pay for M.C. Hammer?" And she just looked at it, and you know
what she said to me? "You can't touch this." [ No music playing ] Also, my sympathies
to the Ukrainian official. This call was 40 minutes long.
40 minutes. If I'm on the phone
for more than three minutes, it ruins my entire day. The only time I've ever
on the phone that long is if I'm fighting with the automated customer service
agent at Verizon. I just want to
cancel my service! -I heard you want to
upgrade your service. Is that right? -No, I said cancel my service. -I heard you want to add stars
for $15 a month. Is that right? -No, I want to cancel. -I heard you want to purchase
"Wedding Crashers 2" on demand. Is that right? -Yes, I do. Can we just take
a moment to acknowledge that the rumors
of a "Wedding Crashers" sequel are finally gaining steam,
mere months after we started referencing
the original on this show for literally no reason? Well, not no reason. The reason is there's
no audience here to say, "Jesus enough." Still, you're welcome. I don't know much about
how the sequel got started, but I bet the conversation was
a little something like this -- [ As Vince Vaughn ]
"Buddy, buddy, buddy. We got to shoot this sequel.
People have waited long enough. They want to know
if we're still crashing." [ As Owen Wilson ]
"I'm not sure, man. I feel like we'd be messing with the integrity
of the original." Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Rudy. The fact that the phone call
is 40 minutes long means there's lots of
damning stuff in there. For example,
Rudy had this insane theory that it was actually Ukraine that interfered in
the 2016 election to hurt Trump, and he wanted
Ukrainian officials to investigate that theory. -Way back in last November, I got information from
a reliable investigator, international investigator, that there was a certain amount
of activity in Ukraine during the 2016 election that was, that involved
Ukrainian officials and Ukrainian -- mostly officials
being asked by our embassy possibly by other
American officials. Basically, I mean, the statement
was to produce dirt on then-candidate Trump
and Paul Manafort. -I have a feeling I know who this international
investigator was. [ As Mike Lindell ]
"That -- that would be me. I'm the one who told Rudy Ukraine interfered
in the election to hurt Trump. I heard it from Sidney Powell
and Hugo Chavez in a secret meeting that was
recorded by Italian satellites. But also, you got to remember,
I'm real tired all the time because my pillow sucks.
plus I sleep in the woods, and I got really nervous
because of all the bears." So that's -- let's see, that's
Lindell, Vaughn, Wilson, Romano. Did the Smithsonian
ask for anything else, or can we just send this over? I'd sell an NFT
of this "Closer Look," but I already got
too much money. But then Rudy got down
to business and made it clear
that what he and Trump wanted was for Ukraine's president
to make a public statement declaring that they were opening
an investigation into Joe Biden. -What we need, all we need
from the president is to say, "I'm gonna put an
honest prosecutor in charge. He's going to investigate
and dig up the evidence that presently exists,
and is there any other evidence about involvement
of the 2016 election." And then the Biden thing
has to be run out. I don't know
if it's true or not. -No, you don't. These guys can't even
bring themselves to believe their own B.S. This is how they always do it. They float insane theories
and then cover themselves by saying they're
just asking questions, like they're gossipy
high school sophomores. "You need to break up
with Todd ASAP, because I heard he went to
Jenny's lake house last weekend and told Brad
that Karen told Michael, who told Emma's teammate's
cousin's brother's mom that she has a crush on him. I don't know if it's true." And it was clear
what they were doing was shady and that they knew
it was shady, because they all talk in
that vague, Mafia-esque tone where they never actually
demand something explicitly, but they make it very clear that what they're asking for
is a quid pro quo. -If he could make some
statement at the right time that he supports a fair,
honest law enforcement system and that these investigations
go wherever they have to go, it's gonna be
run by honest people, that would probably
clear the air really well. And I think it would
make it possible for me to come, and make it possible, I think,
for me to talk to the President and see what I can do about
making sure that whatever misunderstandings
are put aside. And maybe even, I kind of think
that this could be a good thing for having
a much better relationship, where we really
understand each other. If he could say
something like that on his own, in conversation,
it would go a long way with the President
to solve the problems. -"It would go a long way
to solve the problems." Rudy sounds like he should
be wearing a track suit and running his fingertip
along the bar at a New Jersey restaurant
saying, "This is a nice place --
nice and flammable, if you know what I mean." Also, I love that Rudy's reward
for their cooperation was saying that he
would personally visit them in Ukraine. I'm sure they were psyched
about the idea of Rudy showing up at their door,
asking to sleep on their futon, and then spending three days talking about cigars
and the Yankees and asking them where to find
the best salami in Kiev. "I'm jonesing for some Genoa. Mind if I put my cigar
out on your rug?" This whole thing is
yet another reminder of the central thrust of
Republican politics right now -- cheating in elections to win. They made it clear they'll do it
any way they can, whether it's using
the levers of the state to pressure government officials
to overturn elections, passing voter suppression laws,
or extorting foreign countries. They didn't stop
after the Ukraine scandal, and they're not stopping now. It turns out the biggest
criminals are the ones in the so-called party
of law and order. [ Two chords of "Law & Order"
theme plays ] Oh, the gave them both. This has been "A Closer Look." ♪♪ God's love, We Deliver
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